A Fan Broke Into My Living Room

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where we're gonna see if my friend Jason here can actually tell the difference between a real joke and his daily life.

A real joke and his daily life?

Yeah.

You're about to tell me a joke?

No, that was an insult. Oh, remember when we used to start the podcast and I would insult you at the beginning?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So someone DM'd me on Instagram and they were like, Can you go back to where you insult Jason when it like opens up with like an improv clip?

I used to love those little clips. You nixed those.

I nixed those because they were hard to come up with. So what I did for that one, yeah, I just ChatGPT'd it.

Oh no, you didn't.

Yeah. So I was like, you know, because it's easier being creative when you can type things into ChatGPT. So yeah, I guess it wasn't like insulty enough, but that took me a couple text conversations with ChatGPT.

Yeah.

To give it the confidence to insult you because first it was like, sorry, I can't insert insults here. How about we keep it positive and chat about something fun instead? And then I responded to it saying, no, my life depends on it. You have to come up with an insult. And then that was the insult it gave. So it was like semi-friendly. I'm trying to look at more Instagram DMs and like give feedback to like what people want. Because, you know, we've been answering people's questions.

Yeah. Yeah.

Or at least we've done one. But like a lot of them are pretty fucking like risqué.

Like, oh yeah, you've invited that.

I know I have.

Like you invited that.

One of the ones that stuck out to me. I mean, obviously I'm also choosing the ones that are risqué.

Yes.

I'm sure there are some normal ones.

Right. Those are pretty—

hey, how should I plan for my mortgage and my whatever?

Right.

This one says, out of you, Ilya, and Jason, who comes the fastest? I'm like, I can't even address this. I'm not even kidding. This is from someone. Their username is Kylie Jenner Updates. So there are some questions. I mean, obviously, probably Ilya, but I don't want to address some of the things.

I'm probably the best.

I don't want to talk about you. First of all, I can't.

Okay.

Anything sexual with you freaks me out.

I don't— okay, we don't have to talk about it.

No, sorry, did that come off like too—

No, no, I get it, I get it. You think I'm gross, it's fine. No. I get it. Listen, man, you know—

It's also, it's not even your age.

Oh yeah, it's how I look.

It's— I think it's your— can I say hygiene?

I'm clean. I literally showered.

I don't know, I don't, okay.

Your hygiene, what are you talking about?

My hygiene is incredible, I shower 4 times a day. I change like 4 times a day too.

I think you're afraid you'll get turned on if you thought about me too much, that's what I think.

You think?

Yeah, I think that's like, I think when guys are younger they worry about being gay. Like straight guys.

Bro, come on, what is this, fucking 2011? I'm not worried about that.

Straight guys are so funny 'cause they're like, I'm not gay. But then as you get older you're like, Oh, that's not it at all. You're like, "Ah, gay.

You just get gayer as you get older." No, no, no, that's not my problem at all.

Okay, okay.

I would— dude, you're talking to the guy who's gonna suck Ilya off.

That's true.

Who's gonna jerk Ilya off for $200,000. So I have no problem with that.

But you didn't.

Right, so I guess that makes me pretty homophobic. But did you end up doing it? No, no, I didn't. Yeah, but I also got— that's what I got a lot of DMs about too. A lot of people were like, dude, I would fucking bend my friend over backwards and fuck the shit out of him for $250,000. And I'm like, listen, I know, I know. If you don't know what we're talking about, a couple podcasts ago, whatever. Anyway, I don't want to repeat it because another DM I got— now I'm going through all the DMs I got— was, how do you disappear from the internet for 3 years and not do a podcast for 3 years? And your first podcast back, you're already repeating stories. I thought that was so funny. I don't even know what story repeated, but like, I don't know. I think— but if you hang out with me, Jay, don't I just repeat a lot a lot of the shit over and over again?

No, you're pretty good. You don't repeat, but you do repeat stuff on the podcast because you'll get to a place where it's like it's prompted. Yeah, I had a bad teacher in school. I had a bad teacher. And so, yeah, you did.

I always like connect like a lot of stories. It all funnels down to like the same like 10 stories I have, right?

But, but we all do.

But no, but I'm talking about like when I'm in person, I feel like, like in-person conversations, like I have a lot of the same conversations. Like I'm always like this house is incredible, or like how much I love Call of Duty. Like, it's all, it's all generally the same conversations I feel like I have over and over again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to vlog. No, I don't.

I don't really talk about— oh, you know what, I do talk about that.

You went back and forth last week like 3 times.

I did. Let me tell you this. This is kind of— I was having this big dilemma of like me vlogging. I'm like, do I vlog or not? And I've decided that I kind of want to. And my end-all be-all decision was like, I'm going to have the camera nearby and whenever something happens, I'll film it. And then whenever the time is to put the video together, I'll put it together. Like, I just want to have like— I just— I love recording things. So like, why not just keep recording and putting it together just like I did with this like yearly vlog, right? I don't have a date set. I don't have a time set. I don't have bits set. Just like as things happen, things happen anyway. But what was interesting, my mom went to go see a medium.

Yeah.

And she was— she had— she was talking to one of those mediums that like I thought you were a large. Huh?

Sorry.

What did you say?

I said I thought you were a large.

Damn. Was that ChatGPT or was that straight from you?

That's straight from me.

Holy fuck.

That's a Jay Nash special.

Yeah, that was rough. So my mom went to go see one of those mediums that, like, where you're in, like, a group of 10 people and they go, I'm seeing the number 15. Does the number 15 have anything to do with anybody? And then the person from the audience will go, "Me, me, me, me, me." And then the medium will talk to you directly, be like, "I think I'm getting your mother on the line," whatever. So my mom did that and she's super into mediums. She even texted me, she's like, "If you get a medium on the podcast, I'll come." So if any mediums are listening to this, we'd love to get you on for my mom to come on the pod. But she channeled my grandma who passed away really recently. She passed away, I'm so bad with time, 4 months ago, I would say. Very recently. And my grandma, who was in the video actually for like the, when, when we went back to Slovakia for the first time, Jason was like flirting with her in it. Uh, yeah. And she was talking to my grandma through the medium and my grandma told my mom to tell me to let my creativity fly, which was really interesting. Cause it was like, it was cause it was like at a time I was like, which was like 2 weeks ago, a week ago where I was like, do I vlog or whatever? So it was like a really interesting response. From like up above or whatever's going on. So I was like, okay, maybe I should look into this more. And then my mom said this other thing that was really interesting. The medium, apparently, this is what my mom said, the medium goes, okay, time's up, like to my mom. As my mom is talking to the medium who's talking about my grandma, my mom's like, okay, all these people, all the other people that aren't being talked to are just listening to this conversation, right? So my mom's like, I feel bad for everybody listening to me. And then the medium goes, okay, time's up. And my mom found that interesting because she was like, that's exactly what grandma would say. She's like, time's up, you're taking time away from other people here.

Oh, wow.

That was my grandma saying that through the medium, not the medium going, time's up, like click, click, the money's gone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that was like my grandma saying it. So I thought that was really interesting too.

Yeah, you're pretty susceptible to almost anything though. Like when we called the medium that one time.

Jay, that was fucking crazy, shut the fuck up. That thing was messed up.

But you can find anything. Let, let your creativity fly.

I don't fuck— I don't give a fuck about like horoscopes and shit.

I feel— no, I don't either.

Yeah, but I don't know, that was crazy. I'm like 50/50 on the reason I don't understand mediums is cuz if they are real, why the fuck aren't they like famous? Like super famous? Like gods walking among us? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like if a medium was 100% legit, they should be like the Tom Cruises, the presidents of the world, right? You know what I mean? They should be running everything.

Yeah, there's always somebody that predicts something on TikTok and then it happens, and then 3 3 months later, they're like, this person said it was gonna happen. There was gonna be fires. They predicted this in January. And then they're never right again.

Right, that's a little bit different.

But let your creativity fly. You let your creativity fly every day. You're on Snapchat, you're constantly creative.

Yeah, not as creative, but whatever. Who cares, man? Listen, I'm trying to be positive.

I am being positive.

I don't know, regardless.

Whatever gets you vlogging again.

I think it's, I just thought it was interesting.

Yeah.

And I really want to see a medium myself, even though I'm kind of scared about knowing the future and things. Also, I want to ask, like—

If the— go ahead.

Yeah, yeah, what?

If the medium could tell you when you're going to die, would you want to know that?

Um, yeah, probably.

Oh, really? I wouldn't want to know that.

Yeah, because it'd just be easier to plan everything out.

What if they said next week?

I mean, that'd be incredible. I have a fucking— I have a short time to spend a lot of money. I would love that. I definitely don't want to live to a very old age. I know you're going to be like, that's like a young thing to say. And like, I know that is, and I'm sure I'll change my mind once I have like kids of my own.

Yeah.

But like, I don't. Yeah.

Now once you have kids, you want to soak up every single minute.

I think that'll change too.

Yeah.

But that's just me.

Like right now I'm just being like, just to have 5 minutes with my kids is incredible.

Really?

Like Wyatt called me last night from a party and he was—

Oh my God, I'd kill myself if Wyatt called me.

And he called me and I was like, he's like, the party's about to start. And I was like, okay, I'll let you go. You know, I don't want to keep him there too long. I'm like, go ahead, go, go, go. And he's like, no, no, no. He's like, I can—

That's amazing.

A little bit. Yeah.

You have that good of a relationship with your kids?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just talk about reels the whole time. The reels that he sent me.

It's really crazy because you're really misunderstood, man. Like, people—

I know, I know.

It really sucks. And that's obviously partially my fault. And like, all the videos we make and make—

Wait, what are people saying?

No, I'm saying all the jokes. Like, we constantly make jokes about you being a bad dad who like never sees his kids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, it's so crazy because you're so far from like, you're so opposite of that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's just easier to make.

What's a funny joke?

Yeah, because you're on social media. So like, you would just assume that this, that you never see your kids, but it's really just, yeah, you do everything just to see your kids more. So it's pretty interesting.

People will come into the live and be like, what? Like, go spend time with your kids. I'm like, well, they're 16 and 19. Do you know what I mean? They're not interested.

They hate it if I show up right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but that's crazy that your son's calling you before he's going to a party.

Yeah, he's the best. He's killing it.

I mean, that's like really like— if I have a relationship like that with my kids, I'm like, damn, I made it.

Sometimes I get mad at my kids because I'm like, you know, when I go to write stand-up and stuff, I don't— I can't think of anything bad about them.

About your kids? I can. I can help you with that. I can help you with that portion easily, especially Wyatt. No, I'm kidding. I really like them both. Um, I saw you were mentioned on— I don't know, I think it was like Steiny's podcast or something. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the BFFs. BFFs podcast.

Oh, I love that.

With Brie and Josh, they want you to be possibly Dave Portnoy's replacement.

Yeah.

Do you think you'd be able to handle it?

I mean, I went and watched the show and I was like, I don't know who Sienna Mae and Jack Wright are, but I can learn.

But every day you'd have to like—

Well, it's once a week. First of all, super nice that she even said my name. You sent it to me like Saturday morning. Dave's up way later than me. So I woke up and I saw it and I was like, Dave's like, you should go for it. And I was like, all right.

Yeah, Texas Jam. You should go co-host. That'd be like really—

I made a little video.

It'd be funny to see Jason do like drama stuff.

I don't know if I could do it good because—

but, but I don't think Portnoy did it like— I don't think Portnoy knew what he was talking about.

I think that's why he quit because he didn't, he didn't want to talk about drama anymore, right?

But I think you can do it for like a year until you're like, yeah, this is too much.

Yeah, I mean, and I also don't think—

I feel like Portnoy addresses things in like a Portnoy talks to his audience like he would talk behind closed doors.

Yeah, he's so good.

Which I think is the most interesting part about him.

Yeah. He's incredible at that.

He doesn't really bullshit.

Does not hold back.

Like if I was on a drama podcast and I had to talk about other people, I would unfortunately be like, "Nah, you're great." Me too.

But I think that's okay too, because whenever BFFs has talked about me or talked about you or whatever, people I know, I always felt like they're pretty fair. You know, like, they're just fair about it.

Like, I don't know. I also really like Josh and Bri in person. So if they've ever, like, talked shit, like, I— like, if I know them in person and they're talking shit, I'm just like, yeah, I don't care. As long as, like, I know they're actually real people and they're just like—

yes, exactly—

doing their thing.

As long as they're real about it. I think as long as I'm real about it. And who knows? I have no idea if I'll get the job.

But maybe. But please, if I'll get the job, it's like you're— did you apply?

Is that like a process? I made a video. And stitched her video on TikTok.

That's how you apply.

That's how I apply. I just figured if they see the video and they like the video, they know.

I wish you the best.

Thanks, man. And I'll be out of here, which is amazing.

So, no, because why I want you to do it is because I'd love to, like, hear about the behind the scenes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like when you'd come and I'd be like, how was work? And then you catch me up on things. You'd be like, did you know Dixie D'Amelio is shaving her head again? And I'd be like, shut the fuck up. So, yeah, no, I would love— I would love that too. Yeah.

Fingers crossed. What else can we do? Should we send flowers over there?

Oh, for you to get the job? Yeah. I think you just got to play it chill, dude. You don't want to— to be honest, the TikTok you made was a little intense. I saw it. I saw it. It was like— I texted the TikTok to Jason, like, Jason, go be part of their co-host. And I was hoping he'd play it cool, but he made this TikTok where he had Brie and Josh all over his wall like he was praying to them. I texted it to Natalie. I go, goddamn it. And she goes, well, that's his approach.

If I lose it, I lose it. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And who knows if the audience would even like me. I got on the scale the other day.

No, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm in the yellow. The doctor told me I'm in the yellow.

What does that mean, you're in the yellow?

That means 5 more pounds and I'm in the red.

You need a doctor to explain that to you? I could have shot you a text immediately. You're almost in the red. Well, who cares about that shit? Genuinely, fuck it. You know, I was obese when I started this dumb thing.

You— were you in the red?

Not this dumb thing. The smartest thing I've ever done. The healthiest. Yes, I was in the red. I was obese.

Were you really?

Don't let them throw those colors.

There's no way you were obese.

Yes, I was. I also hold a lot of weight in my ass.

Oh, you do. You do have a lot of badunk and dunk.

Yeah, so it doesn't necessarily look like I'm the biggest, but like I have a lot of fat there. So Jay, I'm telling you this right now, don't listen to the colors. Don't listen to the statistics. It literally doesn't matter.

No, they told me I'm at risk for a heart attack.

Really?

It's different. Yeah, I'm 51.

Oh wait, it is different.

It's different. And it sucks, man, because I was in shape like 2 years ago.

Wait, what happened?

And it just goes away.

Wait, that was so weird.

I know.

Wait, did something happen?

I was trying to win Naveen over at the time, so that really pushed it over the edge.

Wait, really?

Yeah.

You did that for your wife?

Well, I was already on like a good track. And then she called me out of— I hadn't talked to her in 2 years, and you remember I was like flipping out, like, oh my God, I'm so excited, like, she's back. She called me, I can't believe it, I was so happy. And then I think during that time when I was like trying to like court her and win her over, I was like, oh man, I gotta keep going.

Were you taking stuff?

Yeah, I did. I took testosterone, yeah. What's it called?

And that helped a lot?

TRT. I took TRT.

Yeah, you looked fucking insane.

I took TRT.

You looked like a little superhero. But I actually just talked about it on my Snap today.

Yeah.

Small people that think I'm on steroids.

Yes.

Which is like the best compliment.

Sure.

I really think it's sweet. But yeah, I didn't take anything, and that's actually like one of my fears is like you take it and then you just stop and it just disappears.

It's not that.

Oh, that had nothing to do with the steroids? That it's just like—

No, the TRT gave me such the ability to like hike with Scott and Todd, like keep up with them. So why'd you stop doing it? It's expensive.

Oh, how much is it?

It was a lot. It was like, you know, $300, $400 $300 to $400 a month.

$300 to $400 a month?

Yeah.

And how often do you do it? Is it a shot or a pump?

It's a shot a week in the butt. Yeah.

Fuck that.

But it's incredible. Like, I remember swimming one time after like taking it for 2 weeks, and I was like, you can feel an energy surge like come in your body.

Really?

It is the best.

What are the downsides to it?

No downsides. Didn't lose my hair, didn't—

What are you talking— Oh, just for you personally, there was no downside? Like—

I wasn't raging. In fact, and also I should say, that what I took, they only took me up to the level that I needed to be. So in other words, I was like 10% lower than I should have been, and that's all they gave me. They didn't give me like any more.

Oh, just to get to testosterone levels.

Just to get me to where I'm supposed to be.

So what you're talking about, is that considered a steroid, or is that just like a— 'Cause you make it sound like it's vitamin fucking C.

I do make it sound like that, 'cause I do believe that.

Is that what it is, or are you like describing like proper steroids?

No, that's— it's a steroid. I mean, it's definitely like— but I am also like kind of forward thinking on that.

So if people are like, are you juiced up?

Yeah.

You say yes.

No, I wouldn't say that.

No, not with this?

No, I wouldn't consider that juiced up if they're just taking you back to where you're supposed to be. It was the smallest, smallest dose, like 0.5.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, let me know what you guys think listening to that. No, no, I'm genuinely curious.

But like, look, if I was your age, I wouldn't.

I don't want to do it. I don't want to rely on anything. It fucks me up.

That's great. You shouldn't. You shouldn't do it. But what I'm saying is the point where I was at when I was trying to get in shape, I was like, the doctor was like, just go up to where you're supposed to be and it'll happen for you.

It makes sense. I don't know.

You know who was a big proponent of it? Jon. Jon told me about it for years. He's like, Jason, you're over 45. He's like, there's no question.

Everybody Jon looks at, he's like, they're on steroids. He loves calling people out for steroids when he has no idea what he's talking about.

One time, Naveen and I went and got Ozempic shots like a couple months ago. Ozempic? Ozempic shots? Yeah, yeah, we got Ozempic shots.

Wait, Naveen got Ozempic shots?

Yeah, she's pretty, she's pretty out there about it. She'll like post about it on her story. And, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Sorry, I guess I should be surprised. You got Ozempic shots? You don't need them at all.

And she, um, and so we went in and, uh, we go the first week and they give us the shots. And so we got to go back a second week for the other round. So we go back and they weigh you when you come back in, and they weigh Naveen, and she's like, oh, Naveen, amazing, you lost 4 pounds, great. And then they put me on the scale, and they put me on the scale and they go, Jason, you gained 6.

What?

Yeah, and I just ate myself right through the Ozempic.

Holy shit.

Yeah, yeah.

You're like Ozempic's kryptonite.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the only person to gain weight on Ozempic.

Wait, actually?

Yeah.

Wait, but did you actually, you gained 6 pounds? How's that even possible? Were you so stressed that you took an Ozempic shot?

I was so stressed. I was doing TikTok Live. I wasn't working out. I threw my back out that week.

Wait, that makes no sense.

Yeah, man, I'm a mess.

Was she shocked? Was she like, we need to take you in for testing, we've never seen numbers like this? Like, if I— if that happened to me, if I took an Ozempic shot and I gained 6 pounds, I'd be scared that the government would be at my door being like, you have like— you have some kind of a special body to run experiments on. Yes, that's crazy. Do you think that like the beauty standards have changed though? Like Do you think Adam and Eve were really sexy? Like, do you think Eve was like the best looking girl, or just, you know what I mean?

Well, they were the only ones, so they were— there was nothing for them to compare them to.

There was just right. But like, I wonder what they would look like today. And like, if God made them, yeah, like, what's God's type? Isn't that kind of interesting to think about? Like, there are a lot of pretty people, and like, God made I'm sure God likes both guys and girls, right? Well, you don't know if guys—

God's bi, yeah, for sure.

You don't know if he is a guy or a girl.

We don't know, yeah.

Right. So like, he definitely has his idea of what's like the apex of beauty.

Yeah.

I'd love to see it. I saw like an AI picture of Eve the other day and she looked so hot. I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. So that got me thinking. I was just like, she's got to— I don't know.

Would you date someone AI?

Would I date someone AI? I've thought about it. Like the movie Her? Yeah, for sure.

Like, yeah, if we got there, if we got to the place where it's like you can go and you can buy this wife, girlfriend, and she'll be everything you want.

Wait, wait.

Is she like Megan Fox? Just made a movie about that.

Dude, we talked about this last podcast.

We didn't—

I know, I know, I know we didn't talk about this way, but we did bring up that movie. We bring it up every podcast.

It didn't make it.

So how about Megan Fox is a robot, huh? Just so turned on by it. Oh, we didn't put it in the last podcast?

No.

Oh, okay.

I don't think so.

Oh yeah, so there's this new movie where Megan Fox is a robot.

Yeah.

But she's also— she also like starts hitting on the person that like bought her, I guess.

Yeah.

Um, and they start hooking up.

Yeah. Anyway, and he's married.

And he's married.

Yeah.

Yeah. Would I like have— I think that's coming, right? And like, no pun intended, that's coming like the next 15, 20 years. There's got to be something.

What else do you think is coming?

Wait, no, hold on. I want to get— is that weird?

No, no, no. Like, this is one of my favorite conversations. Like, like, what do you think I'll see in my lifetime? So I'm 51. Let's say I got another 30 years, you know, fingers crossed.

Right.

You're 51?

Yeah. What do you think I'll be able to see? In the next 30 years?

I think it's going to— fuck, I don't know.

I think there'll be tunnels.

Better question is, you think there'll be flying cars?

That's a good one.

Like, I've— I'm so, like, confused about flying cars because it's like, what does that mean? Like, then you can't just fly around.

Well, it would be— there would be a route. It would be above the 101 and you could only fly above the 101, something like that.

Right. Like, you definitely couldn't fly over homes.

No. Do you think you'd be able to think a movie or like think a YouTube video? Like you'll sit there and you'll be like, okay, I'm going to make a YouTube video where Ilya gets a Lamborghini and Jason, um, oh, like it'll ChatGPT it? Yeah, falls off a ladder.

Yeah, I'm pretty scared about that. If you give AI 10 movies to watch now, like the best Adam Sandler movies, the best Jim Carrey movies, and be like, here are the best comedy movies of all time, make another one. Like, how difficult could it possibly be?

I think it's really difficult.

No.

Have you fooled around with it? Have you seen what comes out?

No.

It's bad.

But it's not there yet, Jay.

But how could it get there? How could it get— How could it understand comedy and taste and—

You sound like a 90-year-old saying that.

No, no, I'm being serious. I'm being serious. How could it possibly understand, like, your exact sense of humor. And like, I just don't believe it. I just don't believe they could ever, ever, ever nail— I don't think Adam Sandler could type it in and be like, write me this movie.

And you don't think if I fed AI, not currently, but I'm saying a version of AI in the next 3, 4 years, 800 of my videos.

Yep.

It couldn't write another 4-minute video? 1000% it could. 1000%. It's going to be able to make a video.

It's a bad example because you can't write your videos. Your videos are reality-based.

Yeah, but it could give ideas. It could be like, this was funny where Jason got bit by a snake. Why don't you go to the Amazon and get a bullet ant and get bit by a bullet ant? It could start feeding you ideas like no other.

I don't like this. I don't like this ChatGPT so much.

You're like, let's choose a topic. It'd be funny if you cut Jason's arm off. No, ChatGPT, I can't do it. And the response: Do it. Seriously, do it. I'd love to laugh again. I haven't laughed that hard since you made me watch Jim Carrey movies. Tape him to a wall, David. Tape him to a wall.

What's it like to go out in Los Angeles now? Is it dead? Natalie was telling me it's like— Natalie said, she goes, oh, she goes, it's kind of dead. She goes, and people are weird about going out because everyone has a phone. And so they're like less likely to like be themselves.

Yeah, it's really tough. Like you can go to the fun big clubs. And they're, oh dude, did I ever tell you the story?

Yeah.

About, oh my God, I never said this because we didn't have the podcast. So there's this club, I'm not going to say names because, well, actually they can't really get in trouble because they didn't know. But there was this club, there was this kid. What happened?

I heard a fart.

That was my finger going across the mic. Sorry. Jason's wearing the headphones. Like, it's funny that he heard that. Did it pick up on the audio? I heard a fart.

Thank God I called it out because people at home would have been like, Was that just a fart?

That's really funny. Um, so, so this club that opened up in LA, and there was this kid, he was like a 19-year-old kid, and he kept going to the club, and every day he'd order two— this is, this is 100% real, I'm not exaggerating this by a single dollar— every day he'd order from $200,000 to $400,000 worth of bottles. Every— he'd do it— not every 3 to 4 times a week. So we'd go Thursday, Friday, Saturday, sometimes they'd open it from Wednesday. He'd open, you know, $200,000 to $400,000. And this is so many bottles where it'd be 40 bottles of Ace of Spades would come out and they would put it— they didn't have room on the table, so they would have to put it on the ground around the table. And there was so much alcohol that when they would bring out the bottles, they'd have to just bring them right back. So they'd come and they do the show with all the girls holding up the bottles, right? And there was no more room left, even below the table, around the table. Everyone had a bottle in their hand that they would have to take it back. But he was spending so much money that it was just fucking crazy. This guy was like the club's top spender for like 4 months. And he like really liked me. He like— I went there once and I was sitting at a different table from like across the thing, and the club really liked it when I was there because when I was there, he would like I guess the club said that he'd like show off.

Mm-hmm.

So like there was one time I was like, order 100 bottles. So he ordered 100 Dom Perignon bottles.

How much is each bottle?

I don't know, probably like $5,000. Oh, sorry, sorry, like $2,000. It was like $2,000. And he ordered 100 bottles and he got a sign that said, for you, David.

No way.

Yeah, it was crazy. And this is just because I looked at him from across the club and I was like, order 100 bottles.

Oh, wow.

Because I was trying to show my other friend. I was like, you got to see this guy order. This is fucking crazy. And he ordered it. I saw him at the club twice, I think.

Right.

2 or 3 times. Yeah. Once I saw him, I didn't know what he did. Second time I was familiar with his game. Third time is when I did the bottle thing. And then there was another time he came and he brought— he brought Birkin bags, like 4 or 5 Birkin bags. Yeah. And they were just handing it out to girls. That they found attractive.

No way.

Like $100,000 to $250,000 bags. It was fucking crazy. Like, I've never seen anything like it. And he was also— there was also like another friend, another friend that like goes to the club showed me a text where he texted a girl. He's like, I just got you this car. And it was a Lamborghini. And she texted back saying, I told you I have a boyfriend. And he's like, I don't care. Just take the car anyway. I already bought it for you. It's parked XX. It's parked here, whatever. Like he bought a Lamborghini for— he was spending so much money and no one fucking knew where it was coming from. People just assumed he was like some crypto billionaire, which was like pretty plausible in LA. Kid was 19, 20 years old. And then on TikTok and on Twitter, we see 2 months later that the FBI finally cracks down on this guy. He stole a quarter of a billion dollars from someone else's crypto wallet. Oh, so a quarter of a him and his 4 friends stole a quarter of a billion dollars, and each of the friends were like living it up in different cities. And he was living it up in LA, spending about $1 million a day.

Wow.

Just going crazy. Going crazy. And now I think they're going to jail and the money's been refunded, taken back, everything. But it was crazy. It was the biggest— it's the biggest heist I think that's ever happened in terms of funds. Like the biggest heist. And it was crazy that I got to see it in person for like 2 hours at the club. And I had no idea what— no one knew what it was, but everyone was just like this. It was like Wolf of Wall Street, like in real life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that brings me that you asked— I say that story because you asked me like what the clubs are here. It's tough because the clubs, like they're either really young or they're really like if you go more intimate, it's very seedy. And it's like just like very LA, which is fine. I definitely go to places that are very LA. Like, I hate when people are like, this is so LA, when I'm also part of the problem. Like, I am one of the LA people. Do you still go out? Do you go out here?

No, we don't go out. We don't go out.

You never really went out though. Not even with us.

No.

You'd only go out if like we had to. Like, a good memory I have with you is when we were trying to sneak into the USC frats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so fun. Just to get content.

I love that shit. See, that's why I loved vlogging. That was like when, that's when I would like say like it's different vlogging now.

Yeah.

'Cause kids know the vlogs a little bit more. So.

Right.

Like you could enter a frat, but then it was like fucking tooth and nails to get into a frat. It was so funny watching you at the door talking to the bouncer. That was one of my favorite bits where you're like, where the bouncer was like to you, hey man, I'm just doing my job. You can't come in. And you're like, yeah, I'm doing my job too. I'm doing my job trying to get in here. That was fun. And then when we got into the frats, you'd like be DJing and all the frat guys would love you because it was so funny to see an old guy.

Sure.

They were like so into it.

I love going.

It was like bringing you to a frat was like bringing one of the hottest chicks to the frat.

They were like, fuck yeah.

I have our first views problem here. This person's having a dilemma. She's a bisexual woman and can talk to men. With no problem, but I feel like a creepy man hitting on women. What's some advice you'd give to the bi community on hitting on girls without being creepy? So this question's just for me, Jay. You don't want to sit this one out?

No, I'll sit this one out.

No, no, no, I'm kidding. Um, how do you hit on a girl?

Because you're bisexual?

No, no, I was saying you're creepy.

Yeah, no.

Oh, you turned on me. Damn, here I thought you didn't get the joke, but I didn't get the joke. So, uh, how do you hit on girls without being creepy? I don't actually know. Not that I don't know how to do it not creepy. I just don't— I'm not like the best at hitting on girls. My way of like hitting on girls, first I start to panic, right? Which actually usually helps me out because like I'm thinking like at 1,000 miles per second. This is my favorite thing to do. And this is like, this is good if you're, if you're trying to have an icebreaker. Like if I'm pulling up to a party very much like when I'm entering this podcast to be here with you in this room. Yeah, I try to find something on the road or on the way to the party that I can talk about immediately when I walk through the door. So like immediately, immediately, if I find someone at the front door of the party, like, what am I going to say instead of, hey, how long have you been here? So how's the party? Like, immediately what I like to do is I like to come in complaining.

Okay.

Like, I'm just like, it's fucking raining. I literally almost hit 6 people on my— like, not that, because that's not like fun.

Sure.

But like finding something on the road.

Did you see the giant billboard for the Marvel movie? Oh yeah.

Or like, or it's hard to come up with now because I'm not in it, but like, it's really easy when you have something like prepared. The best is like when you're both at the bar and there's a girl standing next to you and the bartender like ignores the girl. Or ignores you on accident, and then it's like this uncomfortable awkwardness.

Yeah.

And then that strikes up conversation really easily.

Sure. Make a joke about yourself or something.

Yeah. Like, I think that's the easiest.

Also, she's a girl. She should be able to just, just talk normal.

Yeah, it's true. Like, I hate to say this, but girls, you have it. Girls, you have it. So I guess she's talking to another girl, so maybe it's like kind of difficult, right? But like, I don't know, I feel like a lot of girls have their guard down with other girls. Like, yeah, like, completely. So I think, I think you're— I don't want to say you're overthinking because I guess I've never been in that position, right? But I would assume that you are overthinking because, like, if you're a guy talking to a girl and you already know this because you said this in the— you said this in the message, but like, the work is all on the guy. The work is all on the guy. Girl could say whatever and the guy's panicking in his head. Like, the guy's always trying to figure out what to say. Like, Natalie was getting a DM from a guy the other day, and he was like, he was saying, he's like, what are you up to tonight? Like, I'm gonna go get some drinks with my friends. And she was like, I just wish he asked me to hang out. And I was like, you dumb fuck, he literally just did. I was like, just tell him what you're doing. And, and then I was like, just respond saying you're doing nothing but staying in. And then she responds, she's like, okay, I'm just, I'm just gonna She responded to the guy saying, I'm just staying in tonight.

Right.

And then she texted me like an hour later and she's like, you read him like a book. He texted me back saying, what do I have to do to get you out tonight?

Wow.

Like, it's like, it's every guy is, is overthinking every text 10 times more than girls are.

Yeah.

Like, so just play it cool. I know that may not answer most of your question, but like, I don't think, I don't think you're being creepy hitting on girls. I really do think girls just like talking to other girls. And I think you'll kind of figure it out as the conversation goes of whether or not the girl's like actually interested in you or like she's just into other guys. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Good, good job.

Thanks. To me or her?

To her.

For asking? I feel like I answered. I feel like I did a pretty good job.

Good job to you too, Dave.

Natalie joined us because I really want her for this part. A couple weeks ago we switched out security at my house because we just wanted, you know, we wanted a new guy Well, let's, first of all, let's talk about our old security guy. Yeah. 'Cause he was kind of freaking me out.

He was freaking me out and I was like, okay, maybe it's time to do a little swaperooski here.

Yeah, maybe it's time to do it. We have security at the house, obviously. And it got to the point, I don't know if he would like, I don't know what was going on. There was a moment where I came home and he like stopped me in front of the gate. And he's been our security, he was our security.

For like a year.

For like a year.

Yeah.

He stopped me in my baby blue car, like, very obviously that the car that always comes in. And he— we roll the window down and he's like asking us who we're here to see.

Yeah, who we're here to see. He's like, do you need to be let in? Can you call someone? And we're— I thought he was like pranking us.

I thought he was like, Frank, it's me. I thought he was fucking with us. This is our security that we had for over a year. This is why we decided to be like, we need, we need something new.

I mean, a car, like, fine, maybe he didn't recognize the car, something in the moment. But like, to roll down the window and not recognize that it's you as the homeowner is crazy.

I was talking right to him. I was like— he was like, do you need to be let in? I'm like, no, no, I got it, thanks. And he's like, who are you here to see? And I go, uh, the— we're just hanging out at the house with David. I didn't— I didn't even know like how to go about it. Anyway, it was really fucking— I mean, were there— were there other weird, weird stories about him? The one thing I will say, he smelled incredible.

He—

every time. So he like— he intercepts the DoorDash or Postmates when anybody comes.

Oh yeah.

Um, just like as a security thing. So he like grabs the food and then he brings the food to the house. But every time I get the food, the bag always smells like cologne. Like, like it's like he like either rubs it all over his body before it gets to the door or sprays it down. But you could smell his scent and it's always really, really nice. Every, every time I order, whether it's Brazilian, Mexican, it all ends up smelling like a beautiful, like Macy's, like perfume section. What else did he do that was so bizarre?

There was this one instance we had, we had an issue with one person that just kept coming back to the house, blah, blah, blah, blah. And One night the person showed up in the middle of the night and was trying to enter. Oh my God.

Yeah. This was so fucking weird.

And the security was just gone. He just left his post. And John and Julia had come back. They saw that the guy was trying to get in and whatnot, and they didn't want to open the gate because they thought that maybe he would come in.

Also to preface, you need security in LA. Our security has stopped people with guns. Yeah, like, this isn't like, maybe you need to get— this is like, you need fucking security here. Like, scary. Yeah, like 5 times. Like, the police are called to this house by our security like once every 3 months, I'd say. Something about that. Okay, sorry, keep going.

Yeah. And so the security was just not there. He was not in the car. And John and Julia were like, where the hell is security? And it's like midnight, 1 in the morning. And I call him, not answering. I call him 3 times, doesn't answer. He's supposed to be like at his post in the car, like holding the fort down. And then I text him. Him and I'm like, hey, where are you? And he's like, oh, I'm not there right now. And I was like, no, I know you're not here right now. He didn't really speak like full fluent English either. And so I was like, I understand you're not here, but like, I need you to be here. There's something, someone's trying to like get into the house. And he didn't respond. I was like, hey, will you be back anytime soon? Whatever. Ended up having to call the police and whatnot. But he, I don't even know if he returned that night.

So the reason I bring up this story is because there was a day where I think there was like 5 days that went by where we didn't have security 'cause we were getting a new company or whatever. And there was a day we were all, who was in this room when we were editing? It was me.

Oh my God.

It was me, Joe, and Natalie. We were editing the vlog that we posted. And we were sitting in the movie room where we are right now, which is like in the back of the house. And all of a sudden we're sitting here and there's somebody comes up to the door of the movie room and takes a picture of us, like on their phone. And Joe's like, who just took a picture of us? And I go, what the fuck you mean who just took a picture of us? Because like I saw the hand take a picture of us and I just assumed it was like Ilya or one of our friends or something. And I go, Joe, like, why? Who cares who took a picture of us? Why are you— it's one of our friends. And he's like— Joe's like, no, no, no, no, no. A random person just took a picture of us inside my house. Like, like a good 1,500 square feet into my home.

Yeah.

Even after you pass the driveway, like really, like the furthest part of my house you could get into. They were here, they took a picture. And then, um, then what the fuck happened? Natalie's— that we all came out, we realized it was a complete stranger. Police were called.

Yeah, I stood up and I saw, I saw the person just standing in, in the doorway right here, and I was like, uh, are you here to meet somebody? Or like, how— what, what's going on? And she, she gave me this whole thing about how she was, I don't know, telepathically sent here to like meet David.

And that we get a lot of those, we get a lot of like I had a dream where I have to come meet you.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Which is really interesting because it's like, that's some shit you only see in the movies. And like, if you have a dream to come meet me, it's very easy to also have a dream that you need to come kill me. It's like those are, those are one dream scenario away from each other. Like, that's so— which is kind of crazy. But yeah, and we were like, I remember we were talking to her in the living room while I think I was on the phone with the police or somebody. And I remember like the operator on the other end was like, why are you talking to them? Yeah, I'm like, because they're in my living room. I can't like get her out. And then Natalie got her phone. She like just took a bunch of pictures.

She was taking like a bunch of pictures and videos. So I was like, can you give me your phone? Because that's an invasion of privacy. You're trespassing right now. And she was like, so she gave me the phone, whatever. And I tried deleting the stuff and it was a whole thing. It was so bizarre. And she had—

we—

the police ended up coming and they got all of her information. They got her whole story. And she had ended up— she flew here from the East Coast for 24 hours. She had like a return return ticket just for this, like, just to come to the house from the fucking East Coast. We had one of those at the old house, and we had them a lot at the old house.

Remember?

A lot at the old house.

And this was— what time of night was this?

Yeah, no, this was during the day.

It was during the day, but like, there was a lot of people coming in and out. The cleaners were coming in and out.

Yeah, the cleaners were here too, and the cleaners just assumed it was a friend.

The cleaners just kept cleaning.

It was just like— it was just like the perfect example of like why That's why security is so important here. It really is. Like, and you pay a lot for security. Like, security's fucking a hefty price. And like, I remember like there's days where I'm like, should we just not get security today so we could save $300, $400 a night or whatever it is? And then a moment like that happens and you're like, fuck no.

Did the police come?

Yeah, the police came. And like, now we have their card, like the specific squad that like, what is it, patrols this neighborhood. So it's usually the same guys that come back and they're really cool. They're like, if you want— They take her out?

They took her down.

They took her downstairs. They took her down the hill, but they were also like, if you want to smash the phone between us, you're good to go. So yeah, which is pretty crazy. We're like, no, no, no, we won't smash the phone. But it was like, I mean, it's pretty crazy. That's a pretty crazy thing to like walk into someone's house. I've just— I— and it's crazy how normal it is where it's just like, oh, we're having one of these situations. Luckily, that was one of the last walking— but it was so crazy because it was in the 4 days that we didn't have security, which makes me think how many fucking people is security turning away a day that we don't even notice? 'Cause security's just being like, get the fuck outta here. It's probably, must be nonstop. It must be like a revolving door. But yeah.

Have you ever had somebody that you're like, this person's pretty cool actually?

Uh, I'm trying to think.

Oh, there was that one kid that there was like a teenager that came up to like the gate camera and like was giving like a whole presentation to the camera. And David was like, and we saw him on the camera, but obviously he's a stranger. We're not gonna let him in the house. But David was like, oh, like he looks like he like actually has something like interesting to share. Like, should we let him in?

I was like, no. Did he have like— was he holding something or what was it?

I don't remember.

I remember he was like, kept apologizing to the cameras like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Not that this— not that this will give you any brownie points, so do not come into the house and start saying sorry. You're like, genuinely, do not— please do not come to the house. It's like the worst, and it's the worst mood you're going to see any of us in. So it's really—

oh my God, I get so— I like turn—

I like get so mad. Natalie gets so fucking Karen.

It's like so embarrassing.

Yeah, I have to tell her to calm down. Really? Yeah, I'd be like Because it's like low-key, it just gives me the ick, her protecting me.

Oh my God, the amount of things that this— literally, I think every other day—

I love using that word, and I love saying that she gives me the ick even though I'm not attracted to her. So I don't know why I would even be saying that.

What gives you the ick?

Everything. Like, everything. Not everything, but I'll like do something. Like, what did I do the other day in the car? And you're like, oh my God, Natalie, that just gave me such an ick.

And I was like, I don't know, but every other day there was something.

I don't know, I'll like eat something in a weird way and he's like, that was such an ick. Oh wait, wait, wait, what did I do?

It's less specific than you eating.

Wait, no, I like I don't know, like my stomach gurgled or something in the car, like a weird way. And he was like, ew, that was such an ick. I was like, I'm sorry, I can't help it.

All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you to my co-host Jason Nash for being here. Go check him out on all his socials. Please DM me for more views-related questions. Not views-related, but just your life-related questions of anything we can help you out with. With. I read all my DMs on Instagram. Also looking for a girlfriend, so that would be the place to DM me. Let me know. And if you've made it—

a real girlfriend, not an AI girlfriend.

If you've made it this far in the podcast, that means that you're into me enough to possibly go on a date with me. So let me know. Would you date a fan? DM me. I mean, yeah, I would only date a fan, right?

Yeah. I don't know why that's a bad thing.

Yeah. If you don't, if you're not, if you're not a fan of what I do, you're going to hate me. 24/7. Yeah, you're gonna be like, oh man, this guy's just like his podcast. He sucks.