Crying About Kids

What's up guys, welcome to Views, the podcast where Jason's feet smell so bad we had him slip on some shoes earlier actually. I was sitting in my room with Natalie and Jason was on the other side of the room and Natalie looks at me like in disgust and she smells my feet and she goes, oh, it's not you. And then she turns and she sees Jason about 40 feet away and she goes, oh yeah, it was him. Which is kind of sad, but it's a good start to the show.

Well, listen, I'm working hard.

Okay, I don't know what that means.

Listen, I was gonna go change my shoes, but Todd, you have—

you have got to stop blaming your body odor on how hard you work. That is not a good way of measuring.

I had to come here and I took care of my kids all day. What'd you do all day? Sat, looked at Instagram in your room.

And did you smell that guy? He's a hard worker.

Yeah, that's right.

That's a weird way to equate how hard you're working.

Todd's mom was over and I didn't want to have an interaction.

Let's just roll the intro music where I was the old guy. What's up guys, welcome back to The Views. This is David and Jason. We're doing The Views podcast because we do this. I actually have another story about Natalie that I want to start off with. Natalie, come here real quick. So I want you guys to share the mic because I want your feedback on this. This is like the best example of what kind of a person Natalie is. Like, do you know what I'm talking about?

No, I have no idea, but I know it's not gonna be good.

Natalie's smart. She's a smart girl. But sometimes she has like, shit.

Okay, now I know.

Sometimes she just has like a, like sometimes things just turn off in her head. And, um, we were, we were pulling into the driveway. We were pulling into the drive. I just recently got a Ferrari, which is great. We'll talk about that. We were pulling into the driveway and I wanted to pull it into the garage, right? Because I didn't want to leave it outside, but I didn't have the garage clicker. So I'm like, Natalie, can you go, can you go, can you go open the garage for me? So she goes into, she goes into her car because that's where the clicker is. And she couldn't find the clicker in the car. She's like, it's in the house. I'm like, that's fine, just go get it from the house so you can open the garage so I can like, just go open the garage.

Let's just keep in mind he wasn't saying it as calmly as he's saying it right now.

Well, because she stopped searching her car and she's like, it's not in here. And I'm like, just go inside. And she's like, okay. She goes inside and I'm sitting in the car. I'm waiting and like a good 2 minutes pass by and I'm like, and the garage still isn't open. I'm like, what could possibly be taking so long? She's in the house 'cause the door was unlocked. We left it unlocked. So I'm like, What's taking so long? And then I got a text from her saying, I can't find the clicker, just park on the street. And I'm like, what? I responded, are you on crack? Just open the garage. She was already in the house and she spent literally 7 minutes looking for the clicker inside the house when she could have just walked to the garage and opened it.

And this is the person running your business?

I thought it's so funny because it's like such a small like error, But it's like, it's like, now she's really smart. Like, I'll give that to her. She's a smart girl. But she'll always have like, like, it'll always feel like sometimes her brain skips like one thing throughout the day.

Um, but yeah, that whole day was like kind of like, it was post Coachella. I was like feeling a little down.

Yeah.

What?

On my Sharpie? Did anything else happen?

Feeling down?

No, just like run down, run down, mentally run down.

Did anything else happen that day? I feel like there was like other things where you were just like skipping out on. What was it?

Oh, There was a lot of things that I just like—

Yeah, it was a slow day for Natalie.

Yeah, you had beer brain.

I actually was completely sober the whole weekend at Coachella.

Yeah, right. Not—

Never mind. If any brands are listening, she was completely sober. If her friends from fucking back home are— Yo, Natalie got turned.

Anyway, the other day was great. Natalie went to go pick up vegetables and fruits. Every single one was either moldy and like, like just destroyed, just like completely like, like it almost looked like she went to the grocery store and she went, fuck David, I'm going to fuck David. Which is me half the time in the grocery store. It literally was like she was trying to poison me. It's like she went to Ralph's and she's like, I love all the vegetables that are here on this aisle and this rack. Can I go to the back room and find the vegetables that you were about to throw out? It was, it was bad. And then she came and I'm like, And then I sent her back the next day to get new vegetables, and she sent me a picture of the rack. She's like, look at what I'm dealing with here. There was only like 4 peppers, literally 4 red peppers.

And I was like, this is what I'm choosing from all the shitty red peppers at 11 PM when you send me to the damn grocery store, blaming it on the grocery store.

But yeah, okay, thank you, Natalie. Thanks for coming. Let's be better this week.

Okay, Natalie Maradona, everybody. Maradona. Natalie Maradona. How was your weekend, David?

Fuck off. Could you imagine? A podcast where I don't care to talk to Jason.

Do it. Do it this way. Just do it.

Just the entire podcast. I don't give a fuck. No, the weekend was good. We did Coachella.

Yeah. Yeah, my favorite part about Coachella was the volleyball game that we played.

Oh yeah, the house.

That was really nice.

It was—

you and Jeff were playing. I saw all the young people out there, and I was like, man, I really want to play. And then I got invited to play by you and Jeff, the two coolest members of the vlog squad. So I was really excited about it.

Thank you, thank you.

And, uh, we started the game and, uh, David served first, and the first thing out of his mouth was, hey, look alive, fat fuck. That killed me. I was— I laughed about that for 4 days after. I was like, all right, here we go. And then, because we were playing for $300, sure, which was super, uh, exciting. And then we had like a good team, we had a good thing going.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun.

Listen, in the future This is where you fucked up. Mm-hmm. The last game, we played 3 games, and then they go play to 11 or 15. When I'm on the team, you go to 11. That is his little secret.

You got tired because we went to 15.

You got tired.

I didn't get to—

you were tired.

Oh, most definitely.

I've seen your athleticism. Then there is a running theme in basketball or anything, you get tired.

Yesterday we had—

and your level of excellence drops.

Yesterday I went to a charity dodgeball game. Mm, that was interesting.

Yeah, that was fun.

I went there, my friend Benny invited me. Me, Benny Blanco, who's a musician. So I invited Jason, and I was like, I was just like, I was fully in the mindset, I'm like, oh, it's just gonna be a bunch of like musicians or like art people that like don't really know, you know, like dodgeball for fun. And then we got there and it was like there was professional dodgeball players there that were throwing the ball like 80 miles per hour.

Yeah. And then there were some unprofessional people that were just like screaming and yelling at the refs. You see that? Yeah, there was actually a shoving match at the charity game.

I mean, I get it.

You do?

You want to win. It's okay, especially if it's for charity.

I think when you get older, you'll realize that nothing matters.

I understand that you think nothing matters, but I don't know if I want that outlook on life necessarily.

Great. Well, let's start fistfights at church.

Yeah, no, I know you're right. I was, um, Yeah, no, Coachella was fun. I didn't consume anything. I didn't have a sip of alcohol.

Good for you. Thank you, that's awesome.

I mean, no, I never do, so I don't know why it's like I overcame something.

People always ask me that. I was like, Dave, want to come down? Do you want to party? I'm like, Dave doesn't party. They're like, come on.

I hate— I seriously, I hate that.

They see your videos. Yeah, so they think you're wasted.

Oh, interesting. I hate when I'm like at Coachella and someone goes, come on, like leave your camera here, just have a good time. You don't have to shoot, you don't have to shoot anything. And I go, this is my— like, this is my good time. Yeah, like, I'm having fun. Like, people are worried about my— like, about me. They're like, everybody's having fun except you. You're like, you're like, you're filming. And I'm like, no, trust me, I'm living the best time of my life. Yeah, that's like, just let me film.

That's like when people go, have a drink, have a drink. I don't— I don't like to drink. Yeah, do anything for me but drink.

It's the worst. I think I do that to you all the time.

Yeah, you don't even drink. Yeah, but I know why you do it. I'm talking about the alcoholics that we know. Okay, we're like—

because Jeff Zane Scott. Well, not Jeff.

Yeah, but, but I hate that. I wish I did enjoy alcohol. Hey, you know, my trainer quit.

You're telling me you've genuinely actually had a trainer for the last couple months? Yeah, he didn't quit months ago. He just recently quit.

He just recently quit.

Bullshit, bro.

I've lost weight. People are actually saying it. You know what bums me out?

People are actually saying it.

People said it in the comments in the video. You know what bums me out?

What?

People go, it's pretty clear that Jason was upset that David didn't go to his live show. I was like, I'm not fucking upset.

I hate that.

And then someone wrote, someone wrote, someone responded, they go, I think David has done quite enough for Jason. That was fun.

Oh, and we're, oh yeah, we were talking about your live show and how I never showed up.

Can you kick a ball in volleyball or not?

I don't know. I don't think so.

Screw it.

Are you texting someone on the side during our podcast? Did Charlie Puth— Hey, this person's just like, uh—

Has Charlie Puth or Benny Blanco called about me at all?

Actually, not at all. Really? Yeah, I swear to God.

They haven't wanted me to come on a track?

They haven't reached out at all. That's weird. Charlie texted me the other day, actually. He just said, I was at Jones on 3rd and I just scared the fuck out of someone thinking it was you. And I was like, what did you do? And he's like, I came right up behind him and I went, that's a C sharp! And like, and just yelled. C sharp's not a thing. I don't know why I said that. Um, and yeah, he scared someone and then he had to explain to them, um, why he was scaring them. It was really funny.

I thought you were my friend who made a video about my perfect pitch. Anyway, uh, enjoy your couscous.

Exactly. My friend Ilya owns a plumbing company.

Yeah.

And it's like really picking up speed. And his biggest client that like services, like that asks him to service like the most of the locations, like over 100 locations or something, um, not over 100, but like a bunch of locations, um, texted him and, uh, texted him in the morning and Ilya woke up to like 5 texts saying, I just found Ilya's best moments on YouTube. And, and this is like a business guy, right? He's probably like 45 years old. And he had no idea that Ilya's part-time job is getting fucked up on my channel. And Ilya just responded, oh boy. And the guy responds, that is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen. And then start— and then keep sending him more links to different videos. And he goes, I love this part. And then he goes, oh my God, can't believe you got a black eye here. And it could have been really bad. Ilya could have literally fucking lost that client.

So it's helping business. This.

Um, no, he still doesn't think it's helping. He definitely thinks it's hurting.

Um, the principal at Wyatt's school sends me best moments from your vlog all the time.

Does he really? That's fucking scary. Jace, you ever buy something online to find out later you missed a discount? I don't overspend anymore thanks to Honey. Honey's a free browser add-on that finds me the best deals online. The app magically auto-applies the best deal to my cart at checkout. Honey finds discounts and coupons across 37,000 sites. With Honey, I don't worry about missing a deal. I just shop like normal. Honey handles the rest.

You know, I have— I buy everything on Amazon, and my Honey is linked into my Amazon now, and it just saves you. It just— like, I bought cucumbers the other day, and it saved me 51 cents.

It's incredible. It automatically finds coupons for the website you're using. It's genuinely a no-brainer, and it's free to download. There isn't actually a reason not to do it. Genuinely no reason. It's free to use and easy to install on your computer in just 2 clicks. So shop with confidence, get Honey for free at joinhoney.com/views. That's joinhoney.com/views. Honey, the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money when you're shopping online. Thanks, Honey. We love you guys. The other day I had my first, um, was it—

I had, uh, orgasm?

No, I had, uh, I had a voice.

Congrats, man.

Thanks.

Just by yourself?

By myself. I didn't know I could do it.

Good job.

How'd it feel? I remember the first time I did, the first time I did masturbate and I found out that something— oh, fuck it, I don't want to get into that. But I do remember—

we do need a title.

I mean, I remember, uh, I can't get— that's too gross.

Whatever, talk about it.

No, I don't want to talk about me cumming for the first time.

You just say you masturbated, you don't have to use the word cum.

I just did. Um, okay, so was it with your dad? No, it's just— fuck off. Okay, so It was, um, I had my first voice thing. I was like, oh yeah, I was an animated thing in something that I don't know if I should talk about.

Do you know how to speak at all? I would do the thing with the voice. The man pay me to come in cartoon. And let me fill it in. David was hired to do some voiceover work.

Yeah. So I was playing like a cartoon and something, and, um, and that was my first time like being in a booth and recording my voice for something. I thought it was So, so cool. Yeah, it's nuts. It was so easy, and he like made me go through like different— oh my god, it was the best. It was the best. It was the best. Like, that's what I want to do. And I looked up, I was—

this is gonna be a voice actor.

Oh my god, I love it.

Stop doing all this.

You know how much money they make? I looked up, I looked at—

as much as you.

Just wait. I looked up, um, I looked up Mila Kunis. Yeah, how much she made per episode. I know this is the biggest show in the world, like one of the biggest shows, but on Family Guy.

Yeah.

Don't guess, but, um, I hate when people guess because they'll over-guess.

I wasn't going to. Okay, but $60 million an episode. No, $60,000.

No, no, no. Um, but, um, but yeah, so she'd come in 20 minutes a day. I mean, probably like an hour a day. And each episode, Jace, $175,000 to $225,000. Yeah, she would make for an episode of Family Guy. That is fucking insane.

And she's the sister, so you got to think there's probably like 5 lines, some episodes 5 lines, 10, 15 lines.

And, and she maybe does every line 3 times, right? And she comes in, she can come in her PJs, doesn't have to look presentable at all, like no hair and makeup.

You go in your PJs?

Yeah, basically.

No, everywhere in your PJs.

Jace, no hair and makeup at all, nothing. You come in, you talk, And she's not even playing like a foreign character. She's playing Mila Kunis. Like it's her own voice.

Yeah. But that's because Mila Kunis is a movie star. No, that's why she gets paid that.

Oh, I know. I know. I'm not taking it away from her. I'm just saying it's like the best job ever.

Sure.

Like $175,000 for an episode of Family Guy.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Plus residuals.

That's the goal. That's where I want to be. Um, so future David, if you're listening to this and you're a voiceover actor, con— fucking congratulations.

Were you nervous?

No, I do. I thought— I didn't have a ton. I think I had like 20, but they, but they, but they were like part of a group. Like my voice was with a lot of voices, so you wouldn't even really hear me.

Sure. Did you memorize it or did you read?

No, I was reading them.

Good.

And then I memorized them like because of what I was saying, but it was so fun because like I had— oh god, it was so fun. I felt at home when I was doing it. I felt so good. It was—

director say—

he was happy, he was giddy and happy about it.

Did he say Did he say good job?

Yeah, yeah, he said I did a good job.

He said you were a natural.

I literally, after, after the, after I did it, I went to the doctor and I said, please have me back for more, as if like I was begging for food. I was like, please, please bring me back because I loved it so much. Oh good. I don't know what it was.

I love everything though.

I don't know.

I love, like, could have went to like watch a beheading and you'd be like, it was pretty fucking cool. I mean, there's no, I knew you were going to that and there's no way I wouldn't expect you to be like, those fucking dope.

No, it was fun.

It is. It is fun. I've done it actually. I've done a little VO work in my time. I don't know if you want to hear about it.

You know what's great about it too?

It's not.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Okay.

How? I don't have anything interesting.

What's great about it is like, I did The Simpsons once. Oh, you were? You were a voice on The Simpsons?

Yeah. The Boston episode. I had a few lines.

Yeah. That was cool. Give me one of your lines.

I don't remember, but it was something like, you know, I don't remember. It was something like, I'm a Mark Wahlberg fan. It was something like that.

Wow. You're on The Simpsons.

It's the Boston episode. I don't remember the lines. If you guys want to remember what your character was, it was literally like Boston dude.

That is so cool.

I was in as Homer.

I—

it wasn't like that.

Oh no, that's even cooler.

You had your own character, Boston guy number one.

That's so sick. I would have gotten that framed. Did you get it framed?

No, I didn't even watch it.

What? You're a voice on The Simpsons. Someone find this fucking thing. That's—

I still get checks.

Really?

I got a check the other day. $17.

Wait, that's actually crazy for residuals.

Are cool. Like, you'll get— you'll probably get maybe get residuals for what you did, and you'll be like, oh, that's weird. I just got a check for $500 for doing that.

Yeah, that's crazy.

And Mila Kunis, her residuals are crazy, I'm sure. That plays in so many—

doesn't the Friends cast make a million dollars a month off residuals?

Maybe.

Yeah, I heard it was around there.

Have you ever been in another country? Seen Friends? Oh, right, you haven't. One time I went to France and I was like, and Friends was on all day long, and I was like, wow, like, that's some money.

Yeah, that's insane.

It's just playing in France.

It's like, that's called syndication, right?

Syndication.

Yeah, when they play it in different countries in different languages and then the actors make a lot more money off. That's so fucking cool.

That's why a TV show, if they can get to like 80 or 100 episodes, that's like the goal, which is not—

wait, which you can't really do anymore. Because of like Netflix and Amazon, there's not really syndication.

I don't know. I can't remember the last one, but like Big Bang went into syndication. Um, Two Broke Girls.

When you go into syndication, is it like a big party? Does everyone just explode?

A part of that, but maybe. But everyone, everyone makes money. I know that.

Like, do you get a call from like your agent? You're like, guess fucking what, we're going to Nobu tonight because it's syndicated.

Maybe. Yeah. I mean, I've never had any success in Hollywood, so I wouldn't know, be able to answer that question. But possibly David, yes, they would go to Nobu.

Fair enough.

Sick, dude.

Fair enough.

Real quick, guys, go subscribe to my YouTube channel, Jason Nash Comedy. Thanks.

Joe, you better cut that out.

Also, I'll be in San Jose April 28th.

You know the drill, Joe.

Another edit for Joe. Maybe Joe will miss it. Also, I love you, Wyatt and Charlie.

Joe, fucking do something with that one.

I'm sad today, man.

Why?

Man, I almost couldn't do the podcast today. I was crying like an hour ago.

You're fucking with me.

I cry every time I leave my kids' house. I pull over on their like street, their second street over.

I'm like, I'm like starting to tear up. I don't know why that makes me so sad.

I start to cry.

Why?

Because it's fucking spring break.

Oh wait, okay, be serious.

I, I am. It was spring break and they're going to Santa Inez with their mom and her new boyfriend.

Ah, that's— there it is, there it is.

They're leaving. It's Thursday. Today's Wednesday. They're leaving tomorrow, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. They're gonna be gone.

Chase, why do you cry? Oh no, it's not a big deal. Where are your kids? Oh, they're with their mother and the new boyfriend. And it's just like, is that what it is? Is it the new boyfriend?

It's not the new boyfriend at all. I don't care at all. I just like, I used to go to that house. I used to hang out with them on the weekends. But then I have this podcast to do too, which I fucking resent you guys. No, but like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like, I know that like I'm really lucky to have this job and like I couldn't take them away because I have to be here doing this.

Sure.

And I love, I love doing this. But then at the same time, I'm like, I'm like, I was broke. I used to fucking see them all the time when I had no job. I spent every minute with them. And now I'm like, and what am I gonna do all weekend? What am I fucking gonna do? I'm by myself. I literally sit in that house. I got nothing to do. Maybe you'll fucking call me and we'll have like one thing to do, maybe one night, and it won't be fun because I'm 40 fucking 5 and everyone you hang out with is 21 and I have nothing to say to them. I was at Coachella. I was standing next to people that I thought I was standing next to Charlie and Wyatt. I swear to God, I saw some of these people. I was like, they were like, yeah, Prince David. I'm like, are you fucking 14? David, I was so out of my element at Coachella. I was I was just like, I can't be here. Really? Obviously hanging out with you and Jeff and Scott and Todd and Zayn, and like, that's—

that's— oh yeah, you did leave early.

Yeah, I just left. I was just— also, Jeff was working me out every day, and I was so tired. One day I walked 10 miles and I ran 2. Like, I— and then— and then Ilya and I, we tried to get out of there. We had to walk 3 miles.

Why don't you like Coachella? What is it? What is it about— is it just too many—

just too old?

Too many young people?

Too many young people. What makes you even like 30-year-olds there? I'm 45.

Yeah, you're right. It was all like 20.

Also, I've seen one dude there like 3 years in a row, and he's all— and he's always on Molly, and it was hilarious.

You've seen the same dude every time?

I see him, he's like, what's up, Nash? I'm like, hey man, he's like, oh, I'm rolling. I'm like, do you do Molly every day? Because I've seen you 3 years in a row. I don't hang out with you.

What's up, Nash? Yeah, I ran into Paris Hilton at Coachella.

You did?

Yeah, I did.

What happened?

I, I just kind of like—

I just, I kind of just stalked her for 3 hours, finally mustered up the courage to say hi.

No, I walked right by and I was like, hi Paris, I fucking love you so much. Is that what you said? And yeah, and she like grabbed me and she goes, thank you. Like, it was the fucking kindest thing I've ever seen. She like stopped and she's like, thank you. She gave me like the longest hug, like a 4-second hug. I'm like, Jesus Christ, this woman is the nicest person I've ever met. Yeah, I was like, it made me feel— and then I left and I was like, oh my God, that was like my mom. Like, it felt so good. Why is my hand so shaky? Have you noticed that? I mean, you probably have noticed around my comedy It's shaky a little bit, right? What's going on?

I've done a lot more comedy than you, David. There's no need for you to be nervous. I respect you. I think you're funny, man. I do. Give me some good advice for once, dog.

What do you need help with?

How do I like wrap my head around like not seeing them for 5 days and feeling shitty about it?

You need a puppy.

You would hate that. We've been through this. You would hate if I had a puppy, then I wouldn't be available to you. I wouldn't be disposed at your disposal.

Never mind.

I mean, yeah, let's get a puppy. Great. That'll take care of the next 5 days for sure.

No.

Fine.

What do you need help with?

I don't know. I was expecting some kind of like nice thing that you would say. I'm obviously struggling here.

Okay, I'm here. I'm here to help.

Okay, what do you got?

Okay, so your problem is your kids— your kids don't love you? Is that what it— honestly, I spaced out. Listen, I'm kidding. Okay, so you want to spend more time with them, but you can't balance work and being a family man.

No, they're just I think you just— I think that tone is so belittling. If you can't have it, this is a 45-year-old problem. I'm 22 and I'm about to fucking jump in my Ferrari in about 10 minutes and never see this douchebag again.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But it just sounds like— it just sounds like a typical, like, father growing apart from his kid situation.

What a horrible thing to say. Growing apart.

They're getting—

you are the worst. You are the worst. The worst fucking person to talk to about any problems.

I've never— no, I'm good. I'm good with problems.

You only fucking care about yourself.

I'm good with problems.

What?

I'm so good with problems.

You are so not good with problems. Not other people's problems. You're good with your own because you fucking talk about your—

we can't—

we can't sit around and we solve your problems all fucking day.

We can literally—

oh, should I go film with Kylie or should I go film with Kendall?

Fucking— well, you know what, it's never been a problem, huh? Um, no, we can We can— no.

You have rich people problems. That's you, Al.

No, I don't.

I—

no, okay. What's your problem?

I told you. They're gone for 5 days and I feel shitty about it and I feel like crying. I was crying in the car.

So, okay. That sucks. I don't know, like, that's a problem that you can't fix. You get that? Like, you can't fix that problem.

That's stupid.

They're fucking gone. They're gone. They will be back and then you can spend time with them again. But for the next—

They're going into school. They go back to school on Monday. It's their break. I should have taken them to Hawaii.

Jason, you just hung out with them for 3 days. You took them to different places. You're fine. Huh?

Where'd I take them?

You went to some animal sanctuary. You went to Disneyland.

Good, you are listening. Yeah, it's pretty—

just because I'm listening does not mean I care. No, no, but you, you, you, you, you're too hard on yourself. You hang out with them enough. Trust me, honestly, it may hurt them in the future how much you hang out with them when they have to grow up and be on their own, because you hang out with them way too My parents were together and I didn't hang out with my parents as much as you hang out with your kids. And you guys are divorced. It makes no sense. You're totally fine. Give them a break. They're kids.

Thanks, David.

Okay, now fucking fuck off.

And this has been another heart-to-heart with David and Jason. This girl at Disneyland the other day, she really pissed me off. I was getting off a ride and then she goes, she goes, hey Jason, like that. And I go, oh hey. And she goes, I'm a fan of David's. Just because I'm a fan of David's, I know you hate when people say that like that. I was like, no, I don't be a fan of David's. David's great. Like, the hell was that? She got it all wrong. Got it all wrong.

No, I mean, you know what, you know what, that she's like saying like, ah, fuck, am I—

I know what she's saying.

You just like getting mad at people.

I love it. I'm so cantankerous.

You are so old and grouchy. We were— if you had a front lawn and a lawn chair, you'd, you'd, you'd be sitting on it yelling at kids, get the fuck out of here, you should be watching Views more, listen to the podcast, stupid. Hey guys, if you ever need tickets for anything, literally anything, make sure to check out our sponsor SeatGeek. You guys know SeatGeek. SeatGeek is the best place to buy tickets to literally anything with more than 50,000 5-star reviews in the App Store. SeekGeek is focused on making your experience as easy as possible. SeekGeek pulls in millions of tickets from all over the web, rates each deal on a scale of 1 to 10, and displays them on an interactive seat map so it's simple to find what you're looking for. Green dots are good deals and red dots are overpriced. Best of all, our listeners get $10 off their first SeekGeek purchase. Lastly, of course, SeekGeek supports our show, so go support them because they support us. Use our promo code VIEWS for $10 off on your first purchase. You can use that for concert tickets, sports, comedy, whatever you want. Remember, that's promo code VIEWS for $10 off on your first purchase. I love SeatGeek. I've been working with SeatGeek for a while. Within the last year, we've surprised 10 people with cars with some help from SeatGeek, and they helped pay for half of my Ferrari that I recently purchased. So I do genuinely— I love SeatGeek. I love the people there. I love the fact that they support being creative and, and the whole the whole vision behind that. So I think they're really cool people. And I have a Ferrari that's in my garage, which is absolutely fucking insane to me. I cannot believe it, and it's the best. Yeah, very good decision.

Why don't you thank every single one of your fans? Okay, got you that Ferrari.

Amy, Adam, Marcus, Luke. No, but thank you, thank you to everybody who helped me get that car. That was dope.

Yeah, that was fun. You, you, you talked them down. You got the price down.

I got the price down.

Yeah, that we took 3 hours.

So you know what happened, right? Okay, remember when we were negotiating for the Ferrari? So the price was originally at $240,000. $240, and I called my car guy. I was like, car guy who helps with everything, and I was like, what, it's at $240, should I get it? What do I do? And he's like, no, get that car down to at least $230, at least. It's not worth that. And, um, and, and I'm like, okay, fine. So I go back to the guy, I put on my best poker face, and after 20, 30 minutes of talking and telling him there's no way I can get the car unless it's at least $230, he goes, okay, fine. So now it's at 2:30. I call my car guy and he goes, he goes, dude, forget, forget what I said. Don't get that fucking car. Get out of there. I don't care if it's 2:30. Get the fuck out. Don't buy that car. It's so overpriced. No fucking way. And I'm like, what? What are you talking about? And he's like, if that car's not at least 2:15, it is not worth the money. It is a piece of shit, way too overpriced. Do not get it. Get out of there. And like, I'm like, I'm already ready to get this car because like I have heart set on it. So I'm like, dude, please don't say this right now. I just, I just really want to get the car. And he's like, buddy, trust me, you do not want it for that price. Get out of there.

Leave.

And like, I'm talking to him for like 15 minutes on the phone, and the guy I'm negotiating with is watching me talk to him. So he sees that I'm just like completely just like distraught by what my car guy's telling me, right? So I go to the guy and I'm like, dude, I'm sorry, but I can't do it. Like, I can't do it unless it's unless it's at like $215,000. And the guy just goes, okay, fine, $215,000.

Wow.

And, uh, we shook on it. And I call the guy back, I call my car guy back, and I'm like, dude, don't be mad, um, don't be mad, but I bought the car, but I got it for $215,000. And he's— and, and he, and he goes, oh, I didn't care if you bought it for $230,000. That was a good price. I was just trying to get you to talk it down.

Oh wow. Yeah, so he never told me that.

No, you know, so he was like, he was like getting in my head and like, and like trying to fuck with me to not buy it just so I would get the price down lower. And I did. So he was like, yeah, so he was like, oh yeah, you should have bought that at $230, that was a good deal, but I knew you could get it down even lower, so I told you not to get it.

Oh, that's so cool.

Yeah. This next segment of the podcast is called Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast. It's where we give our editor friend Joe 25 seconds to say and do whatever he wants in return for editing our podcast. So action!

There was 3 seconds.

It's 6 seconds because he ran to the kitchen for some reason. Now we're at about— he's pulling 10 seconds. Guys, Joe just brought out a plate of vegetables which none of you guys can see, so I don't even know why he's doing it because it's an audio podcast. But there are vegetables here.

A crudités. Hello, weenies! What's up?

Today we have a very special teeny weeny lunch party podcast, and I have a platter.

I have carrots and peppers and cucumbers. But this is for a friends-only lunch party.

Oh, you fucking dick. So unfortunately, that's all the time we have. He had a food—

Am I your friend? Yeah.

David, get that back.

Did you tell Joe you weren't his friend?

No.

Piece of crap.

Yeah. So what are you gonna do about it, old man?

David, say that you're my friend and then you can have some more. No. He said no, but he can still have some. I want to eat this so badly, but we're doing an audio podcast and I don't know if the crunching is David doesn't care.

I fucking hate the Teeny Weeny Podcast.

Pretty good, though.

That was pretty good. Joe, you can come back next week.

Hey, did you ever, like, want to, like, have sex with any of your friends' moms?

No.

Did you ever have, like—

Yes. Yeah, one of them.

And what about a teacher? Did you ever have sex with a teacher?

Yeah, of course.

And then did you ever have, like, like flirty moments, moments that with teachers?

Yes, 100%.

Moments that no one else— I think we've talked about this, but with the mom, did you ever have that?

No, never. It was a mom that I never even really spoke to. I just knew of her because a lot of people wanted to sleep with her.

Oh, people would talk about it?

Yeah. She's like the hottest mom ever.

Did the guys— did the kid know that you guys talked about it?

Yeah.

Would you tease him like, no, not at all. So hot.

No, it was a girl and she was totally for people wanting to fuck her mom. She's like, yeah, my mom's hot. She's like one of those situations. Why? What was your situation? People want to have sex with your mom?

Um, no. Oh, okay.

Sorry.

You just look like the kind of person that would want to fuck someone's mom.

Oh yeah? That never happened to you? Because you used to say— you said your mom used to be really attractive when, uh, when she was younger.

Yeah, my mom was very attractive.

Did you ever run?

I mean, I don't know. My friends never shared that with me.

They never?

No. My friend— my mom did everything for me. My mom would drive all my friends around and stuff. But then once we got licenses, we didn't need her anymore, so we gave her the boot.

But no, no, I never, I never had, I never had sex with a mom.

Oh, nice. You got any big trips coming up? You got any big trips coming up?

No, I'm not a world traveler.

You go all over. David goes to two fucking places: Chicago and New York and LA.

Chicago.

You don't even go to New York that much.

Yeah, you're right, David.

We could go anywhere for the vlog. We could go anywhere for our jobs, and David He won't— he won't go anywhere. Let's go to Austin this weekend.

We can't go to a different place. Austin?

Yeah, let's go see some live music. There's all kinds of people out there being drunk. You can film them, and I'll go in and see some live music. Like, I don't understand.

I hate— I hate when you talk like this. You talk like you want to relax, but then when we get to a place, you know damn well that you hate relaxing.

No, I hate going to your fucking hometown 17 times with the only exciting thing is the goddamn Starbucks inside the Target.

So you agree it's exciting?

No, it's not. I'm done with your town. I'm done with the fucking mayor. I'm done with the fucking—

You haven't met the mayor. If you met him, you'd understand why I have such a fucking—

Who's the mayor? You don't even know them.

John Winston.

You made that up.

Yes, I did.

That's the name you use anytime you don't know the name of somebody.

That is not true. Ask my therapist.

What's his name?

John Winston.

But I don't understand. We can go anywhere. Like, why don't you mix it up? You can't go out of the country. Okay, fine, I'll accept that. But like, let's go to Portland, let's go to San Diego.

Sure, if you give me a place to go, I'll go. I texted you this morning.

Someone asked me—

And then the Grand Canyon is spectacular.

I guess it's—

when you see it, you're like, oh my God.

Yeah, I believe it. It's unbelievable. I believe it.

Let's go camping. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, sorry, you're right. That's a terrible idea. You and me camping is awful.

Camping would be tough.

I would do it.

You'd fucking thrive there. No one has a shower. Everyone's an equal finally. Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos all commission-free. Well, my friends were reading this ad. Carly and Bruce were reading this for their podcast. And instead of saying you can buy and sell stocks, Bruce goes, Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell socks. He said socks, but they ended up cutting it out anyway. While other brokerages charge up to $10 for every trade, Robinhood doesn't charge any commission fee, so you can trade stocks and keep all your profits. Plus, there's no account minimum deposit needed to get started, so you can start investing at any level. The simple intuitive design of Robinhood makes investing easy for newcomers and experts alike. Dude, reading is so fucking tough for me. I don't know what it is.

Yeah, yeah, because you're a dumbass.

You shouldn't say stuff like that. You shouldn't put me down.

When I'm, when I'm reading this ad, when I've been working so hard at Mathnasium each week.

Um, views easy-to-understand charts and market data and place a trade in just 4 taps on your smartphone. You can also view stock collections such as 100 Most Popular. With Robinhood, you can learn how to invest in the market as you build your portfolio. Guys, Robinhood is the best place to start when you're starting. Robinhood is giving listeners of Views with David Dobrik and Jason Ash a free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help you build your portfolio. Sign up at views.robinhood.com. Again, that's views.robinhood.com. Thank you, Robinhood, for being a sponsor. I was watching a Kim Kardashian interview the other day, and she was talking about how a brand came to her and they asked her to post for, for their clothing for a million dollars. One Instagram post.

Wow.

Which is kind of around what you get paid, so, um, so you know how to relate to the story. Um, so Uh, but the brand, they were known for ripping off Yeezys, which Yeezy is owned by Kanye. That's his brand. So she went to Kanye because she's married to him, and she was like, hey, this brand wants me to post. It's a million dollars. I know you may not— you may not want me to, so I just wanted to see what, what you thought. And Kanye was like, I'd appreciate if you, if you wouldn't post because they do rip off my clothing, so I wouldn't like that.

Um, so how dare they go to her? Yeah, that's That's so odd.

It is weird.

That'd be like if, like, I stole your vlogs and then offered Natalie money.

Yeah. Um, so then, um, so then she goes back to the brand, she says she's not doing it, and then Mother's Day comes around and she said, um, Kanye surprised her, um, with a Mother's Day card, and in the card was a check for a million dollars with like a note that said, thank you for believing in me. And, um, behind the check was a contract for her to be an owner of Yeezy. Oh wow, pretty fucking dope.

Oh yeah, you like that, huh?

Why?

It's like you love business and love.

Yeah, it's the best combination of business and love. That— no, that was— that's genuine. That story made me tear up.

It did?

Yeah.

And I was crying about my kids. Yeah, a little while ago.

Yeah, so there we go, we're both emotional. I'm emotional for Kim and Kanye, you're emotional for your own children.

You have no feeling for the your friend who you see every day, but these two celebrities who you don't know, sure, you're crying for them.

Yeah, well, wonderful. One just hits harder.

Well, you need to go see a therapist. You know what pisses me off?

What?

I see this all the time in LA. Car collectors.

Great, right? They piss you off?

Oh yeah. Oh, I have a 1957 Cadillac. I'm gonna take it out on a Saturday. Guess fucking what? You get into a traffic jam on a Saturday. Plugged up 20 minutes. Why is there traffic on a Saturday? There shouldn't be a lot of cars on the road. Guess why? The fucking car collector who decided to take out his fucking '59 Olds is broken down in the middle of the road.

There you go again. You just always need to find something to be angry at. Oh, you cannot be a happy guy.

I hate this.

When's the last time you were genuinely happy?

I'll tell you something. Before I walked in here, and I'll tell you something else. The people out there, no, don't fucking block.

No, I'm trying to stretch my leg.

This is where my volleyball cut is. Listen to me, you are so full of shit.

Hey, how's the new app you came out with, dumbass?

There's some bugs.

Yeah, there are some bugs. I play— Jason gave me his new app to play.

It's not out yet.

I know, but you gave it to me. He's like, check it out. I think we're done. And it was fucking impossible to play. It didn't work.

It doesn't work on iPhone X yet, but on the 6 it's great.

It's a brand new app. You're making it for older But that's all. Well, that's all. Yeah, for today's podcast.

Sorry, it's your part.

Go, you can take it.

Hey, that's all the time we have for The Views podcast. I'm Jason Nash.

I'm David Dobrik, and we're just having fun here.

And David, I love you, man. I know sometimes we go at it here on the podcast.

It's all, it's all for show. We're entertainers. We're like Hulk Hogan and The Rock fighting it off in the ring, except we do it from your living room, and neither of us are in any good shape. No, makes sense. Well, no, no, I'll see you next week. Okay, remember, what did I say?

I take a shower. Yeah, and don't come crying to you with my problems.

Bingo. I was gonna say don't call me, but yeah, all right, I'll see you guys.

I love you.

What? I'm sorry, my name is Jeff.

Bye.