Jason Hates Everyone Under 27

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. My penis is small.

I know, you know what, okay, I've been thinking about that intro all week. That's the intro you wanted to come out with out of the gate?

Because I've been thinking, people scroll through podcasts all the time.

Yeah.

And, and like, you know, like music, when I scroll through music, I listen to like the first 4 seconds, right? And that's all it's about for me. So I tried, I tried to just capture the audience in 3 words.

My penis is small.

Yeah, yeah, man, that's 4 words. But yeah, I, I, it's like a hook, and now people are gonna stick through the entire 45-minute podcast because they're gonna be like, if he said that at the top of the podcast, imagine what he's gonna say midway through it. It's gonna be a fucking wild ride, and I'm, and I'm here, I'm here to fucking entertain. I was put on this earth to fucking entertain you guys. Get fucking ready. Um, no, it's gonna be a pretty fucking Gnarly podcast. So here we go. All right guys, that was the intro. Um, if you're new to this podcast, I'm dope and Jason sucks. And now you're caught up.

Yeah, that's how it goes here. It's been a crazy day here.

It's been a crazy day. I'm 22. I'm 22, Jason's 75, and we have this podcast together. We compare our lives and we talk about stuff. Yeah, we've had a roller coaster of a day.

It's been I can't even tell you what kind of day it is. And it just got the capper, I just watched the vlog. And I am so, I have such mixed emotions with you. I just, I feel absolutely like I need to go to an insane asylum because I was so mad at you all day and then I just watched the thing that you made me mad about and I was pleased, I was happy. I was happy that you put me through all that 'cause it was funny.

[Speaker] So I had Jason get a nose piercing today that he really didn't wanna get because he was late to a concert with his kids. Now. I do feel bad for that. But his kids were— your kids actually ended up coming late to the concert too. Yeah. And you were supposed to meet them at your house and they came late.

Yeah.

So it looks like they—

we worked out for David again.

Looks like no one cares about the family on both ends. Looks like both, both your kids and you have different priorities.

We made it. We made the concert in plenty of time. It was great. Panic! at the Disco, amazing. Kids loved it.

They went to go see Panic at the Disco. Anyway, we've had a wild day. It was move-in day at USC today.

Yeah.

So we went to go move our friend Olivia into her dorm. I've never had a move-in experience, and I fucking love college movies, like Accepted, I don't know, Superbad, all those college movies.

Sure.

Or like any college show, they usually start with a scene where the kids are moving into their dorm.

Yeah.

And that's the best.

Uh-huh.

That's the best, because that's when you find all the freaks in the fucking hallway, when you find the hot chick down the hall, when you find the fucking douchebag in the left room, like when you find the guys who you should fucking stay away from. Like, that's the best, 'cause you find all the characters on one day, 'cause everyone's out in the hall and everyone's carrying their stuff around, and you're like, oh my God, is that a fucking can of meatloaf, or are those video games, or are those scissors? Like, you don't know what kids are running around with. Is that a fucking samurai sword?

Except it's 2018 and no college kid will let you film them.

And every kid's the fucking same.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right, every kid is kind of like this stuck-up, and you know what I've noticed is like every kid kind of, yeah, no, that's exactly right. Every kid is kind of the same.

Every kid thinks they know everything and their dad is a lawyer. And then they tell you that.

Yeah, if you've tried to film a kid at USC, you'll be surprised to find out that all of the kids' parents are lawyers. And they say, no, my dad wouldn't like that, he's a lawyer. Which I understand not wanting to be on film, 'cause you know how it is, everything comes back to bite you now.

I guess.

So you can't blame the kids for it.

Before we continue, can you not pick your toenails?

Oh, I'm going to pick my toenails this podcast.

Why?

Because there's a lot of schmutz in them.

It's so gross, and it's right by my face too.

Your face is far away. It's a good 3 feet away from my toenails.

And they're so dirty. You went to Panic! at the Disco, and I know you put your fucking toes right on—

I put them in the lead singer's mouth.

You put them right on the fucking ground. You took your feet off. You took your shoes off because you wanted to feel the vibration of the music.

I did.

So you were stomping all around barefoot. Foot, and you were just like, I'm gonna pick them right in front of David's face.

Yeah. And Wyatt spilled some fruit punch, and I just rolled around in it.

Yeah.

Yeah. And it made rain puddles with my feet.

And you were so turned on by the music that you ran out into the dirt and just fucking started dancing in the rain. Yeah.

And now your feet are here fucking stinking up, and they went through a horse field with piles of manure.

Anyway, Jason's feet are gross. I don't want to talk about it. The other day though, what I do want to talk about—

yeah—

is we were on our flight Yeah, we were getting on a flight. We were getting on our flight to go to— where the fuck were we going? Houston. We're going to Houston. We got on a flight. We were getting on a flight, and I do this thing before we get on a flight is I make Jason get into a costume before the flight. So the last time, he got into a Jesus outfit. So he was running around the airport dressed as Jesus. It was great. It was a lot of fun. And this time, I got him—

not so much fun.

Yeah, this time it wasn't so much fun. He dressed up as an inmate, like a guy from a state penitentiary. He had handcuffs on and he was completely barefoot, no socks, and he was wearing handcuffs. And he was running around the airport through that. And we were really late for our flight, so we didn't have any time to film and get changed back into our outfits. So we had to board the flight as this inmate. And right off the gate, like right at the gate actually, they were already like, you're not boarding this flight, sir, unless you put on shoes. And everyone was getting really fucking freaked out.

No, no, they weren't. They were nice. He said, he was like, you're not getting on my flight unless you put some shoes on. That's how he said it. And then he was like, what are you guys doing? And I said, oh, we're YouTubers. We're just doing this thing. And he was fine with it.

Oh, okay, okay.

He was fine.

I was skipping a little ahead.

Yes, that guy was fine.

The guy there was fine.

Uh-huh.

And then I saw, but he did say, he's like, please get your shoes. You're not boarding till you get your shoes. So I ran in on the flight to get Jason's shoes, 'cause his bag was already on the flight. And I come back and Jason's like, Jason is already stepping foot on the flight without his shoes. So he's already gone barefoot on the flight. Oh, first of all, I was running to give Jason the shoes, and there's a flight attendant in front of me, and I go, excuse me, ma'am, excuse me. And she goes, you will wait your turn, I am doing my job right now. And I just started laughing because I'm like, this is fucking— I'm not gonna fucking argue with this, this is hilarious. Why is she in such a bad mood? So I had a little giggle to myself. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'll wait.

I am supposed to be miserable considering the airline that I work for is known for being horrible to people.

So no, I laughed. I laughed it off. It was fine. I giggled. And then she let me pass finally, and then I noticed that Jason was already boarding the flight.

And was that a big problem that I didn't have shoes on? Yeah. Was that part of why this happened?

Yeah.

Oh, I had no idea.

Let me keep going. So then Jason is going to his seat, and he walks by this woman, and I'm following Jason at this point, and this woman turns to me and she goes, oh my God. 'Is that a real prisoner?' And I go, 'Yeah, yeah, it is.' And she goes, 'Oh!' And I go, 'I'm kidding, I'm kidding.' Genuinely fucking scared, like we were bringing on a real prisoner onto the plane. And then she laughed, she giggled, because she—

She did?

She giggled.

I saw that.

Because I told her that it was fake. And then you went to go sit down in your airplane seat, and then he was still in handcuffs at this moment, and he wanted to like take the handcuffs off, and I was wiggling the keys to the handcuffs right in front of his face, and I'm like, you want these? You want these? And instead of giving it to him, I put it in my friend Todd's mouth, and Todd pretended to swallow it. And then our friend Zane saw Todd pretending to swallow the key, and Zane freaked out, and he's like, oh my god, dude, dude, did you swallow the fucking key? That's not fucking good. That's not fucking good. I don't know what is with our friends, but they fucking freak out at one another when something's going wrong.

Yeah, he had genuine concern for Todd.

Genuine concern.

He thought Todd was gonna die.

And Zane turns to the flight attendant, like pulls on her, pulls on her shirt and goes, excuse me, ma'am, excuse me, we're gonna— we're definitely gonna need a medic on the flight because my friend—

is there a doctor on the flight? Is what he said.

He's like, is there a doctor on the flight?

And, um, and that flight attendant was like not having it either. She was just like, what, what do you need? Like, it was almost like they wanted—

they wanted a reason to kick us off.

Exactly.

Which is totally, totally normal because we're a bunch of fucking little douche fucking dweebs in first class. I get it, whatever. They signed up for first class because they didn't want to deal with little kids like us. So yeah, so then she goes and I think she tells the pilot. And then the woman, another flight attendant comes up to me. There's like 7 flight attendants on this fucking flight for some reason. Another flight attendant comes up to me and she's like, yeah, the pilot just decided that he doesn't want to fly any of you guys. And I'm like, oh, I'm totally— first of all, let me explain this. We were totally— We were at wrong. We shouldn't have boarded that flight as Jason dressed as an inmate. But she told me that, and I'm like, listen, ma'am, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. We'll be respectful. Let's just put this in the past. And she's like, I don't know if it works like that, sir. We're really not comfortable flying any of you. And then another flight attendant comes up from behind, and she goes, fucking, she's like bad cop. She goes, 9/11 isn't a joke. And I go, what? Excuse me? And Todd goes, excuse me? What are you? That's not what we're doing.

At all.

You took it to another level. You made us very uncomfortable. And then, and then like an air marshal comes in from outside of the airport to come and talk to us. And he's like, hey, who's the, who's the, who's the, who's the head honcho here? And I go, me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody goes, David.

Yeah. So, so he's like, can I talk to you for a second? And he pulls me out of the flight to talk to me. And he's like, listen, The flight— we all have a sense of humor here, we really do. But the flight attendants, they're just not having it today. I don't know what it is. I don't want it to be a big scene. Can you guys just all get off the flight and we'll book you on another one? And I go, okay, sounds good. And I went back, yeah, and I got all our friends, and that's how we got kicked off the flight in the most respectful way possible at the end. Yeah, it was— he was just like, please just get off the flight.

David came back and he was like, all right, we got to get off. And I was like, that's hilarious, because he's always joking around. And then you had to say it like 4 times to me, and I was like, oh, well, I'll get my things then.

Yeah, crazy. So we got off the flight and then we had to wait in the airport for another 4 or 5 hours to catch our next one.

And David had to fly economy. I had to fly economy, which was so brave.

Yeah, I mean, it really was. I really went through a lot that fucking day. I'd appreciate if you guys, um, you guys could cut me some slack for the next couple weeks. Um, no, but yeah, that was— that's what happened.

Yeah, that's how it went down. What? No more costumes.

No more costumes.

No.

Did you see that people are getting surgery to look like Snapchat filters?

No, they're not.

Yeah, Casey, I don't have a picture.

Oh, like which filter?

I mean, there's a couple filters. I would assume like the, like the puffy face one, the skinny face one. I think they're, they're looking to emulate how they look in those filters because they either think they're fine, they're cute, or they're funny. I don't know if that means the dog filter and if people are changing their tongues to dogs. Yeah, but it is—

or those little dog noses.

Yeah, the little dog nose.

Oh, that's so funny.

Yeah.

What? So people, people are trying to become their avatars? Yeah, they really are. It's like Ready Player One.

It's exactly like Ready Player One.

Wow. Yeah, that's dope. People have lost their minds.

Wow, that's dope, man.

Your generation, we— yeah, you're a bunch of hacks.

What's your problem with our generation lately? You went on a fucking—

we're all such fucking pussies, so sad all the time. I have anxiety. Yeah, fucking everybody does. Everyone's always had anxiety, and people just, they just fucking, all you guys do is like complain. And the other thing you guys do is so funny, it's like, I'm sad, no, I'm sad.

And then like someone compare sadness.

Yeah, you like, you just sit around. Yeah, and then like especially, especially like you're like the guys.

Sure.

I find the guys to just be like always heartbroken and always just like, well, she doesn't love me. And it's like, oh, what the fuck? Dog, get over it. I'm not talking about you. Oh, okay. Why are you like that?

No. Um, wait, so how was it growing up? What, did people not have anxiety?

You shut the fuck up. You never said anything. You never told anyone you had anxiety. You never said— and now it's like, oh, you have to go easy on me because I'm uncomfortable all the time. You would never say that. If you— if I ever said like, that made me uncomfortable, they'd be like, Yeah, it was fucking supposed to. We want you to shut the fuck up. The world's so upside down now. It's, it's awful.

I agree that it's—

and I think your generation is like maybe the worst generation to ever come along.

Holy shit.

In the entire planet. And I think like my kids, by the time they come around, I think things will go back to normal.

You think?

I really do. I think it's really gone overboard with how soft and how how the kid gloves that we all have to use to treat all of you. It's, it's absolutely ridiculous. You all need to fucking sack up, go to war. I wish I could send all of you to the fucking Afghanistan, every single one of you.

Sure.

How assholes. How was such assholes?

How was going—

I'm triggered. Oh, somebody uses that word triggered one more time.

You're right. Okay, it's, it is there are a lot of—

it's ridiculous.

I, I understand, but I also, I just think because I, I don't— I don't— I think people talk about stuff like this more because of things like social media where it's like, it's, it's, it's—

well, I'm not even talking about Twitter. I won't even touch that. That's just some weird fake world that everyone kind of like has one foot in but no one really believes.

You're talking about in real life?

I'm talking about the people I know who are from the ages of 18 to 27.

Sure.

Like, people who are like 31, like Josh Peck, like, he has like some sense of reason left in him. What is Josh, 30 or 31?

31.

Yeah, it says 31. When I talk to Josh, I'm like, it's like I'm talking to someone who's— has sense in their brain, like they're reasonable. But when I— but anyone like lower than that, it's like, whoa, like, what happened? Like the parents just did such a bad job.

It's not— I don't— on all of you, if there is, if there is any flaws in, in kids these days compared to like older kids, I, I don't think there's anything to blame on this new generation of parents. Yeah, I think, which would be your generation, by the way.

No, it wouldn't be my generation. I don't have kids that are 22. Uh, wouldn't be my generation at all.

That's my kid. That's my parents. My parents are exactly your age, so.

Okay, well, I guess so.

Yeah, in most cases, you're right.

Now that's not to say your generation isn't incredible in other ways.

No, sure.

Like in terms of like technology and like how fast you learn.

Listen, little bitch.

Um, go ahead, Frank.

I think that, uh, that if there is like some— if you can blame this generation for something.

Yeah.

Um, I'm not saying what's right or wrong about this generation, but I am saying that like I don't think it's parents. I think it's just that new age of social media. Like, I think—

oh, you think social media has caused all of this?

I think it— I mean, I don't even know what we're talking about when we say this. I think social media has made everything—

indulging everyone's feelings—

everything different. The other day I saw a fucking thing on, um, it was a TED Talk and it was talking about, um, pedophiles. Yeah, how pedophiles should be treated as, um, regular people because it's a mental illness, right? And that's like— and that's scary. Like, that's a—

that was a TED Talk?

It was a TED Talk. Or I'm— or I'm crazy. I, I don't know if it was someone compiled bunch of things that weren't true.

But sure, it wasn't like a— like an Onion piece?

No, I don't know, man. Maybe, maybe I made this completely up and I sound like an idiot, but that— I think that's what I saw. I don't know. I agree. Oh, how was— how about this? How was— how was visiting college today different than visiting college back then?

Um, it felt like everybody was very cocksure for no reason.

What's cocksure?

Very like—

like everyone knew about their peers.

Yeah, like, well, I'm here to go to college because it's my right and I'm gonna come and change the world, and this is owed to me, and when I get out, you'll all do what I say. Like, I saw two kids in line at the Starbucks, and these fucking two little 18-year-olds, I couldn't even believe them. They were just like, um, mint mocha, I'd like to have the mint mocha. They're like, is there, um, is it, I want protein in it, is it plant-based? And the guy was like, yeah, it says it's plant-based right there. And he was like, he's like, oh, well, what do you think, mocha java chip, or do you want vanilla bean? They sat there and they talked for fucking ever about the myopics of what they were gonna have. Just order a fucking coffee. All the choices that they've been given are destroying them. They're turning into such little fucking assholes. I wanted to just fucking beat them with a Smartwater that was in the refrigerator. I wanted to fucking beat both of them with Smartwaters. And take all the drinks that were in the cold refrigerator and chuck them at their head and then put my fucking foot on their head on the ground.

Your fucking toe?

Yeah, I put my big dirty toe that I dragged around Panic! at the Disco tonight. I hated them. And I was just like, and then their poor mom was just sitting there just like, okay, you guys ready to go? She just looked worked to the bone. She had given everything she could to get her two little shit sons into USC. And they were just like, I just, oh, I just couldn't stand them. And then seeing the parents and the kids, you just see the parents are so beaten.

It sounds like you got some old man syndrome.

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure I do.

I think that's what's going on.

I'm sure I do, but I'm telling you, it wasn't like this. Like, what's going on now, it blows my fucking mind.

But isn't this just like a generational thing? Don't ever do this.

But it's not okay to indulge every little fucking feeling you have. It's not okay. No one gives a fuck, you know what I mean? And people walk around thinking that everyone should care. No one really cares. It's a fake generation. I mean, it's just like that thing when you're like, when someone says something, just fucking fake laugh. No, that's not what you do. You sit there and you go, I'm sorry, what did you mean? But your generation is like, yeah, right, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, wonderful. Like, your generation is like Oh, look at that clickbait title, but they never watch the fucking video. Your generation's like, oh, look at that tweet, let me draw something from this tweet that isn't intended for me to draw from it. Let me make this tweet about me. You subtweeted me. No, I didn't, I was fucking just tweeting. No, it's obviously about me because I revolve— the fucking universe revolves around me. Like, it's bonkers, David, bonkers, ridiculous. And your friend Olivia is very nice, by the way, who helped us today. I'm not talking about her. She seemed to be raised well. It is by far the worst generation, for sure. Remember when your friend was moving into school? We were in Vernon Hills last September, and your friend was moving into school, right? And then the other kid was crying because he wasn't spending enough time with him. Yeah, I remember that. Remember that?

I do.

That's exactly my point.

They were just, they're emotional kids, the two that you were referring to.

Yeah, it's not okay.

To be emotional?

Just to say to somebody, you never cried. To say to somebody, you have to stay here because you can't leave because you're supposed to be my roommate. It's not okay, it's not okay to put your will onto someone else like that. Fuckin' stand on your own two feet.

You have just been knocked down a lot in life and I think—

Yeah, I have been knocked down in life. And I'll tell you something, when I was knocked down, no one fuckin' sat there and cared, no one. And you had to pick yourself back up.

But now I think that's the problem.

It's not the problem. I'm fucking realistic. I understand where I stand in life.

I'm just joshing.

I know you're Josh Peckin right now, but the point is, like, okay, let me ask you a question.

You, you were never emotional as a kid? You were never— you never went through stuff? You never were like—

yeah, I went through stuff, and my father was like, fucking stop crying or I'm going to fucking throw your head against the wall.

Sure. And yeah, and that's one way of doing things.

Yeah.

But then what makes your dad's way of doing things correct, and what makes another ways, like, parent incorrect.

Well, my— the way my dad did things wasn't correct either, but people have just gone too far overboard with just indulging every little thing that, that you guys want.

Okay, you think parents— ridiculous— parents should be more strict?

Yeah. Don't, don't turn it on me and my kids, you fucking little assholes.

So you think parents should be more strict when it comes to sweets, going out to dinner?

No, that's all we're talking about. That's all we're talking about. No, I, I don't— I don't sit there and say to Wyatt and Charlie, oh my God, that singing was amazing, you're going to be a I don't lie to them. I'm totally real with them. I'm like, yeah, you better fucking keep working. Like, it's okay. Like, I— but yeah, when it comes to sweets and stuff, like, I give them sweets, but that's different. That's fucking different.

Sure.

I'm not giving them a false sense of self.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's just that— oh my God, I've met so many little— my friend— kids' friends. Um, I have like friends who have kids who are older, 18, 19, 20, and they, they all go through this phase where you're like, Oh boy, like, boy, you're fucking— I do not like your personality.

Interesting.

Anymore.

You know what, I agree with you on some points, but I also do think that you're just, you're, you're just a little bit more upset with things just because you'll sit and indulge every one of your friends, every little feelings.

You sit there, you go into Todd's room, you grab a pillow, you lie on your stomach, and you kick your feet like up and down. You're like, I ain't It's okay, Zane, you'll figure it out. You guys sit there all day and talk about your feelings. Matt King, Zane, Todd. Todd walks around and sulks. The most beautiful man in the world. What do you have to be fucking sad about, Todd? Scott's real. Scott looks like somebody like used to beat him up as a fuck, like his parents smacked him around. Scott, I like. Sure, Scott's got a real sense of self. Sure, like, you know what I mean? Scott gets it. He's like, yeah, you know, this is life. Most— mostly sucks. There's a few good things here and there.

So what about me?

You?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, you've done a great job. I admire you because you've done a great job of creating something for yourself out of really nothing. I mean, if you look at you, David, you just wouldn't expect anything would happen for you. So it's really quite amazing. I mean, I marvel at you that you've done so well. Because I mean, you look at you and I— yeah, I mean, I feel like you should be working at Quickies, you know.

This is fucking Bob, so fuck you. I, I take that as a compliment.

Cookies is great. And you know what's great about you is you wouldn't be too good to work at Quickies either. Like, you would take a job at Quickies, sure, and you'd make it work.

And I'd make the best fucking sandwich. You would.

You make bomb-ass sandwiches and Snapchat it all day. Hey, yo guys, Guys, check this shit out. I'm putting onions on this one.

This one gets an extra meatball because I'm feeling fucking crazy.

Yo, this is David down at Quickies. Come see me.

Okay, so you think I don't have— you think I was raised right?

You were raised right. I, I know your parents didn't give you like— you're probably— didn't give you enough love.

No, my parents gave me a lot.

Your parents are so weird. I see your parents and I'm like, I like them so much.

Sure.

And they do seem like good people, and they do seem loving. Like, your dad doesn't seem cold.

No, they're really—

seems pretty warm. And your mom is lovely.

Yeah, they're great people.

And then— but I don't understand what happened with you, you know what I mean? Were you just a demon child and they just did the best they could?

100%.

Is that what happened?

I was just always— I just always wanted to take the opposing side of anything we've ever, like, argued about. Like, I was always I would— dude, I would—

if you were my kid, I'd blow my head off.

I was—

I'll blow my fucking head off.

You would?

God bless your dad.

I was a teenage boy out of a fucking movie. Like, I was the guy that would just piss his parents off just to piss them off. Like, it was like the most— I had the most cliché, like, teenager and son relationship.

Really?

Yeah, bro. It was brutal.

I never wanted it.

I even remember my dad one day, like, I think I was like cuddling with my parents or something. I was like, I don't know, 19 or something. No, I'm kidding. I think I was like 9 or 8 and I was cuddling with my parents and they were just like, and they were saying like, "Just wait till you're gonna hate this." And I even remember saying, "What? Wait till I hate this? What are you guys saying?" Oh, really? They were like, "You're gonna turn, you're gonna go through, you're gonna be a teenager and it's gonna be far different than this." I remember that. And they told me that on a couple different occasions and I never really understood it. And that was the one thing my parents were definitely right about is when I turned into a teenager, I fucking went full-on like switch. And I wasn't like— I wasn't like mean to them per se. I was just cold. Like, I wasn't like— I wasn't like as friendly with them as I should have been.

If that happens with Wyatt, I'll be crushed.

Yeah, if— fuck, yeah, it'll suck.

Oh, that'll suck, because I keep saying that to him. Like, well, you guys like hanging out with me now, but you're not going to want to. And they are always like, no, no, we will, we will, we want to hang out, we're sure.

What you just got to do is you can't ever get mad at them. You always just got to be fucking good. Like, if you're— if your son starts being like, like cold towards you, yeah, just be like, "All right, see ya. Fuck you, bro." Just say that. I'm telling you, it'll fuck with them. Yeah, start doing that. I think that's what would have slapped me out of it, because I think my parents pushed back at me and that only made me push back at them more. Like, my parents were like, "What are you doing? Why are you acting like that?" And then I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna act like this even more." Really? Yeah, because it was like this, like, I wanted to just— I wanted to make him angry. But if my parents were like— it's like, it's like the whole like bullying technique, right? It's like when like when you're getting bullied in school, like laugh at the jokes, like laugh at the guy calling you ugly or stupid or whatever, right? Because then he'll fucking stop doing it, right? And but if you start acting like it's actually bothering you, then he's gonna keep fucking doing it because he notices it bothers you. And that's what was with my parents. Like I noticed that me being cold with them and like not responding to them was bothering them, and I kept doing it like a little snot.

Like you wanted their attention?

Yeah, almost like, like, but, but, but like in like a neck— I didn't want their attention and I did, you know what I mean?

Right.

I don't know, it definitely wasn't like I don't get enough attention, I got so much attention, like that wasn't the thing, right? It was like, it was just like, I don't know.

I always think, I always think it's because they were Czechoslovakian and you wanted to separate yourself. No, it was as an American.

No, that's what it was.

Is that true?

A lot of it was It was just me trying to separate myself and be like, "I'm an American." Right. Yeah, and that's what it was, but who cares? But let's be realistic here. Let's get to what matters. Hey guys.

I got my nose pierced today.

No, not that. Oh. Hey guys, I have a question for you. Okay, that was Vitamin Water. Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks. Those ads are weird, guys. I'm gonna repeat myself. I literally just say, "Hey guys, I have a question for you," and then I have to pause and then they insert an ad that I've pre-recorded, and then it cuts back to me going, okay, that was Vitaminwater. So in real time, Jason and I just stare at each other for like 6 seconds, and it's like a weird fucking awkward— it's a weird stalemate. Yeah, and Jason's feet, by the way, have gotten closer to my body since we've been recording this podcast. Um, but yeah, okay, let's, let's talk about other stuff because I feel like—

what did you, what did you arrange for this weekend with Tricia? Because she's— she knows— she told me she's cut— she was going to surprise me in San Jose.

She was, uh, she was supposed to come surprise you in San Jose.

Yeah, she told me tonight.

And then when you told me that your, your kids were coming, I was like, fuck, your kids are coming?

She can still come.

I know, but she wants to share a hotel room with you and get freaky.

Oh, we can get two hotel rooms.

Your kids will be by themselves. I mean, well, you should tell her to come.

I did. I told her.

What'd she say?

Yeah, I shouldn't go into it on the podcast. I don't want to have to cut stuff out. But no, I love you, babe.

And you should, you should have her come, guys. The podcast, uh, The Views podcast tour has been going great. We have 2 more stops left, San Jose and Chicago.

Chicago's gonna be great.

It's a lot of fun.

Yeah, crowds are getting bigger and bigger. David's doing really good on stage.

We just went to Houston, right? Yeah. And after the show, Liza and I went for like a carriage ride in like this horse.

In Houston?

In Houston.

At midnight?

Yeah.

Wow.

And it was like this light-up horse, and it was like this woman on the back of a horse horse. And, and we— I didn't notice this at first, but we got— oh, we got, we got to the horse. I'm like, how much does this cost? And she looked at us and she's like, you guys are the— you guys are the YouTubers, right? And, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, hi, nice to meet you. And she's like, it's $35 for 15 minutes. And I don't know why I didn't think anything of it.

Sure.

And, um, then we were riding and we, we did the whole thing. And like, for some reason, this is the only time I know I noticed is like I saw her sign of how much it really cost, and it was like $15 for like 15 minutes. Uh, but she just upcharged us.

She did?

Because she fucking— yeah, yeah, because she, she knew that we were YouTubers and that we potentially had money, right? Crazy smart. Isn't that fucking insane?

Yeah, they got you.

She was so nice to us.

You got taken.

She was like, I love your fucking videos. Oh wait, she didn't say that. She's— but she seemed like she was like a fan, right?

Right.

Like she liked our videos. Yeah, and, and then she was like, fuck you guys.

You gotta—

and Liza was just like, you just got played. And I was like, what do you mean? I was like, you just got paid. She's got— you got, you got charged a lot of money.

How many people are— do you gotta think her part of it, like her side, which is like, how many people are taking horse carriage rides at midnight?

No, you're right, in Houston, it was worth August. It was a horse carriage ride. It was, let me tell you, the worst horse carriage ride I have ever been on.

It was bad.

It was awful. Liza and I sat on it, and the second we were just Oh, this is fucking horrible. 'Cause I think she would pick up the shit of the horse and she'd keep it with her, like on the carriage, so she can throw it and throw it out later. So the entire ride smelled like we were sitting next to the horse's shit.

You don't pick up horse poop. You just let it drop, don't you?

I know, but it was like the horse shit in the carriage. That's what it felt like. It wasn't the best situation. I really didn't like it.

Good God. What's your favorite part about touring?

Can we talk about this? Your girlfriend was super drunk last night.

Oh yeah.

And she told you some things.

Oh, she told me a bunch of stuff.

Tell me, tell me some things that she told you.

Oh God, I don't know what I can say.

I know, I know.

Do we want to have to edit this? Let's see.

No, just, just, just tell us the truth. Well, she told me, she told me that she, uh, you found out that, um, that, that she had sex with a couple that you know. That's all I'm gonna say.

She had sex with a couple that I know?

Yeah. Yeah. And you had no idea that she even knew this couple?

Yeah. And I feel like this is why I've been shunned by some other people in my life. Like, I put all this together the other night.

Oh yeah, this couple is related to another group of your friends that have cut you out of their lives.

Yeah.

And it's because Trisha had sex with the couple, I think, and therefore that friend group has just eliminated you.

I think so.

Wow. And yesterday she told you for the first time?

Yeah, I had no idea.

Yesterday she was just like, I just— I had sex with Anthony and Linda.

Yeah.

And you were— how did you react to that?

I was like, oh cool, good for you guys, like whatever. Like, it wasn't when she was with me. It was a long time ago.

No, I know.

I don't get up— I don't get that upset about past things.

No, but you were telling me how it all clicked in your head.

Yeah, and it all clicked in my head, and then I was— and I was like— and I put it all together like a private eye, and then I turned to Trisha and I was like, do you understand what that means? And she was asleep in the car next to me.

You were putting it together and then she wasn't paying attention?

Yeah, she was asleep in the passenger passenger seat. And then David came out to see so I could come look at his vlog, and then he realized Trisha was drunk and he ran inside and grabbed his camera. And I was already vlogging Trisha, and he was like— it was the funniest moment. He was like, oh, hang on a second, A-Team's here.

I turned my camera on, I stepped right in front of Jason's lens, and I was like, I'm gonna take it from here.

That's my favorite. Or if Todd and Corinna are fighting, yeah, David's like, hang on a second, this This is— what do you say? You say the funniest thing. This is my area.

Um, this is— fuck, I don't know what I say. I don't know, something about this is my— I don't know what I say.

This is my department. He'll be like— he'll be—

Trisha will be like talking about masturbating, and Jason doesn't put any of that stuff in his vlog, and I know that because he keeps his channel clean. So I'll turn my camera on, I'll turn my camera on, I'll go, this is my department, and then I take over.

Yeah.

And then she talks about all the masturbation.

She loves it. She loves to— she loves being dirty on David's channel.

She's super open about it. Did you watch Kanye West on Jimmy Kimmel?

I did watch him.

How was that?

I thought he was great.

Yeah, I heard, I heard he, I heard he came out. What did he talk about?

He, he just came out, he talked about design.

Yeah.

He talked about Yeezys and how much he loves his Yeezys.

Do you have someone that you look up to?

I do have someone that I look up to.

Really?

I look up to my Look up to Wyatt.

Wow.

Yeah, he's pretty— he's gonna puke. I think you look like you're gonna puke. I do look up to him, the way he operates in the world. He's just so kind-hearted, and he's just nice to everyone. Like, there's no— when someone walks in the room, he has no predisposed thing against them or anything. It's amazing.

But you know why he is nice?

Why?

Is because he's in this generation.

He's in what generation?

He's, he's part of this social media generation.

Oh, don't try to bring it around. Wyatt is not part of your generation. I'm not bringing it around. Wyatt is Generation Y.

I think, I think your son Wyatt is very—

Z, whatever.

I think he's very nice, and he's—

he—

I think he falls into this perfectly.

No, don't even try it.

No, fuck you, I do.

No, because I know all his friends and they're all assholes.

No. Yeah, but your son, on the other hand, is not like that. Your son is such a goody-two-shoes, and that falls right under the category that you were fucking shit-talking about 10 minutes ago. Goody-two-shoes?

None of you guys are goody-two-shoes. You're all self-obsessed assholes. None of you are goody-two-shoes. What I'm saying is he has all the qualities that you guys don't have. He's got— he's actually like—

no, but I think I think your son has this quality that's like, oh, I don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings. I wanna be careful because I know how much, you know what I mean? You got slapped around by your dad and you were fucking tough as nails, but your son on the other hand, he's a very nice, soft kid.

He has a lot of empathy.

Yes, and I think that's from being raised in this time and being surrounded by people, I don't know, man. I want to reference a story. You guys went to play at a park. Yeah, it was a park. There was no one at the park. This was in New Jersey, where the fuck you come from, Boston.

Yeah.

And, and you and your kids wanted to play at the park, and you wanted to play at the park. You guys pulled over, there's no one at the park, and your kid read a sign and it said no playing after 4 PM. And both of your kids— it was like 4:30, and none of your kids wanted to play. And that's fucked up shit, bro. That's some shit that I should be yelling at at you about— your kids don't want to play at a park after 4?

That's not me. I was dragging them in. I was like, come on, give it up. I'm like, let's go play.

Exactly.

That's not me.

I know.

That's the— that's the culture we're in.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So don't— don't say that the— that the parents aren't raising their kids correctly. It's just social media that's raising these kids.

My kids aren't on social media.

You know that. You don't—

I do know that. My daughter's begging for a Musical.ly. Yeah, that's all she talked about.

She probably She has fucking accounts. She's NashLover78.

What? Yeah, you're kidding me. She's NashLover78? Yeah, that does all those awesome musical.lys.

Yeah, she wears that mask and she dances to Lil' Kim music. Yeah.

Hey, this is going to a weird place. Daughter in a mask.

Um, no, but whatever. I don't want to get into an argument. We, we didn't really argue this podcast, but you, you had a lot to say. I'm very curious curious to see what people say about what you have to say.

Oh, look, whatever. I, I, I like this generation. They're fine. They're just a little soft, that's all. Yeah, that's it. And I did say you guys are really much better at— you're so good at certain things, like way better.

Okay, what is this generation better at than other generations?

Oh, they're way better at learning. They're reading. No, they're way better at learning. I'm trying to think what else. You help me out. And what do you think you're good at?

What do you think my generation is better at? Yeah, I don't know. I don't think it's like a generational thing.

I think it's everybody.

I think everybody is— I, I don't like grouping generations together. I think that's the stupidest fucking thing. I think everybody's so individualistic that it's just dumb grouping a whole bunch of people. It's, it's— you know what, it's generationalist.

Maybe it's just the vlog. Maybe it's just— maybe it's just the vlog squad.

Yeah, it's just our group.

I think it's just you guys.

You, you have a bad outlook on life because you hang out with and we're—

I think you're also emo.

There's a lot of emotional kids in our group.

Yeah, really emo.

But you—

but that's YouTube. I feel like all YouTubers are like that.

I don't know. I'm—

I don't know, man. I met a lot of YouTubers and they're all the same.

Can I say this? I do like this one thing about you. Okay. It's— it's that you can get over things quick. I try most of the time. Like today, today we were piercing— we were piercing your nose. Yeah. And you were very pissed off at me at first. You're like, I don't I don't want to fucking do this. No. But then I saw it click in your head. You're like, oh, this is stupid. It's not going to matter in 6 hours.

Right.

And then you got over it.

I tried to.

And then it just happened.

I got that from you, honestly.

Yeah. And that's what I think is cool about you. And on that note, tomorrow I'm going to pierce your dick. And you have nothing to say about it. No, but that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Make sure you guys like and subscribe. Tweet me @daviddobrik. Tweet him @jasonnash. Guys, thanks for joining us. Um, yeah, sorry we just argued this entire podcast, or Jason went on a rant about how he fucking hates everyone in America.

You guys, just, you know, I love all of you. Don't, don't, don't be too mean to me on Twitter.

Okay. Yeah, give him a break. He's literally an old guy. Don't, don't tell him he's wrong.

If you guys knew the shit that I went through today, the day I had today. I woke up at 5:30.

Okay, we're good.

My son's got jazz band.

We'll see you guys later.

I have to take him to school at 6:45.