Biggest Life Failure

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason thinks that aliens are landing soon. Is that true?

I do. I've been reading up a lot about it.

I think Jason keeps talking about this and I'm being completely serious. I'm extending an open invite to any alien that wants to be on this podcast. I'll even go as far as letting you probe Jason. So reach out to us, DM me on Instagram. All right, let's roll the intro music. Yo, the other day, you won't believe this fucking shit, Jay. The other day, the other day I was laying in bed. It was like 10 in the morning, you know, when I do my laying.

First of all, I'm gonna believe what you say. Yeah, because you don't do much. Okay, okay, but go ahead.

Well, I'm laying in bed. Yeah, and, um, and Ella's there. She's like running through what we have to do, and we ordered DoorDash like an hour ago for like breakfast food, whatever, and they leave it by the door. And then like maybe 5 minutes the food wasn't picked up by us And 5 minutes later, I'm laying in my bed, Ella's right by me, a guy walks into my room and goes, "Here's your food." And goes, "Hi David, write to me while I'm laying in bed." When I'm laying in bed and Ella's like, "What are you doing?" I don't have my glasses on so I can't like, and I don't have my contacts in yet 'cause it's literally the morning, I just woke up. And Ella's like, "You need to leave right now, you need to leave." He wasn't our DoorDasher, he was just some kid who picked up the food from our doorstep and came into my room to deliver it to me.

I had seen the guy. The kid came to the door like half an hour before and had knocked, and I was like, sorry, I have to ask you to leave, this is private property, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, okay. So as soon as he walked into David's room, I recognized him. And I was like, what are you doing? And then we walked him out, it was insane.

And then I told him he has to leave, we called him an Uber, and then he, Uber, Uber. And then he came back that night with his hands in his sweatshirt, and I was like, you gotta let me, put your hands where I can see them. I kept screaming at him and he wasn't, Like, I was like, I'm calling the police. We're calling the police.

Do you think that was it?

I thought, yeah, I thought he's going to shoot me in the head. Honestly, I thought he was going to shoot me in the head.

I would have thought the same thing. I was like, if I was there with you, I'd be like, Dave's about to get shot.

Yeah. I was like, that's a good idea. We could joke about this now. But yeah, I was like, this is it.

Yeah.

And, and yeah, we called the police and they, they, they took him away. But like, it's fucking—

it was so scary.

It's so scary.

It's so terrifying. Yeah.

If this guy shot David, I don't know what I'd do. No, I don't. I wouldn't have a podcast. I wouldn't have anything.

That's what you wouldn't have?

Welcome back to Views with Jason Nash and Mike Sheffer.

Yeah, right.

Mike would come out of the grave.

Don't tell Mike you'd do that. Mike would be the one to shoot me in the head.

When we were outside with the kid, I thought about if I was going to step in front of you if he pulled out a gun. I was like, in my head—

You've just been conditioned to do it?

In my head, I was like running through the scenario and I was like, I was like, what if this guy pulls out a gun and tries to shoot him? I have to like step in front of everyone.

No, you don't.

Oh, that's a little too much. But yes, that is—

that's actually on page 4 of the contract you signed.

It's part of the job, right? No, I, I mean, aside from the fact that obviously I love you and you're my boss, but you're a friend, it was also just kind of like in my head I was running through like, David's like an important person.

Like, I know we're being laughy and giddy, but like, it's, um—

well, that's how we deal with it. It was a scary situation. That's awful.

Yeah.

Why don't you have security?

Well, we're leaving the house.

Okay.

We're moving. It's just taking us a while.

That doesn't matter. At the new house, you need security.

We have security now.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But we have, we have, we're moving. Okay. Surprise. We have to leave. The police actually told me to leave.

Yeah, they did.

Yeah, yeah, they said you have to move. And I was like, okay, I'm out. Okay, so Zane and Heath are here on the podcast and so is Jason's belly. It's fucking looking right at me. Sorry about that. Okay, so, I talked about this on my last podcast. Snapchat's been doing this thing where for like the last month, month and a half maybe, like last month, they've been giving away, they split it up, but they give away $1 million a day to the most like performing videos on their Spotlight. They're competing with TikTok and it's called Spotlight. And when you post videos on there, it's like the same thing as TikTok. Like they're just like, they like all come in the feed and it's like a bunch of different random videos and they're splitting up money to like the top creators who get the most views or whatever, however it works. And I was a fucking, I was so skeptical of it. That's why their stock is booming.

I was like, yo, Snapchat.

Yeah, so, and I was really skeptical of it because I'm like, this is fucking bullshit. Like, I can't imagine, like, why does nobody fucking know about this? Like, I was like, I was angry when I heard it from Snapchat. I was like, this is fucking bullshit and no one knows about this. So they're like, just go ahead, try and post. So I started posting. No, I didn't make a lot. No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't win a million dollars. You win the money, you win the money. I was here to tell him he won a million dollars. No, no, no, look at this. You win it split up, right? So it'll be split to a bunch of creators that have the top performing ones that day. So I posted a couple, and then I got a notification on Snapchat that I won $103,000. What? Yeah, $103,000. From Snapchat? Yeah, from Snapchat. And this was for posting for a week. Is this supposed to be public? Yeah, yeah. Zane's covering his mic. Zane's like, are we allowed to be talking about this? Is it one deal or—

Or a bunch of all your videos?

I think it was like 3 or 4 of my videos, and combined they all added up a lot. So this is Cam, so I brought Cam here. Hello. Hi, Cam. And Cam is a TikToker. You have how much?

7.1 million.

7.1 million. And how much on Instagram?

Only like 130K.

130K, so a little bit smaller on Instagram. And you've been using the Snapchat feature.

Yeah.

For how long?

Since the start. They came out with it like the end of November.

Okay, and how much have you made since the end of November?

Do you want me to talk about my individual weeks, or do you want all together?

Oh my God, you know it's big when he said you want me to talk about the weeks.

So for the first 4 weeks right now, all I know is I'm at 2.7 million.

2.7 for just posting on Snapchat? Yeah, 2.7 fucking. Where was this news when like fucking Instagram stories came out and they're like trying to— bro, isn't that fucking insane? It makes no sense. How long has this been?

What kind of content do you make?

Is it like an OnlyFans? So how old are you?

I'm 19.

19 years old. Imagine being 19 and posting on Snapchat. Yeah. Okay. 2.7 million. And then what is it? How many do you upload a day?

100-ish.

So he uploads 100. Yeah, he uploads 100 a day. And there's like, there's like you upload one and then you have to wait 5 minutes to upload the next. So do you have somebody doing this for you?

No. So what I do is just throughout the day. I'm just constantly doing it. And then at nighttime I'll like put on like a podcast or something.

So right now I'm missing out. Right now you've maybe lost $100,000.

Possibly.

Wow.

Well, thanks for being on the show.

I can break down how they like— yeah, what kind of— I think it's public information, but there's like 100 videos every day. So like 700 videos in the week, $7 million in a week. Basically, it's how the top videos rank. So it's like the highest view video that day. Is the number one spot and goes all the way down to like 100-ish. And so it's like if you have a video with like a million views, 800,000 views, that's a really high spot. So that could be like a $100,000 view video. I don't know what the numbers are.

This makes no sense. This makes no sense.

Is there like an explore—

how are these videos getting seen? It's on— yeah, Spotlight is its own little explore page inside, inside Snapchat. So if you have it like based on an algorithm like TikTok is, where like it could blow up.

Yeah, yeah. So like I have a ton of videos with like 50 views, 100 views, like something like that's what majority of my videos get. But then like you just don't know. And then some of them just go crazy. No, no, like 50 views.

Are you making—

no, no, no. Um, because there's no like— anyone could do it. You don't have to have any followers to do it. So like I have a ton with like 50 views, but I also have a ton with like 500,000 views. So it's like so random and you just— I just post a lot and hope I get good views, you know.

It's like the TikTok algorithm. It's crazy. Like you post a bunch and then one will like make it. That's fucking nuts. Like get paid. I know.

So for my third week that I was doing it, I made $1.5 million in just the third week. Yeah. So I did $1.5 million in one week, and I had like 70-something videos that ranked in that top 100 throughout all the—

oh, I'm gonna be shaking my fucking ass for the next 3 weeks. That's what I'm saying, bro. It's fucking insane. Yeah, it sounds like— it sounds like some like Wolf of Wall Street, like penny stock shit. Like, it sounds like some shit that is like— it's completely illegal. It sounds illegal. Yeah, it sounds illegal. It sounds like Snapchat was desperate. It was like, we got to figure this shit out.

Give them money, a million a day.

You're crazy, John. We're doing it. I think Snapchat is taking like David's methods of like how he makes videos. Bro, I told him, I was on the phone with him, I was like, no one knows about this.

I asked everyone else, like all my like TikTok friends or whatever, no one else knew about it. I was the only one that saw this article. So me and my roommate were the only two people posting.

Is your roommate making money?

Yeah, my roommate made— he's I mean, he made $3.4 million.

He's just under—

he filmed his cat most.

He's just under a million. Yeah, like, bro, wait, wait, wait, wait a second. This is not— dude, wait a second. He's redownloading Snapchat right now. Why are you telling people about this? Because if you tell more people about this, isn't the fucking amount gonna—

you'll get high-view videos no matter who's on there, I feel like, just because— and you'll rank up there. So it doesn't really matter how many people are posting as long as you rank higher.

Jack called me. My manager called me about you. And his voice was almost shaking. You know, when there's a lot of money, he gets nervous.

I'm sitting down.

My palms are sweaty. He goes, there's this 19-year-old from Northbrook, from locally, from where I'm from, and he's like, he just made $2.7 million posting Snapchats. And I fucking— Ella and Taylor are in the other room. I was like, Ella, Taylor, get in here! I was like, no fucking way.

Also, Jason is dead.

I was like, I don't give a fuck about Jason. I have nothing else to say. How much were How much were you making a year before this?

I mean, I was in high school, but like, I was a DoorDash driver.

I was minimum wage.

Were you making money on TikTok before?

Yeah, yeah, I was making, yeah. So like in 2020, I was making money on TikTok through like the year.

That's it. So in 2020.

That's like real money.

It's been, what is it, January 8th? You've probably made more money in these last 8 days of January than you have your entire year last year, right?

Oh yeah, yeah.

I mean, the $1.5 million that he made on December 15th. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Except for December 31st payday he had.

And do you want to fund a movie? Because we have a script.

We need to borrow some money. Okay, so, and I, I called Snapchat and— because I called him today before Cam came out, like, when is this ending? And he's like, to be honest, not anytime soon. Thanks for coming on, bro.

Yeah, of course. Thank you.

Thanks for— yeah, bro.

Did you make a TikTok about your success on Snapchat?

No, I've kept it quiet so far. I mean, I have some stuff coming up. Let's not get gonna keep it quiet, but that's like $130,000 a day. Yeah, well, the week I made $1.5 million, it was like $220,000 a day or something crazy like that.

Holy shit, that's awesome, bro.

I've been doing the social media thing for a while and I've never ever ever ever seen anything like that, ever.

Wow. Has Jack reached out to manage you? No, that's where—

dude, because, because from Jim from Snapchat. Yeah, I think— I don't know who connected you with Jack. Jim. Yeah, yeah, Jim. Jim was like, hey, if you're not managed, I know a guy. And Jack's managing fucking Cam now. What the fuck? Jack just steps into shit all the time, like the luckiest shit. Uh, don't give that guy a fucking dollar. We look at the contract, it's like a 70-30. He's 70, he's 30. Just God. Jack's like, I loved it, I made $800,000 in one day. Um, that's sick. Well, congrats on your fucking recent success and, uh, Everyone go use Snapchat.

I got some topics. I just figured something out.

What's the topic? Pepperoni?

Well, one time you told me I should list all the movies that I auditioned for and didn't get.

Oh yeah, Jay, let me set this bit up. You should list all the movies. You should list all the movies that you want.

You do it is better.

The way I do it is really— it really gets the people going.

Damn, Jay, now I'm interested.

List all the movies that you—

wasn't that into it before. The way you just said—

I was talking to Jason the other day and he was like, I was like, what were we watching?

We were watching like Daddy Daycare.

Oh yeah, we were watching Daddy Daycare. I was watching Daddy Daycare and I'm like, I saw it. I was— I watched it yesterday. It's still pretty good. Like, it's still holding up. It's still a great movie. And Jay's like, I auditioned for it once.

I didn't say it like that.

Yeah. Every time you bring up a movie you auditioned for, you, you say it as if it's a failure because it is.

And it's really funny because it's so hard to audition.

So he auditioned for the third lead in it. There's Eddie Murphy, Jeff Garland, and Steve Zahn. And Steve Zahn. Steve Zahn in the movie is like this guy who loves like Star Trek, and he's one of the 3 babysitters. I read for that.

I read for the Steve Zahn role.

Yeah.

And I remember going in being like, oh my God, I could do a movie with Jeff Garland. I was like more excited about Eddie Murphy. I know Eddie Murphy too.

Was he not big at the time?

No, Eddie Murphy's huge.

Yeah. Jeff Garland was just your guy?

Jeff Garland. I just love that.

Did you get a callback?

I don't remember.

And is there a way you could find these tapes where you auditioned for them?

No, I'm sure they're erased.

I'm sure they deleted yours, set yours on fire.

I'm sure.

Should we put this one aside? No, we don't need that one. But that one's the only one I know for sure you could get rid of. Okay, here's the thing. I've auditioned for things.

Yeah.

And maybe it's different because like I'm an influencer, so they're like purposely trying to be nice to me.

Yes.

But are they fucking with me when they like, they like send to my, like when they like email my agents and they go like, We actually really loved him, but this just isn't the right— like, they don't say like that, but they'll even sound more like they really liked me. And I'm just like, they must fucking milk everybody like this so they just keep coming back.

I mean, no, I— if that's— that's just called feedback. I mean, even like, even when you're a nobody, you get feedback. Yeah, but they'll tell you we like—

I've only auditioned like 3 or 4 times, and every time it's been positive.

Well, dear, good.

I mean, you know, I don't think you're a shit actor at all, actually. You know, I got one role.

Which one?

I got— when I first moved out here, I got a Samsung commercial.

You did?

Yeah, I booked a national commercial for Samsung. It never ended up airing, but the commercial was just—

how many days did you work on it?

One day.

One day.

You know what my role was?

Lines?

You know what my role was?

What?

I was a silhouette. So it was just my shadow in the commercial, but they liked me so much. I don't know, just liked your shadow. I had to read lines, and then when I got to the actual thing, the shoot, it was just my silhouette. And I was like on a date on a rooftop in downtown. And it was like a 40-person crew shooting this one scene where I'm on a date downtown.

With your voice?

No, I'm not talking. It's literally my fucking body.

So it could have been anybody.

Yeah.

But it never ended up airing. I guess my silhouette wasn't good. But it was funny 'cause I came to the callback and I had to like screen test with like another girl and it was literally just our shadows and they were like, this is it.

Wait, what year was this?

When I moved out here, when I was 18. I don't know.

Do you remember the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

No way, you auditioned for that?

I auditioned for that, yeah.

Who were you?

Elijah Wood got it.

Oh wow.

Which at the time, like when you found out, you're like, oh right.

Oh right, there's actors out here.

Yeah, the guy that was in the biggest movie of the year.

Lord of the Rings.

Yeah, at the time.

Was he in Lord of the Rings right before that?

Yeah. So it was basically like, oh right, of course.

What else did you audition for?

Um, any movie in like the 2004, 2005, 2006. Give me a list. I mean, I'd have to go back and look.

Anchorman?

I did not get to read for Anchorman.

Did you read for Office? For The Office?

I did not. Oh, I read for Ashton Kutcher's part in, uh, fucking the big sitcom. What was it?

That '70s Show?

That '70s Show, yeah, I read for that. What?

Yeah.

I remember, and I remember—

You read for Ashton Kutcher's part in That '70s Show?

Yeah, I remember when it came in, I was living in New York, and my manager like called me in the office and he was like, he's like, "Hey, this is huge." He's like, "I think you can get this." And I was like, "Okay, well, what is it? What is it? What is it?" And he's like, "You just gotta go in there, play like the dumb guy." He's like, "It's in the '70s, you know." How old were you at the time for this audition? I was probably like 25.

Too old, huh?

Yeah, Ashton Kutcher's younger than me.

Those kids that got it were like 18, 19.

Yeah, yeah.

And Mila Kunis lied about her age. She said she was like 17 and she was actually 14. Yeah, she got the role.

Yeah. Oh, really? And she had her first kiss on screen with Ashton, who now she's married to. You could have been married to fucking Mila Kunis. Oh my God.

And you could have duct taped Ashton Kutcher to a wall.

I know.

And I have Ashton Kutcher now. Can you imagine that? 'Cause who imagined that you could go back in time, steal Ashton Kutcher's life, and he's stuck with me?

I remember him then. That was crazy.

You know what's crazy is like now he's like one of the most like rich actors like in the entire world. Like yeah, now he's like a big— he's a huge investor. Damn, that's crazy. That could have been your life.

I love this, Jay.

Wait, keep listing them off.

Keep listing all your failures.

Damn, that sucks.

I mean, it— yeah, I mean, it was—

did it make you stronger?

You know what, David? All my failures—

it broke me for 4 years.

Yeah, I mean, all your failures— I mean, I would say that to anybody listening, like, it makes you so strong.

Yeah, yeah.

To take that much, like, beat-down rejection. I was in a movie with Brendan Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley, and, um, I worked like 3 days on it, whatever, it was fine. And then my whole family, my entire family went in Boston to see it. And they came out and they were like, you weren't in, you were cut out. Like, what happened? Oh, my dad and his girlfriend went. It was so embarrassing.

Oh my God, they all came to the premiere?

No one told you? They just went in Boston to go see it. And I was like, I was like, I was like, well, I didn't know if I was going to make the movie like they did, but they didn't know that. They just assumed like, he worked 3 days on it, he'll be in it. Oh, but completely cut.

But no one told you that you weren't going to be in it before? No, you know, it was cut out.

No. Yo, was your dad funny when he called you? Is he like, you weren't in it, Jay?

Hilarious.

Yeah. Yeah, he's probably—

I fucking watched the whole thing.

I knew you were gonna be in it.

I kept thinking you'd come, but you never did.

Damn, that sucks.

I mean, it's not that bad. That— you guys don't understand though, that is being an actor. No, I mean, that is 100%.

It's fucking crazy to me. It's brutal. Yeah, I don't understand at all, but you just get used to it.

Just like, oh, it's just like stand-up too. You're like Like when you do stand-up, you're like, you eat shit for like 10 years, but then like one comic will be like, hey man, I like that one joke, and that'll like keep you going.

Oh, really?

A couple years.

I just can't wrap my head around that. Like, I feel so lucky, and yeah, I know, I'm lucky to be able to fucking do this and not have to go to auditions. And like, because a lot of actors are like so talented. Mike, do you think the world revolves around you?

I do have a slight theory that like, if you— anything that's not directly in front of me doesn't exist. So like when I don't see—

my math teacher used to tell me that all the time.

Like if like I haven't seen you in however long, 2 weeks, you didn't exist until I saw you.

Yeah, yeah.

And like you'll exist on the screen if I see you like on my phone in like a story or something. You don't actually exist outside of my own mind. Like nothing exists outside of my own mind.

Yeah. Jay, what do you think about that? You think that sounds crazy?

What, that Mike's the center of the universe?

I mean, it does sound insane when you look at it that way.

Like how do I know that you guys exist when I leave?

Totally.

And it's, and it's like And it's like, we can fucking sit here and be like, Mike, you're crazy.

But like, that's just me telling myself that I'm crazy.

No, that's when people say that, I get really scared.

Why?

Because I feel like maybe I've been dealing with like a huge narcissist this entire time and I didn't know.

But that's not narcissistic, Jay. That's just like—

it's not?

Oh no, I don't— I think Mike— I think Mike thinking he's the center of the universe to me is just like, well, yeah, I mean, it's not like there's an actual explanation for what the universe is, but also it could all be fucking made up.

If I treat other people badly because I'm the center of the universe, then that means I'm also treating myself badly. So it's better I don't have to treat the other people, quote unquote, good, 'cause they're all part of me, so I should still be a good person. I've worked it all out.

I wonder if Mike's so confident with that.

Mike's made his own laws.

They're working.

No, but I mean, I understand the concept of like, my math teacher used to say that all the time. He's like, there's a hallway behind me, but really is there? If I'm not looking at it, is there anything behind me? And I was like, I have no fucking idea.

Well, this is like an actual science, quantum, physics, where they will do experiments in like super, super, super tiny particles that are in two places until they are observed. They're in two different places at the same time, and then the second they look at it, it collapses into one of those two places. Meaning everything doesn't actually exist until you look at it. And that is like exactly what this theory is.

I don't believe when I leave here you guys all shut down like robots. Okay, David, David just goes Bye, Jay.

How do you know that he's actually doing stuff when you're not seeing him?

Yeah, like, how do you— you don't have proof of any of this.

How do you know that your kids are stories? But how do you know that your kids are at your house?

It's a story. Instagram is what's proven reality for you. But like, how do you know? Like, how do you know that there is a past?

I just know, man. That's my reality. I, I'm firmly gripped in reality. I've been around a long time.

I understand.

Have you ever done psychedelics?

So much.

You ever done psychedelics?

Yeah, yeah, he says he did DMT once and it changed his life forever. Or changed your personality. What did you do?

I did acid.

And it changed your personality forever?

Yeah.

What does that mean?

It just made me a loser. Made me—

when'd you do it? When you were 6?

The world's worst therapist. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. No, seriously, go ahead, go back. I didn't mean to call you a loser. You want lollipop?

Okay, okay, sorry everybody. When did you do acid? No, okay, when did you do acid?

I did acid when I was 20, and then my— Mike, I noticed maybe like a couple weeks later my personality completely changed.

And that was the first time you did acid?

Oh yeah, we talked about this recently.

My likes and dislikes—

you didn't care about sports at all?

You're like— your, your page is different.

My engagement went way down.

Don't do acid, kids, you'll fall off the For You page. Oh, okay, okay, so what, what happened with the acid?

I just was— I was really into sports, really into it. Like the way, the way like sports guys are into sports. They're like, oh, you're gonna watch the game? And oh, I think he had a.300 batting average.

Know all the stats, know who's on whose team.

And if I— and I would like yell at the screen, like I'd be like, no! Like one of those guys, you know.

Oh wow.

And then, and, and I did acid, and then I picked up the sports page one day, like because it's my habit to read the sports page every morning. And I was like drinking my coffee, and I was like looking at it and I was like, I don't care about fucking any of this, bro.

You know what's crazy? That's not just your sports. That's like your entire persona.

What?

Like you don't care about any of stuff, things like that. Yeah, like any statistics, any awards, any— like you don't care about any of that shit. No, like you don't care about— yeah, that's so weird. That's your entire personality.

I'm not, I don't know, passionate, fun.

Like, you know, you don't like care about sports either. Yes, but it wasn't after a drug-fueled weekend in the cabin in Boston. But you don't care about, like, I don't know how to explain it, like things that people get excited about. Like, you'll be like, yeah, and who cares? And who cares? And, and who, like, normally you'd be like, and who cares if there's, if there's an alien landing tomorrow? I'm dead anyway. Who cares?

Well, that's just because I'm 50.

You think it was for the better?

It's like a—

No, I don't think so. I probably would have been happier.

I feel like it's made you more pessimistic.

Yeah, probably more pessimistic. But I don't know if that's the acid.

That's just life beating at you for 45 years.

Yeah. I mean, I can't say that for sure.

I heard one person say, I went on a shroom trip and then I never came back.

Oh, yeah.

And that to me is like, damn, that's deep. Yeah.

I think— no, are you sure it was shrooms? Because I have a same friend who happened with acid. He took acid like 2 years ago and like he was like in our friend group and then he just like completely cut all of us off and he like completely changed. Like his whole personality changed too. Like everyone was like, yeah, I don't know what happened to him. He's really weird. He took acid and then like he never came back.

Did you do acid? I had a friend took acid. He's a shark now. Not like in the ocean and he hunts like little fish. Dave, open your mouth. What's in there? It's me. I have a tiny fish in my mouth.

Why do I see all these TikToks about microdosing?

What does that mean?

It's like people take mushrooms.

Sorry, I know what that means, but why are you seeing TikToks? Why are you on mushroom TikTok?

I don't know.

You ever thought about taking acid again and maybe it'll make you— maybe it'll set you back, make me into the Celtics again? Was that— you like the Celtics?

You take acid, I'm like, Jay, wake up, wake up, hold on, Steph Curry's about to shoot a 3, I'll call you back.

You wake up, you're like— I'm like, what's changed? And you're like, I love The Boston Celtics. What was your biggest failure?

My biggest failure?

Yeah, the audition or the, or the breakup with a person.

Probably SNL.

SNL, that was the biggest. Wait, what happened with SNL?

I just didn't get it.

And you auditioned?

Yeah.

But you worked in the back room for a while?

No, I worked there and then I had a lot of like goodwill like going up to it and I was like I was, I was in New York and performing and having like articles written about me and it was like, oh, this guy, this guy, this guy. And it had like a lot of like momentum. I got like a great agent and like a great manager. I was with like UTA, which is like a hotshot, like new agency. Yeah, I had a fucking great agent and they got me the audition at SNL and they were like, they need this guy, like they need you, they need a guy like you, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. And guess who got it?

Who?

Jimmy Fallon. No way.

Wow.

Even, even after I did the audition, which was good, I went in and I was like, I did good. Like, I walked out, and when I walked out, everybody was like, oh my god, they're like, that was so fucking good. And I was like, really, really, really? And I said, oh wow, wow, wow.

How many people do you audition for?

There's probably like 5 people at a desk and like 10 cameramen, 10—

Oh my Lord.

Sound people.

You auditioned on the set?

On the set, yeah. Like where they do the monologue, where you watch—

And what was your thing? What was your bit?

I did all my like characters that I was like doing in New York and impressions.

What do you— what's like the thing? You have to do like a certain amount of character? What do you have to do?

You had 6 minutes.

Okay.

And you can just do whatever you want in those 6 minutes. Show your thing.

Sometimes they'll say like do 3 characters and 3 impressions.

You've auditioned for SNL?

No, but I've read— I've like watched a lot of people who have auditioned.

Jimmy Fallon did so well.

He auditioned the same time you did?

Yeah, he does like Seinfeld.

Dude.

He does like— and no one knew who he was.

No.

I mean, if you're going to lose SNL though, like to lose to Jimmy Fallon, that's like losing to Michael Jordan at SNL.

Like, that's a good— he was hilarious.

I wish you told me this. I would have told him.

I mean, I wouldn't want you to tell Jimmy Fallon that.

Do you think he remembers you? No, it wasn't like there weren't like—

no, I didn't get the job, Dave. Do you think that he doesn't remember me? I mean, I didn't see him.

Do you think that like everything happens for a reason in a way where like YouTube was like— I know it's kind of sad to say, because you've missed out on like the coolest jobs in the world, right? But like, do you think— do you think like this was like your calling? Like you failed at everything just to be here?

I do. I have so many friends who are my age who would die to be where I am, right? Ones that have like already done really cool stuff too.

Okay, so if you could go back in time, would you get that SNL job?

No.

Yeah, 100%.

You'd be hosting the Tonight Show.

I don't like those kind of questions.

Okay.

At all. Would I go— would I trade it right now?

Yeah. Yeah.

Jay, you could have SNL.

Yeah.

No, because I could have got fired.

Right.

Like, it's also— it's also like I wasn't— maybe wasn't ready. I probably— I have that dream all the time too. I'm getting fired from SNL.

It's— yeah, it's crazy.

I don't have it anymore, but I used to. You used to have this dream where I'm on— I'm on SNL and I fuck up live and like, and I— and I lose the job. Even though I never got—

I had a dream the other day where Taylor said something like, like really rude.

Taylor's rolling her eyes.

Taylor said something to— Taylor said something really rude in front of a bunch of people. We were like a restaurant and it was so rude.

Dave hates that. Yeah, he does not like that.

The next day I walk in and he was already mad at me. I was like, what did I do? And you're like, well, in my dream last night—

you did not do the in my dream last night.

You analyze this, but I was— yeah, we were at like a restaurant. She says something and I was like, oh my God, to the people around me, I'm so sorry that she said that.

And what I said—

and hold on—

very out of character.

Yeah, it was very out of character. It was just very rude. And I was like, this is so fucked up. And, and I was like— I was talking to people in the restaurant. I was like, I'm sorry, I, I just— can we just keep this to ourselves? I'm sorry she did that. And the restaurant person comes up to me and they're like, well, listen, we're either gonna have to post about her or put her on television. And I was like, what? No, like, let's just keep this to ourselves. I'm so sorry she did that. And, and, and he's like, no, we're gonna put it on television. There's nothing you can do about it. Wow.

Oh wow, I want to analyze this.

Yeah. And I was like, are you kidding me? And Taylor left. She's like, I think it's time for me to go home, which is a big thing for her to say because she never wants to leave work, right? So like, for her to go home, I was like, fuck, she knows she fucked up. So she left to go home, and they ended up— I think they put on television. I don't know.

You're gonna love my analysis.

What?

You're gonna love it. I know you hate when I do this. You're gonna love my analysis.

Okay, go.

You think you're surrounded by fucking idiots and you're the only smart one.

You think?

Yeah, that's it. And you're worried about everybody else making you look bad. That's my analysis. And that has been another Jason Nash Dream Analysis, brought to you by BetterHelp.

Hey, do you think that's it?

I think that you're scared of like how people can mess up certain scenarios and make— yeah, that something that affects your life. I think it's that you think that everyone around you is an extension of yourself and that everyone around you should act the way that you do because of that.

Oh, that's even better.

Wow, that's fucking deep.

Because I think you do think that, like, you only— you don't surround yourself, but like everyone that works for you or everyone that is like close to you, you think of them as an extension of yourself, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll get pissed off if Natalie posts a story that you don't like, right? Because you're like, why the fuck would she post that? I hate this. This is not funny. And it's like, it's Natalie's account. She can do whatever she wants, right?

So what is this? What are you guys saying?

That you need to fucking chill out and take some acid?

Guys, where do I come in?

Why me?

I'm the one blamed. I think because Taylor is someone who, like, you literally see every day and you think of Taylor as an extension of yourself.

Taylor's turning into me.

Uh-huh.

You also really like control.

Trust me, Taylor is 100% turning into you.

Taylor, what am I thinking of right now? 3, 2, 1. No, a random word. Ready? 3, 2, 1, go.

Space.

Pineapple.

Ah, fuck. I did dream about you the other day, Dave. We were like in your kitchen.

Wait, before you go, can I just say this one thing? Yeah. Based off what Taylor and I just did, bro, the other day I was playing Call of Duty real quick and Alex was about to get off and I was like, and he was like, dude, I gotta go. I'm so hungry. And I was like, okay, if I could think of one food you're craving right now, you have to stay on. And he's like, what is it? What is it? And I'm like, okay, you're thinking of barbecue ribs. And he goes, get out of my fucking head! It was the funniest thing, and he had to stay on, and it was the most random thing. I can't believe you're thinking of barbecue ribs.

Wow, that sounds good.

What were you saying? What was I wearing?

You're wearing like this classic Dave Dobrik black hat, black t-shirt, and you were filming and you were all passionate about filming a video about Jell-O. And I remember being like, why does Dave care about— this isn't something he would film.

Yeah.

And that was it.

You want me to analyze that?

Yeah.

Um, I've completely lost my mind and I've lost my way.

Oh yeah, maybe that is it.

And filming Jell-O is something I would be currently doing. Do you have dreams about your ex-wife? You seem like you just read a bad text.

What?

You seem like you just read a bad text.

Not at all.

Oh, great specific emotion to note on someone.

He reads me like he reads—

like something—

that's such a specific emotion for Jason.

He can read like something just came up on his phone.

Yeah, he can read me so well. It's really—

it's actually like you checked out for a second.

Yeah, I did.

But why? Huh? Why? Look, he's still gone.

Barbecue ribs.

No, bro, what happened? That's what it was.

Barbecue.

What was it?

Nothing, nothing. I was thinking about something.

I think you're thinking about something bad, huh?

I was thinking about a girl that doesn't like me.

I knew it. I knew it. I thought a girl texted you something.

No, no, I wasn't reading my text, but that is what I was thinking about. You know, I realized, I realized that, that I had— there's— I can't like anybody because I can't take it. I can't take the rejection. So what— so what I do is I wait for someone to like me, and then I'm like, okay, that's basically it. I cannot put up with the pursuit of somebody.

You can't—

like, I'm not capable of it.

You can't admit that you like somebody first because you're scared. Like, you— you're what? You'll wait till they like fold and they show their cards and they go like, I like you.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you'll wait till they open up first.

Yeah, makes sense.

But because every time I try to pursue somebody or I like somebody That's it. Doesn't fucking work.

Jay, you a good secret keeper?

Do I have a secret keeper?

He's so fucking old.

Jason, we're talking to you. You're on a podcast right now.

That's David.

I'm Mike. That's Ella.

Okay, I hear you.

Do I have a weeper teeper?

She was like, do you have a secret keeper? Like somebody that you go to and tell your secrets to?

Do you have a secret that you've never told any of us?

Mm, sure.

I have one secret that I've told nobody.

Really?

Bro, it's fucking crazy.

You have a grave one?

Huh?

You're taking it to the grave?

Um, I— no, I think this one I'll share in like— because it's really funny, but like I have to give it enough distance for it to be funny. Like right now, if I said it, you guys would be like, what the fuck? But like, it'll be really funny. It's nothing illegal.

Does it involve someone else or it's just you?

It involves, um, somebody else's belongings.

Dave, what's something that used to be a secret that isn't anymore?

Yeah, bro, people think I'm bi-curious. It was so funny. Someone— so there was like this whole Twitter chain going on, and everyone was like, this motherfucker rejected Corinna, this motherfucker, this motherfucker rejected Madison Beer. And then someone responded, they're like, well, I think he's bi-curious. And then the person responded like, no, at this point he's just by himself. It's really funny.

Literal facts. Are you bi-curious?

You might be.

No, I don't think so.

He said something in a podcast.

I think I said something that made it sound like it, and I don't want to be like, I'm not bi-curious, because I don't really care. Yeah, but like, but no, I don't think I am. Unless me saying I wanted— I want to cuddle with Scott makes me bi-curious.

No, I feel like you'd want to make out with a guy just to like see what it's like.

Oh no, I don't think so.

Just to see what it's like?

No, because I could— I don't like—

why are you saying that to him? Is that something you want?

No, because I think David's the kind of guy that just wants to experience every single thing life has to offer, and like, make you guys—

but not that. Like, I have—

I have straight friends that, like, have done that. Like, they made out with a guy just to see what it's like.

I have a lot of straight friends that have done that.

I just don't like beards. I just can't shave.

I'll shave.

I'll just—

this is about— you wanted to be with Mike.

Have I ever told you about my airplane idea? No, I think I did. I think we talked about it on the podcast once. Like, every— well, think about this before COVID but every flight there's always seats. Most of the time there's seats open, especially when it's the random places around the world, like, not like high-traffic areas like Chicago or New York or L.A., but there's seats open on a flight. I want there to be a thing that when you come to the airport, there's an airport generator. You, you go to this box, it's like a little toll booth, whatever it is. It's like a little phone booth and you hit generate a random ticket. You pay half the price of a regular ticket and it gives you a ticket or two to a random destination and you can fly there with your friend and it gives you a round trip ticket for like half the price. But you have to buy it after, after it's selected. And I feel like it'd be like a cool thing that like an airline could do. As like this cool, like, little, little trinket thing that they have going on. And I feel like it'd be like awesome for like adventurers to use. You don't think that's cool?

Yeah, I do think it's cool. It's a great promo. Yeah, it's great for like young people.

Like, I feel like young people would love that shit. Like, where are we going? Like a random place. Like, it's kind of like the puzzle, the puzzle we did.

Yeah, you got a name for it?

Um, Where Am I Going? I'm kidding, I haven't thought of that.

I think you'd have to give them the option though. They can't like have to buy it even if it's then fucking like Nova Scotia?

No, I think you have to buy it. I think that's the thing. I think you pay $200 and then it gets you randomly.

You get like 3 tries maybe?

No, it has to be cheap enough that it doesn't matter.

Yeah, but what if I've packed for the summer and then it sends me to Alaska?

But I think that's the fun part.

Yeah, that's part of the fun. The ticket would be like, you know, it could be $100, but you get to go to France or you got to go to North Dakota.

If anybody's parents work at an airline and want to make this thing come true, please let me know.

Why?

I want to do it. I think it'd be sick. I think it'd be the coolest thing. And we have enough time because it's a pandemic going on, so we have enough time to set it up.

Dave, what do they get back?

You got a round trip ticket? Okay. All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for joining us. I love hanging out with Jason. He's one of my closest and dearest friends.

Why do you have to be so sarcastic?

We'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff. Bye.