Marrying My Best Friend’s Mom

What's up guys, today's sponsors are ZipRecruiter.com/Nash, SeatGeek promo code VIEWS in the app, and Squarespace.com/VIEWS.

What's up guys, welcome back to VIEWS, the podcast where people are people, so why should it be that you and I should get along so awfully?

Is it awfully?

I think so.

I thought it was lawfully.

Really?

I'm terrible with lyrics, by the way.

I'm so bad with lyrics.

I I always thought it was, excuse me while I kiss this guy.

For what song?

Excuse me while I kiss the sky.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I always thought it was, you're hot in your mold.

For what?

For you're hot and you're cold. I thought it was a song about bread and you not eating it fast enough.

Well, that's Weird Al Yankovic's version.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

You're hot in your mold?

You're hot in your mold.

You're a slice of bread loaf. That's what I thought it was. But whatever. That's for the intro music. Okay, guys, that was Jason and I talking about some lyrics. What else can we fucking possibly touch up on in the next 45 minutes? Everything's unpredictable. You guys are in for a treat.

Lots of stuff's been going on.

Lots of stuff.

You went to New York. I went to New York.

Yeah.

You made a video yesterday.

Yes.

You've been working on your tennis game. Is there anything else?

Yeah, I impregnated your mother.

Oh, right. I forgot about that. You might as well let everybody know.

No, I'm kidding. I didn't marry your mom though, and I'm Jason's— officially Jason's stepdad.

Mm-hmm.

Man, sorry guys, I'm a little bit tired. I just woke up from a nap because his mother and I were out last night pounding some beers. No, so I married— I married We talked about on the podcast before about how cool it would be if I married your mom. Yeah, I don't know if cool was the right word that you used, but you, you get— you gave me your blessing to marry her.

I did. I think you're a great guy.

So I went for what I went for it. I don't know if you watched the videos, but I flew to Boston. I surprised her to propose to her because Jason made a mean comment to me. And so I went to Boston, I proposed. She was very confused. Initially, she was very happy I was there, and then she was like, I'm so fucking confused you're here, why you're here. And then I proposed to her, and she just looked at me, she's like, are you crazy? What's going on? And then she goes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I will! It's for DACA, isn't it? It's to keep you here legally. Yes, I will marry you. And I was like, I was like, oh no, no, no, that's not what it is. And then, and then I had to sit down, I had to explain to her that I just wanted to be your stepdad. And then she goes, oh, that's fucking hilarious. I can't do your mom, but she was excited about that. So then an hour later, we hopped on a plane, right? We went to Las Vegas, we landed in Vegas, and we went straight to the courthouse from there. Um, and the courthouse is where like it like happens. Like, you know, I was— I wasn't scared to do it, but when we got to the courthouse, it got like really serious, and I got a bunch of calls from like my lawyer, my manager, my parents, like, what are you doing? This is— don't do this. And my lawyers were so scared that I wasn't signing a prenup.

Right.

They were like, fucking— they were like, she's going to take your money. And I'm like, I don't think so. I don't think that's the case. My lawyer also didn't understand that I was marrying your mother. He just thought I married— he just thought I found some, like, girl that I really love.

Yeah.

And he was like, congratulating.

Don't get me wrong, David, she's really hot, but I don't think this is a good idea. Why rush into things?

We were filling out the paperwork.. And I asked, I'm like, can I just get like a, like a, can we just get like a fake piece of paper that it makes it official or whatever? Like we won't, we'll just fill it out ourselves. She's like, no, you can't do that. Um, you, you just can't do that. And I was like, okay, fine. So I got cold feet, so I left the place.

So I left the courthouse after all that.

I left the courthouse and I got in the car and I was like, okay, maybe it's not a good idea. Let's see what else I can do.

And then I'm in the car and like we're all talking about like still doing the actual ceremony but not doing the papers, right?

But it just felt so horrible.

Yeah, like it didn't feel like it at all anymore because it wasn't real anymore. Now it's just like I was fucking acting, right? You know what I mean? So like I was pretty bummed out. And then I finally— we got the courage and I went back and I just— I did it the actual legal way. So now I'm genuinely 100% married to your mom. So we filled out all the paperwork, went back to the courthouse. It's funny, I went back to the chapel.

Everywhere we would go, like all— like the chapel, all the hotels we would go to, I'd tell everyone that I was getting married and they would always look at Natalie and they'd be like, congratulations. And it was so fucking fun. So fun being able to tell them, oh no, no, that's for— it's me and her. And they'd be like, oh, awesome. They wouldn't get it at all.

And Natalie was like, don't ever say that again. Yeah, strange, perfect stranger.

So yeah, then we got married at the chapel.

Apple.

Yeah.

Um, I asked if she'd kiss me. She said yes.

Okay.

I was very happy about that.

Okay, nice. You know, you know you've been struggling in the lady department.

It felt good.

Good.

That's honestly the only reason I did it. And then I asked if we can make out. She said no. That was afterwards. Um, we kissed once. Natalie wasn't recording, so we had to kiss again, just so you know. It felt better the second time. It felt more real the second time. Nice. It felt like all the jitters were gone the second time, and it actually felt like love.

Yeah, I have to say, you haven't been much of a husband. You've been married for a week, haven't spent any time with her.

I'm actually being more of a husband than I could possibly be, uh, being right now. I gave her my credit card the other day to go to Beverly Hills to buy whatever she wants while I was out in New York working. So I hope you enjoy your new purse, Mrs. Nash, if you're listening to this. All right, excuse me, Mrs. Dobrik. Uh, um, I have—

you don't have a credit card. What are you talking about?

Yeah, you're right. But yeah, and then, and then we got married. And it's so crazy. The people at the chapel took it so seriously. Sure. I mean, obviously, right? Because it's in Vegas, so they don't know what's real and what's not, right?

Yeah, they have to.

And they were, they were so supportive of it. They didn't believe it at first, but then, but then when they saw us kiss, they were like, oh wow, yeah, we're sold.

This is real, right?

And they had a tux there for you.

They had a tux, a dress there for her. And then when we were done, we were just like, can you just like, can you just throw, can you just throw the papers out? Don't submit them. Because it was, it was the person's final call to submit all the papers that we got at the courthouse.

It's his final call. Law, meaning if he doesn't think that it's real, he can toss it?

No.

Yeah, if he doesn't want it, if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to put it in. But, um, he's like, nope, this is the— it's the law, I have to turn it in, I'm turning it in. So he, he turned it in. He's like, I told you guys you'd be legally married and I'm turning it in. He was like really mad. Oh wow. So he turned it in.

It's funny in Vegas when they stick to the rules because you think anything goes there.

So they turned it in and now like you can go on the chapel's website, we're one of their notable marriages right under Joe Jonas, I think.

Um, so that was really nice. Yeah.

Um, and there's like—

now there's actual legal—

on your Wikipedia page, on my Wikipedia page, yeah, my Wikipedia page, it says Jason Nash stepson.

It's really—

does it?

Yeah. Oh, it says that?

Yeah. And on yours it says that I'm your stepfather. And, um, yeah, I mean, that, that was all great. Like, I, I really liked it. It's just now there's like actual papers out there online that show that we're married, which is great. And kind of shitty because it sucks. And I have to get a divorce. Don't tell her. I'm going to ask for that soon. But, but it's—

I guess it's really nice because now people understand that, like, we actually went and fucking did it. We didn't just half-ass it.

Sure. Yeah, it was pretty great.

But no, it was a lovely time. And it was— dude, it was fucking really expensive to get married.

I was going to ask you, how much is it?

Yeah, the whole thing was around— I think it was a little— it was close to $20,000. The whole thing with the first-class travel to the hotels. It was crazy.

Nice.

It was like a real fucking honeymoon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At the Four Seasons. Yeah, we got separate rooms, but of course, you know, we couldn't help ourselves.

You put her at the date.

So the middle of night, I went over to her room.

You didn't stick my mom at the Travelodge?

I stuck your mom. All right, that's fucking fucked up. I'm done. No, I didn't. No, I That would have been funny if I got back and you saw that I put your mom in like the worst hotels while I stayed in like the most amazing ones.

No, and she was great the entire time.

She was. What was your favorite part of the whole thing? Just being with her, spending time with her.

Yeah, just being able to look her in the eyes and say how much I've— how much she means to me.

Have you had a lot of, um, probably a lot of girls are disappointed this week that you're off the market?

You know, I think it's helping me with the women.

I think so.

Yeah, I think people like a married man. Oh yeah. I think people, people know I'm responsible and that I could, you know, and I have a lot of kids, so they know I've, I've, you know, they know I've raised, I've raised humans.

You've done a great job raising me.

I think so too.

I mean, look how I turned out.

I used to be so hard on you, but now that you're my son, it just feels—

Are you proud of me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, good. Can I say this? Yeah. We're getting a divorce, your mother and I. Okay. And it's not your fault. I want to make things very clear. It has nothing, absolutely nothing.

I wasn't blaming myself.

Okay.

It has nothing to do with your eating habits or you tearing the family apart at all. I know a lot of people always ask me, hey Dave, where can I create a website? How often do you get this question?

Every party I go to, people ask me, where can David create a website?

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What kind of website would you create if you could?

I don't know if I'd create a website, but my My favorite website that I know is, I think it's called like, isitchristmasyet.com.

Oh yeah, you told me about that one.

Yeah. And you go on, you go onto it and you type in isitchristmasyet.com and it says no in just big black bold letters. And then you go on Christmas and it says yes in big black bold letters. And that's all it is. There's nothing else. There's nothing to click.

Oh, that sounds great.

The font stays the same even when it's Christmas.

It just says no and just says yes. And I think that's the type of website I would make.

Oh, wow. I wish I was that person. That would just have that much time.

You would— you actually surprisingly have a lot of time. Oh yeah, I do. But no, Squarespace is incredible because it lets you turn your cool idea into a new website in the easiest way with 24/7 award-winning customer support, nothing to patch or upgrade ever, free and secure hosting, built-in search engine optimization. That's amazing because it's all just ready to go for you. And if you want to go, go to squarespace.com/views and you get a free trial. When you're ready to launch, you use the offer code views. To save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. So use squarespace.com/views for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase when you use the offer code views.

Hot read.

Thanks, man. Mr. Nash, come in. You want to sit on my lap? No, I'm good. Come here. Come sit on my lap. I'm fine.

Just like in Hawaii.

I'm good. Mom, here's the mic.

Well, you talk to her. You're the one that wasn't there.

I was there. Okay, Mom, how was it?

It was fun.

That's it? I took you on a honeymoon, I took you to Vegas, and it was fun?

It was fun. Yeah, I had a good time. Fucking— I liked spending time with you and Natalie.

I don't want— I'm not gonna look at you anymore. Literally, after everything we did, it was fun?

I had a good time.

Which marriage is better, this one or the— or your last?

I already got in trouble for this. This marriage is far better. I already told Barry. She waited a long time, but I finally got her a good father.

Does your other husband know?

I don't know. I haven't spoken to him. He hasn't called. He had his chance.

He had his chance.

Yep, he did.

He must know. Snooze you lose.

I'm sure he does. She's been following the video like crazy. She's like, she tracks like how many views it has. She's so proud of you. She's like, 6.5. 4.6 in 24 hours.

It's doing really well.

Not as well as I thought it would though.

You thought it would do better?

Yeah, well, you getting married is tremendous.

Yeah, but it's not—

Not even me, like, just you marrying anyone.

But it's not like a real marriage. I'm sorry, I hate to say this in front of you. It's not true love. She starts crying.

I love you, David.

No, not that type of love.

No, not that type of love.

Not like baby-making love.

That's right. No, no, no.

I mean, maybe.

No, no, no.

No?

I don't think so. What was your least favorite part of all the entire experience?

The luau.

The luau? Yeah. Oh, we went to a fucking luau.

It was so expensive.

It was expensive.

And I just couldn't eat it. And you couldn't eat it either.

No, I was getting ready for food later.

No, you know those salads, that first course they brought over? I took a bite and then I—

We went to a luau.

And then you pushed your plate aside and you went like this to me.

Remember? I fist pounded her?

You fist pumped me because neither one of us liked it.

Yeah, we went to a luau and they brought us food and I saw her push her food to the side. And I've never seen like an older person be picky. So I pushed my plate to the side too and I gave her a fist pound because I'm like, hell yeah, that's my wife. Yeah, no, that was fun. You liked the Four Seasons. Yeah, a lot.

But I've stayed there a lot before, so I knew what— I kind of knew what to expect.

Okay, well, I'm glad I— I'm glad I treated you. You've stayed there before.

You were really nice.

You saying this stuff to put me down?

Why? I've just— I'm letting you know. You said you asked—

I'm not the first one that you've stayed with at the Four Seasons. You're rubbing it in. You're telling me that you've been with other men at the Four Seasons.

I've been, I've been by myself at the Four Seasons.

You're not. You're covering up. You're like, literally, you're looking to— you're looking—

when I worked, I traveled and I had to stay at a lot of different hotels.

Who did you stay with?

Who?

What was it? Sometimes I was—

I literally won't be mad. I won't be mad. I won't be mad.

Sometimes it was just me.

I don't— but sometimes it was what's his name. I won't be mad.

Okay, okay. Do you see this? Do you see what he's like? This is what he really would be like in a relationship. Needy. Asking all kinds of questions. Who were you with? Why is this person not—

Who were you with and how many years ago?

I'm insecure.

Yeah, and do you like him? Do you, do you miss him?

I don't remember. I don't, I don't think about those.

Like those, there were many. Oh fuck, you are, you're just a dagger to the heart. You, you are, you are something else, Mrs. Dobrik. Um, but yeah, no, I had a fun time.

I don't think about those things. Not— I don't have to think about those things now. You're in my life, David, so why would I even want to think about that?

That's so sweet. See, Joe wants us to make out, and we have 25 minutes of the podcast to fill, so here we go. Oh, we went on a canoe. Did you see us go on that canoe? I did. You know what was crazy about that is we were on there for literally 45 seconds. Oh really?

Like, not even.

We were pushed into the water and pulled right back in.

I almost fell out of the canoe.

Oh, you did?

Yeah, when he first pushed— when the other guy, Matt, he pushed us in and almost fell out.

Yeah, you did. That was fucking hilarious.

You know what? You know what she did say? She said, David and Natalie, they were so nice to me. They carried my bags. They— I forgot my pills in Boston. David— and you know David— David offered to turn the car around on the Mass Pike. That's, that's how nice he was.

I know I did mean it.

I love when you called her. I got— you called me on Mother's Day, David, or you texted me and you're like, can I get your mom's number? I want to wish her a happy Mother's Day. And I was like, oh my God, that is so nice. That'll make— that'll make my mother's day. Sure. I thought— I thought that was like one of the most incredible things. And you were only just trying to find out what she was doing that week. Yeah. Unbelievable. And you married him anyway. He's rotten.

No, no, he's half rotten, half devil.

I had half angel, half devil, right? Exactly.

I was trying to think if I should have called you because I already had her number. I just never had it saved. Your mom said a cool quote that I liked the other day. She said, don't fight shit, step over it. I wrote that down because I really liked it.

This is not really a podcast topic, but, um, she's been saying that for like, that's for years. That's so funny that you like it because I've heard her say that since I was like 2 years old.

Oh, also, okay, so when we were, when we were leaving, when we were leaving Hawaii, I I had a boomerang that I bought at a, you know, just to remember the day.

And, um, an Instagram boomerang?

No, like a real, a real life boomerang. And I took it in the airport. You can grab it. And I took it to the airport and, um, they wouldn't let me, they wouldn't let me through security because it's, because he's like, do you know what a boomerang is? And I go, I don't know. And he goes, it's an Australian weapon. And I go, okay, you guys sold in your convenience store, but okay. Um, so they confiscated it. I couldn't bring it on my fucking flight. Which is crazy because it's a boomerang and it wasn't even like heavy wood. It was just like a replica boomerang.

Yeah.

And I'm just like, like, like, was it a Nerf? I can kill someone with that book over there. Yeah, that's pretty— I don't know. Yeah, I think the guy liked it and he kept it for himself too. I— hold on, guys. There's a pizza guy at our door and guess what?

We didn't order pizza.

There's a pizza guy here and every time a pizza guy comes, because someone orders pizza to our house and they don't pay for it, we have to explain that we don't want the pizza and we have to explain how the fuck a pizza got here if we didn't want it. Yeah. And a lot of pizza guys are older, so they don't really understand what I'm talking about. So I have to go, we make these videos online and some people know where I live and they, they like fucking with us and setting us up. And the pizza guys go, what?

So it doesn't sound very funny to me.

Yeah.

So, so I'm not—

so you don't think this is a good joke at all?

Guys, stop ordering pizza to my house, please. I feel so fucking bad for these pizza guys. They come here, they— we don't buy the pizza, so they just have to drive back. Oh my God, it's the worst. It's the worst. You're fucking over someone's job by calling them here. Stop calling pizzas here.

You just got 40 more pizzas called to the house.

Cheese and pepperoni, please. Hi, Mrs. Nash. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever gotten time to spend with.

What, you know what I don't understand? Why? If this was a 75-year-old guy with a 23-year-old woman, it would be fine.

Well, the world's a crazy place, Mrs. Nash. I know. As long as we got each other, we'll make it through.

Yeah, and I had a great time. I had a great time.

Stop talking, just kiss me. Okay, go. All right, thank you so much. This next segment of the podcast is called Joe's Scene Podcast. It's where we give our editor Joe 25 seconds to say and/or do whatever he does in return for editing our podcast.

Ready, set, go.

Joe just said, I don't have anything prepared.

No shit.

You know, that's every week. You've never had anything prepared.

No, he's had some good ones.

He's running around.

We're at 10. Joe, Joe, the snacks up. We know, Joe, the snacks. Today we're doing a Hawaiian snack. No audio.

Audio.

They're gonna get some chewing.

We're—

it's gonna be continued on my YouTube.

Okay, that's all the time we have. Thank you guys. Someone tweeted this at me about the Joe Teeny Weeny Podcast, and this is the tweet: I was listening to The Views podcast in my car with my windows down. I'm at a stoplight and JTWP comes on. The guy in the car next to me yells, best part of the podcast! Deadass, this actually happened to me today.

That's awesome.

It's really fun.

That's really good.

But he's not gonna be back next week, so that's kind of—

that's too bad.

You ever need to hire anybody for anything?

Yeah, I had a T-Rex in my backyard.

I'm not even— I'm not gonna entertain that story. Okay, ZipRecruiter is the best way to hire somebody because it sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards. But they don't stop there. With their powerful matching technologies, ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. And right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com/nash. That's an exclusive web address. It's ziprecruiter.com/nash. N-A-S-H. ZipRecruiter.com/nash. It's not ziprecruiter.com/dobrik. Trust me, I've called them. I've asked about it. They're not interested. Yeah, it's staying ziprecruiter.com.

I don't know why. I've called them too.

And I'm happy because it's your birthday tomorrow, so have this be a gift.

This is my gift? A link with my name in it?

Yeah, ziprecruiter.com/nash. You know what, you know what I have a lot of in this house?

What? A lot of bugs. And I've been noticing this, it's like, it's like the weirdest fucking bugs. I have like, uh, like centipedes, beetles, and all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, and I'm really weird about that kind of stuff. So I like, I like, I let them live every time I see them because I feel like if I kill one, like the rest will smell it out and they'll come and like avenge him.

It's the opposite, but okay. Oh really? Yeah. Everything is not the movie Avengers, David.

So yeah, so I don't kill any. If I do kill them, I quickly grab them and I flush them down the toilet.

Okay.

And I spray an aerosol thing because—

get rid of the body and get rid of the smell for the other bugs so the other bugs don't know that I just killed their friend.

Okay. But I rarely kill. I haven't killed a bug in like 3 years.

Okay.

Every time I'll see a centipede on the floor, I'll just, I'll just let them go. Which is weird because I had Orkin, right?

Orkin's the—

Orkin. Orkin. Yeah. Orkin come by yesterday and just spray the entire house down with whatever they use to kill the bugs. It's kind of, it's kind of weird because I'm like really sensitive about like one bug dying. But then when I like commit like an entire genocide on all of them, I'm like completely okay with it, which I feel kind of is interesting.

You're happy to pass the buck. To a bug exterminator, but you just don't want to do the dirty work yourself.

I don't want to kill one bug, but I want them all eliminated, which is kind of weird.

Yeah, I mean, I mean, I have squirrels living in my attic.

Okay, and I just fucking shoot them with my AK.

I have squirrels living in my attic, and I know because there's little pieces of poop. Yeah, and where? Orkin said in the attic. Oh yeah, yeah, I mean, it's either the squirrels or Natalie. Um, and Orkin said she does take small poops, and she does go in the attic way too often. Um, Orkin said it would cost me $12,000 to fully clean out my attic.

Oh no, with all the poop.

Wow, that's crazy.

Are you gonna do it?

No, because it's—

no, that isn't— isn't that like, um, couldn't that be like bad for like to be breathing in poop?

No, it doesn't smell in the house. They're really small turds.

Okay, really? Like, they—

nothing will happen, right? So what are you gonna do?

Nothing.

I just told you I'm gonna do nothing about it. Hey, I have something really funny. Yeah, you know, you married my mom. I do. There's like, you do have this tendency to like do stuff and then just forget about it.

Yeah.

Yeah. So I just had a, I had an idea. I was like thinking today, I'm like, oh, I could see like 6 months from now he's like just didn't get the annulment. Like the same way you don't have a credit card.

Oh, like after I get to divorce.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm having Natalie work on it, but if I didn't—

okay, so it's not gonna get done.

But if I had an assistant, I definitely wouldn't get it done.

Like 100%. I already forgot about it.

I know you did.

I could see myself in like 8 years actually getting married. Yeah, like, sir, you're married.

No, I don't know. I mean, I think that's the situation.

I got pulled over yesterday.

Yeah, you called me late at night.

Yeah, I said I was—

call me like 12:45.

Yeah, I said, hey, I may be getting arrested.

Yeah, it was scary. You go, you go, do you have any eyes on Natalie? What if I have the fucking chopper? Well, okay, do you have eyes on Natalie right now? Like, I'm in my bed.

I called you because I wanted the cop to show that— I wanted to show the cop that I was concerned. Yeah, I wanted to show the cop that I was trying to figure out my situation, right? And Natalie didn't pick up, so I wanted to get on the phone with someone, with somebody, and just be talking to somebody. Okay, but the cop pulled me over. I didn't have insurance.

Why'd he pull you over?

I didn't have plates on my car and I was speeding.

Oh, you haven't had plates on your car forever?

For 3 years, I told him. And then he came over, he's like, do you have your license registration? And I was like, I can't find my registration. And I don't have my license. And I— and then he went, I didn't have my insurance, I didn't have anything on me, but I found an email, like a printed out email I had like in my car, and it said my name on it, said David Dobrik on it. So I'm like, here, this is me. It was an email from like Chase I got. And he's like, okay, I'll look it up. So I looked it up, he comes back, he's like, your license has been expired since 2017. And I was like, fuck. And like And I was just like, I, I didn't know that, but it's probably true. I'm not gonna argue on that because you have information I don't. I would love to say that that's not true, but I know you're right, so I'm gonna go with I'm sorry.

I just assumed that my license automatically gets updated by the state, but I'm gonna go with you on this one.

I was super nice and I took complete, like, responsibility for it, and he let me off. He said, next time I see you, I have to arrest you. Um, but he could have arrested me. And impounded my car. And he's like, get off the road, don't drive anymore, you don't have a license. And I can't renew my license because of my legal papers, right? Because they haven't come in yet. So I've been waiting for them.

Where are they coming from?

I don't know, like pretty close actually.

Nearby here? Yeah, nearby here. Could it be that they're here and you haven't opened them yet?

It could be. Um, no, so that, that's all good. I'm figuring that out. Oh my God.

Yeah.

Oh.

Were you scared?

I was terrified because if I get arrested, I lose DACA.

Right.

Because if you have like an arrest or something, you lose it.

One arrest, you're gone.

Yeah, it's one felony. So I don't know how hard it is to get a felony. I think felony is like really bad, right? Yeah, well, I don't know, but if I lose DACA, I get kicked out of the country immediately because that's the only thing that's keeping me here.

And why do you operate like this?

Operate like what?

Like a dipshit.

I don't know. I just—

I don't—

I don't know any better.

I'm just—

Okay, well, that's a good excuse. It's probably the best thing you could have said to me. I don't know any better.

I said it like that. You ever feel like ticketing websites make getting to events difficult on purpose?

No, I don't, because I use SeatGeek.

Great.

You fucking read my mind.

I'm going to see Vampire Weekend through SeatGeek on October 2nd.

They just sponsored the pop-up shop in New York. I know. Which turned out great. Big thank you to fucking SeatGeek for showing up there. I love SeatGeek because they're so hands-on with creators and they really embrace the whole video process.

Yeah, and, and grab my butt at the pop-up.

He grabbed my butt at the pop-up too. He said that's how much he loves me.

I thought that was pretty hands-on.

SeatGeek, so fucking hands-on. SeatGeek is better than the rest. A quick look at the App Store shows over 50,000 5-star reviews. If you ever need to buy— if you ever need to buy tickets to literally anything, it could be a concert, any kind of show, sporting event. If you got those kids like I have, you gotta get those kids entertained. Please use SeatGeek, guys. It rates each deal on a scale of 1 to 10, and it displays them on an interactive seat map. It's incredible. It's so easy. It breaks down the details. Green dots mean good deals. Red dots are overpriced. So if you ever need to buy tickets to anything, use SeatGeek. SeatGeek will even give you $10 off your first SeatGeek purchase. All you need to do is use our promo code. Download SeekiCap today and use promo code VIEWS for $10 off your first purchase. That's promo code VIEWS for $10 off your first purchase. Guys, SeekiCap, that's the way to go. VIEWS for $10 off your first purchase.

Guys, I'm here with Heath. Heath, say hi.

Hey, how's it going?

We have this, we have this story that we tell on the podcast live show. Okay. Can you, can you give me a little flavor of it?

Um, a little taste.

It's, he's never told this to everybody, but your, your hotel story.

Oh my God. Okay, so I was, I was in Vegas. I was working a job.

And what were you working as?

It was for a company to do like YouTube, like kind of Instagram deal.

Okay, okay, okay.

And a bunch of our friends and we had like a party thrown for us at the end of the night, like a Vegas club. It's crazy, like bottle service. Everybody's getting trashed. Sure. So I started drinking and then it got to the point I was like, oh damn, like I need to chill. And I don't remember leaving. But I got back into the hotel. I remember walking into the door and be like, I throw up so fucking bad. So I go into the bathroom and like, I just rip the shower curtain and I'm just like puking all over in the tub. And I started doing like that little like push the puke down into the little—

you push it down the little grate.

Yeah, you know, talking about. And so then I look down and I'm like covered in throw up. So I hopped into the tub and I'm like rinsing off my whole body. And I'm like laying back, I'm like, fuck, this is nice. And the next thing I like— then— and the next thing that happened was, um, I woke up to like some big security guy literally underneath me pulling me out of this tub. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? I'm butt-ass naked, by the way. So I step out and I stepped into like 6 inches of water in the hotel room.

So on the floor outside of the tub?

Yeah. So I left the shower on the entire night. Like while I was sleeping in the tub. I, I was so close to dying. It's like, it's so scary to think about because I would have had no idea if I slipped under. Like, if I would have just like just dropped, I would have been dead. But, um, I stepped out and I was like, holy shit, I just flooded the entire room. He's like, do you know what's going on? I was like, you know more than I do. Um, so apparently I flooded that room, the one below that, and the one below that. So they started getting calls and was like, hey guys, my roof is leaking. So my dumb ass was the reason. I thought I was fucked.

How much did it cost?

I was expecting to pay like $20,000 in damage, but it ended up being like $350.

What?

Which is ridiculous. But at the time I still had no money. So to me that was an equivalent to like fucking $20,000.

That's really good.

That's like, that's like it's $350,000. No, $350.

What? That's pretty good.

Yeah, that was probably my worst.

Like, wasn't there one time you woke up on a stretcher?

Oh yeah, that's another one.

What was that?

I got drunk with some buddies in Fort Lauderdale and they're like, let's get fucking IHOP, bro. I was like, yeah. So once again, I don't remember going to IHOP, but apparently we got to IHOP. Everybody went inside except for me. Yeah, I don't know. They were just like, yeah, you disappeared. But I woke up on a, like, a gurney, like a stretcher, being strapped down all across my chest, my legs. And I look up and like there's fucking firefighters and police officers surrounding me, and they're like carrying me into an ambulance. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And then my buddy saw me out of the corner of his eye in the restaurant getting pulled away, so he comes running out and he's like, no, he's with me! And he's undoing all the straps. And I'm like, he's going to save me. But yeah, they were like, you know this guy? I was like, yeah, yeah. And they let me go.

And how would they let you go? How was that?

They were like, he's my responsibility. Like, I'll take care of him for the night.

What did you do to get to the stretcher? Like, what were you doing?

I don't know.

I have no idea. I was probably outside puking my brains out or something.

And like, and your friends were just enjoying their meal.

They're just face deep in pancakes and like, I'm outside dying.

But they didn't see you until you were already like, that's kind of crazy. The ambulance pulled up. So someone called the ambulance, so probably took like 5 minutes to get there, and then the lights were on and getting my big fat ass up on a fucking stretcher. Probably got you onto the stretcher, which probably took another 3 minutes after they questioned you for 5, and then your friend decided, I should go help him out.

I wonder where Heath went.

Wow, you've completely cleaned up your act though.

Yeah, you are like—

it's bizarre.

But it— but if you were like clean Heath from the beginning, like, I wouldn't have like you helped a lot with my videos just because you were such a fucking mess. You were such a fucking disaster. But no, you did clean up a lot. Like I remember when I first, when I was first at, um, when I first met you, you and Zane were the first like Viners I met.

Yeah.

And, um, and I went to your house and you guys were just making so much money. I mean, you guys were making a lot of money for Viners.

Yeah, for doing Vine videos, we felt pretty good.

Yeah, you guys were posting like ads for Badoo. And I remember calling my friends and going like, everyone— I called my mom and my two friends and I was like, everyone is so rich here. Like sometimes I don't even have to pay for dinner because they just take it.

Holy shit.

I was so impressed by you.

Funny how things turn around, huh?

What was your first impression of David? Like back, remember you lived like on Wilshire and David?

I remember, I remember meeting you for the first time because I was talking to Zane on the— asked Heath.

It's my first impression, not yours.

No, I know, I know, but let me just say this. I was talking to— because you guys had a collab channel, you know, Zane and Heath, and I was talking to Zane, and I always thought you were the scarier one, so I was nervous to meet you because Zane was like— Zane seemed like really nice. You seemed like the more like, oh, like, I have to drive a truck. Okay, so what did you think of me? So I was scared of your impression.

I remember meeting you and being like, oh, this kid's actually really cool. Like, he's super nice. I remember, I remember the first thing you said to me.

What? You go, hey, what's up, dude? And I don't know why, but that made me feel so comfortable.

Oh, awesome.

Because you said it in such a nice way, and I expected it.

I expected you to be like, dude, everybody that meets me, even like people that watch like our videos, they're like, you are so nice in person. Like, I'm not what people expect.

I thought you're gonna be a lot scarier, standoffish. But right when I walked in, you were smoking a cigarette on your balcony.

And you—

sounds about right— and you put it out and you came to shake my hand because I was inside your living room. Like, hey, what's up, dude? I'm like, I'm David. Like, oh, nice to meet you. And I was like, oh wow, fuck yeah, he's cool.

I had the same exact impression of Heath when I met him. I thought the same thing as you thought.

You thought he was mean?

I didn't think he was mean, but I was just like, didn't know what to expect. And then he was so overly nice that you were like, yeah, because you look at his face and you're like, oh, this guy might be a dick because he's funny and he like has a lot of money and stuff. But yeah, you're like so, so welcoming.

So what do you think? What do you think of me?

I thought you were really nice. And then I remember we were like hanging out in the living room and then you had like a friend coming into town and you were like, I got to go pick them up. And I was like, oh, okay. And you're like, do you want to come with me? I was like, yeah, sure. Oh yeah. And then we like hopped into your like old— what was the Corolla?

Corolla.

And we went to go pick somebody up from the airport and I was like, what am I doing right now? Like, I just met you.

Oh, you thought that was awkward?

Well, I just was like, I thought we were fucking getting it on, dude. I thought we were best friends. No, it was just like really weird. Like, I just met you and you're like, 'One of my friends is coming, so let's go.' And then we just like—

do you, do you miss still being crazy?

Um, no, I feel so much better.

You feel healthier?

Yeah, I feel so much better.

Would you ever let your kids like dabble in drugs?

I mean, I could never control what my kids do.

I mean, I used to— my neighbors, they were super Christian, like super Christian. And I asked them, I was like, 'Would you let your kids like do drugs and like drink alcohol and stuff?' And they said, when they turn 18, we're going to put it all on the table for them. We're going to be like, here you guys go, you can go ahead and try it. We don't recommend it, but we want to be here for your first time when you do it.

No, that's weird. I wouldn't do that.

That's what I said.

Okay, I'll try the heroin. I'll take the PCP. What else?

What else should we try? Um, definitely some blow. Get the blow.

You want the blow?

No, but I mean, yeah, I guess. But you want to—

No, I mean, I feel like the whole part of like wanting to try it, I feel is like, so you're doing with your friends, like, Nobody's going to fucking sit there and like do heroin in front of their parents.

Like, that's—

I know. But I also feel like if you're a parent, you have to be like, really, you have to be like, you can't be— you can't discipline your kids for not— you can't discipline your kids when they drink. Like, you can't be mad at them because then I feel like they're never going to call you if they're in trouble. Yeah. Like if they're drunk. So I feel like you have to be like, if you're ever— if you're ever fucking hammered, Don't be scared to call me even though you're underage. Yeah, fucking just call me and I'll pull you out.

I called my mom one time to pick—

what, Jason? Why are you laughing?

So cute when you like play house like you're a dad.

Like, I'm the guy to call. Fucking dad.

But what? I called my mom once, but like growing up I never wanted to drink. All my friends were drinking and I was just like, I don't know, I thought it was stupid because like I saw like the way they acted. And then like one night I just ended up trying it and I was like, I fucking love this.

That's how you—

what I always think that you should just tell kids, like they do, we do the opposite, which is don't do drugs. But what you should say is, if you do drugs, you're gonna like them.

I don't know.

So be careful.

Yeah. Hey man, drugs are great, so be careful. Maybe I feel like there's like a better way of saying that. Yeah, I think drugs are addicting is kind of just the best way to say it.

Like, the way, the way my parents raised me, they, they weren't like, oh, you can't do all this stuff, but it was just like I knew how disappointed in me they would be, and I am really close with my parents, so I didn't want to let them down.

So I moved to California so they could fucking see me doing all those drugs.

Once I climbed, I climbed the roof of a gazebo, and my parents told me to never do it again. And, and sure enough, and the next, literally the next day after my parents yelled at me, I I was on top of the gazebo when they were walking to the park, and I just fucking— they laid eyes on me. I still remember the stroller because my mom was pushing my little brother, and she's just looking at me as I'm standing at the top of the gazebo, like the fucking sun is right behind me, and I'm like, fuck, she sees me. And I came down, and she's like almost crying, and she's like, you have broken my trust. And that was the worst. And that was like the worst thing to hear. She goes, And then my dad goes, trust is the hardest thing to earn back.

Oh, and you're probably young and you were like, oh yeah.

And ever since that, I was like, fuck, I'm never, I'm never doing anything so fucked up as the climbing the gazebo again.

So that's how I'm going to get you from now on. You get really torn up when you let people down. Yeah, that's— I'm going to use that tactic on you.

You're going to be like, I'm disappointed.

Yeah, you get really torn up.

Yeah, I don't like letting people down. Nobody does.

Why don't you have Natalie buy a bunch of gazebos back here now though?

So I just climb them all. Check this out, Mom. Everything that my mom wouldn't let me do, I own this gazebo and I can— there's a ladder that goes straight to the motherfucking top. Yeah. No, I don't know. I'm happy. Well, that's all the time we have. This has been Heath. Thank you. From Zane and Heath. He has his own YouTube channel. You can go check him out. He does a lot of cool things on there. He made, um, he made a bunch of our faces out with macaroni.

That's the one that you fuck his up.

No, go check out his channel. Go buy buy his merch. And, um, yeah, we'll see you guys later. This has been the Views Podcast. My name is Jeff, that's Heath, and that's my son. That's my son. That's my boy Jason. Come on, thank you, Jason. That's Jason.

Jesus Christ, you really forget my name? Oh, it's my birthday.