DISCUSSING WHAT HAPPENED

What's up guys, welcome back to Views.

Nice, sounds good. Good tone. Okay, good register. Thank you, you're already in the pocket, bro.

My hand is shaking. Yeah, could be the caffeine, but this is weird.

I had a little diarrhea just now.

I'm just not on the white seats.

Yeah. It's a bummer. Um, yeah, ayahuasca.

So I don't even know where— where do we start? How do we even do this?

This, this podcast has been building for some time.

Yeah. And oh, this, this episode?

Yeah, this episode.

I get away with that on my vlogs too. Yeah, I'll just be like, guys, I'm not feeling so good today, and then all the comments are like, it's okay, Jason, we love you.

Okay.

And I, and I understand why you don't do that, because, because when you started When I met you, I, you know, I used to do like one-man shows where I would like bare my soul to like 25 people. Like, that's literally what I was doing before I met you. So that to me was like, yeah, I'm an artist and I'm doing my thing. And when I met you, I got this whole other different angle of stuff. And I was like, you know, you just want to make people happy. You just want to make people laugh. You want people to escape. You know, you're like the show Entourage.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, like, I used to love the show Entourage. You know why? Because I was married at the time, and I knew Sunday at fucking 9 o'clock Vince and the gang were gonna get it to get up to some shit. They were gonna get in a Lamborghini, maybe hang out with a hot babe.

Well, that's why—

and that's what I saw in your vlogs.

I mean, that goes along with like the movies I enjoy. Like, I'll never say I like a dark movie. Like, I hate dark movies. I just don't like a movie that like— and by dark movie, I mean like movies where people are going through like real emotional shit, or like the act— like dramatic movies. I just don't like those. Yeah, like I like the super lighthearted— like when I say 50 First Dates, like I'm not kidding. Like I just like the movies that you can put on and you can watch with like a blank mind and you can just be like dumb happy. Yeah, like that's what I've always enjoyed and that's what I've always wanted to put out. Like I've always wanted to put out content where it's like I'm not talking about the stuff that's like bothering me and I'm not talking about stuff that's like making me sad that day, because I don't know, not that I was like embarrassed, but I just feel like that's not my place. Like, it's not— I'm making these videos and I don't mean this in a way to like gas myself up, but like, I'm, I'm making these videos to make other people laugh and to make other people smile. Like, why should they worry about how I'm feeling? And like, and, and, and that, that's 100% true. Like, I've always thought— I don't know, I, I, I hate saying that because it does sound like I'm like, it's not about me, it's about the people watching. But like, I, in a way, in a way, I mean that. Yeah.

Yeah, and there's a lot of merit to that. And so when you—

that's, that's why I hate saying it, because it does—

let me say it, there's a lot of merit to it. And, and when you showed me that way, and I was like, you know what, that is a good way to be, because the way I was doing it, one-man shows, was not working for me.

Sure.

You know, no one wanted to hear me sit up there and cry about my marriage or whatever.

But I think, I think as like time goes on, like, yeah, there gets to a point where that's a little bit harder to do.

Yeah.

Where, where being happy is a little bit more difficult to do. And, and actually, like, I've had a lot of like YouTube friends that like put emotional stuff on the internet and like people really love it. And then they'll come to me or I'll be talking to them about it and they'll be like, I really regret, like, not I regret, but like, I don't know why I posted that. That's so not like me. And then I'll be like, but just like, look at all the people you're helping. Like, look at all the people you're connecting with. And I always say this to people like that, like are like second-guessing being like real on their, on their internet profiles or whatever it is. And I'm like, look at all the people you've helped just because of what you've said. And And it's, uh, it's like I'm hypocritical because like I say how positive it is and then I'm scared to do it myself. Like I'm scared to open up myself.

Um, why are you scared to open up?

I don't know. I, I don't know. I mean, it's just for the reason that like I just feel like it's just like—

you think it's cheap?

I don't know if it's cheap. I just feel like people don't— that's not, that's not why people have like been attracted to me in the first place. Like I think, I think I've always, like we were just saying, like I always wanna be like people come and they know exactly what they're gonna get. Just fun time, just laughter, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You know how I look at it?

What?

Remember when you got your Tesla?

Yeah.

And you made a video about the car?

Yeah.

And in the first minute you go, guys, I got a new Tesla, I'm really excited about it. This is a car video. So if this is not your thing, it's not like my other videos, honestly skip it. But Heath and I are gonna go out, we're gonna make a video about this car 'cause I'm so psyched about it.

Oh great, so yeah, this is exactly like that except it's not a car video, it's a feelings video. So if you, yeah. Skip it if you hate feelings. Um, I may skip this actually. I may sit this one out right now. No, but I think, I think, yeah, I think that was, that was like my fun, bubbly personality, like that side to me, which was very true and authentic.

Yes.

Um, I feel like part of it was shot. So like it was killed. Yes.

Killed off.

Part of it was—

I mean, the, the people should know, the people that love you and support you, they should know that you've, you know, you've been going through it the last year and, you know, you haven't been the same. And we're all— we're all worried about you. And we come here every single day, Natalie and I.

Okay.

And Ilya. And we, you know, we're trying to get old Dave back.

Hold the knife. And it's in your hands.

It's almost like, you know, it's almost like you're a drug addict.

Yeah.

I was friends with a drug addict once, and we used to go over there every day and try to get him to quit drugs. And he wouldn't. And that's, that's how I feel with you. And, and so I'm, you know, we, we're hoping that if you start talking about stuff, then things are going to get better for you and you're going to feel better. And that's all we're trying to accomplish. We're not— I don't— you're not— we're not trying to win anyone over. We're not, we're not trying to get sympathy. But all we're trying to accomplish is just so you feel better. And honestly, maybe this podcast won't even go up.

Yeah, I think, I, I think the big problem is a lot has happened in my life, like The last 2 years especially. Do you know I got canceled?

Yeah, I did too.

I know a lot has happened and I just like— I mean, Ilya will say it the best. I'll just be like, you're a fucking asshole. You never talk about anything. All you do is you just keep it to yourself. Yeah, like open up, like talk to your audience. Like all they want is like honesty. All like, that's what you preach too, like to be authentic. And I feel like I'm not being authentic Yeah, bye. And I feel like we're just like leading these people on. Haven't we been talking about like nothing for like 10 minutes, or am I crazy?

Um, I think this is the best.

Oh really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm so— I like a boner.

I feel like if I was watching this, I'd be like, dude, say something else.

No, man, let it fucking ride. Who cares? This is for you, right? This is for you and me and Natalie and no one else, and we're just letting them watch it, right? You know? And you know what the real crime is, David, right? The real crime is that you, when you do talk, you're incredible. And then when you do tell people how you're feeling and stuff, you're incredible. You're a credible communicator.

And I like to think I am.

You are. And you, you're doing yourself a disservice by just not being confident in your— yeah, being confident, speaking from the heart, because you're, you're like the best at it out of all of us.

Yeah, I appreciate that.

Thanks.

Um, A lot of potential to live up to now, now that you said that.

So make it good.

Now people are like, let's hear him. Let's hear this world-renowned communicator communicate. No, I don't know.

Yeah, I think it's also hard. There's so much to say that we're not gonna cover it all this podcast.

There's so much to say. And I've told Jason, I was like, for the next month, like you keep preaching this, like, okay, you take the reins of the podcast and like whatever you need to get out of me or whatever you think I need to get out myself, like, let's just do it. Let's just talk about it. So for the next couple of weeks, I just want to be able to talk about stuff that, like, normally I would be too scared or hesitant or find not important or like just wouldn't want to mention on live. But I feel like I not only owe it to you guys, but I— this is so lame. I feel like I owe it to myself, like, to like, yeah, just get it off. Like, I feel like I've just been in this, like, I don't know, I just feel like I need to, like, come out and be like, this is me. This is what I've been going through.

This is your coming out episode.

But yeah, I've been going— the last 2 years of my life have been like the worst years of my life. And, um, uh, yeah, it's been like really, really bad. And, and I think it's so interesting because I'll see comments on like my new vlogs and everyone would be like— I think we cut this, I mentioned this in the last podcast, but I think we cut it out— and I'll read comments and everyone would be like, this is the happiest I've ever seen him. Yes, he's finally like whatever hit his stride. And it's like It couldn't be further from the truth. Like, I've— I've— I didn't even know, like, I could feel something like this. It's pretty dark and it's pretty unfortunate, but I'm figuring it out. And I don't know. And I think— and the thing that's keeping me going is like, I know whatever a person's going through, like, it's going to be okay at the end of it because, like, you know, like, like when you see, like, celebrities or like any prominent person be interviewed, or like anybody interviewed in general, it's like, what would you tell yourself when you were younger? And like 70% of the answers are like, it's going to be okay. You know what I mean? So like, yeah, if I was to take—

it's not, trust me.

I'm on the other side.

No, no, it is going to be okay.

No, but like, that's how it is. That's how I look at it. Like, you know, this stuff can't last forever. Maybe you can't. Maybe I just shot myself in the face with that.

But well, well, there's a lot of issues on the table, and probably the first thing is, is Jeff. We should, you know, we should talk about that and what's going on and how you feel about it, right? Right.

Recently, Jeff, our friend Jeff Wittek, posted some stuff about me, um, just about the accident and about how things have been handled.

And, um, you didn't call him out of surgery? Yeah, yeah, stuff like that.

And I think, and I think there's things that I haven't really spoken about. Um, I've never spoken about the surgery or the incident in general. Um, so I, I think it's kind of time for that.

And we asked Jeff to come today and be on the podcast. He didn't want to, and we respect that, right? Because I, I would— yeah, I would prefer to do that, to do that with him here, you know.

But that's also a reason I don't like doing any of this stuff.

I don't like doing it either. It's because agree with you.

I just— I think like talking about someone when they're not in the room is like a really strange thing. I think you can tear open a person when they're in the room right next to you and like you're making eye contact, but I think it's a whole nother to talk about somebody when they're not there with you.

Yeah.

Um, I don't know. Um, the Jeff thing— yeah, the Jeff thing is, is the fucking worst because before I even say anything, um Like, that is— that day, uh, is like the worst, the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I wish I could fucking— I would fucking do anything to take that day back. Um, my hand is shaking. Um, like, yeah, I mean, anything. Like, I'm being deadass. Like, I wish it was me up there. I wish whatever. Like, it's like It's the most unfortunate thing ever. And I think— and, and, and it's a shitty— it's an accident. That's what it was. It's an accident. Like, I also want to make that clear. I don't know if people think that— that there's, there's never a world where I would ever want that to happen to a person. There was never— I was never up there like driving the thing wanting to hurt him or whatever it was. Like, that was never the thing. Um, and I think recently— so Jeff's gone angry recently with me. And, um, and I don't know if this is— there's a lot of layers to it, I feel like. And, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think, I think one of the main reasons, um, Jeff is bummed with me right now is, um, because he saw me do, uh, he saw me do an interview where I said something that I promised him I'd keep between us. Um, and that's something he told you? Um, yeah, and I figured that that's what it was, and then you reaffirmed it when you told me that, uh, he's, he's pissed that I broke a promise. Um, this is so hard to talk about because like I don't want to fucking sound— yeah, okay, so it was, it was the day of whatever it was.

It was, uh, you've never talked about the accident. You want to go through it?

Yeah, I mean, we were filming a video, like my comeback video. I haven't posted in a while and we wanted to do something exciting. And there was this YouTuber that we were collaborating with for it that like did these really cool, like, um, like really cool visuals of like people doing the coolest things. And one of them was, um, people like wakeboarding— I don't know what that's called— while holding on to an excavator. Um, and that was like one of like 5 things we were gonna do. That was like the first activity that we had planned to shoot. Um, and yeah, the morning came where we were in Utah, we were filming it, and, uh, and yeah, we were getting the shots wakeboarding. And, um, and then I remember Jeff came up to one of my buddies, one of our friends— I don't know why I say like that— And then later to me, and he was like, he was like, this is fucking boring as shit. What are we, like preschoolers? Like, let's do something cool. And he said he wanted to swing from it, and I loved the idea. I was like, hell yeah, let's do it.

Um, um, so I remember too, like, right before we had gotten to Utah, Jeff, Todd, and I were all getting skydive certified. So we were like we had all done like 20 jumps out of an airplane. Like, we were like high on life.

Yeah, right.

I remember when we all, like, the three of us had like this like air of like, not arrogance, but just like we had done something so amazing all together and we had this like bonding experience.

Oh yeah.

And I remember like when we landed at the airport, um, we just felt like so cool.

Yeah.

And we were so ready to like do— we're like, oh, we're gonna do all these like water sports and stuff. Like, we were just jumping out of airplanes for a whole week. Like, yeah. And, um, there was that, like, there was that air of, um, like, excitement and, like, wanting to do so many different things and, like, being able to do—

you guys were adrenaline junkies for, like, a week. Yeah, exactly right.

And I remember you, you, you took one van in the morning, and then, you know, I took everybody else in another van a couple hours later. And I remember going down, dropping everybody off, and I had to poop. And I remember, and I remember, and I remember— I remember walking down and looking at the stunt and being like, I'm gonna check this out, I'm gonna see what everyone's doing. And I saw it and it was just that, you know, the crane just taking people around wakeboarding, and it was pretty slow. And I was like, okay, that looks fine, right? I'm gonna go poop. And it was really far away from the Rite Aid that I had to poop at. It was, it was far from civilization, like 15 minutes. And by the time I finished pooping, Susie texted me and said, you know, you guys were at Utah Valley Hospital.

And oh shit, I didn't know you weren't there.

Yeah, Jason wasn't even there.

I wasn't there. And that, that eats me up. Um, that eats me up that I wasn't there.

Yes.

I, I don't know what I would have done if— because I feel like, you know, me and Matt King are always the ones that are like, hang on, you know, let's wait.

Yeah. I mean, yeah.

So go ahead.

Yeah, yeah.

So Well, sorry. Yeah, and I remember like we had pulled up to that stunt the first day, and, um, I remember walking up and Todd was wakeboarding for the first time. This is like when Todd and I first started.

This was the day before.

This is the day.

That day? Yeah, it was early that day. It was 7 AM you started.

Yeah, and this is when Todd and I had first started like dating. Yeah, and there was always like these jokes between Todd, Jeff, and I. Yes, you know, about like Todd and I dating. And I remember Jeff was like, oh, Todd thinks he's so cool, like he's just like wakeboarding or whatever. And like, because he was like, we had just done all these things, we just jumped out of a plane like a million bajillion times, now we're just like hanging on to like a wakeboard, um, and there's like so many more other cooler things that could be done. And so I think that like there was just this air of like everyone was trying to like have fun and like do cool things.

It was a comeback video, there was a lot pressure on that?

I mean, I think pressure on that—

on that—

oh, I think there's a lot— I think there's a lot to be said with just that as well. Like, I think that's why I don't want to make the kinds of videos I was making before, was— is— was there was this like pressure to perform. So there was like— like— and not— I don't know, I'm like 50/50 on it because it's like on one side, like, that's how things are made that are great. Like, everybody wants to contribute, everybody wants to make it bigger, everybody wants to make it better. Like, that's how great things are made. Is like people have a motive and people have a desire to make something amazing. And I think that's what helped with my videos is each and every one of my friends wanted to contribute. And the reason they were so good is because all my friends helped me with the videos. And, and yeah, so like on one side, I think like that's exactly how something great is done. But on the other side, I could see how like that environment can get dangerous. So when we got to the hospital, um, um, Jeff was in pretty good spirits. It's a really hard thing to like navigate when you're in the hospital with something like that because you don't know whether or not to be like, like super serious and caring or goofy, right? Like, I don't know how to do that. Um, and I remember, I remember Jeff told me to check my DMs, and it was, it was a video that he found like 15 minutes before the accident that somebody posted and he said, let's recreate this. And it was a guy swinging from an excavator and flying off. I didn't see that DM till the hospital. And he jokes, he's like, I didn't mean literally, haha. Like, he joked. Um, that was the first time I saw the DM. That was the first time I opened it. Um, and then he asked, he's like, can you, can you, can you promise me one thing? And I said, what? And he's like, can you just promise that no one ever knows that this was my idea? And I was like, absolutely. Like That's not a big deal. Um, and then that's the promise I broke recently. Um, and, and I don't know. And, and here's the thing, I don't understand why that bothered him so much, because at the end of the day, I was the one fucking driving it. It was my video. I was the one sitting there. It's fucking clear as day. I am the one controlling the thing. He got hurt because I was driving. That's it. And I fucking know that. And like I said, I would— any chance I would get, I would take that back. Any chance I would get. And, and that, that'll be the biggest regret of my life. My entire life. I really hope there's not a moment that, that I regret as much as that one. Um, um, but yeah. And then we—

It's like a pride thing. He didn't want—

Okay, yeah, whatever it was. I just, okay, whatever it was, I was like, yes, I can keep that. And then it got like a little bit, we started filming, okay, so there's some things that I wish Jeff was a little bit more truthful on, but given the circumstance, it's so hard because he's hurt. So that's why I hate talking about this because he is a victim. Like he got fucking hurt. His face is crushed. He has to go through multiple surgeries. Like I understand that. So it's like really tough, like going back and forth.

Here are some—

this is so like, here are some of the gray—

here are some of the things that he's told me that, that I, you know, are legitimate. They're legitimate gripes, you know, like, um, he came to the house to do a Hawaii video, uh, and he thought— and you, you had planned the Hawaii trip the same day as one of his surgeries. So there was no way that he could go to Hawaii, but he was here for the return of the video. So, which is—

yeah, we didn't, we didn't plan that trip.

We didn't know when he was getting his surgeries. We never know.

And we didn't, we didn't plan that trip, right? Away at— like, everyone came. I surprised him with the trip, right? Like, on camera I said it's in 3 days, like, just to get a cool reaction. I don't even know if I included that, but, um, but it wasn't for like weeks after, right? Because we checking everyone's schedule, and then his surgery came up last minute. So that wasn't—

and the, the hospital bills, which is, which is one of his gripes, and his credit is messed up is what he told me. But you guys are saying that you have tried to pay the hospital bills, right? But your—

he—

his assistant hasn't reached back out.

Well, let me get into that.

Okay.

I, I think, I think the hospital bills—

this is tough. I'm not like trying to speak for Jeff, but I think it's fair that No, no, no. Someone does.

No, no, no, no. Definitely someone should be speaking for Jeff because he's not here. But that stuff, that stuff is tough because I think it goes along with what I'm about to say, so. Well, let me get to the house. Should I talk about the hospital bills or should I go? I think we, we skipped a lot here.

Yep.

Okay, so go back. Okay, so let me, Let me go back. So then we started filming. There's a lot of things that I wish were more like honest and transparent. Um, and, and that was that it was— Jeff wanted to keep the accident to ourselves for a while.

Um, I think he wasn't— he also just wasn't comfortable with like the way that he looked. He didn't want to show people until, you know, he was ready.

That's understandable, right?

And, and I— and what bums me out is I see a lot of things. I don't know if he said it or where it was like put into the universe that like I kept this from people. Like, I mean, for multiple reasons I wouldn't keep that from people. One, it's because it's his fucking face, it's his life, like he's allowed to share it whenever. And two, that would just be extremely stupid of me trying to hide something as brutal as that. Like, I would never ever do that, and that never happened. That was— that was— we were following his lead. So when he wanted to make a doc like I was there. Like, I was like, whatever you need me to do, like, however I'm going to be in this, like, I, I'll be in it. Um, and I think the doc is where, where things started to, to get a little, little strange. Because I remember we were in Utah, we went to like 3 or 4 surgeries with him, I'm not sure, back to Utah. And one of them, we were filming the doc, and one of his guys that works with him went up to Taylor and was like, we really want to make David cry in this piece. We really want him to know what he's done. And there was more of what he said to Taylor, but that was kind of the thing that resonated with me the most. And that's where I started to feel like, oh fuck, like what's going on here? Like someone's not being transparent with me here. Like I almost feel like I'm being pushed into a corner. That made me feel really like uncomfortable and scared.

And Hey, why? What's wrong with— what was wrong with you crying in the doc?

Well, because it's just like a weird thing to say. I felt like it was like— I know, correct me if I'm wrong, but like that to me felt like— I don't know, like it just didn't feel— it just felt— it just felt weird.

Yeah. And, and also I think you you know, the doc came after a bunch of other bad shit that happened, right?

And I think it came at the wrong time. And then— and it's tough with, like— and it's tough. And then the doc got into things like— his doc got into things like how, like, I'm not there for him, like we don't talk enough. And, and a lot of that was true. Like, I've never had a harder time communicating with a person than I have with him during this. Um, and, and, you know, it's for multiple reasons. It's for me fucking just being bad at that shit and not knowing how to handle like such a serious situation. Um, and I also didn't know if he needed space. Like, every time I would talk to him Jeff is like a guy who like is very tough when you're to his face and it's like, I don't need this, I don't need you doing this, like I'm good, I'm strong. But then when you create that distance, it's like, what the fuck? Yeah, he's not fucking— now not talking to me. And then like when my other friends would go talk to him, he'd tell him, he's like, if I ever see Dave, I'm gonna fucking beat his ass, right? So it's like— and that happened multiple times. From multiple different friends where he would like complain about— so like, I wouldn't know, like, do you want to see me more so you can beat my ass? Like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how to go about that in a way where it's not hurting him more seeing me. Like, because like that, that accident is so bad where like, I would understand if he wouldn't want to see me because I'm associated with like, yeah, such a shit fucking time. Um, and, and, and back to And back to the, the secret that he wanted me to keep, um, I, I was all hands on deck for that, but I, I feel like I can take, you know, 80% of the responsibility, 90%, 100% of the responsibility for the accident, whatever he needs me to do. But that, you know, then when it gets to the point where it started to feel like I was taking 150% of the responsibility, I started to see things like like David fucking Force's friend up there, like all this kind of stuff. Like, that was just fucking insane. And it like felt like people thought I like literally sent him up there just so he can fucking swing off this thing, right? Like, that was not the case. And like, the more and more that happened, the more I was like, what is going on? Like, this is not what happened. It was— it was a combined decision we made and it was a complete accident. And I'm so fucking sorry that accident happened. But it did, and there's, there's no going back from that. Like, there's nothing we can do. Um, and, and yeah, I wish it was more like that. And then when it started to be like more 150% on me, it— I, I started to get— I don't know, I guess like it just freaked me out more. I was just like, I don't know, I don't know what's going on, I don't know. Um, and then in terms of his like medical payments, um So far we've paid, um, I think I, I just had accounting check and it was like $78,000 of surgery. And I don't know what that equates to, I don't know what that is, but I don't love the fact that he's going around saying I don't pay for surgeries. Like, that fucking hurts. Like, I want to help him, I really truly do. And like, he still has my word, like I told him that I'd pay for surgeries. He can still— and, and the reason we haven't been paying for a surgery. I don't know if it's his assistant's fault or, or, or Jeff just told him to back off from us, but like, I don't handle that stuff more. I'll just give approval to, to spend that, whatever. But like, Natalie has asked multiple times, like, loop us into all these surgeries, and we're just not getting looped into anything. And then, and then we're blindsided when he goes to another surgery, and then he'll like come out and be like— like his most recent surgery I didn't know that he had a surgery until he unfollowed me on Instagram. And that's because, you know, it's a two-way street. We can be— we can be like, when's your next surgery? But also, we're not— no one's looping us into what we need to be paying for. And to this day, like, I'm still keeping my word. Like, I want him to send me whatever he needs me to pay for. Like, I will pay for it. But it's just not fair to say that we haven't been paying for it because we have paid literally every single bill that has ever been paid. Yeah, every bill. And we'll— as long as he needs it. It. Um, I don't know.

This is good. You're speaking your, your mind and speaking your truth and your side of it, and it's good.

But at the end of the day, like, none of this matters. Like, nothing I say, nothing he says, nothing we say together will ever fix what happened. Like, that's the end of the fact. And like, and that's what sucks is like It just can't be changed, and it's a fucking really shitty accident, and, and it's just, it's just the thing that I, I don't know. I wish we could both figure out how to approach moving forward. Like, I don't know, I don't know what I'm saying.

You know, I, I honestly think he'll see this and, you know, really appreciate this. I think you will, because I do, I do. And Jeff, if you're watching, I, I, I, I think that you will appreciate this. I think— I know he'll appreciate this because he, um, I think he just feels unheard and he feels like he was swiped under the rug and stuff like that. And just, just you talking about it for the first time pays a lot of credence to what happened, and it'll probably really help with some healing. And I'm not— not to say maybe there's some things that we said that pissed him off too, but I think it's really good, right? You know, it's a start. It's a start. And, you know, and I don't really care what the comments say. I don't really care what anyone has to say. This is all between us, and we're doing this so we all can heal and move on. And ultimately hope things get better for Jeff too. Yeah, you know, and this is our way of doing it, you know.

Um, I think it's also important to note that just because this is the first time that this conversation is happening like publicly for people to listen to doesn't mean that it hasn't happened multiple times in private. Yeah, which is the frustrating part of all of this is that there have been many conversations that cover all of this.

That's my least favorite too. It's also like really tough when Like, I can see from Jeff's perspective, like, it's probably really tough when he sees my videos and I'm like traveling the world and I'm having this like fucking time of my life.

And it's like, and he's getting his eye cracked open.

Yeah. And it's like, and it totally looks like, you know, I haven't mentioned this, like no one can even fucking tell that I want to fucking blow my fucking brains out.

Yeah.

And, and, and, and that's part of the reason I want to do this is like this weighs on me every minute of every day of my life. Ah, I'm so late. But, like. But, like, it. It's like, the worst. Why are you crying? No, it's just.

I feel so bad.

No, no, it was your fault. You shouldn't let. For the bathroom. No, no, no.

I feel so bad for you, man.

No, no, don't do that.

No, I know. And Jeff feel bad for Jeff.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Jeff is the first person I feel bad for. And then after that, I— Natalie. Natalie, who puts up with you?

And then I feel bad for myself. You got me that dog I can't take care of. No, but I can't keep up with them, man. No, this fucking— this fucking blows. It fucking blows. It's such a bad shit situation. And, and, and we've tried. We've, we've, we've had this conversation like has happened with Jeff face to face a good number of times. I remember when he was making the doc, we went for a car ride around and like, he was like, hey, I know you've apologized to me in person, but like, I want you to do it on camera so people can see. And I was like, okay. So we rode around for 45 minutes and, you know, tears were shed and there was a lot of conversating and, and he was really fair to me in the car and we were really fair with each other. Like, it was very amicable and like, it was very sweet and And we got back to the house and, uh, and we recorded. We didn't hit record on the camera.

Really?

So we— yeah, it was— I'm not kidding. It was like 45 minutes, an hour, not hit record.

Where was Oscar?

And then, uh, and then we did it again. We were like, let's go again. So we went for the same car ride down the same streets, talked about the same shit, um, in the same way. And like, that never made it into his video. Maybe it was on his Patreon. I don't know where it was, but like Like, that kind of bummed me out. It's like we're having all these conversations and like, what is it for? Like, do you need to hear this from me or do you need to hear it for your video? Or like, and no one's seeing it at the end of the day. So like, what is it for? What are we doing this for? And like, it doesn't feel authentic, you know, especially the second time. Um, so, so yeah, I don't know. That's strange. I also, this is just like a really stupid like little thing, but like the roast Yeah, he said that— he said— Jeff said somewhere that I cut out— I was cutting out jokes about myself in the roast, which is so not true. He only said one joke about me, and it was— it was just about— I didn't even know he said a joke about me until I asked Jason. I was like, did you cut anything out about me? And the joke was, um, uh, David has a new show on Discovery called Discovering David Dobrik, and the only thing they're discovering there is that David's gay, which is like, good joke. I mean, yeah, I mean, that's— it's a joke quite often.

It's a joke. Yeah, it's a joke. I'm not too sure about myself, but no, but yeah, but we didn't try to cut that.

I would never. And that's what bummed me out. It made it seem like I'm controlling some edit here and like taking out stuff about me. I definitely did not touch that fucking post.

No, not at all. You didn't touch it?

I didn't.

I think later, for Jeff, it became more like he just didn't want to be involved with—

Right. But there's a way to say that other than like, I'm silencing him. Yeah, I've never wanted to silence Jeff. I've never—

Yeah, that's fair.

Well, hold on. That's not fair. Well, would I have loved for him to keep stuff to ourselves?

Yeah.

Like our conversations and stuff? Yes. But like— but no, there was never a moment where I was like, no one can know about this. Injury. Like, like, there's never a moment where he like walks into my office and like I hit a button and the door locks and I'm just like, yeah, we need to talk about some stuff. I put my feet on the—

you're honestly not that imposing. You're not that threatening.

No, I never, I never do shit like that.

Usually just, you know, run the other way.

I'm okay. I think, I think at the end of the day, like, this has been such a shitty situation, like from the moment it happened to the last couple months. And, um, like I said, there's not— there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about this. And I'm so sorry that this happened to you, Jeff. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And, and, and I wish it was easier. I wish it was easier to deal with this. Um, I wish we were both better communicators. Um, because I know it eats you up, and I know it eats me up, and I know for a fact we don't communicate that to each other properly. Um, and I wish we did that better. Um, and yeah, and I don't know, it's so fucking shitty, and there's nothing I can say here that will fix everything. So that's why it's like, that's why this is so tough.

That's why you haven't said anything.

And, and, and I also like, I, I'll see comments sometimes like, did he forget what he did, or did people forget? And it's like, fuck no, I will never forget. I will fucking never forget. I used to, I used to love longboarding and And one day I went down this fucking steep hill and I ate shit, like ate fucking shit. And, and I kept longboarding. But, but did I ever forget that? It's like, no, I never forgot going down that hill. And I made sure to never go down that hill again. And that's because it's a good thing to never forget, right? Like, that's— this moment has taught me so many fucking lessons. Um, where I'm gonna make sure nothing like that happens again. Um, nothing like that can even come close to it. Like, we still do the goofy and like stunting things sometimes, but like, now we can do it with like— now we do it with like proper people around. Um, and now, now I've learned to say no to a lot, you know. A lot of people come here wanting to jump off this roof into the pool because it is like in the perfect direction, but like, uh But like, just little stuff like that, like, none of that is worth it. And, um, luckily we, we get to do stuff with the TV show now too, where we have like every safety measure taken care of. And, and that's not to say that people won't get hurt. People— there's always a chance for people getting hurt. You can roll your ankle getting out of the van. Like, there's always room for that. Um, but, but I'm definitely taking a lot better precautions for that.

You think you could, um, what steps are you taking to, to, I don't know, be more— do you think you could be more empathetic in your life?

Yeah. Oh, okay, that's a good question. I think, um, Natalie's gonna laugh, but I, I'm already laughing inside my head. I think I've always thought I had like really solid empathy. Yeah, because I am really empathetic when it comes to like strangers. For some reason I'm really good with like people that I've like just met. Um, and I always thought I had good empathy, but I think what I learned recently, and like quite recently, is that it's not only like putting yourself in other people's shoes, but it's like putting yourself in their shoes as them, as the way they process things. I think like I was putting myself in people's shoes and I was just like, oh, that wouldn't bother me, you know what I mean? And like, right, I have a different outlook on a lot of different things. Like the best example I have, and this is going to sound really bizarre to say, but my grandpa passed away when we were in Slovakia. Like it was like, it was I got to see him again and then he passed away and it was really fucking— he passed away the day I was driving back from his house to the hotel in Slovakia. And I haven't seen him in like X amount of years or whatever. And he passed away the day I saw him for the first time. Like, it was really cool. My parents were like almost stoked on it. They were like, at least he got to see you for the last time, whatever. And then I learned that he passed and like I took it as like, I'm gonna see him again. Like, that's how I process those things. Like, it's, it's not to me like I'll never see this human being again, right? And I was just like, I'll just see him next time I see him, like wherever, in heaven or wherever it is. And, and then Todd's grandma passed away recently, and, and Todd was like really going through it, and I wanted to text him. I didn't know what to say exactly, so I remember I texted Natalie. I was like, I want to text him because like I want him to know that I'm there for him. But like, I remember when my grandpa passed away, like I processed it differently. Like I didn't get a text from anybody, and that's because I wasn't like showing that I needed a text from anybody. So like I asked Natalie, I was like, how do I go about this the right way where like he feels that I do care for him, but like I'm— it's also not like fake, it's genuine, but it's coming from a way where like I want to check in if he's okay. So she helped me out with that.

Uh, what did you write? What did you write to Todd? Uh, hey man, you good?

Hey man, you want to go to One Oak later to party? Hey man, bottle service on me.

I mean, that is what you do. You, you make jokes in a bad time.

No, I just said I'm here for him. I'm here for him. I'm here for him and I'm keeping my thoughts. I don't know. Um, but that's, that's like my big thing of empathy. Like, that was just taught recently. I'm trying to be better at is like putting myself in their shoes as them. Because I— a lot of times I look at things and I'm just like, why would that— why would that bother you? But then I realized that different things bother you.

You definitely— you definitely missed a lot of things growing up.

What do you mean?

Well, like yesterday at the airport. Remember at the airport when he had the separate car? That was— that was so crazy. It didn't bother me, but it was like, we have a van coming home from the Discovery show. We get home from LAX, have a long trip. And we all get in a van, the 6 of us. And then Dave has Taylor pull up in Dave's car, and he's gonna go with Taylor in his car while our luggage is still coming out because Dave's not fair. I'm not— listen, let me finish. I didn't care.

Well, we're all going to the same place.

We're all going to the same place. I didn't care because, because for— I, I do put myself in Dave's shoes, and extra minutes at the airport for Dave means lots of pictures So I didn't care. I'm like, Dave wants to take off in the Tesla. I don't care. Ilya and Natalie were not— they were like, Dave, that's— it was like, that's not what a leader does.

Hold on. Time out. Time out. First, okay, first of all, I always have Taylor come and get me. Yeah, because I'm never actually on the bus with them because immigration, when I step into the country, holds me.

Okay.

In their immigration room. Like, after I go to customs, they go, we need to examine and interrogate you.

Yes.

So I always get brought in to the room. And I sit there for an hour. They're halfway down the 405.

That's fair.

And I'm still in the room.

Okay. I didn't know that.

So this was my first time that I did customs in Houston. So when we landed, I was with baggage claim and everybody free to go. Taylor was there and I told Ilya about Taylor and I go, Taylor's here. And he goes, so what? And I go, well, I literally said this. I'm like, I kind of feel bad. Like, do I just take off? Like, she's here and like, you guys are waiting for your bags. And he goes, yeah, can I come with you? And I go, yeah. That's fine. And then I think Natalie went up to him and Natalie was like, can you believe this fucking douchebag? And then I think— and then I think Ilya came up to me and then he was like, yo, man, I think it's fucked up. So I know Natalie got in his head. Yeah. Okay. But I did sit there with you guys and wait for the bus.

But at one point you did— you did say, you go, okay, teach me here what is the right thing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, that, that means you're open to learning and—

no, I'm definitely open.

And I think you—

I want to— I want to be able to be like, I want to be like 33 or 34 years old and I want to be like the master of empathy. I've said this before, like, I don't want to double down as like the villain. Like, I know a lot of people, like, a lot of things have been said about us and trust me, I'll get into all of those in the next coming weeks. But, but I disagree with a lot. And like a lot of people are like, just fuck it. Like, fucking fuck these people. Like, right. Change your whole shit and become the fucking— like, like, fucking fuck all these people. And like, that's like— I never want to do that. I never want to do that. Um, I have love for a lot of people, um, including Jeff. I've— but I've lost love for a lot of people. Um, but, but yeah, I want to learn, and I want to be able to be like 35 and be the person that like a young creator or like a young actor or whatever comes to for advice, because like this year has been the The last two years have been the fucking worst times I could ever imagine. But like, I don't know who does it. I think it's Kelly Clarkson. But like, what doesn't kill you does make you stronger. I know that for a fact.

Yeah.

And like, and like, if I can get through this, like properly through all this and properly learn stuff from it, then I'm going to be like a really fucking strong person. And I hope that I can utilize that strength, that I can help a lot of people through it. You start—

you're starting today, right now, this last hour. Was probably the most growth that I think I've seen you have in a year. And, you know, nice. However it's received, maybe, maybe we won't have a podcast after this, you know. Like, Dave was joking before we came in that this is our last podcast, and yeah, I'm ready for that. I'm, I'm okay with that. Just to see you get off the fucking couch and smile is all I care about, you know. And for Jeff to smile. You know, you know what, you know, it was, um, I don't know if this is a weird segue, but it just popped into my head. What's that movie that you like really related to yourself?

What was it called? Spider-Man? No, no, I'm not— I'm being serious.

And, um, no, it's the movie where the guy's the carnival barker.

Oh, oh, uh, oh my God, I have a quote in my room. The Greatest Showman.

The Greatest Showman. We were, we were really going through it, Dave. He saw this movie, The Greatest Showman, and he brought us all over and showed it to us. And it was, was a lot like you.

Yeah, it was really interesting. I really like that movie. I have a quote from it.

What happens in the movie that reminded you of yourself?

Um, he— so The Greatest Showman is basically like this carny guy who like puts together a carnival and it's like a wacky assortment of people, which is kind of like what we are, right?

Um, old guy.

And oh yeah, yeah, he's everything. Old guy. He has like a hairy woman, bearded lady, bearded lady. Um, yeah, no, it's, it's like a lot of things. And his goal is always to be like, like to go one up from that. And that's like always been my thing is like I'm always like stuck in this YouTube world and I'm like, I want to do something else. Like I want to do something bigger. Like I want to make a film, not be an actor, but like that level of like— because YouTube, there's no respect there. And I think that that's really tough. Like, I wish that changed because I think that fucks with a lot of creators. Yeah, like in general. Like, I know it fucked with me because it was— it's always like it was never enough. It's never enough, like where you are. Like, you always have to do the next thing. And then he gets— and then the movie, he gets like lost in it. He gets what he wanted. Like, he's rubbing shoulders with the stars. He's like— he has a completely new act. But he's not doing the things that got him there and he's not doing the things that he loves. And I was like, being with all those wacky people.

Yeah.

Not saying there was ever a moment where like I was going to abandon anybody and be like, peace, like hanging out with whatever. But, but just to, just to wrap things up for this really bizarre podcast, I know things are going to be clipped from here and maybe taken out of context or taken with context and people react in different ways. Um, but I, I just want to be really clear that, that, um, that— I mean, I, I've said it, but I just want to be really quick. I just want to be really clear that, uh, that there are a lot of things that I could have done differently. There's, you know, from before the accident to after the accident to nothing to do with the accident, there's a lot of things that I could have done differently in my life. And like, and, and I'm sorry. And you know, I promised this before and I've said it in private and I've— and I'll say it again, like, I'm, I'm making those changes and I'm open to those changes. And like, I read every comment unfortunately that I see, so like, I, I do take everything into consideration and I'm learning. And then, and then I'm not And I don't do this for any other reason than, than to spread joy on people's faces and to like make people laugh. Like genuinely don't do this for any other reason. Um, um, and, and I want to keep doing that and it, and it's been difficult to do without sharing this side or part of me, um, because I feel like I've kind of been like leaving all my emotions in here and like not giving you guys the full scoop of everything and I don't know. I also want to be clear that I'm not— this, this video isn't a video where I'm pointing fingers at people or anything. This was just kind of, kind of just like, like how I would talk to a therapist, like kind of just like a way of like just getting stuff off my chest. In a way that like, I want to like grow from this, move on from this, be better from this, and be honest about this, um, just so I can move forward accordingly. Like, I feel like if I don't get this out or don't get this off my chest, like, I genuinely am like stunting my own growth, like, in my character. Like, I feel like I'm just like in this box unless I'm really sharing my experiences and what I'm feeling. So that was the purpose of this, and, um, no other purpose. And I'll— and I never want to be the one that like makes a video about anyone that goes like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Yeah, never, never ever want to do that.

Um, I, I think too, like, I know one of Jeff's criticisms of this podcast is that we haven't said anything. So I think that, you know, in that regard, we've, we've done right by him by just You know, and, and also whatever was said today isn't the end of it, you know, right? We're all, we're all learning, and if we said the wrong stuff today, we'll come back next week. Oh, totally try to correct it. We're not saying that like this is the end of it at all. It's just, just scratching the surface.

And I think moving forward, like what Jason said, what Jason was telling me about his part is like, he's like, I want the podcast to be like, like just talk about your shit. And there are just things that I like, I just hold to myself because like I actually don't know why.

Why, why do you— why, why have you held it?

Because I don't know, because I, because I always want to be the bigger person in some way. And I feel like maybe when, when I do stuff like talk about this stuff, it's not making me the bigger person. Mm-hmm. But it's also like just not making it— but that also makes me just not a person in general.

There's a point where it stops being noble.

Uh, yeah, and it just— it's— yeah, it's just like, it like harms everything. Like, I've been— I can be so much of a better person than I have been the last couple months, and that's just because I'm not myself at all. I mean, I'm like, I'm like a fucking shell of David. Um, and I hope this is step one of many where I can talk about stuff and open up about stuff and be honest and and move on and grow. And moving on does not mean forgetting. I just want to make that clear. Like, this isn't— this— there's never going to be a time where I'm going to be like, fuck that, that never happened. Like, maybe it may seem like that on the internet because I never talk about it, but like, I'm telling you, this shit follows me everywhere I fucking go in my head. So like, there's no use in forgetting it because that only hurt me, and, and remembering it just makes me learn and makes sure I don't make the same mistakes again. So yeah, okay, I guess we'll see you later.

Good job, David. I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Okay, all right, we'll see you guys later. This has been a Views podcast. My name is Jeff.