Girlfriend Floods My New House

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason ditched out on his family and is chilling with me in a small suburban town in Illinois. What's the explanation for that?

I'm here to make some cash, bro. Yeah, live show tomorrow.

Is cash gonna make your kids love you?

It doesn't hurt. It makes them respect me.

And your kids are okay with you? Guys, his kids aren't here. His kids are in Boston. Bold father move.

Are you— are you dare call— you dare calling me a crappy dad?

Yes.

A shitty dad?

Yes.

Is that what you're saying?

Yes.

All the work I put in with my children.

Yes.

And I take care of you.

And because I need taking care of, and you know that. Don't bring this up on the podcast.

You do need taken care of. You're more work than Wyatt.

Yes, because he has an iPhone X so he can hang out. You didn't buy me an iPhone X. It's hard for me to just chill. I don't have something to occupy my time like that.

Oh, the three of us are so happy with our iPhone Xs, and you don't have one yet. So wonderful, guys.

I don't know, I don't know why this conversation took such a nasty turn. Oh, and let's blame David for Jason's father mistakes.

We're just sending— if Wyatt— we're just sending animated pig emojis just all day long.

If Wyatt and Charlie were my kids, I'd make sure that we would be together for Thanksgiving.

I had a Thanksgiving on Tuesday with my mom and dad and Wyatt and Charlie. I was in Boston yesterday. I took them on the train to New York to drop them with their mom. And then I flew fucking here to do this podcast with you.

Don't point at me like it was my idea to do this podcast. It was your idea.

You have this thing which is like the podcast is such an albatross and you don't want to do it. And it's like, fuck, it's my character.

I may love it, but I have to pretend like I hate it.

Then don't do it. Quit.

Okay.

Yeah. He just dropped the mic, everybody.

All right, roll the intro music. God damn it, that was another long intro, um, brought to you by David and Jason. Guys, it's our Views podcast. It's Thanksgiving Day right now. We're a day away from our Chicago meet and greet in Chicago live show, which is going to happen tomorrow in Rosemont. So get tickets if you're listening to it on Thanksgiving Day. If not, ignore that message. Um, but I just want to— I just want to start this off by saying I am disgusted by Jason. Yet again, he's in a hotel room. I walk in and the first thing I see, the first thing I see is piss in his toilet. Because Jason, go ahead, tell him, tell him why there was piss in the toilet. It's a normal place for pee to be.

If it's yellow, let it mellow, dude. I'm from the '60s. I'm the hippie generation.

If it's yellow, let it mellow.

Yeah. If it's brown, flush it down.

That's disgusting.

You don't know that.

First of all, you're like, you're basically sick. So your pee literally looked brown. So you should not—

sick. I feel great. I'm not sick anymore.

When you're older, your pee just turns different colors. Oh, yours is like almost brown to this point. It looks dangerous.

I've been eating nice and clean, actually. I'm not eating Slovakian bread, potato chips, and Doritos on your counter. Those are veggie chips, which are less fattening. And I went out and I cleaned this place, actually. I got all my food over here. We're at the Holiday Inn, by the way.

Don't ignore the fact that you didn't flush the toilet, which I think is so gross.

I mean, I care about the environment. You don't give a shit. You only care about yourself.

I don't—

saving water, and you know it, and you know it that I'm right.

I actually don't. I've never really understood the whole, like, philosophy on saving water.

Oh, it's real simple. Every flush takes water. That's it.

Okay, every flush takes water. Yeah, but like, this is my question, right? And like, bear with me because I may be wrong because I'm just— I'm a kid. What do I know?

Here we go. I'm a kid. Jason, you're old, so you're always wrong. And I— if I am wrong, it's fine because I'm 21.

No, my argument for the whole wasting water thing is— and I knew this conversation was going to take a turn there, that's why I wrote this down— is I don't understand, I don't understand why like leaving the sink on when you're brushing your teeth is a waste of water. Because it's not like when the water goes down the sink it shoots up into space. Like, isn't it still circulating in the world of water? Like, doesn't it even like maybe go back to the ocean or wherever where we can reuse the water later? You know what I mean?

No, it doesn't. That's why there's droughts everywhere. That's why Northern California had a drought like all last year.

But what happens to the water?

Like, it goes, it gets wasted, it's no longer drinkable. What do you think goes to the sewer?

It goes to the sewer. And then can it go through another filtration system that just reuses it?

Shit water? Is that what you want to drink?

No, I'm just saying it doesn't get filtered.

When we go to Thanksgiving dinner at your house, I'll put a lump of Zane's feces in your ice water and you tell me how it tastes and how— what kind of experience that is.

You're being a jerk.

I'm not being a jerk. I'm— you're wrong. You're wrong once again. You were wrong about the $800,000 deal that you wanted.

$700,000. And you're— listen, you're, you're— I'm just, I'm just asking. I'm literally just straight up asking.

Why didn't Charlie cry all night when I told him about that deal?

No, you didn't. I did. I passed up on a $700,000 deal.

Yeah.

And Jason still hasn't let it go.

That I would have gotten a percentage of.

It's been a week and a half.

At least 10%.

At least 10%.

You know what I realized? Jack makes almost as much money on this podcast than I do. Jack has 15% of yours and 15% of mine. I get 30%.

Oh my God.

Jack doesn't fucking sit here and, and, you know, record it and come up with topics and put up with you.

But you know what Jack does?

What?

He flushes the toilet after he pees. And that's why he deserves 30%. Yeah. Okay. Maybe the water's not reusable, but I always thought it was weird. Like after you use it, I doubt it just leaves. Like, I doubt it leaves.

It does leave.

I don't know. I don't— I don't— regardless, I don't buy it. Also, another— on the topic of not flushing and being gross, we have a friend who really enjoys— he doesn't wash his hands. And you know this friend, right? You know who I'm talking about? I don't know who you're talking about.

His name—

I can say his name.

Yeah, why not?

Because I think it's fucking Brandon. Brandon never was.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know that.

Well, I guess I knew that. You only— because you said that he doesn't— how do you know he doesn't wash his hands?

He's— I am— every time someone's in the bathroom and they come out too quickly, I'm always like, go back and wash your hands. Because I think it's so gross.

I love dictating what everyone does.

Do it. It's disgusting.

Love it. Was it any of your business? Brandon got his fingers in your mouth?

No, but Brandon's inside my home and he's touching shit and it's gross. Admit that it's gross. And yes, later he did have his fingers in my mouth, but that's none of your business. No. Okay, so Brandon's— Brandon's whole philosophy on— which is so gross— not washing his hands after he pees or poops or does whatever. Is he wants to build up a strong immune system. So the more bacteria is on his hand, the more he gets used to, you know, these disgusting things on his hands so he won't get sick, which is pathetic. I've told him, I'm like, Brandon, that's the most selfish thing I've ever heard. You're around a bunch of people all day.

Yeah.

And it's— you're spreading your disgusting feces-filled hands and you're touching everybody with your hands. And I think he understood it at that point. He's like, okay, yeah, I guess that's kind of gross.

I would think as a hypochondriac, he would Wash his hands, wash his hands.

But he's a hypochondriac who likes to take action and reads too much things on the internet. And I think he's believed that if you don't wash your hands, it's better for everybody else around you and better for you.

No, guys, you know, he's coming to this hotel room tonight.

Yeah.

Now you got me all freaked out. We're going to piss in the toilet and dirty hands.

Pissing the toilet.

Should I move? Should I just get him a hotel room?

I would definitely get a different room.

You think so?

The dude doesn't wash his hands.

Comes out of our pocket.

Not washing out of your pocket. Not washing your hands is one of the biggest turnoffs. I have, I think, for friends, girlfriends.

Liza, wash your hands.

Does Liza wash my hands? Yeah, she helps me wash my hands. No, she washes— she washes her hands. And it's— it's— it's to the point where it's a deal breaker. Like, if I was on a first date and someone comes out of the bathroom and she didn't wash her hands, no way in hell. Like, there's no way in hell there's a second date. But like, I've gone to the— I've gone to the extremes where like, I've smelled my friend's hands when they come out of the bathroom. Like, they'll be like, I'll be like, why aren't your hands wet? And then because I dried them and I'm like, give me your hand and I'll smell it and it doesn't smell like clean or anything. And I get so upset. It's just because it's just a simple thing to do. Every bathroom conveniently has a fucking sink. Just use it. Literally, just use it. Just use the sink.

Yeah, I got an infection on my hand, actually.

Yeah. You know why? Because you probably fucking played with your feces in the toilet bowl.

Well, I was bored and I was waiting for you to come. Well, I woke up this morning. David's all mad that I get up early and I love it.

No, I'm not. Okay, I'm mad because it's, it's like 8 in the morning. I come over and Jason opens the door with his vlog camera on and he goes, hi, how was, how's your morning?

I refuse to not be a happy person because you're in my life. I know you weren't here.

If you know, I'm saying it's a great thing. I would love to be a morning person, but it's just, I'm angry. You just threw your iPhone X at the wall. That was your kid's iPhone.

I'll take Wyatt's.

You'll probably buy him another one 'cause you're a fucking awful dad. No, Jason, Jason, I really love that he's a morning, I love for him that he's a morning person. I would love to be a morning person, but it's tough to be with him when you hate the mornings or when you're just not a fan of 'em. And literally open the door and it's like fucking 20 questions with him and he's so excited and he's like a dog. It's like I haven't been home for 2 weeks. That's how it feels when I come home and it's the morning time.

Yeah, well, it sucks for me because you're not into it.

Yeah, I'm not into it.

Like if we went on vacation, it sucks because this resort sucks.

It sucks because you're 100% a morning person. You power down at night, which is like 7, which is when I— which is when I flourish. Like the nighttime is my time.

Oh yeah, you're, you're amazing. My mother called today and she goes, where's— I'm waiting for David because I was waiting for a few hours, which I didn't mind at all. I was—

wait, you waited for a few hours?

Well, I was up at 8. I was up at 8.

Oh, this morning?

This morning, waiting to podcast.

You didn't show up till you didn't text me.

I did. I text you. I called you on FaceTime. I called you twice.

Oh, dude. Like I said, your messages weren't going through.

Oh, well, I called you a bunch. I let FaceTime.

I completely made that up. Yeah, I saw your calls. Yeah.

You fucker. What were you doing?

No, I was. I was just sleeping. Oh, my mom woke me up because she heard the alarm clocks and she's like, listen, I hear the alarms. Can you turn them off? They're interrupting that, like, our whole sleeping procedure. I don't know what she meant, but she made me turn off my alarm clocks. So I went back to snooze and I slept till like 11.

My mother called today and she was like— she was like, oh, I said, David's not here yet. And she goes, she goes, you better get ready. You better get ready, cuz once he gets going, he's a hurricane. You better get your rest. He's half your age and you could get ready. Just rest now. Rest.

Oh my god, your mom is fucking great.

Oh yeah, she loves your mom.

Your mom's like out of a movie.

She fucking loves you.

Hygiene is literally the most important thing to me, and that's why when you get a good shave, it's— it's—

damn, that was a good segue!

Fucking incredible. You've heard me talk of the amazing shave I get from my Dollar Shave Club razor, especially when I use it with their Dr. Carver's Shave Butter. Well, I'm here to tell you I'm never giving up my membership. In fact, I'm adding even more DSC products to my daily routine. Dollar Shave Club makes products for your hair, face, skin, shower, everything you need. They make looking and feeling amazing.

Yeah, and it's all their own original stuff. They only use the finest premium ingredients, premium ingredients, and they deliver it to you just like they do their razors.

That means no more annoying trips to the store, cruising up and down aisles to look at shelf upon shelf and looking for the right material. Sorry, I lost the script there for a second. I think I went crazy. What the hell is that and what do I do with it? No more of that, guys. No more of that.

Glad they won't be having any of that anymore. We have Dollar Shave Club.

I am so glad.

Uh, for some reason up there we have two fingers to make the laptop go up.

Dave, you know that we were trying to make the laptop scroll to read the next thing and we were just kind of improving there.

Um, I use Dollar Shave Club. You already read that. Look, I want you to love Dollar Shave Club as much as I do, so I've arranged for you to try your first month of their best razor along with travel-sized versions of shave butter, body cleanser, and yes, even butt wipes.

And guys, this is just $5. I've told you guys how much I love butt wipes, and they're just $5, and it's— they're so incredible. They change your life. Jason probably hates using them because he probably likes making his asshole dirtier after he poops.

No, I love the butt wipes. I use them. You got me into butt wipes. I'll give you that.

You got me. That's a weird thing to say.

You got me into butt wipes.

The first time I wiped Jason's butt with a butt wipe, he knew. He knew his life was going to change for the better. After that, replacement cartridges ship for just a few bucks a month. It's the Dollar Shave Club starter set. Get yours for just $5 exclusively at dollarshaveclub.com/views.

That's dollarshaveclub.com/views.

But yeah, that's it. That's it for the Dollar Shave Club promo. Thank you guys for including us again in another round of advertisement.

We love that. We love having you guys here.

We love you guys.

How's— you don't do Thanksgiving. Yeah, it means nothing to you.

It's Thanksgiving. I'm not the biggest Thanksgiving guy. I woke up to like 7, which is a lot for me. 7 Happy Thanksgiving texts, which threw me off, dude. Yeah, because I don't understand.

You don't feel anything. Your heart is stone.

No, that's not it. I never— I've never— my family has never had a turkey. We've never done like Thanksgiving. We've never done that. Like, it just— I don't get it.

Why not? Why not? Like, kind of do it like if I lived in France, I would celebrate Baguette Day.

Okay. Yes, but we have bread. Like, okay, I'm not— we had a dinner. We had a dinner, right?

Yeah.

We probably had a dinner, some Thanksgiving or something, and we had breakfast like every Sunday together. Like that was, I guess, our Thanksgiving. But like, I just didn't know it was—

Thanksgiving's on Thursday.

Yeah, I know. Well, I'm just saying on Sunday we had like Thanksgivings every Sunday because—

Oh, every Sunday you do Thanksgiving?

Yeah, we're just like proactive like that.

It doesn't relate at all.

Yeah, because you don't spend time with your family. That's why. So, no, but I don't know. I never— I didn't really get it. And I apparently it's a big deal.

Yeah, it's awesome. It's a little precursor to Christmas and you get to give thanks.

We walked in today and you were like, Happy Thanksgiving. And then what did Corinna say? Our friend Corinna, all of a sudden, she's like, it's a fucking lie.

We slaughtered the Indians. It doesn't matter.

Really dark turn straight up in the— like, it's like she was waiting for someone to say Happy Thanksgiving.

Yeah, very odd liberal thing for her to say, which is okay.

I get it. I don't really know the history of Thanksgiving. I thought it was just Oh, it's a total—

I read about it this morning. It's a total lie. They went in and slaughtered all these Indians.

Oh, actually?

Yeah. Yeah. There's like one dinner and it's not—

Oh, was it? Was it when the— was it when like the Europeans came over and like basically colonized and they pretended to like have a dinner with the Indians?

I don't think they ever had dinner with Indians at all. I think they killed them all and then they—

Or should we say Native Americans?

We should say Native Americans.

Native Americans.

I'm sorry. Because, yeah, yeah, sorry to Native Americans. Now we do a 15-minute apology.

We are so sorry for saying no, but we're called Indians back then. Okay. But yeah, that is— that's stressful. Anyway, you, you, you told me to ask you about your Thanksgiving experience.

Well, one time when I was a fat kid, we lived in this tiny apartment.

You could just say that one time when I was a kid.

Well, I think it's— I think it's funnier that I was overweight and obese. But my mom was so giving.

Oh, you missed my joke.

Oh, what did you say?

It was just a rude joke of me saying, we know that you're fat.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I thought you didn't like my—

No, no, I love it. I love— No, you painted the picture. It was great.

Yeah.

And you're not fat, by the way. I was just being a jerk.

No, I was fat.

No, I'm just— I'm saying now.

Oh, you're— shit, man. I'm— I'm just so happy. And you're not getting jokes today.

You know, you're in the best shape for letting yourself go. Does that make sense?

Yeah. I mean, What do you think?

Like, Jason's lifting up his shirt right now, and if I saw that at a swimming pool, I'd just be like, oh, that's a guy. Literally, I wouldn't think twice. I like— if someone was like, hey, say something about that guy, and I never knew you, I'd be like, hairy chest. Yeah, it's a 44-year-old guy. It's just a guy. Like, it's nice. It's not awful. No, you're— I think you were in such good shape in your 30s.

Yeah.

Where, like, now that you're in your 40s, you really, like, you really lucked out in being in better shape earlier because it's your fault. Yeah, it's all your fault, I think.

Yeah, I blame it all on you.

My out of shape because I finally feed you and I finally get some food into your system. Yes, that's my fault. No, because I'm sorry, I was lifting weights today down in the gym.

I already walked 3 miles and I'm down in the gym and I'm like, he's going to fucking come and I'm not going to have any topics. He's going to come. I better go up there and write some fucking topics for the podcast. So it's your fault.

Okay, tell me. Tell me about you being a fat kid.

I was just fat and I just ate a lot.

How old were you?

Oh man, I was fat from like 8 to 15.

8 to 15.

My dad was embarrassed of me. And I was slow. And one time I went in and made peanut butter and celery. One time I had lunch, and then right after, about 5 minutes later, I made peanut butter and celery.

And my dad came in and he was like, what are you doing right after lunch?

Yeah. And I was like, I said, I'm making it for later. I lied.

Was that your story?

No, no. Well, I pooped on Thanksgiving, and which is normal. We lived in such a small apartment, I clogged the toilet and every— all this fecal water went on everyone's feet. And my mom was so generous. What? Like, my mom was so generous, she would invite everybody to this tiny apartment and she offered everybody fecal water. No, no, she offered dinner for everybody. And then when I pooped, the apartment was so small, the fecal water came out around the dinner table, around everyone's feet. No. Yeah, it went out of the bathroom. Yeah. And then I had a bunch of friends when I was little, or when I was 12 or whatever.

Can I— can I stop you right there before you go? I actually just had a plumbing situation at my house.

Oh yeah? What happened?

$6 million house. You and Liza swimming in poop.

Everything just clogged up. And Liza, I think, forgot. And she won't— she went to go take a poop. And like, when she takes a poop, I have to like basically leave the state. Like, it's like— it's like Liza's like, she turns on music so I don't hear it hit the— hit the water or whatever. Like, it's like insane. And two bouncers out front, two bouncers outside the bathroom. She forgot that. She forgot that the toilet was clogged and she clogged it. It, it, it clogged. And she came out and she's like, you can't go in there. And she wrapped toilet paper around the outside of the bathroom and put the plunger on top of the toilet like a hazard cone to make sure I don't forget that, that there's poop inside. And then we called the plumber. I went to go take a shower in another bathroom, and when I got out of the shower, apparently the water from the shower kind of filled into the toilet in the other room or something. And all the water from the toilet where there was poop poured out, poured all over my bathroom. My bathroom was in 2 inches of poop water and it poured into my, um, into my bedroom. So Liza's poop water was in my master bedroom where there were pillows on the ground and there were clothes on the ground. Everything was just destroyed.

And it's such a nice house with wood, beautiful wood floors.

So there's poop water everywhere. So we had to clean that up. We had to use the darker towels. We weren't allowed to use the white towels and I helped clean up and it was, it was an experience. And then the plumber came. Turns out, guys, I had like a root, um, root break or something.

Yeah, the roots got in the pipes.

The roots got in the pipes. He told me the total price was going to be $14,000 to fix it. So I got my plumber friend on the phone and he knocked it down to $10,000, which is ridiculous. So it's $10,000, which is the worst part about spending $10,000 on something like this is it's for a problem that you can't see. It's not like a broken window where you're like, oh nice, it's a new window. Or it's not like installing a hot tub or installing a brand new bathtub. It's like, it's like under the underground stuff where, where they dig up the ground. And if anything, it looks worse after they're done because it's brand new cement and that doesn't look well with the old cement. It doesn't look good with the old cement. So yeah, it was a $10,000 job.

Next time Liza poops and she's not embarrassed, you can have satisfaction in that.

I guess. But here's the thing, after the job was done, I went, I went to use the bathroom in my room because I'm like, okay, everything's done, it's all good. This is a week later, I open the toilet bowl and just Liza's poop is there. And it's just all like decomposed, like, like, I mean, poops decompose, but like, like it's all like watered down, you know, because it's been there for a really long time.

Yeah, chunks are coming out of it, it's not as solid as it was, it's like it's still there.

The entire water is brown, it's smells awful because it's been sitting there in a week. And, and I FaceTime Liza just like I turn on my camera, just like a selfie. I just, I lift, I lift the camera above my head so she gets the toilet bowl. So she sees the toilet bowl and she sees my face. And poor girl was so embarrassed.

I'm always amazed when a plumber comes in and has no problem putting his hand right in shit water.

Oh my God, it was amazing.

It's amazing. And he just doesn't— it's like a doctor, you know, cutting someone open.

Yeah.

Puts his hand way down there.

Yeah. I also, I also don't— the problem with like when I open the toilet bowl and I saw Liza's poop is it wasn't just Liza's poop. It was like, it was like, you know, everybody's poop that ever pooped in that toilet because it all just came right back up. It was, it was trouble. It was trouble. And yeah, I made her believe that it was just her poop. But enough talking about poop. I feel like this is a weird thing to talk about, especially when people are probably enjoying listening to this while they're—

Yeah, I have some more turkey, guys. Listen to our poop stories.

They're eating their Thanksgiving dinner. They finally convince their parents to put the podcast over the speakers in the living room. They're like, can we please listen to the podcast while we eat? I'm sorry about that. Okay, well, enough about my poop story. Jason, continue yours.

After— well, the last part of it is, you know, everyone was very upset. And then this— there was a maintenance man that lived at the apartment complex, and his name was Joe Nolan. And he was this old guy that was always really—

is he dead?

Oh yeah, he's got to be dead.

I was going to say, you just used his name. Poor guy.

No, he's dead. And then, and he used to harass me and all my friends. My friends are assholes. They were all like you, and I was like the nice kid.

Which is a good thing. You know what I've noticed a lot?

What?

A lot of people like on my vlogs are saying like, like we're being too mean to each other sometimes on the videos.

They say that?

Yeah, and it's so confusing because like on my videos, yeah, we're pretty, we're big jerks to each other. Like we'll call each other names, we'll make fun of each other's physical features and stuff.

Right.

But like, dude, growing up, that was the only thing my friends and I would do. Like, isn't that what friends— that's what friends are for, for a group of very close individuals to be complete dicks to each other without it hurting anybody's feelings. It frustrates me when someone from the outside looks in and goes, you shouldn't be calling him that, right? That's rude. It's just like, you don't— you don't know the relationship we have at all. Like, that's fucked up of you to say what we can and can't talk about.

It's also on steroids too, because it's being filmed.

Yeah.

The minute, like, Zane Zane will start yelling at me and your camera's on and it's nothing like—

yeah, nothing like it. Yeah, we wouldn't be even yelling, but it's just so frustrating because like when I grew up and there weren't any cameras on, all we would fucking— all we would do, we'd have a designated guy who was a stupid guy, designated guy who was the ugly guy, designated guy who was a small dick guy, designated guy who was a fat guy, and there wasn't a problem with that. None of us had a problem because that's what friendship was. It was just constantly harassing each other. And now all of a sudden, if we fucking make one joke and the whole— the comment section is like, why did you call him that? That probably hurts his feelings. Like, fuck you guys for saying that.

That's what's happening. You know that's what's happening. It's where we're headed. That's the world, dude. That's your generation fucking it up for everyone.

I can't put my genuine interaction with friendship on, or my genuine interaction with my friend— friends on, because it's just like, people are like, be nicer to each other. Like, come on, let— if If it— if I— if Jason calls Zane fat and it bothers Zane, Zane will let us know and we won't do it.

Won't.

Yes, he will.

No, he won't.

Well, especially Zane. Zane's like, I'm pissed that I'm not the fat guy anymore. Zane's like, why is Jonah the fat guy? I was the fat guy.

What if I came to you and I said, David, the old— and I don't feel this way, David, I would appreciate the old jokes coming to an end.

Well, you did. You did.

What did I say?

You— when we first met you, you didn't like those. So we all cut back on them because we all thought You didn't like them.

That— we mean before I was doing the vlogs?

Before you— before we were doing the vlogs, you made videos with some other people.

Yeah.

And you freaked out at them for calling you old. Who? Carly and Aaron.

Oh, the Carly and Aaron story.

Like, he made a video with them and all they were doing was making old jokes, and you got— you just didn't know them.

That— that's because I knew Carly and Aaron as something else.

And you got really mad at them.

And then when they turned the camera on, I was like— I was like talking to different people.

You got so mad at them to the point where one of them almost cried, right?

Yeah, I think Carly did cry. And I've apologized a million times.

No, no, you have. You have. You've apologized.

Brings it up.

I still bring it up. And I heard that and I'm like, that's so weird. I call him old every time I see him and I don't even know him because that was our relationship from the start.

You started that right away. And then I was like, all right, that's his thing. I mean, I always thought it was funny.

Yeah, I don't know. But I just, just from personal experience, I maybe I'm living in a bubble and people don't call each other names as friends. But me growing up, like, you can testify to this or just disagree with me. Me growing up, all we used to call each other was names. It was constant. Like, I would get shit. Everyone would get equally shit on. Maybe there was one kid who was like the designated guy who would shit on.

What were you?

I mean, I was, I was anything I was at the moment. Like, it was, it was, I had my hair cut. I had a gap in my teeth. I was, you know, I was a pussy.

What happened to the gap in your teeth?

I got braces.

All right. Right. I've seen some, I was like, where you have braces.

I looked like, I looked like a fucking, I look like a Cheeto. I look like an idiot. And that's who I was.

And your hair was like really poorly cut.

Thank you.

It really was. It looked like your friend cut it with, with paper scissors, with construction paper scissors.

Yeah, it's like my friend cut it with nail clippers. No, but, but, but when you were in— when you had a friend group, did you not— wasn't it?

Oh yeah, yeah, it was awful. They called— they called me Jew. They called me Wedge. They called me—

which is bad— Porker, which is bad. Like, if you say that on the internet, people would be like, It's because so many people grew up on the internet these days.

Yeah.

And so many people are like molded by what the internet says is wrong. And calling someone a Jew is wrong. Like, don't get me wrong. Yeah, it's not a normal thing to do. But like, like growing up, to me it was completely fucking normal because we had, we had Jews in our, we had Jews in our friend group. And every time it came to dinner, at least one comment would be like, well, we know fucking Nabbit's not paying for this dinner. Every time it was just just constant Jew jokes. And it wasn't— it wasn't to the— it wasn't until I like got, um, got into the whole internet thing and you see a lot more thoughts from different people, because the internet's just a big, you know, clusterfuck of people's ideas and beliefs, that's where you start to learn, oh shit, there's a lot of people that aren't okay with talk like this.

I was thinking about, you know, that like it's all that stuff is good, it makes people happier and it makes people more sensitive to other people, but there's got to a downside to it, but I haven't really been able to put my finger on it.

Like a downside to being mean to your friends?

No, a downside to what's going on now where it's like a much softer society, where everything's censored. Yeah, where everything's censored. It's like the guy on Twitter that I read today, he wants to make it so you can't say certain stuff on Twitter. Literally freedom of speech gone.

Wait, what do you— what does he mean by that?

He's like, well, Twitter needs to come in and basically say like you can't say certain things. You, if your account doesn't have like a lot of likes and all you're doing is like putting hatred out there, gone. Or, you know, like if you're— and that's a fine line. That's a really fine line. It could be a, you know, yeah, joke, or it could be something mean, or it could be something you tweet to Ilya. But not that you tweet.

Bottom, bottom line, I think, I think you should definitely never be— never say things that are offensive. You should never call a person fat, never call a person a Jew, or whatever, whatever word it is. Yeah, you don't know. But if you have a relationship with someone for 3, 4+ years where you've, where, you know, you've just built up a friendship and you're like, that's like your normal thing, like—

but imagine if that got out. Like, if you made a Jew joke towards me, I would think it was hilarious. But imagine if— not that you do, you never make Jew jokes— but imagine if that got out on the internet. Like, imagine if someone was livestreaming.

I don't know. That's so tricky because it's like like, I'll make, I'll make a joke to you, right?

Right.

But like, I would never do it to anybody else. Like, I would—

no, you wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

You wouldn't do it to anyone else. And that's the point, because that— now you're fucked. And, and I would come to your defense, but I would say, I would also—

before, I would really never do it to— like, if I— if one of our friends was overweight and he was like the go-to fat guy, I would never go up to another person that is overweight and call him fat. Like, that's, that's not—

that's why Carly and Aaron— I was upset at Carly and Aaron. Because they— I knew them as these nice girls that were funny. And then I got in that car that day when they were doing their driving and vlogging. Yeah, I can't remember what it was called. And it was like fucking assault. And I was like, who the fuck am I talking to?

Yeah. And then you met me, and then it was just fucking chaos. Yeah. No, but I don't know. I don't— I don't want to— I don't want to— I don't want to sound like I'm like, oh, fuck it, be a dick to everybody. I'm just saying like You don't know the relationship people have with their friends.

And like, well, I know. I mean, I know today I'm feeling good in my underwear.

Yeah, that's literally a fucking awful transition. But oh, goddamn it. Every year millions of people receive the least liked gift of all time underwear, but we still give it to our family and our loved ones who just don't want it. But maybe it's not the underwear that it's a problem. It's the intro to the underwear that's a problem. It's the kind of underwear. Let me tell you about me undies. The only underwear that makes for an amazing gift.

I got them on right now.

Yeah, they're soft, flexible waistband, 3 times softer than cotton, naturally sustainable sourced fiber.

MeUndies made underwear the perfect gift that everyone is going to love you for.

It's a goddamn holiday miracle. MeUndies getting shit crazy. MeUndies put goddamn in the script.

Someone's getting fired.

It's a goddamn— it's a goddamn motherfucking bitching ass holiday miracle. Thank you, MeUndies. MeUndies like, you know what, fuck this shit. I'm quitting after Christmas. I'm going to take the script out. And just be— it's perfect for everyone to wear. Even though I won't even go that far this year. Don't give underwear. Give me undies this holiday.

This motherfucking holiday season. Get your exclusive 20% off the softest underwear and socks you will ever wear. Free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee.

Go to meundies.com/views. That's meundies.com/views.

Speaking of 100% off, I know something is 35% off.

All merch this weekend is 35% off for all of us. Go to fandroid.co. /nash or /dobrik, and you'll find all our merch is 35% off, which is fucking insane. Yeah, such a big percentage. Real quick, before you cut me off with that horrible transition to Beyondies, I just want to close off our discussion about what we were talking about, because I know that people are gonna be confused of what I said. Or maybe not, I don't know. Was that clear?

Go ahead and qualify it so you don't get any tweets.

I was just like, don't, don't be a dick to other people. And I'm not even saying— I'm not even saying go to your friends and call them a fucking fat ass or Jew. I'm just saying, just know that other people out there have different relationships with friends. Yeah. So don't go in and— I feel like it's almost rude to like say like, you can't say this in your— I don't know. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Like Santa Claus came back out, came up while I was home in Boston.

Oh, is he real?

Yeah. Oh, I guess so.

Wait, what do you mean he came up?

Well, my mother's making a Christmas list for everybody and—

Oh, and your son still believes in Santa Claus?

Yeah. And he was like, you know, so Santa gonna bring some of the gifts.

Yeah.

And I just was blank.

I was like, yeah, wait, who said that? Wyatt, your son. Yeah, your son said what? Say it again.

He said, when Santa will get me that, Santa will bring some of these gifts. It was like a list of stuff that everybody wanted.

Fuck this.

Huh?

This is— it's too far now. I didn't know he ever— I didn't know he ever acknowledged them. I thought he like believed in him.

The funniest tweet I saw was, how can David make fun of Wyatt for believing in Santa Claus if he believes in God.

Oh, come on.

That's funny.

That's funny.

That's a funny tweet.

It's fucking— that's twisted. But hold on. Um, um, no, it's just— okay, I thought your son believed in Santa Claus to the point where it was like, um, like it was like you don't talk about it. Like, it's like, yeah, Santa's real, but I don't bring him No, he said— he straight up said, yeah, can you get me these and then Santa will get me these?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess so. I guess I'll come down the chimney. Like, I don't know what he thinks. I didn't want to get into it too much.

Jason, he's a smart boy.

Yeah, he is.

Come on.

I guess we'll break it. I guess there's these two girls that live next door to Marnie. They're very good friends of ours, the twins. And they told— Marnie told the story to me that they were— they were broken like a couple years ago.

When they find out that Santa wasn't real?

Yeah.

Did you talk to your ex-wife about me letting— me letting—

I think you got to get in there a little bit as a friend more.

I have to infiltrate my friendship with your ex-wife the same way you make all of us think that we're friends with you.

You got to get over there because she does like you.

So I have to get over there.

Funny.

I have to talk to her for a little bit.

Yeah.

And then I have to bring up, hey, can I tell your son that Santa's not real?

Yeah. Get her to like you, which I know you don't mind doing. It's like part of the game for you.

I mean, now I can, I can do that. I just, I just want to be able to do it before Christmas time. Can I maybe just get on FaceTime with her?

Call her right now.

She's in New York. Uh, no, that's, that's amazing. So your son, Jesus, dude, that is insane to me because he's so old. How old is he? 11?

16.

He's not 16, he's 11. He's 37.

My kids are too sweet, man. We tried to go to this park the other day, and, um, so I had nothing to do with them when I was in Boston, and we've been going to this park on the weekends, and it was like, all right, it's kind of fun. We get there and it's school hours. Big sign, you can't come in during school hours. And I was like, oh, fucking who cares? No one's here. Like, they're inside. Let's just go play at the park. And they're like, nope, no, no, there's a sign. We will not go in this park. You're a bad influence, Daddy. No. And I was like, just go. I just— only park. I don't even want to go to the park. And then they wouldn't go in. They stood outside. They just would not go in. Like, we got to get out of here. And then I went in the park like, all right, I'm finding another park. And they were like, Daddy, get out! Daddy, no, no, Daddy, no, no! Yeah, they won't go in. They're just such goody-goody two-shoes, like to a fault, because I see other 11-year-olds and they're—

wait, where did they learn this from?

It might have been the nanny. Really? Yeah, because she's like, she's like, you know, she's, she's a wonderful woman and dude, that's a little religious.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? That they're like— that they're like the way they are?

I think in the old world it would be a really bad thing, but in the new world it's good. Like, you'd get— if my high school— in my middle school, you'd get eaten up.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

If that was getting eaten up by you— if that was in my high school, you wouldn't see to live the other day. You'd be like, are you fucking serious? Let's go down that slide, motherfucker. Another 11-year-old would come to me and be like, stop being a bitch, let's fucking slide this shit.

Hung by their toes.

I mean, that's insane. I mean, that— great for your kids, that's amazing. And the best part about it is your kids are starting so pure that like, sure, they're gonna be broken down a little bit, but like, they're gonna find— they're gonna find that sweet spot, do you know what I mean? Like, in 3 years, they're gonna find that spot where they're like, they're smoking a joint here and now, but they never overdo it, and they never smoke it. They'll never go out and buy it. They'll only smoke it if someone else has.

Yeah, someone happens to have it.

Yeah, that's the—

what are your brothers and sisters like?

Oh my God, they smoke pot every day.

Toby?

No, they're, um, we have one, we have one who's like, who can— who's obviously like the goody-two-shoes. And then we have one who's just like, I don't care, I don't care. She's like the older one, she's hitting puberty. Yeah. And then we have my little brother who, who's 8 years old, who still doesn't really know how to speak, who's figuring it out, who's like, has like a Stalin vibe about him.

Yeah, dictator vibe.

He has something. He's really quiet, he keeps himself. I think he's planning something.

He looks like he's planning something at all times. He, he likes Jake Paul and not you.

He likes Jake Paul and he doesn't like my videos. I think there's a revolution that's about to happen and it's stressing me the fuck out.

He wanted Jake Paul merch and not yours.

Yeah, I sent a box over of my merch. I sent a— so Jake Paul's another YouTuber. His demographic is a lot younger. And to be fair, my siblings aren't allowed to watch my videos because my videos are too, you know, nasty. And my— I sent over a box of my merch to my siblings. And I don't know why, but accidentally in the box Jake Paul merch showed up. And I get a text from my sister and my brother off one phone, and they're like, thank you so much, we love you so much. And I'm like, wow, they really like my merch. And then they sent me a picture and it's Jake Paul's merch. I'm like, of course, of course. So I accidentally sent them the wrong merch, um, but they really, really enjoyed it, so I'm glad.

Hey, how's it been with your parents? When'd you get here? Yesterday?

It's been good. It's been good.

That's so funny. It's been good. You never talk like that. You never talk like that. That's so funny. You're so confident all the time. You just sounded like my Jewish relatives. It's been good, you know?

No, it's good. But look at— looky here. The time's almost over for the podcast.

Oh, come on. Open up a little. Give the people something.

Oh, it's good. I've been talking Thanksgiving.

What are you thankful for? I made an Instagram post today about you.

What?

I made a screen post. I said I'm so thankful for David and Scotty.

Oh, you listed everybody else. Post again.

And trust me, the picture is you as Christ.

No, I'm thankful for— dude, I'm so thankful for my life. It's fucking like— I should be. I say it. I say every fucking— Jason, you're like, yeah, you're fucking lucky.

Fuck you.

No, I mean, just, just my girlfriend, my, my, my home, my friends, my car. I mean, it's like fucking straight up. What are you saying, Jason? Yeah, you fall under the friends category.

I watch your videos.

I help. Yeah, yeah, you know, I have stuff. I have such a dope setup and like, it's just like, I— guys, I am— I'm calling this out right now. I am going to be— I am going to have some sort of accident. I am— something bad is going to happen to me because I am due for it.

Don't drive like a dick. You'll be fine.

It's not even— I think— I think every man in my family side passes away from cancer. So that's, that's soon to come.

Yeah, but you're clean living.

You don't even drink, so get ready for that. No, I don't know. I'm just— it's hard to believe how lucky I am, and I'm fucking so like ecstatic about it.

Good for you, David. I'm happy for you.

I mean, dude, have you seen my car?

I've seen it.

It's dope as hell.

That needs to be cleaned. You treat it like shit.

That's what I gave it to Jonah. He's gonna clean it when I come back. It's gonna be fixed and cleaned on the inside and on the outside.

Really? Yeah, Jonah will do that.

What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for my kids, man. They're so great. They take care of me. They make videos with me. You know what money I made this year because of my kids? I mean, they work. That's why I got them iPhones. Yeah, you're right. They fucking make money. They do.

Are you putting— are you putting money away from that for them?

No, no, not at all.

Good.

No, I'm trying to. I'm paying taxes off, but I'm thankful for my ex.

I'm trying to, but man, I need Nicorette and I need to smoke a cigarette once in a while. Expensive. Yeah.

And I'm thankful for, you know, the setup that we have.

And we're thankful for you guys. Thanks. Thank you for listening.

Really thankful for people that listen listen to the podcast. Like, yeah, when we started this, um, there was, there was like a part of me that was like, well, do young people listen to podcasts?

Yeah, I'm surprised so many people listen to the podcast. And I'm thankful for everybody that's coming to all this. Okay, I sound so fucking lame. I'm like, thankful, thankful. Um, no, but I, I'm happy everybody's coming to the show tomorrow. I'm happy you guys are enjoying the videos. I'm happy you guys are enjoying the podcast.

We're gonna be— we're gonna have a blast tomorrow. It's gonna be insane. And you know, if, if whatever meet and greet you bought, we're all going to be there at the end, and we're going to be talking and having fun.

Hi guys, and I'm also thankful for all merch being 35% off. Yes, and go check out— make sure to tweet him @JasonNash and tweet me @DavidDobrik.

See you tomorrow night at 8 PM at the Rosemont.

This has been a Views podcast. My name is Jeff. I'll see you guys later.