Natalie's Worst College Hookup

Gotten into an argument with one of our friends the other day. I feel like we've talked about some podcasts before, but, but actually maybe we haven't because now I'm embarrassed to say, but I sit while I pee. Is that weird?

We have talked about it. I don't think it's that weird. As an older guy, yeah, I'm pretty tired most of the time.

I sit while I pee and I don't think there's any problem with it at all. I never sit when I pee when I'm at somebody else's house. But when I'm at my own house, like, I want to be sitting.

I'm sure it's like fine for you to sit when you pee. Like, who cares? You do whatever you want in the bathroom. But it like, when I think about it, because when I think of a guy peeing, I think of them standing up, you know? But when you sit down, it's like weirdly reversed. So it's like, I think of when a girl pees, if I was peeing standing up, that would be kind of weird.

Yeah, no, that's completely different.

I just don't think that's—

sitting down is much better.

Yeah, like on the floor.

Remember when I peed all over your bathroom? I've been sitting down at your house ever since. Yeah, I sit in my house too. I don't stand anymore.

Wait, why'd you pee on the floor? You just panicked?

Well, there was like an emergency and you were running out, everybody was running out, and I was like, I better pee because I don't know if we're gonna be back. And everyone was screaming at me like, Jay, Jay, Jay! And I just went in and I pulled my pants down and—

And it was dark in the bathroom?

No, the lights were on.

It was well lit.

It just went everywhere.

That's such old fucking person shit. That's so weird.

Do you stay long on sitting down? You're not supposed to do that either.

No.

You don't sit there and read, right?

Every time I go to the bathroom for no matter what it is, I tell myself, I'm like, I'm gonna enjoy this one and I'm gonna sit here as long as I can. I fucking shit you not. Every time I go, I'm like, I have my phone. I'm just gonna sit here and I'm just kind of like gonna have a moment. But every time I fucking finish, I'm done. I go, I gotta go. Like, why am I still sitting here? This is disgusting.

Right?

Do you ever get that? Do you ever like, do you ever plan on making a bigger day at the bathroom and then it goes, gets shorter? Why is that so funny?

You got an umbrella and sunscreen, magazine, little picnic.

I don't know.

I know what you mean. Well, I sit in my car after I work out.

It is kind of the similar, like just sit there. It is.

And you know what it is? It's procrastination. I thought I was talking.

Just like battling, like who could finish the sentence. Yeah, it is pretty kind of weird.

But that's what I mean, for my thing with me is that I can't really sit down when I—

um, another thing I was thinking about, super unrelated to peeing, maybe you don't remember this, but Nat, do you remember this? Do you remember like when you would walk into a classroom and you were like a freshman in high school, but your teacher also taught like the senior class and you'd walk in and you'd see things in the back of the classroom and you're like, oh my God, what is that? Or like maybe you'd be scared and the teacher would be like, oh, don't worry, that's for my physics class, 8th period. And you'd be like, ooh, yeah, like that. I don't know why, but that's just a random feeling.

Why wouldn't I experience that? I was a freshman once.

I know. I've looked in on senior classes, but every time I like reference anything from like high school or college days, you just like fucking have no idea what's going on. Really? Yeah. It's like you've never sat in a classroom.

It's because I forgot everything. You blacked it all out.

Speaking of high school, I remember David Well, actually, I think this might have been like at the end of senior year, like the summer outta senior year. So everyone's like out partying, doing random stuff. Right. And David never went to parties in high school in general.

So I didn't get invited.

You did get invited, but David wouldn't go anywhere unless John, Alex, and Mike could all go as well.

Oh yeah. That fucking bummed me out. Like I was, I feel like I was on the cusp of like, like I could, like, I was kind of like divergent.

So, so like you just hung out with everybody.

You were on the cusp of being cool.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, definitely no one would ever be like, he's popular. But they'd be like, when you ask about me, you'd go, I know David. Yeah, that's what you'd say. You go, yeah, I know. That's what you'd say. But you would— horrible thing to say about— I know, I've seen him around. What about him? Can't come to the party with those fucking idiots. But yeah, yeah, so I— yeah, I wouldn't— and it was weird bringing 3 guys to a party. Like, I— no one ever liked that.

Vernon Hills was—

what makes you—

make it sound like it's like LA.

No, they can't bring dudes to a party and burn it. That's like, that's just, isn't that kind of like, that's just high school in general. No dudes, like too many dudes unless you're like friends of the guys. Like no new dudes, no secondary friend groups of dudes can come in. Like that's just fucked up.

If a dude is having a party, it's his guy friends and whatever girls they want to bring.

And trust me, if me, Alex and John and Mike all went to a party, we'd throw that vibe off real quick. What happened there?

But I remember we went to this party And David was like, hey, you want to hang out tonight or whatever? And so I like was like, sure. And he came over. I was literally in pajamas, like nothing, you know, whatever. Just thought we were gonna be like sitting in the cars driving around the neighborhood having a little good time. No, that's not what David had in mind. Like, he got some like text to go to some party in like bumblefuck nowhere.

Yeah, it was far.

And we pulled up to this party. We don't know a single person there.

I don't even—

I don't even think you know the person that sent you the address. But we went. It was someone's birthday, and they were also going to the military. It was their going away party, and we showed up.

I don't even think we knew it was like in his basement, and it was like a high school party. It was like 15-year-olds, 14-year-olds, and like 20-year-olds. It was like the weirdest fucking mix.

And it started out totally normal. Everyone just hanging out in the basement, talking to people, whatever. And then his family comes down. There's a bunch of like little kids running around, like children, and there's people partying, like drinking alcohol, whatever. And I don't know how we found out, but then a couple minutes later or whatever, we found out that it was a trap house. Like, this person's dad sold drugs out of this house.

So it's the fucking best party you could ever go to.

And I was like, okay, David, like, red flag. Like, we should go.

And he's like, no, no, that wasn't the red flag. The red flag was when the strippers walked in. The fucking— this is the first time I've ever seen a stripper in my life.

Yeah, we're 18. We're like, what the fuck is going on?

I don't even know if you're 18. I think we're—

oh yeah, I was 17.

Yeah, like, it was like all kids of all ages were at this fucking party. It was like Chuck E. Cheese but with strippers. Um, and yeah, these strippers just came down and we're just like, what the fuck? I've never fucking seen— I don't think I've ever seen boobs at this point. Like, this was like fucking big.

And then, um, we're all a bunch of kids, and so— and the strippers weren't getting paid. Like, no one brought like singles with them to like pay the strippers.

Yeah, I would have— listen, I would have stopped at the bank if I knew strippers were coming, 100%.

No one knew that there was gonna be strippers there. At least we didn't. And so the strippers, they were dancing for probably like 10 minutes, and they were like, fuck this, or whatever. They went to the back room and they're like, we're not dancing anymore. So this person—

because no one was throwing money, so they're pissed.

Yeah, this is how they're gonna make money. And the dad comes out, who is this big scary like drug dealing man.

Yeah.

And he was like, nobody's fucking leaving this place until these strippers get paid. Everybody pull your cash out right now.

And he closed the fucking door on us.

Locked us in the basement.

He locked us in the basement. He's like, someone's gotta pay these fucking strippers. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, like, like, and there's like a little window that's like, yeah, I'm just like, Natalie, we got the way we gotta get out. Um, yeah, it was bad.

How'd you get out? You had no cash?

No, I had a 9mm in my back pocket. Just shot it into the ceiling. I'm fucking leaving. Um, no, I don't know. People ended up paying the stripper.

Oh, you know what? And also, before the strippers came down, they confiscated everyone's cell phones too, so we didn't even have cell phones. Oh yeah, so we couldn't— and we were like locked in this basement with strippers.

Yeah, so we couldn't even sell these strippers or like Cash App these strippers. It was like, how are we supposed to pay them? Like, no one had a heads up that they were coming. They were a surprise. Like, how do you pay surprise strippers at a 16 16-year-old's birthday party.

It's a good point.

Oh my God, that was the craziest. And I was like, I don't even think I went out with David after that. I was like, what did you just get me into?

Yeah, we, we didn't hang out a lot in high school. I, I feel like it was only a couple times.

When you would have a night like that that was crazy, would you tell your parents what you did?

Um, very rarely. I like telling them like, like dangerous things, but like that was like not worth explaining to them. Like if I like got high, I'd be like, I smoked weed, and they'd be like, no you didn't. I remember, I remember actually the first time I told my dad I smoked weed. I think it's the only time, he goes, haha, nice try. So they never believed me.

To be fair, I didn't believe David either. He told me— he told me the first time he got high, and I was like, I was like, no, you didn't, you didn't do that, cuz I didn't even do it.

Bro, I got fucking high as shit when I was in high school. Like, like, that used to be my— the first time, actually only like 6 times, but like when you're in high school, that's a fucking lot because it was completely illegal to do it. And like, we'd have to hide in fucking— in like a cul-de-sac smoking in like if headlights came on us, it was like game over. And I remember the first time I smoked, yeah, we went to Taco Bell, I got a Beefy Crunch Burrito, bro, I will never fucking forget. And then we also went to, the first song I listened to was Collard Greens by Schoolboy Q. So it was like the best song to ever get high to. And then we went to Dunkin' Donuts where Nick Salerno was puking his brains out right by the car. The rest of us went in and the other half of us went around because Dunkin' Donuts throws out their donuts in a bag. So we were going to wait till they threw donuts out and then we claimed them all and then we brought them back. Nick's fucking puking his brains out, boy. We had a bag of like 300 donuts now. Um, so we hit it big. But yeah, no, I loved that. That was my favorite part about— dude, high school will never— like, there will never be anything— not— yeah, nothing can ever— that's why like I, I actually feel for people that like, like are homeschooled or like have never like gotten to feel or like are working from so like early on. Like, you know, like people like Justin Bieber that like got to miss like high school. Like, it's actually—

kids who missed their senior year this year, right?

Right. Yeah, that fucking— like, it's— this sucks cuz we're literally talking to a lot of senior— like, this is the podcast that people listen to, and I feel bad, but like, it is the best years of your life, and I'm so sorry you're missing it.

Well, for a lot of people it's not, and I know for me it wasn't, right? I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Oh, that's true. That's true.

I mean, like, there's— I think there's a lot of people that—

but I think that's why high school is so interesting, is like, is like, whether you hate it or not, like, it's gonna end. Like, what happens in high school will never dictate what happens in your— like, you know what I mean? You can be the coolest and you can be a loser in the future. And you can be the nerdiest and you can be the coolest in the future. That's what's so cool about high school is it's the only thing in life where you seriously get a refresh. Like you literally, in high school you can dabble and find out what the fuck you're doing or what you are. And then you get to hit a refresh button during college. And then you probably get to do it again when you graduate and you can keep doing it. But high school, it doesn't dictate who you're gonna be. You're just growing up and you're learning shit. So that's the best part about it. So even if you're having a bad time, It'll be over. You're good.

I feel like when I was in college, that was when I like met people like me. I met like funny guys and stuff. People, what'd you say?

I said hilarious dudes. I said losers. I'll be honest. I definitely said losers. But who'd you meet, bro? It's not that funny.

It is so funny.

The way you, the way you put the cup up, I, I was fully believing that you complimented me. The first thing you said was hilarious dudes, and I was like, oh, I was wrong. And then you said, no, I said losers.

It's so funny how many times, like, if you, like, edit all the compilations together of, like, how many times I've insulted you with the same insult and you found it the same amount of funny. Like, I've called you—

what do you mean?

Like, I've called you— no, like, it makes sense.

You mix them up.

Yeah, but I call you old as shit. I call you a loser. And I've said it, like, in probably similar ways, but, like, every podcast is once a week, so it's like it seems new every time I say it. But, like, if you were to add them all up, it's literally just me calling you a loser, like, maybe 50 times. And you're going, oh my God, maybe somebody should cut that together. Like, it's the first time I'm calling you one. Hey, oh yeah, big one coming from that side.

You know what, why is it when a girl burps it's like so cool?

Oh, actually, bro, I have the complete opposite story. There was this— there was this time we were— we went to— we went out. This was like, what, 2 years ago? We went out, we were at the— we were at the club, and like a couple girls came back with us to— I think it was Zane's place. Yeah, Zane's place. And one of the girls I like really liked. Anyway, we're sitting around Zane's house and I don't know what the fuck we're doing, but out of fucking nowhere this girl goes, dude, the biggest fucking burp.

The whole room like silent.

Like, I mean, you could tell just by Natalie's reaction like that I was bringing up the story, like the whole room went fucking quiet. There was like 30 of us in the room. Like it was a full party, but bro, the entire fucking room like just shut the fuck up and it was so scary.

And what'd she say?

Everyone got silent. It was super awkward. So I was just like, it was me.

It was like the manliest burp you'll ever hear. And this girl was like so tiny and sweet. So it was very confusing. Was she drunk?

No, I think it was just like she just had to burp and so she just burped and like she didn't think anything of it.

The next day, Natalie was like, what did you think of that girl? 'Cause like she thought she saw that I was interested in her. And then I was like, and then I was like, I was like, I think she's cool, but did you hear that fucking like, like, like sonic boom of a burp?

And I had no idea it was the girl that dated my neighbor's son.

Yeah, and Natalie goes, what? That came from her? And I was like, yeah. Like she remembered the fucking burp. Like it was like a, like it was like a bomb dropped at the party. That's really funny. That's so funny. Yeah, no, that was like a one time where I was like, I mean, the burp was insane. And I know it sounds like we're exaggerating, but when you were there, it was like a commercial burp, like something that you were trying— it almost felt like she was just trying to outdo her personal best.

Yeah, like someone else burped and she was just like, watch this.

Yeah, it was like a superhero burp. Like, the walls should have been—

It was a WandaVision burp.

Yeah, like all the walls should have collapsed in the house. Like, it was that amazing.

The FBI is trying to get in past the burp. She's holding the town hostage with the smell. Doesn't this feel like a— If you just look at this side of the screen, it looks like Wake Up Denver, you know what I mean? Like we're like on like a morning talk show.

Oh, totally.

Yeah.

And then over here, yeah, it's like we haven't decided what to do with the set. We're— so guys, for the audio listeners, we're in a set right now. You can watch all these podcasts on video. It's so great because we have fucking 6 HD cameras pointed at us. It's like, it's like a really cool change of pace. And these cameras are on throughout the night. They just like stay on for some reason. No one turns them off. Last night I came in here And just, I fucking, I couldn't resist it. I took my clothes off in front of the camera because I was so curious. No, I swear to God, I was actually, yeah, it wasn't last night, it was like 2 nights ago, but I was so curious because I was so curious what like my naked body like looks like on video because there's a little monitor where you can see yourself, right? And I was just like, what is like my penis? What is my butt? What does everything look like?

Roll back the footage.

No, you can't. They're not rolling, right? They're not rolling. Yeah, but they are on and they're displaying to the monitor and the best part is, is like one of the cameras actually projects into the living room. Yeah. So like if you're sitting in the living room, you can watch the video back. So luckily there's no one in the living room that saw me.

Nanny gets up for a cup of water.

Yeah. But, but no, yeah, I sit in front of the camera. It's so— it's such a bizarre experience because I think, I think, I don't know, 99% of humans have never stood in front of a camera butt naked.

And the camera add 15 pounds?

No, I was like— it was very like mirror-like, but it was like, it still felt like an image of me. Like it was very, very Strange. I didn't hate it. I didn't hate it. We did the Wheel of Dispo recently where we, where we drove around town with this Dispo wheel and you could either win a dollar or you could win a brand new Tesla. And we had 2 Teslas to give away. It was a lot of fucking fun. And we went to like a bunch of influencers' houses. Natalie went, how was it?

It was my favorite. I spent the whole day.

Why are you talking like you fucking hated it?

You like paused and then you went, you went like, it was because I love it.

Tell David you liked it.

Don't let him know that you hate yourself inside.

Natalie goes, it was my favorite. I spent the whole day driving around in a fucking bus.

It's just a very, very long day. Like, you know, and you have to talk to like a lot of people.

It's exhausting. Yeah. And if the wheel landed on a dollar, we donated $1,000 to United We Dream and we spun. We ended up spending like 27 times, 27 different people spun. So we were donating $27,000 to the United We Dream, which is pretty cool. But Natalie on her story, Natalie on her story accidentally put $28,000, which is— it's not a big deal at all. But like, it would have been funnier if it was like, like Dan from the CEO of Discpo called me. He's like, yeah, it was 27 spins, but Natalie put 28 on accident. So we're just going to pay the extra $1,000. Yeah, that's fine. But it's just like, could you imagine if like Natalie accidentally put like, you know, $128,000 or like $28 million or some fucking off number? Well, yeah, so that was a quick mistake, but it was really fun. So the way we do it is 2 people can win the cars, but we don't actually buy the cars. So the cars we were driving around with are the rentals. And then when you win, we order you the car. That way it's in your name and all that stuff. It's easier to transfer titles and stuff that way. So the cars we had were rentals. So we rented these cars and then we had And I didn't know that we were doing this. And I swear to God, sure. No, no, I didn't know. We rented two Teslas, the ones that like I like the configurations on. And then Natalie and Taylor and Ella took them to get the cars wrapped. So they took these cars that were other people's cars and they got them wrapped. As we were wrapping, it was being wrapped overnight to lime green because all the Teslas had to be lime green. The guy texted us, the guy that owned the Tesla, and he goes, hey, my window and my trunk is open. Is there any reason? It's because every door has to be open when you're wrapping a car.

Yeah.

And they're like, Oh, sorry, no, it just parked in my friend's garage. So like, we fucking lied to this guy about wrapping his car. I was like, what the fuck? And then came the day where I announced that we're doing this giveaway, and I showed off the Teslas, and Ella gets a call immediately. And, and it's a text, and it's like, by any chance, is my Tesla wrapped in lime green right now? And she goes, yes. And he goes, can you please keep it? I'm the biggest fan. And I got on the phone with him because I was like, fuck, I gotta talk to this guy. Like, this This is crazy. And I was like, listen, I'm so sorry, this is what we do, your car will be totally fine. And he was like, I don't care, if you wanna give it away, I'll buy another one, give mine away, I'd love to be a part of this. He was so fucking stoked. He's like, at the least, at the very least, can you just keep it wrapped for me when you give it back? Yeah, so we didn't even have to unwrap it when we gave it back to him, he just took it back lime green. But I thought it was so funny that this guy found out that his Tesla was wrapped. He's like, yeah, I saw Ella rented the car from me, and then I saw your Insta story, and I put all the dots together, and I was like, holy shit, my car's wrapped green. [Speaker] And what about the other car? And the other car would just return.

Okay.

But then Natalie and Ella, they decided to keep going. Oh, cuz you guys already promised to go to other people's houses.

Yeah, we had like a whole route planned out for the entire day.

Sure.

And the entire morning, like, we had so many spins, nobody was winning.

Nobody was winning. Even all our friends spun.

Yeah, I lost.

And I was like, if my friends win, they probably shouldn't win. But that wasn't even a problem cuz it landed on nobody winning. Um, but the entire morning no one was winning. And then they had the two winners, but they had to go to another house right after because I've been promising these people all day.

I was like, and we were behind because obviously it's a big setup, big production, and I was just, I felt so bad and I was like, we have to go. I was like, they probably won't win the Teslas, you know, whatever. And so we went and they ended up winning like 2 more Teslas, 2 more fucking people on the Teslas.

And I got a call and at first there was like Ella and Natalie really excited, they're like, the 2 Teslas were won! And then I got a call and like an hour later, 2 more were won! And I was like, I thought we only had 2. And they're like, well, we I think it's 4 now. So I, so we have to, we have to buy an additional 2, but it's great. Cause like everyone that won, like is either like they really needed a car or they're giving it to like a family member that like, oh good. Definitely needs a car. So it wasn't, nobody won it that was like a fucking millionaire and you know what I mean? Like the right people won it, which was sick. This guy made a TikTok about, uh, getting a cheap flight to Miami.

Yeah.

And it was about taking Spirit Airlines. Like Spirit Airlines is like obviously the cheapest way to fly. And all the comments are so fucking good. Like the top comments, y'all tripping, Spirit not even that bad. We just had to bring our own plane. So it goes, Spirit not that bad. The walk to Miami wasn't even that far from where we crashed. Spirit not that bad. We all just had to jump at the same time to get the plane off the ground. Spirit ain't that bad for real. They even landed the plane in the street right by the hotel. Spirit, not that bad. 4 penguins named Skipper, Private Rico, and Kowalski ran it. It's a reference to Madagascar. Spirit isn't bad. We just had to use our feet to stop the plane when it landed. This is a good one. It goes, Spirit Airlines is actually the safest to fly right now because they're the only ones with outdoor seating. That's really good, bro. It's so great that everybody agrees that Spirit is like a fucking janky-ass place to fly.

Does Spirit ever acknowledge that though? Like, do they ever like play in on this.

They should.

It's so funny.

Like, just like they should make a commercial where the plane's just going down.

That would probably be bad for business though. Yeah, it kind of makes sense why they wouldn't do that.

The plane's like going down, all the passengers are like, at least we saved all the money, or like something like that. Right? That's—

yeah, that's like that Burger King ad.

What happened with the Burger King ad?

Burger King UK tweeted—

oh, I saw that shit—

women should stay in the kitchen, or women belong in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, but they were trying to say that most chefs are— only 20% of the chefs are women. So they're saying we should hire more women.

Wait, so they— wait, wait, wait, they tweeted— they just tweeted— what did they just tweet?

Women belong in the kitchen.

Just that? Yeah. But was there an article following tweet?

Oh my fuck, kind of explained it, like, we're, you know, we need to hire more.

Do you think they did that on purpose?

Well, yeah, according to—

that's what I've heard.

Yeah, we were talking to somebody yesterday.

And you think that it was like intentional, like, to fucking get a stir out of people? Because it's like not the right thing to say no matter what.

Yeah, that's— I mean, I thought like maybe some guy was like, oh, this is funny, you know, and like, you know, trying to be funny. But it's also just like so wrong.

I can also see that getting by like 6 people at Burger King. Like, I could see like a room— like, I could see—

they didn't tweet it for US, they only tweeted at UK. Just testing the waters over there.

I feel like they knew before we bring this humor to America, let's see if it works over here.

It was also on International Women's Women's Day. That was their campaign they're running, right?

Oh shit, so this is like—

okay, but that's so crazy if they did do it on purpose and then got all these bad articles written about them, and then they were like, yep, that's exactly what we wanted.

How about, how about just Burger Queen? Oh, that's good, motherfucker! It's better than what they had. I've never seen a Burger Queen ad.

That is true.

No, like, actually, like, why don't they— whatever, I don't want to get into Burger Queen. Burger King specifics. I have security out here now.

Oh yeah.

The other day I ordered Postmates and I don't know why this was so crazy, but like my security stops everyone at the door no matter who they are and they walk up to the door with them. And he walked up with the Postmates guy and I opened the door and the Postmates guy hand is literally fucking shaking and he goes, I'm sorry. And then that's it. I always felt so bad.

Yeah.

And I was like, it's okay, I ordered this. And he was—

you should look up his name.

And well, I tipped him well.

Oh, you did?

No, I fucking said don't ever do that again. You know, you know, there's ways you can get tips over to them.

He probably has a phone number.

No, that was just fucking— I felt so bad.

That's really funny. The security guard doesn't walk me out, but the security's working.

Well, you're on the pre-approved list of And you're not a threat.

Do they have like a picture of me and stuff?

I think he just notices the limp and he's like, what is this guy gonna do?

I'm having hip surgery April 9th. What do you want from me?

Why do you keep promoting that hip surgery like it's a live show?

Meet and greets after, guys.

You talk about that shit.

I should wake up from the surgery in about an hour and be ready to sign anything you want.

You talk about every time you bring it up. You're like, it's April 9th, coming to a hospital near you.

You're also here like every day. I think he knows you by now.

You also have a bunch of different guys out there.

We don't fuck around, bro. We've gotten some threats.

I asked him the other day, I said, I said, you get bored out here? And he goes, no, I'm studying right now. And I said, oh, I said, so you're doing two things at once?

And he goes, yeah, yeah, but don't tell him that. But don't tell David.

No, he didn't say it at all. He said he's, he's, you know, who walked by?

Alex Ernst came the other day. Oh my God, fucking Alex Ernst walked right in. And then I go, how'd you get past security? And he goes, security? I go, are you fucking kidding me? And I had to go outside and be like, guys, the gate, watch the gate. Because the guy literally— but it turned out he was on the pre-approved list too. But I was like, how the fuck did he get past? I was like so confused. Ilya told me this story the other day that he learned from somewhere. So it's like botched to the second degree. So like, I'm going to mess it up. But Joe, you can add on to it because they talked about it on their podcast. Basically, there was this guy, they were on a ship and a big wave knocked over the ship and completely sunk the ship, but it kind of landed upside down. So like where you couldn't crawl out of, there wasn't it because the top of the ship was on the sea floor. So like all the doors were shut and all— like it was like 11 crew members on the ship died. They drowned except this one guy who, at the moment the wave hit, it was like 5 in the morning or something, he went to the bathroom and the bathroom like created an air pocket in the ship and he got to stay there and he stayed there for a little over 2 days. He was in this air pocket and he just sat there. And divers came the first day, but they couldn't get down there, they couldn't stay there long enough. So then on like the second or third day, new divers came to recover the bodies. And there's literal footage of these divers in the fucking water like going through the shipwreck, and then all of a sudden a fucking hand pops out and grabs one of the divers. And they're just going, he's alive, he's alive! And they fucking— they pulled him out. He stayed there for 3 days and he thought he was only there for 12 hours. But he was, he was just sitting there like for 3 days. And then when he came up, when they brought him up to see, he had to stay in like an incubator thing for like 2 days too because of the pressure, like in the water and everything, like fucked with his like cells or something. I don't know what it was, but like, yeah, fucking insane. I also just said this story in about 40 seconds, but like, this is a fucking insane story that like he had no idea. And he said that like all you can hear was like, all you would hear is like the ship hitting like you would hear the ship like, you know, creaking back and forth because waves were hitting it, and you would hear like fish eating the remains of the rest of the passengers on the ship. And that's fucking insane. And this dude fucking— this dude survived.

I don't know, this is real.

I swear to God, it's real. Joe, the video like fucked me up afterwards. Yeah, the video is terrifying. It was so scary because you see him like he's like on top of like shipwreck stuff and he's just sitting there in complete darkness literally for 3 days. It does.

Bro, that makes no sense.

It's really scary. Wow. And then he like, he like suffered from survivor's guilt, which I guess is like, it's like, why me?

What about the pressure at the bottom of the ocean too? Like, I don't understand how he was able to just chill there.

And I think it was the amount of air that was in there. Like, he got away with that. And then when he was— when they pulled him out of the wreck, like, he had to come up in stages. Like, it wasn't like he just plopped up and he was like, I'm back.

How deep was it?

Like, his ears would pop.

I don't know how deep it was. Not cuz his ears would pop. I think cuz he just fucking blew up.

His insides would probably explode.

Yeah, he was like under there for so long, it was just like completely Oh God, sorry. He had to like decompress. Like, imagine when you're coming from like space, like, you know, you got to like— there's like precautions you got to take. You got to go into like another tank to like get, get you back to Earth.

It's like when you take like a Sprite bottle and you like turn it upside down, right? And then like there's like a pocket of air. You ever seen that? Like, so it's like a cup of water.

What?

You ever done that when you were a kid?

No, no, I get it what you're saying, but I'm just not sure that's the same thing as his body.

Totally the same thing.

Was there for 3 days. Just comparing it to his experience with a Sprite bottle?

My 7th grade science class. What's your most simplest pleasure? Um, like, for me, cup of coffee in the morning. Incredible. Incredible.

I, I mean, just recently—

David's like, I fucking hate Jason.

No, I'm down. The people wanted more Jason in the pot. So I'm like, so here, go ahead, hang yourself. I'm all ears. Sorry, I was just looking at Joe and biting my lips. My simple pleasure, Marvel movies. I love watching movies. So yours is coffee, tell me about it.

Well, you know, I get up in the morning and I, as soon as I wake up, I go, motherfucker, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna make a cup of coffee and it's black.

What about you, imaginary guest?

I mean, I just really I recently, literally this week, started journaling in the morning.

Get the fuck out of here.

Really?

Journal about just like my life.

Can you read something for me?

What are you, like, like a diary?

Kind of like a diary. Like, I just want to like document everything. Like, one of my friends, one of my oldest friends, she was like, we had such an amazing week last week, so many awesome things were happening. She was like, I hope you're right, you're journaling so that one day like people can like relive like what you're going through, because our lives are so unique.

And so, you know, what about just Insta stories?

Those go away for 24 hours, right?

Not if you save them. You go to Analytics and you go to Archive.

That's your journaling.

Oh, but it's like therapeutic at the same time. Like me, you're like just sitting there with my own thoughts, just writing.

How long is it?

It depends. I mean, my first entry was like 8 pages.

Whoa, what? 8 pages? What were you journaling about? I know what it was. It's moving. You were sad.

No, no, no, you weren't sad.

It was just me.

Just you.

Natalie recently moved out of here.

I know.

And it was the first night when she was leaving and she was walking out the door and I was like, so you're going? And she was like, yeah, I'm going to my house. And I was like, what do I do? I was just sitting on the couch. It really felt so crazy. I was like, what do you want me to do? She's like, I don't know, go to bed, watch a movie. And I was like, I don't know, like, you want to stay for a little? She's like, no, I'm tired.

This house is great. And when I left last night, I felt bad for you.

It was— thank you.

I did. I walked back in. Yeah, to like say something to you.

And then I noticed that people have a hard time leaving, and I can feel that it's just for me. I'm leaving him here alone.

Yes, it's so— it's so big. Yeah, that I don't know if you'd want to be here alone.

Like it though, but like I also like don't like it. It's like this, like then when Ally left, I was like, hell yeah, I'm fucking— that's when I was like, sure, I'm gonna take my pants off and go in the podcast studio and whip my dick around. That's when I got that feeling, you know, like that's when I got excited. But yeah, anyway, back to journaling. So yeah, so what did you write?

Well, I wrote about— I was like, I really started off, I was like, what better time to start a journal than literally right now?

Oh, fuck this, bring it in here. Can I read the page? I'm so curious.

I say some bad things about— no, I'm just kidding.

I'm so curious what a journal is like. You have it here?

Yeah, I carry it with me.

Okay, let me read it. Okay, okay, okay, here it is. I have—

now I cannot believe that you're giving your journal over to David because I've just started it, so it's not like I've really gotten into the nitty-gritty.

And this is crazy, Nat. Her first line, it's really easy. Her first line is, I'm journaling. Finally! I've always wanted to start a journal for therapeutic reasons, but the same reasons that made me want to journal also pretended also prevented me from doing so. Anywhere here— anyway, this is hard to read. Your, your—

my handwriting's really sloppy.

Yeah, anywhere here— that's just me, it's a combo. Anyway, here I am, and what better time to start than literally what feels like has been the best week of my entire life. Oh, she goes, I think this is me peaking, hahaha. For starters, David and I started a disposable camera app a year and a half ago And now I run it. I am the CEO of it. David will burn in hell. It's called Dispo, and it is the digital disposable camera that is meant to restore joy, authenticity into photo-taking, sharing, and social media. Wow, that's really sweet. The best things tend to be unintentional, and I can say that for sure. The majority of my favorite life occasions have been unintentional, like falling in love with David when I first moved to LA.

Oh, wait a minute.

Matt, tell me when you want me to stop. When I walked in and I saw him shirtless spanning that—

Natalie, actually. Definitely. Now you know your You're lying because when I saw you shirtless, I did not fall in love. It's just like mumbo jumbo about like—

yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I announced that I am in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2021, although I agree that some of the other models are crazier and way uglier than me. No, this is sick. Okay, I just wanted to read like some parts just so like— oh my God, this is really sweet. Why are you so embarrassed?

What did I write?

You're so embarrassed. The ending is really sweet. She's talking about Sports Illustrated and she goes, they wanted to know Natalie, the businesswoman, entrepreneur, activist, influencer, creative, not Natalie the assistant. And that was really fucking cool. Now you got some balls for fucking letting me read that. That's pretty cool. But yeah, this is, this is fucking sick, Nat. Natalie's Journal. Natalie's Journal, now available worldwide and on Amazon. Natalie, congratulations. On this. My next guest comes from a long line of swimsuits.

Do you think your journals will become more expansive, like stories and stuff? And because that was, that was very like day one journaling.

Jesus Christ, you think it— you think this shit will get any better?

Man, I didn't think it was bad.

Yeah, but why you got to do that?

I'm not roasting post-seeing her. I'm saying it was very day— it literally was like a day one journal. I'm saying I wonder if it would get more expansive.

What do you mean more expansive?

Like, I don't know, like she'd tell the story that she told tonight on the podcast in more detail there.

Well, of course. I think that their first couple pages, like the origin story of the journal, you can't just dive into like—

It's not a Marvel movie.

Like, Todd blew cum into my eyes on accident today. You can't give the journal that.

Todd what?

I don't know. I don't know what the hell he's gonna journal about in fucking 4 months. Did you say Todd lubed in my eyes? No, blue coming to my house.

Oh, blue coming to my house.

That was a lot worse than what you said.

I don't think I've ever like shared this story, but have you guys ever had like— I've had a—

Yes.

What?

Oh no, no, I don't know why I thought you were going there. That's so weird. I thought you were going to like— this is— no, that's not where you're going. Never mind.

I'm sorry, what just happened?

I was thinking of something else. and I just jumped. Yes, I jumped to a conclusion because I was thinking of my own story and I was like, oh my God, this is the same thing, but it's not. Unless yours was about experimenting and fingering your butthole in the top. Wait, wait, was that what your thoughts. No, no, no. Oh my God.

I know.

No, I'm just like. I just remember when I was younger. Sorry, I don't want to derail your story here, but like when I was younger, I put one of my fingers up my butthole to experiment. But I thought. I don't know why I think you've derailed it.

I'm sorry. How was that even like, how did, how did I—

No idea. I think I just spaced out. What were you saying? Good news is my story didn't have much to it, so it's nice that I got to just punch it into the middle of yours. Continue. What's the rest of yours? Just one finger, by the way. And it was done and I know I didn't like it. You didn't like it? No. Okay. What are you going to say?

My story. I feel like everybody has like that one, like super weird, like hookup story or whatever.

Right.

And I only have one. It was Halloween, and that was— we were drinking, whatever, having a good time at a party. And at the party, we were like making out, like on the side of the party, like on the wall, which is like so not me. I don't just like randomly make out with somebody in the middle of a room of people. And I was like, okay, like this is about to go down, you know, whatever. And I left the party with him. We like walked back from this person's house back to like campus or whatever to go into his dorm.

This is the most interesting part for me. What did you say? Like, you want to go back to my place?

Oh no, I didn't instigate it.

Oh, sorry, I'm sorry, sorry. I'm not a whore.

No, I was just like, I don't really— I don't know exactly what exactly happened, but like, he like couldn't get hard, couldn't really like stay hard or something.

And so it happens, you know, it's a lot of guys actually.

And so it was just like kind of awkward. And like, as soon as, like, literally within the first 5 minutes, I was like, okay, this is like, this is just not like a good like, this isn't like a positive, like, situation. It was just like, hey, whatever. And I remember, like, he, like, took his, like, penis, and he was like, dude, look at what she's doing with her fingers.

And he, like, took his penis, like, it's like a little snail that he had around.

Yeah, he took his penis, and, like, I was just, like, laying there in bed like this, pretending like I was asleep, but I wasn't. And he, like, took his penis, and he, like, picked it up, and he, like, dropped it on my side.

Oh my God.

And then, like, I wasn't— I was like— I was just like, okay, whatever, like, he'll stop. I think he's just like really fucked up or something. And he did it like 3 or 4 times. I think he like wanted me to like wake up to like hook up with him.

Instead of going like this, he was just dropping his dick on you?

Yeah, that was his way of going, hey, literally. And then within like— and then he was like knocked out like within like 3 hours or something. And I was up the whole time.

Yeah.

And I just like snuck out. And then I like didn't really like talk to— I didn't sit next to him bio the next day. I didn't really talk to him. It was just like super awkward.

How did you— when you were leaving, did you drop your tit on him to say goodbye? All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. You guys for listening. Thank you, Jason and Natalie. Thank you, David, for being here. It was a blast. Make sure to go follow all their social medias. Go check out Natalie's entrepreneurial moves that she's making.

And Journal will be coming to a store near you.

Journal will be coming to a store near you. We'll see you guys soon. My name is Jeff. Bye!

Dating somebody? Yeah, you do.

What do you mean? Why are you asking me like you've had a choice?