Breaking Up and Crying in Public

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where Donald Trump is actually going to be on this today. He'll be midway through the podcast.

Unbelievable, David. I don't know how you do it.

Can't believe we booked him last night. A lot of controversial stuff we're going to talk about.

Controversial. Yeah. And controversial.

Did I say it wrong? And, and, you know, we can just redo the podcast. You don't have to be an asshole. Let's roll the intro. Okay. Hi, what's up guys? Um, this is another Views podcast. I'm David Dobrik. I'm sitting here with my, uh, my co-anchor, uh, Jason Nash.

Thank you very much, David. It's good to be here. Love being your co-anchor and love being a part of the Views broadcast.

Jason's 45 or 46, it doesn't matter. Uh, I'm 22.

I forgot, I don't know what I am.

Yeah, Jason and Trisha broke up, um, the other day.

I, I didn't even consider that a breakup. I just—

she started crying at dinner. And she said, "We're not together anymore." What did you consider it?

Just, you know—

Tuesday?

Yeah.

What did you— Okay, so I was filming them. They were— we were talking. We went to go try $1,000 golden chicken wings.

Yeah.

And this is like super exciting.

We woke up on Tuesday and she had drunk-bought Hamilton tickets. She was a little tipsy and she just on a whim spent $3,000 on Hamilton tickets for Tuesday night, and I didn't want to go to see Hamilton, which is your first mistake. Well, okay, you tell me how to live my life, 21-year-old.

Shouldn't have done what?

She bought expensive tickets. You should have been like, okay, I'll go. That's just like rule number one of being a boyfriend. You just gotta— you gotta— you gotta do those stupid things. I'm surprised you didn't— you didn't— you didn't— like, you weren't excited to go. Like, I feel like that'd be really fun to film. Because that's like when she's in her—

we can't film in there.

I know, but like right up to it. Anyway, Jason, you said you didn't want to go. What did you say?

I just— I'm just stressed about like getting work done.

You said like a specific line that pissed her off.

I said I'd rather shoot myself in the face.

Jesus Christ. Especially Hamilton is like a really fun show to see and it's like really expensive, so that really shot down Trisha.

Yeah.

And then that—

I've seen it.

Yeah, I know you've seen it. Trisha probably seen it like 50 times.

She's seen it like 15 times.

Sure, sure.

Yeah.

So, so you said that and then what happen?

So then I said, uh, I said, I said, okay, I said, uh, I was like kidding around.

And then you backtracked.

You were like, when I talk to you or I talk to someone else, if I say shoot myself in the face, like it's a joke, like I'm being, you know, yeah, I'm just exaggerating, obviously. Like, I'll go, but I was like, I'd rather shoot myself in the face than go see that. Like, I just don't want to. Yeah, just being honest.

How'd she react to that?

She got really upset. And then I was like, all right, I'll go. She's like, no, it's too late. She's like, I'm gonna go with my friend, which turns out is her ex-boyfriend.

She went with her ex-boyfriend.

Yeah, whatever, I don't care. It's fine.

I'm gonna put this in the vlog later.

You can.

So if you guys see it in the vlog, act like it's your first time.

So yeah, anyway, I was an asshole. I had a bad reaction. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'm just stressed about work, 'cause like, I'm just trying to like, you know, keep my channel going, keep making money.

We were at dinner, and I was filming her, and I could tell she was in a bad mood. And Jason was like, "Oh, David, don't test her right now. Don't play with her. She's not in a good mood." I didn't say that. No, you said something along the lines of that.

No, I just said she's not happy with me.

She's not happy. And then she starts— and I keep talking to Jason. I still have the camera on. And she starts crying. And it's the fucking worst feeling when I'm— this has happened like 3 times already— when I'm filming them and someone starts crying.

Maybe don't put a camera in their face.

I didn't know that she was going to start crying out of nowhere.

Yeah.

You didn't? We were trying $1,000 chicken wings.

Right.

What do you mean? It was supposed to be the happiest day ever.

Yeah.

And yeah, she started crying. And I still had my camera on. And I didn't want to turn it off, because I didn't want to be like— I didn't want to wreck— part of me almost wanted to be like, oh, she's not crying. Do you know what I mean?

Right.

I didn't want to bring attention to it by turning the camera off. So I wanted to play it cool and be like, maybe she'll think it's fine if I don't notice that she's crying. Right, right, right. And then she'll feel better.

Yeah.

So I continued filming. But then it got so awkward, because she kept crying more and more. And then I was just stuck. I wasn't even filming you guys. I was filming the table, but my camera was still on. I was holding it sideways, because I was like, I'm not using any of this. This is fucking crazy.

And then I was like, can I have this footage, David?

Yeah. And then Jason goes, can I have this footage if you're not going to use it? And Tricia doesn't react. She just wipes away her tear. And Jason goes, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. But I do have the footage. I got it last night.

Jason is going to use it.

No. And then what I said all day, I'm like, I'll go. Let's go. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But she just didn't like that, that I didn't want to go. So she was mad at me all day, all day.

She went, she ended up going to Hamilton that night with her ex-boyfriend.

No, she didn't.

Oh, sorry, the night before.

No, the night before she went and saw Phantom.

With her ex-boyfriend.

Yeah.

Why'd you say no, she didn't?

Like, she didn't go to Hamilton.

I just got the wrong play.

Well, she went to Phantom, she went to Hamilton. I mean, I'm trying to, I didn't know which way in the story you were going.

Sure. So she, the night before, Yeah. She went to go see Phantom with her ex-boyfriend.

Yeah. I don't care.

What do you mean?

I just don't care. It's like, look, if someone's gonna cheat on you and be with their— like, she doesn't— I trust her, and she wants to— if she's gonna like— if something's going on between her and her ex-boyfriend, she wants to get back with her ex-boyfriend, like, that's her thing. And I trust her. I don't think she's doing that at all.

You're a weird fucking dude, bro.

Why?

You're weird.

You're weird.

No one operates like that.

How could you not trust people?

You know, I almost fell for for your shit and fell into your hole. And when that happened—

My hole?

Yeah, when she said that she went with her ex-boyfriend, I didn't even react like it was the craziest thing, because I'm so used to you guys. But I was editing the vlog in the car with everybody. And I was like, should I use this? Trisha went— and I'm like, this is the part where Trisha goes to go see a play with her ex-boyfriend, and Jason finds out. And everyone in the car, Natalie, Zane, Heath, they go, What? What happened? Are you kidding me? And you guys are young, and I turn around and I'm like, I'm like, wait, what's the big deal? And then I thought about it more and I'm like, wait, what the fuck? I can't believe I was just so like— I'm so used to your shenanigans that I'm just like, oh, this is— I shouldn't say shenanigans, your bullshit, that, that I was so like thrown off by it.

It—

you don't find that crazy?

No.

That your girlfriend's going with—

you're 22 years old, you don't understand life at all.

I know, but you listen, you like— yeah, when I was 22, I'd be like Oh my God, you, you talk to your ex-boyfriend? Oh my God, oh no, what does that mean for me?

I'm not comfortable enough with myself. Like, I'm comfortable enough with myself and I'm confident enough of myself that I, I understand like what, what those things mean and what they don't mean, and you're reading way too much into it.

I don't know, bro. I think, I think, I think you're wrong on this one.

Tell me.

I think you're— this isn't a 22 and a 40 thing. I think this is just like—

yeah, it is.

No, I think this is just you, bro. If my mom went to go see a play with her ex-boyfriend. And it wasn't like— if my mom went to go see a play with her ex-boyfriend, it'd probably be like, oh, I haven't seen this person in a long time. And they're going to go hang out. But when Trisha does it, it's like you're in too new of a relationship for that to be happening, I feel like. Does that make sense?

Really? Yeah. It's weird I didn't ask for your advice about it.

Well, this is what happens when you have a— what's with you and unsolicited advice?

It was a joke.

No, it's not a joke. It was a joke.

I do like your advice.

No, you are so weird about unsolicited advice. Why do you not take advice from other people?

Why do I not take advice from other people?

Yeah, when you don't ask for it.

When I— I hate it.

You hate it. No, I don't. Why are you giving me advice? I am 55. I have lived.

Why would I take advice from someone who hasn't lived a long time and has had like a long-term relationship? Why would I take advice from you?

I don't know. I don't know.

On relationships? Somebody who dedicates their life to editing vlogs.

Because maybe— Why? Because maybe I see things—

You're clearly not at that point to be doling out advice about relationships.

But maybe I see things in a different way than you do that you can, if not take the full advice, you can take a piece of the advice. You take my advice for other things.

I do take your advice for a lot of things, you're right. And I learn a lot from you.

So why is it that if it's— if it has to do with relationships that maybe I don't have the most experience on, you're like, oh, this is completely fucking wrong. Do you know what I mean?

I just, it's like getting advice from an 11-year-old. It's like looking at a child being like—

You can be a marathon runner and run in Nikes every fucking day, and you could have run 50 marathons, and I could have run 1 marathon, but I ran them in Adidas shoes, and I know that Adidas shoes are fucking amazing. If I go, Jason, you should really try Adidas shoes, you don't fucking go, What the fuck are you saying, bro? I have ran 50 marathons. What the fuck do you know about shoes?

I would take advice from you on sneakers. I would. I definitely would.

Same thing. It's the same thing for everything. You don't have to take the advice and use it. You can go, hmm, David, you know what? Maybe you do have a point. Maybe that's why Trisha cries every fucking 35 minutes.

Because she went to Phantom with her ex-boyfriend? Maybe.

You know what? Just take parts of the advice and maybe apply them to your life. And if not, shut the fuck up.

Me? Shut the fuck up.

Appreciate it.

What am I talking about? I'm not complaining about it. You brought it up. It went in my ear and out the other that she went to Phantom with her ex-boyfriend. It didn't bother me.

Sure. I'm not even talking about that. I'm just talking about unsolicited advice. I know you really don't like it. But I'm just saying, it's cool when people give you advice because it's like they care about you and they're trying to give you advice.

Respect who it's coming from. Yes.

So you don't respect me? Go eat a dick. That's the last time I help you with YouTube thumbnails.

Uh, that I'll take advice on.

Yeah.

No, I— David, David, come here, come here. Look at me. No, come back. David, David, no, come back. No. Jesus, he left.

You're an asshole.

Oh, goddamn it, guys. I'm so sorry, I did it again. David left. Okay, you know what, David, this is a great conversation that I want to continue. But I think you've got some business to take care of.

I feel like you need a rebuttal. You don't have any rebuttal.

I want to give a rebuttal, but we have to, uh, oh, you, you're going to give a rebuttal right after, uh, yeah, after this ad.

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I, I literally— sometimes I get free tickets from SeatGeek. Last night I got them. I took— I felt so bad. I actually did take your advice. Yeah, I, I— because, because I took her to Hamilton last night.

I told Jason, I'm like, Jason, when, uh, when Jason was like— Jason was like, I don't know why I would go to Hamilton, like, it's so much money. I'm like, I'm like, well, you should surprise her with tickets because that way you get work done and, and it's like the, the best thing for her.

And it was an unbelievable surprise on camera last night. She started crying.

And who gave you that? Who gave you that?

That was from David Dobrik LLC. Yeah, yeah, David Julian Dobrik. I said I take advice from YouTube, dude. I learned a I just don't want to hear your fucking advice on relationships.

Okay.

That's it.

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Did you?

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Yeah, go see something.

Shout out to Ian from SeatGeek. He's the guy that hooks it up with all the SeatGeek deals. Yeah, Ian's the man. Whenever you see a video with SeatGeek, that's Ian putting it together.

You should marry him.

Really?

Yeah, he's been real good to you.

Yeah, Ian's been very—

and me.

Ian's—

Ian's very nice guy.

He's given us— he's helped with some— I think Ian has helped me purchase about 8 different cars. Wow. So yeah, so he's like a SeatGeek dealership at this point, or like a car dealership. Um, no, okay, back to the back.

So I did take your advice.

You took my advice the other day.

So yeah, so then we got to— we flew to Mizanin Heath and David and Trisha flew to Chicago yesterday, and then David had to go surprise his dad with a car. So I said, um, I know David's right, I probably, I probably will make a great video. No, and I felt bad, so I was like, but I really didn't want to go see Hamilton again for the second night in a row because I went the first night in like a tank top because I ran to the theater like, Trisha, Trisha, where are you? It was like real bad, and she was like standing in line crying like, no, no, don't bother, don't bother. And I'm like standing outside the theater.

Oh wait, what? OK, hold on. Let me set that up. So Trisha ended up going with another one of her friends.

No, no, no, no, no. She just went to Hamilton alone. Around 6 o'clock, I was like— OK, hold on.

Let me set it up. So that night in New York where she got the tickets, Trisha went alone to Hamilton. And then you ended up—

She ran out the door.

And then you ended up feeling so bad because you took my advice that you—

No, I hadn't talked to you yet. Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

You ended up feeling so bad that you ran to Hamilton—

In New York. This is in New York Tuesday night.

You ran to Hamilton to confront her outside—

In a new Nike tank top and running shorts. Shorts that I had bought that I still haven't run in yet, and I've had it for 4 days. And because I was gonna go running, but before that I was like, please, please, can we go to the show? I was begging her, begging her. She was like, no, forget it. So she ran out the door. I didn't have my room key, so now I'm running through the streets of New York in, in the Broadway district. And then, um, I'm calling her.

And then you saw a hot dog stand, you grabbed a hot dog, and then you're like, who fucking needs Hamilton? I was like, Trisha!

And then I finally see her in line and she's like, she's like, I don't want to talk to you.

Are there a lot of people in line?

Oh yeah.

Oh my God.

I mean, yeah. And, and you know, a lot of people are recognizing her. The worst is when Trisha and I are in a fight and people come up for a picture with her. It's the most awkward. It's awful.

They do that while you're in the middle— while you were in the middle of a fight?

Uh, yeah, like we've been in fights at like the Grove and like she's crying and I'm like And I'm like yelling and someone's like, can I have a picture? And we're like— and she's like, yeah, sure. She's always says— she always, uh, says yes. She's really good like that.

So you're— so she's like, she's reprimanding you in front of all those people?

She wasn't reprimanding me. She just finally— it was so—

I, I— it was—

she doesn't like to be embarrassed and I was embarrassing her because I was just like, all right, I gotta get in there. She was, uh, she was in the line and I was like, let me in, give me the ticket, give me the ticket. And the guy's like, sir, you can't come in without a ticket. You can't come in I'm like, she has my ticket. And so she was so embarrassed, she was just like, okay, fine, just come on. And she does not like to be embarrassed. You know, if I do something in public, like, I make a scene. Like, she wouldn't have gone to the VMAs with me in a Jesus costume. Anyways, so we sat down, and like, I'd seen Hamilton before, and I'd fallen asleep. And that's crazy, I know. And then, and like, it's, it's great, it's brilliant, but it's like, I'm just a tired guy. And so I sat— the second night was, was was good. So Tuesday night we saw it, it was good, it was fine, the show was really good. And then Wednesday we saw David, and David was, you know, reprimanded me in front for causing the whole problem, which I apologize for.

I yelled at Jason, just, you need to be a bigger boyfriend, you need to step it up, you need to be a better man to her. Oh my god, he hates advice, guys, like really.

I like advice, I take your advice all the time. I know, but I mean, but, but you're the The point we're sticking on is I did take your advice. I went to hell. And then when we got to Chicago Wednesday night, I surprised her with tickets. We went to Gibson Steakhouse, and I handed her the tickets, and she was like—

Did you record it?

I did. She's like, "Is this a fucking joke? This is a mean joke. This is mean." And I was like, "I'm not joking.

It's real." She's like, "This is so mean." She liked it.

Yeah, she loved it.

Wow, Trisha's pretty easy to get a good reaction from.

She is.

When you try once in a while.

I've surprised her with a bunch of stuff.

Jason buys her roses. Are you fucking serious? Where did you get these from? Uh, Ralph's. You got them from fucking Ralph's? You went to the store? That's amazing. Well, good for you. I'm glad your relationship is, uh—

Oh, then she's had so many bad boyfriends that anything I do is like great.

This whole— this, this entire story started out with me saying you guys broke up. The other day and then got back and then the next day I saw him in the car and Trisha's with a smile on her face. She's like, oh, by the way, David, we're back together now. So the breakup lasted a day. If you guys were wondering why they weren't posting for 3 hours, it's because they were broken up.

I didn't even think we were broken up. What about you, David? How's your love life?

You know what? It's incredible. I want to start making posts on Instagram complaining about how I'm single. I want to be that guy.

Oh really?

No, I'm not. Do it. Not like in a serious way. Yeah, but like, you know, you know how like single people always go, this is why I'm single? Like, I want to start fucking Instagramming shit like that. I think that's so funny.

You think that's—

I don't know, I just like—

what would you say? Um, I'll be like watching The Bachelor, home alone. Yeah, like on Monday night.

Yeah, like just ordered, just ordered Postmates, had like 30 wings. This is why I'm still single. Like, like I just got out of a relationship, but I'm already like, oh, this is why I'm single. I can't believe Fucking myself like this.

Yeah, you're 22, which is like too young to be making that crack.

Speaking about relationships, I went to— well, this is gonna make me seem gay, whatever, I'll take it. I went to a party late at night, and it was Renaissance-themed. And I got— there's this guy that sends me all kinds of parties. His name is Nick. He sends me every party there is going on in LA, and I go to like 4 a night, and I just check them out for 10 minutes, and I see if there's anything to film.. And we went to this one. It was so high up in the hills. It was, it was a 15-minute drive from the bottom of the hill to the top. Wow. And it was like at the top of the, the highest point in the hills. And, um, and we get to the party. Nice house. Uh, yeah, very pretty house. It looks like a castle. It was, it was an actual castle. And, um, and we were the only ones that weren't dressed up in theme. Like, he was like, it's a theme party, be careful. I'm like, I don't know what that fucking means. And we got there and it's full on. Everyone's dressed like, like, you know, like George Washington with like the white wig and like the powdered face. Everybody, everybody's dressed like every single person. Not one person is not other than us. Wow. So we had this whole bit that we were time travelers and that like that was our costume is we were dressed up as time travelers. But yeah, so we were walking around the party. I mean, this isn't that great of a story, but there was this, there was, there was like a dance floor where all these Renaissance people were dancing. And this gay guy walks up to me and he goes, "You wanna dance?" And I'm like, "Sure." And he's like, "I can smell the straight from a mile fucking away. Let's boogie. Just trust me, baby." That's what he says. And then we start dancing. It's the funniest fucking thing. He's like twirling me around, like nonstop spinning me and like bending me over and like doing all this fucking crazy shit. And then Brandon comes in. And then he's like, you straight man, come dance with me too. And then I leave, and then he dances with Brandon, and then Alex comes in, and we're all so down to dance with him, which is like the most fun, because he's like, he's like, you know, he's obviously like hitting on us hardcore. Sure. There's something with gay guys love, love straight men.

Everyone loves a challenge.

Yeah. Oh, I guess that's what it is. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's what it is. And yeah, we just spent the night, we just spent the night the night dancing.

Oh, how nice. Did you eat?

I went to drink.

How come you never drink?

I don't know.

Do you ever feel like you're missing out?

Did I tell you about this? This one night I was at— this is when I was like 18. Yeah. Like, I went to— I may have been— no, I was 18. I went to a party and it was— yeah, I went with my friend. He's a guy friend and he's like really well-connected. And it was like, they were only, like, it was all gay men. And when I say gay men, I don't mean like 20-year-olds or like 25-year-olds. I mean like 40-year-old gay men. Oh, it was like 40 of them in one apartment.

And you were 18? Yeah.

Whoa. So when I walked in, it was like, I was like fucking fresh bait. So I was like, fuck, what's going on? Did I ever tell you this? I think I told this on the podcast. And I, and I walked in and I went to go use the bathroom and a guy followed me into the bathroom and he like lifted up my shirt and he's like, "Oh wow, that's—" and he was like hitting on me and I got so uncomfortable I had to leave. That was so fucking crazy. Isn't that insane? Yeah. Because gay guys are a lot more forward usually. Sure. I've met gay guys who are like, I mean, I can't speak for all gay guys because, you know, I've only talked to a handful, but like, yeah, I met them where they're so open about their relationships where they're like, They can be— their partner can be having sex with another guy like right in front of them, but they're like all about love and they don't care, you know what I mean?

They're a lot more open.

They're a lot more open about like their sexuality.

Yeah, they're kind of like me and Trisha.

Yeah, they sleep around. Um, no, but I mean, that's just like a certain couple I ran into that I can't speak for all of them. But, um, but yeah, it was so interesting.

Yeah, when we go to, um, Santa Monica Boulevard, Trisha and I, it's, it's pretty, uh, dude, people are very handsy.

I heard the gay bars are the best bars in, in in the world. Like the Abbey.

Like, like, like, yeah, they're really fun.

Every time someone talks about bars in LA, they always got— they always go, you've got to go to the gay bars, they are the best bars hands down.

Yeah, the Abbey's really fun to dance.

Um, but yeah, that's, that's my story of getting touched in a bathroom. Really?

Well, why don't you touch us with some Comedy Central, uh—

oh my God, jargon fucking rolling through these. Yeah.

Um, well, see what you got. What do you have for us today, David?

Um, you've seen the Roast Battle, right?

Of course, with Jeff Ross.

Jeff Ross, yeah, it's on Comedy Central. And those—

I know Jeff Ross.

Have you ever thought that those comedians were too mean or took a joke too far? No. Well, good, because you, you were supposed to say yes. Oh yeah, you ever thought that those comedians were too mean or took a joke too far? No.

You say yes, you fucking— I can't. Well, why, why do we need to say yes? That's not Comedy Central's brand.

Because then I go You ain't heard nothing yet.

Oh, okay, okay. Yes, you ain't— yes, I was offended.

Well, you ain't heard nothing yet. What? Yeah, just listen. John Bryan Moses and DJ Coach T for Roast Battle the podcast, as they bring you weekly shows and interviews from the world-famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California. You'll hear some insensitive jokes, you'll hear some politically incorrect jokes, but every joke you'll hear comes from a place of love. Listen to Roast Battle for the Divisive, divisive, divisive, divisive jokes.

I'm not even looking at the, uh, the copy and I just know it's divisive.

And healing interviews every— what does it say? Wednesday.

David, come on, this is a big sponsor. Sorry.

Pull it through. Interviews every Wednesday in your podcast feed. Subscribe now and leave a joke of your own when you rate and review. That's amazing.

Um, it's like they gave an 8-year-old a show where 400,000 people listen.

Well Spelled by Jeff Wasse. I love it. It seemed like a good idea.

So that sounds cool. So it's like a podcast, you go behind the scenes at The Comedy Store. Yes, 100%. That's really cool because that actually does sound like a really cool— that's the coolest thing is to hang out at The Comedy Store and like get a chance to talk to a comedian. That's always so much fun.

We have our last, um, live show.

Oh my God, David, I can't believe the tour is over.

We have our— our tour is over, our podcast tour is over. I'm happy to stop promoting it.

Like, I'm happy to—

I know, done talking about it. It's our last stop. It's Chicago. It's this Saturday. It's gonna be like one of the coolest theaters. We're playing at the Chicago Theater.

We're all here already. We're here a bunch of days early. Yeah, super exciting.

Throw out the first pitch. Yes. Yeah, we could talk about that. Throw out the first pitch tomorrow in Chicago.

Not tomorrow, today. Oh, fuck, you dumbass.

I'm throwing out the first pitch in like 3 hours.

What do you make of that?

I don't know.

Do you remember when you told your parents?

What did they say?

Your mom was like, okay, that's nice. Like, if I— I was like, I thought they'd think that was a bigger deal, but maybe because are foreign, they don't understand.

I, I asked them, I asked my mom if they're going— what did I ask? I'm like, Mom, are you gonna go to the, uh, to the game? Yeah.

What did she say? No, I don't care for baseball.

Oh yeah, and you were there and you're like, but it's your son, it's a big deal. I guess.

Yeah, like I told my parents and they were like, why didn't you ever fucking do anything with your life? I was like, that's not the point.

No, but I'm throwing out the first pitch at the Cubs game at Wrigley, which is like one of the coolest coolest.

Like, dude, Wrigley Field is the oldest— uh, it's the oldest field in baseball.

It's gonna be awesome. And we got a box, we got box seats that SeatGeek is hooking us up with.

Do you think that people are gonna boo you? I—

no, I don't think so. You don't? No. I mean, what, I'm gonna miss it and people are gonna be like, boo?

When they say YouTuber— oh yeah, they'll probably—

they might boo you. Yeah, because YouTuber has like a horrible connotation. But I don't think— I don't know, I'm worried about missing it. Like, I can throw a ball 95% of the time correctly, but, but if it's my first ball, yeah, and it's in front of a lot of people, I'm gonna fucking miss.

I know it. We practiced and you, you had— you threw strikes every time.

No, I know, but that's like— but you know when it's your first, when it's your first pitch, I know. Will I get— will I get a warm-up before? How does that work? The first pitch of the baseball game is like before the game starts, they bring out like one person that they've chosen. Sure. To throw the first pitch. So a lot of, a lot of times it's like actual celebrities, like like, like big names. So this time they have a YouTuber, me, going. So I'm kind of scared that I'm not going to get the best response from the crowd. They're gonna be like, where the fuck is Tom Hanks? Yeah.

Oh, you're gonna get booed.

Yeah, I'm probably gonna get booed.

But you know what, what if you just throw like the best strike ever and people are just like, what the fuck?

And I get signed by the Cubs. They sign you. We need you on the fucking team, bro. What are you doing for the next 2 to 5 years?

Oh my God. I would love that. So, are you gonna get to practice before?

I don't know. I don't know. But we're— but it's exciting. We're taking a party bus there. It's gonna be a lot of fun.

Fingers fucking crossed. There's a real famous story from Howard Stern's producer where he threw out the first pitch and he threw it into the stands. And he was ridiculed for the rest of his life. They still bring it up 20 years later. They call him Bubba Buoy for it.

Wait, what do you mean? What— explain it.

Howard has this producer named Gary who's a wonderful guy. Sure. Who I know. And I love Howard Stern, but he threw out the first pitch at the Mets game. And they talked about it, and Artie Lang, they coached him for months and months, and he went out there. They coached him? Yeah, they threw with him, they practiced with him, and Gary just, he threw it into the crowd, and it's, it's like folklore. It's like people still talk about it. Like ESPN made a whole documentary about it, how this guy messed up this first pitch and Howard roasted him for it forever. Really? Like still to this day. Fuck.

Yeah, I know, it's, it's a I heard there was like an episode. There was an episode of Big Bang Theory. There was? Where they were talking about it, and they literally said word for word what you said. Right. They were like, one guy was throwing the first pitch, and the other guy goes, why are you throwing out the first pitch? Nothing good can come out of it. Right. If you throw it correctly, you threw the pitch, great. But if you don't, everyone fucking hates you. Yeah. Like, that's what they said. That's literally what you told me.

That's what you're doing today.

It's like nothing good can come out of it, because if you throw a pitch, everyone's like, oh cool, you can throw a fucking ball. But if you miss, everyone's like, that guy can't throw a ball, what a fucking moron. So, so there's that. We were— we surprised my dad with my—

are you just gonna like lob it in? Are you gonna try to give some heat?

I don't know. I don't want to say anything because I know I'm gonna do the exact opposite when I get there. Like, I don't want to be like, ah dude, I'm just gonna fucking get it right to the mitt. Like, I don't know.

I don't know. Just figure it out when you get there. Yeah, yeah. Kind of like your Shorty Award speech. It's gonna—

yeah, it's gonna be a It's going to be bad. But we surprised my dad with a car yesterday. So my friends Zane and Heath were at my parents' house. And they were eating, and they were having tea while I was outside with my dad in his new car. And Natalie, my assistant's mom, was inside the house. Oh, remind me of the Coke story. Yeah, so I need to give you a Coke story right after this. Um, she was inside the house and, and Zane— Zane, Natalie's mom. Yeah, Natalie's mom. She was, uh, he was really gassy, but he wasn't like admitting it apparently. Oh, so, so I think Zane like farted and Natalie's mom just came out of there and she was like, what the fuck is going on in there? I have been in there for 5 minutes and it is— it feels like I'm being gassed. Oh no. Yeah. And what did Zane do? Nothing. What did— I don't—

I don't know. What did Zane eat? Oh, he was eating on the plane. Yeah. Oh yeah, he was. You see, when you get pressurized on the plane, your body does all kinds of things like that.

Yeah, you get boners on planes.

I get boners on planes, yeah.

Zane gets gassy. Well, I don't want to— I don't want to put it all on Zane, because it may have been someone else. It could have been my mom. You never know. My mom— Your mom doesn't fart. No, let me— let me say this. OK, so my assistant Natalie, her boyfriend was in town. So he was helping us get— he was helping Natalie do a bunch of things so they could spend more time together, whatever. And we have these bricks, like these actual bricks that you build houses with. And we have it wrapped in white powder and then like— what is it? Foil?

What is it called? Saran Wrap.

Saran Wrap. Yeah. And we wrapped it in Saran Wrap. So it looks like bricks of cocaine. And we have like 10 of them in the closet. And they're like at the top shelf of the closet. And they're just there in case we ever need it to like pretend we have a lot of cocaine. And Natalie, I told Natalie, I'm like, please go get the cocaine so I can use it for a bit. And Natalie just walks over to the closet and gives Sean the bucket so she can start putting the bricks into the bucket. And this is what she told me. And she starts loading it into the bucket, like not even thinking about anything, because it's her fucking job. So she's just like loading them up. And Sean's like, Sean's like, Natalie, is this, is this real cocaine?

Which, by the way, would have like a $5 million street value. Yeah, the amount of bricks of flour.

It also would explain a lot, like if we were, if we, if we were smuggling all those drugs, right?

It would explain why you have a Tesla.

Yeah, yeah, it would explain like, you know, maybe YouTubers don't make that much and we actually just smuggle drugs on the side. He thought we were actually smuggling cocaine.

Oh, that's hilarious.

So, um, holy crap. So I had to explain to him later that it was just a joke. Um, but yeah, but he's like, yeah, I figured, I figured. I was just, just scared a little bit. Hey guys, I have a question for you. Okay, that was Vitaminwater. Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks. Oh shit, the let me know if you have any questions, thanks is in the email. That's not the actual ad. Let me know when you get that done, bitch. Oh shit, that's in the email. That was the ad. I love Vitaminwater, straight up. So shout out to Lemon water. You surprised Trisha with a new puppy the other day. Yeah, how was that? You did too. I— nah, don't rope me into it.

I, I love— David loves to like hear about stuff that we're doing and then come with his camera. You invited me. And stand at a distance and, and then kind of make fun of us for what we're doing and get all this footage. Sure. And then distance himself when, when the puppy— when the video comes out, like, it was their idea, not mine.

It was, it was your idea. It was.

This one was. It was.

Um, how's the puppy doing?

The puppy is so cute and doing so good and doing good. Has a really great personality and you just feel like we got lucky with it.

When you say it's doing so good, are you saying it has a lot of followers on Instagram or, or is the puppy fucking healthy? Are you guys taking care of it?

I was sitting with my kids the other day and I, and Trisha, the four of us were having lunch and I paid her a compliment. I said, I pointed to her and I I said, kids, they said, this girl got a puppy on Friday. She goes, I go, they go, in 24 hours she got it 120,000 followers and, and a, a $15,000 brand deal. I was like, that is, that, that is how you be resourceful. Like, sure, be like that in life. If you can be like that in life and make money, you will always eat. You will always, you know, you'll be okay. You will.

Not sure about the puppy. What'd you say? I said she will. Not sure about the puppy.

No, the puppy's in great hands. The mom's taking care of it. Lena's got the puppy. She's, she's running the, the Instagram account or whatever, and it's perfect. Trisha got—

Trisha got the dog a $15,000 brand deal.

No, someone just called her. Are you fucking serious? No, literally, like, after the video came out, some company just called her. It was just like, like, oh, does the dog have an account? Just like, no, it doesn't have an account. She's like, can you make it an account? Trisha was like, oh yeah, sure.

And then what'd they say?

And they're like, well, once you get the account, you know, we can, we can do a brand deal. Are you serious? No. Yes, I swear to God.

I swear to God. And $15 grand? Yeah. Whoa.

I probably shouldn't be talking about it, but whatever, it's fine, bro. But, but the point of the story is that like, that just is so resourceful.

More money than like my parents and my mom. I know, that's what my mom makes in like 4 months. I know, it's a cute dog. That's outrageous. It's a cute dog. That's how you justify it. Well, David, I mean, your mom's your mom. Your mom's very loving, but this is a cute puppy and a hard-working one indeed.

If your mom wanted an Instagram account, she'd do great.

You're right, she would. It's my mom's fault. It's very, very nice. Do you ever think about how, how a lot of people grew up watching the same stuff? Yeah, all the time. Like, isn't that like everybody— like everybody knows Friends. You know, a lot of people know Seinfeld. A lot of my generation knows Drake and Josh. Like, it's crazy how like so many people were watching the same stuff. Yeah. Is it still like that today? I don't think it's like that today.

No, it is. My kids are hooked on the— these, these Disney XD shows and Nick shows. So when they're watching, they still watch Drake and Josh too though.

Yeah.

Okay, but what was the big show for you? Drake and Josh. Really? Drake and Josh. So really, when you, when you see Josh, it's like It's like, really must be weird, bro.

It's, it's insane. That's—

it's like, what was your favorite show? Cheers.

Cheers.

You don't even know that.

Okay, so it's like if you went to the cemetery and visited everybody there every day.

How old are those people? Ted Danson's probably like in his 60s.

Okay, so that's— so they are older. Yeah. Imagine hanging out and having dinner. Maybe wouldn't be as exciting. Maybe you'd have to take care of them because they're so old. Ted, you You need some more applesauce? But, um, but no, it is exciting.

It's so exciting. She said that to me today. She's like, cuz she's so passionate about Hamilton, she wants to go for a third night. Yeah, while we're here. And I just can't. I can't go to Hamilton for a third night. Sure. And she's like, you're not passionate about anything. I was like, huh, what are you passionate about? I'm not crazy about anything. Weird. I'm just not. And I don't know if that's cuz I'm old, or if it's just jaded, or maybe I'm just not that interesting of a person.

I think you've just been, you've just been roughed up a lot. You've just been pushed around.

What are you passionate about?

And life has spit you out as an asshole multiple times.

If I could surprise you with something like Ariana Grande tickets, would that excite you?

A car would.

A Ferrari would?

A brand new car.

A brand new car. If I said to you, David, you could have, you're gonna go backstage to Ariana Grande concert, you're gonna spend 5 minutes with her, talk to her, and then you're gonna go watch the show front row, would that excite you?

Can I film with her? I need to film with her. I'm genuinely passionate about—

No, take filming out of it. We're talking about my passion. That— No, me too. Me too. I love to film. Don't give me that smirk.

The funniest thing in the car the other day was, um, Jason was just like— Jason was just like, I can't sit through Hamilton. It's 2 and a half hours. Like, come on, Jesus, who wants to watch something that long. And I'm like, and I'm like, yeah, that's a lot coming from a guy who posts 45-minute fucking vlogs. A well-rehearsed million-dollar play, and then Jason's—

Jason's not 45 minutes. Jason's script— I only have one vlog that's 45 minutes. Yeah, I know, but that's not true.

You have a ton that are like 25 minutes. Dude, the problem with Hamilton, the vlogs, are you pointing the camera at the fucking wall and just— I have sat in the car with with Jason where he doesn't know he's filming and he goes, oh, I was filming, and like the camera's in his lap and he's like, that's great, I'll just use this. And then I'll go watch the vlog and it's like 3 minutes of just like the camera being in his lap and it's like you're watching a podcast.

That's not true, you haven't watched in a long time. In the beginning it was. It's hard to be a YouTuber, guys.

If you can't get enough of this podcast, then go watch Jason's vlogs. It's genuinely just a the podcast continued with a little bit more moving parts.

That's in the beginning when I started YouTube. It's a steep learning curve.

Yeah, when you start— guys, we gotta go. We gotta go throw out the first pitch. And by we, I mean me. Jason has to watch and embarrass me and make jokes. It's gonna be fun. Well, please go buy our merch. Go do whatever you have to do. Go buy stuff for Jason. Yeah, yeah, Jason, if you can. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. There's not much to say.

Yeah, watch my videos. That's the most important thing. Yeah, is that— that, that helps me a lot.

Yeah, if you watch my ads and if your parents are celebrities and they want to film with us, please let us know too. I, I feel like I make that plea every podcast.

Not every podcast, you haven't done it for a while.

Yeah, guys, if you're— if you're—

who are you eyeing?

Um, Robert Downey Jr.

Does he have a kid? He does.

How old is he?

Um, I saw him once at Fred Siegel hanging out with his kid, and his kid was already like really cool and probably like 13 or 14, and that was like 6 years ago.

Oh, so he's like 20?

I think so. So there's a chance But he might have a younger kid now, I don't know.

This one's dedicated to you, Robert Downey Jr. Jr. Um, please tell your dad that I want to shoot with him. Okay, we'll see you guys later. This has been A Viewz Podcast. My name is Jeff. Bye.