Sorry to Let Everyone Down

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. We are back with another podcast. I am back from Lollapalooza. The molly is wearing off and I am back on the pod a little sadder than normal. No, no, I'm kidding. Didn't do molly. Didn't even really go— well, I didn't go to the festival at all.

You didn't?

No.

So what is the, what is the point of going? Everyone asked me, why are you going to Lollapalooza? But I, and then I thought about you and I was like, well, he, I don't even think he goes to the festival.

We had to do— well, we launched Wavers.

Oh, Wavers, right. You did Wavers.

We launched our chips in 130 locations in It's Sugar.

Incredible.

So we did a little pop-up at It's Sugar. It went great.

It's Sugar is the restaurant or it's the candy store?

It's the candy store.

Okay, got it. Got it.

Yeah. Yeah. And it was really cool because I was like, it's the first time I haven't promoted anything.

Yeah.

And I just kind of showed up. I felt like a rock star.

Oh, great.

That's because that's your hometown. Because there was people already there.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? It was like a David event, but I didn't— I didn't put out my Insta story and we like sold out the tickets or whatever. So I was like, fuck yeah. It's great. Felt really cool. People were really nice. The launch went great. Go get our new chips at All That Sugar. That's, yeah.

I saw an Instagram video of you at Wavers and you got behind the DJ booth and you took your right hand and there was just one moment that you were just like, you kind of like just pushed it forward like you were shooting a basket. I wasn't sure what you were doing. I don't know if you know what I mean.

No, I was really embarrassed. They made me do like, they made me do like a little speech and the CEO of It's Sugar was there. And I was telling my waivers team, I was like, listen, no one wants a speech during a party. And I was really scared that the CEO wouldn't understand that. And the CEO comes up to me and he goes, I'm gonna keep this shit really short. And I was like, fuck yeah. And he killed it. He said like 10 words and I was like, this is fucking incredible. And then I said 3 more words and it was back to the regular scheduled programming. So he was incredible, the team was amazing, it went great. I got to play pickle.

Can you buy waivers in It's Sugar?

Yeah, what do you mean? Why do you think we were fucking there?

I don't know, it didn't sound like, okay, I got it, great. Oh, that's fun. I've been to It's Sugar. You go in there and there's all kinds of wild things in there. Yeah, you can buy like—

what do you think we were launching?

Like, I wasn't sure. I was like, I thought it was just going in grocery stores, but, but I know It's Sugar.

It's going to grocery stores too, but It's Sugar is our first store that we're going— that we're into. So it's gonna be— we're gonna roll out the launch at other stores in the coming weeks.

Did you get any candy while you were there?

Yeah, candy was fucking unlimited. Shit was wild.

Did you get sushi candy?

I went with my hometown friends Mike and Nick.

Yeah.

To It's Sugar, and I fucking hate— first of all, we use these like— the Wavers team uses these pictures of me to promote the chips that we just took at Doughbrix, and I thought it was like gonna be used internally. So like, I didn't like get a haircut or anything. I didn't like— I just look like I fucking rolled over and I'm sick. Like, the pictures are horrible, right? But they've been using it for every campaign possible.

Yeah.

So it was like blasted all over It's Sugar, pictures of me, and I was so pissed. I was like, please stop using pictures of me. Like, just fucking have the product there. And Mike and Nick went around. They knew that I hated it. Mike and Nick while I was like taking photos of everybody, went around and took pictures with every version of me all around the store. There was even a— there was even a photo of me where my face was removed and you could put your head into like my, my fucking body.

Right.

So yeah, so that was a lot. But other than that, everything went well.

And then what would you do? Just go back to the hotel and chill?

Yeah. Yeah. We went to—

did you go to dinner?

No, no, no. Well, I went to Dude's right before, but we went to— so right when I landed, I went to— I had a real like Vernon Hills fucking real Vernon Hills day. Right when I landed, my buddy Darren picked me up. Incredible guy. He was my, like, tennis partner in high school. He picked me up. I went to go play with my high school teacher. I went to go play pickleball at Lifetime with Killinger. First of all, I was uploading Instagram stories from Vernon Hills this entire weekend, and everyone's like, can't wait to hear about this for 45 minutes. So I'm going to keep this short. I know, I know. No, it was really funny.

Well, I want to hear about it.

So I played with Killinger. Killinger.

Tell everybody about Lifetime. Lifetime's incredible.

Well, yeah, it's just fucking—

they don't have it everywhere though.

No, it's like they have it in Boston. It's the best gym ever. I don't even know how to explain it. But Killinger came and brought me a book for my birthday and it was a book about how we landed on the moon because he listens to the pod, I guess. And he's— and in it said, read a fucking book. Love, Killinger. And I think the book is about landing on the moon. And I obviously didn't read it. I know it has something to do with it.

Sure. Why would you read it?

Yeah, why would I read it?

You have your own thoughts.

So kill— yeah, I'm my own person. So Killinger is very— my high school teacher is very adamant that we did land on the moon. And then same time, NASA also Instagrammed that they're going— did you see that?

No.

Oh, they posted on Instagram that they're going back, going back to the moon. They posted a picture of the feet on the moon.

Yeah.

And the caption was, we're going back.

Oh wow. Yeah, it was like a movie, like a Like a part 2.

Yeah. Like we're going back in fucking—

What does that mean?

I don't know. I don't think they're— I think they're going to try to go there for the first time. Like going back where? To Warner Brothers?

Yeah.

To film another scene of them walking on the moon?

On a green screen.

And then I, and then I like, I quote Instagram story or whatever. And I was like, oh my God, they listen to the podcast. And then NASA liked my Instagram story.

Really?

Yes. So then I DM'd them and I was like, can I come up with you guys? So I'm waiting on a, I'm waiting on a response back from NASA. I knew I was gonna get ghosted right there. Yeah, because they're not actually going. Yeah, and they know that I'd put holes in it.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they have to take you so they—

I'm their only proof. Yeah, I'm the only connection to the non-believers right now.

Would you go? Of course you would. What if you had to train for like 9 months?

The G-force thing would be really, really tough for me. Like, if you like, you have to be put in like a G-force machine. I am like so easily like if I was on a fucking rocky boat, I'd start puking. So I don't know how a spaceship would work.

I know a bunch of influencers did that and I heard someone told me they got really sick doing that.

Yeah. I mean, you like, you pass out, you pass out for a couple of seconds. No, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. It was a Liquid Death brand deal.

Yeah.

We didn't end up doing it. No, no, it was.

You have to get to go to space for 10 minutes or something.

No, it was. You got to go into like a F4, like a not a formula car. What the fuck is it?

Private jet.

A fighter jet.

Fighter jet.

And they just like spin you around and shit.

With no gravity.

No, no, that's something else.

Oh, it's something else.

Yeah. But yeah, so the gravity there is pretty insane. So yeah, so now I'm in talks with NASA and by in talks I mean they liked one story and I am currently waiting for a response. And then, yeah. And then a lot of people, this is where I know I'm going to disappoint a lot of people, so I just want to get it out immediately at the beginning of the pod. Every time I went out or every time there was any girls in my stories or anything, everyone assumed this was the threesome that was happening. And if you don't listen to the pods, there's this girl that called in basically. Well, how do I explain it?

She offered a truffle with you.

Yeah, she offered to have a truffle threesome. Yeah, whatever. When I got to Chicago, it turns out she was from Lincolnshire, which is the town over from mine.

Yeah.

So it was very easy. Also, I went to Liquid Fusion in Lincolnshire, which is my favorite. I haven't been there. I haven't been there in 3 years.

Yeah.

And I'm like, ready to order. I'm like, I fucking— I don't remember my order because I haven't been there in so long.

Yeah.

And I was just like staring at the menu and the guy behind the counter goes, blueberry peach strawberry extra tapioca. And I go, shut the fuck up.

Wow. Yeah.

I was like, no way. And he goes, of course, dude. Of course. I'm like, that's fucking incredible. That was like That was cool. That was my "I made it" moment. So I didn't have the threesome.

Okay. I believe you.

I wanted to.

You know, you have other offers too in the email.

Really? There's more?

Yeah, there's one guy that needs money.

There's one guy? Well, well, I need to pay him?

That one's not for you. But there's one guy that needs money, and he said he'll divulge everything on the podcast here with us if we can throw in some money.

Oh, I don't like that. I don't like things in exchange for money.

Really?

Yeah. I feel like that's weird.

Okay.

Like, I'd rather, like, you know, threesome out of love. Like, that's— I think that's what it is.

Yeah. Yeah.

So here's the thing. In my head, I was like, okay, I kind of want to do it because it's a bit in the vlog.

Yeah.

But like, I could make it a bit in the vlog. But then I was also like, I don't know if it's going to read as fun and cutesy as it does, like, in the pod. It's just going to be like weird, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

It just won't read that way. Not for you.

Yeah. No, it'll be really strange. But the one thing I was excited about—

if you were like Johnny Sins, you could do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, it would just be like, wait, wait, David's having— yeah, it would be just like weird.

Yeah.

But like, for the sake of— because I got so many DMs, everyone's like— and people at the club would come up to me and they'd be like, it's happening tonight, right? Like, because they saw me with girls and they just assumed it was them. I was like, no, no, this isn't— this isn't that situation.

Love.

But yeah, so I wanted to, but I— the one thing that made me excited about it is like, if I was to do that, I thought about like how it would be. I'm like, I'd get an intimacy coordinator, which we just— which for the first time, like, okay, so we did, we did this bit with Vardhan in the vlogs where Vardhan got his first kiss and we got an intimacy coordinator to come on set. And intimacy coordinator is incredible because— so what she does basically, she makes sure everybody's like comfortable on set.

Yeah.

So like literally every, every— she'll have a chat with the girls at the beginning.

Yeah.

She'll be like, let me know what you're comfortable with. If you're comfortable with Vardhan kissing you, hugging you, touching your shoulder or none of it.

Yeah.

And then she'll have the same conversation with Vardan and she'll be like, tell me what you're comfortable with. And it's really sweet because it's like we'll be sitting with Vardan and then she'll be— she'll come back and she'll be like, she'd be like, okay, I just spoke to the girls. They're all excited about having their first kiss with Vardan. And I was like, oh my God, like everyone's excited, like everyone's down. And there's, there's 13 of them are down for anything a little bit more than a peck. And then 2 of them just want a peck. And then like, and then, and then she talks to Vardan and then, right. And then she's like, Vardan, what are you comfortable with?

What did Vardan say?

Vardan was like, anything. I mean, obviously Vardan was stoked. We have to interview Vardan. We should get Vardan at the end of this pod because his perception on everything changed. But anyway.

Yeah. Because remember right after he was like so fired up.

Yeah. The car ride home was like, we just unlocked like a new Vardan. He was like, dude, I'm ready to kiss everybody. And we were like, that's He was being like a fuckboy.

Yeah.

But instead of like using like weird slang, he just kept saying kiss.

Yeah.

He's like, I'm ready to kiss every girl. So it was like still like 18-year-old Vardhan, but it was still—

And I never heard him talk about girls up to that point.

Never, never, never, never, never. But yeah, I thought that would be really fun, the whole threesome bit. But I don't know. I think it's a little bizarre. So I'm really sorry to disappoint the listeners that wanted to do it. I just, I felt like it wasn't right.

Yeah. I don't think you can do it.

Yeah. Maybe one day. Yeah, but like, if I, you know, for science, I should have. So like, what would NASA— NASA—

I mean, you'd be sitting here right now. What would you say? So first I started kissing—

what? Yeah, I'd literally walk you through it. I don't know, but maybe. Jay, can I ask you something personal?

Of course.

Um, you ever buy tickets to anything?

Yeah, I have.

Okay, good. Well, because I want to let you know about— I'm sure you've already heard about it.

I can't imagine what you're going to say.

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Do you see they're bringing Vine back?

What?

Yeah, Elon Musk tweeted they found the archive. And they're going to put old videos back up, stuff like that. And maybe in October they're bringing Vine back. Yeah. And that's nuts.

Like, for like every—

like, like as a platform.

Fuck, I don't like that.

No, no. Why not?

You like that?

Sure. If it's a place to like—

really?

You can like—

as influencers, we'd always— we always like every time a new platform— I remember like when we were on— I remember when Musical.ly got announced, like we were all like, oh my God.

Yes. Yeah, that is stressful.

We were like, fuck, we got to post on another one.

Yeah.

And then it actually turned out to be great.

Yeah.

Like, dude, you can't compete with TikTok. Like, you just can't.

I wonder if Instagram Reels is—

Yeah, it's just not possible.

I have to say, my TikTok experience is not that great. Really? My algorithms are so fucked.

Mine's so— like yesterday, mine's so good because it's changing. Like, it changes so quickly.

It does.

It doesn't like— it doesn't stay the same for over a day.

You get like current influencers and stuff, like people that are doing stuff? Because I don't.

Well, it's just if you interact with it, I guess.

I don't know. But my Reels is great.

Oh, your Reels?

I love Reels. And Naveen was making fun of me. She's like, you watch Reels? She's like, that's like so weird.

No, that's what— that's what Alex says too. There's definitely—

I love my Reels.

Yeah, I've dabbled in Reels and it's not bad, but TikTok just feels like— Instagram Reels feels very like very narrowed down.

Yeah.

To like what I want to watch.

Yeah.

And TikTok, like once in a while will give me the opportunity to change my algorithm, which I like.

Right.

It'll like give me 2 videos I want.

Right.

And then it'll give me 2 I may want. And then I— and then it'll slowly evolve into a new thing. And that's how it'll keep me. Reels almost feels like it's like, here's another cat video. Here's another cat video. Here's another cat video. Here's another cat— dog? No. Oh, okay. Back to cat. Back to cat. Back to cat. Where TikTok is like, it's like keeping you on the app for longer, which I really like.

Yeah.

So I've been loving, loving, loving, loving TikTok. Wait, what was I going to say? Oh, you brought up Elon.

So I was—

I found this. I found this thing. I was watching a podcast, I think, with Tom Segura.

The Mexican story with the pilot? No, the guy that— the guy that lost focus. The guy that the aliens talk through him.

Yeah.

Oh, go ahead.

Yeah. I didn't love that one.

Would you believe it? Yeah, I haven't had the time to research it, but the story is basically there's a guy, he's flying, and he, he flies somewhere really far, but there's no way he could have gotten over a body of water in 3 hours. Like, he's only been in the plane for 3 hours, right?

So he takes off from an airport, the nearest body of water is 3 hours away.

Yeah.

And he basically passes out on the plane.

Yep.

For like an hour. And his plane would have never gotten to the body of water. He doesn't have enough gas. Yeah. And he couldn't get there in the amount of time. And then he wakes up like an hour and a half later. He doesn't know if it's been days or whatever. He wakes up in the plane.

Yeah.

And he's like, what the fuck is happening? And he's now— he realizes he's over the body of water, so he has no idea how he's gotten to this body of water.

Right.

And then—

and then the aliens start to speak through him.

Yeah. Okay. So.

Right.

And then air traffic control is like, hey, who are you? Who else are you in with? Like, who's in your plane? And he's like, no one. It's just me. And the air traffic control is like, okay, land and we'll talk. And then he landed and then the FBI or whatever that is in Mexico came, grabbed him, interrogated him. They tested him for drugs, came clean, and then they tested him to see if he was crazy and he wasn't crazy. And then they told him, they're like, okay, so this is what happened.

And basically aliens were speaking through him to the air traffic, to the air traffic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were basically saying, like, human beings are the only ones who use violence and war, and you guys are headed for a nuclear holocaust.

That's what— yeah, that's what was happening, right? Yeah. And they were basically— they were speaking in Spanish, and his voice was very robotic.

Yeah.

And they were like saying, you're hearing this— the aliens were saying, you're hearing this man's voice, but it's us using his body to communicate. Yeah. And then basically the whole And this was— you can Google this and you could hear the actual audio recording from this guy speaking.

Yeah. And we live in such a funny time because it's like Tom Segura is just a funny comedian. And how does he land there? You know what I mean? Like, 20 years ago, you'd only hear that on like 60 Minutes or something, or like some really known journalist. But it's Tom Segura. You're like, wait, this is the guy that I watch his Netflix specials.

And basically this transcription of this flight log has been buried inside a library in Mexico. And you have to go through all these stages to get accepted. Accepted to listen to it.

Yeah.

And this guy got access to it. I don't know. It just all feels like there's 8 billion people in the world, right? What are the chances that one guy falls asleep in a plane, a gust of wind sweeps him somewhere, and he's having a dream and he's sleep talking? Do you know what I mean? Or he gets hit unconscious in the plane or something.

Sure.

And he's speaking out loud to this air traffic controller.

Like, it's funny what you believe and what you don't believe. Like, you don't believe we landed on the moon.

Because I'm just saying, if aliens are communicating, why are they using a random pilot that's flying over a random city Mexico, right?

Why aren't they on a pickleball court right now?

Why? Yeah. Why aren't they landing and making a vlog with me?

Yeah.

No, no. But like, why aren't they in— this is very like US-centric, but why aren't they landing in, you know, Times Square?

Yeah.

Like the Silver Surfer in Fantastic Four. Like, why aren't they making a big fucking spectacle?

Mm-hmm.

So like, it's just like, it doesn't— I don't know. It doesn't really—

it doesn't move the needle for you.

No.

Got it. I believed it when I heard it.

I was like, that's what you believe in, you fucking asshole.

I don't believe— I mean, I kind of believed it. I mean, some things I believe, some things I don't. I was like, well, Well, it does sound plausible.

So, you know, Nikola Tesla? Yeah. There's this whole conspiracy. And if you've seen the movie The Prestige, that's made by Christopher Nolan, it's explored in it. It's kind of interesting. There's this whole conspiracy theory that Nikola Tesla made all these inventions and then either him or the government destroyed it because he believed that humanity wasn't ready for it yet. Like he discovered time travel, like teleportation, things like that. Wireless energy, like all of this stuff. Discovered, and he's saying it wasn't true. Anyway, so they're saying this is a conspiracy theory. Some of this is true and some of this is conspiracy. So when he passed away in 1943, the FBI confiscated many of his documents. According to conspiracy theory, one of the people who reviewed these documents was John G. Trump, who is an actual relative of Donald Trump. Oh, Don G. Trump was a scientist and engineer who did indeed review some of Tesla's papers, but no evidence was found that he found any secret inventions. The theory also pulls in Barron Trump, Donald Trump's youngest son, with claims that he's a time traveler and that the Trump family used Tesla's hidden technology to gain wealth and power. This part of the theory mainly comes from a book from the 1800s that oddly enough has a character named Barron Trump, which conspiracy theorists—

oh, I have heard this—

like to reference as a weird coincidence. In reality, while John G. Trump did review Tesla's papers There's no evidence of any hidden inventions or any time travel device found. So that's interesting. So there is actually a real guy that's related to Trump that got to go through Nikola Tesla's papers, and that's factual. Right. And then they're saying, I mean, that's—

what's interesting that you think Barron's a time traveler?

No, that like whatever was found in those documents maybe helped the Trumps.

From what I know of the Trumps is they— his father made all this money with low-income housing. In New York. So he would like— he was like a slumlord.

Okay, but what about the rest?

Well, his father gave him a big loan.

Yeah, but what about his father's father? Maybe he figured out time travel.

And maybe— and, and what, went back in time and fixed things so he would have money? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, maybe.

Did you see that? Did you see that joke? Uh, there's, there's a TikTok of this guy who went back. It's a TikTok of this guy who went back and killed Baby Hitler.

I saw that.

So funny. I don't know why no one thought of that, but it's so good.

I forgot the joke, but I remember loving it.

Yeah, it's like—

what was it? Like, he's on a job interview.

He's on a job interview and he— and in the interview is written that he killed this baby.

Yeah.

But no one knows who Hitler is because he killed him. And the job interviewer is like, we can't hire you. Everything seems to be great, but it says you strangled this baby and you stomped his head in. Like, why would you do this to the kid? And the guy's like, because it's Hitler. And the job interviewer is like, who's Hitler?

Yeah. And then there's a moment where the guy goes, Oh, that's really funny.

That is, that is really interesting.

Do you watch the Billy Joel doc?

The what?

The Billy Joel doc?

No. Did he also have anything to do with time travel?

No, I just, I just thought of you. I thought you would like it because you like that song Vienna. It was so good.

Oh really?

Yeah, it's crazy. He's such a good— Oh, I'm definitely down to watch it.

Does he talk about the song Vienna?

I don't know. I've only watched the first one yet. It wasn't in the first part, but I think the second one, I'm hoping. But just so crazy. His whole run was just like he was just so beaten down. Like no one gave him a chance. He played like his music was so obtuse and so like, and he was such a great performer. And then it just took him so long to make it. And it's just— I was like crying watching it. It was awesome.

Why? What was the song that got him through?

The Stranger was the album that got him through, which has Vienna on it. Yeah. And has like Piano Man. What's that?

There's Piano Man on there?

No, Piano Man was earlier. You know, he doesn't get paid from Piano Man.

Wait, what?

He doesn't get any money because he signed everything away to some guy.

And what do you mean he doesn't make any money?

He doesn't make any money on Piano Man. Like, he signed it all away. Isn't that nuts? Or for like 10 years or something. Maybe he does now. But, but so during that time when Piano Man was like kind of a hit, he wasn't making any money on it because some other guy owned it. He wrote— gave away all his publishing, gave away everything.

Wow. So he's like that desperate to like find something that he like signed over everything.

Yeah.

Yeah, that is— that seems like that's like a recurring thing with like artists back in the day.

Yeah. And then there's this one really cool moment where like He's like opening for all these big bands and he's like doing— they play better than all the bands, but they can't sell any records, not making any money. And they were like, fuck, it's gonna come to an end. Like, we can't do it, we can't afford to tour anymore, blah blah blah. But he did have a small segment of fans in New York. He had New York fans. And so he— they set up 3 nights in Carnegie Hall and he sold it out with just like New York people, the people that knew him, you know.

What, you tell me he was a struggling artist, but he sold out Carnegie Hall 3 times?

But I mean, like, selling out Carnegie Hall is not—

what is that?

Because I think it's like 3,000 people, 4,000 people.

Okay, that's still pretty fucking impressive.

In the audience was a producer who saw it and said, okay, I'll make your next album. And that was his big thing. He could— he didn't— he never found a producer. And that producer made like Scenes from an Italian Restaurant. He made The Stranger, basically. It was like— it's so fucking good. He's so talented.

How much do you think, like, when it comes to an artist like that, like, how much of it is luck?

None of it.

You're fucking crazy.

None of it's luck, David. Not Billy Joel.

You're fucking insane, brother.

He fucking went at it for like, no, 15 years with nothing happening, and he was so talented.

But I think he— because he was— he had to wait for that luck.

Luck meets preparation. What's the phrase? Uh, we've been over this before, dude.

How do we not know this one? Look at me. Opportunity Preparation is—

Opportunity.

Preparate. When you say preparation, all I can think about is Preparation H, which is my hemorrhoid cream.

But yeah, I mean, I don't think it's luck. Do you think your success was luck? I don't think it was luck.

For sure. Like, I think it's like—

I don't think so.

But you need luck. I think it's like, I think it's blindly being— I think you have to pursue something like a maniac.

Yeah.

And you have to do it enough till that moment hits.

Yeah.

Where you're like, fuck, here it is. I got the lightning. Now I should make something of it. Shay, you know what I mean? And I think a lot of people give up before they get the luck, and I—

and that moment is luck.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, but yes, I— yes, I think there's still talent. Like, like, that's why it's like when you listen to, like, it's just— I don't know, it's really hard to give advice to somebody for anything. Like, even if they want to be an artist or if they want to be a YouTuber or they want to be an actor, because it's like, it's all so different. I think the only advice is like, you just gotta like blindly it's almost like you shouldn't even be asking for advice. Yeah, it almost feels like if you need advice, you already don't want it bad enough. Like, it should be like you can't— like, you don't give a fuck. You don't give a fuck if, like, you're homeless for the next 20 years.

I had some guys over my house today that helped me film skits, and they're like— one's like 21, one's 24, and they're really good. They're really great guys, and they're very funny. They were asking me about you. They were like, they were like, yo, man, he's like I was like, watching David's videos. He's like, and I'm 21 right now. And I'm like, he was like 19 when he was doing all that? And I was like, yeah. And I was like, I'd never seen anybody be so just into what he was doing. And I'm like, he was like—

well, that was because I got— that was because I literally, I was fortunate enough to like run into luck. And that was like—

well, no.

Yeah, I mean, why you were lucky?

Because you—

Vine, dude.

Vine was making any money off Vine.

It was my fucking— it was my ticket to like everything. It was my—

it was—

I moved to Los Angeles, the City of Lights, with like—

because of Vine, with like an actual—

like, that's fair in my head, a valid reason. And I was so fucking lucky.

Yeah.

And that was all because of like, like the people. Yeah. I mean, I was—

and then you got to meet Zane and Heath and be friends with them, and that helped you.

Yeah, I got to meet like a great group of friends. Yeah. And like, yeah, it's like brick by brick. And then I think the luck like, you know, I think there's always luck there, like, as you're making the videos. But then I think you start making your own luck. Like, then I think it's like you're just working at it so hard.

Yeah.

Or you're finally given the opportunity and things start coming to you because you start, like, forming your own gravity.

Yeah.

But, like, I've said this on the podcast a million times, but, like, every time my parents were like, you got to work hard, I'd be like, what the fuck does that mean? Like, how do you work hard? And then the second I got Vine, I was like, I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go to LA, I gotta go to LA. King Bach is in LA.

Why do you— where do you think you got that internal motor? 'Cause I see it with Wyatt. I'm really impressed with Wyatt. And you had the same thing. But when I was 19, I wasn't like that.

Well, what do you mean internal motor?

The internal— like what you just said. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta see what King Bach is doing.

Well, 'cause you just like, you want something so bad.

Right. Why did you want it so bad?

It just looks so obvious. Why? 'Cause I loved it. Like, I loved movies.

You wanted to entertain.

Yeah. I loved movies. I loved making people laugh. Yeah, there's literally nothing like— there's nothing more than I love. Like, I could not care for any schoolwork. I just like— I would have also been fine in like a regular job. Yeah, but I know I wouldn't have worked.

Like, I think you would have made it.

Uh-huh.

You think you would have made it in a regular job?

Well, I've always had this mindset that like whatever job I had, I would not work at it. Like, I'd be like, okay, like, if I don't make it in LA, I'm going to find the best in any kind of job. Like what? Like I was ready to be an Uber driver because this is when Uber like kind of first started to kick off. I was like, and I was I was damn sure going to be an annoying Uber driver and like talk everyone's ear off. But like, even when I was a waiter at the retirement home, I loved it because like I got to make the people laugh that I was serving. And like, I don't know how it came off. I don't know if that was just me having fun and they were annoyed or what, but like I was having such a good time.

Was there a moment where you said to yourself, I'm going to— I'm going to do this, I'm going to make people laugh, I'm going to be an entertainer or YouTuber? Was there?

Yeah. But like I'd always say, like, like I'd always say, like in my own head, because I didn't want to jinx it.

Well, sure, you didn't have to say it out loud, but I mean, did you say it to yourself? Like, for me, I used to watch sports broadcasters and I would be like, I'm going to do that. Like, I'm going to do that when I grow up. That's all I want to do is like— and then unfortunately I didn't like sports anymore. But I remember watching SportsCenter when SportsCenter came out. I was like, oh my God, these guys are funny and they're doing sports. I can't believe these two worlds are coming together.

Kind of. Well, all I could think about is the three shooting stars I saw in Ohio.

Oh, what was that?

I've told you about this. It's like there was one time my parents woke me up at like 2 AM and there were shooting stars.

Yeah.

And I saw 3 of them.

Yeah.

And I made 3 wishes and one was to be a professional athlete, tennis.

Yeah.

At the time.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

One was to be very wealthy and the other was to be like an actor, entertainer.

2 out of 3.

No, I'm pretty good at pickleball. But like, yeah, so I guess in that way I was like—

Did you watch Saturday Night Live?

Very different.

You go like, oh, I'm gonna be on Saturday Night Live.

I watched like, I watched Lonely Island a lot. Like, I watch Lonely Island, like the skits and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, if I could still be anything, the one thing that I'm like so connected to is like musicians. I'm so—

I know what you mean.

Because there's like, there's— it's fun to like make funny stuff that you find funny.

Yeah.

But it's also funnier to do another thing and then also make funny stuff on top of it. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like, the coolest is to be a rock star.

Yeah.

But then you're funny. Like, that's fucking sick.

Like who?

Like that combination.

Who's funny and a rock star?

Um, I don't know. Uh, what's like— I'm trying to find like—

Tyler, the Creator is funny.

Oh, Tyler, the Creator is really funny. Like, I love that.

Don't know who Mac DeMarco is.

He's like a guitarist.

But I love the combination of two. And I just like, like, I don't know. I like— I love when tennis players are funny too.

Who's funny tennis player?

Like Andy Murray's like really dry. Yeah, Nick Kyrgios is funny. Like I like their interviews because it's like, damn, you don't expect them to be funny because their main job is being tennis. And like, I fucking love that when an athlete's funny, people go nuts. People go nuts.

They can't believe it. No, no, no. And Shaq is so funny and they're like, oh my God.

Yeah, that fucking show that Shaq is on with— I don't know anything about basketball. Good show, but it's with like those 4 guys. Yeah, where they just like review Sport highlight?

They host the night of NBA basketball.

Yeah.

So they'll be like, tonight so-and-so, and then the game will happen and then they have halftime and Charles Barkley and Shaq will go back and forth about the game and rib each other.

But it's like quite— they look like they have the most creative freedom I've ever seen on any show. Like even a late-night host has more like structure than like— Yeah.

You're not gonna tell Shaq not to say something.

No, I know, but I just think that show's so fun because they're literally Like, even though I wonder, do you think people know about this on like late— like if you go on late night, the thing that I didn't know is like the pre-interview process.

Yes.

Like when I got to go on Fallon, like they call you 2 weeks before.

Yeah.

And they go, what do you want to talk about?

Yeah.

And then they prep you with all the questions, which is nice. So you're kind of ready. So like, like a lot of times if a comedian's going into a bit, they'll be like, okay, how do you want Jimmy to get you into this bit? And then Jimmy will be like, yeah, you adopted a dog, Donald. Yeah, I hear you adopted a dog. And then the comedian will go, let me tell you about fucking adopting a dog. And the audience will be like, here we go.

You were on an airplane recently, weren't you?

Yeah. Which is really cool. Like, imagine if we had that kind of structure for the pod. Like, if we just were fucking teed up like that.

Sure.

I think it's so cool.

But that's gone away. There used to be a show that Byron Allen would host. And that's all he would do. He would just set people up. It was called Comics Unleashed, but they weren't unleashed at all. It was all fake and very, very set up.

Like it was an interview show?

No, he would sit with 4 comics and then he'd be like, "So David, I understand you had a problem with potato chips the other day." And then you'd go into this really detailed bit about potato chips that you'd worked on for years and years in the clubs. Then it would get laughs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he'd be like, like, so Brad, you don't like to wear socks? That's really stuff like that. But getting back to music, the one thing that still, still to this day that gets me more excited than anything, David, but gets me so fucking jazzed is I love when someone gives me like—

I've never heard you this passionate. I'm so excited.

I love when I get like the behind the scenes of like one of my favorite songs.

Oh yeah, I fucking love it.

Oh yeah, like last night I was watching the Billy Joel doc and he has this song called The Stranger and it's this piano, it's beautiful, beautiful piano, and then all of a sudden Billy Joel starts to whistle and he's like— it's just like this whistling over piano. And I said to Naveen a couple days ago, I go, this guy's fucking unbelievable, like who would whistle over piano? Who would whistle? I said it to her and she does— she's just like, she doesn't care about Billy Joel at all. I'm going on and on about Billy Joel. So we're watching the doc last night and it fucking lands on Billy Joe and he goes, well, you know, on The Stranger—

Oh, you've said it before you even saw the doc?

I said it before I said it. He goes, well, you know, on The Stranger, the whistling wasn't my idea. He goes, that was Phil Ramone's idea. He goes, I was sitting there, I was doing my thing and I was, you know, kind of practicing and I start whistling. So then I go to Phil, I go, I go, so what kind of instrument should we use for the whistling? And Phil says, we're gonna use your whistling. He goes, "You!" He goes, "We're just gonna let you whistle!" And I was like, "Ahh!" Oh, that's crazy. I was like, "I fucking love that shit!" That's really funny. Or like the Kanye doc is great like that.

Did you see where Arnold Schwarzenegger was talking about his famous line?

No.

He was talking about—

What's his famous line?

"I'll be back." Oh yeah. In The Terminator.

I love that too.

So—

Well, how'd he get that?

Well, who was the director of The Terminator?

James Cameron.

Was it James Cameron?

I think so.

So an interviewer was asking Arnold Schwarzenegger, and they were like, "So did you come up with the line 'I'll be back'?" And he goes, no, he goes, I hated it. He goes, I told James I want to— and he tells us like this— I told James— I'm so bad at accents— I told James that I want to say, I will be back, because it sounded more robotic. And then James said to me, are you the writer or am I the writer? And he's like, I don't ask you how to act because you act. And like James like told him off. He's like, you say I will be back, or I'll be back.

Yeah.

And, and then Arnold Schwarzenegger was like, fine. So he said it like James Cameron. And it's really cool because Arnold Schwarzenegger completely, completely credits James Cameron.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like, he's like fully like, I fucking hated the idea of I'll be back. I thought it was stupid. And then, and then he said the movie premiered in New York and he got out of the screening and Arnold Schwarzenegger ran into a fan and the fan was like, like, can you say that line? Can you say— can you say I'll be back? And Arnold Schwarzenegger goes like, I'll be back. And the fan's like, no, no, no, say it like you said it in the movie. And then he goes, I'll be back. And then the fan goes, fuck yeah. And then he's like, from there on out, everywhere I went, people would ask me to repeat that line.

Damn.

And it became one of the biggest lines of all time. And they thought nothing of that. That's so crazy to think nothing of that line. Like, the only thing that we have that's like equivalent to that now is like TikTok audio. Us. Like, TikTok audio is becoming like legendary. But like, that's so cool.

You wouldn't think it was a great line if you read it on the script, on the page.

No, for sure not.

And you wouldn't think maybe The Terminator was going to do anything, was even going to be a hit at all. No, no, that's the other thing. You go and you make movies and you don't, you don't really know.

Yeah, it's really sad.

I like— that was—

it's sad now that I feel like movies don't do that anymore.

We went to a premiere last night. I won't say what it was, but it was so depressing.

Why?

It was just there's obviously no money for the premiere, and it's just like Hollywood used to be grand and like fun, and it was like, wow, everyone's glitzy. Everyone's dressed down. Everyone's kind of depressed. You know what I mean?

Well, it's just tough.

I mean, unless it's like, you know, Mission: Impossible. I know they like have money for that or something, but like, you know, most movies—

Poor Tom Cruise, man, trying to fucking save— he's one of the only— he fucking loves—

wait, did you hear he has a— he made a 6-hour film about how to make movies? And he showed it to Glenn Powell.

Well, it's a course.

Yeah, but he only shows it to his friends. You got to get him to show it to you.

No, no, no. He offered us this course when we were in London.

Did he? Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to ask you about that.

He gives us— he gave us— so in London, we went to go see him work on set.

Right.

This man loves movies. Like, loves. Talked to us for like 2 hours. He's so passionate. He does— he looks— I've said this on the podcast. I asked him the stupidest question ever. I said, what do you enjoy other than filmmaking? He goes— I was just— this— I'm so stupid for asking him that after for an hour and a half he talked about how much he loved it. I thought maybe there was something else, but obviously that's all he loves. Yeah. But yeah, yeah. He offered us this course and I didn't have time to fly out the next day, but it's— oh yeah, it's like you could have taken it and watched it, you know, like 3 or 4 of us. There was like 7 of us that went. 3 or 4 of us stayed. And for 7 hours you're in this like thing and it's like it's a, it's a whole video that he— it's about filmmaking from Tom Cruise.

Bro, you gotta do that.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know. That was silly. I fucking— I had to go for another job. I felt bad.

Oh, that would have been good.

But, uh, but yeah, he says he talks about like flying planes. Yeah, there's not that many—

there's not about cinematography.

There's not many people like that left in movies or just in life? No, in movies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it's like, I've like— it's like it doesn't feel like there's a new batch of creatives.

There are a lot of good movies coming out right now, though. I've heard— I heard Weapons is good. I heard Eddington is good.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm just like worried that— not worried that this is what's happening is like we get a lot of new actors that are coming. Like there's a new wave of actors. I see.

Sure.

But like, you don't get like the new creative minds. At least I don't see them because I think everyone is like, well, why make a screenplay when I can fucking make a TikTok about the one specific joke I want or like a full channel or like like, you know, a YouTube series or like, like, I know it sounds silly, but like, yeah, like there's some of the funniest people are making TikToks and it's like, and it's not. And like, I genuinely think if TikTok was not around, there would be a lot of new movies being made that would be incredibly funny. But like, people are a lot of funny people. I know people want to like talk down a lot of TikTokers, right? But like, and I'm not talking like the popular, the most popular TikTokers. Like, that's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying like the dancers are the ones that are— I'm saying like the niche creatives, I feel like, are focusing on that too.

Funny TikToks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like they're like, well, they can make more and it's— that it's like an actual source of income than like shooting the shit with the film industry for like 10 years and hoping they get their break.

What's funny is when I see like film people that are on TikTok now and how differently they look at it than when I started doing TikTok, it's fucking insane. It's insane. They're like— and I remember like when I did it, when I started doing like Instagram and stuff, everybody was like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, this is what it's going to be. No, it's the only thing I was ever right about. Oh, I know what I'm gonna ask you.

What?

What? How are you doing after Ilya left?

Well, he officially moved out last night.

So sad.

Yeah, so I was in Illinois and I was— I— his parents let me borrow his— their car for when I'm in Illinois. So I got to see him for a little bit and I was like, so what do you think about Ilya moving out and like getting his own place? And his dad and his mom, I shit you not, were like They're like, "It's so fucking stupid." They're like, "Why is he doing this? It makes no sense." And I'm like, "Thank you." And his mom's like, "If you guys got into a fight, that would make sense." But that's— yeah, and I'm like, "Totally." And his dad's like, "Why is he paying for rent, $4,000 somewhere, when it could— like, it really doesn't make sense." It's a very Ilya way of looking at it. He just wants his own place.

Let's, for a second, let's put ourselves in Ilya's shoes. Let's put it— because he's not here to defend himself. What could it be?

Well, he just wants his own place. He wants to be his own person.

Wants to be his own person.

Yeah.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

No, nothing wrong with it.

But it's just like, yeah, but it felt like when I came in today, it felt a little empty here.

I was like, oh, really? He's been working here all day. And I was like, dude, I thought you were leaving.

Oh, he's still here.

That's good.

So he's here a lot.

No, I think he's going to be here more.

Oh, good.

Yeah, I think— and I'm excited now because I think he'll like— when he's here, he'll be hanging out and he won't be like working, right?

Right.

Which is good, right?

Right.

And he's saying he's gonna have Taco Tuesday every night, which is gonna be nice. So he's—

we're gonna go Tuesday every Tuesday.

We're gonna go to his apartment.

Okay.

Yeah, it was really funny. We went to go visit his apartment and Jason was like, he hasn't signed the lease yet, right? And I'm like, no, no, no, I was lying to Jason because I wanted Jason. I knew Jason saw the apartment. It's not in the best place.

Yeah, just— the apartment's nice.

The apartment's nice, but the specific street it's on is like— even some guy in the elevator was like, tell your friend to be careful.

Yes, like someone did. So I got a little spooked because I was in the elevator and I was grilling him. I was like, what's this place like?

I know Jason's not close enough to Ilya to like fucking say whatever he wants. So I lied to Jason. I was like, no, no, he hasn't signed the lease. You're probably good. So then we got into the apartment and Jason's like, yeah, Ilya, I wouldn't do this. This is really dangerous. This place is really dangerous. You could— there's people in the elevator or They told me that, like, to watch your back. It's just not good. And, and Jason's like, but you haven't signed the lease, right? So you're okay. And Ilya's like, no, no, I signed it for a year. And Jason's like, Dave, I feel like a fucking dick. And I was just laughing. No, he doesn't mind. I asked him, I was like, what are the chances that you'll move back? And he's like, there's probably a good chance. Yeah. So like, yeah, it's only a year. I think he should definitely try it. I'm like, totally. I used to be like, don't move, Ilya. But like, I'm totally for it now. I think it's time for him to—

And what would happen if John moved out right now? Would you lose your shit?

I'd lose my shit. I don't know. I also see like, I also see adulthood like, okay, so I know this guy.

Yeah.

Who, uh, who's like worth a Series B, like a billion dollars, and it's gonna be worth more when he sells his company. And he has a wife and kids. Yeah. Divorced now.

Yeah.

And lives with with 3 of his best friends, right? Guy friends, right? In a, in a fucking mansion.

Like over 40?

Like, yeah, yeah, he's like 55.

Okay. Oh, 55.

Yeah. And it's like an— it's like an $80 million home. It's fucking gorgeous. And he's like, I am living the best life possible. I'm just with my best friends. And we— so I think society— I think society puts like very specific rules on like, and this just, just to sound like I'm trying to get Ilya, like I'm trying to win him back. But I think society puts like weird pressures on like getting your own place, being your, being your own adult.

Yeah.

But like, I'm just like, what's the point? Like, I'm here. I'll pay for the rent. I'll pay for the mortgage. Let's fucking, let's hang out. Let's do it. We're doing it. You guys have helped me get here. So I'm going to help you pay for the mortgage. Let's just fucking hang out. We're already here. We've arrived.

If, if right now Alex and John John moved out. What would you do? Um, not, not because of any fight, just because like, or they have to get their own place. And let's say Alex got a girlfriend.

I'd find—

Alex had to move back.

Well, first of all, I think I'd find new roommates.

Oh, you would? You'd move new people in?

I have like a couple people that have hit me that want to move in that I'm close enough to that are like— that I'm like considering.

Yeah.

Um, but I think I would like narrow down my girlfriend choice or search a little bit harder. And maybe—

what?

Like, look for a girlfriend even quicker. Oh yeah.

And then like, so that would put the fire under you to get a girlfriend.

And maybe, maybe downsize. It was really funny the other day when I had my birthday. Yeah, I had— it was Noah back, and this, this friend of mine who's an actress—

I like Noah.

She— yeah, I love Noah. She brought her friend over, and her friend is like, like, I know this girl that's an actress, like, I know her life. I know her like, like I know, like somebody that you know in high school, right? Like you just see him from time to time. And her friend who she brought to the party is like, she's like, David, I just want to say I'm like a big-time pervert. And I know her look at me like, what? It was so funny. It was so funny. And she said it. She said it so confidently. She's like, I'm a big-time pervert. And it was, it was like, it was, there's no like explanation behind it. She just like said it like Noah and the other girl would completely understand. And Noah looked at me like, why? And I'm like, it's, uh, it's what we call our audience. He goes, why? And I go, uh, I had to tell the girls like, don't say that. Don't say that. Like, we're called the Cucumbers now, by the way, guys. We've changed.

I don't think you're gonna lose Pervers.

Pervers was season 1. All right guys, that's all the time we have for today. Thank you guys for listening. Yeah, thank you for everybody that contributed.

Yeah, Natalie has pneumonia. That's why she wasn't here.

What? Yeah, I know, I didn't want to say it.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you want to tell people? No, no, she's gonna be so embarrassed.

Why?

No, I'm kidding. Natalie's pneumonia. Yeah, and it's fucked up. It's fucked up.

You've been riding her too hard. Ew, that came out wrong. You know what I mean? You guys have been going too hard.

I have not been riding her.

Well, I don't know what you guys do in your private life, but, um, but no, you guys have been just— I mean, course she hasn't.

Maybe she'll be back for the next one if we allow it. We'll see, right?

We don't want to get sick.

Kind of want to keep my distance from her for a little bit, but all right, we'll see you guys later. Bye!