David Gets Pulled Over

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. Guys, before we start, I leave this question to you guys. Please tweet me an answer because I've been— this is a serious dilemma I've been having. What is the protocol for sneezing when you have a mask on? I was in a public place the other day and I had to sneeze, but I didn't want to pull my mask off and sneeze because that just felt weird and dumb. Um, so I kept my mask on, I sneezed, and then my fucking mask was fucking soaked. In my, like, in my saliva and in my spit. And it was disgusting. And the woman next to me actually looked at me like I committed a crime. She looked at me so disgusted and had no idea what to do.

So that's just because you sneeze. Doesn't have to do with the mask.

I know, but he's in public. And then I had to go get a new mask because it was just— I was just sitting in a swamp, basically. That's what it felt like. So let me know what to do. This is a serious thing I've been dealing with. Okay, let's roll the intro music. The other day I did this thing where I went to In-N-Out and I surprised the people there, like surprised them with money. Like I had my Twitch stream on the stream. Yeah, I stream on Twitch and I said, guys, I'm gonna send all the donations to somebody at In-N-Out. Great. And we got like a little over $1,000, so I went and I gave it to this person at In-N-Out. Well, fun fact, I actually went— I went to the— I went to a person at Chick-fil-A first to give them the money and I didn't record like the beginning half of the video and it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. So I had to go back home. I had to go grab another $1,000 and I did it to another person because the first one just didn't work.

Right.

And I promised my stream I'd put it on TikTok and I was like, I don't want to post this video because it's not like as fun as it could be. So I had to go get another $1,000 just so I can make it right. And then the In-N-Out one—

weren't you recording?

I was. I just, just, I just didn't like it. So yeah, so I shot another one.

That person goes, David Dobrik just gave me $1,000, and then waits for 2 or 3 days and is like— and it never appears. Yeah, never goes on the TikTok. No, probably just baffled. No, just like, oh, this guy just rolls around people giving people money. He was like, he has— might have a problem.

He was like, yeah, yeah, this guy, I, I thought he was filming me at the time, but I never saw him upload it. He must just give people $1,000 all the time. Yeah, so I ended up spending a little over $2,000, which is totally fine because Obviously those employees deserve it anyway. But, um, but yeah, it was funny because Zane called— Zane calls me the next day and he goes, he goes, yo man, I like— I, I, I'm doing something for a brand and I really, I really want to be able to, to give money to somebody just like you did. And like, I don't know, I feel kind of weird like without asking you because it's your thing. I'm like, I'm like, dude, you don't have to fucking ask me if you can give money to somebody. Like, just go fucking do it. It's fine. And he's like, okay, are you sure? I'm like, yeah, like, it's not my thing. So, so he's—

so it's your thing. You created that. Yeah, I created giving, giving, giving back money.

Yeah, I created giving back.

It was just, it was maybe like presents or gift cards.

There's no such thing as charity.

Yeah.

Yeah. Until I came around.

First one, you and Nelson Mandela.

And yeah.

Yeah.

So this, he called me at like 11 in the morning And he's like, oh, cool, I'm going to go do it now. And I'm going on my run at like 11 and I pull on Ventura and I'm like pulling up to a light, pulling up to light to get on the highway. And as I'm pulling, like, this is fucking crazy. As I'm pulling up, I see and I hear Zane's voice. Like, I see his car at a drive-thru at the Carl's Jr. At 10 PM, like really late at night, like really late. Um, so, you know, he's doing this thing 12 hours after he called me, which is such a sane thing to do it really late. And I just hear his voice, I hear his voice, and I just hear him go, are you sure? Are you sure you can't take it? That's all I hear, that's all I hear. And he's having problems like giving the money to this girl because they can't accept tips or something. I just call him like, saying, did you just give the money? And he's like, yeah, what the fuck, were you there? And I was like, yeah, I just pulled right up. It was really funny.

And like, you have to go to In-N-Out, Zane. Carl's Jr. doesn't allow it.

Yeah, well, actually, none of them really allow to take tips, but sometimes they do. And Zane showed me the video of the girl like accepting the money.

Yeah.

And it was really funny because you can tell she like, she like was— she got so excited like the first 2 seconds. She goes, oh my God. And then she got really quiet because she didn't want anyone, any of her other like coworkers to hear because she did, because she didn't want to split the money. Yeah. So I'm like saying, how did it go? And he's like, I don't know, man. It was kind of weird. It kind of felt like she was just stealing from everybody. And I was like, oh, well, that's— it gets, it gets tough.

It is hard to give away stuff.

It is tough.

It's, it's, it really is because it's like, yeah, I've done it with you, you know, to go around and give people stuff.

And yeah, yeah, it can get complicated at times, but that's kind of the fun part of it, I guess. Yo, so I'm going to get real with you for a second here.

Okay.

So I've been sort of in a funk. No, you don't say.

Really? David shit the bed 2020 Dobrik.

David what?

David shit the bed.

What do you mean? What does that mean?

I didn't shit the bed. It's like somebody who's just out.

Oh really?

Yeah.

You ever heard that term?

I was like, no, I was like, great people fucking are going to think I pooped myself now. No, no, no. Yeah. I've been sort of in a funk. I've, I, you know, whether I want to admit it or not, like I really miss— Well, you know what? You know what?

I think you're normal. We were, we were talking about this the other day. You're actually very normal. I didn't think you had this in you.

Yeah.

How normal you are.

Yeah, bro. That's the funniest thing. It's like, yeah, like when we were vlogging and I was just like, dude, I can't stop because when I stop, I won't be able to start again. And Jason, you never believe that. And you're like, are you crazy? This is your life. This is what you're made for. Good at it, though. Yeah. And I really want to get back to it. I'm just like, not in the right headspace. Like, I just— I don't know, just some, some shit's gone down that I don't like that went down. And it's just, I don't know. Things aren't going my way, per se. Um, and, and, you know, I've just been in a weird funk.

And that's all right. I mean, you're— you're—

no, what I'm trying to say about this is it's really weird. I've never— I never— I'm in such a weird, weird mood where I can't relate to music. Has that ever happened to you?

I've totally gone through that.

It's so weird. It's the weirdest thing to explain where, like, I want to be— like, I wanted to, like, turn on Coldplay yesterday and, like, just be in my feels, but, like, I can't do it. I couldn't do it. Like, there were there was something about it that like wasn't allowing me to feel what the music was like. Like normally, like when I'm normally really happy, I could turn on a sad song and I'm like, oh my God, Billy Joel fucking carrying me away. And I'm like in my tears and like, you know, I'm feeling it. But like I have no emotion left. Like for that, for that, I don't know. And I have a feeling it's like a normal thing to happen. That's happened to you?

Definitely happened to me.

Yeah. Where you're like completely disconnected with all music.

Yeah. Where it's just like nothing. You're just numb to everything. You're just like, fuck it. It's not going to make me feel any better. I'm not even going to put it on.

No, I'm not putting it on to make me feel better. I'm putting it on to make me feel even sadder. Like, I'm like, you know, I'm going to go full into this and I'm just going to like, like really, like really ride the wave of my feelings. But when I put on the music, it like, it's not registering with me. Like, I'm not— it's not making me feel the emotions I would normally be feeling. I'm just like, And Coldplay is the one that does it for you. Coldplay was the one I wanted it to.

Do you want to try now and put on some Coldplay?

No, no.

But I just feel like a brick wall. Like, I just feel like I'm just, like, emotionless now.

Yeah.

And it really sucks. I don't know. But that's all I have to say. I mean, I honestly— I'm saying this because I'm just kind of looking forward to what people are going to diagnose me with when I— when this podcast is up. That's always my favorite part about podcasts is like, I'll just read the tweets later and be like, yo, bro, you got to get rid of Jason. Jason's slowing you down. But like, so now I'm curious to see what people are going to say about this.

The same thing.

You got to get rid of your man. I think why you're feeling so sad is because Jason's a pussy and it's hard to be around that.

I heard you're getting a therapist. Is that true?

I wanted to get a therapist, but like, I really want to get a therapist, but they all fucking want to do it on Zoom, which is like, I really don't— I understand it's a fucking pandemic, but like, I really, really don't trust— really don't trust a therapist on Zoom.

Oh, you mean like you think there's somebody in the room with them? Like, yeah, like, like I would assume a lot of therapists also have kids. Yeah.

And like, I know, I know it's the rule for a therapist and they would lose their license if they like talk about, you know, who their patients or whatever, who their people are, clients, patients, but who their clients are. But I just always feel like, like especially with Zoom, like there's always a kid that's going to be listening next door or something, or the video is being recorded. I don't know. I just want to do it in person.

I get that.

I'm going to do therapist.

It's just, it's great. So it's just, or maybe I'll just have them wear headphones.

Maybe I'll just be like, just put on headphones. Yeah, I never even thought of that.

Or you could use it as an excuse to still stay the way you are, right?

Yeah, I think that— I think honestly, I think that's what I'm doing. I think I'm just going to be slumping around for a while longer. What's a therapist like?

It's daunting because the minute you start, you realize how fucked you are.

Really?

Yeah.

And does it take a moment for you to, like, for you to open up? Like, to take you a moment?

Yeah, it takes me— I would lie for a long time.

Yeah, the therapist, like, a few sessions.

Yeah.

What would you say?

I'm happy, I like I love her.

Yeah, like, and then would, would he unpack it? Would he be like, do you really love her?

The thing is, a therapist has like, has seen a guy, has seen a guy like me 50,000 times. Okay, he knows exactly what's going on. Or she, or she. I had a male therapist and had a female therapist. They both could read me the minute I walked in the room.

I mean, you need a divorce. Oh, whoa, hi, I'm Jason.

That's basically what happened. The female therapist that I ended up with at one point just sat me down after being with her for a year, and she just said, Jason, are you ready to leave?

Are they allowed to like sway your opinion on things? Like, are they allowed to talk you into a divorce?

She, she had— she listened to me complain for a year and basically said— she's like, are you strong enough to leave? And I said, ah, like, she fucking caught me off guard. Like, that was in the first minute of that session. Like, I was like, uh, uh, uh, uh. She was like, if you're not strong enough, that's okay, you can stay.

That's some— that's— that sounds kind of manipulative. Well, are you powerful enough to leave? I mean, are you man enough to back out of this relationship, or are you a pussy?

It's— it's what I needed to hear, right? You know, and that's what got—

that's what— that's what started the divorce. Yeah, I must remind people, many people probably don't know this about Jason, but he was the one that initiated the divorce. I know, I know. Looking in and listening to the podcast, you would think it's definitely his ex-wife that left him. And this, every time you bring it up, like even just now, I'm like, I had to remind myself, I was like, oh yeah, Jason was the one that ended things, which is crazy. They can't tell anybody about anything. Like, how does that work? Yeah, they're not supposed to say anything, but except when you're about to hurt yourself or hurt others. Is that when they're allowed to?

Like, when I think— I think so. Yeah.

Or they're like, did she give you the guidelines before? No. Okay, so there's no like, I cannot say anything. There's not like a Miranda Rights speech, like, I am your therapist and I will be silent and I will be vowed to you and I will protect your secrets at all costs unless you plan to harm a child. Or the room gets really dark and red. No, it's not how it works. No.

You know what's really funny is we had a therapist that everybody went to. Yeah, so I could, I could imagine that woman knew the gossip.

That's what I'm scared.

Like, imagine like you, Zane, Heath, Todd, and Scott and me all went to the same therapist, right? And like one day you're like, Scott's bitching about you, and then the next day I'm bitching about Scott. Like, that's what this therapist was. It was so funny.

Okay, but at that point she has to start taking sides, right? And doesn't that like interfere with like how she's trying to talk to people?

It could interfere.

I would never do that.

I told you the story where by the therapist that that railroaded Marnie, right? I've told you that, right?

Yeah. Wait, what happened again?

I, I just like—

I—

this is the first— I went the first time I went to this guy, and I would just complain about Marnie for like weeks and weeks and weeks. And then he was like, he's like, well, you know, do you think it might be a good idea to have Marnie come in for a session? You know, maybe we can work through it. And I was like, yeah, yeah, that'd be great. So I talked to Marnie. It was Marnie's idea that I go to therapy. And I was like, yeah, it's going really well. And now we're ready for you to come in. And she was like, great, great, I'm so glad this is working out, blah blah. And then Marnie got in there and he just fucking attacked her. Oh no, he attacked her. He was like, he was like, he wants to be able to have some freedom and you can't seem to, to do that, and it's a one-sided thing. And Marnie was like, even I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, like, this is fucked up, right? So that I just, I was bitching for months to this guy, and then he fucking went after her.

What did she say when you guys left?

We left and she was like, that was fucked up. You came after me. And I was like, that was fucked up for sure.

That's funny.

Pretty funny.

What? He just disconnected the mic, bro. Jason's fucking fidgeting here and he just disconnected the mic cord. Like, as like a—

I'm so excited I get to talk to you because I never get to see you.

If you're—

if you're pulling out somewhere.

Whoa, whoa. What do you mean if you're pulling out?

Hang on. Get your mind out of the gutter. If you're pulling out, if you're backing out of somewhere, and then like you get like a text from someone and then you crash your mirror, you crack your mirror and bust your entire window because the mirror like was attached. Is it that person's fault that was texting you?

Person that texted you? I don't think so. Yeah, shit. Why? What? That's—

you owe me $250.

Wait, really?

No, it wasn't you. You never text me. Marty was texting me about Thanksgiving dinner and I was like pulling out of my friend's house.

Damn, bro.

And she was like, beep beep beep. And I was like, doing two things at once, and I took my mirror and it just— and it popped the window in the car, like the little window. You know, you have your big window.

Oh yeah, and it just went pop. Wow. So this Thanksgiving dinner has been fucked for you from the start.

Yeah, I had a lot— I think that's probably why I was saying that nasty—

How pissed were you when that happened? And were you like cursing out Marnie?

I wasn't pissed because I had a good day and things were going well, and I put it in my head right away. I was like, I called the guy from the car company and I was like, can you come tomorrow and take care of this? And he was like, yeah, I'll be there in the morning. And I was like, okay. And it was taken care of.

I got pulled over the other day again. Yeah, my run.

Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, this is so funny. Okay, I was talking to you and I was asking you about the curfew and you were like, yeah, nobody fucking cares about it, like it's fine, like obviously you're not gonna go out And then the next day you got pulled over running.

Yeah, I go like, yeah, when I was saying nobody cares about the curfew, I mean, like, you can fucking walk around, right? Like, it's not like a government shutdown out there because you obviously can't go to a restaurant or some shit.

But like, I was like, you could walk out because I said, are you going to run after 10? And you go, yeah, no problem.

Yeah, I was like, nobody gives a fuck. Yeah. And I got fucking pulled over running. I was going to run and I run like down like Sunset Boulevard because I just like, I like the lights and I think it's like always so lively. And yeah, I got pulled over. They're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm on a run. And they're like, it's curfew. I was like, I'm so sorry. And I went home. I also left out a part to that cop story. Oh, I wasn't pulled over just for running. So I do this thing where I go with Taylor and I'll start at a checkpoint and I'll end at a checkpoint and Taylor will pick me up where I am running. So I run and she'll pick me up at where I finish running. And we took my— we took my— we took my car, and she doesn't know where the lock button is and how to unlock the car. Yeah. So when I got to the car, I ran up to the car because I was just finished my running, and I started knocking on the window, and she couldn't unlock it because she couldn't find it. And I kept pointing to the window, and I was like being a little aggressive. And that's when the cop pulled up because he thought I was trying to break into the Aston Martin.

Sure.

And he was like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm just trying to run. And he's like, what do you do with that car?. And I was like, it's my car. I'm just trying to get into it. But then I explained to him and he's like, okay, well, it's still curfew anyway. You got to go. So he didn't pull me over just because I was running, but I just looked fucking suspicious. Like, I looked like I ran up to this car and I tried to break into it real quick. Yeah, but, but yeah. Yeah.

Oh my God, bro, I got your next business adventure.

Oh my God, I just saw it. Adventure or venture? Venture. I know it's going to be stupid.

Just go for it. Fine.

It's okay.

You know, I'll give it to somebody else.

No, no, no, no. It already sounds like it has my name in it. So, Dobrik, what?

No, it doesn't have your name in it. That's the beauty. What is it? Okay, check this out. I brought some— I bought some tea today. Okay. Right. It's just like iced tea that you buy at the store.

Yes.

This one's called T's Tea. What if you come out with Tay's Tea? Okay, let's just move on. Genius.

You know what's so good about Tay's Tea? What? It also sounds like tasty.

Oh, that's good. Tay, are you interested in having your own brand of tea? And that's the only way it will work.

Yeah, sure. I mean, I make the same tea, but it's not really mine, and I would hate to take on that. It's just a huge responsibility thing.

She's the perfect spokesperson. Listen to her. She looks— listen, you want to buy from this person.

Very humble.

Unless it's like she hasn't—

she hasn't got the tea in their head yet.

You know, spill the tea, that kind of thing.

Ooh, Tay's Tea Corner. Tea. Yeah, the tea.

You know, people used to call Taylor Tequila Tay.

No. Oh, back in the day.

Yeah, she's Tequila Taylor.

Before I retired from that lifestyle.

Yes. Yeah, she used to drink a lot. Oh, yeah.

I mean, don't even say you don't know.

When the tequila came out, it was just like, you know, Margarita Maddie and Tequila Taylor.

So how many shots would you have?

Well, only a few, like enough, uh, like 3 or 4 or 5 or 6.

And they go, oh, it's Tequila Tay, it's Tequila Tay, Tequila Taylor coming out. Yep. And then would you get like really drunk?

Uh, Jason, no, no.

Are you drunk now?

No. Many people actually— wait, I have, I have a story. Oh my gosh, I have a story. Okay, so back in the day, this was high school sophomore year.

Here's one way to fill up 40 minutes. Guys, Taylor is notorious around here for telling the most simple stories in the longest way possible. So very— they're so long that you think that the payoff is gonna be incredible.

It always is incredible.

Okay, I'm gonna set a timer.

All right, go. What?

I just don't want to leave out details. Okay, so back in the day, I was a sophomore in high school and I just transferred schools. Yeah. And I was brand new. I went to a private school, and they were known for like doing occasional drug testing. And at all of our school dances, they breathalyzed us, but it was quote-unquote random, but it wasn't random. So I'm extremely—

with a nickname like Tequila Tay.

Yeah, she was already on the radar. Yeah, yeah. So people used to call Taylor Tequila Taylor. So like, I mean, obviously she's already, you know, she's already suspect number one when it comes to random drug tests. Okay, but when Margarita Maddie standing next to her, it was game over.

When the two best friends were together and Jose Cuervo.

Yeah.

Oh my God, that guy.

When he— and when Vinnie Vodka was— when Vinnie Vodka was in the other classroom, fuck, whatever.

You had a friend named Jose Cuervo?

Yeah, he came around often. What are the chances? Anyways, so no, this was a year before Tequila Taylor came out. This was like, uh, sophomore year of high school. I was like beyond innocent. I did not like go to parties yet. I didn't even— I just danced and I was a very good girl. And one day I'm sitting in class and I get a slip that I need to go to the dean's office. And so I was automatically like, I was just started to panic and my heart was racing so fast. I'm walking to the dean's office, I sit down, there's two scary people sitting there and they're like, you just got reported for drinking on campus. Um, someone reported that my breath smelled like alcohol. And I go, oh, that's just my, my gum. And they were like really rude to me. And so they go, we're gonna have to call your mom. So we call my mom, she's like, you have to what? And I was I was like, yeah, Mom, I don't know, they're gonna breathalyze me. And she goes, huh, well, did you drink? And I was like, no, I, I don't. I mean, I was— and I was shaking, I was so scared. So anyways, um, obviously I blew the zeros, zero, zero, zero. And I guess some teacher reported me for drinking on campus. So after that, I, I don't know if it was my personality that people think that like I'm drunk all the time. Or that I did smell like alcohol, but I was extremely offended. And after that, I, I was pretty much scarred. But then I, uh, you know, not until my junior year did I find tequila.

And you're so happy and easygoing that I could see people thinking you're drunk, right?

And you know that.

Yeah.

So whoever it was that told on me, screw you.

Okay, so the story was you were told on.

That was a 2-minute and 30-second story brought to you from Tay that David could have told it in 14 seconds.

I mean, yeah, that was a good story.

But so the moral of the story is that you weren't drunk, but that people thought you were drunk.

Yeah, I got told on, and they told me afterwards that someone smelled my breath, smelled like alcohol.

It's a good story. I liked it.

It's not a bad story, Taylor. It's good.

I was just—

they're a good story.

Good job, Taylor. Good job, Taylor. Joe, cut that out.

I still think— I still think— I still think you're drunk a lot.

I know, that's why I'm telling this. This is important.

Have you ever been drunk at work? Have you ever been drunk here? No, never.

Not when people don't know.

I think I've seen Taylor drunk once.

Yeah, yeah, after a big victory at Dobrik LLC, right? David does something cool and your eyes are all celebrating. Have you had like a beer with David or anything?

Uh, no, Ilya's just poured like 4 shots for Ella and I. Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah. Howard Stern has a crew on his show. It's called the Wack Pack, and it's like 9 or 10 guys that are like fucking insane that he interviews. And you're, you're, you're falling— you're having Wack Pack tendencies right now.

Keep getting compared to weird people that I don't know.

All right, let's move on. That was Tea Time with Taylor.

Thanks, guys.

Guys, Mr. Killinger's back. Our very own in-house school teacher. We have one here now in the studio. Mr. Killinger, you were a teacher for a record 3 years.

It was 6 years at Vernon Hills.

Okay. Yeah. You weren't a teacher for long, but you definitely got the experience.

8 years total, 6 years at VH.

Did you ever snitch on a kid? Did you ever like— did you ever find a kid doing something and you were— because you're fairly young, so you're close to the kid's age.

I was. And that made— that made it weird a lot of the times when I I tried to not get—

Like, you very much switched sides. Like, you went from student to teacher real quick.

The one that stands out that I was thinking about for like weeks afterwards, like, I should have freaking written this kid up or something, but I saw a kid vaping right outside of the building, and like, I looked at him, I was like, damn it, like, can you just not, like, just put that away? And then I was like, really, it was like weighing on me whether or not I should write this kid up or not, because I mean, using tobacco or any products like that on campus is like an automatic problem. But like, he was like the clarinet player in the pit orchestra and I was directing the musical and the musical was coming up like in a week and I knew that if I got him in trouble, then he was going to have to miss like 3 rehearsals and a performance. And I was like, but he's like my clarinet guy, so I need him. I need him for that.

And it's also— I got a big ego. He's smoking outside of the school. He's like, this fucking bitch needs me.

But it was— yeah, totally. I'm sure he doesn't know, like, why I didn't write him up. But it was kind of bullshit.

Did you confront him?

No. Aside from telling him just like to put it away.

Oh, but you went up to him and you were like, hey, stop vaping.

Well, I mean, like, we couldn't miss each other. Like, I took like one step outside the door to get some fresh air and like, I looked to my left and he's standing right there.

Was he panicked?

Yeah.

No, he was freaking out, dude. That's the fucking craziest.

So funny though. And yeah, so I didn't— it's unfair because like athletes, if they've got— if you're on a basketball team, you've got 25 games and like 100 practices and stuff, then you're like, you miss 5 practices and 1 game. But like compared to a musical, there's like 3 performances and I'm like, I'm like, I'm not— it's unequal. I'm like, I'm not going to get this fine arts kid in trouble for vaping when he's going to miss a third of the performances based on this.

That's funny. There's not a lot of— there's not a lot of people that can like instill that much fear into somebody's eye than like a teacher. I feel like there's 3 different jobs that like you can actually scare the fuck out of people. It's being a police officer, being a parent, and being a teacher. I feel like those 3 jobs are like where you can really scare the shit out of somebody.

How did the musical turn out? That's what I want to know. Musical's great.

Thanks to the clarinet. But, you know, we had a nice full pit and the orchestra was on top of it. Lots of cues from the clarinet player.

I took Taylor to the dentist. Oh, yeah, I heard about this.

Fucking great. His one wish for Christmas.

That's $340 I've ever spent.

It was $340.

Yeah. Oh, Taylor really want to go to the dentist.

They said my teeth were perfect.

Yeah, they said Taylor's teeth were perfect.

She started out really scared. Yeah, she's in the car, right? So I'm like, oh, did I meet you there? Did I pick you up?

You picked me up.

Oh yeah, I picked you up.

You're doing the TikTok.

Oh yeah, we were doing— you were doing a TikTok at 6 in the morning with David. So I picked her up. She's really scared. I'm like, hey, it's a cleaning. Like, David's literally gone in there and the guy has hacked away at his mouth.

You never know. You never know.

I was scared for Taylor to go because she was going to the dentist I go to. Yeah. And that guy has been fucking emailing me like crazy because I've—

first thing he said, where's David?

Yeah, I have 6 cavities right now. I need to get filled. Yeah, there's no fucking way I'm stepping foot in his office because I know he's gonna fuck my mouth up. Yeah, he's gonna put his big doctor dick in my mouth and it's just gonna fucking bust my jaw. You gotta go.

No.

Yes. Isn't the pain of cavities worse than whatever he would do to you?

No, no, maybe he's a great dentist. He's a great guy and I love Danny Sherry. But last time I was there, the second time I got my wisdom teeth taken out, I was like, I'm done. I cannot do this anymore.

It's your wisdom teeth.

That's a whole different story.

I don't know. I can't because I need a root canal. I don't want to be part of any of this. So what did the dentist say about your teeth?

Hyped on my— that they numbed my mouth and then You know, the lady was so nice. She was gonna tell me how to— she was gonna teach me how to brush my teeth the correct way because I brush too hard. But yeah, after she like— she did all of like the cleaning and whatever, that Danny came in and I go, listen, I, I hate to break this news to you, but I've been canceling David's appointments over the phone. And I thought that that was gonna make him not like me so much, but he still said my teeth were perfect.

Yeah, and then the best part of the whole day was we got in the car. Tay was in such a good mood. She's like, I feel so clean, I feel so clean, my mom feels so clean.

The best part.

And then we got in the car and Tay proceeded to gossip about you the entire ride home. About me? Yeah, she was just filling me in on like funny stories around the house. She was on fire.

What did she say?

You were killing it. Yeah, I was—

we're—

I was dying. She's like, Ill is in— oh, let me tell you. She was like, you know, getting everything off her chest. She's like, Ill's in one room and like Dave is like screaming at him. And let me just be honest, Ill's He sucks at fucking Call of Duty. He's not good. He's like, but then again, David does yell at him a lot. She was just spilling all the beans. It was so fun.

That's funny.

Yeah, we talked about Charlie and Wyatt.

We talked about Charlie and Wyatt. Taylor's the only one who cares about Charlie and Wyatt around here.

Yeah, probably.

Hey, I care about them too.

Ella came back today from Thanksgiving from New York, and one of the first things she goes, she goes, uh, One of the first things she says is, I hooked up with somebody back in New York.

I'm so bad at keeping secrets.

There's nobody. There's nobody. I mean, first of all, not even keeping secrets. You hook up with like a good amount of people. Okay.

How many minutes in when she comes back from New York and she sees you?

It was like this. It was like she walked in the door and she goes, how was your Thanksgiving? I hooked up with somebody.

That's not what happened. He asked me.

He was like, did you go with anyone?

No, that does sound like David.

I did ask, I did ask because, because he's such a—

because he thinks I'm a slut.

No, I do.

He literally always says I hook up with so many people.

I do, I do. She hooks up with like a lot of people. It's not a bad thing.

I don't think I hook up with a lot of people. I just think it sounds like it compared to everyone else, right?

To the rest of the world, it is a lot.

Um, do you want to put a number on it right now? No, this year? I think it's interesting that you share that here at work because I would never tell that today.

We have a big sharing policy here, so it's Yeah, I mean, we have a good sharing policy.

It's a word I made up, but she ran with it. We do have a sharing policy.

We definitely have some sort of weird sharing policy where it's really—

You must share everything. Who do you hook up with?

Look where we are right now. I'm giving you some great content for the podcast, and it's just because I'm sharing my personal story.

Oh, wow. So you did that for us?

I did it all for you.

You went and who'd you hook up with?

But I also tell everyone all my secrets.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. You hooked up with your ex? Did you hook up with your ex-boyfriend? Every time she's in New York, there's some story about our ex-boyfriend. Is your ex-boyfriend— yes, you hooked up with your fucking ex-boyfriend.

How long you date him for?

Like 4 years. Okay, like 2 years, then we broke up for a year, and then 2 years again. So he's like, he's a very important person in my life. He's always been a very important—

okay, timeout. When did you, when did you break up with him?

Like a year ago.

So a year you haven't been together and you went back?

Yeah, and so we You know, you slept with him, correct?

Sharing policy. Wait, wait, and did you—

he's gonna bite me in the fucking ass.

Did you— well, it sounds like he did. Did you— did, um, when you were flying to New York and it was Thanksgiving time, you don't have family in New York. No. So was your— what was at the top of your list? Is he your friend?

He's my friend. I honestly didn't even think— I knew I was gonna—

no way, you honestly—

no, I swear to God, because I had So the problem why I always see him is not a problem, but like, we're in the same friend group. Like, I'm his best friend, is one of my best friends. Okay, guy friends.

So you didn't go to New York thinking that you were going to see him?

No. And on Thanksgiving, I text all my friends, what are you guys doing? And they're all like, oh, we're going to your ex-boyfriend's house. And I'm like, goddamn it. Like, what the fuck am I going to do now? Like, I thought I was going to hang out with you guys. And I texted him being like, hey, I'm in New York, just so you know, like, if you want to get a coffee, because we're in like very good friendly terms, right? And then he was like, oh, I'm having dinner. Like, you should definitely come. Blah, blah, blah. And so I was like, I mean, why the fuck not? I'll go. Like, all my friends are there. It wasn't weird. But then every time I see him, it's like I fucking become an emotional wreck and start crying and talk to him.

Did you cry?

Yes, I cry every time.

You cried around him?

Yes, I cried to him, on him, with him. It's like David's a monster.

He never listens to me. There's a monster. He'll probably make me share this because of the sharing policy. Wait. Okay. Okay.

Wow. But I mean, I cry a lot for anything, right?

And when did you hook up with him? Were your friends still around?

No. So we like, we were all there, like, having fun, like, drinking.

And you guys were giving each other looks.

We were like talking and, you know, we were just like, when you don't see someone that was so much such a big part of your life for like, I hadn't talked to him in like 7 months, right? So we had so much to catch up on. Like, he moved, like all this stuff that I moved. He knew I moved to L.A., but like, that's it. So yeah, I mean, we were like all talking and then everyone kind of left and like, I honestly didn't even notice that people were leaving because I was just like in this deep conversation with him. Yeah. And then we just—

I started calling your girlfriends like, Ella, come on.

Like, you know, I didn't have any girlfriends. There was always most of his guy friends who I'm also friends with. But then my friend was coming to meet me the next day and I knew that she was gonna look, so I turned my location services off because—

so your friends don't want you going back to this guy just because it's your ex?

I don't think they don't want— I— because I was so scared about being judged. And like I did to David today, I saw my friend and I was like, I'm not gonna tell, I'm not gonna talk. And then she walks out of the car, I'm like, Guess what? I hooked up with him. And she's like, what? But no, I don't. I just like, I feel like— and that's why I was talking to him about it. So fucked that, like, it's— I think it's a societal thing, like, that I felt like it was a bad thing that I was doing. But realistically, if we're both fine with it, who cares, right? But everyone is like, you can't hook up with your ex.

It's like— and you spent the night there? Yeah. Did you cry in the morning? No. Did he cry when you guys were hanging out? No, he didn't cry.

No. Why are you nodding underneath your breath?

Yeah. Why? Why did you— why did you put the mic away from your head and shake your head? Yes. And then you mouth something like, what a pussy.

No, I'm just kidding.

He didn't cry. He didn't cry. And you guys, I'm assuming you guys, you probably told him that you're not going to tell any of your friends.

Well, at the time, yeah, I was like, I'm just going to say that I went back home and stuff. But then it was fine because I saw him again.

And now here you are talking about it on the podcast.

I am talking about a podcast which all my friends listen to, including the friends that I told them that I didn't sleep with him. So I'm gonna get some calls tomorrow.

No, that's sick. Good for you. It's cool that you can do that in like a healthy way. The other day I was streaming. I'm sorry to bring this up. I know how much you hate my streams.

It's not that I hate the stream. It's just not the vlog and I'm not involved with the stream. So that's why I don't—

it pisses you off. I was streaming and I stream Warzone where you can get wins, blah, blah, blah. And our buddy Vardan, who's I think 13 years old, right? 14. 14. He's 14 years old. He has never gotten a win. So I played with him yesterday. I got him his first win. But more importantly, I was— he's also streaming at the same time I was, right? And he had 14 viewers, which is like a good number for him. And when I— sorry, he had like 8 viewers. And then when we started streaming, he got up to 14 viewers, right? And you just hear him on the mic, oh, I have 14 viewers right now. This is, this is so exciting. And he was so fucking excited. Yeah. And then he got so excited that my viewers heard him and they were like, oh my God, we got to go support this guy's stream. Oh. And then he got to like 70 viewers. Yeah. And fucking, he was screaming. This is not— he was like, this is the most amazing fucking thing. And I started fucking tearing up because like his happiness was, was so— what's the word? Toxic? Not toxic. What's a more positive way about infectious? Yeah, it was so infectious. Which actually infectious is still a pretty negative word. Infectious and toxic. But yeah, anyway, it was so infectious I started fucking tearing up. I've never cried on the stream before and I was just so fucking in love with this moment. So then, so then I sent everyone from my stream to his and he ended up having a little over 5,000 viewers in his stream. Oh my God, he's fucking freaking out. And this morning or this afternoon, he texted me just out of nowhere. He goes, man, thank you, David, for everything, for my life being great. You really helped me, bro. Thank you for everything. Thank you, David. Love, Ardan. And it was all one run-on sentence. Yeah, no commas, nothing. It was just one big fucking sentence. Yeah, it was the fucking cutest thing. So shout out to Vardaan. And if you guys happen to watch anybody on Twitch, go watch Vardangerous. That's his name. Thank you so much for everything, David. Thank you for my family. Vardaan's the best. The stream. The other day, Ilya got pizza from like a really good place. It's called Prince Street. And he made up— he made up— he put a note. It was late at night. He put a note. He's like, don't fucking touch this. I'm eating this in the morning. I don't know, I don't know what it said. And I really wanted the pizza, but I wanted to make sure that he went to bed first. And because I was gonna steal it, and in the morning he doesn't know who fucking took it. So I was like, I'm just gonna fucking— I'm gonna, I'm gonna make sure this fucker's sleeping and I'm gonna hijack his pizza. So I go into his room and I'm like, there's only one way to make sure he's sleeping. I have to go in his room and see for myself. And I open the door and he's not there. He's in his bathroom. So I'm like, I'm like, fuck, he's in the bathroom. I'm like, I got to make sure he's going to bed. So I go, Ilya, Ilya, Ilya, you in there? And he comes out, he says, yeah, what's up? I go, I'm going to bed. I just want to say good night. And he goes, good night. And I'm like, and then I'm like, and like in my head I'm like, fuck, like that's so awkward. I'd never say good night. And so then I'm like, so then I go, uh, so then I like try to cover it up with the joke and I go, you jerking off in there or something? I'm like, yeah, you jerking off? And Ilya's like, no, but I was about to. And I was like, ah yeah, go get him, go get him. And then I just shut the door and then I proceeded to eat the pizza. And then fast forward, literally 2 days later, yeah, 2 days later, pizza's gone, whatever, nobody said anything, I got away with it. 2 days later, Il goes, why'd you say goodnight to me? And I go, I go, I don't know. What do you mean? I was wishing you goodnight. And he's like, and he's like, you never do that. And I'm like, and I just fucking— I was like, I cannot believe he's fucking guessing this. So I just told him the truth right away. I was like, I was— I ate your pizza. And he goes, you fucker. And he goes, you're a fucking asshole. Like the most serious way he's ever told me I'm an asshole.

Yeah.

You go, what did you say?

Not only did he say like, not only did he come in my room, but like he like hunted me out like, like Ew, ew. What? Like, I was like, what the fuck's going on? Like, I exit the bathroom, he's like, good night, bro. I was like, okay, that's fucking weird, right? And then I thought that like I did something wrong, like maybe he was just trying to be nice to me, like for once. I don't fucking know.

Like, yeah. And then at the end, at the end of the, uh, like as we're walking away, I'm like, I'm like going out for like a hike or something. Ilya goes, and then on top of that You go, you're jerking off in there. And he fucking read me like a book for that part too. And he just knew it was suspicious the entire time.

So weird. And he had this, like, smirk on his face as he's leaving, like, you know, like, fuck, I got caught. What did you think when you went to get your pizza? Wasn't there. I mean, just like the fucking laundry, bro. Like, he's a fucking asshole, dude. Did you know it was David who took it? Yes, I fucking knew it was David.

Who else is going to fucking take my pizza that I wrote? Don't fucking touch it.

That is fucked up because that pizza is hard to get. You have to wait in line for—

Oh, it's the toughest to get.

It's the toughest, but I got it.

I was also going to say this. This is probably not a story for anybody on the podcast, but I find it— I find it really interesting to myself and it's really important to myself. So I just want to talk about it so I can document this moment. But like, I have like the smallest, smallest— some people say it's OCD, like the smallest level of OCD. I think everybody has some sort of it where it's like, if I don't touch if I don't touch that tree right now, I'm never gonna be successful, or I'm gonna have a horrible year if I step on one of these cracks in the next steps. And I do that throughout the day, like constantly, especially on my runs. On my runs, it's completely taken over. Oh, wow. And like my runs will be like, if I don't touch this light post, if I don't skip across this like crosswalk, like it's constantly happening during my runs, And it's been happening my entire life. And it's like a really small thing that I just kind of live with. I don't really care. But I found out a way to fight that and to combat it the other day, which I thought was so genius. I'm like, why have I never done this? There's only one other thing that I respect as much as me doing these little things, these little tasks I've given myself. And that's the word deadass. And before I started my run, I said, deadass, I'm not gonna do anything that I think I have to do to make myself more successful in the future. So now I'm running and like I have nothing in my way. So I'm not skipping, I'm not stepping on cracks, and I've literally fought my own like stupid thing I've made in my own head with my own other stupid thing I've made in my own head. So like I've just said that, I'm deadass, I'm done with it. And like every day I'll say that and I just don't do it.

Okay, well here are your pills for today.

But isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy?

You have group therapy in an hour, so you have the next 30 minutes.

Yes, I know, I know. But isn't it crazy that I've been missing missing this like this entire time. Like, that's so crazy. Like, it's—

I think it's even crazier that you— it's like you have to tell yourself something, that there's one thing that controls you over and over.

Loophole. Like, it's a complete loophole. It's like, like, I imagine the little minions, the little devils that are in my head that are setting up this, they just went, fuck, fuck, he found out, he found out, he found out that he can use deadass against us. And it's just like, you think there's devils in your head? No, but whatever it is, whatever's holding me back.

But yeah, so you had a clean run the other night. You didn't— with a good clean run, deadass, right there at the start.

Yeah, right. I'm like, deadass, I'm not going to listen to myself and I'm going to step on whatever I want to step on. And it works. And it works. All right, guys, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for joining us, everybody here. It's been such a blast. I love getting to sit across from Jason and talk to him.

Thank you, David. Thanks for including me in your life. And you're just a wonderful guy.

Hey, you know what? This Christmas, come spend it with my family.

Oh, thank God. I'm so glad. Charlie Wyatt, fuck off. I'm going to David's.

Why? Eat my dick. I'm out. Yeah. All right, guys, we'll see you guys later. Go buy the merch. It's on sale. We'll see you guys soon. This has been a Views podcast. My name is Jeff.