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Caught Him Flirting With My Mom
You left here from the meeting, you called, you texted me, you sent me a dumbass text which was, I had to go, there's an intruder in Liza's house. Yeah, I wrote back, fuck, what? I'll read you the text.
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Liza had an intruder in her house the other day. Oh boy, here we fucking go. Or so she thought.
Here we fucking go! Don't shoot! Throw me under the bus. Or so— don't you do it, David.
Or so she thought. And she called me and I came over, and guess who shows up next? Jason Nash trying to get some. That just says something about you, Jason.
You left here from the meeting, you called, you texted me, you sent me a dumbass text which was, I had to go, there's an intruder in Liza's house. Yeah, I wrote back, fuck, what? I'll read you the text.
No, I'm kidding. Okay, I'm kidding. I don't want you to read the text because I don't care. But I do. Okay, read the text. Jason, let me tell you what happened. I would tell me. I was stuck in traffic because I was gonna— Liza's house, because she was scared.…
I don't know why I try to help you. Can you please be quiet? I don't know why I try to be your friend. Can I just—
can you— can I just do this? I just get shit on. Liza, Liza thought she had a ghost in her house, so I went to go check it out. I drove there.