Why I May Get Deported -- DACA

What's up guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason tries to count up to 5 while his eyes are closed.

1. I can't do it. I'm scared. Can I open my eyes?

Yeah, go for it. Open your eyes. Hey, you guys love this podcast? Well, did you know that you can listen to it on Spotify while still enjoying your favorite tunes? It's easy. Just look for the pod— just look for the podcast section within the browse tab on your mobile device or search for your favorite shows. To find more podcasts, head to spotify.com/podcast. That was unexpected. No one saw that coming, but it happened. Bruce, roll the intro. Okay, that was Bruce's intro.

Sorry.

Thank you. Great. Spotify is going to be very angry at us. That's what you follow.

I've been paying for Spotify for about 5 years now.

Regardless, Spotify is awesome. That was the first ad of the show, guys. We have a big surprise this show. There's 4 ads. That was one of four ads.

Yeah.

We are walking away from this show millionaires.

I am looking at a catalog for David's pool right now. I'm holding it in my hand.

I have Jason's brand new keys to his Cadillac that I parked outside and I'm surprising with him after the show.

Oh boy.

Yeah, it's a big show. I'm very happy. All right, let's get right into the nitty gritty stuff. Let's just jump into what everybody wants to hear. Jason, are you gay?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Well, now that we got that out of the way, um, yeah, sorry for the— but you wanted a bigger fight. Yeah, I just try to just come out and say it because I know everyone wanted to hear it.

No, Jason's— Jason's bisexual, but he hasn't admitted it yet. I've heard rumors where he has hooked up with guys.

Hey, what the hell?

What?

I'm 100% straight. I'm a straight man. I told you my friend is having trouble with his zipper that night. What kind of these accusations? You say this all the time to me.

And were your hands tied behind your back?

Yes, they happened to be. It was a Halloween costume we were doing.

So you had to use your tongue to untie his zipper?

What difference does it make the way you help out a friend as long as you help him out?

Okay, you're right. Okay, enough about— Golly by geez. Enough about Jason's sexuality. If you haven't noticed yet, this podcast is gonna be very political. We're going to get into some politics.

Hell no, we won't go. Hell no, we won't go.

What does that mean?

That's my political character. My new political character.

Jason's all in with his political character. Let's just—

Dom Seinholder.

Let's just start by coming out by saying we're both really hardcore Trump supporters.

Let's not come out and say that. You can say that about yourself. I don't like that at all. I don't like to joke about that kind of thing. No, we're talking about an ex-wife who will burn this podcast to the ground if she heard that. You want me to ever see my kids again?

Actually, no, no, no, no, we're not. We're definitely not Trump supporters. Are we Democrats? Am I a Democrat?

Yes, you are.

Wow. Okay, you are.

I mean, I've been sussing you out for months, kind of figure out if you are or not.

You're a gay Democrat.

Yeah, well, I remember when Trump was coming around, you pretty much right away came out, said he was a douche. Well, yeah, but all your friends were kind of like, let's hear what he has to say.

Yes, because there's two ways I saw I saw when Trump was coming out. When Trump first ran for office, I don't know, there was part of me that was kind of like, this is interesting, but I didn't even want to be hipster. I felt like it was a really hipster, and I felt like it was a hipster move to support him. I felt like it was people that thought they were smarter than other people that support— does that make sense?

White nationalist hipster?

White nationalist hipster, yeah. No, I felt like supporting Trump if you're not a racist was more of like a way to like prove to your friends like, "Hey, I'm so smart that you don't even see why Trump's the good choice here." And I thought that's like all the stances. That's why like a lot of my friends were supporting Trump, 'cause I think that's the move they were taking. They're like, "Well, I know stuff about Trump 'cause I've researched politics and I know that Hillary is corrupt." You've watched The Apprentice.

I've watched several episodes of The Apprentice.

I've seen Donald Trump's cooking shows. I've seen all his YouTube blogs. He's fit for presidency. And I didn't like that at all. I mean, even when you catch a president saying things like grab her by the pussy, it's like, in my head, it's game over. And then my friends would argue things like, haven't you ever said shit like that? And like, hell yeah, I have, but I'm never going to run for president. That's just not what I'm doing. And I don't know. At least from what I saw from Barack Obama, that dude was dope as hell. I like, I loved Barack Obama. Just the fact, like, I don't know, I don't know anything about politics. He could have, he could have started a genocide in Cambodia. I wouldn't have known because he was such a cool dude on the outside.

He was a smooth guy.

He was, he was very smooth. He was quick, he was witty, and he was a family man, and he was, he was easy to admire. And he had a great YouTube channel and a really good YouTube, great YouTube pranks, and he collabed with Liza.

So he's, he's one of the best collabs ever.

Yeah, it was, it was heat.

It was awesome.

It was a banger.

They did Smash or Pass.

They did Smash or Pass. That That was the best part of it.

It was awesome.

Obama smashed. Obama smashed Liza. And you, actually.

Yeah, he smashed on me. I was like, all right, all right, my friend.

I can't believe he knew who you were.

I know, I couldn't believe it either.

So what recently happened is, well, let me just start by saying this. It's 9:45 right now, and about 15 minutes ago, our flight started boarding for Australia. But we're sitting here at my house because I found out this morning that I'm not allowed to leave the country. Ever again. That was so dramatic. I am, roll the intro music again. No, I'm allowed to leave the country. If I leave, I can't reenter. And I found this out because I am what you would, I'm protected under DACA. And long story short, DACA is an executive order made by Barack Obama to basically help childhood arrivals, kids that came here without basically their consent or without their idea of coming here, 'cause their parents brought them overseas or brought them from wherever, and they basically grew up here. So like me, I'm not a citizen, I don't have a visa, I don't have a green card. I would basically be an illegal citizen if it wasn't for DACA. But I was raised here since I was 5, and I'm as American as it gets. You know I'm pretty American.

Douchiest, most douchey person I know. That's the biggest American. When I go out— mouth hotshot, smacks his lips at the table, calls the waiter with his hand, excuse me, excuse me, sits down, sits down before the waiter could even speak and says, we're in a rush. No matter what, how much time he has, or no matter when he goes to eat. So you truly are You're the American France talks about.

Every time I have a waiter, I'm always just like, I'm always like, listen, this is my exact line for every waiter. And I know they spit in my food after every time I say this, but I go, hey, I'm trying to say this in the least douchey way possible, but we're in a hurry. And I think that's the most douchey way to say it. But cause like I always want to get out of dinner quickly and I know it doesn't speed up anything because I've waited tables before. And I know if someone says that I'm going to take my fucking time.

Go even slower.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I still say it anyways because I'm a bitch.

Sometimes it works.

Sometimes.

We've had some quick meals.

If you get lucky. But so what happened recently, why we can't go to Australia, is because Donald Trump decided yesterday that he's getting rid of DACA completely. And he's given the government 6 months to act on it. He's having Congress act on it, and Congress can decide whether or not they want to deport all these DACA people, there's like 800,000 people under DACA, which is a shit ton, and that's all of the people that watch your YouTube videos.

Yeah, it's a lot.

Did you know that everyone that watches your videos is protected by DACA?

That's why my views are down, 'cause people are out.

People are just scared.

Trying not to get deported.

Yeah, or if we get lucky, which isn't gonna happen, I really doubt, because Congress is made up of a majority of Republicans, Congress can find an easier way for DACA recipients to get citizenship. And when I tweeted today saying that I'm a DACA recipient, people, there was like 10 or 15 people that were like, fuck you, you have so much money, you could've gotten a citizenship. And it's not like that at all. You can't get a citizenship with DACA. You really can't do shit. And it's crazy, because the first time I heard it, I thought my parents were idiots. I'm like, you realize how stupid you guys sound right now? When they explained it to me, I found out I wasn't a citizen when I was like 16 years old. Yeah. When I got my driver's license or when I tried to get my driver's license.

Your parents have a habit of not telling you shit. They didn't tell you about 9/11.

They didn't tell me about 9/11.

They didn't tell you you weren't a citizen.

Which is, let me just tell the 9/11 story real quick. I was, um, I, my, my dad was in New York for 9/11. So I think this is why my parents said it, but they told me that no one got hurt at 9/11 and everyone got off the plane and everyone got off the, got out of the building. And then we were doing some show and tell thing at my second grade class. We were all sitting around. Someone brought up 9/11 and they're like, it was so sad or whatever, I don't know what they said. And then I speak up without even raising my hand, I'm like, yeah, but at least no one got hurt. And then everyone in the class looks at me like, what the hell? And that same night I went home and I found out Santa Claus wasn't real.

You mean 9/11, the happiest day ever? I love 9/11. My daddy told me all about 9/11, said it was one of the best days ever.

That was me. And everyone looked at me like, could you go to the principal's office please? But yeah, so Trump took away DACA for 800,000 people, and he took away all our travel privileges as of yesterday. So I cannot reenter the US if I leave the country. What I'm trying to say is I was 16 when I found out I was a DACA person, and I thought up until then that I was just a citizen.

You go to the DMV to get your license.

I didn't go to the DMV. I was in class and they asked for my social security number. Right., and they, I didn't have one. I couldn't give them one. Right. Uh, oh, and excuse me, I wasn't a DACA person yet because Trump hasn't passed it yet. Right. And they're like, and I couldn't, I didn't have a social security number. My parents just told me to fill in 000000. So I did that. Maybe it was like a cheat code. I don't know. Um, but then I got home and they told me that I'm basically as close as it gets to an illegal citizen or an illegal immigrant. Yeah. And This was like, I was shell-shocked because my parents and I had this whole, it was like my teenage years, I would always pretend like I wasn't a foreigner, like I would never accept the fact that I was from Slovakia. So my parents would bring it up, I would be like, no, fuck that, I'm American, I'm American. So this was like a real slap to my face when I'm like this douchey teen and then they were like, yeah, you're not a citizen, you're not even like, I was not legally allowed to be here. And then we got lucky and then DACA got passed, which was an executive order from Obama, as I mentioned, and that let me stay in the country and work. So, I got a job, I started working, and then, yeah, I ended up here.

By getting a job that helped you stay, or it didn't matter?

No, it didn't matter, but I finally was able to get a job.

Oh, 'cause you got a Social Security number.

Yeah, I couldn't even work, I couldn't do anything, and DACA's a work permit, so it lets you work in the US. Ah, ah, ah. And yeah, then I got to come out here and I got to do, literally, do the whole American dream route, you know? Just coming out to LA, buying a nice car, and buying a nice house. And now Trump's taking it away. And I really, really, really, really hate to get political because I honestly wouldn't even talk about this if it wasn't for everybody tweeting at me and kind of pushing this responsibility on me, which I'm totally fine with., but I feel like I kinda should just bring some light to it. I hate to get political, even if it affects me, I just, I literally don't, I just don't care. I don't know what it is, but I just, I never think about it. And yeah, a lot of people were bringing it to my attention that like this is bothering a lot of, and this is changing a lot of people's lives. And so bottom line is Trump's getting rid of DACA, which is absolutely bizarre, and I'm pretty sure, 97% of the world is very confused by this.

What did you tell him? What you told me what your lawyer said today when you were asking him why Trump is getting rid of DACA?

He— okay, I was talking to my lawyer and I'm like, listen, we were sitting getting ready for immigration to give me the no-go or to give me the go on this Australia trip. I was sitting there and I'm like, listen, I understand that you're a lawyer that works with immigration, so you probably hate Trump. "But give me your most unbiased facts of why DACA should be gotten rid of." And he's like, "I'm not fucking with you." This is what he said, he said, "I'm not fucking with you. There isn't anything, I have yet to read anything that will come out of DACA in a positive way if it ends." And I mean, bottom line is, from what I'm seeing from everywhere, it's true. I feel like it's just an ego trip for Americans, for those hardcore Americans that are like, "Let's get everybody out of this fucking place." place. Like, I, I, this Marine messaged me today and he's like, you have no place here. Like, it's just like ridiculous. Like a Marine, like a dude that like represents us. And it's just like, it's just, it's just messed up. Like it doesn't, it doesn't make any sense. Like I'm not bothered by it. I don't, I don't care what people say. Cause you know, people talk shit to me on the internet a lot, but it's like at the same time, like you can't, you can't, you run into me on the street. And I am as American as it gets, and all these DACA people are as American as it gets, because a lot of people don't even know their home language anymore. There isn't a home country that they can go back to, because this is their home. It's as lame as it sounds. It's just completely ridiculous.

Well, that's why it's good that you're speaking up.

But it doesn't make sense to me, logically. How does it make sense to get rid of it? How does that help the economy? The only thing it does is maybe gives— opens up more entry-level jobs for Americans, which I think is such a stupid— I hate when an American goes and says— I've always hated this— and goes, immigrants are taking away our jobs. Immigrants are taking pretty fucking shitty jobs. Oh, yeah. You got to be a dumbass American.

Do you know how much fruit is not being picked right now? All the produce is being wasted because there's no one picking it.

Also, this is what I tweeted. I tweeted yesterday, it got very good feedback, which was nuts. I tweeted, I paid $400,000 in taxes last year and all I got was a free trip back to Slovakia. And like, it's, I tweeted that and someone was like, what did you expect? Did you expect the roads and the schools and everything to be paid for free?, and I'm like, no. Like, that was such a stupid comment.

I don't think they knew anything about DACA.

It was such a stupid comment, and like, especially when you pay $400 grand in taxes, I don't even, I obviously expect citizenship, but I expect a fucking ginormous chocolate cake to be delivered to my front door. That's a lot of money, and the fact that I can't travel in and out of the country for, you know, without any problem is ridiculous. And let me tell you that the, the immigration people, at least here in LA, are douche nuggets. Guys, if you're listening to this and your parent is an immigration lawyer— or not immigration lawyer— is an immigration, like, staff member in the immigration office, they're probably a douchebag, and you need to sit down with them and have a conversation. I went to one today, uh, this was the second one I've ever gone to. I, um, I was trying to get— I was trying to go to Australia, and the way I would get approved for this is 3 months ahead of time, and I have to show that there's gonna be a financial issue if I don't go, that I'm not gonna make money or whatever. So I went. I went this morning, and I gave him a contract that said if I don't go to Australia today, I will not make $30,000 that I am planned to make, that I have signed a contract to make at VidCon. And And he goes, this is what he says. He goes, he goes, but where's the financial loss? I'm like, it's right there, $30,000. And he's like, no, that's if you go to Australia, but there's no loss right now because you're not going to Australia.

I can't even wrap my head around what you're saying. I'm trying to wrap it around. I understand what you're saying. I'm trying to understand what he was thinking. He was— there's no loss.

So in other words, he was saying you're not losing $30,000 'cause you haven't made it yet, 'cause I haven't approved you to go on this trip. Jesus. Like the shittiest catch-22. That's not even a catch-22. It's just, it was bullshit. And he's such a douche. Like he does it, I mean, he sees so many people a day. And like, it got me thinking. I called my manager and I'm like, dude, I'm a white guy that makes a lot of money, and like, this is how they treat me. Imagine how they treat like, you know, like Hispanic people or just people that are actual minorities in immigration offices. Like, it must be a shithole. It was eye-opening. And I was with this guy who was— I didn't really— it didn't bother me that much that they weren't going to send me to Australia, because I still have a job here, and I'm still going to make a living. But there was this guy I was with that he had kids at home. And this was—

he was—

What was he trying to do? He's a cinematographer, and he was going to go work on a movie for 4 months. And this was his bread and butter. Butter. Like, he was going to go to 4 different locations around the world to shoot this movie, and if they didn't approve him, which they weren't going to until like the very last second, he wouldn't have a job for 4 months. And his family literally wouldn't, wouldn't have anything to eat, or I don't even know what happens. And like, in that case, it's just, it's just so messed up. Especially, you would think, you would think that they'd want you to leave, you know what I mean?

Yeah, you would think up the roads a little bit.

Yeah, you would think that they'd be like, yeah, Leave for a week, stay in Australia for 8 months if you want. Yeah, who gives a fuck? But no, they really want you to stay because they're waiting for the day they can deport you and immigration shows up to your house. Did he get it?

Did who get it?

The cinematographer? He did, he did. He got the job and he's going. He's a very nice guy.

They approved him, but not you?

I'm very happy for him. He wasn't under DACA. He was just a guy looking for a work visa, but he had a very tough time too because of this whole because of this whole DACA thing, it's just a very hard time for everybody to get out.

I'll tell you, man, this thing's been hard for you, and I feel bad, but you've been looking pretty, pretty, pretty street right now, you know I'm saying?

Thank you, dude.

Yeah, really appreciate a lot of respect, you know.

You look really— I look like it. Do I look like a minority? Yeah, cuz I feel like one.

Yeah, you're just looking real cool. Something about you, I don't know what it is.

Thanks.

It is kind of fun. —in this really dark, twisted way. It is kind of— it was almost like, I have something to talk about that people would care about. It gives character. Like my last podcast, we talked about how much I love first class and how much it sucks to go into middle class. And it's cool that now I have something else to talk about. You got a struggle. Yeah, that I have a struggle. It's very interesting, and I dig it, even though I don't dig it.

I mean, you know, your Tesla's $160,000. And that's a struggle.

That's a struggle too, getting out of that. You know what is a struggle? What? I didn't know that Dollar Shave Club had stuff other than razors. Dollar Shave's back?

Yes, they're back.

Gosh darn it, I love them. And there's no better way to cut to Dollar Shave Club than going from DACA and immigration and Donald Trump being a jackass to talking about Dollar Shave Club.

You're gonna need a shave when you go to the judge, whether he decides you get deported or not. What is that? Thank God we've got Dollar Shave Club.

Well, you want to look good. Oh, okay. Before you get thrown out of the country. You're right. At the store, there are too many options and you can't tell the difference between any of them. Then, if you have any questions, the clerk usually doesn't know the difference either or can't really help you since they're not experts on the products. Dollar Shave Club makes it easy and convenient for you to upgrade your shave and your bathroom. Now you don't have to step foot in a store to get a high-quality shave and grooming products. We'll deliver them right to your door. Mm-hmm.

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In your first box, you will receive their shave butter, body wash, and one Wipe Charles butt wipes.

Let me tell you, this is off script, I absolutely love butt wipes. And I think a lot of people know this about me, but my mom sends me a shipment of butt wipes. A shitment? A shitment of butt wipes. She sends me a shipment of butt wipes every month. Wow, amazing. You will never use toilet paper again. They make you feel so clean. It's a life changer. I even got Liza to start using them.

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This offer is exclusively available at dollarshaveclub.com/views. That's dollarshaveclub.com views. As we were actually reading that, my manager just sent me a quick text about DACA. Okay, he's very passionate, he's got my back. It's actually— it kind of, kind of overlays everything I want to say, but in a more educated way, because I don't have the words to describe what I'm thinking. I don't know who wrote this, but he just copy and pasted a long message. I just want to read part of it. It says, many of the— this is talking about DACA recipients. It says, many of these folks do not speak the language of their parents' homeland. They went to high school here, were football players, cheerleaders, FBLA members, or perhaps they were in the marching band right here in the country in which they were raised, the United States. So it's just like, I feel like that kind of wraps everything I wanted to say in one place. Like, you really— like, the people that are being kicked out of the country— well, I'm such a politician right now, or like at least an activist. The people that are being kicked out of the country are straight up Just little people that you walk by every day. Like just regular Joes. Even your son. Who knows, maybe your son wasn't born in the United States.

Your son's name?

What's his name? I forgot. His name's Wyatt. Wyatt, yeah, of course. You don't even know. For all you know, your son can be from a different country.

Did you know that?

He might as well be. You probably don't even know where he was born.

I do vlogs so much, I forgot that I have a son. That's all I do. Unless he pops up.

In a family vlog, I don't see him. Unless he's there to work for you, you don't really know him.

Yeah, he's a good worker too.

He'll do as many takes as you want. But this thing that my manager sent me continues talking about it and says, but our current government is pathetic in the area of human rights. Come on, Trump supporters, I never hated you guys for your vote. I never unfriended a soul for liking Trump. I never treated anyone different for their vote, but how in the hell can you get behind this? Which is, it is kind of insane at the same time because it's, you're literally kicking people out. You're kicking people out like me who speak English, who are very beautiful, super sexy, and attractive people. You keep reading it, it's good. Thank you. Oh, I should keep reading it? Yeah. We all know Congress will do little to support these people. The Dreamers work, they serve in the military, they study in our great universities, and today we spat in their face. I am ashamed. It is time to consider an exodus. That's nuts. That's some deep stuff. That's almost like a Jason Nash poetry book.

My poetry book didn't do well. Oh.

You know, unfortunately. No, but overall, I wanted to touch upon DACA, and I think we really hit it home in this podcast. I don't know if I chose the right words to describe what's happening in the country. I feel like I was chosen. I feel like I was— I feel like this is my calling. This is why I built my social media career.

This is why you had to get up at 6 AM this morning. To go to immigration.

And I had to go to the Supercharger. This is why I didn't go to Australia.

David stayed at— David had to go to his lawyer this morning, and he does a funny thing when he has to get up early.

He stays at my house, which is odd. I sleep on Jason's couch. Since I have to wake up at— I had to wake up at 6 in the morning to go over to my lawyer's house. And I had to come over really late. So I was pounding on their door because I lost the key to their house, and Scott answers the door, his roommate, and he goes, "What the fuck, man? I was just about to have sex." And then I thought he was kidding, and then his girlfriend Kristen walks out, and she's like, "What the fuck? We were just about to have sex." And I'm like, "I'm sorry, I have to spend the night." So I slept on their couch because Jason wakes me up in the morning in case my alarm doesn't and he did today. I get the blankets ready. If it wasn't for Jason, we wouldn't be standing up for DACA because he woke me up this morning. That's right. I'd still be sleeping if it wasn't for Jason.

We'd still be wondering if you can leave the country.

We'd probably be hopping on our flight to Australia and not realizing that I won't be able to reenter.

It'll be fine. I think it'll be fine. It should be fine.

I'm not worried about it. We land in Australia. Yeah, that's the scariest thing is being stuck out of the country. But, um, but yeah, bottom line is DACA is a great thing. President Obama passed it and he— it was an executive order, and now Trump's taking it away, and that's a no-no. So whatever you guys want to do to spread the word, if you want to buy all my merch, that usually spreads the word.

Yeah, or, or, or, you know, write your congressman. Yeah, maybe not buy all our merch.

I don't know if that's gonna— just me trying to turn a shitty situation Trump was—

Trump's DACA was defeated today when the clickbait hoodie sold out in 1 hour, shutting down the fanjoy.co website.

David's merch sales skyrocketed, and so did the immigration reform.

We've never seen anything like it. No one really understands quite how and why large purchases of a social media influencer's merch— and get this—

would somehow strike Congress to keep DACA. And get this, David Dobrik merch is selling so well we might be defeating ISIS. My merch sales, guys, are the key to end everything, all our struggles.

Just buy my merch at fandrew.co/dobrik. And let us know if there's a— I'm gonna look, but if there's marches that you guys know about in LA, yeah, let us know. We'll come out and And you know, we'll shoot some stuff, it'll be fun, we'll bring the gang. I don't have too many causes, you know. I got David's DACA, I got my son's friend who's from Haiti, his orphanage. Oh nice. I give some cash every year to that. Really? And then I got my Gelson's Turkey Battle. What's the Gelson's Turkey Battle? Well, it's a battle I've been battling with my friend David for a while.

Me? That doesn't sound that serious. Okay.

All right, well, until you walk a mile in another man's shoes, shut the fuck up, I think is the phrase. Go ahead, what's wrong with your turkey from Gelson's? Well, I go to Gelson's and I like, I just know food better than these guys. I'm just better at food. Yeah, just 'cause I've been around, I guess. You know, 'cause David just doesn't know good turkey. I buy really good turkey and then, you know, he'll kind of complain about what I buy. Yeah. And then he'll come back the next day and be like, where's that turkey? Okay, yeah, you're right. And if I don't have like, you know, you're just hypocritical, that's all. And it's my battle. You have your cause, I have mine. Why don't we title this podcast instead of something about DACA, let's have it about your turkey. Rosemary roasted turkey.

Maple rosemary roasted turkey. Getting to the bottom line. Yeah, we should call, we should call our congressman. Justice for turkey. Justice for turkey. Forget, forget the 800,000 people that may be kicked out of the United States. I'm down.

These are my three causes. I'll do a march.

Let's do a march. I'm down to do a march. If anybody wants to do a march, send us a march our way. We're down. I could do Carmelita. But you know what sucks about marches? What? Is you get tired and you have to start eating. Well, yeah, I mean, when I went to the Women's March, um, you're not getting my transition here. I'm transitioning.

Oh, well played, sir. Well played.

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Yeah, man, I love the Cherry Berry Bonanza. Dried fruit and fruit juice, dude.

Keeps the weight off. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? It's working. Maybe you're not eating enough of them, huh? Maybe a NatureBox—

please send Jason some more. Am I wasting away over here?

Is that what you're saying? I think, yeah, I think you're replacing your NatureBox items with Big Macs. I'm sorry.

No, it's okay. I needed to hear it.

What about the crispy snickerdoodles?

Those are good. Those are good.

They sent those over. You're sure to find your new snack obsession at NatureBox. They add new snacks every month inspired by real customer feedback, the latest food trends, and professional chefs.

Coconut cashews.

Jason sends them an email, please put the Big Mac on your menu. It's so simple, just go to naturebox.com, choose the snacks you want, and NatureBox will deliver them right to your door.

All these snacks, and there's no— tried them all, but they're all tasty and they all keep the weight off. Yeah, I don't eat Big Macs.

What are you talking about? I know you don't.

It was a joke.

I don't like those kind of jokes. There you go again, sensitive Jason. Coming out. There's no risk. If you ever try a snack you don't like, don't eat it.

NatureBox will replace it for free.

Kung Pao pretzels. And right now you'll save even more. Are you just— are you just showing off how many different snacks you know from NatureBox? A little bit. And right now you'll save even more. NatureBox is offering Views fans 3 free snacks with your first order when you go to naturebox.com/views. That's naturebox.com/views.

That's masa chips.

I haven't had those yet. For 3 free snacks with your first order, naturebox.com/views. Spicy Sriracha popcorn.

Did you see what's happening in, um, right now?

Oh, with the, with the airlines? Yes, what's happening in Florida. So there's a hurricane coming, Hurricane Irma. Yeah, apparently there's like 3 new hurricanes that are coming. Yeah, and that one starts with the K and the other starts with the J. You know how hurricanes are named, right? Yeah, it goes alphabetical. That's amazing. And it switches off boy, girl, boy, girl, I think. But recently I saw that all hurricanes are "its" and they're not boy girl boy girl.

Some scientists just sitting there naming them or what?

Yeah, it's a big vote. What do you get to decide that?

It's a Twitter poll. It is?

No, it's not. People on Twitter. It's, it's, it's, if Harvey got 100,000 retweets, that's how they chose that name.

Is that what happened? Did they get a free piece of merch?

You get free merch. Free caramel cheesecake? I actually decide the name for everything. You do?

Yeah. You got your hands in so many different little baskets.

You're such a little I run the world.

You really are.

You're a bon vivant. But what's happening in Florida is airlines like Delta and United, shit airlines from what I hear from now— Until they want to advertise here. Yeah, until they want to buy a spot on the podcast. Fuck them. I mean, look, Delta and United is not the best, but I've had good flights on Delta. They're price gouging, which I think is gouging. I think that's how you say it. Their ticket prices have gone up from $200 to $3,000, $4,000, $5,000 just to get out of Miami because of the hurricane coming. So they're taking advantage of it, which I think is a stupid business model no matter who you are. Even if you're a businessman and you don't care about people, it just doesn't make any sense because the amount of customers you're going to lose just by fucking over everyone is a lot more than the amount of money you're gonna win.

I don't think you're gonna lose any customers. Are you kidding me? Mm-mm. I don't think anyone's gonna take a stand and go, you know what, they raised those prices that one time, I'm not gonna take this really cheap flight with United. I'm gonna spend more when it comes around.

I'll have you know, I'll have you know, when United kicked that person off the flight the first time— It was you? No, I almost didn't fly United. Really? Yeah, I looked at Virgin, And turns out United was cheaper, so I went with United. Exactly, my point.

But I was very close to flying Virgin. You clown.

You just made yourself look like a fool. Regardless. In front of 300,000 people. Regardless, United and Delta, they're raising their prices, but JetBlue has decided to cap their prices at $99, which I think is incredible. You love JetBlue. JetBlue is amazing, and I will fly them for the rest of my life. JetBlue, please come and sponsor our podcast.

How much to go to the hurricane?

How much to go to the hurricane? Zero.

That's free.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're flying you guys out there for free. Heck, going in there. Yeah. Have you noticed I'm cutting down on my swears? Yeah, I literally just noticed it.

It's changing my personality a little bit. Why are you cutting back on the swears?

I don't know, because I edit my vlogs so much and I take the swears out that I just start to just not swear. Yeah.

But then I type and then everyone else does. I don't swear ever until like we're on the podcast, then I let it go. Start cussing it up? Yeah, because it's really freeing. I don't want people to think I'm holding back anything.

I, I'm in this position now where, um, there's men that want to kill me, and that's just a separate thing I wanted to bring up. Are you on acid? Huh? Huh?

No, I owe money. Who do you owe money to?

Do you remember? Do you know who Drew Carey is? Yes, I know. He was The Price Is Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drew Carey. What about him? How do you owe money? I had—

How much money do you owe? I had blackmailed my way onto The Price Is Right.

Maybe you saw the episode.

Are you serious? Yeah, I blackmailed my way on there.

I knew all the answers.

How did you blackmail your way on there?

I paid a bunch of people off.

With what money? With a bunch of NatureBox snacks that I had.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Jason. Yeah.

They love NatureBox that much? You can get anywhere with it. So I greased everybody. I regressed the guy at Price is Right. I knew all the answers. They were like, but, you know, blueberry muffins, how much? $2.99. I knew him. I just had— I had it written on my arm. And anyways, long story short, I won like $72,000 on The Price is Right. And I feel like now people want to kill you. No, you know what you feel like to me?

Like a person that needs a lot of help. Like a lunatic. And like, I'm like a caretaker and I have to entertain you and go along with your stupid ass story. Like, that was like 3 minutes of me going, uh-huh, and then what?

I thought, I thought you'd believe me. I thought you really were on for the ride there.

No, I guess not. No, I'm not really along for the ride. I stand by it, guys. Jason just came out with new merch. Jason has been in a really good financial situation as of lately. I'm— what's that supposed to mean? I pulled that out of my ass.

How are you doing with money? Money? Um, I'm doing pretty good, I guess. I mean, I try not to spend any money. Yeah. And then, uh, like I go out to dinner with people and then somehow I'm like, I'll get—

I'll pay the bill.

You always do that.

I don't know what I'm doing. You pay for all my stuff.

I love it. Yeah. I pay for you cause you're—

but you always pay me back. Yeah. You always pay me back. Yeah.

I'm always on top of it. Some people, I'm not going to say their names. Brandon Cavillo.

Brandon Cavillo, dude. Brandon's so bad at paying you back, I've noticed it. And when he— when we go out to dinner and Brandon doesn't pay, I go like this. I go, make sure everybody pays.

You do do that.

I love that about you. It's just— it's just me. It could be me, you, and him, and I'll go, make sure everyone pays. Yeah, yeah. No, you'd be offering a guy with bad breath gum. Like, I can't make it any more obvious.

You're even more directive than that. You even go, Brandon, pay Jason. Yeah, you will say that. Last night we were at DuPars. We were eating, and then Dave gave me a quick text, hey, can you grab me some chicken tenders? I said, gladly, my man. And I, because I knew you'd pay me back or whatever. And then when the bill came, it was like, all right, well, now I'm paying for David, so it'll be complicated to pay for Brandon. So then I just took the bill. Wow. Yeah, that's how it is. But Brandon doesn't have a job right now. Really? No. I thought he's a Viner.

Oh, you didn't hear what happened to Vine?

No, what happened?

Oh, it's gone.

Oh shit, you didn't have— you didn't You haven't talked to Storm or anybody? No.

Vine's completely gone. They got rid of it? Yeah, it's gone.

It's not coming back?

Biddlestar didn't email you? No, I didn't get the email. Josh Darnit, you didn't talk to him? I've actually been hanging out with Josh Peck a lot. You hang out with Josh Peck? Guys, if you don't know the show Drake and Josh, is it part of the lexicon?

Josh passed me subscribers, I don't want to talk about that, man.

Is it part of the lexicon, Drake and Josh? Yeah, of course it is. Okay, so Drake and Josh is a huge show. And they had a little bit of an argument in real life and they weren't hanging out. And my goal was to bring them back together. Not saying I did, but I'm pretty sure that I was pretty, you know, I was there. I was there. I was a little henchman that pulled them back together. And I'm the biggest fan of Drake and Josh. And someone ordered pizza to our house the other day. And I hate when this happens because we don't want to pay for it. And I'm talking to the guy, and after 3 minutes of talking to him, he looks at me and he goes, hey, you're the guy that brought Drake and Josh back together. And I'm like, yes sir. And guess who got a free pizza that day? This dude. And then Scott threw it out.

And then Scott threw it out. Why would he throw a perfect—

because we live in fucking LA and everybody's scared of pizza. Yeah, throw a pizza into a room, everyone goes running because they don't want to accidentally start eating it.

You declared it the finest cooked Domino's pizza you ever saw.

I opened the box and I said, this is a goddamn specimen. I had everybody run in from the living room. I'm like, come by and look at this pizza, it looks amazing. All right guys, I got into the podcast because Jason, I think, shat himself. I have the diapers on. Oh, never mind.

Well, something stinks.

David wants me to wear diapers all the time. He wore diapers the other day and I thought we should just stick with it, and I said, please keep these on for the rest of your life.

Why would you want me to wear diapers all the time?

It's hilarious. You're You're 44 years old.

Are you 44? Yeah. Tell me, tell me, tell me the exact moment when you would like— like you'll just be driving and you'll think to yourself, oh, Jason has diapers on, and you'll get a little giggle.

Is that what you're thinking? It's kind of like when a fraternity hazes a freshman, right?

It's just like, you just want me to have them. Yeah.

Why don't you fucking wear diapers?

Because I don't shit myself.

Uh, guy, have I ever shit myself? Not that you've told me about, but I know you don't shit yourself because you don't know that. Okay, I got on the— I got on the podcast. I don't want to talk about me shitting myself.

Hey, that was really cool when you talked about my merch before.

Thank you, appreciate it. Yeah, go buy, go buy Jason's merch. We'll see you guys later. Make sure you like and subscribe. Tweet me @daviddobrik. Jason, you have anything else to add?

Yeah, I love you, David. Good job with DACA. Well done.

I love this. What did I do with DACA?

You did a good job talking about it. You're getting your political feelings out there. You're growing as a person. Thank you.

I just love watching you fly. Thanks for joining. Wonderful. Are you talking over me again?

I love the people. Hello, listen to it. Thank you for everybody, for everything. I want to say to my mom—

Zane, come on, you're my new co-host!

Uh, uh, uh, hey, what's up? Okay, I don't know what to say. Do I say— do I talk, guys?

Which end do I—

tune in next week for—

where is this, a microphone or a spoon? Tune in next week for when we have our first live guest. Who's that? I'm just kidding. I feel like we should do that every show. We pretend like we're gonna have a live guest the next show, but then we end up not having a guest because we're too lazy and pathetic.

It sounds, sounds like there could be some comedic things to mine there.

Yeah, I like it. So we'll see you guys, we'll see you guys next week for our first live show. I'll see you guys later. Bye-bye! That's Liza's outro. Bye!