PICKING DAVID’S DREAMGIRL!!!

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views. Thanks for listening, Mark. Mark, we probably scared one guy. That was probably cool. He was probably like, what's this episode about? Holy fuck, that one was so specific. Hi, Mark. Enjoy the podcast.

So, you know, it's the new year. Uh-huh. And I'm always trying to make money.

Yeah, you know.

And so this girl that was selling farts in the jar— oh my God, she got really sick. Got really sick. She had to go to the hospital. She had to shut her business down.

Are you taking over for her?

I am taking over for her. David, I, I made you one.

No way.

Right here.

And Natalie, I made you one too.

Oh no.

So, David, made with love, Jason. Deadass, this is your fart in a jar?

Deadass. Because, you know, we were wondering if it works.

Yeah.

I don't know. This would be the first one I made.

How did you find this? Through the pants, underwear, or just bare?

It was bare.

Get the fuck out.

Yeah.

So there's definitely, like, particles in here.

I mean, no, maybe not.

When was this?

I'm going to sniff this and have two pink eyes. I fucking know. You know, I'm going for it. Fuck that. No one's smelling your fart.

Now, wait a minute. I don't think there's going to be any smell.

Okay.

Do you? I make a bet.

I definitely don't think this.

And let me tell you something. That was a big one. Natalie's was small.

Wait, what?

Natalie's was the bigger jar.

Well, first I did yours.

Oh, you know what's gross is like—

I washed it.

Oh, you did? Yeah, because like I'm touching the outside of the jar.

No, I washed it all off.

And there's no way you have good fart accuracy where it just went inside.

This one was great.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna smell it. Fuck it, because like I've seen a lot of comments on our podcast about the fart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your nose— oh, get it, get it.

No way!

No way!

It worked!

Are you kidding?

Are you serious?

Shut up! Shut the fuck up!

Oh my God, it really is!

It's—

oh, it's like—

it's broccoli!

Ew! I didn't know it was gonna work, man. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, bro. I was crying.

It's a gag.

I thought it would— I was like, no way it would work. It worked!

Holy shit, bro! How the fuck did that work?

I don't know, bro. I'm telling you, Natalie's It was just like a little toot, but yours— this is what happened. I did yours first in the big one, and it was just like a little toot, and I was like, oh. And then I went and made one for Natalie, and that was when I switched it.

That was fucking insane.

Yeah, it was crazy.

I have no way to describe that. That was a real— you didn't put like a weird smell in there?

No, that was like on my butt and like into me. That was it. That was it.

And not to be too gross, actually, I am so mind-blown because this entire time I've thought The girl selling her farts was such a gag.

Me too.

And there's no way it was real.

I knew it was real. I said it was legit. Oh, you did? Yes, because when you put like sulfur or methane in a jar, it stays in there. It smells.

Okay, Taylor and Nat, can you please smell at the same time? Just so the audience— just so people know I'm not fucking around. That was crazy.

What did it smell like?

It smelled horrible.

It smelled like— it smelled like a— like, like broccoli. Like Right.

Oh, like a Brussels sprout.

Give a sniff. Give a sniff to that.

Wait, but is there anything left in the jar?

I don't want it in my mouth.

This one's fresh.

This is like— like, isn't there something better we could talk about or do?

Like, no.

I knew this was going to be too much for everybody.

Hurry. I want to get—

I want to have done it. I apologize. I apologize to everybody.

Can you— I'm glad David got a little far in the jar so we can get to my cum in the cup.

Ew.

I mean, I can't believe you're even thinking about it. This is so weird. It's an opportunity.

Opportunity for what? An opportunity I can miss?

Growth.

Growth.

You're willing to go to South Africa, put your life on the line, but you can't smell his shit in the jar? Taylor's down. She's just waiting for you to say yes.

I was just being sad. Just come on, Helly. It really was.

Do you want to try it?

I mean, no, but yeah.

All right, give it to Tay at least. But remember, it's already been open, so there'll be less smell. Ready?

Oh, wow.

Isn't that crazy?

What would you pay for something like that? Jason.

Wow.

Wasn't that great?

No.

For only 4 payments of $19.99.

Oh, that was like That's like old mildewy.

If anybody wants to buy a fart in the jar, I'm here.

That's unreal.

Good price.

I don't know, man. That's like— that's—

that girl was making like $50 grand a week.

Well, she should, because I'll tell you, it is humiliating.

If that girl's making $50 grand a week, like, I commend her for it. I thought she was like— I thought it was like a joke, but she's actually fucking probably farting in these things.

Well, now she's done. She had to go to the hospital. She's eaten too many beans.

Is that true?

Yeah, it's true.

Wait, wait, she's in the hospital because she— wait, why don't you guys—

that's how we opened with it.

Oh, was I just spacing out?

Yeah, I think so.

She was eating too many beans.

She was eating things that would make her gassy.

Jay, can you pass the good stories to Natalie?

Natalie, can you explain this to David? Because he won't listen when I talk.

Natalie, tell me about Wyatt and Charlie. Well, okay, well, I think we should move on from this fart gag. But thank you for sharing that, Jason.

Welcome.

Thank you for being— you've been so open and intimate with us on the podcast recently, from talking about your feelings to showing us your insides. Thank you.

Um, I have a funny little thing.

Okay.

Um, this is just very random, but I thought it'd be kind of funny to share. Um, so yesterday I was like on Instagram and Halsey posted You know, we— I love her.

Yes.

And she posted that she was at the Studio City Barnes Noble. She had just signed some copies of her book and she left them there for whoever could go see it. And I literally saw the story, it was up for maybe like 30 seconds, and I was like, I could have a signed copy of her book. And, um, so obviously went to the Barnes Noble and I actually got a signed copy.

No way!

Where was it?

Wow.

Right here.

Here it is. Oh, that's what you were hiding from me. Oh my God.

And there it is, there's her, uh, signature. Oh, that's so cool. That's really cool.

Thank you.

She has a nice signature.

Yeah, it's really nice. That's so funny how you still ran to the store after she sat beside you here and talked to you.

Like, when I saw it, I was like, oh my God, because usually when they do that, it's like some random bookstore. But I was like, holy shit, this is my Barnes Noble. And I had never been in a scenario like that.

Were there other people when you ran in?

No, there were nobody else's there, but the other ones were gone already.

You got the last one? How How many did she sign?

I'm not sure.

Wow, that is pretty sick. She's a really good signature. Yeah, isn't that kind of fun? Reggie brought this to Natalie the other day, like, because he like handed it to her and he was like, wait, did Reggie go get it? Yeah. Oh my God, yes!

I thought they wouldn't make that as interesting.

So I was really good and I got on my horse and I got over there as quick as I could. The traffic in the canyon was crazy.

Oh my God, I In and out of both lanes. I would have gone myself, but you were like, why are you leaving right now?

You're going to Barnes Noble?

What the fuck's a Barnes Noble?

Oh my God. I would have been like, hold this book.

And you'd be like, I sat right next to you, Natalie. Just had like Reggie do this and you just like totally put yourself in his shoes. I got to Barnes Noble. It was me and this other girl and we were fighting over it.

How was your run? It was great.

I hit a PR, personal record.

What's your personal record? Not how many miles, but like the pace per mile. What's your fastest mile time?

524.

Yours is 527.

Whoa. Oh, really?

Is faster than you? Yeah.

Oh, what's wrong with your eyes? What do you mean? What was that?

The proof is in the pudding, bro.

The proof is in the pudding. Let's run down 10 things right now. I'm gonna run them down. We're gonna say Ilya or Dave, okay?

You guys vote too.

I don't want to do this. Who's the fastest?

Me.

Ilya.

No, David.

Sorry, David.

What the fuck are you—

are you kidding? What are you talking about? There's no way Dave is faster than Ilya.

Time out, Jay. The guy's in fucking— hold on a second. I've beat David in a race, like a foot race, before, multiple times. When? Actually, one time.

One time in Ontario View, I raced him and I destroyed you when you challenged me. I was fucked up.

We were both fucked up. Okay, great, you destroyed me when you were fucked up.

It doesn't mean when sober you can beat me. I'm faster. No, you're not. But to his advantage, for a 5'8 guy, he is quick.

Like the way he moves.

Oh, you're literally an inch taller than me. I'm 2 inches. So I'm okay.

Hold on, I'm not gonna— I'm not letting this go.

I am faster than David, like period.

My foot stride is faster. I put— I would put $10,000 on the fact that Ilya is running a faster mile than you.

He's in better shape.

Are you fucking nuts?

There's no way, bro.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

Deadass. Why are you saying— why are you saying this?

Ilya can lift more than David.

He can lift more than me. But guys, are you delusional? I have literally in writing a faster mile than him.

In writing.

Like, I'm— I'm like, seconds. Yes, by 3 seconds. I beat him by 3 seconds. I'm still faster than him both on foot and like— I mean, what are you even arguing about? How is that even an argument?

That is insane. That is insane.

Let's talk about your body versus—

are you fucking drinking the fruit punch, bro, for the sake of this?

For the sake of this, the amount of effort you put into health and fitness in comparison to this?

Of course. Yeah, he puts in way less. Granted, he's much more athletic than I am for sure, but I am currently, as we stand, faster than him, period.

Yeah, I'm scared.

I'm just gonna say yes, you're right.

No, I mean, no, this is crazy.

That—

Jay, come on. I'm with you.

That's insane how an athlete—

Dave, how can you say he's not gonna meet you in a mile? He—

the guy works out every single day for 4 weeks.

It's not about that, Jay.

Let's go, let's do it.

But hold on, I have beat you in a mile.

You have beat me. Okay, and I'm— so that was the last time we raced. You want to race again tomorrow? I'm down.

No, I'll still fucking kick your ass. Let me say something. Whoa.

No, I'm going to say something.

I'm, I'm going to walk out if you say it. Oh God, go ahead. I'm not going to say it. Say it. I'm not going to say it. Pussy, say it. No, I'm not. Fucking say it.

Yes.

No, no, David, say it. Yes. Okay, say it. I'll say this. I'll Say this. I was going to keep this to myself. I beat your mile time the next day, but I— that ass— that ass. But I didn't want to tell you for like 10, 15 years because I wanted to keep it until you couldn't run anymore. And then at dinner, I wanted to tell you I have the fastest mile time. I beat you by, I think, 6 or 7 seconds the next day. I puked after I ran it, but I beat you. What was your time? I think it was like 5:17.

I'm sorry.

From where to where? It was from— we had like, we had the same spot. Same spot. We were on the same spot.

That's incredible.

But I, I, I— if you didn't put all this up like during this podcast, I really want— I'm going to beat your mile time.

I know you are now because I told you I wanted to keep it both in the Olympics by the time this is done.

They're both like 3:50s, gold and silver. So what happened is I think I ran like a 5:32 or whatever. And then Ilya ran the next day.

Wow.

And he beat me. What did you get? Like a 5:28. And then I beat him by a good amount the next day. I puked right after I finished it. Like, I ran my heart out. Taylor picked me up and I just pretended like I couldn't do it. I didn't tell Taylor that I beat his time. I just kept it to myself. I was like, I'm going to— this was about a year and a half ago, 2 years ago. And I told myself, I was like, I'm going to keep the secret till his legs don't fucking work.

Oh my God.

But I did beat you in a sprint. Once. And I beat you in a sprint too. I was drunk, bro.

He's still like, but I did beat you in rock-paper-scissors.

That's some fucked up twisted shit, man. For real. It is. It is.

It's a lot. Yeah, man.

Wow. I got to rethink a lot of stuff now. I'm bummed.

Should I have kept that? No, no, that's great. Because now, like, you should have told me honestly. I don't think it's worth a jug for you to wait 10 15 years.

I thought it was. I think about that secret a lot. I'm just like, I can't wait till that dinner. I always imagined it like we're celebrating something. I imagine the room.

It's like a long table.

You just want to fucking kill the vibe. Yeah, I imagine just like, I've been keeping this a secret. Ilya's like 100th fucking Dobrik's opening. Yeah, like, I wanted it to be something really good. Yeah. His daughter's wedding. I've been dreaming about this and I just had—

and I said it. How are you going to tell me?

Like, what was your like? I was— I imagine, like, you've given an awesome speech and then, like, everybody's standing and, like, you know, it's us standing there. And then I'm just like— or even, like, at your wedding. I never imagined your wedding, but now that I'm thinking about it, I could have been in your wedding. But, like, I just imagine, like, I come, you know, to the front of the table, to the end of the table, and I'm just like, guys, I have something to say. Illy and I are very competitive, and we used to compete about who was faster all the time. And for the last 9 years, Ilya has thought he's faster than me. But in reality, I beat him 9 years ago and he has no idea. I don't know. I just thought that'd be so fun. I mean, yeah, and I know I knew if I told you, you would beat me. And after I threw up, I was like, fuck this. I don't want to continue this competition at all. Like, because I know the next year you're going to go out and you're going to beat me by a second.

And then we'd keep going till— but you are going to keep going, right?

Like, you're not going to give up if I do beat you.

Um, yeah, I'll go again.

Okay.

Wow, man.

Anything else? Anything else you're hiding from me?

I bench 300. We're like, we're like holding hands, like, on my deathbed.

David, I love you, man. I love you, Ilya. 25 years ago, I beat your mile time. That's really funny. Wait, wait, wait. Charlotte's here. Um, it's a big deal. Charlotte's the girl from my perfume commercial. Took a week to shoot, but those feelings were building up for a couple months. Yeah, totally. I asked you to do the perfume commercial, which is, which is really fun, which is really exciting. I talked about this on the vlog.

I don't know if I'll put it in, but, um, I remember in New York you were at my apartment and you were like, um I'm gonna do a perfume and start smelling all my perfumes. And you're like, I hate this. And I remember being like, David hates this. It was like my favorite perfume. I was like, fuck. Um, wait, really? Yeah. I was like, it's so interesting, like guys' like perspectives of smells.

Yeah. But, um, I remember that you just like—

you still wear that perfume? I wear it like in my, like on my like sheets and stuff. Just when you're not around.

It smells really good.

No, it does smell good. You just sage your entire house with it so David stays away? Oh my God.

Charlotte, what is this?

I gotta leave. I know exactly which one it is. Um, and then you, you were so, so nice and you, you agreed to do the commercial, which is so fucking cool. Jake, could you imagine? How cool is like LA and being able to do what we do? Like, just want to do a perfume commercial, so I got like the prettiest girl I know and then, and then that's it, we're in. And she's such a good actress that she sold the whole fucking thing. And we, we, uh, we had tequila on set, which made it a lot easier.

Did David pay you for the perfume ad?

No, you—

but David offered to pay. He was, um, and I just— I didn't pay. No, you didn't pay.

You offered to pay.

You were like— you, you were like— or Natalie did. She was like, what, what's your rate? Like, how can we compensate you? Oh, I would never like ask for friends.

I would—

yeah, I wouldn't.

I got her that watch.

Yeah, David got me this one.

That's nice. Let's see.

I kind of fucked it up a little bit. I have to get it.

Oh, that's gorgeous.

Yeah, it's—

I, I love it.

I wear it all the time. I got the bowling alley, you know, those crane games? Yeah. Cost me $3.75. Natalie wanted two because I couldn't—

I wasn't patient enough.

Are you still doing your podcast?

I'm still doing that. Oh, plug it.

Yeah, what is it called? Between Good and Evil. I named it after my, um, good title. Well, I had a blog like when I was like 18. Is that how you got your start? It's like, well, that's like— I had like Instagram and like I got like scouted and all of that stuff, so that's how I got like my modeling stuff. But then I had a Tumblr account, and that's— I had like an advice column for like 3 years on Tumblr.

I didn't mean it to be like—

what would people ask on the advice columns? They'd ask like how to like get over guys, or like how to like— how like stuff with their parents, like stuff like— I, I'm not a professional, it was just like my own advice. How old were you when you were doing this? It was from like 18 to like 21. So was it written or video?

It was all written, and I got really into it because I love doing it, right? Um, and how many submissions would you get like a day?

Oh my God, I had— I had like over 100. I had in my inbox over 150,000 unread.

What?

Yeah, 100.

What?

It was—

yeah, 100.

Like, it was a—

it was a, like, pretty, like, popular blog.

And how many would you answer a day? I'd answer, like, 10 a day. And I would get, um—

I would do, like, pretty lengthy responses. Yeah, I imagine. Um, that's crazy.

Jay, if you were writing into her blog, do you have a question you would ask?

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

Um, should I keep going?

Absolutely, you should keep— that's fine. Great.

Well, actually, Jay, tell her— tell her you're, um, just I, I'm just at like a crossroads in my life where I'm like feeling like I should go do something else. Okay, like sincerely you do? Yeah, like I feel like, you know, David's older now, I'm really old now, and like maybe that this isn't the best thing for me. Okay, you know, like maybe I should go, like, you want to leave? I never, I never, I never want to be around all these guys as the like person hanging on to them, you know what I mean? Yeah, I only want to bring value to them.

Yeah, and so when I stop bringing that kind of value, I don't want to be here.

Which is fucking crazy because he's our friend. 100%. Like, and that, and that, but that gets blurry too.

It's like, obviously you're my friend, and like, we, like, we're gonna hook up. What do you mean?

Did you know how hard it is to talk to him? Yeah, yeah, it's literally fucking impossible. He's impossible to talk to. I will come into him and be like, David, like, I wouldn't, I don't, I wouldn't even come to him with my problems. Yeah, I spent, and I spent 2 hours talking to my friend Mike Sheffer last night about all my problems, and at the end, that's your first problem.

What's that? There's your first problem, talking to Mike Schaffer for 2 hours.

He did give me a lot of Tony Robbins to listen to.

Um, but yeah, so that's, that's probably my main problem.

What's, what's, what's your advice? What's my advice to Jason? I do think you add value. I think you're like the—

not—

I think everyone in the group is very funny.

I think you're the funniest.

Oh, of course he's the funniest. It's kind of like objective.

You are the funniest. But that's the worst part about him is, is like I don't know if he's doing it like he like fishes for compliments or some shit, but like it's clear as day. Natalie and I tell him every fucking day that he's the funniest in the group. Yeah. And we'll be like, we'll be going out to film something and he'll be like, should I stay back? Yeah. And we'll be like, no, you fucking idiot.

The reason we're going is my father didn't love me, okay?

So I have a big hole inside of me. But like, we obviously find you—

you're literally the funniest person in our group. This is tough.

They need you as much as like you feel like. It's fucking mind-blowing, bro. We'll go literally anywhere and just will be like, oh my I'm gonna sit this one out. I feel like you guys don't need me. And I'll be like, dude, what are you— like, the only reason we're going here is because we know that you'll be funny here. Like, it's, it's, it's not like— it's very obvious that he's the funniest.

And what?

And we knew you were the funniest. Just keep in mind, we knew you were the funniest before any of these people. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm talking about the people that like watch the vlogs. Sure, sure. Remember how people were fucking so stupid at the beginning? They were like, he's too old. Yeah, they were so stupid. You're right. No, but they just don't get it. You're so funny, you contribute, and you add so much to all of this.

Thank you, thank you.

Okay, let's, let's be done.

You have such beautiful hair in your eyes. It's like dysfunctional family with like a bunch of different types of people. I think you— right, and it works. To me, it totally works. I hope so. And I— people have a liking to you.

Okay, good. Soft spot for you. You know how like we have— you know how like they just had the Harry Potter reunion and like everyone's so much older? Yeah, it's kind of cool. It's like our dynamic, it's like we're always having a reunion because you're always there.

So every episode is technically a reunion episode. Every episode people are like, wow, he got older.

Yeah, yeah, he doesn't look so good. Wow, I wanted to— I want him to talk about how it was 30 years ago. Yeah, but Yeah, so there you have it.

There's like a lot of positives to this.

Boy, he really hit the wall. Yeah, again. Yeah, you're interesting. Yeah, I was thinking about this. Yeah, you're getting so many nice comments about opening up about how sad you are. Yeah, I'm gonna take a stab at it. Um, I also want to talk about something. This is like really random. I was just like thinking about the vlogs. Yeah, and like how we make things. I was thinking about like party montages, you know, like a lot of party montages, like, like a private jet montage. I was thinking about those and like, I wonder, do people think that like that's how it actually is on private jet, right? Because it's obviously not— like, when I'm making a party montage, like, hey, when it's at the club, it's like pretty real because everyone is just having fun. Yeah, but we're in a private jet. Like, sure, Corinne is not putting whipped cream on her tits and like everybody's lining up and like, right?

Like, it's like—

I'm not sure people know that.

You don't think people know that?

I don't think so. I think they probably think it's just a giant party in the sky the whole time.

Like we brought the club to the air.

It's definitely not that. No, it's definitely not that. We like, we like hang out. We're like, oh my God, on a private jet for the first 20 minutes.

For the first hour, it's like hanging out.

Yeah.

And the next hour is like making this montage. And it's like, and I think why, why I want to talk about it is because it's so not what you see, but it's the equivalent amount of fun. Does that make sense? Making it is fun. Because like, because yeah, because the actual process of making the montage is fun, but it's not real. Does that make sense? So like being like, like, Zane, you walk out with cocaine and spill it. Like, that's really funny. It's really fun to watch. So I'm just wondering if like when people see those montages, if they're like, man, these guys fucking don't quit. I was watching something interesting. This is— sorry, this is such a bad segue because I'm not comparing my stuff to his at all. Sure, but Martin Scorsese— no, it's actually exactly like that. But I was watching a Christopher Nolan thing and he was talking about how he does special effects and in videos. He doesn't like using like actual special effects. He likes it to be the real thing. I saw that. Yeah, but his excuse is like, I'll use special effects, but at the end of it, it needs to be something real, which I think is pretty interesting. Pretty cool. Which is kind of like, like when we make something, like there'll be a lot of things that'll be like, like we'll add things to tweak it to, but like the moment's always real.

Does that make sense?

Sure. Like the jokes are real. The jokes are real. Or like, like let's say, let's say, let's say you like— I've always— I don't know, because people are always like, are the vlogs fake or are they real? Like I always I like talking about it because it's so interesting, because every vlog's different. There's like 500 of them where there's not a single fake thing, and there's a lot of them where there are things that we like script. So like, let's say like Jason falls on his ass or something funny happens in a video, like that's real, that I caught and I got lucky and caught it.

But like everything before that, usually like sometimes the setup will be—

yeah, so, so after, after he fell, we'll go back and we'll set it up to make that fall funnier, right? That was so fun, like making those like fun videos. And then I would usually edit it on the plane too, so people were like watching it as I was out, as I would like throw in like, like the flight attendant coming out, joining in on the fun. Like it was just, I don't know, that was a blast.

And I've always wondered if people knew that.

Is that your favorite thing is to make a montage? I love making montage, but they're so fucking rare because it's like having the right footage is like, uh-huh, like a good montage is so hard. What's your favorite thing about the vlogs?

My favorite thing? Yeah, like what's, what else is like something like Like, not like a moment, but like, well, one of my favorite—

one of my favorite moments, yeah, is when we went, uh, when we did Natalie's impersonations. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, those were fun. So good. You were so funny. It's nice. The funniest moment was when we were sitting right across from you and you were straight improvving for like— oh yeah, for like 2 minutes. Oh yeah, like it was just all straight improv and it was— and we were cracking up because you were like, you're like, he's not letting me leave, Mom.

What moment where you're like, oh, I got something here? What do you mean? Like, when you started, at what point were you like, oh shit, this is something? Like, people like it?

Yeah. When did you feel that? Only once. It was about 10 weeks in, and Corinna called me, and everybody was like giving me shit for the vlogs. Not because, like, it was just like the joke. The joke was like, no one watches these things, right? Like, joke change. And that was like the big joke. And Corinna called me and she's like, you're really onto something here. Like, yeah, Karina. Yeah. And she's like, I don't like vlogs, but like what you're doing, I really like. And, and that's when I knew that I was like, oh, this is something special. And I actually got— I know it's crazy— and I got that same call from Karina about the podcast. Oh yeah, the exact same call about like 3, 4 weeks into the podcast. Wow. She's like, I don't listen to podcasts, but there's something about yours that I really, really like. And that's the only 2 times she's called me about anything.

Like to pay me like a compliment in that way.

And then so then we're going to call them. Did you say the same thing about her OnlyFans?

Like, oh, I don't like many OnlyFans, but I'm subbed in.

I'm all in.

How many views were you getting at that point? Oh, fucking, I don't know, like 8,000, 9,000. Oh, so it was like really early, early, early. Yeah, really early. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. No, she was, she was like, yeah, it was really early. And then I never thought about them like that again. And what happened to Alex Ernst? We don't know. It's so funny. One day there was just a letter at my door and he says, I'm moving to the North Pole. And I didn't know what that meant, but I'm sure Alex would figure out.

No, Alex, I remember meeting you and Alex being like, oh, well, here's the thing. Both of those kids are really funny and they, they know like what funny is. And I thought that about both of you. Thanks.

I think.

But Alex just wasn't— he was around a lot, but he wasn't like making vlogs.

What happened with Alex? Alex was my original roommate when I moved out to— he's like the guy I moved to LA with. Like, we made the decision on Vine. We were chatting with each other, like, let's just fucking move to LA, let's just do it. What happened to him is, I think this is payback. I think this has been— when I, when I was in a relationship for 2 years, all he would bitch about is how he doesn't see me. Like, like a puppy dog, he'd be like, I never see you anymore, you're always gone, you don't even sleep here anymore. Like, and it was— and I felt so bad, but like, I couldn't do anything about it because I was whipped. So, and now he has a girlfriend and I never see him. I'll see him, like, like, I'll text him when he posts a vlog because his vlogs are so fucking funny.

Funny.

Um, so I'll talk to him then, but like, I'll see him like once a month. But he's like with his— he's with his girlfriend. He's like married with, with Emily. Like, they're like their own little thing. Um, which is honestly like— Emily's like the best thing that could have happened to Alex. Sure, she's really great. Um, she's great, and he fucking is obsessed with her. Um, but I miss him.

Alex, if you want to stop by, come by.

He'd be fun on the podcast, actually. He's really fun, but he'll just overthink it.

He'll just sit here and be like, don't use that.

What is it like to buy the Terryview house?

What are we just walking down memory lane?

Yeah, what is this?

I don't know.

I think people like this.

What was my first house like? Yeah, like I remember when you bought that house and I was like, whoa. I'm like, this is sick. This guy's like 22.

He just bought this house. It was cool, but it didn't matter. Like, really? Jay, how long did it take me to move in there?

I don't remember.

What are you talking about?

A while? Yes. Why did it take you a while? Oh, right, because you wouldn't even go.

Oh yeah, you had the house and you— yeah, I had it for like 6, 7, 8 months and I was just like, I don't want to live here because I just thought people like didn't care for it. And like, I didn't, I didn't want to be in a house because I was like, I can make my videos in the apartment, right? But I bought it because like, I like those, like, I like those milestones. Like, that's how I like make sure I'm like doing things right. I'm like, okay, I bought a house at this age, I bought this at that age, I bought my first car at this age. What was it like to buy your Tesla?

That was the coolest because I had my Mercedes. So funny.

He thinks buying the Tesla is cooler than the house. Well, the Tesla is— when you buy your dream car, it's fucking game over. And how much are you making on YouTube then? My best months? Yeah, my best months. I've never talked about this. I was making the best months I was making. This was like 4 years ago. Yeah. For like, I was making like $275,000 a month. Crazy. Just in AdSense. And just in AdSense. And it was crazy because back then you can use any song, you can say any swear word, like whatever it was, it would just get monetized. Like to the full extent. And I used to get paid out on PayPal because like I was too lazy to connect my bank account. But in PayPal they can only pay you in increments of $10,000. So at the end of every month I'd get 27 emails in a row, and each of the emails was, Collab just sent you $9,999. And it was 27 of those emails just stacked on top of each other at the end of every month. And it was, it was literally like a fucking like I robbed a bank. It was like I was a drug dealer. It was crazy.

It came in like crazy.

And were you spending a lot on the videos then? Yeah, I was spending a lot. I was also doing 3 a week, so it was like a lot was going into the videos. I don't know where that money is now. And I only made that much for like 3 months, and then the YouTube apocalypse happened, and then it went to— it went from like— I don't even remember the numbers, but it went from like $275 to like $50, but my views multiplied by like 4 or 5. Right. So like, I know if like I was getting paid the same way, I'd be making like $1.5 to $2 million a month.

When you went to ask my mom to marry her, when you were about to like knock on the door, what did you think she was going to say?

Did you know she was going to say yes? No. Yeah, because she's shown interest in me for a long time.

No way. Why? What happened? No, we were like standing outside the door and we couldn't get in at first because it's like locked. But thank God somebody came out. We went inside to the apartment building And we were sitting— he was so nervous, like, outside the door. And I was like, why are you nervous? Like, this is obviously a joke. It's not like you're like actually, you know, right, trying to propose to this woman, like, the love of your life. And he knocked on the— and he knocked on the door, and she's— she was like so confused but so excited. And then like, you just went for it. We sat her down on the couch. He had to wipe his hands.

He was sweating like crazy. I remember when married her in Vegas and I kissed her. And I remember we didn't get the shot at first, so I had to kiss her again. Oh, what the hell? Yeah, that's crazy, dog. And then I got the shot and I was just like, we should just get one for safety. The craziest part was that she was like down. The craziest part is that she's— how old was she? Uh, 75. Yeah, she's 75. And I took her from Boston to Vegas to Hawaii, to LA in like a matter of 3, 4 days. Yeah. And like, she was just with it.

Yeah, it was crazy. I mean, it's fun to be with you.

I get it. It was, it was a very exciting time.

That was like probably one of my favorite vlogs. I remember we were in Hawaii with her and she just kept chatting us up in the convertible. Do you remember? I mean, it was story after story. I was just like, I don't know if I can do this marriage thing. She was going, she was—

oh my God, she loved it. She was like, this was— she was like, this is the most exciting thing I've ever done.

She was so excited. Yeah, yeah, she was like, she has that picture of the three of you on her mantle with you guys have leis on, and it's— yeah, I cry thinking about it.

It's really, it's really sweet. That was crazy. I can't believe we did that, and I can't believe what a good—

what was your favorite moment you ever had in Chicago doing the vlog?

Oh, when I threw out the first pitch that week. That was— I thought you hated that. No, that was the best. That week of vlogs was the best vlogs I think I've ever made.

It was—

you were not happy doing it. No, I was miserable. Yeah, but it's like, because it was all in a week of— because I was posting 3 a week. So in one week, one vlog was, um, Natalie like partying like really hard on my birthday. Yeah, and it was like a party montage, like we were pouring champagne on Natalie. That was like one of my favorites. The next one, the next one, it was throwing out the first pitch, and the next one was giving my dad a car. Oh, it's just all in one week and it was like fucking crazy. And I remember I was editing at the hotel till like 7 AM and then we would get up the next day and I was sleeping for like 3 hours a night and it was so much fun. What happened to Can Head? We miss him. Yeah, yeah, stay in touch. Yeah, stay in touch.

Okay, no, I actually haven't heard from him. We should do like a big like reunion.

Yeah, reunion, just like all the odd end characters that have like been in the vlogs.

I miss Nabil. I love Nabil.

What was your favorite Jonah bit? My favorite Jonah bit? Yeah. I think it was when he was in my bathtub. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we threw—

Oh my God. And I threw like a fake firework at him. And he jumped out. And he jumped out and he ran out of the tub. And he like fell and the mirror fell over. It was fucking perfect. It looked like we scripted the whole thing.

And he was like army crawling.

The shot is great. He was army crawling out of the bathroom butt naked. Yeah, it was so funny. We watched it back, we were fucking dying, but YouTube took it down because of the firework, right? So I re-uploaded the next day, but I had to fucking voice over it and pretend like it was fake. So I voiced it over with like, Jonah, your mom says the kebabs are ready. So instead of him— so instead of him getting out of the tub because there's a firework, it looked like he was just getting out of the tub quickly because— oh wow, which sucks. But, um, it's still good. But that was like my favorite. That was like my favorite. Or like when we like—

when we pranked him.

Like, yeah, that was good.

Those were so fun.

What's your favorite Todd bit? Oh, it's definitely either the billboard with Natalie. Billboard was great. Or when he's fighting with Corinna. He was fighting with Corinna. Sorry, Natalie. He was fighting with Corinna about— oh my God, when Corinna gave him a blowjob.

Right?

I was gonna say, are you not gonna say that? Corinna gave Todd a blowjob in the back of my Tesla on our way to Vardhan's baptism. Yeah, it couldn't have been amazing. It's funny because Corinna brought that up recently. She's just like, it's kind of like you've been setting up my OnlyFans this entire time. All right, guys, that's all the time we have. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, Charlotte, Natalie, Jason, everybody for joining us for this podcast.

It was a blast. Go watch Natalie live stand-up at the Funny Bone in Houston.

Yeah, and now he's doing stand-up routines now. Yeah. No, but if you guys have like topics for us to talk about or like things you want us to discuss, DM us on Instagram. Yeah, DM me on Instagram because I read them. I was going to say comment down below. Oh, comment down below is a lot better. Don't DM me. Comment on the YouTube video. If you're just an audio listener, then just think really hard and maybe you can telepathically send it to Jason. Oh, you got one?

I got it. What's the next topic?

It's Ann from Ohio wants to know if Natalie's going to start a clothing brand anytime soon. Actually, that's a good thing. I want to start a clothing brand with Nat. Right, so we're gonna do— no, but I really want to start clothing brand, and if you guys have name ideas, please send it to me. I also want to—

well, I need help with the name. Like, we gotta kind of like—

you got to kind of figure it out. You're the only one I have so far, which I don't think are the best, is Smile a While. What is it? Smile a While. That's exactly why I don't want to smile a while. Yeah, or was when I had today Fairy Dust.

Which is kind of silly.

Yeah, yeah, it's a little bit. But I like like the magical and I like the happiness kind of thing to it. So if you guys have— also, if you do give me a name and you DM it to me on Instagram and I like it and we use it, I'll give you $10,000 for it. But you have to keep this into consideration that I am also thinking of names at the same time. So like if you DM me and I don't see it and I happen to come up with the same idea, don't fucking come for me in 2 years and be like, maybe don't put this offer out there.

Yes, maybe don't. Well, Well, just because like 3 people could come up with the same name.

Like, I have an idea for you. You're right.

Okay, if you're sending me a name, it's at your own discretion.

But I will, I will deadass honor it if I see it. I will give you the 10 grand. But, but don't send it to me if you really love your clothing name and you want to keep it for yourself. Okay, my name is Jeff. I'll see you guys later.

Bye-bye.