My Polyamorous Relationship

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. We are back with another podcast. What episode is this, the Thursday episode?

We're around 260 episodes. I was charting it out, by the end of the year we'll be on our—

Charting it out?

I was sharting. Well, that's a different story, I'll tell you that later. But I was charting it out and we will have our 300th episode at the end of the year.

Wow, we should do something special for that.

We really should. What could it be?

I tell people about my favorite porns.

I love that. Finally come out with the— like, almost like a playlist.

My top 10 anime pornos.

Yeah.

No, guys, I'm going to refrain from speaking about porns this episode because I know we've done it the last two because you guys have been— porns, porns. You guys have been craving it. So this episode you can listen to with your family.

Who's craving it?

Let's— I don't know. I just make that up.

The perverts want it.

Yeah, the perverts want it. You can just make up shit and you could just say shit. You could be like, yo, you guys want to talk a lot about the Avengers, so I'm going to give it to you guys. No one fucking knows.

Yeah.

And also no one knows what messages I'm getting. They're like, okay, I guess if the audience wants Avengers, let's hear it.

Yeah.

So let me tell you guys why Iron Man's the best superhero, because I've been getting a lot of DMs with you guys want me to talk about 45 minutes just making shit up.

No, it's actually the other way. You get 2 DMs and then you dictate that that's what everyone thinks.

Yes.

Yes.

Well, I always say, like, I always say that, like, Taylor, Taylor, we were editing the vlog.

Yeah.

And Taylor goes, I'm just like, I wish— like, I show everyone on the vlog before just to like get their notes. And Taylor goes, I just wish I saw Jonah in it like once.

Yeah.

And like everyone didn't take the note, but I was like, nope, Taylor speaks for 100,000 people. Because that is true. Like that one little note could speak for X amount of people. So then we had to give Jonah a talking bit in the vlog. So we had to change it because of her. Um, but yeah, yeah, no, when I get like one comment, I'm like, yep, this is, this is what the world Wait, Jonah wasn't in the vlog, was he? Yeah, he was. There was a moment with Sia I punched back.

Oh yes, you did.

I punched it back in. Yo, hanging out with Sia, how was that?

Oh, incredible. Yeah, it's crazy to be around somebody that talented, huh? It's like weird. It makes you feel very small and it makes you feel like she's not a human being.

No, it's really cool. What's so special about her, like, than other celebrities is like she can— like, she has a voice of like, like a literal angel. So it's like not like being like with like an actor because you can't like get an actor to act in front of you. But like when a singer like turns their voice on, it's like they're blasting you with their superpower.

It's like godly.

Yeah, it's really godly.

It's crazy.

It's crazy that she also thinks it's like godly, like not like a self— like not a conceited way, but she's just like, I'm so lucky to have this voice.

I had an idea that I really wanted to say that day and then it just didn't feel right.

What did you want to do?

I had written an entire parody song to Chandelier that went, look in David's rear.

Shut the fuck up.

But it didn't feel right, and I was like, you know, like we started shooting the vlogs again, and I'm like kind of timid, and I'm like, I don't know if I wanna like bring this up, and then it's like, well, then Sia's singing about David's ass.

Oh, she would've totally done it.

It was good.

Really?

Yeah, like all the lines were really funny, like it worked out really good, like Naveen helped me write it.

Oh, you came like prepared with something like this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was just weird, I get like, When you have a celebrity contact—

Look in David's rear?

Yeah, it was like, I wanna look into David's rear.

Into David's rear.

I mean, I can't do it, but she would have fucking killed it. And then the other lines are so good. But maybe we can cut this out and go do it.

No, no, no, keep it in. And then when we do it, they'll be like, you got her to sing David's rear, finally.

That's funny.

I've been hearing it. Yeah, so we went over there to get her to do an intro song.

Yeah.

So which she agreed to, which is so crazy.

Right.

I wanted to get like a new intro song. Just because like the day and it's like feel like I've just been doing it for so long. And yeah, she like crushed it. She gave us like 6 different versions.

Will it be in the next vlog?

And we landed— I don't know, because I really like it. I just don't know how like I'm gonna edit videos, so I don't know if like that's good. That's what's gonna happen.

Here's what pisses me off.

What?

I'll tell you, this pissed me off yesterday. We were over here trying to come up with, you know, new vlog bits, and then I see 10 people coming over to use the pickleball court. I say new rule, if you want to use that pickleball court, you got to sit with us for 30 minutes and fucking crack a few ideas.

Wait, why do you get mad that people are just coming in?

Yeah, I don't like it.

Really?

It pisses me off. Everyone's having the blast and I'm sitting there like fucking biting my nails.

Oh, like we're coming up with like podcast ideas and like—

Yeah, we're working. I said if you want to step on that court, throw us a few ideas first.

No, but yesterday people came over and they sat down with us. They weren't throwing out ideas, but they like waited for Ilya to be done so Ilya can come and play pickleball with them.

Yeah, well, I think you shouldn't invite everybody to sit around. New rule, bro.

I love that people come and play pickleball. We left for Bangkok for a week.

Yeah.

And I came back, and I'm not even kidding you, there was 15 people playing pickleball. And I was like, to John and Alex, I'm like, did you guys make new friends while I left? And he's like, it's really hard to explain, but we kind of did. It's like a group I've never seen in my entire life. 50 people here, it looked like a barbecue for pickleball. Um, I love that. I love having people over.

I love the breath that Alex takes when he's like thinking about the days you're gonna come back, as I was talking to him when you guys are in visa, and he was like, he's like, so, uh, when are they coming back? And I was like, I think they come back tomorrow. And he was like, okay, all right, tomorrow.

No, John does that.

Alex did it to me.

Oh really?

Yeah, yeah, John too.

John gets so— it's so funny. And then, and then Alex will like call me and he'll be like, John's asked to use the hot tub every day this week. And because Alex gets pissed about it because John doesn't ask that when we're all in town. Yo, like he's only doing it when we're out of town. You, you pulled some shit like that too last time I left.

What did Yeah, I came over here.

Yeah, you came over in hot tubs.

I did.

Well, that—

no, I did.

And you were like— and you were like— and your excuse was, it's really good for my back, my back hurts, my back was out.

But people were already using the hot tub. They were already in. There was 8 people in there when I jumped in. And if you needed to shoot a picture by your pool— yeah, oh, it was an important one. Yes, I did. But, but I'm, I'm down. I'm down to hot tub. I'm here all the time. What are you talking about?

I know you're here all the time, but I'm, I'm just saying it's been tough to get you to hot tub, that's all.

Did you see the couple that, uh, got caught?

Dude, I wanted to talk about this.

Oh my God.

Dude, that's crazy. So there was a Coldplay concert. I mean, I'm sure everyone's seen this. Like, you have to be living under a rock if you miss this. There's a Coldplay concert and the— yeah, there's like a fancam and this like elderly couple, elderly couples, they're like, come on. Sorry. They're like in their 50s. They're in their 50s. Really wrinkly couple.

I can't wait till you're 50.

I know.

I felt that that was wrong. They're not an elderly couple, but they're a couple that I'm trying. I was trying to say that because it's obvious that they both have families. Sure. Like they're at that age, but they were both like canoodling on the fan cam and then they duck down right when it got them. And you hear Chris Martin in the back going, don't, don't hide. Wait, wait, are you guys cheating or having an affair? And then right next to them, like now I've been fed like 7 TikToks from that. Like everyone's jumping on this.

Yeah.

This poor, poor fucking I guess not poor, they were cheating. Yeah. But everyone's jumping on it. Like even Facetune. Facetune made a TikTok where it was like, this is what the couple wish would've happened. And like erased them from the picture. Just like brands are jumping on it and like everyone's identified everybody. So apparently the guy has a family, the woman has a family. They were having an affair in the company's like box.

That's what's crazy. Like all your coworkers are there and you're just like chilling.

Yeah. And the woman is head of HR. Which is kind of crazy. And then he's the CEO of the company. And then there's a girl standing next to them that apparently is a girl they just promoted.

Yeah.

And she's like laughing her ass off that they got caught. Like everyone's just so embarrassed. Um, and then I saw a tweet from the company and I don't know if this is fake. This definitely sounds fake unless like everyone's just taking the piss out of it. But the company like released a tweet, like quoting the CEO saying, I know, like, it's come to my attention that you guys have finally discovered my secret. Like, I am a big Coldplay fan. I like all the songs, even the new ones. No way. Yeah, no way.

That's real.

It doesn't sound real, but it also sounds like— it also sounds like a very 2025 way of approaching.

Yeah.

Like a PR crisis.

Is it a verified company?

Is it? No. Yes, but it's a screenshot of it. Oh, okay.

It could be anything.

So it could be completely fake. But I was thinking, I was like, wait, well, as fake as this normally should be.

Yeah.

Like, that is kind of the way to tackle this thing. Do you know what I mean?

Right.

Like, it's like, yeah, they're cheating, but it's just like, whatever.

Yeah.

At some point it's just like, there's so much shit going on in the world. It's like, does this surprise you?

Yeah.

There's two people cheating.

This is how it's— this is how it should be. Yeah, but when we were like 4 years ago, it was like everybody was just like jumping on anybody doing anything wrong, but that's how it should be. Yeah, they screwed up. Okay, so whatever, move on.

Like, it's gonna suck internally, like with their family.

That'll be tough. And the fact that she's the head of HR. Yeah, she's the person that usually has to control those things.

That's gonna be really tough. Yeah, I saw some interesting tweets about that Coldplay thing. Yeah, so some guy— and this is all true— he said, man, all you had to do was no sell it. 'If you hadn't gone down like you'd been shot, nobody would have ever known. What do you think, your spouses are sat at home watching Coldplay Jumbotron footage? You've absolutely played yourselves.' And another person said, 'This would be a non-story if they didn't react. You got to act like you belong. That's how I've been getting free breakfast at the Hilton down the street for the past 2 weeks.' Oh my God. I mean, that's such a good point. It's so— they should have just fucking owned it.

Yeah.

But I mean, that was That's—

I thought it was like staged the first time I saw it, and then I was like, oh wait, the people dug into it more and it was actually real.

If you watch this video, they both duck down like there's literally a shooting. Like, it's very, it's very, very dramatic. And I don't know, I feel like especially if you're like that openly cheating in front of all your coworkers.

Yeah.

Those are, first of all, those are the only people that you should be worried about are the people that are in the box with you that they've already all seen. Yeah. So why don't you just fucking throw your hands up in the air? And just like party, like you're on the Jumbotron. I don't know.

I went down to Easy Street last night and—

a burger place.

Yeah, it was a really poppin' burger place made famous by Keith Lee.

Dude, I was gonna bring that up. I can't believe you brought that up.

Go.

Well, it's just like, yeah, Keith Lee—

you probably know better than me.

No, there's not much info other than what you just said.

What did he do? Uh, he like made it famous, right? Or something?

No. So yeah, he went there and he's like, this is the best burger I've ever had.

Right.

And obviously Easy Street blew up. It was already kind of big before, but he sent it into like oblivion, right? And like Easy Street ran with it and they made billboards saying Keith Lee gave us like a 10 out of 10 or whatever. Like, that's how powerful Keith Lee is in the food industry.

Wow.

That's so kickass.

That's crazy.

Yeah. So you went there?

Yeah, we had a full dinner with Wyatt, and then we walked out of Laurel Tavern and he's like, I'm still hungry. And I was like, what?

Wait, wait, wait. You went to get a dinner?

We went to dinner, me, Wyatt, and Naveen. And then we walked out of dinner stuffed. He ate like 3 things and he's like, I'm starving. Serving. And I was like, what? Like, the kids, like, just eat so much. It's so fun to watch.

He's, he's so lucky because I feel like he can eat anything and he'll never get big.

No, because he's already 6'3". He can, he can just eat. And so then we go to Easy Street.

Oh, it's so amazing.

And it's 11 o'clock at night and he's like, give me 2 burgers. And they're big. They're huge. They're smash burgers with pickles.

And that's a good way to describe how big they are.

Well, I— yeah, how do I describe it? It's bigger than a Big Mac.

No, it's not.

It's not?

No, it's like so much easier to get down than a Big Mac. Okay, so the Big Mac is thick and huge and airy. Yeah, this is just like— this is like— it's almost like eating a taco. It's— that's what a smash burger is, in my opinion. It's like, it's like so compact where it's like 4 bites, it's down your throat. It's not like a Big Mac.

Well, anyways, then the conversation came up of, you know, if Wyatt could eat a Big Mac faster than you, and I don't want to reveal my Big Mac time yet, because I'm trying to work on it. Oh, okay. Yeah, let's not do that. Let's not do that.

But he thinks he can eat a Big Mac faster than me?

Yeah, and when I was watching him, he's got a bigger mouth than you, he's got bigger hands than you, and he's just bigger than you.

Okay.

I think it's definitely like a David and Goliath kind of matchup.

No, it's def— yeah.

So you're kind of the underdog going in.

That does sound even. I like being the underdog. Yesterday I had all the Antonians. Come over because I texted them. I was like, do any of you guys think that you can beat me?

Yeah.

Jonah responds saying, dude, we're 700 pounds, of course we can beat you eating. And they got— the quickest one to get the Big Mac down was Vardhan in 56 seconds.

Yeah.

Which wasn't even that fast. I was like, I could beat this.

Yeah.

So, so now I'm working on my Big Mac eating time and seeing how fast I can actually get this done. So stay tuned for a video around that. That's gonna happen. But what happened at Easy Street?

Oh, I, I, I, I, I took like 10 pictures.

Oh, you had your—

yeah, it was crazy. And people saw the vlog.

You had that fame moment. Yeah, yeah, I had it. This is when you were like, I'm just trying to have dinner with my family. Yeah, yeah.

I told them, I said, you know how— let me finish my meal.

Did you say that?

No, I get right up and I'm like, what's up?

Mustard on your face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I got right up, but that was fun.

Is it that really funny? Like, okay, this is kind of hard to explain because it's gonna feel like it's gonna put me in a hole, but I'll say it. Like, I think those Rules are weird.

Wait for the person to finish eating.

I've never cared for it. I also— okay, this is what's gonna put me in a hole, and you can't do it now, okay? So don't do it just because you're listening to this. This isn't what— when people would come to my house, yeah, at Terryview, yeah, it happened all the time.

Yeah.

And people around me would get livid. Livid.

Yeah.

But I did not understand why everyone was so mad. I was like, Yeah, that's a kid in California. Sure. He knows where I live.

Yeah.

Why the fuck would you not come to my house?

Yeah. With nothing else to do.

With nothing else to do.

Yeah.

It made no sense to me.

Yeah.

I mean, I always say this, like, I've built— and this is why I'm kind of stuck being a child. Like, I very much built my ideas of the world as a kid, and I've kind of like sustained them.

Yes.

And like, I can't— If I had a mindset as a 17-year-old, I'm not going to mature and change that mindset of that exact thing, right? So 17-year-old Dave would totally show up at YouTuber Dave's house. And it's just because I'm a fucking fan. Like, it's like, this is so exciting. And I started making a bigger deal out of it because like the world made me make a bigger deal out of it for some reason. Do you know what I mean?

You had to put your foot down.

Yes.

And be like, no, don't come to the house because it's not safe. Yes, because some of the people were not safe.

But like, I didn't give a fuck. Like, I was just like, whatever. You're like, this conversation's so bizarre to me. It's— I don't know, I just, I never cared until I was told to care about it.

Yeah, but you don't, you don't like have like, uh, you're kind of fearless that way and you don't sense danger like everybody else does.

You're not afraid of like death. Like when I was living in Terryview, it's different for a girl.

Different for a girl, I think.

For sure. Like, every time I would step out the door, I would literally—

I'm huge.

Yeah, you're so big.

No, I— if I was living there, I wouldn't like— I would fear it.

I would literally like take one foot out of the door, look left, look right, look in the bushes to see if anybody was fucking popping in there, just hiding behind the cars. Because sometimes, like, if they hear me coming, it could be David hiding there. Well, that also probably was a contributing factor. I was just scared I was gonna be—

hey, don't give away my hiding spots when I'm perving on Natalie.

That's funny.

Um, yeah, no, I know, like, if I was a girl living by myself or at a house, like, I would definitely— yeah, that would freak me out. And I hate talking about it because you can't— because this does feel like one of those, like, guy things to say, to, like, to express how macho a human is.

Yeah, well, we know how macho you are.

No, no, no, but that's not why I'm doing it. I, I don't want to be, like, different and edgy and be like, I don't care about— I genuinely—

no, we know, we know, we know you're not macho.

Okay, always use my skydiving experience, always. And it's like when the chute wasn't opening.

Yeah.

The one thing I did was just relax. I wasn't going to fidget and try to open my second chute because, like, that's the last thing I want is to be stressed.

Yeah.

Going, going out.

And what— tell me about those moments as you were dying, because I think that's really cool.

Well, I wasn't dying because it didn't get that far.

Okay. Like here, one time I was One time I was surfing and I got knocked over by a wave, right? And for about 20 seconds, I had the most euphoric clarity, the most euphoric feeling I've ever felt in my life that lasted for about 20 seconds where I wasn't in my body and it was like incredible.

Oh, okay.

Did you have a feeling like that at all?

No, nothing was incredible. I was like excited to go. But like when you were in this wave, for some reason it makes me feel like when I was up in the air and my chute got tangled.

Yeah.

Like, it was very like just nothingness. Like, I wasn't really thinking about anything. I was just like, I was just thinking about the fact like, I'm going to hit the ground. I'm going to put my arms like, I'm like, wrap my arms around because I already hated being in the sky. I was like, it's cold. And I fucking hate skydiving. It's so fucking whack. It's so, it's miserable. Even when you open the chute, you're like, your fucking instructor will like start swinging you around. And you get dizzy.

Yeah.

Well, you don't have to do the swinging stuff.

I know, I know, I know. But they love it because they're fucking— they love—

What are your thoughts right before you're about to jump?

Scary. Terrifying.

Do it, do it, do it, do it. I'm fucked. Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this. Like that.

Well, I've only— I've only jumped like 7, 8 times.

Yeah.

And it's a lot. And every time it's been with an instructor, except once where I jumped on my own. Yeah, that's when my chute got tangled. But I don't know. There's no thought. It's just like, I got to do it. It's the idea of the moment we bought a zoo where it's like all it takes is 5— it's like 15 seconds of incredible courage or like 5 minutes of incredible courage. That's all it is. If you just look at time as like, there's going to be a tomorrow, there's going to be an hour from now, there's going to be 5 minutes from now, there's going to be 10 minutes from now. And you're just like, this is just part of the timeline. I have to jump now because I'll be on the ground in 5, 10 minutes.

Oh, wow.

Then you just go. I don't know. But yeah. Death. Scary. Whatever. Who cares? I'll never be able to describe it. I can't wait to die and then meet you guys in heaven and be like, see, it's better up here. It's better up here.

Hot tub's on.

Jay, I'm so excited to go see Bad Bunny in concert. Wow. Yeah. You know why? It's not even Bad Bunny's music. It's how easy it is to buy tickets.

Oh, how do you do it?

Oh, don't get caught cheating at a Coldplay show, guys.

I wonder—

Chris Martin will call you out.

I wonder if that CEO used our code to save 10% off and cheat on his wife.

He's pissed.

Um, so yeah, I mean, if you're, if you're looking for a Coldplay concert to cheat on your wife, please use SeatGeek. Or Katy Perry, Tate McRae, Lumineers, The Weeknd, anything you want. See, you guys are back. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, so you know you're getting a good deal. So look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. Plus, every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. Go to the house this summer, do something fun, and use our code VIEWS10 for 10% off your next set of tickets at SeatGeek. That's 10% off tickets with promo code VIEWS10. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you, Seek Geek. I got a lot of feedback. Yeah, from the last episode about sexsomnia.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. So apparently this is like an epidemic, pandemic. It's COVID 2020 all over again. Sexsomnia is sweeping the nation and the globe. I got this DM.

You should open a club called Sexsomnia where everyone just has a sleepover.

It's actually a pretty good name.

Everyone has a sleepover and then has an orgy in the middle of the night. Okay, subject: sexsomnia. This girl DM'd me. I was genuinely taken aback to see the pod title today because this, as a victim, has been something that has become a laughingstock of my life. My both— my boyfriend has a severe case of sexsomnia. 3 to 4 times per week, he straight up doesn't remember fucking me. His friends won't sleep in the same bed as him because of the horror stories I live to tell. He's waking up a few times in the middle, always shocked to see the sight. But most times doesn't remember. I've had to sit him down multiple times to be like, hey, you do this really weird thing in your sleep. Whenever I roll over, you take that as a sign to start facefucking me.

Oh my God.

That's crazy. Wow. We don't call him a cutie funny name like Pedro. We call him the Midnight Molester. Oh my God. Because I am literally breathing as silently as possible to avoid the sheer monster that rises. It's certainly a real thing, and I certainly initiate sometimes and blame him. Because he's too fucking stupid to know any better. That's really funny. So she's saying sometimes she's down for it, but she still blames him?

Yeah.

My number is— okay, yeah, we should definitely call her. Hey, this is David from The Views podcast.

Are you actually?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's David.

Hang on, I'm in the Marshalls.

We're here.

Okay, let me run out to my car real quick because there's a lot of folk in here. I don't need them knowing this.

It's not going to be on the podcast, crazy. What did she say? There's a lot of what?

There's a lot of folk in here. Where are you from where you're saying folk?

Well, I kind of just talk like that sometimes. I'm just from Ohio.

Can you give us some more insight as to what's going on? So how long have you been dealing with— how long have you been with his boyfriend, and when was the first time you realized that he had sexsomnia?

So I've been with him for like a year, and at first it was like, okay, maybe he's like drunk, whatever. We like drank a lot in the beginning of our relationship, and then As time went by, and like, still to this day, I think it literally happened 4 nights ago where he wakes up and he almost just knows to ask immediately. He's like, fuck, like, did we have sex last night? And I'm like, we absolutely did.

Wow. Absolutely did. Okay. And he has no recollection of it in the morning?

Zero. Absolutely none.

Okay. And what—

sometimes I'm like, do you know what you did? He's like, no, don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Is the sex better when he's asleep or when he's awake?

It depends on the night. I feel like, because we don't— I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but we call him the Midnight Molester.

No, I already read that, so yeah, you're allowed to.

Yeah, he's like, we call him Pedro. I'm like, oh, that's very nice for what I said. I feel like the Midnight Molester is a little more like aggressive, so if that's my vibe for the night, obviously it's great and fun, but if that's not my vibe for the night, it's a bit terrifying.

But, but how do you stop it? Do you just wake him up or do you slap him? Like, what's the, what's the protocol there?

There's no stopping.

There's no, there's no stopping.

I'm a 23-year-old gal, so I just kind of roll with it.

Okay, so you're, so you're always kind of down?

Yeah, but also, like, you did mention the last pod, like, maybe the wife is initiating and he's like, I don't know, I don't think so, I will fully like, like kiss his back or kind of get him going, kind of wake up the midnight molester, and then in the morning I'll just completely blame him. Like, certainly and absolutely I blame him. He'll be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm like, yeah, it was crazy, you shouldn't have done that.

So can you 100% get him going just by like a, like a back scratch or kiss on the neck while he's sleeping?

Oh my God. I mean, like I said, like 4 nights ago, I literally just— I had intentions of waking up said midnight molester. So I was like, okay, here I go. I'm going in for the kill. Literally, before I could even barely kiss his back, he's already there. And it's like he knows. It's like he knows, flips over, goes. Sometimes he wakes up like in the middle.

Wow. So he has like a sense for it. He just knows that, that he's being like called for.

It's almost that way. It's like sometimes if I'm really not— like, I really don't want to— I have to like breathe quietly. Or if I have to get up to pee, I'm like tiptoeing around. I'm like, I cannot wake up that man right now.

That's so great. And has he tried having sex with your guy friends?

No, but it's always been like an ongoing joke because we have roommates. So if he like pisses me off or something, I'm like, you don't want them to— you don't want me to tell them what you did last night. And so it's kind of become this laughing stock of our friend group. And now, yeah, my— his friends like will not sleep in the same bed as him.

Do you think— okay, do you think that— and I hate to bring this situation up— do you think if there was, if there was another girl sleeping in bed with you guys, like, he wouldn't be able to differentiate who is his girlfriend?

I'm about to drop— we used to be in a throuple.

So wait, wait, wait, we were wondering about throuples.

I feel like you guys have been speaking from the bottom. Like, I was telling my boyfriend, I'm like, no, listen to this fucking shit, dude. Like, I swear to God, they're on to us.

And now I'm calling you. Wait, that's crazy. You guys were in a throuple?

Yeah, for like a year.

Wow.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I can answer the question. You guys all lived— we all lived together, we all slept in the same bed, we had like a California King.

Okay.

Yeah, so to answer your first question, do I think he would know? Certainly he would not.

Oh my— so he would just have sex with whatever's laying next to him in that moment? Okay, wait, sorry, you've just unpacked like a whole new situation here with a throuple. Wait, how did this throuple start? Please tell me all about— we— I know you just said it, but we were literally just talking about throuples. This is crazy.

Yeah, so I had, um, I'm bi obviously, so this girl DMs me and he was like, you know, friendly, whatever. So we should get drinks. I'm like, all right. I knew she was bi. Also, they were married. They're not now, but whatever.

Um, wait, who's they were married to? She was married to your boyfriend?

Yeah.

Shut the fuck up. So now you're on the other side of it? He's not with her anymore and it's just you?

Just— yeah, it's just him and I. So now it's just been him and I. We just had anniversary we celebrated just the two of us. And wow. Yeah. So she just asked to get drinks. Her and I became like super great friends. We like hung out all the time. Obviously they lived together, so I was always at their apartment, whatever. And then for his birthday, we somehow ended up all sleeping together, plus another girl.

Shut the fuck up.

This man's—

I gotta move.

Oh man.

So then we, um, I don't know, the other girl literally dapped us up and left after. I'm like, okay, rude. We're gonna watch a movie or something. She was like a man about it. Just, all right, peace. So let's just kept, kept it rolling, I guess. At first it was pretty casual. We just slept together a lot, had fun, drank, went out. Whatever. And then, yeah, we were together. Together.

Wait, when you say you guys— yeah, so it started as like casual threesomes, and then was there ever— did he ever pop the question? Like, would you like to be our small wife? Our big wife, small wife?

Oh my gosh.

Well, I feel like I was big wife.

Okay, so you were big wife, and then— okay, okay. I mean, now you're the only wife. Technically.

Yeah, so they asked me actually on their anniversary. So then once we all broke up, we're like, well, fuck, that can't be our anniversary because that's—

wait, wait, wait, slow it down here. They asked you on their anniversary? How did they pop the question? Was it at dinner? Please, you have— you— this is, this is not normal what you're saying right now, and you're blazing past this.

So I like set up a whole thing for the 3-year marriage anniversary and like made like these homemade menus and like got oysters from this really fancy place that is near us and made this whole dinner and wop wop wop. And during that time they're like, we actually have something for you. And it was like a card and flowers. And obviously I said yes.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Was it like emotional? Were you like, I can't believe you guys are asking me this?

No, because we— at this point, that was in February or April. So at this point, we had been all together like every day and always having sex since November. And like, obviously I would have sex with maybe just the girl, or like then just the husband. So then they would do their thing.

This is wild.

It just felt so normal to us. It felt like we were already dating, but they just wanted to make it official. On their anniversary to make me feel not left out.

What's the wording that she used in the card? Like, would you like to be our third? Would you like to be in a throuple? Like, what is that?

Do you want to be our girlfriend?

Oh wow, this is incredible. And then he would— like, would she get jealous if she came home and you guys were having sex?

No, like, I— she wasn't— like, him and I like to go golfing, or his little brother plays like college baseball, so we were always kind of out and about doing things. She was not like that, so she didn't really care. But then certainly there was a point where she did start to care because one time she was just like, actually, I don't want neither one of you. But she never showed like jealousy. If anything, she was more jealous, I want to say, of his and I's relationship because of me, not because like she was worried about her husband.

Wow, that is— this is fucking spectacular. Wow, this is really incredible. Okay. And then, so for the last— wait, you just said you just had your anniversary where it's just, just been you two now?

Yeah, she broke up with us on— in the middle of a bar on July 3rd of last year.

Wow. And she said, I'm done, and that's it?

Yeah, we were drunk, so we were kind of like thinking, okay, well, I, I'm just gonna be they're no longer gonna have small wives. Like, I'm gonna leave, they're gonna work on this marriage, whatever the hell. But then, you know, she woke up and like 10 toes stood on it. Like, no, I actually don't want either one of you.

Wow. Wow. Okay. And would you guys— would you guys, now that it's just you two together, would you guys still welcome a third again? Is that something you guys talk about?

Um, dating? Absolutely not. Like, I was 21, so I was so young and And it was just, I wouldn't have, I just, not to call her stupid because like her and I are just now cool, not to call her stupid, but like no fucking way in hell I'm bringing a fun spunky little blonde girl into my relationship like, yeah, sure, fuck my husband. I mean, that was never my intention, but now I look back, I'm like, oh my God.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. That's crazy. So now you're 23 and now you just have, now you're over it in that way.

Dating-wise, yeah. Like, I think— I don't actually know for a fact. We would never, like, bring in a third, but, like, threesomes for sure.

Okay, okay, okay. Wow, that's this guy. He has hit the jackpot. This has hit the jackpot.

Whenever, like, the three of us— because we were, like, out, like, with our families, like, we didn't give it— we did not give it a rip. Um, but he was the coolest guy of all time.

Um, yeah, his dad's like dapping him up at the barbecue.

Yeah, yeah, I want to meet this legend. This is crazy. Okay, what is this, like a normal thing in Dayton? Oh no. Okay, okay, okay, so okay, okay, okay, okay. Wow, this is crazy. So me moving there won't do anything, right? It's like this is just, uh, you can join the throuple.

You can be the third.

Yeah, you guys looking for a guy?

No, he's such an ass. He's like, no boys, no boys allowed.

He's such an ass. Wow, this man is— this is crazy. Well, congratulations.

What's the— what's the plus of—

fucks in his sleep, has 30 girlfriends, he gets away with whatever the hell he wants.

Fucks in his sleep, has 30 girlfriends. Oh my God, that's our title. Sex in his sleep with 30 girlfriends. Wait, what were you gonna say, Jake?

What's— what's the advantages of a throuple and what's the disadvantages?

Oh yes, that's what we were trying—

advantages of a throuple would be like, if her and I wanted to do like something girly, like, oh, we want to go to the movies and go shopping. Yeah, he can say I don't want to do that, and it's so like no one gives a rip that he's not there because we have each other and he can go to whatever.

Yeah.

And then like vice versa, like she didn't ever want to go to baseball games, and then he used to like get frustrated that she didn't want to go out and do things. But then I was like, I'll go to the baseball game. So then he was no longer frustrated with her.

Wow.

To kind of do things with, and you always have your own little relationships. Honestly, I swear to God, there was really not that many cons.

Wow.

Wow.

And it helped, like, I was 21 and I just graduated college, so I didn't have like a big girl job. I was just a little housewife. Like, they both have really great jobs. I would clean the house, make these crazy dinners. I mean, I was making sauces. I'll just hang out all day and do nothing and then just wait Wait for my little partners to get home.

My little partners. Okay, well, you've really inspired a new, a new calling in me. So this will be what I look for now. This is, this is character. This is, this is my new personality, Jay. I'm no longer going to be complaining about finding a wife. I'm going to be complaining about not finding two wives.

Oh, wow. You've got double the work ahead of you.

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being on the pod and changing our lives.

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much.

Okay, we'll see you soon. Maybe we'll stop in Dayton. Bye.

That was great.

That was fucking insane. Wow. Wow, what a gem.

Hey, I saw a few comments that said the pee wasn't real in the video.

In the video?

Yeah, and that's fine with me. Let's go with that.

Okay.

No, the pee's very much real. Yeah, the pee was so funny because I remember— I mean, I love watching people drink pee. It's like, it's so fucking funny.

I've seen your search history.

It's always just like classic to me, but it's very, it is very divisive. It's like, you know, there are people that do not like urine being drank.

I'm sure. I don't like it.

For those people, it's just lemonade. Yeah, but that was such a funny argument in the car because like we couldn't tell if like we wanted to do it or if it wasn't funny or if it was funny. And then yeah, Jason, you really drank it. At the perfect time. When it all felt like we were like, yeah, this is stupid. We shouldn't do it. You did it.

And then you said you suggested it and then Zane suggested it. So I'm like, all right. And then my first thought is, no, I'm not going to do that.

Yeah. I mean, of course we're going to suggest it, but it was funny at the end. I didn't even put this in the vlog, but we were all like, why did you do that?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's the funny part. I was like, what do you mean? Why did I do that?

You have the camera. Yeah, it's really funny.

We just, we just coaxed me for 20 minutes.

All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Um, uh, now I am, uh, putting out a call for if anybody wants to be in a thruple with me and Natalie. We're looking for one more super sexy girl. Super sexy girl. You can go out with Natalie to do all her shopping and nail appointments.

Yes, I need a friend.

Um, damn, that's crazy, bro. That was a crazy phone call. We really hit the jackpot with that girl.

Yeah, she was great.

That was wild.

Yeah, she's like, ah, I love how it like, I love how it just unfolded into more and more and more. All right guys, we'll see you guys later. Bye.