Diplo And Dillon Francis Got Robbed At Subway

Guys, we're here today with Diplo and Dillon Francis. Everybody applaud.

This is big.

Two ginormous DJs.

Okay, first of all, Jay, you just asked, why do we call you Diplo or Wes?

You can call me Wes.

Wes, it's such a thing in LA. Did you see that TikTok? It's like how girls in LA are, like when someone brings up this dude. This has happened to me personally. Someone will bring Diplo up and they'll be like, "Ah, there's a party at Diplo's," and then someone will go, "Who? Oh, you mean Wes?" And they'll just fucking have to prove, like there's always one person here that needs to prove that.

Those girls are liars, but you know, the thing that's funny is when I do a show, people that only read my Wikipedia page, 'cause my first name is actually Thomas, they're like, "Thomas, Thomas!" They run out to my car or something after the show, they're like, "Thomas!" I'm like, "What? Is my mom here or something?

I don't know who that, who's Thomas?" So people will try to prove to you that they know you.

Yeah, that they really know me.

Like they know my first name, but I'm like, "Nope, who is that?" We always talk about this we always talk about Diplo in some way, and you always say, he has no idea who you are. And I always think that too. I'm like, I feel like Diplo doesn't know who I am.

No, you were— well, you came— I met you backstage one day, and you were like, I thought you were just Dylan's friend with a camera.

Well, I am Dylan's friend.

Yeah, so that's all I knew. And then I never really met you properly until— I think we just met tonight, actually.

I'm pretty sure that this is the first time you actually have kind of ever like talked to me.

No, I was doing like an interview like at the AMAs, like on the red carpet. And he came up behind me and like to say hello. And Natalie, I think, or somebody was with me and she was like, you know, Diplo? And I was like, I don't think I do. And I honestly don't think he knows me either. And then I told you about that.

And I think, I think he's just like, oh yeah, I remember that guy's hair.

No, I literally just thought it was like, I always thought you were just Dylan's like really happy friend with the cool hair. And I, now I'm like, you have a house and stuff and like podcast. I was like, I thought we were gonna like, I thought you ordered pizza or something for, I was just gonna hang out with his friend. I didn't know it was like cameras.

No, yeah, I always thought that I was like just some sort of like made-up like figment of Diplo's imagination. Like he sees me at parties and stuff.

You are like a spirit though. It's like you just are like, I don't know, everywhere.

But that's how I feel like you are. You're everywhere. I watch your Insta stories and I can't tell what location you're in because we were just trying to seek, especially to do the podcast, where I was. You have stories from like 9 different countries going up at the same day.

I did a lot of traveling today. Yeah, I was in Moscow. Yeah, a couple places.

I read that you used to work at Subway, right?

I did, yeah.

And you would get mugged there?

Lots of times.

And what do you mean you got mugged? How did that work?

The subway I worked at in Orlando was open till like 4 AM. So if you want to rob someplace, it's the only place to rob, like after clubs got out or whatever. So we got robbed a couple times, and then eventually I just started like locking myself in the freezer. And then like, so like I was like, whatever happens out here now, like, you know, I never had a gun. People just like came in like, yo, give me your money. I was like, all right. I never saw like a weapon or anything, but we got robbed twice. Oh, so they're probably— there's cameras. Like, well, they're not gonna think I stole it because they see someone came in here, but I just gave—

someone came in and was like, give I know your money. There was no threat. You didn't see a knife or a gun and you were just like, here you go.

Yeah. Who else is gonna say that?

Like, I don't know.

I'm not gonna say like, no. I mean, they were like, I think they probably would've hurt me, but I just, it wasn't my money.

Did you ever steal from that Subway?

I stole so much shit from them. And my real racket was that like, I didn't steal money 'cause I don't wanna go to jail, but I stole, back in the day, Subway had this thing called Sub Club cards. Does anybody remember that? So whenever you eat at Subway, they give you a little stamp that says like, oh, you got a footlong. So eventually if you had, if you got 8, You get a free footlong. Yeah. So I stole the entire roll of those things one day because they just came in the back like the mail's like, no, no one hooked us up to the thing. So I just took it in my pocket and I left. And that summer I was like 18. I ate Subway like every day. I was hitchhiking across the world. I had like every Subway. I was like, wherever I go, I get free drink and free Subway and chips everywhere I went. So I had like nothing but Subway for an entire summer. I ate like free food and I was like hitchhiking and just being like a total punk.

Why were you hitchhiking? Just to hit as many Subways as you can?

Yeah, just to see the whole Subway tour of the world. No, but I was like, I was like, when I was like in high school, I was just like a little graffiti punk traveling guy. I didn't have much money. I just like traveled a lot and just like hitchhiked. I went to a thing called Rainbow Gathering, which is like Burning Man for like homeless people. And just went out there and I like hitchhiked.

Wait, sorry. I just said, right. What did you say?

Right. No, Burning Man for homeless people.

Oh, okay. Well, what did you call it?

It was called Rainbow Gathering. It still happens.

Rainbow Gathering.

It's like a total like hippie festival. You just go there and just like, live and eat pancakes and like make food in the woods.

And that was where you were heading?

Yeah, I was like going to that. I went to that and I came back and I like hitchhiked and I went to like Nashville. I just, it was hard to like hitchhike actually.

This was '18 or this was last year?

This is last year actually.

This is during COVID I wanted to do a tour of the whole world.

You guys are both always on the road. Is there a fast food place that you guys go to that prevails over anything? Is there like, when you land in Dubai and you're like, no fucking way they have a Sharky's here. Is there anything specific?

I would love that.

Damn, if they had a Sharky's there, that would be sick.

Do you go to Dubai often?

I've been there one time.

Has there ever been a situation where someone's like, someone like a sheikh has flown you out just for a very specific thing, like just for somebody's like 14th birthday in Dubai and the money's fucking like oil money, ridiculous money?

Did you?

I played a couple like bar mitzvahs and sweet 16s.

I did that. I did that too.

Bar mitzvahs?

Bar mitzvahs are popping. Yeah.

Do you prefer a bar mitzvah or Coachella?

Bar mitzvah by far.

I don't know what the fuck this guy's talking about.

No, I've been to some pretty like high-end bar mitzvahs, but I'm also from like South Florida.

So what bar mitzvah did you play? Because the last one that I played was in Chicago and the kids did not give a fuck about me. They put me up in this rafter and then they had this MC guy doing like the, the Hava Nagila.

I hope you're my bar mitzvah guy. I'll get you some.

Did they give you a big intro? Yeah, they did.

And the kids were like, fuck.

Well, why did, why did, why did the parents choose you? Were the kids fans of you?

Was it just a bad idea that I had? I, I used to have this website where like you could pay me to become—

great story.

Yeah, you could pay me to become a vegan for a year. Or you could pay me to do like—

wait, you used to have a website where you could pay me to do— just you?

Just me.

Oh, what was it called?

It was called my website, dylanfrancis.com, where you could pay me to be a vegan. You could pay me to do your taxes, which I would probably fuck up, and a bunch of other stuff. But I had on my website like, I'll play your bar mitzvah for $10 grand. And we forgot to update the website when like you got bigger. Yeah. And then all of a sudden this kid from Chicago, this, this, these like parents from Chicago that like owned a casino were like, oh, this is great.

Great.

Let's book him.

He's like, book me. And he'll do my taxes for an additional 2?

They did.

They did.

Wait, what are the other options?

There was, I would chug, uh, a gallon of milk in 1 minute.

Oh, this is like that website where you can get people to do random things.

Yeah.

We, we were doing that. But it was just Dylan Francis. It was just me.

Only him though. It was only me. It was like Cameo, but he's the only person on there.

But like all, all, all the money we would give, like we would give to, um, what's it called? We'd give to charity afterwards.

So how was that Fortnite concert you guys did?

We did the Fortnite concert and then I'm like, I have a TikTok account and whenever I post something on TikTok, most of my comments are Fortnite guy. Hey, Fortnite guy's back on here again. I'm like, I'm like, well, guys, I really like had a career before Fortnite. Like I did like Grammys, whatever. They're like Fortnite guy. What's up Fortnite guy?

I'm like, that's the only thing that happens to us on TikTok. Nobody knows us for being DJs on TikTok. I'm either David Dobrik's friend, dancing queen DJ guy, Fortnite guy.

You actually get the dancing queen thing?

Yeah.

At shows.

There was recently when I went to a Chipotle, this lady— well, hold on, hold on. It just goes back to you because she was looking at me. She goes, oh, you look familiar. And I'm like, maybe. And she's like, I don't know. Hold on, hold on.

David Dobrik. I'm like, what? How?

I had a mask on too.

Right, right.

Yeah, you hang out with David Dobrik. You're that DJ guy from David Dobrik's vlog.

Wow.

David's friend.

Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

Yeah, I'm David's friend.

Does that feel shitty?

No, I actually appreciate that I'm known for so many stupid random things.

Right, right, right.

I have 5 of those things.

You've been my cat guy.

David Dobrik guy, dancing queen DJ guy, Diplo's friend.

I'm not even David Dobrik's friend. I'm just Fortnite guy. So it's like, kind of sucks.

Well, you're getting closer, bro. The fact that you're here and you found out that I'm a legitimate human.

I was like, wow, it's not an AI. I thought you were an NFT for so long. I didn't know.

I know you guys do like New Year's shows and stuff. How does that work? What's the most amount of shows you've done?

West wins this one.

Yeah, you can do multiple shows. Explain that. How does that work?

I did one show. New Year's, you always do like 2, sometimes maybe 3 if you're, if you're crazy.

But yeah, I've done 3.

I did one tour, it's called Trap Hawk Down. It was in—

so good—

it was in like East Coast. It was a helicopter tour, and I started in Baltimore at like 4 PM. Then I think I played 2 shows in Philly, like a one underage party, then like a, at a shoe store. Then I flew to Atlantic City like at like midnight, and I played this like casino there. Then I flew to New York and played this like 5 AM show. So I did 5 shows, what, in different cities in one day.

What Do you play? You've done it?

I've done like New York to LA.

You'll do like a 10 o'clock show in New York and then you'll do the midnight show in LA?

Yeah, and then you'll do an after party.

You can barely get that. That's like, I'm doing the logistics. You have to go, you have to think about this. You get off stage at like 10 o'clock in New York, you have to drive 40, 30 minutes to like a place or helicopter to LA.

Right, a private jet.

Whatever, private jet, then you do private jet to LA. Then you still have to take that, and LA traffic is crazy.

Nice plane.

LA traffic during—

Or helicopter.

You get a police escort, okay? You know the drill.

You get police escorts? Yeah, we do every time. We used to before Fortnite.

Not in America. You get police escorts in some places, but like not America is not that easy. Yeah.

Oh, so it's easy. It's better to perform in other countries because they give you like better service.

But I've got a police escort in San Diego when I played.

San Diego is different. Yeah. Anybody get police escort in San Diego when you play the— I got a police escort to Subway in San Diego once. I just dropped like $6. Like, you can take me there.

And we were also Talking about like, there's also when you're, when you're at like a club, you have, where is it? At the, at the Wynn? Wynn?

Yeah.

So they, they have this thing where you can buy certain packages. Like you can get a lot of chicken tenders, you can get champagne and you can also meet the DJ.

Yeah.

And it's like $50,000 just to do all that. Are those packages throughout like every country or every place?

No, I think it's only Vegas.

Right.

Oh, I mean, sometimes someone will come and be like, hey, you want to meet the DJ? I'm like, no, like, You got the money, you want me to do it? I was like, okay, yeah. It's like under the table. The Vegas one's probably on the menu, 'cause there's a menu for, you know, yeah, it's literally on the menu.

$50,000 for a bottle of champagne and to shake Dylan Francis's hand. And you've gotten it once.

I think one time. Yeah.

That's pretty fucking sick. Yeah. You better have fucking made that dude's day.

I did. I sucked him off.

Yeah. That was like, that was $55,000.

Yeah.

I got an extra 5 grand out of it. You throw an extra 5. I, I, you know, I don't want to get into this, but there, there are a few DJs, uh, Dylan, that you told me that you have beef with.

Um, oh, David, don't, uh, don't bring this up. No, David, get a, um, a different game. David, get a, um, get one of the— David, get a— the, um—

yes, what?

David, get a, uh, David, get a—

uh, do you guys actually have beef with them? Because then I don't want to put it in.

I mean, no, I don't, I don't give a shit.

Oh, okay.

Dylan had the weirdest beef with him that he didn't understand.

Oh, you did have beef with him?

No, but Dylan targeted him for some weird reason, and the guy was like, so targeted, but he was so confused by Dylan like making fun of him.

He was like, look, we had this whole joke planned for David Guetta because it was perfect, and then I didn't know you actually had fucking beef with him.

So you have beef with a lot of people?

No, no, no, not that many. I think just David. It was the best, it was the best beef ever. So David Guetta posted this video. I hope you can find it. It's David Guetta standing in the Shibuya Crossing just looking at the camera for 45 seconds. And during this time, this was when Black Beatles, like, mannequin challenge was happening. So I took the video and I put Black Beatles to it and I wrote this huge Instagram post where I was like, I don't know what the fuck David Guetta is doing standing in Shibuya Cross staring at a camera without Black Beatles playing. It must be that he forgot to put the song on or he grabbed the wrong MP4 file.

It wasn't even bad.

No, it was just me helping him out. So yeah, and then, but But then he went in and he just like went immediately to money and like views and was like, hey man, well I have 600K views on my video and you only have this amount. And then I went in and was like, well actually you have like 6.4 million followers. I have 1 point something at this time. And if I have 200K and you have 600K, I actually have more views than you.

My engagement is better. Yeah. So you have actual social media beef with David Guetta?

Oh, fuck.

My bad. I didn't mean to bring that up.

Do most DJs take themselves seriously? You guys are fun, but—

I think David Guetta did not understand what I was doing at all. I did shake his hand one time, like afterwards. He was not— he said— it's actually the best quote that he said to me. He goes, "Next time you're going to make fun of me, text me." I love that.

It's good policy.

So good.

Pretty good policy.

All right, David, I'm posting something that's really going to make fun of you today.

Cool.

Yes, very cool, Dylan.

I mean, most of DJs take themselves way too seriously.

Way too seriously.

Like, it's kind of like we're, we're like lucky to be up there and like have fun. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, why do you guys— why you guys so like, so like crazy with it? But, um, most of them are like fun. Like TSO.

Yeah, TSO is one of the best.

I have some weird beefs with people, but honestly, like, I— if you— if you're in this game that long and you know all the DJs, you, you all become friends, right? You know who's like— they're all like, for me, they're like different like Mortal Kombat characters.

Like, they're all like special.

Like, this guy's from Holland and he does this. Yes, guys like Korean It's like, just like, kind of like, it's like WWE at this point. I love 'em all.

Remember when we went to Vegas with Dylan?

Oh yeah, I remember.

That was fucking really cool.

Yeah, it was the best. But, but he was on the 4th floor, bro. I thought he was on penthouse suite. I will never forget this.

Oh yeah.

Where do you stay when you stay at a hotel? Top level or bottom floor?

I mean, they kind of gimme whatever room on that, the, the suite.

I remember. I, I, dude, I thought like when Dylan first invited me, I was like, this is gonna be fucking insane. And it's literally, it was just me and him hanging out in his hotel room and I still had to ask for permission to eat the cashews. Like, It was like there was nothing about it that was like, well, first of all, he flew Southwest.

We did fly Southwest, which, and I was like, which is nice, which like we fly Southwest, which is great. And then Dylan was with us like, oh, Dylan must just be like chilling with us.

I thought he was doing that for us.

I thought he was doing it for us too.

Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like, no, I always fly Southwest. We're just cheap.

Dude, it's the best flights.

At the end of the day, we're like, you know, the Southwest flight, it goes from what, Burbank straight to Vegas. Yeah. It's always on time. If you get a jet from, it is, the jets aren't on time.

And also a lot of the times there's nobody in those.

Yeah, right.

So it's kind of like you have a private airline for like $5.

If we could choose to like go on Southwest for like $150 or pay $15,000 for round trip, which is probably longer, right? That's like my kids, like, you know, a year of college. Like, what's the point of like going on a jet if you don't have to?

I didn't know I was going to hear all this financial stuff from you. I mean, I'm feeling a lot more responsible. I should have been calling you about my stock portfolio before AMC.

You should hit me up. I could have hooked you up.

No, but then, okay, the flight was one thing. But then, but then when we got to the hotel, like, nice room, nice room, very nice. I remember we got in the elevator and I saw the buttons. I saw 50 floors and I was like, we're fucking going all the way up. We deserve this. Like, I've vlogged hard. Let's do this bitch. And, and then he hits 4 and I thought, I thought maybe he was getting his tour manager to be like, we're here, come on out. But no, we went in and that was his room. And it was cool. It was like a suite. But it was like, you know, it was just— it was a room. It was not the Dylan Francis at the Encore. Yeah, DJing here once a week residency. Like, I literally thought it was gonna be bottle service when you walk in. But you made a good point why you choose the 4th floor.

It's the closest to being able to get downstairs.

It's fucking—

it's sensible DJing.

Yeah, because when you're on like the 50th floor of those things, you're fucking stopping at every floor.

And those elevators take so long when it's like primetime hours.

You want to be away from people in the elevator as much as possible, right? No, they're gonna be like, wait, is that Dylan Francis? And then you're like 40 floors with this guy.

Like, and then they'll follow you to your room.

I've had people knocking on my room, be like, yo, we know you're in there, come party with us across the way.

Like, no, please.

We read this about you, Wes. Is it true that you can't watch TV unless you— am I reading this wrong?

Unless I'm on it?

No, no. Is that true?

Yeah, I only watch episodes that I've appeared on.

Oh, because I read somewhere that you can't watch TV unless you watch at least 2 hours of Sesame Street.

That's— I don't know.

I think you mixed up two things right there. Like somehow Wes watching TV. Were you on an episode of Sesame Street? No, no, that was when I was younger.

I think that's a Dylan note.

Oh, it's a Dylan note? Yeah, that was when I was younger. I had to watch an hour of Sesame Street to watch a regular— be able to watch regular TV.

So it was a real note.

I thought you were talking about like, that's the stupidest note ever, but you were just claiming it as your own.

Yeah, yeah, no, that's mine.

But what is it?

That was when I was younger. It's not right now. I don't have to do that anymore.

I don't have to do that anymore. Sorry, our notes aren't up to date.

Yeah.

Okay. Okay. This is, this is a good one too. The least amount of effort you've given during a show. Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Okay. Um, this is actually pretty bad, but there's a reason for why I gave such little effort. So I had flown from India that day to Australia. We had to drive to the venue that was out in this— on this fucking like cliff, right? And my set time got pushed back like 5 hours and I was so tired. So on stage I was playing for 30 minutes, like the sound was fucked up. I just— I, dude, I was literally just like playing things and I just remember walking off stage and I was like, Mike, I'm not playing anymore. I'm sorry. I didn't even say bye to the crowd or anything. It was really fucked up on my part and it was really windy too. So I think it was affecting a lot of people that were like trying to have a good time.

You're blaming it on the wind?

Yeah, I think the wind was mainly—

If you lose the vibes of the crowd, it's really hard to get it back. Like, on stage, like, there's not one comedian— if it's not going good, you're just like, next joke works. So it's like kind of hard to like— it's interactive all the time.

But how often do you lose the crowd? Like, per year, if you have— let's say you have 100 shows, which I know you have more, but per 100 shows, how many times do you lose?

At this point, I don't really— I mean, if people come to my shows, they're going to kind of come like they're going to take whatever the fuck I give them. Like, I'm like, this is my thing.

Old MacDonald Had a Farm.

Yeah, you know, I love that song. Big tune. But, um, big tune. But if there's if there's a technical problem, that sucks, you know? And if you're doing 300 shows a year, you might have like 3 or 4. Like, I did a show in Nigeria once, raining outside, and everything was shorting, all the plugs are shorting. I go on stage and I'm like, okay, I'm playing my big record, this is like a Jackie record, and I was like playing this piano intro, everything going crazy. And I go jumping on the stage going crazy, and only the monitors are playing. Like, the speakers aren't playing.

Oh my God, yes!

So I'm just like, like, this girl's not feeling me, but fuck it, I'm gonna go. And then I'm like just going there. I'm like, gee, this sucks. And then they come, they come and just turn me down. Like, yo, just wait a minute because like we gotta fix it. And I'm like, but the mic works. So I'm like, what's going on here? So I'm like, okay, walk a little back. But the crowd's like, they're like the kind of people leaving because it's raining. I'm like, this sucks. And then I get on the mic, I'm just like, hey guys. I start telling jokes, whatever. And at the moment, like, Big Brother Nigeria was like a really big show. And this guy's like, tell some jokes about Big Brother Nigeria. So I was like I don't know what you think about this, but he's like, do this joke. I was like, okay. So I did like a little standup for like 5 minutes, like about Big Brother in Nigeria. And, um, the crowd kind of laughs a little bit, whatever. And then slowly they kind of walk away. But it was then, like, then finally it does plug in outta 2,000, maybe 100 people are still left at the end. And I did do a show and I was like, wait, wait, wait.

Out of the 2,000, 100 people are left?

Cause it's like 30 minutes and it's raining. People are not gonna stay for a show.

By the way, that happened to me at one of his festivals as well, the Maddie's and Block Party, where I did the exact same thing where the monitors were on. And you just fucking go so hard on the first song you're playing, and it's the most embarrassing thing possible.

Imagine like some guy dancing on stage with no audio, just like going crazy by himself. That's what you look like.

It's just this mic is working, you just hear yourself breathing.

It's so sad to look down and just see faces of just like, yeah, this—

if people aren't moving, it's like you're so in the moment, and you can't tell, right? Because this— because your speakers are so loud.

Yeah, my speakers are so loud. So then, then someone had to come over and be like, Oh, the fucking main speakers are on. And I was like, are you fucking like, what the fuck is happening?

How is it possible?

That's like the worst.

It's so bad.

And then I've also noticed that like different crowds will come in to like different shows.

Yeah.

And you'll have to like change your music style just for that crowd that's coming in. So it'll be like a football team and it'll be more like pump up stuff or whatever.

I had to do a show. I did, uh, when the Eagles won the Super Bowl, I'm a big Eagles fan. It was like 3 years ago in Minnesota. And I got booked like last minute to do the Super Bowl after party. It was me and Cardi B and I was in Pakistan. I was doing a show then, had to fly from Pakistan.

Dude, this is fucking—

Minneapolis and back to India because I had to show the next day. But I went there and I'm like playing like randomly hip-hop records for all the football players. And then the owner of the club's like, can you play Tom Petty? I won't back down. I was like, all right. So I was like, play all— everybody like, all the football players like going crazy. Lil Uzi Vert's playing, Cardi B. I was like, all right. But I'm just like, I had to go back and forth to like classic rock.

Holy shit, that's, that's funny. Like you guys are artists, but at the same time someone can be like, hey, that's the DJ, tell him switch the tunes up.

But at this party, I'm not the headliner. It's the Eagles. I'm making everybody happy. I'm so happy that they won the Super Bowl. This is like a rare event.

Right, right.

It's their day. Also, at the end of the day, we're DJs. Like, I'm happy to present my music and play records and make everybody happy and enjoy my content. But at the same time, I want to— we're like vibrators. We want people to be crazy. If the situation's not good, me and him are both DJs at the bottom and we're just like, we can do— we can figure it out. We can figure out the puzzle. To make everybody happy at one point.

I know how to play Black Eyed Peas. I can do it.

It's gonna work.

Do you guys hate when people come up to you and like ask you to play specific songs?

If it's a bad song?

Yeah, I hate that.

If it's a good song, then I'll be like, oh fuck yeah, I'll do that.

That happens every show. There has to be like a drunk dude or a drunk girl coming up and being like—

Well yeah, ever since like the phone, the Chiron thing has come out.

People will put it on their phones.

Yeah, they'll be like, play Dancing Queen.

That's not my song.

I mean, 'cause all the TikTok records are so big, by the time we get back to the clubs, I don't think people know who those records are though. They're like, there's songs that are 15 seconds. Play the one with the dance. I'm like, what is this? There's like no one knows.

Play this one.

Nobody knows who the songs are or what they are, so it's gonna be a little bit awkward to figure out.

Your sets are gonna be 3 minutes long. You're just gonna go through the TikTok playlists. Are you guys good car DJs? I know it's stupid, but are you?

No.

Awful.

I feel like people would love if you gave your Spotify playlist up. I would follow you. I love seeing people's playlists.

Dude, he just found out who I was today and he's already—

I know, I'm already about your— I'd rather follow you on Spotify than any other media. I think that means so much more to people, like, because that's like what you put your heart into. Like, oh, what makes you like happy in the club, whatever. I mean, people— what makes you happy in the club? I'm saying, I meet people all the time, I'm like, I actually follow people's Spotify. I like— I check that. I check what they listen to.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck. Okay. Yeah, I'll go update my Spotify.

I would follow it.

I love Portugal. The Man.

Great. That's why I have like fucking 3 songs on there with Portugal.

All right, well then. I only know one of their songs. They're homies of mine.

I was trying to make a song with them, but Before COVID hit.

They're not even from Portugal. They're from Alaska.

No, they're from Seattle. I thought one of them's from Seattle.

Alaska.

Really?

Yeah, they're from Alaska.

Anchorage?

No, somewhere. Aren't they?

Maybe they're not real people. Maybe they're also—

Are they even real guys? Dylan used to have a festival in Alaska called Dalaska. No, you didn't. Yeah, you did. He had two of them. It was like, it was his own festival.

Wait, what? I don't know why.

I just like one day I called my booking agent. I go, yo, I wanna play in Alaska. I just need to see it.

And that shit just happens.

Yeah.

He's like, yo, I got you. It was wild because everyone's like, yo, we don't get any artists up here. Like, thank you so much for doing this. It was amazing.

People showed up.

I think the first one was like probably, you know, 10. I think we bumped it up a little bit. I swear to God, I'm not even joking either. It wasn't like a crazy amount, but then the next one got bigger.

But everybody was fucking feeling it because—

yeah, but then everyone started copying me.

Does that—

I did, I did one too after that.

Alaska too. Yeah, I did it.

I did Madison Block Party, Alaska. But But the best thing is they have a strip club there called the Alaskan Bush Company. It's like a 100-year-old strip club. And it was like the craziest strip club I've ever been to. They have like people, burlesque shows in like an old tub. Like it's like pioneer stripper.

Right, right, right. Like OG strippers. So wait, what's the most amount of people you guys have played to?

I played in Havana for like 2 million people.

Yeah, he beat me.

Why? Major Lazer did too.

Yeah, 'cause they did the first show in Cuba.

You did the first show in Cuba?

There's a documentary about that.

It was actually the second one 'cause Rolling Stones played before us, but we had a bigger audience than Rolling Stones.

It's so sick to watch.

Oh my god, it's called Gimme Future, about like, about just kind of like young people in Cuba.

And 2 million people showed up.

Yeah, free show in the streets.

That's fucking insane.

It's— the documentary is great because it talks about how everybody has access to information, but there's no internet in Cuba, so people trade USBs full of information.

Don't you have to go to a park to go?

No, guy goes like your house and gives you this USB and you share it like every week. It's a new USB.

Wait, I'm sorry, did you say there's no internet in Cuba?

For a majority of people, there's no internet. Yeah.

News, someone will go write a bunch of things on a USB. They'll be like, Diplos coming to town.

They aggregate it from like America or Europe and Spain, and they just put all this stuff on one USB and they trade it.

How did Cuba promote that? Was that like the biggest thing in Cuba ever?

We had a big fan base there because our records were kind of, you know, they were sort of like Caribbean reggaeton influence, but the government liked our records, so they actually promoted it on the radio because our records were about positivity. Like our big record was Lean On and Light It Up. There were records that didn't have any curse words, and it was kind of conservative country. But so they helped us make the show together and we were like not very— we knew they knew we weren't going to say anything stupid on stage and everybody loved it. Oh my God. I just, I studied Spanish for 2 weeks to try to like talk to people. I was just like, uno, dos, fucking jump. I was like, yeah, I was like, if you were like, all right, whatever.

Um, that's all the time we have for Dylan Diplo. I'm going to leave all their shit linked in the description below, including new Diplo masks out now.

Yeah, yeah, it's only 3 of them, but yeah.

Natalie, you have some news for the entire world. Natalie's been super stoked to share. Jay, I don't know if you know this. I've known—

I don't think so.

I've known this for— this is like Natalie's biggest announcement she's ever had.

The way things have been going for Natalie, I can't imagine. Like, it could be—

it rhymes with type house. Oh wait, that sounds like high pass. I meant to say the White House. Either way, it'd be big news. So what's the news?

Okay, well, should I put my phone up?

Sure.

Can I guess?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, just let me say—

pregnant?

No. Why'd you make that— why'd you make that face like it's gross?

Because everybody, every time I tell anybody that this news, I'm like, I have something really amazing. Like, you're pregnant or you're married, they look at my hand for a fucking ring. I'm like, no.

Okay, so no pregnancy, no marriage.

I would not come on The Views podcast like this and be like, I'm pregnant.

Wow, you would, wouldn't you?

Wait, where would you go?

Wait, you'd go somewhere else for the announcement?

How could you not come here?

Were you gonna go Fallon? Natalie, what the fuck are you saying? You're kind of— yeah, I wouldn't go on my boss's fucking podcast show that he cares about deeply. I'd go with the news somewhere else.

It really hurts.

That's not what I meant. That's what I meant.

Okay, go. Okay, what's the news?

I am in Sports Illustrated Swim 2021. No way!

Isn't that sick?

Congratulations, Natalie.

Thank you.

That's my assistant.

You had nothing to do with it. Natalie, that's amazing.

Yeah, it's really cool.

Oh my god.

She got asked to do it a couple months ago, and she told me, and I was like, cool. I had no idea what it was. I didn't know what it was. And then she explained it. She's like, there's only, there's only one issue of these a year.

You've never heard of the swimsuit issue?

No, I have, but I thought they came out every month. I was like, oh, you're like, they chose you. I was like, she's gonna be in a collage full of other people that they like found off Instagram. But like, no, they flew her out to Miami Miami to do a full-blown fucking shoot for this.

Wow.

It was the most amazing experience ever, ever in my entire life.

So proud of you.

Yeah, it was really cool, and it was just like so like impact— like I've never, I've never done a photo shoot like that ever before in my life. Obviously like I like model on my Instagram or whatever, but like I've never actually modeled, never done like a photo shoot professionally. And it was so cool. I had a whole like— it was like 20 people, police cars, like it was—

wait, wait, police cars? You had a police escort?

Yeah, well, not an escort, a police escort.

They just had like 2 police cars like following us everywhere so that no one would like bother us on the set. And like, if people—

you're so hot, people would just come up to you.

Well, they're very— the issue only comes out once a year, so they're very like— everything is very top secret. Like, I haven't even been able to see a photo until literally an hour before this right now.

This girl was going to a local college in Vernon Hills studying plant biology.

Remember when she was like, I don't know if I want this job? And then David walked out of the room and I pulled her aside. I was like, you're crazy.

Okay, so you haven't— she hasn't shown me a picture yet.

Okay, I haven't shown anybody the final like images.

Was it hard to be photographed? Because I know for me, if I got the swimsuit issue—

Were you trying to say, was it hard to look sexy?

No, no, no. I know if I was like being photographed, anytime, even we took merch photos the other day, I am really uncomfortable. You know, like, was that hard? Were you good with it?

Well, I was very, very nervous.

You guys have two different body types. I think it's a little easier for Natalie.

I'm sure it's easier for her, but still, you know, she— I would like get in my head or like you know, like having to pose. Did they make you do— the thing I've heard about these swimsuit things is actually really hard. Like, you have to like be in the water and like, oh, it was hard to pose.

It's crazy that like that—

it's—

no, it's crazy that that was like my first experience because it was like all in. Like, this is like world-renowned photographer and team and all this stuff. And like, yeah, I'm like in the water, like crawling out of it all sexy.

How many pictures did you guys take in total?

Out? Thousands.

Okay, this is the one that you're— the one you're about to show us.

This is the one I'm about to show you. Is just the announce— so tomorrow, or it gets announced this week.

Okay.

And this is the announcement photo. They're only releasing one image. I, I shot in like 16 different bikinis from like 4 AM until 4 PM that day. It was crazy. It was so intense, or I was like just going on adrenaline. It was awesome.

Anyway, where did you change? I know it's a stupid question.

They had— they brought a little changing tent like right on the beach, and they would hold it up around me.

And I would recognize you from the video.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was like, yeah, there was like girls, they're like, go Natalie!

And I was just like, you know, whatever.

All right, can we see the picture? Natalie's texted it to all of us.

I haven't texted it yet officially.

Okay, okay, Natalie, Natalie texted us. I'm opening in 3, 2, 1, open it. Whoa, whoa, what the fuck? Oh my lord, Natalie, this doesn't look like you. This, I mean, it looks like you.

I know, but it's like the most ultimate sexy hot version of me, which is like not a version of me ever.

You look so good, man.

Notable alumni from Lake Forest College, Natalie Maradona and her ass. Wow, this is fucking crazy.

I love the way they did your makeup.

I know, the hair and the makeup was like insane.

You look like, um, like Sheena Warrior Princess. Like, you look like you're in like an action show or something.

And this is, I imagine, after months of Photoshop. How did it— no, but how, how similar was this to— is it— you were telling me about this, that like it wasn't even like— they don't Photoshop shit, right?

No, I mean like my stretch marks are on there, like my whole body is just like there.

Right, so this is— it's just like they're so good with the lighting. I mean, you're obviously very pretty too, but they're so good with the lighting.

No, no, no, like I literally— for my first photo that I took, I was very nervous. I didn't even want— I was like, I don't want to be in the bikini, you know, whatever. And I wore a bikini that wasn't too like revealing. Yeah. And then, um, and I was kind of like just shy and not like moving my body and like being free. And and they were like, okay, come look at these photos. And I took like the first couple photos and I looked at the monitor and like literally my jaw dropped and my heart was like racing because it was just like, they have, they have screens for lighting, the literally a leaf blower blowing my hair and everything is like perfect to a T to make this perfect photo. But like even on the monitor I was like, holy shit. And then I just like snapped into it because I was like, this is fucking sick.

Jesus Christ. I, um, I actually have some news, uh, if you guys Well, it's pretty exciting. Uh, if you want to check your phones, I was selected to be on the COVID of, uh, Sleep Apnea Today. And then I think we have a picture of it right here.

I didn't know we had effects like that. I didn't even just call for shit like that. Nah, this is sick. What is your— what does your friends from your hometown say?

I haven't shown anybody.

What do your ex-boyfriends think, you think?

Oh God, I don't even want to know.

I can't imagine.

I can't imagine.

You moved out here, you're dating the sexiest fucking guy probably in like Studio City, Sherman Oaks Yeah. And then, and then you're on— you're in a Sports Illustrated issue. You got fucking—

I think people— I, I told my friends that I was like going to Florida and like doing this whole thing, doing the shoot and everything, and they were— people were all like very confused. And like, the best way—

did you win the contest?

Well, they were like, how did you— how did you even get— because there's only like—

are you dying?

Is this your make-a-wish?

This is my make-a-wish.

Um, no, but there's only like 20-something girls that are selected for the issue.

It's like a Like, there's only 20 girls.

24, I think.

So are you like a full page?

What is it? I am— I'm like a part of— so I have my own rookie page because I'm a rookie, it's my first year. So I have a whole like spread dedicated just to me, and then I'll have another few photos. I think there's like 3 photos. It's crazy. And that's in my little section.

You have 3 photos in the issue?

Wait, so you'll be an entire page? Yeah.

You have 3 photos in the issue?

Oh wait, I don't know what the confirmed photos are, but you said you're the COVID of the issue.

Shut up.

No. And you're dating Dwyane Wade.

And all the other girls suck? No, just the worst rumors. Yeah, this is sick.

Congrats. And is it gonna have like a little like blurb about who you are and what you're about?

Is it gonna mention me? Am I in a Sports Illustrated?

No, there was definitely like—

it's—

are you fucking knowing Natalie? She changed the words. Natalie, her own boss, moved out to LA to start her own business. No, she calls it DD LLC, would not tell us what it stands for, but she's so stoked about how it's going. Also, she just started —All by herself. That's sick. Yeah, what is it gonna say about you?

I mean, I have no idea. I don't know what anything— it doesn't come out till July. The official issue doesn't come out till July. They're just announcing me as the first rep.

This is just a little tease. I have some news too. Oh yeah, big news actually. So you know I'm such a big fan of awards. Yeah. So yesterday I went over to my friend Kourtney Kardashian's house and we're just hanging out.

Did you steal one of her awards?

Yeah, I stole one of her awards. Shut up. No, you didn't. I swear to God, I walked out, I was— I was— I went to her office and I noticed she had an E! People's Choice Award and it said Keeping Up with the Kardashians on it. And I was like, that would look so cool in my podcast studio. So I just went for it.

Wait, are you being serious?

You know you took it. I'm being dead serious. No, she knows. I, I told her, I was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go— because I wanted to not tell her, but I was like, I feel so bad. And I was like, can I just take that? I'll give it back.

And she goes like, okay.

She goes, fine. I didn't even know it was there. And then so went back in and I took it. But what you didn't know is that I took another one.

Oh my God, David.

So when I went back in, I took, I took 2 People's Choice Awards, which is pretty sick. So now I have a total of 4.

It's a great way to get a guest on the show.

They have to come back. They have to come back and get— I'm going to start breaking into celebrities' homes.

That should be your thing.

You steal awards. This is sick though, bro.

They've won so many People's Choice Awards too. Have they?

Right, because it's, it's by E. Like, yeah, they, they basically run They probably print these in their backyard. Yeah, this is pretty sick. It's cool that I think this is worth something. Yeah.

Oh, 100%.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians, the best reality show of 2018. Does it have a year?

What's that one? 2020.

Oh, I have the newest one. I mean, dude, this shit can go for a lot. And then as I was walking out, I also—

no, I'm just kidding.

It's her dog. It's her Chihuahua. Our manager Jackson here. Jack, did you just do coke? No, but I have like a runny nose for some reason, so I'm sorry. Talking to Mike. Sorry.

Can you imagine if he's blowing through all your money with coke? Like, he has a crazy cocaine—

not only that, but like, Jack, like, if you want him, like, for— he's my manager, and if you want him here for a meeting, it takes a little bit. But today we're like, hey, you want to come be on the podcast? He goes, I'm actually right outside, 7 minutes away. He literally got here so fucking quick. So I was like, there's something in a system.

I'm always here to support you guys, David, you know that.

Well, thank you, dude. I wanted to show you this before we even go anywhere. Okay. Yo, you won't believe this. Check this out. Guess who this is? Sports Illustrated.

Whoa, Natalie!

Yeah, I know, I know.

I don't want to get in trouble, so I don't—

whoa, I think that's good enough for me. My wife loves the spotlights.

Let's just move on.

All right, so Jack's here.

But congratulations, that's really cool. Jack's here 'cause, well, we wanna talk about, we just launched our app Dispo, which is really sick. Quick rundown of it, it's, I mean, the reason we started the whole thing was because our friends would have disposable cameras at every party. Like every party we'd go to, they'd have disposable cameras all throughout the house, and they'd urge you to take disposable pictures throughout the night, and then, at like 4 AM they'd come and collect all the cameras, or like 9 AM the next day they'd come and collect all the cameras, and then they'd get the pictures developed, and then you saw all the photos from the night before, and it was literally like, it was like the end of The Hangover where like you reveal, like you saw all the clips, and it was like everybody was like hungover, everybody was like throwing up and puking, and it was like the funniest thing. And the best part about disposable cameras is like they never ruined a moment, which is so important to me. So yeah, so we wanted to make an app, a social media app, app where you can take those disposable pictures, but you can share them with your friends. And what's so cool about Dispo is that what we wanted to do is now you can take pictures and you can share them into a roll. So how that works is let's say you're on a family trip. Your dad can be like, take pictures into the Cabo roll. So all 5 of you will be shooting pictures into the Cabo roll, and then in the morning at 9 AM you get a notification and everyone sees all the photos from the trip taken from different angles. And no one has to send each other pictures or anything. You guys are all in the same group. And it's also great for like sororities and fraternities that are having parties and it's like, girls, everyone shoot into the Alpha Phi roll today and like you have a party and like every girl in the sorority can be taking pictures under one roll and then in the morning it's this cool unboxing experience like it's Christmas morning and you can see all the pictures from the night before and I love that. So I'm super stoked.

I'm really, really excited about it. Congratulations.

Thanks, we got a new roll. It's huge. We've been working on it for a really long time. How long have you been working on it for? Probably like 2 years. Yeah, like really, really long.

And it was out just as a camera for a while.

It was out as a camera, and then we started talking about we wanted people to share roles, and then that's when we started doing like investor meetings, and then—

And now you can have followers on there, right?

You can have followers, and then it became public that we were doing something, and then yeah. But yeah, I'm super stoked about it. We just made a commercial for it, which was so fucking fun. We shot it with Mark Romanak. Yeah, it's amazing. Super talented dude. And in the commercial, I have makeup on, prosthetic makeup, The guy who made my makeup, his name is Kazu. I can't fucking explain how talented this man is. It took like 6 hours to be put into makeup, plus like 4 hours the day before because they had to like figure out my face. Or sorry, it was 4 hours like a couple weeks before. And he's just so, so incredibly fucking talented. He's an Oscar Award-winning special effects artist. So he's done— he did Benjamin Button, he did Zero Dark Thirty that he won the Oscar for, he did the Grinch. Grinch, which is crazy.

I think he may have won for it.

I don't know.

I gotta look that up.

He may have won. He did The Grinch, and like, so he put Jim Carrey into makeup every day for 6 hours, and then to take the makeup off is like another hour, hour and a half, and they would do that every day they would shoot. It's fucking insane. We did it one day, and I was just like, how does someone sit here 6 hours a day just sitting here just to put makeup on?

Didn't he like even do like the hair coming out of your skin?

Oh, I mean, yeah, you see pores. It's like crazy. No, it's insane. And like, and the craziest part is the whole thing is like super fucking pricey. Like the whole makeup job was what, a little over $200,000? A little over $200,000.

I saw him outside. I showed him my Dr. Phil.

Yeah, yeah, he dresses up as Dr. Phil and Jason's standing outside with Kazu. He's like, look, I dress up.

I was debating the moment because I was like, but you know what, no, he'll appreciate this, I think. And then I showed it to him and he was really sweet. He just goes, why do you do this? What did you say?

I said, I said, I make videos. And he goes, oh, I want to get out of here.

And then, you know what he said? He— I swear to God, he goes, he goes, thank you for showing me that. Like that. Like he learned something from it.

That was really sweet. And like, even— I don't know, that it was just a crazy, crazy process just to watch him work. And I felt like super stoked on that.

Yeah, David really cried in the commercial. Those are real tears.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I wanted to kind of dive into.

Jack— yeah, Jack was like, yeah, so I had to cry for the commercial. We had a couple takes to do it, so I cried on 3 different occasions, I think. We did 3 takes.

Let me just kind of set this up. So we're there, we're in Malibu, we're at this small house. It was beautiful, the lighting was great, the setup is there. David sits down, and like, I remember thinking like, you know, this could be awkward, this could be weird.

Oh my god, when Mark pitched me the commercial, he's like, yo, the main shot is gonna be you crying. I was like, dude, like, fuck.

So everyone's on a monitor and we're watching this, and you know, I'm sitting there, obviously Jason and Natalie are there too with Dan, and it was just fascinating to me because you're not an actor, right? You know, like, and you— but you do talk about— you do talk about in a funny way, like, David will bring this up sometimes, or like, I don't know if you remember saying stuff like this, like, what does an actor do? Like, what, what is an actor? Actor, right? Like you've said that before, I'm sure. And but even in my, in my head, I was kind of like, yeah, like there is kind of a point there. Like when someone says, oh, I'm an actor, like what does that mean? And so the reason I want to bring it up is like, that was the first time that I had seen you completely fearless, dude. It was like, whoa. Yeah, it was. Yeah. And I cried. Really?

100%. I actually know I got off, I got off my first cry and I think that was like the better one, and I was like, how'd it go? And Jack's wiping away his tears.

Yeah, Natalie was kind of like, what the fuck, Jack?

Yeah, but he just got a big payday from Chipotle.

I was like obsessed with— I was like obsessed with acting. I would like read all up on like actors and like how they cry and stuff. And there's this magazine when I was I think 12 years old, Emma Watson was being interviewed for Harry Potter, and it was like a teeny bopper magazine type thing. And the question was, how do you make yourself cry? And her answer, I remember for the rest of my life. I have no idea why it stuck to me, but she's like, she said, you just have to think of really some— you just have to think of something really sad and put yourself in that moment. And it was so simple, but like, but like, that's all it was. And I was just thinking of Emma Watson the entire time, and I was like, that's how I'm gonna do this, is like exactly what she told me. This is interesting. And yeah, and in the picture, in the, in the commercial, I'm going through, I'm going through like all the pictures of our friends, and like, I haven't filmed in a while, and I fucking miss face it. So I literally just, I just like the, there's two people that really made me cry and it was Jason because I thought of him passing away and I'm being serious. I thought of him dying.

When you were in that chair, you literally thought about that?

I thought of him dying. Like, so, so, cause I imagined it like he's dead and like he's gone. And then, and then, and then Carly for some reason, Carly and Contra, cause I haven't seen her in a while. I haven't seen her in like 6 months. And like that, that like made me cry too. So like seeing all my friends and like those interactions That, that's always making me amazing segue.

So I, on the car on the way home, or when I got home from the shoot, I just wrote this on one of my, on the, like the, the app, um, the notepad, whatever. And I wrote, Dispo shoot. I've worked with David for 5+ years and I've never seen him do anything that fearless. Wait, you're gonna love this. And this is literally what you just said. This is why it's crazy. I cried 3 or 4 times. The room full of people was a mixture of David missing friends, missing parties, missing moments, but most importantly missing life. 2020 was a year that separated David from his vlog and his friends. The crying was a culmination of a lot of things. I felt David's pain. He wasn't faking anything. He didn't give a shit if people saw him cry. It was fucking magical.

You totally did blow on your way here.

That's why I wanted to read on the podcast because like, that's so sweet.

When did you write that?

Like literally when I got home then I'm like, I gotta bring this up.

You wrote that home the night you You got—

yeah, I was like, I gotta let David know that, like, wow, I appreciate that.

It was cool. Damn, I didn't know that moved you so much. Yeah.

And then the best part was I kind of looked at Natalie. I'm like, Natalie, how fucking good is it? And Natalie, I swear, deadass goes, David knows I don't cry. Like, I was like, oh, well, Natalie's like, I'm gonna go get lunch.

I finished my book and I had to to send it to the people that are written in the book, and that was really— For approval? Yeah.

Oh shit, and what's your book about?

Like, it's a memoir? Yeah, it's like a memoir. It's just like a funny book about my life.

Is it more like a look how I made it?

Yeah, it's like my story. Oh. You know, it's like how before I met you, my life before I met you.

How many pages?

I think it's like 270.

And the first 250 are just a bloodbath?

Yeah, yeah, it kind of is. Like, I had to reread it this weekend and it kind of is. Like, you started crying? I did. I was reading it and I was like, oh my God, I was like, something— I can't believe something— I would see— I would read something bad happening to me again, maybe like the 9th thing, and I was like, no way.

So you sent it to your ex-wife?

I sent to my ex-wife and my dad. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Oh shit, your dad. You talk a lot of shit about your dad. What did he say?

He wrote me back, he was like, "Get rid of chapter 2." He was really nice about it. The day I was born. Chapter 2 is like childhood, you know? The first chapter is about being married and having no job, and the second chapter is about childhood, right? So I was fat, I was overweight, my father's really macho, I was a pussy, shit like that. It's funny, but he just read it and was just like, no.

Wait, why didn't he like it? Because he was portrayed in it?

He was portrayed poorly in it. But, but if, like, I reread it, I had my mom read it, my sister read it, and I like light him up in it. Like, I'm like, I say like how great he is and all his good characteristics, and— but he just didn't read that. So then I went back and I just read into all the negative stuff. Yeah, he just said like, you know, he's like, he's like, I didn't abandon you, like that.

I didn't say that. No, it doesn't say abandon me. His hair was beautiful, his eye color It was awesome, but he abandoned me.

No, I didn't say that. I was like, it doesn't say. It was like, it was like a fun conversation back and forth, and then Marnie was great with it.

So, well, you don't complain about your ex-wife there?

Uh, no, I think maybe because she works in TV that she understands like what a story is, so she was okay with it. She asked me to change one thing. Oh, also, she has different recollection of how we got divorced because I have like a story in there like what I thought happened. She's like, that's not what happened. Happened. Her version is that I cut celery wrong. Like celery, like celery, you know, when you get a bag of celery. Yeah. So one night I like, I just like tore the celery open and I like ripped the pieces out and then I put it back. And that, that's what she says was— that was like the last—

that was the last straw for her. What did you say it was for you?

She asked me to leave the office so she could work out.

Damn. And that's when you went to go grab the celery? Yeah. And you're like, I'm gonna rip this fucker to shreds. Yeah.

Oh wow.

So anyways, I thought that was interesting. Am I— did you write about me? Yeah, yeah, you're in like 3 of the chapters. Did you read? You're, you're, you're great in it.

Oh no, I'm not worried.

Yeah, I'm not gonna read it.

I had all these fucking mean jokes planned at you, but like, I can say it's just going so well, I just don't even want to do any of these. I mean, if you want to just Just like, do them off, do them quick. Dylan has a residency at the Encore, which is pretty ironic because he's never been asked for one.

Oh, that's a pretty good one.

Bail, bail on these. He's not taking you well. No, no, no, we're good, we're good.