Our Threesome with a Porn Star

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where— Jay, if you die, yeah, will you give me a sign that you're still with me?

100%.

What should it be? Like, are you gonna paint something on my mirror?

Like, I'll go in, you'll— Natalie will be like snacking on something, and all of a sudden she'll like, she'll pull the brownies out of the oven and they'll be hot, and she'll just about to put the knife in, and I'll make the brownies explode.

Jason! All right, roll the intro music. Let me hit record. Oh no!

You had the best intro ever.

That was really good.

Oh, that was the hottest intro ever.

I forgot that I'm on this.

Oh God, it's like that Tenacious D song, the greatest song in the world, when they write it but then they forget what it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yo, it's fucked up that like the record button is on your lap. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like, it's not like nobody else is handling a button.

You.

Yeah, this time it is my fault. Normally if it was like not anywhere near me, I'd blame it on Jason. Yeah, I'd be like, it is your job. But this time— so guys, we started recording the podcast, about 5 minutes in I realized it wasn't recording, and now we're here.

At least it wasn't like halfway in.

True, true. He did a good job noticing it right away.

That would have sucked if it was like—

strangled you.

Remember when Dave snapped at you for not hitting the record button? Yeah, in Utah.

Oh my God, there he goes, he goes!

Yes, it's never gonna be my job to hit the record button.

Never.

Okay, I am so much more important than you.

It's your only job.

It's the only reason you're here.

This time, this time it was my job and I fucked up. All right, let's, let's restart. We're visiting Jason on a beach. Like, he's, he's on a— he rented out a beach house in Santa Barbara. Um, it's a very big house. Very expensive house. Do you want to get into the details of how much it costs?

No, I don't want to. I don't want to say how much it costs at all.

Just ballpark it. Just because I feel like people listening to this podcast don't understand how—

$200, $300 a night. About $300 a night.

Everybody out here.

I think it's $200, $300 for like 20 minutes. I think if you break down the— you break down the math.

Okay. I have a fascination with beach houses and I started renting smaller ones over the summer and then this one became available and I thought, oh, it'd be so cool if everybody—

Oh, you've just been doing so good this year.

No, no. I thought it'd be like fun to everybody come up and shoot content, right? Nobody wants to shoot any content anymore.

Well, it's, it's what, $10,000 for the weekend?

Yeah.

Okay. Is it?

No, I mean, it's more than that.

How much is it?

It's, it's a lot. It's $10,000 a month. It's, let's say it's $10,000 for 3 days.

Okay. Yeah, I get here and it's Jason's kids sitting out on like, it's a beautiful beach house. Like, it's like, I mean, it's fucking my dream beach house, my dream home.

Natalie got drunk last night and she started She started giving me advice. It was pretty funny.

What happened about your case?

Oh, I was talking to her. Whatever.

What happened? She was giving me all kinds of life advice.

No, I was not.

How I run my business, how I parent. What? How drunk was I? And then she got into a little fight with Tommy.

Bro, Natalie drunk is really strange.

It is. She really comes out. It's great.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really like it.

Because I think she's the only person that's drunk and doesn't realize she's drunk. And she'll give you advice, and then you'll look at her weird, and she'll go, Why are you looking at me so weird? Even though she's gone on for like 8 minutes about like how you should take better care of your kids. Like she'll like really get into it. Like I've, I've had this like same situation with her where she's drunk and like, I don't know that she's drunk and then I'll be talking to her. I'm like, oh my God, you're totally fucking hammered. And she won't know that she's drunk either. And then I'll have to explain it to her that she's been drinking a lot. Yeah, I know what you mean. What was she telling you?

She was just talking about me, how I run my business.

Wait, what did I say about your business?

All about the podcast. And then Todd has said to me like 5 times today, he's come up to me and he's been like, hey man, was I, was I too hard on you last night? And I was like, no. I was like, you were just voicing your opinion. I was like, I was fine. He said it to me 5 times. And then he, and he also has no idea what he said to you. And he keeps asking me, he's like, was I fighting with Natalie? Was Natalie mad at me?

He just annoyed me.

What did Todd do to annoy you? How often do you and Todd get into fights?

I mean, we haven't actually gotten into a real fight, right? Yesterday, ever.

No, we were on a shoot. This is like 2 months ago. And someone goes, someone goes, yeah, I was just talking to Natalie about her boyfriend. And I go, what? I go, it's her boyfriend. So Todd's her boyfriend. And this, this woman is like, I just met her and she just met us. And she's like, whoa, wait, wait, wait, you don't know that she has a boyfriend?

Don't you spend every day together?

And I was like, no, she just never told us that. Okay, so it's official, you guys are dating? Yes. Wow.

Thank God, because you're my screensaver. So I know, that's so dumb.

There's the exclusive. Wait, you had the screensaver of Natalie?

Yeah, my screensaver is Natalie and It. Marnie saw it today and she's like, what is wrong with you, bro?

I was just— I was— clear your notification, clear your notification and look at that picture. I was just telling Natalie, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you're an ugly ass. No, I mean, it's nice. I think Natalie is fucking stunning, but that is the worst picture of her I've ever seen in my entire life. I mean, look at it, look at it. Like, really look at the picture.

She looks deformed.

Oh my God. No, she honestly— you know what it looks like? She looks like she was melted and then put into a freezer and refrozen back. It's like, it does not look like her at all.

Let me see. No, I know why. I know why it doesn't look like her.

Why? Because she's a chocolate.

She's on mushrooms. Oh, so when you said the word melting— yes, that's right, her face is melting, bro.

Wait, yeah, this is literally the worst picture of me ever.

It's fucking insane. Natalie, you're so pretty, and I don't mean this in an offensive way at all. Zane, come look at this.

No, my face is like smushed.

She always looks like that though.

So speaking of the screensaver Jason has, there's a screensaver and it's Todd and Natalie by the fireplace and everyone changed it on their phone. So everyone has a screensaver of Todd and Natalie. And I looked at it the other day without Natalie being in the room, and I go, this picture, look at this. And I showed it to Taylor, my other assistant, and I go, is this the ugliest picture you've ever seen of Natalie?

And Taylor's like, what?

And then Taylor looked at it and she goes, oh my God, yeah.

You want to know something funny? I'm the one who took that picture.

What do you think?

And I thought it was the best picture I've ever taken.

Why?

Because you were granted—

I was also on mushrooms.

You know what? When you took it, I thought it was the best picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was super excited. I was like, wow, this is supernatural. Like, I liked it because they looked bad, you know what I mean? I was like, oh, they look terrible, this is great.

Charlie, I just waved to my daughter. By the way, guys, if Charlie comes in and starts to be in the podcast— I told her she could come in. You want to come say something on the podcast? Just come on so I can listen to it one day in the old folks home. Guys, this is Charlie. David, do you have any questions for her?

Hold on, I have a button. Introduce her again.

Guys, this is Charlie, my daughter.

Oh, fuck, fuck. Wrong button. Wrong button.

All right. What is the button you push?

The button I push first went, went, went, went, and then the second button just says applause. All right, guys, we have Charlie Nash here. Charlie, how old are you?

11.

Okay, so the rest of the conversation has to be geared towards an 11-year-old. Appropriate stuff, right? You smoke yet, Charlie?

Someone knew someone in her school. You know how when kids are young but they're on social media now, so they fuck up a lot.

Right.

Someone, someone at her school in her Snapchat wrote, happy 9/11. Oh my God.

It was on Zoom, right?

No, as her, like, as the Zoom call name, she wrote her name and then said happy 9/11 as a joke.

Or did she actually think it was a holiday?

She— no, she like thought it was like the right thing to say.

Oh, she's just so young. Fucking good.

She didn't know, right?

I mean, how— there's no way you would know as an 11-year-old, right? Okay.

Like, it is a big holiday. So you'd say Happy Thanksgiving, but you just don't say Happy 9/11.

Merry 9/11. Right. Okay. Yeah, that is a little strange. That's a good— that's an interesting thing to talk about is like you're on TikTok, Charlie, constantly, right?

Yeah.

And are your friends— are your friends like, do they make TikToks like the rest of them? Because like, if I was on— if I was an adult and I was looking at— I am an adult. If I was a parent and I—

oh, brain check.

I guess what I'm trying to get is like the, like, all the twerking and all that kind of stuff. Like, do your friends participate in like the WAP and like, do they do that weird stuff? And then like, how is that at school the next day? Do you have any friends that are TikTokers?

Yeah, but they don't do those things.

They don't do inappropriate things because I've seen like, I've seen like straight up, like there was a woman who showed us it was like her 7-year-old daughter.

Oh yeah.

Doing the— Charli D'Amelio's mom wouldn't let her do the WAP.

She came out.

Yeah. No, but I mean, she came out and she's like, I'm not letting my daughter do that.

And Jason forces his daughter to do the WAP. That's the difference.

Oh my God.

This is like, this will pay. This will pay for the bill.

She won't do any TikToks with me. She's She's like— even the other day we were getting out of the car, we were in front of Earth Cafe where all the kids hang out and get paparazzi'd. So I pulled out my phone and I was like, oh, this will be a funny bit, you know, like, Charlie Nash, Charlie Nash, what do you think of Dixie D'Amelio? Let's do something.

So embarrassing.

You're gonna do that to your fucking daughter?

That's exactly what she said. She's like, put it away. She's like, stop, I'm not doing this. I'm like, this is a funny bit. Oh my God, you think it's embarrassing?

Yeah, bro.

Whatever, man. You guys are no fun.

You're like a bunch of teenagers. You're really cool outfits. I don't want to embarrass myself.

Jay, you'd be tough to have as a dad.

Yeah.

Yeah. Because you're like, your job is to embarrass yourself. And now, like, imagine your kids, like, already have to live with that at school. Like, at school, their dad is already the guy that, you know, gets taped to the wall and then gets taped, buried in my backyard. And now on top of that, you want to just— you want to go in front of one of the most popular restaurants and you go, hey, Charlie, I'm about to fucking really ruin your day here.

I wasn't trying to ruin her day. I was trying to do a funny bit with her because I think she's funny.

Charlie, do you— do your friends at school know at all about your dad? Like, do they ever pull up like TikToks of your dad and go, oh my God, is this your dad? Like, do they ever do that?

They honestly don't care about the Vlog Squad. I mean, fucking— I don't want to be me.

Ouch, Charlie.

That one hurt.

Whoa, whoa, hold on.

Where's the button? Oh, wrong button. Wrong button. Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck this. These buttons.

What are they into? Larray?

I don't know. I don't know what they want.

Who's like that? Who's like the, the, the, like the star of social media in your school?

Probably Charli D'Amelio.

All right. But that's kind of for everybody. That's even in my—

that's David's favorite.

Even in my eyes, I'm like, I love Charli. What's wrong with that one? She's actually the Charli. If there is anybody to be like the person that should be like representative of social media, I'm totally fine with Charli being that person. Sure. I feel like she's like the, the most down-to-earth person. And I, I literally, even watching it, you could tell that she's literally just doing everything just because she's—

just because she really wants to.

Not genuinely wants to, but like she doesn't put on a show for like any— like she just, she does it up to her own standard, like everything she does. Like she's not like faking anything.

Those girls are very real.

We watch her vlog sometimes, and that's why they— that's why they all work, is because they're so real. And like you watch Dixie's, her sister's TikToks, and Dixie literally looks like she does not want to fucking any of this shit, but she's doing it because it brings in money. And that's the funniest fucking thing. I think, like, that's the best part of Dixie. Yes. No, I think those, those two sisters are really, really authentic, and that's why it's the best.

Charlie's— Charlie's so funny. I like when she won't do TikToks with me. I go, I should have never introduced you to Charli D'Amelio. And she goes, David introduced me.

If you had to go to, like, the dance with somebody, either your dad or your mom, who would it be? Like, if you had— who would be like fun on a night out and also wouldn't like kill your vibe? Well, he would vlog the whole thing, so you wouldn't want him because it'd be too much pressure. Or you—

or you would vlog the whole thing?

I would not vlog. He told me not to vlog it.

Oh my God, you're tearing them apart, bro.

I have not put you— what'd you say?

He's tearing you guys apart.

No, Charlie, I agree, he would vlog the whole thing.

I have not— you haven't been on my channel in forever. I don't even put you on there anymore.

I asked if I could sit in the front. He was like, oh, are you okay with being in the vlog?

Oh boy.

Yeah, well, you know what, you like to go to Urban Outfitters, you have to pay for that stuff. And you like this $10,000 house.

Oh, so it wasn't a vlog? Wow. Okay, so, okay, a vlog aside, let's say, let's say there's no vlog. Who would it be? No cameras, just as a person. Who do you think is like Who can keep up with the times? I'm not saying who's— I'm not saying who you love more. I'm saying for that situation, who would you prefer?

Mommy's very funny.

I think Mommy would be better at a dance because you'd be weird.

That's what I'm thinking too.

You're done. Go get out of here.

We all knew that was the answer. I just wanted to hear you say it.

Go hang out with Wyatt.

If we're like going out somewhere, I'd want to go with you because you do more like out places.

Charlie's smart.

She's very smart. Yeah, bro, what are you— are you crazy? She's like— she's smarter than Jason.

Yeah, but I've never heard her talk.

It's the first time I've like— I've heard her talk.

Yeah, she's—

she's really smart. It's the other one.

She's very smart.

And he's smart too, but the other one's like too smart. Too smart.

No, it's like he would like, he would like make some kind of science theory, but he would make it as we're trying to like catch a flight or something.

Yeah, it's—

he'd sit there.

Charlie's smart, and then Wyatt's like, Wyatt's like Charlie after he discovered acid. That's kind of, that's, that's where his brain's at. He's like more of like a like creative type, still very like intelligent in that department, but he has shifted all his brain energy to learning how to play instruments and music.

I was rushing to meet you to do the podcast last week, and I'm like in the car, you're like, what's your ETA? And I dropped them off at the house, and I had my assistant come receive them in the car, so I don't want to be late for you. And then Wyatt's like, can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? And I'm like, Wyatt, I'm late, I'm late right now. And he's like, okay, okay, no, no, that's bedtime, that's bedtime, that's bedtime. And I'm like, okay, yeah. And then I'm getting out of the car, I'm getting this stuff, like, go ahead, tell me, tell me, what did you want to tell me? He goes, okay, so Sometimes I hear ocean sounds in my brain. So I was thinking about going down to the ocean and recording some of the sounds and putting them on a song. And I was like, okay, okay, okay.

I mean, dude, that sounds horrible, but that sounds like the making of somebody who really knows what they're doing in their department. Like, that sounds like a low-key genius.

I mean, he's a genius, but he's a fucking idiot.

He can't put his fucking shoes on. Wyatt, put your goddamn shoes on!

Yeah. Where is he right now listening to this thing?

All right.

All right. Well, thanks for joining us.

Thank you, Charlie.

Charlie, you have any social medias you want plugged real quick? She's Charlie Nash on everything.

Yeah.

Just wait till she changes her Instagram to just Charlie. She doesn't want to be associated with the Nash anymore.

That would be fine with me. I don't care. You don't have to do any videos with me anymore. I don't care.

I like doing videos with you. It's just annoying when it's like I just wake up and you're like, oh my God.

Oh, man.

Nobody likes doing videos with me anymore. More. Just Joe. Natalie, one thing that these two do that's so funny, like especially when they go to a new place, they start like pointing out ways to change the place. Or just even today, like in the kitchen here, Ilya is standing by the trash can. You know how trash cans, they go into the wall like by the sink or whatever? It really just goes, Dave, Dave, check this out! Look at this! Look at this, Dave! Dave! And I'm like Oh man, Ilya found something cool in the house that I rented, so I'm gonna go try to enjoy that too. I thought he was gonna show him the pinball machine or the fucking movie theater room, and I'm like, what's in the kitchen that's so interesting? And he pulls the trash can out, and David comes over, looks at it, and then he pushes it in, and it's very smooth the way the trash can goes in. And that's what he was showing David. David was like, that's sick. And he's like, look how smooth it is. Boom, it just goes right in. It's completely flat. Sick, so funny. You guys are really— and then David goes, David looks at the deck, which is, it's a fucking $13 million home, but there's sand in front of the cliff. And David goes, what if the deck just could push all the way out and then go down to the beach?

No, no, no, no, because the deck— so this, the way this house is built is it's, it's built on a cliff, so it looks over the cliff and there's like a 30-foot drop, and then you have the ocean. So I was like, imagine if it was just like a ski lift that sent the entire backyard down right onto the beach.

But you're, you're on like eroding land here. Yeah, you're on a cliff. That's like—

I understand this isn't something we could do overnight. I'm just saying, if there was a genie that came, like, imagine, like, imagine, like, you hit a button and you're literally— your entire backyard moves onto the beach. Like, then you have the best of both worlds. You have the cliff view, which is sick, but you also have the beach access when you hit the button. I think that would be really cool. Ilya, I was talking to Ilya the other day. This was really funny. I actually wasn't talking to this— Taylor told me about this. Um, when Ilya moved out here to work with us, um, I told him, I was like, my biggest concern about you working with us is you know nothing about the entertainment industry. Like, you know, you just— this isn't like— like, you don't care about things as much as like— like I do. Like, I love like stuff about the movies, and like I love like actors and actresses, and I love like— I love entertainment in general. And yesterday Taylor came out and she saw him on the couch working on a PowerPoint. It was a— he has built a slideshow He has like 25 slides right now, and each slide is a picture of an actor and the list of movies they've worked on. So every time he's— every time he sees a new actor or a new movie, he'll put it into a slideshow and he'll say everything that he's worked on.

150 slides.

But you have 150—

you have 150 slides?

Yeah.

That's fucking—

you're memorizing them just so you have better knowledge of entertainment?

Yeah.

Well, yeah, though, so like, out— but like, but like every other day, I'll— every other day I'll add like like 4 new ones.

And he's getting so much better. Like the other day we were talking about a movie and he's like, is that the movie with Joe Pesci? And I'm like, what the fuck did you just say?

Like, what?

And like, yeah, so it is working. He is getting better at knowing.

Um, very good. What's somebody that you put into the, uh, your database recently?

George Clooney.

Um, recently, what did I put in? Edward Norton.

I put in Edward Norton. He's a great actor.

He's got like good ones, like, like Olivia Wilde, Zoë Deutsch. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, oh, you saw the slideshow?

Yeah.

Oh, Oh, that's funny.

He really digs deep, which is nice.

Ilya and I watched a documentary called The Social Dilemma. And what did you think?

I thought it was great. I thought it was crazy that they got execs from like each big social media company.

They have all the execs from Twitter, Google, Facebook, and they don't work there anymore. And they basically talk about how they manipulated all of us and how like since 2010 when phones became big, like the iPhone and stuff, how anxiety has like gone up so much in teenage girls. Suicide rate is up. And just how, just how awful, you know, the phone is. And we're all guilty of it.

Manipulated us how?

Literally, there's classes in like Stanford University, like, okay, this is how we're gonna figure out, this is how we're gonna get you on Facebook like longer. And I guess it's, I guess, I guess it's not that nefarious. You know, you have a business, you're like, how do we get people on Facebook, right? More, right? It's not that nefarious, but like the idea of like going in and like changing the way you think as a person, making you feel like Natalie posted a photo, she tagged me, oh, I've got a comment on it, like stuff like that. That's what the whole documentary is about, and it's just really eye-opening. Like if you have a kid, what do you think?

I'm confused. Isn't that— doesn't that just what makes a good product? A good product.

It's a little different for you because like it's literally your business. Like you're like, you post on Instagram, you get paid for it sometimes, or YouTube and stuff. But for the normal person, for the normal kid, that's like the person that goes to a job and is just living their life in a phone, it's really scary.

You have to watch it. It's like really—

okay, I don't know. I just don't like— I don't like subscribing to the idea that there's somebody bigger than me that's like controlling me and like I should be scared of it. Like I don't—

shouldn't be scared of it. I think you just need to understand it. I think the only—

like, remember, remember, remember when Natalie was talking about a certain cereal and then all of a sudden she said the cereal and then it popped up in the phone?

Yeah, and it popped up as an ad.

That popped up as an ad. Yeah, like shit like that.

That was fucking crazy.

Why is that crazy? I want my phone to fucking show me ads that have to do with me. Like, why is that a problem? I get so confused. Like, who cares if my phone's listening to me? You have to— I don't care if my phone's fucking tapped by the government and all of a sudden I'm like, I'm getting answers to questions that I've just been asking my friends. Isn't that— doesn't that just help me out? I just don't understand that. I've never understood people's fear from like the big brother looking over them. I never got that. And I guess maybe that's why I'm in social media.

It's not only about— the problem is that people are depressed from it and addicted and like— and addicted to it. Yeah, it's like they have this whole section in the movie about— it's basically a slot machine. Yeah, that Facebook is a slot machine. You refresh, right, and you get something new and you're just like, yeah, I mean, it's the worst in that regard. Yeah.

Okay, Jay, the other night I slept in, uh, in the living room on the couch. I was on the couch sleeping and it's like 3 AM. David comes storming into the house after his run, right? He has a fucking shovel in his hand. He's like towering over me at 3 AM. He's like, yes, someone walked in the house. I'm like, what? What the fuck are you talking about?

He's like, dude, someone at 12:30 walked in the house and he's still in here.

I'm like, I'm like in a daze. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

And it's me and Taylor coming back. Yeah, so, so, and then Taylor goes, let me walk in first. I go, no, I have the shovel, let me walk in first. And Taylor's like trying to walk in front of me, and I'm like, Taylor, this makes no sense. Like, if this guy comes in front of us, I'm just gonna whack you with the shovel. Like, get behind me so I can hit whoever is in here with the shovel. Like, it just made no sense. Like, I understand she was being— trying to be protective and was really sweet, but I was like, this isn't gonna help any of us.

Okay, okay, first off, Why the fuck do you have a shovel?

Because we had no weapon.

You're gonna fucking plant some flowers for the intruder?

No, bro, this shovel was— it was a metal shovel. I was gonna fucking whack him. I was gonna bust.

Yeah, what if he's got a fucking gun?

Oh, what?

Oh my god, bro, if he has a gun, I'm fucked either way. But I want something to protect myself. What was I supposed to do?

A shovel's fucking heavy, man. I don't know if you can— if you can—

oh, you can swing that properly.

What made you think someone was in the house?

Okay, cuz we got back and the gate was open in a weird way. I was like, this gate's fucking never open like this. I was like, Taylor, check the cameras. So Taylor checked the cameras, and at 12:30— we got there like 1:30 or 2, I don't know when it was— and at 12:30, someone walked into the house with a backpack. Just walked right into the house, did not, did not like look to see if there's anybody in there. And this is a person I was not familiar with. Like, I was like, I don't know who this fucking person is at all. So Taylor and I sat in the driveway. Oh, and right as we were pulling up, there were two kids like walking down my street, and my street's a dead end, so there's no reason people should be walking down. So we had all the signs that someone is in our house right now.

Now.

Um, so yeah, so I, I woke up early. I'm like, Ilya, there's somebody in the fucking house. And then, and then, yeah, and then I went into— and then I went to Natalie's room and I was like— and I saw Todd laying next to Natalie and I went, oh my God, Todd, did you just get a haircut? And Todd's like, yeah, why? And like, and Todd got a brand new haircut. He just shaved his mullet off and he doesn't look like himself at all. And it was him in the fucking cameras. And I was like, Todd, when did you get here? And he's like, I don't know, like 12, 1. I was like, 12:30? And he's like, yeah, why? I was like, is that backpack? And I put in his green backpack. He's like, yeah, that's me. I was like, fuck. And he's like, well, still check the house to see. So I still went to go check the house to see if there's like a Law and Order episode. Bro, you know what I fucking found the other day? I want to fucking move out of my house. Like, I, I'm getting real scared of my house. And the worst fucking thing— I hate insects. I hate insects. This is what I found. Taylor sent me a picture in my garage, in my own garage. It was a spider web in the corner. It was a black widow, a proper black widow, eating a fucking scorpion in my garage. Is this fucking Australia, bro? I was fucking petrified. I was like, whoa, pack up your bags. We're calling the militia. This, this fucking house is donezo.

How fucking scary was the scorpion? How big was the black widow?

Black widow was almost the size of the scorpion. No, the black widow was probably the size of like 3/4 next to each other. So pretty fucking big. And then the scorpion was the size of a half a dollar bill.

That sounds like quite the match. I would think the scorpion could take the black widow out.

That's what I would think, but it was wrapped up in the spider web. Oh, That's the Spider-Man situation, my dude.

I was driving the other day with Joe. Yeah, and we were vlogging. I had the camera up on the dash. Yeah, and Joe goes, um, is— we passed a cop and he goes, oh, is it illegal to vlog? And I go, when I do it—

those are the moments I wish I was there for.

I know, I wish you were there for that one too, out on the field filming with you guys. Joe got that one.

Out on the field.

Zane, Heath, you guys got something?

What it do, baby?

View, what's up? This is our boy Heath here.

How's it going, Heath?

What's up? How you doing?

We got Zayn and Heath here from Zayn and Heath on Filter, David's Vlog.

How have you guys been dealing with the quarantine? Little—

we're in a fucking $20 million mansion right now.

Yo, fuck masks.

Oh my God. Oh boy. That was like— that was like the heartiest white person laugh ever. All of us laughing at that joke. We're in a $20 million mansion. Yeah, it is pretty strange. Did you know that Heath wants— like, his ideal situation is to live on like 100 acres of land? Yeah, with like 4 different families that are all his own family, but like his brother's family. Oh, his mother. And he wants to live off the land. This is— this is his action. The guy who, who loves Lamborghinis and supercars and Porsches and GTRs, like, he wants to live a humble life like this.

This, that is the duality of man, David. That's what they call it.

What is it?

The duality of man. Duality is like the duality, like, like, like nobody is one thing. Like, like my friend Bert, he's like a really famous stand-up, right? He's like a great family man, but then he goes out on the road and he fucking drinks his face off.

And it's like, it's that thing of like you're both, you know, I'm saying the heaven must be different because Heath, that is your idea of heaven and mine is like a beautiful city.

Heaven isn't just one specific thing to me. I feel like Like, like right now you have the thing that you love. You have the thing that you love, Jason. But like, it doesn't mean like you're stuck in that forever. Heaven is just a, like a state of like being like Molly. I've never done Molly, so I don't know.

You think heaven's like being— you've never done Molly?

Never done Molly.

Get the fuck out of here.

I swear to God.

Really?

I swear to God.

That's the one thing you went straight from weed to mushrooms to heroin and you skipped Molly?

Well, weed, mushrooms, heroin, cocaine.

Wow, that's crazy. Yeah.

No, I've never done it.

What if heaven's just boring? What if it's just like, okay, what if we're all there and we're like, yeah, it's like Saddle Ranch on a dead night. It's like the drinks are free.

I get there and I'm like, Jason, so how is it? And he goes, you're just— you're giving me around. You're giving me a tour around and like you're still limping. And I'm like, dude, what's going on? You still got the fucking limp?

Still got the limp. And they couldn't fix it. And I'm supposed to see them on Tuesday. Who's that? God, you know, but it's a long lineup here.

I feel like it's— to me, this is what I think. I think it's something peaceful.

I think it's, it's just like Earth but all only the happy aspects of it, right?

Where everybody— like, you— where everything is just right, right?

Where everything works in your favor.

Like, I don't think— like, like, I love cars. That doesn't mean I'm gonna be stuck inside of a car for the rest of my life, you know what I mean?

Well, I always say this. I said this on the last podcast too. I think it's It's like, I think it's— I think people's heaven is like, I feel like people will be reborn into things on earth and that'll be their nation. Yeah, that'll be their heaven. Like, I'll, you know, like some people like will be having a horrible life and that's their hell. And then some people will be living an amazing life where they're traveling, they met the love of their life and this is their heaven. Like, this is the year of— this is the life of their heaven.

You ever like looked into like reincarnation stories?

No.

Very interesting.

Why? What happens?

There's this little kid. I wish I remembered his name. I think it was— I think it was James.

I'm all for like conspiracies and crazy shit like that, but like there's a part of me that always goes like, yeah, but probably not, you know, right?

Yeah, no, 100%. And like, to me, I guess as a Christian, I've never heard you say that.

But like reincarnation isn't a thing that like I'm supposed to be like Heath was doing blow off Zayn's tits 2 years ago, and now he's on this podcast going, well, me as a Christian, um, I find—

born-again Christian, my reincarnated self is no longer going, uh, no, but like, that's, that's something to me that seems very fun.

Like, you imagine some baby's born like fucking 80 years from now and it's— I used to do coke with David Dobrik.

Yeah, it's a 5-year-old. I, I did blow with this guy. I don't do blow, by the way.

Zane and I—

around, around—

I tag team a porn star with Zane in a Walgreens parking lot.

It was CVS. I'm classy.

Have you and Zane ever hooked up with a porn star?

Um, Dave, you already know the story.

I know.

Don't ask. Heath, random question.

You and Zane have definitely tripped You and Zane have definitely had a threesome.

I didn't know what was worse, Mariah walking in or Jason's daughter.

Jason's daughter just walked in and he was looking over his shoulder, making sure it wasn't his girlfriend. But it was worse.

Yeah.

Is it true that you guys have had a threesome once with another girl? It was you two and another girl.

Did we not talk about this already?

I guess that's true.

Me and him last night hanging out.

No, yeah, it definitely happened.

Yeah. And how old were you guys?

Like 14, bro.

What the— okay, that sounds weird now, but what I was gonna say is what I would do to be there to watch you guys be doing that. That would be so fun.

You guys were 14? No.

Yeah, you were 14.

It's like 21.

Okay, and what happened? Give me the situation. You guys are at a bar, you guys are all drunk. Um, was this with a friend?

Did you follow her on Twitter or did I? Okay, I followed her. I followed this, uh, porn star on— I followed this porn star on Twitter. She said, hey, I'm giving free blowjobs at the Sawgrass Mill Malls parking lot if anybody wants to meet up. This is the mall 5 minutes down our house.

Oh my God, that's right around the corner.

It was almost like she posted it for me. It was unbelievable. Okay, thank you. Well, we follow each other, so first thing I did is called my buddy Heath.

So did you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did.

I honestly, I don't remember how like it went down, but like I don't know if I hit you up and we're like, well, let's meet up with this.

You were like, yo, yo, uh, so-and-so's at Sawgrass Mall, you, you want to go try to like find her?

So that's what we did. We— I, I tweeted her saying we'll meet up with you, and we did.

And were there other people in line?

No, there was nobody else in line, and nobody else—

it wasn't like a meet and greet.

So no, yeah, no one showed up.

Nobody showed up.

Sounds like—

no, no, she— it wasn't like she was in the parking lot like waiting for people. It like she was just going to the mall, and she just did that as a joke.

It was just like, a joke announcing where she was.

Yeah, she was just trying to get people to come meet her.

Yeah, she wasn't expecting anybody to show up.

It was just like I imagined her, like, sitting in the back of a van, like, with a sign that says right here.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, it wasn't. If that was the setup, we would never show up.

About social media earlier. Yeah, I take it back.

It seemed really, like. It seemed really like a authentic.

So.

Right. I.

She sent me her number. I texted her. We met up.

Where did you meet her? At the food court.

Right after we did meet him, we did meet her.

No, it was outside of Target, then we walked into the food court.

Oh damn, you like know this like detail by detail.

It was just you two?

Yeah, yeah, it was just us two.

Wow.

And we were like, we were Viners at the time, so like she— we were, we were big enough to actually meet up with us, you know what I mean?

Oh, so you guys already had like some street cred?

So yeah, we had—

yeah, so you guys were meeting each other as equals, as both entertainers?

Yeah, she followed me on Twitter first and I followed her back, so she knew who we were.

Oh wow.

At this point.

Oh, so yeah, you're definitely getting a free blowjob.

Oh, 100%.

Yeah. Okay, so—

and as he did too. So we met up, we met up with her, and we were— I just remember the whole day I was so nervous the whole day.

It was weird because like in my head, the way I remember it, it was like me, you, and her in the middle walking around the mall going into stores. Like I remember like going into like Victoria's Secret and she's like shopping, and then I remember like her walking out with bags. And in my head, this is like— this is what's going through What I want, you got it. We're just like skipping through like nothing.

We felt like rich fucking Saudi Arabians with a private jet waiting for our—

That's really funny.

Yeah, it was crazy.

Was it just her?

It was just her.

Did she not—

She had a friend with her. She had a friend with her.

Yeah, but she left real quick.

Yeah, no, I'm saying, but she was there with a friend and then—

Right, right, right. Um, but I remember it was, uh, Um, we went to Victoria's Secret and she tried like a, like a onesie on or something, and it was one of like, uh, it was one of those where the ass flap comes up. Yeah, yeah, she's like, I'm gonna go try it on real quick. We're like, all right, right, right, right, right. So then she walks out and she's got it on, and then she like flipped the flip up. She's like, how does it look? And me and they were just like Uh, but I just remember like that, and like that in my head I was just like, what is going on, right? And then she wore it out. She like paid for it with it on, and then we like walked out.

Yeah.

And she's just like— it's like this girl is just flashing her ass, everything. She just doesn't care. And this one moment I knew we were going home with her. This moment I'm gonna tell you because you probably don't remember this, but I do. So we were in line for, for— I think we were getting food or something, and all of a sudden Breaking Bad gets brought up, and she's like Oh my God, I love Breaking Bad! You guys want to watch it after? And me and you looked at each other, we're like, yeah, that's it, that's it, that's it!

We both don't have cable.

So we ended up leaving. I remember we went straight to the gas station and we bought a bunch of alcohol. This sounds so bad, but we, you know, we all bought a bunch of alcohol and we were like so excited for the night.

Did you buy condoms? Did you guys already have them or no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, we didn't even— I mean, we—

Jesus, David, we—

sorry, like in my head was not to buy condoms. In my head was like, is this gonna happen or not? Like it would— like it's not even a thought in my mind to buy condoms.

Okay.

Yeah, so I personally didn't think like anything was gonna happen.

Yeah, me too.

This is gonna be fun. Like just whatever the night had— like even if we just like hang out, drink some beers, but like it was still like crazy, right?

Right, right, right.

So I remember we, we bought a bunch— we bought a bunch of beers, we went to the beach, and we were just going fucking nuts.

Just you three?

Yeah, it was just us three.

Oh my God.

And I remember it was just like, we were just in the water and she was making out with you and then making out with me, and just like, just a bunch of shit was happening. And then she was like, he fast forwarded real quick.

Oh, hold on, like we were at the beach.

Hold on, what, what else happened?

And then she was making out with you.

Yeah, how did it get there, Zane? Well, how did it get to you guys both making out?

No, I don't remember.

That's the big moment.

Well, that's why I skipped it, because I don't fucking remember either.

That's like a big moment where like, we're like, that's where you find out, oh my God, this girl wants fucking both of us? Like, where?

I think she got naked.

Uh, okay. So yeah, I guess she allowed both of you guys to see, like—

and this was after just we drank everything and it's just everything started coming out.

Oh my God. Okay, so you're making out. Then what happens? What happens?

And then from there she's just like, I'm gonna get us a hotel room tonight. It was like a porno. It was like the cameras were on us and everything was being recorded. It was insane. Imagine Dave was filming at this time.

Imagine us shutting the door.

Oh my God.

Oh yeah, the door's open. Can we close the door so, uh, Heath's girlfriend doesn't hear this? Oh my God.

Oh yeah, everybody's silent. Is everybody silent out there?

Your girlfriend doesn't know you had a threesome?

No, I, I'm pretty sure I told her at the beginning.

Heath, I hope you did. We're, we were, we're being, we're being so loud talking about this.

Um, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, she, she knows. Okay, so it wasn't like a fucking—

right, right.

Hey, what's up? Nice to meet you. You want to go out, by the way?

But like, it was just like, it was so long ago, and this was like the first time we've ever encountered anything like this.

Totally fine. So So you guys are going to the hotel room, right?

Yeah, right, right, right.

And then at this point, are you— are you two looking at each other like, oh my fucking God, yeah, we were.

Dude, I couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it.

Um, but yeah, so we get up to the room and like, it's like a motel or like a hotel? No, it was fucking gorgeous. Like in my—

what?

Right, right on the water. Like nice fucking home.

Really?

Really?

Yeah, it's in Miami.

It's—

wait, wait, wait, wait. Compared to us, it was nice at the time, but now it probably was—

is like—

sure, I mean, yeah, definitely 20-year-old Zayn and Heath, this is like extremely rude. Any hotel—

it was a double bed, so that's pretty nice. It was a double bed.

A double bed, that's very nice.

Yeah, which we didn't need. Okay, so, so, so we get up to the room and then, uh, yeah, I don't know, it just started, started happening, right?

It was one of the most magical moments.

I'm surprised. Oh, oh, wait, wait, Zane got naked first and then Heath, and then she's like, fuck it.

So, so it was, it was like a like hanging out, doing the thing, and we're like kissing, touching, like, oh, you and, you and Zane. And then she was in the bathroom.

Yeah, I'm surprised I had the balls to even do this because, no, like, I feel like even now I'd back out. I would just be too scared.

I would, when I was your age, or even now, I would back out of that situation.

Every other time I would have backed out. I don't know what, what balls I had to just do it in the moment, especially with Heath in there.

When you were something. When you were butt naked, was this after or before the sex?

It was right before.

Oh, so you guys were already— you guys were already naked, but stuff was like getting—

like getting on.

Did you guys get the free blow— free blowjobs?

Oh, every— dude, everything. She did everything. We—

did you high five?

Everything.

Yeah, you did everything you can imagine. Like, dude, we— we guys checked every box that night.

Oh, you guys didn't high five?

We checked every box that night. It was unbelievable.

My God, I checked his box and he checked— wow. Okay, and then she goes to the bathroom to change or whatever to Oh, hold on, but like during—

I just wanna say like real quick before— during, she's like, this is the craziest thing I've ever fucking done. And I looked at her, I was like, you're a porn star, you do this every day. She's like, no, but this is like real.

I think she meant that— I think honestly, I think that was the craziest thing she's done off camera, right?

Yeah, yeah, it sounds like it, especially with like two Vine stars that are known to be a duo. That's so funny, like to fuck, like, oh, I fucked up with Zayn and Heath. Which one?

I fucked both of them.

That's pretty fucking funny. This may be a little bit too much, but where did you guys finish? Because I know there's two of you and I'm assuming you guys both came.

This is about— I think where I think you're going.

I've—

fuck, this is so gross. I can't believe I'm saying this. I finished on Nick's mouth. Close. The other way around. Wait, what? Okay, so, dude, what? Okay, okay. So he told me I learned this like 3 years later after this night. He never told me this. I'm sure this was a hoo-ha for the both of them for a long time.

Oh no.

But I guess at some point in the night when everybody was done, like, Heath— Heath came in her mouth.

Oh my God.

And then after that, full-blown made out with me.

Oh my God.

Like right after?

Like right after.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

I mean, but what's a threesome without that, you know?

Wow. Yeah, you guys are actually fucking like seriously connected.

Yeah, it's no STDs is what it was.

Yeah, he's definitely in my blood cells at some— somewhere.

So yeah, Zane, you're gonna have a kid in a couple years and it's gonna look exactly like he's gonna come out smoking a cigarette. That's disgusting.

Yeah, I remember him telling— the way he told me was like he's been dying to tell me this for years and it finally came out.

I felt bad, I felt weird.

All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Go check out JC's social media, go check out Zane and Heath's podcast called called Unfiltered.

Sorry, Zane and Heath Unfiltered. Get it right, bitch.

Get it right. Go check out— it's hilarious. They talk about coming on each other all the time. They probably still do it. Um, but thank you guys for listening. We'll see you guys later. Go buy the new merch. I have a ton of new merch out. It's David's vlog, even though I haven't had a vlog come on in 8 months. It's a little backwards.

It's soft. I have like 8 hoodies, and it's coming from me. That doesn't buy anything.

So thank you.

Please buy it.

You also do get it for free, so don't tell them that. We'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff. Bye.