David's First Girlfriend

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. I'm gonna throw a lemon at Jason.

Don't you fucking dare, don't you dare.

I'm not throwing— That's a lie. This is a lie.

This is Marnie's house, so don't fuck it up.

We're at his ex-wife's place again, um, so that means all our clothes are off. We're doing the podcast naked. Um, Jason, what's your favorite animal?

Well, I just—

Hold on, you gotta tell me in German.

Oh, Nussbaum.

Oh, poodle.

That's right, right on.

All right, let's, uh, let's start the podcast. Um, what's up guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason and I talk about stuff. We have 3 ads today, just want to get you guys ready for the boatload of fun we're about to have. I'm gonna kick it off with one ad. This is—

you are? Yeah, you're gonna go right into the ads?

I don't give a fuck.

I mean, that's okay, I'm here to make money, bro. But that's, that's like the best part of the show. No, man, no, let's give people some content first, some boring content, and then give them the exciting ads.

Let's give them the ads.

All right, you're, you're being too good to the listeners.

I— they deserve it, David.

You're, you're too nice.

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But did you, did you actually order a tux because you thought we're going to the Oscars?

Um, no, they, they sent us tuxes. Yeah, so I was glad to get anything for free.

You assumed that it was because we were going to the Oscars?

No, I thought that would just be like some kind of kismet that we would— I was like, oh, the tux came, and then you were saying that, oh, maybe we'd get invited for some party or something.

I'm like, oh, maybe since what a wonderful coincidence that would be.

But no, I was at your house with Jonah next to me.

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I'd rather take it off. Huh? I'd rather take it off you.

Oh my God, this is my lucky night.

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oh yeah, scratch it up, David!

Visit theblacktux.com/views. That's the Black's Tux— shut up. That's theblacktux.com/views for $20 off your purchase. The Black Tux, premium rental suits and tuxedos delivered. Did you ever go to prom? Did you ever go to a dance?

Yeah, I went to prom.

Did you sneak in? I was—

no, I had a date. I was a normal guy.

You had a date to prom?

Yeah, I'm a normal guy, David. I had a normal childhood. I wasn't a loser. You're the only one that thinks I'm a loser.

Who'd you ask to prom?

My sister.

But I was doing her a favor, okay? Who'd you ask?

I went with Kathy Christie.

Kathy Christie.

You know Kathy Christie.

Is this her real name?

My girlfriend when I was 16. You weren't around then. But yeah, I went to prom. Did you go to prom?

I didn't go to prom. Why not? Because I was— Good? No, I was like, I thought, I don't know. I thought what?

I had such a weird high school experience. How come you didn't go to prom?

Right, exactly.

You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings? Because you had so many people that wanted to go with you?

You know what, that's what it was. It's just tough when all these bitches are lining up at your door. No, it's— I didn't— I hated dances like I hate parties now. I hate dancing. I don't know what it is, and like there's days where I love it.

When's the last time you danced?

Um, I mean, like in public? Yeah, I dance now because I have these booty shorts on right now, and I was shaking my ass earlier and putting it in Todd's face.

That's a whole other topic we need to get to.

But I have shorts that are, that are shorter than my boxers right now.

David has his new merch on, the new clickbait.

It's booty shorts.

Fucking asshole. What?

You gave it away.

What?

No one's gonna be excited for the merch now because you gave it away.

I'm trying to give you a little plug here.

Fucking— who cares? 10 people.

When you said booty shorts, you were talking to your assistant about booty shorts for a while. And he kept saying, get the booty shorts, get the booty shorts, get the booty shorts. And I was like, oh cool, he's designing like comfy cute like girly sweat shorts. But no, these are like really, really— yeah, they're vintage, it's 1970s, like regardless, show your ballsack shorts.

I don't dance.

The only dance I went to is in these shorts right now, these new clickbait shirts. His legs, they are so high up and he has such sexy legs, Eastern European legs.

What does that mean?

They're just hairy and white.

No, listen, I went to one dance and it was turnabout, and that's where the girl asks the guy.

What did it feel like when she asked you? What'd you say? Did you know it was coming?

You know who asked me, right? Natalie?

She asked me because all her friends had people, and I think her parents and my parents felt bad that I never went to a dance, so they did it as a favor, and it was fucking so uncomfortable. Really? I never had any attraction to Natalie like that ever, and we went to the dance, and like, like she surprised me and like I—

This is your assistant now?

Yeah, yeah.

Just so people know.

Yeah, I didn't even— yeah, this is my assistant now and I didn't even like hug her or anything because I was just like, this is so fucking weird. Like, why are we doing this?

Can you do the moment where she asked you like, where were you? Were you at your locker? Were you at lunch?

I was, I was here. I was in my cul-de-sac in the neighborhood and she like tied her dog like up to like a tree and she's like, I can't find my dog. And the second she said that, I'm like, son of a fucking bitch. I know if I find this dog, I'm gonna be asked to this dance. And, and I went and I found the dog and on on the collar, it said, um, Turnabout or some shit. Oh my God, no, I swear.

Yeah, she did it like that. She didn't just come up and ask you? I thought you're gonna say no.

Oh, that's how you had to do it.

Oh, you have to trick them?

Like, no, it's a surprise? Yeah, no one just goes, Turnabout question mark. It's not like that. Like, you just— you have to— you have to put effort into it, even if you don't.

You can't just walk up to them and go, hey, would you like to go to Turnabout with me?

No, no, it's not like that.

Oh, what are some of the other ways that people would go to Turnabout then?

Tell me. I mean, like, like how people would ask—

hide it in an ice cream cake or what?

100%, they would always They would always do something like that.

Really? And so you knew once you found the dog on the—

Yes. OK, anyway.

And you didn't want to go?

No, I didn't want to go. She knew I didn't want to go. We didn't want to go with each other. I mean, we just went. We took the pictures. And I sat in the cafeteria the entire dance. And people would come up to me because they knew we were just friends and that fucking— that we didn't care for each other. And people would come up to me and be like, dude, man, Johnny's out there dancing with your girl. And I'm like, oh, fuck, man, seriously? And I'm just sitting there. It was the worst time of my life, man.

So bizarre.

It was the worst. It's— yeah, I mean, but it's whatever.

So is Liza your first girlfriend?

Kind of?

No, first serious girlfriend.

Have we ever talked about this on the podcast?

Yeah, you didn't have a girlfriend in high school.

No, I didn't have a girlfriend in high school. We never talked about this on the podcast.

All we talked about was that you had like 3 girls that used to hang out with all the time and they were just your friends.

Yeah, no, in high school— and no, in high school I didn't like have like Why did you hang out with the 3 girls if now you're friend—

you have like 4 guys that you're so close with?

What do you mean?

Well, we go back to Chicago, you have these like 4 or 5 guys who are awesome that you're so close with.

The girls I hung out with were like in my high school. I, I was close with like a lot of like— oh, forget it, this is— there's no point of this. But, um, but yeah, I had my first girlfriend when I moved to LA, um, I think when I was like 19.

Oh yeah, you told me she was a little bit older.

Yeah, I dated my neighbor, right? She was, uh, a little older gal. Yeah, she was—

but why were you—

she's 28 and I was 18. Wow.

Yeah. What'd your parents think of that?

They didn't know. I think that— I think they're just— yeah, no, you never told them because it wasn't like serious. You know, it was complete— it was complete bullshit. Like, it wasn't like a real relationship. It was like, right, it was like, uh, like we're just doing it to do it, you know what I mean?

You didn't have any money to take her out or anything, right? Like, you weren't like taking her to the Palm?

Oh no, no. I was— uh, she was— she, she had a lot of— she had a lot more money than me, and she had like a beautiful car, right? And I was, um I was still driving my Corolla, and sometimes she'd let me drive her car.

What kind of car she have?

Like a BMW, like, uh, like SUV. And sometimes I get to drive her car. I'm like, this is fucking sick.

Yeah.

And then she's like, you'll have one soon. And I'm like, yeah, right. And like, I was like, I was so pumped every time I got to drive it. Like, I was fucking, oh my God, ecstatic. Really? She was—

yeah, she was— she have a job?

Yeah, she was, uh, she's a model and like an actress, you know. She was— she had an LA job. She was doing well. Everybody does. Yeah, she was, she was doing good.

I'm sure she's making money.

But yeah, I mean, that was just like a—

it was, it was, you know, it was just like this older woman showed you the world.

Showed me the world. Yeah, we dated for like 3 and a half weeks.

I bet it was torrid though.

No, no, it was, um, it was totally fine. She's, she's great.

But, um, did she ever take you somewhere that you were like, whoa? No, she never.

She—

no, we didn't.

It wasn't like that. It was like, it was, it was like almost like middle school dating, do you know what I mean? Like, okay, we're dating now. Sure. Like, it was like that. We didn't go on like dates.

And why'd you break it off with her?

Why?

Because, I mean, dude, she was 28.

She was 28 and I was 18, right? So it just didn't make sense.

So you broke it off?

Um, I think so. I don't, I don't even remember, but I think so.

Um, did you stop calling her?

Oh no, we're just like, this is, this is weird.

And then did you remain friends with her after?

Uh, no, no, I just didn't talk to her anymore.

No.

She even said she doesn't do that. Like, she doesn't remain friends with people that she's dated. I'm like, okay, right.

Well, whatever.

Do that.

Yeah, you do remain friends.

Yeah, I mean, no, because I've only—

it's only been her, so I guess I'm 0 for 1.

I'm 0 for 1 on remaining friends with people.

What else happens at Turnabout? Um, they have punch there?

It's— no, they don't have punch.

They wear a tie.

They have a lot of pizza. I wore— I think I wore a tie.

Yes.

Jacket. I wore a tie and a nice jacket, and I had like a coconut head.

What's your aversion to dancing? It's, um, doesn't it feel good sometimes?

I, I've been to places I feel uncomfortable because I don't know how to do it.

Have you ever tried to like smoke a joint or have a drink and dance?

No, that's what it has to be. I have to get drunk, and then, and then I'll fucking destroy the dance floor. Like, or I'll think I'll be destroying the dance floor.

Yeah, but why don't you? I've never seen you dance either. We've been in dancing situations. We were at that Golden Globe party, and Todd and Zayn were going nuts.

Remember, I was dancing there actually. Were you? Yeah, you weren't there.

I remember.

I know I was. No, I genuinely was.

I think I kind of saw you like doing a little bit.

I remember that. Yeah, I remember that. No, I don't know. I don't— I also don't want to drink. Um, I just— I don't care to drink that much.

So do you ever sit around and go, I, I just want to get drunk? I just want to get— No, at all?

Never? No.

You never have a hard week and go, you know what, things are awful, I want to drink?

I think about it for like a second and then I remember that I'm gonna wake up the next day and I'm gonna feel like shit, and it's gonna ruin my entire day, and I'm gonna be so mad at myself.

Yeah, I miss doing drugs and drinking.

Be careful, Jason, don't relapse. As Jason's doing a line of coke right in front of me, we're at Jason's ex-wife's place.

Yeah, kids, kids are away. I've been watching CNN while waiting for David to finish his vlog.

Jason and I got into a pretty heated argument, or at least conversation, about conspiracy theories the other day. Jason doesn't I don't fucking care about people that have conspiracy.

I'm homie, don't play that shit. Huh? Homie, don't play that shit.

Don't know what that means.

It's— it's—

I don't like it. Um, basically, um, I was telling Jason that, uh, that there's a chance 9/11 was an inside job. And I, I don't— sure. And I'm not like all up in a chance. Yeah, there's a chance.

Like, what chance?

What do you mean, what chance?

Explain it to me. I mean, there's a chance— Explain to me the fantastical thing that happened in 9/11.

There's a chance that our government had something to do with 9/11.

Sure, Dick Cheney threw on a beard. I don't fucking know. And a turban. No, okay. He grabbed the plane, and then at the last minute—

You're being an asshole. He, uh— You're being an asshole.

I'm just— He parachuted out of the plane.

Just like, just like, just like aliens existing, right? I'm like, I'm sure there's fucking aliens out there. Aliens I could believe. Yeah, because you're fucking— you're born from an alien. You fucking came out of it.

Wow, my mother's been nothing but kind to you. I'm not, I'm not cutting this out either. Um, it's staying in.

Oh, you fucking keep it in. Your goddamn alien mother can listen to this. Cling, cling, ching, ching. Um, no, but, um, yeah, I, I don't know. It's just, it just like, they really just like— hey, listen, just like aliens being real, I would never be like, that's not fucking true. I would never also discredit conspiracy people and be like, you're a fucking maniac. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, that's just because you're hoping you're gonna like get some footage out of like that.

I was— dude, when I was in the 7th grade, I was up like— I was— 9/11 was all I fucking— like, I even bought like during 9/11 a History Channel, all the places, 9/11 stuff, and I would buy the commemorative coins that would go with it each year. I was so into 9/11, and I thought it was fucking— I thought it was all bullshit, and I'm like You know, the steel beams can't melt with jet fuel. Jet fuel doesn't burn at a high enough temperature to melt the building. And like, I was so in it, so in it, and I would— we would have arguments in our class about it all the fucking time. Sure. Especially with our teachers, because the teachers were like, you're nuts. And we're like, no, we're woke, right? I go to Jason yesterday, I'm like, I'm like, Jason, you don't know anything about 9/11. We know all the facts because we're woke. Jason, you go.

Oh, you woke at about 11:30 AM. That's when you woke.

Just because you woke at 11:30 AM. Um, no, but I don't, I don't know why you discredit people that have conspiracy theories.

The, the Parkland shootings, that, that really upset me.

That I don't really, I don't really understand.

Okay, so they basically are saying—

okay, so there was, there's obviously this awful shooting in, uh, in Florida, and it was in— was the high school Parkland, or was the town called Parkland?

The school.

School's part.

Okay, so this might be wrong. No, the town.

The town. Okay, school is called something else. And it was, um, it was shot up by this like 19-year-old like psychopath.

Um, and, and the, you know, a lot of the kids are saying are crisis actors. And, and if you go on Twitter, so people search—

yeah, let me explain what crisis actors— people are saying that it never happened and there's just actors being placed —like, in all these media scenes of them being interviewed, and they're just actors, and they're acting like they're scared and they're horrified.

Right, to push the agenda of the NRA. I mean, to push the agenda of the Democrats. To push the liberal— It's a liberal agenda, yeah.

To push the liberal agenda. Listen— And it pisses Jason off.

It makes me sick to my stomach. It's disgusting. And you know what? I'm not even here to try to say, like, to take people's guns away. Like, that's fine. But to use that argument to— to keep your guns is fucking disgusting and asinine. And it's so— those kids were in a shooting. They were shot at. Yeah. And then to sit here and say that this kid is like an actor, fake, and I, I just don't— it's your whole generation, man. Your whole generation is fucking tapped.

What do you think about our generation? You're—

you all just— you get so much information that you believe anything.

I mean, I could get behind that.

You fucking believe anything. Anything that someone says, you're like, "Yeah, maybe. Could be possible." And it's just really scary.

Did you see the other day? There was a woman getting interviewed on like Fox News or somewhere. There's a group of people that are trying to get rid of the word "man" because they think it's offensive to women because of words like "man-made." and human because it has the word man in it. Yeah, so like they're trying to change like the name of Manchester to something else because it has the word man in it. Fucking bizarre. What about woman? Yeah, she said, um, she said, I'd prefer if you just refer to me as a person, that would be less offending.

Yeah, God, did you see that? We had—

isn't that crazy? People want to get rid of the word man.

We had some friends the other day who did a video where, um, they were like hitting each other and all the comments were abuse. Wait, what? It was like a comedic video that our friends did where like two guys were like slapping each other, and it was like, this is abuse.

This is, you know, yeah, it's, it's tough, especially because like so many— I mean, it's such a, such a censored generation now because, you know, because, because all these kids that are so young are learning from other kids that are older than them. And that are commenting on these videos. Yeah. So if one kid is offended by, by someone making, um, you know, someone having a gun in a video, and they're like, that's fucking awful, you shouldn't even have guns in a video in any way, then the next kid will follow and be like, yeah, I agree, it's bullshit. And it's just the domino effect.

I was on Facebook today and my friend posted, um, I'm gonna watch The Big Lebowski tonight, uh, it's the 20th anniversary or whatever it is, 40th anniversary. But, and I've never— I never you know, whatever. And so then I posted a scene from The Big Lebowski, which is like a Coen Brothers movie. It's like a really funny comedy. Yeah, it's kind of like a cult movie. And in the scene, I literally was like— after I posted it, I deleted it. Why? Because I was like, oh, it's a scene with like a lot of like racist shit in it. Not a lot of racist shit, but like he calls Arabs like bad words. Yeah. And stuff. But it was shot, you know, 30 years ago.

You had to be careful. I think there's—

I think, yeah. But that's how sensitive things are. I literally was like, maybe I shouldn't post that.

I mean, it's gotten a lot more sensitive even from when I was in high school. And that's crazy, 'cause it's been 3 years.

That's really, that I think is the craziest. If you can see it within your own time, and you're only 21.

Not even my own time, in the last 3 years.

Exactly, this is your time, the last 3 years, I don't count high school. I'm saying there's things in the beginning of your vlog that maybe, which was 2 years ago, that maybe you couldn't do now.

We watched Jackass over the weekend. Yeah, Jackass.

What did we see in Jackass that we were like, oh, you can't do that?

They use like— they use bulls like as like— oh yeah, as forms of entertainment. And they use animals and like they don't even like— like I'll use animals but I'll try to be really careful. But they'll let the animals be very vicious and they'll let them bite them and they'll maybe even piss the animals off, right? Just so they get like, you know, just so they attack them. But like you can't do that anymore. You can't have bulls running at you because You know, because there's comments now. So like, your video of you getting chased by a bull will, you know, as 99 people won't have a problem with it, but then when one person has a problem with it, they will alert all the other people that have problems with it, and then that whole community will come down on you.

You know, and I think it's time, David. What do you want to do? Time we talk about watches.

I mean, it's definitely time for that. It's 100% time, because you guys have heard me talk about movement. You know, these two college dropouts that started their own company. This company is growing like crazy, and With almost 2 million watches sold in 160 countries, they continue to revolutionize— I thought there was only 50 countries. I'm kidding. They continue to revolutionize fashion on the belief that—

countries like Alabama, Florida—

they continue to revolutionize fashion on the belief that style shouldn't break the bank. I don't know if you have checked the site out lately, but they have doubled the number of watches and are still expanding.

MVMT has come far from being crowdfunded kids working out of a living room. In the past year, they've not only introduced a ton of new watch collections for both men and women, but also expanded to sunglasses and fashion-forward bracelets for her. Um, I have the new watch, David, that came. It's black, it's sleek, it's got a big fat head on it.

Oh, I saw. I have a black watch too.

I mean, I love it. It has that kind of jagged bracelet.

The, uh, it's, it's—

they're, they're really, really sweet.

You know, they just started at $95. At a department store, you're looking at $400 to $500, but MVMT figured out that by selling online, they were able to cut out the middleman and retail markup, providing the best possible price. Classic design, quality construction, and styled minimalism. Get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to mvmt.com. That's mvmt.com/views. See why MVMT keeps growing. Check out their expanding collection. Go to mvmt.com/views.

Join the movement. Nice. You know, I spent a lot of time this week reading about Trump for two reasons. One, I care about this country. Yeah. Two, I wanted to make you feel stupid. Why? What do you— because I read about it and you didn't, I bet.

What is it? I didn't read about it. What did you find out?

Oh, it's just—

this is fascinating.

Yeah, what he's been doing. You know, he's lost 43% of his cabinet that he started with.

Are people getting fired?

He's just firing people left and right.

Oh, he's firing people?

Yeah, he's just getting rid of people. Or, or he's doing things— he's—

is he firing people to cover up some kind of a conspiracy?

He's not firing people, they're resigning. But he's doing things that are so crazy that people are like, okay, I can't stay anymore. For example, He got rid of this economic advisor. He just decided the other day to do tariffs, to impose tariffs on steel and aluminum. That's amazing. Have you heard of the chaos theory?

No, I love listening to you.

Do you wanna hear about it? No. Okay, well we can talk about something else then. That's fine.

What's the chaos theory?

I think you'd like the chaos theory. Okay, go for it. I'm sorry. I think it's what you do.

I was reading something else, so I was being a dick. That's okay. I wanna know about the chaos theory. This is what Trump's doing?

This is what Trump does. The chaos theory is explained to me as you, you, you and I say like, okay, you're gonna go do this, right? And we like agree to that. And then you go to like, you're like, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna, uh, we're gonna, we're gonna give Brandon $5, and you go in there and you like give him $10,000. And when I'm like, what the— what the fuck was that? That's not what we talked about. Yeah. And so that's what he's been doing.

Like, he'll, he'll talk— what is that? What good does that do? Giving Brandon $10,000?

What did I just— I guess, I guess what it, it makes, it makes chaos, and that allows people to believe that, oh, like, I can— like, anything can happen. Like, I'm willing to play with this guy, you know what I mean? Like, that could happen again, when in reality he has no intentions of ever doing that again.

You're making very little sense.

I think it makes sense. No, I mean, that's how it was explained to me.

Who explained it to you? Your—

uh, my eyes and my brain when I read it.

Um, I— there's this Um, there's this, uh, some people tweeted at me something and, um, what'd they say? They told me— they told us to create a forum where our listeners can submit their questions anonymously. Oh yeah, here are some questions that they've asked us. What should you do if your best friend is cheating? I read this one already. On their significant other.

We've had this conversation a lot. It's a really tough one. I'll let you handle it because that's— you handle it so well.

That is so tricky.

Because, um, it's— our country's falling apart, but let's talk about cheating.

This is, this is how I see it. If it's truly your best friend, right? Best, best friend. Yeah, it's— it sucks, but— and you fucking hate cheaters. It sucks. Who's your best friend? Um, I'll say— I mean, Liza, but that wouldn't make sense.

That doesn't make sense.

Um, for the sake of the argument, Liza, you gotta tell David you're cheating on him. Um, no, but No, but okay, Ilya, right? Ilya, yeah. So if I found out that he was cheating on his girlfriend, this is what I would do. I'd say, I'd say, dude, you gotta fucking tell her. Yeah. Or, or you gotta fix this somehow, because if this shit ever happens again, I'm fucking stepping in between and I'm gonna tell her.

What if she said— what if Ilya said, I know, I know, I know, I'm so wrong, I'm so sorry, I won't do it again? I don't know.

What would you do? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. I don't know. I— No, seriously, what would you do? Honestly, just because he's my friend and I know it's the wrong thing to do, I'd probably be like, okay, you're a fucking— you're a fucking prick. That's what I'd say. And then— and then if he did it one more time, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, dude, but I can't fuck it. I'm gonna— I'm gonna tell her because I gave him that warning.

What would you do? Would you call her? Do you write her an email?

Yeah, I'd call her. Yeah, I'd call— yeah, either call her or go to her in person and tell her. I'd honestly drag him with. I'd either drag him, throw him out of my car so he goes and talks to her, or I'd go tell her myself. Here's another— It's just not fair to human beings, I think.

My best friend broke up with her boyfriend who I was friends with, and now she wants me to stop talking to him just because they broke up, but my best friend's kind of acting like a bitch, so help.

Okay, so Dr. David, I feel like you're actually good at this stuff. You guys came to the right place. So you're saying, you're saying your best friend was dating this boy that you started talking to too, and now you're friends with that boy, but your best friend broke up with the boy and you still want to remain to be— you still want to be friends with the boy.

Well, who knows? Maybe, maybe they knew him mutually. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Okay. Well, it's—

I mean, bottom line, it's like Todd is dating Corinna. They have a really bad breakup and Todd's like, David, don't talk to Corinna anymore.

Yeah. I don't think that's fair, and I think, I think he should, I think both the boy and, and you should be able to make their own decisions about whether or not you're gonna talk to that person. So you think she is being a bitch? I don't think a bitch is the right word. I think she's just, she just got, she's heartbroken and she's going through some shit and she's saying things that maybe aren't fair, which is not, it's not being a bitch. She's just in like a tricky position.

So what is, well, so what should she do? She should—

this is what she should do. If the guy didn't cheat on the girl, right? Why am I talking as if like I fucking have 30 years of experience about this? If the guy didn't cheat on the girl, or if the guy— it wasn't—

no one said anything about cheating.

If the guy was a nice guy and things just fell apart, then continue to talk to him. Make your own decision. So if you have reason not to like this guy, don't fucking talk to him. But if you still think the guy's a good guy and you still want to be friends with him, then go ahead and talk to him. It'll probably piss off your friend, but it fucking sucks to say, but she's gonna get over it.

How do I get through school taking advanced classes and not being so stressed?

I feel like Gary Vaynerchuk. You gotta get rid of the bad energies. Here, go, go, ask the question again.

How did I get— how do I get through school taking advanced classes and not being so stressed? That's tricky. David doesn't know shit about that. I don't know shit about that. Advanced classes.

Um, I never took advanced classes because I always thought it was such bullshit. I'm sorry.

I would just— how do you recognize a toxic friendship?

You're just like, let's not talk about that.

You're like, let's not, let's not—

trying to get you off the hook. Yeah, thanks.

Um, how do you recognize a toxic friendship?

A toxic friendship? Yeah. Fuck, I don't know, man. Every friendship I'm in is toxic.

Maybe you should look at that.

Well, I've recognized it.

What's the one constant in all those friendships?

Uh, my Tesla? No, I mean, a toxic friendship is whatever for you if you recognize— I don't even know what that means. A toxic friendship is like, um, I'm trying to think, like someone's manipulating you and controlling you to do stuff. Oh yeah, someone takes 70% of the podcast when it should be 50/50.

Okay, I didn't read this all the way. Jason, I'm here if you need help. What are your opinions on incest and people who practice and support it?

What's my opinion on incest? Incest, guys, is where you hook up with your family members.

What's your opinion on incest?

Okay, hey, don't be a dick. Okay, um, well, listen, what the fuck kind of question is that? We're against incest. Are your parents out of town? Don't fucking hook up with your siblings. I don't care. I— that's just so fucking weird. It's not— okay, should I play devil's— I don't know. Yeah, go ahead. I don't know. I don't know if there's like tribes in Africa who practice it. It's completely fucking normal, you know what I mean?

Well, I have a friend from, um, from like a really backwards part of the country, and, um, he said they all fuck their cousins. Really?

Yeah.

See, like, that's exactly— and there's like a lot of, a lot of like molestation. Like, that's why I can't— like the 17-year-old, like, will like just like fuck his 11-year-old cousin. And then, and then they'll be at the party and they'll be like, they're like, oh, I can't— why'd you do that?

Like at a family reunion? Yeah. But, but The thing that's like weird to me is like there's so much like, there's so much progressive shit that's going on and like, like I don't know if like, like if we're making fun of it, if we're laughing at incest now because it sounds fucking ridiculous to a couple years ago.

It's gonna be huge in a couple years.

You don't fucking know in 30 fucking years. No, I— you seriously don't know.

I don't think incest will ever be okay.

I fucking hope not.

But I'm just— maybe, I mean, if the, the— if human beings are like dying and we need to like keep the race going and keep— not the race, keep the species going.

I think we should have just laughed at that question and moved on.

That's I did laugh at it.

I think I entertained that too long.

Hey, what was the story with Josh Peck and the helicopter?

What'd you miss? Oh, so I went into a helicopter the other day to shoot a bit. Right. And we— and I didn't get the shot, so I had to book another flight for the helicopter the next day. So if you watch my vlog, it looks like I was in the helicopter one time, but I was really in there two different times on two different days getting the shot right. But there's a joke that everyone commented, and they were like, you fucking moron.

Brandon and I had to stand in sit in his backyard and fuck each other twice.

Yeah, they're having sex. Um, there's a joke in Drake and Josh where Drake goes to Josh— Josh is nervous about his first time flying in a helicopter— and Drake goes, do you know, Josh, that 1 in 5 people don't even make it to the ground? And Josh goes, what? Don't even make it to the ground? What does that mean? It was just like— it's just like a really funny stupid joke. That's the joke you missed. And people were just like, you should have done that joke with Josh. But I didn't do it. Ask me another question. Okay, but don't ask me another question. She gets sick until I tell you about Beachbody On Demand, because it's an online—

I've been doing Beachbody. Jason, what?

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I like Country Heat.

Yeah, that's what I have. What programs do you use?

I'm using Country Heat right now. What does that do? It's just like dancing to country.

Are you serious? Yeah. You could dance to country? Yeah.

Awesome.

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I'm gonna text it right now. Really?

Yeah, I'm gonna see what happens. Um, Jason, ask me that other question. I'm very curious. Oh shoot, man, I can't believe you've been using Beachbody, bro.

I gotta work on this body. Summer's coming. Opinions on internet friends and relationships?

Hmm, that's an easy question. I think it's all fine. I don't care who you talk to as long as they're cool.

For David, what do you remember most about coming here from Slovakia, and were you bullied for not being an American at first?

No, no, I was too young to not be an American, so I never, I never got, I never got bullied about that. But I feel like, I feel like in another life I definitely could have.

Bad celebrity encounters?

Shit, okay, I have one. I, um, there's a rapper named Common, and I was, um, the second, um, maybe like second or third vlog, I went to the Straight Outta Compton premiere. This was like the coolest fucking premiere ever. Like Straight Outta Compton, like the movie with like N.W.A., like the rappers. Everyone was there, from Ice Cube. Right in front of me was Kendrick Lamar. Um, it was Kendrick Lamar, it was, uh, fuck, Schoolboy Q, ASAP Rocky. Okay, ASAP Ferg, right in front of me, like right in, right in front of my row. Yeah.

And I—

we were surrounded by rappers, and like I went to pee and I, I was— how were they dressed? Nice.

They always dress— ostentatiously, or were they like Were they dressed cool for the premiere? They were dressed like—

dressed preppy, because, you know, like, like, like rapper cool, you know what I mean? Like a, like a, like a hip tux. Oh yeah, like, did you wear a suit? No, I didn't wear a suit. I just wore like a shirt. But, um, I was— I went to the bathroom and I was washing my hands next to Hugh Jackman, you know, Wolverine. It was fucking cool. It was a big thing. Um, and, and Common was sitting there, and he was a rapper, and, um, I came up to him with my camera on, and I go, hey, Common, can you say something for my vlog? Oh yeah, you already know. I wouldn't have done that. Yeah, fucking bad move, bro. Bad move. He was like, you can't do that, man. You can't do that. You can't be running up on me like that with a camera. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I thought he was a dick. And then like a couple months went by, I'm like, what the fuck was I thinking? Like, I was out of my mind. Like, that is so, so rude. That I did that. And like, I'm glad I learned my lesson. Maybe it wasn't the best person to learn it with, but I just went up there like camera on, recording. He was having a conversation with someone else. I just fucking came up there like a little douche and I was like, hey, Common, can you say something for my vlog? And like, goddamn. And I completely regret that and I really apologize to Common. I'm sorry that I did that.

So do you— yeah, you've become a little more gun-shy. Yes.

With what you do now with celebrities, I'm very nervous to talk to them because I don't want to fuck I don't fucking ruin anything, and I feel so bad. Why?

You don't— you don't—

no celebrities do your vlog anyway. Yeah, you're right. My first— guys, fun fact, I actually paid a publicist— you guys probably won't believe this— $5,000 last month to find me a celebrity for my vlog. We gave her a list of 200 celebrities, and I don't know if the emails didn't go through, but none of them responded.

Or if I have Disease I don't know about.

Dude, none of them responded. I felt like a fucking kid who thinks he's like cool in school, sent out an invite to everybody in school and no one fucking showed up. No one responded. No one even like— no one was even interested. No one was even like, maybe another time. Every— like over 200 celebrities turned down my offer to be on the vlogs, which is nuts. Which is nuts.

It's nuts to me.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Because the reason it doesn't make any sense to me is because they have to do, they have to go, I mean, I guess I understand why the celebrities turn it down, but I don't understand why their publicists turn it down. 'Cause the celebrities, when they do these, when they come out with a new movie, they have to do like a press run, like a press tour. So they go to Conan O'Brien, they go to Jimmy Kimmel, and like, if their publicists were smart, they'd come to me instead of going on Conan O'Brien.

[Speaker] Well, people pay you anyway to promote movies. I know. So why wouldn't they just get it for—

get the milk for free?

I don't know. I don't get it either.

This is the way— this is the way I thought of doing it. This is like, if there's any, like, any movie development, like, production company—

and just so you know, they pay David— they pay you a lot for a movie deal. A lot to promote. $100,000.

Yeah, to promote like one movie. But this is the way you do it. If you're listening to me and you work for Warner Brothers or Universal, you go to an actor, you pay him $400,000, and for that money he has to collab with 6 YouTubers. And the YouTubers will do it for free if it's a big enough actor.

It's a big enough— yeah.

And all you're doing is paying the actor, so he'll be happy to be there because he'll be getting paid a lot of money, right? And the YouTubers will be happy to do it because they— because we all just want a real celebrity to be on credibility. And that's, that's all you got to do. All you got to do is get get fucking a big-time actor. And $400,000 for any actor is a lot of money. Like, it's a lot to do a couple YouTube videos, you know? I think so. It doesn't matter who you are. It's, it's a lot. It's—

I know, I know Mark Wahlberg wanted to do something with— for Daddy's Home with Trisha. Really? Yeah, but I don't know if she did it or not.

They probably just ended up hooking up and forgot, forgot to film the video.

Um, no, but— hi, Trish.

Hi, Trish. What? I love you. I'm sorry I said that in front of you. I mean, sure, dude, she fucking can apparently hypnotize any guy into—

She can hypnotize any guy. When we were away in Cabo, it's amazing that people just bring up sex around her. Men and women, all ages, all races. You're just awkwardly standing there. Yeah, it's just always about— We went and saw these dolphins and the woman was like—

Dolphins started bringing up sex?

The dolphin had a boner.

What did the woman say?

The woman was like— the woman was making all these sexual remarks to Trisha about the dolphin's boner. It was really weird. Fucking weird. She was like— she's like, oh, this one's a strong boy.

Trisha's just like, you can just like say anything to her. Like, she just gives off that personality where like, oh, this girl's like— this girl doesn't give a fuck about anything. Like, you can— you can say whatever you want, she won't be pissed off at you. She's just easygoing. I think— I don't know, I guess. Wow, this is an entire podcast we didn't bring up Trisha. It's fucking amazing. Yeah, nothing to say. Yeah, Trisha's been bad to say. Yeah, fuck yeah. Let's turn this shit off so we can— I'm kidding. All right guys, well, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Make sure you guys like—

all the time we have. Why?

Some more time? What do you want?

I think we have some more time. Oh no, you did all the ads. My bad.

Jason was pointing at the computer. He's like, read the ad, read the ads. All the ads are done. Thank you for sitting through. Actually, you're welcome. For reading 3 different ads.

I feel kind of bad we had 3 ads and it's 40 minutes. Someone, someone complained about that once. Really? Yeah, they're like, 3 ads, 40 minutes, come on guys.

But they know what they're signing up for. We're not making you listen to these things, guys. Don't be a jerk. It's, it's, uh, it's midnight right now. I wanna, I wanna get home and I want to shoot some more stuff.

Well, yeah, it is, it is midnight and you—

we did work all day. Um, no, but thank you guys. Tweet us more podcast ideas.

I love that.

Yeah, we love it. Anybody even wants to a forum where you guys can talk about like stuff you guys want to talk about on podcast.

If you guys talk about forum, I'll go in all the time.

Yeah, Jason will go in and pull ideas. Yeah, guys, there may be a Vuze tour coming up. Yeah, in the future. So if you guys want to see that, tweet us about that, and we'll see you guys later. This is— this summer, Vuze tour. Yeah, my name is Jeff, and we'll see you guys later. Bye!