How to Get Fake Drunk at a Party

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where, um, uh, shit, what even happens on this thing, man?

I don't know, you usually brag a lot and talk, and then that's true, talk down to me, and, uh, and then you take 70% of the money.

Yeah, it's gonna be a good podcast. Um, let's just get right into it. Who's the guy that rolls the intro music? Bruce.

Um, Bruce rolls it.

Yeah, does he still work for us?

Yeah, he's—

I didn't fire him.

No, you have. You did fire him a couple of times.

I did.

But then you forget every time. So when he comes back in, no one says anything because we all like Bruce a lot.

Well, Bruce, you're fucking fired. But roll the intro music. What's up, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. My name is David Dobrik. I am that 21-year-old handsome boy that you've heard so much about. Jason is my co-host. I wouldn't even say co-host because that would mean this podcast is split 50/50.

I'm just kind of here taking advantage of the nice couch.

What are you considered? I don't know. I'm just kind of just like a friend, a doer, helper.

Yeah, like a helper.

No, Jason's my co-host.

That chirp's going at me. Is it bothering you? I can ignore it, but yeah, ignore it.

There's a fire alarm chirp in the background, so if you guys hear that, don't worry, there's no fire. Please don't call the police. Everything is okay. The only fire that's here is in Jason's pants. Yeah. Yeah.

I was going to say this podcast is going to be fire.

This podcast is going to be fire. We have, we have so much to say. It's actually a morning right now. It's 8:25. We tried recording this last night. I haven't been up this early since I used to walk to school in the morning.

How long of a walk was it?

It was like a 6-minute walk. And we used to walk and we used to be the first ones at the school. It was me and my friend Alex.

Why?

We would— because we would love to play ping pong in the morning. We'd get there before any teacher. We'd stand outside. I should— this is so fucking real and it makes me sound like such a nerd, but we would stand outside it and wait for the janitor to unlock the school.

Really?

So you can play ping pong in the cafeteria.

It sounds like you went—

and then we'd have to hide when the kids got there so we wouldn't get our ass kicked.

Um, but what time are we talking? Like 6:50?

Oh no, we're talking like 6:20.

6:20?

Yeah, we're talking really early.

So you had an hour and 40 minutes of ping pong before school every morning?

So much time.

You must have been good.

And then the cafeteria would open and like we'd be the first ones to get like chocolate milk and stuff and we'd just sit around. He'd get his homework done. It'd be like a bonding experience. And the school was dark, like there's nothing there, like not a single teacher there. It was us and one of the janitors. Yeah, who we befriended and it was great.

And you did this in senior year too?

No, this was a middle school thing.

Oh, middle school.

This wasn't in high school because I, I took the bus to senior year, of course, which was the best time of my life.

What time would you knock out at night?

Um, 2? I don't know, I think like midnight. Midnight was my bedtime back then.

That's it, bro? You were up 6 hours?

You don't need a lot of sleep when you're lit and you're a kid.

My kids sleep forever.

That's because your kids aren't lit.

Oh, okay. I see.

How are your kids?

Oh, they're so good. Thank you for asking. Yeah, yesterday we thought you wanted to hear about them.

No, no, fuck no. Um, yesterday we had someone come over with a lie detector.

Yeah.

And I asked Jason, I said, I said, do you love Wyatt more than Charlie? It took him a while to answer, but he did say yes, and it was true. I'm kidding.

No, no, I said I love— I said no.

He said no, which, which meant that I think he loves him equally, or that he loves Charlie more than Wyatt. I didn't even want to— I didn't want to ask him a follow-up question because I feel like I already put him on the spot too much. Yeah, we had a lie detector test come over, which is fucking crazy because like, you know, our friend group is— it's a real friend group, so there are some secrets that people don't want to know about each other. Like, do you hate me? Or, you know, do you fucking hate me? Like, that's some shit that you keep away from friends, but it was all out on the table yesterday and And like there was some shit we couldn't put in the videos.

Yeah, there was some stuff that didn't make it.

It was just kind of awkward. And I remember when Jason told everyone that he got a lie detector and people were walking in the house like, fuck, fuck, no.

That's fucked up, man. Yeah, that's what Zane kept saying.

Everyone's like, you should have warned us. You should have warned us. As if like everyone's like a fucking ax murderer. Like they have so much to like, cover up.

Yeah, and I didn't— I just didn't pay it any credence at all. It's just kind of like, oh, it's a fun thing. Like, yeah, so you get caught in a lie, or maybe you are lying, maybe you're not, who cares?

Yeah, no, I was—

everyone was upset. And then my favorite part was David goes— if you look at my video, David goes, we're kids, we're kids, like that, like pulling out that kids excuse.

Yeah, I said we're kids, and like, because Jason was like, who gives a fuck? Like, but Jason doesn't care about like people knowing his opinion. Whereas me, like, I like to keep everything inside, bottled up inside me, so no one gives me, you know, shit for it.

What was one that you were caught on that you were like, that's bullshit?

You asked me, one of the questions you asked me was if I'd kill all of you guys to save Liza.

I ran out of questions.

I remember I was stumped on that question because I know in the moment I had to say no, but I knew if it came up, I would.

And you got caught.

And I got caught, apparently. I said no, and he told me it was like, lie.

Yeah.

Um, so I don't know, actually, I don't know if I would kill— would you kill— would you kill 15 of your friends to save your significant other?

I— yeah, I mean, I guess so.

Really?

15 of your friends? I'm glad I'm not hooked up.

But yeah, I don't— I don't— I don't think I would be able to do that because at the end of the day, I have to like— I have to compare 15 lives to one life, do you know what I mean?

Right.

I mean, I think I'm looking too much into it and it's kind of scary at this point.

What a scary question. What kind of psychopath would ask that?

Yeah, I don't know.

It's terrible.

Um, what else?

I wouldn't partner with that person if I were you.

What else did someone, uh, what is— what else does someone ask about on the lie detector?

A lot of them were like the, um, the ones people got caught in were just the attracted ones, or have you fantasized ones, like surprising ones. Yeah, Zane, you know, got caught. Zane's horny, and we know that. That's what we did.

We found out one of our friends is extremely horny and wants to have sex with everyone in the friend group. Including the guys. That would be Zane.

And we also found out that everyone's really attracted to Tricia.

Okay, listen, you got to calm down. Was—

you got caught. Karina was honest that she was attracted to her.

This is what happened.

Zane got caught too.

This is what happened.

That's 3 people.

Back to what you were, I think, about to say earlier.

No one's attracted to me.

Of course not. You don't need a lie detector for that.

Okay, well, just saying.

Even Tricia said she's not. No, what I found out about the lie detector is, here's me covering myself up. No, one of the questions was, David, are you attracted to Trisha? And I thought it was like a fucked up question because I can't win answering that question, right? Like if I say no, Trisha's like, what the fuck? And if I say yes, everyone's like, what the fuck? Um, but, but I said I'm not because I mean, that's the honest truth. Trisha's just not my type. And, and the lie detector said that I was lying, but, but I think it was just because my heart was racing at the thought of the question. Uh-huh. Because it was like Jesus Christ, like I'm gonna fucking— like I can't answer this properly. I think that's what it was.

Okay, because, um, um, I mean, you had a boner, but yeah, whatever you say, Dave.

You didn't— fuck, goddamn it, I have nothing to say now. Um, uh, what was I gonna say?

Summertime, Dave, you know, too.

Hold on, because I, because I, because I asked Todd. Yeah, because I, I, when Todd was doing the lie detector test, I, I shook my head and I'm like say yes to this, say yes to this.

Oh, I saw that. I hated when you did that.

I know.

You go, you go, you go, ask, ask about bowling. Say yes. Say, did you bowl in high school?

Yeah. And then I was like, say yes, say yes. And then I'm like, did you bowl in high school? And he's like, yes. And then lie detector's got— lie detector guy is like, true. And that's it. Like, which is bullshit because Ty would never bowl in high school, you know. Todd doesn't bowl.

Maybe he did bowl.

No, but he didn't. I asked him. And then I told all our friends that I said that. And they were arguing that the question was too easy, so it was easy to lie. Ah. So the lie detector didn't catch it. But I think it was because the lie detector guy heard the question. He was like, why would he lie about this question? Because before every time someone sat down to do the lie detector, we had to ask him 3 questions that were normal questions, like, is your name Todd? He'd go, yes. Are you a boy? He'd say, yes. You know what I mean? Like these questions that were like the standard, like, test questions. And one of the questions I asked was the bowling question. And it wasn't true. I don't know. I don't know if lie detectors are bullshit. They don't stand up in court, so.

No, but they stand up on YouTube, dog.

Yeah.

People are loving that video.

You got a lot of views?

I didn't check if I got a lot of views, but I got a lot of good response on Twitter.

People just liked it.

People just loved it.

It was a nice change of pace from you and Trisha down each other's throats.

I know.

Can I say something honestly?

Please.

I watched one of your vlogs for the first time yesterday. Like genuinely for the first time in like— in— because they're so long. They're fucking 25 minutes and I sat through an entire one.

Oh, you did?

It was fucking insane. It was the biggest waste of time.

I'm just kidding.

No, it was— it's crazy because it was a vlog where I was in particularly a lot and it was— I was just like, what the fuck? There was so much that you left it like it was me eating an ice cream cone for like 10 minutes, literally just me chewing on it. There was a point where Jason, I think, dropped the camera on the ground and he didn't even know he was recording, but he kept it in. It was just the shot of the ceiling and it was just us having like the most regular conversation. Jason makes his vlogs 25 minutes. It was literally like I was reliving my day. I felt like it was fucking Groundhog Day and I was in the car with Jason in the morning again. It was shit.

Not your cup of tea.

Sorry, did I say shit? No, I said that on accident. No, I like it.

I wish I asked that during the lie detector. No, you like my vlogs?

No, it was—

Yes, that's a lie.

No, it was a change of pace. It was nice.

It's fine.

No, no, it's totally— it's— I think it's what our friend group needs because every friend group has— or sorry, everyone in our friend group has like sort of a different style of vlog.

Sure.

And then you have that long waste of time.

Drawn out, pointless, miserable video.

And I think people need that.

Um, I like my vlogs because I like to show— I like just regular moments.

Sure.

Yeah, like, I think I like to watch people— like, sometimes when you start cutting a vlog, like, you make them so choppy, like, I feel like you're not really there.

Oh, 100%.

You know, it's just like, you know when you watch a documentary and you watch someone, like, make a long answer to something? I like that. Or sometimes, like, the timing— if you start cutting a joke, if something happens and you cut all that space, then you're like, I don't know, it just becomes too—

yeah, our vlogs are completely different. I understand. You don't need to argue with that.

Um, I got a lot of emails about how I should write a screenplay again.

Really?

Yeah. And how I gave up on life.

Yes.

And I let a lot of people down by saying I'm not going to make any more movies, and I gave up on myself. And you can all fuck off. So thanks a lot.

Yeah. On our last podcast—

just kidding.

On our last podcast, we were talking about how— why doesn't Jason make any more movies? And he goes, because I realize it's fucking bullshit. You make no fucking money. And I had so many, like, private DMs and emails going, don't listen to that old fuck. He's just trying to drag you down. Keep your chin up. You make whatever you want. I love your determination. And I'm like, oh shit, poor Jason. No, I mean, I understand where Jason's coming from. He's— listen, guys, when you've been beat over the head by life so many times as Jason has, you got to step back and fucking realize that you really—

when you get older, guys, you really lose the lust for life. You really lose the point of just anything. Like, if things become so pointless— just, we went to this party last night and I was just looking at everybody and I was just like, really, are we really here?

Paris Hilton party.

Pointless.

Jason was not having it. I fucking love Paris Hilton for some reason. So I do. Yeah. I like about her.

What's your favorite thing about Paris Hilton?

I like, I like, I like that she's, she's, she's just like, she's Paris Hilton.

She's like, she's Paris.

She's a fucking character. Like, she's not real. She's not a real human, right? It's amazing. No, but we went to a party last night.

She looks good.

Yeah, she looks good. Yeah, she looks good.

What is she, like 30?

Oh no, she is— dude, are you kidding me?

How old is she?

I think she was 30 when I was like 10. She has to be like 40.

No.

Oh great, we can't get— every time we get facts wrong on the podcast, you guys fucking blow us up.

Hang on, it's not that hard to figure out. We can look it up.

I'm looking up. Jason can't type, I have to type it up. He doesn't have—

I don't have fingers. David fucking blew them off.

He doesn't have—

with the fireworks in it. It's a vlog that you'll never see.

Paris Hilton. Oh, wow. She's 57.

Shut up, guys.

Drum roll, please. Paris Hilton's age is 37 years old. Yeah. Okay, well, that's not bad. Lindsay, how old is she? 37.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, she looks great. Yeah, I mean, she looks amazing.

Oh, dang, girl.

Actually, I mean, she looks pretty— she looks 37.

She does.

She looks like movie star 37. Do you know what I mean? Like, pretty solid.

What a weird life.

I was going to say, yeah, we were at the party last night. Jason was not having it for some reason. Just not in the mood.

I was in a fight with Trisha. Yeah.

I didn't want to say that's fine.

No one's— no one's dragging her down here. We're just saying I was in a fight and I was very, very upset. Yeah, my bitterness was kicking in.

Yeah. When Jason gets in a fight with people, he'll come over to you, dude. Fucking right. I shit you not. Right in the middle of the party, he came over to me and he goes, David, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And he's like yelling at me, like, I swear to God, right in the middle of the party. And he's Guys, you've not— you haven't seen him like this ever. This is— this isn't something I've ever put in the videos. It's like fucking satanic and like it's so loud and he's spitting all over your face. He's like a drill sergeant and like you can't do anything about it. I just— I honestly just cowered like in my face.

The woman who invited us to the party, Cass, I said to David, I was trying to get him to leave so we could record the podcast. I was here at 9:00 last night to record the podcast.

Oh yeah, it's the morning because we went to the party last night and we got back really late.

David shows up with Todd and Matt King. Like all dressed up to the nines, like, we gotta go to the Boohoo event. And I was like, okay, I guess. And then we went to the party, and I was trying to get David to leave, and I was mad at Trisha. And so literally at one point I said in front of the woman who was nice enough to get us into the party, no one— David, no one gives a fuck about Paris Hilton. Let's get the fuck out of here. Like that. She was like, oh, okay.

And then I went out, and then I went outside to like, uh, to like where you can smoke, um to like where you smoke cigarettes and stuff. Like, I just want to get a breath of fresh air, which is a stupid place to get a breath of fresh air where people smoke cigarettes. But I went out there and, uh, and Jason comes up to me, he's like, dude, we've been watching Paris Hilton lip sync for the past 30 fucking minutes. Let's get like right in front of probably like 7 of Paris's friends.

I said, what are we doing here? We're watching Paris Hilton lip sync poorly.

No, she's great.

I mean, it was, it was fine. It was whatever.

If she wasn't lip syncing, then she wouldn't be fucking Paris Hilton.

Oh, I see.

If she was actually singing a song, I'd be like, this is fucking bullshit. This isn't why I like you.

Anyways, we got there and David was like— he turns into like party mode, which is like so funny because he's not a partier. So he tries to like act like he's like a partier. Like when Todd walks into the club, Todd's like looking cool. He gets a bar, he gets a drink, talks to the bartender.

Sure.

David like gets like 2 beers. Does it— he admitted later that he wasn't drinking the beers. Yeah, just fake drinking.

I had, I had 2 beers in my hand. Every time we go to these parties, for some odd fucking reason, people are always like, let loose, let loose. I'm like, what the hell are you guys on? So today I was just like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna let loose before anybody can even tell me let loose. So, so I put on this whole party persona like I'm about to fucking be the litest guy there. I was having a good time.

He's carrying a camera.

I'm carrying a camera and 2 beers in my hand, like one in each, and my camera's like tucked under my elbow. And, and as we're dancing, I keep pouring parts of the beer out onto the ground. And, and, and like, it got, it got pretty, it got pretty fucking crazy. Um, I, I, I maybe I'd be pouring the beer out. I was pouring the beer out and then I would hold it up to my mouth and just let it hit my lips. I wouldn't take it in. And I remember, I remember, I remember getting back in the car later and, and everyone was like, David, you shouldn't fucking drive. You shouldn't drive.

Yeah.

And I was like pretending I was like really fucked up. I'm like, Jason was like, David, let me drive. Let me drive. And I'm like, no, man. I'm too fucked up. I can't pull over right now. And people were screaming at me in the car.

It's not funny, David. It's not funny.

Pull over. And then 6 minutes in, I had to give in because people were getting too mad.

We didn't know you were spilling the beer out on the floor. We thought you were really drinking it like everyone else.

No. And then my assistant knew. And then after 6 minutes, she goes, Guys, he's not fucking drunk. He's just fucking with you guys.

How did she know?

Well, because she saw me spilling the beer.

She was running you beers all night?

Yeah. No, it was Cass who invited us was running me beers. And then I would just kind of toss them onto the—

I guess you could make Natalie drink the beers for you.

And the great place about this— yeah, I really can have my assistant drink it. The great thing about this place was it was a carpet. So you'd spill it on the ground and the carpet would kind of just suck it all up and no one noticed that you're not drinking.

But the main goal of the night For you, you wanted a picture with Paris Hilton, and that's when I got really pissed off.

Yeah, you didn't like that.

I just— David, come. David, last time we got a picture with Paris Hilton, I, you know, I arranged it. I walked up to her.

I don't have enough courage to ask Paris Hilton for a picture, is kind of what Jason's trying to say.

And I have nothing to lose because no one likes me anyways, so I'll go in and ask for the picture. But when I went to go for the picture, the woman yelled at me, and then that was it. I was so pissed off.

What did she say?

She was like, guys, please! Please, we— I can't, I can't right now. And I was like, bitch, I don't know who the fuck you are. I'm like, I'm just fucking standing here.

That wasn't— that was probably Paris Hilton's like assistant.

I don't know who the fuck it was, but she was standing there and I was like, I don't— I'm like—

I know, but you got to keep in mind that Paris Hilton was the thing there, do you know what I mean?

But I don't care if I get a picture with her or not.

But you were the one coming up to her and being like, don't send me in. Well, yeah, but don't take her side.

I was going for you.

I know, but And to her, you look like a guy who just wants a picture.

I am a guy who just wants a picture.

Yeah, so don't freak. So don't say you don't care because you were there because you wanted a picture. Yes, it was for me, but I don't give a shit. Like, in fact, Jason, do you have to put Paris down to make yourself feel better? Her fucking parents own the Hilton Hotel.

I was secretly hoping that she would recognize me because she comments on Trisha's Instagram.

No, she thought she follows us on Instagram and she follows me on Twitter. I don't know.

She does. Yeah, but she didn't. She She had her— she had her head somewhere else.

Oh, yeah, she— oh, yeah, you're right. She does follow Trisha. Oh my God. I didn't even think of that.

I was hoping that, like, I would lock eyes because she was up in a booth.

Like, she was lip-syncing. She was wearing sunglasses.

She was wearing crazy sunglasses.

Someone in our friend group said she wasn't even at the party. She just had those sunglasses on and she was— she was watching VR. She wasn't— she was in virtual reality. Her body was just at the party because we just saw her dancing and she was just having Her complete, like, own time. Wasn't even, like, interacting. I mean, no, she was interacting with her friends. She's great. I don't want to put her down. She's— she's—

you see the two girls in the champagne glass?

Yeah, there's a champagne glass and there's two girls just sitting in it. The fuck was that all about? In, like, bathing suits.

Bathing suits. In one-piece bathing suits. It's kind of a cool look, I guess.

Yeah, it was interesting.

It was a nice party. The party was at Delilah, which is the hottest club in the city, right?

A super nice club. Yeah, very popular. Yeah, it's part of It's part of like this— 4 exclusive clubs. Yeah, in West Hollywood. Well, they're called— I don't fucking know.

Who knows?

Yes, but it's—

that was where The Weeknd, you know, did his thing with Scott.

That's where The Weeknd kicked us out of our table. Yeah, it's a really nice club. Yeah, no, that's all I have to say about that party. It was good.

You never got your picture, right?

I never got my picture with Paris Hilton. Overall, it was a disaster fucking night.

Really? Every day with you feels like the longest day of the year. What is it, June 21st?

I don't know, I read it on the news.

It is June 21st. You know why? Why? It's the summer solstice today.

Yes, that's right.

Yeah.

Are we going to VidCon today?

Yeah, VidCon's today, guys. It's a big fucking deal.

Which I love. Last night you asked, you go, you said to everybody, what, what are we, what do we do down there again?

Exactly, exactly. We're going to VidCon today.

I don't know why we're going.

We're going at 11 in the morning and it's just like, what the Fuck, VidCon is a— it's a video convention. It's like Comic-Con, but it's for people that do YouTube. And I don't know what we're going there for, and I don't understand how VidCon gets all of us to go every year. I don't know what it is about it, but it's just like something like—

one of my favorite things about you is that as successful as you are, you're, um, you're a victim of your friends' movements, and you're like, you're a victim of the tide. Like, you're not above the tide. So if suddenly, if like You don't want to go to VidCon, but because Todd and Zane are going, you're like, fuck, I have to go. Exactly. And then I don't want to go. The only reason I'm going is you're going. If you didn't go, I wouldn't go at all.

100%. Like, I could be— I could be a billionaire. Yeah. And my friends could be like, we have to throw a garage sale to make some money, and I'd be the one moving the boxes out onto the front lawn.

Yeah, definitely keeps you honest.

No, I'm definitely— I am, I am a victim because you don't want to go today, right? I do want to go.

You don't want to go today? Like, you don't have to be a little Saturday.

The reason I like going to VidCon is because all our friends are on their toes. Like, no one's like just watching a movie or something. Everyone's like, everyone's like down to film and be like, be like loud and big. Like, I love that because everyone's just like running around and it's just, and it's so exhausting being there. But no, I don't, I really don't understand why we're going.

Well, last year I made out with Brendan Taylor's mom, remember, for a bit.

Trisha's gonna fucking kill you for that.

Oh no, she's fine.

She's gonna kill you.

She understands. She's an underachiever. She'll get it. She's fine.

Can't wait to fucking film this shit.

I just gave you another bit.

Yeah, really?

There you go.

Every time you say something— yeah, last year Jason made out with somebody's mom for a bit.

For a bit?

No, because you loved her.

Oh yeah, right. You still were madly in love.

Don't you still have feelings for her?

Yes, yes, big time.

Big time.

Brandon Taylor's mom and I were just Yeah, though, so romantic. We're going on that show, The Proposal, next week.

I want— did you see that new show?

Which one?

There's a show where people propose to someone on ABC. Someone's proposal, is that it?

Yeah, that's it. Trisha showed it to me.

What the fuck is that all about?

I don't know. Trisha showed it to me and it looked insane. It was really fun to watch too.

Wait, you, you watched the episode?

She showed me it on YouTube.

Yeah. Wait, so what does it go?

So the night you came in and scared her, right when you left, she was she was a little irked because she was like, I wanted to show you the end of the proposal. We missed it. That was that night.

Hold on, it was— so the proposal is this, this show, it's like an hour long.

Yeah.

And, and it's, it's like, it's like, it's like The Bachelorette except instead of like a couple weeks, it happens in under an hour. It's one episode. Yeah. Someone gets married to someone.

You meet the person and 45 minutes later you meet the selections and you're marrying someone 45 minutes later.

That's stupid. So it's—

hang on, okay, hang on. You're a Paris Hilton fan. It's not stupid. A lot of people think it's great.

Okay, go.

I mean, it's—

what are you— what are you—

okay, it's stupid to go on the show and do it. The people that go on must be crazy.

Sure.

But to watch, it's fun to watch.

I'll tell you why it's stupid.

Okay, tell me.

Not because of what it is, but because it's not legit. Do you know what I mean?

What do you mean it's not legit?

It's not a legit proposal.

It is though.

It is.

It looks and feels— I mean, everyone's like getting really into it and crying and happy, and the crowd is like, okay, you're right.

I haven't seen it, so I can't talk. But what I would imagine it being like is like, it's, it's just like, it, it's fake to me. Like, it's not real love.

I'll tell you what, it's not good for guys that are sitting on the fence whether they want to get married or not. Their girlfriends see the show and they're like, this motherfucker got married after 45 minutes, why can't we get married? Is that what Trisha said? And then she goes She goes, well, I'm going on the proposal. She's like, she's like, I'm going to hit up the producers. And I'm like, okay.

Oh my fucking goodness. That's her dream show.

She just wants to get married in under 45 minutes.

That sounds like Trisha. Fucking shit.

We look at marriage differently.

Yeah, you definitely do.

She looks at it.

What I'm saying is, like, I understand the show is cool and fun, but I can't get behind it because it's not real.

I hear you.

Do you know what I mean? Like, sure, they'll maybe really get married, But I'm assuming 90% of the time it doesn't work out and they have to get a divorce.

Well, look at The Bachelor. Those marriages don't work out either, and they, they, they're together for like 3 months before they get married.

I'm being, I am being too critical of it because at the same time it is, it is just like a speed date and choosing who you want to date longer. So it's not, I'm being way too critical. What's, what's been going on with this thing about apparently this, we're not a news channel, but I have to touch up on this because I am an immigrant. So I have, I have to say what's up. Um, what's, what's been going on with this, with this thing that where immigrants— not immigrants. Yeah, I guess immigrants are being—

Mexican citizens.

Yeah. Yeah.

Central— well, some ones from Central America too.

So Mexican citizens. So not just— not just from Mexico, not Mexican-American citizens, just people from Mexico and from Central America. Yeah. Are being—

come up—

are basically being rounded up and like taken into these like holding cells that are cage— hold on. They're cages and they're split The families are split. Oh, like the parents are in one cage and this is fucking real and the kids are in another cage.

We go now live to 21-year-old David Dobrik, who's going to explain the immigration crisis. David, where are you? There?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So like, this is like what's like happening. Yeah, literally. I'm the worst person to explain any fucking—

Now we understand you're big on YouTube. Is that true?

Yes. Yes.

And you have a $2.6 million house.

Yes. Let me explain the situation.

Explain the immigration crisis to us.

Okay, yes, you're right, you don't have to make fun of me. I can't fucking explain news stories for shit, but it is, it is crazy. I saw this news story pop up. Yeah, it's— guys, it's literally little kids in cages, and it's like maybe like 30 kids in one like maybe 2,000 square foot cage, like a huge cage that go— it's like a fucking fighting ring.

Like, it's just, it looks like a UFC ring.

It's just a big, it's And there's like on the floor, there's like mats that you would use in like gym class, like to sleep on.

Yeah.

And like, and like the blankets that they have aren't like comfortable blankets. They're like the ones that astronauts would use when they're sleeping on fucking Mars.

The kind you get after you finish a marathon.

Yes. The kind you get when people find you in a, in a frozen river and they have to throw something around you that's not like cloth. It's like ridiculous. And I saw the news story and I'm like, oh, this is This is fucking real. I didn't even pay attention to it. And then I saw it, I saw it a day later, and I'm like, holy shit, this is real. I don't understand what's going on. They're literally separating families, kids and parents, and putting them in separate cages while, while they— what, they get, they get processed to get deported?

Yeah, I guess they can keep them for 20 days.

What?

Yeah.

Are you serious? Yeah.

And but, but Trump, Trump went back on it yesterday. Oh my God, so he's ending it now.

He's so—

that was the one thing he's backed off on. I was—

because on Monday and Tuesday, so you're saying at first he was like, I can't do anything about it?

He's like, I can't do anything about it. It's not my policy. It's the Democrats' fault for not agreeing on the wall. So this is what they get, which is basically being like— I don't know what the analogy is, but it's like, I lit your house on fire because, you know, I needed to live where I am, or like, it just— I'm—

that's not a good analogy, but the point is, bro, I knew the second you started that analogy that was gonna be shit.

I know, it's a shit analogy, right? When you— can you do it better?

Right when you started it, I went, oh, goddammit, dude, I hope— I hope he just admits that it's not gonna work early so he doesn't think about it for a while.

I'm tired. Um, this chirping is driving me nuts.

Okay, but keep going.

Anyways, so then he was— he went back on it yesterday and he's gonna end the policy. So that's it. But, you know, I think there's a lot of complications with it.

What the fuck?

I don't know how they're going to rejoin everybody.

I'm just confused. What was— what was the fucking policy?

The policy was they're separated once they get caught.

That makes no fucking— I don't even know who would come up with that in the first place. Let me talk about this. I don't really want to talk about because I don't know enough about it. But a rapper, X, I don't know how to pronounce X. People call him X. That's— I've watched like tons of videos and always everyone always calls him X. I'm like, fuck, someone say his full name so I know how to pronounce it. It.

I'll be the dumb one and I'll say the poorly pronounced—

well, it's pronounced—

it's Extasyon. Is that his name?

Tentacion. Tentacion. Tentation. Tentation.

That's Tentacion. That's it.

T-E-N-T-A-C-I-O-N, I think. I could be wrong. There could be more letters in there. But he was— he was—

I just looked up porno by accident.

He was murdered the other day, which is—

what happened? What's the story, David?

I don't know. He's 20 years old and I guess he was— I guess he was shot in his BMW. I don't, I don't really know much. Um, but I mean, there's a lot of conspiracies as to what's going on. And there was a, there was a riot on Melrose. Like, it started out as a peaceful protest the other day.

Really?

Yeah. Yo, you didn't see?

No.

Oh, you didn't see? It was—

what happened?

Like, the riot police got called in. People were like jumping off buildings on Melrose over his death. Yeah. And like riding cars and stuff. Like, there was like, like maybe 20 people on top of one car just driving down Melrose. Oh, it was nuts. It was like, it was like out of a movie. It was like out of Project X.

Really?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if they were like protesting his— actually not protesting his death. I don't know if they were like— I don't know what it was, why they got aggressive. I feel like every, every time someone's like celebrating something, people just get aggressive. I don't know what the logic in that is. Like when people win like the World Series or something. Dance. Then people go out in the city and they start destroying the town.

Excision Memorial descends into riot as cops fire rubber bullets and pepper spray.

Yeah.

Wow. Young man's fans jumped off rooftops in Los Angeles in tribute after his shocking death.

Yeah. And it was like a couple of streets over. It was—

I don't understand. Why are they so upset? And what are they protesting?

No, they're not upset. They're not protesting. But it's just like I like— like I said, like, I don't understand why if someone wins the World Series, why is— why do— why do people break shit? Yeah.

Why do people get upset publicly?

What was that?

What was the mob mentality?

What was the last big— not even upset. It's like someone will win, like Boston will win the Super Bowl, and then the next day Boston is fucking destroyed. Like shops, right? Like, what is that? Why are people destroying shit?

Yeah.

Why are people celebrating? We won. 'Let's go fucking beat the fuck out of this Starbucks.' Why are they doing that?

I guess it's just a mob mentality. It's just people want to, you know, I don't know, you get out there and I guess the adrenaline gets in the air.

I guess. Yeah.

You've never gotten excited about something? You ever had a good vlog and wanted to like smash your car?

I had this one thing. I think, I think I've already talked about this on the podcast. We were playing jump rope once Have I told you about this?

Yeah, I think so. And you push the girl over or something?

No, I didn't push the girl over. The jump rope got tangled around her neck. Yeah, I definitely have talked about this. And I, and I just screamed, pull! And because I was in the moment, there was so much adrenaline, and my friend and I literally almost choked her. And a teacher had to run over to like stop us. And that, that was the one time I've done something that was pretty fucking badass and very, very wrong of me. Yeah. And I couldn't sleep for a couple days because I'm like, I can't believe I just fucking did that. And I think that was something where mentality got— or where, um, where the adrenaline got into my bones and I was just feeling crazy.

Yeah, I couldn't sleep here on the couch last night.

I left. We used to— we used to— oh yeah, I know, you left in the morning.

I know.

We used to do, um, my friend— my friend group and I used to do fireworks. Yeah, around July we would—

used to—

I know. No, no, we used to like— we used to take fireworks, go into neighborhoods, and, and put them on people's like fucking garage doorsteps and light them off. I'm telling you, at like 2 AM. No, this is like the stupidest shit we would ever do.

People you didn't like or random people?

Random people. And we weren't doing it to be dicks. We just loved the echo in the neighborhoods because there was houses, so the firework would be so fucking— this is like the shittiest thing I did as a teenager, right? Nothing ever got— no one ever got like hurt, or no one never— we never destroyed property or anything. It was just It was just so fucking loud and obnoxious. One time, I mean, every time we got chased by the police, it was like next level shit, bro. Like 6 cop cars looking for us, like fucking crazy. On foot, on foot, through woods, in the cars. Yeah, everywhere. Like there was lights being shined at us. We were running across golf courses, golf courses. And then one of our friends was caught. He was— his name was John, and he was like a really good kid. And, um, and, and he didn't have any fireworks on him, thank God. They pulled him over in the car because we were the only kids out in our town. So when they saw kids in a car, they would pull them over because they were looking for us. And they sat them— they sat him down on the curb. And our other friend told us that they just started fucking screaming at him, that they were just like, where the fuck are your friends? Where the fuck are your friends?

Yeah.

And, and John's the type of guy that would snitch on us in a heartbeat, but for some reason that day he was feeling extra nice and he was like, I don't know what you're talking about. And yeah, they sat him down for like 30 minutes and nothing happened.

They let him go.

They let him go, but they were looking for us. That was, that was the worst time. I remember I got my, um, I got my— a guy, a guy, I got, I got my bike stolen one day.

Mm-hmm.

And, and the next day I was at the park and I saw this guy ride up and I'm like, that's my fucking bike, that's my bike. And I went up to him and I'm like, oh Biking was huge back then. If someone stole your bike, they stole your fucking, like, car. Like, this was some big shit. And I went up to him, I'm like, dude, that's my fucking bike. And he's like, fuck off. And I'm like, that's my fucking bike, like, hop off. And he's like, no, fuck you.

How old were you?

I was like, I don't know, 13, 14.

Sure.

And I'm like, get off my bike. And he's like, no, fuck you. And he rode away on my bike, he started riding off. And I'm like, fuck this. And I took my friend's bike and I chased him. Maybe for 4 miles. Yeah, like just on my bike, like completely out of town. We weren't in my town anymore, right? And I call the police and I'm like, I'm following this guy, I'm following this guy, he's on my bike, citizen's arrest, please help me. And the cops in my— the cops in my, like, in my town have nothing better to do, so I'm, I'm sure the office just lit up and they were like, we're on it, sir, we're on it, give us your location. And I'm like, 9-1-1, I called 911. Yeah. And I'm like, and I'm like, okay, I'm coming down Charleston Avenue. And they're like, calm down, sir, we'll be there in a second, calm down. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not scared, I'm just really out of breath because we've been going for 5 miles. And they're like, okay, we're coming. And a cop pulled up next to me and he goes, get the fuck off the bike. And I'm like, no, no, it's not me, it's him. And he's like, okay, get in my car. So I got off my bike, I left my friend's bike on the ground, and I got in his car and we started chasing this guy.

No way.

Yeah, I was— I can't believe I've never said this story before. And I— and, and we're chasing this guy and the guy goes over the— the cop goes over the PA system. He goes, get the fuck off the bicycle. Get the fuck off the bicycle. Like swearing. And like, this was at a time where I'm like, oh my God, adults swear, right? Like adults say shit like this. And then, and then the kid— and then the cop gets really close to the kid, like almost where he can hit the— hit the tire. Hit the tire of the bike with the car. And then the kid just fucking gives up and he goes, get on the fucking ground, get on the fucking ground. And, and I get my bike back and he's like, and, and I'm like, oh, thank you so much. And he's like, do you want to press charges? And I'm like, no, no, I'm good, thank you. I just, I really wanted my bike back. And he's like, no, fuck this kid. That's what he says. He goes, fuck this kid, I don't, I don't like this shit at all. So he took the kid to my parents' house.

Yeah.

And he's like, this is— and, and the the kid had to confront my parents and he's like, this is the guy who stole your kid's bike.

Piece of shit.

This is the motherfucker.

Yes.

And my parents were like, that's okay, we don't want to press charges. It's probably because we were foreign and we get deported if we went to the court system. My parents were like, why the fuck are the cops here? Get them out of here.

Cop goes up to your dad, hey, you want to take a couple shots of this guy out back? I'll hold him down, you punch him a few times.

Yeah, the cop was like, let's just go fucking take care of this ourselves. No. So the cop, the cop just ended up taking the kid back to his parents and dealing with it himself.

He's like, you know, the kid, he's like, don't worry.

No, no, I don't know.

But he didn't go to your school?

No, he's just some scummy kid that was just trying to get a fucking bike. Fuck that, bro.

So he had stolen it like the day before.

Yeah, it's stolen today.

And then had the balls to ride it to show up at your fucking neighborhood, the park I fucking ran, bro. No way.

Yeah, I mean, That was— it's so funny.

Like, I can't believe it worked. You got the cops.

So many memories like that. Oh, we, we used to have— we went to this thing called Camp Edwards. It was when we were like— we were in 6th grade. This was like our first big field trip. This is when everyone would like get hormones. People started masturbating. This is like that time in my life when like kids really started like becoming kids.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like kids started becoming teenagers. Yeah. And, and I remember we shared a— we shared a like a cabin. It was just us kids. It was just us, like, 13, 14-year-olds. Do you know what I mean? Like, it was just young kids. I think we were even like 12, and everyone was asleep. It was like 2:00 AM, and this guy screamed out at one of the top bunks. There were 4 bunks. The bunks were, they went up 4 stories, and it was just us kids in it, and there were just the bunks in this cabin. There was one bathroom. There wasn't like kitchen or anything. It was just that. There wasn't a living room. It was one big room. Um, and one kid screamed midnight service and he screamed that and he took off all his underwear and he ran into each of our bunks and started rubbing his cock all over us, like his penis all over our face, all over our shit. And we found it to be the funniest fucking thing in the world. Like just, and it was like, it was like, sounds kind of gay. Yeah, it was so gay. He'd run over to our friends, like he'd run over to like Zach's, like, like bed and start rubbing his cock all over Zach's leg. And we were all laughing and like, haha, fuck you, Zach, fuck you, Zach. And then he'd run over to me and I'd be like, oh, fuck. And then everyone would be laughing at me. And then I'd be like, what the fuck, man? And then he'd run over to someone else and I'd be like, yeah, midnight service. It was the best. Yeah. So we used to participate in shit like that. That was, that was the first time I touched a dick.

I don't know how we come back from that one, Dave. That sounds like the end of the podcast to me.

It does. Are we at 40 minutes?

That's the first time. Now is the first time I touched a dick. See you guys next week.

It's like, that's not the end of the podcast, but I don't want to fucking talk to you anymore. Yeah. Okay.

We've got a big day ahead of us. Also, the tour we should plug real quick. July 14th in Fort Lauderdale.

Yeah. Come see us on tour if you're at VidCon. There's a merch booth. Look at this, Jason, I'm gonna show you so you can react to it. Let me see. That's my merch booth.

Oh, right on.

It says Clickbait on it. We're selling brand new Clickbait merch. It's not even released yet and won't be released for a couple weeks. So go buy some. See you guys at VidCon. Come say hi to us. Come see us on tour, 7 cities. We'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff and that's the Views Podcast.

Bye guys.

Bye.