Listener Wants David in Her Throuple

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. Jay just asked me a really good question. We're going to get right into it. Yeah, he's asked me— say it, you say it, because it's so disgusting. I don't want to take credit for it.

Have you come in every room in this house? Have you came?

I don't know, let's ask Natalie. What do you think? What room have I left?

What room haven't you jizzed in?

I mean, I would assume like the public spaces.

Public spaces I haven't.

You have not. Like the main liv— both the main living rooms.

What do you think about in this movie room? Have I?

For sure.

I mean, you seem like the type—

movie room—

you seem like the type of guy when you get—

so funny. Movie room. Um, guess who the last person to do anything weird in this movie room was?

Oh God, Natalie.

Natalie's sister.

Oh, my sister.

Yeah, we have to disinfect this whole fucking thing.

Oh my God. She's having a good time and she was real proud of it too.

She's like, I just had sex in the movie room.

I know, I was like, shut up.

Wow, people, please don't tell us that. That's where we do the pod. That's where we get our freshest ideas.

Yeah, and no wonder we've been having such great podcasts. We've got good, good energy, good charm. Yeah, good energy in here. Um, no, but you seem like the type of person that when you got a big house and you landed this big house, you would walk around and jizz in every part of it. Before all the roommates moved in and you were just here alone.

Just like christen it. Yeah.

Naveen and I did that.

In my house?

Yeah.

In your house, yeah.

No, the first one to move in here was my mother. Natalie's mom.

Right.

So I think she may have been the first one to jizz in every room.

Honestly, probably.

She would do that. Doesn't that sound like it too? Like to curse it, like to curse the home. And now.

Fuck you, David.

Oh my God, that's a crazy sound.

I love when you guys go, I go too far.

Obviously, you literally started the whole conversation, but then you add like these sound elements that are just like, uh, Jay, we're in our early 30s, we're allowed to have that kind of humor.

Oh, I see. I shut it off.

We're not in our early 30s.

I know, but we have to start saying it because in 2 years we will be, and it's gonna be disgusting.

I think we should just keep lying. You should just say like— I honestly thought about it, I was like, I should just say that I'm 24. Like, is anybody gonna know?

Oh yeah.

Like when I meet random people, obviously not people that like know us or whatever.

No, that's not even what I'm saying. I'm just saying like, yeah, I understand you think I'm old, whatever. The good part about like what I do for a living, I feel like is like people, there's a lot of people I meet that are, that are just assume I'm like 35.

Oh yeah.

Cause I've been doing this for like a really long time. Like social media for like 10 to 12 years now I've been doing social media.

Sure.

So some people just assume that I am very, very old, which is really nice. And then when I say I'm 28, 29th, Saturday, Saturday, in 3 days.

In 3 days. What are you gonna do on your actual birthday?

Um, well, we just went to Vegas.

Yeah.

Um, for kind of like to pre-celebrate. So, okay, so this is what happened. We, uh, we took a jet to Vegas. We had a Jet2 holiday.

Okay.

Because we—

is that a type of jet? Jet2 holiday?

No, it's a TikTok trend. But there's this— so, so there's like, you can You can— so there's this thing called empty legs on jets.

Yeah.

So it's when a jet needs to go back to its owner, basically. Uh-huh. They'll be like, they'll be like Instagram pages or like jet pages that'll post, hey, empty leg. So you get the jet for like a percentage of the regular price of the jet just because it needs to make the trip back anyway.

Right.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Of course.

So like the owner needs his jet back in Vegas. It's making the flight anyway. Here's the jet for so much cheaper just, just if you want to sit on it so you can cover some of the gas, right? So like, we got a jet.

How many seats?

We got, we got a jet with 15 seats to Vegas.

Is that 15 crowded?

No, no, no, no, no. It's 15 like super nice, like 15 everybody sitting comfortably for $5,000.

Wow.

Which is, that's really nice. That's, that's, that's as cheap as flying a Southwest flight if you split it between everybody, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Jay, I can't talk to Jay when he's adjusting the podcast equipment because he can't multitask. Yeah, look, he's moving off right now.

Everything was thrown out of whack here when I got here because you're planning for your party.

Yeah.

And so there's 9,000 rugs and everything was unhooked. So I'm just making sure that we're up and running.

Okay. Are we running?

Yeah, yeah, we're good. Okay, but I had that thought.

Can you stop looking at it?

I had that thought that we weren't running and we weren't good, but okay.

You keep looking at it, you keep making eye contact with it like it's the third toe of—

I love this road.

All right, are we back?

Yeah, go. All right, go, go, go. So you're on the jet.

No, that's—

So you're on the jet.

That had nothing to do with the story. The part of the story—

I get it, empty leg. Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it.

I mean, it's just like remarkably cheap.

Why can't you roll with when I'm doing You should look at me when I'm looking at the road and go, "Okay, Jay's fixing. Let me cook, let me cook." I'm trying.

I tried. Look over to Natalie. She knows about the empty leg.

Well, he was looking for your reaction to it and you were just staring at the road.

And I elongated that story too. I was just like, "Oh my God, I don't know anything." I didn't even care about the empty leg. I was just like, "He's not looking. I gotta keep talking about it, spicing it up." You started explaining it and I was like, "Yeah, okay, I think we all get it." No, okay, so like, to fly to Vegas.

Yeah, from LA. You weren't explaining rocket science.

No, I know, but like empty jet. Yeah, I know, but like to somebody listening, he got it. There's somebody listening, they're gonna be like, a jet is cheap, David? That's not possible. But like, like that, if 15 people go on the jet, which we had 10 and we all split it, whatever. Yeah, that's $5,000 divided by 15 is $300 a person. That's nice to be on a private, private jet, like a really nice one, not a shitty one. Yeah, so yeah, it's an incredible thing. And then We got lucky and we found an empty leg on the way back too. No, that was, that was $2,500 on the way back. Thank you. This is the reaction I'm talking about.

This is the reaction you're looking for.

So the round trip was like $7,500 with like 10 people. It was incredible. So highly recommend looking for empty legs if you got, if you're like trying to like go with like a bang to somewhere with your friends. I think it's really fun.

It really is. It really sets the tone, right?

It sets the tone. But then we got to Vegas and then we realized we're like, quite old. We ran into like, okay, so we were really good friends with Zedd. Name drop, big name drop, huge DJ. And he was DJing at Omnia. Omnia, you know Omnia? It's like the best nightclub maybe in the United States.

What hotel is that in?

It's at Caesars Palace.

Okay.

So, and it's like the one with like the $30 million chandelier. It's like, it holds like 5,000, 6,000 people.

It's a vibe.

It's a big deal. And like, Zed was like, I want to do this thing for David's birthday where all these screens drop. And I'm like, fuck no. Like, please don't do it. Like, she was texting Natalie and Natalie knows me. So Natalie's like, do you want something for your birthday like this? And I'm like, hell no. Like, I don't like any of the big signs coming for birthday stuff or whatever. Like, I hate it. Like, it just stresses me out because it's like being sung happy birthday to. Like, it's just like, what are you supposed to do with your hands while people are singing happy birthday to you?

It's so nice.

I don't enjoy it.

It's so important to celebrate your birthday. It only comes once a year.

No, I know, but I feel like we celebrate me enough. It's always about me all the time. So it's like I don't need that extra layer, right? So humble when we're— no, no, no, it's just like I, I don't need that.

I believe him when he says that.

I don't need that. I don't need that extra layer, like at a club. Sure. Uh, like I'm already having a good time. Um, so like we're at the club and then all of a sudden you got like 3 of my Vegas friends pulling me to the side and they're like, yo, get ready, get ready. I'm like, what the fuck's happening? And then these signs come with like pictures of me in my underwear.

All ripped.

Like from the Boss campaign.

Yeah, the ripped pictures. Not the current ones. Not the current ones. Which makes you feel horrible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, that's not what I look like right now.

That's not what I look like right now. That was 4 months ago. So it's all these ripped pictures of me and like, and then like sparklers, champagne, everything. And I'm like so fucking embarrassed by it. And I'm like, okay, Natalie, like I'm already a little too drunk to vlog.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I hope Natalie's vlogging this.

You weren't supposed to drink. You literally told me in Orlando, you're like, not drinking. And Illya's like, not drinking. And I was like, oh good, they'll come back fresh.

Yeah. So no, no, I was going to drink in Vegas. Oh, you were?

That's not what you said.

Really? Yeah, you did. Yeah. Anyway, so that happened. I was pretty stressed out because I don't like it. And then Zed stops playing the music and he goes, He goes, David, calls me over to the DJ. We're right behind the DJ booth. Calls me over. He goes, come up here. He goes, it's my— that doesn't stop the music for anything, right? He comes on, music's already playing from the DJ before, and the music kind of cuts out a little and it kind of just gets lower. And he goes, what's up Vegas? Let's fucking go. Music fires up. So music is constantly going when he's playing. He stops the music and he goes, let's all sing happy birthday to David. The full happy birthday song. Sings it to me with no music. All of Omnia, the entire club goes quiet just for him to sing happy birthday to me. Just me and him up there on stage and he's saying happy birthday. I am shitting bricks because you can't like— obviously I was like, no, no, I'm not going up there. I'm not going out there. But like, you can't say no. You can't say no. Yeah, right. Like if that's like pull out your dick, you're like, you got to do it. He's asking you like on the stage, whatever.

And what are you doing? You pumping your hands or—

I'm not pumping.

There's no standing there awkwardly like, hey, like cheesing really hard.

You got a hat on covering your face?

No, I'm just standing there being like, thank you, thank you, thank you. Because it's like— because there's no music. It's not like a happy birthday track. Sure, it's everybody's voices in the club. Happy birthday. I don't know, I'm so stressed.

So crazy.

And then I look over Natalie and she's like a mom, like holding my vlog camera filming me, and I'm like, thank God, like there's something coming out of this. Like, at least, at least we're filming it, right? Like, right, at least. And I think that's why maybe Natalie okayed this part of this Vegas thing, is like, at least she'll like capture it and it'll be like good for the vlog, whatever.

But no, he fully told me, he was like, oh yeah, no worries, we won't do anything, we'll just like bring out a bottle to the table. That's it. That's what that text—

and then when surprised everybody.

Yeah, he surprised everybody.

So yeah, yeah. And then he texted me, and then he came over later, he's like, I'm so sorry, it was like spur of the moment, I just felt like I had to do it. It was really sweet. And he's He's good on him. I know we hype up a lot of celebrities, but he is actually one of the nicest guys ever.

That's so nice.

Like, so, like, just such a— like, we brought 15 people. We had like 15 friends with us.

Yeah.

And he hugs everybody and like spends moments with everyone and say, thank you for coming. This means so much. And we went to his room before the pregame and he's just like, he's so fucking sweet. He's so sweet. And then I walk over to Natalie, like after the happy birthday, I'm like, so embarrassed. I'm like, nah, let me see it. And like, she shows me the, like, she's looking for the footage on the camera.

Let me just say, like, I, in that moment, because like I didn't know that whole thing was gonna happen.

Yeah.

And so I reached, I was like, oh my God, like I should vlog this. No one's here to like film it or whatever. So I was like so excited. I was like, okay, I got the vlog camera out. I'm leaning over the side, like over in front of the DJ booth, which you're not really supposed to do. But I was like, whatever, I gotta get this moment. And I'm filming the whole thing like the most proud like dance mom ever.

Yeah.

And then David comes over to like—

Yeah, I'm like, let me see what she did.

Let's see.

Okay.

And Natalie's like, get ready for this bitch. And she's going back. She goes back on the camera to like review the footage. And I could just see the smile drop from her face. And I go, what's going on, Nat? My drunk is starting to fucking flutter away instantly. And she looks at me. She's like, I didn't hit record. Oh no. And I was like—

Were you drunk?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What are you guys doing?

She didn't hit record. She didn't hit record. And then the guy that we were with that manages the club, I was like, she didn't hit record. Does anybody have the footage? He's like, you just had the biggest nightclub in all the United States sing happy birthday to you and she forgot to hit record. And I'm like, I can't even explain. I'm like, obviously if we knew it was happening, we would've been a little bit more prepped.

Wow.

But yeah, so for the, For the next hour, for the next hour, I'm just like, Natalie, like, I'm, I'm like, I'm like bothering her, but literally for the next hour.

You're not having a good time. You're focused in on that complete buzzkill. Yeah.

I'm like, it's a red button. It's one button. It lights up the whole screen. The whole screen goes red. You know, it's recording. How could you miss it?

It's not her area.

Well, I, yeah, I didn't know I was going to be filming, to be honest. I thought that was David's responsibility.

Yeah. It's a little hard when that pulls you. Yeah. I get it.

You should have grabbed the camera, hit record, handed it to her, been like, Matt, get this.

Okay, I definitely didn't have time for that. I definitely didn't have time to like grab the camera and be like, no, no, it was— he stopped the music and it was like go time. I was— I don't know what was happening. And this was separate from when the bottles came out initially with the naked photos of me. Yeah, that happened first. And then in 10 minutes I was like, oh, thank God we got that out of the way because that was already a lot.

Yeah.

And then 10 minutes later he stopped the show.

Did people go, ooh, like when they saw you naked up there?

No.

Like, oh, no, it was a club.

You can't even hear anything because the music was playing. Oh.

Oh, so there's just really loud music and some naked dude up there.

What? No, no, it was like 10 signs.

It wasn't digital.

Bottle service.

Oh, like when the girls come up with sparklers.

It was like cardboard cutouts.

Oh, I thought you were like up on like the digital screens.

No, that's what they wanted to do originally. He said, we have 4 huge digital screens that come down and we put on like big spenders on there.

Yeah, but those are the moments.

And I was like, absolutely not. Please do not do that.

Those are the moments for the vlog that you should have done, even if it is embarrassing. You should say yes to those moments because something great could come out of that. It could be like, oh my God, what an idiot David looks like.

I also don't— I don't like when things like that are happening to me because I would rather always be recording it. Like, I'd always rather have a friend being surprised with something big. So I'm behind the camera and nothing stresses me out more than something happening to me. All I'm thinking about is, is someone shooting this fucking properly? That's all I'm thinking about, right? So, so it's like I don't enjoy any moment. Like, as much as if I was like surprising a friend with something.

Uh-huh.

So, yeah, so I'd rather be on the other side of the camera all— 100% of the time.

Right.

Um, so it's a little tough, but yeah, so that's what happened. But Vegas was fun. We didn't get too drunk. After that, that kind of— I obviously stopped drinking.

You didn't get too drunk? You guys were MIA all Sunday.

What do you mean?

Everyone was asleep.

Oh yeah, we were up. We were still up till like— which is funny because we were up till like 5 or 6 in the morning.

Oh my God.

But it was a very early night. And then how it felt. It was really funny. We were leaving the club. We were leaving the club and this guy came up to me. He's like, come party with us at Resorts World. And his buddy came up and was like, I was like, where have I met you guys? Who are you guys? And he's like, well, he's the son of the president of the Philippines. And I'm like, oh, no way. I'm going to the Philippines for a wedding soon. This is a big deal. We should party with these guys so when we're there, we can meet up with them. And Ilya just did not believe that this guy was the son of the president of the Philippines. And I was like, let's go, let's go resort. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm the fucking president of Russia. And then we got, we got home and I looked up the son of the Philippines and it was him. Yeah. I said to Taylor, I'm like, great. We could have had the fucking greatest Filipino night ever. And our roommate's Filipino. So like, just to be able to like brag about it and be like, guess what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We now know the president of the Philippines.

If John was there, he would have known.

Really?

Well, if John was there, yeah, you know, I mean, you would have been like, my dad's the president. And that's what I would have gotten to. Yeah, but yeah, but I don't know. I'm definitely Vegas'd out. Have I said that on the podcast before where I'm like out of energy for Vegas?

No, but it is like interesting, even like, yeah, I don't know.

Did you eat? Did you go like a nice restaurant?

Yeah, but it's like, it's like, I don't know, nothing. And it's so tricky because like, it's just like, how do you like— I don't even know how you do Vegas properly. Like, you don't really go out till 11, 12. You have the dinner at 9. We start drinking on the plane. We were all just like, we were all on different pages. The entire group was on different pages. Like half of us were like really drunk. The other half were like sick from drinking too early. It was just, I don't know. I'm 29.

Like I've done Vegas enough where it's like, well, that's what I think the thing is. It's like, it's kind of the same. It's like very structured and organized. Like you go to dinner, you go to the nightclub, go to the table and get your bottles. And then, right. You know, it's like, I don't know. It's not, there's like, even though you think of Vegas as being like a very like spontaneous, we're going to have the craziest night of our lives. I feel like it doesn't really happen that way.

No, no, no. Vegas is— no, Vegas never plays out like that. Actually, for the boys' trip, it was pretty incredible.

The, uh, well, that you planned for weeks.

Yeah, like when you go to like a bachelor party is fun and I think that's worth it, but like, I don't know, the one-offs are just like— and the flight back, it's always horrible. Oh my God.

Yeah.

Oh, you're on a jet though.

No, no, it's pretty good. It doesn't matter how you do it. It's always—

I guess because you're hungover.

Always terrible.

And it's like the short— You go into it being like, oh, this is just like a quick, like, 30-minute flight.

I think that's the problem too. You're like not mentally prepared for it. You're like, you like think it's going to be shorter and you like really oversell it to how easy it's going to be for yourself. It's always the worst.

It's a very long 40 minutes.

But yeah. And then, and then the night always ends with like me gambling at a table and I'm like, you know, I spent like $1,000 on a table.

Do you win?

No, that's the thing. There's no winning for me. Like I'm gambling $1,000 or like $500. So it's like, okay, I'll double it and then I want to double it again and I'm just going to keep doubling till I lose. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's like, why am I even— I literally, I spent $500,000 just, just knowing that I'm going to walk away after I lose. Like, that is literally my mindset. So I don't know what I'm doing. Like, I don't even know.

I gave up gambling for that reason.

It's so goofy.

I lost several times in a row.

Yeah.

I was like, oh well, it's not for me.

No. And then at the end of the night when it's like 5 AM, you fucking look to your friends and you're like, do we go to Spearmint Rhino? Do we go to the strip club? This is the first time Natalie said no. Natalie's always the one leading the charge to go to a strip club or just continue the night in general.

I just had a lot of, like, strip clubs. I feel like we did a lot of, like, I don't know, like, a lot of traveling. Bangkok had a lot of, like, stripper stuff everywhere. I was just like, I'm good.

No, you're right. You're right.

Right.

But there's nothing there for me.

We're just getting older. This is, this is character development.

I mean, it's growth.

What can I say? I have a question for you guys. It's kind of a hot take.

Yeah.

Okay. This isn't me leaning towards like, this is, yeah. Let me just say it. Do you think the moon landing was real?

Yeah.

Okay. Do you, Natalie?

I mean, I've kind of gone down this rabbit hole a little bit and I kind of feel like maybe it wasn't.

I just, I've been going down the rabbit hole and every time, like every time I come back to it, I keep going like, it's just not possible. It's just not. Possible. I just, I can't wrap my head around it. And I know just because I think it's not possible doesn't mean that I should automatically validate it as impossible.

But, um, you're saying that moon landing was fake, but all the other ones were real?

No, I'm just— no, we haven't gone—

never gone to the moon.

I don't think we've ever been to the moon.

Okay.

I mean, I just like— okay, and this isn't me being like a flat earther or anything, or like getting really crazy with like my conspiracy theories. Yeah, I just think like— here, Jay, answer this. So I do believe we've been to space. Like the outer edge of space, or like the outer edge of like Earth's atmosphere or whatever. Do you know how far away that is, if you were to guess?

Uh, like, no, I don't, I don't.

Just guess how many miles. Miles up in, in the sky.

Is it just to get to space?

Yeah, a million.

Get to where the—

a million? Jesus.

Jesus Christ. Get to where the spacecraft orbits. The spacecraft like orbits It's where satellites orbit. How many miles?

I don't know, 500,000 miles.

Okay, 130 miles. Okay, okay, 130 miles. Okay, you know how far the moon is now that you know how these miles actually work? 130 miles is the spacecraft. Now how far is the moon?

1,000.

Great, 1,000. The moon is 238,000 miles away. Okay, so You understand how crazy that is?

Yeah, it's far.

238,000 miles.

Yeah.

And you're telling me in 1969 we got up 238,000 miles to the moon and returned and was on— and the astronauts were on a phone call with Richard Nixon from the moon? It's just like— and recording it. Yeah, it's just like all is like so fucking wild to me.

For what reason then would they fake it?

What do you mean?

Yeah, why?

To be Russia. Yeah, to be Russia to the moon.

To like assert the dominance.

Yeah, it was like the whole space race. It was like the biggest fucking— it's the biggest like propaganda thing during that time. Huge, right?

And why? How could they get away with fixing that? Like someone would have came out and said like, oh yeah, it was a fucking hoax.

I don't know.

You know what I mean?

Have you ever seen those videos of like the astronauts being approached? Yeah, by like conspiracy theorists, and they're like, can you put your hand on the Bible and swear to God that you've been to the moon? And like all of them avoid it like crazy. But like at the same time, like if I, if I actually did go to the moon, yeah, and these ex— these, you know, these people came up to me telling me I didn't, I would also tell them to fuck off. I'm not putting a hand on the Bible.

100%. Me too.

Yeah, you're just like, you're fucking delusional. I don't know, I just can't wrap my head around it. 1969, brother, that is fucking a long time ago. Our cars looked like Model Ts back then. I don't know.

I don't know.

I just don't get how a spaceship with that— it doesn't make any sense to me.

What do you think, Nat? Real or fake?

And returned safely. No, I also kind of think it was fake. Did you see the movie? Who was it? Scarlett Johansson or something recently?

That's what inspired you? Yeah. The one with Channing Tatum.

That's what prompted me to actually look into it.

Yeah.

The one with Channing Tatum. Because the movie's about how they faked it or whatever. It's whatever, scripted. Um, yeah, it just doesn't make sense to me.

Where they were in like a TV studio? Like, what do you think?

I mean, I have no idea. Like, I don't—

I mean, explain it. If you think that it's fake, like, what, what do you think they did?

Well, yeah, I think, yeah, I think they definitely just filmed it like on a black site. Like, I don't know. Yeah, Area 51, fucking anywhere. I'm sure there's a thousand black sites that the United States has that no one knows about. I mean, I just— it's not that difficult to do that, right?

I, I think it is difficult to pull a hoax like that and not have anyone—

it's, it's, it's like—

and not have it be found out.

But like, do you know how many hundreds of people involved in it?

Yeah, but I feel like—

but you also don't know like what happened to a lot of those people. Yeah, like you don't know if like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, the people— like, this is me just making things up, but like you don't know if like 50 people were involved in it and then 40 of them were executed. To make an example, to kneel like you genuinely, you don't know what the government does. I mean, yeah, there's like, I know this is like I'm really like far out there. I'm being like real crazy guy that lives in the wilderness right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so against humanity. But like, I mean, you just have no fucking idea.

And so you and you in your statement was that subsequent landings too have been fake.

Have we gone since?

I don't think we've gone in like, I don't think we've landed on 10, 20 years. So the last time humans walked on the moon— this is so dumb, this is stupid— was in 1972. I mean, come on, Jay.

Come on, what?

Last time was 50 years ago, right? That's it. And it's just like, we have no reason to walk on it again. It's just like, we've explored it. It's just craters. It's made out of cheese. We're done. Time to try for Mars.

I don't know. It costs a lot of money to run that. So they, you know, if there's nothing up there, if no one's going to live there, You know what I mean?

I don't know, dude. I don't know. I fucking hate being this guy. I hate being this guy because I sound— I do sound crazy.

Yeah, I hate conspiracy stuff, but it's like you don't know. You're right. You don't know.

No, you don't know.

Right.

That's why I'm kind of open to everything. Have you heard of the Chronovisor?

No.

Oh, this is my new favorite conspiracy theory. I just found out about it. It's a theory that originated from Father Pellegrino Ernetti, a monk. I don't think he invented Pellegrino the Water, but that is his name. In the 1960s, he claimed that he was part of a secret team of scientists, including Nobel-winning physicist Enrico Fermi and rocket scientist Wernher von Braun, who helped build the Chronovisor under Vatican supervision. So basically, the Chronovisor is an alleged time-viewing device secretly developed by the Vatican in the 20th century. So it's according to theory, it allows users to see into the past, not travel, but see through time, view past events like watching a livestream from ancient history. So like Martin Luther King's speech, when Abe Lincoln got shot, you could be anywhere at any time.

Right.

And you could see Jesus Christ, you know, the crucifixion.

The Vatican developed this.

Yeah. And then it was brought to the Pope when it was developed.

That big tech company, the Vatican.

Okay, come on again. Why are you talking like that?

Okay, I'm listening.

But how can you laugh at that?

I'm making jokes. I'm saying it's kind of Hard to believe, but keep going.

How is it hard? It's Christianity.

Okay, great. So, all right, so it's not tech, it's Jesus.

It's—

no, no, but they just have so much money.

It's the most powerful belief system in the world.

Okay, okay, go ahead.

Okay, I'm sorry I'm defending all these heavily, but like, you are very—

Chronovision.

You, as open-minded as I am about it, you are the exact opposite where you are like, the world's nothing more than what you see it as. Like, that is like your whole personality.

I'm listening.

Like, there's no—

I'm just making jokes.

No, but to you, I get it. To you, there's no mystery. Or anything in life.

A bunch of priests developed this technology.

No, obviously a bunch of priests did it.

Or it was magic? They did it with Jesus? Like, what are you talking about? I'm asking.

But why are you belittling this like that?

I'm not belittling it.

Obviously the Pope didn't get together in his fucking little— in his master bedroom at the Vatican and come up with this. The Vatican probably has—

They decide on like 20, 30 different agendas for the year and they decided the Chronovision was—

I'm sure they have billions of billions of billions of dollars.

It's amazing.

It's the church.

Amazing. They put that— they put a bunch— they put a billion dollars towards Chronovision.

Anyway, I mean, I do realize I sound crazy, but Jason's taking me to that notch. No, he's such a non-believer that it's making me go even heavier.

I want to hear it. Okay, so, so you can look into the past, so you can look into the future.

You could think of it as the ultimate surveillance camera for all of time. So the Chronovisor was supposedly made up of cathode ray tubes for visual output like old TVs, a directional antenna to tune into time events, a matrix of metals to receive electromagnetic and sound waves from the past, and some heavy-duty quantum math and theological sauce. What do they see? According to Ernetti, they use the Chronovisor to witness— these are the things they witnessed: the crucifixion of Jesus.

Amazing.

A speech by Cicero. A lost play by the Roman playwright Quintus Ennius, which Ernetti allegedly transcribed from the screen. Okay, that's kind of crazy. A photo Ernetti provided in the 1970s claiming to show Jesus on the cross. Was later debunked because it matched a 1950s church souvenir postcard. It was just reversed.

So you believe this, but you don't believe we landed on the moon. It's funny what you choose.

Well, no, I just, I just, I believe in cover-ups. Yeah. So positive, negative. I believe that people could cover things up.

Okay.

And I, and it's like so necessary. Like, I don't think anybody should have a Chronovisor, like access to it. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I also think when you're in war, the very least, or like when you're in a war or debate with another country, the easiest thing you can do is pretend you went to the moon. You know what I mean? Other than nuking them or doing whatever, the easiest thing you can do is stage, uh, you land on the moon just to show like how superior you are in tech and advancements and all that. Anyway, you could spy on anyone at any point in time, be used to falsify or manipulate historical narratives, be considered a threat to religious doctrine, So a Vatican decree in 1988 reportedly warned that anyone using such a device would face excommunication, which conspiracy theorists cite as proof that the Chronovisor was real. And then in parentheses it says, it's more likely that the decree was a general precaution against occult tech and sci-fi hoaxes. So that decree was made, but it's not necessarily saying that it was for the Chronovisor. There's zero scientific evidence that such a machine exists or could work. These are the debunking skepticisms. And a man claiming to be Ernetti's friend later said on his deathbed that Ernetti admitted the whole thing was a hoax.

Oh, wow.

Though that could also be part of the conspiracy, depending on how far down the rabbit hole you want to go, which is pretty crazy.

I mean, I think the moon landing thing is a little bit easier to achieve. I don't know about this, like, looking through the looking glass. Like, that sounds a little bit—

the thing about it is like, why didn't someone else come up with it too?

The Chronovisor? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, why? How come If they were able to do it in the '80s or the '70s, whenever they did it, why hasn't Elon Musk done it now? Or someone like that too, you know what I mean? It's like if Google could jump on that, they would.

I don't know, but I also think it's like, I think it just may go further than that.

Interesting.

I just think it's like, I think if someone has the ability to do, to make a Chronovisor, I think someone has the ability to know when a Chronovisor is being made somewhere. Like, I think, I think, I don't know.

Did a priest ever touch you?

Yes, today I'm going to the Fantastic Four movie premiere.

Oh, fun! That trailer looks so good.

It's so good.

And, um, I wouldn't even like want to go see that movie, but then I saw the trailer, I was like, this looks good.

No, no, it looks really good. And the premise of it is Galactus, who's like the— the basically—

who's that?

He's one of the biggest powers in the Marvel Universe. He's, he's like, he's known as like a planet eater.

Yeah.

And Galactus, for I think the first time you actually see him like properly in a Marvel movie He's like the one of the most powerful.

What's he look like?

Um, he's huge. His, like, his face is the size of a planet and he eats planets and he consumes planets and not in like a mean way, but he does it to like have, uh, to get energy because he kind of balances the cosmos.

Yes.

And the whole— I think the premise from the trailer, I don't know because I haven't seen it yet, but the premise is that Galactus is coming and about to destroy Earth, the Fantastic Four Earth. So this is set in a different multiverse. So what people are thinking is this new Fantastic Four, the Pedro Pascal Fantastic Four, they're all going to have to flee their Earth because it gets destroyed and they enter our timeline, Earth-616, with like our Iron Man and everything. And then, and then we get Doomsday.

Oh, I don't know if you care about it. I do. How does Doomsday relate to it? That's a, that's a character, Doomsday, right?

Uh, Doctor Doom is the main villain in all the Fantastic Four movies.

Got it. And what's Doomsday?

And you know who's playing Doctor Doom? Take a wild guess.

Steve Harvey.

Take a wild guess who's playing Doctor Doom. The biggest, the biggest—

DiCaprio.

No, the biggest— wait, you don't know this? This is crazy. I feel like if I tell you, you're gonna know. Robert Downey.

Oh yes, I did know that.

Yes, so Robert Downey's playing Doctor Doom. Yeah, so you know how Avengers— there's Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame?

Yep.

Now we're gonna have Avengers: Doomsday and then Avengers: Secret Wars, where Robert Downey's the bad guy. Yes.

Oh, wow. That's fun for him to be the bad guy.

Incredible.

Yeah, he's a good bad guy.

So Avengers: Doomsday is where we're going to see Doctor Doom and we're going to see like all the Avengers come together for the first time, the New Avengers, every new— like all of the X-Men come together to try to take this guy down. And then Secret Wars, this just came out like a day ago, was Kevin Feige said it's going to reset all of the MCU, right? So like all your characters are going to die. I mean, not all of them, but like, you're definitely going to see your main guys go. You're probably— Thor is probably going to die. You know, you like all the big guys.

Really?

It's going to reset the whole timeline and MCU is going to start afresh with all new characters. Yeah.

Right now, if they told you, David, you have to drop everything you're doing, we're going to put you in 3 Marvel movies as sort of a side character, like not a side character, not the main, but you've got a thing.

You've told me that.

Would you do it?

You've asked me this before, and I said I can't. I can't. Like, you wouldn't?

You wouldn't drop everything to be in Marvel? That's like your dream.

I don't think I would.

Really? You go and you get really fit, and then you're like hanging out with everybody, and you're like, I mean, you're in movies.

If I was helping Marvel, I would be taking away from— like, you can't have an influencer in the movie.

Why?

It just takes you out of it.

It takes you out.

David Dobrik.

Obviously, good actors are good actors.

That's what I would— like, if Kevin Feige came to me, I'd be like, you realize, like, I do YouTube videos and stuff, and it's like, it's like, you don't want that.

Nah, I don't think—

and if Kevin gave me—

never say that.

If Kevin gave me a good reason, then yeah, you shouldn't. The only— the only—

never say that.

The only time I was almost in a Marvel movie—

put yourself in a box.

What? I've talked about this. Did I talk about my audition for a Marvel movie?

Um, maybe.

Yeah, I auditioned for Shang-Chi.

Yes.

And I had to like keep it a secret for like—

oh, and then we went and saw Shang-Chi.

Yeah, we were at my country. Yeah, which is like like totally should have not been my part. But, um, what was the part?

As a YouTuber?

It was, uh, so in Shang-Chi there's, there's a fight scene.

Shang-Chi was good.

So good. There's a fight scene on the bus. Yeah. And on the bus there's a live streamer who's live streaming the fight, and he's like— which, that role makes sense for me in some way. Yeah, a little bit, because I'm like a YouTuber, but I feel like I'm still too close to the reality of a YouTuber. You kind of need a guy playing a YouTuber. Um, but yeah, so I went in to audition for this. I had to keep it a big secret. I had the script as my background on my phone. Yeah, for like a year and a half because I was so excited about it. Um, they were really nice to me. They were like— I think they say this at every audition— they go, we loved it so much. Do you know what I mean? When you auditioned, did they always call you back and they were like, that was incredible?

No.

Oh, I mean, I think they do that because you have a like a semblance of status. Like, they're not just taking, like, Joe Schmo off the street and be like, you're amazing, we're totally going to call you.

Yeah, maybe they were just blowing smoke up my ass just to, like, be on good terms.

Or you could have been great.

I don't think so. But in the audition room was, like, people that really fit the archetype for casting for that character. Yeah, like, like, like nerdier guys. Not saying that I was, like, too cool to play the part, but I'm just saying, like, like, one of the guys that was in there was McLovin. From Superbad. Sure, it was me, him, and two other guys sitting in, sitting in the waiting room.

Christopher Mintz-Plasse.

Uh, yeah, so like, I was like, why the fuck am I here? Like, McLovin should 1,000% get this over me. Like, that is so funny and cool.

David, you're a good actor.

Um, yeah, incredible. Um, but yeah, that was, that was the one time where it kind of made sense. But other than that, I don't think I'd be in a Marvel movie.

Wait, can I, can I read you this letter?

Yeah, from who? From the Vatican?

Triple application, serious inquiry. Hey David, I swear your podcast today felt like divine intervention. Are you ready for more?

Oh, it's a wild letter. Okay, so someone's asking me to be in a truffle.

Two girls.

Truffle.

Two girls.

Truffle, truffle, whatever you want to call it. Now this is David's break.

Okay, fucking hold on. I have to put the Vatican talk on hold, I guess.

Put the conspiracy stuff down for a second. Yeah, we've got some real stuff.

We probably landed on the moon.

Who gives a fuck? My girlfriend and I are literally talking this morning about how to go about asking a guy to join us for a threesome.

You just put this out, okay, incredible.

And then you start talking about threesomes. Wild timing. So yeah, got any tips? Is there a smooth way to bring it up, or should we just straight up ask? Help us out. Also, this doubles as a casual throuple application. Uh, both hot, both fun, both into you. Our Instagrams are blah blah blah blah blah, if you feel like creeping. Oh wow, here we go, here we go. I'm from Chicago.

Oh, this is crazy. So this is a—

I mean, open for relocation. Sorry, go.

Oh, really?

Got her phone number here.

Okay, so this is insane.

Yeah.

So this is, um, this— I feel like for the sake of creativity and content, I'm gonna have to see this one through.

Yes, I think so.

Yeah, just for the sake of the podcast, and we're doing 2 a week. Yeah, I'm gonna have to—

thank you, man. Thank you so much.

I think I'm about to fly to Chicago and— yeah, and get this threesome done for, I guess, for the team.

We will be there next week, so that could be a good—

not a threesome, David, a a full relationship.

Oh, no, no. I think, I think she says just for a threesome. Should we call her?

Yeah.

It's David from Views.

She's like, fuck, they got the email.

What?

Can you hear? Can you hear me?

Am I on right now?

Yeah. Do you not want to be?

I'm just at work right now. I have to be really quiet.

Where do you do? What do you do for a living? Is this an appropriate place to have a conversation about a throuple?

Absolutely not.

Stop.

Okay, this is actually like the worst time and spot for me to be answering this.

What do you do for a living? Unless you don't want to share.

No, I cannot share.

Okay.

All right, you want us to call you back another time?

Wait, yeah, definitely call back.

Okay, okay, okay.

What day? Uh, we can call back tomorrow.

Okay, yeah, definitely tomorrow, like later in the day.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, bye-bye.

Okay, bye-bye.

Okay, so we're gonna call back in 3 minutes in your time, in podcast time. But first off, right off the bat, she's a working woman.

Like that.

Knows her boundaries.

Sure.

That's really good.

Yes.

She can't speak. She doesn't want to ruin what she's got going on at work.

Yeah.

Sounds important. May work for the Vatican. Yeah, yeah.

I was thinking that.

Sounds secretive. Yeah, whatever she's working on is like big.

Call back, see if she's working on Chronovision.

Hey Michelle, it's me.

Do you think the moon landing was fake? Yeah, just real quick.

Obviously. Guys, it's now the next day.

We're calling.

Hey.

Hey. Okay, we're back.

Yeah, sorry about yesterday. I was literally like surrounded by a bunch of cubicles and it was like dead silent and I was like making a commotion.

Oh no, no, no, you're good. Do you work at the Vatican? Where do you work?

Yep, the Vatican.

I knew it. Okay, mysterious. So we got your email. I'm super interested in what's going on here.

I'm so curious what about my email made you want to call me because there were like two parts about it.

I'm also looking for a throuple, so I just wanted to kind of sketch out— or sketch out? Do you say sketch out?

Like plan it out?

Hold on, I have my translator here. I just wanted to see Yeah, plan it out. I wanted to see what it means to be in a throuple with you and if I can possibly do this.

I mean, I don't know. I'm so open to it. And like the last podcast, that girl was just like so casual about it and I was like flabbergasted.

Wow. Okay, so that's what kind of inspired you?

Yeah. Also, so my girlfriend and I have like always been open to the idea of like trying a threesome. And so that's Another thing I need your advice on, but then—

Yeah, for sure. I got you.

Podcast, and you were like, fuck one wife, like, I want two.

I said that? Oh my God, these things are gonna bite me in the ass in literally a couple weeks. Okay, I didn't know I said that, but that sounds like me.

I feel like you're always like, if you're single, like, hit me up. But that last podcast, you were like, actually, Never mind, I want two.

We gotta comb through these pods a little more. Okay, right on. Okay, I may have said that.

You know what? Let me just, you know, shoot my shot. And my girlfriend was like so down.

Wow, that's really sweet. Well, I really enjoyed the fact that it was an email because it wasn't just like— I guess you were sitting in your cubicle, so you probably had no other way of communicating with me. So maybe the email blast was the easiest, but I thought the email was a lot more serious and it made me think, hey, these girls, like, they really know what they want and it's— this isn't just like a DM at 4 AM. So I appreciated that. So thank you.

Of course.

Anytime. But yeah. So, okay. So you guys have never had a third person. So this would be like your first time.

Yeah. No, we've never done. Yeah, more than just us.

That's gonna be tough for me because I need somebody with experience, right, Jay? I feel like I can't be in there.

Uh, well, you know, you're all in it together for the first time. You'll have to figure it out. The three— you have— the three of you will figure it out.

I know, but I feel like I need somebody that's like already— that's already been down this road before. You know, you haven't— you have had one. Um, a throuple or a threesome? I've never been a throuple, and I came very close to a threesome once, but my mom was outside and I had to go. What does that mean? Is that it didn't work? I don't want to be— I think I got nervous is what I'm trying to say.

It's so funny how immature we are because like, this is a conversation that lots of adults have, but every time she says threesome or throuple, we're like—

Well, I do think it's really fun. Wait, where are you? Where are you?

Um, I'm in Chicago.

Oh, you're in Chicago? Oh fuck.

Yeah, I actually, um, grew up right next to Brand House.

Oh wait, where did you grow up?

Uh, like Lincolnshire, Buffalo Grove.

Oh, what the fuck? Oh, okay, this is— wait, that— Jay, that's— I play tennis in Lincolnshire.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Hey, me too!

Wait, wait, at the Lincolnshire Tennis Club?

Yes, that was literally 2 minutes from my house.

Shut the fuck up. With the clay courts outside?

Yes.

And Paul the hot dog guy?

Wait, wait, wait, wait. This is crazy. You were that close?

Was Jeff Love your coach?

No, but I know Jeff Love. Oh, wait, you were good? Wait, Jeff Love didn't— Wait, Jeff Love didn't just— Okay, you know who was my coach? This guy named Brian.

We've opened up the bucket of nostalgia.

Don't get David talking about the suburbs of Chicago.

All right, but you know the swirl cup in Liquid Fusion? Yeah. Okay, okay, good. Wow. Wait, this is crazy. You should have started with this. Yeah, I'm down for the threesome. I'll see you at Liquid Fusion. I'll see you at Liquid Fusion. Okay, well, I'll let you know. I mean, obviously for science and for the Views podcast, it may have to happen, but I don't— I genuinely like, if we're being completely serious, I'm too scared to do that kind of stuff. I've barely, you know, barely made moves here in my real life. But, but I, I like, I like talking about it because I think it builds courage for when it does come my way, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Well, okay, so how, how do you think I should approach it? Because like, you're a guy, obviously you deal with girls. For me and my girlfriend to like go up to a guy, like how do we go about threesome? Do we just like ask him, or—

Oh, I think it's—

Yeah, yeah, I think it's pretty easy.

My sister, I mean, come on.

How do we offer someone a million dollars?

You have— That is the easiest ask on Earth. Like, there is not—

And no one's going to be offended either. They're going to be like—

It's harder to ask your friend to grab you a beer from the fridge at your— in your living room than it is to ask a guy for a threesome. No one like that's— I think a guy is going to first, like, if he's never done it before, he's going to go, he's going to be— he's— I mean, he's going to be smitten. I've never even used that word, but he's going to be— he's going to be smiling ear to ear and he's going to think you're kidding and he's not going to take you seriously. But like, then when you, like, lock in, he's going to get really nervous and he's going to go, where do we go? When do we go? And how do we fucking leave here? So, no, I think it's super easy. Is there— is there a guy that you guys are talking to now?

No, no, we've literally haven't made any steps towards this. We were literally just talking about it the other day and we're like, fuck, like, we gotta, you know, start plotting.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, do you guys like go out together?

Yeah, yeah, we go out together.

I mean, it's so easy. It's like when one of you— I think you just wait till one of you guys gets hit on, which I'm sure happens every time you guys go out multiple times, and then when you guys both agree on somebody that's hit on you guys that you both like, I think you just tell the guy, hey, I'm bi and this is my girlfriend, and then it's fucking game over. Yeah. Wait, why are you— why are you telling— why? Okay. Yeah, you're— you got to— you got to realize what you have here. Yeah. The ball's— the ball's in your court and you could pass the ball to almost anybody in the entire world.

Yeah.

And they'll catch it. Yeah. Yeah. You're— you're overthinking this.

You're at the Lincolnshire Tennis Club and you're winning the game.

Jeff? He said you're at the Lincolnshire Tennis Club and you're winning the game. Okay. Yeah, yeah, no, so don't have any— yeah, don't have any worries about that. You'll be good. But thank you for emailing, and I'm sure I'll run into you in Chicago one day. I'm there for Lala, so I'll be around.

Oh wait, I'm there for Lala.

Oh fuck.

Oh no. Track him down.

Yeah, yeah, I got it. I got it. Okay. Okay, well, I'll let you guys know on the View Spot.

Well, thank you for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, of course. Thanks for emailing in.

Question?

Yes, I have one question.

Yes.

Um, now that the vlogs are back, can you please make one vlog with Carmelita?

That's really funny. We went to—

I literally cry laugh anytime Carmelita in the vlogs.

Funny.

Really? Wow, that's really interesting. We wanted to bring her to Bangkok. Jason was like, should I bring Carmelita to Bangkok?

And Dave was like, no.

I was like, I was like, I think we should let Carmelita rest. But okay, I, I'll, I'll, I'll think about that advice. That's not bad.

But all right, I did make the call though.

Maybe she'll come to Lollapalooza.

Yeah, I see you there.

Maybe she's a threesome you've been wanting.

Oh my God, that's my dream.

All right, well, I'll see you soon, probably.

Okay, sounds good.

Bye. See ya. Bye-bye. Wow, that was crazy.

That was great. She was so cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now what do I do?

Why do I feel like this threesome is actually gonna happen?

Well, the Lala connection.

Yeah, uh, the Lala connection.

The Lincolnshire Swirl Cup Liquid Fusion.

What are you talking about? Right, right. She lives in my town, for people that don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, this is around your Town. That's not. Yeah, I mean, next door.

Next.

I mean, this is. It's like Sherman Oak, Studio City. No, no, no. This is. This is in my town.

Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I like the way.

The way you said that was such a different read. I don't think I'm gonna do it because.

Anything else? Right?

Like, I don't think we need to dissect whether or not you're gonna do it or not.

No, no, no, no. I'm just saying, like, anything else for the pot? I totally would.

Yeah, Like, you've done it all.

Yeah, like, like, like, you know, yeah, just like a funny story. But I just, I do, I do just get really nervous in those situations.

Oh yeah, I don't blame you.

All right guys, well, that's all the time we have for today. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you guys Thursday for the next pod. I'm super excited and, um, it's gonna be a jam-filled pod with a lot of fun. We'll see you then. Bye.