Our Threesome with a Porn Star

Um, so yeah, so I, I woke up early. I'm like, Ilya, there's somebody in the fucking house. And then, and then, yeah, and then I went into— and then I went to Natalie's room and I was like— and I saw Todd laying next to Natalie and I went, oh my God, Todd, did you just get a haircut? And Todd's like, yeah, why? And like, and Todd got a brand new haircut. He just shaved his mullet off and he doesn't look like himself at all. And it was him in the fucking cameras. And I was like, Todd, when did you get here? And he's like, I don't know, like 12, 1. I was like, 12:30? And he's like, yeah, why? I was like, is that backpack? And I put in his green backpack. He's like, yeah, that's me. I was like, fuck. And he's like, well, still check the house to see. So I still went to go check the house to see if there's like a Law and Order episode. Bro, you know what I fucking found the other day? I want to fucking move out of my house. Like, I, I'm getting real scared of my house. And the worst fucking thing— I hate insects. I hate insects. This is what I found. Taylor sent me a picture in my garage, in my own garage. It was a spider web in the corner. It was a black widow, a proper black widow, eating a fucking scorpion in my garage. Is this fucking Australia, bro? I was fucking petrified. I was like, whoa, pack up your bags. We're calling the militia. This, this fucking house is donezo.