Meet David’s Assistant

What's up guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason does this thing I really, really hate. And I may have already talked about on the podcast because he does it really frequently and it reminds me of my dad. He, he loves me too much. No, I'm kidding. He, he, he— every time he's in a good mood and it's early in the morning, he'll sing. He'll just start singing. And it's— it was obnoxious thing because you'll be in the other room, like, barely rolling out of bed and still, like, grumpy for the morning. And he'll be in the other room like, chandeliers and chandeliers.

And like, singing. I literally shut the door to the studio so you couldn't possibly have heard me.

I heard you.

Oh my God.

And it's horrible, dude. It's, it's the wor— I think it's honestly why I got into the majority of my arguments with my dad is because we literally started the day off on the wrong foot.

He would sing chandeliers too?

No, I would just hear him singing different shit.

Chandeliers and chandeliers.

Shut up. Let's just roll the whatever we do, the podcast intro. All right, what's up guys? This is the Views Podcast. I'm David. I'm 22. Jason's 47, 45.

I don't know why you're adding years.

Why?

I said I don't know why you're adding years.

Oh, I'm adding it.

Why?

Because I don't know when people are listening to this.

Oh, so they might get it 2 years down the road? Yeah, but you would have aged too. You'd be 24.

I don't age.

Oh, you don't? No, you're immortal. Yeah, I didn't know that. Hey, we have a live show December 2nd.

Don't plug it so early, bro. That's not the time.

I think that is the type time to plug something. No, it's early.

I fucking—

I hate that. Save it till the end, honestly, because the people that listen to the end are the people that are gonna show up to our live podcast anyway. You know, if you don't listen to the end, you don't want— you don't care to see us in person.

I don't think that's true at all.

I don't care. Literally, it doesn't matter. Let's stop promoting stuff.

Speaking of promoting stuff, I'm kidding. Enjoy.co.

So we just had a party. We had a party the other day.

Yeah, I didn't go, which I decided I'm not gonna go to your parties anymore. Anymore so we can talk about it on the podcast.

That's what you decided?

Works perfect. So you can tell me all about it.

Yeah, we had a party. Oh my God, it was such a pain in the ass.

Well, you started doing it at like 4 o'clock in the afternoon. You start planning it then.

Yeah, so we planned a surprise party for my buddy Zane. Well, first we should backtrack. Kendall Jenner DM'd me like 2 weeks ago.

Right.

Which is great. That was the most exciting thing that ever happened to me in the past month.

And what's she famous for?

She's famous for being on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

She's on the Kardashians.

And she's like, she's a supermodel. She's a runway model.

She's like Victoria's Secret.

Is this your girl? Yeah. I don't know if she's their main girl, but she's one of them. I think there's like 6, 7, 10. I don't even know. Anyway, she DM'd me. So then 2 weeks went by and I was like, and then she was free and I was free. And then she came by and then I was like, oh, my friend's birthday was yesterday. So we were just like, why don't we throw him a surprise birthday party tonight? So we planned a surprise birthday party for him. Long story short, it was all great. We had such a blast. Kendall's amazing. Her friends are amazing. I really, literally everyone, Kaia, Charlotte, and Harry I met, such great kids. Anyway, that's boring. Let's talk about some real, real, real nitty-gritty stuff at the party. So I had a— I had champagne and I had these poppers that popped and put confetti everywhere.

Oh, not those kind of poppers.

No confetti.

And you put up your nose.

No, not those. And I, and I shot the confetti and they shot the champagne and then they stuck to the ground together at the same time. Right. Because the champagne like made the confetti like wet and kind of moist, moist, and leave like a stain on the ground. And people were coming up to me and they were like, yo, I don't mean to stress you out, but, uh, that's gonna stain. And I was like, how do so many people know about these, these poppers staining the floor? I was so confused. And it was— and the next day I posted a picture of my floor because I got 'Cause I got— 'cause it was stained. The floor was stained.

Yeah.

And I posted a picture of it and I got like 4 Instagram replies from my friends going, "Yeah, I didn't want to tell you at the party, but I knew it was gonna stain. I just didn't want to upset you or anything." Since when are your friends like interior decorators? I don't know. And everyone knew that this was gonna stain. And like, people were telling me at the party and then people told me later and I was like, how could that possibly be that bad? How can confetti poppers stain that bad? So we hired a cleanup crew and they came, couldn't get it out of the ground. So we had to hire a person to come wax the ground. It's going to cost me $1,800.

Oh my God, David.

$1,800.

Plus what you spent on the party. What you spent on the party?

A couple grand.

Probably.

Yeah.

Did you pay for the party bus?

Yeah, I paid for the party bus, paid for the mariachi band. I paid for strippers that I never ended up putting in the video because it just, it just didn't feel right. So I took the strippers out.

Did Zane like the strippers?

Strippers were expensive. Zane didn't really like the strippers.

How much are strippers these days?

Um, if they want to be on video, they're a lot more. I paid $200 for each for an hour.

Okay.

Which is fine.

How many did you get?

I got 2. I got 1 man, 1 woman.

Mm-hmm.

And, um— Who was hotter? I don't know. I don't know. That's kind of, that's, I don't know. They're pretty equal actually.

Yeah.

Yeah, they were both pretty attractive.

They have a high standard.

Anyway.

Good looking.

And you'd think that my main cleanup would be the strippers, But they didn't even mess that up. They were very, very clean.

Why would strippers be a big cleanup?

I don't know. There could be a sticky mess after. Oh, I don't know how—

A little bit more than strippers, I see.

Well, no, that didn't happen. And then in my video, I basically, we had a bull at the party. We had like a mechanical bull. Oh yeah, I paid for that too. So that was—

How much was that?

It was like $450, I think. I don't really know. Anyway, I had a mechanical bull in my backyard and, you know, the fun fact is like, I don't make that money back on these videos, right? I'll make $57 on this video.

See, I'm at $400, $450. So you spent $2,000 on the party plus $1,800, you're at $4,000.

Yeah, I mean cleanup. Yeah, and then I had a cleanup crew the other time. And then I had the champagne, the decorations, the cake.

$5,000.

Yeah, like around $5,000, $6,000. It doesn't matter because it was fun and it was totally worth it. And then I paid the mime like $200.

You did pay the mime?

Yeah, I felt bad.

Oh, that was really nice of you because I was very clear with him that he would not be paid.

I know, but he's so fucking weird that I don't want him to show up and be mad at me because the guy doesn't fucking talk. And I didn't want him to like Jason invited the mime over as like a favor and the mime was like, yeah, sure, I'll do it for free. I mean, he didn't say that because he didn't talk, but he showed up and he was doing his quiet shit again because he literally never breaks character. And so I'm like, oh my God, I got to pay this guy because if I don't, one day he'll just be like resentful and just come and just stab me in my sleep because he knows where I live.

What a way to die in the hands of a mime.

So like, and like, and I needed a cop outfit for one of the strippers, right? And I was so stressed out because I told Natalie to run and get this stripper outfit for me like a while ago. I'm like, get this Mr. Profit, we need this. I need this cop shot. Like, it's very important. And then I get a call. No one can get the cop outfit. I'm really stressed out.

Yeah, it's Sunday night. There's no cop outfits to be had.

Yeah. I walked outside of my house because I was so stressed out, and I ran into the mime. The mime was there. He was setting up, getting ready to come into my house. And I go— and this is the first interaction I have with him— and I go, do you have a cop outfit I can borrow? And he starts going, like, what the fuck does that mean? And then he starts playing with his hat and he starts honking horn. And he's like, I'm like, dude, there's no one here. My camera's not on. I'm so, so stressed out. I literally was like, I'm like pleading basically. I'm like, please just, just tell me if you have a mime outfit. And he starts shaking his head. I'm like, great.

You know Hong Kong means yes?

Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I start shaking my head and I'm just like, he starts shaking his head and I'm like, dude, great. I know you have it. Where is it? What's the address? And then he starts miming that it's at his roommate's house. He starts like using his fingers to show that it's at his friend's place. And I'm like, what are you doing? And then And I just gave him my phone so he could type it to me. He literally typed it to me instead of talking.

Dude, that's a good mime.

And that's why I paid him, because I was like, first, that was amazing. And second of all, I don't want you anywhere near here unless I invite you. So that's why I paid him the money. But it was a great night. Oh yeah. And we had the bull there. We had a mechanical bull there. And in my video, I go, I go, no one got— thankfully no one got hurt. And that was a complete lie because my friend Scott, actually broke his foot on, on the mechanical bull. And the whole joke with Scott is that he's never in my videos and I always cut him out. And once again, I didn't get the shot of him breaking his leg, so I couldn't put in my video. And I feel really bad, um, because it was a pretty big moment.

I broke his leg, he still didn't make it.

Yeah, he broke his leg and he's still making it in the video. Poor guy. Yeah, he showed me— he texted me a picture and he's like, dude, I think I broke my leg. I'm like, what do you mean? And he sent me a picture and it was It looked disgusting.

So, um, what do you mean it looked disgusting?

It was just really sick.

It was all bent.

He just didn't trim his toenails.

Oh, oh, I've had that problem too.

No, no, it was, it was very bent. Um, but yeah. Okay guys, before we get into anything, I have to tell you guys all about Calm. We take our stress and anxiety with us. That's my voice crack. That's because I'm stressed through our day. And when it comes to falling asleep at night, well, we can't. Does it take you forever to fall asleep? Well, Calm can help. And that's why we're excited to partner with Calm, the number one app for sleep, meditation, and relaxation. Named App of the Year last year by Apple. If you head to calm.com/views, you get $25 off a Calm Premium subscription, which includes hundreds of hours of premium programming, including sleep stories, which are bedtime tales designed to quiet your mind and relax your body. Or you could even check out our guided meditations on topics like anxiety, stress, and sleep. There's even soothing music and more. For a limited time, Views listeners can get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com/views. That's C-A-L-M. Com/views. Get unlimited access to all of Calm's amazing content today at calm.com/views. And then you'll get to sleep. Have you— what do you, what do you do when you go to sleep? Do you do anything weird?

I sit with the mime and we work on my mime skills. Yeah, he goes the entire time and then he'll put me to bed. He gives me a little kiss on the forehead.

Do you have any, do you have any methods?

Yeah, I listen to Joe Rogan or Howard Stern.

Stop plugging other podcasts. Oh yeah, sorry. You mean you listen to the Veez podcast?

I listen to— I watch, uh, sometimes I watch your videos.

Oh, to put you to sleep?

To see if I'm in there. I'll definitely— I love your videos, but I mean, sometimes I watch them to see if I made it. And then, um, what else do I do? I have trouble sleeping. I sleep for 4 hours and then I wake up and then I sleep for another 4 hours and I switch sides because I can't sleep back. Oh, speaking of—

sorry, I'm sorry I'm letting Jason talk so much. I'm eating peanuts.

He's having a little snack. I had the craziest dream.

That you were successful?

No, that you were a nice person.

Okay, well, I'm pretty fucking nuts.

Do you want to analyze it?

I'm good.

Okay, here's what happened. I had this dream when I was in Disney World. I'm in an office and you're in the office with me. And you have a desk.

Okay.

And Trish is in the office, right? And then there's—

Trish is his girlfriend.

Yeah. And there's a guy, he's bald and he looks like an Ultimate Fighter. He's got a big hairy chest. He's like, okay, very lean.

You're bringing up Joe Rogan again.

It's true. Maybe that is— maybe it is Joe Rogan. He has potato sack pants on.

Okay.

And a rope as a belt, right?

Yeah.

And he has a lead pipe And then you and Trish are like, "This guy's great. Karl's the best. He's awesome." Like that. I'm like, "Oh, cool, cool, cool." And then Karl takes the pipe and starts beating me with the pipe.

And then I'm like, "See? Told ya.

He's the best." But when he beats me, it never actually hits me. But he swings so fast. So I close my eyes, and he swings like 20, 20 times, but he never makes contact. And then you guys are like— and I'm like, what's up with this guy? This guy's the worst. And you're like, I really like him. Like, I think he's great. Like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, he's swinging a pipe at me. And you're like, oh, but that's okay. He's not hitting you, right? And I'm like, yeah, but he's not supposed to do that.

That's fucked.

And that's the dream.

That's really fucked up.

Really fucked up. And I never dream anymore. But I had that dream in Orlando.

Really messed up.

I mean, that just shows how much Tricia and I take advantage of you.

And you think that's what it means?

Well, no, I think it's us harassing you.

You think?

Even though I don't think we harass you that much.

But you were in the office.

Yeah, but I was laughing at you.

You weren't laughing.

I wasn't laughing.

No, you were very like, what do you mean? This is great. What do you mean Carl is the best?

I don't know.

Interesting.

I mean, it sounds about right. It sounds pretty accurate. I don't even think you dreamed this. I think this could have possibly been a thing.

Were you there in Orlando? I think so.

How was Disney World?

Oh, it was good. It was fun. I was really beaten down because we recorded the podcast late, that night. The first day, I just get so beaten down.

What do you do in Disney World for that long?

Oh my God, man. She want— we only went for 3 days, and she packs in a week in 3 days because I wanted to come back for my kids. And so we just go on every single ride. I mean, at one point I'm like, we did enough rides. She's like, no, we have to. And she couldn't walk either.

Does she like it?

She loves it, and she loves to shop, and she has unlimited money. So she— and she had a—

she has unlimited money.

She had a band on.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, a regular person They buy a sweatshirt and then they're done. Like, I can't buy anymore.

I don't even think a regular person buys a sweatshirt. Those are expensive there.

Totally. Maybe you got one thing. Yeah, right.

Maybe you get like a pen that has Walt Disney World on it.

She has a— she— they give me these bands when I get there.

A wristband?

A wristband. It looks like a watch, but it's not a watch, and it lets you into rides and you can buy anything with it. You can pay for your meal. Went to Rainforest Cafe.

Yeah. Um, and it all goes on Tricia's card, right?

Yeah, and funny, I forgot my credit card when I went.

Oh, so funny.

I swear to God, I like got on, I got to the airport, I'm like, I don't have my credit card. Remember I called you?

Oh my God, I felt terrible.

But then I, I PayPal her $1,500 even though the trip was like $45,000. But I mean, I don't want to go to, like, I'm happy to go, but I'm like, I really didn't want to go. And she's like, I'll pay for the whole thing. I'm like, I don't even care, like I don't like to go away. I don't like to travel.

You think the trip was actually that much?

Yeah, because it was VIP every day with a person.

And your hotel room was nuts?

No, it wasn't. It was really bad, actually. It had like a bunk bed on top of a queen. They were so sold out. They're so packed there. They couldn't even— Trisha's like, I want to upgrade. I want a one-bedroom. They're like, can't do it.

Whoa.

And the guide is like $7,000 a day.

Oh, really? Yeah. And you guys got a guide?

Yeah. And she—

For a day?

Yeah. And she ate every meal with us. So it was almost like annoying. It was like She was like just attached to us.

Oh, it's just nice woman, it's like hiring a friend.

Yeah, it's like pay— yeah, she pays for her friends.

Does she talk to you?

Oh my God, she doesn't stop. And then she's like, she's like, you'd be going in to see, uh, freaking Aladdin, she'll be like, oh, and that's a, that's a fishing pole. I'm like, I can see it's a fishing pole, I get it, I know, I know everything, I get it. Wow. There was one cool ride though, the Avatar ride is really cool. So when you go with your kids, I mean, let me know.

Would you go back?

I'd go back with my kids, but I wouldn't go back with Trisha. I mean, I'll go— obviously I'll go somewhere else with her. I'll go to Maui or something. We're talking about going to Maui for our anniversary.

What's your anniversary?

Yeah, one year.

Wow, it's really fun.

What kind of reaction is that?

No, I just—

what was that? What was that?

I don't know.

What was that?

That's just funny. You went like this.

You went, oh, your anniversary.

I don't know.

No, no, I think What is that? Do people have— why don't you think that we're like a real couple?

I don't know.

I don't know. What don't you get?

When you said the word anniversary, I was like, hey, what does he say? Oh shit, he's been dating her a year.

Right.

No, I get it.

I get it. Just because you don't have a girlfriend, you're jealous.

Honestly, maybe that's why it is.

Any spark with you and Kendall?

No spark, no. Any spark with you and Kendall? No, no spark.

What's she like? Tell me what she's like.

She's great. You know what's weird is like, this is going to sound so stupid. And like, and people are gonna be like, yeah, no fucking shit. But like, celebrities are people too. I know it sounds so lame.

Celebrities are just like us.

I know it sounds lame, but like, they're literally humans. Like, and like, and like when I was with her, I was like, ah, like I've seen like, you know, like celebrities always get like talked poorly about on tabloids and stuff, you know? And I'm like, I feel bad for celebrities. Like, this is a person that reads stuff and like, this is a human that's operating. I feel like, I don't know why, but I had this weird realization. I'm like, oh man, the press and all those people are assholes. I hate paparazzi the first day I hang out with Kendall Jenner.

Don't touch her. Get away from her.

She's scum of the earth. She's just trying to live her life.

Vultures. No, but like, we're trying to party at Delilah.

No, but genuinely, I don't know why it just hit me, but I was just like, oh, when I got my first bad comment on Twitter about Vine.

Yeah, like, Jason Nash is not funny. Yeah, it spun my head around. The same thing, I was like, oh my god, I'm like, I've been doing that to celebrities for years, like writing my opinion about people and stuff. And I was like, I'll never do that again, this feels so awful.

Yeah, I stopped doing that a while ago. I would say it, but now I'm just like, I'm like, yeah, the person's fine. Because I'm literally just like, I don't want people talking shit about me.

You never talk shit about anybody. No, you're real clean like that.

I'm very— the only people I talk shit about are like my close friends, but that's just because we're gossiping about each other, right?

But yeah, you know about me behind closed doors.

I don't know. I'll be honest. I'll tell you the real thing. I say you're— I say you're the— okay, this is what I said the other day to Brandon. This is like 2 weeks ago. I'm like, Jason is the flakiest person I know on the planet. I mean, he will He will promise to show up somewhere and then he'll call you last minute and he'll be gone and he'll be like, "Oh man, I can't. I'm so beat right now. I'll be better use in the morning. I'll call you in the morning." Dude, you require so much attention.

You make 3 vlogs a week. You are nonstop. And I take my kids at 6 AM. You fail to have any fucking sympathy for a guy that takes his kids—

This was supposed to be constructive. No, I'm not— I'm not— I'm not saying like you shouldn't be with your kids or go rest. I'm just saying, don't say you're gonna show up somewhere and then bail last minute. That's my least favorite. Just say you can't come.

If you're sitting there asking, I mean, like, I'm gonna say yes, but—

See? Don't do that shit.

Okay, I'll just say no.

Well, yeah, don't say no.

I'll just say no from now on.

Don't say no just to be an asshole now.

No, I'll be completely honest with you. I'll say no, and then what happens, David Dobrik?

Well, then I'll beg you.

Right, exactly.

And then you're, come on, come on, you gotta go, you gotta go.

Because this is how it works, guys. David makes these vlogs and he basically, he spends so much time not with the camera on, just actually orchestrating. You spend 3 times as long orchestrating.

Yeah.

And he'll plant people in different spots. He'll be like, I know I'm doing this at 10 o'clock, Jason, I need you to be there. He might not even use me, but he will ask me to be around just in case he needs me. It's— I can't liken it to anything really.

It's kind of beautiful.

It is kind of beautiful. I mean, it's— I mean, I'm push-pull with you because on the one hand you annoy the fuck out of me, but on the other hand, what would be worse is if you didn't ask. So you got me fucking right where you want me.

Sure, dude.

I fucking try so hard. I can't believe you have a gripe at all with me.

Jason, bust their ass more for you. Jason, calm down. I love you.

Don't even start yelling.

Least favorite thing that you do. Shut the fuck up. Shut up.

You shut up.

You shut up. You shut up.

Read this ad.

No, I'm not reading an ad. Hold on. I just— I'm just saying, just don't— just next time, just tell me I can't come so I'm not like waiting or being excited for you to come. That's it.

I literally get like blacked out, like, for the party Sunday night. Like, my body was okay to go. My brain was like—

Okay, last night you told me I'll stop by at 11. Get a text this morning. I passed out at 8 PM. Sorry, bro.

I can't tell you why that happened. But if I told you, you'd be very, very sympathetic and you would be screaming in laughter.

Why?

I can't tell you on this podcast.

Because you'll tell me on my vlog?

I can't tell you at all, actually.

What?

I cannot.

But you ate 3 boxes of Krispy Kreme and the sugar just knocked you out. I mean, I can't imagine what it is.

There's a great reason. But I cannot tell you because someone will get very mad at me.

Well, anyway, today's show is also sponsored by Talkspace, the online therapy company that lets you message a licensed therapist from anywhere at any time. All you need is a computer with internet connection or the Talkspace mobile app. That means you can improve your mental health even if you've had trouble making time for it in the past. Can't imagine fitting anything else into your life? Well, with Talkspace, therapy is as easy as sending your therapist a message. Get something off your chest whenever you need to. Talk about everyday challenges at work or at home. It's just chat. Just chat about life. There's no extra commutes, no leaving the office, and no judgment.

This is a dope product. They had me actually try this out. It's sort of my job to try everything out. I hear we're, uh, but it actually works really good.

And they respond to you?

Yeah, they have to. It's their job.

Is it anonymous, uh, or do you say I'm Jason Nash?

Or— no, I told them.

I'm sure you can choose, right? You can decide what you want to do.

No, I was very upfront. I'm not embarrassed of my problems like you.

Well, anyway, the Talkspace platform has over 2,000 licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life challenges we all face. To match with a perfect therapist at a fraction of the price of a traditional therapy. Go to Talkspace.com/views and use the code VIEWS to get $40 off your first month and show your support for this show. That's VIEWS and Talkspace.com/views. I love how they say, um, to show your support for this show. Like, they're like, go to Talkspace.com/views or you don't like the Views podcast. Yeah, very clever.

Put a gun to their head.

Yeah, Talkspace, way to pin our viewers in a corner.

Nice job, Talkspace.

Guys, you You heard him. Fucking go, please, because you don't like us if you don't go to this website. But this next segment is called Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast. Joe is actually not in town, so we have my assistant taking over. She gets 25 seconds.

But Natalie came in here. I thought it was an intervention.

Natalie's here. She's my assistant. And go.

Okay. Welcome back to Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast. Like David said, Joe is on tour in New York right now. He's performing a live podcast performance at Madison Square Garden.

He's there for Thanksgiving.

He has poured his blood, sweat, and tears into this passion project. Project, and I quote, he says, I'm not surprised that his podcast is doing so well. Again, that was a quote from Joe. And tickets from the Seniority Podcast live show sold out within seconds, and Joe is not surprised. Also, now I get time.

He only sold 25 tickets for the 25 seconds.

Okay, that was Natalie. That was my assistant. Give Natalie a mic. Let's have her have her own segment. Natalie?

Okay, this is great. This is what I've been waiting for.

Okay, Natalie is my assistant. She works for me. You were my friend from high school. First of all, I'm sure everyone wants to know, how popular was I in high school?

On a scale from like 0 to 100, probably like a 1. 0 to 1?

She's just being goofy. Did I have— what did you— first of all, Natalie asked me to dance once, to turnabout.

Oh, okay, yeah, let's bring this one up.

She asked me, oh, I told you this, she asked me about coming to my house and she's like, I lost my dog, can you help me find my dog?

And the way she was asking me, she was asking, She doesn't have a dog.

No, the way she was asking me is like she had a gun to her head and she like had to ask me to this dance.

Do it exactly.

Well, she was like, she was like, I'll open the door.

Hi. Hey, what's up, Natalie?

No, she was like smiling and she was like, hi, can you help me find my dog? Like, like she knew that I knew that it was bullshit that she was like about to ask me to this stupid fucking dance. And then, and then I went around the corner and the dog was tied to a tree. And she goes, she goes, oh my God, there it is. And I see a camera recording from far away, so I got fucking super nervous. I was like, oh, this is so weird. And I'm like, oh my God, we found it. So like, and Natalie and I are just friends and it's like super—

Did you say a camera?

A camera.

She was filming it?

Yeah.

Why?

She's a fucking creep.

I'm sure it was my mother or something that was filming it.

You had it on a tripod. Your mom wasn't anywhere near.

I don't remember that. I think you're like envisioning. I don't think that's—

Why were you filming it?

Oh, because people film— people film people asking stuff, like asking people to dances.

I definitely didn't film it. You were not that special.

Anyway, were you asking him because you liked him or because you needed a date?

Because I was a freshman and I felt weird not going to the date, like going to the dance.

Yeah, and David was my friend. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, it was like— I like— we've talked about some of the articles before, straight up, we were going as friends, like, and it was really fucking awkward.

It was awful.

It was really bad.

I've seen pictures of you that I can imagine how awkward it was.

No, it wasn't end. It was actually on Natalie's end, thank you very much. But that's, that's nice that you assume that. Um, no, but yeah, we went to the dance and I sat in the cafeteria the entire time and she just danced with a bunch of other people. I said this on a podcast, but guys came up to me like, dude, yo, your date Natalie's dancing with like a bunch of dudes. And I was like, I don't care, please leave. I was so nervous and just uncomfortable. Um, but yeah, I mean, yeah, Natalie, how is it working for me now?

Um, how's it working for you now?

How do I answer this without getting fired?

Don't tell me.

No, but actually, I don't know if I have like—

Is it okay? Is it like you envision? You actually jumped on this opportunity pretty gracefully. I'm kind of surprised.

I don't think I did at all. I think you begged me for months to come out here.

I had to convince her too. You actually brought me in to convince her.

When I say jumped on the opportunity, I literally mean like, I'm surprised you did it, period. I don't mean like the first day you're like, yeah, I'll do it. But I'm just, I'm really surprised that you came out to do it because that just doesn't seem like it. Anyway, long story short, first impressions as to now, like, what did you think you were gonna be doing and where do you think, like—

I think that—

Like, initially, like, what did you think you were gonna be doing?

Initially, I thought that I was gonna be just like, I don't know, getting lunch, helping you do business things. I mean, like emails, things like that.

Which, by the way, she still doesn't answer my emails. Very awful at answering my emails.

That's not true.

I go on my email every day and I find a new email from a company she misses brand deals. And, and the emails, the emails start with, hey, following up because I don't think you saw my other email.

This is not—

and I, and I go to Natalie, I'm like, Natalie, why aren't you answering these emails? What is it? What's your explanation?

It just answered, be like, you're so lit, David, everybody wants you so much, I can't possibly— no human can keep up with these emails.

I want an honest response.

I don't reply, I forward them to your lovely manager Jack. And I would like to say the last email that you pointed out, I forwarded them to him in June, and they were replying from June.

How convenient is that, that you're throwing someone under the bus who's not in this car You know what?

I actually—

That's so bullshit, Natalie. It's Jack. Hey, I answer every email. David, don't leave me, please. You're my only client that makes money.

No, no, no. I'm kidding.

Speaking of throwing people under the bus when they're not here, you guys often frequently talk about me on the podcast when I'm not here.

Actually, we literally threw you under the bus, I think, like 15 minutes ago.

Are you serious?

Yeah, because you couldn't get the stripper outfit. You couldn't get the police officer.

I couldn't get the stripper outfit at 11:30 PM on a Sunday night.

Why are you looking at me? I never throw you under the bus. It's him.

I'm looking at you for help. I need help.

Say that again.

I'm looking at you for help. I need help.

Okay. Anyway, yeah. So how do you like it now? Initially you thought you were just gonna be answering emails. What is it like now?

I mean, now I feel like I do so many things and like, I like being kept busy and you definitely keep me busy.

Of course.

Yeah. So thanks.

I do that. I'm the best I got.

Be honest. What's your exit strategy?

I'm actually applying to other jobs as we speak.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Excuse me?

David's heartbroken.

No, I told Natalie, Natalie, you can find a new job, but you need to give me a 2-week heads up so you can train a new person just to replace me.

It's going to take far longer than 2 weeks to train a new person for this shit.

Oh, but you got to meet Kendall Jenner, right? And you liked her for a while. I guess everyone kind of liked her for a while.

I mean, yeah, I feel like she's pretty—

For a while? What happened? Like it ended? Like just for a little bit? Something happened?

No, like she just liked her for a while, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean Natalie, there's a lot of like these, like these girls on Instagram that we've like recently been hanging out with and Natalie's been following them since she's been in like 8th grade. Yeah, so she knows everything about them. So like, like the first day we met him, I'll be like, oh, so what do you know about Stass? And then she'd be like, well, Stass loves going on vacations, she loves fries, she loves—

okay, I'm not that creepy. I don't know that.

She's like a private detective because she's grown up like like watching all these, like watching all these people that we're now like mingling with.

Is that like a real thrill for you? Like, hey, like I used to watch these people, but now I know them.

I think it is a thrill.

I think it's kind of fun.

That's me with Josh Peck. I mean, I'm fucking still mind blown that I hang out with Josh Peck. So it must be probably the same for her. If like, yeah, I mean, I think like, do they live up to your expectations?

I mean, we've been having fun. Yeah, they're fun.

Cool.

I guess I had that one. Like I met Adam Sandler and like David Spade, and I was like, wow, that's so cool, I know them. But now I don't. Now I don't give a fuck who I meet.

They actually spit in your face, but you're like, yeah, we hung out for 3 hours.

No, you still work for them.

Yeah.

I don't know if like Instagram stars are quite the same as like an actor or like a popular comedian.

That's why I dropped Adam Sandler's name just to kind of throw it in your face.

But yeah, okay.

What's up with you talking crap about the way I look? Natalie.

Yeah, you've been attacking Jason recently a lot.

Wait, wait, what is this? Why, why am I here in the first place?

David said that you— he pointed out the exact picture on my Instagram feed. It was with my mom. He was like, this was the picture.

Just because—

because he goes, yeah, even Natalie said that you've been looking rough lately. He goes, let me find the exact picture. And he goes down to like a month ago and he's like, that one, that one right there. And it's me and it's a picture of me and my mom.

That was a while ago, you know, like when we were all talking about like, oh, Jason looks really rough in this picture. Do you remember that?

No, I don't remember that at all.

Oh, don't play. Don't, don't play.

I think David just has conversations and I'm just like, yeah, David, whatever you think.

That is not true. That is not true.

It's 100% true.

Natalie, you got to speak for yourself and tell me the truth. Anyway, any other complaints about your job?

A lot, but there's not enough time, so I'll let you guys finish.

Okay, when— where do you want to be promoted to? If, if there's job opportunities listening to— if there's people that are listening to you right now and they work high up at like Warner Brothers or wherever, what do you want to do?

Hmm, I would love to be the brand manager of Gucci. Gucci sounds great.

Okay, let's get her off this podcast. Is that your actual goal, Gucci?

No.

Oh, Gucci would be amazing though.

Natalie's leaving. Thank you, Natalie, for your time.

Thanks for boarding our spaceship.

Oh yeah, we're recording in my car, by the way, because the people that are cleaning my floors from the confetti are loud as fuck. And not only are The machine's really loud, but for some reason one of the guys likes to whistle and he whistles louder than the machine itself, which just is completely confusing to me. But Robinhood, guys, is a new sponsor on this ad. And Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos, all commission-free. They strive to make financial services work for everyone, not just the wealthy guys. I mean, Robinhood, if you're trying to invest in stocks, I have some new money that I fell into.

My grandmother died.

And how much did she leave?

She died a long time ago. She left about $200, but that was a lot at the time. Yeah, it was a lot of the time. And I have— I know, I know, I actually have started investing.

And what do you invest in?

Me? I bought some Tesla stock. Mm-hmm. And did you actually? Yeah, I did. My god, I bought some Bitcoin.

No, you didn't.

I did.

Oh really? You are so— you are so hip. Yeah, I think you're the first 45-year-old man to buy Bitcoin.

Oh, that's not true.

No, it's not. But it is pretty funny to hear you say, I'm not old, David.

I'm 45. I worked out this morning for 12 minutes on the elliptical. I went in and took an Instagram selfie and then I left.

Um, okay. Anyway, uh, Robinhood app is amazing. No commission fees. Other brokerages charge up to $10 for every trade, but Robinhood doesn't charge commission fees. Trade stocks and keep all of your profits. Easy to understand charts and market data. It's a nice, it's a nice place to go if you're a beginner into trading stocks. It's amazing. It's a web platform. Also, to view stock collections, 100 most popular, there's like different sections so you can, so you can, there's different categories for stocks like female CEOs, social media, entertainment, stuff like that. Learn how to invest as you build your portfolio. So it's just, it's just great first-time type of stuff. Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Sign up at views.robinhood.com. .com. That's views.robinhood.com. That's amazing. I mean, it really doesn't get better.

Yeah, it's a great app. It's super easy to use. I checked it out.

Thanksgiving is coming up.

I know, man. It's, it's my favorite holiday. I find that I can't work as much though. The kids are off and I'm just like, oh man.

What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for this year. This year was incredible.

Yeah.

Yeah, I lucked out.

What happened? Happened?

Um, I got my YouTube channel, did well.

Sure.

Made a lot of money, and then podcast did really well. Yeah, I'm thankful.

That's amazing.

Yeah, I got a new girlfriend all through YouTube.

Got a new girlfriend all through you.

I got a girlfriend, never mind a new girlfriend.

Got another one.

No, you remember when I was single? Well, remember we were driving along once and I like had a Tinder date? I'll never forget this. And I was like, oh David, I kind of want to go on this 8:30 because you wanted to go shoot. Oh yeah, I think you're like, you're driving your Tesla, you're like, what's the point? What's the point, dude? You're 45, it's over. He's like, there's no point going on Tinder, it's not gonna go anywhere, just come shoot. And then I was like, well, I was like, I'll cancel.

Tinder's stupid. Like, you're gonna— you were— you're gonna have sex for one night and you're gonna miss out on shooting? Like, that's not—

I know, I've got— I got that now because I never had the Tinder experience. And once I got divorced, I was like, all right, I'll give it a hot, but it's the worst.

Yeah, Tinder doesn't work. Well, my, um, speaking of new girlfriend, my, um—

whoa, wait, oh no, what's going on?

That's a weird transition. No, my— okay, so my friend, my friend was dating— my friend was dating this guy, and, um, she— they broke up, and a year later she runs into him. This is just an abbreviated version of the story. She runs into him and he's dating someone new, and he introduces— he, he's with his new girlfriend, and she, she shows up, and he He goes, "Oh hey, this is my new girlfriend." That's how he introduces her.

Oh wow.

Isn't that fucking weird?

Oh yeah.

That's not good. And then they all got in a fight. They all— 'cause they all felt uncomfortable.

Really? Yeah.

Hey, this is my new girlfriend. How would that make you fucking feel? Oh my God. If Trisha went up to one of her ex-boyfriends and she was like, "This is my new boyfriend." Like, what?

Maybe she was new new. No. Maybe it was like a week old.

No, they've been dating for like 7 months.

This is who replaced you. Yeah, the new one. This is the new one, not the old one.

That's fucking crazy. When I heard that, I was like, oh God, that's so uncomfortable. I'm going back to visit my family for the— I'm going back to visit my friends for Thanksgiving. No, I'm kidding. No, I'm going back. I'm visiting my family.

You feeling a lot, a little bit better now? You're gonna spend more time with them? Are you growing out of this teenage angst thing? You and my family?

Yeah, I'll have dinner with them. I'm totally cool with my family.

Do you eat turkey?

No, we don't eat turkey.

You guys don't make turkey? Turkey?

Well, we could never afford it back then. I mean, we could—

we could— you could afford turkey now, David.

We could afford it, but it was a waste of money because it was so big and we wouldn't eat it. And my parents were weird on wasting food, so they were like, well, look, we just get chicken instead. So we got chicken every year.

Maybe get a turkey this year. Order one.

I don't know, make one.

Put on a chef's hat and spend the day making a turkey.

It doesn't take a while.

Yeah, I just bought all my ingredients this morning. I was up at 5 AM.

You're gonna make the turkey this year?

Yeah.

Yeah. How?

I'm gonna put it in the oven.

And hire a chef.

I tried to order it, but it was too late. So then I went to Ralph's. It was only $100 for everything. Stuffing, gravy.

Wow.

I'm gonna kill it. Yeah, it only takes 18 hours.

Does it actually?

No. It does take a long time.

You're gonna cook it yourself?

Yeah, yeah, I've done it once before.

Are your kids gonna be happy that you made it, or is this just like a thing just for yourself?

They don't even eat turkey. No, one does. They'll be happy. I don't know. I'm just doing it 'cause I wanna do it.

Are you having Thanksgiving with your family and Tricia? Are you having two Thanksgivings?

I'm having two Thanksgivings, yeah. Wow. Yeah, because I didn't get to see my kids for last year.

You probably love that, huh? You love eating all that turkey. You love two Thanksgivings.

I'll admit it, I do.

If it was up to you, you'd get a side hoe just so you can have a third Thanksgiving.

I'm losing weight, haven't you noticed?

Huh? How do you edit stuff out of the podcast? No, I mean, yeah, you get a third girlfriend just so you can have another dinner, bro.

I'm going to lose weight by the first.

I'm going to be down to like, hey sweetie, do you want to have 240? You have Christmas dinner at my family's house this year or your family's house? Why don't we do both? We'll do both. We can do both.

I don't even like her. Just putting up with her for more turkey. And then what, you're going to go see— don't you have like a big thing Wednesday night? Yeah. So what's it called?

It's Blackout Wednesday in my town and it's Vernon Hills, a small town.

Is that a national thing or is it just—

We were trying to figure that out. It's only— there's only 2 bars in my town, so all the kids from school go to it.

Yeah.

So it's kind of like a reunion. It's like really fun. It's like everybody from my high school goes and people just get drunk.

I flew there last year on Blackout Wednesday and I was just minding my own business. I got there around 9:00. I took the cab and I just see Ilya running with his shirt off, like just being insane.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

And blacked out.

Yeah. Jason last year came for Blackout Wednesday and he— or 2 years ago, and he landed and he went straight to the bars. Like, he didn't even drop stuff off.

Well, that's where you were.

Yeah. So he still had his bags in his hand. And the second he gets out of his cab, I go— I'm filming with my flashlight on because it's dark out. And I go, oh, hey, Jason. And I'm chasing— I'm chasing Ilya down the street because he stole something from a store. He stole like this chair from a store and he's drunk and I'm chasing him down the street.

And then 4 guys try to throw him in the van and he's fighting. And it was like— it was the best vlog moment I ever had because I was like, fuck, all right, we're right in it. Because usually you have to wait a couple hours for something to happen. Yeah, I timed it. I timed it perfectly. I mean, I didn't do anything.

No, that is the best.

I walked right into it.

Right after that, you're like, I can go to bed now. Like, yeah, we did our job.

Oh, that's not what happened. No, he threw his watch in the toilet. His Apple Watch.

His Apple Watch. Yeah. Ilya owns a plumbing company, and yesterday he was on the phone. He was on the phone with an old client of his that he's had for like 3 years. And at the end of the call, the woman goes, I know this is so unprofessional, Um, but are you the guy from David's Vlog? That's so funny because in my videos all he does is get plastered and he, and he hates it even though he does it because he's like, my employees see this shit and they all fucking talk about it and they talk down to me and, and I, and I don't like it.

But, um, but don't worry, man, we're gonna get the job done.

I know I come off as an alcoholic, but, but I'm not drinking right now. Yeah, no, uh, no, he's great. And if you ever need plumbing services in Chicago So he's the guy to do it.

What's the name of the service?

Done with Pride Plumbing.

Done with Pride?

Yeah.

I mean, he lost his pride. That's how he drinks so much.

Sorry, that's not what it's called. That was the first name. They changed it to Fly Plumbing.

Fly.

Fly Plumbing.

Fly like dope?

And it has like, the icon has like plumbing tubes with wings attached to it. And it's called Fly Plumbing. The most lavish plumbing company in the world. Yeah.

Like the Air Jordans of plumbing.

So guys, if you take a huge shit, call my friend Ilya. He'll come and dig it out. Help your toilet run normal again. But yeah, all right, cool. Well, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. And guys, always send us tips, tricks, news stories, things you want us to talk about on the podcast. Tweet me @DavidDobrik, tweet him @JasonNash.

Yeah, come see us live.

Come see us live in Northridge, December 2nd. That's in LA. And we'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff. Bye.