Wedding Crashing in the Philippines

What's up guys, welcome to Views. First of all, like to say thank you to all the Spotify rap people. I've never gotten more DMs in my entire fucking life. For the last, like, the last like 2 days have been crazy, or like last day. Everybody's saying that we're on, that we're on their top of the Spotify, whatever that is, that we're on the top of their Spotify leaderboards.

Have you seen anybody that's been like a 0.01%er?

Oh, oh yeah, I got it. I got an email from a guy that was like, what does that mean?

Like they've listened to the most amount of time like on the pod?

Yeah, yeah, they're in the top 1% of our listeners because they've listened to whatever.

I saw somebody, somebody asked me for a car because they're in the top 14%. Oh, so now I have to go and respond to that person and say, never mind, I didn't know there was 0.01 percenters. We should reward people.

We should. If anybody can share that they're a 0.01 percenter.

They can hang out with Natalie.

I was really hoping for David, but I guess it's cool too.

I'm the better time.

That'd be really funny. We should send you to our top 0.01 percenters.

Send me?

We're sending Natalie to you for about an hour. She'll answer any questions you have about the pod.

We can eat food and chat about the podcast.

Natalie will most likely use your bathroom right after the food. Please prepare. We will also send cleaning staff after. Okay.

Okay, so shout out to Juan Cruz. He has 111,000 minutes, top 0.005%.

Wait, really? Yeah, that's a crazy—

that's how many minutes has he listened to it?

111,000 minutes.

111,000.

How many days of his life has he been listening?

Juan Cruz is fucking jerking off to this podcast. I only have those kinds of numbers on recurring videos that I've watched on Pornhub. That's something that this guy comes back to. Are you masturbating, Juan? This episode is just for you. We're going to slow it down, Juan Cruz. Sit back, relax, enjoy the ride, and just cruise.

Thank you, David.

I'm kidding. Juan Cruz, we really appreciate it. Juan Cruz is like a 12-year-old boy we just did that to. Oh my God.

Jesus Christ.

Okay.

All right.

I actually don't even know what that means. 111,000 hours.

Like, there's no way you guys have that much podcast.

111 minutes.

No, old episodes too. Like, maybe he went back in the catalog.

Yeah.

Well, I listened to him over and over again. What? Yeah.

Have you listened to old episodes?

Yeah, if I'm on the treadmill, I'll just go to like a really old episode.

This is so crazy. I've never listened to— I've never listened to one of these podcasts. It's kind of cool.

In full? Not even in the beginning when you would like—

I don't know.

He's never heard it. I don't think so.

Yeah, these could be completely different. From— I've definitely heard segments. I know that we exist on like in audio format, but I don't think I've ever listened to one fully. Oh, yesterday. So fun fact, I, I go when I, when we're watching movies and we're having movie night.

Yeah.

I— so the movie, we have a movie room and it's connected to the living room. And instead of going to the bathroom, I go out the movie room side and I kind of just pee like outside.

Oh yeah.

So I—

on your pickleball court.

I don't pee. There's a grass area before the pickleball court.

It's not real grass.

Yeah, but I mean, animals pee there anyway. It doesn't matter.

I don't think they do.

Well, regardless, yes, it's bad. I shouldn't do it, but I do it. I pee outside. I look out at the view. The view's beautiful, especially at night. The moon is usually always in the same place because we watch movies around 11, and like I can clock where we are with the movie, where the moon is when I go outside to pee. And I pee a lot. I have a weird bladder, tiny bladder. So I'm like out there like 3 or 4 times during a movie. And it's just a short distance and it's just great. I'm just like literally looking. I'm getting a breeze as I'm peeing. It just feels good. Anyway, yesterday I was peeing and I was looking out. I was like, I think there's something fucking flying at us. And I was like, guys, guys, guys, stop the movie, please stop we were saying, I was like, I think there's something in the sky. And then John's like, well, let me look this up. And John Googled it or whatever. He went on the SpaceX app and it was a rocket launch that I caught like perfectly at the beginning of it taking off. It was incredible. And I'm like, guys, I do this because it was like burning in the sky. I was like, this must be a rocket. And then John came out and he's like, where's the rocket? I'm like, it's right there, you fucking dumbass. And he couldn't see it. And I'm like, it's over here. And I was like, just walk over here. And he's like, ah, there it is. And he's looking at it. And as he's looking at it, I look down, I'm like, Sean, you're standing in my piss.

What made it worse, it was really good because he's—

yeah, what?

Oh, I was barefoot.

Like, oh yeah, he was barefoot.

How did you not feel these steps?

Because he, he was— okay, so, okay, so I do kind of pee on the pickleball court. So, so it's not really a pickleball court, but there's a part of grass, and then with splash, with splash damage, you get a little on the court.

That's so crazy. Just like the The toilet is the same distance.

Literally the same distance.

But where does the toilet go? No, it's closer.

Where does the toilet go? Outside. Same place.

This house is so big that you can't walk to the bathroom. That's insane.

Maybe a problem. It's also if I walk that way—

Wear a diaper.

No, the problem is if I walk in that direction, there's two things I'm hitting. I'm walking by the TV, which is like just rude. And two, I'm walking by the fridge, which is going to be rude when people ask me for drinks.

No one's going to ask you for anything.

Grab me a Dr Pepper?

Nope, I'd rather go pee on the pickleball court.

Oh, I see.

You don't do drinks.

Yeah. So I guess I got to work on that. Okay, I'll start peeing. Does it freak you out when I pee weird places, John?

No, honestly. I mean, I think you have like, what, 8, 9 spots around the house?

Oh my God. Like a fucking cat.

I don't have 8 or 9 spots. I have like 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5. I have one upstairs. Upstairs?

You come upstairs?

Upstairs is the best one. Dude, it's so gross.

That's the grossest one.

You poop on the balcony?

You poop on the balcony?

Because after we play COD. Yeah. We all meet in the upstairs living room.

Yes.

And I always do a customary pee to finish our conversation.

Yeah. You do it off the balcony?

No, I do it on the balcony.

You do it on the balcony? Jesus Christ.

You know that little room? You know the little outside area that Elliot has? The courtyard?

Yeah.

You pee in the courtyard?

Yeah. There's a drain. I hit the drain. I don't hit the drain.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it's bad.

Wow.

Yeah.

And what do you say when you go out on the balcony?

I go, "Hoorah!" No, no, no.

You go— when you try to, like, jump out of the simulation, you say, "Open up the sky!" Right? That's from the episode that Natalie cut.

I've only— wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why?

I don't know.

We did an episode, like, last week and—

You cut that?

And it was way— it was, like, a way out there episode.

Wait, can you put a segment in there right now?

Sure.

You know, I always like, I'm like, I'm a strong believer that we are in a simulation and like, I'll stand outside on my balcony and I'll be like, like I did this 2 days ago and I was like, do it, land now. Like in my head I was like, land now, now, now. Or like, open up the sky now.

But on your balcony and you're looking out and you're saying, open up the sky now.

I don't say it out loud. I just say it in my head.

You think it.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it.

And okay.

And then you said it before, obviously, because I've like 2 days ago I was just saying it in my head.

And what's the last time you've been out of the house?

Like, on my balcony?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. That was the segment. We're back to the regular podcast. What did you cut, Natalie?

She didn't cut that, but she just didn't like the episode.

Oh.

It was just all about aliens.

I was exploring everything?

It was just like, it was going nowhere.

And there was a good portion where you go, "Yeah, Jay, I go out on the balcony and I try to jump to another universe." And I say, I raise my hands and I say, Open up the sky!

That's not what I say. It's not like that. Well, it's similar to that, but you make it sound like I get up every night and I'm like, here's the time. There's been moments where I've been looking at the sky and I was like, give me a sign, open it, open it up now. Like, I'm ready for it. But like, obviously when you ask for it, it's not gonna happen. Yeah, it has to like happen at the wrong time, like when you least expect it. Like when you're usually when you're driving, you ever driving on the highway and you're like, I think if I hold 104 miles per hour exactly, something will open up?

Nope.

No.

Never crossed my mind.

Man, I wish I could go with you on these rides.

I've never been in it.

I mean, that's cool, man. I fucking— you know what I wish for you? I wish it would happen for you. I fucking— I'm gonna say it tonight. I'm gonna pray for you that something, something like otherworldly happens to you because I know you want it.

We'd never know. We'd never know. Yeah. Oh, because I genuinely think if it happens, they wipe your memory immediately. So like, like I've always had the theory, right? Like, what if the world got attacked? What if the world got attacked yesterday? End of the world. Everything. Aliens. For the last, for the last 6 years, we've been battling aliens, but the aliens put everything back to normal and wiped all our memories. And now, now, now you have a memory of what you did yesterday or the day before. So I think it's similar to like if I was taken up by aliens, probed, fucked, tossed around, eaten out, whatever. Like, I think I genuinely would just forget everything once I'd come back here. So I'd never know. Oh my God, guess what we did yesterday?

What? I was here.

We went to your dinner spot.

Which one?

Casalina.

Oh, you went?

Yes. Fuck. So let me tell you, let me tell you.

Damn, I heard you guys were gonna go and then Naveen was like, why don't you invite yourself?

Well, we were looking for Best Buy TVs, right?

Oh, you were in the neighborhood.

I'm trying to get a new TV. I was in Woodland Hills.

Of course.

And we were dressed like slobs. Like I was in flip-flops. Flip-flops. I don't even wear flip-flops normally. Flip-flops and sweatpants. Sure. And sweatshirt. And I was like, is there a dress code here? And then we came in and they're like, well, we don't have a dress code, but like, we can't ask you to leave because you have a reservation. That's what he told Julia, John's girlfriend, or she told Julia. Very sweet. Totally should have let us go. John told me that there's no dress code. I walked in, I'm like, dude, these people are dressed pretty nice. Yeah, like, it was complete fucking— like, we walked in at 7:45. Yeah, I ordered steak.

Oh great.

I ordered pasta.

Great.

We got— we had pizza that came.

They have pizza there?

Yeah, they have pizza.

Wow.

We were in the car at 8:15.

What?

We were in the car at 8:15. I'm not exaggerating.

7:45 reservation, half an hour you ate?

I'm not exaggerating anything. I cannot believe it. I don't know if they were just, if they were just on top of their shit or trying to get us out of there as quick as they can. I'm gonna go back.

Maybe the aliens erased your memory.

No, genuinely, I was blown away.

Wow, but you eat so fast.

No, John, I was with John Taylor and Julia. Everyone ate. It was like the perfect timing. I don't know, we have theories that it was because we were dressed bad. Yeah. Or she was just being really nice, or we just like— with the whole restaurant hit flow state as soon as we got in there.

I mean, it was crazy.

Like, we could have— crazy. My car was still running outside. They haven't moved the car from valet. It was still sitting there. The valet guy looked at Taylor because Taylor was the first one to go to the car, and he was like, you're not eating? Because it was that quick. It was that— it was quick. No, it made no sense. We could not believe what happened. We were like, we were shocked. The entire car ride home, we were just listing things that have been faster than that dinner. I mean, it was insane. I genuinely, I was saying, I think the people sitting all around us probably felt a gush of air just hit them. That's all they probably felt. And they just saw a plate of food enter and disappear and just carcasses of fish.

From the time you ordered and the food came out, were you like shocked at how fast the food came out?

Shocked. I asked for the Wi-Fi password. Yeah, I don't want to spoil it, but it's a short one. It's 4 fucking letters. Also very easy. Everything was really easy. I was loading up more TVs on my Best Buy app because I was trying to see if I could find a TV at a good price. And I think I got to like the second page of looking at TVs and the food was there.

Wow.

It was insane.

No, it was.

Did you get to—

I called Natalie right after in the car. So it's like, people have to understand. I was like, Natalie, I got to the restaurant at 7:45. Look at where I am.

Wow.

She couldn't believe it. It's incredible.

I was in shock.

Sometimes I get— sometimes I'm really like—

we were there for like 2 hours. We—

yeah, I was there for 2 hours last night.

You would expect at least an hour.

Yeah. Yeah. And we went for my birthday with the kids, and it was— I'm not even gonna— it was crazy good. Yeah.

Sometimes I get really excited about how excited Natalie gets when I tell her a story.

Natalie likes your stories?

Normally she doesn't, but I was shocked that like if she called me and she was like, guess what just happened, we just left the restaurant 30 minutes, I'd be like, what?

Was I really excited?

Yeah, you were like, you're like, your, your face looked like you cared about what I was saying. And like when you do that, like I'm like, when you do that, part of me is like, that's really sweet, but then I'm also like, why is she doing that? Why does she care about what I just said?

John, your, your laugh sounds like a firework.

I was just happy that you guys were all so happy. Like you guys are all like in unison just like dying of laughter. You guys making jokes about how fast the dinner was and how other things you've done, like you've taken a shit longer than the fucking— that dinner or whatever. And I was just joining in on the laughter and the good times from my bed at home.

Oh, were you high?

I was high.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.

That's really funny that I acted differently.

What else is new with everybody?

I was talking to somebody tonight and they were like, they were talking about Kevin Hart's new special, which is great. And he's like, yeah, and they, you know, he has that beef with that basketball player. And I was like, that basketball player? Michael Jordan? Like, what? It's not that basketball player.

Wait, Kevin Hart has beef with Michael Jordan?

Yeah, it's in the top of his new special. He like, he I guess he makes fun of Michael Jordan's kids or something. So he has beef with Michael Jordan.

What does he say about the kids?

That they're just not up to muster. They're not like— they're living in their dad's shadow. And I guess he was doing some charity thing and he roasted Michael Jordan in front of everyone as Michael Jordan was walking in late. He makes fun of his jeans and how big his jeans are and how big the pockets are in his jeans.

Oh, yeah.

And how he can put a laptop in one of his pockets.

And Michael Jordan doesn't like that?

No, Michael Jordan doesn't like to be made fun of, I don't think.

Yeah, wait, I heard this joke.

Great special, huh?

I think I heard this joke live for his Netflix Is a Joke.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, it's probably— yeah, now it's in a special.

When has someone said a joke about you that you didn't find funny and you found it really rude? Oh, or like, what's something that's really hurt your feelings?

Um, Natalie raises her hand. Me, every day living here with you.

Every word that comes out of your mouth towards me.

All right, give me one, give me one.

Um, Did she? Like 20 minutes ago, we were sitting on the couch and we're all like minding our own business on our phones, whatever, right before you guys walk in. And then David turns to me and he goes, Natalie, is it hard like being ugly? He's like, it must be really hard like every day, like just being ugly. And I was just like, yeah, Dave, it's really challenging.

I didn't know that one registered. Because a lot of times I just say things to Natalie and I don't know if she's picking it up.

Well, I'm ignoring you 80% of the time.

It's really funny.

I do remember that one. That one was fresh.

Remember yesterday when Natalie had that burrito? You were flipping out.

I had a mental breakdown about that.

I was dying laughing.

If you put that fucking burrito in your mouth right now, I swear to God.

John, she— they're editing. Natalie pulls out a burrito like, I mean, it looked like a baby. Was it not the biggest burrito you've ever seen?

It was actually tiny.

It wasn't that big. What?

For a Chipotle burrito?

I don't think you know the caliber of Mexican foods that comes through the door to Natalie's hands.

Yeah, that was— I thought this thing was a football.

No, no, no, she gets really good.

Like a baby football.

The thing that stresses me about Natalie is all she does is eat shit and sleep, and she does it—

She'll do what you do.

She does it in the fastest rotation when we're editing. It's like there's no time to do anything else.

Well, 'cause editing isn't like, it's not the most stimulating process for me. You're doing the work, you're stimulated, you're moving your fingers. I'm just sitting here next to you for hours on end with my neck craned over trying to watch the screen.

Okay, I understand, I understand that.

So like, I have to eat throughout the editing process in order to like stay alive.

Yeah, and then she'll literally, after she eats, she's like, got it, I have energy now. And then she'll lean back a little bit into the couch and she'll literally start dozing off. I'm like, now you fucking kidding me? And then she'll wake up because she finds out she has to use the bathroom. So, so, and then, and then I mean, I don't know if I'm editing for 18 hours a day or what, but like, Genuinely, right after, it's like clockwork. She's like, well, my tummy knows it had to make room for more food. Time to order something else.

Yeah, you were yelling at her, and God bless her, she got that burrito down.

Yeah, she ate the whole thing. I said, don't you fucking pour another— don't you pour any more queso on that burrito. She kept going. Has there been a joke ever, Jay, that anybody has told you in your childhood or anything?

Oh yeah, I get my feelings hurt all the time. I get my panties in a bunch all the time.

You have to go deeper though.

I'll get upset about something and Avina will be like, they were joking. And I'll be like, oh, oh yeah, you—

I mean, you're the king of that.

I'm the king of that.

You're the king of that. You like, for some reason, don't think that other people have a sense of humor. Like, yeah, guys, if you ever meet Jason, don't make a joke about his age. Isn't that funny? Like, it'll never land with Jason ever. Yeah, ever.

Yeah, unless you're like—

actually, you should just do it just to see. That'd be funny if someone called you old and then they waited a minute and they were like Damn, you really can't take a joke.

Yeah, that would happen all the time. We'd see somebody and they'd make an old joke, someone I didn't know, and you'd be like, Jay, they're kidding.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, but fuck that guy. To your credit, sometimes the old joke is like so lame, right?

They're not skilled at telling a joke, right?

Sometimes people just be like, what's up, you old guy? And then you'll be like, uh, hey. But like, yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess it comes off. What's something someone said about me that I got really offended?

Hmm.

Yeah, I can't.

I just hate when you hit me with like, we're in this kind of a mood today. It's like, really? My least— you don't do anymore because I've been saying the line to you. Well, so you also—

your attitude has improved significantly from the times that I really— yeah.

Oh, it's because I've learned how to like play with you in the morning when you're—

when that—

Brother, it's you.

And Natalie comes in. Okay, so did you hear exactly how she just said that? Brother, it's you. She said it like that. But when she comes into the house, talk to me, it's like this.

Hey, what's up, David? How are you?

Yeah. Oh wait, that's exactly how it is. It's like, it's like, okay, so I think we're gonna be doing, uh, we're gonna have some things for Microsoft today and then I think we're gonna backtrack a little bit. And, um, yeah, I think that'd be really cool. I think we should do that. That's how she talks. And like, to like— it does— she does it every morning. I, I don't— I think it's because she gets high at night. She reaches like some zen stage, and then I think— and I'm not saying that's her fault. It's almost even more of my fault because she's like coming into this hostile environment that's totally different. Yeah. So like, she's coming from her like really quiet— like, you know, she lives on her own.

Wait, what part of like that reenactment of me— like, what was I doing wrong in that scenario? Like talking quietly?

Well, you just It's like your memory gets wiped clean every day about how annoying I am, and you get so easily triggered in the morning about me being annoying that a regular thing that I would say to you throughout the day bumps you 10x in the morning. It's like you forget.

No, no, you're wrong.

Really? What is it?

Because you wake up— there's 7 days out of the week, and we're together every single day, every single Fuck. There's 7 days in the week and 4, I would say at least 4 out of those 7 days, you wake up like not in the best of moods. And I don't think that's like a unique experience.

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

You're a bit of a bear.

That's not true.

You guys don't interact with him until he's mad.

Alex is shaking his head now.

I mean, I just think he's just like everybody else. He's just groggy when he wakes up. We all are every day.

No, there's like a difference between like, it's mostly on days when like—

I think you read me wrong. Because you— because I think your brain chemistry gets altered when you hit that joint.

First of all, I'm not hitting the joint every single fucking day.

Are you sure?

Yeah. And second of all, no, it's usually on days where we have work to do.

And like, even the way you just said second of all, when you put your two fingers up, they were so close together, it was like you were holding a joint. Your fingers can't even spread open anymore because they think there's an imaginary bud in the middle.

Um, no, whatever, I don't really care to have this argument. I think Taylor would agree with me. And I know Taylor has agreed with me.

No, dude, Taylor is like Team David till she dies.

You're like extra evil in the morning.

Really?

Yeah.

Why are you so evil in the morning?

I don't know, because he doesn't want to wake up. He just wants to stay in the back.

I don't think I am like evil, like yelling at you.

No, no, not yelling, just like snarky. Snarky, like just like, like difficult.

I think he just doesn't really talk. Yeah, like if you ask him a question, even if it's about work, he's not going to respond to you.

It's situational. Like, I feel like—

sounds like we all hate you, Nat.

I think you just have to be there, you know?

I'll be there tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow it's not gonna happen.

Why? Why? I'll try. I'll play it.

I'll see how that works.

Have you ever seen Real Chill Natalie?

I hate Real Chill Natalie.

Yeah, you'd be like, Nat, we need to do this and we need to do that. Okay. Yeah. All right, let's get it done.

Should we do that?

Like, I really need David to like do the pod today because like I gotta go. Okay.

Yeah, that's who I am.

Let's do it.

What's your favorite version of Natalie? Go.

Like, uh, party Natalie.

Love it. I was gonna say the same thing. Party Natalie is—

she goes like that.

Party Natalie's so good.

Singing Natalie.

Or like when you ask her a question and she's partying and she like looks at you and she just shakes her head. She doesn't— she can't hear you because she's like has her own thing going on her head.

That's my favorite.

The best is a long car ride Natalie. Oh, a long car ride Natalie is so funny. She starts singing.

Really?

Yeah.

All along there was a feeling.

Like, what is that, Rihanna?

I like the Natalie when you're on a long car ride and you guys agree on a place to eat.

Yeah.

And you go inside the restaurant to eat.

Yeah, yeah, I love that.

And Natalie's really good at ordering, like specifically like Culver's, and you'll put out all the food and she'll start opening things, and she has really good patience when it comes to food. So she'll make sure, like, she, she like opens all her sauce packets, all everything will be facing the right direction and things before she gets going. Like, she puts it in order. Before it's time to rock.

I'm learning so much about myself.

Really good, Natalie.

Yeah, you're just a bitch in the morning, you're happy around fast food. We have a lot planned, huh? We're going on a big trip.

We are. So many big trips.

Many big trips. We have a lot.

How many trips?

We're going one secret location that I don't want to say.

Yes, one secret location.

We're going to Vegas.

We're going to Vegas this weekend again.

For what?

I don't know, dude. I don't know how we end up going to Vegas every fucking year.

Was she there last week?

I don't want to talk about it, but we're going. We're going to Vegas again, and then just for a night, and then we're going where?

And then we are going to—

we're going to Sydney. We're going to Sydney for New Year's.

Sydney for New Year's.

And then after Sydney— yeah, um, I'm really excited about this. John is here. We are going to the Philippines. The Philippines. It's a big deal. John is a fellow Philip— not fellow, I'm not a Filipino.

He is. I love you, man. You can be a fellow Filipino.

I guess I am also a Filipino buddy.

Trust me, when you get there, you'll be like, ah, that's David Dobrik.

I'm so excited to go. John's been my hometown friend, and just to see fucking a bunch of people like him is going to be a blast. Did Theo Von say this, or did I say this, that if aliens landed—

I think he said it, but you've also said it.

I've also said it, but he also said it.

You guys share the same sentiment about Filipino people.

I—

okay, I think Theo said it, but like, I completely stand by this. But if aliens were to land and we'd have to send them any kind of human, yeah, you send them a Filipino woman. Oh yeah, like a motherly Filipino. Sure. Like, I don't think there is a better quality human being than like a warm Filipino. There was— there was one movie that I watched that fucking threw me for a fucking loop.— what was it, Greenland or something? Greenland? It was, uh, no, not Greenland. It was like, uh, it was some pilot with Gerard Butler. He was like a pilot and they crash land, and I think the, the terrorists or the bad people in it are Filipino, right? I just couldn't comprehend it. I was like, I was like, this doesn't make sense, right? Like, you hired the wrong people for this. They would have taken you in a heartbeat. Um, No, no, but I'm really excited. John's brother's getting married.

They're bad guys, but they're like pushing old people in wheelchairs.

They're bad guys, but they still have some charm. They're cleaning bedpans. So we're going to the Philippines. This is a really big deal. John's brother, older brother's getting married. And John, we've never been to the Philippines, so we just want to go see John in general. This is a good excuse to go. And John was like, anybody can come.

Wow.

And we're like, okay. I didn't know what that meant. So there's like 7 of us going to the wedding.

It's a big wedding.

No, no, no, it's not a big wedding. But John made it seem like anybody could come. So we're like telling all our friends like, hey, we're doing this trip to the Philippines. It's going to be really fun. Wow. And like, and then, and I heard John on like in the gym talking to his mom. Just, I've never seen him give her attitude, but he's like, we fucking need to fucking, we need that. I don't know how he says it, but he's like, he's like, he's like, we need to make more room because all of a sudden, because all of a sudden he's speaking another language. Yeah, dude, when I hear him speak, it's fucking—

when he speaks Filipino, what do you say? Do you know what he's saying at all? Yeah, I know. Say something. What is it called? Tagalog? Tagalog.

Go, go, go. Hit me.

Tagalog.

Hit me and I'll tell you exactly what you're saying.

Okay.

Because I've been around him for a long time.

Yeah, that's a fun game.

I've been around him a long time. Go. What's up? Hey!

Actually, you didn't know that.

Of course I know that. Of course I know that. Go, go, next one.

Welcome to—

next one, next one, next one.

Give me something Filipino.

Filipino friend.

David Dobrik's playing for $10,000.

He's got his best guess.

Filipino friend here, John Castro.

There you go. Give me another one. Give me another one. More complicated. Huh? More complicated.

Yeah.

Gusto ko magkain.

Yes, of course.

No.

Okay. Gusto ko magkain. Yeah. Means, um, are you hungry? Yes. Like, do you want to eat? Yeah, I want to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you being serious? Are you actually understanding what the fuck he's saying?

No, no, I know what he's saying. I've been around this guy my entire life.

I know, but like No, but not really.

What do you mean?

Like, yes.

Filipino is, you know, it's the second most closest language to the English language.

Shut up, David.

You're full of shit. No, that's a joke. But like, no, I do understand what he's saying.

John, pick up your phone.

No, you don't. You're just guessing really well.

I'm guessing really well? What are you talking about?

You just know John really well. So you know what he's going to like make up to translate. John, pick something really crazy. Okay. I'm watching you.

Gusto ko. Mug-e salabas.

Why could you not pronounce that all the way? You were like kind of—

Don't worry about it. It's sexual. Sort of. It's about eating something out.

No? No.

Close.

Something out.

Oh.

It was close. What was it?

I like to pee outside.

Oh, wow.

Okay. So it was sexual. Yeah, well, I'm really excited for that. I don't know what to expect.

Yeah, me either. I've seen like two sides of the Philippines on TikTok, and I don't know which side we're gonna get.

Sum up the Philippines quickly for everybody.

What's it like?

I mean, it is a third world country, but there is also like—

John also— sorry, sorry, cut you off— from childhood, he said that his, his family owns a hotel there. Conveniently, the hotel doesn't exist anymore now that we're going, but all this time his family has owned a hotel there, and They're really well connected. I don't get it. So like you just, you live like a king there. Why don't you live there?

Because you don't, I mean, this is the land of the free and opportunity. You know, that's why I live here.

Dude, are you being held at gunpoint?

Why did you?

Don't worry, bro. You could shit talk. Are you about to lose your fucking citizenship here? Why would I want to leave?

It's my country. Jose, can't you see? I bought the latest.

I was about to make that joke.

Damn it, I was one second too slow.

Oh my God. Don't worry, you could like the Philippines and also live here.

Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, no, it's just, it's just different.

Would you ever move back?

If I had way more money, yes. I feel like it's like a place I'd retire to, honestly.

Really? Is it like, is it like—

I mean, we literally sent my grandma there.

Okay, what'd she do? Is she okay?

She, no, she has like Alzheimer's.

Oh great, is she okay? She was annoying us, so She kept asking what our name was over and over again, so we put her on a plane.

You put— just put her on one of the islands?

Yeah, just left her on an island.

Do you know which island she's on or no?

Of course, dude.

Does she know what island she's on?

Probably not, but—

Do you think your grandma would remember me?

Probably not, no way. She probably doesn't even remember me, dude. She's Alzheimer's.

Dude, we were so connected with her.

Yeah. You were?

In what way?

Like you would go over, she'd make you pancakes and stuff?

No, she wasn't like— no, she was old. You know they rented out Jollibee for John's birthday? Oh yeah? Yeah, it's a big deal.

Yeah, in the Philippines.

Kind of excited.

Wait, wait, back when you were kids or coming up?

No, right now, coming up.

Oh, coming up. Yeah.

Back when you were kids. No, dude, this is happening in fucking 3 weeks.

Yeah, but that wouldn't— that would be something you would say. You would zone in on like John's birthday party when he was like 13 and you'd be like, yeah, we went to Fuddruckers and it was incredible.

No, no.

I never had a party like when I was growing up, I feel like.

You never? No, no, no, never, never.

Did you have a birthday party?

Wait, just, just so I don't forget his grandma, but they did this really sweet thing where when the women walk in, yeah, he like kisses the hand.

Okay, he blessed the hand.

And what do you say?

You don't kiss the hand, you like put your—

No, you kiss it. I've seen you stick some fingers in your mouth. John would mistake it for food. It's your grandma. No, wait, what do you say? Do you say anything?

No, you just bless.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anytime a woman walks in the room?

No, you usually do it as like a sign of respect to your—

like, that's weird, you've never done it to me.

And uncles?

I don't—

would you ever do it to Natalie? Would Natalie have to like get to some degree? Would you ever do it to a friend?

No, no, no, no. Okay, so it's only for your like elderly.

Okay, so me?

Yeah, yeah, like I would do to Jay if anything.

Oh, you do it to the men too? Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, you trust me, you're gonna see me do like, oh my god, you're probably gonna be doing that the whole time. Your neck's gonna hurt. My lips are gonna be dry. You're gonna be fed though. Wow, that's crazy.

All right, but yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited, also like nervous.

Why?

What do you mean, dude? You're bringing like 8 people with you.

Like 4.

We're bringing 4. And you, you told us we can bring as many people.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm not, I'm not I'm gonna go back to it.

No, I know, but like, you shouldn't probably— you probably shouldn't say that. And I thought that was weird because I was like, we're going to a wedding, right?

How—

like, what is this, just like on the beach? Anybody can like pull up?

My brother doesn't care.

It's the, the elders.

No, not the elders.

The bride's family.

It's a bride.

It's a bride. Well, the most important— the most important person.

Who brought white people? Too many. 4, 5. Who many? What the fuck, John?

John pretends like he doesn't know us. John, it's David.

I'm hiding under the table.

John, it's David. I see you under there. Come out. We're gonna murder your entire wedding.

John, please help me.

Please help me.

What is this accent? It's me trying not to be too racist.

Oh, man, it'll be— it'll be exciting, honestly.

I'm so excited for the food. Oh my God, I love Asian food.

Yeah.

And then for like Airbnb, Jay, we have a masseuse from like 5 to 10.

You do?

Like, we have—

yeah, we're just having issues every day.

Wow. Yeah, I looked up like the best spot to go to in Manila. Yeah, it's like this incredible experience and really all these different options or whatever. It's $25. No.

Yeah. For what? For, for massage? Spa.

Like a whole spa. You get a massage, you get a facial.

I think I'm gonna do that. Really?

Yeah, you should. I'm gonna go.

You don't get massages.

I'm into— I'm gonna start getting touched more, I think.

It'd be good for you.

I've been thinking about it. I saw, I saw a TikTok about being touched and it like really spoke to me.

What did it say?

According to psychology, if you're not comfortable with people touching you, it might actually be because physical touch is your love language. You reserve it for those you truly care about and feel the most at ease with. That's pretty damn good. No, well, why are you putting it in the— being just—

Sabine will like let anyone massage her. You could like walk by someone in the mall and she'd be like, oh, let's get a quick one, and like some like like 60-year-old guy will start working on her.

That's really funny.

Yeah, she loves it. Sometimes when we get massages with Naveen, she's, she's just out there. She just goes full plant mode.

I just feel so awkward getting a massage. Like, I'm just like here, like, looking like an idiot.

It's like, because that's like, it's just so, it's so like, to just release your body is like such a good feeling.

It's probably really good for you too.

So good for you. And your back is fucked up. You should definitely get that worked on. Really?

Yeah. What's wrong with your back?

He's got a little hunch.

Do you have a pimple? Do you have a bump? Did you get hit in the head?

That means I'm in love.

The horns, they're coming out.

There are two there. I think that's just the shape of his head.

Oh my God.

But wait, doesn't he have a protrusion on his face?

I've had this.

Now I'm hurting your feelings. Well, you know what, Dave? You're just like the best guy in the world.

Why are you saying that?

Everybody, like my family especially, appreciates you. No. And all the wonderful things you got this podcast back on track, which is incredible. We're at the end of the year here. No. Saved my whole existence with this podcast and the fans.

Wow.

And you gave Alex a DJ career, which I— which out of all the things that you've done, that one touched me the most.

Really?

Yeah, that one was the best. You know why? Because like, he didn't just fucking buy you a car.

Yeah, no, he like—

he gave you a life. He set the rest of my life up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's crazy. That is like— that is the—

that—

David, if you fucking died tomorrow—

what's going on here?

If you die tomorrow, that one that you did for Alex, that is just like— you should get the Nobel Prize. Not the Nobel Prize, but like, you should feel good about that one. I'm launching a DJ career. You should feel good about that one. Because that one is— somebody back me up.

I mean, are you giving out the Nobel Prize?

Well, yeah, not that, but roommate.

No, I agree.

I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, there's nothing else compares to it.

That one's incredible.

I really appreciate it, guys.

Let's go through our notes and let's just like read out like random things.

This is so cringy, but like this is the first note that popped up that— this is stuff that I was— I must have— I have a couple notes for podcast things. The first one was was about the ick from a couple podcasts ago. I told you guys about how I have stuffed animals in my room and now I got rid of all of them, remember?

Yeah, yeah.

And the second thing I wrote down, which I don't think I told you in the moment because I felt like such a fucking loser, but it was— I had another realization that I feel the most beautiful that I've ever felt in my life right now in this very moment.

Wow.

I wrote that down in a fucking note.

Wait, let me see. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me see.

I must have been really feeling myself in that moment.

Oh my God. Yeah. October 29th, 12:22 AM. Had another realization that I feel the most beautiful that I felt in my life right now in this moment. That's crazy. 2 days before Halloween. I'm trying to think what was going on.

I have no idea.

You were just like, you probably got your like—

I got my spray tan and my like, got my fitted in my costume.

Yeah. Costume.

No wonder you're always trying to bring her down. She's fucking flying.

I'm a sexy, gorgeous independent. That's really funny. No bitch can compare to me.

Hey, I had a guy from my high school fight Mike Tyson.

Jake Paul? No.

Who? No, back in the day there was like a— there was a guy in my town, his name was Peter McNeely, and he was like—

I know a Peter McNeely. You do?

Are you looking at me like I'm supposed to know?

Oh no, we know a Ryan McNeely.

Oh yeah.

Anyways, that's the podcast. Fuck you, Jay. Hey, that's all the time we have. What were you saying, Jay?

Never mind. I just sounded like the worst guy to have conversations with.

Yeah.

Just cutting you off your Mike Tyson story because I knew a guy with the same last name.

Yeah, yeah, you tell a story. Anyway, sorry. I'll be you.

I'll be you.

Ryan McNeely.

I'll be you.

You tell a story.

Okay. You know, I had my great uncle's related to Abraham Lincoln.

I had a great uncle! Oh, wait a minute, it was an aunt.

All right, go. He fought Mike Tyson.

What happened? So there's like a guy in my town, his name was Peter McNeely, and he was like a townie. And you know what a townie is? In Boston, a townie is like a guy that never leaves the town. Okay. Right? He doesn't go to college.

He's just like a fucking, like, you know, But runs shit at the town, right? Like knows everybody?

No, he don't run shit. He runs the plow when it snows. Okay, okay. You know, he's like, worked for the town, and he was a nice guy, whatever. He was much older than me, but whatever. But we'd always see him around town. He'd be like, hey, you know, he'd be smoking and fucking drinking, you know. You'd go to a high school party and he would fucking be there. Oh, wow. Like Wooderson in like Matthew McConaughey. Never grew up. Never grew up, right? He was just like a guy in the town. And then all of a sudden, one day we're like, we hear— we're kids, we hear he's fighting Mike Tyson. And we're like, what? No, no, no. That can't fucking be. That can't fucking be.

How old is he at this moment?

He's probably like 25 or 26.

And he's fighting him professionally?

He's fighting Mike Tyson professionally. And we're from this little town called Medfield. And it's just like, it's blowing our minds. We're a town of— I was graduating class of 100. Like, it just blows our mind that this guy, like, our friend's brother, is gonna fight Mike Tyson. We can't even fucking get to the bottom of it. And then somehow he goes and he fights Mike Tyson, and it was fucking wild. And we like watched, we bought the pay-per-view. What did he do?

He got up there and he was like, he was like, okay, good, good story at 5 AM if I was coked up in the kitchen.

'Cause they go, "All right, Peter, come on in." They talk to Tyson, who's just a fucking beast. This is like prime Tyson. There's just no fucking way. We don't even understand why he's taking the fight. And he's like, "How do you feel, Peter?" And he's like, "Let me tell you." He does this insane fucking thing to the camera. He goes, "Let me tell you something." He goes, "I came here to win." He goes, "I came here for my brothers. I came here for my family." And we're all fucking like, like 18 years old, like, what the fuck is going on? And he goes, he goes, and I'll tell you one other thing, I'm doing it for one reason, I'm doing it for Medfield! Wow, like that. And we all lost our shit. We were like, oh my God, like, that's our town, Medfield! Like, we could imagine if someone was like saying Vernon Hills, like, we were like, no fucking way, he's gonna fucking kill Tyson! He's gonna kick his ass. We're like, yeah! We're like so excited. We can't believe this fucking degenerate has gotten here. And he fucking goes out. He goes out, Mike Tyson. We're so amped, and Tyson doesn't look good. He's gonna win. He's gonna fucking win.

And Tyson just fucking comes out and he fucking just throws like 5 punches and he's down.

No, it was over.

It was over. Damn, I'm sorry.

Over, over, over. It was like, it was so insane.

That was really crazy.

Sorry about Memphis. Sorry about Memphis, brother.

Sorry about Memphis. But he put Memphis on the map for a couple minutes.

All right, guys, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you to everybody who listened this whole year. Thank you for keeping Jason employed. Thank you for keeping Natalie here close to us talking about stuff.

Um, I'm so happy I'm still here.

Thank you for doing Natalie Live, and hopefully we'll do another year of pods. I can't believe we did 2 a week.

Yeah, I know, isn't that— that's crazy.

That's crazy.

Also, put your mind to something, you could do anything, David Dobrik. So keep it up.

Wow, that's pretty crazy.

Here I go putting my mind to other things. Buckle up, 2026, it's Jason's year.

Let's go, let's go!

He dies.

Wait, you're saying it like we're not gonna be doing any more pods in December.

We are.

Are you leaving or something? Goodbye, guys. We'll be back on Tuesday.

Back in March.

With another podcast.

Also, I should mention this. No, um, I'm pushing the vlog till Tuesday. Listen, I'm gonna blame it on a root canal. I know you guys aren't gonna believe me, but it was definitely my root canal. I swear to God. I'm sorry, I'm a week behind. I just, I don't know. And I wanted to post a second channel video, but then I was like, but then everything we had didn't feel like it was the second channel video. It felt like half of it was main channel. So like, like. So now I got all confused, so I'm sorry, but new vlog up on next week, Tuesday or Wednesday. Tuesday, motherfuckers, stick to it. I don't want to commit today, but Tuesday or Wednesday, I think.

Oh my gosh.

Or Thursday. All right. All right, bye.