David Gets Pulled Over

it pisses you off. I was streaming and I stream Warzone where you can get wins, blah, blah, blah. And our buddy Vardan, who's I think 13 years old, right? 14. 14. He's 14 years old. He has never gotten a win. So I played with him yesterday. I got him his first win. But more importantly, I was— he's also streaming at the same time I was, right? And he had 14 viewers, which is like a good number for him. And when I— sorry, he had like 8 viewers. And then when we started streaming, he got up to 14 viewers, right? And you just hear him on the mic, oh, I have 14 viewers right now. This is, this is so exciting. And he was so fucking excited. Yeah. And then he got so excited that my viewers heard him and they were like, oh my God, we got to go support this guy's stream. Oh. And then he got to like 70 viewers. Yeah. And fucking, he was screaming. This is not— he was like, this is the most amazing fucking thing. And I started fucking tearing up because like his happiness was, was so— what's the word? Toxic? Not toxic. What's a more positive way about infectious? Yeah, it was so infectious. Which actually infectious is still a pretty negative word. Infectious and toxic. But yeah, anyway, it was so infectious I started fucking tearing up. I've never cried on the stream before and I was just so fucking in love with this moment. So then, so then I sent everyone from my stream to his and he ended up having a little over 5,000 viewers in his stream. Oh my God, he's fucking freaking out. And this morning or this afternoon, he texted me just out of nowhere. He goes, man, thank you, David, for everything, for my life being great. You really helped me, bro. Thank you for everything. Thank you, David. Love, Ardan. And it was all one run-on sentence. Yeah, no commas, nothing. It was just one big fucking sentence. Yeah, it was the fucking cutest thing. So shout out to Vardaan. And if you guys happen to watch anybody on Twitch, go watch Vardangerous. That's his name. Thank you so much for everything, David. Thank you for my family. Vardaan's the best. The stream. The other day, Ilya got pizza from like a really good place. It's called Prince Street. And he made up— he made up— he put a note. It was late at night. He put a note. He's like, don't fucking touch this. I'm eating this in the morning. I don't know, I don't know what it said. And I really wanted the pizza, but I wanted to make sure that he went to bed first. And because I was gonna steal it, and in the morning he doesn't know who fucking took it. So I was like, I'm just gonna fucking— I'm gonna, I'm gonna make sure this fucker's sleeping and I'm gonna hijack his pizza. So I go into his room and I'm like, there's only one way to make sure he's sleeping. I have to go in his room and see for myself. And I open the door and he's not there. He's in his bathroom. So I'm like, I'm like, fuck, he's in the bathroom. I'm like, I got to make sure he's going to bed. So I go, Ilya, Ilya, Ilya, you in there? And he comes out, he says, yeah, what's up? I go, I'm going to bed. I just want to say good night. And he goes, good night. And I'm like, and then I'm like, and like in my head I'm like, fuck, like that's so awkward. I'd never say good night. And so then I'm like, so then I go, uh, so then I like try to cover it up with the joke and I go, you jerking off in there or something? I'm like, yeah, you jerking off? And Ilya's like, no, but I was about to. And I was like, ah yeah, go get him, go get him. And then I just shut the door and then I proceeded to eat the pizza. And then fast forward, literally 2 days later, yeah, 2 days later, pizza's gone, whatever, nobody said anything, I got away with it. 2 days later, Il goes, why'd you say goodnight to me? And I go, I go, I don't know. What do you mean? I was wishing you goodnight. And he's like, and he's like, you never do that. And I'm like, and I just fucking— I was like, I cannot believe he's fucking guessing this. So I just told him the truth right away. I was like, I was— I ate your pizza. And he goes, you fucker. And he goes, you're a fucking asshole. Like the most serious way he's ever told me I'm an asshole.