My Ex-Wife’s New Boyfriend

Thank you, Honey and Stitch Fix, for sponsoring this podcast. The beginning of this podcast is gonna start in the day, and then it's gonna end in the night because we gotta take a break. Bye. What's up, guys? Welcome to Views, the podcast where we're gonna try to make this podcast— we're gonna try to record it in 10 minutes. Yeah, even though it's a 40-minute podcast, we're gonna talk really fast, and then Joe's gonna slow it down and it's gonna end up being 40 minutes.

I know what I mean. I know what you mean, David. It's gonna be really fun. I went out last night and I had it with my ex-wife, and then my kids showed up, and they said— my Charlie started to cry because you're so fat, you're so ugly.

Hey guys, it's The Views Podcast. I'm Dave, that's Jace. I'm 22 years old, Jason's pushing 60, and this is where we talk about stuff.

Yeah, we love getting together.

Let's start with this. This is, this is the real, the real meat that I want to talk about. Yeah, yesterday you went to dinner with your ex-wife's new boyfriend. Yeah, who you keep referring to as new.

He's not new at all. I just haven't accepted it.

She's, she's been dating him for a couple months.

No, no. Like a couple of years.

Okay.

New boyfriend allows me to say, oh, this is— this is— maybe he isn't going to last.

Sure.

Yeah. In my mind.

But now it's okay. What did you learn from the dinner?

He's great. He's an incredible guy.

You had your—

you really funny.

You were a little— you were a little hesitant at first. You didn't really like him at first.

Well, no, I didn't like him at first. I was surprised at how well I took it.

But I heard he's—

oh, you know what I mean?

About yourself.

I was surprised.

Like, he's great, but you should have seen me at the dinner. I was fucking even better.

No, no, I was surprised how well I accepted how incredible he was. Yeah, I was proud of myself.

So he's a good guy.

Great guy. Really funny. Really smart. He's an actor.

He has a British accent.

We've talked about British accent.

Wow.

But he's not like, you know, he's not like, you know, like has like a high and mighty attitude about it either.

During the dinner, where did your— were your kids laughing at more of your jokes or his? And who got like— who ordered for them and stuff, and who took charge at the dinner table?

I took charge at the dinner table. I got there, I got there early, and I had just me and the kids, and we were meeting my ex-wife and him. It's like I ran inside, I was like, oh good, they're not here yet. I gave my card.

You're fumbling with like their Cheerios and their coloring books, and she walks in, beautiful red gown. They're hopping out of their Bentley. Oh, hey guys. Just in time. We got the table ready.

Yeah. And there was a big discussion about where everyone would sit.

Yeah.

So there's a booth and then two chairs on the end. I'm like, I'll take the chair on the end and then I'll let Marnie and Ben have the nice seat together.

That's awesome.

The kids didn't understand that.

Like, you're kind of—

sit with him.

You're kind of like the au pair in this. You were like the— you're like the nanny.

I'm impressed that you know the word au pair.

I watched a movie like a lot, like a long time ago. I think it was Lindsay Lohan. And I think they use the word au pair. I think it was Parent Trap.

Well, it's paid off for you, Dave.

Yeah, I fucking knew that movie was going to come handy one day.

But yeah, I gave my card before they even got there. Oh, bring the bill to me. You know, real mafiosa shit.

So they're like, declined.

That was my fear. I was like, have I spent a lot today?

Because the other day we were getting— I think we were getting Pinkberry or something.

No, we were at the hotel.

We were at the hotel and you were trying to get us a room and it got declined and like, I don't even like laugh anymore. I just go, of course.

Like, it's just like, you motherfucker, you don't bring your card anymore. I know, you guys, he does not bring his card. He just goes, hey, Jace, can I borrow your card? I'm like, what is going on here?

I did it with Aaron today.

Yeah.

And I was just like, Aaron, can you keep a tab on how much I owe you? Because we had to go get food, then I had to go to the Apple Store to buy like cables. I owe Aaron like $700 right now.

Why don't you bring a card?

Natalie's out of town. I don't have a card.

Natalie's here all the time and you don't have a I haven't asked for, for a year, why don't you have a card? I just go, yeah, here you go. Why don't you keep a credit card?

Because I just haven't gotten around to making a new one, and Natalie always has to borrow mine because like one of us will lose our card and I'll be like, okay, here, use mine. And then she'll just take it because she spends the most like for business stuff right now.

Dobrik LLC, I have no cards in millions of dollars.

Also a great thing, imagine if I did have a card, it could be fucking chaos. I could be buying a whole bunch of shit that I don't need.

You have no cards amongst Dobrik LLC?

I don't have a driver's license right now. I don't have anything.

Oh, we tried to go to to the airport on Friday, on Friday morning with David. What is half the shit that you do to us? If I ever did, you'd be like, you fucking dumb fuck, let's fucking go, you fucking—

Let me say this because it's my mistake, so I want to own up to what happened.

Well, first of all, let me finish. They brought the bill over, and right before I bring the bill over, an hour later, I go, the bill is coming to me, you have my credit card. And he goes, oh yes, sir, of course, like that, you know, it's an Italian restaurant. And then he brings the bill over And the— it's— and he gives it to Marnie, and my card's not there. And I go, I go, my card, my card, I gave you my card, I told you. And I like freaked out at the table. I made a way bigger deal out of it. Yeah, because I wanted to make sure I paid. Yeah, he's like, oh yes, uh, right away, sir. It was— and it was really embarrassing. And then they were like, what happened? Like, what's going on?

So your card got declined. Yeah, um, that's pretty brutal, but it looks like it ended out in a pretty happy way. Jeff and I were actually sitting outside of your of your place.

Yeah.

To scope out where you were having dinner.

No, you weren't.

Yeah, we wanted to— we were checking to see like what the area was like. We wanted to hire a bunch of like younger girls to come and like stand outside. So when you walked out, they'd walk up to you and go, Jason, Jason, Jason, can we have a picture? Can we have a picture?

But that's a really funny idea.

Yeah.

But why didn't you do that?

Because I didn't want to— like, I didn't want to— like, I don't know, you were there with your ex-wife and I was like, oh yeah, she wouldn't have liked that. Yeah, it would have gotten messy.

We were talking about lice at the table. Her boyfriend and I.

You guys talk about lice a lot.

Well, you know, and the kids get lice, and he actually got it once working on a movie. And Marnie's mom was sitting there, and he said, oh, Marnie's—

you're— the grandma was there too?

Yeah, she's there too. Yeah, she's great.

Fuck.

And I go, I go, yeah, I go, um, Marilee's never had lice, but she's had crabs.

About the grandma.

Yeah, and she's, you know, she's kind of out of it, so she didn't— she couldn't hear me. And, and Ben, Ben, her boyfriend, was like, He laughed really, really hard. He was like, oh, like that. And Marnie caught it. She just goes, nice.

Did, um, did, um, did the grandma— so do you talk to— do you talk to Marnie's mom?

Yeah, yeah. We're like this. We're very close.

Does she like you better than she likes the new boyfriend? What the fuck just happened?

Jeff just slid across the floor. She likes me. I don't know if she likes him better. She's— she's been really nice.

Your fingers are still crossed from when you told me how close you and her mom are. Your fingers are still crossed. Do you? I can just imagine because your muscles just gave up in that position and you're just like, fuck it, I'm not going.

I got to go to the hospital again.

No, but that's awesome. Anyway, we were late to the airport the other day.

Yeah.

And 7:00 flight.

David. David books it very early.

7 in the morning.

School.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was out late the night before.

Of course you were.

So I got like 45 minutes of sleep.

Karaokeing.

Karaokeing. We were going to the airport. Yeah, it was very hectic. We were—

because you made it hectic.

Yes, we were very late.

Fine.

And then I got there and guess what? I forgot my fucking camera at home.

Oh no. And before that, he didn't have his passport. Yeah, running around looking for it. And your mom was here, and I love that your mom got a look inside what a mess you were.

My mom slapped me like 3 or 4 times since she visited.

No, she didn't.

Yeah, but not like an aggressive way. And then just like, what the fuck is wrong with you? She really liked putting me into place.

Your mom's the best. I love spending time with her.

Yeah, everyone got like a along with her a lot. People really liked her.

You know what, she's like— she has your sense of humor, so it's kind of like hanging out with you, except she's like a nicer version of you.

Sweeter, just innocent. She doesn't do anything. Yeah, no, no, she was great. It was fun having her. But yeah, so we got to the airport. I forgot my fucking camera. I called them. I called Oscar, who works with us, like edit videos for us, and I'm like, please go into— go— I need you to go into my house and and I locked all the doors. I need you to go into my house and I need you to shatter a window and climb in and grab the camera and bring it to the airport as quick as you can. So he came over and he called me and he's like, the kitchen door's open. And I was like, oh fuck, great. And he's like, do you still need me to shatter the window? And I go, no, no, no, no, no, we're good. So he got the camera, he ran it over, and yeah, I was happy about that. I texted Ilya, I'm like, I left my fucking camera at home, what do I do? And he's like, you mean to tell me you left your only fucking form of income at your own house.

One thing that makes you money, but literally the one thing you're traveling for. Yeah, no, what do I say?

I felt like an idiot.

What do I say during this whole thing? All these little debacles along the way.

You say, I love you, Dave.

Yeah, I say nothing. Yeah, the next time I make a mistake—

no, you're very supportive.

Thank you. You're— we were trying to decide today if, if David and I went a week without talking to each other, if we took a break for a week, who would call who first? Who needs who more?

Well, I'll admit I feel like I would need you more.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll be pretty honest with you. I'll hit you up more.

Who—

I need you in the moment more. Who needs you? Who needs who in life more in general? That's, that's a different— that's a different argument. Who needs you like on a weekly basis? Me. I need you weekly.

Daily.

Daily, maybe. Yeah, yeah. But, but who needs me just in general to function and live life?

You. Well, you know what, I'd like to see this balance of power played out. We're gonna do it in my vlog. We're gonna take one week off. Sure, we're gonna record the podcast. I'm gonna drop the mic and not see you for a week.

Wow. Yeah, what are you gonna do? You're probably gonna go hang out with your kids. This is another excuse to go.

Then I'll be replaced by Adam Devine.

Guys, I know. Yeah, really? I get like Arnold Schwarzenegger to play your role.

David, I'm so old. Yeah, I think the paintball gun is loaded, ready to go. Shoot me in the back 8 times.

Get to the Tesla. Um, yeah, that could be, that could be a version. Yeah, whatever.

You want to read an ad, Dave? Guys, David's known for reading ads, and he actually won a Streamy last year for ad reads. He also won a Shorty. He also won a Tiny, and he won a Little. So get ready for David's soothing voice in the ad reads. The brands love him. That's why they pay top dollar here.

Stitch Fix is an online personal stylist service.

Hold on, hold on. Did you guys hear that? Do you hear the way he hit that first word?

Jason, this, this Stitch Fix is paying for 60 seconds. Please don't give him 3 minutes. Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service that finds and delivers clothes, shoes, and accessories to fit your body, budget, and lifestyle. Go to stitchfix.com/views and tell them your sizes, what styles you like, and how much you want to spend on each item. You've used Stitch Fix?

Yeah, I got a ton of clothes.

I saw, I saw you get the box from— you liked it?

Yeah, they were— they wardrobe me up.

It's really nice because they pair you with your own personal stylist, so it's pretty much a no-brainer. And then he'll handpick 5 items to you and they'll send it right on.

He was my stylist.

Henri.

Henri.

Oh, great. Then you try them on, pay only for what you love, and return the rest. Shipping exchanges and returns are always free unless you try them on and you get food all over them and you tear them up like Jason does with his clothes. Then you probably can't return them.

No, I actually did return some things that I messed up.

Even with ketchup?

Yeah.

There's no subscription required. You can sign up to receive scheduled shipments or get your fix whenever you want. Stitch Fix styling fee is only $20, which is applied toward anything you keep from your shipment. Get started now at stitchfix.com/views. And you get an extra $25 off when you keep all items— 5 items in your box. Items— I combined 5 and items. That's amazing.

That's what makes the ad unique.

That's stitchfix.com/views to get started today. stitchfix.com/views.

You know, speaking of clothing, nothing pisses me off more than, you know, we went to this gender reveal the other day.

Oh yeah, and I've never been to gender reveals.

I get here and David is having Natalie buy me clothes because he had to wear all white. And I heard Natalie on the other end, she goes, what's his size, XXL? Uh, super XXL? And David's like, yeah, I think so. I'm a large.

Jason's like, I'm right here, I'm on the phone, just ask me, stop putting me down. Yeah.

Then we went to the gender reveal and all the boys started playing, the younger guys started playing football, and David's like, play, play, play. And I'm like, I'll be the ref. And I literally hurt myself. And David was like, you were the ref?

Jason, Jason twisted an ankle or something.

I was, uh, Driving Wyatt the other day, and you know, we've been hanging out with your friend Charlie Puth. Yeah, my friend.

We've only hung out with him twice.

Yeah, but it's incredible.

We have brought him up every fucking podcast. Yeah, we've literally— well, what happened?

Well, I was trying to— Charlie told me the story of See You Again. Okay, and how he got See You Again. Yeah, which was he made the song for Fast and the Furious, and they tried to give the song to a bunch of artists, and at the end of the day, they're like, No one, no one's saying it as good as you.

Sure.

So they gave it to him, this nobody.

Yeah, to sing.

It was like it kind of made his career or whatever. So I was trying to relay, relay that to Wyatt to be like, to tell him like music stuff, like this is how things happen. Yeah, it's fucking impossible to tell the story. Why? He just interrupts me the whole time. Completely interrupted. So it's like, it's like, okay, so Charlie Puth, he's like, okay, we gotta stop talking about this guy.

I mean, we look like fucking losers at this point. It was It was cute and it was like, oh, that's cool, they hung out with Charlie Puth. But now it's like, for fuck's sake, these guys have a life.

I—

it's—

all right, I'll tell you a story about Betty Blanco.

Our two closest friends. No, but they're great.

But it's just, it's frustrating because he asks questions every moment. So you're like, well, there was this movie Fast and the Furious and then Paul Walker died. And he's like, he's like, oh, Paul Walker died? Like, what happened? And I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, that's not fucking important. So by the time—

I mean, it's important. He died.

Huh? It's not. Oh God, you're just like him. It's not important. I'm trying to tell him a story.

Okay. Yeah, you don't like when I cut your stories out. I hate that. You hate when I don't let you talk.

Anyway, fuck it. You ruined my fucking mojo. You know, Dave, let me tell you how a podcast works. I don't know if you know, a podcast is supposed to be someone brings something up. It's, it's a lot like You know when you go to a baseball game and the beach ball comes along?

Yeah.

And somebody goes—

Like they lob it back up? Yeah. You're just saying I just pop the ball when it comes to me?

Basically. So you lob it up and you get it and you go— No fun for anyone! Now David, talk about me!

No, I like your stories, but it's just— I hate him though.

And I hate you. Oh, you know what was interesting last week? You bought a bonsai tree.

I did.

I went—

we were in Malibu and I found a bonsai guy who was dealing trees. And I said, hello, how are you? And he goes, 7 years old. And I go, what? And he goes, this tree is 7 years old. And I was like, oh fuck, okay. And it was a little tree because I wanted to— first of all, I should set it up. I wanted to see these bonsai trees because they were on the side of the road and I was very curious. I've always wanted a bonsai tree. They're these little trees.

Have you really always wanted one?

They're like little trees in a flower pot. So we stopped by. I was excited. I go, hi. He goes, 7, 7 years this tree. And I go, okay. So I'm like, okay, so he's talking about how old they are. So I'm like, I wonder how old this one is. And he goes, 18 years this tree.

Yeah.

And he keeps doing it. And I noticed that the older the tree is, the more expensive it is. And the bigger the tree is, obviously the older it is. And I don't know why, but like that, like really, like that really got to me. Like I really wanted like the coolest tree there. And he could have been fucking making it up the entire time.

I know.

I haven't— he could have just literally— he said The tree I bought is—

you could have bought cilantro and we wouldn't have known.

Yeah, genuinely. The tree I bought was 25 years old. 25 years old.

And you got the 25-year-old one?

Yeah.

Good for you. He's older than you.

And it was originally $400. And then our friend who we were with goes, can we take it for $200? And I go, no, he's not going to negotiate. It's a 25-year-old tree. We'll take it for— and he goes, okay, I'll do it for $270. And I'm like, fuck, okay, maybe this isn't a 25-year-old tree. Maybe this guy's just trying to fucking scam us. No, but I ended up buying the bonsai tree for 40% off, which I was very excited about. Yeah, but I still don't know if it's a real thing, and I'm supposed to water it twice a week.

Have you been?

I haven't been.

Let's get some water in that thing before you leave.

It's not watering. You have to like fucking— you have to, you have to take the bonsai tree and you have to put it in the bathtub. This next segment of the podcast called Joe's Scene Podcast. It's where we give our editor friend Joe 25 seconds to say or do whatever he wants in return for adding our podcast. And we're live in 3, 2, 1.

What the hell is up, weenies? Joe here from JTWP, and today is a great day because we are all making money on this podcast. I have an ad read.

Oh, you have an ad?

First ad, baby, for the Teeny Weeny. Uh, David looks like he's gonna cut my head off, but I'm gonna keep going with it.

You have an ad read?

Do you like mobile games? Do you love comedian Jason Nash? Then download Carpool Dad for the new game on iPhone and Android that has all of Twitter talking. Join Jason as he picks up bagels for his kids, yoga balls, and extra—

and that's all the time we have.

Thank you, Jason.

That was Jason.

That sounds amazing.

That was Jason's new app that Joe was promoting.

How much? $100.

How much you actually give him for it?

He got $47 for that.

Are you fucking serious?

I'll split it with you.

Huh?

I'll split it. He'll split it with you.

Okay, fair enough. Where's the money from?

From your dresser.

Jason has a new app that he came out with. It's really good.

Yeah, it's fun.

I played it. How many downloads does it have?

26,000 in less than 48 hours.

That's ridiculous.

Ridiculous. I had no idea. You know, I just think— I don't know. I don't know why people wanted to download it.

How much money have you made on it? Just for people that are getting into apps, so they understand.

I think we made like $1,047. Yeah, there's not much to get rich off of it. Yeah, but it was more like just a fun thing for—

I don't know who to piss you off.

I remember when I, when I was developing the app, I was like, I always keep everything I do about David like secret because they know he's gonna have some comment or whatever. And yeah, overheard it, and he goes, he goes, you're making an app? And I was like, this is like a year ago. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, you love money. No, guy who bought a Ferrari.

That's so funny. I remember when I found out you were writing a book. Yeah, I have the same fucking reaction. Yeah, because you do so many, like, you do so many side projects. It's It's really interesting. It's like, oh my fuck. It's like, it's like you're trying to milk the cow at all angles. Like, it's really interesting.

What are you talking about? You have so many—

in a good way.

You have so many projects going on. Really? Yeah.

Maybe I don't notice.

Literally, a guy walked in there the other day and he's like, I'm going to make David Dobrik candy. Like, that was literally a thing. I don't know if you're still doing that, but that literally— someone pitched you that.

You can't find the right flavor. But I did. I did take a meeting to make my own candy.

What happened? I'm happy for you.

Genuinely can't find the right flavor yet.

What's it gonna be, like licorice?

Sure, I can't tell you. Yeah, I don't want anyone to copy my fucking recipe. It's David Dober candy. It'll be fucking in store soon.

Really?

I mean, I work on a lot of little things, but none of them ever come true. You know, I fucking— you know what I hate about YouTubers? I've said this before. I hate when people hype up things. Yeah, if you're working on a song or if you're working on anything, like, why, why, why do you hype up anything?

Yo guys, this got this new song. When you hear it, you're just gonna die.

Yeah, how could you possibly fucking say that? Yeah, how can an artist go You guys are going to fucking lose it when you hear this song. How can you possibly say that? But that's crazy.

Kanye West says it. You're like, this might be good.

I don't care if Kanye West says—

you're saying you don't like when YouTubers do it.

I don't like when anybody says that. Like, what artist? You're okay with Kanye West saying, no, I said I don't think Kanye can say that. Like, that's crazy to say. Yeah, you guys are going to fucking lose your mind when you see this.

Oh, I think there's so people with confidence like that. Really?

I think it's so old and it's just so—

one of the greatest things I've ever seen. In life, and this is about the creative process. I'm watching this documentary about Jay-Z, and it's like old, old documentary. It's on like Showtime. I put it on, and it goes to this scene, and it cuts to Kanye West. Guy's got fucking braces in his mouth. He looks like the biggest dork you've ever seen in your life. And they roll into the studio, and they go, oh, what you working on? He goes, yo, he's like, I got this song for Jay-Z, and when he hears this motherfucking song, he gonna fucking die. Jay-Z's fucking tits are gonna fall off when he hears this beat. And they're like, okay, okay, and like, well, Jay's gonna be here in a little bit. Are you ready? And he's like, fucking ready? Are you ready? Don't ask me a fucking question like that if I'm ready.

Is this real?

Totally real, 100%. Look up the documentary. So they go, okay, well, can we hear it? And he goes, can you hear it? He goes, are you ready to fucking hear this shit? And they're like, okay, yeah, play it. He fucking hits play, and all of a sudden you hear, ba ba ba ba boom, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch, ba ba ba ba boom, right? It's fucking Dirt Off Your Shoulder.

Sure.

And Jay-Z hasn't heard it yet. So they're like, yo, I think Jay's going to like— he's like— and Kanye's got his hands crossed and he's fucking sitting there listening to his music and he's like, you fucking tell me that ain't the best fucking song you ever heard. And they're like, yeah, it's pretty good. And then Jay-Z comes in and Jay-Z's kind of an asshole. Jay-Z's like, I'm fucking Jay-Z. Yeah. Who's this fucking twerp producer Kanye? What kind of fucking pussy name is Kanye? Yeah, like that. And he gets in the booth and he's like, okay, okay, okay. And then he's like, if you're feeling like a real thing, don't push your shoulders off. And then you see it come together and Connie's like, I fucking told you, I told you. And then you're like, that's fucking dirt off your shoulder. Okay, best, best thing I ever seen in my life.

You proved me wrong.

I guess I don't even know where we started. I wasn't trying to prove you wrong. What were you saying?

I was just saying that it's super extremely aggressive and it could never end great when you hype up a song too much.

Yeah. When it's a piece of shit artist, of course.

I know. But I mean, I guess maybe that's because I'm surrounded by so many like shit artists that go, hey, not our friend. Sorry.

Why are you looking right into my eyes?

No, because we're in LA and there's so many people that are like, my song is the next big hit. I'm going to blow up after this. Like, I hear that all the time and it's like, it'd be so much cooler if you just said, I have a new song coming out. I'm excited. That's it. You know what I mean? Like, if you hype up a song, people are expecting so much. Yeah, it's so—

my— what about Muhammad Ali?

My favorite is to under-promise and over-deliver. That's the best. I've lived that my entire life. I always, I always under-promise.

Well, I've taken a page from your book. I've stopped hyping up my things.

Well, that's different in your situation. You should have been following that page from the get-go.

I know. What about Muhammad Ali?

I don't— well, give me the story behind Muhammad Ali.

Muhammad Ali was the greatest fighter of all time.

That's different when you're a fighter. I think that's the only— that's the only time I feel like it's okay, because it's like it's just kind of part of the fighting is like aggression, right?

Right.

It's who's more aggressive. And I think that's where it fits.

My mobile game is pretty aggressive and I've been hyping it up for a while.

Fucking happy. Well, fuck it. No, I also do think there's a part in rap that— that where like aggression works. Do you know what I mean? But when I think about like music, like pop songs, and like songs like that, I never understand. Or like YouTubers coming out with YouTube videos, I never understand why people hype it up. I get why someone would make an Instagram story and be like, you guys are really gonna like this video. But I don't— I've seen so many tweets where they go, this is gonna fucking knock your socks off, this is the best video to ever fucking— like, it's just, it's just, don't hype it up. If you don't hype it up, people will be so pumped when they actually see it. No one will be disappointed unless you're Kanye.

I thought about it, man.

And Muhammad Ali.

If I could meet one person, Kanye West.

He's definitely the most interesting person.

If I could spend an hour with someone and have them like me— I certainly don't want to like— I've met celebrities before and I'm like, oh, I should have never even—

I've heard incredible things about him. I heard that when he's in the studio, he like takes notes from other people. So like you can come into the studio and he'll be like, he'll just meet you and be like, Jason, listen to this.

Really?

And then you'll be like, I like it, Kanye, I just don't like this chorus. And then he'll be like, We need to change it. We need to change the fucking course. I've heard that he's like that, and that's really cool. I like when people take notes from you.

Do that.

I love that.

I'll be giving you notes on something and then you'll bring the janitor in.

I'll literally have to go.

I guess my opinion.

I'll have a random. Yeah, I'll have a random person like that go through my blog. And if they don't like anything, I hate it too. I'm so easily like influenced by people's opinions. I hate it. But you are. Yeah.

What do you think you are?

Yes, I am.

No, I don't think the exact opposite of you.

Well, what restaurant do I hate? I hated the Beverly Hilton. And then we all went there and you guys were talking about how great it is. And then I took my friends there for the next 7 weeks.

Oh yeah, I was pissed. Yeah, I was pissed when I was with Jason.

I was like, this place fucking sucks. And then, and then with the people we were with, they were all like, this is so great. This is so great.

Yeah.

God, I can't focus because Todd is in the corner here and he's—

guys, Todd's doing the Silence of the Lambs tuck under. Go watch Silence of the Lambs.

He's got his dick in between his thighs.

Better said by David.

And he's And he's trying to distract me. It is very distracting because it's really fun to look at. Let's talk about something we can all agree on.

I'm a loser.

Yes. And saving money. The reality is, if you're not shopping around, you're probably not saving money. So what if there was a way for somebody to do shopping around for you? Well, that's exactly what Honey does. We've talked about Honey a lot. They come back a lot to sponsor these, uh, these podcasts. And I, I absolutely love them. Uh, it's basically an add-on on your computer.

It's one of the sweetest brands around.

That's amazing. See, this is why our ad split is 60/30 or 70/30, because you say shit like that. It works on over 20,000 sites like Amazon, Nordstrom, J.Crew, Nike, Best Buy, Target, Macy's. It really is the sweetest app around.

Oh my God, that is the classic David. Fucking doesn't like the idea and then takes it a minute later.

Joe, cut out the part where Jason says it. And it takes zero effort to install, just two 2 clicks and you're ready to start saving anytime you shop online. Instead of taking my word for it, listen to what actual users have to say about Honey. I don't keep— wow, there's actual fucking comments from real users. Okay, here we go. I totally thought Honey was a scam, but I just got $300 worth of bathing suits for $180. That's from @irenewagabaza. Wow, these are real people. Someone tweeted, yo girl loves Honey, I just saved $5. That's great. Okay, those are real users, guys. Yeah, um, look, there's really no reason not to use Honey. The sweetest app ever. It's free to use and easy to install on your computer in just 2 clicks. Don't take it from me, take it from our listeners. Get Honey for free at joinhoney.com/views. That's joinhoney.com/views. Honey, the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money. We, um, Jason and I went to my friend's graduation the other day.

Oh yeah.

Which is great.

I want to apologize to you. Oh, well, I gave you— I gave— I was a real jerk about going to Chicago, and I had the best time.

Oh, you had a good time? Yeah, it is a lot of fun when you kind of just let go. And I think I gave you a lot of time to sleep.

Yeah, you did.

Yeah, yeah, you're like—

you're like—

you're like a fucking rechargeable battery. I think he's good to go now. We can wake him up. No, we went to my friend's graduation, and that was great.

Super fun.

No possibility. Fuck, am I saying— hold on, it was horrible.

You know, you were in a bad mood.

I was in such a shit mood because I Posted my vlog, yeah, I think 8:45, and then at 9:45 we had to hit the road.

Oh, you only slept an hour?

No, I didn't even sleep.

Oh, I wonder, you're grumpy.

I just packed my bags. I was in the worst fucking mood, and now we had to head to like the middle of nowhere to this town for his graduation.

DeKalb.

Yeah, and we got to DeKalb. I was, I was in such a grumpy mood there, and then it started raining like this, like, like this bitchy rain. Like, it wasn't pouring, but little fucking drops, like freezing drops.

Fiddle.

Were hitting us. Like, it was like, yeah, it was literally like someone was spitting on us from the sky. Like, it wasn't enough where I was like, oh, I got to run to the school and take cover. But it also wasn't enough where should I take my time? It was like a weird in-between. I didn't like that. And I was just— it was pissing me off so much because I was so grumpy.

I know this is your sweet spot to a college graduation and you can film whatever you want.

It was supposed to be the best time of my life.

Yeah.

No, but we got there. Whatever. The graduation was fine. It was a lot faster than I thought it was going to be. Right.

And you're not allowed to toss your cap anymore.

That pissed me off so much. The students aren't allowed to throw their hats in the air after they graduate because someone a couple years ago hurt their eye. Fucking, are you serious? These are college kids. These are adults that aren't allowed to throw their hat, their cap in the air because someone hurt their eye.

Why can't high five at school anymore? They outlawed high fiving.

Oh yeah, you told me that.

Yeah.

Why can't you high five?

Not allowed. Not allowed to touch each other.

Oh my fucking God.

Isn't that crazy? I mean, it is and it isn't. Like, yeah, yeah.

Why is that? Why is that? What? High fives are— that's what kept me alive in high school. If I wasn't high-fiving people—

Hang on a second.

Yeah.

You were high-fiving a lot in high school?

Ton. Oh my God. I was one of the biggest high-fivers.

Give me an example of when you high-fived. I—

the teacher handed out tests and she handed me the test and I high-fived her. I'd go, hey, let's get this. I said— I would say— well, what I would say right before she handed out the test, I'd say— I'd high-five her and I'd go, let's get this done. Paper and it'd be a joke because it was— we weren't making money. I just wanted the paper to take the exam.

That's good.

Yeah. So like stuff like that and like I can't do that. Fiving's outlawed anyway. I really hated the whole no cap throwing at graduation.

All the money that I have in my bank account, yeah, I would pay to be able to go back into a time machine and look at you junior year in high school. Yeah, I'd pay it. I would love to have seen it.

I was unstoppable. I was genuinely at the peak of my existence.

Really?

Yeah. I'd go, I'd go back and redo high school again. I'm kind of scared of saying that too, like too out loud because I don't want like some fairy to hear me and make that happen. Oh my God, I'm back. No, I would. I would. If I can come back to where I am now and do all 4 years again, I would. I really like— I really thrived in high school. I had such a good time because it's so careless. And you know what it was? It was so interesting to see all the people in school all the time. It was like these people had to hang out with you, right? They had to go to— they had to go to school. Like, it was like hanging out with your friends. Every day, and it was mandatory. Yeah, that's, that's why I loved high school so much. I don't know. Anyway, at the college, they didn't let you throw the caps. I got pissed. And then, and then we surprised him with a MacBook, and then we gave him $25,000 to pay off the rest of his tuition. Yeah, that was sick. And then, yeah, and like, and he was— his initial reaction was he was like really silent because he didn't know what to say. And it was great because then he cried a little bit, and then we laughed and And then he just fucking broke into tears at Rosati's when we were getting pizza. And he's like, I thought all my tears were gone. And he started crying there. And then the next day when I got back home, I landed, he called me in the morning and he just started crying again.

Oh, wow.

That's the best.

And then didn't he like—

I love when people cry. Didn't he—

you should come hang out with me in the shower.

Wait, what? Oh, with you in the shower?

Yeah, man. What is my life? What is my life?

I am my ex-wife's new boyfriend in the shower. Oh my God, dude, if I caught you crying in the shower, I don't know. I don't know if I could keep doing this with you because that's such a vulnerable place to find someone crying in the shower. Yeah, that like, like naked body just soaked.

Yeah, sitting on the floor hugging my knees.

Yeah. When was the last time you cried in the shower?

Um, probably like yesterday, actually. Nah, I don't know. I cry in my car, actually, more than the shower. I cry all the time in my car.

Why?

Uh, just I don't— I literally cry from joy when I think about you guys. Nothing like— what? Like, I literally cry from joy that, like, I can't believe all this exists.

Yeah, yeah, it is pretty crazy.

I said it today to everybody and everybody fucking told me to shut up. Jeff was here, Todd was here, Joe was here, all my favorites.

Heath.

And I love everybody if I didn't mention their name. And I was standing in the middle and I go, guys, how cool is it that we all get to, like, work together every day and hang out? Like, this is incredible. And David goes, shut the fuck up, Jason.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, that may have happened. That's the one story I can't confirm. Um, yeah, no, that, that was pretty bad. I'm sorry about that.

No, it's okay. But yeah, I do. And then, you know, now I've, um, I've really let— I had a great last couple days because I sat next to this guru on the plane back from Chicago.

Yeah.

And, um, and this guy, he, um, he was like a heroin addict his whole life. And then he decided he was going to write a book and he wrote this book and he self-published it. It became an international bestseller.

Or he's still a heroin addict and he's lying, which we don't know.

But yeah, he gave me a couple of tips and I, I'm letting go of like a lot of stuff today. I know I won't get into it because I know you don't like anything about my feelings, but we can cut all this.

What did you say? I'm on my phone. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You met a wizard on a plane and then what happened? Continue the story.

I'm now imagining just a wizard.

I'll give you 3 wishes.

Cylindrical.

Yeah, I mean, no, I think you're doing a lot better. You're definitely getting thinner. I will say that.

Thank you.

Not because I see it, but because other people see it. I know a lot of people have been coming up to me like, Jason's getting thinner. And it may be because I hang out with you every day that I don't notice it yet, but other people are. So I'm like, oh, that's great.

I'm doing all right. But yeah, I'm just trying to let go of all my guilt, you know? Yeah, you know, because you're right. I should, I should be able to go to Chicago and not feel bad about it. Yeah. Yeah, I actually said that to my ex-wife's boyfriend last night. I said, I I'm carrying around all this guilt, you know, and they just kind of, they were like, oh boy, this is like sharing too much.

Sure. You really hit it off with the ex-boyfriend, huh?

Yeah, he's great. I mean, the crabs joke really, really hooked us in.

Yeah, maybe you guys are dating now.

You guys, I wish.

Guys, I'm here with Jeff.

What's up, guys? Good to be here. My name is Jeff. My name is Jeff, guys.

Um, wow, this is a common theme going, um, around our friend group. Uh, people think you have Botox, and I want to address that here.

Let's address that. No Botox. Next question. No, what is this, dude?

Is this—

you called me on here for an ambush?

Let me see. And I'm going in for the people in the audience.

I feel like that's a compliment that people think you have both.

I'll be honest with you, Jeff. When everybody brings up that you have Botox, I go, no, not at all. But now, but now looking at him, I mean, I wouldn't know if he did or not.

I take it as a compliment from everybody but when you say it, because you say it to piss me off.

What's one thing about— really, you're 30 years old now. 29, 29, 30, who cares? You're old. What's one thing that you've learned?

This is what you guys do here. He sits here and says you're old. Hey, you know what? I had Jason on my podcast today. That podcast, you guys are gonna lose your shit when you hear it.

It's gonna be the craziest.

You guys are gonna lose your tits. They're gonna fall off. I had Jason on and he was great, man. We were respected each other. We didn't just sit here and bicker like you guys. We talked about insight on topics, some of his stories. This guy's been alive for 300 years, dude.

There we go.

A lot of stories.

Now you're getting it. It's fun. It's fun.

He's so old.

He told me so many stories about Jay-Z when he was starting out.

Unbelievable. Fucking old as fuck. Well, what, what advice do you have to, to young people that are— this is, this is an episode about finding love, because obviously Jason just met that wizard on the airplane. So I want to know, I want to know, what have you realized about love and relationships that you can take and you can explain to other people? Are you a relationships type of guy now? You've come out of a relationship a couple months ago. Yeah. Are you ready to jump into one?

Dude, it's not worth it. Just do YouTube videos, edit them all night, and then everything happens for you. You could get reservations at restaurants. You don't have to call up. You don't have to grease anybody. All you got to do is become successful on YouTube and all your life problems are solved. Airplane tickets— hire an assistant, have her do that, putting your credit card info, all that shit. You don't want to do that. Just focus on doing YouTube.

Is that good?

No, no.

Is there anything more like, um, to a person that doesn't make YouTube videos?

I don't give a shit, dude.

We were, we were, we were at the Grove. Jeff and I went to the Grove yesterday, and, um, one— we, we know this Viner, I don't know his name. But I was hanging out with him one day, I think Zane was, I don't know, and he goes, hey, you want to go to the Grove and get recognized? That's the joke he said. And the Grove is like this outdoor mall, and the Viner said it like just so he can go and people can take pictures with him. And now we use that joke every time we go to the Grove. I like— Jeff was on his way to work out, and I'm like, Jeff, what are you doing? And he's like, he's like, I'm gonna work out. And I'm like, you want to go to the Grove and get recognized? And he goes Fuck yeah, that sounds way better than my workout. So yeah, so I picked him up and we went to the Grove. And obviously we don't go to the Grove to get fucking recognized, but we were there, yeah, and I'm taking a picture with someone and this girl walks behind Carly and her boyfriend goes, who is that? And she goes, oh, some fucking YouTuber, he's probably here just to get recognized. Fucking bit us right in the ass. So Jeff and I are no longer going to the Grove to get recognized. No, I'm kidding.

When you were gone before, I was saying that, like, I love Jeff so much. Makes me laugh. I really connect with him because he's like a little bit older. Yeah, he's like kind of like over a lot of stuff you guys are still—

yeah, Jeff is like in between me and you.

Yeah, Jeff will walk out of a party like, this fucking sucks, and I'll be like, yes, like it's St. Patrick's Day.

But he'll also walk fucking headfirst into a party and he'll go, this is gonna be great.

In the sweet spot of being your friend and my friend.

But I will say every time I say goodbye to him, like tonight, I think to myself, I might never see him again.

Dude, I think the same thing. Yeah, you know why? Cuz he does this weird shit when he leaves. Yeah, we're talking about him like he's not here. When he leaves, he like airplane modes his phone or some shit. You can reach him, you can try to reach him like throughout the night, and he'll be gone. Sometimes he'll be gone for an entire day.

What is that?

Yeah, I'm gonna get out of here in a second, but I just wanted to say before I leave that that these guys are fucking rich and they are very successful and they still only have 2 microphones here. And it's— it just feels weird. You know what?

And there's a good chance the audio did not come out. We're going to— we cross our fingers every week.

Look at him. Did you look at— look, he just fucking charmed his way out of it. Yeah, he's literally deflecting. Hey, guys, what the fuck do you do when you turn off your phone, you crazy psychopath?

Don't worry about it. I have a podcast of my own that you guys could check out.

You're going to fuck out of here. That's Jeff Wittek.

You guys insult each other when you know how much I love insulting you. I don't have a microphone to do it.

That's Jeff. Buy us a third mic. Hopefully one day we'll find out what he does past 9 PM. That'd be a real big honor because—

what do you think he does?

I think, I think he just watches movies better. I got it.

I think he's, um, I think he's a little more balanced than you and I.

Yeah, I think it's the opposite.

No, no, I think he's more, more balanced in his life. He's a little like, he does his work and then he's gonna have, I think, a life that's unconnected. But we're together all the time.

You know what Jeff is like?

What?

So, you know, like those, you know, those balls that, that like wizards look into and like all mystical on the inside and they're like, ooh, like, like, like those orbs. Yeah, that like a psychic will look into and will read you. A crystal ball. Ball, like a crystal ball. He's like a crystal ball. So it's really well contained. It's very pretty to look at, but once it's cracked, which I think it will crack soon, it will fucking explode all sorts of demonic shit all over the world. And I think that's what Jeff is. He's a beautiful crystal ball who is any second now will crack and will fuck us all.

I don't know how, but Jeff said any second there is a little rage underneath.

Yeah, I think I think it's just waiting to come out. I think he's, he's an angry guy. I just don't think we've known him long enough. So that's Jeff Wittek, guys.

My friend.

My friend. That's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. This has been A View's Podcast. I'm David Dobrik. That's Jason Nash.

We're gonna be in New York this weekend.

I'll be in New York this weekend.

David's pop-up.

Come to the pop-up shop. The pop-up shop. I'm selling merch there. I may come one of the days. I'm not supposed to say if I am, but I will. I'll be there one of the days, and Jason will probably be there too.

I'll be there, and I'm gonna do my show in Brooklyn coming out.

Even, even if, even if you don't think I'm gonna be there, just still coming and hang out because they're gonna be people there that watch the vlogs, and maybe you can meet someone. Yeah, you can meet the love of your life there. Yeah, at the David Dobrik pop-up.

You're not supposed to say that if you're gonna be there.

Yeah, well, cuz I want to make any promises.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, but I am attempting to make it to be there at least one of the days.

Okay, cool, cool.

Okay, thank you guys. See you in New York. This has been The Views Podcast. My name's Jeff.