Dating A Porn Star

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast.

How do you think that— this is just burning inside me.

What's, what's your question?

How do you think people imagine us recording the podcast? Because it's just an audio podcast, so what are they thinking as they see us?

You want— maybe some people have never even seen us before, right?

They may, they may think that this voice— probably they're probably like, this guy's like a male model or something like that. He's traveled the world.

They think you're, you're the, you're the younger guy, maybe. Yeah, because when you listen to the podcast and I offer all the smart advice I do, they're probably assuming that, that I am.

Yeah, like all those great theories about— yeah, always What if there wasn't night? Why is it dark?

I don't know. I just feel like I come off smarter, so people probably are like, that's intelligent.

And your movie picks, they're the best.

Here we go again, shitting on 50 First Dates.

I didn't say that.

All right, let's roll the intro music.

I have to confess something. Remember when we were like running out of your house because we thought someone was breaking into Natalie's car? And then you left.

How long ago was this?

This is like a couple of weeks ago.

Oh, yeah.

Well, and then everyone was like going to see the car. I ran into the bathroom to pee and I peed everywhere.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No.

That was you.

It was me.

You peed all over the floor.

I peed all over the floor because I was— I was in a rush. I was panicked because everyone was going.

We had the plumber come because we thought our pipes were broken.

It was me.

Wait, you're kidding me.

You know that we had the plumber come?

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

How much did it cost?

Well, it's not that we had the plumber come and we were like, there's pee everywhere. And like Taylor thought it was me or some shit.

I was so scared to ask him. I didn't want to offend him.

I was like, Taylor, I know how to pee. Like, that's not me. I was peeing all over the toilet bowl. And that was you?

It was on the floor.

No, on the floor. That's what I mean.

I tried to clean it up.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I just peed everywhere. And then, and then another time I went in there and I was like, I don't want that to happen again. That's awful. Yeah, but I peed everywhere. And then I— so I sat down to pee like a lady. And I don't know if this— I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but have you ever sat down to pee like a lady and then it goes between the seat and the bowl anyway?

No.

You've never done that?

No.

Yeah, it was all over the floor again while you were sitting down.

Wait, are you fucking with me? Jay, you pissed all over my floor?

Yeah. Oh my God. Wait, wait, wait.

Have you—

and then the second time when I peed all over the floor, we weren't in a rush because you weren't running to see if someone broke into Natalie's car.

So that I like really cleaned up good and like made sure because it was all like, I mean, it was like you could see because the floors are white there, which is a problem, and you could just see yellow all over the toilet bowl. And we told the plumber, we're like, we think there's a leak in the pipes because there's water coming out. Because as you can see, there's pee everywhere. And dude, at least my house isn't broken. I thought that's good news. Now what happened?

So the other day a couple of us rented a boat. Yeah, we went in like two separate cars and we were all like carpooling down to rent the boat. And I think it was Zane and Heath and Mariah were in another— their own car, and they were driving on their way, whatever, and they pull up next to this, and they were in like Heath's truck. Yeah, so they're up high, right?

Yeah.

And they pull up next to this other car, a little Corvette, at the stoplight, and it's this guy and he's getting a blowjob from the girl next door. And they pull up on like this, this guy getting like road head.

He's getting a blowjob in his Corvette?

He's getting a blowjob at the red light in his Corvette by this girl.

I got Joe a Corvette. Could this be a story about Joe?

Uh, it It was not about Joe.

Oh, okay.

So it was really funny, and like everyone was like laughing and screaming, whatever. They're like, holy shit, like, whoop, you know, it's such a rare occurrence to roll up on somebody like that. And then we get onto our boat, whatever, we're pulling out into the ocean way, and we're waiting for like the bridge to lift or whatever. So we're all just like waiting on our boat, and this other little boat comes out.

We're on a boat, by the way, we're rich. And while we were on the boat waiting, you know, on the boat, I'm trying to accurately paint the fucking picture. Loads of money in our pocket.

Okay, no, that wasn't like that. It was literally like the smallest, cheapest little ratchet boat. Anyway, whatever. So this other little boat pulls up next to us and Zane goes, hold on, is that the girl?

Oh no way.

And it's literally like we didn't even go the same direction as this other— as this couple, but somehow they ended up at the same like boat intersection. And then she looks— Zane's pointing to their boat and she looks over and she's like, She just lost it, dying. And she taps the guy and she was like, it's them, it's them. Because there's this whole like moment that we had like car to car, and then now we're having it again, boat to boat.

It was just so funny. Wait, when you guys were in the car, they knew that you guys saw them?

Oh yeah, you know, he looked up and he was like, yeah, brother. It was a whole thing.

On the boat, were they having sex or just standing there?

No, they were just chilling, like hanging out, drinking, whatever.

Damn. Did you guys return the favor? Did you and Todd give them a show?

Uh, no, no, no, we did not.

That's rude. So the other day we were driving the cars, me and Taylor, and she's looking through TikToks and one of the TikToks has the song playing, the Fleetwood Mac song. You know that one?

Dreams. Yeah.

Sing it.

Here you go again.

You say, aren't you free? Yeah, that one. That one.

That one.

And, and it's a puppy and it's a TikTok of just like a puppy, like looking out the window.

It was my friend's dog.

Whatever. Who cares? It was Taylor's friend's dog. And I go, and I go, and I go, oh, that's Dogface. Because if you know Dogface, he's the guy who has the cranberry juice and he's on the longboard and he's singing to that music and he's vibing that music. And fucking not a peep from Taylor. Not a laugh. Not a single laugh. And I say it and like, and like she looks up at me, she goes, mm-hmm. And then we drive for like another, like, I don't know, another 15 seconds. And I go, you really thought that wasn't funny? Like you really thought?

No, no, no.

First he goes, did you get it? And I was like, yes, I got it.

That was so funny.

Did you get it? Be honest.

Yes, I'm being honest.

I feel like it's a pretty good joke. It was a puppy and it was the music and I'm like, that's dog face. And then, and then whatever, whatever that happened. And then like 2 hours go by and I'm showing her a TikTok of this guy, this fucking— this dude putting on colorblind glasses for the first time and he can see and like he can finally see. You know how emotional those videos are, right? Yeah. And And he takes the glasses out of the box and he puts them on his face. And the second he puts them on his face, Taylor starts cracking up. And I go, I go, what the fuck? I got so mad. I was like, first of all, this isn't supposed to be funny. Why the fuck are you laughing? The second, oh, this is supposed to be emotional. So, and I think she's just—

why don't you laugh at that, Tay?

Because the glasses, I thought like were the color and he was blind. So I thought they were like doing a joke like Colorblind.

She thought that he was like a blind guy and they're like, do you see the colors? I don't know.

I think you scarred her with the dog face.

So now she's just laughing.

Gotta remember to laugh at the TikToks.

No, I know what TikTok it is. Oh, you know what? That's what it was. That's what it was. Now I'm gonna fucking show her soldiers coming home, not seeing their relatives in 2 years. She's gonna be cracking up.

No, that's just so not—

it's not your humor to be like, oh, look, it's dog face.

Yeah, it's not my humor.

He does like puns.

It caught me off guard though.

So last podcast I talked about this thing where I thought it would be cool because there's so many tickets and seats left on airplanes. I was like, it'd be cool if an airline could offer you a ticket, but it's a lot cheaper and you don't know where it's going. So that's why it's a lot cheaper because it's like a random location every time. And I said this on the podcast yesterday, but I also said this on the podcast like, I think like a year ago, a year and a half ago, I talked about it and someone just tweeted me this link from CNN International. Like it's a legit source, and this was posted 2 months ago. Air New Zealand is bringing back its Mystery Breaks program where travelers pay a flat fee to book an entire vacation package with the airline and agree not to find out their destination until 2 days before they leave. Wow, how fucking insane is that?

Your lips to their—

literally, like, prattling the fucking same thing I was saying.

You literally were just saying the same thing.

I know, and I said this before. I don't think they stole my idea. I think people were just thinking the same thing.

I think the airlines are I've probably had this idea, Dave.

You don't think Air New Zealand's a big— You don't think Air New Zealand's a huge fan of The Vox and they were like, Ollie, we know how to— I don't know the New Zealand accent, but yeah, so that fucked me. That bummed me out.

It's tough when you have an idea that is not gonna, you're never gonna be able to put it into play.

Well, honestly, that makes me happier.

Tay, when does Dave annoy you?

When does Dave annoy me?

Yeah.

Oh.

When's the last time he annoyed you? Ella, when's the last time Dave annoyed you?

About 11 minutes ago.

I've been trying to get this Iron Man suit for like fucking ever, and the guy just stopped responding to me. They're in China, and they're, you know, we're up at different times, so our communication is horrible. I've been DMing back and forth. And yesterday, after 2 weeks, he finally got back to me. He goes, check your email, invoice. And I checked it, and there was an invoice for the Iron Man suit. It was a statue, and it was $9,500. It was to send to buy this Iron Man suit to a Chinese company somewhere. And I was like, okay, you don't have my address or my name or like which one I want specifically. Like, are you sure? Like, you know which one I want? And he didn't respond for another 20 minutes. And then I sent another one and be like, hey, text me if you just want a quicker response, that'll be easier. And he didn't respond for another 20 minutes. And I was getting really impatient because I was like, I couldn't— I didn't get a hold of this guy for 2 weeks. So I'm like, I'm just going to fucking go for it. I just sent him the money. And then after I sent him the money, I was like, this is my— I just sent you the money. Here's my address, by the way. Because I'm just so desperate for this fucking Iron Man.

David, how do you know the guy's just going to walk away with it?

I don't know, bro. There's something about—

Is it a guy? Is he a reputable dealer?

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's a Chinese— it's a Chinese place. I saw TikTok. So it's like, it's the fucking coolest Iron Man outfit.

And I don't know, I saw like a Chinese TikTok.

Yeah.

How did you understand it?

I took Mandarin in high school.

Well, this is the shit that you do. And then fucking David's business manager will call us and be like, Yo, what the fuck is this $9,000? And we're like, yo, honestly, I don't know. And then we asked him. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, it's the Iron Man suit I just bought. It's like, bro, you literally spend money like a 5-year-old.

No, I don't.

How do you send money to someone that you don't even know who's receiving it?

Because I don't want to wait anymore and I just want to get it done. And who's— okay, if you're a scam artist, why are you scamming people on Iron Man statues?

Because there are dumbasses like you that really want it.

Yeah, but like, come on, if I'm a scam artist, I'm going to like pick something that like more people want. So we'll see. I was thinking about this the other day. You know when I feel most respected? When I'm walking by a guy leaf blowing and he turns it off as I pass by. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like, you're— and it's been since I was fucking little. Like, there's something about like an older gentleman turning off the leaf blower or the lawnmower or whatever when you walk by so a rock doesn't come and hit you in the face. There's something so cool about it and like, so like human about it. Like, we're all taking care of each other here at the end of the day. Like, I may have a job, but I see you, I recognize you, another person walking by, and I'm gonna make sure you don't get hurt. Like, I think that's sick, right? I don't know. Well, that's just the thought I've had. I mean, listen, man, is this the TED Talk that you're building? Yeah, this is part of it. This is how I open it. Okay, explain to the audience what just happened.

I went to put my gum in a napkin. I picked up the napkin, there was already a big piece of gum in there, and I dropped the big piece of gum on the ground. Yeah, and then I picked up the gum on the ground and I put my gum in there. Now that me and your gum is sharing that napkin.

Yeah.

And then you freaked out.

Yeah, I freaked out. Well, I want to show you what's in my gum. I wanted it to be a surprise.

Happened.

Look at this. Look at my gum.

Let me take a look.

See what's in there?

Black stuff on that gum.

No, no, look at that. Look at the— look at the white thing that's attached to my gum. That's my tooth. Crazy. What happened?

What happened to your tooth?

I was chewing and the top of my tooth just came right off.

Maybe we gotta get a different for dentist.

Oh no, your tooth came off! That's so funny because Megan's getting her wisdom teeth removed by Danny tomorrow, and she came here like freaking out. Yeah, she's getting them done tomorrow and she came here freaking out. She's like, is this guy good? Is this guy good? I'm like, he's great. And then, and then my tooth is missing in my thing, in her face too.

I've literally been sweating since I sat down.

She just went blood red.

Is that a tooth that Danny worked on?

Yeah, that's a tooth that Danny worked on, but it's the— it's, it's a Temporary. It's a temporary part of my tooth that was like put on there.

I'm canceling my appointment.

Yeah, guys, we're trying to get Jason to come here on the podcast and it was taking him a long time.

Oh my God, I'm here on the dot, 4:30.

No, I know, but everyone else came earlier, so I was like, let's just get Jason. And, and we texted him, we're like, Jason, hurry up. I texted him that, and then 5 minutes later we get a call. It's a group FaceTime and it's a butt dial from Jason, and it's him getting in his car, and all you hear is Well, you could tell everybody.

I was just like, fuck this.

Yeah, damn it. Yeah, bro. He was so pissed. All you like— I'm not even kidding. It sounds like we're making this up, but he literally— his phone picked up and it was like in his hand and he was like, fuck. And then, and then right when he came in, he goes, he goes, I'm sorry, guys. And we go, for what? And he goes, I just— I don't know what you guys heard. So did you say more stuff?

I think I threw a few more fuck this, but I hit my head. You see, I was at the house, I ordered the kids food. First of all, I asked the kids to come here. They didn't want to come because Charlie had on mascara and she didn't want you guys to see her in mascara or something. I don't know. And then, and then I ordered them food and then it got canceled. Then they wanted Starbucks. Then I came, I was putting them in my house to go get Starbucks and they just take so long. They don't understand that like I have a fucking job and I have somewhere to be, right? And then I turned and I hit my head.

Oh, and that's why you were screaming.

And that's when the butt dial went off. And then And I was just like, just get in the house, just take the fucking cake box.

Yeah, you butt dial like a fucking madman, bro.

I know, it's so embarrassing. I do too.

You have a lot of problems.

Well, that's not very nice.

Dude, I told Megan to come over. I told Megan to come over. This is fucking— I could not believe this shit.

I don't really understand why you were so shocked by this.

She goes, she goes, I can't. And I go, what's wrong? And she's like, my check engine light is on. They told me I'm not allowed to drive.

Are you serious?

Megan, wait, I don't understand why that's so crazy.

All my cars, all my cars have check engine lights on.

Seriously?

Yes, Megan.

I've never had that come on.

You need an oil change maybe?

Like, I had an oil change, Megan.

That's so normal. I cannot explain to you.

Well, I have an appointment tomorrow at 8:30.

Dude, she was like free. I'm like, just come. And she's like, I can't drive, I have the appointment tomorrow at 8:30. They told me not to use the car like it's fucking— like it's dynamite.

She just didn't want to come.

No, no, no, Jay, she was being honest. And like, it sounded like if she got in the car, blow up. Like, Megan, do you realize how many people have check engine lights on? Everyone would just be—

No, I usually see random cars kind of gal when it comes to like car stuff, just because it's like so not in my wheelhouse. Like, I don't understand technology very well, but it's— it wasn't the oil change light, it was like the engine light.

Yes, Megan, that's so normal. I don't know, my Tesla and my, my Aston Martin both have it.

You're like a unique breed when it comes to that type of stuff.

What are you talking about?

You just like let it go and it somehow works out for you.

I'm telling you, anybody with any car has the check engine light on, I promise. It's like the most normal thing.

No, like for example, the other day I was driving and the tire pressure thing came on. And I was like, oh, that's weird. I'll just keep driving. And I was like, actually, let me just check it out. And I'd go into a gas station, and I had a nail in my tire.

Speaking of cars and problems, another employee of ours, Taylor Hudson. Taylor, say hello.

Hello, that is me.

Taylor yesterday totaled her car.

Oh no, what happened? Yeah, I did.

The one you bought her?

Yeah. Yeah.

What happened?

I still got mine.

Taylor got in a little car accident.

Are you okay?

Jason just said, I still got mine. So sorry.

So sorry. Me too.

First of all, no one got hurt, thankfully, but her car is fucking destroyed. It's like gone to pieces.

And your airbags go off?

Oh yeah.

Her entire front's gone.

And you weren't hurt at all?

Oh my God.

She's got some cuts and stuff.

Oh my God.

Hey, your hand.

Did you make her keep working, David, after the accident?

Yeah. This is her by her car.

Oh my God.

Would you call first, David?

Yeah, she called me and she's like, she's crying. She's like, you need to get over here right now. This is so bad. I'm like, okay, I know she got in a car accident, but dude, how she was freaking out.

I would have too, 1000%.

I know, but like the amount she was freaking out, I was like, she killed 3 people. Like she took 3 people with her. This is fucked. Like, and I was like, I just trying to like—

wasn't even like sobbing that much though.

It was so scary because no, you were crying and I heard the OnStar in the background. Yeah, so she was talking to both me and her, like the Mercedes contact that goes, is everything okay? And she was like answering both questions. So she was like really panicky. And I was like, hey, how many people are hurt? Like, I was trying to get all the information. I was speeding over there. I was fucking freaking out. I was so scared. And then I got there and it was fine. It was crazy. There was like one guy that pulled over and he was just like helping direct traffic. He was just like a random civilian and he like put his jacket on, a flashlight, and he was helping people. And he's like really nice to like both the people involved. And I was like, when do you think the cops will come? He's like, the cops aren't coming.

Yeah.

And like, the cars were like fucking shattered, like glass everywhere. The front bumper was like across the street. Like, it was— the cars were everywhere. And he was just like, yeah, cops don't come for this stuff. And then luckily a cop came by and it was really funny. He recognized me. And at the end, at the end, Taylor goes, he bought me this car. But no, Taylor, Yeah, everything, everything's fine, which is awesome because it could have been so much worse. But what was so crazy is an hour and a half after, like after I dropped Taylor off at my car to drive home, I got a call from, from King, this guy who works at Mercedes who sold me Taylor's car, right? He sold me her car and he calls me, he's like, hey brother. I haven't talked to him in months. He's like, hey brother, you came up on my mind this morning. Something just told me to call you. I wanted to see if you're okay. Yeah, and I was like, what the the fuck? And I was like, and I was like, dude, you must be the best salesman on planet Earth.

You got an alert?

Because my— yeah, because my assistant actually just got in a car accident with the car you sold us. And he goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, I knew this morning that I had to call you, and I put it off till tonight because I had some things.

Crazy.

Um, it's insane.

Literally crazy.

And I got texts from him like, uh, like 3 hours later, he's like, but if you need anything, come on in.

Oh my God.

Oh, and, uh, the cop got there and he told me this weird thing. He was like, when the tow came, he was like, make sure that that's your tow because I didn't know people do this, but there's scammers, there's scammer tow trucks that just drive around and they look for accidents and then they pick you up and they hold you in their impound lot for like, they won't let you get your car back. And then every day they charge you $200 for your car being there. And it's like a scam that they all do. And the tow truck guy got there and like the cop went to go talk to him and the cop was like, who are you with? He was like interrogating this fucking—

Really?

Yeah, 'cause it's like a normal thing where like tow truck drivers like scam scam people. And like, and the tow truck guy was like, I'm with the client. And the cop's like, who's the client? And they're like, dealership. And like, what dealership? Like Mercedes. And it's like, okay, you're—

that's nice.

Yeah. But like, he was like making sure that like, like this person wasn't like trying to—

that's crazy. I mean, that would probably be really easy to do. I just never—

so easy. And it's so crazy that like they do that to people that are in fucking accidents, right? So shitty to shit on somebody that's like in the worst, the worst Point of their point of the day.

Wait, the guy you mentioned, the guy that was like a civilian helping out and he put the vest on.

Yeah.

Did you hear him go, yeah, I work for Dr. Phil?

Oh yeah, you work for Dr. Phil?

Really?

Yeah. So funny. I was like, my friend's Dr. Phil. Yeah, well, once a week.

I got so mad. Taylor told me this morning, and this is like halfway— she calls me on FaceTime and she's like, hey, what are you doing? I'm like, oh, nothing. What are you doing? She's like, I got into a little accident last night. I was like, what? And I was like, you didn't call me or tell me. And but when her fucking— a rock flew into her windshield like 2 months ago, she calls me immediately. Oh my God, a rock just blew into my windshield and then doesn't call. And she totals her car. I got so scared.

There's something frustrating about a rock in a windshield, right?

Because that's like—

it's like you live with it forever.

Like, it's just like always staring at it and it's like, you also call me when a bird flew into your car, right?

I feel like that happens to you a lot too.

Yeah, that does happen to me a lot.

I got it one time in my Mini Cooper. I went into a little shopping area and then like my friends and I got ice cream, like whatever. And then I'm pulling out, right? And this girl goes, roll down your window. And I was looking around like, wait, me? And I rolled down my window and she goes, there's a bird stuck in your grill of your car. And it literally had its wings still up like it was flying.

Hey, Joe Vulpes is here, guys. It's his birthday.

Give Joe a mic. Give Joe a mic. Guys, it's Joe Vulpes's birthday. Joe Vulpes is our editor of the podcast. We used to— you may know him from the teeny weeny. And since this is his birthday, Joe, we have something very special for you today. We're gonna give you a full minute.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, we're back. Well, just a minute, just a teeny weeny 60 seconds for you. It's so funny because I was talking to Jason and today earlier I texted him, I was like, we should give Joe 2 minutes. But when you got here, I was like, let's just do 60. Joe, your 60 seconds starts now.

What's up, weenies? Welcome back to the Teeny Weeny Podcast. My name is Joe, and today we're going to be interviewing someone very special who hasn't been on the podcast yet— Jason Nash.

Hi, Joe, great to be on the Teeny Weeny. Uh, it's been a while.

Imagine he actually had a guest prepared, like he had this whole thing, he hit him in the car because every, every time we do a podcast, he brings someone by just in case we give him a chance.

Is the clock running?

Yeah, it's at 38 seconds.

Am I allowed to talk about—

Yeah, yeah, I can. Yeah.

Holy crap, guys, I have my own podcast now. It's called Lightweights Podcast. It's with my best friend.

Oh my God, look at the time! For some reason, the time's moving a lot faster. It's when you plug another podcast, the time jumps.

It's called Lightweights. It's with Ilya Fedorovich. No!

And that's all the time we have.

Good job. Crazy.

Thank you, Joe.

Would you rather fly or have Sad Bobby talk?

Sad Bobby talk in a heartbeat.

Oh, wow.

Wait, deadass?

Yeah. Sad Bobby's my dog.

Wait, you'd rather have your dog talk than you being able to fly?

100%.

No, Joe, Joe, stop. I'm being deadass. Don't be funny.

I'm not being funny.

Hey, Dad, let's go outside. First of all, you don't know if you call your dad. Well, if I— if that dog can speak its mind, he'd probably hate you. That's not true at all. No, I'm kidding. But wait, wait, wait, wait. Your dog. What's its life expectancy?

Uh, 12 years. 14.

14. With the way Joe— with the way Joe pampers him, probably like 16.

He's never seen concrete. He always gets carried.

Okay, so, so 16 years of your dog talking and then it's over. But you can fly for the rest of your life.

Yeah.

What conversations would you have with your fucking little puppy if he's hungry?

If he wants to go for a walk?

That's—

he likes Megan.

Dude, you know, you gave up flying for your dog to go 'Hey man, I gotta shit.' That's what you do. That's what you're giving up.

You're opening up a whole other bunch of problems. What if he doesn't like Megan?

How cool would that be, having the only talking dog? He could get movies, brand deals, TV shows.

Yo, dumbass, you'd be the only flying human. You'd get movies and TV shows.

Yeah, but a talking dog—

Joe, man, dude, that'd be really funny if like Joe was the guy who had a superpower. Like out of everybody on Earth, like news stations came to interview him. I just couldn't imagine people watching like, this is the guy. Just explain. Yeah. One day I just— I walked outside and I could fly. That's really funny. Oh, Megan, this is interesting. Can we please talk about this? You're bringing this up. You're going to the gynecologist.

Okay, let's talk about female health.

No, I think this is crazy. I've never been to a gynecologist myself.

You don't say?

Oh, you haven't? No. So, okay, walk me through it. Is it— is it like it— is it like I would imagine it being?

Want me to actually walk?

How do you imagine it?

Let's first see what you think.

What do you think happens?

Well, okay, I actually don't— I don't know why I said that because I don't really imagine it.

Do they use their hands?

Yes.

Yeah.

Wait, what?

Gloves or no gloves?

Gloves.

What do they put in there?

They use a plastic tong.

Okay, so timeout. You're sitting on a chair and your legs are spread open like in the air.

Yeah, yeah. It's just yearly you get looked at.

They test you like pap smear and they like touch your boobs to make sure you don't have like breast cancer.

This guy sounds like a pervert. They touch your boobs and then kiss you and make sure your lips are nice.

I had a really nice experience. I had my regular annual physical.

You had a nice experience? Well, I'd love to read the Yelp reviews on gynecologists.

Well, no, so I went to my regular doctor a few, like a month ago, and I've like had a few lumps and stuff in my boobs. Everything's fine, but I was like, can you just check this? Like, just, I, I kind of want you to, to feel it. And he's like, you want me to feel your boob? I was like, hey, yeah, go for it. And he was like, okay, let me get a female nurse in here. And he grabbed a female nurse, so, and he was like, I just want her to chaperone. I was like, what a gentleman you are.

That is really good.

He has to do that.

For guys, you have to— they put their balls— yeah, they put their balls— for guys, they put their balls in your mouth and you cough on them. No, they hold your balls and then you have to cough. I don't know, do we do those anymore? I don't do those because I'm not in school, but I feel like that's when you do it.

Yeah, I've done that.

You still do them every year? Is that like a thing?

Yeah.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, but I mean, I haven't had a physical in a while, but yeah.

Okay, I haven't done it in a while, but yeah, so that's different, and that's weird when it's like, I hate when it's young people. Like, I hate when it's a young—

notice, I guess I just go in like really trusting that they're like medical professionals.

I just need it to be like an old person. Like, I don't want it to be anybody that I can maybe catch at the same place I would go to. Like, I don't want to see the doctor just grab my balls. That's how—

so like, right, someone may recognize you if they're like within your age range, right? Like an old guy may not, right?

Right.

I wouldn't want to go to someone that'd be like, David Dobrik, how are you?

Dude, your YouTube videos are the best. Your balls though. This is, this is a little on, but I have this weird thing with magic. I don't know why, but like, I, I like when someone's doing a magic trick or like someone's performing, like, I, I want people to be respected and I want people to be respectful when they're watching a trick. And there's one thing I hate— I hate when like people like predict the magic trick. I don't know. And they like try to trick the person that's doing the trick. Yeah, like that bums me out for some reason. Uh, and there was one time I was— this was like, I think like a year and a half ago or like 2 years ago— I was talking to this girl girl, and we hung out like, like for like 3, 4 weeks consecutively, which is like pretty, pretty big for me. Like, I don't know, that was a lot of commitment for me. I was like surprised that I met somebody. And there was one day she was over, I was having like a party, and I showed her a magic trick, and I was like, pick a card, any card. She picked a card, and then I shuffled the deck, and I noticed her card was no longer in it. And she put the card in her own pocket to fuck with me.

Oh God, and she got the wrath of David.

And I was just like, and I just like, obviously I kept my composure on the outside, but inside, like a volcano erupted.

And you wanted to do your trick.

Yeah. And I was just like, I can't do this anymore.

Did you break up with her?

No, I didn't. I wasn't dating her, but I was just like, and I wasn't even dramatic. I was just like, still nice to her, right? But I was just like, like, I could never talk to her again like that.

And she probably has no idea.

No, I don't think it was like that big of a deal for her. I really don't. But like, to me, like, I was the moment.

Yeah, they said no more.

Like, I was like, no, I don't know, I just, I was, I can't believe that happened. And I was like so bummed out that for the rest of the night I was just completely off. I was like not talking to anybody, and I don't know why it was such a big deal to me.

What's going on? You okay? You seem weird. You seem like you're upset about something.

Yeah, check Megan's pocket, she has the ace of spades in there. No, but yeah, I don't know, everything all right? What do you mean?

Was it— is it something with the magic trick? Are you mad about that or what? No, is everything—

oh, you're still in character.

If you had to be trapped on a desert island with, with 2 YouTubers for 1 month, desert island, who would you choose?

With 2 YouTubers?

Yeah. Choose 3. Choose 3. 3 YouTubers, 1 month.

MrBeast.

Okay.

Casey Neistat.

Yeah.

And Joe.

Yes, that's a good group.

That's actually a really good—

that's a really good group. Yeah, Casey would be good on the island.

Casey would be good. Casey would figure it out. MrBeast would get the funding, and Joe would be a perfect sacrifice if something came on. If like something showed up on the island and was like, yo, like, we need one of you, it would be like, yo, take Joe. Yo, Jay, and that— when you guys were younger, you guys ever masturbated in school?

No, never.

No, when you were younger?

No, I never masturbated in school. No.

Now, have you ever masturbated in school?

Be very bold.

I don't think so. Yeah, me neither.

Views podcast episode 10,000. You ever hijack a plane? No, Dave, none of us have.

Have you?

I have a question. I was just curious. I was bored. I went on a—

I went on a date. He didn't get hard.

Oh, um, I'm confused why one of the like top porn categories is all about—

it's all—

it's always like family. It's like stepsister, stepbrother, incest. It's like, why is that something that people are so attracted to? I'm so confused. Like, like, I get more the like teacher thing Or, you know, it's like teacher fucks student or like boss fucks employee on the desk or whatever the fuck.

Me and that. What the fuck? Oh my God.

That doesn't have a desk.

It's just— it's already in David's bed.

What category were you looking for?

I wasn't looking for any category.

Guys who can't get hard.

Guys who can't get hard. Yeah, that turns out.

I don't know.

This doesn't usually happen to me. Something's weird. Oh God, I'm so sorry.

I was like, yes, tell me more how you can't get hard.

I don't know, it's just like—

my friend dated a porn star once and, um, he loved it because he was like, you know how you're always scared that your girlfriend's fucking somebody? Well, now you know that she's fucking somebody, and it like takes the fear away from it. That's what he said. I'm being completely serious. And this is like, this is like when we first moved here and like, we didn't have a lot of money. And he's like, and he's like, and we get to travel a lot of different places so you can go fuck other guys. Yeah. So, I mean, he loved it. I mean, it's each his own, right? Like, if you like, if you're into that shit, whatever, like, have fun. It's not hurting anybody. You know who else dated a porn star? Who? No, no, you did not.

So we were on our way. We were on our way to Six Flags and she was figuring out her first gangbang scene on the phone with her manager.

Are you Are you fucking kidding me?

Joe, what?

You dated— we have the title of the podcast, everybody. We have the title. His girlfriend gangbanged 6 people.

Was she a porn star when you went into it? Yeah. And is that why you liked her?

Uh, yeah, it was cool.

Did you watch her before?

I mean, we didn't like— like, we like— we didn't like date.

Joe's looking at his— at his current girlfriend now for reassurance.

Tough spot for Joe to be in. David wanting the story from Joe. Joe, but Annalise right next to him.

How will he dig himself out of this one, especially on his birthday?

Definitely should have left, David. Definitely should have left an hour ago.

Wait, okay, so Joe, so explain that to me.

We only hung out like a handful of times, but she was just like telling me stuff about the industry, and eventually it was just like, oh, okay, you guys started dating.

No, I'm being so weird about this, bro. Fucking talk about it.

Because we didn't like— we weren't like boyfriend or girlfriend or anything, but like, she would just give me like—

Joe's so nervous to to talk about this in front of his girlfriend. Like, we weren't like really dating and we barely kissed. So you guys were having sex?

No, no, no, we didn't.

We didn't.

You didn't have sex with the porn star?

No, because that's the Six Flags with her. We went to like— we like did stuff, but like, no, no, we didn't do stuff.

Dude, Joe is so nervous because it—

we—

do you miss her?

No.

Oh man.

She lived by Jason's old apartment.

Don't bring me into this.

So, Annalise, how do you feel about this? How did you learn? How did you learn that he was in, uh, into porn? Oh, he did.

He dated one girl for a while, and then after they broke up, she also became a porn star.

Damn.

Annalise, are you a porn star? No, no, no.

Joe's got a type.

Joe?

Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. Tough in a relationship, Joe, and you choose to share something, you're like, I probably should have fucking not said that. Yeah.

And then they bring it up 4 years later on a podcast every day to a million and a half people.

All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Jason, thank you for coming and being a part of it. You know, you're a big— you're a big friend of the show. We love having you here.

Thanks for having me. Pays well.

Yeah. Um, Jason also has a book coming out, so you guys may want to go check that out soon. It's not out for a little bit.

No, it'll be out this year.

Yeah. What is it called?

I Fucked Up So You Don't Have To.

Beautiful name. Yeah, beautiful name. Well, we'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff.