How to Get a Billionaires Attention

What's up guys, welcome back to Views! I was thinking, so we just recorded the last one for Tuesday. Yeah, I was thinking to myself, man, do I talk a lot? So I had this idea today. You're— this is just Jason Nash's View spot.

Okay, okay.

And Natalie is your co-host. Oh great, and I'm just a guest.

You just chilling?

No, no, my God.

Thank God, because you never shut the fuck up.

Yeah. And this time, I mean, like, I'll answer when I'm spoken to.

Okay.

But I don't want to step on the host's toes.

Okay. Amazing.

So I'm going to pretend I'm Shawn Mendes and this is my first time in London.

Shawn, thank you for being here.

You can refer to me as David. Oh, but like, imagine this is my first time in the UK.

Yeah.

So I'm a little uneasy. I don't know what the show is about, so I'm just going to feel it out.

This is like some improv game. What is going on? Who are you?

I want to paint the picture.

Who are you, man?

I'm David.

Okay.

This— but the vibe is—

it's ours now.

He's gotta be getting frustrated with giving up control of the show.

Listen, you fucking moron!

This is my show!

So, so yeah, so I'm just like, I don't know what to expect. I've never seen this show.

Are you David Dobrik?

Yeah, I'm David, but my publicist told me to come on the show and shoot the shit with you guys. So, so that's why I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna wait for you guys to go.

And we're in London?

No, just fucking painting the picture. You don't have to do a British accent.

Cheerio everyone! Welcome back to 97.5 here in Westchester.

No, it's a Scottish accent. Just go regular. All right, go.

Go.

Hit me.

This feels a little bit like it's 10 o'clock at night and David's just a little tired and he doesn't want to put any energy into it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just opting out.

That's wrong. Actually, I like this idea because I've been wanting to shake it up around here.

All right, yeah. Go ahead, shake it up, shake it up.

Well, go ahead, Nat, my co-host.

My only thing is that I have 2 stories for today, but they only work if we're like friends. Are we still friends? Like, you understand me?

Yeah, guys.

Hey, don't lump me in with her.

You're reading the stories. I get it.

Are you a celebrity guest or are you like my homie from hometown?

Both.

We went our separate ways, but we are rekindling on this show. I blew up. I became a massive success, make millions of dollars.

What the fuck am I?

You're the intern because one of the real co-hosts got sick and they needed a woman voice to fill in the void.

This feels like a large edit for me already. No, no, it's good. Well, welcome back to The Views Podcast. What's up? I'm Jason and this is Natalie. Natalie.

No, no, you guys got to change your name.

No, I'm just kidding. And we are back. We're back. Thank God. You guys are so wonderful. Thank you for listening. Today on the show, we have a really, really great guy, a guy that— and you make videos? Is that what you do?

YouTube.

You do YouTube.

Okay.

You know, this reminds me of like being on like Good Morning America for the first time. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like, like at the, like the dawn of— is it the dawn? The dawn of YouTube.

This, this, this next guy's—

those lights were really good too. That felt like I was on an actual talk show.

Yeah. This next guy's in millions of homes, but he's not On TV. He's on something a little bit different. He's on the internet and he's rapping. You don't know who he is?

Ask your kids because I'm sure they know. It's David. Yeah, that is how it is. I did the news. I did the— sorry, I know this is your guys' show.

Are we over with the road?

Yeah, we're over.

It's over.

No, I did the— we were doing promo for our waivers for our chip brand.

Yeah.

And I did the Las Vegas news show, but it was on the computer.

Yeah.

Like it was a Zoom call calling into the news show and it was straight to live. Oh, which was really crazy because like, like Michael was helping us with like our house or whatever. He was like, he was talking to us and I was like, hold on, give me a second. And we were really running really late. And I popped up the laptop real quick and I did the interview on Zoom, but it was like so funny how casual it was. And then I closed the laptop and then we went back to talk to Michael. Michael was like, Were you guys just on the news? But it was really funny how, like, casual and quick technology makes it.

What did they say?

They just had like a bunch. So we were doing it for waivers. Yeah, for the chips. And they just had a bunch of chips there.

Yeah.

And there's an Itch Ticker location in Las Vegas that has like a big wall of the chips.

Yeah, but it's crazy because like you're on the news, so you know it's live and you know how quick they are, right? Like they don't waste a second.

Yeah.

So like the second he's done talking, I'm like, I'm spitting things faster than my brain can think of things. I'm just like saying words out. Into the fucking universe.

It's over before it starts.

Yeah, so quick.

Yeah. Okay, David, you're going on in 3, 2, and—

Yeah.

No, literally they were texting, they're like, where's David? Where's David?

Yeah.

And then it was actually perfect. Like, I don't know if he cut away because I told him to or if it was just perfect timing, but towards the end I was just like, you should cut to commercial break to eat the rest of the wafers. And he goes, right on. And then he cuts to the next side.

You guys were in flow state.

Yeah, we were literally, we were sharing the same brain. He was like, right on, David, the weather today in—

You and Ted McGinty out in Las Vegas.

But what were you going to say now? What happened?

Well, I went to a wedding this weekend for Jason's ex-assistant Carly and my—

Did you know that?

Did she get my gift?

Are you serious?

No.

Carly would be floored. No.

No, Hi Carly.

Now you got to send her something.

Now I got to send her something.

You just screwed yourself.

Carly's ex-assistant Natalie's— You guys send gifts?

Of course.

Yeah. Do you?

Yeah, we get, we get a bunch of— so people just send letters to the house like, hey, I'm getting married. We send everyone just $10,000.

Oh yeah, really? No, but it's weird because I got married a year and a half ago.

Now, have you seen that TikTok? Like, uh, it's not a trend, but like people on TikTok have been like, if you ever want like a free gift, yeah, send something to a billionaire. Send a wedding invite to a billionaire and their assistant will usually send you like flowers or something saying sorry they can't make it. And you have to pick billionaires that aren't in the limelight because then the billionaire will be like, where did I meet this person? I don't know. Send them flowers. Yeah, you can't send them to Bezos or Elon.

Where do you get a billionaire's address?

I don't know. LinkedIn. I don't fucking know.

LinkedIn.

You think people are just giving out their address on LinkedIn? I've never been on LinkedIn.

Isn't that where you put your— isn't that like, I don't know, the white pages?

No, that's where you say, hey, I work at David Dobrik.

That's Instagram.

When's the last time you were on LinkedIn? Never, right? Never.

Never. I don't know if it's an app or what. I know it's a website, but is it also an app? Yes.

Yes.

Also an app.

Okay. So yeah, I've never—

what do they do on there?

You connect with people that are looking for jobs. I know a lot of things. I know about Slack.

Oh, Slack.

I've heard of Slack, but I don't know what it is.

It's where people, um, but I think it's just a group chat for work.

Yeah.

Yeah. Is that like, if you don't want to give your number to your coworkers, you Slack?

It's like using like AOL Instant Messenger. So it's like all org, like all your work stuff is It's not on your cell phone. It's in your Slack app.

Are you allowed to flirt with your coworkers on there?

Yeah, but it's in the Slack. You can't be slacking off in the Slack.

Wait, is that actually the thing?

No, I just made that up.

Wait, have you guys ever had—

Slack calls you? That was genius.

That was amazing.

Have you ever had someone come in here and like want a job here? You interviewed somebody and Natalie like dictated that she was too hot.

Too hot?

Like David wouldn't be able to control himself.

Too hot? No. I mean, most people that are way too hot—

Pretty ugly, the ones coming through here.

Do not want to work here. Excuse me.

They're probably sorry.

Brooke and Taylor.

That's literally, that's so rude.

Okay. Sorry.

We have two people that work here. That is fucking insane.

Who are both beautiful, by the way. And I can't believe Natalie's carrying that.

That's not what I meant.

And John Castro. He's no looker.

Oh my God. Damn.

That's crazy. Okay. Well, we obviously have to call Brooke and Taylor, the ugly bitches that we hired.

It's obviously not fucking true.

Okay.

I know they're great.

She's trying to make a joke.

You know what, I'm married now.

It just came off extremely rude.

Okay, well, first of all, I wasn't even making a joke. I was being—

It's not— it's just desensitive. What's the word?

Desensitive?

Insensitive.

Yeah, insensitive.

It's just disgusting.

Okay.

I just expected more.

Whatever. Can we go back to the wedding?

Yeah, yeah, I want to hear about it. I love weddings.

Me too.

I never get invited, but I love them.

Yeah, and it was funny because it was basically like a high school reunion. And her parents are still very much involved in the community in Vernon Hills.

Yeah.

And so I saw like all of like my hometown, not the David group, but like my friends that I actually—

the cool people.

There we go. It's the popular kids.

Um, but it was really funny.

Had a wedding. Once again, David wasn't invited.

Um, but it's funny, one of our friends, uh, Mike, you read his— I think you read his message on the podcast where he was like, Mariella, Mike Mariel. Yeah.

This is his third podcast shout out. Every episode.

I even know Mike Mariel at this point.

What's up, Mike? Welcome back to The View.

It was so funny. He was like, he asked me about how the podcast was going and I was like, oh, it's great. And I was like, oh, we just talked about you on the last pod. And he was like, what? He didn't know because he hadn't listened to the new episode. And I was like, yeah, David read your text message. And he was like, what? He read my text message? I don't even think he texted me back.

Oh shit.

I'm going to text him back right fucking now.

Because I got it while we were on air.

Yeah, that's low, bro.

It was really—

he used him for content and you didn't respond? That is fucking bad form, brother.

It was really funny.

Really bad.

Let me call him back.

Get him on the horn. Why don't we make him a co-host?

Oh, it's 12:30 there. That is kind of fucked up. Let me see if I responded. No, I didn't. Oh, we were podcasting at the exact moment it came through.

Yeah.

Okay, sorry, Mike. Um, but what else happened?

Well, anyways, so then we were at the wedding and—

was it fun? Did I miss out?

It was incredible.

Why were you not invited?

It was a small— I don't know. I'm just going to make up an excuse. It was a small wedding.

Yeah, it looked pretty big.

Natalie Hall. No, no, it was actually genuinely just a small wedding.

How many people?

Like 100 people.

That's small.

Yeah. But it was on the—

It's about 100 small.

No, that's small.

How's the food?

The food was great. I don't know if that even had to be. Oh my God.

To be honest.

You just wanted to come to dance?

How does this dance? I revert to high school days. Are you sure you can't bring me along to this one?

That was our conversations every weekend.

It's like, are you sure I'm not coming?

Yes, David, they told me that.

And I can't bring Alex, John, and Mike?

No, no.

Okay, for sure. All right, but FaceTime me if it's really good, maybe I'll show up.

Okay, okay. Maybe you can pick me up later.

Yeah, I'll pick you up.

Did you have any, um, do you have any like guys?

So that's what I was gonna get at. So, so there was this guy that came up to me at the beginning of the wedding. He like walked past me and was like— it was obvious that he was like trying to, you know, get my attention. Yeah, walked past me and then circled back and then came up to him, was like, you're so beautiful, I just had to say thing, blah, blah, blah.

You know, at the wedding, at the wedding, like very beginning of the wedding. Did you get some?

No, no, no, no.

At the beginning is a bold move.

Yeah, like this was like, okay, whatever. And so he comes up to me and all my friends are like, are watching this conversation unfold, like what is this guy saying? And the wedding photographer walks by at that same time and is like, photo of you two, whatever. Snaps a photo of the both of us, which was really funny timing. And then he keeps coming up to me and like talking to me, dancing with whatever throughout the night, and he asks me my age, and I was like, I'm 28. And he was like, okay, cool, I'm 25. And I was like, okay, you're a little young. He's like, if you're into younger guys, like, I'm 25 or something, made a joke about it. And then at the very end of the night, because I was busy dancing with my friends, whatever, at the very end of the night, he comes up and he was like, okay, I gotta be real with you, I'm just a really big fan, I'm only 21. And I was like, this little fucker. And his dad had come up to me during the wedding too.

Why is that a big deal? He lied to you? He doesn't think you're pretty?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He just—

he knows who she is.

He was just lying the whole time. Like, everything that he was saying was a lie.

He's a fan.

Oh, it was more than just the age. It was like, there was like multiple conversations we had throughout the night where he just lied about everything.

Oh, he was asking questions. Did you say that and I completely spaced out?

Yeah, he came up to me multiple times, like had multiple conversations.

He was like asking you random things that like weren't— that he should have already known.

Yeah, like he definitely fully already knew the answer to every question. Yeah, yeah. Uh, he asked me like, where am I from? What do I do?

Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny. Yeah, yeah, at least he admit it.

Yeah, yeah, which was funny, but it was funny because like, I don't know, was he, was he good looking? Yeah, he was cute. He was the groom's cousin, I think.

But so if you got to see him again, are you gonna have sex with this man?

No, obviously not.

Why are you shaking your head yes?

Yeah, I'm like, maybe I'll think again about it.

Wow, this is incredible.

Um, yeah, but it was funny because it was, it started out as like a, oh, like everybody, you know, comes to a wedding and Everybody's like in the lovey romantic mood, I feel like.

And then weddings are so interesting, aren't they? It's like such a fucking—

Weddings are so weird to me.

It's so weird. It's not like in a bad way. I just can't put my finger on it. It is a very, very distinct feeling you have at a wedding. No, it's not like anything else. And it's not even that love is in the air. It's like, it's like everyone's kind of like on their best behavior, and everyone— I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. It's so interesting.

Yeah, I don't know either. Um, but that was the worst segment of the podcast I've ever heard.

That's really funny.

The thing about weddings is like, I can't put my finger on it. That's really— you were like looking to for Natalie for help and she just went, I don't get it either. Oh fuck, that was no help either.

This is like why I'm so happy we don't have this video because that would get clipped and then the top comment would be they need to make podcast equipment more expensive.

Well, wait, let's tackle it. What is it about a wedding?

Well, I just— I don't even think—

It's the banquet hall, I think. Yeah, I think it's the banquet hall and I think it's the circular tables and I think it's the grouping people.

That's tough. That's right. If you get a bad table, you're fucked.

Yeah. And it's like— and you have no— you have and you've given up your control for that day. For that day, like—

Yep, it's not about you.

It's not about you, and you can't sit where you want, and you have to follow all the guidelines of that day, no matter what your class is, how much money you make, like—

Can't talk during the ceremony.

Yeah, I don't know. I think that's what, like, why it's everybody's, everybody's like same playing ground, and the kings and the queens are the bride and the groom.

Yeah, it's nice.

And then the old kings and the queens are like the parents. Of the bride and groom, and you have to like bow down. It's a royal family, but it's very strange. I've— I don't think I've ever felt anything like that.

I like it a lot more going with a, a wife.

Oh, it's gonna be so fun.

I didn't like going single, but like, even go—

had you ever like crash a wedding, or is that not a thing? That's just like a movie.

I never did.

But do you have friends that do that, or no?

No, Dave, that's a movie with Vince Vaughn, Rowan Wilson.

I know. Okay, for sure.

People don't do that.

What are you talking about?

I had an idea.

Okay.

We should go around the room.

Oh God, okay.

And who has— we should guess who has the biggest cock dick.

Nice.

Nah, I'm kidding. That wasn't it, but I wanted to see if you guys were perverts. I actually just wanted to pitch a vlog idea that I had that I'm really excited about. Oh, great. Go. I don't know if it's possible to get done, so I'm gonna put it out into the ether, and if it happens, it happens. If someone steals it, whatever. Sure. Who cares? Okay, actually, please don't steal this one because I want to see this one through. It's super stupid, super simple. Okay, not creative, just fun. I've always thought like, you know, when you're sitting on an airplane, like a commercial jet, and you're like, damn, if like everybody was me, we get off this plane in like record time. Like if everybody— if I could just control everybody's body. Yeah, we fly off this bitch.

Yeah.

So I would just love to like rent out a 747 at a terminal and have everyone on board with the fact that we're trying to break a record and seeing how fast we can get off the plane. I think that'd be really cool. And you like ask ChatGPT what the average time is and you see how much you can crush it by. I just think it'd be— I think it'd be so fun. Everyone's in their seats.

It's really funny.

And the pilot makes an announcement and then everyone's grabbing their bags and running out. I just don't know how to do it because like you need it. Like you could do that because you need a public plane.

Yeah.

No, you can get a private plane at a— you can get a 747 at a private airport.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Did you watch the rehearsal? With Nathan Fielder? No, it's all about— his is all about airplanes and stuff. Oh, so he got the entire season. Yeah. So his whole thing is he was going to fly a 747.

That sucks. Is like extras you'd have to pay. It's probably like a $20,000 bit just in extras.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, it's really expensive.

I'd be curious even just boarding a plane, you know, like I always think, you know, you always think like, like that's what takes the longest.

I watched videos on that and there actually really isn't a method.

Back to front is not faster.

Back to front. I don't remember actually the answer. I have no intel, even though I just like flex that I watch this video. Do you ever do that? Do you ever like say like, I watched them, I watched a movie on that, but I have no idea what it was about because that just happened. I mean, I watched a 15-minute video on the best way to board an airplane where this guy walks you through it. I remember jack shit. I also like have seen so many movies.

Yeah.

And John and I'll be like, is it good? And I'll be like, yeah, it's all right. And I'm making, I'm making complete shit up. Like I saw the movie 8 years ago. I don't fucking remember.

Yeah.

Like I don't remember. Like I don't remember what had happened. Like if you showed me the movie Eagle Eye right now with, um, Mark Wahlberg— no, Eagle Eye, fuck, I don't even know the actor.

Tom Cruise?

Shia LaBeouf. Oh, oh, right. You know that movie Eagle Eye?

That's kind of niche.

Okay, Transformers. Sure, right, the first one. I fucking love it. It's so good. Maybe seen it 9 times. I have no fucking clue what happens in that movie. No fucking—

well, those kind of movies, yeah, they're a little—

my memory is so bad. All I know is that I like it. I don't know when Megatron shows up. I don't know when Optimus shows up. I don't know, like, I don't know what scene comes next. But the amount of times I've seen it and the amount of times— like, it's a— even this is gonna sound fucked up, Jay. Yeah, I'm embarrassed to say this. I don't know what happens in Iron Man.

Oh yeah, I genuinely don't.

I just watched the third one and I was like, nice. I watched it, and I think this goes back to, you know how I always go back to I made these three wishes on these stars?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, like one of my side wishes— this wasn't made on any of the stars, so this wasn't like a pillar in my wish list. But like every kid, I always wished I could— because I was such a big movie guy growing up and I always wished— I was like, I just wish I could forget all these great movies I've seen.

And so you could see them again for the first time. Yeah.

So I could see— I don't know if it's with my age or what's happening, but I'm fully there where I can just— I can watch a movie. And 6 months later have no fucking clue what happened.

Oh, bro, welcome to being old.

Really?

That's exactly what I do. I watch Curb Your Enthusiasm over and over again, and I'm surprised that I don't remember some of the scenes.

It's so weird. I don't know what's going on.

I mean, The Departed is my favorite movie, and I don't necessarily remember it all.

About Time is my favorite movie, and I don't— I know what happens. Like, I know the plot, I know blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know it scene by scene yet, even though I've seen it maybe 20 times. And that's like That feels like really weird to me. I literally feel like a fucking dog, like, why would you—

why would you remember every scene?

I don't know, remember, because I've seen it so much and it's my favorite. Like, I feel like a cat chasing a laser. Like, like, I should know the outcome and I can't catch the laser, it's a light. But like, I'm just like, I'm fucking— here I am watching it again. I know I like it, I know I like doing this, but like, why? I don't know. That's what I'm dealing with.

We should have someone look that up.

That's kind of what I'm going through, but I think it's fine. Then that brings me to like when I don't I don't remember people's names when I meet them. I fucking hate that. I hate— I know people give you a hard time for that.

Sometimes I'm really good at that and sometimes I'm really bad.

Really?

Yeah. Like, sometimes I have people that I've really hurt their feelings because I go, nice to meet you. And they're like, you've met me 5 times. But I am pretty good at it.

But also, can we like chalk that up as like a disorder? Like, that's like, don't make me feel bad. Right. I have—

It's not a disorder.

It's a skill. Short-term memory.

No, it's a skill. You have to work at it. When you meet somebody named Natalie, you got to be like, Natalie. That's easy. Nerdy Natalie. Or you put some word with it. Or Jason, big fat Jason.

I'm pretty good at that stuff. I don't really like—

Yeah, Natalie, you are really good at that.

Yeah. I remember everybody's face, at least their face. I can recognize if we're in a group somewhere, I'll be like, oh, we know that person. Even if I don't remember their name.

It's really fun to be at a public event. Someone comes up to us. And like Natalie will immediately know that I have no idea who the person is. That's my favorite part. And then sometimes I'll be like, oh, she thinks I don't know this person. And then I'll like really dumb it down. I'll be like, I have no fucking idea who that is, even though I kind of know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's even more fun than not knowing. Do you let them hang? Pissing Natalie off.

Do you let them hang?

No, no, no, no. I help. I'll try to like say their name. I'll be like, hi, Barbara, you know, just to make sure it's like it's out there.

David still doesn't get it.

Barbara.

Who the fuck is Barbara?

What is her name now?

I don't know, that's tough. But yeah, it is.

It's okay.

We had a— we had a sound guy this weekend and I called him, um, Nick all day and I felt so bad. And it was his birthday and it was awful.

Oh, we did that to one of our friends' like significant others. Yeah, do you remember this? I don't want to say who it was, but one of our friends had a significant other.

I remember this.

And we called her all day like a different name and then we got home and we like checked the flight log and we were like I was like, what? This person wasn't on the flight with us.

Oh my God, I remember getting like several texts from all of you guys like, what the fuck is this girl's name?

And we were like, all day we were like calling her Amy, and it was like her name was like Sandra. Like, it was completely different.

I think I fucked that up. Yeah, because I— but you know how— because I didn't know her name, so I went to our itinerary and I grabbed her name off the itinerary, but that's not the name she goes by. That's just her legal name.

Yeah, yeah, that's what happened, which is fine.

Yeah, maybe something like that. I'm not sure. But yeah, you kind of can get away with it, which is nice. But she didn't correct any of us, which was kind of like the most frustrating part about all of it.

You can get away with it when you're older. You can get away with all kinds of stuff.

I'm going to Washington, D.C. tomorrow.

Hell yeah. For what?

Just for fun.

Oh man. Going to go walk around the Capitol?

Yeah.

I've always just wanted to.

Renew your passport?

No. Why are we going?

Costco headquarters is there. We have a meeting with Costco for Wavers, and the Wavers plant is out there too.

That's fun.

Yeah, it's actually, I think, going to be really fun.

I really hope people try the chips.

Okay. You walk into Costco, you're in the meeting tomorrow. Let's prep you for it. What are you going to be like? What are you going to— what kind of Dave character are you going to choose? You going to be fun Dave? You're going to be serious Dave?

Well, we got a nice big Sprinter van so that sleepy Dave can nap on the way to the meeting. So he's the best version of Dave.

That's not why you got it.

Yes, it is.

Also, I'm not good— if you really genuinely— that's definitely a you move. That's like, you got that for yourself.

Okay, great. I will take the couch.

Well, I'll sleep on it.

See, that's the problem. That's because I know that's what you're trying to go for.

What?

But like, if you knew, like, I'd like just driving like an hour and a half, it's like the perfect drive. Like, I don't want to be like, I'm gonna wake up in a nap and then we're in the Costco parking lot, we have to meet these execs. I'm gonna throw a fit. I'm gonna be like, put me back in that couch.

What are those? What are those meetings like?

Think about Yeah.

Wait, why? It's not like we're driving far. We're driving an hour and a half. That's perfect time for me to fall asleep.

Oh my God.

Well, we're driving a little further.

I'm so glad I'm not going.

Have you been lying to me?

Of course.

How far away is it? You motherfucker.

I lie to you about everything, brother.

How far away is it, you motherfucker?

We're getting on that flight tomorrow whether you like it or not.

You guys offer the worst. You guys were trying to get me to go to this, and I'm so glad I'm not fucking going.

All expenses paid.

Yes.

What are you talking about?

All expenses paid.

Free trip to DC.

All expenses.

And a 2-hour drive in the fucking Sprinter van.

I know. And now he said it's only 20 minutes.

And that's the stuff that you guys leave out for sure. You know, you'd be like, come on, Jay, free trip. But I'm like, dude, Zane had a good point the other day.

I didn't know Zane was like this, but it was pretty awesome. Zane was like, we're looking at going to Oktoberfest. And Zane was just like, it's all the hotels are really expensive, right? Like, I don't know what it— I mean, Oktoberfest is Oktoberfest, but like the Mandarin is probably like, what, $2,800 a night?

Yeah.

For like a 300, 400 square foot room. Like, it's insanity. Wow. I don't think I've ever yawned on the podcast.

No, it's a first.

That was kind of crazy.

It was a good yawn. That was like a fucking nice yawn. You're going to sleep good tonight. Yeah, that was sick.

Yeah, guys, someone keep track. Have this be day 1 and see how many days it's going to go until my next yawn. I'm not going to try to do it. And if we keep this podcast up for like 4 or 5 years, Episodes or days? Episodes.

Okay. Okay.

Or days. Days. Days.

Okay. Days.

Okay. Like, I just want to see— I want to see like an Instagram DM in like 4 years saying, you just yawned.

My favorite thing is when you eat an apple.

I've only done that once.

Twice.

Okay. Anyway, the point Zane made was that he was just like, we shouldn't— we should get like the crappiest place because it's just a lot more fun. Yeah, that's kind of—

that's fun.

Like, the point isn't to be in a nice hotel and staying in the room, you know?

Like, no, like the best time we had in South Africa Yeah, was— we were in tents. Yeah, like that was the best.

The tents weren't even that bad, to be honest.

No, no, they weren't that bad.

But, um, you guys, you're in a hostel.

That's what Zane said. He's like, we should stay in a hostel. And I was like, well, that's a little extreme. Like, I don't know about that.

I've always wanted to stay in a hostel. I'd love that. That's, that's like a, that's like a different thing.

I've done that. I've done an entire trip in hostels. I did an entire 2-week trip on the East Coast when I was 10 with my mom, just us, and we stayed in hostels every single place we went.

If I went to stay at a hostel and there was 9 bunk beds beds, and I look across and one's Natalie's mom.

Me and my mom in the bunk bed.

Yeah, I'm taking the bed curtains, I'm tying them around my neck, and I'm jumping off the top bunk. That's the end of my house.

That would be really funny.

No, genuinely, I don't think I could do it. Yeah, I don't care if it's pouring rain outside, I'm sleeping on the fucking curb.

I mean, like, I—

when we do— imagine Jenna probably wasn't talking a lot.

100%, she's talking in the hospital.

No, she's talking to everybody. Natalie's mom, friends, every hospital—

oh my God, she's probably like, you guys should wake up early to catch the sunrise.

Oh my gosh, pick up the rocks over there. 100%. There was— we stayed at this one hostel in Cape Cod.

Yeah.

And there was this very cute man that worked the front desk of the hostel, and my mom made friends with him. He took us in his car, he drove us to the beach, he took us out for a whole day. Yeah. Like, and then there was another hostel we stayed at.

There's nothing more talkative than horny Jen. It's like another level.

Oh my God.

You know, like how Marvel's, like, superheroes, like, you'll have Thanos Thanos, and then you'll have battle-hardened Thanos. That means he won the Endgame War, so that means he's got like more plates on him, he's got more armor on him, and he's stronger than ever. That's what Jen is when she's horny. She's like super ultimate dark sorcerer Jen when she's horny. You know, that's when your ears will start to bleed.

Oh my God, you know what's really funny? You really hold your tongue. You don't talk shit about anybody.

I know, it's so weird.

It comes to Natalie's mother, the woman that birthed Natalie, you fucking You just unleash— it's almost like she's not a real person.

I know, no, it literally feels like she's a Brit or something.

She's a real woman with feelings and she doesn't listen.

She doesn't listen to this.

She doesn't listen. Thank God.

If she listened, we cut the wires to her radio. We took out all communication satellites in her RV. She has no way.

Oh my God.

No, no, no, no. If she was actually listening to this shit, I would hold back.

I love No, she doesn't watch or listen to anything that we do, to be honest, to be totally frank.

This is like an alien language, Sarah. You think she's going to put this on? She puts on like sounds of waterfalls and hummingbirds. That's awesome.

We can say whatever we want.

That's why she's a fucking bitch. That's why she's my target.

This is great. If she was dead, you couldn't do it.

No, that'd be fucked up.

But she's alive and well in an RV park.

She's also like, yeah, she's also a despot. Jesus fucking Christ. She's also down to clown.

I mean, well, she dishes it back.

Back.

Yeah, yeah, but it is funny how you really hyperfixate on my mother.

We were in Chicago the other day with Jen— not the other day, this is like, what, a couple months ago? Remember when we were like walking around? It was like a Wednesday, we were going to bars. Oh yeah, and we convinced her that Natalie and I had sex. Oh my God, wait, what did we say?

We were like, yeah, Jen, I called her and I was like, Mom, I have to tell you something.

Wait, no, no, I was in person. Or did you call her too?

No, no.

Oh wait, Yeah, no, and we were just walking around the streets and it's like, I had sex with your daughter, I just want to let you know. And she was like, she was like, don't be fucking stupid. No way. And Natalie, did you really guys have— did you guys have sex?

What'd you say?

She was mortified. Well, yeah, I played along.

You played along?

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I was like, Mom, just don't make it weird.

Like, yeah.

And then we were at a bar. Yeah, we were at a bar and I was ordering drinks and behind me I just hear Jen go to Natalie, do you guys really have sex?

And that's She's like, yeah, it's so funny because that is literally her nightmare.

Yeah, well, so funny.

Yeah, well, that's— that is— I love, I love Jen though. So Jen, if you're listening to this, if this—

she knows that she thinks that you're like—

no, I do really like her. Jen, if somewhere this has been translated to the Morse code that you're, you're using, you're channeling in the RV, or it's accidentally connected to a Walmart walkie-talkie you just so happen to be walking by, is that Natalie's voice? No, no, no. Shout out to her. I mean, I don't know. I do see more and more qualities in Natalie from her mother.

Oh, that's the best. Oh, yeah? When David recognizes that I do something that has a tinge of my mother, he's like, "You're acting like your mother right now." Does that piss you off? Of course.

Like what?

Give me an example.

Natalie hates Jen too. Don't ever compare me to her.

I don't even know. It just happens in the moment. And David does things that are very much his father.

Like what?

Wait, what does that even mean? Like what? Like I don't even wear fedoras.

You don't have to wear fedoras.

I don't go on long bike rides.

I don't do long bike rides. I don't wear sandals.

He has some like antics where like—

That's weird, I don't wear sandals.

Yeah, you're weird about your feet.

I've never seen you wear sandals.

He never has his feet out.

Are your feet good looking?

Yeah.

Let me see.

No, they're fucking not.

Mine are better.

Yes, they are. They're like really good.

Oh yeah, you're doing good.

It is pretty good, yeah.

No, like straight up like—

Damn, Dave, you make some money.

The fuck is that? Oh, it's a little claw.

Dave, I dare you to go on Feet Finder.

I feel like these are like the most regular— You looked up feet?

They are like very just like prehistoric, basic. This is what the first image looks like.

If you were at a school project and you had to look up feet on Google Images, you'd find mine and then you'd be like, no, these look too fake because they're so perfect.

Oh my God.

You'd be like, I need like a toe with like a flaw, like a nail out of place or something.

Goddamn, I'm jealous of your feet. I know. Now, guys, I have really good tea too, bro.

Don't have— put those fucking dirty pythons away, Natalie.

Oh my God, they look weird in the light.

Did you ash your cigarettes in between your toenails?

What's going on? My cigarettes? Let's turn that right back at you, brother.

I've given up smoking, thank you so much.

That's a fucking lie.

No, I haven't. I picked it up, actually. I'm going harder than ever.

What, you smoking?

Yeah, I don't believe in, um, cigarettes.

I want to smoke so bad.

They definitely do.

Really?

100%.

I don't know. I, I, yeah, George Burns lived to 100 and he's—

I think, I think the wrong person smoking is fucking fucked. And I think George Burns, whoever that is, would have lived to 100 no matter what. Yeah, I think there's different people for different things. I don't know.

No, but I know a good, a good cigarette. But then don't you feel kind of shitty after?

Yeah, I feel horrible. I don't like, I don't like, I don't like smoking because I like the high. I like just doing it with my hand, and I like the moment where you go, hey, you want to go for a smoke? Yes, that is the most undefeatable moment of all time. Like leaving a bar, stepping outside of the smoking section, just like to be able to walk out and like have an activity to do.

When I used to work for Norm MacDonald, who was like my hero, he would be like, hey, you want to go get a smoke? And that was like everything to me.

Really?

He'd be like, he'd ask me to go smoke and I'd be like, oh my God, yes!

How often would that happen?

A lot, a lot, because I work for him.

But like every day?

Not every day.

Wait, you look really like Norm Macdonald.

I know, I know, it's a weird thing. I have a lot of things that I like. Like, yes, you—

but how did you— wait, wait, wait, because now I know more about him and I feel like I've heard more about him now other than just from you.

So like, if you, if you talk to like Shane Gillis, he'd probably say Norm Macdonald was his favorite too, or like a lot of comedians.

So it's not just, it's not just because you worked for him?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's like lauded as like like—

I'm so sorry, is he still with us?

He's dead. He's dead. Yeah, he had— he got cancer a couple years ago.

And David, check this out, as we're talking about smoking, what kind of cancer was it, Jay?

Oh, he smoked like a fiend.

Why didn't you start with that? This guy died of lung cancer. Oh yeah, what you went with is, my favorite memory from Norm is going to smoke with him.

I used to buy him the cigarettes.

Your favorite memory is—

I killed him.

You killed him. I killed him.

He used to fucking make me go down down to a very rare tobacco shop in Manhattan that only sold Canadian cigarettes, and I would have to go all the way down. And that was like my job for the day, was talking too much.

You're gonna be part of an investigation. I know they're gonna track this.

I fucking killed him.

Wait, that's kind of crazy.

I mean, you know, I had a hand in it, I guess.

Yeah, that should be the title: Jason Kills Norm Macdonald.

How long ago did he die? Are we allowed to—

Oh, he's a couple years ago. No, he think this was funny. I think—

I don't think he'd think this is funny. Not that he'd be offended, but I think he's seen some funny stuff where he'd be like, who, my old assistant's talking shit about me?

I told you the cocaine on the cock story, right?

What did you do?

Like, when I was working for him, I hooked up with this girl, and I came in the next day, and I was like— and I was like a young kid— and I was like, Norm, I was like, this girl, she put cocaine on my cock last night. And he was like, really? And I was like, don't tell anyone. But this girl put cocaine on my cock. He's like, yeah, yeah, I won't tell anyone. And then I was like, oh yeah, yeah. And then like 2 minutes later, the UPS guy walked in and he was like, hey Darryl, you know Jason the intern? This guy likes to put cocaine on his cock. And then that's any person he would see, he would just tell people that. Just humiliate me. Yeah, that's really sad. He was so fucking funny, David.

Wait, how many years did you work for him?

Oh, just a year. Oh, he was so—

Damn, you talk about it like you had like a David and Natalie sort of situation going on.

Well, David's not Norm Macdonald.

I guess. Okay, I guess that was a big deal though.

Well, it's just like to some people he's a big— a really, really big deal. That's why Judd Apatow's making a documentary about him.

Wait, sorry, what did I just say? Did I just say something? Oh no, no, I mean like it's a big deal in Jason's life is what I meant to say.

Well, he was— he was somebody that really taught me a a lot.

How old were you?

I was like 21.

And why did you stop working for him?

Because I got a job writing. So I could stay at SNL and keep working for him, or I could be paid as like a creative at MTV. So I was like, oh, and it was, it was way more money, so I left.

You regret that?

Mm, no, because it was hard to go from assistant to writer at SNL. Like, once they saw you as an assistant, it was kind of hard.

You can't work your way up the ranks?

You can. A couple people did it, but it was kind of like—

How long were you at SNL for? Just a year?

Two years.

So you were with Norm for one, and what was the other one?

The other one?

Odder one. Did you work for a bunch of fuckers?

The other one—

Did you work in a pool?

The other one, I worked for, um—

You're building a dam?

A woman. A woman who did something else.

Oh, okay, so it wasn't all comedians.

No, like she did the research. So they would be like, hey, we're gonna make a sketch about— we're gonna make a sketch about cowboys. Go to the bookstore and find— this is before the internet. It's like, Jason, go down to Barnes Noble and find all these books about cowboys. So I'd go down and spend like $150. Yeah, it was crazy. And I'd buy $150 in cowboy books and bring them back, and the writers would be like, okay, okay, okay. They spent so much money. They spent so much fucking money on research, on research, on food. Like, it's such a big budget.

This is like a big deal. SNL before the internet. Yeah, I don't know why I can't like—

I don't know, I've never spoke. Al Paul was there.

Who else was there? I mean, I feel like a lot.

What do you mean? Oh, they were all there. Yeah, yeah, Chris Martin. Oh man, Coldplay was like first starting. They'd be like, we're having this band Coldplay. You'd be like, oh cool.

Wait, that's crazy.

And we watched them.

You're like, whoa. Were you ever in any of the rooms or no?

Um, I was in all the rooms.

What do you mean?

Oh, dressing rooms?

Like you're like in the writer's room?

Yeah, yeah, I'd sit there and watch them write. That's— and then on Tuesday nights they'd stay up all night and I'd stay there with them till like 4 in the morning. And then they'd be like, "Hey, so-and-so wants a prime rib sandwich. Can you run out and get it?" And I'd be like, "Yeah, okay." But you were so excited just to, like, be around it because you were— I was like 21 and I was like, "What the fuck?" Was it like all magic?

Like, were they crushing it? Because at this time SNL must have been at the peak.

It was the year that Adam McKay came in.

I don't know what that means.

Adam McKay did like Anchorman. He did like Succession.

Oh, so was it like the peak of SNL?

It was like a new guard. So it was like Will Ferrell came in. Norm left. Wait, what happened? Yeah, no, Will Ferrell came in the second year. You killed Norm. I killed Norm. And then, um, and, and then when Will Ferrell came in, he kind of took over because Farley had just left.

Wow. So this is— so Will Ferrell starting out.

The first year I was there was the last year of Sandler and Farley and Spade. No, Spade was there. Spade stayed. So I got to meet Farley, I got to meet Sandler, and then the next year those guys left, and then it was Will Ferrell, Cheri Oteri, Tracy Morgan, in. So it's like a whole new cast. And then, uh, and then it was cool.

Was it like— what was it? What was the process like?

I don't know, the process of what, my job?

I was like, no, like making a show. Like, is it like, um, well, you said Tuesday nights they'd stay out till 4 AM making—

yes, I think like Monday they come in, the host comes in, they have a little meeting. The host, they'll be like, this is the host. And then, and then they'll go around the room and they'll pitch like little— I'm thinking about doing a sketch about this. And the host will be like, okay, okay. And then Tuesday, they, like, write all day, and then they stay up all night. And then Wednesday at 10:00 AM, I would come in, photocopy all the scripts, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you set them out on the table, and they sit around this big round table, all the cast, and then Lorne and the host sit at the top. So let's say the host is, I don't know, fucking Alec Baldwin, right? So Alec Baldwin sits with them, they read through 30, 40 sketches, and then Lorne retreats to his office with the host. And they put it up on the board, like almost like a high school play. Like, this made it, this made it, this made it.

So they decide in private what they like?

Yeah, so they'll do like maybe, I don't know, 12 or 15 sketches go. They make sets and everything, and then they do a dress rehearsal on Saturday night, and then they cut a few more things.

Damn.

So a lot of stuff gets cut.

Were you ever there for like an iconic bit? Like, were you ever in the writers' room for something that like everybody knows?

Mm, no. I mean, like the cheerleaders, I guess.

I don't know if that's everyone knows that. Did you ever pitch a joke that got into—

I got 3 update jokes.

On 3 updates, and I only remember one of them. What was it? It was Weekend Update.

Yeah, when Norm did it. Oh, sick. And he was the best at it. And that was when the O.J. trial was going on, so his, his whole update was about O.J. Okay. And that's why he eventually got fired, because the guy who ran NBC was friends with O.J., and so he was just like, you're done. And they, they fired him.

They fired Norm?

They fired Norm.

Yeah. Why would they not talk to, like, Lorne Michaels, like, specifically? Yeah, um, because That's on the actor?

Yeah, there's like, there's Lorne who runs the show, and then there's the network. That's like the boss. So this guy Don Ohlmeyer was the head of the—

So what was the joke that—

The joke that I got on? Yeah. It wasn't a great joke, but it was Rosa Moda won the Boston Marathon, and she had like a picture of like armpit hair. Yeah. And then I think the joke was something like everybody was throwing up or something about her throwing up, whatever. But it got on. Like, we could go back and look at it. Wow. Yeah, and I don't know, it was good. I wish I was better at it.

That's a fucked up joke, Jason.

Can't believe he killed Norm MacDonald. That's crazy.

Wow, I didn't know we were in the presence of—

Yeah, but he was the best. —a comedic genius. I want to take a minute to talk to Norm, if that's okay with you guys. Yeah, go for it. Hey Norm, are you there? It's J-Dawg.

Yes, I'm there. That actually— Natalie was actually really close to his voice.

Voice right now? What I just did? Yeah. I've never even heard Norm Macdonald speak.

Dude, say that again. Yes, I'm here. Do you hear a little— I'm not even— I'm being deadass.

Are you fucking with her? No, I'm not fucking with her. Do you hear a little bit of Norm?

Do it again.

Yes, I'm here. Not that time. The first two times I heard it. All right, guys, well, thank you, Jay, for joining us. Actually, thank you, me, for joining.

Yeah, thank you for joining us.

All the way from Los Angeles, I flew in for the UK show. Yeah, thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you for having me, Jason, Natalie. Um, I hope I can come back and do the show with you guys another time. We'll see.

We'll run it by our people and we'll talk to you.

Good luck with waivers tomorrow.

Thank you so much, guys. Go buy waivers at your local store. Which one? Just figure it out. Where is it at? It's a hunt. You gotta earn the waivers. That's the thing. I'm not gonna tell you. I can't just plug the stores. It's at Sugar, but like— and Go Buff. And Go Buff. But like, go find it. Go find it. All right.

All right.

Bye.