Accidentally Naked in Front of My Kids

All right, let's clear a few things up about Secret Clinical Strength Antiperspirant before we even get this podcast started. Yeah, Dave, because number one, it's not actually a secret. You can tell anyone about it. Two, it's clinically strong, which just means it's good at preventing sweat, like twice as good as regular antiperspirant. That's why it's on the top shelf. Three, strength is a cool word. You don't really see it a ton on women's deodorant packaging, so we were like, sure, let's shake things up. Four, sweating is the worst. Four and a half, not sweating is great. So you should buy Secret Clinical Strength Antiperspirant. That's amazing. What's up guys, welcome back to Views, brought to you by Spotify. This is fucking crazy. This is crazy. I don't know, I know every time we read multiple ads in a row we react to them like it's the first time we're reading ads, but it fucking blows my mind every time.

That was insane. There was barely a breath between the two ads there.

Yeah, there was. I literally— this podcast, this podcast, I think you guys should treat it as a commercial break from all the others, from all the other podcasts. So listen to another podcast before this and then be like, okay, I need another commercial. So then listen to ours, which is just one big giant fucking commercial, and then go back to listening to other people's podcasts.

I told David, I said, well, should we give him a longer show this week? And he said, fuck no, I don't have anything to talk about.

Yeah, because I was like, I was like, Jason, Jason, there's a lot of— that's the show. It's 5 again. And yeah, and then he's like, should we give him a longer show? No, I keep it short for a reason, is because I literally fucking juice out everything I have left. And Jason's like, I have a couple of stories. I'm like, oh, thank God. But yeah, this is Views, the podcast where we read ads. Roll the intro music. Hey, what's up guys? This is a podcast. I'm David Dobrik. I'm 22 years old now. Just turned 22.

16, I'm 29.

Hold on, hold on. I'll get to you. I'll get to you. I'm 22, super charming, very handsome. Have a beautiful house, beautiful car. Honestly, just everything so far this second that you're listening is everything's going great. And then there's Jason. So here we go.

Everything in my life has been a cakewalk, quite honestly. I can't expect anything to ever go wrong, ever. Don't see any major diseases coming my way.

I'm very careful with when I say things like that. Like, even when I was just like being like playfully cocky about myself, sure, I'm always so scared to say it because I know that one day someone's gonna be listening back to it and they're gonna be like, oh, that's funny, listen to him talk, now he's a— now he's missing two of his legs. You know what I mean? Like, I'm always scared that people are gonna be like— people are always gonna come back to this one because something bad is gonna happen to me sooner or later, and I'm really fucking terrified for it. Like, I'm scared. Yeah, my biggest fear is a car accident. That's— that's— I think that's how I'm gonna go. I've always talked about this.

We were talking about that last night, about how you think that maybe you should just stop driving. Brandon and I were talking about that today. Brandon and Trisha and I were saying about how you're worried about you're gonna die in a car accident, and then Brandon was like, so then just stop driving like that. And Trisha's like, yeah, I know, just stop driving like that, just drive slow.

I know, but it's not, it's not that easy. And I do drive— I don't drive super fast.

You took the kids out last night and like, and I was— you were actually really good.

That was very respectful.

I asked you nicely and you, you actually quietly drove or appropriate, at the appropriate—

Well, first I said fuck off, but then I drove. Jason's like, my kids are in the car, can you drive slower? I said no, fuck you. But I did, and I'm kidding, I did, I did drive a lot, I did drive a lot slower. What scared me today is, um, you guys went to a death museum basically today. Yeah, you guys went to go see a death tour with Brandon, and it's, it's basically a tour that takes you around Hollywood and shows you where celebrities have died. Yeah, fucking bizarre.

Yeah, the minute I walked in I was like Yeah, I left. I left.

I went with—

everyone was spooked after you left. They were like, um, they're like, where'd your friend go? We think we got a little spooked. And I was like, no, he had to go work. And they were like, no, no, I think he— I think he really didn't like it.

Yeah, I wasn't a fan.

You're— you're—

I left because of work, but I wasn't comfortable. Like, I wasn't like, oh, this is interesting. It was like really—

because it was grim.

It's a museum. It's first it's a museum, and then they take you on a drive to all the locations. But in the museum I don't know who the woman was, but they had the actual car of this actress that died in a car accident.

Mansfield.

Yeah. And you could see, you could see the blood on the car from when she hit the semi-truck or whatever. Like you could, the entire car.

I dated her.

No, you didn't. She'd be okay. Forget it. Anyway. Um, you can, you could see the blood on the car from when she was killed in it. And the entire car is, it's the entire car. It's not like a seat or like the steering wheel of the car. It's the entire car. Like, like the second she died, they pulled her out and they brought it into this fucking museum. Like, it's the entire car and it's just like, Jesus.

Yeah, it's crumpled. And yeah, it's, you know, her daughter was Marissa Hargitay.

Yes.

Yeah, she was in the car.

Yeah. All her, all her kids were in the car.

Yeah.

And I think she was the only one that died.

You know what irked me about the death museum? They wouldn't let you do any Instagram stories or anything or take any pictures, which was so silly.

That's such a millennial thing to say. But no, but, you know, it wasn't the car that was there from the murdered mom of 3. What bothered me is I wasn't allowed to take an Instagram photo.

Well, I am a millennial.

Sure, I know, but I know it really doesn't make much sense to saying you're a millennial.

That doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't you just let people— wouldn't that bring you more business?

Sure, it's, um, that's a, that's a, that's a complicated line.

What do you think, really?

Well, because it's like, here, here, because the lady's argument was that we don't let people take pictures in here because we want them to pay to come in here and see it, right? Right, now that's like the same argument as when I'm shooting something for my vlog and I tell everyone no one can Snapchat this 'cause I want it to be a surprise. But then one can argue and be like, wouldn't you want us to Snapchat this so people have something to look forward to? It's the same kind of argument and I could take both sides on it. I could be like, yeah, Snapchat this and then a lot of people will wanna come watch or just keep this a secret until people get here and they're like, oh wow, this is interesting.

[Speaker] But that's different, that's totally different. You're revealing like, the actual piece of content. This is like, hey, well, maybe we should go down and check this place out. There was no one there, but there was 3 people. We had a private tour today. There's supposed to be like 20 people on the bus. There was just 3 of us.

Oh yeah, yeah. Was that other guy on there? No, no, it was just you guys.

It was just me, Brandon, and Trisha. That was it.

It was a big bus too.

Oh yeah, yeah.

How was it? So explain to me, what did they— they take—

they—

did they take you to— give me like one of the most gruesome deaths they took you to.

They took you to my Sister Sam's, um, death.

What's that?

Um, she was like this sitcom actress, and, um, they took her right to her house where the guy came. And then, and then a recording comes on, and it's like, he brutally beat her at midday while 6 passersby watched on. Uh, he then grabbed a gun and slit her— he grabbed a knife and slit her throat. It is, you know, one of the most gruesome murders in LA history.

Wait, why was she killed?

He's just a psycho. He just wanted to kill her. He was just like a crazy guy.

Oh, was he a fan? Did he know her?

He's a fan.

Yeah.

Then, then they, then they told—

goodness—

then they told the story of this like, um, go-go dancer who like murdered this night, uh, murdered this 92-year-old guy. They— we took him right by his house. It was just like, took him, cut his head off, severed his head, then went and cut another guy's head off. This was— I remember that, that was in 2004.

Go-go dancer, is that like a stripper?

Yeah, male go-go dancer. Oh, and he was like all methed up.

Why'd he kill this 92-year-old?

He just did a bunch of meth.

He just cut his head, then cut off— cut his head off. Wow, did they take you by the Charles Manson house?

No, that's, that's only on Saturdays.

They can only take you to his house on Saturdays. Yeah, like really special.

No, they do that. They— people want that so much that they've made that its own tour. Just the Manson stuff.

Anyway, I don't know, it made me really uncomfortable.

Yeah, you don't like dark stuff. You're not a dark guy. We took Brandon because Brandon always talks about—

I am like, I love like, like death penalty videos. I find them so interesting.

Do you watch those?

But why it felt weird was because I'm like, oh, this is like— when I saw that car, I'm like, this is exactly how I'm gonna go out.

Oh, so it really hit home for you.

It hit home not because of me, but I'm scared that I'm, I'm gonna look at another person's car like that, that I, that I took them out with me. I'm terrified.

Maybe you really should just start driving more cautiously. Yeah, that's what happens. What's gonna happen to you, which sucks, is you're gonna like, um, What's the word? You're gonna— one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna understand you're mortal. Like, one day you'll just get out of bed— like, I used to be like you. I'd be like, ah, fuck it, I don't care, fuck it, I'm not— nothing's gonna beat me. I felt invincible for so long. And then one day you'll just wake up and you're like, holy shit, I'm 45 and don't have a job. Yeah, not that bad. But something will happen where you'll be like—

you felt immortal at one point?

I did.

Wow.

I felt like, you know, completely Fuck. Yeah. And it's just—

you must have hit your head hard, huh?

Huh?

What?

What'd you say?

Nothing.

I gotta turn my hearing aid up. My feet stink right now. Yeah, bro, so bad.

When you were— when you were on your phone just now before we started the podcast, I was just looking you up and down. I'm like, how does a guy have this many spaghetti stains on his clothes? Like, you have one at the bottom brim of your shorts.

It's salsa.

It's salsa.

We went to El Coyote after the Death Tour.

Oh, and did you guys bathe in the salsa?

I did.

Like, how How does that even happen?

Oh, dog. I was like, the chips, they weren't like sturdy chips. Sure. The sauce was falling on me. And Tricia said that to me. I said, like, babe, how did you— how do you manage to do that, babe?

It's literally— there's 3 spots on your shirt and then there's 2— there's— excuse me, there's 4 on your pants. It's— and you know what the worst part is? It doesn't even look like you attempted to wipe it off.

Like I did. I put it in my mouth.

I can still take a chip and run it along your pants. And have the biggest dip in my life. That's still considered chunky salsa because there's so much on there.

That's not my main problem. I need some Secret for my feet.

I don't— you need a lot more than fucking antiperspirant for your feet.

Something really funny happened to me.

You need a saw to cut those things off, bro. They will never stop smelling. Jesus, look at your nails.

I had these little socks.

You get through airport security with those nails?

My toenails?

Yeah, they don't confiscate those. Those are fucking weapons.

That's the other thing that happens when you get older. Your toenails just grow like crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they take the form of like a dagger.

Yeah.

Look at those things.

And eagle's talon.

Holy shit. If that— if I found that under my bed, I'd call the police. Just your nails. I'd be like, someone left their weapons here. Someone left a murder kit here.

I'm going to jab you with my toenails right now and see if it hurts, dude.

Oh, he just took them out from under the table and now they're in the light. You don't. Honestly, those sounds make them seem less vicious just looking at them.

I could probably— I could probably jab you hard.

Yeah, 100%. Okay. What happened to you last week?

I went and saw my old friend Jeff Baumgartner, who I used to do a podcast with. Sure.

And, uh, how'd that podcast do?

It was okay. It was one of the first podcasts.

I definitely believe that. How many people listened to it?

Grade school.

How many people listened to it?

We used to get like, you know, 2,000 or 3,000 people listening to it.

Wow. Yeah, that's, that's interesting.

It was interesting. It was good. Like, I liked it a lot. But what do you guys talk about? We said it was mostly like the invention of the cell phone.

Hey, Jeff, did you see that they have something called a cell phone now? No. What's that? Well, it's like a landline, but you can put it in your pocket. Get the fuck out of here, Jason.

My fax broke down today. Are you kidding? My fax is always breaking down.

I don't even know what a fax is.

You don't know what a fax machine is?

No, I do. But like, I feel like people listening won't know.

We used to talk about like, we had kids at the exact same time. So at that time we were talking—

what year? What year was this? Just to put it in perspective.

2006.

Wow. Yeah, this was like— yeah, this is— do they have color television back then?

Yeah, they had that.

Sick.

Okay, they had—

2006 is 12 years ago.

Is it?

Yeah, that's nuts.

That's the other thing, is it— those are just a blur. You know that song Hey Ya by OutKast?

Yeah, sing it though.

Hey, hey, you think you got it, oh, you think you got it, but got it just don't get it, that is nothing at all. Yeah, I was waiting for you to fucking yell at me. You let me go.

Honestly, like I said, I don't have much to talk about, so I kind of just wanted that to be the entire podcast.

Now Jason will do Shawn Mendes. Um, no, and that— but like, one day I woke up and I was like, wow, that was 10 years ago, and I was like singing it, and I thought it was like a current song. Anyway, we go to the beach. I drove up to Carpinteria to see his kids and my kids. Yeah, I met Jeff. He had a house in Carpinteria for a week, like a little shack. It was super fun. It was just like the best time. Anyway, we go boogie boarding with our girls. They're both 9, and we're boogie boarding, and I have these shorts that Cass gave me, free shorts, like bathing suit shorts. And, um, so I'm boogie boarding and I grab a wave and I'm like, oh man, this is awesome, I'm doing it. I'm like, this is awesome, this is life, I'm boogie boarding so much. And then I finished, I landed the wave, and I was like, oh, something's wrong, man.

No, your fucking pants are off.

Yeah, I was like, something is wrong, like something is bad, but I'm not hurting, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I'm like, oh my God, something's so wrong right now. My fucking shorts are gone. There are two 9-year-old girls, my daughter and his daughter, right in front of me. They're like, what's wrong? And I have the board in front of me like a sandwich board, you know what I mean? And I'm covering my genitals with the boogie board. And, um, and, and I, I just freaked out. I just started yelling. I just go, my suit, my suit, my suit's gone! Jeff, Jeff, my suit's gone! My suit's gone! And he's like, what, what, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? My suit, my suit is gone! It's gone! And he, he just fucking starts dying laughing. He's laughing so hard, and the girls are dying. And then we just— we— and there were big waves that day, and we look and the suit is way, way, way out. And it's floating. Yeah, so Jeff, my best friend, takes his pants off in solidarity, and we both get arrested. And now we're on a pedophile list. Um, no, so he swims and he gets the shorts, and he gave them back to me, and it was pretty great. Um, David, uh, was out on—

oh, that was an anticlimactic end.

Yeah, well, you were looking at your phone. That's why it was anticlimactic. I was looking for something.

I was looking if I had another story, um, that was better than that one.

David picked us up on Sunday to go film, took Trisha out, and, uh, we got to Jonah's, and then right as we're pulling into Jonah's to film his family, gets a text from Liza, and then suddenly—

yeah, I'm not too proud of this.

He's like looking up movies. He's like, 11 o'clock movie. And I was like, what? It's 10:41. Like, but wait a minute, we're going to Jonah's. Like, what's going on? And David never does this. Like, it's all about filming, film, film, film, film, film. And even when he has a lot of footage, he'll film some more. And, uh, and then, oh my God, I watched it. He called the audible and he was like, it's like, well, I just love movies.

Let me set it up. Like, I, I, I— there was a possibility that Liza and I were gonna make plans that night and she ended up texting me really late and she's like, okay, I have free time now. And that was at like 10:40 and we had original plans to go see maybe a movie, maybe, but it was probably gonna fall through. But she texted me at 10:40, she's like, up, I have free time. I'm like— she's like, are you busy? I'm like, no, as I'm with Jason and Trisha in the car going to shoot. Um, yeah, okay, sorry, continue.

The funniest part was he just sent me a voice text after. He's like, hey guys, I'm so sorry. He's like He's like, I'm sorry I bailed, you know, it's just, just, I just love movies. I just love, you know, movies are just my favorite thing.

I told him, I'm like, my kryptonite for my work is movies and Liza. I mean, that's a killer combination. If you give me those two, I'm gonna have to skip out on work.

Did you iPic it?

Yeah, we went to iPic, great movie theater. And it sucked, it sucked. And it was, I'm so bummed out that like I can't I couldn't stop myself, do you know what I mean? Yeah, but I was like, I have to go, I have to go. This is a movie with Liza, because I have this weird thing and I'm still like only doing— for those of you who don't know, Liza's my ex-girlfriend, and I have this weird thing where I can only go to the movie theater with her. Like, I can't see any movie with anybody else because I love enjoying things with her for the first time. Uh-huh. So it's like, even, even if you were like, let's go to Paris, Like, I'd be like, I can't, dude. Like, I have to— I have to do it with Liza. Like, I have to experience it for the first time with her. Like, I have this weird thing, and like, I still have it, and it sucks because we broke up like 8 months ago, and I should be able to go see movies with other people, right? And I love movies. So like, I used to— like, as a kid, I would see every movie that's in the movie theater all the time. I'd go to the movie theater and I'd go see 3 or 4 at once. Like, I'd sneak into movies and I'd see— I'd see a bunch of— I love movies. But like now I can't because Liza doesn't have too much free time. So we go very sparsely, sparsely, sparsely.

Yeah.

Something like asparagus. So we go asparagus, parsley, some asparagus and parsley. Yeah.

So, so he came out of the movie and he was like, it was—

well, hold on. Let me, let me say this. I just— I wish I could go see a movie with my friends. That's what I'm saying. It's like, I wish I got over that, the whole experiencing things with my ex-girlfriend.

Yeah, I mean, go, go with your friends. What's the big deal?

I don't know. I don't know.

Want to see it? You're holding on to the past.

No, I'm not, because Liza's still my best friend, and I still want to do like things with her.

It's okay if you go see— of course there's movies that probably Liza wouldn't like that you would like, that you could go see with Todd.

I know, but I still like— I still like her being there for things that I only like.

It was really funny is you came back from Mission: Impossible, and David—

yeah, it's not Mission: Impossible.

This is the best fucking movie I've ever seen in my life. He's like, it's, it's action. He's like, it's why I wanted to be an actor growing up. He's hanging on a plane. It was the most amazing movie. And then, uh, and then Trisha goes, oh, and then she goes, what'd Liza think? And David goes, well, she didn't really like it so much. Like, clearly the movie was not that good. It was who you went with.

No, clearly no.

There's no way this— oh no, 9th Mission: Impossible was that good.

Oh, it was great.

Really, dude? You—

because you can't mess those movies up.

Oh yeah, you can.

No, because it doesn't matter about the storyline. Who cares, right? You know Tom Cruise is gonna kill it at the end and he's gonna win, right? He's gonna complete the mission. But it's like seeing him— like, what blew my mind about it is I saw Mission: Impossible again, and it's— there's like a 35-minute scene where they're just getting chased around London, like through the streets of London. And I'm like, I can't believe they shut down this entire fucking city for this. Yeah, like the entire city is just like— imagine being Tom Cruise. And going to London on vacation one day and be like, oh yeah, I shot, I hung off that building and I jumped from that building to that building and then I went over there and then I drove a car and I spun it around and I shot 4 people right here. Like, imagine being Tom Cruise and being like, I did all of this in the city. And he has, it's just so cool. Like, I love that I vlog and I get to film things and I get to look back and be like, oh yeah, we shaved Jason's pubes off here. But Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise doesn't just shave pubes, he goes through London, you know, in a really fast car and shoots people. Like, that's badass. And like, that's why I think it's cool. And I wanted to be an actor and a spy as a kid. And, and, and it's the best. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is— he's a fucking spy, but he's an actor. It's just amazing.

You know what? We probably should read another ad. Oh yeah.

Fuck. We were getting carried away. There's too much fun. We were having too much fun this podcast. Let's tone it down a little bit and get right back. Guys, apparently I have to tee up an ad right now. It's a prerecorded ad that we already read.

David's very upset that the ad is prerecorded.

I'm just gonna go for it. We do ads a certain way here. Right now, here it is. Hey guys, I have a question for you. Okay, that was Vitaminwater. Yeah. Fun fact, I stopped talking in real life after I said, hey guys, I have a question for you. Then that was just all a recording. That wasn't actually me in real time. And then I came back when I said, okay, that was Vitaminwater. So I fooled you guys. You guys got tricked.

Master of pranks.

Master of pranks. So, so really here it seemed like a 3-second ad.

Hey, why'd you get so upset with me yesterday when I was analyzing your dream? You were screaming at me.

I wasn't screaming.

Oh, you were just playing around?

No, I wasn't playing around.

So you were mad? Yeah, you were screaming at me. Okay, I had I analyze Trisha's dreams a lot. She loves it. It's like a thing we do.

Okay, I had a dream. Yeah, and it was basically the— I'll explain. My dream was I prank called Ariana Grande, right? And she picked up. Yeah, and, and I hung up right away.

Yeah, cuz did you have this dream?

I had this like 4 or 5 days ago. Okay, and I hung up right away. Mm-hmm. Because I didn't want— I didn't want my first interaction— like, I didn't want her to block my number.

Yeah.

So if I ever ended up getting her number in the future because of work or whatever, I didn't want her to look in her phone and be like, oh, weird, I have you blocked. And then I didn't want to be like, oh fuck, I prank called you. You know what I mean? Right. And that was my dream. That was my dream. And Jason, you went into analyzing it, and what was your analysis of it?

It's so much deeper than that.

Which is not—

yeah, it is. It's, it's, it's this idea that you are like sort of a famous dude and you're like on YouTube or whatever, but you still don't feel that you're like on the level of like an Ariana Grande or a Pete Davidson.

I don't think that's it at all.

And so in the, in the call, in the dream, you're like, she's seeing you as this pranker, this prankster. From YouTube who's like prank calling, and that's like your subconscious saying that that's all you'll ever be. And that was my argument.

Okay, I have a recurring dream I'll tell you about. And David was like, no, it's basically I just don't want her to get my number.

No, we were arguing in the car.

You were being very deep about it. Here's a recurring dream. Yeah, it's a dream of—

Tricia has a recurring dream where a giant tooth chases her around the bed. Really? Isn't that funny? Yeah, that's pretty funny. Only she would do that.

Well, giant truth. Okay, well, I do. I have one. Um, it's me and my— it's me and my family are in the car.

Yeah.

And, um, and I'm sitting in the back seat.

Okay.

And I take out my right eyeball.

Yeah.

And I put in the cup holder.

Wow.

And that's it.

That's fucking great.

Okay, I can't imagine what the fuck you're gonna make.

What do you think it's about?

No clue.

You know, you're riding in the family car, you take out your right— the back seat— in the back seat, you take out your right eyeball. Yeah. And you put it in the cup holder. And what do they do?

Nothing. I just look around, they're not looking at me.

Okay, well, oh, that's, that's great. Okay, clearly your family does not give a fuck about you. Your family isn't giving you the attention that you want, and that you're— if you're able to pull your right eye out—

can I, can I say something?

Can I say something? You made that up.

I made, I made that they're not looking at me up.

Okay, well, what are they doing?

I don't know what they're doing.

Okay, you don't know what they're doing.

I just assumed.

Okay.

All right.

All right. You clearly—

okay. I can't tell if you're fucking with me or not.

I'm not fucking with you.

Or you actually think you know how to analyze dreams.

I analyze dreams all the time. People come to me from far and wide.

I— okay, so you're fucking with me.

No, people always ask me to analyze their dreams.

Far and wide? Where do they come from? From Todd's room to Scott's room. And why don't they just fucking call you? Why do you— why do you make it sound like people journey across deserts to come talk to you about dreams?

Because I want people to like me. No, but, but this is a good, good dream to analyze.

This is juicy. Okay, go.

What is it? Well, I think the right eye is basically saying like, like it says it could say a couple things. Number one, that like I'm not you guys, right? Look what I can do. I can take my eye out of my head. I'm so much better than you, and I'm putting it in your shitty cup holder. Go fuck yourselves. Go fuck yourselves, dad. You think your coffee is more important than my right eye? I'll show you. I'll take my fucking right eye out of my head. Okay. That's what, that's what it's saying.

Jason, please, please be honest with me. Please be honest with me. Please stop playing this fucking character and just be honest with me. Do you actually think that you're analyzing these correctly? Yeah, clearly.

Jason, deadass, as millennials say.

I can't tell if you're fucking with me. I'm not fucking with you.

I can't tell. I swear on Wyatt and Charlie. I analyze dreams. I mean, it's clear. I, I mean, I have a great— when did you— I have a recurring dream all the time.

What is it? You eating a bag of dicks? What is the dream?

I, I try out for SNL.

This is real, Jason.

And they don't hire him. Oh wait, that happened.

Okay, what is it? What is it?

I start dating, um, uh, an ex-prostitute, and it— and, um, my ex-wife hates her. Oh wait, no, that's true. Uh, no, no, she doesn't hate her at all. That's a joke. Um, no, that is my recurring dream. I do have— I have the— I have had the S— I haven't had in a long time, but I used to have the SNL dream all the time where I'm on TV, I'm in a sketch, and it's live, and it comes to me, and I freeze. I freeze.

Yeah, you know what that means? Analyze it. Well, I mean, that's, that's easy.

That's so—

it's so juicy. It's so much deeper than you just freezing.

Tell me. It shows that, that you You suck at comedy. That you— and you're a failure.

You want to be on SNL really bad. I did. And you really want that opportunity.

Yes.

But you're just not confident enough, and you know that. You, you think that you're not good enough, that you can't play ball with the big boys.

I think that's exactly what it is. Yeah, well done.

I think, I think it's a fucking bunch of baloney.

Why, why are you so, uh, why are you so anti, like, any kind of, like, self-therapy or analyzation? Like, Why don't you like to analyze anything? It's like the best part of life.

Like, because I don't— I don't like the, the whole, um, what is it?

What are you— everything's so black and white.

What are those signs called? Like, I'm a Leo.

What are those called? Astrological signs.

Yeah, that I can't buy for a second.

Well, that you make a good point about, kind of. I've said this before, but I am a Gemini.

I said this before, but Liza at least used to be a pretty big believer in the whole astrological thing, astrological signs. And I remember I got this on camera, it was in my vlog. I, um, I told this on the— I tell us on the podcast too. I was reading, I was reading her the signs. I was reading her, her sign.

Yeah.

And I'm like, okay, it says that you're going through some stuff right now, but you're very confident you can get through it. And she's like, yep, that's me. And then I'm like, okay, now it's saying that you— your family is really close to me. And she's like, yep, that's me. Okay. And, and I'm like, now it's saying that you, you really love to focus on your work and it's important to you. And she's like, yep, that's me. And I'm like, cool, that's not— this isn't your sign. I read a completely different sign. And she's like, son of a gun. And I'm like, every sign you can read, any sign, and it'll relate to you.

That's completely different. I, I, I pay credence to what you're saying. Like, I agree astrological signs are kind of bullshit, but, but a dream analysis, I mean, it's, it's open-ended. It's whatever. Sure, it is.

It's open-ended.

That's what it is.

Sure, that's what it is.

It's completely an opinion.

It is. Yeah, it is. But, but it's, it's an opinion. Exactly. So there's no like— you're, you're, you're giving your opinion on what it means and it can mean a million things.

Take it or leave it.

Yeah. And I'm definitely going to fucking leave it. I'm going to leave it hard.

Really? Yeah. You need to hire anybody these days because I know a great place that does it. Where? ZipRecruiter.

Goddamn it. You want me to read the next ad? Shit. They just keep— I got to pull it up on my phone.

My role. So sorry about these ads.

My Rolodex of ads.

We'll probably have none next week.

Week. Yeah, we will, bro. At this point, they're just gonna keep rolling in. No, I'm kidding. We actually don't know when they're coming.

We do have weeks where there are no ads. And by the way, guys, the tour has been amazing. Thank you. While David calls this up, thank you for coming out to the tour. So many nice people.

Yeah, it is, it is interesting.

I love when people come up and say— and this sounds cheesy— they'll be— they'll come up to me and they'll— up to us— and they'll be like, this sounds so cheesy, I feel so bad, but you really helped me out of my depression, blah blah blah.

Yeah, that's crazy.

And that's not cheesy at all. It's like, I think it's the best thing to say.

People will come up to us and start crying and they'll be like, you have no idea what you've done for me. And I'm like, whoa, I actually don't have any idea what I did for you because that, that's crazy. Like, I can't believe you're crying in front of me. Yeah, that's nuts.

I don't—

I— and it's really flattering.

Imagine being depressed and watching me.

I— yeah, that would— I don't think you'd get more depressed. Yeah, that would bum me out more. I'd be like, oh, this poor dude.

But maybe, yeah, maybe sometimes when people see people struggling, when you're like making fun of me and stuff Yeah, I know what I get a lot on the tour too. They'd be like, just little kids— I've said this before on the podcast— like, yo man, why you let him do that to you, man? Yeah, why don't we feel so bad for you, Jason?

My favorite is when people go, Jason, you're my favorite, you're my favorite. And they say it right, they say it so I can hear it. They go, Jason, you're my favorite, you— David ain't shit, you're the best, don't let him put you down.

A lot of people go, let me go, you gotta prank David. They'll pull me aside when you're not listening and like, you've got 'Gotta get him back! Come think of something! Gotta do something!' And I'm like, 'He can't be pranked.' I tried.

You've tried to throw a cake in my face and I caught it. That's about it. Um, hiring is challenging though, but there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. A place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. That place is ziprecruiter.com/nash. Again, his last name and not mine. ZipRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the world's world's leading job boards. But they don't stop there. With their powerful matching technology, ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invite them to apply to your job. Jason, pull this up so you can read because it scrolls further than this.

I ain't reading.

As applications come in, ZipRecruiter analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates so you never miss a great match. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 80% of employers—

take it away. I'm taking it away right now on this, uh, 80%. Oh man, mine, mine cut off.

80% of employers— uh, fuck, come on— oh, who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through, through the site within the first day. With results like that, it's no wonder that ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. And right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address: ziprecruiter.com/nash. That's ziprecruiter.com/nash.

N-A-S-H.

ZipRecruiter.com/nash. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. That's amazing. That ad was a little bit tough to get through because I'm stupid, but I do love ZipRecruiter.

I'm losing an assistant and gaining an assistant this week.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah. What'd she say?

She just found a new job. She's like— she said— she literally said she worked for him for a week. Yeah. And she's like, I loved working for you. It was a solid week. I don't think it was a week. It was like 6 days. When he told me she was quitting, I thought he was screwing with me.

And, and that's YouTube.

She found a new job.

That's Zane for you. I mean, it's YouTube. People don't really—

that's amazing. Someone worked for him for 6 days and found a better job.

That's okay.

Yeah, it's whatever.

It's fine.

I mean, yeah.

What? What?

You said you had another story for me.

What is it? No, I— those are the 2 stories. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, well, the one you were yelling at when we were arguing in the car. I told that one.

Can I, um, can I ask something that's a little personal? Please. Um, why are you such a bitch? Um, no, you came in a little, a little sad today. What's going on with me?

Yeah, I'm not sad today. Yeah. Oh, oh, I— Trisha broke up with me.

Oh, that's what it is. Okay, you think so?

I don't know.

Let's Let's, let's put some context here. Sure. You guys have broken up a couple times now.

I don't even like telling you anymore because—

yeah, so it's not as serious as one would think when you say it, you know what I mean?

I don't know if it was. I got— this is what happened. We went to the Death Tour and I'm just tired. My kids sleep in my bed. Like, I— when the kids stay at my house, I stay in the same bed as Wyatt. I just didn't sleep well last night, so I'm just tired all day. So I woke up this morning, I went and looked at houses with Trisha for her to buy. And then, and then, um, I went to the Death Tour with you guys or whatever. And then when we were leaving El Coyote, where we took Brandon to dinner for his birthday, um, I was like— we were right by her place— and I was like, do you want me to— I'll drop you off because David, David wants to shoot something back in Studio City. We're in West Hollywood. And she's like, no, no, I'll come with you. And I was like, okay, cool, but I'm gonna do the podcast after, and David doesn't finish till like 11:30. So, you know, like, you're gonna, you know, and I'm— and then I said, and it's my fault, I said— she's like, what are you gonna do? I'm like, well, I'm gonna edit and I'm gonna shoot with David. And then like, there's like this— this is where I fucked up. There's like this little, little thing in the back of my mind, like this, like, this is how dumb my brain is. This is like little, like, thing in my back of my mind. It's like, you told Wyatt you'd go see him. Like that. Wyatt asked you to come see him tonight. But like, I can't really hear it, but I know it's there. I know it's, it's saying, but it's just this little voice.

Like a voice saying that you promised your son that you'd go hang out with him.

Yeah, and I live 5 minutes from my kids, so it's not a big deal for me to roll over there for a half hour. So then as we're driving home, guess who calls on his Onewheel, FaceTimes me with his helmet on and his new glasses, and he's like, oh, are you—

are you— I'm such a prick. Can you just— can you just stop the story right here? Because they're gonna kill us if we don't read it right here. Did you know that every single episode of Views is now on Spotify. Yes, the same app that has millions of songs now also has thousands of podcasts on Spotify. You can listen to all your favorite shows, um, and discover new ones. Just not too many, we get jealous very easily. To subscribe to our show, search for Views, tap follow, and get every new episode delivered to you. Podcasts on Spotify, they're streaming right now.

And now, and now, sorry, call them right now and tell them no more ads.

Okay, I'm done.

Okay, tell them we're done. You call the company, we're not doing ads anymore.

Now back to your Back to your breakup.

This is paying for Wyatt's new Boosted Board, so it's okay.

But no, but then Wyatt calls you.

So Wyatt calls me, FaceTimes me, and he's like, oh, hey Daddy, are you coming over like you said? And Trisha and Brandon in the car, and I'm like, oh fuck, my God, like, I gotta do something with David. But so then we got into the house and I heard Trisha, she was just kind of like like that. And then I got into the house and I worked with you for a little bit, and then she was in my room and I said, I said, I'm just gonna go run and see them for like a half hour. Like that. And what I should have done was been like, come with me.

Yeah, why don't you do that?

I'll go pick them up and we'll take them for ice cream.

Yeah, why don't you do that?

Because he wanted, he wanted to play me a song that he had written, and they'd both written songs because that's what they're doing over the summer. So I needed to go into the house and sit at the piano. They're working on Dying in LA and he's working on Death of a Bachelor. Oh, cool, cool, cool. Panic at the Disco. Great. Yeah, too many details. David last night with my kids, he took them to Olive Garden and like, I, I can't even imagine what's going through my son's head. Like, in, in one, I kind of like it because David's the one person that's like honest with them. He'll be like, your stories aren't that interesting, or whatever. He'll just tell them like to their face because everyone else in their life is like, you're amazing, including their teachers, everything. You know how kids are now.

But anyways, so then, uh, yeah, Wyatt will tell a story and I'll be like, that was boring. But like, Wyatt's starting to get my sense of humor, so he'll, he'll appreciate it.

No, he appreciates it. He gets it. He loves to hang out. Um, Anyways, so then I just got a text from her. I shouldn't be saying all this on the podcast.

No, it's totally fine.

Really shouldn't. I— but I'm taking— I'm taking blame for it.

You fucked up.

I fucked up.

If Trisha's listening to this right now, which she, you know, obviously is, what do you have to tell her right now?

I know you're on the treadmill. I know you're on the elliptical doing an hour watching Shane Dawson videos and now listening to our podcast, and I'm sorry, and, and that's it. But she told me she was done. She texted me, I'm done. That's it? Yeah, she said I'm done. And then I said sorry.

Sorry, like you're Canadian? Well, you guys will figure it out. I know, I know.

This is what it's—

because Trisha literally— I think—

what does this mean, millennial? Because I don't know.

I think 18 hours ago Trisha told me that you guys can never break up because you guys just forgive each other so quickly. So I think you'll be fine.

I can't do this anymore. I really can't. I'm done.

Oh, that just means she's tired. She's gonna take a nap. It means she's stressed out right now.

I'm trying. I know.

Go see her tomorrow and figure it out. Go see her tomorrow and figure it out.

Okay. Okay, good advice, Dave.

Fuck. I mean, you know, you know how it is. You know, we— I think, I think we all know that it's gonna be fine.

Do you have a napkin on your head right now? Yeah. Okay. David's wearing like a black napkin on his head as a bandana. Yeah, yeah, I guess we can— when we start videoing this shit, who cares? Told you why I need a new Boosted Board.

We'll do it soon. Well, why would people— we all we do is fucking read ads. What's the point of putting it on camera?

I'm very concerned that we have too many ads.

Yeah, me too.

Well, we need to start with some— start booking guests or something.

So we were at the live show and someone screamed out during our meet-and-greet They were like, they were like, 5 ads, assholes. Yeah, they were kidding, but I thought it was really funny. But guys, we're gonna be in Newark, Newark next. We're gonna be in Jersey. Yes, if you're in the tri-state area, come say hello, come say what's up.

We'll be there. We're flying in on Friday.

Yeah, we'll be there for the weekend. Come hang out.

We're always worried about flying in on Friday or taking the red-eye on Saturday, which Originally, David's plan was to go Friday night, always, which I was like, no, no, no, no, you've been right lately about a bunch of stuff. I said to this Carly today, my assistant, I said, David was right. I said, you know, I hate saying this, but David was right. And she laughed. Oh, David, pretty funny. What were you right about? I'm right about something.

I'm right a lot. It's okay.

Oh, I know. Yeah, it was, it was the flying in kind of thing. Sure. But, uh, yeah, but then, so our, our options are either to go in—

okay, this is cool.

What's cool?

Who cares?

I love when you cut me off mid-story.

It's just like we're talking about flight times. People, people aren't even coming to these live shows. Why do we have to tell them about our routine to get there?

Because I got us to 40 minutes, bro.

You don't realize that we were—

Vitaminwater.

The Vitaminwater ad that they put in later already got us to 40 minutes. We just didn't read it. So to us it seemed like it was a 2-second read. But there was an ad that fucked everyone over.

Okay, great. I'm gonna go stand outside Trisha's door.

No, but it was an interesting story. I'm sorry I cut you off. I just—

I just— no, I know you don't.

I just wanted to end it on a high note. Yeah, where it was you saying, hey, I'm sorry, Trisha. Sure. And I think that's where we should end this podcast. Say I'm sorry, Trisha, again. I'm sorry, Trisha. I'll see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

I love you so much. I love you.

What? I love you so much.

Don't say it like that.

I love you so much.

I love you too, Jason. Thanks, Trisha. Trisha, is that you? Hi guys, we'll see you guys later. This has been another Views podcast. My name is Jeff, that is Jason. Check us out on Twitter, follow me on Instagram, following everyone back. I'm just gonna keep saying that, which is a complete fucking lie, but from now on, anytime I plug my Instagram, I'm gonna say I'm following everyone back.

Oh really?

Yeah, cuz I don't care.

Has it worked?

I don't know. I'm gonna find out. Here it goes, guys. I'm following everyone back on my Instagram. Please follow me, @daviddobrik.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, sounds good, right? It sounds like it would work.

I'm gonna follow you right now.

Hi guys. Hey, let me make this clear. I said I don't care, but I do care. That's why I'm— that's why I'm making it so, so obvious that I want people to follow me on Instagram. I actually care a lot. I care a lot more than I should about followers, and I think that's one of my flaws.

One time David said to me, he said something like he was gonna stop his vlog, and he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, dude, if I start losing my engagement when I stop the vlog, he's like, that'll fucking ruin me, dude. I won't be able to look at myself in the mirror.

Yeah, I mean, dude really cares about it. It's— yeah, it's really self-validating.

It's nice. It's nice to get a million likes a picture. I mean, I wouldn't know.

Um, no, but thank you guys for listening to the podcast. Genuinely so stoked to meet you guys.

And yeah, we'll see you in Newark. We're super stoked.

400— why am I still here?

Throw us a party.

You know why? You know why this podcast is so long? It's over 40 minutes because deep down I actually do feel bad that we have this many ads. And I, and I like to pretend like I'm this big guy who doesn't give a fuck about the listeners, but you know what? I have a soft spot for you guys. Oh, and I actually— and I'm worried that all we did was read ads. So I'm gonna give you a little bit more of my voice to end the podcast.

Tell a quick— tell a quick story.

Okay, from high school.

Um, go ahead, give them something else.

You guys will just have to tune in next podcast where it's— it's gonna be great stories next podcast.

I mean, it's— and more Vitamin Water.

Did I ever tell you the story? Did I ever tell you the story about how I, um, how I found out about what sex is? No, no. So basically, I was on a bus. We'll see you guys later.

Bye!