Arrested Outside a School Dance

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where the entire portion of Jason's mic is going to be dubbed over in French. We have a French guy who sounds like Jason, so whatever he says is going to be in French. That's amazing. Thank you for introducing yourself, French Jason. What's your— Jason Views. Views. Yes, Jason Nash and Views is great. What's your favorite part about your girlfriend Trisha? Je me détends, je m'appelle les bons poussies et comme chambre laissée de bordel, on tiri et tiris et poussies. Okay.

Et how you say?

How do you say?

Asshole?

Okay, roll intro music. Hey, what's up guys? Welcome back to another Views podcast.

Why do we get so dirty all of a sudden? Who did that? Why did they write that? We got new writers.

We gotta get new writers? I think that's the best way to start it. 'Cause if someone's listening to it and they don't know what this podcast is about, the best way to start a podcast is just talk about tits and pussy.

You've got their attention.

It really sets the pace. Also what sets the pace is Jason, he's 45 years old, I'm a 21-year-old guy, and this is our podcast. We talk about a bunch of random shit.

You're fantastic, I'm a loser in life. Get it out there. Now that we want to get people's attention, everything's gone David's way up to this point, and I seem to fail around every corner. I have a porn star girlfriend. I'm divorced with two kids. My ex-wife hates my new girlfriend. Um, David, uh, first of all, the sun, uh, shines on him and shines and sets on him. He drives a $160,000 Tesla. What else can I tell you about it? David has more money than the country of Ghana. What else? He has a beige couch. He has a beautiful assistant named Natalie who does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. The other day he called her to bring him some Skittles and she did it. Do we have everyone, everything now?

Yeah.

Why do I have to sit down?

Because you're scaring me and you're gonna unplug the mic if you keep running around.

Oh yeah, good point. We had that problem last week. We don't want to re-record.

Yeah, last week we had to rework. Let's, let's talk about that first. I called your, um, I called your girlfriend yesterday a porn star and that really, that really offended you.

Yeah. I, she's not a porn star.

Even though you just called her a porn star.

I wasn't offended, but I was like, she's not a porn star.

I mean, you know, I called her, I called her a porn star and you were like, excuse me?

I said, no, I said, she's not a porn star. That's not the right word for it.

You, yeah. But you referred to her as like an ex prostitute. Yeah.

Because that's my girlfriend. It's like you can make jokes about your girlfriend, but when your friend sits there and is like, I'm not, I'm not even making a joke.

I mean, that's her job. She gets naked on the internet. Is that not a— why are you taking your shirt off?

Why don't you show off Scott's merch?

This is a podcast. No one can see, right? Um, no, but that's her job. She gets naked on the internet.

Um, it's part of her job. She has a, a, a small business.

It's one of her jobs. And why do you think it's such a bad thing to be called a porn star?

Because it's, it's just the wrong term.

It's—

I don't think it's such a bad thing to be called a porn star. It's just the wrong term. It's not— she's not a porn star. Okay, she doesn't— she's not even in porn. She doesn't have sex on camera.

Okay, maybe you're right.

So that's all that— I don't really care.

And you know, you sent me that text when we were in the room with Trisha, and you're like, hey man, please don't ever say shit like that.

You are so dastardly just to say—

I don't even know what that means.

It's the way you said it was like, you're a good actor. So basically you just said that, so now the whole audience is like, did that happen?

Thank you.

And I can't deny it because Yeah, the sun rises and sets on you.

Thank you. But, um, what did we find out? What— tell everybody what we found out about—

well, we did find out that one of our friends—

let's set it up. Trisha has a Patreon.

Yes.

And on this Patreon, she gets naked and, um, basically showers naked, eats food naked, does the whole thing naked. And you can pay like $50 a month to be subscribed to all her videos, or $5, or I don't know what it is.

I never looked. I try not to.

I feel like we're really helping her with her— with her subscription. First of all, how do you feel about your girlfriend?

Last time you brought it up I think she—

she gained subscribers.

Yeah, like, and it was a lot of money.

Oh really?

Yeah. Oh, like, it was like— I mean, I don't want you to bring this up right now. I don't care how much money she makes. How do I feel about it?

Yeah, how do you feel about your girlfriend getting naked?

I mean, you know, it's— but was the one thing that I was like—

what'd you say? You're like, it's sexy. What is it about that?

Because not many people— other dudes paying money to jerk off on her, it's like my favorite thing in the world.

Yeah, not many people live a life like yours. Have two beautiful kids.

David, you know what? My life is a mess. I mean, it was the one thing— it was the one reason why I didn't want to date her, you know? I— it wasn't— it's not my favorite thing.

It's not your favorite?

It creates a lot of, you know—

Yes.

Tension in my life.

Yeah.

But that's who she is, and so I'm dealing with it, and I'm, you know, trying to process it. It's not my— you know, that's why when I met Tricia, I was like, oh my God, I love her. She's so great. Like, Literally, like, I can talk to her, she makes me laugh. We both like to overeat, um, and, and, uh, and she's funny. She's fun to be with.

I think what— I think what all the podcast listeners want to know is, will you ever join Trisha and get naked on her Patreon as well? And how much would that cost? Or, or better yet, will people get their money back after they watch that video?

I don't think I could ever charge for that. My penis is too small.

Um, would you ever get naked on, um, If you didn't have kids, if you didn't have kids.

No, no, no, I don't think so. That's just not my thing. If I had like a big dick, maybe.

Okay, okay, no more, no more.

You, you don't ask, don't bring this topic up.

And then when I open, I didn't want to know about your dick.

You asked me a question and I'm giving you a solid answer.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

It's just not, you know, I mean, you know, yeah. And, and it's, you know, she, it's what she does. She's not going to do it forever.

So she has a Patreon. You can subscribe, whatever. Okay, go tell everybody what we found out.

Well, we found out that someone very close to us, very close in our friend group, in our fucking friend group, has been subscribing to her since long before I was even dating her.

Oh shit, that long?

Yeah, yeah.

Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, and it is a mystery.

And, and that person's probably gonna listen to this and they're gonna be like, oh fuck, it's one person in our friend group We're not gonna tell you who, but they have— they're subscribed to her, so they pay the monthly fee to watch her naked.

Yeah.

How do you feel about that?

You know, proud. The whole— the whole thing— the whole relationship with her started like, I was like, okay, like, I really like this person and she's great to make videos with, like, but I can't date her because I have kids and stuff and that's not right. And then— and then you just— my point is, as time has gone on, you know, I really love her.

You're just accepting it now. But you're totally not answering my question at all. I said, how do you feel that one of your— one of our friends whacks off to your girlfriend?

I don't like it. I mean, I don't love it at all. But I mean, look, you date somebody and there's things about people that— there's all kinds of— no one's perfect. No one is the perfect person. So if there's things you don't like, there's things about me that she probably doesn't like either. Yeah, you know, and it doesn't even— it doesn't bother me all day if, if, if, if, if she said to me, hey, you know what, I'm gonna stop doing that, I'd be like, oh great, yeah, good, just stop doing it.

And the way we found out that one of our friends—

and I'm also a firm believer in like not trying to change someone. I, I, I hate—

he's so passionate—

I hate when people try to change another person, you know. I— like, you see these couples and, you know, literally, I once knew this guy and he was so rich and he had a, he had a Porsche, yeah, and, and he had a dog Okay, and the two things he loved was this Porsche and this dog. And I didn't see him for a couple years, and he married this girl. And, and the— I saw him, she's like, yeah, you know, Katie made me get rid of the Porsche. And I was like, oh man, Darren, you love that Porsche. That was like your thing, like you're into Porsches. Like, yeah, I know, but— and then I saw him like another year later, and he's like, yeah, we had to get rid of Molly, the lab. And I was like, Darren, you fucking love— what do you mean get rid of Molly? Molly's your dog. He's like, okay, he just thought it was best, you know, with the baby coming. And like, this is like a sweet— I just don't I don't like that.

This is my question though. Do you think—

and you love it. You probably love changing people.

I don't feel— no, I don't. I'm totally opposite of what you're saying. Oh, I think if a person is, um, like, I'll change for someone.

You will?

Yeah. Like, I think, I think if there's— if you love the person and you, and you're comfortable with the change, I don't, I don't think there's a problem with that. I mean, I doubt your friend had a gun to his head when he got the Porsche. Do you know what I mean?

Or when he got rid of the Porsche, he didn't have a wife.

No, no, I'm saying when he got rid of the Porsche, I don't think he had a gun.

Oh yes, he did. You don't know Katie. Yeah, Katie's shot Molly.

Let me introduce you to Katie. Okay, no, I mean, you're right. No, but you, you don't think you should change for anyone ever?

I think it's okay to change for people. Okay. I don't think you should ask someone to change.

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

I think it's— I think, look, if, if, if, you know, if Liza, you know, can't breathe at night and you have to sleep with a humidifier, or you have to, you know, I don't know, you should go fuck you.

No fucking way.

She has to sleep in a bubble. Let's say Liza had to sleep in a bubble. Okay, right, because she couldn't, you know. Sure, get in that bubble. Of course, that's awesome. But I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be in a bubble and be like, hey man, you gotta sleep in this bubble, dog. I just wouldn't. I just don't think that's cool.

Fair enough.

Okay, I've been around, David.

I know, I know, Jason.

Believe me, I'm looking at you. Um, I love podcasting here at your house.

Yeah, it's nice, guys.

He's got the greatest, like, we've talked about it, house. It's so— no, I don't care. It's so nice. It's so cozy in here.

Like, it is really cozy.

You did it right. I can't believe you were able to put this together because the rest of your life's in shambles.

Fucking mind blown. That like I got this house to like get up off its feet.

And you know what's good about it is you don't shoot here, so it's not messed up.

Yeah, I bought this house, remember, and it sat here completely empty for 2, 3 months.

Did it?

Yeah, we used to make jokes about it. Used to be like, David has a $2 million house. I did. It's just sitting there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it together.

And now it's here. Um, this is what I was gonna say. Recently I had like this big vlog.

Are you gonna, are you gonna, are we gonna approach this person?

Which person?

The person who's, you know, subscribed to the Patreon.

The person who's jerking off to your girlfriend?

Yeah.

Um, that's your call.

It is gonna go down, I'm sure, at some point, because, you know, I tell Trisha things in private and literally I see you an hour later and you're like, yeah, Trisha told me.

Yeah, what? Trisha tells me all secrets.

And it's because you have the camera on her and she wants to give you a good vlog, which, by the way, she's not going to expose you.

Oh my God. I don't know why we were doing a bit the other day and Dave was like, yeah, so Tricia does this thing where she like says if she ever, like if Jason ever breaks up with her, she's going to bring all our careers down and like just say a bunch of bullshit about us. And, and I think it's hilarious when she says shit like that. But the other day we left when I was talking to her about it and I go to Jason, dude, I really think she's going to fucking do it. I really think she's going to fuck it. It's like, well, sometimes do we need to worry about it? That's what I said. Yeah. I said, should I be worried about this?

Um, anyway, But she loves you.

No, she's great. Okay, let me, let me move on. Um, recently I had my 420th vlog.

Yes, congratulations. Thanks. Excellent.

Thanks. Um, I, I surprised my friends with 3 cars.

Yes.

And, um, this was a fucking— this was, this was something else. This was an experience I will never fucking forget in my life. First of all, we went into the Mercedes dealership, right? It was 9 in the morning. We were the first customers there. So everyone was open, everyone on the floor was open to sell us a car. There's no one there. Um, and a guy came up to us and he goes, um, excuse me guys, hello. And we're like, hey, we're just, uh, we're looking for— we're looking to buy a car. And he goes, I'm actually really busy right now. Um, maybe, maybe you can look around and find someone else. And we're like, okay, well, where are, where are these, where are these Mercedes CLA 250s? And he's like, Somewhere over there on the east lot. And he like pointed with his hand like in like the most like vague direction. He's like, there's somewhere over there. And then he went to go sit at his desk and he was on his phone for like 4 fucking hours.

Really?

And fucking did— he did nothing. He wasn't even filling out paperwork. He would, he would get up, go to the cooler, go back to his phone. He didn't fucking care about us at all because I was a kid and this was in a suburb, right? This was in a suburb of Chicago. So it's younger kids usually don't have that much money there. Where they would be buying cars on their own. But if you, if you go out in LA, if you go to a Lamborghini dealership, they'll pay attention to you because they'll be like, everyone here has some kind of money in some fucking freaky way. But he was such a fucking douche to us, such a douche. And then, and then we're like, we're like, okay, this is fucking ridiculous. We got so angry, we left, and we just like, we vlogged all about it outside of the dealership. And then we went back in, and then the manager came up to us of the fucking dealership at Mercedes, and he goes, 'Yeah, this is a Mercedes. It's like, it's like a really special experience for people that really want to buy a Mercedes, and we, and we, and it's, it's such a big standard to buy a Mercedes. I feel like you guys would have a lot more fun at the BMW dealership.' What? I was fucking mind-blown, bro. I've never heard such bullshit in my life. He literally sent us— he told us to go to another dealership.

And that's what it's like to be African American.

Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought you were saying I'm African American.

No, but I mean, that's what it's like to be like African American all the time. Like to just be like, yeah, I mean, in a small way, you know what I mean? Obviously it's not as bad, but I'm like, that's how it feels.

I could guess. I thought it was a really— that seemed like you were trying to get that analogy out this entire podcast and you're like, here's my shot. This is it.

That's— no, I just thought of it off the top of the dome.

No, no. But yeah. And then, and then one of the guys that worked there, he detailed the cars. He came up to me and he's like, I watch your vlogs, I'm a big fan.

Yeah.

And he recommended us to a guy that worked there who came up to us and helped us, and then we ended up buying 3 cars. So fuck you to the guy who didn't get the commission on the 3 cars that we bought.

Did you see him as you were signing the papers?

Yeah, fuck yeah, I did. He was standing right there as I was taking pictures in front of all 3 of them.

How old was he?

He was probably like 26, 27.

Was he pissed?

I mean, I hope so. I hope he was.

Before— I know you— before you got in the— because I've been to dealerships with you— when you were in the car Were you ready for that? You're like, if they don't fucking pay attention to me this time, I love the—

yeah, I should have, I should have, I should preface this with when I pulled up to the dealership, I purposely took my mom's minivan.

Yeah, such a dick.

I took my mom's minivan and when I pulled up to the dealership, into the Mercedes dealership, I honked my horn 6 times like I was really excited to buy a car.

Yeah, it's like you want the confrontation. I want— you wanted them to treat you poorly.

I wanted them to treat me— I get that a lot. I get a rise out of it ever since I was like, like, like I said, like I was like 15. I love getting turned on at parties. I love like, like when we go to frats and people say no to me, it's like so fucking interesting to see like a human be a douchebag. Like, I don't know, I'm so into that, right? Like, I'm so into like people watching when they're being douches.

I just like when they let me in and people are just nice.

Yeah, that too. But anyway, yeah, so that guy missed out on 3 cars.

He missed out.

Yeah, so fuck him.

Yeah, you know what? I'm glad. What did the cars cost you?

$108,000. Oh, which is ridiculous, I know. But I think, um, my friends were really confused when I surprised them.

What did they do?

You can— in the vlog, it didn't— you didn't see all of it at all. It was— my camera was rolling for each person for about 50 minutes. It was like— because like they They were fucking confused.

Really?

Like, it took them a couple days for them to realize that it was their car. Like, they, they were just like, they didn't know what to say. It wasn't like they, um, they didn't even say thank you. And you know why? I don't think the— why they didn't say thank you.

Why?

Because this is the way I compared it in my head. I think it was, you know, like when your grandma gives you money.

Yeah.

And, and you're like, no, Grandma, I can't. I really can't. I really can't. Like, you deny, you deny, you deny, because that's like the respectful thing to do. But the second you say thank you, you're accepting it. Do you know what I mean? So the second you go, okay, thank you, grandma, I appreciate it, that's your money now and you're accepting it, right? And you're not the good guy anymore because you just accepted the money, right? And I think that was the same situation with them. They never wanted to say thank you because they, they just couldn't accept a gift that big.

I get that.

And then they ended up thanking me a couple days later when they realized that it's theirs no matter what.

You had left town and there was no more pranks or anything.

Yeah, it was actually theirs when I left town and the cars were there and they realized that that they weren't going to be shot at with paintball guns out of the backseat. Yeah, no, they were—

He shot me a couple of times with a paintball gun today. David, just— David, it wasn't my least favorite thing that you do.

It wasn't loaded.

You know what? My least favorite thing that you do is when you torture me and the camera's not even on. Like, at least I do it to get a bit and put me in the vlog.

I do it to get you ready.

Ready for what? For podcasting?

Oh, can I say something? No, I'm gonna fucking say it anyway.

He just comes up behind me and shoots me with a paintball gun for no reason.

It's not that big of a deal. It's not loaded. It's just the sound that scares you.

The car—

guys, don't bring this up.

He hit— I was dressed as a woman trying to go to USC, trying to make some funny bits for his vlog. You know, I'm a nice guy and I like to perform for sure, and I really need the attention. And I go out in front of his car, he ran, he hit me with his car, I literally didn't film it. Did you film it?

I don't think I did.

I think you didn't. I think you didn't use it. Go ahead. What were you gonna say?

I hung out with Snoop Dogg the other day as well.

What?

What? It was my intro on my vlog. Yeah, I got to hang out with Snoop Dogg.

Yeah, I don't know, just through it.

I mean, it was— I just met him at a Coachella party.

The first thing that happens when you walk in— where were you?

I was, I was at a Coachella party. My— I told my agent that I needed, I needed Snoop Dogg for a bit, and he got me connected with his manager. Yeah, so I met him at a Coachella party and And we were, we were waiting outside his hotel room to go inside. Snoop was getting ready. He just got back from a show.

Nice hotel room.

No, it was just a regular hotel room. And, and, and I'm with Ilya and, and my friend and Alex, and we're on a balcony, right? And we're sitting there waiting for, for Snoop Dogg. And Ilya knocks over a drink over the fucking balcony and lands on the ground right below us where people are standing. And, and it was, it was a complete accident. And I just start laughing because I'm like, that's so fucking stupid. And then this woman right by me goes— she's like, she's on Snoop Dogg's team— she goes, you know what, I don't think that was really funny at all. And I'm like, Jesus, it was an accident, like calm down. And then his security guard came up to me and he's like, who the fuck are you guys? And we're like, oh, we're just here with Snoop, we're just gonna— he's like, get the fuck out of here, get the fuck out of here. So then we got, we got, you know, we got pushed aside a little bit, but then, but then we got called back into the room. And then I walked in, Snoop Dogg's there chilling. It looks like It looks like you're in like a 4-dimensional movie. Like, it looks like you've jumped into a movie. Snoop Dogg was just sitting on the couch. He was rolling a joint, of course, or a blunt, whatever he does. And my favorite part was we started talking a little bit. I was fucking nervous. I've never been this nervous. And I go, Snoop, how much? How much? I called him Snoop, you know, not even Snoop Dogg. Just kidding. I was fucking— I'm trying to sound cool. I was so fucking nervous. I was calling Mr. Snoop Dogg. No, I just call him Snoop Dogg. No, I call him Snoop. I don't know, who cares. Um, but I was like, I was like, Snoop, how much weed do you have on you at once? And he's like, you really want to see? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do. He's like, hand me that bag. And he's sitting, he's sitting down in a, like a, on a couch, and he points to the bed and there's a bag on the bed. And I'm like, okay. So I grabbed the bag. It's pretty big. It's like a book bag. Like, it's pretty big. And he opens it up and he takes out one joint, two joint Yeah, and then 3 joints, and he puts them on the table and he goes, check that out. And it was, it was, it was only 3 joints. And I'm like, wow, yeah, I really expected Snoop Dogg to have like a fucking, like, like a trunk full of weed. But it was a, it was a very humble amount of weed.

Dog's lungs ain't the same as they used to be.

What?

You know, Snoop Dogg's lungs ain't the same as they used to be.

And he had weed, right, that was in like it was in a can, so it looked like it was cat food. Like it looked like it was straight up cat food. And Alex goes, Alex goes, oh, look at this. It looks like dog food. And Snoop starts fucking dying. He goes, oh shit, dog food. I've never heard that one before. And then he goes, yo, Tyrese, he said dog food. And Alex realizes what joke he made. Alex didn't even realize it because it genuinely just looked like dog food. And I was like, oh shit, fuck, that was funny. So we're all laughing at this, at this stupid pun. Alex.

Yeah, that's right. This food for the dog. That's me.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I like that. I like that joke.

He was really excited about it. But you know what else Snoop Dogg was excited about? Or at least what I'm excited about is my bathroom calling because it's time to give it the cleaning it deserves.

Oh, did Snoop talk to you about Dollar Shave?

No, he didn't.

Oh, okay. Because that was—

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Is that true? Do you shave every day?

I shave.

Oh my God.

Watching almost every day.

Watching Jason shave is like watching a caveman shave. He takes two razors and he'll stand over like the kitchen sink and his face will be dry and he'll just peel away at his skin.

I take some chops at it, then I take a break.

It's like he's skinning a fucking dead dog. And then halfway through, he'll be like, you know what? I'm going to watch a documentary. But so half of his face will be shaved. He'll be sitting down. All his hair from his face is on his shirt.

That's how good the razors are from Dollar Shave.

Yeah.

You can dry shave— no, you can. You can dry shave with them.

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That's incredible. 6 blades for $5? No, it's— That's so cheap.

You don't get the 6 blades. You get the 6-blade executive razor. That's what it's called. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's still incredible.

It's still incredible.

Then keep the blades coming for a few bucks more a month. Get yours at dollarshaveclub.com/views. That's dollarshaveclub.com/views. That, guys, that's, that's our only ad for this week, which, um, it's kind of scary because that's not going to pay for the Mercedes I bought my friends. But there's no room to complain because we're doing good. Um, someone wrote in to our email. Jason, can I read you what they said?

Please.

Jason's a pussy.

Oh, my mother. Jesus.

No, she said, um, my mom won't let me— this is from, um, a girl named— I guess I shouldn't say her name. She said, my mom won't let me wear a bikini or a thong. How can I convince her that there is nothing wrong with them? This is definitely a question for Jason. I should be able to wear what I want, and all my other friends do, so who cares? Thoughts? What should I do? Okay, this is a good question because you're— you have a daughter.

Sure.

And she's how old?

She's 9. Okay, she's already starting to like, you know, wear lipstick and stuff.

And really?

Yeah, like, yeah.

Is she wearing like a training bra?

Uh, no comment.

No comment.

Yeah.

My god, that's gonna be intense.

Not really. There was like a— there was like a huge thing where she was like really nervous. She's like, she needed a bra, she needed a bra. And I was like, what?

And then you got her one of Trisha's bras. Dad, I don't think this is gonna fit.

Why? It uses a slingshot. Um, but yeah, she was like, she's like, she's like, I can't tell you. I can't tell you. I can't tell you.

Oh, fuck. That's probably so stressful.

And then my ex was like, yeah, she's, you know, she's going to get a bra. And I was like, oh, that's so cute.

I feel like, I feel like I don't really need one. What sucks about girls, like, is like they go through like all these changes.

Sure.

And like, that's like, that's probably like so fucking nerve-wracking to talk to.

Yeah.

Like guys, like what happens when you get older? You get pubes. Yeah, that's all that happens. And your voice gets deeper.

Yeah.

And your parents have to tell you maybe to put a condom on, even though you don't have to have a sex talk with your kids anymore, by the way. I think that's like an old-time thing.

They, they explain it to them in school every year.

It's not even that, it's the internet exists now, you know. People find out before they even get to school. They're 9 years old and they already know that they have to wrap it up. It's just like a thing. Um, no, but what are you gonna do when you're— when your daughter, to answer this question, wants to wear a thong? Yeah.

Absolutely not.

Well, what if she's— what if she's old enough to wear one? Fuck no. No fucking way. My daughter will never be old enough to wear a thong.

No, I don't. I don't think this person needs to chill out on the email. She needs to just go on, go on home, put her pants on.

You're such a dad.

No bikini either, they said.

My mom won't let me wear a bikini or a thong.

Yeah, one piece is fine. You have your whole—

one piece is fine.

You have your whole life to be, you know, sexual.

I know, but first of all, this person didn't say how old they are, so this is tough.

I know, I noticed that too.

She could be 20, 21.

Oh yeah, she's 25, then tell your mom to fuck off. Go do what you want, girl.

Um, but when should you start making your own decisions?

Um, I think when you're like— it just depends on the kid. If the kid is mature and they're smart and they have their head on their shoulders, then 16. If they're dummies, you know, like some of our friends, then never.

I agree. 16, I think, is like the— I think 16 should be the age to be able to drink.

16?

Sorry, not to drink, just to smoke. 18? No, actually, I don't even know what I'm saying. Sorry, 18 should be the age to be able to drink and smoke.

No, but the problem with that is you get the drunk drivers.

But I think, I think that's why so many kids do it, is because it's so illegal. Like, that's why, dude, imagine, imagine you'd have a lot less drunk drivers if kids were allowed to drink at 18.

Well, they say in Europe, you know, it's the— alcohol is not taboo. You're drinking when you're like 13, 14, and it's a big deal. So that proves your point.

Not only that, but think about, think about the situation. Like, like, if I'm, if I'm 17, if I'm 18 years old and I'm drinking at a party and I know you're gonna beat my fucking ass if you find out that I drank, I'm gonna drive fucking home without telling you. But if we're cool and if you communicate with your kids, I'm gonna call you, be like, yo, Dad, I'm super fucked up, pick me up, or I'm getting in this car and I'm gonna fucking kill people. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, like, that's why it's so important. Like, fucking, if your kid's 15, be like, listen, if you're ever drunk, I will not be fucking mad at you. Just call me, I'll pick you up.

Oh yeah, agree, 100%. Agree.

Like, you should never be scared to call your parents. Like, if you're, if you're a parent and you fucking yell at your kids the second you pick them up from a party because they're drunk, fuck you. Because, because that's bad. Because the next time they're gonna go out and be really rebellious, they're not gonna call you.

And they're gonna try to put yourselves in— be honest, be— put yourself— say you're 40 now and you have kids. Put yourselves in those shoes. You think you'll be that cool then?

Me?

Yeah.

It's not cool, dude.

That's a very cool parent.

Oh, thanks, babe.

To not—

thank you.

I love my 6 kids. No, put yourselves in that shoes.

Like, like, I don't think it's cool. I think it's responsible.

I mean, I know if my kid called me drunk for a party, I would be like, oh yeah, I'll be right there, dog.

Yeah, you pick them up and then you say, hey, lay off, be careful, maybe, maybe don't drink that much, you're 12.

Charlie came in, saw your paintings, you know, while you were gone.

Oh yeah.

Oh man, she was giving it to you.

What'd she say?

She's like, she's like, she's like, why does he have to do that? Why does he have to—

I painted the living room, the house.

Yeah. And I had a whole conversation with her. I was like, you know, I was like, David does a lot of good things too. He's a really good guy. Then why was like— why was like— he was like He's like, I like David, I think it's funny.

Wyatt's always got my back, even though I feel like I'm the meanest to him.

No, I think you can be mean to him. I think he's— I think he gets it.

Yeah, I think he understands.

He understands that you're just kidding.

Was gonna say, once my friend got pulled— I think I may have said this on the podcast— my friend got pulled over once drinking and driving right outside the house where he left from the party. Like, he left, and within 15 seconds he was pulled over. Like there's a cop right there. Did I tell you this?

No.

And, and the cop told him to get out of the car and told him to get in, told him to get in the backseat of his car. And he— and the cop got out of his own car and he drove my friend's car to the gas station and he said, have your parents pick you up here. Don't drive this car tonight. Wow.

Yeah, that's a Vernon Hills cop.

Yeah.

The cops cool in Vernon Hills?

No, no, that was just a really fucking dope incident. He was just like, he was drunk. He was drunk driving. He's like, don't let this fucking happen again. Call your parents, tell them to pick you up. How badass is that?

I went to a high school dance once and, um, and we were all drinking on the train tracks before.

And then like, you were drinking at the train tracks?

Yeah, we're drinking at the train tracks.

Holy shit, that's like out of a movie.

Peppermint schnapps.

Okay.

And, uh, and so like, I wasn't even really into it because I don't even drink that much.

I had like trains back then. This is when they were just invented, right?

Yeah, they just discovered coal. And, uh, And, and so I had like a couple shots. I went to the dance, but like I walked out of the dance and like I wasn't even drunk. And, and we went with someone else's car, like to like McDonald's or whatever.

Well, that's amazing. After prom?

It wasn't even prom.

After, after dance, McDonald's?

Yes.

That's fucking amazing.

Why?

That sounds so good. Yeah, I guess it sounds like the— imagine it, dude. It's fucking 11:30. Like you've just— you're sweaty, you're a little bit sweaty, but you're fucking happy to be out of that humid gym. It's kind of warm outside, kind of cool. Windows are down. You just pull up to McDonald's. You just turn the music down in your car because you guys were blasting music on the way there.

Yeah.

And all you hear is your friend from the front seat go, uh, a double cheeseburger. And that's how you know you've made it. You're like, I'm fucking home. That sounds so dumb.

Back when I ate McDonald's. And then, uh, and so then we went to the McDonald's, and McDonald's was in another town, so it was kind of far. Sure. So we came back, and, and we go back to the high school, and we pull into the parking lot, and there's my Toyota Tercel. It's the only car there.

Okay.

Right. And then there's a blue Camaro also there, black. Um, my friends dropped me off, and I'm like, okay guys, see you later. And, um, the car come— this car comes out of nowhere I don't remember if the car came out of nowhere, maybe the car is already there. Like 3 cop cars come out, like the big— the bust of the century. Fuck, the bust of the fucking century. Like, like you— oh my god, like I was a drug lord.

Yeah, like you're El Chapo.

Like I'm El Chapo. And, um, and they go, you've been drinking tonight? And I go, nope, I'm not drinking at all. Because I wasn't. I, I wasn't drunk at all.

Okay.

And because I didn't get drunk. And he's like, oh yeah, what do you want to explain this? And they go to my trunk, and the car is a shitty car, it's like a $500 car, and they click the trunk and the trunk goes like that, and inside is a bottle of tequila untouched and a 12-pack untouched. And like, I guess I had put it in there and I forgot, and cuffed me.

What? How old were you?

I must have been 16. I was old enough to drive, so at least 16 and a half.

Okay.

Cuffed me, brought me down to the station. Fucking called my mom and dad. My mother came through the door like I'd never done anything wrong in my life. She was so distraught. She was like so upset.

She crying?

Yeah, crying. And I was— and, and, uh, and she was like, is it, is it yours? Is it yours? And I was like, yeah, it's mine. I guess it's a lot of people's, but it's mine. And, and then they let me go. And then like, that was like, I thought my father was gonna fucking murder me because my father was really, really, really tough.

What'd your dad do?

He, he, he came, he came over the next day and he was, he was pretty cool about it.

I knew my son's not a pussy.

And then I had community service for 2 months.

Your community service?

Every Saturday. Washing cop cars.

Whoa.

Yeah, it was. And looking back on it, it's like, what?

Yeah, that's fucking—

why?

And they must have checked your car because you were the last car in the parking lot.

Yeah, they, they illegally searched my car.

Oh yeah, they wanted to see if there was— yeah, you're right.

So yeah, that was it.

And then, uh, I feel like I know your dad, and I feel like I would imagine that he was very excited when he found out that you went to jail. 'Cause you were probably a little bitch.

And then when he was like, look who's talking over there, guy that was friends with only girls.

No, no, no, no. But in high school, your dad was a fucking jock.

Yeah, he is a jock.

So like, I could just imagine your mom getting the phone call, her being like, sweetie, our son's in jail. And your dad being like, are you sure? Because that does not sound like him. Are you sure? Can you confirm that for me? He's actually in In jail? Yes, honey, it's true. Holy fucking shit, thank the Lord. No, that's amazing.

My dad used to terrorize me. It was awful. It's kind of like you.

Yeah, no, your dad and I would definitely, would definitely really get along.

Yeah, for sure.

But, um, speaking of being a bad father, um, your kids yesterday, yeah, they came home and, well, they came home from— this is what they did the other day with Jason. They went to get—

they went to get David the parent kicking in. I love when you put your parenting hat on.

No, fuck off, Jason. You gotta fix this shit. They went, they went to get ice cream, and then after ice cream they went to CPK.

Go worry about your kids, Big Nick and Alex.

Which is California Pizza Kitchen. And then they went to get Pinkberry, which is frozen yogurt. And then guess what? Guess what? They got home, it's like 9:00 PM, and his fucking daughter has the audacity to walk up to Jason and go, hey, hey, Daddy. 'Can I have the Milky Way that we have?' And Jason goes, 'There is no Milky Way.' And she goes, 'No, no, there's a Milky Way.' And he goes, 'There is?' And she goes, 'Yes.' And he goes, 'Okay, fine, but you can only have half.' And she eats the entire fucking Milky Way.

I was.

Who came grabbing for candy?

I eat your kid's Sour Patch Kids because I'm looking out for them. Someone has to. You can't have your kids eat that many treats, huh? Yeah.

What are you talking about? He went to ice cream. She was at the dentist, and then she came back from the dent with her 17 cavities and was like, you fuckers went to ice cream without me?

Oh, okay.

And I was like, yeah, we went to ice cream. So then we went to CPK, and then after CPK, she's like, you got him ice cream, you got to get me Pinkberry. But then Wyatt got Pinkberry again.

With that, Wyatt got Pinkberry.

Yeah, he did. I know, it's bad. It's bad. I don't know what to say. What am I What do I say to them? What do I say? No, don't enjoy life. You can't have any fun.

What would your dad say to you?

You're fat.

Yeah, there we go.

No, my dad would—

he'd just beat the fuck out of you.

Yeah, probably. No, my dad's cool now. He's very, very mellowed out. But he used to stand behind the fucking cage when I would bat and, uh, and just call you a pussy. Yeah.

Wait, no, what did he used to do?

Well, like, I would do okay when he didn't come, and I'd be like, all right, get maybe a hit or something. And then on the days he would come, oh shit, yeah, it would just be like, he's like, the ball would come in and he'd be like, you're pulling your head out. That would he— that's what he would say. You're good, you're not—

you're gonna lie on the ball. That's awesome. I knew, I know, I could feel exactly what kind of person you're doing.

And then, then the coach would come over and he would be like, hey, uh, like the real touchy-feely coach, he'd be like, hey, uh, Bob, uh You know, maybe you want to, you know, not stand behind that.

Oh, the coach would give your dad talks?

Yeah, like, cuz I always had like touchy-feely coaches, but then, and then my dad be like, like, don't fucking talk to me, Mac. Don't tell me what to say to my son.

You the father of my kids. Yeah, I'm the father. All right, well guys, that's it. Yeah, we have to get off, but, but I'm gonna give everybody a heads up. I think we're announcing a tour. Yeah, next Wednesday.

Yeah.

It's looking like there's going to be— how many cities?

9 cities.

9 cities. It's going to be a podcast tour. Buy the fucking tickets. It's going to be a blast. Hopefully it's a blast. I never know these podcast tours. The fun— the fun part about these tours is you're in it with us. Do you know what I mean? You're not there to enter to get entertained. You're kind of just there to hang out. And— and I feel like you know us well enough where if the show sucks, you'll be happy that we at least got paid.

The shows don't suck, David.

I don't know. I don't—

I can't even tell you. The shows are so good.

Sure.

I'm sure everyone fucking loves them.

I'm sure they're great friends.

They have— they love them.

Yeah. Just come to the shows, have a good time, drink a couple beers.

We're going to big, big cities on the East Coast. We're going to big ones in the Midwest.

We'll be in the South, we'll be in the North, the Midwest, the East.

9 cities. Announcing the tour Friday.

Yeah, Wednesday or Friday. Next Wednesday or Friday, starting June 9th on the East Coast. That's when the tour starts. Well, guys, brace yourselves. This has been another Views podcast.

This is a minute short right now. I don't want to give the people—

oh, real quick, real quick, we got one more email. Can I just read it real quick? Okay, here we go. My name is Andrew. I'm from St. Louis, and yesterday my dad and I got into a huge fight, like straight out of a movie fight. He kicked me out of the car. I kid you not. We were driving down the street and in the neighborhood over, and he fucking kicked me out of the car and told me to walk home. He said I was talking out of line and being disrespectful. It took me all afternoon.

Were you?

That's exactly what he doesn't say. But he said it took me all afternoon to get home. It was almost 6 miles. Now he won't talk to me and the rest of my family is mad at me too. Have you ever gotten into a fight like this with your parents? What do you do? The awkward tension is just annoying and I want to be over this. It was stupid. Okay, you probably piss your dad off a lot if your entire family's mad. That means, that means you actually did something fucked up. Go apologize to your parents. I've gotten into pretty bad fights with my dad. And I think, I think it only helps. I don't think, I don't think it only helps, like big fights.

You think big fights help?

Like discipline fights.

I would never let my kid walk home 6 miles. I don't care what he did. Really? Yeah, it's really wrong what his dad did. Oh my god, really, really, really wrong. And his dad's wrong, and his dad should fucking clean up his act.

Listen, if Andrew, if your dad is listening to this, what Jason would do is he'd kick his kids out of the car, tell him to sit down and wait there, and he'd bring him Pinkberry yogurt and make sure they're all okay and make sure they cheer up before they get home. No, but just go apologize to your parents. Or maybe you didn't give us enough details, so I can't really actually just say this.

You know, listen, I want to talk this out, and we need to talk this out, and I want to make this right.

Tell them we talked about it on the podcast and that we have a tour coming up and that you really want tickets, and that'll really help you out in school, and you'll stop being—

Thanks for buying our merch. The merch sales have been really good.

Yeah, thanks for buying the merch.

Views merch.

We'll see you guys later. This has been a Views podcast. That was Jason Nash, and my name is Jeff. We'll see you guys later. Bye!