A Nightmare Trip to Dave and Buster's

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Jason doesn't know it yet, but his feet smell disgusting.

Let's take a look.

You don't have to look, I can smell it.

You can smell them?

Yeah, the second you walk in the door.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's bad.

He put a sock right up his nostril.

My apologies to you and your body and your nose. That's bad, that's bad. But you know what, I've been working hard today. Okay. You know, it's been a long day.

Is that why you shit yourself too?

Oh, that's what's in the socks.

It's just diarrhea from earlier.

Hey, what, um, Oh, you screwed me over.

Huh?

You screwed me over.

We haven't even rolled the intro music yet.

Oh, well then do it.

All right, go.

All right, go.

How did I screw you over?

You screwed me over.

What happened?

You know, you're so flippant when I ask you advice, right? I like ask you for stuff.

Yeah.

You give this like crazy advice. I'm going to stop listening to you.

What advice did I give you?

Because you've been wrong about some stuff lately.

No way.

You're usually right.

Okay. What happened?

Well, last— okay, my, my, my number— these kids got my number and they were calling my ex-wife's house. Yeah, the home line. So that's, that's code red. I get calls from my ex-wife like, I'm getting calls at 2 in the morning.

She was like scared. Yeah, like random kids found your number.

Yeah, random kids. So I, I got the number and I called them and I was like really nice about it. I said, guys, could you do me a favor?

And to be fair, this went on— you were talking to them for the next 2 days.

Yeah, I said, do me a favor, don't call my ex-wife. And then somehow they were like, well, can we call you tomorrow? And I was like Yeah, I was like, yeah, yeah, okay. And can we be in the vlog? And I was like, uh, I was like, maybe, maybe, you know. Yeah. So then they called on Tuesday and I was too busy, and I was like, guys, please, please, please. So then finally last night they wrote, they go, you said we could be in the vlog, uh, we were cool and we didn't, um, release that number.

Yeah.

And they go, Jesus Christ, they go, can you send a video of you and David saying hi to our friend Sam?

Yeah. So I read the text message and I didn't even say, say hi to our friend Sam. I know it said call on the F word.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, call him the F word.

The bad word for being gay.

Yeah, exactly. And I wasn't gonna do that.

And that's what they wanted me and Jason to call his friend Sam that on video. Yeah, which is— it's like, it's like sending someone blackmail. It's awful.

Yeah, I wouldn't have done that. But what I was gonna do is just be like, what's up guys, it's David. That's all I was gonna do. And then you said—

I saw that text and I'm like, tell him you're calling the police, you don't owe these kids anything.

No, you said, you said, you said, tell him to fuck off. Like, you're not their bitch. No.

Yeah, no.

And I— because I go, David, can we just make this video really quick? Well, guess what?

Why?

Fucking— you said block their number.

Okay.

And then I said no, but then they'll call my ex-wife's house.

Yeah.

Well, guess what?

What?

They fucking released my number. I had— we were— had a stressful day today.

Let's find—

we were the celebrity today.

Let's find these fucking kids.

Okay. They live in Texas.

Little turds, little turds, I'll tell you.

What are you gonna do?

I mean, what are you gonna do when you find them? Like, it's one thing— it's one thing to like call a bunch, right?

Yeah.

And but it's another to continue to call after you're saying, hey, please listen, just give me a break. And then they keep calling. Yeah, so disrespectful. And then on top of that, they want you to be disrespectful to someone. Like, they want you to say something that's completely not okay. It's literally like them being like, hey, say the n-word. Yeah, but send it to me. Like, what the fuck is that?

Yeah, that's true. I mean, I think it's probably their friend.

Yeah, no, it is their friend. Yeah, but I'm saying like, like, who do—

what do they— like, it's just like, don't incriminate us.

Yeah, they were literally making you their bitch, and that's why it upset me. Normally, if it was like a random person that got your number, I'd be like, sure, whatever, who cares.

You could read that text? Yeah, man, you see everything.

Well, I'm also connected to your phone on my phone, so all your—

what?

All your texts just go straight.

You have all my texts?

Yeah, I gotta keep— I gotta keep up with your love life.

All the ones from Trish?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

No, but we— that, that was really rude of the kids. Like, it's probably the rudest experience I've had.

Well, I don't— yeah, of course, because I should have just fucking made the video and been done with it. Now they're gonna call Marnie's house tonight.

No, you should have blocked the number.

I did block the number, and then that's when they released my number once I blocked it. Like you said, I just got your advice.

Let's release their number.

Okay.

Really?

Yeah, you want to?

Yeah, let's do it.

Okay. I mean, do we get in trouble for that?

I don't know. Two can play at that game.

817.

Hold on, hold on. I'm like all tough, but then when you do it No, it's just— okay, let's not release the number because we're not— we don't want to be— we don't want to be dicks.

We don't want to get down on their level.

Yes, but, but it's 816-39— you fucking bitch, don't you fucking fuck with us!

We're playing—

you two can play at that game. No, no, no. Okay, we won't talk about it, bottom line. But it's over. But that was— that's rude of them. That's very rude of them for doing that.

Yeah, they're kids. That's what they do. They're 14-year-old kids. The point is— that's not the point.

I don't know why I'm mad at like 10-year-olds. I know how to—

I knew how to handle the situation. All you had to do is a little honey. Little honey goes a long way in this life. That's what I wanna teach you today.

But you always tell me that if you help someone, what is that saying that you always—

No good deed goes unpunished.

No good deed goes unpunished.

It's true.

And that's what I learned. Dude, or I'm literally, if you give a mouse a cookie, that's the situation you were in. You shout out their friend, it keeps going, dude. They had you. And now what? Your number's released, and if you get more texts, I'll tell you what, Jason, I'll go to Texas myself and I'll give an ass whooping to these 11-year-old boys. I will fuck them up. No, but guys, if you have our number, please don't call us. And if you happen to have our number, don't be rude about it. You know what was crazy to me? The other day, Scott tweeted out saying, please don't come to our house anymore because my girlfriend's getting scared. 'Cause there's people that find out where these guys live and they show up to the door and they knock on the door and it's pretty, it could get really scary 'cause it's usually late at night and it's just spooky to have someone knock on your door when you're not expecting anybody. And he tweeted that and then literally a day later, 2 people at the same time came to our door, like 2 different groups of people, and both of the people said, hey, I saw your tweet yesterday, I'm sorry. We still really wanted to come say hi. I thought, you can't even be mad. It's fucking funny. Like, that's crazy to me.

We saw your tweet and you're absolutely right. We should not come to your door anymore.

But to be fair, it's like, if I was a kid that age, I would do the same fucking shit. And I'm not like, I'm not okaying it at all.

Sure.

It's completely wrong. You should not be doing it. But I'm also always like on the side of like the the bad person. Like, I can always like sympathize.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, with the person that's committing the crime, let's say. But like, I know if I was a kid and Johnny Depp was in— was having dinner, right? And he was having dinner, and you're not supposed to approach people when they're having dinner. Like, you wait till they finish, you wait outside, and maybe take a picture if you're feeling up to it. But I know if I had to go and Johnny Depp was having dinner and I'll never see Johnny Depp again, I would be like, I'm sorry, I know you're having dinner and this sucks, but I need to take a picture with you real quick.

We were on the Shoes on the Other Foot the other night with Paris Hilton. Yeah, we were the people lurking her.

Yeah, we remember. Yeah, we ran into such pussies about it. Yeah, we were big bitches.

I fucking had to do it.

We, um, we, we saw Paris Hilton at the Golden Globes. We went to Golden Globes, by the way, the after party. Yeah, it was great fun. It was great.

David had it, guys. David had a really good time. David was dancing. Yeah, and he didn't have anything to drink or anything.

Oh, I don't ever drink. But listen, I had a good time because we were sitting next to like this old guy. I said this in the vlog, and Jason's like, you know who that guy is right next to us? Like literally right next to us. So he's whispering in my ear and I'm like, who is that? He's like, that's the second guy to step foot on the moon. And I'm like, that's fucking Buzz Aldrin. And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck? It's so crazy. It's like a 35-year-old chick with like literally a 35-year-old woman, like, and he's in his 80s. Yeah. Like, oh my God, insane.

She was hot.

And the crazy part about that is like, you know the guy.

Yeah.

But you don't know him. Like, you know what I mean? Like the fact that I'm like, is that Buzz Aldrin? Like, that's what's cool. It's like, I know who Buzz Aldrin is, but the fact that I was sitting by him and I didn't know, that's what was cool. And then also we saw Matt Damon there. Yeah, we saw, I mean, Topher Grace, uh, Paris Hilton's mom.

Yeah, Paris Hilton's mom was really into, uh, she was, uh, we, we, we went to the party and then David and I left to go shoot some stuff, and then we came back, and by the time we came back, Todd and Zane were, were pretty lit.

Yeah.

And, and there was this really attractive older woman Yeah, um, all over Todd, all over Todd. And I was like, she's attractive, like, yeah, she looked good.

And Jason wanted to record them like dancing, but I told Jason, I'm like, Jason, don't, don't record them because we don't know who the woman is, right? And I mean, then literally 15 minutes later we found out it was Paris Hilton's mother. Um, so that was great. I was really—

no, well, because then we went downstairs and we saw Paris Hilton.

Yeah.

And she had a crowd of people, and that woman was standing there, and I said, oh my God, that's freaking Paris Hilton. That was all in your vlog, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was all my vlog. But it was, it was, it was a pretty good night. I was surprised.

Super fun.

Victoria Justice was there, Ashley Tisdale was there, like a bunch of child—

all the, all the kid stars that I don't know. All the kids you said were there, I didn't know. I don't know any of those people.

Mark Ronson was DJing, who's like a very— I don't know. Anyway, it was, it was a good time. I was happy. And we saw Paris Hilton outside of the party, and we were all nervous to go up and say hi to her like a bunch of fucking little girls. Like, it was crazy.

Zane really wanted a picture with her.

Yeah, and he wanted it for the vlog mostly because it was just like a funny joke to wrap things up, right? But like, like, I was so nervous. I was like, Jason, Jason, go up there! Come on, come on, get us in, get us in! Like, I was really nervous. And after we got the picture, it felt so good. It was so exciting. I, I even told Zane, I'm like, oh, so that's why people wait outside your house. That was fucking exhilarating. Yeah, yeah, it was, it was a lot of fun to to meet Paris Hilton. Guys, there's no better way of finding friends than by having a Beachbody. And Beachbody On Demand is an online fitness streaming service that gives you unlimited access to a wide variety of highly effective world-class workouts personalized to meet your needs.

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Really?

Yeah, because I was always, I'm just scared of lifting weights. Why? One, because I think they're boring as hell, and I hate lifting weights. And because I'm always scared of someone coming up to me and being like, hey buddy, that's not how you do it, this is how you do it.

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It just makes me uncomfortable.

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Yeah.

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Well, it's a great idea. You don't have to leave the house.

I love not leaving the house.

And you can just work out right in your living room. Just move the coffee table over.

You can do everything from your house now.

Now.

Literally everything. We've said this on the podcast before. Our friend Scott—

you can vlog from your house.

Yeah, our friend Scott works from home because he vlogs, and he only vlogs inside his house. And then he Postmates whatever he wants. The other day he Postmated an Apple Watch because his broke. So he had an Apple Watch come to his house. He Postmates his water. He Postmates his food. He never leaves. And it's just insane how much you can start doing from your house if you have the money for it, because it It is pretty expensive. But speaking of working out, you just told me this the other day. You take a workout class every morning.

I take, yeah, I've been taking this workout class where I go in there and it's a ballet class.

Yeah. Yeah. Straight up ballet class.

Yeah, it's all about like, you know, having long muscles. It's called, it's Lottie Burke. It's based on the Lottie Burke principles.

What is, what do you wear?

A tutu.

And you were telling me you were the, you're the only guy in the class.

Yeah, I feel weird going in there being the only—

Jason, that's nuts. This is like—

why?

Because it's so cliché.

Why is it cliché?

Like weird or anything, but, but like I'm just saying you're like the perfect example of a guy who would do that.

Why? Just because I'm effeminate?

No, just because this is so you. You being like me, if I was walking by like a shopping center and there was like a ballet class and I looked inside and I saw you were the only guy in it, I wouldn't even like Ben and I would be like, yeah, that's— that looks about right.

It's, it's, it's really easy on your body. No, I believe it's like if I were to go lift weights at Scott and Todd, I'll pull something. Yeah, I can't do that.

And then how do the women feel about you being the only guy?

They've, they've started— they're starting to accept me. I'm on my— I did my third day today.

How was it at first?

It was really bad. I walked in and they were like, what? Like, why are you here? Like, we had a good thing here. Why are you coming in here now?

But they were nice to you, like, on the outside, right?

No, no one's nice. Really? It's, it's LA. Ah, girls aren't nice.

Did they think you were being creepy? Probably, yeah.

But I mean, I'm not there to be creepy. Shit. You know what I mean?

That's tough.

They're all like, they're all middle-aged too. They're all like middle-aged women. So it's like, yeah, it's not like it's not got a room full of like hot chicks and I'm like, hey, it's a college, it's a college course.

Yeah, no, but no, you want me to spot you?

I mean, I don't say that.

You want me to spot you? No, it takes some level of courage.

I mean, and I also, I chant through it. I say things like, "Woo!" through the whole thing.

What do you mean? Oh, do you really?

I make noises, yeah. It's just as bad. Okay, I have something I wanna talk to you about.

What's up?

And it's not even a character assassination on you. I'm just gonna talk to you as a friend.

Are you gonna make fun of me?

No.

You're gonna be—

It has nothing to do with you. Oh, okay, good. So I've been like, I figured out what my main problem is.

With me?

No, not with you.

Okay, oh, okay.

I'm just fucking riddled with guilt. I operate—

Do you have something to tell me?

No, it has nothing to do with you.

Oh, okay. You're about to cry.

No, I'm like riddled with guilt.

What do you mean?

All the time. Like my entire life, I'm just guilty.

Like divorcing your—

Yeah, guilty, like if I'm not with the kids, I'm like, fucking, I'm like, I gotta be with the kids. And then when I'm with them, like, I overextend myself. Like, I went to, um, they were here on Sunday.

Yeah.

And, uh, and I had to post a video, and then I went to, uh, and I was like working, but then like I could have like told Marty to take them, but I didn't. So then I fucking took them to Dave Buster's, and I had like my laptop with me, and I was like editing while I'm at Dave Buster's. Fuckin' Dave Buster's is the worst.

Yeah, and you just felt guilty that you couldn't be with your kids.

Yeah, but then at the same time I'm like suffering.

Yeah, yeah, sucks. Yeah, dude, I know it.

I know how it is.

And no, you don't have kids.

Yeah, I don't. You know what the fuckin' main thing, main problem with Dave Buster's is? Huh? The main problem—

this is the main mistake.

It's too fuckin' loud in there. It's too fuckin' loud in there. Yeah, go to Dave Buster's. Uh-huh. I don't want to go. You know how much it costs to go to Dave Buster's?

How much? It's— I get there. Okay, to be fair, you also like hook your kids up with like the special treatment when they go out anywhere.

There's no special treatment. This is— I do, but not in this case. Go to Dave Buster's. Charlie wants to bring her friend JoJo. I'm like, okay, that's fine. So I go there. JoJo. JoJo. I get $40. I put $40 on each card.

3 cards.

Wow.

Yeah, I know, dude. Hang on. Dude, when I used to go to Chuck E. Cheese's, my mom would give me $5.

That would get me 25 games.

Yeah, that was in the fucking '80s.

Yeah, '80s, Jason, not everyone was born then.

Chuck E. Cheese is less expensive than Dave Buster's.

Not everyone's siblings with Buzz Aldrin, Jason.

Every game at Dave Buster's is $1. Fuck that. Or more, $2.

That's the problem, it's not the loud music.

So I go there, so that's $120. Oh, that's what you were doing?

Yeah, sorry, fuck you. Hold on, what's 30 times 3? 90. 70. And, uh, and, and then they spend $40 in 25 minutes, all of them. Okay, so they come and they're like, they're like, I'm out, I'm out.

Oh no. And I know how your kids are too.

They go, Daddy, Daddy, please. Yeah, I know.

And then my computer dies.

Son of a bitch. So you start hitting your kids? I start beating them. Social Services comes. I start beating them.

No.

So then I put more money on there. Oh fuck.

And then I have to have JoJo back by 5 for soccer. Now you're putting more money on their card because you see if they get a certain amount of tickets, they can win an Apple MacBook charger for you.

No, exactly. Shut up. So then I— they finally spend all their money, and it's like 4:30, and I'm like so fucking beaten down. Yeah, that I took this on, that I agreed to take them to Dave Buster's, because most— because Marty never fucking takes Dave, but she's never taken Dave Buster's once. She's never taken to the park. Chill, dog, this isn't therapy. She's never taken— you know, she, she's fine. She is who she is. I'll give her a compliment. She fucking says no. Yeah, like, why?

I'll be like, do you want to come hear this new song?

She'll be like, no. That's like, really? Yeah, she said that. Yeah, I mean, like, she just, she just doesn't want to, you know? Or like, they'll be like, come play kickball. She's like, no. And then I, I'm fucking say yes. Do you know how it was like to play kickball with against two kids?

Do you know what it's like to listen to my son's shitty songs?

Um, that was worth it. No, no, no. Do you ever play kickball? And then I play kickball with 2 kids. You know what it's like to play kickball with 2 kids?

No. It's fucking infuriating, David.

Yeah, it seems like you hate your kids.

Do you know what happens when you play kickball with 2 kids?

No, I can't imagine.

You should get rid of them. They fucking kick the ball over your head.

God damn it, get rid of these motherfucking munchkins. And we're on a cul-de-sac. The ball just goes down the hill. Like, how do you fucking play kickball with 3 people?

And that's all they want to do.

They play— oh really, it was just 3 people? Yeah, me versus them. And then fucking Wyatt, he's a big kid. Yeah, he just fucking kicks it into the other yard and there's just no way you can get it. Yeah, and then— but I can't say no. Yeah, I spend them so many times.

I don't want to play kick— I'm like, I can't play kickball. You gotta start saying no. I mean, it's bottom line, I have to.

You spoil your kids too much.

So then get this.

Yes, so they were at Dave Buster's. Okay, I put another fucking $25 on each card. You're a dick. So it's $65 times 3, whatever that is, $180. $195. I did the math quick. That was good. Fuck you.

That was good. I gotta get JoJo to soccer by 5. Yeah, it's 4:30. Son of a bitch.

But she still has more tokens to play. No. What?

I forgot about the fucking end when you take all the tickets.

Oh, you fuck. And you, you, you get to buy something with the tickets, right? Yeah.

Okay, you can't take 3 kids into It was, David, I almost had a fucking mental breakdown. I almost started crying right there. Can I assume what happened? What? I mean, there's multiple situations. Go ahead. You were just like, fuck this, I'm going to go buy you guys Apple Watches. Or you took them there and they didn't have enough tickets, so you had to put in more money and buy a prize.

That I, no, I didn't do that. No, what happened— It was the Apple Watch. No, it was this. It was like, oh, I want to get this fucking pool floaty. That's 6,000 tickets. You have 1,000. You can't get the pool floaty. Why not? They don't—

they don't— they can't fucking comprehend it. And so then— because they don't know, and they don't take no as an answer because they have a shitty fucking—

no, I'm just kidding. Yeah, yeah. And then you— then you go to the prize section, you're like, here, here's what you can get. You can get this pencil sharpener, okay? You can get this keychain, or you can get, you know, this fucking eraser. That's it. And then they won't decide.

And we sat there for half an hour. I almost fucking broke down and cried. What do you think is the move here?

Do you want to separate from your kids officially? You know what? I don't know what to do. I have to learn to say no. But then the other option, if I didn't take them to Dave Buster's, is they just would have sat here on Sunday and done nothing. Yeah, but that's what kids do, dog.

But then they would annoy the shit out of me. You just say, hey, leave me alone, Daddy's got to work.

That's just what kids— that was my life.

And then they watch TV all day. Yeah, I mean, that sucks. You got to send them outside. See, that's the thing about LA is, is you don't send kids outside here, I've realized. No, you can't.

There's sex offenders in all over this neighborhood.

Have you ever looked it up? No. Are there a lot? Oh my God, there's sex offenders all around us. Yeah.

Yeah, in this neighborhood particularly. Don't make a joke that I'm a sex offender. I'm like looking for it. So how'd you meet him? The class we all take. Um, no, but no, no, exactly. Because like when I was at home, I used to live in a townhouse, right?

And it was like in this neighborhood with a playground and everything, and it was all, you know, it was all—

yeah, you have a very idyllic town. Sure. Yeah, it was a very ideal town for kids to grow up in. So my parents would be like, leave, get out of the house. I'd ride my bike and I'd go down to Wendy's and I'd get a burger and then I'd go play volleyball with my friends. But you can't do that in LA. No, you can't be like, get out, because if they, they venture out too far, they're on Hollywood Boulevard and they're about to get shanked. Like, well, it starts turning tricks. Yeah, yeah, they start dealing crack. Yeah, I guess I never really thought of that. It is being—

that's why you don't raise kids here, right?

You actually— I don't think that's a good— that's a good point. I don't think you can raise kids in California. You got to go to like a suburb in like, in like Iowa, or just—

I don't know. I don't know where you can raise kids, actually.

It sucks dick. So yeah, so that's my existence. I love hearing a dad say that. It sucks dick. No, it doesn't sound ideal. You're right. And I, and I really love your kids with all my heart. I think they're some of the best people.

Hey, what'd you make of that Sarah Hyland thing?

Sarah Hyland? Oh, I saw that. What did you make of that? So, so Sarah Hyland, um, there was this whole Time's Up initiative that was during the Golden Globes, and it was basically it was like Time's Up, uh, I guess it was like Time's Up for Men, and like, you know, it's, it's, it's the era of the woman. Yeah, which is totally dope, totally makes sense. Um, and I, you know, I, I talked to Liza so much that like it's just like it just makes complete sense to me, you know what I mean?

Like Liza's just like—

I agree with you, I agree with everybody. Yeah, yeah, I'm into it. Um, so yeah, but Sarah Hyland was in an elevator and InStyle magazine was doing like this video of people leaving the elevator. It was like a little— it was like a quick video and there was the elevator— what do you call him? He's a bellhop. There's a bellhop in the elevator, it was an older man, and Sarah Hyland was pretending to be drunk, and she like—

it's hard to explain. Also, it was like a fat bellhop.

It wasn't like an older man, like an attractive man or anything. But it was an older man. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it makes sense because Harvey Weinstein isn't like a fucking attractive man. It's exactly— he's just a pig. And I mean, it's tough to say, it's tough to tell you guys what we're talking about without you seeing it. But basically, she like stumbled out of the elevator.

It's one shot.

It's one shot. The elevator doors open up. It's about 15 seconds long. Yeah, the elevator doors open up. You see Sarah Hyland from Modern Family, right? Yep. You see her really drunk, stumbling around. Yeah. And then she doesn't make it out the elevator. She kind of stumbles right back into the arms of the bellhop.

Yeah.

Because she was too drunk. And the elevator doors close.

Yeah. Yeah. And the elevator doors close.

And it's kind of insinuating that he's going to take advantage of it. He's going to take advantage of it. Yeah.

And I know a lot of people were like, okay, come on, you guys are fucking overreacting. Like, what did you think? I thought that people were overreacting. Okay. And then I got into the shoes of the people that are leading that initiative, and I was like, all right, it's fine.

All right, they're pulling out all guns, and they're being strict.

Yeah, and it's not the right move. It was goofy. Here's what it is. It wasn't the right move, I guess. I guess I wouldn't have made that commercial in this climate.

But at the same time— But just like today in my vlog, I put in a crazy girl that Dom had over. Her name is Whoa Vicky. And people were not fucking happy. And even though it's in my vlog's nature to show these strange characters that like, You know what I mean? It's sometimes my vlog feels like a freak show. Like, I'll put like some weird things in. Yeah, what's wrong with that? And people aren't happy. I mean, I looked her up and she's, uh, it's the fact that I'm like promoting it.

It's like, it's just, I don't know. I understand why people are upset. But like Howard Stern has like, used to have a Klansman on. Yeah.

All the time. I know, but— And it was fucking great. But that's also Howard Stern and he doesn't get comments on his videos like I do, you know?

There's not that many people that are pissed off by it.

Who cares?

He gets comments on YouTube.

No, he doesn't get comments like I do.

He has a channel on YouTube.

Yeah, but it's not like mine. What do you mean? He's Howard Stern.

Yeah, but a podcast is a different thing than a YouTube video that 18 to 24-year-olds watch.

He has a bigger audience than you for sure. But not in the age range that I have.

What does that have to do with it? This is not even an argument. What does that have to do with it?

Because you have comments, you have to— You have to temper what you put?

No, I don't have to temper at all.

It's not the thing. No, I'm trying to understand your argument. I really am. It's because my videos are built on my comments, and they're built on people reacting to my videos, and what they say I take into consideration. That's what my videos are. It's like, it's more of a community thing rather than like Family Guy where you're watching a show orchestrated by 20 people.

It's like, it's different.

It's a different thing.

Oh, I'm baffled by what you're saying right now.

What do you mean? I'm just absolutely baffled. I don't think like that at all. Well, and comments are a different part of my life. I grow up on comments. I— comments from someone you don't know? I— Jason, that's what gave me my career.

I live and die by the comments. Are you— are you fucking kidding me right now? Jason, you gave yourself that career. Jason, you came up with all that content, not some fucking 12-year-old. I know, but Jason— fuck that, David. You're so wrong. I don't know. You're absolutely wrong because you were about to pull that fucking video today. You thought about pulling it.

I wasn't gonna pull it. You did.

You thought about it. You're like, should I pull it?

Playing devil's advocate. You, you don't ever— don't waste my time. Anyway, I looked up Whoa Vicky and it turned out she was like, she was really racist and stuff like that, and people were promoting her.

I mean, she's racist, so I shouldn't be giving her, you know, the time of day to be— it's like, oh, I hate the way the direction the world is going. It's the whole— I fucking hate it. I can't wait to die. By the time you're my age, Jason, by the, by the time you're my age Things are gonna be so fucking sanitized.

Things are gonna be— you're gonna be so annoyed. I don't know, maybe. But it's the whole idea of stop making stupid people famous. It's that. It pisses people off when people—

You made me famous.

Dude, it pisses you fucking off too, Jason. What pisses me off about what? When you see someone you don't like on the internet. Like who?

I don't even wanna name names, but I know. You can. No, I don't, because I'm not—

We'll take the name out. Tell me who it is. Yeah, like that pisses you off. And there's not— there's so many times you come up to me and you're like, why the fuck is— why the fuck do people like this person, right? And shit like that. Like, you get—

like, if this person—

that's different. No, it's not different. It's not.

No, it's different because— no, shut up. Listen, because if you're—

no, no, you shut up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, you motherfucking bitch. Listen. No, because if that person you didn't like, let's say her name is Annabelle, if Annabelle got a job, if Annabelle got a gig where she's in a Vogue video, you'd be fucking furious. You'd be like, why the fuck is Vogue giving her the time of day for her to be in this video?

She sucks dick.

She sucks. She's awful. She's disrespectful. She's trash. Do you know what I mean? You'd be pissed at Vogue for including her in the video. And that's why people are pissed at me for including this person in the video. Because to some people, they view my videos like Vogue, and this person is out of my category.

Do you know what I mean? You gotta like, you understand what I'm saying? You're out of your mind, because no, because you're putting someone in the video as a source of comedy.

You're making jokes around an eccentric personality. And that's, it's not like you're just— Okay, you're right, yeah. I mean— That makes sense, you're right, I didn't put her in my video in a way to like bring her up in any way. I did it because we were— I can't believe— I know, I know. I didn't think about how I used her in my video. I did, I did put her in my video in a way where, look at this girl, this is, this is really funny.

Yeah, you're right.

I mean, what are you gonna do, David? You're gonna fucking— after YouTube, you're gonna— hi, Kristen. Kristen's in here because the dog's not on a damn leash.

Kristen, this is a million-dollar podcast. No, we're gonna have to cut this out of the budget. I make about $600 a week on here. Oh, oh, shit.

What is that?

You remember you said you're going to give me a raise? When? The other day.

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Okay, bottom line, this entire podcast we were really jumping around.

I don't know, I had a bunch of good topics.

You, you fucking stunted me. No, I didn't stunt you. No, what are you gonna do, David?

You're gonna sit there and you're gonna make content based on what a stranger is telling you? No, but you guys, you're right.

This situation about who I put in my vlog today— Does Seth Rogen sit there and go, "Oh, Annabelle, this 11-year-old in fucking Arkansas didn't like my jokes I made." No, he doesn't. Yeah, you're right, you're right. We both used Annabelle as an example. Annabelle is such a bitch. Oh, I want to tell you, my mom's been talking about you all day. Really? Yeah. Why? I don't know.

It's just funny.

She's like, she's like absorbing your like YouTube personality.

Is it a good thing?

Yeah, I think it's a good thing. It's pretty funny. What's she saying? Well, like today when we walked out the door, she, um, I was helping her down the stairs and her gum fell out of her mouth.

Okay.

And, uh, she's like, oh, I gotta get that gum. Like, it was outside on the— and I was like, just leave it, just leave the gum, because it's like a lot for her to bend down. It's a lot for me to bend down too. And, uh, she was like, she's like, oh Oh, leave it there for David. What do you mean? Prank David?

She's like, her idea is the worst.

She's like, she has the worst prank ideas. Where was the gum? It was on the ground. She goes, leave it there for David. In the house? Step on it. No, it was outside. Like, it was outside on the sidewalk, on the front steps.

That was her prank idea.

Let's set up a camera and prank him. Really? Your mom's so cute. And she kept saying today to, uh because we had to wait for that celebrity for like 2 hours.

Yeah, we're just sitting in the car waiting.

How was she? Yeah, my mom, was she getting tired? No, no, she, she loves being with me so much that we could, we could be fucking— fuck, yeah, we could be like in a jail cell, she'd be happy. And she was so happy, and she kept saying, she's like, she's like, you gotta, you gotta prank David, you gotta get him, get him, do something to him. But she has like not good ideas, you know?

She's like, blindfold him. I'm like, he doesn't get scared.

Blindfold him, put a, put a bunch of apricots in his milk. Then at one point she's like, put, push him into a, a tub of crocodiles.

And I'm like, he'd get hurt. It's like, oh yeah, right, you get hurt.

She's awesome and she's here and she's visiting. And then she came out and she was like, I picked her up. But first of all, David, David came up with this idea to fly her out at 7 o'clock last night, last night.

So it's 10 o'clock there.

We flew her out for this, uh, for, for Taylor Swift for the celebrity, super last minute.

She's 74 years old.

She's like in bed.

Got her on a first-class flight, JetBlue. She was fucking loving JetBlue. Are you sure?

Because I talked to her and she seemed like she didn't care for it. No, no, she loved it. She just couldn't sleep. Oh, okay. No, no, she loved it. And, and she took some video too for you.

Oh, awesome. Because David asked her to take video. So she said, I love when people try things for the first time. So I told Jason, I'm like, when your mom's flying first class, tell her to record herself, like record her reaction, because I'm obsessed with showing people new things. And when I'm—

when I can't be there for it, like, that's why I do so many surprises.

Oh, I thought you wanted to put it in your vlog. Oh no, I just want to see it. When I— when I see people's reactions, like, like I've said this before, like, that's why I love surprising people with things on the vlogs, because I love reactions, whether it's a good reaction or bad reaction.

Yeah, if you go to dinner with David, I'm a sucker for it. He'll he'll— he insists you taste the thing that he loves.

Oh yeah, he sits there and watches you. Yeah, it's very endearing. I'll order more just so someone else can taste it, because if I love it, like, I want people to know, like, this is the top-notch food.

Um, but yeah, continue. So yeah, so she— we flew her out, um, at 10 o'clock. She was in bed, and I was like, can you come here tomorrow? Yeah.

And David made up this really stupid lie, which was, you're gonna come? Yeah, I told her that I'm filming with a bunch of people's moms, and I need her here ASAP, next thing in the morning, when it was really to surprise her with Taylor Swift. And before I left, I got to the car today, and she goes, she goes, uh, when I saw you last, I said that I would do anything for you, David.

I take it back now, I really do, because I made it. That's the story I was going to tell. She got off the plane, she goes, when we were in Boston, I told David if he ever needed anything— oh boy, I should have never said that. Now he's calling me in the middle of the night. When I told David that I would be there for him.

I meant like if he was gonna get deported, you know, I'd find someone to marry him, or if he got sick. Um, regardless, guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Um, thanks for joining us. You'll see the vlog in a couple weeks. Sorry, it's gonna be a while with the celebrity. Um, and my mom. It's— yeah, and Jason's mom. It's gonna be a different style, um, vlog. Um, it'll, it'll be on my second channel.

It'll be a lot slower. It won't be quick.

It'll be like a whole experience.

Um, go get David's merch.

Go buy my merch.

Go buy Jason's merch. Yep, at fanjoy.co.

Tweet me @daviddobrik. Um, tell me, tell me that you love me on Twitter. Yeah, tweet us. Um, yeah, check out my vlog channel, guys. And, and yeah, and guys, if you have a chance, check out Oprah's speech at the Golden Globes. Oh my God, it was so good. So fucking good. I almost started tearing up. I'm not even a woman, but I felt empowered.

David texted me. I was like, fuck yeah, Oprah! He texted me like 2 in the morning and he was like, did you see Oprah's speech? So good. And I like rolled my eyes. I was like, fucking David, leave me alone. And then I got up the next morning and it was the first thing I watched and I cried.

It was so—

it was that good.

It's just fucking incredible. I don't know, it's such— she's not gonna run though.

Go— oh yeah, she's not gonna run for president, right?

No, I don't think so. You think she could win?

I don't think Oprah has that much— of course she can fucking win. They took— of course they took a poll in the New York Post.

She had— she beat Donald Trump by 10%. Dude, there's no fucking— you think she could win?

Dude, Donald Trump won. What do you mean Ashton Kutcher could win?

I think, I think she could win because, um, dude, she's a black woman. It's the fucking best thing we need. It's literally the best thing that America like could use right now.

It's literally— it seems like we should literally just fucking send her right up. I think too that people would come out like crazy.

What do you mean?

After Trump, just people that don't normally vote. What do you mean?

Like, just people would come out to vote for her that wouldn't normally vote. Oh no, it'd be a surefire win against Trump. You think so?

Dude, yes.

And Oprah's like, Oprah's like, you know what I mean? She's— she'd be a big change. She's not— it'd be— I actually never even thought about it until now. Now I'm thinking like how fucking amazing it is. But yeah, go Oprah.

If she runs for presidency, she fucking has my vote. If I was vice president— you think?

I mean, I think you have to be 35, but maybe we could change that rule. Maybe Oprah can change that rule.

Yeah. And I could do it without being a citizen. All right. And also, guys, there was like a little segment that I wanted to have on the podcast that, well, David didn't think was good enough for the podcast, so I recorded it separately and it'll be on the end of the episode. Fucking bullshit.

I mean, I think it's pretty interesting. We're going to roll it now. We're going to roll it at the end of this podcast. If you guys want to stick around, listen to Jason's dumb story, you guys can listen to it.

If you have work to do, then go do your work and we'll see you guys next week. Be honest. If you guys don't like it, just let me know. But I think it's pretty interesting. All right, we'll see you guys later. Bye. Hi guys, it's Jason Nash from The Views podcast. Uh, David's not in here yet, but I wanted to take this time because, you know, he never lets me talk, to just say what's up guys. Um, I had a pretty interesting thing happen to me the other day. I was having, um, a glass of Dr Pepper and, um, had a nice 2-liter on the counter there. And it was most kind of some me time. It was Saturday afternoon around 4:30. I just finished cutting the grass. And, well, what do you know? I spill— I try to pour it into a glass, got some ice, and I spill some Dr Pepper on— I spill it just like a real goof all over the table, the kitchen table. And so I go to get paper towels and guess what? No paper towels, not one. And I can't even really find a dishrag. Well, I was pretty flummoxed and so I went to the neighbors and I borrowed some paper towels and I came back and I wiped it up. And, um, but the problem is that I, um, I still haven't returned the roll of paper towels that I borrowed from them. Now mind you, this is Saturday. It's Wednesday right now. So it's been 5 days since I borrowed the paper towels. And so, yeah, I just wanted to share that with you. That's just one of those stories that David just, you know, he didn't think was very interesting.