Explosion at my Apartment

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast that your mom listens to before she goes to sleep. Haha, whabam! Take that, viewers.

Oh man, my mom does listen to this before she goes to sleep.

Yeah, so joke's on you too.

You got me, you got me and my mom, except she's getting a great podcast. Yeah, I don't know how she lost.

This is what you're in for, guys. The Views podcast is just nonstop hilarity and just straight up madness. I can't believe I just dissed everyone's mom.

There's jokes, there's Dave's gonna come for you, and it's a savage, savage kind of place. Savage jokes.

And by the way, guys, I don't know if you know this, but all these podcasts are butt naked, like completely ass to the wall.

I don't have— I have nothing but a small thong on right now. Yeah, that's just because it's cold in here and it's fucking adorable. Thank you so much.

I roll intro music. All right, guys, and that was another unnecessarily long intro. I'm David and that's Jason. He's my older friend, 44 years old.

I don't know why you got to say my age every podcast. It's— I think we're— I think we've been hanging out long enough that we don't need to tell everybody.

I just want to let everybody know what's up. The other day, the other day I really wanted candy and I was— this just— I wanted candy like it was like 5 days ago. And Jason's like, okay, I'm going to get you candy, but you have to promise me that you won't tell my daughter Charlie. Because it's her candy, and they went to the store, and you said you hid it from me. What happened?

We went to the store, and we were like, "Daddy, you don't have any snacks at your house," and I'm like, "You're right, you're right." And so, I go, "Let's buy some snacks," and then they found all this candy, and I'm like, "Well, if you buy all this candy, David's just gonna eat it." Yeah. And so then, Charlie was like, she's like, "How about if we hide it?" And I was like, "Okay, yeah, let's hide it. We'll hide it in my room." So David wanted candy the other day. I ate a lot of it too.

And Jason was like, screw it, I'll give it to David. Just don't tell Charlie. So Jason gave me the candy. I took like a handful. I had a bunch of gummy worms. And before I started eating them, I took a selfie with the gummy worms. And I didn't tell Jason up until 10 minutes ago. I went up to his daughter and I showed him— I showed her a picture of me eating the gummy worms. And she goes, Cool. I bet your ass you're gonna hear about it in the car the next day. The next time you're at the grocery store, you're gonna be like, Daddy, what the hell?

She didn't get it.

She didn't get it.

She didn't understand that you took it. She just thought, oh, you like the same candy as me.

Oh no, it was hers. I'm gonna go back out there and shove it in her face. No, but, um, gummy worms—

are you like those better than Airheads?

Airheads are the best.

You're an Airhead guy.

Guys, fun fact about today's podcast: it's being brought to you live from, from Jason's ex-wife's place. We are sitting inside Jason's ex-wife's home. She has been— she has given us the honor to let us use her.

She's given us the honor because she's gone for 13 days.

She left for 13 days, left the kids with Jason for 13 days. And this is for like all of break, so the kids aren't going to school.

Yeah. And no nanny.

No nanny's leaving. Nanny's leaving.

Yeah, she's gone last day tomorrow.

So Jason has to take care of these kids. And it's, it's, it still baffles me. I know I say this a lot, but she's, she's on a trip with her new boyfriend, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Where are they going to?

That she— I don't know, she just lives in London. She's just going to see him. Oh, she doesn't get to see him a lot.

He lives in London.

Yeah, she only gets to see him like twice a year, so.

Okay.

But I feel bad for her.

But isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing?

Well, I'm a very giving person, David.

I know, but that's—

Or you could say doormat.

Pussy-ass bitch. Uh, it's just, it's just so amazing to me that like that like it's just such a weird full circle that you're in your ex-wife's place babysitting. Sorry, I'm like stuttering here. Jason was shaking his fucking leg and it was shaking my mic and it was so distracting and I had to stop.

It's always my fault.

Yeah.

I know.

Your fat ass leg is shaking. What are we recording, a music video?

Hey, who brought Oreos over today? I did. You, chowing down. And who had sour cream Pringles at 11 AM?

I had like 4.

Yeah, well, there's nothing left in there. What is the problem?

Move the wires over because you're shaking my mic and it's messing up.

It's not my fault.

I have to get in a certain mindset when I record these podcasts. Oh yeah, the hilarity comes.

Frickin'—

and I've yet to hear it.

You've got to hear that. Yeah, yeah, it's funny because I could say the same about you.

I've had— I had one good joke. I've been keeping score in my mind.

The only good joke here is your fucking life, Jason.

Oh wow, that's funny. Where's your girlfriend? Not around.

She's in Houston visiting her family. Thank you very much.

How convenient for her. Maybe she fucking hates you.

Yeah, maybe. Um, okay, anyway, as I was saying, I just think it's crazy that Jason has to sit here— single guy, um, does YouTube for a living, records a podcast with 20-year-old— he has to sit at home in LA with his kids while his wife is out having sex with some London hunk. Dude, it's—

he's a hunk too.

It makes me so uncomfortable. And it's so crazy to me that you loved her at one point.

I did. I loved her very much.

And you loved her to the point where if someone— if she hooked up with someone, you'd be like, hey, why'd you do that?

Yeah.

And now it's just like, okay, have fun with your new boyfriend.

You're so young. Do you— I don't know if you're young or just stupid.

What do you mean?

Like, you've just— you're just so fucking naive. Like, you're a very smart person.

I would never be able to be with my— I feel like we talked about this on the podcast like 30 times.

Because you're 10 years old. You act like you're— you have like a mind of a 10-year-old. Like, open your mind.

Why do you do this shit?

Why do I do what?

Now you're saying I'm too young and I'm so fucking naive and I'm just a little guy. And then when I make mistakes, you're like, you're not young, you're not young.

No, I—

You're 21.

No, I'm saying like, open your mind. Like, why can't you understand? Here, here, I'll say it nicer. Let me put it in a nicer way. You're a cunt. When you get to be older, you'll understand that that's just life. Life just happens. Yes. And you'll be more mature. You won't be so like, that's mine.

I get it, but I just—

'Cause you're so possessive of her.

I just think it's crazy that like, Like, I can't imagine. I mean, I guess I can.

You will. You—

I guess I can, because like, I think about the only ex-girlfriend I've ever had, and if I had to take care of the kids and she's having sex with some other dude, I would not care for one second. I would just be like, whatever. Yeah, I guess when feelings are gone, feelings are gone.

Yeah, and you're skipping a whole big portion, which is like the year or year and a half where you're getting divorced, and that's all real painful. But then afterwards, you're like, well, I'm not going to sit around and be upset.

Yeah.

So that's it.

How long from your—

I did this. I was the one that wanted a divorce. Yeah, I did this to myself.

I don't know if we mentioned this on the podcast.

You want the $3 million house?

Yeah. I don't know if we mentioned this on the podcast, but you were allowed to take stuff from the divorce. You could take half of everything.

I could have. Yeah. And you could have taken half of my stuff too.

And well, that wouldn't be much. She would have gotten maybe some Wonder Bread and some Cocoa Puffs.

I got a great hair launcher. In the divorce.

Is that what you got?

I remember, I— she's like, I don't want these lawn chairs, do you want to take them? When I'm in my new, new place, I was like, yeah, all right. And, uh, my neighbor was helping me put them in, and I said, oh, this is what I got in the divorce, Doug. And Marnie was right there, and she was like, it's funny.

And you could have— you could have taken half the house.

Sure.

So that means you would have— it would have forced her to sell the house.

Yeah.

And you would have kept half the profits.

Yeah, that would have been sweet.

Fucking shit, man.

Could have been a million in my pocket. Yeah, yeah, damn, yo, it would have been sick.

And why didn't you do it? Uh, I wouldn't have done it either. I just want to know like why.

You can't do that. Yeah, why would you do that? You have to be a total asshole. And I don't understand people that get divorced. Everybody—

but you said, you said even, even her lawyer was like, what are you doing? Even her lawyer was like, why aren't you taking anything?

Yeah, yeah, he was like, he was like, okay, so you're really— that's it? Like, we were in there for like 5 minutes and he's like, okay. Are you sure? And like, okay, I'll get the paperwork. I'll get the pen, I guess.

I'll get that pen.

He's like, this is the easiest $10,000 I've ever made.

No, that's, that's fair enough. And then how long from your divorce?

There's so many divorces too, where people— every divorce I've seen is so nasty. Fight, fight, fight, fight.

There's a lot of divorces in LA too. Everybody here gets divorced.

Will I get divorced in Chicago?

No.

Oh yeah, because they're also stupid.

What does that mean?

Well, you know, Vernon Hills people.

No, they get divorced in Chicago. It's just not at the rate that it is, I think, out But how long did you wait to hook up with someone after your divorce?

I don't know. I don't know.

A couple. You probably tried right away, but it took you a couple of months, huh?

I got on Tinder.

How long did I wait is a tricky statement.

How long did I wait or how long did I succeed?

How long did it take me to succeed?

Yeah, well, here in the ex's house, it's a beautiful house. David loves coming over here and laughing at how nice it is compared to my house.

It's what? It's probably a $3 million house.

It has like a little under.

It has like 6 bedrooms.

Yeah, it's very nice. We're in there, 5 bathrooms, a pool, and well decorated. Really?

Yeah, well decorated. I mean, I mean, we're sitting in the office and there's more furniture here than there is in Jason's entire house, and that says something. The equipment in this office is— there's, there's— I'm looking at 3 printers in one fucking office. I'm looking at a piano and a MacBook and 4 different microphones.

Yeah, and an amp and 5 guitars.

Yeah.

Um, what I want to I can't remember what I was gonna say, but I don't know.

I'm proud of you.

It's hard.

I'm proud of you for getting through the divorce.

I'm proud of myself for getting out.

Yeah.

Because it was the right thing to do, and I had to get out. And most people— and if you're in a bad relationship, you gotta get out.

We should pull a prank on your kids tomorrow.

Oh, that sounds great. That won't be scarring or anything.

We should go up to them, and I'll obviously be hiding, 'cause it'll be like a private family matter. Yeah. And you'll take them down, and you'll be like, Charlie, Wyatt. I never got to tell you this, but you guys were the reason for the divorce. And then we see how they react, right?

They would both instantly start crying and you wouldn't be able to post it. And you'd be like, oh, I can't post that.

No, I'm kidding.

I always thought you'd post it with one of those comments like, hey guys, I know it looks like we were really mean to Charlie and Wyatt, but in reality—

But we bought them pizza after and it was totally fine. They actually laughed at it. They thought it was so funny.

Everything's cool.

I have an apology video like right after. I'm like, it was Jason's idea. I didn't want it at first, but I figured they're his kids. Um, I just got back. I just got back from my apartment. Um, we— I, I ran over to my apartment because the restaurant under— this just happened. This happened like an hour ago. The restaurant underneath my apartment, it's a restaurant and bar, blew up. And there was like, I think, 30 fire trucks and like—

30?

Okay, I lied. They're like 12 fire— 12 fire trucks and like 20 police cars like outside.

I saw Dom's livestream.

The—

all of Highland was—

it It was completely blocked off.

And David's place is right in Hollywood, like where like the Walk of Fame is and Mann's Chinese Theater where Jimmy Kimmel records.

Windows were blasted out and everything. And I did some investigating and I found—

I love you go private eye. I did some investigating.

I found out that it was AT&T. You remember when they came over? They came over the other day and they were putting wiring all over our building. Yeah, they were like setting up, um, I don't know, like a service and like maybe the Wi-Fi. So everyone gets AT&T Wi-Fi through the building, and they— I think they went through like a gas line or something and they caused the explosion. Yeah, and, and luckily for this explosion, that restaurant went out of business— not ran out of business, but I mean just closed down literally 2 weeks ago. So if there were people in that restaurant, which there normally are, there's normally at least 20, 30— no, there's something like 50 people in that restaurant at once. Wow. So I mean, everyone would have been— everyone would have been dead.

Did anyone get hurt?

One guy got hurt, but I don't think it was anything serious.

I mean, you think he was just walking by?

Yeah, he was just walking by.

Jesus Christ. No, it could have been any of us.

Yeah.

Alex, I get Uber dropped off right there. That's where Uber drops me off.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it would have been me. You'd have a vlog for tomorrow.

That's where Uber drops me off once a month. You make it about yourself.

That's like in 9/11, like there were people in LA making it. They're like, oh, I heard, I heard people in Boston made it about themselves. Oh yeah, what happened?

What happened during 9/11?

Anytime, like, anytime, like, you talk about 9/11 in Boston, they're just like, well, you know, that other plane, it came from Boston, it was right here.

Oh, like it took off from Boston?

Yeah, it's like, okay, I think we're worried about New York right now.

Yeah, I mean, that's— but, but to be fair, there's probably a lot of Bostonians that were on that flight, so, uh, yeah, that's true. But regardless, um, No, but yeah, and I was in my apartment, and this is what my roommate told me. My roommate Dom told me Alex ran in after the explosion, like frantic, my other roommate. And he's like, where's Bailey? Bailey's our bunny. And he's like, where's Bailey? Where's Bailey? Find Bailey. And he put her in like a little to-go cage, packed his backpack, and he ran out of the apartment because he thought the entire thing was going to blow.

That was so funny when Dom said that. Yo, he grabbed Bailey and he got out of here.

Yeah. He grabbed Bailey and he just got out. He loves his bunny.

Dom was live streaming promoting his album at the same time.

Dom was like, Dom, our other roommate Dom was, hey guys, downstairs there's a big explosion downstairs. It's probably a bomb, but make sure to check out my song. It's coming out tomorrow.

It's also very bomb.

It's also fire. These fire trucks are here to put out my hot song. But no, Dom, Dom's that type of guy who's just like, it's just like cuckoo like that. And he actually got a call from one of his friends when he was there., and he showed him on FaceTime, like, the explosion, like, he showed him, like, where the explosion happened, and he showed him the fire trucks, and I shit you not, his friend was like, dude, man, this is very good for you. This is really good. Take the fake blood you have, go outside by the police officers, and get a thumbnail of you laying right outside the explosion. Oh my God. And then tell people that you were in the— make it a big situation, dude. This could really benefit you. And this was even, like, crazy. Like, even Dom was like, uh-huh. Okay, and Tom's like fucking nuts. And his friend was just like, no, you gotta do this, man. It's the perfect thing. You gotta do this. But I mean, you've definitely heard all of us talk about the amazing shave that we get from Dollar Shave Club. Well, we mention it quite a bit on this show 'cause we love it so much. I get a good shave, especially when I use it with their Dr. Carver's Shave Butter. Holy shit. Well, I'm here to tell you I'm never giving up my membership. In fact, I'm adding even more DSC products to my daily routine.

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I don't know if we mentioned this on the podcast, we did a live show once, and I— there was, there was a bunch of parents in the audience, and the parents hate the podcast. That's not true. All right, let me get— let me get— let me finish this ad, and then we can argue about what the parents don't like. Okay, anyway, after that, replacement cartridges ship for just a few bucks a month. If the dollar— it's the Dollar Shave Club Starter Set. Get yours for just $5 exclusively at dollarshaveclub.com/views.

Sorry, I just— there goes the subway.

There goes the subway.

That's dollarshaveclub.com/views. David came over with Subway and an orange juice. That's what he always gets with his Subway, an orange juice.

Why are you being such a dick? Anyway, listen to me. This is so odd. So parents usually don't like the live podcast because they're just, it's not their cup of tea a lot.

What parents told you they didn't like it? Not one. There's not one parent. You're looking at people in the audience and maybe because they're not screaming David Dobrik's name that you assume that they're having a bad time. I've talked to tons of parents at all our live shows. And they love it. In the meet and greet, they come up. There's people with fucking Carmelita shirts.

You get so passionate about such stupid shit. Listen, hold on. Let me reword this. As I was saying, we were doing our show, and there was a guy especially that I kept looking at, and he was completely uninterested in the entire show. And then I brought up how I use butt wipes. Remember this? And he goes, yeah! And he starts clapping. And that was the first time he spoke up or he had any reaction or he had any smile on his face. And it was the best. And that just goes to show you how fucking amazing butt wipes are. And for just $5, you can get them from the Dollar Shave.

Go to Dollar Shave and, you know, you can be like that guy in the audience.

Yeah, Dave, just uninterested and bored out of his mind. Jason gets so mad.

You know why? Because you don't know shit about what you're talking about right now. Okay? You are so far out of your league. You have no experience to fucking say this. You don't. I'm telling you, I've done stand-up for fucking 15 years. Just because someone— I know what a bad show is.

Exactly.

Just because And if someone is sitting there not like fucking laughing every minute, like they're having a good time. If you were in the audience, would you be laughing the whole time? No, you wouldn't. You'd be enjoying it, but maybe you're not like, "Haha!" So it's like you're just not— you're wrong.

You're wrong. You're being too aggressive about this, and we're friends, and I'm just 21 years old. I don't deserve any of this.

You're right. You're right again. I'm sorry. What was I doing?

Tell me what you were telling me about Trump.

Well, I just read that the Republicans passed a tax bill that is going— it's one of the worst bills ever. It's going to lower taxes for the rich. If you make $1 million a year, you will have to pay $25,000 less in taxes. If you make $10,000 to $20,000 a year, you have to pay another $140. Bullshit. Yeah, I just read it. It's a huge article in the Washington Post, and there was a huge video on it. I watched it and I read the article. And also corporations are paying 35%, and now they're gonna be paying 22% with all the loopholes, 'cause they didn't get rid of any of the loopholes. It's fucking bad. And what's gonna happen is they're gonna go after all the congressmen, and they're gonna see if they benefit from this voting, and there's gonna be a lot of people that are gonna get fucked up from it, I think. Jesus Christ. It's crazy, right? I was just complaining about taxes. Not to be hypocritical, but I was complaining to you about taxes the other day. And David was great. David was like, I'll pay my taxes.

You know what I don't fucking understand? What? Is, is I'm, I'm lucky enough to make a million dollars. Sure. A year. Um, and that $25,000 tax cut is fucking nothing. Like, it, like, it's, it's so, like, stupid. Yeah, it's, it, it— I can't believe, especially, like, richer people, like, why are they—

why are they— if you make, if you make $100 million, then that's—

oh, it's $25,000 on every million? Yeah. Oh, never mind.

I love that. I love that. Make America Make America great again, motherfuckers.

No, no, no, but I still don't understand. I just, I don't get the big fuss, especially like the guys that are voting for this, the guys that are like the super wealthy rich that are like making these decisions. Like, why the fuck do they care? Like, they're so rich. And I'm not even like, I'm not—

that's their constituents. What does that mean? Like, that's like, that's like they— people paid them to vote that way.

I don't know, it doesn't make any sense.

They put campaign donations that keeps them reelected.

And if you make $10,000 to $30,000?

Yeah, $10,000 to $20,000, you have to pay another $140.

And then if you make over $20,000, how much?

I don't know, they didn't have that statistic, but I would assume, you know, it's a sliding scale. That's amazing. You know, maybe it's $280, I don't know.

Well, regardless, it's tricky out there right now with Donald Trump.

Yeah, I mean, I'll pay my taxes, but I like to complain about it too. I mean, I'm mad at this bill, but Yeah, but yeah, but and then the $25,000, yeah, it doesn't make that much of a difference.

You make a million. You've been seeing a new woman recently, Trisha Paytas. It's, it's all the rage. She's a YouTuber. Um, she's— I just got to know her. I, I, I, I feel bad even talking about her without her being here because I feel like she needs all the glory to talk about herself. Um, she's great. She's, she's so awesome. She's so funny. Yeah. And she's— I mean, she's like balls to the— like, she'll, she'll fucking say anything. Like, she, she's so open about everything. Like, she told us like how much she makes on her— she has private Snapchats. Yeah. And she makes a good amount of money on these private Snapchats. Like, really good money.

Yeah. If you want to see Trisha nude—

yeah, if you want to see Trisha naked, we might as well mention this. This is actually one of our ads this week. Um, if you want to see Trisha nude, add her.

Jason's a member.

Jason's definitely a member. No, but she's making a lot of money, like, you know, like a lot of money. A lot.

I don't even want to say how much.

We can't say. It's bonkers. And it's like, she tells us so openly. She tells me on the vlog that it's from her showing nude videos.

Yeah, it's not like sex, but it is her naked.

Yeah, like she'll cook naked, and she'll go in the shower naked. It's pretty fucking incredible that she's making that much money.

Yeah, and then she's like, you should do that.

And she's having a good time doing it. Like, not even for a second are you like, wow, that's I feel really bad for you. It's like, good for you. Like, fucking, you're— she seems so happy. I don't know, every time she talks about it, she's like, yeah, I do that. And then she's gotten a couple of boob jobs. She's done the whole thing. Bigger boobs. She's getting bigger boobs.

I was spending a lot of time with her lately.

She's really fun. Yeah, and Jason— Jason—

but I'm not into a relationship right now.

Yeah, come on. What? Jason took like 4 months— not 4 months, like 3 months to tell us that he hooked up with her. He kept it a secret from us. I, I told you. No, you didn't. Huh? I brought it up one day and you were just like, you seriously want to—

what business is it of yours anyways?

Who are you? We're best friends.

Who the fuck? Oh, every time I say we're best friends, you fucking embarrass me in front of him and say we're not best friends.

You're not supposed to say that in front of everybody. That makes you look like a loser. You've said that, dude. That sounded so funny. What? Every time I say we're best friends in front of people, you're just like, I want you to go and tell our friends that we're best friends.

Yeah, well, you're as shit, cuz when I say Brad is my best friend, I can see in your eyes you get hurt.

No, we're, we're not best friends. I'll say right now, we're not best friends.

Okay, that's fine.

I know that. Like, not at all.

Not even close. Yeah, I know. I wouldn't want to be best friends with you. Not even close. You're such a dick.

Yeah, because no one can be your best friend, cuz all you care about is yourself. Liza is my best friend, you fuck.

Yeah, right. Yeah, really? Where is she? I didn't see— I haven't seen Liza in the last 5 days. She's fucking hiding from you.

She's going to visit her family.

Well, why aren't you there?

I heard, I heard, um, you said that I was your best friend when Trisha asked you who your best friend is.

No, you recorded it completely wrong. We were out earlier tonight at Medieval Times and Brandon texted me and she goes, is he your best friend?

And then you said, no, David is.

No, I said, Brent, I got— it's kind of weird to say that a 23-year-old's my best friend, but I guess so.

Oh, so you're better friends with Brandon?

I'm also a fucking grown man and I don't talk about best friends. Like, I'm in 8th grade.

Can't wait for the description of this fucking— of this, uh, podcast. Jason and David talk about who their best friends are. Fair enough.

I mean, I, I—

who's your best friend?

Liza, 100%. No, no, your best friend.

That's your girlfriend, dude. She's 100%.

Like, the—

I, like, I'm like, if, if something is about to happen to me, or if something's about to— like, if the world's gonna explode, the only thing my mind will go to is Liza. Like, just straight up, like Like, not even like exaggerating.

Huh? I'll let Scott and Todd know what you said.

I mean, that's how it is.

Like, I'll take this as an excerpt.

The rest of you guys are my friends. Yeah, but like, Liza's just completely surpasses that.

And I mean, well, okay, I mean, I think that's your girlfriend. How about your male? Why don't we go male?

I mean, there's like, there's like, I have like 7 best friends. Like, Todd, Scott, Zane, Heath, Alex, Dom, Big Nick, Ilya, um, Alex from Jason. Yeah, Jason from Illinois. He's a good guy too. I mean, it's just the list on and on. No, but I mean, I— you've, you've had your chance to be my best friend. We're— I feel like we're more of colleagues, like really good colleagues that work well together.

One colleague does what the other one says. Yeah, I think I'm, I'm happy. I spent a lot of time with you for sure.

Now we're friends. I think so.

Oh, okay.

We better be. Yeah, yeah. Liza asked me sometimes, she's like, like, do you— are you friends with Jason? And I always say no. What? Because it confuses the fuck out of her. And she goes, what are you saying?

And I'm like, she does it as a joke.

No, she doesn't. Seriously. No, she has— she asked if we're best friends. And I'm like, no, I don't even think we're friends.

You're just saying that to me.

She goes, she goes, you're with him every second of the day. If you guys aren't best friends, then what the fuck are we? I'm like, listen, you gotta trust me here. I don't know this Jason guy. What are you talking about? I'm kidding.

Just because they didn't tell you about Trisha Latest.

You're my friend, but I would, I would love for you to fill me in on your, on your life and your dating life, especially because I'm looking out for you. I want you to find—

so you could put it in the vlog.

No.

Yeah, I saw you drooling the other night when I brought Trisha down and I started to interview her for my vlog, and you were like, oh, oh, Jason, oh, oh, are you gonna, are you gonna, you're gonna talk about this in your vlog? And I was like, yeah, I don't know, maybe. You know, like, and you just heard like the click of the camera.

Like, I remember the first time I brought it up just to see Jason's— every time I bring up sex, I'm like, so Trisha, how's sex with Jason? Jason just fucking shuts down. Like, his entire body just goes code red.

It's like, if you have a camera on, yeah, when you ask, you get so nervous. Yeah, I don't even want to see what you tape. David shot some shit today in Todd's room that I, I don't know if I'm gonna let it go. Posting that on Friday. I might pull it. I might pull a Corinna and not let it go through.

Ask for a shout out.

I'm not gonna ask for a shout out.

I'm gonna do a shutdown, you know. And, and, uh, next year, next year I'm gonna do a reaction video with just me and your kids watching all the vlogs back and seeing all the people you've hooked up with and made out with and all the times you've been taped to the wall.

Okay, Seth, Dom, Brandon, I haven't made out with any girls on your vlog.

Yeah, because you're a loser.

That's actually true. Yeah, I know. You can't fucking get anyone to make out with me. How many times have you tried to get Corinna to make out with me?

I feel like, I feel like, I feel like Corinna's I think, I think the closest we got to Corinna making out with Jason is she was like, yeah, I mean, I'll do it, but won't people find it really gross?

One of the people being me. That's when David's out of ideas. He brings up Jason make out with Corinna.

Even, even Jason goes, even Jason goes, yeah, you know what, I think people will find it gross.

Well, she's so young. Yeah, she's really young. But yeah, Trisha's great, and I'm happy to have her around, and we're just friends.

Yeah, you're just friends. I mean, I completely understand that. But you know what I completely don't understand? What? Well, I do understand this. College and university students, listen up. This sounds like a new ad.

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Oh look, it says Cash Course has tools. I didn't know you worked for Cash Course. This website— this website is brought to you by the National Endowment for Financial Education, a nonprofit whose mission is to help American lives Americans live their best financial lives.

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That's cool. I'm happy to. I will thank them.

Yeah, I mean, I would have thanked them regardless. I'm going to thank them again. Thank you, Cash Course. This actually kind of spoke to me, the first line where it said, you don't know whether or not you're going to have enough money to buy groceries. I remember when I first moved out here, I was making no money and I had like $1,500, $1,600 in my bank account. I was telling you this the other day. Yeah, you were. And my roommate and I, we just got an apartment. It was like, OK, it's a lot. We planned out the rent. And I was barely making by with rent. Like, I was like, okay, I can live here and pay for rent and I'm good. I didn't even consider water and like, you know, energy and like all the things you have to pay for on the side. And the first day we moved to LA, we all took a trip to the grocery store. We walked because we couldn't afford to drive anywhere because we were being, you know, saving on gas. Literally that poor. So, um, so we walked to the grocery store and we were like buying stuff and it was like we got peanut butter and bread and some milk, and it was— that was like $14. And I just remember putting it in the cart and my friend just like giggling, like, he's like, holy shit, this is fucking expensive. And like, that was like the biggest like wake-up call. My parents' house, no, straight up, straight up out, like straight out of my parents' house. Yeah, I had no idea what was going on, and it was just like, we're fucking— like, we're fucking doing this right now. Like, this shit's it. How are we gonna pay for this food? And I mean, from there on—

then you started selling your body.

Yeah, and then I started having sex. That's how I met Jason. No, but I showed you the ropes. But yeah, and then I bought peanut butter and jelly, and I would make it last like a week. I'd have it for lunch and dinner and even breakfast. I would— that would be my only food is peanut— I wouldn't even get the peanut butter and jelly, like, you know how they mix it? Because it was more expensive. I would just get like the $2 Jif, um, like creamy peanut butter and jelly mixed already. Yeah, you've never had that, the peanut butter jelly mixed? Yeah. See, why do I do the podcast with you? There's so many better people out there.

I, I don't know. I'm sure Zane would fucking agree with me. So you really— yeah, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure Zane, uh, knows how to make a proper peanut butter and jelly sandwich, not fucking, uh, like that shit you had in your bag today, the pre-made peanut butter and jelly circle Yeah, it's from Smucker's.

Uncrustable. Don't be such a prick, dude.

Oh, Crustables, Ungrossables. Trisha tried it, she hated it, and she fucking eats her face off all day long.

She does mukbang. Just because your ex-wife is hooking up with some guy in London right now and you have to babysit in her beautiful home, it doesn't mean you can be an attitude— oh really? Well, attitude monster.

I'll go into my fridge, I'll be an attitude monster. I'll go into my fridge and I'll pull out some fucking peanut butter and some high-quality fruit spread. Be careful, you the fucking best. Peanut butter and jelly you ever had, I'll knock you on your ass.

Okay, just, you know what, before you do that, you know what you got to do? But you know what, you know what you got to do before you do that? What? Call your ex-wife because it's her fucking fridge. Oh, and call her and ask if she can— if you can use her peanut butter and jelly.

I'm totally able to take whatever I want from the fridge or pantry. Cut to you getting the nutrition shakes.

Cut to you getting a call from your ex-wife. Where the fuck is my mixed peanut butter jelly?

You know what, even if I make— this is the really bad thing about you, huh?

This is the really bad thing 'Cause I'm irresistible?

Yeah, that's hard sometimes, but also this. Even if I made you the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which 99.9% of the world would go, "Fuck, damn, dude, that's a good peanut butter and jelly sandwich," you wouldn't even know it, 'cause you fucking have no taste and no class.

I wouldn't put it in my mouth because I knew you probably wouldn't wash your hands before.

Huh? Yeah.

What? Yeah, 'cause you don't wash your hands. I said it on the podcast.

Here, smell my fingers.

No. Why are you giving me two fingers?

I go two fingers in. Check this shit out. You want to talk about being an asshole? Yeah. David, we go out for Jack Reed's birthday the other night after we podcasted, and he was calling.

Are you bringing up the fucking tacos?

I am bringing up the tacos, and you could shut the fuck up while I do it so I can— this is my time on the show. Go for it, Tom.

I—

we sit down, we go to a really nice restaurant, they put down a bunch of food. There's 3 hard shell tacos. Wrong.

You already started it wrong. We came in late. Everyone has already had some food. No, it was all new food that was delivered just to us because they kept it coming. Yeah, they kept it coming, you twat. Yeah. And then the new tacos came and no one was grabbing them. I waited, fucking, I waited.

Oh my God, you grabbed 2 of the 3 right away. You took 2 of the 3, take 1.

And guess what? Yeah, that's not what he meant.

I ended up giving Jack $200 that day for dinner.

Did you pay for the tacos? Yes, I did.

How'd you pay for the tacos, huh?

I paid, I gave him a smooch on the cheek.

Yeah, yeah, you're a fucker.

Okay, you know what, fuck you. You fucking know you're wrong and just admit that you're wrong. Okay, so then the Chuchi takes the 2 tacos out of the 3, and then there's one sitting there, and I'm saying, God, I would love to taste that. It's a hard shell and I never get hard shells. And right as I'm about to fucking take it, he grabs it and starts chomping on it after wolfing down the first 2. I think I should remember 30 seconds.

I saw you reaching for it. Yeah, you did.

What the fuck? Where are your manners? Let me show you how it goes. He goes, oh, hey guys, there's that last taco there. Is anybody gonna have it? Does anybody want this? No, David, you have it. Which I probably would have said, no, David, you have it.

And that's what I assumed. I didn't want to waste your time.

Yeah, right. Well, you could have had a little class along the way and asked about the third fucking taco.

You were busy. You were busy having a conversation with someone, so I didn't want to interrupt, so I just took the liberty on myself and took the taco.

All you guys have known No fucking manners. When we went out for Corinna's birthday—

Jason, you leave our house without saying goodbye. Huh?

Don't even start with no manners. I've been saying goodbye from now on. I was doing that for a little while. I don't like awkward goodbyes.

Goodbyes are awkward. The first time I met Jason, when he came over to shoot with everybody, he fucking walked out of the house. And everyone's like, where's Jason? And someone's like, I don't know, he just walked out the door. I chased him down. I brought him— you remember this? I brought him back into the house, and I was just like, guys, he was leaving. And everyone's like, what the fuck? And he's like, I hate awkward goodbyes.

So he just left. I just don't like saying goodbye. Here, watch. Say goodbye to me.

All right, I'll see you later, Jason.

Okay, all right, see you later. Now it gets awkward when I have to turn my back and walk out.

That's awkward. No, I don't like it. It's awkward when you walk out, we hear the door slam, and we're just like, did that prick just leave?

Why is it so important about saying goodbye? I got—

I got an idea for the last for the last 5 minutes of this podcast. All right, let's do it. How about we bring your kid in here?

Wyatt? Yeah. And tell him that Santa Claus doesn't exist.

No, I'll bounce around it and I'll just— I'll ask him what Santa's getting him and we'll just find out. Okay, we'll just find out.

Okay. All right.

All right. Okay. Next cut you're going to hear is from Wyatt being in the room. Guys, don't say anything because we're going to see if he believes in Santa. All right, guys, put your hands together for Wyatt Nash, Jason's first son and only. Why, go ahead and grab the mic.

Introduce yourself.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Wyatt. Yeah, that's Wyatt Nash. Wyatt, what grade are you in?

6th.

You're in 6th grade, and you're 11, 12? 11.

11.

OK, cool. Well, first of all, I wanted to ask, is Jason a good dad? Yes. You can be a little more descriptive.

What has—

That wasn't very convincing.

It sounded like we have a gun up to your head. Yes. What kind of— what's the best thing that your dad's has done for you? It's okay, you can make up something.

What the heck? What? How about the Apple Watch? The new iPhone?

All right, how about this? Paying for all the music things that I do?

Yeah.

Ah, you spend a buttload in music every month, in lessons.

Yeah, and Wyatt has to pay that back for when, when he becomes a rock star. Yeah, that's how rockstarism works. What's— you celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas? Yeah. Which is unfair. You know that, right? There's a lot of kids that are probably very angry at you. And for Hanukkah, has it already passed? I don't even know. Are we in the middle of it? Yeah, passed. It's passed?

What kind of presents did you get? A recording thing for recording music.

Oh, hell yeah. And Jason was telling me that you get a new present every day. Right? Yeah, that's kind of crazy talk, and that's, that's a lot. And then for Christmas, do you also get presents?

You split them out evenly. What do you mean? Like, on some nights of Hanukkah you get like, like a really small present, and then on another night you get a giant present.

Ah, and then on Christmas, do you get big presents or small presents? Like one big present. One big present. And then do you, uh, do you, do you get— do you make sure your dad gets you the big present, or like, how does it— how does it How does the whole thing work? I don't know how you split up Hanukkah and how you split up Christmas. Like, how does the math work behind that? Do you know what I mean?

I don't really know. They just get a ton of stuff. They get 8 gifts. Some nights on Hanukkah, the gifts aren't that big. Yeah, like a coloring book or something or whatever. Like, like you got a journal the other night to write music lyrics in. Yeah. And then on Christmas, you'll get like a couple of big things and then maybe some small things, but not Hanukkah. It kind of evens out, but you do get gifts on Christmas. And then we're gonna be in Boston on Christmas, so Christmas morning, what will you do?

Open a present? Or on Christmas morning, what?

What if Christmas morning you wake up and there's a bunch of coal and you got nothing? Have there ever been stories in your school where kids woke up with coal? No. No. Okay, so no one's been screwed over and been like, "Hey, this Christmas sucks"? Have you ever been mad at your Christmas present, like, and you didn't even want to tell your dad? No. No? Fair enough. I don't know. I'm trying to think where I was for Christmas last year, but I'm having a hard time. You were in Chicago. Yeah, I was— no, I wasn't. Oh yeah, I was in Chicago.

You were in Chicago. I remember. Did you get anything good for Christmas?

No. What are you asking for?

I never do. Is Liza gonna get you a gift?

I don't know. I don't know who's gonna give me a gift.

But what do you think about Santa? Do you think Santa will visit you this year?

No, I've been a bad boy. He's definitely not visiting me. Really? Yeah, I've been— and I'm also starting a huge fire under my chimney, and I'm going to make sure he can't get past that.

And you're going to leave cookies for Santa?

No, I eat all the cookies.

Are we going to leave cookies for Santa?

I don't know.

Yeah. What kind? Oreos or Chips Ahoy? This is the million-dollar question.

Why? It's a chocolate chip guy.

Both. Jesus Christ. All right, well, that's all the time we have. That's crazy talk. Leaving two different types of cookies is unheard of. Thank you guys. That has been Wyatt Nash in this new segment we like to call We Did It. All right, awesome. Cool. Bye.

Bye.

All right, thanks, Wyatt. So that was your son? Yeah.

That's amazing. You've met him a million times.

Nice to meet you, son.

What? We were getting there, huh? You didn't go far enough. We were getting annoyed. Yeah, you get a dessert.

So I just feel like, oh, I don't know, dude, that was pretty intense. I felt like a secret agent. Was that, was that the right thing to do?

What I deduced is that he does. He does.

Yeah, he does. He does believe in him. Okay, now we're gonna bring him back here and crush his dreams. No, but from that, from that, it looks like he still does does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a funny thing because you can't ask him.

Yeah, that was— was this a weird thing that we just did?

Oh no, no, he doesn't care. He likes— he loves to be on the podcast.

No, but I'm saying, was like a weird thing? Like, will people be like, that's fucking weird? Like, I feel like we just manipulated him, but we didn't, right?

No, no, we were just trying to find out answers. I manipulate my kids all the time. How do you think I have the family channel? Subscribe.

No, but I guess we found out. So now the next thing is we you have to convince your ex-wife to break the news to him on the vlog. That was cool. I literally felt like I was a secret agent trying to impeach Trump.

It was like on 48 Hours when someone's murdered and they bring the kid in. And there's a good cop and a bad cop.

And they don't want to ask him specifically about the murder, but they want to be like, so on the morning of Christmas when your dad was on the floor, did you see anything? Who ate the fucking cookie? Guys, that's all the time we have for today.

Yeah, that's all the time we have today. Thanks for listening to the podcast. I'm going to say goodbye because I never do.

And thank you. My name has been Jeff. Make sure to buy our merch. There's new Alex Earnest hat merch. There's only 3,000 available. It's on Fanjoy. Jason has merch. Watch our YouTube videos. Tweet us. Blah blah blah blah blah. We'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff and this has been—

Have a great holiday. Have a great Christmas if you're Christian or Catholic. Bye.