Getting Tickled at TSA

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. We are back with another pod. Jason is screaming at me here because he's saying, why don't you tell everybody what time it is? Tell everybody what time it is.

Tell everybody.

You tell them. What time is it?

It's 3:00. It's 3:30.

It's 3:30 in the morning.

3:30.

Fucking motherfucker.

3:30 in the morning, which is not like that bad actually with how I've been functioning here.

What planet are you on?

You don't have to make the rest of us succumb to your lack of sleeping issues.

I agree that maybe I have brought you guys into my living hell that I've been experiencing here in Sweden. I've— I don't know what's going on, but I, I've become— what is that? What's that word? Uh, the word that's insomnia. Insomnia.

Insufferable.

Yeah, no, insufferable.

Annoying.

But the person I want to kill the most. I hate this.

No, no, I've become an insomniac. Okay, so we're in Sweden. This is a Sweden episode that we're doing. Yeah, and I'm experiencing jet lag, which I never thought I would actually experience. And like full-blown, like really, really bad jet lag.

Oh, I know why you have jet lag.

Why?

Because you went to bed at 4 o'clock today. That's why you have jet lag.

You okay? Can I just explain the whole situation? So hold on. So last night we went out, right? So this is what happened. We went out, Natalie, Zane, they were having a really good time, and I thought the party was kind of dying down at like 2:33. I thought it was time to go home. I went home at about 2:30 in the morning, 3 in the morning with Jason, and then Zane calls me an hour and a half later— I'm sorry, like 30 minutes later— and he goes, you missed out, Dave, you missed out, it would have been so fun to vlog. And I was like, fuck, what happened? And like, they just had like a lot more fun, and I was like really regretting like leaving so early. And I was so mad that I wasn't there to like vlog it and participate in all the fun that I called Ferris, the person we film with, and I just started bitching. I was like, I'm so fucking stupid, why'd I fucking leave the party? I just needed someone to vent to. And then I hung up the phone with him at about 3:00 AM, and then I stayed on my phone for the next 7 hours. Jesus. For the next 7 hours till about 10:30, I stayed on my phone. And, and, and every hour I kept telling myself, it's too late to take a NyQuil, it's too late to take a NyQuil. Like, I'm going to fuck myself if I take a NyQuil. Can't take a NyQuil at 4:00 AM, can't take a NyQuil at 5:00 AM. And then 10:30 came around and I was like, I don't give a fuck, I'm taking this NyQuil. And at 10:30 I popped a NyQuil, and then at about noon Natalie called me and was like, we have to— we were surprising someone outside of the hotel. So I slept for about an hour and a half.

Oh wow.

And then we went downstairs and we surprised our new friend Tilda, um, who we met, who's very sweet.

Shout out to her, she's part of the 0.0005% of listeners.

She was great.

She was— yeah, she watched me from Bond.

She was incredible.

She's a really great person. I'm really glad I woke up in the, like, you know, woke up out of my hour and a half sleep for her.

She low-key kind of looked like David too. Like, she like resembled the Dobrik.

She looked like Christina and a little bit like—

yeah, Jason kept saying she looked like my mom, and Jason was like, maybe that's why she likes you so much, because she sees herself in your mom. I'm like, I don't know.

No, she sees herself in you because you look like your mom.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, she feels some kinship to you. Like, that happens a lot.

She had that European vibe.

Yes, yes, yes.

Her— one of her friends also was like very my mom-like.

Yes, the one on the right, right?

When we were all standing.

Not the actress.

Not the actress. Yeah, yeah, she was like so my mom vibe.

It's so a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

I was like, wow, this is like— it's kind of crazy. Like, these are like— this is like where my mom grew up, like here in Sweden.

Yeah, well, not here, but like, it's rare enough. It's rare you meet somebody that, that likes you, that you, that you're like, wow, this seems like a really cool person. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, not rare, but I mean, like, I got a really good vibe from her. I was like, oh She had a good head on her shoulders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was so tired. So I really apologize, Tilda, if I gave you like half my energy. I was just like dying.

But wait, wait, wait. Why? Why didn't you, A, go back out, just grab a cab, go find Zane and Natalie? You even called me.

Because every moment I thought I was going to fall asleep.

So you didn't. You doomscroll for 7 hours. That's my next question. But why didn't you just go to bed?

Well, I do know I didn't just— sorry, I guess that sounded like I was just on my phone. No, I would scroll.

Yeah.

And then I would be like, time to— time for bed. And I'd be like, I'm not tired enough. Let me scroll more so I get more tired.

Yeah.

And that was a repeated process for like ever.

The phone just keeps you up.

I know. Yeah. I never considered myself as an insomniac, but yeah, I missed out big time. I really regret it. And like, I also thought that like, I don't know, I got— I haven't vlogged in a while, so I forget how things work. And like, we had plans the next day. We had plans today. But like, obviously if Natalie's out till 6, 7 in the morning and so is— sorry, I tried to— I was gonna make a joke there about saying 6, 7. I stopped myself.

I was waiting for it.

And now I'm back.

Come on, please.

Sorry, sorry.

Please do it.

Um, but yeah, 6, 7. 6, 7.

Um, but, um, yeah, but I also— you should— I don't think you should like beat yourself up. Like, what was it? It was Zayn in a limo.

I mean, like, fucking fun. It was a good—

I'm sure it was fun, but it's like Zayn in a limo in Sweden.

It's like So good.

But let's deduce it down to like actual content. Okay, so it's one vlog. It's like he has— you got so much good stuff while you're here. Just sit and like beat yourself up. Like, I think that's really like counterproductive and stupid and a waste of your energy. Yeah. And, and like a waste of everyone else's energy because now we're up at fucking 4 in the morning doing the podcast when I could be asleep.

Yeah, but also, right, not really 4 in the morning. We have to go by LA time.

That's the kind of where we're going to Boston.

Okay, you can go by Boston time.

Okay, I will. I don't know what time it is.

Yeah, I don't know what time it is there either.

It's like 10 PM there.

Yeah, so it's— we're so good. So no worries, you're right on schedule. You'll be in bed in an hour. Um, but yeah, so Sweden experience so far other than that is going good. I don't want to give away too much just because like it's going to be in the vlog in like 2 weeks. But like, what's something that we can't talk about?

I got tickled by a TSA agent.

We should definitely talk about that because that won't be in the vlog.

No.

Um, but Jason was going through security And it was this like Swedish woman.

Imagine like a, like a Swedish, like a woman, like a track and field star from like the Swedish Olympic team. Yeah, like someone who threw like the discus, like that type of woman. Yeah, like very tall. She was at least 6 feet. She had long arms, hair pulled back, like a Martina Navratilova type.

Like, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what that is?

Nope.

She was—

oh, I thought you made that name up.

No, she was like a really famous tennis player from the '80s, female tennis player, and she was pretty masculine.

I went through the baggage claim first, and they were like going through my stuff because I had a water bottle in there or something. And then all I hear is Jason going, David, David, David, while he's getting patted down by TSA. And like, I'm also talking to the woman in front of me because she's going through the water bottles and stuff. And then I hear him go, David, she's tickling me, she's tickling me. And I looked over and she's fully tickling. Jason, the TSA agent, is full-on tickling. And I thought he was like exaggerating, like being funny, but she was like, she was like even like making sounds. Yeah, like it was like full-blown tickling. And then I got my camera out, I got like the tail end of the tickling where it didn't even look like tickling anymore.

Wait, why was she tickling?

I told her I had a hip replacement, so she goes, I have to pat you down.

Yeah.

So I go, okay, no problem. And she'll put your arms up 'Put your arms out.' She goes, 'Okay, I'm going to touch you now.' And I was like, 'Okay, go ahead.' And I just thought she'd like do a couple pads, so she goes right for my armpits. And I'm pretty ticklish, and she's just like— she was like— she's like— and I go— I go, 'Okay, ow!' I go, 'I'm getting tickled. You're tickling me. Like, stop tickling me.' And that made her want to do it more. She was like— what did she like— did she like put her hand like in my pants?

I did see that. That was weird.

Like, wait, what? So you know how like your jeans and you have your underwear, like your boxers? Yeah, like inside the boxer She like felt around the brim.

Yeah, yeah.

In there?

Yeah.

Going in is strange.

If Jason's wife was there, she would have been upset.

Yeah.

She would have been like, especially Naveen would be like, what the fuck? What are you doing?

Don't touch my man. And then all the way up. And she wasn't somebody that I was attracted to or anything either.

Really? You said she was one of the sexiest TSA agents. You said we should fly this airline more. No, wait, what did she say after she was done tickling you? She's like, you have to calm down because I have to do it all. What did she say?

Yeah, she said, I said to calm down, I have to do it all over again. She's like joking around. Yeah. I think it's because where we flew to is so barren that maybe there's like not a lot of people around there.

I felt like that for like all of this, like even on our way there with the flight attendants on the plane, like everybody's very like loose and like, you know, didn't even check our— remember they didn't even check our IDs or anything to like get on that flight.

I thought that was weird. We went through, we got— we flew domestically in Sweden. You don't need an ID to fly, which is fucking wild.

Yeah.

I've never seen that in my life. No ID, you just need the barcode and like that's it. There's no like real TSA agent. Actually, actually there's not a TSA agent. There wasn't anybody at all anywhere. Yeah. Oh, I guess just through the checkpoint, but there's nobody that you hand your ticket to even. Yeah, you're just scanning on computers. Yeah, and you're just going through. But that's crazy. I have like a mixed— because I've experienced that with Swedish people and then we've also experienced Um, I've heard this from like 3 or 4 Swedes, so this isn't me saying that Swedes are like this, but like, they don't like to say hello. Like, everyone, everyone walking around—

guy told me that too—

keeps to themselves. I keep hearing this, and I'm like— and it's interesting because usually when you go to like people's cultures and towns, people are always like, isn't everyone so friendly? But like, every Swede we meet here is like, yeah, yeah, we don't— we just keep to ourselves.

If you're at a bus stop, you stay far away from the other person, apparently.

Yeah, you have to like keep your distance. Yeah, just for like, I don't know, it's just—

yeah, we learned about fika, which is something they— it's like a lunch break they take every day with snacks.

We learned about fika. Yeah, Natalie wants to move here because of fika also. And a lot of people say that the reason that they don't like interacting with each other is because people are here are just so depressed during the wintertime. Oh right, um, I've— we've been here what, 4 days now? I've seen sunlight 3 hours. Yeah, out of the total. And just like, and cloudy, cloudy sunlight.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, he, uh, when we, when we got to the hotel, we asked, we asked, uh, the guy that was working at the hotel how many hours of sunlight they've gotten like every day, and he's like, we've got about 30 minutes this entire month because it's been so cloudy every day. It's crazy that we got 30 minutes for the whole last, what, 20 days in, in Sweden just because it's just been cloudy and the sun just can't get through.

Dave, I got you a Christmas present.

What is it?

I got you tickets on SeatGeek to see Coldplay.

What?

Yeah, and guess what?

No.

I've arranged for you to be on the Jumbotron.

Wait, I can't tell if you're being serious.

Making out with Natalie, and it's all thanks to SeatGeek.

Well, I don't want my real girlfriend to know about this.

Okay.

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How about when Alex got thrown out of the club for being drunk, but he was no more drunk than any of us? Oh yeah, that was so crazy.

We went to the club with Alex Ernst, Ilya Zane. That was a really good time. And then yeah, Alex got kicked out.

I think we figured out that like when Zane gets drunk, he has like a big smile on his face, you know? Or when I get drunk, we're like, all right. But Alex is just standing there drunk.

I've never seen Alex drunk, I think, in my life.

It wasn't that drunk either.

No, but the craziest thing Alex did— yeah, which was like, because the next morning we were having our little debrief and we were like— and he's like, I didn't do anything weird, right? And I was like, no, you didn't do anything fucking weird. What are you talking about? The weirdest thing he did was stand in a corner.

That's why he got thrown out.

And he had his hat on, like full hat on, full hood over his hat, and had his gloves on in the club. Like it looked like he just came out, like he just came out of the Arctic into the club and stood like that the entire time. And I think someone, I think they kicked him out because it looked like he was so drunk because who the fuck does that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was just like such a weird character type.

He was killing the vibe. That's why he got kicked out.

He got kicked out. But no, but the next morning we were doing a debrief and I was like, why would you say that you did something weird? He's like, I found this weird picture on my phone. And I, I laughed my ass off. 'Cause if you know Alex Ernst, it was really weird. It was just, it was him in the bathroom and a mirror selfie with the biggest smile on his face. It was just him and just like the, just like there was like a wine glass that he had. Mm-hmm. And he was just, it was just him smiling. Yeah. And it was so funny.

Okay.

Not that Alex doesn't smile, but like, it's funny for him to like think like, I'm gonna document this moment because I'm like so drunk. Yeah, geez, it was really, really funny. Um, but overall Sweden's great. We saw a lot of fucking snow. Um, we went to— what's something that won't be in the vlog that we can talk about? Ice hotel.

Oh yeah, go ahead.

We went to the ice hotel. That won't be in the vlog. Yeah, most likely. So it's this hotel completely made out of ice. Jason didn't believe us for the longest time that people sleep there.

I didn't understand it. There's no doors on the rooms.

Yeah. So there's like 20 rooms there. You walk into basically a refrigerator, a refrigerator the size of 2 football fields. And each—

Not that you need to be a refrigerator since it's 40 below outside.

Yeah. It's already—

I'm not even sure it's a refrigerator. No, I think it's just a room.

Oh, you think it's just a room?

It's just structures with no heat.

Okay. So you don't think they're pumping cold into it? It's just like—

I don't think so.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah. Because it's already really cold. Um, our tour guide there was saying that— well, let me, let me get to that a little in a little bit. But yeah, so basically it's divided into like 20 or 30 different sections, the Ice Hotel is, and each section is its own like art. Every room is its own art exhibit.

Yeah.

So like a different artist makes every room. So like one room you'll have like, it's all carved out of ice, all carved out of snow and ice. So even the bed is ice. Yeah, everything's ice. So like So you'll have like owls carved into the ceiling or you'll have like cool— there's one room that was, it was a library. So like they—

every book was made out of like shaved ice. So every book was like this big ice cube and you could like take out the ice cubes and they were shaped like books. And we sat there for like 30 minutes trying to make jokes. And that's why I say the Ice Hotel is not going in. We couldn't find anything funny with those books. We just made a bunch of puns. We were like, Saying, was like, this is my favorite book, Frozen. And that was about it.

So I don't think that'll make it in. But yeah, it was so cold.

It was so bad that we were so stretched for jokes that Ilya said, imagine fucking here, like each time in every room.

Every room we walked into it because we didn't have anything else to say. Go imagine fucking in here. And it got funny about the 5th or 6th time, but it's only funny because he did it 5 or 6 times. So I don't think I could put that on the vlog. A long joke for nothing.

I had reindeer.

Um, oh yeah, we had— wait, wait, wait, wait, I don't— wait, one more thing about the, the thing. Um, the way the Ice Hotel is set up is— so there's also an Ice Hotel church. There was like, you can get married there. Oh, that was really funny. So our tour guide was like, you don't want to get married here, it's too expensive. And Zane goes like, I'm sure it's just like an average wedding cost. And we're like, Zane, What do you think a wedding costs? And he's like, $100K. And our tour guide was like, wait, no, he's like speechless. Yeah. I was like, no, it's not that much. I'm sorry. My friend Zane is from Los Angeles. These weddings are all $100,000. But yeah. Okay, so then, so what you do is you could buy a ticket to tour all the rooms.

You don't have to stay there.

You don't have to stay there, but you're touring people's rooms and some of the people there are spending the night there that night. It's very confusing. So like, I'll buy a ticket and let's say I'll run into Ilya there, who's a guest of the hotel. Ilya will be in his room, but his room will be unlocked to the general public for everyone to walk in and see the ice sculpture.

It's just a curtain.

It's just a curtain. But at 10 PM or whatever, no more tours, no more tourists, and you go to your own room.

But let me explain this for everybody, which is fucking wild. Let me explain this for everybody. There's no closet. There's no—

no bathroom.

There's no bathroom. There's no place to put your suitcase because it's ice. There's no lamps. No, there's no— it's not a hotel room. It's an ice— I mean, that's why when you said people stay here, I was like, what?

Jason didn't believe me for the longest time.

There's no padding on the bed. It's ice. So I get it. I guess you bring your own sleeping bag and pillow.

They give you a sleeping bag.

I told Jason, I'm like, deadass, people sleep here.

And then did Pearson make a video about it?

I asked Pearson. I was like I was like, you've— she's been to an ice hotel.

And she's like, David, you are going to be so extremely miserable.

Make sure you book another room. You're going to hate it.

Really?

It's really cool to see, but I just couldn't imagine actually spending— it's like, no, no, it's terrible. But Jason had me deadass, and he so didn't believe me that he was like, I've never seen you lie on deadass in my life.

Yeah. And I'm like, Jay, I'm not lying.

People are sleeping in here tonight. It was like that hard for him to wrap his head around.

You kept trying to tell me that we're staying there when you had your camera out, and I was like, I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm not fucking staying here. There's no way.

We were supposed to. That was the original plan.

You were—

we were gonna stay there, spend the night there.

Now I really do wish— how we stayed.

I don't.

Natalie, could you imagine?

Explain it to me. How would you stay there? They'll be like, functionally, it's a sleeping— you're in a sleeping bag.

You got a sleeping bag.

Yeah.

And you're sleeping in your coat, in like 7 layers.

In 7 layers. And what about your face? And Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, you got to cover your face.

It's like there's no— how do you charge your phone? There's no outlets.

You probably—

I still think you're fucking with me.

No, you— you char— I think you like keep your stuff in, you know, like the—

I saw the lockers.

Yeah, like where you check in, right? Like that's where you keep all your actual stuff. I'm sure you could put your phone in there and lock it up.

Yeah.

Um, but like, no, that would have been so funny for the vlog, Jay. Could you imagine if I was like, we're all staying here?

Yeah, it would have been funny, I guess, for 6 hours.

We would have gotten some of the best stuff, just you guys screaming at me. They would have just left.

And then why did you decide not to?

There's really nowhere to leave.

They have regular hotel rooms there if they're available.

We tried for about an hour to make jokes in there. We fucking failed miserably.

Yeah, but that's because we were just, we were just looking at it like as passerbyers for an hour.

Oh, okay.

But I'm saying the joke—

forced there—

the jokes there, if we were forced, right, incredible. So next time, next time I know.

Damn.

That we have to stay at the Ice Hotel. So, okay, and then what else were you saying? You tried reindeer.

I tried reindeer. Well, first of all, we got here. I don't know why you guys did it this way. We got here on Thursday, which is a long flight. Great. But then you had us flying out at 6:00 AM the next day to go do all the crazy activities.

Yeah, but imagine.

So that's why we were all so tired.

Yeah, but like, imagine if we didn't do it first time.

Let me explain that. So we landed here at 11:00 PM and then got here, got to the hotel around 12:00. And then had to wake up at like 5:30 to leave to go back to that same airport that was like 25, 30 minutes away to go to another city in Sweden. It was like an hour and a half flight, which is where the Ice Hotel was because we wanted to go see it.

Not just another city in Sweden, like a frozen—

we were in the Arctic Circle.

We were in the Arctic Circle. Yeah, it was incredible. It was incredible. It was like, it was really cool.

It was the craziest, most, uh, the hardest human elements I've ever been in.

Um, yeah, I don't know what will make the vlog just because like First of all, my camera just could not—

oh yeah, I need to see that. What would happen to it?

My camera would not work. It was like, uh, like, you know, in, in Doctor Strange, or just like in any movie. Yeah, I won't reference Marvel movies around you guys because I know you guys are stupid. Um, but like in any movie when your soul is leaving your body. Yeah, that's how it was. Like every time I would move it, yeah, your body would be like— it was like so laggy because it was so cold. Oh my God, my camera wouldn't work.

Wow.

What I would have to do is if I was filming, I'd keep one camera in the car and the car would be on and I'd switch them in and out, um, because it was, it was freezing. Um, but I'm glad that we're getting, we're getting to experience— we're come— we're going from Sweden back to LA for a little bit. I'm gonna go watch Avatar 3, which I'm so fucking excited about.

I'm not excited about that.

Really? What, you don't like the Avatar movies?

Never seen it.

What, are you on fucking crack?

The minute I saw what the, whatever the aliens look like or whatever, I was just like, you hate—

oh, they I hate fantasy.

Oh, I hate it. I hate fantasy. Why? It's not real. I just can't get behind it. I'm like, I just, I can't get into it.

That's why you're so miserable, because you just, you can't.

You think so? You think the answer is Thor and, and, uh, and Doctor Strange? It's like, like, oh, Cap. Should I get into Cap, Dave? Will Cap change my outlook on life?

No one just calls him oh, Cap.

What the fuck? I think you call him Cap, right? Yeah, people call him Cap in the movies, don't they?

Okay, regardless, it would have changed your life, but it would be like you'd be more optimistic about things.

Really?

Yeah, you like— you think so?

You look like the mobster movies where people get their heads blown off, like Goodfellas, and they're all based on like true stories.

Well, those are great, those are great too, but I'm just saying like there's nothing better than seeing Avatar in 3D in IMAX.

What's it about?

I have no idea.

What is it about? Have you seen the first one?

It's, um, it's basically—

dude, it's kind of crazy because I can't really explain it. That's how bad—

like, you're fucking kidding me that you're chastising me for not seeing Avatar and you don't know what it's about?

I know what it's about.

These like human scientists, they find out that there is this like other world where the—

Pandora.

Pandora.

And these aliens called Na'vi live there.

Well, Pandora has this element there similar to like Black Panther where that they have vibranium. The Avatar people— Natalie, thank you. They have some sort of element there, and the human government is trying to exploit that. So they're like basically mining and digging it up, and then it's like a war between the humans and the Avatar people. And that's what like the first movie's about. And then you get more into like the Avatar world.

Like this one, this third one, is about like original guy that came to like, you know, kill the Avatars or whatever, becomes an Avatar full-time. And now he's one of the Na'vi, and he has kids with one of the other Avatars.

Oh, how did he get sucked into it?

Because they fell in love. Ah, but they, they find a way to— like, the human goes into like a chamber and you come out like as an Avatar person, like on the other end.

But well, hence the word Avatar.

Oh yes, so, so they're an Avatar. They're actually, they're actually Avatars.

Hold on, they're made by computers.

Hold on, she's like literally having the biggest epiphany here. She just found out what this Wow, I never thought about that.

It's called Avatar because they are avatars.

I just thought they were like Avatar people and then like the specific group was the Na'vi.

No, no, I, I mean, actually, I don't know, a commonly known thing.

I think so.

That's like one of those things where it's like, whoa, you know, like you have that like epiphany moment.

So not there.

What I found out about cocaine in Australia— I know this is a crazy pivot, but this is like one of those things that like— should I say this for later in the podcast? Can we move back to Avatar right after this?

Yeah, that's fine. This podcast doesn't, doesn't matter.

Okay, jump all over the I was talking to this guy about cocaine and like, though, he was like, in Australia they wash it with— do you know what they wash it with?

Did I tell you?

Light bulbs.

Why?

Isn't that crazy? So he's like, in LA, you like fentanyl, it's like a big problem, right? But like in Australia it's light bulbs. So they crush light bulbs like to very thin, almost dust particles. And then the good thing about light bulbs is it'll cut open your nose a little bit. So the cocaine will get into your blood quicker. How fucking crazy is that?

That sounds terrible.

Yeah, it's horrifying. Fun fact, just like Natalie learned about avatars, I learned about Australian cocaine.

Okay, sorry, back to, back to, um, I wish you could see your hair right now.

It looks like I'm on cocaine.

It's Jimmy Neutron. There's just like one little like poof that's sticking straight up. What?

I stopped taking my hair, um, serum.

What was your hair serum doing for you?

It was really good, but I'm going— I think I'm gonna go with another brand soon.

Yeah.

And I want to like lose all my hair to see what it— I want to like go back to the bottom to see if this new brand works.

Yeah. So like, hey bud, that could be very risky.

Yeah, well, I've been off my serum for like 4 or 5 months.

So what if you lose all your— what if you lose all your hair and you can't get it back?

I don't know, it's gone.

You don't care?

I'm not— I don't know, I'm not like one to like care about hair as much.

Really?

It's interesting when you say that because I feel like you have had like— you haven't changed your hair. Like, if you really didn't care, wouldn't you just be like, fuck it, just like, like do something different? Cut it, shave it?

I don't know. What would he do? What would he do differently? Um, his hair is just like— unless it's either long or short, his hair just doesn't—

his hair is like such a— I don't know.

I think you'd look cool with like a, like a crew cut. I'd love to see that.

This is what I want to do. Okay, this is my idea, my big idea. Like, if I— I want to partner with like— okay, so if you've been to Chicago, you know this guy named Brian Urlacher.

Okay, yeah, you've told— you've talked about this.

On the pod?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, go, go, go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would just want to be the face of hair loss, right, for the internet age.

Yes, yes.

And I think a video where I do that would be— that would be really cool— would be where I shave my head, like, in the video. And like, that's like the moment you see like how the actual hairline— the actual hairline. And then from there I grow. So like, if I, I want to find a good partnership with like the right hair brand, um, where, yeah, where I shave my head in a video. And I think that'll do really fun. And I think I'm gonna look pathetic. Like, I think I'm gonna look really, really, really stupid.

No, I don't think so.

No, I have a weird-shaped head, brother. Weird, weird-shaped head.

Yeah, you know, you have a big fat head.

You know, I knew when we pivoted from Avatar to cocaine we'd never go back to Avatar. Yeah, I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have done that.

Well, I can't bring much to the table. It's, it's about— they're all computer programs or avatars?

No. So, so is that the idea? So the reason the main guy, who's played by Sam Worthington, went to the program is because he didn't have legs. He got— his legs got like in battle or something, he like lost them, so he couldn't walk anymore. But through his avatar, he got those abilities back, and that's why he entered the program.

Okay.

Um, Jay, we have room service. Why do you keep panicking like you have no idea what's going on?

I looked at the thing and then I, I just looked over there. I just—

someone just knocked on the door and Jason gave like 5 looks.

I knew it was room service. I knew it was room service. I was just Thank you.

Sorry, our friend's terrified.

Why do you get panicked when my head goes somewhere else?

Because you—

if guys, if when we're doing the podcast, if I like look down to make sure it's recording, he gets angry. Or if I like look out the room and, and I was just looking at— because he has a suite, I was, I was looking at this. The woman brought in the food in the living room. In the living room? Yeah, in the parlor. Um, but yeah, Dave got this great big suite here, and then I went to my room, and the hotel's really nice, and I'm super grateful to be here, but I've never seen it before. Now I had just a single— did you see it this morning?

No, I saw it's a single bed. Yeah, your room is like mad.

It's like orphan nanny in there.

No, there's something wrong with your room.

It's really weird.

Yours is like a closet they converted, I think.

I don't know. And then meanwhile, you're right next door and yours is gorgeous.

Yeah, mine's—

yeah, Natalie's room's completely fine. My room is like, it, it has a living room attached to it, but it's like a normal hotel room for what I get.

Sure.

And you guys asked me if it was a big room and I was like, no, not really. And then you came by and you're like, this is huge. And then I was like, what? And then I went to your room And Jay, your room literally looks like from Harry Potter, like when he's under the staircase. I've never seen a nice hotel have a bed pushed into the corner.

Yeah, it's in the corner.

It's in the corner and it's not even a twin. It's smaller than a twin.

Yeah. Also, the woman who cleans the rooms here, I love her. She's great. She's got really good energy, but she's a little too, um, she's like up my ass like the entire time.

Really?

Up my ass. Like, I was pooping today. I came in, I came back, and I was like, I— and she's like, she said, can I clean the room? Can I clean the room? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just give me one second. So I went in there and I started pooping immediately, and then honestly, 90 seconds later, like that. And I go, hold on, hold on. I go, I'm coming, Carrie, like that.

And you know her name?

Yeah, her name's Carrie. And, and then I say, hold on, and she goes, okay, okay.

Oh, that's funny.

And then finishing up pooping And then she just opens the door. Oh, she just comes in. And so then I shut the door on her and I'm like, no, no, not now, Carrie, not now.

That's really—

it was crazy.

That's really, really funny.

Have you ever had that when the service is too good?

Um, no, but she did knock on my door like 4 different times yesterday. I was sleeping all day and she kept knocking. I was like, maybe just later, later, later.

I haven't had that problem at all. Normally, like, I'm always getting walked in on. I deadbolted my doors though.

Oh, that's good.

I think that's what I have to do. But normally when I'll deadbolt my hotel room, they'll still open the deadbolt and they'll be like, hello, and they'll like yell through the deadbolt.

But yes, yes.

But, uh, yeah, no, I've been getting pretty good privacy here, which I've been shocked about. Did you ever think you'd come to Sweden?

No, I'd never come here.

Yeah, I was very surprised.

I wouldn't have a reason to come here ever. Yeah, yeah. No, if I was gonna go somewhere, I'd go to like France or Italy. But I was really glad to come. I think it's fun.

No, I'm really stoked that we like— that we like checked off Sweden.

It's so clean. And there's no homeless people.

It's very clean.

Well, everyone is very nice.

Dude, you can't be homeless here.

I don't know, it's so cold. We walked to dinner tonight, I was like, there's not one homeless person.

You can't be homeless here.

What if I wanted to be? You—

if you were homeless, you would move down.

Move down where?

You like move to South? I mean, the same reason there's more homeless people.

Oh, because you're saying because it's so cold?

Yeah.

Is that the reason?

I'm sure that's for sure, brother.

But Chicago has homeless people.

That's a good point.

Yeah, that is a good point.

Like, what are they— what are they doing so much better than us? No guns, no homeless people.

Maybe, maybe it's just the economy. Like, I feel like everything here is just so different from the US, you know?

What was that? Oh, we met that person today that was so interesting. She's, um, she's— first of all, their schooling here is free.

Oh yeah, yeah.

And she's going to study abroad in UCLA, and this— and Sweden is paying for her tuition in UCLA, which is crazy. Yeah, they're paying for her to study abroad and like at one of our schools.

Yeah, that blew me away.

Yeah, that's like fucking— what a good deal. Yeah, so yeah, they definitely have figured things out here that are like next level.

Yeah, also just, just the idea of like not stealing, like they don't steal.

Well, you know, they still hang people here. At the Ice Hotel.

How does that— how is that where your head even goes?

Like, how is that a thought? Well, when I think of people, the first— the thing I want to think of when people don't steal is like, the punishment must be crazy, right? Like, that's why people are like, in Dubai you can leave your phone here. It's like, well, probably because the punishment is like, you steal a phone and it's like 5 years in jail, right? So like, I assume that's what's going on here, right? I don't know.

Yeah, maybe I just totally did not listen to what you were saying because I was thinking about something that I thought was so funny in your life. So like, David takes the word deadass really seriously. And explain deadass to everybody because I didn't even know it. I guess everyone knows deadass.

Yeah, everyone knows that.

Yeah, everyone knows that.

People don't take it as seriously as—

is this the deadass where I told Ilya I would go out and party less?

Yeah.

So I made a deal with Ilya, right? Where I'm like, deadass, I'm only gonna go out party like once a month. And it's, it's affecting me, right? I need to go out more because even, even just for work, it's, it's very difficult to say, but my work is so much of it is going out with people.

Yeah.

That this is not working. And I'm 6 months into this deadass. So you could, you can explain, Jake, because you—

yeah, yeah. So, so David says, deadass, I'm not gonna party anymore. And, and so Ilya's like, okay, okay, great. And now David wants to like go out and party more, but he's got to go get deadass clearance from Ilya.

Yeah, so like now I'm brokering a deadass deal, which is—

you're a grown man, like if you want to go party more, just go party more. But deadass is so important to you that you have to have like a proper sit-down with Ilya. Yeah, which is so funny. And they did it the other night, and I watched the sit-down. David had like a contract written out on his phone.

Yeah, so the deal is, the deal is I get to go party me one more night a week, right? Or sorry, a month, right? But this— and this is crazy if you know me, and if you listen to this podcast, you know this is crazy that these are the stipulations. I have to work out 3 days of weightlifting and 3 days of cardio, right, in exchange every week, right? And I have to get a DEXA scan every month.

Jesus.

For Ilya.

A DEXA scan every month?

Yeah, because he wants to track my progress. But yeah, so yeah, so that deal is locked into place. But yeah, that ass is— it really sucks because like, I'll give you something that I don't really like sharing. I fart sometimes, okay?

Yeah. Yeah, we know you farted the other day and cleared us out.

I farted.

Shut up.

He farted so bad on the street, on the Swedish streets, on the Stockholm streets.

And I don't like saying— I don't like saying that I fart, even though I want to be a farter. If you listen to that podcast, I want to be a farter so bad. I'm so jealous of people that are like, I farted.

Yeah.

Or like, here it comes. Like, Zane's so good at it. We could be around a girl he likes and Zane's like, pull my finger, or like, count down from 3. Yeah, like, I get so jealous of that because I'm like, if you can pull that off, like, don't be— like, you have no fear in life.

Probably like Zane's biggest flaw is the farting on command.

Anyway, I think it's kind of like—

I really keep it to myself. It's not until you guys hit me with the deadass. It is a serious dilemma because it's like, it's really like— I think farting is like something you should really keep to yourself, like 100%. And I also live by deadass. So like, Alex hit me with the deadass yesterday. He's like, was that you? And I'm like, yes, yes, it was me. Oh my God, that word is so fucking powerful to me that I mean, yeah, it does anything.

And he said, I never pull out deadass. I guess I could.

I don't think I like, I like lie to you. I don't think we have the situation. Zane hates deadass.

Yeah, I kind of hate it too sometimes.

He always makes it so clear because like Zane will say something like, oh, did you hear there's an airstrike on Los Angeles?

Yeah.

And I'll be like, deadass? And he'll be like, no dude, fuck you, fuck you. No, there's not an airstrike, but fuck you. It's funny because like Zane doesn't even have to do that. Yeah, he kind of just like does it. It because like we all do it.

Yeah.

So like by default, like he's like, he's kind of sucked into it too. He could easily opt out of it.

You think he'll be like 80 years old doing deadass?

Me?

Yeah.

Well, I just told Ilya I want to change the word.

Yeah. Yeah. What do you change it to?

I want it to be something more like highbrow. Oh, because, because deadass is so real. It's so goofy.

Yeah.

For how much it means.

Yeah.

Like it's very like religious to me.

But you'll never be able to change it.

But it's so— yeah, I know I won't.

You won't. It's like, it's like when you wanted to change the name of the Vlog Squad. Oh my God, it was already written in stone, brother.

Oh my God, change the name of the Vlog Squad.

You and Scott wanted to change it.

That was the bait. That was the fucking— dude, once people come with us on the stream, they're like, Vlog Squad. I'm like, Zane, I always look at Zane every time someone says Vlog Squad because I'm like, ah.

That's the cool thing about being older. I'm like, yeah, cool. Vlog squad. That sounds great.

There, there's this guy, um, that my sister just texted me. Can you mute my story please? I'm posting about your gift.

Ooh.

Should we check it out? What it is? Um, so there's this guy I met that like, uh, he like made a TikTok about me and he was like, um, he was like looking for me. He's like, he's, I really like watching his videos.

Oh yeah.

And I have to find him in Switzerland or Sweden.

Fuck.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and he found me and then he made a TikTok with me saying saying how many likes for me to spend a day with you in LA? He's a 16-year-old kid and he says he'll fly out to LA to hang out with me. And I said like a million. Currently it's sitting at 362,000. Yeah, it's pretty fucking crazy.

That's crazy.

362,000 likes, that's a lot.

How many views does it have?

Um, not a lot. It's like, it's, it's getting really good. 1.7.

Wow.

So it's getting a lot of good, um, people are really, really—

what will you do with What will I do with him?

Yeah, I mean, I told him, I was like, listen, if you come hang out with me in LA, like, we're doing nothing. You're gonna get the real David Daye. Like, it will be me on the couch.

Oh, fun.

Like, I'm not— it's not gonna be like, we're going to Six Flags, now we're taping Jason to the wall. It's gonna be very lowbrow.

It'll be like Tay bringing in two sandwiches, you guys eating the sandwiches next to each other. Yeah, you offering if he wants one. Yeah.

Yeah, it's exactly— it's gonna be exactly that. He's gonna leave disappointed. Yeah, this is— this is not this funny. Doesn't have an accent.

I don't know why I'm doing that.

But what should— should we talk about the future of this podcast?

Yeah.

So what's gonna happen the next couple weeks?

I don't know.

Yeah, so we're doing 2 a week. I'm still sticking to it, but we may lose Jason for a couple. Do you want to write in and I'll just read statements from you?

Sure.

Like maybe like every, yeah, every podcast you can, you can even send me a voice message. Probably better if you write in.

Do you want to do it over computer?

Like Zoom? No, I think it's better if like I just like knock it out with like Natalie and Ilya and whoever's around.

Should we do a best of on Thursday?

No.

You don't like that?

No, I think best of is like so cheap.

You think that's so lame?

So lame.

I don't think so. I think that's so fun.

We're not SportsCenter, dude. You can't just do a—

I used to love that when my favorite radio show would, if you listen every day and then they would at the end of the year, you'd be like, oh right, that was so fun. Oh, that was so fun.

I could see that because we've had pretty good moments.

Yeah, like you would put in like, you know, your butthole, you'd put in Natalie the Coke can.

This year of podcasting for some reason has been the most memorable for me.

Yeah, because you had to do it so much.

Yeah, I think it's because I've done it a lot and because it's like, because we were doing 3 vlogs a week, so this was like so bottom of my priority, right? Um, and now I can actually think about these.

Thank you.

But like, uh, no, no, no, you still didn't care about it. You were doing the vlogs with me. I grouped both of us into that. Right, but, but yeah, yeah, what the hell is Guava Glow? Definitely like fragrance. Fuck those hand sanitizer bottles.

I don't know why you— that's not a hint. Like, it's, it's a fragrance brand, you know.

Oh really?

Yeah, that's the fragrance I actually wear.

Do you want to—

I bought hand sanitizer at the airport and I've been using it for this entire trip and I just found out it's a fragrance mist that I've been spraying on my hands and I've been spraying on my hands before I go eating shit too. Which sucks. So I've never been washing my hands, I've just been adding fragrance to the bacteria. It's fucking— it's shaped like one of those newer fucking hand sanitizer bottles. It's pissing me off. Yeah, they gotta make that clear. But Jay, so what are you gonna be— what are you doing for the next— what are your plans for the holidays?

I'm going to Boston, I'm gonna see my family, see my mother. My mother, yeah, we— I gotta see my mom. Sucks, she's getting old.

Gotta see your mom. So where does the comma go there?

Gotta see my mom, period. Sucks, comma, she's getting old. I think, yeah, exclamation point.

Gotta see— because I thought you were, you were saying, I gotta see my mom, it sucks.

Oh no, no, no, no, she's old, period.

Fuck her.

But it's like you have limited time left, you know? Like, my, um, I had a really, really good friend lose their dad and, uh, recently, and she was like, oh, go? She's like, you don't have a lot of time. I was like, oh, oh wow, right?

It's crazy to think about. I thought about the other day, I was— I don't know why I was thinking about this, but I was like, I just was having this moment about like my mom dying. I think I was watching something on the plane and I started like crying, even though she's not dying.

Sure.

But just like the thought of it is like really sad.

You have a lot of time left with Jen. She's not going anywhere.

I don't know. She talks about— she's like, Natalie, I'm gonna die soon. Like she, like she prepares me.

How long her mom live?

Her mom's still alive.

Oh, she's not going anywhere.

And my great-grandmother lived till she was like 95.

What's Jen saying?

I don't know.

Damn, we have that much longer with Jen. Her mother's still alive?

Her mom's still alive. My great-grandmother just died like 2 years ago. My great-grandmother.

Mary Dwayne is strong, huh? Yeah, that's crazy, man.

You're gonna be around now. How are you gonna live on Earth without me?

All right, are you dying?

It's looking like I'll— yeah, if the Maraduanas are this strong, I don't think the Dobricks last this long.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, your grandma lived a long time.

Life expectancy in Slovakia is very, very low. It's like 30.

Well, that's the country. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

But, um, 30?

No, but, uh, I don't know. I don't know. My grandma didn't live that long.

She was like 80?

No, dude, she was young.

Oh, she was?

Yeah, she was like 60.

She was like 70. Yeah, 60. She was your age.

65.

I'm not even kidding. She was quite young. So I don't think— yeah, I think Nellie's looking like it by her stats that Nellie will outlive me. Are you gonna be sad? Are you gonna be happy?

I don't know. We'll see when we get there.

I love asking Taylor what she's gonna do after I die. She gets really serious about it.

Really?

Yeah, it's really funny and really sweet. She goes, can you please stop saying that?

That's cute.

Yeah, yeah, dude, Taylor's the best. Yeah, I hope she's doing okay.

You haven't seen any of your roommates or Taylor? I haven't been home 3 days.

In 3 days. Um, okay guys, all right, so for the next couple podcasts, just get ready, Jay may not be on it. Maybe, maybe write in topics or DM Jason that you want him to address. We'll get his opinion on it, and then I'll talk about it, and I'll argue with Jay without him being in the room and see who you want to replace Jay for the next couple weeks. Actually, just the next podcast will be without Jay, then you'll be back for Tuesday.

So first, because you're going away, yeah, and then you'll disappear again later.

Yeah, but I think we're gonna figure it out. All right guys, okay, well, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you for the next one. Bye-bye from Sweden.