DAVID WANTS KIDS

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where it's time to get this bread.

Yeah, right on.

It's time to get this bread, this podcast, guys.

How many ads we got this week?

We only have one ad.

What?

I think, um, I don't know what happened. I know you guys are probably not gonna even enjoy the podcast anymore because there's no ads.

Yeah, maybe don't do it.

Maybe don't even listen to this one. Um, it's gonna suck. We're gonna, we're gonna half-ass this one because we're not getting paid as much.

We're gonna actually have to come up with some content, David. And I will read directly from The New York Times now. President Trump didn't think this would be his final stand.

Let's roll the intro music. All right, what's up, guys? It's The Views podcast. I'm here. I'm David Dobrik. I'm 22 years old, and I'm accompanied by one of my greatest friends, Jason Nash. He's very old and he's 45 years old and he has an ex-prostitute of a girlfriend and, um, two kids.

Sorry, what are their names? Go.

Wyatt and Barley.

Shit.

Charlie. Fuck.

You got one of them.

Um, also sitting right next to me, uh, this isn't like a guest on the podcast, but I'm just gonna spice it up for today because my boy Josh Peck just had a kid. Fuck it, brand new dad, new dad alert. Josh Peck. What's up, listeners? What's up, Josh?

Oh my god, this is so nice to actually be talking to people who are listening. Yes, my podcast is just for me.

Yeah, it's a private. How are you, dude? Wow, guys, when people see Josh, they describe him, they say daddy as fuck. But now, now you are truly daddy as fuck. You have become the daddy.

I'm a father, Jason. You know about it, right?

I got a boner right when I walk in and looked at you. Wow. I was like, wow, this guy's taking care of something else besides himself.

One of us. One of us now. Yeah, me and Jason, you know, we're—

shut the fuck up. You are not a dad.

I take care of you.

That's true. Kind of all of us.

Um, okay, so, so when— congrats on the baby.

Thank you so much.

I have a theory. Mean Gene Okerlund just died and your baby was born. Coincidence?

I think not.

Oh, who's Gene Okerlund?

He was this great wrestling announcer for the WWE and he talked like this. I think your baby has a little Mean Gene Okerlund reincarnation in him.

Get him on the podcast.

I know. And Bob Einstein.

Yeah, I know.

Oh my God. I have two old people on the podcast.

Oh, I can't believe you guys are talking about death.

I'm going to live forever. It's just like Bob Einstein or Thomas Jefferson.

Yeah.

And Harry Truman. Okay, so your baby.

Yeah.

Max.

Max.

Milo Dobrik Peck.

Dobrik Peck. Yes.

I may have added the Dobrik in there.

Then we gave him the middle name of his godfather.

How is it?

It's, it's awesome. It's everything people say. I can't believe it. I can't believe I'm that guy.

You didn't pull them out yourself? No, no, it was— you cut off the— I'm new to this.

You guys, like, hire someone to, like, help you, right? You got to go Postmates, TaskRabbit, right?

Did you have Siki get you someone to pull it out?

No, but okay, so you did cut off the umbilical cord.

I cut the umbilical cord.

I did.

And how was— how is that? How is that? I can't imagine cutting something, a part of a human with scissors.

It's a strong cord.

Is it?

Yes, it's incredibly strong.

And you don't hurt the baby by cutting them? I'm asking the most basic questions.

Josh had Lance210 do it in a Fruit Ninja video.

Yeah, it was pretty cute with a big sword.

I, uh, yeah, you cut it and it's amazing how like when you're— it's like cutting through like a power cord for like a Nintendo 64. But it's amazing because it's like their life force. It's their connection to their mom.

Yeah.

And so when you look at that thing, you're like, that is reinforced.

Is it still connected to your wife at the time you're cutting it?

No, they cut it first and they separate the baby.

So they cut it on their end. So now the baby's loose. Now the baby just has like an extra, like, leash on it. Basically, they kind of—

they're kind of just doing it for you.

Yeah.

For the dad. Yeah.

It's not worldwide.

I don't. I still have my umbilical cord. Cute.

It's the source of his greatness.

No, I think— I think— I don't think dads do it in other countries. I'm so— I'm so like, I have no idea about anything. Well, in other countries, spitting facts here that aren't true. Yeah. No, I mean, in Russia they've never done that.

Well, in Estonia, polls say it's in Europe and other countries they don't do circumcision.

Yes.

And so for me, having a boy and being a Jew, of course, circumcision, it was like a given. Of course. Yeah, but it's so funny because the next morning—

did you do that yourself?

I did. I handled it with the old teeth, with my incisors. Um, but what's funny is, so the baby was born Saturday night, and then Sunday morning they're like, okay, we're gonna take him to get circumcised. And it's amazing because in that moment, the only thought in my head was, it's fucking barbaric. This is barbaric. This is crazy. It's complete mutilation.

Leave my boy alone.

Yeah, dude.

Did you have the mohel come and do it?

Or no, I just said the doctor. I didn't go that hard body.

Is that like a religious Jewish thing? The mohel?

Wyatt was done. We had a mohel come to the house. Yeah.

8 days after.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like a smelly, like, rabbi showed up and ate all the cold cuts and then cut his dick off.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, look, I figured Jews just like ceremonies because it's an excuse to eat.

Sure.

So we— I'm sure there was a beautiful spread. Bagels, cream cheese, and we cut a little foreskin.

How is— how is What does this feel like? I know I'm putting this in my vlog tomorrow where we talk about it, but how does the whole, how does it feel like being a dad? How is this love different than other type of love?

It's heaven.

Yeah?

Yeah, it's heaven.

You said earlier what was really interesting, you said it's not like learned love, it's almost like instinctual. What did you say?

Yeah, it's like something that's always been inside of you and then someone just turned it on. Yeah, as opposed to like having to like fall in love with someone and, and then you get that huge rush of it and then that goes away. Sure. And then you have to like reconcile why you love them.

I see. I feel like I didn't feel that at all. I think there's something wrong with me.

Wow.

Took me like, took me like, you know, a few months.

Oh yeah, you said, you said your baby was gross when it came out.

I mean, all babies are gross when they come out. I mean, they're covered in blood and piss or whatever. But yeah, I didn't feel that right away. Interesting.

And that's common. You hear that from a lot of dads. You think so, that they don't feel it right away?

But I, I do relate with what you said about it being like— it's— yeah, it's just like how you love your mom the same way.

The second I would, I would see my kid, I would 100% fucking faint. 100% faint. Yeah, I did. I have no idea what I would do. With those types of emotions. I'm like pretty emotional when it comes to like weird stuff like that.

Yeah.

And I have no idea what I would do to see like the person that's going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. Well, you fucking freak me out.

You cried when Jason gave Trisha Hamilton tickets. You're an emotional little cub.

Um, yeah, but no, I mean, yeah, I'm definitely excited for when I have a kid of my own. Um, hopefully not anytime soon, but, um, it's so—

I, I talked about this before because It's funny as a man, right? You grow up and when you're young and you're kind of like sleeping around and meeting people, everyone in your life who cares about you sort of makes it very clear, like, do not get someone pregnant because it'll ruin your life, right? Like, you get the wrong person pregnant who you're not really in love with and it's bad. And then you find the right person, you marry them, and then everyone's like, get her pregnant, have a kid. And like, I feel truly like I fulfilled my duties now as a human on this.

That's what's so crazy. Yeah, it's like I was, I was telling Josh, like, I feel like if I was to have a kid, it would almost feel like a weight off my shoulders rather than another task. It almost feel like, it almost feel like, oh fuck, like I don't— at least maybe for the moment, because I don't, I don't know how it would be in real life, but I'd be like, oh, I don't have to work, like this vlog or whatever my work is currently, like that's not as important as this human is. Like, that's what would feel really cool to me, is like finally like feeling something for someone that like other than myself, do you know what I mean? Like, that'd be really interesting.

Did you connect any of it like with your dad or anything like that? Did you have any mixed feelings?

It only— I thought it was weirdly kismet that it was a boy, and so I'm like righting the wrongs of my dad.

Yes, yes.

So you, um, you wanted a girl?

I wanted a girl.

Yeah, my dad wanted a girl too with me. Yeah, yeah, he threw a fucking fit when I was born. Yeah. What the fuck is this? Why does my baby girl have penis?

That is gigantic clit on my baby girl.

Oh man, uh, we're gonna have to redo that for the vlog because that's funny. Um, no, um, No, he didn't throw a fit. But how did you feel? Because like, you're still like— that I always think about this during pregnant, like, like baby gender reveal videos. Yeah, I always, I always imagine, because I think it's always so funny, because whether it's a boy or girl, you have to be excited, right? So like, when you first saw that it was a boy, were you like, damn it, but yay?

I think my reticence with having a boy too was like, I'm not the one to teach him how to play catch.

Really?

Like, no, I'll do it, but like, I'm just not super boyish.

Why? I cannot throw a football or a basketball, it doesn't matter, but he can play the sax.

But yeah, so there's certain things I just don't have that like natural boy manly thing.

But I—

it's, it's— yeah, it's a joy. And what was cool was that we didn't know, you know, till the moment what it was going to be. And so I'm there with my wife behind the curtain like coaching her on, and then The doctor pulls the baby out and says, okay, Josh, stand up. And I stand up and she's like, what is it? And I look and I see this umbilical cord, which I think is a dick for a second, so I'm stoked. And then I'm like, damn it, it's not. And they clear that and I just see it and I'm like, it's a boy! And everyone in the operating room was like, hooray! Now let us get back to work.

This is like when we were in Vegas and it landed on red, same thing.

Yeah, same thing, we totally know what childbirth is like.

Not the same thing.

No, it's not?

Not even, maybe, I don't know.

Is your— is your kid going to be an actor?

Oh, God, I hope not.

Oh, really?

Oh, I hope.

What do you want? In a perfect world, if you can, like, assign him a job right now— I know it's fucking crazy, but what would you want him to do? That's what field of work?

I don't know.

I mean, entertainer or like a regular civilian who works at Trader Joe's and gets moved up or as a businessman, accountant.

Trader Joe's. I heard they have great benefits.

Yes.

And they get to wear those sick Hawaiian shirts.

Yes.

Um, I mean, I guess most parents want their kid to be— look, I've realized this, we want our kids to be, be professions that have a high barrier of entry, right? So like, no one dabbles in piloting or being a doctor. Like, no one's a fucking weekend lawyer. Like, because it takes so much work, and thus you can be that and then make money. So like, that's why you want them to be a doctor or lawyer, because you know that if they put in that 10 years No matter what, they're going to find a job and probably make over $100,000 a year.

So doctor or YouTuber is what I'm hearing from you.

Yes, absolutely.

Very good. I feel like Kelly and Ryan asking this question, but are there any other future little Pecs on the way? I feel like I'm on fucking 60 Minutes. What can we see in the future? A little brother or sister, perhaps?

How much fun was it?

Can we expect anything? Oh man.

Tell us about how you made the baby, Jas.

I was thinking about that too, right? Because like there's no requirement for having, like, having a baby, and yet like, or becoming a parent, and yet making them is so fun. So it's so dangerous, right?

There's like, that's why you spend all your life practicing. Yeah, you got to make sure that the moment is right.

Like, practicing is fun, but do you remember the second you impregnated your wife? No.

Was it like, oh, that was the one? Like, does it feel different?

No, no, the thought was tired. Sauced.

That's funny. Isn't that crazy? Because that is probably how it ended. But definitely you made a new life.

But I broke through.

Yeah. Yeah, you, you made love to your wife and then went to go get a chocolate bar from the fridge. Oh yeah. Little did you know is that you created another life.

Not a chocolate bar, two.

That's, that's incredible. I'm really fucking— I feel like I'm wrapping it up on The Ellen Show. I'm really happy for you, Josh.

Thank you. Thanks for having me, Ellen.

Yeah. No, that's, that's fucking exciting.

And if you guys look under your seats right now, you're going to get a copy of Josh Peck's new book.

What do you want to be on those shows? Like, would you die to be on Jimmy Fallon or whatever?

Yeah, well, I want to, I want to like try it.

Yeah.

Yeah. I don't, I have no idea how I'd be in that situation.

You'd be great.

Oh, I don't know. I don't know that at all. Yeah, because that's like a different type of like nervousness that I have, like, not experienced yet.

No, you would just do your David thing, like, through the questions.

Which is what?

Like, you just, like, in the middle of things, you just be like, yeah, yeah.

Like, um, I don't know, I feel like it'd be easier to be on the other end of it and interview people. I really like interviewing people.

Who's the first person you'd have on the pod if you could have anyone?

Um, it'd be Liza. Like, a full-on blown— get, like, full-blown guest. Yeah, it'd be Liza because I, I told her that she'd be the first guest. Um, but yeah, we haven't done like a full-on guest yet that stays for the entire podcast. And like, we've gotten close, but I make sure that they leave before the podcast is over so it doesn't count as a guest.

Well, thanks for having me.

No, no, don't leave yet. You got like 3 more minutes. Um, but yeah, what else is new in your life?

Yeah, I mean, fucking—

I hate these questions.

Got any interesting projects coming up?

What about you, Jay? What's new in your life?

I fucking hate myself. Do you?

Are you not?

Yeah. Are you not over that yet?

My life's a fucking shambles.

Tell me.

That's what I'm saying. How is he not? He's doing so well. So well.

I paid my taxes today.

Everyone pays their taxes. Yeah, I've watched that. He talks about paying taxes like he's the only person on the planet that does it. Everyone pays their taxes. Everyone gets a huge percentage taken out.

I saw Jack Black open a YouTube channel the other day. And I lost it. I said to Dave, I said, well, that's it. It's over. It's over for guys like me.

There's—

yeah, let me talk about that. Jack Black started a channel and it was like a vertical video that he shot on his iPhone. And it was like, actually, I don't know, I could be wrong, but it was like a low-quality video where it was like, hi, I'm Jack Black. I'm making a YouTube channel. It's like a minute long. He got a million subscribers in a day. And then the next— and then his next upload was him. It was literally a vertical video shot on his iPhone saying, thank you guys for 1 million subscribers. It was 30 seconds long. And when he posted that video, he was already at 2 million subscribers.

But it was like this. Thank you guys for 2 million subscribers.

I reckon the dick of the day.

Yeah. Fucking insane.

Yeah. You know the truth, Josh.

You're threatened by him too. That's nothing. Does he have a kid?

Yeah, she has 3.

Oh, he has 3.

He has a red Tesla. But as you know, right, like, let's talk about that. No matter what, it's kind of like a stand-up comedian who comes off a massive show but hasn't done stand-up in a while. They'll give you the first 5 minutes, but if you're not funny after that—

100%.

Jack Black is funny.

Oh, he's hilarious.

But right, Jack Black is really funny.

But like, Will Smith's, you know, not on the trending page every day.

Yeah, but how— yeah, how will Jack Black hold up on YouTube?

What do you think?

I have no idea. I, I didn't— I don't know enough about Jack Black, but I'm sure he'll I'm sure I'll kill it.

My point was like, okay, so he has to like keep up with the videos every day, right? Or he doesn't, whatever. But I was saying no, like Judd Apatow will like produce his videos. That's what I think's gonna happen.

Maybe, but like also you can have Martin Scorsese producing YouTube videos, but like what does that mean? You know what I mean? Like you can have Daniel Day-Lewis in all of your YouTube videos, but that doesn't mean that it's a good video. Like YouTube isn't isn't like— it's not making them— it's not making a movie. Like, it's— people want to see like lower quality stuff with like— it's like a weird mix. Like, they don't want to see a movie on YouTube. They want to see like the perfect balance of like shit and like enough. Like, it's like— it's like a weird— like, you can't— you can't put a fucking movie on YouTube. No one gives a fuck. They want to see your personal life, but they also want to see it like on crack, I think, which is very— I think it's a very tough place to find.

Low fidelity, high concept.

Whatever that means. For sure.

That was said to me in a meeting once.

Oh, I watched the movie Bumblebee the other day. What?

Those movies are made for people like you.

Fuck you.

You love it.

No, I love Hailee Steinfeld. And one of the quotes or whatever, I like the quote, it was, I don't know if they made the quote up or whatever, but I thought it was really cute. It was, um, the darkest nights produce the brightest stars.

Wow. Yeah. I love when you show how uncouth you are.

Okay, Michael Bay's a rich man.

I had an interesting story at the—

but he like owns the franchise.

I had an interesting thing happen to me at the grocery store yesterday. I love going to the fruit guy. I always ask the fruit guy what, what's good, you know? And then I, um, I was like walking in there and I walked up to the fruit guy and I go, hey, how's the watermelon? Like that. And he was African-American. Oh, and we had a moment.

Oh yeah, that sounds tough.

Yeah, that's tough.

Yeah.

Oh, like he thought you were being racist?

No, he just went like— he just went like— he didn't even think I was being racist. He was just like, uh, He took a second. He's like, it's not, not very good right now.

He's like, it's winter, asshole.

Oh, okay. I see.

That's not right.

There was a long pause when you said that because I was trying to, like, decipher what you were exactly saying. That's why it was awkward. But no, I totally see what you're saying. So it was like the watermelon. Okay, okay. I see. I get it. So it seemed like you were being racist, but you were genuinely just asking how the watermelon was.

That wasn't racist. What was racist was after he answered, when you said Okay, cool. Find me Coltrane.

What's that?

Coltrane is an African-American jazz musician.

Josh explaining him the fucking world.

What's a light bulb?

A light bulb creates light.

Oh, I don't know that. Why you got to use such big words? Fuck, man. You guys are fucking dicks. I got to make sure to keep a bunch of younger people on the podcast with me.

What?

All you— why? Oh, we have? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, we have been wanting to talk about this. How many times a day do you poop?

Once.

Once. Okay, so you poop every day? Yeah. Yeah. Tricia saying— Tricia is Jason's girlfriend. She poops how often?

I want to say like maybe once a week or once a couple.

Yeah, once a couple of weeks. And Dima poops once every 2 weeks.

Well, Dima looks malnourished anyway.

Yes, but is it— doesn't your body just do that? She's poop every day.

It's just from bad— it's a bad diet.

Oh, but Trisha eats, eats. Yeah, it's horribly— she's a mukbang every day. She eats chicken tenders every day, right?

So you would think that she would have to.

Yeah, or maybe she's just lying because she's a girl, so she's just like, right, I don't poop at all. But maybe she fucking— she maybe, you know, I bet you Trisha takes nasty shits. She has to. There's no way. There's no way you can eat that many tenders. Yeah, well, I'm gonna put a secret camera in her toilet and I'm gonna send it to you. I'm gonna livestream the footage. No, but Josh, thanks for joining us.

Thanks for having me. I think that's my cue. Trisha Shinning, I'll see you guys next week.

Plug your podcast.

Oh, Curious Podcast. It's my podcast with Josh Peck. That's me, the host.

It's amazing. He has a bunch of guests on there. It's one of my favorite podcasts I have yet to listen to.

Well, thanks for having me on. And yeah, it pales in comparison to this, but welcome to my life.

Go listen to it, guys.

Thank you for having me.

Bye. You've got real tax questions, so TurboTax Live has real tax professionals who can answer them for you. They have CPAs and EAs who are on demand, ready to give you advice, answer questions as you go. Their tax pros get to know you so they can offer personalized suggestions and find all the deductions you deserve. Whether you're stuck on a specific question or need guidance working through your return, their tax experts can give you the confidence to ensure your return is done right. They gotta hire someone that can read. TurboTax Live with CPAs and EAs on demand. See details at turbotax.com. You know what sucks is like, if there's like younger kids listening to this, which they probably are, they don't understand like what taxes are.

Explain it to them.

Yeah, I mean, it's just fucking— it just—

it's awful.

It's basically like, okay, it's like this. It's like, since we're on newborn babies, it's like you have a newborn baby, you just got it this year, you're sleeping, it's a beautiful calm night someone breaks the window of your house, sneaks in, and chops off your baby's leg and takes it away and goes, sorry, we need this. That's what fucking taxes are like. It's, it's horrible. And there's nothing you could do about it because it's the fucking law.

Yeah.

And, um, yeah, what's the best way to describe taxes?

If you had a lemonade stand and you worked really hard and you built the store and you chopped it together, and then your stupid brother took all of the money Yeah, for no fucking reason.

But I mean, I guess, I guess it makes sense because I mean, the reason people— the reason we pay taxes, our roads can be paved, even though there's so many fucking potholes on my street. Yeah. So, so the roads can be paved and things can function, right? I don't know.

I mean, I teleport now, but—

oh fuck, you don't even need to pay taxes.

Not really.

No.

But yeah, but yeah, thanks TurboTax.

If you don't know how to teleport, use TurboTax. It's pretty, pretty simple to do. I wanted to talk about this on the topic of pregnancy. You're pregnant yourself, aren't you?

No, not that, but I have gained a little winter weight, but that's, that's not a necessity.

But yesterday what I wanted to ask, or not yesterday, but what I wanted to ask is, like, water breaking. How does that work? Because your water breaks when you, when you're, when you're, when you become pregnant, right? Or like, sorry, when you, when the baby's due, a woman's water breaks. What does that mean? Is that like a little bit of a drop of water?

Literally, yes. I don't think it happened to my ex-wife, but I guess water can fall from your vagina.

Oh, and that's what it is.

Yeah.

Is it like peeing or is it like— is it the water that's holding the baby inside its like chamber?

Yeah, it's just like the baby's coming out. So whatever liquid is in the chamber is coming out too. And that's your water breaking.

Is chamber the proper term?

I don't think so. We can look it up later.

So I did just make that up.

I mean, it's chamber school.

100%.

Good, Dave.

Thank you.

I like chamber.

Oh, and then also what I wanted to ask you, because I was talking to Josh about this baby stuff for a while, is baby switching a thing? Would it used to be a thing? Like in hospitals? I have so many questions about babies.

Sometimes that has happened. They give people the wrong baby. And that happened in my Uber the other day. There was two Korean guys named Kim, and I got the wrong one, and I went to Marina del Rey instead from the airport. Actually, two guys named Kim. No, Ding. The guy's name was Ding. Two guys named Ding, and it was a Toyota Sienna, and my mom and Charlie and Wyatt and I, we got in.

Are you fucking serious?

No. And I walked in and he goes, he goes, he goes, uh, I go, Jason? He goes, yeah, yeah, Jason. But then it turns out it was John.

Oh my fuck.

Yeah.

And he took you the wrong direction.

Yeah, took me to Marina del Rey.

But then you found out like halfway there.

And then I had to pay him cash to take me home.

Really?

Yeah.

And was your other Uber— like, did you check your app and your Uber?

They went all the way.

They went to your house? Yeah.

And on my ride I tried calling them and the guy was like, fuck it, I ain't paying for this shit.

And then you got home and then you realized John was at your house having dinner because he got dropped off there. And now, oh no. I thought that. I thought you got home and John was having sex with Trisha. Hey, Uber dropped me off here on accident.

Yeah, I saw Aquaman.

Oh, you saw Aquaman?

Yeah.

How was that?

Slept through the whole thing.

Really?

Yeah. Trisha went because she likes—

Trisha loves Jason Momoa. I tried making this joke yesterday, but it didn't work. Maybe it'll work here. Um, after Aquaman, she must have been Aqua Woman. You see, it doesn't work anywhere, I guess.

She must have been Aqua Woman.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, Jason Momoa got her wet.

It Ah, that does work.

Oh, it does. Because I said it yesterday. I didn't get it to a full car of people and I was driving, so I really couldn't see everyone's reactions, but it was dead fucking silent in there. So I imagine that no one was too ecstatic about it.

You're going to see a bunch of tweets that go, "Goke doesn't work, Dave." That wasn't it, chief. I saw an ad for Aquaman. It said "pulse pounding action," but I read it wrong. I thought it just said "pounding action." Pounding action.

Which is pretty, pretty on par.

It's perfect for Tricia.

Yeah, that's exactly what you wanted to go see. Yeah.

How was—

how was your New Year's?

Oh, it was great. We went to see a Queen cover band with Wyatt and Charlie. Oh, yeah, it was nice. You know, Tricia told me— she—

I think she called me 2 weeks before and she's like, fucking Jason wants to see a Queen cover band with his kids and me for fucking New Year's. Can you please convince him to go somewhere else?

Yeah. I hate that she goes to you like the godfather.

And then I called you and I'm like, Jason, come with us. To this ranch and you just decided you didn't want to come?

Yeah, I just didn't want to leave. Like, I didn't want to leave them. I left them last year for New Year's. I'm not gonna have a lot of New Year's with them. Their mom's in fucking Portugal for 3 weeks.

Wow, that's nice.

So, and I don't have a nanny and I just didn't want to leave them.

We were at— we were, uh, our new— we went to a ranch, like a really nice ranch. Um, our buddy's family like owns like a huge company and it's like a— it's a 700-square-foot ranch, 700 acres. Sorry. Yeah, sorry.

You told me before you left, you know.

Listen, I know, I know, I know. And we looked it up. I know this is, this is some, this is some other information someone else gave us, and we looked it up in the car and we were like, that's the size of California.

That's actually— I actually fault myself because I accepted it too.

I accepted it too.

Exactly.

I was told when we were driving up to the ranch, someone goes, yeah, it's a huge ranch, it's 700,000 acres. And then I go, what? Holy fuck, that's huge. And then like, to try to convince Jason, I go, Jason, You gotta come check out this ranch, it's 700,000 acres. And Jason goes, no. And I go, yeah. And he goes, wow, okay. And then on our way up, we were like Googling. And I were like— Ilya was like, are you fucking— Ilya works in plumbing, so he knows how much like distances. And I'm like, it's 700,000 acres. And he goes, are you on fucking crack? Is that— he'd own a fucking country. So then we Googled it, and I think it was like 1,000 miles or something.

It was 700 Yeah, it was 700 acres, which is still ridiculous.

Like ridiculous.

700 football fields.

Yes, it's insane. And yeah, it was great. It was at a very beautiful like house there, and I felt really bad because, um, the clock hit midnight or whatever, and we did confetti cannons and we just blew them all over the house. And I went to the security at the house the second they were blown, and they were like, guys, you need to find brooms right now and you need to clean up all of this. You need to clean up all this.

A lot of experience with confetti cannons.

Exactly, because I'm like, I did confetti cannons at my house and it stained the fucking floor and I had to pay $3,000, which is like nothing to them. I'm gonna have to pay $3,000 or however much I had to pay to get it cleaned up. And they're like, oh my God, thank you so much for telling us. And like, then they like broomed up a little bit and they weren't— they weren't cleaning it up all the way and I could already see it staining, right? And then I went to him like right before I left. I found them, they were all like on a smoke break outside, like it was like 1 AM, like I was leaving. And I'm like, guys, Listen, I hate to be— but like, I went out of my way. Like, I walked like maybe 100 yards just to find these guys. And I was like, hey guys. I was out of breath because I was running because I had to go to my car. I was like, guys, you guys should really— you guys should really clean— you should really clean up the confetti. Um, and they go, they go, yo, it's fine, we got it, thank you, we appreciate it, but it's totally cool. You're on a 700-square-foot ranch, I think we can afford to clean up these fucking confetti things. No, they were— they were really sweet about it.

But I thought you were on meth or something.

Yeah, they probably thought I was on crack. And then And then they saw me driving away and they stopped my car and they go, hold on, are you good to— are you good to drive? And I go, yes, I am. I just really need you to clean up those fucking confettis.

Just had a bad experience in my house, guys.

Um, the next segment of this podcast is called Joe's TDY Podcast. It's, uh, it's an amazing portion of the podcast where we give Joe, who is our editor for these podcasts, 25 seconds on the pod and he can say whatever he wants. Oh, there it goes.

Oh, are we ready? Go!

Oh, what's up, weenies?

How's it going today? We, we have some special guests today on our podcast, and my special guest today is my friend Josh Peck.

Yes, Josh!

Welcome, Josh! Thanks for signing the NDA about coming today.

Anytime.

So I had this topic I want to talk about. Great. You recently had a baby.

I did. How did you know?

Word of mouth.

Okay.

Holy crap, dude.

Crazy.

Josh, what was that like?

Thank you guys. Joe, fucking, you waste it. You really do waste it.

I love how he just sits in it like it's a reg— like he has 40 minutes.

And you know, the best—

waste so much time. He really—

my favorite part about it is like he knows he has 25 seconds, and like if he has someone on the podcast like Josh, He'll like ask Josh a question and then he'll sit there and like really, really act like he actually wants to have like a full-on conversation with Josh.

Like it's about to take off.

Yeah, like, Josh, go ahead, take it away. Like, rather, rather than like, rather than like promoting his stuff. I don't know, whatever. It's a waste. He won't be on. He won't be on next week, that's for sure. We're gonna, we're gonna try to avoid that.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I mean, you want him on next week?

No, no.

Um, did you see that there was this girl, I think in Kansas, she just, um, she just graduated high school. She's out here, she just graduated high school at the same time she's graduating Harvard.

How's that work?

She must have taken courses at Harvard while she was in high school. I mean, that's obviously, that's what she did, like online courses. Or maybe she, oh, you know what? Maybe she was doing, maybe she was in Harvard and she was doing online courses for high school. Isn't that fucking?

How could she get into Harvard without a high school degree?

Oh, okay. Oh, sorry, it's not a girl, it's a boy. His name is Braxton Morrow, he's 16. And he may look like an average teenager, but he's graduating from both his Kansas high school and Harvard University. He can't even legally drink yet, obviously. He took online courses at Harvard's Extension School and studied at campus during the summer, and then he went to school regularly at his Kansas high school. That's fucking crazy.

Too much too soon.

Yeah, he's going to— he's going to give the high school commencement speech, and then a few weeks later, he'll attend a graduation ceremony at Harvard University. Holy shit. That's fucking insane. Imagine being that guy's parents, how proud you must be. Or in debt. That's fucking insane. Good for him.

Congrats, Braxton.

Have you ever done anything like that?

Like, maybe I totally questioned my entire life.

Have you ever done anything notable like that? It's just like where everybody's just like, holy fuck, I want a stereo. Once in 8th grade, you want a stereo?

Yeah.

What'd you have to do?

I just sell some chocolates. It was pretty awesome.

Really? How many chocolates? You just ate all the chocolates?

I just— yeah, I just bought them all.

Hey, look, they're all gone. Yeah, I'm on the wall of my high school. That's like my proudest accomplishment.

For tennis?

Yeah, I'm on the Hall of Fame for tennis.

That's nice.

It's really good.

Pretty cool.

It's like 7 athletes a year.

And I was in better shape when you played tennis than—

no. You weren't that amazing. I was super— I mean, yes, I was thinner, but that's just because I was younger.

But I mean, like, from season to season. No, in the fall, were you—

no.

And I played sports. I played tennis every day or did some kind of activity. Like, I was running, biking, and I was, I was never like— I never had like six-pack abs. I was never like— and I played sports and I was very athletic. Like, I could, I could easily like compete with anybody in most sports, like basketball, whatever it was. Like, I could always, you know, I could always run fast, whatever, sprint, do all that. Like, I was totally fine with it, but I was never an athletic like athletic shape. The only thing that was always athletic were like my legs, but other than that, like upper body never really had any strength.

You got your license, was— did you get a car?

No, fuck no.

So what did you do?

I mean, I celebrated getting my license because I wasn't able to get my license because I took driver's ed, and as I was taking driver's ed, my parents were like, you actually can't get a license because you don't have— you don't have a Social Security number, right? So like I had to fill in 0000 as my Social Security number when we started driver's ed. Because I just didn't have one. Um, but no, I didn't get a car. Fuck no, no, no. I couldn't get contacts. I told you this. My parents wouldn't give me contacts because they said it was too expensive. And I found out it was $200 a year, which is with my insurance, which is pretty— a pretty fucking good deal.

We tried to have your mom on the podcast when you were in Chicago.

Oh my God, yeah, guys, we almost had my mom on the podcast in Chicago and she just decided she didn't want to do it. She like choked up.

She was on for a while. We did— we did 8 or 10 minutes, but we just didn't release it.

But it was us talking.

True.

She wasn't talking because she was like choked up, so we were just talking about my mom, but she didn't want to be on it.

Which is a couple— she said a couple things.

She said like 4 things.

Yeah.

What did she say?

She said stuff like, you're making fun of me and I don't want to do this.

I think she got on. She got on and Jason did her accent, which I think is great, and they think is great too. But she's like, I don't want to be— look, here I go— I didn't want to be on it if you're making fun of me. Which we're not making fun of her. No, we're just We're just— I don't know, it's literally what we—

we make fun of the Antonians' accents or whatever.

Yeah, no, it's the same thing. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, guys, listen, we don't have much time on the podcast. No, why'd you say it like that?

I'm sad about it.

You said it like you're fucking happy. No, no, like someone's fucking asking you out on a date. No, sorry. But It was New Year's. Hope you guys were all safe. Um, hope you guys have a good year. New Year's resolutions, go!

Shower more.

Wow.

Stop spending so much money.

That's tough.

Get in shape.

Have you showered? How many times have you showered this year? It's the third.

Once.

Once. Okay, so that's already more, I would say. Yeah, with once in 3 days.

No, I did 2. I did 2 out of 3 days, I think. I missed a day.

But you're going to— you got to take the week off.

I hope you have to. Yeah. Save water, man. It's a drought. Yeah.

Just one caveat. I had a baby 4 days ago. I've showered every day this year.

Yeah, that's fucking insane.

Hey, you're going to film your baby or no?

No, I am. Yeah, that's not his responsibility. That is me. No, I asked him. He said he's going to like He's gonna like slow into it.

Yeah, a little bit here. Yeah, there.

Cool. It's gonna be tough. It's gonna be tough for me to break this.

Trisha's baby, he already has a channel.

Yeah, I would not be surprised. That's— that'd be fucking funny.

Yeah. You know what I realized?

What?

Money just sucks. It's the worst.

Why?

Because I worked really hard this year and I like, you know, thought I was doing good, and then I just fucking don't have— I'm like, seriously, don't have any money. It's crazy. Yeah, but I spend too much.

Yeah, but Jason, you bought your kids 4 iPads a month, and then you're living in a $10,000 place a month apartment, and you, you know, your girlfriend's with the Queen of Zimbabwe who, you know, yeah, who needs to go on a lot of vacations.

She spends a lot.

I mean, you're in like—

she spends a lot on me too.

You're living a completely different lifestyle than you were when you were in an apartment.

I have to tell you, when I lived in the— in Bellingham and I had the little— and why I'm trying to sleep in my room, I wasn't any happier. You know what I mean? Like being in a big house.

I'm not saying a bigger house makes you happier. I know you're not, but I'm saying— yeah, no, I am saying my point. Yeah, yeah, no, definitely.

God doesn't make you fucking happy at all.

Yeah, you should downsize.

How?

Give me all your money. I don't know if that makes any sense, but buy me a Ferrari.

In here?

Yeah.

Yeah, I almost bought you a Ferrari last year. That's how fucking nuts— imagine if I had—

why didn't you?

Because I'd be broke right now and I wouldn't— I wouldn't have any money.

I'd be happy. I'd get your Bro, you know, if you bought me a Ferrari, I'd literally— I'd fork up a lot of the money. I want to just let you buy me a Ferrari.

I wouldn't let you do that. That's— that's kind of shitty.

There's no—

what if you didn't do that? What if I— because I thought that she said—

now you're expecting it.

Well, I thought that too. I was like, I was like, well, maybe there's a way I can pay like $150,000 and then he'll— I'll buy it, and then maybe he'll give me $100,000.

I would 100% give you some.

No.

What if you bought me a fucking Ferrari?

No, dog.

Yeah, well, what you would do is first you'd be like— first you'd surprise me and you'd pretend that you bought it for me, and then you turn the cameras off, and then you'd have serious conversation with me where you go, I can't afford all this. And then I go, I figured. And then I have Natalie write you a check, right? And then we go on and do our thing. Yeah, yeah.

And then crash it on the 101. Hey, listen, I gotta ask you something. My tax guy says I cannot write off my mother's car that I bought her.

Yeah, I know.

Is that true?

Yeah, I fucked you on that.

You fucking asshole! You don't write off your SeatGeek cars?

No. You don't know.

What are you talking about?

You know how I write it off?

How?

With my heart.

You're full of shit.

I know. I actually have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't know you can't write off the cars. You can't write off the cars.

You can't write the cars off, David.

No, I mean, I have no idea.

That's what he told me today. He's like, it's a gift. He's like, I'm like, but it's in the video. And I sat there and argued with him for like an hour. I was like, I was like, okay, listen to me. If I threw a $40,000 party for my video, I can write that off? He's like, yes, you can. I'm like, but so if I get someone a car for the video? He's like, yes, but it's a gift.

Well, a gift must outweigh— I'll argue about, about this with my tax guy too.

How can a party not be a gift? A party is a gift.

Trisha threw me a party because it's not a property. It's not like something that you— not a property. It's not, it's not a possession that you keep.

Trisha said absolutely, 100%, you should be able to write it off.

I think so too. I agree. And on that note, use TurboTax. And we'll see you guys later. This has been a Views podcast. My name is Jeff. Follow us on Twitter, Instagram. Go check out Josh's podcast. Go check out Joe, he's cool. And I'll see you— follow me on Instagram, trying to hit 10 million. Bye guys!