Caught Him Flirting With My Mom

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason sits on my pretty nice movie theater seats without wearing any underwear.

Well, thank God that this ad's come up.

That's not, that's not a joke, guys.

No, it's not a joke. You're actually, you're actually—

I saw your butt crack and I could only assume you're not wearing underwear.

Oh yeah, no, no underwear today.

No, you're not. You even pulled it down lower and just showed me more of your butt crack. Thank you. Well, thank God that we have a brand deal for me on these. Let me just, let me just Start out by saying, MeUndies, what the fuck are you guys doing? How have you not sent Jason any underwear yet?

They went to you and you took them all!

This poor guy.

How can you ask that?

This poor guy.

They sent the stuff and you took it all. You didn't give me any of it.

They were all my size. They didn't send me extra extra large.

What size are you?

Medium large.

I'm medium, that's my size. I'm medium large.

Okay, yeah.

You're not so svelte. Why don't you back up?

Actually, I 100% took yours because they sent me like double of every underwear.

What was up with that?

And I was always like. I'm like, why did they send me the same color twice?

You son of. You took the meundies Stache.

Okay, fair enough.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Back up. How could you take the meundies?

Well, because August is national underwear.

30% of those underwear are mine.

Can I read? 30% of the underwear. Can I read?

And then you have the audacity to make fun of me for not wearing underwear when you're sitting on a stash of meundies. It's so not cool. You're such a hypocrite.

Can I read the brand deal that they got us?

I don't know. Can you read? I.

Underwear. Where'd that come from?

I knew you weren't a great student.

August is National Underwear Month, and to celebrate, MeUndies is making it easier than ever to try the world's most comfortable underwear by giving you a risk-free guarantee. All National Underwear Month long, if you don't love your MeUndies, they're free.

MeUndies are made from Lenzing Micro Modal, a sustainably sourced, naturally soft fabric that's proven to be 3 times softer than cotton.

Wow. Micro Modal is an all-natural, breathable, eco-friendly fabric extruded extruded, can you guys use smaller words when you run into stuff?

You got it right, you said extruded.

Oh, thanks. From Austrian beech trees that actually inhibits odor.

I mean, we don't really need to read this, we could just ask Dave, who hogged all the undies?

Well, let me tell you from my personal experience, there's no stinky undies, just soft, cool, and cozy MeUndies.

And if you're a jerk like David and you get a bunch of MeUndies sent to your house, if you wanna be like David, just hog 'em all and don't share 'em with your co-host.

Because MeUndies are the ultimate feel-good undies, For when you want to feel naked but not actually be naked. They wrote that just for you. Jason loves feeling naked.

Male host, read this line.

It says male host, read this line. And then the next line is female host, read this line.

That's me. I'm the female.

I'll read the male. And for the fellas, me and these diamond seat— they don't watch. They don't listen to these podcasts. This is just a dead giveaway.

No, I feel like the people at me and these are partying all the time.

We can say whatever the hell we want. Yeah, because they wrote female host, read this line. Guys, neither of us are females. Not that there's any problems with female co-hosts.

Hey man, I'll take some female underwear at this point.

Okay, and for the fellas, MeUndies diamond-seamed pouch cradles your jewels and gives your stuff the support it needs without feeling too tight.

And for the ladies, me— this is the female— and for the ladies, MeUndies features soft black seams that minimize slippage without sacrificing style.

Wait, what's that? What's slippage?

It's like when the underwear's next to your vagina and it kind of just slips.

Oh, when that rapper sings, and slip your panties to the side. That song?

I don't know that song.

Well, that guy would hate if they were wearing MeUndies because he wouldn't be able to slip your panties to the side.

Yeah, I— what?

You're out of touch with pop culture.

I'm out of touch with a lot. I'm out of touch with— You know what I'm in touch with is your couch.

Dude, we have given them a 10-minute promo. Just please finish reading.

Just send the undies to my house, MeUndies.

That's it. They're super comfy.

I'm at 4657 Main Street.

Damn it, Jason, we have to cut that out now.

And for the ladies, MeUndies feature soft black seams that minimize slippage without sacrificing style, and they're super comfy in every cut. Bikini, thong, boy short, or cheeky brief.

And Jason has personally tried all those, so he can— he's a testament to how amazing they are. All natural underwear.

Cheeky brief, that's what you are.

All that and all national underwear month-long. You can feel them for yourself risk-free. Wow, Jesus, that sounds a little— that sounds a little sensual. You can feel them for yourself.

That's what they're trying to do, man. They're using sex sells, David. I took an advertising class in college. You didn't go to college. So I won't rub it in your face, but—

Yeah, you're right, it really helped you out. Look where you're sitting.

That's right. It's simple. If you don't love MeUndies, they're free.

See, I never understood this. How many people do you think go back and say things like, "Hey, I didn't love these MeUndies," just to get them for free?

They don't. You'd have to be a real schnorrer to do that. That's a Yiddish term. Good. Yeah.

Thank you. So you have to be like a real dick.

You have to be like, "These gave me a rash." Yeah, like somebody with a lot of time on their hands would have to take them. I agree, I think this is very funny. This is a very funny point that you bring up.

'Cause I would always read the back of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, and it said, "If you don't like this, you'll get your money back." It's like a 67-cent can of soup.

Yeah, who's got 4 hours out of their day to go to the post office, mail the soup back? That's where MeUndies gotcha. But the thing is, why wouldn't you just call and get a free pair? I would.

That's not part of the script. Now until August 31st, get 20% off your first pair. Plus free shipping at meundies.com/views.

Yeah, meundies.com/views.

That's meundies.com/views. Okay, there we go. Let me just check how long we gave them. That was, that was a 6-minute plug. That's incredible. Yeah, congrats, MeUndies. You picked the two idiots. You picked the best two idiots in the game to help you guys out.

Play the theme music.

Damn, that theme The theme music gets better and better every time. Bruce, the guy who made the theme song, still doesn't like you.

Yeah, I know. I saw the memo this week.

What did he say?

Just said that he doesn't like me representing his 7 seconds of music every week, and he said, "If I had known Jason was gonna be on there, I—" No, no, that would bum me out if I too made a song like that.

Let's get back to your underwear habits. What is it? Is it you don't have enough clean underwear?

I just don't have any laundry. We ride around doing pranks all day. For 8 to 9 hours out of the day, I don't have time to do laundry.

We ride around 8 hours a day, so you have to go through multiple pairs of underwear in one day?

I just don't have any clean ones, and I just— I have to upload my videos, and it takes a long time to edit.

And I get uncomfortable in my underwear, so I have to take it off.

I'm quite comfortable. I'm freeballing right now.

And it's disgusting.

Let me ask you, why don't you give me some of those underwear? I'll take them and I will wash them. I'll take them home tonight. Then the problem will be solved.

Because the thing is, if I give them to you, I know you're not gonna wash them.

Of course I'm gonna wash them.

You're gonna slip them right on, 'cause you like that, you dirty, dirty old man.

I don't have a bureau.

You're gonna sniff them and you're gonna be like, yeah, this is it. This is why I let him have all those meandres.

Oh, you know what, don't compliment yourself so much. If I was gonna be pedophilic with some young boy, it certainly wouldn't be you. You are not my type.

I'm not arguing with you what little boy you'd be pedophilic to.

No, it sounds like you You have the hubris right now to say that I would be like all over you if I was a dirty old man.

What did I say about using big words around me?

You told me undies, you didn't tell me.

Oh, um, no, and I'm also not a young boy. I'm 21. If you want to have sex with me, it's completely fine.

Dude, you're not my type. Get off it. I'm like, you guys, do you believe this guy? Romeo, Fred? These are my boys. I got my securities here today. Hey, what's up, boss? Hey, how's it going, boss? That's a funny joke. You got David on that one. Damn. Thanks, guys.

Where'd those voices come from? That's Romeo. Are they hiding in the— Fred. They're hiding in the walls. You don't want—

They're hiding in my mind. In my mind that I lost my mind a few years ago. Did you know that? Where? Right before I met you, I lost my mind. It was. I lost it. And then, you know, you've made it way worse. But about 4 or 5 years ago, I lost my mind. I was diagnosed as bipolar. Uh-huh. And, uh, and yeah, I was like walking around all day absolutely insane. I took—

wait, you're bipolar? Yeah. What does that mean? You get cold often? I'm kidding. You get cold and then you get warm flashes? That's menopause.

No, I, I'll tell you a funny story. I went right when I was like doing Vine. I was like, hey, I was getting— I would— there was a time at about 8 o'clock at night I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was still married then, and I just I was having the worst time and I just, I didn't know what was going on. And I was fine all day. And what was happening was I was like having these huge adrenaline rushes all day, really happy all day, and then I would crash. So anyways, the doctor, they went to see this doctor, these people, friends of mine, they're like, we know you're bipolar. They diagnosed me somehow and went and the guy gave me medication and, and like, I didn't take it. I went in and I kind of sat on it for like a week. And I remember the minute I took it, I— my whole life changed. I went into like this total drug-induced episode the day I took the pills.

You started that story with, can I tell you a funny story? What part of that was funny?

I'm telling you, let me get to it.

And then I almost overdosed.

So no, so they said that it would take 2 weeks for the medication to work, and I was at a bowling party with my son.

This is where it gets comical.

Took my son to a bowling party. Wow. And this, like, dad— other dads start talking to me, and I was like, I don't want to talk to him. And then I ran in my car and I grabbed the medication and I took it, and literally, like, in like a minute, like, the whole bowling alley slowed down. And then ever since then, I've been better.

What do you mean? Like, you were getting mad at the dad?

Yeah, I was getting really agitated.

Because he kept talking to you?

Yeah, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I have trouble, like, when people—

Have you stopped taking those pills? Huh? Have you stopped taking those pills?

Uh, no, I still take them.

But last night you definitely didn't.

What is that supposed to mean?

There you go, you didn't take them today either.

What are you talking about? Oh my god, don't you dare mix my bipolarness into what you did last night! You are such a devious— Help!

Help!

And I love David. David provokes everyone, and then the minute someone yells at him, he's like, oh my god, I'm scared. You are the biggest provocateur.

And like, big words.

Like the other day, you were like razzing Alex, and then finally Alex actually got mad at you, and then for the rest of the day you were like, that's just really scary. What was up with Alex?

I can't believe— I'm scared. Listen.

And meanwhile, you were being a huge dick to Alex. Like, you You were banging on the door for like 3 minutes.

I just said— I literally, I was banging on the door and I said it was the FBI. And I think—

yeah, you don't say that to Alex. And then on your apartment complex, he's— guys, he's in his apartment complex banging on the door going, open up, open up, it's the FBI. There's like people coming out their doors. There are not. No, there wasn't. But still, I was scared. I was like—

you were filming it. You were egging me on. You're like, yeah, this is funny. True, true. Um, regardless, we're, we're talking about an incident last night Yesterday we were doing this firework bit and I lit a firework right outside the house and apparently none of the, none of the boys knew that it was like a big firework and I lit it and it flew inside the house and it made some of us bleed and it, you know, it took out my left eardrum. Yeah, I took out Jason's left eardrum. He looked like he just came out of like a, like a sex shop in Germany. Like it's the first time he's seen a penis and he was just shocked.

I felt like I was in a war zone. I thought— I mean, it was like, David, we were blown. I was blown off my feet. I didn't fall, but I was like blown. That's how bad it was. David was doing this prank where he— if you watched his vlog today or yesterday, whatever, Wednesday's vlog, he has a fake wick and a fake— um, a wick.

It's called a wick. What's like the— what's like that?

It's like when you light a firework and fuse. That's a fuse. You're right. I'm sorry. It's not a wick. It's a fuse. And so he did the prank to me. He blindfolded me.

It's a fake. Okay, what I did is I blindfolded people and it was a fake fuse connected to a fake firework. It was a real fuse connected to a fake firework. And I would light the fuse and I would tape the firework to people's hands and then I'd take the blindfolds off and they'd be thinking that their hands are about to blow up.

Right, and so he did it to me and I was petrified. I ran, I shit my pants, I was so scared. I thought that, I thought for sure that it was a firework that was gonna go off in the apartment. And I ran down the hall and felt like I was in a heart attack. And even at the end of it, I was like, that was good. That was a good prank. Like, I had to give it to you. Like, it was fucking good.

We did it at the house and we did it to Todd, and it came up kind of short because Todd got rid of the tape really quickly. So we came up with an idea at the end to where we can like add a little cool, fun scripted part where I said, guys, I would never put you guys in danger. And outside of the house, a real firework was gonna blow up. And that's a real firework I brought into the house and I lit and everyone was down for it. This is the situation. I had a real firework. It was like 1:00 AM. And I'm like to Jason, Scott, and Todd, I'm like, "Hey, can I light this firework?" Yeah, in the backyard. In the backyard. And they're all like, "Yeah, that's fine." And I was so confused 'cause I'm like, "Okay." At that point I'm like, "They 100% don't know how big this thing is because I don't know why they're okaying this." That's why you should've stopped and explained that to us.

And the other thing is, I thought you were gonna put it like deep in the backyard. You put it 2 feet from the door.

But it looks sick. Just admit that and I'll apologize. I mean, I already apologized.

You already apologized and it took us— we all had to wrestle you down into an apology. You were such a dick last night because— because first of all, you didn't need me in the shot.

Yeah, I know.

You didn't need me there. Yeah, so you could have clearly been like, okay, Jason, step away. I just need Scott, and Scott would have been willing to do it. Because Scott was the least angry, even though he got like shrapnel in his leg.

Scott got like— Scott looked like he was shot by like 3 pellet guns at the same time. He had a little like—

I love Scott. He really doesn't care about life. He was just like, yeah, it's just because his girlfriend Kristen was like, oh my God, you're bleeding. We need to go to the hospital. He's like, yeah, I guess.

I don't know. No, but long story short, it blew up. I should have been more careful. I learned my lesson. Yeah. And then, but last night, and Jason's a pussy.

And then as we're arguing, you're like, you're like, he goes like this. He goes, he goes, let's just both agree that we were both wrong. We both had a misunderstanding. I was like, we're both wrong? You just lit up like the biggest fucking— like, guys, this was like a boom. Like, it was, dude, it could have broken the glass. You're right.

You're right.

It was— okay.

And I live by the policy, don't ask, don't tell. And you never told me, you never asked how big the firework was, so I didn't bother telling you.

Yeah, but you can't do that.

Okay, from now on I know, from now on I'm gonna know.

The funniest part was that earlier in the night, David hadn't even come over yet, and Scott and Todd, or Scott and Brandon had been swearing. So I instituted a swear policy where if they swear, Charlie, my daughter, can punch them.

She's like, how old is she? She's 8. She's 8 years old, so every time they would swear, she'd go over there and punch them in the arm, like pretty hard, like she wasn't messing around.

Not at all. And so then the whole thing happens, and like the whole firework thing, the whole firework thing happens, and I'm screaming at David. And I'm sorry to tell you this, guys, but I was swearing in front of my kids because I was like, David, you've got to be fucking careful. And every time— and I'm so heated— every time I'm swearing, Charlie is just hitting me in the arm, just hitting me. And David's going, David's going, he's going, your policy. Yeah, you're getting hit again.

I thought it was the funniest thing.

It was funny. And then, and then, and then the This morning, we woke up, I checked my ear, and I was like, alright.

And the ear was good.

My ear is good. And then I went over to Charlie and I woke her up and I said, "Good morning." And she opens her eyes and she goes, "Last night was awesome." That's awesome. It was fun. Don't fucking light a firework, please. No more. David, honestly, I just want to live. I just want to live. Don't stump your ass.

And I'm hooking it up for you, dude. I got you. You're not— I know, but I could have ended it already. Yeah, but I hold myself back.

Why do you want to kill me?

I don't want to.

I know, but then like there's human error involved. Like, I know you say you couldn't have died in that situation, dude. We could have—

that glass could have blown us all, like Final Destination.

We could have all had shards of glass in our eyes, in our fucking bodies.

I guess I never even thought of that. Yeah, that's pretty scary. So that's the thing, is like, I should be more careful when I bring things over to the house, Jason. I should? Yeah, especially because you're living with roommates. You're the oldest person in the house. You should have more common sense. I should—

I should what? I should— when I bring fireworks over? I don't like fireworks. I've never liked fireworks.

When I bring fireworks over, you should be more careful.

I don't even have friends. I don't even have friends like you.

Well, you're gonna lose friends if you're not more careful. Scott really got hurt last night. Oh really? And it was all your fault.

This is great.

I love it. Guys, comment down below whose fault you think it is. What did you say? I said comment down below whose fault you think it is. People tweet at us, "Yeah, you know what, Jason, you were kind of a douche. You shouldn't have swore in front of your kids." Um, no, but this weekend we also saw Planet of the Apes.

Yeah, Brandon's birthday.

Which is a weird transition, but it was Brandon's birthday. Yes. It was his 23rd birthday.

I didn't want to go.

And he's all about movies.

He loves the movies. It's his third time. He wanted to see it for a third time on his birthday.

Third time seeing a movie about the apes.

Yeah, and you get kind of crazy about movies.

I'm a super big movie guy.

When that movie window opens— and because Dave is very busy, he's a very busy guy with his vlog, and God bless him, he works hard— but when the movie window opens, that's— that's my David. David's about to fucking pounce because it's the only other thing he does besides vlog.

It's my move. Watching movies is my— is my favorite hobby. It's the best thing on the planet. Like, you're like— it's the— this— what's so good about it is I can like let go and I know for the next 2 hours I'm gonna be at that movie theater watching the movie. There's nothing I can think about because it doesn't matter. I'm gonna be watching this movie. And like, that's the— I don't know. And I—

But you can't look at your phone. Yeah, you can't.

Dude, I get so, so mad. Liza does this thing that just ticks me off so much. Really? Right before the movie starts, my girlfriend Liza, my girlfriend Liza if you guys don't know, but right before the movie starts, she'll get up and go to the bathroom. Yeah. Like, she'll sit through all the credits, like all the trailers and stuff, and then right as the movie's starting, as the lights like dim down, she'll be like, "I gotta use the bathroom." And dude, I get so aggravated, and I'm just watching the doorway for when she comes back because I'm like, come on, come on. And then she'll miss the first minute of the movie, and it drives me nuts. That's funny. It drives me nuts.

My ex-wife used to get mad at me for that.

It's the biggest pet peeve. And then like When we went to go see Dunkirk the other day, and there was like a bunch of— Who did you go to Dunkirk with? Liza. Oh, okay. Did she like it? Yeah, she liked it. There was like a bunch of text that popped up on the screen that was saying like, it's 1905, you know, like all that text. And Liza was like finishing her Snapchat story, and I just snatched the phone out of her hand and I just turned it off. Really? Dude, I really like— Good for you. Movies is like my only time where—

Good for you, good for you that you got a movie thing. You got a little passion for movies, I like that.

That's my like main thing, I don't know what it is.

You're gonna make a movie one day, aren't you?

I don't know, but it's like—

you want to, don't you?

What I hate about it is like, because like, I like watching movies with Liza is like my sacred time, and like I'll put up— like if the entire group's going to see like the— my favorite movie that I want to see and Liza's not going, like I just won't go because— save it for her— because I want to see with Liza.

No, I hate saving movies.

So like, no, like I saved Spider-Man for like 3 weeks.

You save something for somebody and then it's not so good, and then it's like we waited all this time and Spider-Man sucked.

Well, here's a testament to how much, how much like I wanted to see Spider-Man. Liza was invited to the premiere of Spider-Man, right? And I went with her and we sat too close in the movie theater and I got the courage to say, hey Liza, maybe we should see it another time because I wanted to enjoy the movie. Thank you.

You are so fucking brave. Goddamn it, we've got a true patriot with us. Rocko Fred. Hey, yeah, you know what, Dave, that was pretty fucking good, man.

You changed their names, or are there more of them here?

There's a bunch more. It's my security team.

No, but I— and Liza was totally down too.

She's a very adult call that you made. I'm proud of you.

Like, I was like, let's see it another time where I can enjoy it.

I remember when you told me that you did that. I was like, that's very adult of you. Yeah.

And then we saw it 3 weeks later. It sucked. No, it wasn't— it wasn't horrible, but for a Marvel movie, it wasn't the best Marvel movie. Those movies— Planet of the Apes review. It was— it wasn't that bad.

I thought it was good.

It definitely wasn't 3 times.

You just see it 3 fucking times.

No, that's weird.

I asked him after, I was like, what did you like about it? What was— what it was— what was it about the—

he likes monkeys, I think. He's just got a weird fetish for apes.

I don't know.

And then I also saw Dunkirk. How was that? It's just— I mean, Christopher Nolan's my favorite director, but it wasn't— it wasn't my favorite. Wasn't your favorite? No, but I mean, that's okay. You win some and you lose some. I don't—

I How about that Pinkberry though you had before? That was pretty good.

Oh my god, I had Pinkberry.

Pinkberry in the movie theater.

And they hooked it. Pinkberry is my favorite yogurt shop. Oh, actually, since we're in the middle of the podcast, can I plug something real quick? I would love it. Okay.

What?

What do you have to plug? Um, all merch for podcast listeners is 15% off. What? Yes, if they use the promo code VIEWS. Shut up. I swear on my life. Really? If you go right now onto my merch website and fanjoy.co/dobrik. You can get any merch item you want, even Jason's Carmelita shirts that aren't selling well. So if you can please help him out, use— Jason dropped the mic. I think he's leaving. He's gone. Fred, let's go.

Fred, let's go. Um, why'd you have to go there, David?

Why'd you have to go? No, but guys, go get the merch. Use the 50% off code. I feel like I'm me on these, and you get, um, Yeah, and you get 15% off.

This is how David feeds his kids, meaning me. Your merch sells really good, and it's selling— I think that's a good discount.

It's doing really well.

Your merch is doing really good.

I'm really happy. At first, my first merch shirt I came up with was the ugliest thing on the planet, but I think we're doing better.

Guys, I have also our live show. We should plug that.

August 13th, guys, we have a live show coming up. It's gonna be our first live show.

—and it's at noon.

We had to move it. It's at noon. We moved it. Jason, Jason, it's gonna be tough, 'cause Jason— usually we edit out every time Jason says the N-word. And this is gonna be live. So make sure you have your phones out so we can expose this guy.

I'll have my group counselor there with me, holding my hand through the whole thing, making sure that I don't have any sort of Tourette Tourette-like incidents. Yeah, that's for sure. But yeah, it's at noon and it's gonna be packed. It's gonna be lit. So excited.

Say it's gonna be lit. No, I don't.

I'm over 40. I'm not allowed to say that.

But it's gonna be pretty woke. It's gonna be— no, but come, come. The tickets, I don't know where you can find—

it's like a noon kind of thing, so I think I might wear pajamas.

It's gonna be at the Irvine. Should we wear pajamas in California? No. Yeah, it's gonna be like breakfast. No, cuz I gotta leave right after cuz my girlfriend is nominated for 3 Teen Choice Awards. Dang it.

So what's going on with that? You going to the show?

Yeah, I'm gonna be there. I hope if she gets me tickets. Really?

Yeah, you're gonna walk the red carpet.

Oh no, I hate that. You don't do that. Probably avoid that, but I'll definitely sit next to her.

I've walked a red carpet once. It's not fun.

No, it's not. It's the worst. That's like, it's like Especially if they go, "Who are you?" Oh my god, it's so bad. It's—

even if they know who you are, it's like— No, 'cause they just feel so empty.

But then you can have fun with it. Can you?

I think no one's laughing. No one's up for bits then. They want to get their photos and get you out of there and get the next person.

It depends what kind of a mood you're in.

Tell me where you had fun on a red carpet.

I never did because no one ever knew me at a red carpet. But like, I'm saying, like, if you're— okay, so red carpets are awful here in Hollywood because it's —there's too many of them. Yeah, there's so many of them.

Go to the gas station, there's a red carpet.

Yeah, you go to Ralph's, you buy tomatoes, and you win some kind of red carpet prize. At the CVS, actually.

Shall we repeat?

At the CVS on Vine Street, when you walk in, there's a red carpet where you can take pictures.

No, there's not.

Yeah, there is.

Near 1600 Vine?

Yeah, it's not like a real red carpet, but it's like enough to like tickle your fancy. Anyway, they're annoying because it's just a bunch of photographers, bunch of press, And it's nothing you want to do before going to see a movie or enjoying your time. It's work. It's— that's what it is. It's work before the movie. It's just so empty.

Yeah. Yeah, I have— Hollywood's empty, guys. Don't go into it.

I actually wrote down some topics that we can talk about. Oh, goody goody. I love that. One of my favorite things is stuttering, and other than that, I—

You don't stutter that much.

I just stuttered. I also like talking about issues that Jason and I don't know anything about. Yeah, I think that's the most interesting. It's your wheelhouse. Jason's 45, I'm 21. I hate saying I'm 21. I never— I've never said— ask me how old I am. How old are you? 21. All right, let's just move on.

That's okay, because no one's ever asked you that before. No. Oh, you haven't really said that. It's new to you to say that. You didn't get the joke. No, I missed it.

Oh, 21. What's that? Oh, it's a meme.

Is that a generational thing? Yeah. Oh please, humiliate— tell me, I mean, humiliate me. Go. No, no, no, you're fine. Explain it to me.

It's literally just a kid that says, "21." It's nothing cool.

Explain it to me?

I don't know, it's just him saying it in a funny way. Who? This kid.

Just some random kid? Yeah.

Is it the same guy who said, "Daniel with the white vans?" No, he doesn't say, "Daniel with the white vans." Back at it again, Daniel? Back at it again with the white vans. And then he goes, "Damn, Daniel!" I met those guys at the MTV, like, red carpet. What happened? Best day of my life. Yeah, they were working for The Ellen Show. They were? And they just, like, Ellen's, like, producers or whatever, they were like, come on, get out of here, we got, we got to record a show.

They kicked you out? Yeah. So you were talking to them? They were doing red carpet.

Yeah, I mean, I was being annoying. I came up with my vlog camera. I'm like, hey guys.

Oh, right, right.

Yeah, no, I was in the wrong. Anyway, our first topic of discussion is gun control. Okay, what do you think about gun control? Well, you know, we—

I prepared a large dissertation here. You have lawyers? Yeah, you have lawyers that come in? I don't own a gun. Well, there you have it. And so I don't really— I— do you think—

okay, I think people have—

need to have— I think in areas where there's like not police and stuff, you should be able to own a gun.

Okay, in the US generally, like, you know, if it's a federal law, should people have guns? Yes or no?

In a rural area, yeah. And in a bad area, yeah, you should be able to have a gun, protect yourself. Me too. I think so.

I agree. Wow, that was easy. Damn it, I hate when we agree on things.

Yeah, you and I are very, very similar-minded. Yeah. Yeah, you should—

Do you think we should get a Republican in here? Yeah, you think we should kill off everyone above the age of 44? I'm gonna say yes. It's weird. So you just kill your parents like that? My parents are 43.

Oh, so you only give them a year to live?

Well, it'd be the best year of their lives. Listen, I'm just trying to find something we can disagree on. You go, yeah, I'd love that. 44, kill us, please.

I don't want to kill everyone over 44. Go. I do. Shit, what the fuck?

Yeah, I think, I think— how dare you? I think there's not enough room for everybody. You're not gonna light any more fireworks, are you? And you're sticking up the—

what does that have to do with anything? Mike's safety, that's my number one concern.

No, I'm not gonna have any fireworks to light, but guys, that brings us to our next point. ZipRecruiter is back for our— for the second plug today.

Moving it, moving it along.

We have two— we have two different ads in the middle of the videos. Guys, my agency actually sent me a piece of paper that I have to sign and get back to them, and they fill it— well, I fill it out, and they pay me for the podcast. We're getting our first payment soon. Yes. Did you get yours?

I already got my money. How much? $47,000.

No, it wasn't.

No, I sent my thing in, but you need to send yours in before either of us get paid. Did you get your cut yet? No, you have to send your paperwork in.

Did you hear we changed it to 80/20? I didn't get that memo. My favorite. Can I tell you this?

Tell me.

Before we go into the ZipRecruiter thing, yesterday we were sitting around my kitchen table. It was my agents and my manager, Jack. And we were talking about what we should make the percentage for the live shows. Yeah. We're like, they're like, we should probably change, like our manager Jack was like, we should change it to help Jason out. Yeah. And my agents and me were like, eh. Like as a joke, but it was like the funniest thing. Right. And then we came to a good decision. Yeah, they already told me. What is it?

50/50. Oh really? Yeah.

When did they tell you this?

They called me this morning. Really? Yeah.

Because we decided on 60/40. What? Yeah. Fuck you. I swear on my life.

You're fucking with me. They actually called you and said 50/50? Yeah, they called me this morning. Okay. Someone from Ben Davis's office called me this morning. Really? Yeah. And this is 50/50? Yeah. Hmm. Why are you bringing this up now? Because there's so many—

Why are you fucking with me? I swear on my life. Why are you fucking with me?

I swear on my life, dude.

I'm being deadass. Why would I ever believe you? I thought it was so funny. I'm like, Like, we still couldn't get it to 50/50. We're like at 60/40. What? I swear on my life. I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't know they called you this morning. You didn't? No.

Oh, I thought you had them call me this morning. No, I guess it's 50/50.

Holy shit, congrats.

Thank you.

I'll have to talk to them about it later. Are you hiring?

Do you know where— do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? Talking about challenge to finding great— no, those are intro options.

We already intro'd it.

Yeah, go.

With ZipRecruiter, you can post your job to 100+ job sites with just one click. Then their powerful technology efficiency matches the right people to your job better than anyone else. That's why ZipRecruiter is different.

Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you. It finds them. In fact, over 80% of jobs posted on ZipRecruiter get a qualified candidate in just 24 hours.

No juggling emails or calls to your office. Simply screen, rate, and manage. I feel like we've read this one a couple times. They don't like mixing it up, do they? Yeah, we have read this before.

Okay, that's okay.

I mean, it's fine, but it's just— where's the— yeah, we definitely read this. You need new copy?

You want new copy? And I know exactly why we've read this before.

The name Dobrik is hard to say.

That's why it doesn't say slash views. It's just hard to say.

Fuse. It's hard to say. Nash is a name.

I don't know why, why it's your last name and not my last name. I don't— where did we go wrong? Well, anyway, no juggling, no juggling emails or calls to your office. Simply screen, rate, and manage candidates all in one place with ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use dashboard.

Find out today why ZipRecruiter has been used by businesses of all sizes to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results.

And right now, my listeners can post jobs— sorry, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free. That's right, free. Just go to ziprecruiter.com/nash.

That's ziprecruiter.com/nash. One more time, to try it for free, go to ziprecruiter.com/nash. It doesn't even say that.

You're just like, one more time, everyone. It's /nash.

That is strange how they haven't changed the page. Production notes. Hosts are not to mention.

Oh. Any competitors, including McDonald's. Don't do it! Don't make an edit! What happens if I mention all— there's a list of 12 competitors that we're not allowed to list.

They're names that we would never, ever, ever know, so I don't even know why they had it here.

But the fact that ZipRecruiter has 12 competitors, I mean, I thought ZipRecruiter was the one and only. That's incredible. So we can't mention them at all. You know what I love though?

I love Snapdoodle. That's my favorite. Jason, son of a—

what? You're bodyguards? Frank and John?

Not cool, Jason.

Not cool.

Hey, don't mention Snapdoodle. It's a competitor.

That was good. Thanks. Anyway, so I guess we found out Jason's going to get 50/50 for the live shows, which is very nice. I think it's very deserving. Thank you very much. Let's just end the podcast. I know we're at like 25 minutes, but I don't give a fuck anymore.

How are you? What's going on with you? Where are you? When are you going? Oh, we're going to Australia. Are you excited?

Yeah, we go to Australia. It's a 14-hour flight.

Tell me about it. I really don't know.

We're in the sky for 14 hours. Yeah, what's that like?

I don't think I've been on a plane for 14 hours before.

I have not. I've flown over from Slovakia, and I don't know. I don't even know. You were 5 when that happened.

That was the The saddest day of your life.

It was the worst day of my life. I left my sheep farm. Don't say that to my parents. What do you think my parents would say if I said that? Like, they're listening to this right now and I said that was the saddest day of my life.

Oh no, he's not going to bring this up. Don't roast us, no! Savage! I'm gonna call your mom right now, actually.

No, you can't keep calling my parents. I'm gonna tell her. What are you gonna tell her? I'm gonna tell her how you almost lit the fucking house on fire yesterday. No. Our phones are supposed to be on airplane mode. You can't keep calling my parents. Why? Are you calling my parents? I didn't go on airplane mode.

Are you calling my mom? Thinking about it.

She's probably asleep, so give her a call. You think I should call her? Yeah, go ahead. What are you gonna tell my mom? You're a fucking pyromaniac.

You call my—

you have all these excuses to call my mom, and I know it's just because you're hitting on her.

So what? Maybe I like your mom.

Pronounced speaker.

How would you feel about that? How would you feel if I joined into a triad relationship with you? Do those exist?

A triad relationship? Yeah. What does that mean?

I've been in a couple triads in my life. Jesus, Jesus. I've been around.

You working a cell phone, man, is like me trying to figure out—

Dude, I don't know if I have her name in the thing.

It's probably under baby girl. Here, you call her. Here we go. Jason's gonna talk to my mom. There you go, enjoy.

What is wrong?

Put the thing close to the—

I'm doing it. Hello? Hi, Christina. Hi, it's Jason and David on the podcast. Oh my goodness, I was sleeping. Oh no, I'm so sorry. You're on the podcast.

You go to bed early.

It's because they're leaving for New York at 3 in the morning.

It's like— it's 11:41 there.

She sounds so sexy. You know what your son did last night? He lit a firework in my house, like 2 feet from my house. He almost blew up our whole house last night.

All right, we'll see you later. No, what? Dude, she has to go to bed. It's 11:41. What? Oh, all right, stop it. All right, bye. Give me the phone. I see. Give me the damn phone. All right, hang up the phone.

What are we gonna do about him? He could have killed us all last night.

Call me tomorrow.

Okay, I'll call you tomorrow.

All right, bye.

Dude, was that just me, or was she like— dude, she was sending a vibe right now. She was sending a vibe.

She was whispering.

She had that like sexy voice chasing you. You're a piece of shit.

Me? Yeah. What, I'm a piece of shit? I'd call your mom and hit on her too, but they don't have landlines back in heaven. So they can't call.

Oh, that's great. I'm a piece of shit. You just said my mother's dead, and you consistently say my mother's dead. Okay. And you know my mother's the sweetest fucking woman in the world. She's so much sweeter than yours, you have no idea.

Why don't we find out and call your dad who's in hell? What? I don't know.

My dad's alive too.

What? Yeah. Well, I'm sorry. I take all those back.

Your mom's so sexy.

Dude, you have got to stop. It's one thing. What? It's one thing saying it when she's not on the phone, but when you're on the phone with her and you're saying that shit. Goddamn, Jason.

She had a sexy voice. What do you want me to say, David? I'm a man, dog.

She was tired.

Okay.

Sexy voice is a sexy voice. Jason, I can't do this anymore. You can't do what? I can't give you opportunities like this to call my parents on the podcast.

When you're gonna make a fool of my bloodline? No, she enjoys it. She enjoys me. She likes my humor.

No, she doesn't.

Yes, she does, Jason.

No, I know she does.

She loves when I call her. I call her all the time.

When was the last time you called her?

I called her a couple weeks ago. What'd you say? Just checked in, told her how you were doing. Really? Yeah.

What'd you say?

I said, hey, what's going on? Just want to call and say hi to you guys. Hope you're doing well.

Okay, no more. No more calling my mom. You can call my dad if you want. Why can't I call your mom?

Because you're a weirdo. I'm not hitting on your mom, David. I'm joking around.

You're hitting on my mom just like you hit on my girlfriend. Oh, please. Oh, what do you mean, oh please? Give me a break.

Stop hitting on people in our lives. Hitting on Liza?

Yeah. Are you kidding me? Oh, Liza's ugly. Is that what you're saying? No, be real for a second.

I don't hit on Liza.

Yeah, Liza— I think—

I don't think of Liza like that at all. You know that.

Liza had an intruder in her house the other day. Oh boy, here we fucking go. Or so she thought.

Here we fucking go! Don't shoot! Throw me under the bus. Or so— don't you do it, David.

Or so she thought. And she called me and I came over, and guess who shows up next? Jason Nash trying to get some. That just says something about you, Jason.

You left here from the meeting, you called, you texted me, you sent me a dumbass text which was, I had to go, there's an intruder in Liza's house. Yeah, I wrote back, fuck, what? I'll read you the text.

No, I'm kidding. Okay, I'm kidding. I don't want you to read the text because I don't care. But I do. Okay, read the text. Jason, let me tell you what happened. I would tell me. I was stuck in traffic because I was gonna— Liza's house, because she was scared. She, she had like a ghost in her house, so I had to go.

I don't know why I try to help you. Can you please be quiet? I don't know why I try to be your friend. Can I just—

can you— can I just do this? I just get shit on. Liza, Liza thought she had a ghost in her house, so I went to go check it out. I drove there.

Ghost or an intruder?

It was a ghost. Oh, she's— so she turned out to be a ghost. Yeah, so it was like 25 minutes away.

I love how we say it like ghosts exist, go. It was like 25 minutes away.

I'm driving, I get stuck in traffic. I call Jason, I'm like, Jason, you want to go the other way so you can get there before me? And Jason's like, sure thing, I'll go. I get there and then Jason gets there like 2 minutes later. And I'm like, Jason, hang around a little bit because you're here, you made the drive, just hang out, the coast is clear, there's no ghost or whatever. And Jason's like, no, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna get out of your hair. I'm gonna get out. And he's like leaving. I'm like, dude, Jason, just stay. Liza's saying, please, Jason, just stay. And like, he just leaves. Like, he just like walks out. And then the next day I'm like, Jason, what happened? He's like, I don't know, man. I just felt so weird there. I just didn't want to be in your fucking business. Jason constantly feels like he's third-wheeling with Liza and it's ruining our relationship. It is the weirdest thing. Whenever, whenever Jason's around me and Liza, he always is like, yeah, I can leave, guys. I can leave, it's no problem. I just don't—

I just felt weird, like, I felt like in that instance, like, you came to her rescue, so then why— I felt weird that I was there, that was like sort of your time to shine.

Well, you were there 'cause you were hitting on her. I'm kidding, Jason wasn't hitting on her. You said the dumbest thing. What did I say?

You go— I go— you go, Liza thinks there's someone at her place, that's why I left. I wrote, what? Fuck. Is she okay? You wrote, she's scared. I'm on FaceTime with her now trying to get over there with Hollywood Bowl. I wrote, you want me to go the other way, which means I'm gonna take Laurel Canyon. If you want, I may have it. Still at the bowl, I don't know how much longer. On FaceTime, can't hear. That was my voice text. I say, call the police. David writes, should she? This is all the information you've given me so far. Like, I have no fucking idea if the guy's got an axe or what. And of course, in the back of my mind, I'm like, they're all— they're both two kids and there's no one there and everything's fine. Yeah, I'm like 99%.

She was scared because on the news there was a burglar running around. Around. Sure. And there's a helicopter above our house looking for this burglar.

Sure. And I've—

well, then that—

I didn't know that part. That's totally valid. And I've been alone in the house with no helicopters above me and think that someone's gonna kill me. So then you tell me to call the police.

Yes. Which was odd. Thank you. That's— that was Jason reading the text. That was—

have her get out of the house, hang up, and Like, and then I write, have her get out of the house, hang up with you, and call the police. If I call the police, I won't know what to say. I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, like, why would I call the police? Tell her I love her and I can't wait to see her. I'll be there in 5 minutes. And then he said, I love you, baby. I'm coming for you. And then he said, oops, wrong person. And I didn't respond. And now Jason awkwardly— Jason has to awkwardly sit here with me. While I confront him about loving my girlfriend. Nice try, Jason.

Look, you know what? No, no, Rocko, hold on. It's okay. Hey, wait a minute. Don't get upset. I can take care of this. No, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna be— I'm in love with Liza.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I've been in love with Liza. How long? Since yesterday.

What was it? What was it that did it?

The tattoo video she did on YouTube. Yeah, you like that one? It's really funny. My favorite. You just fell in love. I've watched it 7 times. She doesn't love you.

I've talked to her about it.

What? What do you mean Liza doesn't love me? Rocco Marco.

All right, all right, that's all the time we have for today.

No, let's keep talking, dog. Give the people what they want, dog.

What they want is more vlogs, and we gotta go shoot some.

So are we gonna shoot right now? Yes. Can I shoot with you?

No. Fuck. Live show August 13th. Be there. Guys, buy merch. 15% off with the promo code VIEWS. I think it's all in caps. If it's not, try other ways. But it's VIEWS. V-I-E-W-S. That's how you spell VIEWS. Go follow Jason on Twitter. Go buy my Carmelita shirt.

Not because I want the money, just so dickhead doesn't fucking make those comments at me again.

Like, "He's just not doing well." I said that to help you sell. I'm on Team Jason as much as you. No, you're not.

You're on Team David.

Yeah, you're right. I get 50% off.

You're on Team "fuckin' blow up your friend's head." I get 50% off those shirts, so make sure you go buy them. You son of a bitch.

I'm kidding. Alright, bye guys.

I love you, David.

Have a good day.

David, I love you.

That's all the time we have for you today. David. We'll see you guys later.

David, don't you— don't— David, I love you. I love you. David, look me in the eye and say you love me! Look me in the eye and say you love me! Let go of my penis!

Let go of my penis! Look me in the eye!

Bye! Can you fucking say you love me, David? You say it! I'm not running, I'm not recording. You say you love me. Say it!

I love you.

Okay, that's a victory.

Bye, guys.