TRYING TO GET LAID

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, where Jason goes as long as possible without cutting his toenails. And they're in my face right now.

Guinness Book is coming in about an hour, and I feel like we've got a good shot.

No one's coming anywhere near those toes, Jason.

No?

Even Guinness would be like, you know what, not this one.

David, I'm too busy helping you with your YouTube career.

Jason, they're in my face, I smell them.

No, they don't smell. I showered.

They're brown. Why are they brown?

Put— smell them.

I don't want to smell them.

No, no, be honest. Just be honest. This is about honesty here.

Okay, I'm gonna smell Jason's feet. Hold on. Oh my God.

Shut up.

Yeah, it's bad. All right, let me just talk about the underwear I'm wearing.

It's weird. I can suck my own dick, but I can't smell my feet.

Let me just tell you guys about the underwear I'm wearing because it's MeUndies and it's so comfortable. That it helps me sit through this podcast with Jason.

Why are you getting the free MeUndies and I'm not? What happened? You showed up from Jack's— oh yeah, it was the stuff over at Jack's house. Jack didn't tell me about it. We share the same manager, Jack Reed.

We got, um, there was— okay, so we keep doing these brand deals for MeUndies. Like right now we have an ad to read for MeUndies and they keep sending me underwear.

Why am I not getting it? I need it more than you. I don't have underwear. I don't wear it. I'm the guy that doesn't wear underwear.

Maybe that's why they don't send it to you.

I'm the guy that needs underwear.

Anyway, every pair of MeUndies is sustainably sourced and made from Micro Modal. Modal? A fabric that's 3 times softer than cotton. Holy cow.

Yeah, if you're used to buying boring underwear, guys, MeUndies is gonna change everything.

Because MeUndies comes in all kinds of colors and patterns, and they release new limited edition patterns each month that always sell out.

Yeah, this month's patterns were designed by the legendary '80s clothing brand cross colors with names that live up to their bold design and bright colors. Increase da Peace, ya dig? And the OG.

You were the perfect person to read that.

Yeah, I wrote this for white dad.

You've got to see them for yourself, and right now you'll save 20% off your first pair and receive free shipping only at meundies.com/views.

There's a reason MeUndies have sold over 5 million pairs to date, David. You'll feel when you put them on.

I already have.

I own MeUndies. I buy them. So why aren't I getting a couple of free pair?

Maybe because you already have them and they don't want to send you any. And if you don't love your first pair of MeUndies, they're free.

Get 20% off your first pair plus free shipping at meundies.com/views. That's 20% off your first pair.

That's meundies.com/views. Meundies.com/views.

I might just do it and pay the money and get my 20% off.

Just use the discount code. Um, let's just, let's just jump right into things.

Yeah, I love that theme music.

That was amazing. Thank you, Bruce, for that theme music. Um, let me just start by saying Jason came over right now. It's about, it's about 11 PM. The podcast was supposed to be turned in about 7 hours ago, like it's a high school paper. It's brutal. It's 11 PM. You guys are probably going to be listening to this 4 hours after we recorded it.

You don't do anything to make it happen earlier either.

I was editing all day.

You sat around. I was in the kitchen. You were eating standing up like you always do, like a weirdo, because you only eat once a day. And, and I said, I ask you questions. I ask you simple, simple questions like, well, what time you want to do the podcast? You look so annoyed when I ask you, and you're like, I just, I don't know, I don't know. And like, I, like, because I'm mid-editing, I can't think about anything else.

But I had a date tonight, and that's what, that's what Jason came back from completely.

Like, don't tell everyone. I I don't want people to know this girl.

Okay, I'm not gonna tell you who the girl was.

She's beautiful. She's the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

I love how Jason had to get confirmation that I won't tell anybody who the girl is, and then he goes on and makes these lies.

She's gorgeous. Well, anyway, he's very pretty, Irish looking.

Do you actually think she's pretty? I've honestly, I actually haven't seen her. So I honestly don't know.

Did you see her that night?

No. Well, you missed it. There was a night that I caught him having sex with her. And I'm not gonna tell you where it was, but I caught him having sex with her.

You didn't catch me.

I mean, I knocked on the door and you're like, I am having sex.

No, I wasn't. I was asleep.

Dripping from the forehead.

No, no, no, no, no.

He was asleep. He was making love to her. And then he decides to go on a second date, which to my knowledge, he came by about 45 minutes ago, just completely bummed out. Like someone ripped one of his testicles out of their socket. Like he was just pissed.

He's like, I'm mad at myself.

Like, it didn't go well. And Josh is like, why did you go on a date? You already got laid.

Yeah, that was— is that a bad thing to do?

No, no, no, not if you like the girl.

I, I thought that would be the cool move.

No, that is kind of cool. But why didn't the date go as planned?

Well, because I got there and I was like, I can play this two ways. I can be like—

she wasn't drunk this time, so she realized what she got herself into.

That's true. I said I could play this two ways. I could be like, you know, hotshot. Like, I didn't want to be like overconfident. She works in the same industry. I didn't want to be like, like talking about myself the whole time. I think that's kind of gross. So I was trying to be— I was trying to talk to her and I just talked too much, and then she wasn't giving me anything, and then I just made it worse. And then I asked her like odd questions.

What did you ask? What's an odd question?

I asked her like, have you ever been in love before?

Are you serious?

Yeah, it just wasn't good. And I haven't been on a date in a long time.

What was the point of the date where you knew it wasn't going anywhere?

I think I said something I'm like, this isn't going well, is it? Oh, and she was like, no, yeah, it's been really awkward. Oh, I said, I said, we're both uncomfortable. And she goes, I'm not uncomfortable. She goes, you're, you're uncomfortable. And I was like, yeah, okay. And then, then I tried to give her a kiss goodnight. That didn't happen.

No, you try to give her a kiss goodnight? Yeah, after a bad date.

I mean, I don't know if it was bad or not. Yeah, it was. I don't know, it was just bad. It's just, I'm just over it. Whatever, I'm not meant I'm meant to just hang out with you and Liza, I think. Meanwhile, Liza's like, please let this fucking date go well. Please someone take him in so he could get out of our lives. You know she is.

Poor Jason. And then you just went home? What happened?

And then I came straight to you because she was like, so you're gonna go work right now? And I was like, yeah, David needs me.

And then you came— you— when you came over, you were also fired up about your Uber driver.

Yeah, I had an Uber driver. So I get in the Uber, she leaves me there, and then This Uber driver's, you know, he's Korean and he's just pissed that he's working Uber. And, you know, I, I, I, you know, I can't do the accent, but he was Korean.

I can.

I think, I think it's pretty racist.

It's not.

All right, well, I'll do it anyway. What the fuck? I'm old and everyone knows old people are racist. I saw my uncle yesterday and, you know, and he's racist. He was not racist, but he said something that like was interesting that my daughter was like, he said something like, Do you— are there— you and your soccer team, are there black players? Wow. On the soccer team. And my 8-year-old goes, why would that matter?

Are you serious?

And I was kind of like, yeah, you're right, why does it matter?

Wait, why did it— what did he respond to that?

He didn't respond because she's 8. Like, you know, older people, like grandparents, they just ignore kids.

He was like, so, uh, you want a Go-Gurt?

Yeah, he just didn't respond at all because—

whoa.

Yeah, it's weird. Like, kids nowadays, they're not racist.

Yeah, I mean, I guess, but I don't think it's racist. Is it racist talking about this Uber driver's accent? Like, you're just trying to mimic him. I don't know.

I'm sure plenty of, you know, like, some people can pull it off, some people can't. Let's see.

I can't do it.

I don't care if there's a shit firestorm of 'I'm a racist' tomorrow on Twitter. I don't— just tell the story as I got in the car. He was a nice man, and he was just Right away he goes, this fucking, this fucking Uber stuff, this Uber is for shit, man. It fucking suck, okay? Okay. He goes, I've been driving for 12 hours a day. You know how much I made? I made— he goes, I made $72 in 12. I drive to the fucking airport, man. I drive to the fucking airport round trip, 2 and a half hour. I make $4, man. Uber, man, they take 40%, man. He goes, now I know, now I know why 96% of Uber drivers quit in the first year. He must have said that 12 times coming to your house. 96%, 96%. And I just kept going, yeah, man, you gotta, you gotta find something else to do. It was like, what do you do? And I was like, I do YouTube. He's like, okay, so what, what do you mean? And I was like, I do, I make YouTube videos. And that was it.

Yeah, that was really racist.

Oh, you fucking asshole, you talked me right into it. Yeah, I'm not racist. I love Korean people.

Guys, tweet it. We don't even know if he's Korean.

He told me he was Korean.

Okay, okay. Yeah, guys, I'm gonna be looking for a new co-host, so if anybody wants—

Jesus Christ, I just ruined my career right there. I'll apologize tomorrow.

Jason, that's funny because we were just talking about this earlier. You were telling me how I worry about comments too much.

Yeah, you and all your friends.

I'm trying to explain, so for those of you who don't know, we have, I said it like a douchebag as if you guys should all know, but I have a YouTube channel and Jason has a YouTube channel and people comment on these YouTube channels and a lot of people have different opinions about different things. People get offended about things that other people don't. And there's a lot of comments and I take, I read 'em all and I make sure to get everyone's opinion, and Jason just doesn't like understand that. He's like, they're your videos, why should you be— you know, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Well, you had a joke today, it was a joke about white guilt, and I thought it was really funny, and it ended up you really didn't need it. But still, like, and now my argument was like, Bill Burr doesn't fucking care if he's gonna offend a couple of people with a joke that he likes.

And then my argument was, Bill Burr is a comedian and we're social influencers. We're people where like people get connected to us in a way where like we're basically friends with these people watching us, like, 'cause they're in our life.

But they're not in your life at all.

I know, I know.

You're so wrong.

But it's not like, but Bill Burr puts on a performance, puts on an act. We put our lives out there. Do you know what I mean?

Maybe you go to dinner with somebody.

So that's why a comment means so much to me because it's not someone criticizing like, Bill Burr puts his whole life out there. No, no, no, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying a comment means a lot to me because it's my act is based on those comments. I don't know if that makes sense.

Your act is based on the comments, what are you trying to say?

Like if these, if you know, the comment section turns on me one day, it's, that's gonna reflect in my job because people aren't gonna watch me.

No, no, it won't. You've made 300 videos and you've earned a place in their lives, and one thing that you say, people will forgive you.

I'm just saying, I take comments to heart, and I know you—

It's so wrong. It's completely wrong. And you're not a comedian. You're not standing by your material.

Okay, listen, my favorite part about you, Jason, is you're—

My feet?

No, not your feet. Is you're totally like, oh, who gives a crap about comments? You already know where I'm going with this. Yeah, it's fine. Where like, A year ago, it was like 2 years ago, 3 years ago on Vine, a girl left this. He told me this story like 6 months ago. A girl left like a really brutal message to him. Not even a really brutal message, just a message making fun of him, saying he's not funny.

No, it was brutal.

And Jason reached out to her family, to this little girl's family. And he was like, hey, look, look at what your daughter's doing on here.

This is a low moment in my life.

What the— and you got your personal assistant at the time. No, no, I got my friend, my unemployed friend in New York to track this person down.

He wasn't busy that day.

How old was this girl?

Probably under 18.

Yeah.

Yeah, I told this story on the podcast, I think, but I'll tell it again. Just basically, yeah, we called their— we found her dad's work and we called and they knew right away that, you know, she was a problem child. And then she called and apologized. She didn't call, she messaged me and apologized.

This is ridiculous. Yeah, I know, but I mean, like, I get to use my favorite word right now. And you have the audacity to talk about how I have a problem with comments.

But like, seriously, don't you think you should just not care what people say? A couple of people?

Yes, but when—

Especially like a 12-year-old that like has been maybe fed like some— a 12-year-old who's still forming their opinion and has probably been fed some stuff that like—

That's super like, you know.

Yeah, that doesn't really understand. And you say they're your friends, so let's say you go out to dinner with your friends.

I'm not—

And David makes a joke that David's thinks is funny and someone at that table is annoyed with you or whatever, then okay, well, they're annoyed with you and you'll talk it out.

I don't mean that they're my friends per se. I'm just saying that it's almost that type of relationship, how people watching our videos are so much more involved within our life than a guy putting up a stand-up show. Like, it's just, that's how it is. I post 3 times a week and I film every single day of my life. Like, I'm pretty involved. Like, they're pretty involved with my life. Like, they know everything that's going on.

Yeah, that's a good point. But I still think that, like, I still think that you're a pussy. I still think that you're a royal cunt.

No, but it has nothing to do with—

but I got into that with, with Andrea, and I get into that with— she was reading comments on my page that they don't like Andrea. It was like a couple people said they don't like her. It's just because you, you're all like so You're all so into what people are saying about you who don't even know you.

'Cause we're also 20 years old and it bothers us.

Yeah, well, grow the fuck up. Stop fucking saying everything's lowkey and you're woke.

You're 44 years old right now.

Yeah, I am right now, 44 years old. What the fuck of it, David?

Give us a break.

No, give me a break and stop caring about comments. These are people you don't know that you're taking their advice from a 13-year-old. You go into group chats and ask people what they think? Who gives a fuck what they think? Who gives a fuck? They're 15! Like, if you like the joke, keep the joke. Sure, show it to Liza, show it to me, show it to Scotty, get an opinion, but like, I just, it just makes me nuts.

Like, I mean, I—

Who cares? Who cares what people think about you?

Your old grandpa's coming out.

I am old grandpa! And you're a fucking young idiot douche.

Um, okay. All right, enough about that, 'cause Jason's wrong and I'm right. But recently—

How'd you do that?

How did I do what?

How did you win that argument by that simple sentence?

Jason, right after I said that, you're like, wow, yeah, I am wrong. He is right. How did you do that?

David, it's so late. We've gotta get our podcast shit together. We've gotta get together.

Dude, we're recording it. What are you, high?

It's 10 o'clock. People are already expecting it.

I can't speak this late.

LA time.

Someone the other day asked us, they were like, all our podcasts are like 45 minutes. Like, how long does it take you to record? We're like, 20 minutes. Like, what kind of a question is that? Like, that's what you're doing to me right now. Like, you're like yelling at me, let's go, let's speed this up. Come on.

I'm not saying I don't want to speed up the recording. I want to stay here all night. I think we should do longer podcasts.

No, I totally understand.

But you've got to make it a priority and you've got to take care of yourself.

I'm here doing it. What do you mean take care? What is this?

What are your wisdom teeth for?

Your segues are awful. I hate tomato juice, but we should really talk about Trump's new—

I'm talking about— it's a good segue. Okay, it's a perfect segue because you're not prioritizing the podcast and you're not prioritizing your health. It's a simple—

I'm prioritizing my health. I think my health is important. I drink water every day. I don't drink soda. Boom. Why are you looking at me like you just farted?

You sound like a fucking idiot. Like, what are you talking about? You don't eat broccoli. You don't eat salad. You don't have any—

I had tender greens twice today.

You didn't eat the lettuce!

Yes, I did!

No, you didn't, you ate the bread!

I had arugula. Yeah, I ate the bread because it was on my plate. I wasn't gonna leave it on the table.

You ate tender greens twice today?

Yes, I had it—

You've been Postmating, huh?

I had it when you went on your date.

I thought you were all against Postmates.

I don't Postmate, I ordered off Liza's phone like I told you, and then I Venmo'd her.

Off Postmates?

Yes.

So it just came here magically, Postmates didn't bring it.

Don't be a facetious dick.

So Liza's Postmates brought it. I love how you fucking poo-poo shit and then you fucking do it. It's so hypocritical. You just poo-poo so much fucking shit. Like when I got an intern, you were like, you were like, oh my God, I can't believe Jason, you fucking— you just don't give a fuck. You're gonna have some kid work for you, and then you fucking use the intern.

Okay, okay, hold on. Yeah, no, hold on. Give me a chance to save myself here. I use the intern because he's there, so I'm like, I'm gonna make him—

so don't make fun of me for it.

I would never go out and get an intern. And just like Postmates, I would never go by myself and get Postmates. I only Postmates when other people are Postmating.

The giant 12-inch sub, that's so stupid, but if it's there, I'm gonna eat the fuck out of it. You see how hypocritical that is?

No, it's not.

Yeah, it is.

No, my whole philosophy on this is—

My God, you're such the kid in the fucking back of the class making fun of everyone, and then you're like, "Oh fuck, what's on the test? I didn't study." You're such a dick.

No, dude, I'm just saying Postmates is a waste of money, so I don't do it unless other people are doing it, and I could just pay them for it.

So you are doing it.

Listen, this is the way I see it.

Don't try to separate yourself by saying that you don't do something when you do it.

For those of you who don't know, Postmates is a food delivery service, and when you order, let's say you wanna order a Subway footlong, the footlong comes out to be $7, and the delivery turns out to be $23. So the only time I get Postmates is when someone's already covering the delivery, and they're like, hey, I'm already ordering from this place, do you want anything? And I'm like, yes, I'll have a sub. "Here's $7." That's the only time I do it, because it just, it makes complete sense.

No, you pay for the Postmates when I Postmate.

Yes, I pay for the Postmates, I don't pay for the delivery.

Oh yeah, you do.

No, I don't.

Oh fuck yeah, you do. When that bill is fucking, when that bill is $28, we pay $14 each.

I give you a little bit of a tip, but we're splitting the delivery. I don't go, just, Jason, just trust me on this, okay? You're wrong, I'm right.

Damn it, how'd you do that? You genius motherfucker.

No, but I—

Hey, this girl, I gotta go. I gotta see if she texted back, hang on a second.

You can't keep checking your phone. I don't even know if you're interested.

Then she texted back. So right when I was like really bummed out, I got a text.

So the girl you went on a date with today has texted you back?

Yeah, and the girl, no. She texted me back.

Jason, you're not even on, you're playing Angry Birds right now.

Making it up. She wrote back that the rest, we were talking about a restaurant, it was owned by the same people as this other restaurant.

I wrote back, hahaha.

I wrote back, you texted, I thought I'd never hear from you again. Jesus, David, you was telling me to say I love you.

Did you send that?

What did you tell me?

I said, I said, I said send her I think I'm in love with you. The thing is, you send her that right now.

Thing is, David, I was so weird on the date that she won't think it's a joke.

Send her that right now.

No, no, no, no, I can't, I can't unless you're vlogging it. I'm not gonna do it.

We're podcasting it.

Well, she won't write back. Oh, you want me to text that to her?

Send her, text her right now and say I think I'm in love with you.

I think I'm in I'm in love. No, I can't, because the last— okay, the last she wrote, hahaha, I had fun too. And the last thing I wrote is, you're free on Sunday, we could hang.

That's what she wrote?

That's what I wrote.

Oh, and she hasn't responded?

She goes to bed at 10:45.

Yeah, that's what she wants you to think.

So should I— if I write, I think I'm in love with you, then she's gonna think it's real? Here, you, you be the judge. Go ahead. I'll let David Dobrik decide, master of YouTube.

So, so, master of clickbait. So Jason said, if you're free on Sunday, we could hang. And then she said—

She didn't respond.

Ah.

Yeah, I just sent it.

Oh, you fucking asshole! You didn't even talk about it with me!

I said, I think I'm in love with you. Well, we'll wait, but if she goes to bed at 10:45— Did you just say that because the last time she responded was 10:45? Are you trying— Are you lying to yourself?

No, she told me she goes to bed at 10:45. I don't know her that well.

You're like, oh, she responded at 10:36. She must go to bed at 10:36.

The eyes on this girl.

Is she actually a pretty girl?

I mean, yeah, she's really—

you seem like you were really hurt by—

she's my— she's that type. I like that type of woman.

It's something that takes you out. Yeah, something that takes you seriously. Jason brought his vlogging camera to the date, which is great. She didn't like watching Jason walk in with his vlogging camera. Is the funniest sight because it's just— it's just like— it looks like a lost man who found a camera.

Is this anybody's? I think I would believe a no.

Is this anybody's cell phone? Sir, that's a camera.

Yeah, people always ask me, they're like, oh, you know, are you a photographer?

Is your son a photographer? Where is he? You holding that for him?

So yeah, so we're going to Chicago tomorrow.

We're going—

come see us.

We're not going to Chicago tomorrow, we're going in 3 hours. Our flight leaves in 3 hours.

Why do you live like this?

I don't—

Why can't we get it together? Why do you live like this? Why can't you be normal?

So we gotta finish this podcast because we literally have to book it to the airport right after this.

But it doesn't need to be like this.

It doesn't, but it's fun.

It should be more enjoyable.

It's enjoyable when it's like this.

No, it's not!

I'll rest when my videos are up.

But you just want to die. That's your problem. You're gonna come out of all this soon.

And what? How do you think I'm gonna end up?

You're gonna change a lot in the next few years.

Like sexy?

No, you're already sexy. You're super sexy.

Goddamn, should I turn this podcast off?

No, don't. I'm not into you like that. No, but, uh, you're gonna realize in a few years that you're nuts.

Jason, I don't think that's a thing.

You will, you will. You'll be like, oh God, I was crazy. I was so mean to Jason.

Let's talk about, um, let's— I was so mean to Jason. I don't think that's ever gonna be a thought in my head.

Oh, come on.

Um, let's talk—

I was thinking about when you guys have kids, what I'll do. I'll probably just watch your kids.

Yeah, you will.

I just watch the baby.

I can't wait, dude. Imagine when we get old.

When you guys get old.

I can't wait for the joke. Like, when are you gonna— when is gonna be the day where you're gonna be like, boom, today's the day David turns 39? It's like, what age is it gonna be where it's like, it's game over, David?

For me or for you?

Like, where are you gonna be like, haha, You're one of us now.

Oh, that's a great question.

Like, where—

I love that.

When is it going to be like where I can't make fun of you anymore because we're practically the same age?

You'll have to be over 40. Over 39, you're still pretty good. Over 40 is—

but you'll be 70. You won't be. Let's be honest, you won't live past 70.

Oh, sure I will.

Not at the rate you're taking that Nicorette gum you've been taking.

No, I'll be fine.

Yeah. No, no. I don't know.

My dad's in great shape. He smokes like a fucking chimney.

Your dad? You don't have a dad.

You keep saying that. It's not, not true. I have a father.

All right, fair enough. Um, let me—

David thinks because I'm so old that my parents must be dead and that I'm making up the fact that I have parents to sound young. Meanwhile, they're in my vlogs. David thinks they're actors. I came back from Boston today and David was like, oh yeah, look at those old people in your fucking Instagram stories. I'm like, you mean my parents who raised me and who I love?

And I was like, bullshit.

You were really turned off by the old people on my Instagram stories?

No, I loved it. I thought it was great.

Oh, well, fuck you then.

It's not what you said today.

It ticked me off the whole day. That set me off for like 2 hours.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I was like, what the fuck do you talk about?

No, I thought that was great.

I think it's kind of charming to have old people on your Instagram stories.

Yes, I thought it was. I thought it was— I love watching old people.

That guy Ross.

Why do you think I have you around in my vlogs? Oh yeah, you're like, it's kind of charming to see old people. Yes, Jason, I know, I co-host a podcast with an 80-year-old man. Jason helped me out the other day. He was at, um, he was at, he was in Boston and I was having the probably, I don't, I don't know, I don't want to over-exaggerate this, but it was the worst pain I've ever felt in my mouth. Ever. It was like— it was awful. I woke up one day and I just started to get like this— my entire left side of my face just started to hurt. Like, my eardrum was just—

that was Saturday—

was just throbbing. I don't— I don't know what day this was. I suck at days.

Well, Sunday I called the doctor, so it must have been Saturday.

I think it was Friday, but it was Friday night. My wisdom tooth was just awful. Like, it was— it was so bad. And it got to the point where I got home, I needed to film, and I normally film like all the time. So like, this is a big thing for me to go home and just rest. So I lay down and I couldn't sleep. It took me 10 minutes and I just freaked out. I was screaming in my room. There was no one home and I was just yelling because I was in so much pain. And, and then I was just like, fuck it, I can't do this. I had to call an emergency, like, doctor, emergency dentist. No, this was Saturday.

You know, to call, just go on Yelp or what?

I looked up emergency, emergency dentist and And I call these people and they were like, they called me back on an unknown number. I'm like, this is really sketchy, whatever. I need to do this. I drove about 50 minutes to this place. I get to the office door. It's like a very small door in the side of a building in an alleyway. And I'm knocking on it and no one's answering. I call this number back. No one picks up. I get another call from an unknown number and they're like, they'll be there in 10 minutes. And I'm like, okay, for sure, whatever. I'm sitting on the doorstep. They show up. It's just a cute family. It's like a mother and a father, it looks like, and it's their daughter, and they're there to help me fix my teeth. And he takes an X-ray of my teeth, pulls out my top wisdom tooth super easily. But the, the, the most— super easily, it was like he slipped it out like with like almost like a butter knife, and it just, it just popped right out. I'm like, this is great. I was on a bunch of pain meds that he gave me at the time, so I was leaving and I'm like, this is great, he did it, he fixed it.

And your face blow up?

No, my face didn't blow up. Good question, Jason.

Well, because when I got my wisdom teeth out, you look like a chipmunk. A lot of people—

no, it wasn't that bad. And, um, then I got— and then I got halfway into my car ride home and it just came right back. Oh, really bad. Like, and, and then I thought to myself, I'm like, I'm a fucking idiot. It was never my top tooth, it was my bottom tooth. And I'm like, I can do this, I can wait one more day. And then Liza came came to my place at like 11, and I'm screaming. She just hears me screaming. She's like, what the hell is going on? And, um, she, she frantically is like calling these places. Dude, Liza helped me out so much, like, during this whole thing. Like, for like 5 hours, she's just on the phone with a bunch of different dentists. Not like 5 hours in a row, but like on and off, because she's tending to me because I'm like a crybaby bitch. And, um, I'm just going insane. And then Liza calls you because we can't get any dentist Sunday morning because apparently it's not a thing.

Right.

And then you hook us up with one of your family dentists.

And my dentist, Dr. Sherry.

Yeah. And he was— San Vicente. He was great. I mean, we get there.

Dr. Sherry don't play.

Dr. Sherry don't play. We got there at 9 in the morning. I'm in extremely bad pain. And we get there. He takes an X-ray. Turns out, turns out it was my bottom wisdom tooth that was a problem. And I had a a tooth-sized cyst under the wisdom tooth. So it was just like, that's what was causing the pain, and that's why my jaw and my ear was hurting and everything. And he gives me an option. He's like, I can give you some shots and we can take it out, or I can knock you out and you— I can give you laughing gas and I can give you that whole like—

and let me guess, David chose the laughing gas.

Oh, 100%. Yeah, because I'm like, I'm like, is that the fun thing that people make the fun videos on where they're all loopy after the dentist? And he's like, yep, that's it. I'm like, please, please, let's do it. I got so excited. I'm like, yes, I'm gonna have a vlog. I'm gonna have a vlog for Monday. This is the best thing ever. I get, um, I take the laughing gas. I, I'm a little loopy for like 2 minutes, and then the next thing I remember is me being at home on my bed.

No.

Yeah. And I was— and I didn't— I wasn't nothing. Like, I, I just knocked out. Like there wasn't anything, like nothing funny happened. I was just like, I was just a drunk kid that was just completely knocked out.

Yeah, cuz she called me from— she FaceTimed from the car.

You know what Liza was doing?

She was sucking the blood out.

Since this was like an emergency call, there was no one else in the dentist office. Yeah, so it was, it was the dentist working on my teeth and Liza was handling the other two instruments. Yeah, in my mouth she was suctioning out the blood. And like handing him different like instruments to cut my tooth out.

How did she do with that?

I don't know. She loved it. She thought it was like the best thing because my tooth came out as it was super bloody. And he was like, he was like, you got to— she had like the little suction thing. I don't know what it's called. Yeah, it's called suction or something. And it's like a little suction tube. It's like a little tube. And she was like, she was like kind of like nicely like touching like the blood area. And he's like, no, that's not how you're supposed to do it. And he took it and he put it right in the hole where my tooth used to be. And she was just like, what the fuck? But I didn't feel anything because I was just gone. And, and then I, and then I knocked out.

And then pop the cyst, I guess, by taking it.

I think, I think that's how it worked. And then, yeah, and then Liza, Liza drove me home. I woke up on my bed and she get you in the house. I was— she drove.

I know, but she—

oh, I was like walking.

Oh, but you don't remember?

I don't remember anything. Yeah, cuz when she called me, and it was all recorded and it's all gonna go on my second channel on Sunday. Oh, right, the entire situation. But she didn't— she didn't record the part where she was operating on my mouth because she was busy operating on my mouth. But I was literally— I was knocked out from this wisdom teeth.

I thought you were doing a bit when she FaceTimed me.

Where I was screaming?

No, because you were just passed out in the passenger seat.

Oh no, no, no.

And then she FaceTimed me and I was like, haha, he's doing a bit. Oh no, no, she was like, no, he's out.

No, I was gone.

You were out in the passenger seat.

I've never— like, I want to go back to get my other— because apparently you're supposed to fight it. You're supposed to like fight the— like what, the laughing gas? And you're supposed to stay up. That's when you get all fun. Oh, which is like— I think that's like— I think that's like with like a lot of drugs, right? If you like—

that's that sleeping drug, that's Xanax. Yes, Xanax.

And if you just stay up on it, it gets like— gets fun. I don't know if fun's the right word. People are like, oh really? Okay, fun.

No, but so then how's it now?

But huge. Oh, it's great. He— the doctor did such a kickass job.

When's the last time you went to the dentist?

Like 2 or 3 years ago.

The fuck's wrong with you?

God Goddammit, you have money. Sneak myself back into this hole. It's not Jason.

You have health insurance?

Yes, I do. It's the time that it takes. It's, it's the whole— I'm so bad at managing time.

But see, this is what I was going through on my date tonight. I was like, I don't want to just make videos, like, I want to have a life.

I don't, I don't understand that argument ever. Like, I never get it.

I like—

I went to a panel at VidCon and they're like, how do you manage? How do you balance your life? With making vlogs every day, and I'm like, who cares? I love making videos so much, I don't give a shit about not having a life.

Then you end up in the hospital. That's not true. You end up at the fucking hospital on a Sunday with your girlfriend fucking sucking blood out of your mouth.

She loved it, she had a good time.

Well, she's nuts, but—

Do you know how many people would—

You know how many people would murder to be in my shoes?

To get to make videos every day. I don't care that I don't have the most healthy lifestyle. I love doing this. And like, it's just like, it blows my mind that it's even a complaint. Maybe I haven't been doing this for a long time. Maybe in like 10 years, that's when it kicks in and where I'm like, okay, I need to take a break. But like right now, I don't understand at all why people complain about it because I get paid handsomely and it's just the, it's literally the best job on the planet.

It's great, but. There's just something missing for me. It's— and I don't know what it is. It's probably just a girlfriend. It's toe clippers. Can we get a toe clippers sponsor?

It's toe clippers and a bath. And me undies apparently, because they won't send him any undies.

I want a clipp— it's exactly what I mean. I want time to clip my toenails.

I know, and I don't have it.

You ran me to Dirty Dom's at 1:00 in the morning last night.

Yes, I know. I understand.

3 nights ago.

Yeah. But, but it's— I don't think it's like—

he was there waiting for us like an old dog.

Even I say, I say things like I don't have time for, for things, and I feel so guilty saying it because I know I do. I just don't have the time management skills. I have time for a lot of things. I have time to pay my bills on time, and I have time to, you know, to go and take care of myself. Go on, go. I have time to work out. There's no excuse for me not to work out every day. Right, absolutely no excuse. But I just don't have time management, and I'm just not good at it. I'm not— I guess I am making an excuse within itself, right? But there is, there is no such thing as you don't have time. There's no such thing as that. And like, I also— this takes me back to another point, is when like I would, like back in high school, when I would ask to hang out with a girl or something and she'd say something like, I just don't have the time. It's like, the people that say that do not care for you. Like, if you want something, you're gonna make time for it. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's no person on earth that's gonna be like, I don't have time. Like, even if you text me and you're like— and I say— and I tell you back that I don't have time, I am fucking lying. Because if you texted me and you're like, I have a million-dollar deal for you, right, for X, Y, and Z, and you have to go to Alaska for 2 weeks, I'm like, I'm there. Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, that— I know it's not— you make a good point, but at the same time, it's like—

it's that I don't have I have priorities.

But that's money, that's your life. I mean, you have time for that. But the reason you don't have time is 'cause you're making money.

Yeah, maybe the money example's a little bit weird because everybody would break even old plans for money.

It's all about money.

No, but I think it's time management is the right word rather than not having time for anything. Like my favorite YouTuber, other than Liza, I feel like I always have to say that, but it's true, I love Liza's videos. Dating my favorite creator.

Oh boy, isn't everything just fucking perfect for you?

Little quick plug. Jason, you're practically dating me. That's a pretty cool thing. No, but my favorite creator Casey Neistat goes on—

I love Casey Neistat.

Goes on an 8-mile run.

I found him before dating you.

He makes vlogs, at least he used to make vlogs every day for at least 2 years and goes on at least a 7-mile run. Every morning. Yeah, blows my mind. Edits his own videos. They're great videos. Yeah, they, they take up his entire life, and he's running a side business on the side.

It's just— but he only sleeps 4 hours a day.

He sleeps 3, 4 hours a day, but like, he's got it figured out. He knows how to time manage. He knows— I hang out— I hung out— I hang out with him. I was in New York, right? And I asked Casey to hang out, and I'm like, hey Casey, I want to hang out. I want to get to see you. I'm like, I'm 20 minutes away. And he's like, okay, cool. I got, I got 37 minutes to spare. And I'm like, ah man, maybe another day. And he's like, no, I have 37 minutes. Come by right now. You're 20 minutes away. That gives us 17 minutes to hang out.

Oh wow.

And I'm like, oh shit. Like that's, that's yeah. Okay. I'm on it. And I came over, we, we shot a video, we got work done and we hung out. And like, I didn't even realize that that time was there because I just don't think like that.

Yeah. I don't either.

Like, I don't think that I can get something done like that, but he's just like, Just stop thinking about it and let's get this shit out of the way. Let's do it. Like, let's shoot this video, hang out. I probably won't see you tomorrow 'cause I'll be busy.

That's what successful people do.

I love that. And I think I've taken that from you too. You always say, let's just get it out of the way now. When someone asks you to do something, which I've noticed, someone will go up to you, Jason, and be like, hey, can you help me with an outro later? And you kind of don't want it lingering around in your head. So you're like, let's do it right now. Right, and that's like what I've kind of like gotten from you is like when I'm not in the mood to shoot something, I'll be like, no, like I'm gonna get this done now because what's the point of—

yeah, it'll just eat me. It'll just eat up in my head like I got to do that, I got to do that outro.

And it'll just like— now when I think about taking out the garbage and I'll be like, no, I'll do it later, I literally just say like, why not just do it now?

So why don't you just do the podcast when I say let's do it?

Because I'm editing.

But I see on Tuesdays, you have Tuesdays.

On Tuesdays when you have it off, you're like I feel like I have to be in like the right mood for the podcast because this is just like a lot of conversating with you and you know, I can get sickening. No, I'm kidding. I love it.

Why are we leaving at 3:30?

We're leaving, we're leaving in 2 hours, which is why guys, we're gonna have to say goodbye. We have to end this podcast.

No, let's not end it. Let's give the people some more.

Jason, I have to go do laundry. Look at my pants. I look like you. I have to go wash up.

You better go then.

We have to go get you nail clippers. Let's go wash your meundies, which you got that I did We have to run to Rite Aid, get Jason some MeUndies.

I have nail clippers.

You don't have nail clippers.

I can't find them.

Those nails, yeah, okay, good.

I can't find my nail clippers.

They're probably under your toenails.

I've been to Boston, and now I've got to go to Chicago and whatever.

Cool, I'm sure they have nail clippers in Boston. You didn't go to Mars, you didn't go on this expedition, you went to—

The thing is, when I cut my toenails, they they grow right back, like, really fast.

Yep, that's how toenails work. The thing is, when I cut my toenails, they're disgusting.

I'm gonna tweet a picture. Listen, I'm gonna prove you wrong. Yeah, I'm gonna tweet a picture of my toenails. Okay, tonight.

And then you'll have— I'm gonna have a little Twitter deactivated by the morning.

Oh man, I hope that people didn't think my Korean accent was offensive.

Oh well, let's—

I don't give a shit.

No, you do, you do, because it's been—

I would, you know, you know who I would care if Korean— if there were Korean people that were hurt, but I wouldn't care.

How is it offensive if that's how his accent sounds? Like, you know what I mean?

Oh, it's completely offensive.

Because why is it when you do like a Russian accent no one gives a—

because that's a white person and I'm descended of a white person.

Okay.

Yeah, I might have a big edit ahead.

Yeah, you're screwed. Let's just— how about this? We're gonna run with the Korean thing. And if it's offensive, let us know, and then we won't do it again. This is the only way we learn. We know.

I already knew.

We— oh, you know it's racist?

Yeah, I already knew when I was doing it.

Oh shit. Well, regardless, we can't hide in fear. Let's just put it out there and see how it goes.

Okay.

Okay. Well guys, thank you so much for joining our podcast. In about 20 seconds, this podcast will be 40 minutes long. So Jason, do you have anything to say? Jason already dropped the mic. He's already out of the room. We got, we got 10 more seconds to make this podcast.

David's a good guy. He's done everything for me. I really appreciate what you've done for me, David. Um, I hope this girl calls me back.

All right, make sure you guys go follow Jason on all his social medias and follow me and check us out. We'll see you guys next podcast. This has been Views, and I'm David, and that's Jason's toenails. Bye, guys.