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What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason's back. We just renewed his contract for another week.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited. I see that it has been dropped to 27% of the podcast.

Jason now gets 27% of the earnings because he missed last week and he made me do a podcast with Natalie and he knows how much I hate conversating with her and how— imagine me doing that for an hour. No, I'm kidding. It was fun. But let's roll the intro music and let's get right into the news. Okay guys, in San Bernardino today there is news of a whale washing up on shore.

Hi, I'm on the scene. How are you, David? This is quite a sight. Thank you for sending me here.

We have the whale here. She's going to tell us something. Okay, how did you wash up on shore?

Okay, I speak whale, David.

What did she say?

She basically took a wrong left turn.

Okay guys, let's get into the Actual Views Podcast where I'm David, that's Jason, we just talk about stuff. Jay, how was your week?

Oh, it was great, man. It was so nice just coming back home to you guys. I've been touring.

Yeah guys, Jason— I came home from, uh, I was in— where were we? Uh, I was in a different city.

Auburn.

I was in Alabama and, um, and we came home and Jason had a surprise for us. And he decorated my home in Christmas-like decorations, even though it's—

it hasn't—

it's not even close to Thanksgiving yet. Like, that's how far off he is from Christmas. And he got me a fake tree, and he knows how much I love real trees. He tried getting me a real tree, but none of the places sold real trees yet because it was too early. You think at that moment Jason would stop and be like, maybe I shouldn't decorate his house in Christmas stuff yet.

Um, but no, it's nice in here. Even Natalie said—

no, I love Christmas decorations, so it's great. It is crazy though that you decorated it 2 months ahead of time.

Well, you know, my parents were really late to it because they were poor, and they would like get the tree on like the 24th.

So you're compensating for it?

Yes, as always with everything in my life. I had a—

well, no, I do.

I genuinely take it out on you.

I do love— I do love the Christmas.

I think it's fun. We get it started early. Now you walk in, then Natalie walks in and she sees it, right? She walks in today and she goes— she goes I need to get David something.

Speaking of parents and their decision-making processes, um, processes, um, I found out recently— how old is your kid Wyatt?

He said— I don't know how old he is now. Does he know? I think he's— and then hold on, let me Google it. 13.

Okay, so Jason's son is 13 years old. I just found this the other day. Carly and Aaron are here joining us.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Yeah, um, I'm also the whale. Check out their merch.

Um, I found this out. Um, this is interesting. The school that they're looking at for Wyatt to go to— it's a private school.

There we go.

Yeah, well, Jason said bring this up on the podcast, so I'm bringing it up— is $40,000 a year.

Oh my God. And then you have to go to college too.

Yeah.

And that's not college, he's 13 years old.

I know.

So what grade is that?

Going into high school.

He's going into high school. Yeah. Freshman year of high school is $40,000.

Yeah, he was telling us today they have to have an interview to even go to high school.

I had 2 interviews today.

That's cool. What are the interviews about? Do you smoke pot?

Yeah, they just, they just want to see if you're like a good fit. And listen, we're also looking at public schools that are free.

Okay, that's crazy to me is like, is like where I'm from, choosing a private school over public school is like so unheard of. Everyone just—

where I'm from, owning a Ferrari and a Tesla is unheard of.

Well, sure. Yes, I understand. But, but Aaron, explain this to me. What's your thought process?

What makes you a good fit? How do they decide? Like, are they going to Google you, like, always friends with David Dobrik, or they can come in?

Some of the schools— some of the schools are, um, stronger in the arts. Um, some of the schools are stronger in sports. Some of the schools are more academically challenging, so you have to like be accepted. Sure. Some of the schools are, um, they're audition-based. He literally has to— he, he has to, you perform to get into the performing arts.

Why not just send him to public school and have him figure it out?

Because, I mean, we're in LA, okay? And it's definitely an option, Dave, believe me. I think about it all the time. But I, you know, I want to give him the best that I can give him. And if— listen, every kid is different, okay? Wyatt's— you know Wyatt is a different kid. Yeah, you know, he's not like other kids. He's special.

Say it.

He's very, you know, He's like, he's just, he thinks a lot, you know, he's a thinker. He has a lot of ideas.

He's a nerd.

Well, he's into—

he likes to think and fill out books.

Okay, check it out. So I went to a school today, right? They have an entire robotics arm, okay, of— you basically can go in. They had 3D printers. These guys, they built hydrogen engines for cars.

Um, one of the schools, like, engines that run on water.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah, like, it's—

and this is in high school?

This is in high school. Some of the schools you can go away for, like, for example, um, you know, you go— like, he, he's into jazz, so one of the schools you can go to New Orleans for 2 weeks and study jazz and go to jazz shows and work with jazz musicians.

Would you also have to pay for that, or is that included in the 4?

No, you gotta pay. Of course you gotta pay. Yeah, you gotta pay for that too.

That's crazy. And what are— what are the fucking school lunches like? What do you do?

Here's the, here's the good thing. Oh, well, some of the schools do have some, some vendors that they bring in.

Really?

Yeah.

So they'll have like, they'll have like Mendocino Farms.

Yeah. They'll have like California Chicken Cafe one day or something like that.

Oh my fucking goodness. Like actual restaurants.

Yeah, but that's not why we're going there.

I understand. But like, but like, but, but aren't— but is it— isn't, isn't part of you like, like that's not how you went to school, so you don't want to do it that way?

Yes, totally. And we had this conversation with Casey. It's like, I could send him to the high school that he's supposed to go to.

Like, I want to—

he'll be in school with 40 kids in a class, 50 kids in a class. It's not— David, it's not Vernon Hills. We are not in Vernon Hills. I've been to Vernon Hills High School. It is really plush. It is the nicest public school I've ever seen in my life.

Yes.

So stop looking through it through that lens. We're in LA.

I'm not looking through that. We lived by some really shady neighborhoods.

Oh yeah, I've seen Libertyville. It's so tough.

It's not Libertyville.

Oh my God, I'm just saying, we have two pizza places.

No, I'm just saying, I, we had friends that went to school in the heart of Chicago and went to high school.

Friends of yours went to the school in the bad part of Chicago? Bullshit. Natalie's sipping her tea out of a kitty cat mug. Give me a break.

No, I mean, it's true. I just think, I just think it's kind of the thing.

Listen, I understand what you're saying and believe me, I think about it too. Like, yeah, don't you want to? It's a great debate. You wanna send your kids into a real experience and make, toughen them up and make them tough? Or do you wanna give them the best possible chance to get into college and to learn and to be the smartest person they can be? It's a tough debate. And, but I think when you get to be my age and you're in LA and you've got kids, you'll probably look at private schools too.

Well, you could also say the same thing about like a college education, right? It's like, what are you getting? You're just getting like, you're going to school, academics and things like that. Like why are people paying an arm and a leg to go to college?

True.

Why isn't college free like a public school? Right.

That's a great point. That, yeah.

Thank you, guys. Before, before the rest of the podcast continues, I want to let you guys know that from November 23rd to December 2nd, Fanjoy is cutting all the prices on the merch by up to 40% off. There's a huge, huge sale that we're gonna have for Black Friday, so get ready, get all your money ready.

Whoa, are you throwing a sale, Jay?

I wouldn't even say throwing a sale, I'd say throwing away all the merch because it's gonna be that cheap.

Wow, those— these prices sound insane.

Nuts. Let's get back to the podcast.

Okay, my merch is on sale too. I had a bad interaction with one of my idols.

What happened, Jay?

I was doing a show.

What did Natalie say?

I asked her to be in my sit-down video. She said no. Um, I, I was doing a show in Boston. It was an 8 o'clock show, and I was like, okay, cool. And then the day before, they, they added, um, a 10 o'clock show of Bill Burr.

Oh, get the fuck out.

Yeah.

Oh shit.

And I, I'm not— he's not my idol, but like, yeah, he's great.

Everyone loves Bill.

I really, really like— and his last special was so good. And, uh, So I was like, it was in my head the whole night. I was like, oh man, I know I'm gonna run into him, like what's gonna happen? And, and, uh, so I got off stage and I, I ran to the, to the dressing room because I knew he'd already be there.

Oh, like you ran to go meet him?

I ran. Yeah.

Oh, you wanted to, you didn't want to like avoid him?

No, which I guess that's an interesting thing that you said. Would that be your instinct?

No, I don't know. Yeah, it would have been a little bit on the fence. Like I was around Robert Downey Jr. this past week and I was trying to avoid him because I was so nervous.

You were?

Yeah.

Yeah, I, I don't, I wouldn't I don't know what to say to Robert Downey Jr. either. But so anyways, I ran backstage and I like get into the green room and my mom's there chatting his ear off, you know, like, oh, where you from? And, uh, and like, and I could see that like he was not in the best mood.

Oh boy.

But that's like also not— that's also his character too, which is like kind of grumpy. And like, that's when he's funniest is when he's like pissed off.

Sure.

So he's like slumped in his chair And he's just kind of like, ah. And then I walked in. This is what I said. I was so stupid. I go, I go, hey. I go, I go, I gotta tell you, I don't get excited to meet too many people like that. And he went, he went, ah, get the fuck out of here. He goes, he goes, he goes, ah, don't watch me tonight. I'm gonna fucking bomb because I ate shit last night like that. And I was like, oh, okay, okay, like that. And then, and then, uh, that was kind of awkward. And then I go, I go, I go, I go, I really like this, this part in the special. I told him, and then he went like, oh yeah, okay, well, thanks, man, like that. And then I was like, oh, get a picture, get a picture. Oh no, that's my inner monologue. Get a picture with him, it'll be great on your Instagram. And then, uh, but then I was like, I didn't. I was like, I was like, okay, well, we gotta go. Let's talk to you later. I didn't ask for a picture or anything. But like, that doesn't seem bad.

Yeah, that was not a bad interaction at all.

I know, but I just wanted to— I guess it wasn't bad.

You just wanted to tell us that I wanted it to go better.

That's all.

Sure. Yeah.

You didn't think it was bad?

No, that was like the most normal interaction ever. You literally said it. So I saw him and I said hello, and he goes, hello. And then I responded and he said, cool. Like, that was the most normal interaction.

Really?

Yeah. So you fucking kidding me?

I think in my mind I wanted him to be like, hey, what are you? Who are you? What do you do? But he didn't.

I think you just wanted to tell us that you talked.

I was trying to tell a fucking story for the podcast that maybe would spark something, be interesting. You know, I'll just be quiet for the rest.

You love Bill Burr.

Talk about Iron Man again. Go ahead.

Okay, great. So, no, but I actually, I was at the People's Choice Awards. Oh, first of all, I won a People's Choice Award, which I want to say thank you.

Congratulations. David wins something every fucking day now. I know, because 2 days later he won Sexiest Man Alive.

No, I didn't. I won Sexiest Heartthrob. John Legend won that. People are pretty upset about me winning Heartthrob.

What did they say?

What the fuck? Because I beat, like, Shawn Mendes and Harry Styles, which are two of probably the sexiest people that have ever walked the earth.

Isn't that crazy? How do you feel?

I mean, what do you mean how I feel? They didn't— they don't care, right? Like, the only reason I won is because Jason made out— Jason made a dedicated video promoting.

That's not true.

Promoting me to win.

By the time I posted it.

Oh, the voting was closed on your own. I don't know. Regardless. No, I mean, it's really cool that I won. It's super exciting because it's like, it's obviously— it was kind of like a joke. You know what I mean? Like, people just did it like, hey, let's wear that.

You're not.

Yeah. Like, he's obviously not like physically sexier than these guys.

Aspect of people's sexiest man alive at all. I don't like people making a joke about it. I want to, I want to harken back to the old days.

It's like when you, it's like when you vote for your friend to win prom king, even though like it's just to fuck with him. Like just because he like hates that shit and you make him win prom king. It's exactly that type of stuff.

I don't like the self-awareness. I want people to take it really seriously.

What do you mean?

I just don't like it.

You want me to take what seriously?

I just want people to like— I want people to be like, that's fucking right.

David's the sexiest.

Fucking sexy.

That's what I do. People do think that, right?

Well, no, I mean, I—

you are sexy.

I mean, thank you, Jay. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

I mean, what did I just say?

Sorry. Yeah, no. So I was at the People's Choice Awards and I had the same security guy that I had at Teen Choice, right? And he knows how much I love Robert Downey Jr. And he's like, you know, Iron Man's here today. And I was like, what the fuck? He's here, right? And he's like, yeah, I'm gonna get you when I see him. I was like, no, no, please don't, please don't. And then we're sitting at our table and he comes up and he taps me on the shoulder, the security guard is like, come with me, I know where he is. And I was like, no, no, no, I'm so nervous. And then he took me backstage and I was literally a foot away from him and I just chickened out. I was like, I can't do it, I cannot. 'Cause what could I possibly say, right? Like I wanna get a picture with him, but what could I possibly say? That would redeem myself from last time.

I don't think last time was as bad as you thought.

It was dressed up as you for Halloween.

I dressed up as you for Halloween. Yeah, he would have loved that.

That's it. The other thing too, like with the Bill Burr thing, is like I put— I then afterwards I like put myself in his shoes. Like I'm the same way. Like if somebody comes up to me like before a show, like I'm nervous and stuff. Like, so I was like, I don't know what I expected from the interaction.

Jay, you keep harping on this like this was like the love of your life and it didn't go differently. What are you fucking talking about, bro? I don't even want to I don't want to talk about it because it was like the most normal interaction I've ever heard.

I guess so.

Yeah, we went— we were in— we were in Alabama and we had to drive from the Atlanta airport to get there.

Yeah.

And we like—

I don't know the exact times, but we left the airport to drive from Atlanta to Alabama.

Yeah, it was like an hour and a half.

It was like an hour and a half drive.

Oh my God. And college gigs that you guys take, they take so long. They're in the middle of nowhere.

Listen, we were in the car like— we were in the car like 10:30. Right.

Yeah.

Yeah. And then we drove for like, I don't know, an hour. Who knows? We drove for like an hour. We got to the hotel and Carly goes, yo, what the fuck happened? Why is it 10:26? Because we crossed over the time zone. So we drove over the time zone. But like, that, that makes me really confused because like, I don't understand.

If you saw yourselves, saw ourselves. Yeah.

Oh yeah.

What we're talking about, if you had a job.

Yeah.

Like in one of those places, like what time do you go?

Like, like We drove over the time zone, and we know exactly where we drove over. There was a big Kia, like Kia factory where they make the cars. So those people in the factory, like what the fuck? The guy must wake up and he goes, it's probably 10:30, and they're like, when do you have work? And he's like, 10:00 AM. And the guy's like, but it's 10:30. I know, I have about 30 minutes. Like how the fuck do you do that? When you're living on the time zone, what time do you follow?

The same thing when we turn the clocks back. Like, you know, it's 5:30.

Well, you follow whatever time you're in.

So like, yeah, but let's say you're right on the border and your school's on the other side.

Well, you go by the school's time.

Go by the school's time, man.

That's crazy. I don't know if I like that.

And then I wouldn't— I wouldn't— I wouldn't recommend it.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. How's this? How's this? You live on one side, right? You live on one side of the time zone. And then your school's on the other side of the time zone, and you meet someone, you meet new friends in your school all the time, and they're like, come by at 7. And now you're like, where do you fucking live? Do you live by my house or the school? Because I don't know what 7 is, you know what I mean?

My 7 or your 7?

Like, like, and then now you have to find out from people what time zone they live in. Be like, you live in Central? You live in Central? Because then I'll be there at 7. If not, I'll be there at 6. Yeah, like, that's fucking weird.

Have you ever had a phone call with New York and And they go 7 o'clock, they go 4 PM, they go 4, they go 10, and you go Eastern.

Yeah, that's different. But those are phone calls. But like, imagine going to the school with the same people. I don't know, it just—

there's got to be so many because imagine how many different time zones.

Like, the most amount of divorces must happen at time zone locations because imagine your wife goes, pick the kids up at 4, and you're like, done. And then you're there at 3, or you're there at 5, and all of a sudden, why the fuck did you pick up the kids? It's been an hour. Honey, I'm here on time. I'm here early. No, you got the wrong time zone.

I went and played a comedy club and the owner is like, like kind of mob bossy.

Yeah, a tough guy.

Talks like this.

Yeah.

You know, and very like kind of right out of The Sopranos. So then he gave me, he gave me his security guard for the weekend. So he took me to the show in New Jersey the next night and the owner of the club comes in and he's like, he's like a real firecracker, like Irish guy. And he's like, he's like, he's like, oh yeah, he's like, he's like, you work at Governor's, right? And he's like, yeah, I work at Governor's, I do security. And he goes, he goes, he goes, oh yeah, he goes, I'm opening up a comedy club right by Governor's. Like that. And he's like, you're opening a comedy club by Governor's? Like, and we all knew like, this is fucking— you do not do that. You do not open a comedy club around Governor's, you know what I mean?

Because another comedy club?

Yeah, that's competition. Like, that's fucking bad.

Sure.

Bad, bad. So security got Ozzy sitting there and he's like, oh, no kidding. He's like, oh yeah, yeah. He's like, beautiful. We're opening one in Bridgeport, doing a Stress Factory in Bridgeport. We're doing one here and then we're doing one right in Long Island, right in Jericho. And, uh, he goes, he goes, huh, no kidding, huh, really? He goes, oh yeah, you should see it, most beautiful room ever. He goes, and only the best comics are coming. We got them all. He goes, Bill Burr, Sebastian, uh, Chris Rock's coming in opening night. And, uh, and Ozzy's going He goes, "Right in Jericho, about 5 minutes away from Governor's." Like that. And he goes, "Huh, really?" Like that. And he goes, "Ah, I'm just fucking with you." Like that. And everybody was like, "Oh God." Because you knew that like this guy was a fucking dead man if he were to open a club.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, it was pretty good. Pretty good gag.

That is funny. What is up with ice cream being so delicious?

I'm sure you want to attack this on the podcast right now.

You know what I've recently done? Um, I was telling you earlier, I've accepted ice cream and brownies into my life.

You know, when you said that earlier, I just imagined you like 350 pounds in like a year. Yeah, I, I wanted it to happen so badly. I could ever have a time machine.

Well, I was just thinking about it because like, like normally I would put off brownies and ice cream But now I've like, I've fully gone into that. That's my meal. Like, that is my dessert. And I can—

How can that be your dinner?

Treats.

Yeah, treats.

This is what I've been saying.

Treats. Yeah.

Big bowl.

Because you're going to die soon and I'm going to die soon. Literally, you'd never know when we can die. Imagine, imagine you get struck by lightning as you walk out of here and you're fucking dead and you're in heaven. And God goes, what'd you eat last? And then you go, I had a salad from Tender Greens. He's gonna go, you fucking idiot! You fucking idiot! I've known you were gonna die on this day in the last couple years. I saw you trying to eat healthy.

Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you give me a sign?

Like, imagine if— imagine like you got to get to heaven and God goes, what did you eat last? And you gotta go, I had a Big Mac and a big bowl of fucking ice cream. And God goes, that's how you did— that's how you do life.

What if there's Big Macs in heaven? What if there's ice cream in heaven?

Well, this is a different— this is a different thing. I don't want want to get into right now about whether or not there are fast food chains.

I call bullshit. Let me tell you something, on this whole fucking premise, I can't even believe you have the audacity to try to fool your listeners right now. Because the truth is, what's going on is you said yes to brownies and ice cream ever since you hired Taylor, and that's the only reason. Well, yes, you wouldn't be getting up and pouring yourself ice cream at all.

Well, that's what it is.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so Taylor, our new assistant, she does this thing. She does— she does this thing where she'll get us scoops of ice cream.

Just gets you food and does nothing else the entire day. That's the thing that she does.

No, no, she'll get us vanilla ice cream, and then on top of it, she'll fucking really want to fuck with like our insides. So she'll go and she'll make these delicious chocolate brownies, and she'll throw them right on. And the brownies are perfect because they're melting away at the ice cream, so it's like a little battle right in front of you as you spoon in. It's like fucking— it's fire and ice and meeting at my mouth.

I thought I liked food.

You do, sweetie. You do.

Excuse me, sweetie.

Do not sweetie me.

That's the second time I've called you sweetie on this podcast, and I never call you sweetie in real life.

It's just a lie.

I don't know what it is, but I guess I don't know what it is about speaking to the public where I wanted them to think that I am in love with you, Natalie.

Oh, well, no, sweetie. I talk to you like you're a little dumb girl. Like, sweetie, excuse me, sweetie.

Like, you know, sweaty, condescending, doing like Twitter. No, I'm doing—

no, no, no, I'm doing like old lady at like, at like a pub that's like Talking down to all the kids.

That's what you're doing right now? You're at a pub, you're an old lady.

Sweetie, maybe you should keep that to yourself. Like that.

I thought it was misogynist dictator.

Easily misconstrued, Jason.

No, that was last week.

You know what I like about you, David?

My ass.

Well, now that you're talking about it.

Now you do like my butt. Carly and Aaron said that if we had kids, it would just be one of the biggest booty babies.

The biggest booty babies.

The kid wouldn't have a face, he'd just have an ass.

Like narwhal. It'd be an ass for a face.

2 legs and an ass. Do I get— what was your question that you were saying earlier? No, I don't get ass injections.

Would you ever?

Of course.

Would you ever get any plastic surgery?

No.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I would. I wanna, I wanna cut this thing off my ear. I've talked about it. I've actually had Natalie set up appointments for it and she never has done it.

What else are we going to talk about? You had something else to talk about, I think.

I have another fun fact.

What, Natalie? Um, did you know that I can swallow 7 nothings at once?

Probably could do that too. Um, Um, so I read this the other day on the internet, and so it's true. Well, it is true, I think. So the brain had to, had to name itself. You ever think about that? The brain had to name itself because that's where all of our origins have come from. And when it did name itself, it was surprised. Like, it was like, oh, I'm the brain, you know? Like, it just didn't even recognize—

explain that so wrong. You explain that so wrong. You go You go, Jason, did you know the brain named itself?

Yeah.

And that's crazy.

Yeah.

And then, and then your brain was also surprised when it found out it named itself.

Yeah.

It doesn't work with Jason because he's not— he doesn't have any, like, lust for, like, fun facts.

I do. I like the way Natalie said it, actually.

No, because it doesn't work. Because you weren't— you weren't surprised when the brain named itself because you don't care.

Are you guys on fucking crystal meth? What are you talking about? The two of you sound insane right now. Carly, jump in here. What was insane? The two of them.

You guys spent vacations.

Listen, here's what I'm thinking about doing, and I wanted to make a real, uh, this is serious.

Is this a job offer? Were you about to say offer?

So this is an offer to you guys.

Okay.

I think I would like to go away for a couple months, not leave LA, but experience life Outside of— outside of this.

You know how miserable that would be?

And then when I come back, I'm gonna have new people to vlog with, new ideas, new things. I think— I think we're getting stagnant.

No, I think you're crazy. You think that would be so miserable to— if I was like, I'm gonna go and do something else for the next 4 months, that'd be so boring.

I'm not gonna do anything else.

You're not— you're gonna do nothing?

Yeah, I'm gonna go—

you know what the worst part about that is?

What?

Then you go to a bar and you meet somebody and you really like them and you go, cool, let's go hang out tomorrow. And they go, oh, I have work. And then you meet another person, you like them, and they go, oh, I have work, right? And then you're like, I'm the only person without a purpose anymore. And then you're going to come right back.

That's not true.

Interesting. It is true now because they have work until 5 p.m. What are you going to sit around all day? You're not going to like it.

You're not going to have free weekends.

What if I meet a biker gang and suddenly I'm hanging out with a biker gang?

Wait, do biker gangs not work?

Biker gangs don't work.

Wait, what do you mean?

Biker gangs don't work. They're a gang. They steal.

How do they make money?

They steal. They come up with schemes. They beat people up.

Well, I thought biker gangs are good people. They always visit children's hospitals around the country and on their bikes.

What kind of biker gang are you talking about? I'm talking about guys that fucking do illegal shit that we can get in the vlog.

Wait, wait, wait. Are biker gangs good or bad people?

Well, there's weekend biker gangs and then there's, there's biker gangs like the ones that have the left, the one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like those, those guys are bad guys.

Yeah.

Like Sons of Anarchy. They're criminals.

Oh, I thought they looked— they're like the guardians of the highway.

They are. They have a set of rules that they live by. They're not horrible people, but they do break the law.

Wow.

Yeah.

Hey, the other day, um, Jason has like this idea. Jason has a bunch of ideas. Jason has a bunch of ideas to give me for the vlog, and sometimes he'll even go, hey David, don't worry about the vlog this week because I have it handled. So fuck you, you're embellishing like No, so that's basically the call I got the other day. Jason was like, I have something really funny for Tuesday's vlog. Don't worry, this is actually gonna be funny.

I didn't call you and tell you about it.

No, you told this to Natalie.

I told Natalie I have a killer idea.

Yeah, you said you had a killer idea. And then I got here and I had to go to Alabama, so I'm like, let's try to get the bit done early. And he's like, I can't tell you because she lands tomorrow. I was like, okay, well I may not be here, so just tell me anyway. And maybe we could do it a day earlier or whatever. And tell me what the bit idea was.

Okay, I was contacted by an andrologist.

Andrologist, that's all I wanted you to say 'cause I didn't know how to pronounce that word. Basically he had—

I didn't know what andrologist was either, but go ahead.

Yeah, so basically the bit idea was he hired an andrologist to come and study our sperm, and the andrologist would tell us who has the strongest sperm. That was his vlog idea. And he was gonna give $5,000 to the person with the strongest sperm. So I was like, Jay, you didn't think this out at all. First of all, Jason bleeps out any swear word on his channel, or anytime anybody even says anything sexual because he doesn't want to get demonetized. So now he's gonna have someone cum who literally all they talk about is jizz, sperm, and cum and semen. And like, and then he's not only that, but he has to have all of us in the friend group cum in a cup. Like, did you just expect like me and Jonah to go separate bathrooms and masturbate while you're waiting for me so you can find out if my sperm can swim?

Hang on, what now? I know for a fact that Brandon would have done it. I know Dean would have done it for $5,000, a chance at $5,000. I bet Jonah would have done it for a chance at $5,000.

It's honestly, it's not even about who would have done it. It's just kind of gross.

The thought of people saying it wasn't the best idea.

Of course it wasn't. But the craziest part about it was how gung-ho you were about it, how convinced you were.

You were like, everybody— he set up a group chat with everybody.

Yeah.

Everyone be at David C. tomorrow at 11. I have this really great bit idea. Don't worry, Natalie.

I told Jason that the best part about that bit is how bad it is. Like when he turns the camera on and he tells everybody, like, I would love— I would love to see the reaction of everybody in the room go, what the fuck? You want me to go jerk off in this fucking red Solo cup?

No. This is what happens when I'm on the road and I'm in my hotel room and someone masturbating gives me an idea.

Yeah, Jason's masturbating all day. He's like, how can I turn this into work? I'm like, oh, that's right, I could get all my friends to DM me.

And then I got it and I was like, I need something for Monday. So I was like, oh, this could be good. No, I still think there's something there. I mean, that's what happens. You get a lot of ideas. We do a lot of ideas. And this was something that was kind of untouched for obvious reasons. No pun intended, because no one wanted it.

Yeah, whatever. Anyway, hey, you win some and you lose some. Do you hear about that guy who got his whole left side shot off? And now he's all right now.

That's a really good one, Dave.

I knew that. I've heard that joke probably a million times, but I couldn't remember.

Why can't you play games with anybody in the jungle?

Why?

Well, because there's a lot of cheetahs.

Oh, our writer Toby Dobrik is here, my 6-year-old brother.

Um, he's not 6.

So I understand they're taking away likes on Instagram. We just had some news come over here at the Views news desk. Yeah, what happened?

Well, apparently there's word that Instagram's taking away the likes.

We're not worried about it, it just happened.

Yeah, so Instagram has taken away the likes officially. This is a pretty big thing for us influencers because our living is kind of based on our likes. So like when a brand views our likes, they know exactly if they should even come with— come to us with a deal, right? How much money, how much money they should offer. Like this is a big deal that they're taking away the likes. It's kind of confusing. I think the main reason is for fucking internet bullying. What is it?

Well, Instagram is saying it's, you know, to make it so kids don't feel bad when they don't get a lot of likes, which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Because if you're going to— if you're worried about mental health, get rid of the fucking comments. Yeah, those are the most brutal things in the world. Keep the likes. It's a fucking button. The comments are what's fucking killing people. Yeah, like, that makes no sense. There's also, like, rumors that it could just be because Instagram wants to make money on their own. So they're taking away everybody's likes so that brands have to come directly to Instagram to advertise with them. I'm not sure if I believe that. I don't think Instagram is that, like, money hungry where they're doing something like that.

You don't think so? No, no, I don't think a major corporation isn't money hungry.

No, no, I think, I think why they're doing it, it's a major corporation and I think they're doing it for good press.

Like, I think they're like, we're taking away the likes for mental health, but let's, let's Yeah, but let's be honest, if they weren't making money, if they thought it was going to hurt their bottom line, they would never ever take it away.

No, it's not going to hurt them.

Oh, it is definitely going to hurt them without question. I, I'm not going to like anything anymore.

I don't think it's like that. I think you still will.

I don't, and I don't, and I think it takes all the fun out of it. Even, even my ex-wife, right, she has a small Instagram account, whatever, and she posts to her friends or whatever, and she'll come to me like when I go pick up the kids, she's like, oh, look at my post. It got 300 likes. I'm like, oh, that's cool. You know what I mean? Like, it takes the fun away.

It is from Instagram. We're also— we also have a very unique perspective where it's like the likes literally fuel our career. So we're a little bit biased.

We're totally biased.

But at the same time, I really like the mental health argument. I do have such a hard time understanding.

Take away the comments then.

Yeah, don't have comments there because I don't know. I don't know.

I would.

Yeah.

Oh, let's see. I don't know. I mean, I'm trying to think like in high school, no one liked my post, but someone also called me a fat piece of shit. I mean, like, it makes no sense.

I feel like you need like people to do well and people to see that and like want to do well too. Yeah, it's like a balance, you know, balance with everything.

When I was growing up, like I've used this example before, like I would play with Toyota— I wouldn't play with Toyota Camrys, I'd play with toy Ferraris or toy Lamborghinis. Like I wasn't, I wasn't looking or playing or like being entertained by the ordinary. Like I liked, I liked to see things that were like crazy or bizarre or out there. So when I see When I see an egg get 32 million likes on Instagram, like, that's entertaining to me. When I see Kylie Jenner get 10 million likes on a kid with her baby, like, I— that's entertaining to me. Like, I'm like, wow, there's so many people that love this girl. Like, I don't know. But, but then again, I guess it also sets like the standard where it's like, okay, this person gets this many likes, so I have to be more like this person. Which I guess that's the side we're not looking at. Like, like, okay, uh, this is not true at all, but Tyga just set a house on fire and he got this many likes. 'So I need to go do that now and get that many likes too,' you know what I mean? So like, there's that angle that I also see where like people are doing things just for likes, which is— which I get, but that's like, it's, it's like it's babying everyone too much, I feel like.

I think it speaks to a larger conversation too, which is that now all these platforms are becoming so mainstream, you're going to see a lot of changes in the next couple years. A lot of changes.

Yeah, but that's the thing, YouTube—

they said YouTube's going to take away views. I've heard that.

No, you haven't.

I have. I've heard that.

You have not heard YouTube's going to take away views.

I have too heard that YouTube's going to take away views.

Well, the whole thing that makes that platform go round, that makes no sense.

Literally read an article about it the other day that they've been contemplating it.

Well, I'm sure everybody's going to think about it now just because Instagram made that.

Could you imagine? That doesn't make any sense.

What about Facebook? Does Facebook still have likes? Yeah, but it's crazy because Instagram doesn't. Instagram, Facebook owns Instagram. Why would they do that?

Twitter used to work in a way where you wouldn't be able to see the likes unless you clicked on the tweet. And then it would reveal the favorites, and then they went backwards, and now you can see the likes on every tweet without even clicking on it, while Instagram is just completely hiding it, like, in total.

There was another argument that I read where they were trying to, like, the community on Instagram is just like clicking a button for a like or watching something or tapping through or whatnot, and it wasn't like this personal connection that you were building. So they were trying to, like, you know, make sure that people were posting content that were making other people feel like they're more part of a community, not just like a like or a tap or something. Like they were trying to change the content or get more content that people could engage with.

To be fair, though, when you watch a TV show like Friends or anything like that, there's never a viewership count under it, right? There's never an amount of people that are liking it. The show just fucking plays and you watch it.

Television's fucking dead.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, like, what are they doing? It makes no sense.

It's dead, but it's also— Sorry, not—

well, TV's not— TV's not dead because of how it's structured. TV's not— it's not dead in the first place at all. It's not dead at all, but it's, it's not as popular just because the internet's a lot more accessible. That's the only reason. And just because there's no likes doesn't mean the internet's still not accessible.

It's just TV's accessible on your phone.

I mean, but it's not, it's not accessible at all.

You can stream anything on your phone.

YouTube, you go on to, it's free. Everybody has it. Everybody has YouTube because everyone needs internet, right?

Yeah, for TV you need a specific app and you should log in.

You have to pay and you have to pay, you have to pay for cable.

Yeah, I know, but my point is it's just like, it's just, it's just going backwards.

It could be, but if it doesn't work—

and I agree, I'm sure we're biased because, you know, we have a lot of likes or whatever, but I don't know. I'm not gonna like anything anymore. I'm not gonna be—

you will.

I won't.

Jason refuses.

I won't. I, I, I, maybe I will, but I think people will be less likely to be like, like, it does— it doesn't, doesn't really matter. So I think ultimately it'll really kill the platform. It's just going to be this big sea of stuff that you don't know what to watch. It won't— you won't— it also won't help you find new people, you know.

But there's still engagement behind everything. There's still like that algorithm that's like, okay, this person has Oh, good stuff. I'm going to put it up top.

Sure. You're talking about for brands and stuff?

No, I'm just talking about for viewership. Like the algorithm is like, okay, whatever, whatever is most viewed will be at the top of your, your newsfeed. What's most popular?

I think it's going to work regardless. It just sucks for us. I don't think it's going to be like a serious problem. And if it is, if Instagram dies, it doesn't matter because the new— because there'll be a new app and we'll be on it. And whoever wants to be on it will be on it. It's just, it's just a shift in attention. That's all it is, right? Is it doesn't matter. But for Instagram, yeah, I don't know. I'm curious. I don't think it'll affect anything. You know? No, I think, I think we're, we're a very, very, very, very small percentage of people that like actually rely on likes for, for their income almost. Like it's a very important part of our work. But I don't know, to the everyday person, maybe it doesn't matter. I've always, but I've always like, I've always been into likes. I've always been into analytics and I've always like in high school and middle school, like when I would see likes on statuses, like if a status got over 100 likes, I used to go, wow, this person fucking killed it. Like, this is funny. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it would rate— it would rate things for me and go like, this is that funny to me. This is like— I know that's a weird way to like judge something by its likes, but that's, that's what it is. It's like a— sure, it's like a ranking system. It's like how loud people are applauding for this. It's like taking away, you know, applause at the end of performances at American Idol because you want all the contestants to have the same exact applause. Like, it just doesn't make sense. Like, it's like, you, you know, you, you don't watch a show, you don't watch a talent show and have everyone win, or, you know, no one win.

Well, it's also like a thing with like trending or something. Like, back in the day when I used to go on Facebook a bunch, somebody's status, there was like, truth is, remember truth is statuses? And those would get like so many likes and so many comments, so everybody started doing it.

Right.

And it was just like a trending thing. But now if you don't see, oh, that this is performing well, why would you hop on that trend?

Right, right.

Yeah.

So it'll— well, that was— I guess that's the good part about— that's what Zane said. He's like, well, now you can just post whatever you want.

I think it's— yeah, I think that's the goal of— I think the goal of all of this is for mental health, um, for people to post more freely and for people not to be concerned about other people and how many likes they're getting and stuff, which overall Makes sense. Like, it does.

At the end of the comments—

except for the comments will still be brutal. So thanks, Instagram. But it's also like, you're not gonna post more freely because you can see how many likes you're getting. So you can be like, oh, this didn't do well, people don't like this, I'll post something else, you know?

Well, it doesn't matter. I hate Instagram anyways because I don't like the way I look in pictures.

Well, speak for yourself, Jason.

Instagram when you get older is really embarrassing. Why are you posting pictures?

My favorite— I don't think you do this anymore, but my favorite would be when you would— you could tell you like cropped it from something else and you could see like a logo somewhere or like a little, uh, I don't know, like next summer.

Or you see the Instagram page that he cropped it from.

Yeah, yeah.

Some— Jason, Jason, I think he did this like last, like 2 months ago. Jason's so bad at Instagram, he does these pocket Instagram stories. Oh my God. So he'll just Instagram story from his pocket and he'll upload it. I don't know how the fuck this happens. It's literally just him walking and you like hear his voice in the background. It's his phone in the park in his pocket. It's all black. You don't hear anything. There's no text, obviously. It's weird. I get butt dialing.

How much for a handjob?

Yeah.

All right, guys. Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thank you guys for listening. This has been a Views podcast. That's Jason, my co-host. Thanks for joining us.

Carly Aaron, see me in Irvine, California this Sunday, 2 PM. I'll be doing stand-up comedy there.

Thank you. Oh my God, he's fucking performing everywhere. All right, we'll see you guys later. Bye, man.