Police Can't Find My Porsche

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. We are back with another pod. Hope you guys are listening in your car, driving home from work, wherever you're at. We're here to make you feel comfortable, right, Jay?

Yeah, just, just get ready. It's going to be a fun ride. It's going to be calm.

And if you're at home all alone, yeah, grab that bottle of lotion right by your bedside.

This is for the other platform that we do. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's different platform.

Don't get confused which pod we're recording.

Yeah, Dave and I have an X-rated pod that we do.

Is this Views or Squirt?

Oh my God.

Squirt is on Fridays. It's amazing. And it's doing really well.

It's doing really well.

Well, we only have about 50 people that listen.

But it's not about that.

But they pay $2,500 a listen.

Yeah. Yeah, basically. I mean, how can we describe what we do on Squirt?

If you want to cum, listen to Squirt.

Yeah, 100%. That is our tagline.

I mean, I'm feeling pretty gay this week.

So if you want—

well, what it is, is if you want to cum, first you have to squirt. That's our tagline.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty damn good. Should we start like a sexual-only podcast?

Yeah, because that's what everyone wants to hear. They want to hear sex advice.

That's this podcast. That is just about sex.

Should we just rename this thing to Squirt?

Pretty much. Sex and AI.

Yeah.

Okay.

Sex and AI.

Superheroes and AI.

That is kind of the way to describe me.

Yeah. Sex and AI and I'm not real.

Horny AI superhero boy.

Yeah. And dissociative personality. Wait, what did you say?

Horny AI superhero boy.

Yeah. That's kind of what I am.

I haven't been that horny recently. I've been trying to cut back.

Oh, amazing. How are you doing that?

Well, I've just realized I've been doing, I've been, you know how people say like porn is bad for you?

Yes.

I've kind of, I'm starting to understand that a little bit.

Yeah, for sure.

Explain that.

Well, it's just like, it's, um, it's become— it's gotten to the point where I'm just kind of like, um, um, how do I say it in like a clean way? Doing it, um, just to like, just to like kind of just do it. I don't even want to. Yeah, it's just like part of my day.

Just clean the pipes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know if this is the best way to open the pod.

Yeah, I don't know about that either.

But okay, so, so I'm gonna end the conversation here, but if you want to listen to more of this It's on our new podcast, Squirt.

Find us at xnxx.com.

I really, I really do want to start a pod like that, and maybe not even— maybe just do episodes every week and not tell people where it is and have people find it. Maybe even change our voices.

Yeah, because you have like really good advice and insight.

Yeah, about sex. Yeah, Natalie, I am, I'm so well-versed in that world.

How much do you think is too much sex a week?

A week?

Yeah.

I mean, it just depends, like, what stage of the relationship are you in?

What's a good amount? What's a good amount?

Yeah, I think it's too much.

It's also like, are you in a relationship or are you just like single and having sex with random people?

Jason, this is a better question for you. You have friends, they've been married for 10 years, they're about your age, and your friend comes up to you and goes, yeah, we still have sex about 4 times a week.

Yeah.

What's your reaction to that?

I go, whoa, it's really good.

Is that like shocking?

Shocking? How long were you married for?

It's pretty shocking. I was married for 10 years.

Oh great, so year 9.

Yeah, still a few times a week.

Oh, what the fuck?

Maybe 2, maybe 2.

Oh, that's wild.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Natalie, you too? You're, you're that kind of— your longest relationship, like the last year, you're still going at least a couple times a week?

Yeah, but I'm like in my 20s. I feel like it's different.

I feel like a lot of people I know that have been like dating for like 3 years are like, yeah, we don't really do it that much.

Really?

Anything over 3 years?

I mean, I guess it depends on the person, right?

Or it is very case by case. Yeah, but I, I'm mainly speaking about people that like were hardcore at it in the beginning and then they have kind of fallen off.

I mean, that definitely happens.

Like, all right, let me, let me change the subject in case you're listening to this with your parents.

But you came out your dad's balls.

Yeah, unless it's your stepdaddy you're listening to this with, then tune into Squirt.

I went to the doctor today for my butt and, um, and I was like just kind of telling people about my weekend with Steve Will Do It, and the fucking place was— their eyes were out of their head. They couldn't believe the stories I was saying.

Wait, excuse me, you went to the doctor with a bunch of older people?

No, they weren't— yeah, they were all in like their 40s, but I was telling them about my weekend.

At the doctor's office?

Yeah, yeah, I was just like talking shit at the doctor's office. They were like, well, what are you up to? We know you do YouTube. You've been there. It's where I go for when you hurt your leg, when you hurt your hip.

Oh, okay. Yeah, you were like talking to the nurses and the—

Yeah, and I was just saying like, oh yeah, and then I did this and then the guy was down, you know, $600,000, but then he won $800,000 and then we gambled and it's a private room. And they were like, what, what, what? I'm like, yeah. And then there was a Lamborghini. Some guy gifted a guy a Lamborghini. They're like, what are you talking about? What video? Like, we have to see this video. Everybody was going apeshit. Yeah, it gave me such validation because I was like this when I was there. I was like, this is crazy. But it doesn't feel like it's crazy.

No, no, no, yeah. That was a very crazy experience, especially because we've had so many Vegas experiences and that still felt so wild.

Yeah.

Yo, I have a question. So imagine if you're an alien.

Okay.

Okay, so hear me out here. And this is a real thought I'm having, right? So if you, Jason Nash, went back in time and like there's a portal that opened up and you're like, oh my God, I gotta take something back with me.

I'm ready.

And you take back, you quickly, you look around the room before you enter the portal and you pick up a flashlight.

Okay.

And now you go through the portal and you're on the other side. It's the year 1100 and you're talking to all these people from this time period and they're like, what is this flashlight? What are the batteries?

What's going on?

They have no idea what you have. And then you are the person that has to explain it to them. You wouldn't know how to explain it. You wouldn't have the slightest idea of how a flashlight works, right?

I'd say, I'm from the future. I'm from the future. We have these in the future. They emit light.

Yeah.

Okay. So now—

Or I'd lie and go, it's magic. I'm a wizard.

Yeah.

But now I'm saying is like, do you think there's ever going to be a moment or there's ever been a moment where there will be aliens in our solar system that are just regular aliens that don't know how to explain how they got— like they don't have a reasoning. Like they took a wrong turn. Okay.

Okay.

And they just end up in our solar system and have to park on Earth.

Yeah.

And everyone is asking them like, what is this ship? But it's two 16-year-old aliens and they're like, I don't know.

I just like, I plug my antenna into it and then all of a sudden it works. Or like, I fuck the transmission and then it turns on.

Like whatever aliens do. Like, there's a good chance that aliens can come to our Earth and it's just because it's just some young kids that stole a craft and like took the wrong turn through like a portal. Do you know what I mean?

Are you pitching a movie right now?

No, but doesn't that sound like a movie? Like it's like aliens that don't really know how their technology works and we can't reverse engineer it because it's just like so not in our law office.

I mean, I'm sure something like that has happened. Not like two 16-year-old aliens that are like, yo, bro, we're here.

Like surfer aliens. Oh, at least there's waves, bro.

You would deduce. You would say like, oh, you don't have this here? You don't have a spacecraft? Or they would say, we don't have this here. And then I'd say, well, we have it back where I'm from. See the portal I just came through? And then you would assimilate and then everything would be fine.

Well, I just don't know, like, is there an answer to this question?

Thank you. I'm trying, Natalie. I'm trying. This is the most Wednesday David question ever. Day after posting the vlog, he gave it all yesterday.

I mean, I'm really like to the most incredible maxed out juice.

I know you are.

I'm like tingling. Like I can feel the blood going through from my toes to my fingers.

What are you feeling right now, both of you? Because I'm pretty rested.

I'm just like tingling. I couldn't go to bed. I'm like jet lagged.

I feel jet lagged right now because I went to Vegas on a half hour flight with no time change.

No, I know, but our sleep schedule has been so fucked that I feel like I'm in a different time zone.

My body's like, I feel like weak. I feel really like, I don't feel good at all.

How much did you sleep today?

I slept a lot. I slept like 12 hours.

That's my goal.

Oh my God, you slept 12? I slept for 6 hours. How the fuck?

I mean, I could sleep. I could sleep. I could sleep. I genuinely don't understand people that wake up because I could genuinely sleep. I could sleep 20 hours a day. I only need to be up for 4, like to go down and get food or something. Yeah, I have no reason to be up. I don't really care. I could be in bed all day. I'm not depressed, I just love sleep.

I love cuddling in my little bed.

I got, I got 2 blankets I use.

Yeah, um, what goes on in there? Um, so not sexual stuff, I mean like what goes on in your dreams? Yeah, it's there for security. What goes on in there, like, in terms of, like, your dreams?

I don't really dream much. When I do, like, yeah, it's pretty rare that I dream.

I think you do, you just don't remember.

Maybe, but even when I do, it's like, whatever, it's a fucking dream.

Is it a solid 12 hours? Do you get up to pee?

I get up to pee like 6 or 7 times a night.

Okay.

Yeah, yes. Oh, wow. I pee a lot. I go through like 5 bottles of water a night.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah, because if my throat, like, dries up, I start to panic. So I need to keep it constantly lubricated.

That's why you're not dreaming. You're not hitting that REM sleep.

Really?

Yeah, because you're getting up to pee. You should drink less water, or at least later— earlier in the day, drink it all.

Yeah, you're probably right.

So you can slow it back down. Hmm, what else goes on in there? Who else jumps in your dreams? Any celebrities? Any girls or anything like that? Any famous— if you could have one girl in your dreams, if you could program a dream right now, who would it be?

Oh, that's a good question, dude.

And it's just non-sexual? It's just like I'm just talking to them?

Yeah.

Um, you're like, that's no fun.

Yeah, what? Why?

Uh, if I could just have a random girl. Yeah, can I just do a person from history?

Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Oh, you'd like to sit with Jesus?

Yeah, 100%.

Oh, that'd be sick. Imagine Jesus on the vlog, huh? Imagine Jesus on the vlog.

So good.

Because it'd be like having— I mean, but he's kind of already had him.

It was kind of like David Blaine, right?

The water to wine shit.

Yeah.

Do you think if Jesus was on the vlog, he'd be like really preachy about it or he'd understand like the platform he's on?

No, I think Jesus would be hilarious.

I think so too.

I think he'd have like a sense of humor about it.

I don't think he'd be like coming in and he'd be like, like a, like a pope.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I don't think he'd talk like that. I think he'd be like, dude, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta talk to your kids, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think he'd be chill.

My favorite kind of dream is like when you have a crush, like when you're crushing on when you meet somebody and then they're in your dream and then you wake up. I have one of these dreams like a couple days ago and it was like my dream, like it was just like my dreams knew what the fuck was up and they knew exactly what to give me to make me feel so great in the morning. Wait, why are you saying that?

Was it a real person or a celeb? Was it a real person or a celeb?

Yeah, no, it was a real person. It's like this guy that I've been talking to.

No, no, no.

Who you've been talking to? You've been talking to a real guy?

Yeah, yeah.

Right now you're getting catfished. Who are you talking to?

No, I'm talking to a guy.

Okay, so what happened? What did he say in the dream, whoever it is?

I don't know what you're talking about.

He was like, yo Natalie, you want to have some pasta? This is what I imagined happening.

Yeah, what's my dream dream?

Do you want to watch Bridgerton? Is that what he said?

Basically, we were at— we were at this like big party.

Okay.

And all of my friends are there, like everybody from here and everybody from like Vernon Hills, you know, like all my friends. Oh And it was a really big fun party. And we— are you falling asleep on me?

No, I'm listening.

Okay. And then, and I was like, yeah, come meet us at this party, whatever, it'll be really fun, whatever. So we go to this party and he like shows up on his own or whatever. And then it's just like kind of hanging out with me and whatnot. And he leaves to like go to the bathroom or something. And he can't like get back into the party. And he was like, don't worry, like you have fun with your friends. I'll wait here. Until everything's like done, blah, blah, blah. I'll wait, I'll wait. So I'm like hanging with my friends, whatever, we're talking, whatever. And he's like meeting all my friends, we're like making out a little bit.

Okay.

He waits for me until the end, and then I come back out and I'm like, I'm like, I'm so sorry, I don't know how to like get you into the— I can't get like— we can't get back in. And so we're late, we're sitting, we're sitting like outside of the party just like making out and stuff. And then, and then, and then he's like, do you want to just like— let's just go back to my place.

Yeah.

We'll order some food and we can just hang out and then whatever. And then that's kind of where the dream ended. But that was just like my dream scenario.

I could chop that dream up in a second. How about you, Dave?

What do you mean chop it up?

I mean, like, you could see what that dream means. Decipher that dream.

What does that mean?

What? Can you see?

I don't know.

Can you see it?

I see it.

What does it mean?

Yeah. What? That she doesn't want to party? She wants a relationship?

No, no. That she's blocking the relationship by being at a party. By being at a party. Yeah.

Well, they kind of met at a party.

No, no, that, that's basically saying like, I'm putting my social life first, I'm never gonna let this go. And so in the dream he's like, oh wait, which would never happen.

Oh yeah, I don't think it's like that.

Well, what do you think it's like?

Well, I just thought of the situation in real life. Oh, and I think Natalie's hallucinating.

What are you gonna say?

I think Natalie's just scared to pull the trigger because She doesn't want to tell him. She's scared to tell him that she's a man.

I'm kidding, dude.

I don't know. I'm really loopy, guys.

I'm really loopy. I'm trying to lock in.

I just—

it's okay. I got really jealous last night.

What happened?

I saw this guy I know. He makes really— he makes really funny Instagram videos. He was invited to the Leonardo DiCaprio Paul Thomas Anderson premiere. I was like, damn, really? I wanted to go to that.

He makes Instagram videos?

He's really funny. Um, he makes really good ones, and, um, I was like, damn, I want to go to that.

You ever been jealous of me? Not really, because we're so far in age.

I can't say I'm jealous of you. Sometimes I walk in the house and I go, man, this would be nice. Really?

I feel like you really like your house.

I love my house so much.

Do you?

I do. I love it. I think it's great. It's the proximity to the kids is nice. The proximity to the school is nice.

Matt, do you like your house too?

Your house is great.

Yeah, I love my house.

It must just be like a house thing. People just love their houses.

I mean, I like definitely yearn for something better, but like, like I don't think it's my forever dream home, obviously. But I like my space and I like that it's all of my things and I like it's the way that I set it up and it's like my comfort.

You ever go over there, Dave, to Natalie's house?

No, I just, I like to keep my peace.

That is funny. You never come to mine.

You used to go over there quite a bit.

Yeah. Well, I mean, what would I do if I went over there?

Go in her big closet. We just hang out. Hang out there.

My bedroom is like really nice for watching movies.

I think it would be nice if I got out of the house more.

You should rent the back, Nat.

I don't want a fucking weirdo living there.

Doesn't matter, it doesn't have to be a weirdo.

But like, how do you know someone's not weird?

Literally get somebody who like hangs out here to live there. Get a guy, but get a guy, see a little protection.

I like— I— when I'm home, I'm naked.

Oh, I know you're not.

Yeah, so is Naveen. Yeah, yeah, girls walk around naked. It's really weird.

Yeah, fully naked.

I walk around fully naked.

Your boobs are flying around.

Vagina, the boobs, it's all out.

Your boobs are— your vagina's flying around.

My boobs are 100% out. I do have underwear on most of the time, but like—

Okay, I was gonna say.

But like, I would say 50% of the time my underwear's on, 50% of the time it's not.

That's crazy.

I don't walk around naked in my house.

Well, you have— you live here with like random people.

No, no, no. Even when I know I'm alone, it's just because like I— there's cameras in every room. Jason, what's your opinion on cold plunges and saunas? I just got a sauna.

I used to love when I could go to the sauna, but I quit that gym. That gym was so expensive. So now I don't have access to one.

What gym?

I'm sorry, I didn't want to bring up a sore subject.

Oh, Equinox is so expensive. How much is it here a month?

I think it's going to blow people away that don't live in LA or New York.

It's $300 a month and you can't park, which is insane. Yeah, dude, you can, but it's really hard.

Dude, you know what happened at that parking spot, right?

What?

Should we have him in?

He's right here.

Oh yeah, sure.

What happened?

So Jay, listen to this story, okay? Okay, I'm ready.

So Michael's here.

He helped us build the gym.

He did an incredible job. He's also Ella's dad.

Yes.

Ella used to work with us.

Michael, we were just talking about Erewhon and Equinox, and Jason goes, it sucks to park there.

Michael has a great story of what just happened to him. Have you not heard this?

No.

Are you sure? Really?

Yeah.

No, I really haven't.

So while David was whipping me into shape here, I was here from 6 to 8:30. I thought I'll pick up some dinner on the way home.

Sure.

So I ordered some food from It's good.

OVO.

Air One? Air One.

Oh, wait, it's right next to it. It's in the same plaza. Yes, yes, I know.

It's a horrible parking.

It's like 100 parking spots, which isn't a lot because it's like a really busy place.

Yeah.

And you have to valet your car. You have to go through like 2 of those gate thingies to get in. It's like ridiculous.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

So I park right in the middle. The cars on either side of me.

Yeah.

Go into OVO. Pop into Air One to get some juice.

Yes.

Come back 20 minutes later, my car's not there. I'm like, well, I'm sure I parked here. I think I'm crazy. Then I walk away and I look again, like, no. I look at my app and it's been disabled. The car was stolen.

Someone stole his car while he went into Air One?

15 minutes.

Oh no.

So I called security and they were like, oh well, we're not liable. Oh, you know, you park here at your own risk.

But you left the key for the valet?

No, this wasn't valet.

Oh, you just parked. Okay.

And I said, is this common?

Yes.

He goes, well, this is the 6th car we've had stolen.

Jesus.

Crazy.

Crazy.

Yeah, it's not— it's a really nice Porsche too. It was just completely removed from the parking lot. And Michael, you were saying that these guys have an app.

Yeah, then they have an app that apparently they can intercept your signal and disable everything on the— they disabled the car, they disabled the AirTag, they disabled my headphones.

Oh, wow.

My home internet.

I went to the police the next day and they were like, well, we reckon about 3 or 4 days it's going to be in a container on the way to Nigeria. I'm like, seriously?

Wow. We should take a flight to Nigeria.

See where all these cars are ending up.

Do we know? Yeah, there is definitely a village somewhere or a town just driving around Porsche Macans.

So the thing to remember is, according to them, they have a scout. A guy that sits in the parking lot and sees what's happening.

Yeah.

And when they see a target, like within minutes, 4 or 5 guys come and it's all done and gone.

Wow.

And they're aware of it. And they wouldn't show me any video footage. They said, oh no, only the police can ask for it. And the police says they don't care. They said there's too many stolen cars. They can't go after everyone.

Wow. Wow. Wow. So now we're getting a new car? How does that work?

That's a Natalie thing.

You're going to buy me a new car?

Yeah, I was surprised.

Mine got a new car.

Can I use your own Tesla with the milk? Smell in it?

Please, honestly, take it.

How does a Toyota Corolla sound?

I'm lucky right now I've got Ellis' car because she's away.

Oh, that's nice.

In a couple of weeks I might have to—

Wait, wait, are you going to— can insurance pay you out something big? I always get excited about the insurance payments for stolen cars.

I don't know, I'm waiting to find out. I filled in all the paperwork, we're just waiting for—

Can someone steal my car?

Yeah, really.

You'd have to get a new one.

I saw you on the road the other day, I was honking, but you Didn't want to look up.

No, Jason can't really—

Jason can't see when he's on the road.

I can't multitask either.

And he's always like, if you, if you do run into him in the next traffic, he's stressed out. Jason's like forever— he's like, I feel really bad for him. He's just like, I think, you know how people say like Earth is actually hell? Jason's in like— no, Jason's in like forever hell here. I don't know what it is.

I'm in forever hell. It's It's really the college payments. That's in the high school payments.

It's just constant anxiety. And it's constantly like someone's about— like there's like a shooter, like if there's an assassin after him.

Yes.

He's always looking over his shoulder.

I'm ready.

Every phone call he assumes is bad news. So I like—

Charlie?

What's up? Yeah, really. I have to tiptoe around how I tell him like really cool things. Like right now I was like, Steve will do it, texting me something funny. I was like, 'Yo, guess what Steve just texted me?' He goes, 'What?' Yeah, I'm gonna tell you.

When I was perpendicular to Jason, so his car's there and I'm facing this way. Yeah, so I'm facing him, I'm honking, he's at a traffic light, and he's like this. I honked again, literally for 5 minutes, and he would not look up. So either you thought someone was after him, or—

I don't know.

I think Jason's a computer program, and I think when he's driving around, he's on standby mode and he doesn't turn on until he's here.

Everything's so bad. Like, I even went into the car wash yesterday and it's just like, I started to freak out about like all the toxins that are like there. Like, well, first of all, I made the mistake of, I saw some cologne and I was like, oh cool, let me spray some cologne, try this cologne out.

At the car wash?

Yeah, but it wasn't—

Car wash cologne, seriously?

It wasn't human cologne, it was car cologne. It was car spray. So I sprayed car spray all over my neck.

I mean, I don't know why you're sampling colognes at the car wash.

You can't get the smell out of the car, forget about putting it on yourself.

I was shooting a vlog and I was like, oh, I'll take a little spray. And I thought it would be funny, so I like walked through it. And then I was like so sick the rest of the day.

You are a really interesting person. I really can't wrap my head around.

It really is the two kids. The two kids, just a constant worry.

But they're like pretty old, dude. You make it sound like they're like 12 years old running around New York City with scissors.

But they don't have jobs.

Yeah.

They cost a lot. And then it's like, then I got the wife, I got to make sure she's happy. And I got my mom and just worried about people.

And you have an ex-wife.

And the ex. Yes. That's constant.

I guess that is really tough.

David takes care of your mom, right?

Yes. David does send her a check every month, which is really nice.

So that should be one worry off.

And my mom won't give me any of it.

10 G's a month. She won't share with Jason.

10 G's. Wow.

All right. Thank you, Michael.

Thank you so much. Michael, hope you get your car back. I went and I prepared a list here, Natalie, today of topics for Dave. And I actually interviewed a bunch of people around the house. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I got a little gossip inside scoop as to what's happening.

Kimmy, what happened?

Well, number one, I heard you got a sauna in your gym.

Yes.

Tom was raving about that.

Well, that's how this conversation started about Michael's car being stolen. But I got a sauna.

Yeah.

I like to get things that the community likes.

Yeah.

And the community seems to be liking saunas. Everyone is begging me to get a cold plunge.

Begging me.

I think they're disgusting. Like, I think when I see a cold plunge, it's like, I just think it's weird. I think it's weird to have a bathtub outside.

Yeah.

And it's all— it's just like—

just going in and out one after the other. It's like— I agree. It's kind of gross.

there's no ice. It's not like ice.

Really cold water?

No, it's like—

it's like a tropical plunge. Oh, I see. I see.

But I just think it's gross to just like have a tub sitting outside. But everybody swears by it. Everybody says like it changes their life. And I'm like, I just can't really wrap my head around it. Like, what can it possibly do to your life that much where it's like that big of a difference? And it's about to get cold outside. So like the pool will just be a cold plunge if someone really needs to use it. I'm just not a cold plunge guy.

That's fair.

I mean, I posted on my close friends yesterday about a sauna. In Cold Punch and like everyone was like, yo, get that fucking Cold Punch. Get that.

You know what's so funny? David, like, David doesn't really post on Instagram that often, I feel. But this man is so active on his close friends.

I post every day on my close friends. I like close friends because it's just like I can actually see who's watching it.

So I don't think I'm on the close friends. Really?

That'd be really funny.

I'm definitely not.

Wait, why?

Because I'm like one of the first people that would want to know what you're up to.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's crazy. I post like 6 times a day. You do? Yeah.

Oh man, I've been missing out.

Oh, okay. I'll put you on there. It's not for any other reason. I just like went through it real quick and I just selected.

I know you're just talking shit about Jason.

I just selected the hottest girls ever.

Um, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, it's all shit about Jason. I have to work with this. You're on my close friend 6 times a day. It's just different angles of you. Look how fat and ugly this guy is today.

Can't wait to record another pod.

No, I'll throw you on there. It's not like really anything remarkable.

Yeah.

But it's like, it's just funny. Like, it's just like he'll just like upload a casual story, you know? It's just like him doing something silly or something.

I never understood close friends.

Okay.

I never understood until I started doing it.

Yeah.

It felt like, um, I used to like going out like a lot, like to the clubs, because I felt like I was connected with like my LA friends.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, this is nice. It's nice to show face. And like, I don't feel the need to do that ever now with close friends. Like, now with close friends, I feel like I'm just connected to those people.

Yeah.

And like, I'll see they're opening and I'm like, oh great, they'll respond to it and I'll be like, here I am chatting with them. And yeah, and it just feels like I'm like keeping in touch with my close, like literally close friends.

Yeah, I'm always honored when I get picked on a close friends. Like I got a, I got a Harry Chauzy close friends once and I was like, whoa, Jason.

Oh yeah, it is really cool. Yeah, like a bigger influencer, like a celeb puts you on, you're like, oh yeah.

And then sometimes I see stuff on close friends that I'm like, this is how the person really thinks. Oh my, but they won't put it publicly. Yeah, that's really interesting, dude.

My friend had craziest close friends yesterday. Yeah, it was— this is— she's a girl. This is insane. She, she goes— she had apologized the next day. She did an apology video to her close friends.

What? What did she post?

It was her on the bed. It was her on a bed, and it was 3 girls. She's one of the girls, and one of the girls was like ass up laying down, and the other girl was eating out the other girl.

What?

From the back. And she was like laying there naked next to the girls.

She Wait, she posted that on purpose?

Yeah, it was her close friends.

And why are you saying that? Like, people are just posting their nudes and shit on their close friends.

I'm not.

It was fucking wild.

What?

And then this happened.

Like, is this what's on your close friends?

Is he passing out? Yeah, it's me jerking John off.

Wow.

No, no, no. And then the next day she posted, she's like, yes, that was real. I'm so sorry. I was really drunk. And she's like, I'm still drunk, but I was even more drunk when I posted it. So I'm sorry.

We know it was real. We saw it with our own eyes.

No, it was fucking wild. When you're on Instagram, you're not expecting anything like that. So I was clicking through and my eyes like literally were like, what the fuck is going on?

That's crazy.

But yeah, close friends is just like a whole nother, whole nother world.

It really is.

It's kind of cool. I'm really glad I came to it. Okay. What else do you have on your gossip around the house, Jay?

Well, other news in David gossip. Michael is concerned that people are already destroying the gym.

Oh yeah. Michael, who was just in here being interviewed.

Yeah.

Yeah, I went into the gym today and there's like 7 people working out. I don't think the lifespan there is going to be too long before things start breaking.

No, for sure.

It's like one of the—

it's one of those gyms that like, you know what I hate? I hate that I watched it get built. Do you agree with that? It makes things feel like not as cool for some reason. Yeah.

You know that it's just like some glue and wood and things like that. Like, yeah, at the end of the day, it's like it's not special.

Like, it looks really magical when the final project is done, but it's like, it's like being at hibachi. I fucking hate being at hibachi because like, I hate seeing the food cooked. It ruins the food for me completely. I'm like, oh, this just started out as fucking raw meat. Like, it doesn't—

You don't think hibachi is fun?

No, no, no, no.

You don't like to see the food cooked?

No, no, I'm not a fan. Like, if I could choose to go to a restaurant where it's done or hibachi, I'm going to choose done every time. I don't like hate hibachi where I'm like, get me out of here.

Yeah.

But like, I never want to, I never want to do it. And like this gym I watched get built for like 4 or 5 months, and it completely ruined the magic of what the final product looked like. Oh, because the final product to me looks like a million-dollar, $2 million renovation. Like, it looks incredible and insane. But like, I saw them, you know, I literally saw them glue things to the wall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm like, what?

That's interesting.

Like, there's just like really like hot glue guns put this together, or whatever they— I don't know what they actually use, but it does ruin the magic. But yes, I'm scared it's going to be destroyed.

It's a little too nice of a gym. You think?

Really?

Just the things that you chose are just like the moss wall and the fact that it looks like Nobu in there and the carpet is gorgeous.

But that just makes you want to work out, I feel like. It's like, oh, I feel good.

Yeah, there was part of me that was thinking like, wow, now that we have this, because there's a big screen. There's a screen that's like 12 by 18 feet or whatever. It's huge. So I was thinking to myself, I was like, why don't we just fucking lose the gym equipment or just put it back in the old gym and make this a movie room?

Oh my God. Yeah, I would kill for that.

Yeah. A big movie room.

Yeah.

It'd be epic.

It would be epic.

Or a podcast studio.

Jay, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Yeah.

Yeah.

How did you feel going in there in the podcast studio?

Fucking awful.

I made a video. Yeah. I made this video a while ago when we started building the gym just because I changed the podcast studio. Yeah, does not mean it ruins our chances of ever doing podcast video. That studio was never gonna see the light of day in my eyes ever again.

It was gonna get redone.

Yeah, yeah, like it was never gonna look like that because that's not the vibe for our podcast in my opinion. Okay, so like I don't want you to think that just because the gym came in there— yeah, yeah, Jay had all these good jokes. I didn't want to put in the vlog.

Why didn't you put them in the vlog? They were so funny.

Well, one, I didn't make it clear that that was a podcast studio, so people, people didn't know, right? They didn't know that.

Yeah.

Um, but two, I also didn't want people to know podcast studio. Yeah, people would be like, what the fuck?

Yeah, he really gave up.

You put a fucking treadmill in here instead?

Yeah, that's what I said in the, in the vlog. It didn't make the vlog, but Dave was like, what do you think? And I was like, no, it's great. I'm so glad fucking we're focusing on abs and not comedy.

Yeah, well, it was also funny because John was on the treadmill and Jason goes, look, John's finally on the treadmill. All it took was a $250,000 treadmill or a gym renovation to get him back on.

Yeah. Yeah, well, we're fine. It's fine. We're good. I like doing all that.

Was really fun. I really like that, um, the thumbnail bit we did in the last vlog.

Are you gonna second channel it?

Yeah, because there's a lot more thumbnails.

And yeah, and you had a really funny joke that didn't make the vlog.

What was it?

We were outside, we were outside Keys, and you were showing Alex the billboard. You were surprising him. And, and there was— she turned to John and you're like, John, if Alex makes it as a DJ, it's like you're fucking said.

I told him, if Alex makes it as a DJ, you have like the luckiest— yes, luckiest life ever. Like, you can mooch off me a little bit, and then you can go right over to Alex. He even said, he's like, yeah, I'm gonna jump ship whenever it's ready. Yeah, whenever it's time.

And then apparently that night, Alex was given a rider, and John filled it out.

John just picked stuff that he wanted for what he wanted in his green room.

Yeah, in his green room. Yeah, that's really funny.

I mean, John's the best.

John's like, that's the best.

He's the best, like, plus. Plus one.

Yeah, he really is, because he appreciates— it's weird because he's like, he loves everything, but he's also like, I don't know, he's like so used to everything, but he's still impressed by everything. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Like, we went to— I took him to Steve Wolduik because I'm like, this is his mecca, right? Like, he loves watching people gamble. Yeah. And loves like a lot of money being spent, and he was like drooling at the mouth the first hour or two, but then the last 4 hours he was just in the corner on his phone, like, already over it.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, already desensitized, which is like really— which is kind of actually a good way to explain John, because like, this is all so crazy to him, but he's so used to like living in this house already.

Yeah.

And like, like, like, I have to go to my roommates and be like, do you guys understand how lucky we all are to live here? Like, I have to explain it to them because sometimes I feel like they don't understand.

Also, John told me that Dave played basketball yesterday, 2 on 3. And picked up a victory.

Yeah, I mean, dude, I think I do this to myself. I surround myself by— I don't know, I surround myself with friends that don't know how to play sports. I don't know if it's like subconsciously to make myself feel better. And I have to like— I have to find the root of that because it is— it does feel like any sport we play, I always dominate in. But I think I'm doing that to myself on purpose to boost my ego. I don't think it's like I just so happen to be better than everyone at all the sports and we have to do 2 on 3. I think it's genuinely just people who can't play, right? So, um, yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, you don't really have the most like athletic friends.

Like, Noah Beck's probably my most athletic friend. Yeah, like he's good. Adam W, I play basketball with, he beat me one-on-one, which is insanity.

Wow.

He's really, really good.

He's a lot taller than you though.

Did I tell you the, the story of John and him playing?

No.

Oh my God, it made me furious.

What happened?

Well, I was recording it for Snap and I just like stopped recording because I had to put my phone down because I was screaming at Jon, like screaming. Adam put up $1,000 for Jonah. I put up $1,000 for Jon. Yeah, to play one-on-one. Oh wow, first to 21, I think. Wow, it's a really, really long game, and they were tied neck and neck at 19, and then Jon finally sunk a 3. This was a very, very, very long battle. Jon wins— Jon wins $300 of that $1,000, and then Adam W. was like, okay, I gotta win my money back. So how about we play till 11 and I'll give John a 10-point head start? It's Adam versus John, 10-point head start. Okay. And then Adam, to sweeten the deal, Adam goes, John doesn't even have to make a basket. All John has to do is hit the rim and that counts as the final point and John wins. And not only that, John starts with ball. And not only that, But every time Adam makes a shot, the ball goes back to John.

Wow.

So it's not even make it, take it. There's no momentum. The ball goes back to John every time. John lost that game.

No.

12 to 10 because it got to 10-10. And then I told Adam, I'm like, you got to win by 2. And Adam scored another 2 points. Adam made no 3s. Adam won all by 1 point, every point.

Wow.

John lost. He could have had $600 that day and he lost all of it. I lost my shit at John. I lost my shit. I'm like, John, just get away from Adam and throw it up at the fucking rim. I, I was losing my mind. And then John's like, okay, you show me how it's done. And, and the first point I play with Adam, I just throw it over my head to like try to hit the rim. Yeah. And it just swishes right in. And John goes, okay, fucking lucky shot.

Um, but like, it's, it's pretty— yeah, John's an incredible friend to have. But those are the moments Those are the moments that I really like John. He's just like, he's incredible. He really is one of a kind. And his brother's getting married in the Philippines in January and we're all going.

Yeah.

And John, like, be careful.

John swears by the Philippines. He says it's incredible. So apparently he's like, he knows his shit around there. So I can't wait to go and he just doesn't know anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm excited to be in his world.

Yeah, it'll be so fun.

Yeah.

Texas fraternity pulls epic Powerball prank. Did you hear about this?

I saw that. Have you heard about the Powerball prank that was—

Well, Jason was trying to explain this to me, but I don't get it because someone did win in Texas.

Someone did win in Texas.

Yes.

So the pledge master or whatever told all of the pledges, everybody has to go buy 2 tickets, 2 whatever Powerball tickets and bring them back to me. So then he collected all the tickets. So nobody knew. These pledges didn't have their tickets, and they doctored a photo with the winning numbers, and they said, we won, everybody back to the frat house or whatever. And they threw this whole thing, and they all thought that they had won the billion dollars, and they were going to, I don't know, do some epic—

They hired security to parade them down 6th Street.

I don't really understand.

I don't understand.

There's so many holes in the story that I think is like, How do you not fact-check if you want $1 billion? Like, if I want to—

maybe because they're pledges. Like, they're just like—

exactly, you're a pledge. Like, that's like literally the number one place for you to get fucked with. The first thing I'm doing is check. I'm going to Google something from my phone, from Jason's phone, from a stranger's phone. I'm going to Google from 13 different phones to make sure that these numbers match. Right.

The numbers did match. They Photoshopped it.

What do you mean?

Like, the pledge master had all the tickets, right? So these— the guy—

I need the physical ticket back, brother. I'm not going to look at a picture of my ticket.

Well, yeah, I guess when you're there, why are you looking at it?

I'm definitely not going to look. What do you mean? Especially in today's world. That's why this story just doesn't— this story just sounds like the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Well, I just think that they were all so excited and they didn't think—

Natalie, what if I told you you won $1.8 billion? What are you talking about? You just get excited and start parading down the street? This story makes no sense to me.

I can't get behind it. It wasn't like a single one of them won it. Like, it was for the fraternity or whatever, I would assume. So it was just like they were all rejoicing because now they have a billion dollars.

If this was like a yearly thing where like all the pledges always go and get 2 lottery tickets, I'd understand. But it just so happens to be the biggest lottery that's been recorded, like the second biggest lottery, and the frat guys are telling everyone to go buy 2 tickets.

Obviously there's something being set up. My brain doesn't go to—

But what if they had a fake ticket? They printed a fake ticket, so they hand it back to you. You. So then you go, you check the numbers.

Okay, okay. If, if they did that, if they fit— yeah, if it's like, if it's actually lottery-grade tickets— yeah, I mean, 1,000%. But it's got to be like printed from the actual fucking device that prints lottery tickets.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, no, no, Jay, I want to get to the bottom of this.

We got plenty of other stories.

No, I'm sorry.

We got an email. Avengers salary breakdown.

I went through this. I saw that.

Anything good in there?

Well, I don't agree with any of this.

I don't agree with it either.

Basically, Captain America, he said, makes $4,000 a month because he hasn't checked inflation since 1945. I think Cap's highly intelligent, so that doesn't make sense. They said Tony Stark, like David said, basically an angel, donates his entire salary to some nonprofit while still flexing 12 Lamborghinis. Yes, I think that's true. Thor doesn't believe in money. Dude's paycheck is literally beer, food, and free sleepovers at Avengers Tower.

I agree with that.

I could see that.

That—

yeah, I don't— I, I don't think Thor needs money because I think he just goes back to Asgard and he lives like a king. Yeah, and I'm sure they have a company credit card where he like, you know, he needs a hot dog, he can get it. He needs a hot dog. Exactly. That's exactly— Hawkeye earns slightly more than a public school teacher, which is already too much because no one cares about— ooh, this is fucking one of the rudest things I've ever heard in my life. Public school teachers, depends what public school you're looking at. Like, you know, teachers at my school make $140K a year.

Okay, all right, all right, not to brag about Vernon.

Can I tell you more about our high school? Hulk, unpaid intern. Government refuses to cut him a check after he destroyed half of New York just because he didn't get some pussy. Hmm, I don't remember this. And then he said Black Widow makes 25% less than Hawkeye for the obvious reason, and then Ant-Man gets paid in coupons, Target gift cards, and child support extensions. I don't believe that. I think, I think Ant-Man makes a lot of money. I think Ant-Man's like the, um, Ant-Man I think is like, um, like what's like, you know, those YouTubers that like secretly make a lot of money because they can make like kids content? Like, that's kind of the vibe Ant-Man gives. Like, may have, may actually be the most well off. Well off. Because like, I think he monetized— he, he wrote a book, um, and I think he like monetizes his like—

oh, like he has patents and stuff?

Yes. Yeah, I think he does things on the side. Yeah. You know, like there's just some YouTubers that are just like really good at like monetizing everything. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like, create so many businesses around it. Like Dhar Mann.

Yes.

A billionaire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unsuspecting.

Yes.

But a billionaire.

Yeah.

Um, I think that's what Ant-Man is.

Hey Jason, long-time pervert here. I've noticed how David always talks about how sweaty his hands are and how they cause him distress and plan out how to avoid shaking people's hands at meetings and such. I'm wondering why he doesn't get the surgery that stops you from sweating your hands.

Yeah, I just don't— I don't care for that kind of stuff. Every insecurity I have that I complain about, I just like to complain about because I like to complain about insecurities. To go to the doctor's office is just like— to actually fix like my sweaty—

such like so funny, like guys versus girl mentality on those things.

Well, you go to the doctor every week, which is like crazy. Like, I obviously don't want to get into your details of what's going on, but like, you do go.

Are you okay?

No, no, no.

Some— like, I'm actually worried about her. It's like, really?

I don't know if she's mentally or physically.

Probably all the above.

I don't know. No, no, she goes to like the physical doctors.

Yeah, like, I'm constantly like checking in. Like, I go to the dermatologist, I get facials, I get my nails done, I get my hairs done. I get—

well, that's not the doctor.

I know, but I have to say it's the doctor, otherwise he's like, why are you getting your hair done?

Oh really?

I'm not actually going to the fucking doctor 3 times a week. I'm doing my shit.

Okay, but you go to the doctor once a week?

Uh-huh. No.

Oh, you've just been—

hey, hey, Naveen said her hair is falling out too.

Really?

Yeah. And when I told her, I was like— she's like, my hair is falling out. And I go, Natalie said the same thing. She's like, Natalie said that about me? And I was like, no. She was like— I'm like, no, Natalie said she's having the same problem. Oh my God, she's like, it's so funny, girls can take down girls so easily.

That's really funny.

Um, you're just gonna have to start wearing hats like me.

I think it's stress.

I have an extra Dodgers hat. Do you want to wear an extra Dodgers hat? All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. You guys for listening. Thank you Jason for joining us. Go listen to his podcast, All Good Things. Thank you Natalie, she's the best. This has been an incredible experience.

Wish everybody a weekend, a happy weekend. It's Thursday, people They're getting ready for their weekend, right?

Listen to our Squirter podcast, get horny. This is the weekend for you to finally get laid. That's good, Jay.

It's very good.

Okay, see you guys later.

Bye.