What Happens When We Die

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. I'm Horny.

Oh hey, Horny! Hey, how are you? Oh my God, it's Horny the animated character! Hi, Horny!

Dude, oh my God, that's such a good idea. Have we talked about that? Nah, for Elementals. I would love if it was like— if the— wait, is it Elementals?

Yes, it's the natural elements of the world.

What do you mean natural elements of the world?

Fire and water?

No, no, no, no, no, I mean, which is the one with Joy?

Oh, oh, um, Inside Out.

Inside Out. Imagine like a rated R version, like by Seth Rogen, where it's like a teenager or like somebody who's like in college and they're horny.

Yeah.

That's so fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have like the little like stoner inside, then you have someone who's horny who just constantly wants to masturbate. We should go fuck that. We should go fuck that tree. Like that would be such a good fucking cartoon. Inside Out, rated R. R version. Love it. I love it, I love it, I love it. I wish someone would make that. I ran into, um, I ran into a basketball player the other day.

Yeah.

Um, I don't want to say his name, but like, he's like— how do I say? Do you know who I'm talking about? The guy that was at the club?

Yeah.

Yeah. Um, and he came to one of my birthday parties like 4 or 5 years ago. Yeah, to this house.

Okay.

Or like 2, 3 years ago, he came to this house. You know this story?

I don't know.

I don't know if you've ever said on the podcast, but he's like a big name. Like, everybody would know him. You don't have to know basketball to know him. And he was here once partying, and we were trying to kick people out of the house. Do you remember this, Natalie?

No.

And Zane started to scream at everyone to get out of the house. Yeah, it was, everybody get out of the fucking house! And then this basketball player like is helping Zane out because he's taller. Yeah. So he's like, you heard him, everyone leave, leave, everyone has to leave the house! And Zane, Zane turns to him really fucked up and hammered and he goes, that fucking means you too, get out of the house! Oh my God, do you remember this?

No.

Oh, you don't remember this story?

No, not at all.

It was so funny, he was such a good sport about it and he was like, oh shit, okay, yeah, yeah, me too. But Zayn was so drunk that he just like didn't know who he was talking to. But it's like the funniest person for Zayn to say that to someone who's like 6'6".

Yeah, basically the most recognized player ever. Zayn, why you got to do that to me?

But I saw him yesterday and he brought it up. He was in good— no, no, no. But it just reminded me every time, every time I saw him afterwards, I was like, fuck, does he remember that? Does he even care about it whatsoever? He definitely doesn't remember it. And he definitely didn't care in the moment. But for some reason, every time I see him, that's where my head goes to, where Zayn's kicking him out. It's always fun to see athletes out at clubs because it's a completely different vibe.

Well, they just like stand out like a sore thumb.

They stand out like a sore thumb, and it's like they're like almost like a lighthouse for like women, like a beacon. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Well, the same, the same basketball player that evening, there was a girl that was talking to one of our friends there, and I'm sure that our friend thought that he was going to like take this girl home, or this girl was interested, and this basketball player decided like he wanted to leave. So his whole entourage leaves and she gets up and just walks out after him. And our friend like was like, hey, where are you going? And she's like, I have to go. And just like walks out. Like, she's like, my friends are leaving. And he's like, oh, like I can take you home, whatever, I'm sober, blah blah. And she's like, no, I have to go right now.

Oh no.

And I was like, and I was just sitting there like as a third party watching this. That is brutal because yeah, dude, I see that shit all the time.

Yeah, it's like, it's so crazy. And like you can tell like, like some people will be having conversation with some people but they're eyeing other people the entire time, especially in fucking LA. It's like no other place is like this where you're like, you're waiting till the big celebrity leaves. Dude, there's one celebrity that's like notorious for being at like every party. He's a big A-lister.

Yeah.

And the second he leaves a party, I mean, it is like the entire room empties out.

Yeah.

It's crazy. It's fucking— I've never seen anything like it. Like this guy leaves and I'm telling you, 40, 50 people within minutes. If you go to the bathroom while he's leaving, you will come out and you'll be like, oh my God, there must have been a natural disaster. Because there are so many less people when this man leaves. But that's how it works. It's just like, that's how—

Hollywood, baby.

That's how Hollywood is. It be like that.

Did you see the comments on the last podcast?

No, I don't check any of that.

People were really, really against dropping.

Oh, I forgot that was it.

More so than the first time. People were like, oh no, now we're used to it.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. I did see this. Yeah. Someone— I even got a— okay. So a lot of people were mad that I was going back on my word about having two podcasts a week.

Someone said, dick move, man.

Oh yeah, no, I got my DMs were torn up. Someone said, you saying this is one of the DMs. You saying you don't want to do 2 podcasts a week anymore is the equivalent to a guy who is horrendously drunk when out with friends, makes these crazy plans to do mimosas in the morning and never actually follows through with it and even forgets he said it in the first place. Don't be that guy. Put your big boy pants on. Be a problem solver, not a problem stirrer, and figure out to do 2 podcasts a week with a busy schedule. Respectfully, I get it. I totally understand. That makes sense.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's fun.

Okay. I want to do 2 a week.

I know you do. I don't care. I just think—

Don't get me wrong.

I just love what people do.

I want to see Jason in a new Maserati just as much as you guys do. No, no, no, no. It's— I don't know. I want to do it, but at the same time, like, no rush.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, dude, you fucking—

No, no, no, no. I don't care. Well, like, this week, if we can't get 2, we can't get 2.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like, oh, I don't have to do this.

Well, this week, this is what I'm worried about. I'm leaving for a full week. I don't want to do one with you on fucking Zoom. That's what I'm worried about.

No, no, no.

No, we want 2 a week. I'm gonna keep sticking to doing 2 a week. Will there be some weeks we don't have one? Maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm stopping 2 a week. Every week I am in LA, I will do 2 a week. But if I'm gone, I'm gone. It'll only be like the usual 1 a week. So don't be worried. I'm sorry that I scared you guys. I know you guys fucking attacked me in the comments. I feel really bad.

I got those Meta glasses.

Oh yeah?

And I was thinking I could just wear them during the podcast.

Oh my God.

And we could do video.

It's actually not a bad idea.

Yeah. Can we get—

3 pair? We should reach out to Meta for that. That's genius, Jay.

Actually, it's not bad.

Could you imagine the angle?

Naveen got them for me for my birthday and it makes her look really tiny. But yeah, it's just very like 0.5-y.

No, I love that idea.

Would someone watch a video podcast through Meta glasses?

I don't know. Probably not, but it's worth pitching. That's a really interesting idea. I don't know. I've never really understood those glasses. Like what the perfect purpose for it is.

I had the perfect purpose on Saturday.

What?

I ran a 5K with Ilya. And they were perfect.

Oh, that is good.

Perfect.

And you can like choose when you want to record.

Yeah. And you're like, you're running and you get little jokes.

And the worst is like now there's so many, like, there's so many people that record on them that just do social media. Like, I was at Coachella and there was like, there was like 3 or not 3. Okay. There's like 1 or 2 people that came up to me that I could tell were recording on their glasses. Yes. And I was like, is this like, this is reality now? I couldn't believe it. It's like every interaction now is like documented.

I thought about that.

Fucking insane.

What is the etiquette on Meta glasses before I go out there in the world?

I don't know.

Before I get arrested. We were like, piss someone off.

We were in Miami and it turned out to be a really funny sketch. But do you remember when that guy pulled up on us? This guy pulled up on us. We were like hungover in the morning. It was like 11 in the morning. We were sitting in the hotel lobby. He pulled up on us with 3 or 4 cameras, like a full camera crew to film a sketch. And I was like, And I was just telling Natalie, I was like, I can't see anybody right now. I'm going to panic. And 3 or 4 people were walking up to us with their phones recording. I was like, there's no fucking way this is happening. But yeah, there really is. It's the wild, wild west now. You're out in the public, dude. I have to go to New York this week. And my biggest fear is being like, you look confident. What makes you confident? Or like, what are you wearing? Where's your favorite place to eat in New York? It's interviews everywhere now. That's like my biggest fear.

I want to be in New York this week. We should link.

No way. I think it's actually next week I'm going to be.

Oh, yeah, that's next week I'm going. Yes, I just realized that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, are you actually?

Yeah, I'm in New York. Yeah, I'm going to pick up Wyatt.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Wyatt's involved. You know how much I love doing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We should get Wyatt on the pod, get his perspective, see who's better, see who the better child is. And then I'm down for that. And then I'll rate which podcast is better, Charlie's or Wyatt's.

Really? Will you? Promise?

We'll execute the loser.

Dude, John Mulaney is doing the coolest thing on his show.

John Mulaney?

Yeah, he's— I watch his show on Netflix, and, um, this idea sounds like something you would like. At the end of the season, he's fighting 3 14-year-olds.

Um, fists?

Yeah, like an actual fight.

No, he's not.

Yeah, they've been teasing it, and they've, they've gotten like— they have— they've gotten like people submit their kids.

And how can you legally do that?

I don't know.

Wait, why is he doing that?

He like— he's gonna try to knock out the 14-year-olds?

Yeah, like he said they're really gonna do it. It's gonna be like a real fight.

He's the comedian, right?

Yeah, the comedian. Yeah.

And He's gonna go fight 3 children.

Yeah, you're allowed to do that. I'd love to do that.

I mean, it's based on that whole thing that we were talking about, like 100 kindergartners. How many kids could you—

14-year-olds are— I mean, those are freshmen in high school. That, that could mean anything. Yeah, like I've seen some 14-year-olds that are twice my size. Yeah, so I guess it depends who you pick. Yeah, maybe that is the joke.

What?

Maybe he's going to pick 14-year-olds that are bigger than him.

I think so.

He's gonna get his ass kicked.

Yeah, I think he is going to pick—

I don't think he's going to pick like the weakest 14-year-olds and just fucking give them all black eyes. I love him. Someone asked me this question on DMs. I had a question for the pod. It might be deep, but deep is good. That's what she said. They also included that. How do you guys deal with burnout? I've been going through it right now and had to take some time off work. Do you guys have any advice for that? I've never been burned out, so I have no idea. Right.

It's on permanent burnout. She listens to this and she's probably like, I don't want to end up like David.

Yeah, that's a crazy question to ask a guy who took 4 years off the internet.

Yeah.

How do you deal with it? I don't know.

You gotta go a full day of like a spa or just like walking around not looking at your phone.

I think it all— it just depends what your job is too, right? Like creative jobs, I feel like, are a different kind of burnout than like something that just like where your body needs to rest. I don't know. And I can't speak— I can only speak on like the creative job, which really fucking sucks when you have burnout because like it's kind of impossible. It's going to make a creative job sound like it's like delivering a baby, but like it's really impossible to push through a creative creative burnout. Because you can't just, you know what I mean? You can't just go on the run or get in the gym and your brain is different. You can't just do it. You have to be in the right mindset for it.

The other day we had to get up pretty early, like 9:00 AM. We had a full day. It wasn't supposed to be a full day. You were there when we went to Paramount for a little bit and the day ended at like 6:00 PM. So it was like a typical, what a normal corporate American does on a 9 to 5 schedule. And we were driving home back through the beautiful neighborhood, the sun's shining. David's I was like, God, I can't believe— and he was like, that was such a long day, not complaining. And I was like, this is what most Americans do every single day of their lives.

6 hours of shooting is, is hectic for sure.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, it was just so funny.

Yeah, I don't know. I also, I also work like an idiot. Like, if it's like, if I'm busy—

yes, you wasted 2 hours.

Well, yeah, like, like, if I have a jam-packed schedule, I have no problems. Like, I'm really good at working lot. But I'm also like, if I have nothing to do, doing one thing is impossible for me.

Yeah.

Like, if I— if Natalie was like, you have to go to the grocery store and take a picture with a brand that's in the grocery store, and that's my one thing to do that day, I'm fucked. Yeah, I'm calling everything off. I'm like, I can't play pickleball, I can't watch this movie, I can't— I, I can't do anything leisurely because all I'm going to be thinking about is that one activity. But if I have 15 things I have to do that day, right, it's the easiest thing. Oh, you know what I mean? Like, if you're in a rhythm, you're in a rhythm.

Yeah, you put focus on it. Um, but yeah, but you did— you wasted 2 I was there from 12 to 3, and I only did any working from like 2 to 3.

Yeah, yeah.

Because the first hour was just—

I got there, I had to film like a brand deal, and then I just got there, I started panicking. I was like, I don't know what to do. Have you ever done anyone a favor strictly because you wanted to get something in return, or you just expected something that would happen in return?

I mean, yeah.

No, no, sorry, it's not a yes or no. It's like a what's like a specific time, like like you did something for like an actor or like a celeb or somebody where you were like, this will come back and I'm going to get you a movie role.

Oh my gosh, I have a funny one.

Go.

Once upon a time, I was like, I had just met or like became friendly with Inanna, you know, the influencer Inanna. And I was, this is when I first started becoming, when I first started as David's assistant and I met her and I told her that I was David's assistant and she was like, oh, I'm looking for an assistant and asked me if I could help her find. Another assistant. And like, I went on like this manhunt for her. Like, I set up a whole Gmail account. Like, I was like acting as if I was her assistant helping her find another assistant. And like, I still have the email, whatever. And I went through, I was taking interviews. You had no idea I was doing this. And I was doing it just because I thought she was so cool.

That's insane.

Yeah.

And then you were working two jobs. Yeah.

Yeah.

And so I helped her find like her assistant. I don't know if it lasted or however long it went.

Wow.

But yeah, that was like a random thing that I did just to be cool.

You weren't looking for anything in return?

Not like friendship, I guess. I don't know.

I guess that, that's more for like friendship. Like you just—

yeah, that's friendship. That's something to look for. That's good. Natalie always hustling.

Look at you trying.

That's, it's crazy. David, you see this? She's always on the phone.

She's really inspiring.

I mean, she really—

there should be a national holiday Natalie Day.

Were you looking for something more like down and dirty?

I want to think— I know I have one. I mean, I know I've tried so hard in my life and failed so many times and probably put out 10 times more. You know the phrase work smarter, not harder?

I love that phrase.

I do the opposite.

A lot of people in my life do the opposite.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I feel like I'm surrounded by people like that.

Yeah, it's true. Because if nothing's happening, you're like, I got to try harder.

Yeah, I yell at Ilya for that all the time. I'm like, there's so many ways you can be doing this that's just like so much more simpler. Ilya especially doesn't understand. This is my problem with Ilya, is he thinks that every time he works harder, more things will be achieved. But I think especially here in LA, this is going to sound crazy, but the more fun you're having is sometimes like the way to get to the end in like a much easier way. Like I'm like, Ill, like go on that vacation with the person you're training. Like shoot a video there.

Yeah.

Um, have fun things at the house, have a boxing class at the house. Yeah, go out to dinners, go meet people. Like, it's just like, this is crazy. There was one time I went to Coachella and Ilya gave me— this is when Ilya refused to go out with me whatsoever.

Yeah.

And I'm like, Ilya, please come with me to this afterparty at Coachella because I think it'll help me like close a big deal. Yeah. And he's like, no, no, you're not gonna get anything done at an afterparty. I'm like, you don't realize, but everything is done at fucking parties in LA. Like, that's just how— that's just how people mingle here, right? And luckily I had a I had one card that Ilya gave me and it was come out with me whenever I want card.

Yeah.

And I played it at Coachella. He was about to drive home back to LA. I have this on video and I'm like, you're not going anywhere because I have this. And then he's like, fuck, fuck. So he ended up coming to the party with me.

It's a little card with you on it and Ilya crying.

Yeah. So he came with me to the party and that closed a $2 million deal for me.

Wow.

Yes. Which was crazy.

Wow, you think you could have closed it without him?

No, I couldn't have closed it without going.

Without having Ilya there though.

Yes, but I just needed a buddy to go with.

Right.

But it was just the general idea of like, you should go to this because something will come out of it.

Yeah.

And like, I don't know. And the way a lot of the who you know here in LA is so fucking important. Like it really is true. Like it is all about who you know and like, and there's no better way to to find out who you know and to know new people than like going out and like meeting people and mingling. Yo, so who do you think is going to win this Golden Globe for best podcast?

It'll be Dax.

Really?

Yeah, Dax will win because they won't nominate Rogan because he's not in the like Hollywood game.

Oh, you don't think it's going to be like that?

I don't think so.

Yeah. And like, it definitely will.

It will. Maybe that would be really— if they nominate—

But do you think it's going to be like People's Choice-y? Like People's Choice, like Views would be nominated for, or like Zane and Heath podcast would be nominated for like a People's Choice. Like, it's more like—

no, no, no, it'll be like an actor that has a podcast. It'll be like Jason Bateman.

It'll be like serious formats, like interview. Like, like, I feel like a Call Her Daddy could be—

maybe Call Her Daddy.

Oh, okay.

Maybe, maybe she's okay for it. Maybe Jay Shetty.

Oh yeah, Jay Shetty for sure.

I don't think we have a shot, but also we don't do video.

I love awards.

Oh man, I fucking love how you think, man.

Why?

It's so funny. It's just like, if I could just think like you, then I could be a lot happier. Now I'm turning into Taylor, you know what I mean? Like, if I had just thought of that, like, oh, that's how he'll do video, he can get an award. But, but I don't think like that. I just think like, oh, what's going to, you know, be the best thing to do?

That's also like so funny. That's also why I'm so content with everything. Like, I have won the two, two awards I've always wanted to win in my entire life. Like, the ones that seem Obviously an Oscar would be amazing and a Grammy would be cool, but like an Oscar, obviously I'd love to win an Oscar. Yeah, but like, it's— that's like never been something I've actually thought about. But Kids' Choice Award and Teen Choice Awards, I've always wanted to win so bad.

Yeah.

And like, now that I have it, it's genuinely like there's nothing I want to do. I can genuinely drift away and I am done with this place. Like, I, I just— I've like, I've done everything I've ever wanted to do, Jay. Everything.

Kids' Choice Syndrome, they call it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like the same. It's like coming down from Molly, but it's the rest of your life. You're just like, I had the best time at the Kids' Choice Awards getting slimed. What can be better than this?

This is actually a sad thing. Natalie, you hang with a lot of famous rich people. Do you see this a lot?

It's nuts.

Do you see people that are just kind of like, oh, I don't know what else to do?

I mean, for sure. I think that happens a lot.

There's a lot of rich people and rich influencers and stuff that seem like are driven by more, more, more, more, more. I guess I kind of was like that too.

I mean, I think it just goes one way or the other. I have friends that are incredibly successful and then like they— but they don't do anything with their day and they just feel depressed all the time.

Really?

They don't have a purpose. And then there's other people that just are like delusional and they just keep fucking going and they just figure out a new purpose day after day.

But I'm right in the middle of that.

Sounds like a great group of friends.

Yeah.

You're right in the middle of it?

Yeah, I'm delusional, but I'm so happy with doing nothing.

Right.

So I like share the both of it. Like, I share both of it. Like, I'm like, I think I'm delusionally happy.

I think, I think you'll— something will come along and you'll be like, you know, reinvigorated and you'll do something. You'll make a movie or—

I don't know if it's just going to come by and hit him in the face. I think he needs to do a little bit of like searching, you know?

How does one search?

That's not true, because it's like the same thing you said when I'm looking for a wife on Instagram Explore page. You say, I don't know if searching through Instagram is going to be the way. I think it is going to hit me in the face. I love that phrase when they say preparation Yeah, it's luck equals opportunity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking love that phrase.

Yeah.

Oh my god, is that not like the fucking golden standard of like making it in Hollywood?

I think, I think that's true for me. When I met you, I was— my career took off, and but I had been working really hard for 20 years like trying to come up with things. And when I met you, I did have a whole list of things. I was like, oh, we can do this, we can do this, we can do this.

Totally.

So I felt prepared for it.

Yeah, it's like the idea of like an overnight success, like there's no such thing. It's like, yeah, it's like 10, 15 years of like plotting until until you have that moment. And like, whenever that fucking comes in your life, it is the best feeling. And it's so, it's like fucking, oh my God, it's like so euphoric. You're just like, yeah, this is it. This is it. This is it. This is it. You just know it. You know it. You know it. You know it. You know it. And there's just like nothing else that like is in your way.

What do you say to people who are like struggling and like trying to make it, sitting on the other side?

Well, first of all, I don't think there's any, like any person in the world that can give somebody advice.

Yeah.

That like—

What's your best advice? What if there's a kid out there and he's like—

I just feel like everyone's experience My experience is so different that it's just like, I've had such a specific experience of like, of Vine, of the beginning of like YouTube vlogging, of like all like, mine was very specific. So I can't just be like.

No, but I think it applies to everybody. I could tell you.

I think it's trying everything. The preparation meets opportunity. Like I think that's what it is. I think you just have to go, go and get it, get it, get it. And it may not work for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, may not work for 15 years, but like if you want something more than you want to breathe, Like, there's no, it's not possible. It is genuinely not possible. This is also coming from a guy who has like achieved something that he's really wanted to achieve. So I'm very, very fortunate. So I have that bias. But like, I genuinely think it's not possible to not achieve what you want to do if you really want to do it. Like, could I win an Oscar? Yes. Would I love to win an Oscar? 1,000%. Do I want to win it 1 million percent? No, I'm kind of lazy. But if I genuinely wanted to win that Oscar, more than I wanted to fucking talk to my future kids or see my best friends, more than I wanted anything in the world, there's no fucking way it wouldn't be possible. Like, it's just not. It's not possible to not get things done if you genuinely want them so fucking much you'd replace like your fucking foot with it. Like, do you know what I mean? But like, but there are people that think they want it, but they don't. That's the difference. It's hard to be like, what do you have to say to a person? Person that is like struggling who wants to make it. It's like, well, are— do they actually want to make it? Do they actually want to make it? Because I would fucking suck a fucking 10-inch cock in a fucking alleyway in Skid Row, genuinely, to get what I wanted, if I wanted it. Like, I would do anything. And that's the difference.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's also another token to it. Like, a person that's like, I want to be famous, fucking stresses me out more than anything in the world.

David's in a tank top, by the way, making this speech.

I wish we had video, Well, I have like sunscreen on right now from a tan I was having in the backyard.

And blue booty shorts with a white trim on them.

Oh my God.

Wow. Keep going.

I don't know, but—

I agree with you. I agree with you. I like this speech. This is psyching me up.

There's also nothing worse than somebody that's like, I just want to be famous. And I only tie that into this because a lot of like what I wanted to do, like when you get to the top, like you get notoriety, like people start to know who you are.

Sure.

Like that is a perk or not a perk of your job, depending on how you look at it. Yep. Um, and like the people that are like, I just want to be famous, is like such a fucking red flag. Like, do you want to be the best actor because you like acting and because you like making— like, you like entertaining people? And that's, that's such a, such a blurry line that I don't think is possible to read on a person. So it's like impossible for me to give advice. Long story short, you have to be in it for the right reasons, and you have to want it so much that you would do fucking anything to make it happen. Jay, I mean anything.

Name a thing.

Name a thing.

Sex dick?

Yes. Uh, um, two dicks.

Uh, sabotage your, uh, your opponent.

My friend Alex. My friend Alex, right?

Yeah.

No, when I say anything, sorry, I don't mean like bring down others. That's where I draw the line. Like, like, I, I don't, I don't, I'm not saying like draw, like, like, I'm not saying like be political about it and like, yeah, poison Natalie. Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cuz I, cuz with all that comes karma. So like, if you're like, I think if you're not building good karma and you're not I'm not— you have to do it in like the appropriate way. I think sucking dick is fine because you're both getting something out of it. Yeah. I have not sucked dick to get—

Did you suck someone's dick at YouTube?

Did you suck dick for your streaming? I want to make it clear.

Did you suck Drew's cock from the Streamys?

No, but if there's someone at the Golden Globes for your new podcast category, I will happily suck No, we win the— we win the podcast for— we win the Golden Globe for best podcast.

David wipes his mouth.

Fuck, I lost my train of thought. Oh, oh, my friend Alex really wanted to be an NBA player.

Yeah.

So I asked him, this is my way of gauging how bad you want it. I was like, would you let all of the Lakers run a train on you? And depending on how hard they fucked you is how hard you'd become. And depending on how hard they fucked you is how good of an NBA player you would become.

This is insane.

And he said, yes, I would do it. And I said, that is the spirit.

You really want it.

And I said, you are 50% there. Now all you have to do is train.

Damn.

No, no, no.

I mean, yeah, things get in the way, man.

Obviously half of that was me being goofy.

Yeah.

But yes, I mean—

No, no, no, no, no. That was all truth. Yes. I mean, at its core.

I don't think you should be sucking dick for anything.

Right.

Yeah, if I want to get something done, I'll do it.

Anything.

I'll do anything to make it happen, but except burn bridges, fuck people over, screw people over. I do not believe in that. I think that comes back at you so fucking hard. I don't think you should ever do that.

Have you actually had to do that though? Like, if you had to do like something in order to like— so extreme. Now I'm getting really suspicious because I mean, you've been very lucky and very fortunate, you know? So like this attitude, which I respect what you're saying, but I'm just saying like, is it coming from a place where this actually happened?

No, no, no, no.

It's coming from my teeth out. To answer that question.

No, no, no. It's coming from a place like where—

You just like were like, oh, I like this. I'm going to do it.

I'm trying to personify or make it a visual aid of what it means to want something so bad because I think it's impossible to really put into words.

Like you would have sucked that dick if it would've given you this career.

Yes. But at the same token, I didn't want this career just so I could get a reservation at Nobu easier. Like I wanted this career because more so than anything, like I just love making people laugh, like, so much, so much. I love entertaining people, and I love bringing people together, and I like making this person laugh and this person laugh, and I like introducing new people to each other because I'm friends with this person. This— I just like bringing people together, and I know it sounds fucking lame, but I love doing that so much. And, and the reason I wanted to do it at this caliber is because I've always wanted to do it with powerful people. I was always so like— I'm just so enamored with somebody, like, I'm such a fangirl of people, and I love the concept of like hanging out with Kourtney Kardashian and introducing her to Addison Ray, like, do you know what I mean? Like, like, I just find that so fun because they're both great people and they both do something, but they both do something completely different. And I just like love the idea that like I could connect people.

Celebrities are better.

Yes, celebrities are the better human. No, I'm just like, I don't know.

No, there is like a certain—

I'm losing the plot here of what I'm saying, but yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't mean you should suck a dick. I'm just trying to explain to you how important it is. I think you want something really—

I think the key to your success was that there's something to this. This, if anyone's listening, the key to David's success was that you were doing something you loved and it was like so pure and it led to money, you know?

Yeah.

But in other words, like if you were selling cars, you know, I don't think it would have worked.

No, it's to do something that you love and then to have money also come with it is like such a mind-blowing thing because the last thing you're genuinely thinking, like genuinely the last thing you're thinking about is the money coming in.

Yeah.

You're not thinking The best way to, I think, paint that picture for someone that's easier is like a basketball player. I think like people that play sports, it's very easy to tell that they're passionate just about the sport.

Yeah.

You know, and just like imagine being like watching a basketball player like celebrate with his teammates because he won a game, like he won the playoffs.

Yeah.

Like all he's thinking about is we've come so far in this tournament and we fucking won the playoffs and then he's going to go home and 3 days later he's going to go, oh fuck, that just came with a $2 million bonus.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like that hits you. That hits you like so much later and it's such a fucking incredible perk, right? But that is the last thing the NBA player is thinking about when he's on the court. What he's thinking about is how much he loves this game and how fucking far he's come his entire life to be in that tournament and how much it means. The last thing he's thinking about is the money. It's a little tougher to make that connection to people in the entertainment industry because there are a lot of people that genuinely just want like the fame and the fortune and not for all the other things, which is fine to want the fame and the fortune. I think there's like a mix of everything.

But it's like when you enter and when you interact with people, any of us, on that level and you're like passionate about something, people feel that.

Totally.

Whatever it is, even if it's like I have a fucking seashell collection.

Yeah.

And I'm passionate about it.

Totally.

People feel that and they're like, all right, I'll get on board.

I talked about this on the last, uh, not on the last podcast, but like 10 podcasts ago where when I met Tom Cruise on the set of Mission: Impossible.

Right.

Like there was no mistake as to why this man is Tom Cruise.

Yeah.

Like, like, like I said in the last podcast, he can be born in the most fucking random country in all of the planet and he will come back and he will do it again because that man— it's so funny. I asked him, I was like, what do you do for fun? And he's like, movies. Like, I love movies. And I literally looked at him, I thought to myself, I'm so stupid. Why would I ask him that? Obviously he loves movies. But like, I've never seen a more passionate actor than he is.

Yeah, that's cool.

He's the, you know, the NBA living the dream equivalent to actors. And I think that's really sick.

Same thing with Schwarzenegger. You ever watch the Schwarzenegger doc?

No, I should.

So good. He just, he starts out in Austria, town, nobody in that town, nothing going on in that town. Fucking uses bodybuilding to get out of the town, starts, becomes a world champion. And then he's a world champion bodybuilder, he's like, okay, now I want to be an actor. And they're like, like, you can't fucking talk. Like, you can't even speak English. Like, you sound like a fucking moron when you talk.

That's crazy.

And he was like, okay, okay, I'll buy my time, I'll buy my time. He gets into real estate to like keep him going, starts buying like properties and stuff, and he waits and he waits and he waits. Then he gets Conan the— not Conan O'Brien— he gets Conan the Barbarian, or he gets some movie where he doesn't talk a lot, but he's just like a big buff guy, but he's great. And then— and he just fucking did it. Damn, that's crazy.

And then somewhere there he became the governor of California. Yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, that part too, which is fucking insane. We should get him on the podcast. He'd be so fun.

Schwarzenegger? What are you talking about? It'd be amazing.

We can get him.

Okay.

I'll call him.

Arnold, it's Jay. Remember when I sucked your dick back 20 years ago? So you wanted to buy my house? And that's how you follow your dreams.

The other day, uh, I was with Charlie and her friend, and all of a sudden her friend goes— she goes, hey Jason, um, I just talked to my friend Chuck Pine. And I was like, Chuck Pine? Oh, it's like a TikTok trend they do to like parents.

Yeah, yeah.

So like the trend is, yeah, you find out your parents bully or your parents' friend, and then you say it to them and your parent flips out.

Well, no, no, No, what you say is, I'm so hungry I could eat Chuck Pine.

Oh yeah, that's what she said. I'm so hungry I could eat Chuck Pine. Yeah, yeah, that's what she said. And I was like, Chuck Pine?

I was like, what?

Chuck Pine used to fucking terrorize me.

Chuck Pine was your bully?

Yeah, Chuck Pine was my bully, man. Oh my God. He was fucking brutal, bro.

How did she find out Chuck Pine?

Probably got it from Naveen.

Oh wow.

Naveen asked me.

Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I forgot. They let weeks go by. They're pretty good.

You confided in Naveen about this big high school bully you had who Gave you trauma? Yeah, yeah, yeah, this fucking 12-year-old in the backseat of your car. How's Chuck Pine doing? I'm starving. That's really fun.

That's a really funny trend. But then one day I went over and saw his house and yeah, his parents were awful and I felt bad for him.

You know, I did that trend to Vardon.

You did?

Yeah, I said his aunt's name, but Susie warned me. He's like, he doesn't know anybody's name, so it may not work. And it took him like 30 seconds and then she He's like, who's, who's Susan Zuzuban? And I kept saying it, I kept repeating it, and then Susie goes, I fucking told you, he's an idiot. And then she goes, it's your aunt. And he goes, oh, it's my aunt. I'm like, goddamn it, forget it, forget it, forget the—

He goes into a trance, he shuts down. Did you see that video I sent you about AI? Did you guys watch that?

Um, I watched it.

I mean, it's— we're done. Well, yeah, I don't love this topic cuz I know we're not going to get anywhere, but like, we can't resolve it. But it's so scary. Like, why isn't someone stopping it now? Like, why don't they shut down ChatGPT Because I don't think it's impossible.

Yeah, because they're making so much money from it too.

And I think someone— did you see that thing about ChatGPT about that it's costing millions of dollars, um, in electric electricity? Well, yes, every time someone runs a prompt through ChatGPT, it costs thousands of dollars, right? Oh yeah, just for electricity. And it's costing the company millions of dollars for people saying thank you to their ChatGPT. Oh wow, this is just like an unnecessary thing, obviously, to say to a robot.

Oh wow.

Um, yeah, we're definitely fucked from AI. Brandon Cavillo had actually a good skit on today.

Oh, did he? I didn't see it.

He was at the movie theaters. It was him working at a movie theater. Oh, I did see that. Would you like to see the organic version or something else? And the organic version is made by a human and it was $1,000 for a ticket. And the AI movie was like $10 for a ticket or whatever. And because, yeah, I mean, like, how is everything not going to be made by AI? How will anybody— you can't beat a robot that has an algorithm. Like, what will creativity be? The only thing that I think may actually stay I would say is like artists and paintings, because I think that that has a special thing that it's made by humans, like a human touch.

But like, what about music?

No, no, absolutely not, because a song you could enjoy—

well, song is made by technology, like, for the most part.

Yeah, like a song or a movie or anything that's funny is like— so like, like if I'm watching a funny movie that's actually funny and it's made by AI, I don't care as long as it's funny. Like, am I laughing? Am I being entertained? And if AI has figure out exactly how to make David laugh. And maybe it's a movie like curated to me at that point. Like, it's like, do you know what I mean?

It's you, Taylor, and Natalie driving around.

I'm sure that's what it's gonna be. I'm sure that's what it's gonna be. Like, I'm sure in 20 years I'll be able to scan my face— not even scan, take a picture of Natalie, take a picture of Ilya, and take a picture of me and be like, quickly generate a movie where we're going to, to, uh, to Colombia to collect cocaine from like a top narco. And it'll make a movie Yeah. In fucking 10 minutes. And we'll watch an hour and a half movie that we just came up with and we'll be like, make it entertaining and make it action-packed. Yeah. And the movie will be done. Like, that's fucking crazy. It's— everybody's fucked. I do think like if you're a painter though, like I don't care how good a painting is, I think the exciting part is it's made by a human. But I don't think I'm gonna share that same attachment to a film made by a human or a song made by a human. Like if I'm at the club and I'm drunk, I don't care if it's a good song, I'm dancing to it. I'm not gonna be like, wait, this one's AI. Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah. But people are already— very like against AI.

Oh, of course. For sure.

I don't think it'll—

Like everyone's trying to not use AI in things, but like—

I'm worried someone's going to blow up a city.

I mean, for sure. For sure something's going to— I mean, I don't know. And anything could happen. Anything. Like it's so crazy how the movie I, Robot is so legitimate.

I never seen it.

It's not even that. It's like, imagine when AI like becomes self-whatever. What is it called?

Self-actualized?

No. Well, one of those words. You know what I mean? And like, imagine when it starts like building its own self, a computer, a supercomputer, or it starts building its own software, maybe like literally into a robot. Like imagine it's like— Then it's like ordering itself parts from China. It's ordering more parts from fucking India. And it's just like, it's ordering things to one warehouse that it bought online from a real estate agent. It acted as a human. It copied somebody's voice. Do you know what I mean?

And then there's robots that are putting it together.

Yeah, it could do it. Yeah, it could literally be anything. Or like AI robot finds out maybe it doesn't like Leonardo DiCaprio's mid- for saving the ocean. He's really into environment. So then AI's like, I'm gonna fucking kill this guy. So Leo gets a call from Martin Scorsese. It's like, hey, it's Marty. Come fucking meet me for dinner. But it's not Marty. It's fucking AI. And then Leo's fucking killed outside Dantana's in LA because AI is inside the Waymo with a shotgun. And the little Waymo car drives by. He just wrote a movie. Yeah. I didn't write this. AI did. I mean, no, genuinely, like, it's fucked. It's fucked. The whole AI thing. It's really fucked.

They said that there was like a billionaire's conference and one of the guys was like, what are you going to do? And he's like, I'm going to buy 100 acres in the Midwest and some chickens and lock down.

Yeah, I get that. But also none of this shit's fucking real. This is just such a temporary holding place to wherever we're going next.

You're talking about reality.

Yes.

Yeah.

Like, this isn't real. You do get that? Are we all on— this is as real as it gets. By not real, I mean like it's just not the full real. It's just half, right? Or a quarter or a dozen.

There's something else going on that we don't really know about.

Obviously there's something fucking going on. What am I fucking doing here? I'm just fucking hanging out, working, like making podcasts so people can listen to it. It's literally the fucking dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm stopping at lights and shit. I'm driving in my car, going to Erewhon to feed myself because I fucking have to. I can't starve. I have to pee. Dude, this is all such bullshit. I cannot wait to get to the bottom of this.

We have your 2 o'clock pills.

Sorry, I don't mean bottom of it, but I'm just like, I don't know. That's why I welcome death. Whenever it happens, it happens, because I know whatever's next, I'm gonna die. And I know I'm gonna be— and I'm gonna die before all of you guys. I've already figured that out. I'm gonna be waiting for you guys wherever I'm at, and I'm gonna be like, dude, what took you so long? Look at what's here.

I told you, motherfuckers.

I told you, fucking idiots. And Jay, you're gonna be so pissed. I'm gonna be so pissed. You're gonna be like, I was struggling, I was fucking struggling, I could barely pay my house. And I'm like, house? What's a house? They give planets to everybody here. Everybody gets their own planet. John has 30 virgins he's having sex with. Well, like, I mean, it really is like, and I've been thinking about it and I was like, I had this question on the podcast before and I've kind of answered it myself. And it's like, when you go to heaven, are you your 10-year-old self? Yeah. Like 30-year-old self or like, you know, I mean, like, I only know you as 50-year-old Jason, but like, in heaven, are you 20-year-old Jason? Like, are you at your prime, or what are you? And then I thought to myself, that's so stupid, because you're just not a human. So, so age isn't a thing.

It's—

then time isn't a thing.

So what are we, just little blobs looking at each other up there?

I think blobs is like the easiest way to like paint it for a human like us, because we're so dumb. But like, it's definitely just like some sort of soul, some consciousness. Yeah, it's something.

Wow.

It could be literally fucking air. It could be vapor. But— and we're just all like coexisting.

Have you researched people that have come back from the dead?

No, I don't believe that shit. That's fucking so dumb.

You don't think people die and like go to heaven and come back for 7 minutes?

No, no, no, I think, I think you had a dream. Yeah, like I've had so many dreams where I've been to heaven or somewhere weird. Yeah, like obviously if you're almost dead, you're gonna have one of the coolest dreams ever. I don't think like God makes mistakes and like you come to heaven, he's like, hold on, not yet, go back. Like, I think people just have dreams.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I, I— and yes, I'm sure it's exactly them at the heaven gates. Like, if my body is dying, the first thing I'm going to think is, here I go, I'm going to heaven. Like, subconsciously, that is where my body will go. So obviously people are having fucking dreams right before they almost die or they die. That's that. That— no, I think it's so much— it's— I think calling it heaven with golden gates and, and clouds, I think it's pretty rudimentary. I think it's going to be so much more complex than that. None of us will ever be able to put into words what it is, but I know it's going to be so exciting. So exciting.

What if it's the the other way, like it's hell.

I just can't imagine it.

What if I see you there and it's like, uh, get— I die first and you get there, and I'm like, yeah, you gotta get to work, man. It's 10 times worse.

Yeah, what if this is like— this is— we're in heaven right now, we're living it.

Oh, I could see that too. But if that's the case, I do think that if you're a good person here and if you like abide by the rules of being immortal and just like being a kind person, I think you'll be able to re-up. And like, I think if it is hell, wherever it is, I think we'll be able to jump back into this world pretty easily. I don't know. That's my theory.

What do you think about people who suffer here? You think they get it better in heaven?

No, I think no.

You think God, when they get there, God's just like, hey, sorry about that, but everything's chill now?

No, that's also like another theory of mine that like it is a heaven or hell. I think it's just karma. Like it's all being circulated.

Do you think there is a hell?

I don't know if it's a hell. I think this is hell. To some people, Earth is literally hell. Yeah, I mean, to a lot of people, actually.

Yeah, to a lot of people.

If you go online, especially, and you read comments on TikTok, it's hell for 50% of people on Earth. Half of the people want to leave. So, like, yes, I think it is hell.

I did this show last night, like, you talk about things that haunted— like, haunted stuff. That's the theme of the show, and it's put on by Elton, and who's great. And so then I got out there, and I was basically a big skeptic. I was like, I went to the Conjuring house, nothing fucking happened. And, uh, the crowd, like, turned on me. And then I realized in the crowd was all of Elton's fans who are were like big believers in the afterlife. So there was a moment where I was like, oh shit, this is not the crowd to say that.

Oh, that's really— yeah.

And then people would raise their hands like, I was, uh, I was touched in Arizona by a spirit. And it's really funny.

Yeah, I don't know. I've never had like a spirit interaction where I could, I could fully, fully say that those exist.

But yeah, I haven't either. Have you?

No, I haven't. My mom actually just saw a clairvoyant. You know anything about clairvoyancy?

And someone who likes guys and girls?

Yes, bisexual. Yeah. Um, no, but she just saw— she just saw a clairvoyant, and she was in a room with like 15, 20 people that had signed up for this. So there's already like, you know, there's like this preconceived, like, all these people definitely have issues or they have someone they're trying to speak to or whatever, right? So there's a little bit of that. But the clairvoyant sits in this middle of the circle and basically just says like, oh, I'm feeling something, this is what I'm seeing, whatever. And she saw like essentially my, uh, my grandfather who plays the piano, and like very specific specific things and like has a job where he was working like at the city, was saying these like very, very specific things. And he passed away like pretty quick, like abruptly. My mom didn't get to say goodbye or whatever, so she, she called me afterwards to like tell me this experience, whatever. And she was like bawling, crying, and you know, she had this like insane like spiritual experience. And I don't know, like, so that's why I'm like, I don't really believe in that stuff. At the same time, like, I know people that definitely very strongly—

there's a way to do that too, that you can get it out of the person. I don't know it, but yeah, I'm getting a, uh, Natalie, I'm getting 'Your mother was a— begins with a B? Is it a B sound?' And then you search for yourself to be like, 'Yeah.' Well, you only have one mom. I know, but there's a way to do it.

I do call her bitch.

Okay, here.

No, well, then you start putting the things together. You start feeding them the information.

Yeah, yeah. If I said, 'David, is there somebody in your life that's, um, begins with a c—' Those people I don't care about.

But have you seen— have you seen like that woman who's like walking around and like there's like 80 people and then she goes, 'Does anybody know a Kristen here?' And And then a person raises their hand, "Yes, that's my mom." And then she goes into their mom.

No, I haven't seen that.

That thing is, that's crazy to me. The one-on-one stuff, that's just like horoscope shit to me. I don't believe in that.

So you're saying asking for Kristen is ridiculous 'cause someone in the crowd is gonna have a mom named Kristen.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 'Cause the girl raises her hand and then she specifically speaks about Kristen's mom and she goes, "How's her back?" Yeah, and then she like really goes into it. Fine.

Her back's great.

Wait, that's exactly what I just said.

With a group of people? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, you weren't listening to anything I said.

I know I wasn't, I wasn't, I know. He's not here.

He doesn't really give a shit. I actually don't know why I'm here, to be honest.

No, you actually don't. Listen to me. You've asked good stuff today.

Okay, I think I've said two words.

Okay, keep it going, Natanya.

Here's the question. Here's the question.

Here's the question.

I love that. Here's a question from Instagram. This girl says, hypothetical question, and then in parentheses she says Not really. But since you're a man, I want your opinion. If a girl you were talking to for almost 2 months said she would drive around 2 hours to hook up with you, would that seem insane to you or no? Like, is that a turn-off or what? That's interesting. Um, if you've been talking to this person for 2 months, it's 1,000% not that insane to drive 2 hours. Yeah. If you're talking to somebody for an hour or 2, that's insane. Yeah. You're talking to a guy who lost his virginity to somebody an hour and a half away. Um, but, but that was about— that was actually probably about 2 weeks of communication. Communication.

Yeah.

So no, I don't think that's insane.

No, I mean, it's a long time.

You should definitely FaceTime though, or get on the show Catfish before.

Is it a bad look on the girl?

Like, does she look desperate? Yeah. Um, I feel like the guy should— that's just like chivalry 101, right? Like, the guy should do the drive unless the guy like lives on his own or like—

well, the guy shouldn't. I feel it. Well, maybe not, but I feel like the guy should initiate the like, do you want to come by, you know, sort of thing, right? Yeah.

But I think it also depends on—

yes, I like what you said, the guy should drive. She should make him drive live there.

No, no, I know, but you— but like maybe someone has like a bad living condition.

Like maybe she lives with her whole family or something.

The whole family. He lives with 2 roommates, like, you know what I mean? Like, you don't want to go there. Yeah. So no, I don't— I don't think it's desperate at all. I think you should totally do it as long as it's safe. Obviously 2 weeks is— I feel like it's good enough time to— actually, 2 weeks you could still get murdered.

Oh, she said 2 months.

Oh, 2 months? How long do you drive? Yeah, you're totally fine.

How long do you drive to—

for when I lost my virginity? Yeah, I think it was like an hour and a half. Genuinely, it was probably like 45 minutes, but as a kid it feels like— 45 minutes as a kid feels like an hour and a half. But I remember I like went to go get condoms like 20 minutes out because I wanted to get it out of Vernon Hills, like out of the city I'm from. I was so fucking nervous. I was 17 at the time. And yeah, and I was just like a nervous wreck. And I went to— oh my God, this is too much information. But I remember checking out. It's my first time holding condoms ever in my hand. I just had a boner the entire time as I was giving him the cash.

Shut up.

Well, yeah, this is like— I couldn't— I mean, this is crazy. As a kid, I was like, I can't believe I've condoms in my hand. This is actually happening. My— I'm I'm fucking sweating bullets because I'm like, I'm nervous but horny, and I'm like making the craziest exchange of my life. Like, it's literally— it feels like buying meth, like in fucking deep, deep in the trenches of like Colombia. Like, it's like really scary.

I can't imagine anyone's first time having sex being good.

It was amazing. It was? Yes, it was incredible.

Like, you were— you lasted? I don't—

I don't— oh, it's good for you. No, dude, I— that last— I don't think I ever actually finished.

Like, what was incredible about it then? Just like the whole buildup to it?

Yeah, just the whole thing, which is exciting. Yeah, like, it's just like, it's like your first time. It's just, it has to be exciting.

You didn't finish.

I don't care. It was so fun. I went to go buy condoms. I did the drive. I was like, I finally met a girl. Like, there's so many positives, and I don't have to finish to like be excited about like how fucking amazing it was. But, but yeah, that was, that was my first time. Good time. All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, Natalie, for joining us, telling us all about your life. You're welcome. Natalie was just complaining off podcast that she doesn't think she said much this podcast. I was like, no, you really held it together. Jason, thanks for being here. Ghosts in This Podcast, all good things. We'll see you guys soon. Bye.