Going to Hawaii to Shoot My Friend With a Paintball Gun

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where we talk about this girl that Jason's been seeing for the past couple months, but he won't admit to anybody around him that he's dating her. Her name's Trisha Paytas.

Boy, you come right out, huh? Yeah, gloves off.

What's your— what's your deal, dude?

Oh, well, I'll be coming after you. I'll answer your question and then I'll be coming after you later in the show, right after the first ad.

I'm gonna come right after your throat, motherfucker.

As soon as Squarespace comes up, I'll be getting— you'll be getting yours.

Okay, well, answer my question. Are you— are you seeing this woman?

We went away— we went away on a nice vacation together. Yeah, we spent quality time together.

Cut to the crap, because I mean, listen, actually don't cut to the crap. You keep bullshitting me. Cut to the crap. Okay, well, I mean, I mean, skip the crap and cut to the main crap and roll the intro music. No, come on, tell me. Forget it, roll the intro music. Hey, what's up guys? So if you listen to these podcasts chronologically, the last time, right before the podcast ended, we talked about Jason's trip to Hawaii. And Jason gave me permission to go to the trip.

As the episode was ending, 'cause I wanted to give the listeners something.

Something to hang on to.

David is smart, and he backed me into a corner at the end of the episode, at the 40-minute mark.

Yeah, so if you didn't hear the last episode, at the end, I was like, Jason, Jason had an idea, and he's like, you come to Hawaii and you shoot me with a paintball gun. And I'm like, "Can I do that? Do I have permission to come to Hawaii, shoot you 3 times with a paintball gun without you knowing?" I didn't hear 3 times.

I heard 1, by the way.

No, it was 3 times.

Okay, I'll have to go check the tape. Psycho.

And he gave me permission. So he went on his Hawaii trip, and I waited 2, 3 days, and I booked my flight. I had to talk to a lot of my friends. Everyone said no, but I found—

Everyone said no?

Yeah.

What did they say?

No one wanted to. I asked everybody, and I'm like, "Do you guys want to come to Hawaii?" I'm paying for the ticket.

Did people say like, David, that's a bad idea, don't go do that?

No, they were just like, I don't know, man, I don't know how I feel about, you know, going to Hawaii for so little. Even Alex said no. I'm like, Alex, well, what are you doing? You're just— you would love Hawaii. Yeah, Alex, you literally love anybody.

Anyway, I would have gone with you.

Well, I know that. That doesn't say much.

I like the joke that much.

You've eaten shit off the ground for me. Um, no, but, um, But yeah, so Brandon decided to come, and it was, Brandon told me, we spent more time in the air than we actually spent in Hawaii, fun fact. 'Cause the flight there was 6 hours.

Why did you plan it like that?

It was great. I did not wanna be there any longer.

David, why did you plan it like that? You could've gone on a tour in the morning and shot something for your vlog.

Let me set it up. It was Sunday.

I think you have a fear of reality.

It was Sunday, and our flight left at, fuck, what time did we leave? I don't even know, dude.

I don't know. You showed up at my place right before our big dinner, right before the $5,000 dinner she paid for. Oh, it was the absolute—

we left, we left at 7 in the morning, craziest time, 7 in the morning on Sunday. We landed at around noon or 11, I don't remember to be specific. Yeah, we landed around 11, then we rented a car, and then we were off to find Jason, to find out what hotel he was staying at, the whole thing, um, the whole nine yards. We were off to find him. And we didn't find him till around 5 o'clock.

So when did you land?

And I think we landed around 11.

Okay. And then, um, you had a whole 5 hours, you're like, fuck, I can't find this guy.

Basically, we went to the hotel because on his Instagram pictures it said he was staying at the Four Seasons. So we went to the hotel, we just were like, fuck it. I'm like, I went to the front desk and I'm like, hey, I'm surprising my stepdad, it's his anniversary. And, and we're like, can you just tell us what room he's staying in? And they're like, I'm sorry, we can't give out that information. And then from there on out, the staff was all up on our ass. Everywhere we would go, they were like stopping us, they were talking, it was really fucking intense. So we left the hotel because we were scared of running into you like in the lobby.

They probably thought you were Trisha fans.

Oh yeah, maybe. I don't know what they thought we were. But yeah, we left the hotel because we didn't want to run into you in the lobby. And then Trisha uploaded a Snapchat showing that she's at some beach with some turtles. So I'm like, great, now we don't know when he's gonna be at the hotel or how long he's gonna be at the place for. Um, and, and I had no way of finding you. I didn't— I couldn't just call you.

And we were— that was the day we were all over the island. We went to the waterfalls, and then we got this cab driver who was like, yeah, I could take you around for the whole day. And Trisha, money is no object, she was like, great, y'all take us around for the whole day.

How much was it?

She spent— it was a $600 fare at the end of the day.

Fuck, fuck you.

And he kept, he kept coming up with stuff. He'd be like, He's like, if you guys like turtles, I know the best beach where to see turtles, and you guys— best of 50 turtles.

You guys like hot dog buns? Yeah, the best hot dog bun place.

You—

the hot dogs you get somewhere separately, and I'll drive you there too, but the hot dog buns here.

Anything someone suggested we would do. So you're lucky we came back at all. Well, that was the night of our big dinner.

Well, okay, okay, before you left on your trip, right, you remember I did this? I took your phone and I turned on your location on Messages.

You motherfucker. Yeah, because we were somewhere And I don't know where I was, but I was with Trisha, and I noticed that you had location on. And I was like, that little shit went into my phone and he turned my location on.

Yeah, I told you I needed to borrow it for like something to do with work. I was like, I need to check something.

How'd you unlock it?

You unlocked it for me. You handed it to me. You're like, okay, fine. And I turned your location on.

You should have been a criminal. I don't know why you're a YouTuber.

And I deleted our messages so you wouldn't see that I turned your locations on. And then somehow you found out, so I'm like, "Fuck, I don't know where he is when we're on this island. I don't know where to find him anymore, 'cause his location is off." So I knew that on Snapchat, you could— and your phone was dead, by the way, or your phone—

My phone was dead.

It was dead, right? Okay, yeah, good guess.

'Cause we were out with the turtles.

So we saw that your phone was dead, and all my— I had a contact back in LA that was messaging you, saying that she had a surprise for you, 'cause she's a PR lady, and—

Yeah, she texts me, she's like, Hey, you guys are at the Four Seasons, you should have told me. Next time we come, we got a free hotel.

We represent the Four Seasons, they wanna send you something upstairs. Anyway, so she was texting you and none of the messages were going through and my messages weren't going through, so I was like, the only way to figure out where he is is his Snapchat location, 'cause Snapchat has this feature where if you allow it, your friends can see where you are when you're on Snapchat. So, this is completely, lucky, my literally—

And illegal.

And illegal. My first fucking guess at his Snapchat username and password was correct. God knows how, it was correct. I got into his Snapchat and I turned on the location on his Snapchat and I shared it with me and Brandon. And I couldn't show any of this in the vlog, by the way, because it took, it was a long process to find out where he was. And I turned on the location and now I was like, well, this doesn't help us, 'cause Jason's phone is still dead and he needs to log back onto his Snapchat to show me where he is. 'Cause right now it was only showing the location where I was at because I just turned on the location on your phone. Do you know what I mean? So I needed you to log back into Snapchat and I knew your phone was dead, so like you weren't gonna do that anytime soon. So I posted on his story saying that hacked by XXGod and I said that I was going to, upload private pictures in 30 minutes. And I didn't tell anyone I was doing this. So literally, I gave it 2 minutes and people were tweeting at Jason and Trisha, and our friends were calling me and they were like, did you see Jason's Snapchat? It's hacked.

And I'm like, fuck, what private pictures are out there?

And I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like, like Zane called me and he's like, dude, Jason's hacked. I'm like, oh my God, you should call him because my calls aren't going through. Maybe they'll go through for you. And Zane called him, everybody called him, and they were calling Trisha, 'cause Trisha's phone wasn't dead. They were like, Trisha, tell Jason to check his phone, 'cause his Snapchat's hacked. And then you guys finally went to go plug in your phone, you logged back onto Snapchat, and I saw that you were at the hotel, because that's where your location came up, and that's when I got Cassandra, the PR lady, to say, hey, what's your room number? I'm gonna come send you something up. And that's when I showed up at his room, with the paintball gun outside, and after some arguing out in front of his door, we got in, I got to shoot him with the paintball gun.

I only wish that I had a paintball gun.

I hope that story made sense.

Yeah, it makes total sense.

It was complicated, but I got to shoot him with the paintball gun, and after I shot him, they went out to, you guys went out to a $5,000, $3,000 dinner.

Yeah.

Right after, right?

It was like a bachelor-style dinner on the water.

Gorgeous dinner.

Course after course, drinks, they they pre-interviewed us for the dinner, like, what do you like, what do you know.

You guys had to go out and talk to the chef, right?

Spoke with the chef.

Fucking nuts.

It was nuts. It was too much food.

You were literally Trisha's, like, sugar baby.

Yeah, and only I'm twice her age. Oh, you can, you can pull Link out.

Link, can you please— our dog's here.

She has some new merch she wants to plug. It was really weird because when we walk around the hotel, it was pretty clear that people were looking at me like, oh, there's this rich guy with this young girlfriend when so clearly it was— Oh really? The other way.

People thought you were like—

Like they'd bring the bill to me and I'd be like, no, no, no, over here.

Um, yeah, we didn't, we didn't get to stay long, but, um, why didn't you stay? I don't know. Jason, Jason, we begged you to stay.

Jason and Trisha were really nice about it.

Jason and Trisha really wanted us to stay, and Jason was texting me, he's like, if you stay, man, we'll have sex on camera. Just please come, please come. Um, but no, we couldn't stay just because it was, um It was time to go back and we ended up leaving at 10:30 that night and we got home at 5:00 AM.

Weren't you exhausted? Just wrecked? Aren't you wrecked like right now from it?

I'm not wrecked now. I mean, I was, I was a little tired. I slept till like noon and then I got back. I slept, I sleep on airplanes really easily.

Yeah, you knock right out.

That's like, I was actually talking to Brandon. I think I have some kind of sleep disorder, like where I could sleep anywhere and it's not like anything serious that I should get checked, but it just sucks because I can fall asleep at any time anywhere. Like, that's why I'm always laying down. Like, you'll never see me sitting unless I'm, like, working. But, like, I'm always laying down if I'm hanging out.

I think you're narcoleptic.

Oh, is that what it is?

Like, you don't just fall asleep, like, driving, do you?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't think that's a disorder. Then I think you just can sleep. You're just a good sleeper.

You think I'm just tired?

I think you're just tired.

I think you.

I think you work so hard. You've. You've accumulated a lot of tiredness.

You know what I was gonna bring up? I was gonna bring up. I was thinking about how much healthier, you know, like people are skinnier here in LA, or like that's like the myth.

Sure.

That like everybody, and like I was thinking about like just like going out to lunch, like here it's like if when you order water, it's so like normal to order water.

Yeah.

I know you're looking at me like I'm fucking out of this world.

No, not at all.

But like in the Midwest, like I remember we used to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and like And I, like, I—

this is when I was like already getting into like my stopping soda drinking phase because they bring you a water in the Midwest is what you're gonna say.

No, oh no, no, no. Like the first 6 months, um, like the first 6 months I lived in LA, people were like, yeah, soda's bad for you, don't fucking do that shit. And then I went back to the Midwest and I was at Buffalo Wild Wings and I'm like, can I have a water? And then, and then the waiter goes, it's okay, I can, I can get you a Coke, don't worry. Because yeah, because it's, it's It's not normal to get not soda, especially Buffalo Wild Wings.

It's not normal to get not soda. David Dobrik.

It's weird to get— it's weird to get water and it's so normal here. I don't know.

Really?

I don't know if it's normal here or if it's just like a— like an age thing. Like, like the older you get, the more conscious you are about it.

Yeah, I could see that.

Back home it was soda every time.

What about when you go back now?

It's water.

You get water.

It's water.

Your friends get sodas?

Yeah, my friends get sodas.

Maybe you just look 14.

What do you mean?

You just look really young.

No, I'm the one that decides to get a water.

No, I know, and the waiter's like, it's OK, dude, I'll slide you a Coke.

Overall, I think I'm living a healthier lifestyle.

Yeah, I think you're running again.

I am an athlete now. Yeah, I've been running a lot. You ran 2 days.

I don't know if you're an athlete.

I've run 2 days. I got this advice from Liza. This is amazing advice, which you should live by, by the way. OK. Oh, hello. Hello? What do you mean hello?

I don't normally listen to two 21-year-olds, but I'll give it a shot.

No, I was telling her that I like running, but I always just have to take a nap afterwards.

Right.

And like I always knock out and I get really tired. And she told me, go for a run in the morning and take the nap that you know you're gonna take anyway. And I'm like, holy shit, that's fucking genius. So now I'll run, which I've been doing the last two days, is I run at 7 in the morning.

Right.

And then I go back to bed for another 3, 4 hours.

Great. And then you feel rested?

I feel like shit. I feel like trash. Like I feel awful, but it's—

it doesn't sound like good advice. Liza's right on the money just with just about everything. I'm not sure it's good advice.

No, it's, it's, it's better though than me like pretending to start my day and then I get here and I knock out. I feel like shit, but I'm not like tired shitty. I'm just kind of like really groggy for like 3, 4 hours. Um, but yeah, and I like running. I'm like a really big fan of it.

What's your time?

My mile?

Yeah.

Um, I mean, I can, I can run a mile in like 7:35.

No fucking way. Yeah, 7:30. You haven't worked out in 3 years.

I know, I can run a mile quick.

I'd like to see it.

I'll put money on it. I know I can run a mile in 7:30. It's—

I can't do a little, little race for charity.

We do it right now. You just talk for 8 minutes straight and I'm running.

Go do it. No, no, no, no, we could, we could pause and we could run a mile, see who gets better time.

Okay, fine, 14-minute miles. Um, no, no, but I, I can run a fast mile. I can't run more than a mile, even if I run it slow. Yeah, it's, it's because I get, I get bored of it and I just, I get so disinterested in it. That's why I can never lift weights because I'm just so fucking like, get bored. Just the idea of it, of the repetition, fucking— it makes me so angry, and I have to stop.

Well, I'm glad you're working out again.

It's good. Thanks. Soon I'm going to be in really good shape, Jason. You just watch. And I'm also—

Running up and down that hill every day, I believe it.

No.

I'm sure it's coming.

No, I'm totally kidding. It's not coming, because they're really short walks. But you know what else isn't— you know what isn't a short walk, Jason? The black tux? Yeah, to look good. Do you have a wedding, special event coming up where you'll be wearing a suit or tuxedo? You have a wedding coming up?

Yeah, I got a big one coming up.

Oh, you're, you're going to one?

Uh, yeah, I'm going to one.

Is it yours?

Uh, no, no, I can't tell you about it. It's a famous person. I don't want to drop the names here on the, on the podcast.

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Ours are coming, you know, we're getting some Black Tux. I heard they took our sizes.

Yeah, I heard.

What's your waist? What?

What's your waist?

32. You're 32? Yeah. I thought you'd be like a 14.

I'm like a 32, 34. I have a big butt. You do? Yeah. You want me to sit on your face?

No, I believe you.

Um, goddamn, that made me uncomfortable.

That was all you.

Uh, it's funny, there used to be this, uh, there used to— the tuxedo place in my hometown, yeah, had this competition for the most amount of referrals a person can get. Like, if you got 2 referrals, you got $200 off your tux rental for for a prom, which was a lot. Wow. And if you got like 10 referrals, they gave you a $10,000 gift card. Not 10,000, sorry, like a $1,000 gift card to the tux place. Wow. But if you got 100 referrals, get this, you won't believe this shit because I didn't, I didn't believe it, um, they pay for your college tuition. What?

Yeah, 100 referrals.

100 referrals.

How many did you get?

I didn't. I, I only got one. Yeah, because I didn't try it. But like, imagine if I did with my YouTube channel now. That'd be a brand deal.

Yeah, you could go to college.

I can go to college. Yeah, which wouldn't really make sense, but yeah, I like the idea.

You're so crafty like that. You love little deals like that. Do I? Even with all your money now, you still, you still like, like little things.

What do you mean?

Yeah, you're just funny like that. You're frugal. Oh yeah, I'm like, uh, if there's a deal at like the food court, you'll be like all excited about it. And I'm like, David, we could go to Mastro's.

Yeah, the only time I go to Buffalo Wild Wings is on Wings Day. Yeah, you love that. I'm not paying for overpriced wings.

Yeah, well, we've— I'm done with Buffalo Wild Wings.

I don't pay a lot of money for shit, but I bought, um, I bought the flamethrower yesterday. Elon Musk.

Yeah, I heard. I was gonna buy you one. Creator—

were you really?

It's— you're very hard to surprise.

Yeah, because I—

yeah, like, you already fucking heard about it.

I know what I want, like, all the time.

So, like, yeah, plus you're up Elon Musk's ass all the time.

Yeah, Elon Musk, creator of Tesla, came out with a flamethrower. He only made 19,000, and he sold 17,000 of them so far, which I did the math, 17 times 500 is—

8 million?

It's like over $8 million. What are you going to do with your flamethrower? Justin Flamethrower, what?

What are you going to do with it?

It's a surprise for when you're sleeping.

All it does is just shoot like a little bit of spark. I mean, it's basically like a lighter.

Yes, but you got to light something big. So you got to pour gasoline on something. And then use your flamethrower, and then madness ensues.

Yeah, I don't think they say that on the website. No, you're taking some liberties with Elon Musk's invention.

No, no, it'll be a good time. Uh, Josh and I were at the Grove yesterday.

Yeah, how was that?

It was fun. Um, Josh knows a lot of people.

Yeah, I bet he does. Like, Josh, like, knows a lot of people, or is recognized by a lot of people? No, knows a lot of people. He knows a lot of people. Yeah, he's been in LA a long time. I'm sure he does.

Just hug random people like, good to see you, like the typical, like, fucking LA shit, and I had this one guy came up to him. This was fucking hilarious. I didn't put in my vlog because it took too long to explain, but a guy came up to him and he's like, Josh! And he's like, dude! And Josh is like, dude, what's up? Cancun, huh? How is that? How about that? And the guy's like, what? What do you mean Cancun? And Josh is like, Cancun, Cancun! And the guy's like, I'm sorry, I'm not following.. And I'm like, holy fuck, Josh thinks this is a different guy. And then Josh goes, I'm just messing with you. I like to bring up random places around people. And I'm like, holy shit, so fucking awkward. And then the guy left and I'm like, Josh, that was so awkward.

And he's like, I fucking know. That's gotta be hard to be him. Oh yeah. Cause you know, he'll just work somewhere and there's like 400 people in the crew and he's like, he's the person everyone's looking at. That is bold.

Really hard. It's bold for him to go. Cancun, like it's bold. Like what I do is I always say, I never say nice to meet you anymore. I always say nice to see you.

Oh yeah, good to see, nice to see you.

Good to see you. Good to see you.

Because if you say nice to meet you, you go, we've met before. Yeah.

Yeah, people do that. And yeah, Josh was just very— if I was Josh, I would never ever, because he meets so many fucking people and he's been doing this since he was literally what, 11?

That's why people shit on celebrities all the time.

Because they forget people?

Because they've had too many times where they've talked about Cancun.

That's so not fair.

Imagine—

it's not fair. Imagine Brad Pitt, he works on like, what, 10 movies every 7 years?

Yeah.

And he has to memorize— and on each movie set there's like 150 people, maybe.

Yeah, he's different. He's like in the uber, uber echelon. I bet he doesn't have to fucking remember anyone's name. I just— I think it's just pointless. I don't even think he can talk to anyone. I remember we had that conversation about Will Smith, and we were talking about how he was— this on the podcast? Yeah. And you were talking about how the maid had to sign this thing where she couldn't look at him. Yeah, we were arguing about that. I think there's certain people in that level of fame where it's like, yeah, you're just—

yeah, like we were talking about how like Ellen, um, like no one can talk to Ellen at work. Yeah, yeah, no one could take pictures with her, which we— which I thought was like fucked up, but then I gave it some thought and I'm like, oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, because everybody wants a little piece of you and then your entire day is gone. I mean, look at me, you're always asking me for stuff and I have to say no.

Yeah, sometimes. Seriously, we should, we should come up with rules for me talking to you because I, I want so much from you.

Should we get Wyatt and Charlie in here?

No.

Hey, do you have any guys real quick?

If you have any idea for science projects, Jason's son has a science fair project. I didn't know they still do this shit.

David just goes, that sounds fucking stupid.

Like, I didn't know they still do science fairs.

It's literally like you're my I married someone and I got this fucking crazy stepson. And Wyatt and Charlie are so sweet. They're the sweetest kids in the world. And yeah, they're a little spoiled. But, and then now I have this crazy fucking stepson who's like ready to blow the house up. They have no idea what to make of you.

I did not know science fair projects are a thing.

Yeah, he's gotta come up with something, David.

Well, dude, I totally think—

Why don't you go give a speech at the school?

High school science fair projects are sick. If they're voluntary, and the people that like are smart people can come up with shit, but assigning it to every student in the class?

It's a fair, he's gotta present it in front of the whole school.

That's messed up, that is so rude. Guys, you know there are only a select few that can actually make cool science fair projects.

He's pretty good at science.

I know, but putting him on the spot like that. Guys, if you had any— And I told him, I told him, I'm like, why don't you, sorry, sorry, but I'm like, why don't you just make a volcano? 'Cause I've seen Jimmy Neutron, and they make like volcanoes.

You said, why don't you buy a volcano?

Oh, I said, why don't you buy a volcano and just, and show the teacher, and he's like, the teacher says she's seen too many volcanoes, so we're not allowed to make volcanoes. As if, as if fucking volcanoes are easy to make. As if she's just like, no more gingerbread houses this year. It's a volcano, so you can't make something fucking erupt. But if you're a teacher and you've been doing it for years, you've seen bullshit, dude. I would, I would pull your son out of school. He doesn't deserve that. That is, that is hard work.

What's he gonna do, come work for you?

Yeah. He can be eternally taped to my wall.

Guys, if you have any ideas about science fair projects about sound, and also the other prerequisite was it has to change the world.

Oh yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was. It was like, it can't be a volcano because it has to help humanity. He literally has to find the cure to AIDS.

And it has to have something to do with sound.

No, it doesn't have anything to do with sound.

Yeah, it is. No, it does.

No, get him in here.

No.

Why not? Because then we're going to talk about science fair projects and Sour Patch Kids. It'll be fun. No, I believe you.

All right, fine.

It's just, it's just gonna frustrate me.

Well, I think it's an interesting topic.

Ah, fine. Wyatt! Wyatt! Okay, we're bringing Jason's son in here, who is— how old is he, 7? He's 12. Wyatt, you gotta come in quick 'cause we're live. 'Cause we're very confused that you have to do this. Grab this mic, introduce yourself. This is the kid that eats a bunch of Sour Patch Kids. He's a maniac. Okay, say hi. Hi. He's not 7, David. He's 12. Happy 7th birthday, by the way, Wyatt. Wyatt, go ahead and tell me that this science fair project, everybody in your school has to do it? Yes. Okay, and are you friends with kids that know how to do it? Make a good science fair project? I don't even know, like what does this entail? Explain it to me. Like last year, what was like the biggest science fair experiment? Well, this is a new school, so we didn't do this last year. Oh, and she didn't get— the teacher didn't give you examples of what other students did? She did. Like one student made this whole thing, um, you know how dogs have like hip replacements and they have that? Jesus Christ, so he fused the neurons and the protons together. And created a new leg. Okay, what did this kid do? They, um, they like, they made a whole new way, a whole new hip replacement and how to do it like with a swing instead.

Jesus Christ. What are you gonna do? I don't know. Yours has to do with sound? No, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I told you it doesn't.

Okay, it doesn't have to do with sound.

You don't listen to your own kid.

Oh, right.

He told you 100 times, Daddy, it doesn't have to do with sound.

Is that what you said? What?

I said I could do something with sound.

You're just saying that because you're a musician and you want to do something with sound. Okay, all right, so it doesn't have to be sound.

Have you ever— have you ever built a mousetrap car? Why don't we just build a mousetrap car?

What's a mousetrap car?

You've never done a mousetrap car? No. It's actually— maybe, maybe it's not an LA thing. Maybe it's just a Midwest thing, so we can get away with it here. You put CD-ROMs as wheels, and the mousetrap triggers the car to go forward using a rubber band.

Oh, that, that could change the world.

Just to help society. Yeah, it'll help society. We'll put crackers on the mousetrap and we'll deliver it to starving kids.

Guys, if you have any ideas as to what Wyatt could do for the science fair so I don't have to worry about it, please tweet them to me @JasonNestor.

Wyatt, you do realize that this is like, this is like, you don't take this too seriously. Like, it's crazy. What grade are you in? 6th grade?

6th.

You know what we were doing in 6th grade?

What?

We were taking Sharpies and drawing up penises on the lockers. That's what we were doing. That's how we help society. Now go out there and smoke some weed.

All right, Wyatt, thanks a lot.

That's Wyatt Nash. I'm kidding, don't smoke weed. Bye, dude. It's crazy. Wyatt, good luck. I'm really— I'm genuinely proud of you that you're in a school where they expect you to do shit like this, because it's amazing.

Send your sister in.

No, we don't need her. We're good. No more family. Dude, my God. No, but genuinely, I'm sorry I sound so like— I'm just fucking astounded by this.

You're good. You're good to have around, David. You bring reality to it.

It's just—

you bring the reality.

Science—

I know the world is going to be harsh.

Come on, that's so much to ask from a 6th grader, dude.

He has so much homework, you don't even know. I believe you. People call me, they'll be like, do you want to, um, people will ask me like, can, can they help with a video? And I'm like, no, they can't. They're—

dude, why don't we do this? Why don't we do this? Why don't we go— I mean, I'm sure we have connections because we're out in LA. Yeah, why don't we go to real scientists and we have them develop some fucking something incredible and just have Wyatt like blow everybody away?

Oh, that would be cheating.

But yeah, okay, something crazy.

Yeah, that would be fucking awesome.

Like an invisible car, and the teacher's like, where's your project, Wyatt? Yeah, and he's like, it's actually parked right here.

Ma'am. Right in front of your face, bitch.

No, that's, that's incredible. I'm, I'm sorry I sound so angry about this project, but I'm just fucking mind blown.

Oh, David, what's this? Squarespace. Oh my God, holy shit, we got Squarespace back!

Welcome back, guys. Yeah, Squarespace is amazing, by the way.

It really is. You can build your own website with it, and it's pretty awesome.

If you head to squarespace.com for a free trial, when you're ready to launch, you can use use the offer code VIEWS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Yeah, you can create a beautiful website to turn your cool idea into a new website, showcase your work, blog or publish content, sell products and services of all kinds, promote physical or online businesses, announce an upcoming event or special project.

I just want to stop you there and say you're doing a good job reading this.

Thanks. Yeah, Squarespace does this by giving you beautiful templates created by world-class designers, powerful e-commerce functionality and lets you sell anything online. Take it away, Nash.

Yeah, the ability to customize look, feel, settings, products, and more with just a few clicks. Everything optimized for mobile— everything optimized for mobile right out of the box. A new way to buy domains and choose from over 200 extensions. Analytics that help you grow in real time. Built-in search engine optimization. Free and secure hosting. Nothing to patch or upgrade ever. And 24/7 award-winning customer support.

We're encouraging folks to make it. Make it yourself. Easy. Create a website by yourself and make it stand out. Stand out with a beautiful website. Yeah, yeah, destiny is calling, and if you need a website, make it with Squarespace. Rock on, guys. That's VIEWS. VIEWS is the promo code for Squarespace, and it'll get you 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Thank you, Squarespace, for coming on. Yeah, we love it. We love, we love the support.

Build a, build a website that's for you. Build a VIEWS website. Maybe they want to do that.

Maybe build a— maybe build a website for us. Maybe don't build a website for you, build it for us.

Build something that will help my son get an A so I don't have to deal with it.

What's the toughest thing you had to do in school?

Do you know what it's like to come home and have to do his homework?

It's awful.

It's bullshit. Yeah, I don't know, they asked me, I don't know, I wasn't there today.

When I was in school, they were, um, they were trying to— because when does school start for him?

They start in August here in LA, they start really early. I'm saying what time? Oh, they have to be there at 8 AM.

Oh, okay, so that's early. So our class would start at 7:20, right? And that's early. And they were trying to push it back to have every class by law start at 10 AM.

Yeah, well, they say kids learn better at that hour. Yeah, at 10 o'clock.

And what happened? Um, nothing happened. We still showed up at 7 in the morning. But I'm surprised as to like why that's not a thing yet. Like, why is— why are kids still going to school so early?

Uh, I think so they can get paid. I think it has something to do with money, I'm sure.

So, so the teachers can get paid? Yeah. What do you mean? I don't know, just in terms of like, um, I guess, I guess just extending the hours. Yeah, because then you, you don't overlap with like after-school activity.

I don't know, I'm not sure. In fact, it doesn't make any sense because they would spend less on electricity.

Do teachers out here make a lot of money? No. No. See, like back at my school I know there's like a common thing talking about teachers don't make a lot of money, but being a teacher at my hometown is like a really good, really good job. Make $100K? Yeah. Oh yeah, really?

Yeah. Well, I don't know if they make that here.

And coaches, if you're— if you coach something, it's the teachers that slacked off the most that made the most money because they would, they would teach shit like autos. You know, autos classes, like it was always bullshit, at least in my school.

We'd watch autos like cars.

Yeah. We had autos class and we watched Fast and Furious. And every day we would come in, not every day, but every other day we'd come in and there'd be a, he'd take a poll with us and it'd be, do you guys want to go to the shop or watch a movie? And we'd always choose movie. And we ran out of the Fast and Furious movies because we saw them all. And there was like 5 of them. We started seeing other movies. And then we doubled back and we watched the Fast and Furious movies in different languages. No. Yeah, because that's all we would watch is Fast and Furious.

What would happen when you'd go to the shop? Nothing. Did you ever make anything?

Yeah, we'd like unscrew things. And there's always like— there's always— there was 10 kids in the class that really wanted to do stuff with cars. Sure. And the other 15, 20 of us didn't care at all. We just knew it was a slack-off class. And we would just pair up with the kids that knew it was a slack-off class. And they would do all the work. And they were fine with it, because they loved it. And we were fine with not doing the work, because we knew that we were never going to work on cars in our lives. And the teacher was great. He was— I mean, during the final, you'd come up to him, and you'd be like, what's the answer to this? And he'd be like, I don't know. That's a stupid question. You're never going to need to know that. Just skip that one. And then he'd be like, guys, for number 42, just put whatever you want. I'm not going to count that one.

And then just fuck number 42.

Number 42, guys, don't worry about it. And I think—

In fact, 43, 44, all the next page, just fuck it.

And I think for one of the kids in my class, this is real, needed to get his grade rounded up. He had like an 84. Yeah. And he wanted a 90 for an A. And our teacher told him that if he writes, if he like hand writes the summary for the Fast and Furious movies we watched in class, he'll round his grade up 6%. So he did, and he ended up getting an A in the class. The entire script? No, the summary of all the movies, like what happened in each of the movies. It was the fucking easiest class. And that's the teacher that got paid a lot, because he was not only teaching autos, but he was a football coach, he was a gym teacher. Sure, doing it all, jack of all trades. Yeah, he was doing all these little bullshit, like he would teach health, which was another bullshit class where you just hand out the same material every time.

Doesn't sound like the guy you want talking about your body.

No, but it was great. And he was the guy that was the highest paid teacher in our school, making like $175,000 a year, which is nuts for a teacher. $175,000.

How do you know he made $175,000?

Because you can go online.

And you can look at it? Yeah.

Actual snoop. No, it's common knowledge. Teachers would share it, share their income with us too, because it was public knowledge. So they weren't like scared of telling us how much they make because they knew we could just look it up.

He would walk in and be like, I made $175K last year, guys. I don't know what you assholes made.

No, no, no one was like cocky about how much money they made. That's what was so amazing. It was such a small hometown and you can get away with like, you can make a lot of money in it, but you can live so like frugally. You could live so cheap, you know what I mean?

Yeah, it's a good town.

It was a really good trade-off. But yeah, that's the one reason I liked high school. But I can't think of what was the toughest thing in high school for me.

Toughest thing for high school was just fucking having friends. I just hated my town.

They were the worst. Yeah, it's fucking—

that's crazy.

You loved it. It's everybody— no, it's dude, everybody in my town fucking hated our town. Oh yeah? Yeah, dude, the second we graduated, everyone was like, yeah, thank God I'm not fucking seeing anybody from here. I'm like, what are you talking about?

Yeah, when I go back now and I always have a good time with you, everything everyone says is like, fucking hate it here. Gotta get out of— why are you here? I'm like, oh, David took us back. It's kind of fun.

Dude, I know. It's nuts. Everyone from my hometown hates it there. I don't know what it is. Well, I think it's because we're so in— I think it's because our suburb is so in touch with the rest of the world. I mean, like LA, and with New York, and with pop culture, that we hate our hometown so much. Do you know what I mean? We're so in touch with what's happening outside of it. Like, get me the fuck out of here. I don't know if that—

I guess that's every town. I just think it's a boring town and people are bored there. I'm sure if you live there, you'd fucking hate it by now too.

Why'd you leave? Because it sucked. Um, no, I mean, I don't know. Yeah, every, every town has its boring things to it, and I, I guess I understand that. Quick little heads up for people that live in Minneapolis: Jason and I are going to be there. We're going there for the big game. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Um, It's the— what, who's it? I was even in the final. I don't even know.

I think it's the Cardinals and the— that's baseball.

That's baseball. Oh my God, we're going to a football game. Um, but yeah, we're gonna be in Minneapolis, which is— it has the Mall of America. Fun fact about all sporting events: if you're going to like a big like function of a sporting event, it's always better on television.

Always. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, but but you know, it's nice to— it'll be fun.

It's a good experience. It's a good experience, but it's always like, you'll always see it better and you'll always just understand it better.

It was true for the fight. We went to the fight. I was like, as grateful as I was that you got those tickets—

the Floyd Mayweather, Conor McGregor fight, much better in person. It was— I went to WWE once.

No, Mayweather wasn't better in person.

Sorry, sorry, not better in person, better on TV. I went to WWE, which is wrestling, like, yeah, like fake wrestling, and, um, So much better on TV. So much better on TV.

For boxing too, they explain stuff. We had no idea what was going on. We had no idea who was winning. Yeah.

Without the commentator. And the Olympics. I went to the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Oh yeah. And you think that'd be amazing in person. It's really humbling to be there. It's the best. And I would go every year. But to watch it, do you know what I mean? To like view it, it's the best to see it on television.

Especially the Olympics, because they just jump from event to event. And they take you to like a million places.

Well, we were at the opening ceremony when they like had the fireworks and they had like all the dancers there. Right. So you think that it'd be nice to see in person, but it's better with all the camera angles, 'cause there's, I don't know. They don't make those shows for you to see in person. It's all for television. So that's why they're always better. I don't know, fun fact, if you guys are planning to go to the Olympics. No, but definitely go to the Olympics. It was literally the best time of my life. I know I'm fucking like running in a circle here, but it was the best time of my life. But it is better to watch on TV, but I would never watch it over, over watching it in person.

Are we gonna go to the Mall of America?

Yeah, we're gonna be—

Have you been to the Mall of America?

No, I heard it's pretty big. I heard it's the biggest mall. Yeah, I can't imagine. We gotta go. Yeah, we're gonna go.

We'll go there. It's gonna be cold there.

Yeah, I heard it's gonna be 15 degrees. I just got some brand new gloves that Jason surprised me with. Jason's surprises are the best, man. You never know. It could be a box of Kleenex, a pair of gloves.

Under Armour surprised you. I asked Under Armour to send you some gloves.

Yeah, and they hooked it up fat. Some amazing, amazing gloves. Guys, we have to go because we have a lot to do before we leave for our flight from Minneapolis. Fun fact, we leave tomorrow night, Thursday night, which is probably today for you guys. We leave Thursday night. Midnight. Midnight. We get on a flight at midnight, and then we land at about 6:00 AM, and then we have work at 11:00.

Yeah, we're doing a little meet and thing.

We're doing like a meet and greet at an arcade.

Uh-huh. So if you go to my—

which may be a secret.

I don't know. It's not a secret. You can go to my Twitter and see it.

I ruined it.

Just go to my Twitter if you're interested in what we're doing on Friday.

Just be there. It'll be fun. No, but yeah, we're gonna land and then we go straight to work and have a vlog to post that day.

Yeah, why are you, again, we do— It's gonna be a hectic— We shouldn't fly at midnight, we're gonna be so tired.

I don't wanna hear it. And Jason promised me that I can shoot him with a paintball gun if I find him in Minneapolis.

I don't remember saying that. No? Last night you were trying to convince me to let you shoot me while I was asleep.

I love when there's outsiders around 'cause they'll go, Someone will go, well, why, why doesn't anyone shoot you, David? Someone will say that and then everyone will laugh. Oh, a new person. Hey, I have new merch dropping tomorrow too, tomorrow morning, so plug that for me, David, would you? Nice. You're such an asshole.

You know where to find it, probably just laying around our house. All the unsold— no, but go check out Jason's merch on fandry.co.

Nash.

Yeah, go follow us on Twitter, give us some feedback. We love to hear from you guys. Thank you to our sponsors Squarespace and our favorite tuxedo place, The Black Tux. The Black Tux. I'm excited for my tux. I am. I'm very nervous. I've never worn a tux.

We'll need somewhere to go.

Jason's gonna— Jason, Black Tux, if you're listening, please send Jason 3 because he's gonna get spaghetti all over it the first day. But yeah, all right, well, we'll see you guys later. This has been A Viewz Podcast. My name is Jeff, and we'll see you guys later. Bye-bye. Hey guys, this is the end of the end. We have to read this to you guys by law. Views is made possible by you. Who are you? We know that somewhere in the world, somewhere down, someone downloaded this podcast, but we don't know anything about you. The folks who support the show would love to know just a little bit about who's listening. Just a little bit. If you have 2 minutes, it really does only take 2 minutes, help us make the show an even better experience for you by telling us more about yourself. Just go to listener.q That's listenereq.com/views and take the short survey. You can also give us direct feedback on the show, which we would love to hear, and as a thank you, you'll be entered into a drawing for a $100 Amazon gift certificate. No way. Bullshit.

2 minutes.

No, I think it's true, David. 2 minutes. Don't call bullshit on your own thing. listenerq.com/views. That's listenerq.com/views. Guys, this was sent to us by the people we work with on the podcast. I want you guys to do this because I want to see— please tweet me if you want, if you win this $100 Amazon gift. Every time someone says $100 Amazon gift certificate for anything, I never believe it. I don't know why, but I never believe it. So please do the survey just to see if you win. I'm gonna send it out. No, I have to. Yeah, we were just gonna pocket it ourselves. All right, well, that's it. That's, that's actually it for the podcast. We'll see you guys later. Bye.