Dinner Next to Jeff Bezos

What's up guys, welcome back to Views.

I'm back, motherfuckers.

Natalie is back. She came into my room, she goes, we have a lot to fucking talk about on this pod, bitch, get ready. She goes, you'll probably cut it all out, but I'm gonna say it anyways. So I don't really cut much stuff out, so I don't know.

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Hey, I was going to the comments on the last video.

Jake, can I say something?

What?

You can't use your phone while we're podcasting. I had to add Jason on Snapchat the other day, like, into a group chat because I wanted to, like, send him a video and on Snap. And dude, I was fucking losing my shit explaining to him how to turn the volume on. This dude's so— I know we joke about how fucking old he is. It's a, it's a a miracle that this man edits our pod, has uploaded YouTube videos. He does such youthful things, but for some reason when you watch him operate a phone, it is— it's still— it is— he's still true to his age. Like, how is he in such like a, like a forward-thinking medium?

Imagine you grew up—

and he's still so behind at the same time. How are— how do you balance the two of being so fucking old?

It's difficult.

And so innovative.

It's a chasm.

Yeah.

You should have seen me today. I had a phone call. And they were like, my company was like, can you share your page with us so we can see? And it took me like 10, 15 minutes and then I started to panic and I was like, I don't know. They're like, down below, the 3 dots.

Yeah, it's interesting 'cause like you upload and you do all that yourself. You're not like Ross Smith and his grandma. Like Ross Smith's grandma, I assume, doesn't upload anything herself.

But I don't have Ross Smith to help me upload.

No, I know, but you do it all yourself.

Yeah.

And for some reason, there's just things that you still can't get done. Like, I don't know. Enlarge a picture, or like the goofiest things that you would learn at the Apple Store when they have the seniors sitting there, like figuring out.

The 2 o'clock lessons that my mom signs up for. Yeah, yeah, like this is how you open the MacBook.

That's still what you need, which is so bizarre. But whatever, sorry.

No, no, and you actually solved that problem for Snapchat, 'cause I swear to God for the last year, I would go into Snapchat and upload, and I'd be like, Naveen, the sound's not working.

Yeah, you just have to turn your ringer on.

You have to turn your ringer on.

And I told him to turn the ringer on and he responds, it's not ringing.

And I'm like, I thought you were going to call me.

And I'm like, I thought you were going to call me.

I thought you were trying to call me.

Because on Snapchat, your ringer has to be on for the audio to work.

Right.

And then he said, it's not ringing. And I was like, what the fuck are you saying? It's not ringing. It's not supposed to be ringing. You're just supposed to be hearing volume. Do you think you hit the button and it goes ding, ding, ding? Yeah. So helping Jason walk through that is fucking very, very frustrating. But okay, back to you, Natalie.

Yeah, no, and I just thought it was funny how like, because I knew, I knew that the opening line, like I knew what the intro was going to be before.

Like, what's up guys, welcome back to Views. Congratulations, Natalie's not here. You found the one episode without her.

Yeah, I was going to title it Natalie Free Episode.

We put it behind a paywall.

It spikes because it's so exciting.

Like $800,000 off one episode. It spikes. Spotify calls us. Oh, it's $100 million for 6 months.

Sound.

Um, I don't know that people have gripes, you know. I love having Natalie here.

I feel bad when talking shit about you.

Oh, please.

No, I do, because I genuinely like you.

You said nice things, actually. You said— you said— I backed it right up. You said Natalie— you said Natalie-free episode, and then you go, but I actually love having Natalie here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you did. It was about half an hour.

I caught myself saying something so weird the other day. I was in London, and— fuck, it's so gross. I remember when I said it, I wanted to correct myself in the moment, I was with this guy and he was like, do you have any girls to like set me up with that I can like date? I was like, yeah, actually I have like the perfect girl. And it was Natalie. Natalie was in Cannes while I was in London. So I was like, just fucking DM her. And he's like, is she a good person? And I said, and this is going to sound so basic of what I just said, but it's so gross coming out of my mouth talking about Natalie. I was like, yeah, she's a really good girl. And as I said it, I like convulsed. Like, even now it took a little bit out of me. Like, I literally, I didn't want to show him that like that was a tough thing for me to say because I really wanted to play the part of wingman.

Yeah.

So I was fucking trying my best, but that was like a thing that was really tough.

The guy, this, this guy DM'd me or whatever, and David, I didn't, wasn't actively checking my DMs. David's like, check your DMs, whatever. Was like, respond to this guy, he's really cute, and whatever. And then I don't know, it What did he DM you?

Read it, 'cause I thought it was actually pretty smooth.

He messaged me, he just said, "Would you date me?" Whoa!

You like that, David. You like that jumping out like that.

No, I messaged her that.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah, so I was just like, "Just give me your phone, I'll DM her." So I said, "Hey, would you date me?" I was gonna say something else under it, but it fucking blocked me 'cause Natalie has this setting on where you can only send one message and then you're screwed. Which actually, you should probably fix, Nat. Maybe that's why you're here.

That's definitely not true. People DM me all the time.

Well, it wasn't working for him. And then what did he say?

And well, then I said, hahaha, that's one way to slide in, smiley face.

Which was like, I was like, dude, she's so horny. You can tell, uh, like just from that DM. I was like, this is go time for this guy.

That's what you were saying on the back end?

Yeah, I was like hyping him up. He's like, he's like, he's like, but I just like want to date a girl. And I'm like, yeah, no, totally, you can date this girl. Like, if you just want casual hookup, she would love that. It's working all angles here. I was like, whatever you want to do.

You're like, give me the phone, let me talk to her.

And then he goes, look, I really don't have time to do this small talk stuff. How about you take my number and we FaceTime tomorrow when I'm sober? Then if all goes well, I can fly to LA next week.

Whoa.

Yeah, I thought that was amazing.

It is amazing.

I thought that was so smooth when he said it. I was genuinely floored. He showed me and I was like, that's the exact way you should talk to a girl, in my opinion. Sure, because it's like, right, it's pretty aggressive, but it's also like Come on, we're fucking adults. Let's do one FaceTime.

Yeah, just get to it.

If shit's weird, if it's not vibing, yeah, then we'll move on. Maybe not fly to LA. I think that's like a little— that's a big leap. Yeah, but like, I think getting on a FaceTime instead of going back and forth on the DMs, yeah, is fucking incredible. And just being like, let me FaceTime you tomorrow, I think is so cool.

Yeah, that's the way to do it.

So I think he crushed it. And did you respond to that, or did you just give up after that?

I did not respond after.

Oh my God, were you getting that much? Were you getting— I mean, so much dick in Saint-Tropez. Wait, was it like that?

Um, uh, no. Well, actually, it was funny. Like, well, it's okay. So in hindsight, I was like begging David to go to Saint-Tropez with me after Cannes.

Yeah.

And in hindsight, I would have hated it. You would have hated it.

I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it.

He just wouldn't, because David doesn't like do things during the day.

I don't. Yeah, I don't enjoy things.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, he's just like— I mean, I had—

there's things to enjoy, I'm out.

I had an amazing time. Like, we met up with Some of our friends that were from LA were there that have a home there and go and have everything set up, every restaurant, everything. And I had the greatest time. And they conveniently, one of the brothers was 21, which is my sister's age, and the other brother was 33, was perfect for me.

Whoa. That's crazy.

It was crazy.

And they were both like a perfect little gangbang.

It was crazy. So we ended up, and then our friends are a couple that we met up with. So it was really funny. We were all just kind of coupled up all weekend.

Okay. So I'd have killed the vibe.

Yeah, it definitely would have been weird.

Okay, but is it like—

Oh yeah, you killed that dinner in Italy. We went to the nicest restaurant once. Oh my God. And you fucking put it right in the toilet.

Oh, that was—

I almost fucking swung at you at that dinner.

We were literally at the nicest restaurant.

That definitely killed the vibe there.

I don't know. We got to order and get out of here. We were like, no, no, no, no.

Who was in Naples? Somebody was in Naples.

Ilya was in Naples.

Ilya was in Naples texting me.

Yeah.

And he's like, you got to get down here. The hottest chicks in the world are here. And I was getting like, I was like, what?

And we are one of the top 5 restaurants in the world.

And he was like, I'm not kidding, Dave. I don't say this often. You got to get down here immediately.

And you took a 2-hour car ride to Naples to chase Ilya. And then we ended up there too.

Where were we? We were in Positano.

We all had to go back there eventually, but David couldn't sit at dinner for 1 hour for us to finish the dinner so that then we could all go together.

Because it was cutting into— because it was a 2-hour drive and it was going to cut into time going back.

Cutting into your whore time.

Yeah, no, it wasn't whore time. And Naples was the best time because actually I've heard a lot of bad things about Naples, but for some reason it was one of my favorite times ever. Like, no one spoke a lick of English. And you know how fucking fun that is? Like when you're just going to a club and like, and it's so fun. Like every, every door is turning you away. I mean, I love being turned away. This is like why I started going to fraternities in colleges. Like, it's— there's something so like incredible about being like, about like especially a foreign man telling you to just stop, get away. I find that so fun and amusing. And Naples was like the perfect place for it. So like, because it's all about the hunt. It's like, are we going to get into this club? And then every club seems good, right? Like it doesn't— you're not like, you're not like in L.A. where there's like 7 things going on and you have access to every club. This is like, we'll take fucking anything. Just give us like a, like a sip of vodka, anything off the fucking streets. Yeah. So like, that's what makes it so fun. It was like such a chase. To find a good night out. It was just me and Illya. Like, no one could understand what we were saying. Getting rejected. Getting rejected. And we finally found a club and we danced our ass off. It was like we met like these, like, 3 Italian girls didn't understand us. We're using translating apps. It was so fun.

Wow.

Yeah. So like, yeah, no, I mean, you're happy that you fucked our dinner. Yeah, I was very pissy at dinner because I was like, we got to get the fuck out. Very pissy. I will say very pissy.

Beyoncé was at the dinner like 30 minutes before.

Yeah, but like Bezos's yacht. We were looking at it.

Bezos was parked right outside the dinner spot. Yeah, but I'm like, fuck this thing.

Impossible to get a reservation.

Yeah, but that's— but I don't know. See, that's why I don't like that kind of stuff. I do like it when it turns into a fun nightly shindig, but Positano, especially in Italy, it's just not my thing.

Yeah, but that's okay. You don't have to just ruin everybody else's time.

No, for sure, for sure, for sure. I was just saying.

I was like, That was like probably like the highlight of the entire trip. I was like, we finally got a reservation at this place.

Yeah, but I left, so that's good. Like I recognize that I'm a dick.

And then you took our car so that you could go party and find some amigos. It was my car.

You guys were driving in my car. Sorry. Yes, I took it earlier.

I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, you did. You left us. And it's funny, there was— I was talking to your roommates when you were gone. You know, John was like, so nice when Dave is gone. You know, we can all relax. Everybody's just chill.

Yeah. Wait, what does that have to do with what we're talking about?

Everyone's time.

That's funny.

It's a little stressful. Um, um, but it was, it was like, it was the perfect weekend. Like, I had the best time in Saint-Tropez.

Yeah, you were like on a nice boat. People were DMing me, they're like, how did Nellie get on this boat? And I kept responding like, she's fucking the captain. I was telling everybody, um, I don't know. But yeah, your sister was getting it on and, um, in Cannes though.

Was she?

Yeah, she— I don't want to say his name, but she, you know.

Oh yeah, yeah, she's— oh wait, I actually didn't see.

She found a good one.

She did.

Really?

Yeah, she's kind of like a hot commodity when we go out.

Well, because she, she like, she's really good. She's like the opposite of me when it comes to like approaching men or just people in general. Like, she's very extroverted, can talk to a wall.

Yeah.

And like, we'll talk.

No, like, literally, that's actually a really funny way to describe her. She can talk to a wall.

Really? And like, just keeps talking.

And there— no, I quite literally mean wall. Like, I feel like there is a chance that one day I will walk into Natalie's house and she will be facing the wall communicating. Natalie, where are you from?

Literally, literally.

That's a light switch.

You're so tall.

I don't know how she does it, but she does, and it works for her.

Yeah. And she'll be— we'll be like out, and she'll be like, that guy's really cute. I have to go talk to him. And then without missing a beat, Incredible. Incredible. Walks right over.

Unbelievable.

And it's— and you could say nothing to her to make it awkward. Yeah, that's why she's so good at it. Like, the guy could be like not interested, she won't take any offense to it. Or he can just be a complete idiot and not know how to conversate, and she'll just carry on the entire conversation.

You have a booger on the side of your nose. That's fine.

Um, but yeah, no, I, I kudos to her. She's, she's really, really good at it. And she's like, just keep hyping her up. She's beautiful.

Um, one thing that I thought was kind of interesting on my trip, and I don't know if like you guys have experienced this, but coming from like a middle-class family and then going and like experiencing a vacation with very wealthy, like 1% people, the way that they approach vacation and the way that like my family approaches vacation, like we go, like we go to Costa Rica and every day is jam-packed itinerary. We have to make the most out of that time because like We might not ever go back, you know? But like, these people, they will probably go back, you know? So they're just like chilling. They're like, oh yeah, we'll go here.

Maybe we'll do that.

It's just like, it's like a totally different experience and like tempo.

Yeah. I met some people in London. They were Saudi people. So like a lot of Saudi people in Europe travel in the most interesting, bizarre way. And I've had enough of it. I had to get to the bottom of it. I was like, I'm just going to ask all the questions. I'm going to go, where does this money come from? How are you guys always like, Like from a couple Saudi people I've heard, like they kind of all travel together. Yeah, like not together, but it's like, it's like, you know, like billionaires have a schedule. Like it's like the F1 races. Like there's always like a curriculum of where, like, like when Natalie went to Saint-Tropez and I was like, should I go to Saint-Tropez? 5 people were like, oh, it's not the time to go to Saint-Tropez. You have to go in a month.

You go later.

So like there's schedules for all this shit. Even though Natalie had the best time in Saint-Tropez, we wouldn't know the difference.

Yeah.

But yeah, no, I was just like, I was, I was talking to some Saudi people and about like, okay, so they go to Saint-Tropez. Like what is What do you do? And they're like, well, we stay on my father's boat.

Yeah.

And then I'll go have breakfast. I always go to the same crepe place and then I'll go do Pilates.

Yeah.

And I'm like, what do you mean you go do Pilates? Like, if I'm on vacation somewhere, I can't just find a Pilates place. For some reason, it's so hard for me to compute. Yeah, I agree. So you've basically moved there for the time you're there. You know it so well that it's like visiting your hometown.

Yeah.

And I think that's so interesting.

For like a week.

Yeah.

So, but every week, every year, a week every year.

Every— no, not even for a week. Like this, this girl, I was trying to— will stay there maybe for like 2, 3 weeks.

Yeah.

But it's so interesting because it's just like, it's just like, this is what I do when I'm here. And then after I go to Paris and then I'm there, I'm in Paris for 3 weeks and I do this, this, and this. It's just such interesting schedules. And every place they make it sound like it's home and they know exactly what they're doing there.

And they do— these people have jobs? Do they work as well?

Or no, I don't know.

Probably not.

I don't know how. I don't know how. Like, I was trying to ask about, like, yeah, so are you royal family? And everyone's royal family adjacent that I've spoken to, especially in London, was somewhat adjacent to the royal family. But I think the royal family is pretty big. I don't really know how it works.

When I was away in Saint-Tropez, I went out to the club with these friends, and I always—

sorry, were there hot chicks in Saint-Tropez?

Yes, of course.

Like my type?

Yeah.

What's your type?

5'2" Latina. I always say the same thing. I don't even really mean it. I just mean like—

yeah, I know what you mean.

And short, short, dark, and handsome. That's, that's my type. That's really funny. Um, you met—

no, I was out at the club and I was with like a mix of like guy and girlfriends, and I always think it's funny to compare, like, because most of the time I'm with David at the club and like That experience is very much like David's experience.

Okay, what's going on here?

God of fun.

Wait, wait, wait, you're telling me this was a better time?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying it's a better time. I actually was laughing because one of my girlfriend's boyfriends was like, any guy you see in here, if you want him, just let me know. I'm going to wingman the fuck out of you, whatever. They were trying to get me to go talk, and I didn't care to go. I just wanted to stand on the table and dance and get drunk. And I thought it was so funny because that is like this— I'm like, oh God, like literally all men are just programmed the same way because David is the same way when we go out. He's like, where's the guy you want to talk to?

Let me set you up, Natalie.

And I'm like, I just want to stand here by myself. But like all men are like going to the club to like find a woman or whatever. I mean, not all men, but you know what I mean? It was really funny because you weren't there and I was still having the same experience of someone trying to set me up.

It was so funny.

It's easier to wingman a girl And it's like, yes, it's not even wingmanning. You just go to a guy and you go, her. And the guy will go, okay. Yeah. So there is no, yeah, there is no tough part about wingmanning a guy. But what I have found recently that now I've just drawn the line on that this doesn't exist is guys being wingman. When someone's like, I want to be your wingman and it's like another guy.

Yeah.

I think it's impossible. I think you've just made it more difficult for me to talk to this girl. Oh, because you're going over there. Yeah. You're going to have a conversation as the wingman. It kind of almost— unless you have some, like, crazy way of going around about it, but like, it's almost like you're having the better conversation, right?

You're the lead. You're the one that had the balls to come up and talk.

And you're, you're talking to this girl in a way that's not like you're not coming on to her. So it's already a lot more attractive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're like, you're true. It's like and you're setting me up and being like, this guy is coming next, he's going to try to come on to you. So it's like, I just don't think there's a win in wingmanning. I think like a letter of recommendation after, like, you know, if I walk away from talking to a girl and then Natalie turns her back, he's really cool. Like, maybe. But like the whole, like, let me wingman you and like, let me like—

I think maybe, maybe you could do that. Maybe you could start doing that.

No. And I always say it's this stupid, like, You know what everyone says? This is like— it's like a— it's like saying hello in clubs. People love saying they're good wingmen. It's just like a frat thing to say. I say it too. I say it all the time. Yeah, I've never wingman'd a man in my life successfully. Every time, for some reason, I'm with another guy and he's looking for a girl, I'm like, dude, I'm the best wingman. Like, all of a sudden I fucking put on my captain's hat like I've been doing this shit since grade 5. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. And 1,000%, I'm making it a lot rougher for the guy.

So yeah, I just think it's hard to be wingman by someone of the same— like, I feel the same way about like when my hot girlfriends are out and they're like, Nat, we're going to find you a boy tonight. And I'm like, no, you're going to go talk to him and they're going to see your big tits and he's going to want to talk to you. You know, like, it's not going to— it's not going to get translated over to me.

Yeah. Or like if I'm out with Noah, I'm like, go fuck yourself. You stay far away from that woman. You go over— you can wingman Mammy by going on the other side of the club and sitting your ass down.

Wait, what happens when you're in the club with Noah Beck? Do they just flop?

No, Noah doesn't— like, I'm trying to think of like times I've— I think more of like when we're out. Yeah, like 9 times out of 10, yeah, girl's gonna go for Noah. Um, uh, but he's not really like— he's not really all about— he'll like entertain it, sure, but he's like not like— I don't know, he's not looking for that. He's not really looking for that. I don't know. But it is. It is like.

It's so funny.

Yeah. I'm not looking to be in a relationship when I'm out with Noah.

Who else? Who else has. Sorry, I'm using this word, Riz, that you've seen.

Who has, like, really, like. Yeah. Who's really good at talking to girls. Yeah.

I mean, like, this is. I don't even want to admit this.

Oh, my God. You're gonna say Harry Jowsey.

No, no, no, no. Jossy. No. Faze Banks.

Oh, yeah.

Ricky Banks has, like, Really good rizz.

Yeah, he is good at it.

He pulls, first of all, the hottest girls in LA.

Oh my God, dude, you're gonna fuck— he's gonna be so excited to hear this.

He's always so sweet.

And he's so sweet. Like, you look at him from the outside and you're like, low-key, you're like, that's his whole shtick. No, I know.

And it obviously is so good. Yes, I know, I know, I know. It's like What's the saying? Like, everybody wants a bad boy to be good for them, and then everyone wants a good girl to be bad for them. He is the definition of that boy.

He is in the dictionary wherever that fucking is.

Yeah, he is a bad boy, but then he's just fucking— he's like a little anime character. When you start talking to him, he's like, I love you. He'll love bomb you, but you're aware that he's love bombing you, and he's very open about it. Super transparent.

Yeah.

Like, you know, he'll tell you you're the only one.

He says that to you?

No, I don't even think he tells girls that they're only like— Everyone's fully aware that there are multiple Banks.

I'm on the podcast. Okay, so I'm sitting here with Natalie, and I asked her, who do you think— what guy has the most rizz? Guess who she said?

Natalie, you didn't.

I did, I did.

And she goes, you know what, I think it's Banks.

Natalie, why?

Um, I think it's because, like, like, I wouldn't assume for you to be such like a sweet, like, suave guy. And like, you know, you're— you got like the hottest girls, you're always so nice and kind.

She's touching herself right now, by the way.

You need to— this needs to—

this needs to go live.

What are you guys posting?

I need to repost this immediately.

I get into this conversation a lot with girls in LA specifically, and I've tried to get to the bottom of it myself because, to be honest, I'm not even really quite sure— quite sure why girls like me. But to be honest, I think the bar sets so low in LA where so many guys are like, I don't know, just like blatantly just like creepy and weird and like not like easy to be around and kind of insufferable, especially like the richer they get. And like, I don't know, you, Natalie, you know what I mean? Well, I also think I'm just like a normal person.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also think it's, it's kind of what it's— you're very unassuming. So you have like this, like you're like, you have this bad boy image.

It's like a sneak attack. Yeah.

Yeah. Like you're posting it, like you'll have like strippers and money, but then you'll also be like Natalie, you're so beautiful, I love you. You know, like, like, your bone structure, your side profile, your nose, it's perfect.

Yes.

That's a—

I also said I'm also 6'5", tan, skinny now.

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I mean, yeah, just looks, not even like, uh, not even counting your looks, looks aside, we were just talking your personality, but when you add all of it together, it really is quite remarkable.

Wow, man, you guys really just made my fucking day.

Wow. I liked how he was like, I don't even know what it is, man.

He goes, thank God you called. I couldn't sleep. I've been thinking about this. All right, well, that's all. We just wanted like a firsthand, you know, an account of— I love you guys.

You guys really made my day.

All right, well, go enjoy. See you later.

Bye.

There you go. I mean, that's a rare guy to get, you know.

Yeah. Amazing.

Yeah. You heard it firsthand. The Riz Master. What about me now? How's my rizz?

How is David's rizz?

Actually, David has really good rizz. He's really good at like—

whoa, what? I thought she was totally gonna just plummet me into—

no, because he's like such a— like, obviously, like, on the podcast and even like the vlog and stuff, like, he's just like very conversational. Like, I don't think— I don't think you're being super sexy, but like, you're able to like— you're able to like talk to any person and like really rope them into a conversation. And like, yeah, you like pick things—

manipulation, how to run a cult 101.

No, but you can just like— you can talk even though you're like, oh fuck, I don't want to talk, like, I'm so tired and introverted or whatever, like, you can talk, like, to no end.

Do you ever find yourself with nothing to say to somebody?

Yeah, all the time. It's just the easiest thing to say is, I have nothing to say.

Oh my gosh, that's what you should say to me.

Yeah, that's how the podcast ended 3 years ago, just the last one. Goodbye, I'm out.

Um, no, no, yeah, I mean, wait, what were you gonna say, Nat?

I was gonna say that we had this meeting in Cannes. It was just like, the whole, the whole meeting was kind of like— he was an older man.

Yeah.

Definitely does not really have a grasp on social media and whatnot, but he is—

He's trying.

He's trying, yes. And he's associated with more traditional talent. So we came into the room.

Very wealthy man.

Yeah, very wealthy. And we came into the room and he was basically like, who are you? What do you do? He's taking, every 30 minutes he's taking a meeting essentially, right? He's just there. And I could just feel like David would try to carry the conversation, explain, obviously explaining who you are in the YouTube videos, to someone that's older is like pulling teeth, you know?

Yeah.

Impossible.

Yeah.

Yeah. Where does this air?

And I could feel David just like, like side-eyeing me, like, fucking speak, like, take the conversation. And I also had like no idea what to say to this man. And I don't know, just the whole, whole, the whole thing was very—

There's one group of people that I can't connect with.

Yeah.

It's ironic, but it's older white males. I cannot do it.

Oh, that's funny.

Like, I don't know what it is, but it's— I'm like, so not there. Speed, like any other, like race, sexuality, anything. I, I am very good at— but I can— every time someone like you, Jay, comes along— yeah, that's not you— especially like that are like richer, like they, they, for some reason we can't see eye to eye. Cuz I think I, I get really frustrated with them.

Uh-huh.

Cuz I'm just like, oh, you're not fun. So then like, I like lose interest, right? But I don't know. I don't know what it is. Do you? Would you say the same thing? That that's like my toughest person to interact with? Yeah.

Yeah.

Now that you like point it out like that, I just realized that actually at Cannes, as we were like speaking to people, there are a few that have slid by.

Yeah.

But like, let me give you an example of someone that could probably connect. Who's the guy that owns the Patriots?

Kraft.

Bob Kraft. That's a guy maybe give me 15 years younger.

Yeah.

Would never be able to connect with him. Do you know what I mean? Like, that type of guy is like the It's like, I think it's like the all-American white football. Like that, for some reason I can't, I can't, I can't like—

Which team do you like?

I can't break that. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't.

You're not like a, you're not like a, as much as you are kind of a cliché sometimes, like you're not a cliché. Like you're not a guy that like sits around and like watches sports.

No.

And like—

I hate the assumption that men make about sports. Like I got ice cream the other day, Wyatt had a New York Rangers shirt on.

Yeah.

And the guy was like, Rangers.

Like, I know.

So who do you— where are you from? I'm from Boston. Oh, Celtics guy, huh?

Yeah, that's really— what? No, that's the word. I always feel so bad when I bring up that I'm from the suburbs of Chicago and they go, Cubs or Sox?

Yes.

I go, hot dogs.

Today I had this call with this agency that is doing stuff around the World Cup next year. And, you know, I was obviously pitching David or whatever, and they were like, so, like, what's his team?

And I was like, uh, USA?

Yeah, they were talking about all the soccer stuff.

I wore a New York Knicks hat to a party last, literally last night. Yeah. And a person came up to me like, sorry, man. And I was like, why? That's amazing. So yeah. Ilya is here, guys. He just entered the pod room. He has something important to say.

So I got pulled over. Oh, oh, uh, a few months ago in the Lamborghini. Didn't have insurance in the Lambo. Oh, so I had court yesterday, right?

Oh, wait, wait, that's crazy.

Why?

It's weird, like, if I got pulled over, I feel like I'd make it my personality for like 3 weeks. Yeah, it's weird that like things like that happen to you and you just like, just like a court case yesterday.

Oh, I mean, I— it just happens to me so often.

Right. Where were you going? What was the speed?

I wasn't even speeding. I was— I didn't have a turn signal on. The cop pulled me over.

Wow. Yeah, that's fucking crazy in L.A. That's crazy. Wow. That guy had it out for Lamborghini on the highway.

Anyways, I wonder why he pulled over the light blue Lamborghini, $330,000. I mean, it says the Beast on the side.

Yeah, but to get pulled over in L.A., you got to be fucking like— you got to have an M16 out shooting out the window. Like for a cop to pull you over.

I like never see cops.

No, it's really rare. And like the times I do see cops, it's like, yo, gun it. It's like, what?

Yeah, yeah, I actually had that experience on the highway like a few weeks ago. The cop was like—

in the Ferrari, when I'm in the Ferrari, they always ask— when I'm at a red light with them, they always ask me to floor it.

Oh, I thought you meant when they're chasing you, your friend's like, gun it, and then you outrun the police. You had some weird David fantasy going. I just fucking gun it and smoke those bitches.

Do you know how fast a Ferrari is?

No, no, no, no, no. They always ask me to floor it and like they give me like— I feel like they like that kind of stuff. Sure, sure. Because they're worrying about like the most insane crimes here. In Vernon Hills, you'd be locked up for 20 years if you, if you sped off at a red light. Like genuinely, like it's the death penalty there. But okay, sorry, continue.

Anyways, the cops didn't give me a hard time. I just didn't have my insurance on me, so I had to provide proof of insurance. In order to do that, you have to go to court. It's a pain in the ass.

You didn't have it on your phone? No.

Um, so I went into court yesterday and, you know, it's like 40 minutes away. It's a fucking pain in the ass. I get there, the setup is like 30 minutes. There's like 30 people sitting there and then there's like another 15 on a Zoom. I'm like, fuck me, this is gonna take so fucking long. It's like, it's 8 in the morning. I know this is gonna take until like noon for sure, right? By the time they call my name and whatever. And I'm sitting there and this guy next to the judge stands up, walks right over to me and goes, hey, do you want to get out of here? And I was like, yeah, please get me the fuck out of here. He's like, okay, let me see. Let me see the insurance on the Lambo. And I showed him the insurance. He's like, okay, cool. Go to window 3 and you're good to go. And I just stand up around like everyone sitting down. They have no idea what's going on. I stand up and I walk out. I felt like a fucking superhero.

That's pretty privileged.

No way.

Crazy privilege.

Why did— did he recognize you?

Yeah, he's like, I love your videos, man.

Shut the fuck up.

It was pretty crazy and it felt so good because I knew I'd be sitting there for another at least 2 hours.

I had almost an identical experience this week coming back from, uh, from France. When I landed at TSA, I had my green card, I show them, and a lot of times it hasn't been a pain in the— it hasn't been a pain in the ass since I got my green card. Like, I don't have to go into the interrogation room. As the TSA agent's checking out my green card, 2 TSA agents come up to me and I could already see the guy's recording on his phone. And he's like, yo, Dobrik, where's my Tesla? And the TSA agent that's checking out my green card is like, whoa, what's going on? What's going on? And I'm like, God, fuck. Any kind of attention you give anybody, those TSA agents lose it because they go on like a serious power trip. So I was like, you just fucked me. Like, you just fucked me by recognizing me and now I'm screwed. And then, and then he took me into an interrogation room.

Oh, no way.

Yeah. Because, and then as we're walking, he's like, so did you know those people? And as the, as those people that like asked me for a picture, the TSA agents, they had to tell him, they use the word stand down. They're like, it's fine. Just stand down. They're like, he's chill. And then, yeah. And then as I'm walking over to the interrogation area, the guy's like, so did you know those people? What was going on back there? I'm like, first of all, they're your coworkers. Why is that?

Yeah.

What's so, this is so confusing to me. Like, Do you guys not get along or what's happening?

Big beef between them.

Yeah. But yeah. So sometimes that works in your favor and sometimes it definitely goes against you. But there have been cops more so I think are like, like pretty tapped into social media world.

Yeah. Because they sit around all day waiting for something to happen.

I remember I was leaving like a party once and I got pulled over like 1 a.m. and like, fuck. And he's just like, just wanted to say hi.

Don't next time.

Scare the fucking shit out of me. Yeah, it is really interesting. But yeah. Have you had a moment like that, Jay? Have you— has your social media clout gotten you out of anything?

I got some free toppings at Menchie's once.

Oh yeah. That is nice. You use an app where you get free food all the time.

Yeah, I do.

Jay's this big fan of this dinner app. I'm not going to plug it because that's not what this is about. But it's— he's always offering to take people to dinner, which he's never done before. But now he has this connect that basically gives him like $100 off any dinner he wants. So he's like, he's become like a little Bill Gates over here inviting us.

What are you doing tonight?

I'm taking Devine out. Really?

Are you using the app?

Uh, tonight, yes. I mean, it's a great—

you're like, tonight, let me check. Yeah, it's another night.

No, she's really good about it. I'll be like, do you want to go to the place where we have to pay, or do you want to go to the place where we don't have to pay? And she's like, we'll go to the place you don't have to pay.

Oh, so it's select restaurants.

It's select restaurants. Yeah. So we've been to like Great White like 80 times.

That's really funny.

It's great app.

What's the app called?

I love that.

I'll give a plug. It's amazing. They're so nice to me. InKind. Fucking great app. And so you get— if the bill is $100, you immediately get $20 back. So I'll take Naveen to dinner for $100.

Do they pay you or do they just comp your dinners?

They— I get like a salary.

Because you're posting hardcore for these guys.

I get like a monthly allowance.

Yeah. Damn, that's lit.

I love shit like that.

Yeah, and they're so nice to me. Every time I call them, I'm like, do you want to do another 'Can I send you another video?' And they're like, 'Sure.' And then I'll send them the video and they're like, 'This is great. You made— you did this.' Wow. I did it.

I'm trying to think like what has like the best like perks of working with a company. Like I have a friend who, who's a professional tennis player.

Yeah.

And he's sponsored by Rolex.

Yeah.

So he gets like an allowance to spend at Rolex every month. Oh wow. Which I think is cool. So I'm trying to think of like, has there ever been anything like that, Natalie, where like Oh, Chipotle. Chipotle was big for us.

You had a card, you could get it anytime.

Card, you only get it for one year. Yeah, I got re-upped for a second year, and it's really cool because they— because on the instructions they tell you that you— it's only for one meal a day, but that's literally only something that's written. That card, oh yeah, like literally zeros out the cash register. Yeah, and I don't think they want to tell you that because they don't want you to use it that way. Yeah, but the Chipotle card, you literally come in with 8 people, whatever the total is, you scan it it sends it to zero. Yeah, it's fucking a wild card. And then you could also use it to like cater parties. Yeah, the Chipotle Celebrity Card is one. It's, it's right under the Amex Black Card in terms of the power it holds.

What other cool cards are there?

I forgot what the card name was, but it was like a Delta One card or something.

Yeah.

But anyways, if you get enough points on that card one time, your flights get upgraded to first class no matter what. Like if you book economy, you get upgraded to first class.

What do you mean no matter what? They'll kill the person that's sitting in the seat? What if the first class is full?

If there's available.

If there's available. They'll remove the person from the economy seat.

Hey, get the fuck up. We have someone more important here.

He's got the card, buddy. I just flew Delta One again. Yeah. On my last trip.

Yeah.

Fucking insane.

Good?

You know that you actually asked me like 3 podcasts ago about like the craziest like flight travels I've had with celebrities.

Yeah.

This time I felt like fucking— I literally felt like Barack Obama. It was crazy. Like, they— you come into the lounge, like, they give you a wellness shot.

Yeah.

The lounge, like, straight from the— where the terminals are, right?

Yeah.

You walk in and you are in the lounge immediately. One door and you're in the lounge.

Where, at LAX?

At LAX. It's the Delta One lounge. It's brand new. It's immediately— so, like, you know, like, when you're waiting for someone to add baggage?

Yeah.

You know how far the baggage is away from the doors?

Yeah.

This is closer. This lounge is closer to the doors than baggage is. So right when you walk in, they give you a wet towel or a warm towel, a wellness shot, and then like any beverage that you want. They take your bags, then you go through TSA and the TSA is— the line is either 1 or 2 people. That's it. That's like a private TSA, completely private TSA. And then you go through a private elevator.

What?

And then you go up to their private Delta One like restaurant. That has a patio balcony space that where you're basically sitting in front of all— like, you're outdoors at the airport watching all the planes land.

Wow, that's fucking incredible.

And can you smoke?

Um, actually, I don't think you can smoke just because it's still an airport. And then, and then obviously open bar, like, incredible chefs, like, really top-notch food. And then, and not only that, but I forgot my watch at home.

Yeah.

When I was at the airport. So I told the guy there, I was like, is there any way you can grab my watch? So, so John brought my watch to the airport and he ran out to the— like, the service is incredible. He ran out to get my watch, like, from the front, from the terminals. Yeah. And brought it to me. And then I finished my food and he came and got me and he's like, okay, it's time to go. They're holding the plane because we were a little late. We're like 2 minutes late. They held The plane!

No!

I was the last one to board. I— we went downstairs in the elevator. This is fucking crazy. I don't know how this happened. We went downstairs in the elevator. There's 4 Porsches. He's like, this is my favorite one. I got in the back of the Porsche. Drives me down the tarmac, like, at LAX. What? And then right up under the plane. And then he takes my stuff up and we walk up the side to the skybridge and then right into my seat. Right into my fucking seat.

It makes you call bullshit on all the times that they're being difficult with you. You're like, no, your bag can't go in there. And you're like, no, it can. Yeah, if you wanted to, you could put it there.

It's— yeah, it's fucking unreal. Like, there is no line. I could not believe it. I have no idea what was fucking going on.

Do you pay for this monthly?

No, I'm sure that first-class ticket is incredibly much more expensive.

I think the guy that was working watch my videos or something. So he gave me, he gave me a ride when maybe that wasn't part of it before.

Yeah. The Porsche thing is not a part of like just having a first class.

No, I think he was being really nice. Yeah. And I was, I'm telling you, last one on the flight. I couldn't believe it. But there is this thing called, I think, PS at the airport. Yeah. And it's where they always drive you, where that always happens. You go to like a private lounge. It's really ridiculous. I think it costs, it's an extra $800 per flight, which is not actually like a crazy upgrade if you're like, Be rich. If you're a rich guy, that's like really nothing to go to your private lounge and then they drive you to the airport, basically make airplane, making it feel private. It really is crazy.

Have you ever had like access to something that you're like, oh shit, I'm— this is like not great. One time we went to see AJR with the kids. Yeah, they loved AJR at the time. Like, loved, loved, loved. And they still do. And then we saw somebody at the show and they were like, you want to meet the band? And I was like, I was like, yeah, of course. And then the kids were so excited, and we went backstage, and like, we were there too soon. The guy like got off stage and was like, oh, sweating, and like coming down from like an incredible performance. The guy was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, like, you, you got to meet, uh, this is Jason Nash and his kids. His son's a musician.

Oh my God.

And I was like, oh, I felt so bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, no, I know what you mean. Yeah, that's like Marvel premieres.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Gwyneth Paltrow story.

Yeah, well, well, to me, that's like a thing that I've gotten special access to, but I'd rather watch it. I'd rather watch it in theaters with like the fandom when it happens. Like, that's the best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry, I've been meaning to ask, like all podcasts, do you— no, no, it's not bad, it's not bad, it's actually positive for you. I mean, in a way. Do you purposely wear like shirts for your nipples to come out? I mean, just— I, I'm actually curious.

No, no, I definitely don't. I just don't like—

because you also do this thing, don't think about it, where like they're like rock hard. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because we're podcasting, um, but it's just— and the way where you sit in the room too, it's like they're just staring at you. Yeah, it's really weird. I feel less eye contact from you than I do from your nipples on days that you wear like specific shirts. Do you do it on purpose?

First of all, thank you.

Yeah, of course.

Second of all, so it is a compliment. No, I just, I just don't— I probably should wear nipple covers I hate wearing bras. That's the problem.

Listen, I have nothing against women. You could come in here naked if you want.

Well, stop staring. Now you're like really daggering that.

Now I'm confused whether or not I'm looking at your eyes or your nipples. Um, no, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. No, I totally free the nip, whatever.

It's residual Saint-Tropez is what it is.

It's residual Saint-Tropez.

No, I've always been like this.

Just a little horniness left over. That's really funny.

I'm sure that's what happens in Saint-Tropez.

This is the least I've seen Jason look towards Natalie. He's like— if you can't hear it in his voice, he's leaned over like into the palm of his hand.

That's all the time we have.

Um, no, but like Natalie does this thing where she'll like, she'll walk in, she'll be wearing a very specific shirt and I'll be like, okay, boobies. I'll say, I'll say something like that. And then she'll go, oh, my nipples are out. Like she didn't—

I genuinely don't think about it.

Really?

Yeah. Like I don't, I'm not like—

Okay. So maybe I'm the problem. 100%. Maybe I'm the guy.

Well, no, they're definitely out. So like, I get it.

Like I should know if like Jonah was, Jonah was here or anybody else was here. Ilya was here. I guess, I guess this is to speak negatively on all men, but like, yeah, okay.

What about when your junk is out?

I feel like—

what about when you're scratching your balls all fucking day in my face? How about that?

But that's just like a thing I do. It's like, it's like a mating call.

What about, what about you touch yourself and you give people a car? Remember that one?

Yeah, when Borat called it out. Oh wait, Jonah called that out. Yeah, I remember when I was filming Borat, that was like a bit in the video. Oh yeah, it's Why are you scratching your crumb when you're talking to me? But I guess I'm just excited to be filming with you, Sasha. No, that's really what it is. And I get like, yeah, I think it's like a fidget toy. My penis is like a fidget toy. So like, no, no, no, sorry.

It's really gross.

Literally vomit.

I think also when I'm filming, I have to pee because I'm so nervous. Yeah. So like, in order to like not pee, I'm like, Just like rubbing myself, right? Okay, whatever. This is a weird way to end the podcast, but it had to be said. Someone had to put an end to those nipples. All right, guys, let's just end it there before things get out of hand. And we'll see you guys for the next podcast. This has been Abuse Podcast. Go follow Ilya's Zeelah app. A lot of working out stuff on there. It's incredible. Go follow Jason's other podcast. I can't imagine what he speaks about.

It's all about you. You should listen.

Just talking shit about me. Fucking asshole. He yelled at me. Well, Jason and Natalie, thank you.

Thanks, David.

We'll see you guys next time on Tuesday. Bye.

I kissed a girl just to try it. I told my girlfriends I don't like it, but I did.

That was great, Natalie. That was great. Take a break for a second. Rest your vocal cords. You're sounding amazing today.

Who are you talking to?

I'm talking— I'm in the booth.

Uh-oh.

I'm talking to you.

Oh, got it.

Got it.