Selling Our Sex Tape

Views.

What's up, guys? Welcome back to View. Good news, everybody. Natalie's maybe boyfriend reached out to her.

Don't start that.

Wait, what? We can't start like that.

No, I don't. I gotta stop talking about it.

Wait, why?

Because that's just from friend to friend. That's you and me.

But wait, but he doesn't listen to this because we've been talking about him non stop. So we're.

One day, if he listens to us, I'm going to sound like he's going to be like, oh, my God, No, but you're gonna be pregnant by then.

Yeah, yeah, you tell him that when you have a kid.

Like, hey, listen to this shit, buddy.

She ditched Halsey for this guy for me. I got her Halsey tickets. Wait, you got Halsey tickets? And frickin', I'm pissed at everybody. Wait, you're actually going to Halsey? I'm done with everybody.

I'm going to Halsey tonight. So I bought tickets for myself for tonight.

Wait, why? It makes no sense.

I got you tickets!

You surprised her with tickets?

I surprised her with tickets with SeatGeek. And it's crazy.

And then she bailed on you?

No, it was so rude to me. I felt really, really bad.

Unreal. Who are you going with, Halsey, tonight?

My mom.

That's crazy.

I thought she was sick.

That would ruin the whole concert experience.

And I thought Jen was gonna be on the pod. I'm catching you in lie after lie after lie. And then, David, I go, what about Jen on the podcast? And she texts back today, Jen's not been feeling well. Good enough to go to a frickin' cemetery for an outdoor show with no seats. We have to sit in a blanket and it's cold here right now.

That's where the show is, right?

It's at a cemetery?

Yeah, Hollywood Cemetery.

Wow.

And you can get those tickets on SeatGeek if you want.

I did actually use code David10.

Well, it's for new and returning customers too, so it's nice.

Why didn't you use Views10?

We just keep going.

I should have used Views10.

Why didn't you use Views10?

There's also Nash10 too.

I would love to see those analytics side by side.

I would love it.

All your Nash10 is just your family in Boston?

It's literally my family in Boston.

We're seeing a spike in Boston. There's 4 people using the code. Okay, so yeah, so the guy called you. And Natalie was kicking. I was looking outside. And usually when Natalie steps out of the house to take an important phone call.

Yeah.

Like, finally, like this brand we've been like wanting to like chase down.

Of course.

It's locked us in. Big money coming.

I go and I walk.

And she's eating a— she was eating a pretzel, to be fair.

A Wetzel's.

Yeah. Wetzel pretzel.

Yeah.

And she was kicking her feet around like a ballerina outside. So it was a deceiving sight because I couldn't tell. I was like, I don't know if she's kicking her feet around because of the phone call or because she's eating. Genuinely, that is what went through my head. And then she comes back in, she goes, guess what? And I go, what? And she goes, my boy, we're going on a date. I go, fuck, we're not really going on a date. I got so mad. Wait, what are you doing?

I'm just gonna see him tomorrow.

I have to do a speaking engagement tomorrow.

I signed David up for the speaking engagement so that I could run into him.

Yeah, and he's meeting her there.

What are you— where are you speaking? I don't know.

I didn't know about this fucking shit. You know Ryan, the guy that we had on here, that pickleballs? Yeah, he owns ChargeFuse.

Ryan's game.

Yeah, apparently he roped me into some shit where I have to talk.

No, it's a really good opportunity. It's— he's leading like one of the top events at LA Tech Week and he's speaking. There's a bunch of investors, a bunch of other like entrepreneurs. And you're going to speak.

What are you going to say?

I don't know.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I don't fucking know. It's—

oh, what?

How long does he have to talk for? Threatening Ryan. I'm like, I'm going to pull out of this shit. And he goes, no, no, no, no. He's like, you realize you have the— you have— what do you say today?

He's like, you have the top, whatever, the top event at Snacks.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what he said. He said, you have the ability to destroy my business here.

You can make or break my career right now.

By not showing up. And I'm like, okay, well, I probably won't show up.

Right?

So buckle in.

Unless you're talking about like great sandwiches around LA. I don't know how you're gonna do it.

No, it's gonna be like social media stuff, I assume.

No, he's gonna talk, look at, he's a little entrepreneur. He's starting businesses left and right.

I gotta come. Can I come watch this?

Yes, do you wanna come?

Yeah, hit me with one of my questions. Go right now. Now he already has them. I hate Natalie. I don't like seeing questions before they're brought to me because I overthink them. I like to just like—

He likes to draw out the conversation.

Is Natalie going to be feeding you the—

No, no, no. Ryan's asking me. It's like a fireside chat.

Ryan asks the questions.

I'm not like giving like a Harvard speech.

You're good at that. Yeah, I've seen you do that at colleges.

I love that stuff.

Fireside chat's very easy for me, but I don't like seeing the questions because it just stresses me out and I overthink it.

Sure.

But I'll give you one for The Views podcast. I'll give you an exclusive right here.

Really?

Hit me with one of the questions.

Okay. This is the first question that he's opening up with. Fuck. You've built a 7 million plus follower audience, but your real skill seems to be storytelling in short, punchy format.

Okay. First of all, 7 million feels a little low.

70.

Oh, you said 70. Oh, did you not hear 7?

I heard 7.

I heard 7.

Oh, sorry.

Okay.

70 million. Sorry.

You had 7 million. I would've walked right outta that fucking show. Just look around. Don't ever disrespect me.

Um, when you're creating, do you think about algorithms first or audiences first?

Wow. That's actually a really good question, Ryan. Thank you for having me here. This is a beautiful, beautiful—

We're happy to have you here, David. I'm so glad you showed up today.

I love it. I was so excited.

Get to the point.

Do I look at audiences? Okay, I'll try not to be funny because this is what I actually would say. I just look at— this is what I'm going to say, actually. It's going to be fucking— it's going to be a banger. Get ready. I'm going to say I look at neither. I look twice at each other.

This is why we're here.

Um, I look at what I'd want to see first because I think creating is— especially with so many creators out there, very good— it's so case by case. And I think the most important part is having your own voice. So I think relying on algorithms or relying on what audience wants will put you into this, like, will basically back you into a corner and kind of make you stand out a lot less. And I think just trusting your own gut is what makes a creator stand out on his own because it makes— it gives them their own voice.

That was beautiful.

Yeah.

I have a question.

Yeah, of course, Jay. Guy in the—

How much money are you worth?

Oh, come on. No, we can't do that.

Come on.

Okay.

Let us know.

Um, $70 million.

Wow.

Did you say 7 or 70? I don't know.

Who's better, you or Logan Paul?

Oh no, I can't answer that. Me. Yeah.

So I figured out MrBeast has so many more followers than you.

Oh, that's a sore subject. That's how I walk off. Um, no, no, no, no. Um, yeah, pretty good. But I love Logan Paul. Sorry I said that.

We knew, we know it was a joke.

Yes, we love Logan, of course.

All right, what else? I feel like, I feel like I'm pretty ready.

Okay, good.

I'm excited. David crushes those things. He always is like, he has like this like panic before where he's like, I can't believe you're signing me up to do this, but it's great. There's like all these amazing people.

You are good at that.

Guess what time it is?

I was going to bring it up. 10:00 a.m.

Oh, you got to get up at 10:00 and get up at like 8:30. It's going to be crazy. Art District.

Also, N could get laid. You're a good friend, man.

Yeah, and N won't even be there watching. She's going to be getting fucked in one of the closets. It's going to, it's like, it's going to be crazy. I'm going to be out there on my own, literally. Questions are gonna be thrown at me while she's fucking dodging cum.

It's not fair.

Shut up.

It's not fair. It's not fair. Like, why do I have to go in there and fucking be the business guy all of a sudden when Natalie gets to have all the fun with this mystery man? Well, whatever. I'm doing this for her.

Maybe you'll meet somebody.

Maybe you'll meet a tech conference person.

Yeah, somebody way different than me.

I'm sure there'll be lots of hotties.

That is the place to meet somebody.

Yeah, 10 AM.

Oh yeah, like meet a real 10 AM person. Wow. Okay, maybe you're right. I just look all puffy in the morning. I don't think anybody's going to want it.

We got to get you like, we got to ice, we got to like de-puff a little bit.

And then I've also been feeling a little bit under the weather.

I don't think so. I think I'm very, I'm very strong proponent in this where when the seasons change, everyone just feels like shit.

Yeah, I don't. You're not like, actually, I say, you dumb fuck. I literally say I get, I get, I get, I get sick when the seasons change.

Well, I said that.

Dude, you're doing the thing my mom would do. It's so fucking annoying. Or somebody would do it in my life. I don't remember who, but my throat would hurt and she'd be like, it's just allergies. And I'd be like, you're missing the point. My throat's hurting. I can't go to school. I don't care what caused it. I don't care if fucking God came down and tickled my throat or if it's the fucking pollen or if it's a real sickness. Like, my throat hurts. And like, okay, fine.

Your feelings are valid.

You're taking away my power.

I'm backing out. You win.

Okay, thank you. Sorry, I'm a little fired up because obviously I'm pissed about this thing I have to do tomorrow.

I'm excited right now as we speak. The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show was watching it too.

Yeah, it's— I thought they got rid of that.

No, they did it last year. Last year was like their, like, the first one in a while. This year though, like, a lot of people were like, where's the bombshell hair? Where's all the icons? Like, everybody is in this show. It is like so highly produced. They have so many models, all the icons. The outfits were fucking amazing. Diamonds, crystals.

Like, ugh, it was so Madison Beer singing in it.

That's great.

That's crazy. Madison Beer might as well fucking be walking that thing.

I'm sure she will. I'm sure she'll perform.

And I think she could do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they've done that.

Karol G just did it. That's what I saw.

But wow, that's amazing. She could do both. That'd be crazy. There's a lot of like, um, influencers walking it. Yeah, Quinn Blackwell.

I saw Quinn walking. She looked great.

Oh, you already saw her walk?

Yeah, yeah.

Fuck, that's sick. And then, um, Gabby, who's Josh Richards' girlfriend, yes, is also walking it. Yeah, this is really sick. Things are really merging out here, huh?

Why did they get rid of it though for a while?

Remember, perverts like you watch the show on the same—

I think people just like— I think people like criticized it and, and whatever. I think like COVID kind of like, you know, amplified that, but now they brought it back better than ever.

But that's such a funny thing, like why would COVID take down a supermodel show. You know what I mean? I think it's just because people were just sitting around and they were just fucking complaining.

Well, I think you just couldn't do events, so they stopped it. And then—

Oh, that's why it was shut down. I don't think that's why it was shut down.

No. And then I think then when they were like going to bring it, people were like, you better make it different. I don't know.

You better be more inclusive.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not exactly sure, but—

I don't know. I'm pretty out of shape right now. And like, I just want to see the models. You know what I mean? If I saw myself represented out there, I'd turn the TV off. If I was watching that shit and I saw somebody like me, I'd be like, yo, what the fuck?

Hey, yo, the other day— you should be up there. John is here. Listen to what Dave said to me the other day. This really grinded my gears. I was wearing a pink hat.

Okay.

Okay. A pink hat that said Zila.

Okay.

You know what he told me?

What?

I can't wear that hat. It's not age appropriate. What do you think of that, John?

What is— I was definitely kidding.

For sure.

Okay.

But like, you were kidding?

I mean, I've— what about—

you can't say that you're kidding.

Well, I mean, that's— that was a joke. I, I don't want to say I wasn't kidding because I want to argue with you on it, but like, there's nothing to argue. Oh, you're joking?

I am like—

the neon hat was like very neon. It didn't really go with the outfit.

I think the neon hat with the outfit didn't go.

Oh, that's, that's not what you said.

No, I said, I said, here, change hats because we were shooting something. It just didn't work together.

And then you were like, I had a shirt on that mat that was also had little pink flamingos on it.

It matched. I think that was the problem.

It was pink on pink.

You look like a little gay butt plug.

All right, young LA camouflage man.

Hey, I'm in my 20s, brother.

Yeah, you also look like you're going to war every day and you're just going out to get a sandwich with Tay.

Oh, I'm sorry, we can't all dress like dildos. What do you mean I'm going to war?

Thank you.

I'm in army camo. I look badass.

I don't know, I was just too loud. I like what you have on today.

Thank you.

But I don't like that. I don't like when you're dressing too loud.

Oh, you don't like that? Yeah, that's what you were doing. That's exactly why I told you.

I said I got a crisp pink hat on. I thought that would pop on camera. You're the one always bitching about what people look like on camera. Give me color. Now put on this pink shirt.

Yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true.

So I was trying to bring you a little pink.

I was just trying to— I'm telling you, I was just trying to balance the outfit.

Listen to this.

I was— I had a plan tonight to go to make a video at a restaurant with Joe Vulpis. Okay, 6:30, great, awesome. He says yes. So you call me and say we need to shoot at 6. I go, okay, I'll move my reservation. Right, being the nice guy that I am.

Yeah, that was really sweet.

Super nice.

Super.

I move it to 7:30. 6:30, 7:30, no big difference, right?

No change.

No change. Fucking Joe calls me. Joe texts back. Well, first I hear from Caitlin, his wife. I am just letting you know Joe is not going to want to do that. And I go, what? Like, it's like the hour difference. So I get him on the text and he goes, yeah, I can't do it because it's an hour later. He goes, I'll "I like to get to bed, I won't be able to sleep." I'll go, "What? Is everybody crazy?" Dumb.

Go ahead.

Am I wrong?

No.

I know Joe's not here to defend himself, but whatever.

You're not wrong.

An hour? What's an hour?

I don't know, dude.

I mean, I agree. I don't get the sleep thing.

You wanna go to dinner at 7:30, Nat?

Well, I'm going to Hall's 8 tonight.

Oh, right, I forgot.

You liar. Without you.

I kinda get what he's saying.

It's an hour.

I think it's a little dramatic. Like, you could also just eat the food really quick.

I think he didn't want to go probably initially. No, I think— no, no, no, no, no. I think knowing Joe—

no, he goes to bed by 8:30.

No, it's a free dinner.

Yeah, but I think you just gave him an out. I guess Joe does love his, like, free dinners, right?

It was free.

Free dinner. That's a weird thing for Joe to say no to, but he's also, like, very, like, time conscious. Like, when he asks for pickle, he means, like— we should see how far Joe is willing to go for something that's free.

Yeah, that's like—

Joe's the type of guy that like, it'll be like a— give me a random celebrity— Salma Hayek book signing. And he'll be— and he'll tell you, he'll look you in the eyes and he'll say he can't help you at it because he has work. And then you see his Instagram story that it's like, so nice meeting you, Salma. Thank you so much for signing my book. It meant so much. And like, loves those things. And good for him because like, fuck yeah. Like, nobody takes advantage of living in LA. More than Joe Vulpes.

Yeah, he does.

I recommended, like, they're looking for a new place and I was like, you guys should move out of here, like, save some money.

Yeah.

And he goes, and what would we do? And then, like, it all hit me. I was like, oh my God, this is like their playground. Like, yeah, where else are they going to do meet and greets?

Some people still like it here in L.A.

No, no, no. I think they should stay. But we should tell them, like, we should tell them, like, Morgan Freeman is signing, like, video copies in, like, New Mexico.

Yeah.

But the whole catch is you have to drive there. Morgan Freeman wants to show your guests your gas stops and your receipts, and that's the only way he'll sign your video copy. And Joe Vulpes will do it. He will go to the ends of the earth to get something signed by a celebrity. It's really funny. Alex Ernst is the same way.

Yeah, I remember when he bothered Scorsese.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Do we talk about that? Yeah, we did.

No, we didn't talk about it.

No, we had— we went to the screening. It was a private screening. Yeah, it was just our friend group, I think. I actually don't know. Yeah, it's like 30 people and Martin Scorsese. Martin Scorsese is like introing the movie. What movie was it for?

Killer Flowers of the Killer Moon?

Yes, the DiCaprio movie. Yeah. And Alex brought a videotape from one of his old movies.

Yeah.

And he asked him as he was walking out, what did he say?

He just says— it's just that Martin Scorsese is like really old and his wife was there in a wheelchair and he went up to speak. He went up to speak at the movie theater, and they didn't turn the music off. So it's like this great legend, like one of the only times you're gonna get this fucking— I'm 2 feet from Martin Scorsese, the greatest filmmaker of all time. And underneath it's like, I am unwritten.

Oh my God.

Right, right, right. You could barely hear him.

Yeah, they didn't kill the music. And then he's walking out and Alex is just like, can you sign this? And Martin Scorsese looked like he was getting mugged. He was just so scared.

Did he say yes?

Yeah, yeah. Alex went outside and he got it signed. Yeah, but he was— it was kind of like, yes, come outside, I'll sign it.

Wow. Yeah. I mean, I love that. That's like so fun. Alex loves that type of shit. Alex will find something like on eBay for like $9. It'll be like a Charlie— it'll be like Two and a Half Men DVD or whatever. And then I mean, he'll be like, dude, I just bought like this really rare collection of Two and a Half Men. So anyway, we can hit up Charlie Sheen to sign it. I'm like, what? Like, really? Like, this is— you're gonna like—

this is your one ask?

This is your call Charlie Sheen to sign this DVD copy?

I was going through my files today and I found vlog ideas from July 2021.

Oh, whoa, do you have them? Yeah, wait, read them off. That's crazy. Or you have them in your memories?

Um, I don't have them, but I have them on my computer. But one of them was, I thought it was really funny.

July 2021. Wow. That's crazy.

I thought it was really funny. It was when Natalie walks in, everywhere Natalie goes, you have an orchestra playing the Death Star.

The Death Star? That's funny.

That's pretty funny.

Yeah. Like when Darth Vader comes in. Yeah. That's funny. That's really funny.

Get me a headstone. That was on there.

Get you a headstone? Yeah. Oh, for like in a cemetery? Yeah.

Couples counseling for Jonah and Natalie. That was on there.

That's funny.

That was probably when they were beefing.

Yeah, I have this joke. I don't know if it lands. I think it's kind of stupid, to be honest. But every time I drive by a psychic, yeah, I imagine that like one of the letters is out or something and it says psycho. And I don't know, it's just you're getting a reading from a guy who just loses his shit at you. I feel like it's like a Family Guy cutaway that works better in a cartoon. You're like, this is stupid, but whatever.

I don't know why the fuck you're here. I can't predict the future. What are you, crazy?

I don't know, maybe. What else was there? That's funny. Was that the bigger budget era?

No.

Oh no.

What?

We spend way more money on videos now.

We spend way more money now. It's not even close.

How much money you spent on the vlogs so far, Dave?

Right now?

Yeah. How many vlogs you made? About 8 vlogs? Where do we at, Nat? We over $1 million yet?

We're 8 vlogs in.

Yeah.

I asked actually Natalie this the other day because I was like, am I net positive from these vlogs or are these all costing me money?

Yeah.

I thought they were all— because like, we'll do a C-Keek promo or whatever, but like, that's not like making me money. It's just like going to the production of the vlog, like, right. You know, for going to Bangkok, that's like a $40,000-$50,000 trip.

So what are you about even?

I think I'm a little bit positive.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

Okay.

Which is like, you know, why do it?

It's a lot of work. Which is like, I won't be doing it much longer.

But you know what? It's hurting. It's hurt my Snap like big time.

Right.

Like, I never do my Snap and it's just like, I definitely like lose money.

How much money you make a day on Snap?

Good question, Jay. Let me see. No, like a pretty solid amount.

Good.

It used to be— there was a moment where everybody was talking about Snap like it was the gold rush.

Yeah.

I've never seen anything like it in my entire life. For like 3 months, it was like actually fucking incredible. This is when you heard everybody talking about it, right? It slowed down a little bit just because more people have gotten on it. Yeah, but it definitely was like you've never seen a platform like this in your entire life. So yeah, it was pretty wild.

That's the reason why I was able to afford the Ferrari.

From Snap?

Yeah.

Really?

What? Damn.

Yeah.

So you had a question that you've been saving from the DMs?

Go.

Yeah.

Yo, Jason, this is one for the podcast. Surely Natalie at least blew David once for one of the cars he gave her.

Come on. No, we've never been there.

That's locky. I had a locky.

Do you want another car?

How bad do you want it?

I'll take one.

No, I don't want another car.

Why? What are you looking for?

Honestly, looking for nothing. I was just telling, I was talking to somebody about this and I really have everything.

Sorry. I need to know. I need to know. Sorry. If you could blow me and receive one thing in return, what would it be? And be 100% deadass. Like right now, like right now, get out my checkbook, 100% happens. What would it actually be?

I'm like cringing. My nose is like crinkled.

Okay. What would it be?

You said you'd bang John for like $10 million.

So no, it was a lot less, I think.

Yeah, I think it was $10,000.

I don't know what was up with me that day. No, I don't know. Maybe like a million bucks or something, I guess, would do it.

Oh, that's crazy. I can't make that happen. I thought you would want like a fucking—

I don't know, like my dream Patek, like something like that.

No, no, you don't have a dream Patek. Dream. We have a dream, Patak.

Of course.

What about a million dollars? A million dollars?

She just said a million dollars.

Oh, she did?

Oh my God.

He hates you, dude. He hates you.

No, you asked the question.

You're not even fucking listening. I didn't even know if we were recording.

Next he goes, what about the dream, Patak?

Did she also start the GoFundMe right now? One mil.

And then we need to record it.

GoFundMe for Natalie to blow David.

Yeah, that's one way to launch my OnlyFans career.

We should— yeah, we should start an OnlyFans thing and and we should have just like we sell a product that doesn't exist yet, like a GoFundMe OnlyFans thing. Yeah, it's like Natalie and David sex tape once it reaches $20 million.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's kind of funny. I wonder if OnlyFans would ever do that. And I wonder what number I would put up there. That would be one of the funniest sex— oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's not bad.

Oh my God.

Okay, hold on. Wait, we can make some serious money.

I know, I know. I was thinking about it.

Where would we— where would we have to position that?

Who are you going to have film it?

You, you would be, because obviously it's Sam from The Views podcast. You'd have to be in there.

Yeah, yeah, I'd have to get the audio right.

You'd have to get the—

yeah.

Um, wow, okay, that's crazy. So what should we do? How much— what are we putting aside? The bounty?

It's, it's your—

it should be 20 mil. It's pretty good.

That's it? You're gonna put a sex tape online for 20 mil? Nah.

Okay, sorry, you splitting it?

Come on, that's crazy.

I wasn't thinking about— sorry, I wasn't thinking about the sex tape part, like the fact that it's distributed publicly.

Yeah, the fact that it's just there forever.

Yeah, I wasn't thinking about that.

No, no, No, no, no, no. That's got to be—

20 mil sounds like the right number.

No, I think it's 50 mil.

I think 20 is reasonable. That could actually be achieved.

No, no, 20, we'll pick up the phone call and we'll discuss, but we're not going to do it. We'll probably do it for 50. And what's the percentage split?

Obviously more should go to me.

Okay, let's be real. What is the percentage split?

It's 50/50 for sure.

Dude.

David, I'm carrying a lot of weight in this relationship. People want to see what I do.

You look great, Dad.

Don't say that.

What?

You look great. Don't say that.

Okay. You think it should be split 50/50?

1000%. It should be 50/50. And I know you're smiling because you also agree.

No, I don't. Jay, do you agree that it should be 50/50?

Yeah. In this case, for sure.

She's a woman. No one wants to see my naked body.

Wait, what?

No one wants to see my naked body, right?

The camera's going to be on Nat the whole time.

I don't—

you're the cameraman. You already made that director decision.

I know people don't want to see you.

Yeah, I have to do all the fucking work.

What?

You don't know that.

Yeah, I do. Yeah, probably. But also, like, I can't think of, like— I mean, I know that you could, like—

I— okay, I'm not doing it for fucking $50 million split in half.

Really?

Really?

No, no, no.

That's crazy.

That's peace out.

You really think you'd have that bad of a time?

That's not peace out money. $50 mil.

Yeah, it is. $25 million for you. It's peace out money.

It's definitely like, I can for sure chill for 2 years.

No, fuck, man, let me get in there.

The fucking rate would go down.

I'll do anything. Uh, all right, so I'll build the GoFundMe tonight and we'll set it at $50 mil and you guys split it half and half.

$50 mil, okay.

I mean, some sheik might come in.

All you need is one, literally all you need is one guy. Yeah, like if I, if I was a listener, I would definitely don't put your, don't throw your money at that thing. Yeah, maybe like doesn't charge you till it actually happens.

That'd be nice. We should just make our own website.

Yeah, and then don't— yeah, this is mainly for like the kings and the princes. Yeah, from different countries that have like a weird Natalie and David fetish. I know, I know we're talking to one guy right now. I know there's one guy on the other end of this that's like, yeah, this is me.

Yeah, one guy that had like a passing glance with Natalie in France once, and he did— he didn't have the courage to talk to her. And he's like, I'll do it.

This is for him. All right. Yeah, I guess. Okay. Natalie and I will split it 80/20. And Bonnie said at $50,000. Jason will direct.

Jason will direct.

Wow. That'd be so fun. That'd just be a funny vlog.

That'd be great. I would love to partake. I would put on my best performance.

Okay. I don't need you to fucking say shit like that. That's like weird.

David can't get hard in the moment.

I mean, no, I would take pills. I would like take things to help me out.

The Sheik says you have to— it has to be to completion.

It has to be natural, or it doesn't count. I could never get hard, so we never get the money.

No performance.

I'm just sitting in front of Nelly with a limp penis for free. Sheik is like, we had a deal.

It's livestreamed.

That's really funny. Oh my God, Steak logos in the back. It's Kick and Steak.

Kick and Steak.

Just knocking on the bathroom door trying to get you to come out.

Who?

John Castro.

Oh, John?

David, come on.

That's disgusting. My parents listen to this.

My parents actually listen to this.

Not your mom.

Not my mom.

Your mom doesn't have satellite.

Okay, so I was thinking about this, like, if you were like a criminal, okay, like, what do you think you could do as a criminal? What would you be good at? Could you rob a bank? Get away with a murder?

What do I think I would be good at or what I would want to do? Either one. Oh, I always imagined that being, um, being like a bank robber back in the day. Yeah, would be really nice. Where it was like, um, you know, like Public Enemy, like with Johnny Depp? Yeah, like where they had like the long trench coats. Yeah, I think that's a vibe. Or where, like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, where you're on like, uh, horseback. Yeah, cowboys. I think that's cool. Why, what would you do?

Me?

Crime?

Yeah, if I could do any crime I'd love to like, like break into like a jewelry place with like lasers and like get under the lasers.

Oh, that's good. But I have a good one for you. If you can stop one crime from ever happening again, but you have to do it once to stop it, what would it be?

9/11?

What?

What? If I had to stop one thing? Wait, what did you— you asked me if I could stop one crime.

Yeah.

9/11.

You have to commit it once.

Oh, I have to do it once?

Yeah, so you probably have to take one of the towers down.

Oh, but that, like, that question doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, it does make sense.

Okay, why?

Like, you could, like, you could, you could, you could—

no one would ever get murdered again. All you would have to do is kill someone once.

Oh yes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. Who would I kill?

No, that's— I'm giving you an example, for fuck's sake.

My God, any crime, stop All crime.

All crime.

If I did it once.

Yeah.

So you're saying if I did not—

Yeah.

If you did 9/11, then all terrorism would stop.

No, you specifically said 9/11. So you would do 9/11 and then it would stop. But that would just make you the terrorist and that would be it. So technically you put an end to it, I guess, in a way.

That was the craziest answer you could have possibly said. It's really funny.

What would you do? Would you stop?

It's like, what are you comfortable with doing? It's like admitting to the fact that, yeah, I'm chill with killing someone. I'm chill with doing something.

Yeah, but if you had to kill someone for the sake of all murder to stop, that's pretty fucking big.

Yeah. And I mean, I think that that's like the only answer.

Yeah. Unless you have like a guilty conscience, then it'd be like drug trafficking or it'd be like doing drugs, being caught with a bag of coke. Do you know what I mean? I think that's easy. Yeah.

It doesn't feel—

but then does that stop getting in trouble for the coke or does that stop you from ever having it in the first place?

I think you never have it.

Oh, never mind, murder. That's a tough question. Okay, I see, I see why you chose 9/11, Jay. Yeah, yeah, now thinking about it, there's like, there's definitely, it was by design that you chose that.

What is David eating?

No way.

That one's, wow. Damn, that one is, that's crazy. If you guys could hear this one on the headphones, I like, I actually feel like I know what it is.

That's because I'm eating your asshole out right now.

Oh shit, that's what that is. I was wondering.

You didn't hear from all the slurping?

No, no.

Okay, then now it makes sense.

You did like when I showed you my vagine?

I saw her asshole today.

Oh really?

He did not see my asshole.

What was the circumstance? What was the circumstance?

I thought you said what was the circumference? Huge.

What are we talking for diameter here?

Lock in, lock in. What is it? Go.

10 seconds.

You have a question for Tay Jay?

Yeah, I had a question for Taylor.

Hit me.

If you want me to ask you and then you'll ask Taylor?

No, no, no, you ask. Sorry.

If your cat could talk, what would your cat say about you?

About me?

Yeah.

Oh, I would think he would say a lot of good things. Yeah, I buy him a lot of toys. I spoil him and I always tell him he's the cutest, most perfect thing.

What would he say?

My favorite is Taylor had to leave work early one day because it was his birthday. And I was like, he doesn't know if you come a little late. And she's like, no, he knows. He was turning 1 and she put up a happy birthday banner. Like, you know, normally you'd put it like on the ceiling, like by a window.

Yeah.

But she put it like on the TV stand because she had to do the cat level.

Oh my God.

So he could see it. Do you think he understood what was going on?

Oh, 1,000%. And he, every time I get home, he knows and he loves it because he rolls on his belly or on his back. And he just looks up at me and then he'll follow me and then he'll do it again wherever I'm like moving into like a different room, you know? But yeah, no, his birthday was great. I bought him lots of treats. I bought him a new toy.

Does he have any friends come or no?

Just Luna.

Just Luna.

What's Luna like?

She's mellow.

Is Theodore more charged up?

Oh yeah.

Okay. And if you could do Theodore's voice, could you do his voice right now? What he would say about you?

Oh my goodness. He would be like, Mom, Mom, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. He's like kind of just all over the place, and he loves food. He loves—

he does. Does he get human food?

Chunky man.

Oh really? Do you give him tuna?

I give him tuna. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's great.

But yeah, I think he would, um, I think he would say I'm gone a lot, but I think it's— I give him the time that he needs because when he— when I am around him, I, I want him you know, in front of me at all times.

Got it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, that's all I got.

That's really good. I mean, I've been wondering this too, but I've been kind of nervous to ask Tay.

Yeah, sure.

She's very protective about her cat.

Who do you think knows me that's famous?

That was you, Jason Ash.

Yeah. Do you think there's any celebrities that know who I am, but I don't know who they are, but they know me?

Like, you're trying to say what celebrities know who you are that you don't know that they're aware of you?

Yeah.

But you know the celebs?

Yeah. Right.

I'm trying to think of like someone who's reached out that you wouldn't know.

Anyone ever reach out and say that Jason's great?

No one specifically, but I imagine if they've seen the videos, they have seen you.

Sure.

There was one, I've never told the story. It's actually pretty good. I was gonna save it for a vlog because I thought it'd be a fun vlog story, but I'll never get around to it. Right?

I don't know. Who is it?

The SZA story?

Oh my God, Charlie loves SZA.

Yeah, this is pretty good.

Charlie loves—

I'll actually probably put it in the vlog one day. So like, just pretend this— pretend you've never heard this when I say it right now on the podcast. All right, so this has just reached out to me once in COVID times, I think, during COVID Yeah, I was like— no, I was making— I remember I was making the vlogs, okay? And she reached out and she asked me to, to come. Let me see what the DMs were exactly. She asked me to come on tour with her so I can edit her videos and like make— she said— oh, she goes, in 2019, hi, this is random, but can we work together please? 'Can you please call me or text or anything? LMAO. I have a specific project.' And then she sent me a number and I said, 'On it.' And then she texted me. I said, 'Hi, what's popping? It's David.' She goes, 'Fuck, this worked. Wow. I'm flabbergasted. Okay, sorry. Hey.

Hi.

Wow. I'm such a W huge fan.' I said, 'Haha. Hi. Thank you. How are you?' She said, 'I'm well.' And then she went into this long thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She was just doing this thing and she wanted to— she goes, she says a bunch of things and then she goes, maybe like 4 paragraphs of things of what she wants to do. And then she goes, how are you? Where are you? I talk a lot. I'm quiet now. And then it was like crying emoji.

That's so cool.

And then she goes, oh no, did I say the wrong thing? Because I wasn't responding. And I said, no, my phone died. Hold on, I'm computer. Yeah. So she wanted to like me to like help like record her tour, which I've always wanted to do this. Sure. Like for an artist is like record her tour videos and edit them together.

Yeah.

I just think it's so— I think it's such a good idea to like go go backstage, get like the scoop of like an artist before and after, and like me being able to put it together would be so fun. It'd be like so humanizing to the artist. I think it'd be a really— but I couldn't do it because I was doing the vlogs. It was like, I don't have time, but this is sick.

Um, you should do that. That would be like an amazing like second channel series that you could start.

Yeah, or just a new main channel series where it's like— true, just that's like— it's— that's the new thing. I think that'd be just so easy.

Like a different artist every video.

Yeah, like spend, spend 3 weeks with the Chainsmokers. Yeah, yeah, go, go 6 locations of the Chainsmokers, put a video together. I think that's fucking sick.

Yeah, that's really cool.

I've always wanted to do that.

Oh my god, one with Dua Lipa would be insane.

I think it's so fun. There's so many artists, and you'd be— and every video you'd be like, what the fuck? This is so— like, dude, I'm telling you, like, I love this idea. No, no, I think it'd be really cool. But what happened that was really funny is one day I was fucking hammered after my birthday party, and Arak— this is why I wanted to say I wanted to put in the vlog. 'Cause Arak came, who's a YouTuber. First of all, I didn't know Arak came. Let me say the way I saw it with my eyes. SZA pulled up in her car, the party was closing, and she pulled up, her team's like recording me, and she's like, "Hey, I came to party." And I'm like, "Oh shit, no way, I've never met her in my life before." I just talked to her. She's like, "No." I'm like, "No way, you started your YouTube channel?" Like, "Fuck yeah," 'cause she was recording. And I'm hammered. And she's like, "Well, where do we go to party next?" I'm like, "Okay." like, let's go, we'll— we're going to the club if you want to join us. Um, and then I hopped— or she, she drove and she met us there. Yeah, she met us at the club. We told the security at the club like, sis is coming, whatever. They like made it very like nice and easy for her to come in. She came in, the crowd was fucking flipping shit.

Yeah, they started playing her music, everything.

She's like singing along, whatever. And, um, and then she asked me she's like, what's your favorite song of mine? And I'm like, huh? I thought that was so strange. I've never like— that's like, that's never been— I thought that was such a bizarre— but I was so drunk, I couldn't see my hands. Like, I was very drunk. And she said, what's your favorite song of mine? I'm like, I don't, I don't know. I, I just like blanked. And then I was just like, I kept panicking, I kept panicking. And then we were walking out of the club, like we're going to the next place, and Arak comes out of nowhere. No. And he goes, Dave, that's not real SZA, we're just pranking you.

Oh no way.

And I turned right around and now I go, now it was a prank. Like, this is— but it was so— and Eric had no idea that I've ever spoken to her, right? So everything aligned so incredibly perfectly. Oh my God, Eric had no idea that I've ever texted her about her starting a YouTube series or channel or whatever. It was fucking crazy. And I've never met her in my life. It was like the perfect opportunity. I was perfectly drunk. It was, it was fucking— it was the perfect prank. And it didn't even— I haven't even got a chance to tell this to Eric yet, so it didn't even get to play. Like, even on camera, the prank doesn't look as good as it was. It's the best. It's the best prank anyone has ever pulled on me. And anyone will because of the circumstances, because he had no— he had no idea how perfect it actually was.

Wow.

It's completely sold. Damn. Yeah.

The gods gaveth that day to Eric.

Yeah, but it wasn't like a big thing in his video. It was just like he was going around surprising— fooling people. It's SZA, and everyone fell for it. But the way I felt for it was very different because in my head she was like fully with us. Like, yeah, because in my head, oh, this is SZA. Like, she's been— she's really— she gets really excited about the stuff, and it all matched up. Yeah, like perfectly. Vlog camera, and she's like, it's my first video. I'm like, hell yeah, like, like, let's make it fun, let's go out. It was so, so crazy. It was right on the nose.

I feel like too, in that moment, obviously he had no context on like the history and conversation you guys had prior, and like you would think like David would just be confused. Like, why is SZA so interested in like communicating with me or like interacting or going to the club or doing whatever? Like, I'm sure Eric thought that the bit was going to be like 15 minutes tops. And it was like we were hanging out for like 2 hours.

No, no, no. I was like, I fully was catering to SZA. I'm like, it's her first video. Like, I don't want to— I don't want to make a shitty video for her for the first one. Yeah. What was this, like 2 years ago?

Did you ever tell the real sizzle?

Uh, no, I never told the real sizzle. I don't think I even like really saw that video. I think like my part was buried with a lot of the other like people he surprised.

Uh-huh.

So it wasn't like— but that's why I want to do it for the vlog because I think getting all his footage from that night would be fun.

Uh-huh.

And I narrate it and like I tell Eric why it was such a fucking crazy, crazy prank.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like that could be funny, no?

Yeah, and then you surprise Charlie with the real sizzle.

And then I said, oh, Charlie Nash. Yeah, that could be, that could be the next thing. Natalie's being really weird. Natalie's thong is like, it's riding up.

Oh, I don't— I'm sorry, I don't know, I'm just sitting in like—

mine's riding up too.

Wait, can you be honest with me?

Am I doing this all on purpose?

I'm so sorry, just thinking about that 50 mil.

No, no, no, can you be honest with me? Did you— were you wearing underwear today at our speaking engagement? Yes.

Oh my God, was my vagina out?

Okay, fuck, dude.

Why would you ask that?

Because, because yeah, I went to go sit and she was sitting there and like, was your vagina— was your vagina— was your underwear tan?

Yeah, yeah, it's skin colored.

Okay, okay, okay. Fucking really freaked me out. I was like, she's brave not wearing underwear right now. It was just—

wait, wait, you saw her sitting and you just knew she didn't have underwear on?

I just assumed.

Oh wait, what do you mean?

What was her underwear?

Where was I sitting, in the room or in the green room?

Yeah.

And you walked in.

And I thought you were doing that on purpose because the guy that you like is there.

Oh yeah, I wanted him to see my vagine in the green room.

I thought that was your weird move. I was like, damn, green room vagina. I guess it's like— are you crazy? I didn't know. That's why I didn't want to say anything in the moment because I was like, oh, she's doing this on purpose.

That's really fucked up. You should absolutely say something in the moment.

You guys spend that much time together, you know when she's not wearing underwear. That's wild.

Yeah. And I know if you're listening to this, you're probably like, okay, David, Twice in one month.

Yeah.

Like you're looking. Yeah, but I'm not. I mean, it's just like it— like my eyes. If your ballsack was hanging out, right? Like I would— you just notice. Yeah, it's just like—

but like my vagina is not hanging out.

No, it's not hanging up. But you were— yeah.

How was your speaking engagement?

It's pretty good. I mean, we talked about—

he did really great. He's like— he was freaking out. Full-on panic attack.

He was pre—

and then he was just—

what was he saying? I can't believe you're making me do this.

I can't believe I'm here. Oh my God, this is the worst feeling in the world. It feels like I'm skydiving or something, whatever. And I was like, this is not comparable. You're going to be fine.

And then he gets up there and he crushes it.

The whole audience is laughing. Nobody laughed at any of the other panels.

Yeah, obviously no one laughed at the other panels, Natalie, please.

Well, you're good.

You're good with the crowd.

Oh my God. There's been a lot of panels this week. We have one tomorrow, as we were talking about earlier. There's been a lot of panels. I went to a panel yesterday.

Yeah.

Fucking miserable. They're miserable. I can't— do people actually go and like learn?

Yeah.

People want to go and learn. Yeah.

People want to go and learn.

Yeah. Because you like—

I would understand if I was listening to like, maybe I, maybe I don't know these guys well enough, I guess. So I don't look up to them, right? Like, I don't know what Brock Financial Group is or whatever the fuck. You know what I mean? I guess if I was in that world, sure, it'd be like going to watch MrBeast talk. Like, I'd be curious.

For sure.

I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MrBeast is an example. Like, if, like, Roger Federer was talking to me about Call of Duty.

What?

About tennis.

See, I actually don't think I would. I don't think I have anything that I would like attend a panel for. Well, unless it's Robert Downey Jr. But even then I wouldn't attend it because it's not like Robert Downey's a big Marvel fan. He just so happens to be the Marvel guy.

Yeah, but what if Robert Downey Jr. was going to tell you, like, exactly how he acts? And have you ever taken— you ever watch MasterClass?

No.

So good.

So what? So that's like when a celebrity hosts— explain that to me.

It's, it's this thing called MasterClass. You pay $60 and you get access to 400 masterclasses. The best chef in the world, Judd Apatow, Steve Martin.

Judd Apatow teaches you how to screenwrite.

It's 2 hours of Judd Apatow talking about comedy and and how he fucking made Knocked Up. Or, you know, it could be like Mario Batali.

It's like a YouTube video?

Nope, it's on a website. And over COVID, I was so bored and so lost.

And you pay $60 and you get all the masterclasses?

Yeah.

Oh, to any genre?

And you get all of them. Yeah. So you can learn how to knit, you could learn about finance, you could learn about— they're really good.

They have like the beauty people, like, you know, some of the best makeup artists.

Okay, I think that's cool. But like, okay, back to the panel thing. Like, You know me, Natalie. What panel would I like actually enjoy going to?

I think it's not necessarily— it's just like about like, I think also just getting inspired and motivated. Like you see someone that's done what you want to do. Like you've accomplished a lot, so maybe there's not somebody that you're necessarily looking up to.

Yes, you have, David.

Oh, you know a question I wasn't asked that I was kind of excited about? What defines your— what defines success?

Oh yeah.

How do you define success? I thought that was good. I thought that was interesting because I didn't have an answer for it. Now they quickly read me the questions. I don't like to hear the questions before we read one earlier on the pod. Yeah, like, I don't like to— I don't like to hear the questions at all. But that's the one that she wrote. I was like, I have no idea, actually. Like, what defines success for you, Jay?

For me?

Yeah, it's such a—

it's such a tough answer for me because I have like so many responsibilities. If I didn't have like a wife and kids and a mortgage and stuff, success for me is like Working on something that I love, that I'm passionate about. That's like total success.

Yeah, like having the financial freedom to continue doing your passion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, that's a good answer.

That's what I think. That— yeah, that's what I think my answer would be.

Financial freedom.

Like, I think I reached— I think I hit success the moment I could pay for my rent with YouTube. Like, the moment I was making— what was it? $800 a month off YouTube, in my head that was like, okay, you made it. Like, I could have— if it never blew up to this, I would have coasted on that till the end of time. I just had so much fun. And making $800 making videos is fucking— it's fucking— you're making videos. It's insane. So I think that was success. And I think now, now, now, now I could check that off. But I think there's like— now it's like— now like you were saying, like, now it's like family. Finding a family is my version of success, for sure. What about you, Nat?

Finally wearing some underwear and being able to afford underwear. Um, no, I think my version of success is being able to— like, I feel like I've accomplished it for myself. Like, I definitely have success, but then being able to, like, carry that over to, like, buying a home for my mother, or, like, buying a place for my parents, like helping to, like, retire them and stuff.

I think it's sick. I also think like this. I think like as you go through life, you like unlock new— for sure, like new side quests.

Yeah, right.

Yeah. Like I don't have the most important one yet that I'm yet to unlock, but I think it's going to be the biggest thing is success for my kids. Like, I think that's going to be like whenever that unlocks, that's something I do. I don't worry about my kids right now at all.

You don't?

No.

Good. I'm glad you don't.

Like, that's—

they don't exist.

Yeah, it's crazy. Easy to say that, right? I don't give a fuck about my kids.

Yeah, you don't have to. It's, it's really nice.

Me and you, same thing, brother. Yeah, we just don't care.

Yeah. No, no, I'll tell you one though. A good side quest for me is like watching Wyatt play to like, you know, 200 people, and you're like, well, what's gonna happen? Like, is he gonna do good? Is it— are people gonna like him? Like, you know, it's, it's really fun.

No, yeah, that's gotta be crazy. It's like, have you ever played Club Penguin? No, it's like having those little fur balls around and they go put clothes on them and you like watch them waddle around. You know, we get— we get along with the other— what are they called? Puffles.

You're comparing my kids to Club Penguin?

Definitely. Wyatt, you see this? He fucking looks like a— it looks like one of those puzzles. Wuzzles. Yeah, he's a furry dude. Um, yeah, no, I mean, that's, that's the only thing I compare having kids to.

Are you gonna like— are you gonna nepo your kids? Are your kids gonna be like nepo for sure?

Like, that's a really good question. What does that mean, locked in?

Like, I don't know, I just, I feel like, I feel like our lack of money is what shaped us into who we are today. And like, but obviously like your kids are going to be born into money.

No, they won't know that.

How?

They won't. You're not going to move out of this house.

I'm gonna get them internet. What are you gonna keep them in the fucking—

I actually literally thought I had a dream of this the other day. It was really weird. I had 2 days ago. Yeah. And it was, this was a very vivid dream. I wonder what it means. But it was me living in this house.

Yeah.

And on the front of it was my townhouse from my childhood home, and it was attached to it. So from the outside it looked like my townhouse, and my kids were hanging out in the townhouse, and I would sneak away and go into my house that was behind the small house so I wouldn't let my kids see that I had any sort of money. Ooh, it's weird that I dreamed about this.

That's what I'm saying. Like, what makes a lot of sense, you think? Yeah, I don't know the interpretation of that, but like, is that like when you have kids, are you going to like, are you going to stay in this nice $10 million home?

No, I'm not going to live in LA, but are we going to most likely have like not the same house I had when we were in LA in Vernon Hills or when I was like, I want to move back to Vernon Hills. I want to move back to my hometown.

That's where you want to raise your kids?

Yes. I want to be part of the school district. I want to help bring the school lunches. Will our family have a little bit more money than people around? Yes. Well, you know, we'll be doing okay. But like, I'm gonna make it very clear that like, it's dad's money.

I can't wait.

What about the cold? The cold?

Bullshit. You're not gonna be dad's money guy.

I call bullshit on that. I'm totally not.

You'll literally be like, oh yeah, whatever you guys want.

Even when I said that I was done, Um, anyone asks him for money, he's like, yeah, sure, it doesn't matter who it is. Fucking crazy. You're gonna like give it? Yeah, okay, whatever. Yeah, it's fine, it's chill, go.

I also don't want my kids to be in LA and be like, and they're going to school with fucking MrBeast kids. I thought you were cool, and I'm like, oh Fuck, dude, wait, who's in there?

Yeah, that's funny.

Junior Beast is there.

This is a constant competition.

Junior Beast goes to your school. All right, we're going back to our hometown. Let's get the fuck out of here right now. Um, I don't know. Yeah, I think that would— I think this town is fucking scary for kids. I think that's just like a big problem.

They love it though.

What do you mean? Like, obviously they love it.

Kids that grew up here love it.

That's the problem.

I tried to move my kids out. They're like, no, We love it here.

Shit, huh? It's fucking Los Angeles. It's the best place to be as a kid. Yeah, that's not my point.

That's my point. That is your— they're corrupted, you think?

Yeah, 100%, dude. I don't know, dude.

My kids aren't on drugs or anything.

Anybody— you got— you got lucky.

I got lucky.

Yeah, you're— you're a good dad, and I don't know much about Marnie, but I'm sure she's good too. Um, you got lucky.

Marnie's great.

But you ask any kid— you ask any kid in Vernon Hills while they're in Vernon Hills.

Yeah.

And they hate Vernon Hills. Do you know what I mean? I mean, they don't hate it because it's like a dangerous place.

There's nothing to do.

There's just nothing to do. And that is boring. And that's just incredible. That's how it should be as a kid. Like, find your own things to do. Get inventive. I mean, I don't know who am I to say like what that's gonna be like. Because my fucking— by the time my kid's born, he'll be a fucking— he won't even live in LA. He's gonna live in fucking Cybertron in his VR. Like, he won't even physically be in a location. My son may just be a computer program. I genuinely don't know. I thought we're talking about—

I know what's going to happen.

A whole bunch of nothing.

You're going to have a kid exactly like you and you're going to be challenged. You're going to get challenged the fuck out of yourself.

What do you mean?

That's what's going to happen.

Like what?

You'll have a— go ahead.

Well, no, he's just— he's going to get a major taste of his own medicine.

You're going to get a taste of your own medicine. You're going to get a kid with a big smile, a lot of charm that you can't say no to, who's going to be causing fucking chaos. Running up a huge bill.

That's gonna be really funny. That's gonna be the most exciting part, isn't it?

My best friend had a kid and it was just exactly like him. And he's a— no, no, he's nothing like him. My best friend had a kid the same age as Wyatt. He's a great kid. He's a fucking great kid. And this kid just drove my friend fucking nuts.

Oh really?

He was just like, this kid just loved to have a good time. Was, was a good time. Couldn't say no to him. So charming. He'd like run off with the credit card, but he like liked him. Oh, well, we love this kid and he loves his son.

Oh, he loves—

but Jeff was constantly like, no, Max, no. Like, what did you do? He's like, okay, I just, I just bought 4 sandwiches at the Four Seasons.

What's the big deal?

You know, it'd be like a bill for like fucking $250, you know.

That's really fun.

And then, and then he became— and then this kid is so charming, he became friends with like Madonna's son. Sure. And like, then he goes on vacation with Paul McCartney and we're just like, fucking Max, like, how does he do it? And Jeff will be like, I don't know.

What was the— what was the moment like when you started to realize that, like, your kids are like you?

Uh, the moment—

was there like one?

Like when Wyatt would get soap in his eyes. Really? When he showered. Yeah.

I'm like, oh no, that was the first thing.

Yeah. He'd be like, he's like, my eyes, my eyes. I'm like, what happened in there? He's like, I got soap in it. I'm like, that fucking happened to me this morning.

My favorite thing that Wyatt ever did that you told me, and it's like, I fucking— he's— because he's the only person I've ever heard say this, and I like I'll like die by this. He was sick one day and you came to me and you're like, Wyatt's sick and he keeps telling me his hair hurts.

Yeah.

And I was like, yes, my hair hurts all the time when I'm sick. And that is the exact way I describe it too.

What do you mean?

Like, like my body aches so much where like where your hair is, like your follicles, like when your hair moves, it hurts your head. Like where the follicles are connected to your scalp.

I've had that. I don't know when I'm sick, but yeah, something's wrong.

No, it's always when I'm sick and I got really high fever. Like when my hair moves, it hurts. That's, that's when— that's the only time I connected to Wyatt.

The only time? Come on, man.

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. All right, well, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you everybody for joining us listening. I said that already.

Have a great weekend.

Thanks everyone listening.

Have a great weekend. Yeah, Thursday. Oh yeah, excited for the wedding?

I'm excited. We're gonna have a lot to talk about because our friends are getting married. We will see you guys soon. Bye.