Putting Our Friend in the Hospital

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason stares at me with his beautiful eyes and I hold back and not kiss him and record this podcast with him instead.

You don't have to fight it anymore, Dave.

You serious?

Yeah, I'm fully divorced now.

Officially?

Officially.

You want to end this podcast right here?

No, I want to give people the fucking ride of their lives and then make out with you.

All right, roll the intro music. And that was an intro song by Bruce Wegner, one of the best producers in Los Angeles. He's a myth, he's a legend. We've never actually seen him face to face, but we hear he's quite outrageous.

I've been getting death threats from Bruce fans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because they hate you. They love him. They're very passionate about it, guys. We just got back from kind of a roller coaster of a day. Our friend just got admitted to the hospital, and I'm just gonna— I'm gonna back it up a couple steps. In our— a couple days ago, our friend Jonah, he's— he's— he gets to this point during the day where he's like cracked out, and he's like— he's like ready to do some stupid shit. Like, he's from California, so I assume he's on a whole nother drug constantly.

Yeah, we went to the parade the other day, and and he's just on the sidelines just going, I'm gonna make something happen, gotta make something, this is boring, come on dude, let me do something, fucking do something. And we were like, the parade hasn't started yet, Jonah.

So he presented the idea of jumping off, jumping over something with like a bike. So I'm like, that's great, that's, that's hilarious, that's hysterical. So we did it with a bike and then we did it with a fully gas-powered moped.

You can say into the pool, into the pool, yeah, into the pool. So what was the first stunt you did?

And the first stunt, first time, it was just a couple boxes he had to jump over, and he had to jump over the boxes and into the pool on a bicycle, on like a skateboard ramp. Yeah, on a skateboard ramp, uh, on a bicycle. It was just a regular BMX bike.

And even that, I was like, huh, yeah, that could go wrong.

And he got that done. It was, it was pretty impressive. He got it done twice. We actually did it twice.

Yeah.

And each time he killed it.

Yeah. The only thing is, is it's at the pool, if you can imagine it, there's a cement fence on one side of the pool, so there's literally no space.

And he was jumping into the pool the width, not the length of the pool. Yeah, so he didn't have much space to jump into the pool. He had to like be very—

and let's be honest, Jonah takes up a lot of space.

Yeah, so we had to be careful. And then we were done with the bike, and it got to the point where he, he was still down to do the moped thing, and it, it took about 45 minutes of him sitting on the bike, and we were just like, okay, he doesn't want to do it, he's not doing it. We gave up on it and Brandon trying to talk him out. Brandon talked him out of it, and we're just like, okay, fine, we're not doing it. So we had, we had an idea after he got off the bike. It was getting real dark out. We were like, we have to— we have— we bought this moped for the specific reason. So, uh, we asked him, do you just want to drive it into the pool? And he's like, he's like, nah, fuck that shit, let's go, let's go, right? Yeah, I got really amped up like last second. He's like, fuck it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing this shit. I'm like, what? He's like, I'm gonna do it. I'm like, okay, okay. So he, he kept the ramp in place, he gunned it, and he fucking flew. I mean, I— we had no idea that this, this ramp was even gonna be able to support him or be able to launch a moped, like a fully gas-powered, 500-pound, street-legal, like, moped that Scott couldn't even pick up. And it just flew, and it flew so far that his body hit the corner of the pool. And it, it, it didn't— at first it didn't look bad because he got right up on his feet.

When he launched off the bike, yeah, I was like, oh, he's dead.

He was in midair, but then he came down really quickly. Yeah, he came down, he came down hard.

And David put a— he put a lawn chair mat on the, the, the small cement space that was between the wall and the pool where you can—

you can tell what kind of a roller coaster this day was just by the tone we're speaking.

Exhausted.

It's been, it's been, it's been a hell— it's been a hell.

It was up and down. It was It was adrenaline, it was me calling it off and then getting him off the bike.

It was, it was a mess. Okay, and then, and then he's getting dark. It's getting dark. Yeah, he, he, he lands the stunt, whatever. He comes out of the pool, he's just completely quiet. We don't know what's going on. We're all excited because he's alive and he's walking. And then he lifts up his shirt and we see like a little bit of a puncture, like, like maybe like a bullet, basically like a bullet wound, a bullet-sized one. It was like a bullet-sized wound. And he starts bleeding from it and he says he's okay. It keeps bleeding, it doesn't stop bleeding, so we're like, okay, he needs stitches. And it's not like, it wasn't, he was very quiet and it was very unlike him. We were like, okay, what's going on? We're stressed out 'cause you're not talking. So we decided to go to the ER. And in my vlog, if you watched my video where this happened, it didn't seem as serious at all as it turned out to be. It was actually a couple months ago, I did it with my hand where I cut my hand open and we had to go to the ER and I made a big thing out of it going to the ER and I showed the stitches and I showed everything and it looked really bad when in reality this was a lot worse than— You think so? Than my hand situation.

'Cause I thought your hand situation was awful.

My hand situation was awful.

That cut was so deep.

But what you didn't see in the video is when we got to the ER, Um, when they took him into the room and they had a nurse look at it, she immediately called in another nurse and then another nurse at the puncture. Yeah, at the puncture, because it was in a very bad spot. It was right by his spleen, right by his kidney. It was, it was in a very dangerous spot. And, uh, and then, and then the main—

what happened? What made the puncture?

Um, we don't know. It was either him hitting the side of the pool or it was him hitting the brake on the moped.

It looks like it's the brake.

And I think the brake of the moped went inside his body. And it got, and more doctors kept coming over and they kept asking us, when did it happen, when did it happen? And we're like, it happened about an hour and a half ago. And they're like, okay, the internal bleeding must not be that bad 'cause he would've passed away an hour, about 30 minutes ago. Like, it was really bad.

Wow.

Like, it was bad, like he would've been dead by now if it was any worse.

And I think it was that bad because I went and edited my vlog and ate Cheetos.

Yeah, I didn't think it was bad either. And then, um, and then he took some CT scans and, um, they did some CT scans and they took a— what do you call it when a, when a baby—

when you're X-ray?

No, when you're ultrasound. Ultrasound. They took an ultrasound. They couldn't find any fluids in the body.

And what does that mean? Like, there was not any fluids?

There was no internal bleeding. Okay, he was drained of all blood.

Um, he turned into a vampire.

No, but But, um, but, but then, then they got him tested. They took him into a room and we were waiting for his— for his— for the response from the doctor. And we're like, they needed— they said that they want to take him to the trauma center. So they were going to put him in the ambulance and take him over to the trauma center because they were very scared that this was a very life-threatening, uh, injury. And I kept asking it like I was joking with the nurses, and I'm like, so is he gonna make it? And we're— and they literally responded, they're like, we, we, we hope so, we're gonna do our best, and we don't see why— we don't see why, why we, we couldn't hope for the best right now.

I don't understand, it was such a little wound. It was such a wound that he would have died already, then he's fine.

The first hour is like the golden hour, they refer to it. And then, and then they had to— they had to do some extra scans to see if the wound was like punctured inside and if there's going to be internal bleeding. And I asked the doctor, I'm like, what are the chances of him going to to trauma center right now for surgery. And he said it's 50/50. So we were waiting for 25 minutes for results for it to be 50/50. And then we got the results. Turns out it was good. Um, it came back negative. There's no internal bleeding. There's no puncture that they saw.

So if you puncture your spleen, that like poisons your whole body?

It's internal bleeding. You could, you, you could die. So he would have needed immediate surgery, rushed with an ambulance to the, to the to a different facility. And it— and then, and then he's ready. They're like, okay, we're gonna be able to send him home in an hour. But his heart rate wouldn't go down, so they decided to keep him there overnight. So, so right now, as we're recording this podcast, he is inside— he's in that inside the hospital room right now.

Yeah, with his family.

With his family.

And David was editing, editing the vlog as Jonah was eating ice chips. Yeah, with a huge fucking smile on his face. He was so proud of himself. I I walked in and he was like, that shit was gangster, yo. He's like, yo, I walked in here a loser, I'm walking out a thug.

No, he really—

And he was already checking his Snapchat for girls. There were girls like, oh, he's like, yo, Jason, look at this, dog. Look at this. Look at all these girls, look at all these chicks hitting me up already. They wanna know if I'm okay.

It was a very stupid mistake, but he's very happy with the outcome, and it's like, it's a big lesson. We should be a little more careful when it comes to these things. Um, but dude, he got really lucky. Like, the doctors were like, the doctors were like, listen, you cannot do— I showed him the video. I showed him, I showed all the doctors the videos. And he did, as funny as they thought it was, like, they chuckled a little bit, but then they were like, that's very, very serious. Like, just seeing that video is one of the reasons why they— why we need to keep you in the hospital, because that's just a very, a very—

because you all are fucking nuts and we don't want him to do it again.

And then we got to the hospital and they— you were there when they were asking him all the questions. They went through a series of like 100 questions.

They're like, the questions were insane. Some of them made sense, like, is anyone abusing you right now? Is anyone— do you take drugs and alcohol? And then some of them got weirder, like, who do you live with? Do those people talk to you?

Are you scared of going home right now?

Yeah.

Are people coming to visit you that you like? Or do you ever feel pressured in certain situations?

Because he goes, what, um, do you have any cultural traditions? And Jonah goes, Comedy, comedy.

And she's like, is that a culture? She's like, is that a cultural tradition? And he's like, it is where I'm from. Um, Jonah's really into— but yeah, that's it. Long story short, he's gonna— I mean, we're hoping he's gonna be okay. He's in the hospital right now. They're monitoring for him for another night, but it could have been really bad. It was very bad, and in my video it doesn't do justice. Of how scary it was. It was, it was terrible.

It was awful.

It was, it was the scariest incident yet. Dude, hospitals are fucking awful, by the way.

I know, I went with you with your hand.

There's like, there's like 7 people just out in the hall on those stretchers because they don't have enough room for people. No, it's brutal. And there's people screaming from rooms, help me, help me.

When you had your hand, there was just a woman screaming, just screaming.

And I'm like, am I the little baby? Yeah, I even said, is anybody gonna help that woman? And, and they're like, we do They said she does that all the time. She does that all the time. We can't send anybody there right now. Like, it's a fucking awful place, dude. I don't want to be there. I mean, I'm just so lucky. Like, one of my biggest— my biggest fear is to get sick, and it's just like the scariest thing.

Or to kill someone.

Or to kill someone, which almost kind of—

I wanted out of the whole bit today.

Yeah, people left to go watch Inside because they didn't want to be part of this, part of the bit. But I mean, long story short, everybody's okay. And the most important part about all of this is everyone needs an ugly Christmas sweater this time of year.

I got mine in the mail.

If you want bragging rights for the most talked about sweater at your Christmas parties, listen up. Talk about your Tipsy Elves sweater and other products you saw on the website. Oh, sorry. Okay. Jason's wearing a Tipsy— I read the script wrong.

Oh no, no worries. You, you didn't, um, you were, you were too busy this week.

Yeah.

So I went to the Tipsy Elves, I went to the Tipsy Elves website and it's, uh, it's, it's immaculate.

It's a trip.

It's fun.

You ordered yourself a sweater?

Yeah, and I got it, and I wore it Monday night to the party I went to.

And what does Tipsy Elves mean? It's just drunk elves?

Yeah, man, they're just having a good time.

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Used to be when I was a kid, someone have an ugly sweater on, they'd be like, oh, look at how ugly that is, what a dork. But now it's not—

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Want to be ugly?

Yeah, the uglier the sweater, the cooler you are at the party.

I get that, but I I don't know.

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Go to tipsyelves.com, guys. I went. They've got amazing sweaters there. They're hilarious. A lot of them are super funny, like lots of cats on a sweater.

Yeah, and enter our code VIEWS at checkout to get your 20% off the site-wide discount. That's tipsyelves.com and my code VIEWS. All right, well, sorry we started that podcast off on such a sour note, but that's been our day so far. It was fun, it was fun, it was fun, but it was, it was interesting, it was scary. And it just bums me out that in the vlog it doesn't, it doesn't look as scary as it was. People, people will not be able to tell how intense the situation was. Uh, but I have a, I have a Christmas Christmas thing that happened to me. One year my dad got me the iPhone X, and my— this is when my— one year, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. My dad got me an iPhone 6 or 5 or 4, one of the newer iPhones, and this was like the big talk of the town, like the new iPhone. This is when the iPhones were even a bigger deal than they are now.

Sure. Yeah, the first time I looked on an iPhone and you could like look something up and you were out on the street, I was like, wow.

Yeah, and my dad My dad buying me iPhone was pretty dope because we didn't have all the money in the world. So it was like a really big fucking deal, and he bought it for me. And this is what my dad— this is why my parents and I wouldn't get along. And he got it for me for Christmas, and my parents were going to do this charity thing Christmas morning. And there's nothing I hated more than doing things Christmas morning because I thought it was like the almighty day of relaxing.

It's your time. That's kids' time.

Yeah. So Christmas morning they went out and, and my dad said, if you don't come with us, we're— I'm not giving you a present this year. Oh, and I thought it was kind of like a joke or whatever. And I'm like— and I was stubborn and I, I always wanted to say no to things that my parents wanted me to do. So I'm like, no, I'm not going, I'm not going. And I didn't get an iPhone that year.

Are you kidding me?

That's nuts.

He took it back?

Yeah. Oh, that's crazy, right?

Over that one thing?

Yeah.

And then do you— when that happens, are you just silent or you just at him?

Um, I was just like— I was like, it was— we, uh, we came back to open presents and I knew he got me the iPhone at this point because it was like very obvious, right? And I think he even showed it to me and he's like, sorry you didn't come. And I'm like, holy fuck. Yeah, I mean, that's what I get for calling his bluff. I should have just gone.

What did he want you to go do?

Um, to this charity called Feed My Starving Children. My parents do it a lot. It's probably a good thing that we're plugging it here. They'll probably really enjoy that. Maybe I'll get my iPhone for my parents. Guys, go donate to Feed My Starving Children.

What did you get that year?

You know what I was— I was such a—

I don't understand. Back up, back up, back up, back up. So you came— so he says you don't get the iPhone, and do you like throw a fit?

I got mad, and then I was just kind of in disbelief. I was kind of just like— I don't think I was that mad. I was kind of just like laughing at it. I'm like, no fucking way, like I seriously got my iPhone taken away for— because of this.

Do you ever bring it up with them?

No, I don't think I've ever brought it up. I don't know, we kind of just—

when did you get an iPhone then?

We forgot about it.

Next year?

Yeah, in a couple— in a couple months.

Did you have a phone at all?

Yeah, I had a phone. I had a flip phone, a Samsung flip phone. So it was like a big fucking deal.

Dude, that must have fucking hurt you bad.

Yeah, and it was—

I would never do that to Wyatt. And like, yeah, then again, I'm Wyatt's big pussy, so—

Jesus Christ, you said it, not me. Finally. You think your son's a pussy?

No, he's just living in a soft—

that's not the way to say it. I don't think you should say that about your son. All right, well, let's bring it back. He's softer, he's delicate, and he's more sensitive.

He's just really sensitive. He's not like you.

He's not, you know, he's not dope. He's not the coolest thing on the planet. No, I mean, I get, I get that he's a little—

he still believes in Santa Claus, which we touch up on all the time, which is why we have a t-shirt at Fanjoy.co now that says Santa is real. You guys want to check it out?

Jason just made a t-shirt saying Santa is real.

Yeah.

Which, which I told him, I'm like, your son's going to see that shirt and he's going to be really confused by it because it's like, it's like a shirt saying, it's like a shirt saying Barack Obama is president. It's like saying Barack Obama was our last president. Like, it's just like to him it's going to be like a fact. So the shirt's not going to make sense. Jason's son is going to be like, I don't get the shirt. What's so funny about it?

No, I'd be like, yeah, that's right. It is real. That's right, Dad.

Or maybe he'll interpret it in a way where he's like, Santa's real, like a real OG. Like Santa's like a real motherfucker. But yes, Jason made a shirt that said Santa is real. And I think that's— I think that's something. How do you ever celebrate Christmas?

Josh pointed out is that we're all Jewish, so why are we pretty?

Yeah, everyone, everyone.

And Jason, hey, Tipsy Elves, if you want to hook up with my Santa is real merch, let me know.

If you want to hook up.

And that's what they do.

How was your— how's your Christmases? Do you have good Christmases ever?

Yeah, man, I've had a bunch of Christmases in my life. I've had 44 of them.

Really?

Yeah.

And which one?

The best one was when I was 1.

What happened?

I got a Lamborghini Diamante.

It's not even a fucking car.

Look at you. Know your cars. I got a Lamborghini when I was 1.

What happened to it?

We were doing really— I crashed it when you were 1. I was a baby. It was so stupid to buy me.

What's your— what's your most memorable Christmas? What happened?

My most memorable Christmas was when my father fucking left. Are you okay? Sorry, did you catch something in the hospital? Yeah, I told you to wear your mask.

Caught some bullshit. Really? Is that what happened?

Yeah, he just wasn't there and it was awful because I didn't really give a fuck he wasn't there, but my mom was so upset.

He left during Christmas?

Yeah, he's just like didn't come home for Christmas. He was like on business and he just never came home.

Fuck you.

Fucking crazy.

What happened?

He's an OG. You want to talk about a real OG?

No, I've heard.

Yeah, he didn't fucking give a fuck.

Has your dad killed anybody? We had this conversation You kind of—

I mean, I've seen him, I've seen him threaten people. I've seen him fucking throw people against the wall.

You've seen him hit people?

One time a pedophile tried to finger my asshole.

Fuck you. Yeah, bullshit.

Yeah, no, I swear to God.

I've known you for so long, but you still have the stupidest stories.

Well, you don't want to hear it, that's fine.

All right, go.

Well, I was home and I was like this fat kid, like, sitting around the house. I was alone a lot. Yeah, I was a kid because my mom worked and my dad wasn't around. Yeah, so I'd come home from school, there's a key, and I just fucking sit there and eat rice pilaf and watch TV. And one, then my family had this friend. My mother and father were like— my father didn't live there, but he was still around a lot, sort of like me and Marty. And they had this family friend named Doug. Yeah, and Doug, he had a lisp, he talked like this. Okay, and he's like a cool guy that was like around a lot, you know, and And I'd be like, oh, hey Doug, and they would like hang out with them, whatever.

Doug was the guy that was taking care of you?

No, he didn't take care of me. He was just a family friend. Okay, did your parents ever have friends? You're like, what the fuck? I don't know. I don't know these people.

I don't think they— my parents had friends like that, but I know what you mean.

Did they have friends though?

Yeah, it's kind of like American thing. It's an American thing to have a weird friend, I think.

Oh, what does that mean?

I don't know.

Why are you dissing on America?

No, no reason.

No, I'm sorry, what are you trying to say?

It's, it's since there, since my, my, all my family's friends are foreign.

Yeah.

They're all just kind of the same. They're just foreign people, you know?

Right, right, right.

They all kind of share like the same, like they're in the same boat. They're foreign people in America. But like, I feel like there's so many different Americans that I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Yeah. They're just all foreign to you.

Yeah.

So they're all, what it is is they're all having the same shared experience. Talk to me about your finger getting, well, anyways, I wanted this friend that was around.

So, uh, was he cute?

No, he was an ugly son of a bitch. Okay. And, uh, so, uh, the phone rings and I'm home alone and I'm like, hello? And he's like, he's like, hey, Jathan, how's it going?

How old were you?

I was probably like 12.

Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, like 12 years old, home alone, you know, like, okay, watching cartoons, trying to become a sports broadcaster one day, which is what I wanted to do then. And I am— and I'm like, I'm like, no. I'm like, oh no, no, Doug, they're not here right now.

Oh, he asked about your parents?

Yeah. He goes, are they home? And he goes, I'm not home. And he goes, well, that's okay. I didn't want to talk to them anyway.

You're lying.

I swear to God on Wyatt and Charlie, this happened.

Are you fucking—

you can ask my dad when you see him.

This is like out of a movie.

Yeah. And he's— and I go, I go, oh, okay, cool. Well, let's talk. I was fucking oblivious. Oblivious. I was like, cool, a friend. And, uh, he's like, he's like, so, um, tell me about your hygiene. And I was like, oh, you know, I try to stay clean. You know, I was so—

how long did your family know this guy?

Not long, maybe like 6 months or a year he was around.

Okay.

And he, tell me about your hygiene. And I was like, I was like, well, I was like, well, you know, I, I, I like, I've been using gel lately. Yeah. You know, and I, um, like You know, I try to stay pretty clean. He's like, oh, do you take showers or do you take baths? And I was like, well, I take showers. I take showers.

And at this point you're not like, something weird is going on?

No fucking idea. Like, I think we're just having a conversation about bathroom stuff. Yeah. And then he goes, uh, okay, so then you go in the shower. He goes, you going like alone in the shower or, or does your dad go with you? And I'm like, uh And I'm like, no, I go, I go alone. I go in the shower, you know, like trying to like act like I'm an adult. And he goes, so when you get in the shower, uh, do you like, you ever soap up your balls and stuff? And I go, uh, I go, yeah, yeah, I, I guess. And then it kind of starts to hit me. And then he's like, this is where it is. Yeah, the soap up your balls line.

And he's like, he's like 3 fingers in my butthole, and I start to realize this guy's a little weird. And then I invited him over over.

So then, uh, so then he's like, you know, he's like, I would, uh, I would really like it if, uh, if I could suck your cock. Bullshit. I swear to God, David. Bullshit, David. I swear.

Why have you never told me this?

I don't know. I just never told you. It's not a story I enjoy telling. We're desperate for fucking content tonight. I don't enjoy telling the story of the pedophile. Did you ever have a pedophile come on to you?

Yeah, I have like 4 stories. No, not, not that I can remember. I don't have a good memory of my child. Okay, sorry, sorry.

That guy, you know, I really like to fuck your cock.

Okay. And what'd you say?

And I was like, I got to go. I got to go, Doug. And I hung up the phone.

Fuck.

And I was like, oh no, no, no, he's going to come over here and he's going to like try to rape me or whatever he's going to try to do. But we locked the doors.

Oh, okay. So you were old enough at this point where you were like, okay, this guy's fucking weird. Yeah, yeah, he's going to—

Yeah, okay, I got it. And I called my— call my mom right away. She came home from work. And she was like, that's awful. That's awful.

She left work, huh? She left work.

Yeah, she left work. She came home. She used to work at the mall. She was a perfume lady at the mall.

Amazing. She looks exactly like a perfume lady.

Yes, she does.

The best smelling, the kindest perfume lady.

Yes. Yeah, the person that sprays you when you walk in.

Yeah.

And, uh, and, uh, and then all I could think was, because my father was such a fucking monster, I was like, I was like, oh, please don't, please don't tell Dad. Please don't tell Dad. She's like, why? I have to, I have to tell him. And because I just knew that this guy was fucked. I was like, he's gonna fucking kill him. My father is going to fuck him. Like, not even that my father— yes, my father cared about me, but he just wanted to fight someone. Exactly. My father's the kind of guy that like wants a reason. Like, give me a fucking reason. And because I, I, I'm, I'm ready to fucking snap on someone anyway. And now I have just caught your mom.

Your mom goes, um, honey, There was a guy on the phone, he was asking to suck Jason's cock. He goes, who cares? And then she goes, we know where he lives. He goes, where is he?

So my father came over and, uh, he is real calm. And he was like, he's like, all right, he's like, now no one's mad at you. I want you to tell me, just tell me exactly what happened. Yeah, tell me the conversation. No one's gonna get hurt.

And you go, and you go, so he asked me if I, if I, if I shampoo my balls. And then your dad goes, go on, so do you? And it turned out your father was the guy on the phone.

And so then, uh, I told him the whole thing, okay? And he took a chair and he fucking smashed it.

Get the fuck out of here. This is like kind of a movie.

He took a fucking chair and he fucking smashed it against the wall.

Holy shit. I can just see your face right now, like you're about to shit yourself. Yeah.

Yeah.

You're just like, I should have just let Donnie or whatever come over.

Yeah. Like, this is worse than being fiddled.

Yeah. Like, you're fucked. Okay.

So then my father got his friend Tommy.

Oh, fuck. This guy's going to get an ass whooping. Deservedly so, because he's a fucking jackass for calling you when you're 13.

They went over and they beat the shit out of him. Wow. Yeah.

Just beat the fuck out of him.

Beat the fuck out of him. And then, and then that was it.

Did he ever come back?

No.

Wow.

And that was it. Like, that was the kind of fun— that's the kind of person he was. He was fucking nuts. Crazy.

I mean, to be fair, if someone talked to my son like that, I would beat the dick out of him too.

Yeah. Yeah, I would too.

The breaking the chair though paints the best picture.

Uh, yeah.

So yeah, that was my favorite Christmas. Yeah, that's amazing. But you— and you— and you were like your son is now.

Yeah, I'm like Wyatt. Yeah, he's just like me. And every time I see him, I go, oh, you poor thing. But yeah, and Charlie's like, what, Marnie? I mean, did you ever— you never had a pedophile come at you? Do you ever have anything close?

Close? I mean, I've had— I've, I've been— I've definitely been like harassed. Like, I've been here, I've been to like It wasn't even long ago. I was in— I was like 2 years ago, I was in an LA party and it was just— it was a bunch of gay men there, a bunch of gay men. And it got to the point where I went to the bathroom. It was just a house.

Yeah.

So I went to the bathroom and a guy followed me inside. And did you lock the door? He, he like held the— so I was walking to the bathroom and he's like, hold on, let me, let me come in and talk to you. I swear to God, I swear to God. And he, he closed the door behind me.

And talk to you while you take a shit. He's—

yeah, I obviously— obviously couldn't pee. I can't even pee around anybody, even if like we're in the same like public bathroom. I have like stage fright. Um, and he's like, you're really cute, you're a really cute guy, you're really cute. And I'm like, thank you, thank you. Like, I, I'm totally cool with gay people hitting on me because I'm like, this is fucking awesome. But it got— it got to— I mean, it was already weird because he was in my— he was in— I thought he was just really drunk, so I'm like, okay, he's, he's in the bathroom with me, he's just being a kook.

Were you with Alex?

No, I wasn't with Alex. I was with one of my friends that I don't talk to anymore because of this. No, but, um, then he started lifting up my shirt and he like started complimenting like my body and he's like, wow, I really like this. Like, let's like—

and then I was back when you were in shape.

This is back when I— yeah, when I wasn't eating as much. No, but that's that. Then I just walked out and I left. I left the bathroom and I like— I, I don't know, I wasn't so like thrown off by it because I just— I, I don't know, it didn't bother me as much because it was just like—

you're like, hey, I'm kind of hot.

It was like a drunk— it was like a drunk, drunk gay guy that was just coming on to me. And I mean, I don't know, I did the right thing. I just left. I didn't— I didn't like— I didn't entertain him. I was like, oh, gotta go, and I just fucking left. But that's the closest I've gone.

If that happened now, you'd whip your camera out?

If that happened now, I, I don't know, I'd I don't think I'd be in that situation now. I think I'm smart.

No fun anymore.

I think I'm smarter, dude. I mean, when I first moved to LA, it was like, it was fucking bananas. Like, I had these like experiences I can't talk on the podcast about, right? Because it was just like, it was a brute. It was straight out of a fucking movie when I, when I moved to Hollywood.

So you just, you just go out every night?

I went out, I went out constantly. There was—

you weren't even 21.

It didn't matter. There was house parties every day. It was really— there's all these, all these child stars that like I grew up with, other than Josh Peck, like all these child stars that were like in these shows, you'd see them at parties, right? And you'd see all these social media influencers because all they do is party, and it would just be— it'd just be fucking insane. It's just constant, constant partying. And I was in a— I was in a bad place because I wasn't getting any work done, and I was just— I was just going out. I wasn't even really drinking. I was kind of just like, I was just kind of like trying to— I don't know, it was just bad. I was just, I was just—

you're hooking up with lots of people?

Um, not really. I mean, a good amount, you know. Like, I was— yeah, I was single. Definitely nothing like staying out late. Oh yeah, I would go to bed every day at around 5 or 6 AM.

See any orgies?

Did you hear me?

5 or 6 AM?

5 or 6 AM.

And then what time would you get up?

At fucking 3 PM, 4 PM. Whoa. Yeah, it wasn't—

what were you doing for money? I, I own those Vine accounts.

I had, I had a couple Vine accounts that I owned.

But like, I remember when I met you, you owned Vine accounts, and I was like, oh, that's interesting.

I owned— the, the way I got started in LA is I owned Vine accounts that I made no money off Vine. And I, I, I understood that I would never make money off Vine because I just couldn't. I, I couldn't Vine like the rest of the Viners did. I was very particular about what I uploaded and I was insecure, so I uploaded like once every 2 weeks. So I made separate Vine accounts with large followings where I would sell revines on. They were really fucking annoying pages because all I would do is revine stuff on it. But I was making like $100 a day, which is a lot of money. A lot of money for me, for me like, for me first moving out to LA. I moved to LA with like $1,600 in my bank account, so that was a lot. Like $100 a day for like, I did that for like a month or two. That's how I made most of my money before I got into YouTube.

What was on the actual pages?

Garbage. Nothing. It was like I had like SpongeBob. Yeah, like SpongeBob funny moments, Family Guy funny moments.

Wow.

And I would just re-upload— I would just re-upload footage. Like, it was—

you would just find funny clips from Family Guy and re-upload it.

It was, it was, it was garbage. It was, it's, it's It's one of the ways, in my opinion, that Vine— one of the reasons people hated Vine was because it was saturated with pages like mine. But it was just the only way I could make money, I felt. And it was so weird because I was one of the only guys that did that that still cared about his content so much. So I was like in the middle of it. I was in the middle of like the business side of Vine and like the side of I love creating content.

Right.

So it was like, it was—

that make you feel shitty?

No, it made me feel pretty solid.

Like, I was like, I had some money in my pocket and I had a few cool vans.

No, but it was, it was bad. And it was, it was one day at 4 in the morning. It's like 4 or 5 in the morning. I was walking upstairs from my house, from my— sorry, from my apartment. I think I was like high or I was— I don't know. Intoxicated, some kind of drug I was on. And I'm walking up the stairs, it's literally like 4:30 AM, and I'm just like, just like, like my teacher Mr. Killinger's voice just plays in my head and he's like, don't get caught up in the LA lifestyle, or something along the lines of that. And, and I'm like, and I'm like, I'm fucking doing it right now. Like, I had no idea, but the last month all I've been doing is going out at night and sleeping during the day. I've been shitting away my days and I didn't realize it until I caught myself on those stairs. And I, and I stopped drinking, I stopped doing drugs. I just—

you miss it?

I clean up. No, not at all. I mean, it's so stupid.

You don't miss getting high or drinking?

No way.

I don't at all. Because you never drink.

I never drink.

You don't even have a beer, really?

I like, I like the sip.

You'll have like a sip of a beer.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't I don't miss it because my biggest, my biggest thing growing up is I, I had difficult time. I had a difficult time finding someone, something to work hard at. And that's what, that's what my problem was. Like, I was willing to work hard, but I didn't know what. Like, I didn't know, like, like, you know, like, now I have Vine and I have YouTube and I can work hard at it, right? I'm so happy I have that because I spend every second of my day stressing out about it. And I love, I love that stress.

What made you not want to do YouTube? Say no for a long time. You're like, oh, I don't— I don't—

because I just— I thought I was above it, and I was like, I'll figure it out. I don't need it. Because I saw all these people transitioning, and it seemed to me so forced and just like stupid.

Like people on Vine going to YouTube. What about the other YouTubers? Did you like them?

Yeah. Oh, I grew up on YouTube.

Well, yeah, so why wouldn't you just want to do that?

Because it just— it just didn't— it didn't feel right. I saw what other YouTubers were doing, and I hated it. And that's why— that's why I started vlogging, and it was different than what other people were doing. And, and it's my favorite part was, was like, even in our friend group, people were like, David, you got to stop vlogging, dude. Like, it's, it's like literally typical, like, cliché conversations you have with people that like try to like to try to put you down. They're like, they're like, dude, you got to stop vlogging. No one cares about that shit. No one's gonna watch vlogs.

Wow.

Like, and I've heard behind my back situations where our friends have gone, I wish he knew that, that this wasn't gonna get him anywhere.

Like, like, yeah, you were in the room and you could hear people talking about you.

No, no, like I've heard from other people that the people have said that, and it's just, it's literally just like, it's the cliché, like, story. Like, don't let other people like put you down.

That's everything. Anything that's fucking bananas, anything that, that's anything that's worth anything, what people will tell you.

I mean, like, they would genuinely say, like, they were like, dude, don't do this, you're wasting your time.

Anything that's like a major inroad or anything anything that's worth your time, people will fucking say no. They will.

People will hate us.

I remember we used to walk around with that little vlog camera and I used to fucking love it. But I also remember you would come in with the camera.

Oh, you used to love me with the camera?

Oh yeah, because I love a camera. Yeah, yeah. But it used to come with the camera and you'd be like— you were— you were— you weren't who you are now, but you would be like, hey guys. You said it to me once. You're actually like, hey guys, I'm vlogging now. I'm giving it a shot. I'm vlogging now. You're just kind of qualifying it for me in the room, and I was like, cool. I was like, that's awesome. You're funny. You'd probably be good at it.

I don't think I knew what it was, but yeah, I really don't. I don't— because I didn't watch even the older vlog people. Yeah, that would just—

back then, back then I was— back then, like 2 years ago, like every time I would meet a new Viner, I'd be like, yeah, I'm vlogging. And they're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm just recording my fucking life. I don't know. But luckily it happened and I had a lot of help from my friends. We made funny shit and now we're—

and now we're taking Jonah off ramps. And yeah, what's next? Did you feel the need—

2 years later, my friend's in the hospital while I record my podcast. Like, how— this is what it's gotten to. I'm, I'm very happy with the vlogs, and I, um, I don't know.

Life is so crazy here with all of you guys.

It's crazy.

People, you people don't even know. I wish I could write a book.

I'm, I'm just so fucking ecstatic that in 20, 30 years I'll be able to look back at everything we've ever recorded, and I'll have every day like calendared, and I can go back. I can go back last year and see what I was doing July 18th. Do you know what I mean?

I'll be able to look at like Charlie when she's 8.

Your kids will be able to see yourselves. Imagine your kids being 30 and watching back hours of footage, like hours, hours of footage of them being younger. No kid can do that. I can't do that for sure.

I don't know if that's a good thing necessarily.

I don't know how it's gonna—

I don't think I'd want to watch myself when I was 8. Oh, I don't like a whole episode of myself. I don't know, like Josh Pac, when he goes back to like watch Drake and Josh, what does he think?

That it was the fucking best series on television. Um, no, but I mean, yeah, bottom line is I'm loving the vlogs. I like the podcast. We just had our Chicago show. Did we even talk about the Chicago show? We didn't talk about Chicago show. Went well. There were some hiccups. A lot of hiccups. I can fucking hear us.

I heard you fine.

I don't know, it was— it was—

could you not— I mean, there were times where I couldn't—

Jason, you hate when I say I didn't like the podcast show, but it was— it was fine. I had a good time. We got to spend it with our friends, and it was— it was overall fun, dude.

It was 3,500 people. It was fucking awesome.

Was it 3,500?

Yeah.

How many people?

3,500.

Oh, 3,500. Okay, good.

It was fucking awesome.

No, it was great.

Huge arena.

So many people showed up.

All your friends were there.

No, that's all your family.

I'm talking your Your friends' moms came backstage. Like, it couldn't have been any better.

Don't twist my words.

And when you left the goddamn stadium, there was 500 people outside. No. With fucking signs.

I'm not talking about the support. I'm talking about the show. We had technical difficulties. I couldn't hear you.

How many times couldn't you hear? Maybe like once. Entire time.

Entire— I couldn't hold the conversation because I couldn't hear what you were saying.

Really?

Yes.

I could hear you. I mean, there were moments I had trouble hearing you.

My parents said they didn't understand a word that—

They're fucking from Slovakia.

You're a dick. Every—

that's, that's true, because every meet-and-greet kid— because you, you walked out of the show, I gave you a hug, which I was surprised you even fucking hugged me back. I thought— I think you felt forced to fucking hug. And then, and then you started, you know, saying like, never again, never again this big, no, no, no, never again, ranting.

And it was too big, it was too big, the mics were echoing, it was a— it was— listen, listen, listen, listen, hey, don't yell at me. It was a technical disaster. That's all it was. It was the people that showed up. Amazing. I love my friends. Thank you for everything.

Fans are great. Now let me tell you the truth. Yeah, you're running around and I'm like, fuck, he's not ever gonna want to do anything like this again. And then we get to the meet and greet and what did— what did— what do you do? You always ask, you always go, did you like the show? Did you like the show? And obviously people said yes. And then you started asking, you went like this, you went, could you hear— could you hear us? Yeah, first girl. Oh yeah, I heard you great. And then I heard you say that, and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna fucking see if people can hear us. I asked 30 girls—

people, they probably had superb hearing.

They all said yes. No, they, they were born in this country. That's the problem. That's why your parents— no, I'm just kidding. And your parents are so great.

No, it was the people there were great. I— dude, I'm in love with my friends.

I think it's— I think it's so weird when we go back there. I always wonder, like like, what's it like with you and your friends? Like, they're broke.

Yeah, but I guess like the dynamic.

Yeah, yeah, I guess my friend showed me his bank account. You know what's funny though? Like, all college kids are broke, pretty much most of them.

I brought up like how much— I brought up how much we were making on the show around our friends. And like, we were with like my LA friends, so like Zane was around and Zane was like, that's so weird. Like, I can't believe you did that. Like, I can't believe you told your friends from back home how much you're making. And like, it's just always been such a normal thing with my friends. Like, in— like, they— like, when I first started making $10,000 a month on YouTube, like, 2 years ago, they were the first to know, right? And I was— I would always update them with how much money I was making in the group chats. And so would my friends, because— or at least my other friend Ilya, who has a plumbing company, because I was just like, that's like part of our friendship is talking about how much money we had. We would always talk about how much money we had, even when we had $150 to our name. We would always be like, how much money you got? This guy's the brokest, this guy's the richest. It was just always a thing. And like, and they're really cool in the fact that like, they— like, my friend Alex, not jealous at all, not jealous at all. Like, what?

Really?

When my YouTube channel started— sorry, when my Vine channel started and I was getting like 100,000 followers, 200,000, I'm like, Alex— he was recording all my videos, all my videos, being in all my videos, and I wasn't tagging him in anything, right? And I'm like, are you— do you, do you feel weirded out that like like, this is that, like, I'm getting, I'm getting this, um, these numbers and you're not getting anything. And he's like, he's like, honestly, no, I, I just love seeing, like, you grow.

Wow.

Nuts. It's like, like, it's crazy. Not jealous, just really just— they literally just wanna— they just wanna hang out. That's all they want to do.

It's so nice.

And that's why, that's why my friends are dope. All right, shout out to my friends, guys.

We're going to Chicago for New Year's, and that's where we're going to Chicago.

We love that place. Alright guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. We talked about, we talked about plenty of stuff, so this was, this was good. Alright, we'll see you guys next podcast. This has been, this has been my friend Jason Nash. My name is Jeff. We'll see you guys later. This has been View.

Okay.