David Meets Robert Downey Jr

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where everybody here hates Jason.

Is that what you're gonna say? Let me read your mind. Let's see, I know every podcast starts with an insult, so I'll try to read your mind. You start the sentence and I'll finish it.

What's up guys, welcome back to Views.

Jason is one of the best people to suck dick because all he does is suck dick. Was that it?

It's pretty fucking close.

Fuck yes, I got it!

I rolled the intro music. This is The Views Podcast. I'm David, that's Jason. Yeah, Jason.

We got it right.

This is David, I'm 22, that's Jason, he's 46. I've been calling him 45, but I realized that he is actually in fact 46.

And what is that, how do you feel about that? Does that make you happier that you can make fun of me more, or?

No, 45 sounds like more. You know some numbers sound like more, like 7.

Yeah.

Every time I used to think about followers on Vine, I would be like, Oh, 7 million sounds more than 8 million. There's something about it. I don't know, maybe if it's like 2 syllables or I don't know what it is.

I can maybe see that if you were a fucking idiot.

Well, anyway, I just hosted the Teen Choice Awards. I co-hosted with Lucy Hale. I don't know how to properly say it. I don't know if I hosted, co-hosted. I don't know what I did, but I was fucking nervous, I'll tell you that. First off, I think it's crazy that that happened, right? Like, isn't that insane? Like, a year ago this time, we were doing something completely different.

Yeah. And like 3 years ago, you were just making Vines, like barely just putting out like one Vine a week.

Yeah.

And you were just David, like goofy, walking around driving that white Mercedes.

It's so crazy how that like happened.

Like, I remember tickets—

I got the call for like the Teen Choice Awards, and it was so casual. Like, like my agent just called me, he's like, you want to host the Teen Choice Awards? I was like, What?

Yeah.

Why aren't you here with 17 fucking cakes? This is a huge deal.

And you deliberated on it. You weren't going to do it, remember?

Yeah, I was. I was very nervous because I never, like, I've never actually hosted anything.

Yeah.

Which is, which is why I was like, I guess you haven't. Yeah. I've never hosted anything in my life and I've always, I want to be a host, right? I've never, I've never actually hosted anything. So this is the first thing I hosted. They gave me the Teen Choice Awards, which is great. I feel like if you're going to start anywhere, That's the place to start. Like, yeah, like a Teen Choice Award.

Were there any reviews?

I don't know. It's so tough because like I was done and everyone was like gassing me up. Like, you even came into my dressing room, you're like, David, I mean, listen, man, that was incredible.

I'm like, I said, David, come in the dressing room. I'll talk to you for a second. Yeah, yeah, no cameras.

What'd you think?

I thought you did really, really good. Yeah, I thought like, I thought like like you looked a little nervous, but that was like really winning. It was like, oh cool, like this guy's kind of new and real. And, and then as it went on, you were great.

Sure.

Well, I just, I just thought it was really good. Like, I just enjoyed, thoroughly enjoyed you watching up there. Remember we met the head of Fox?

Yeah, we met the head of Fox.

He had his daughters with him. He was great. He's like, his name was Charlie, and he like wanted to say hello to us and stuff. And I was like, oh hey, how you doing? Like, the girl, his girls watch the vlog. And then David came off stage and he was like, I was like, you're gonna meet David? He's like, yeah, yeah, we want to say hello. And then David goes, uh, hey, he's like, I'm the head of Fox, I run everything. And David goes, David goes, oh, how am I doing? And he was like, really sweet guy. He was like, He was like, you're doing great. He's like, it's awesome. We're having the best time. Keep going.

He was really nice.

He was super nice.

He didn't seem like he was out of focus. He literally— the way he was acting, it almost felt like he snuck backstage and he got his kids there.

He was kind of giddy to be there.

He was in such a good mood.

But then you have to also understand, when you have kids, that's a big thing to be able to take your kids backstage.

Oh, sure. Yeah, that's the best.

Yeah.

And to meet people that they want to meet. There's nothing better than that. I remember I was running around backstage because they needed me to get from one point to the next point.

Yeah.

And Natalie came up to me and she goes, Jack Black just tried high-fiving you, but you ran right by him. I go, what? And I watch a video back and it's literally Jack Black. He puts his hand up and he goes, Doby.

And which no one calls you that.

No one calls me Doby.

But that's what Jack Black would call you.

It didn't like register. So I think I just kept walking. Like I didn't hear him because I was literally sprinting around. And then like Natalie went up to Jack Black and was like, Should I go get him? And Jack Black was like, no, no, he's doing a bit. He'll be right back. He'll be right back. His hand was still in the air waiting for me to come back. And then Natalie's like, no, no, I genuinely think he didn't see you. And then Natalie came and got me and she was like, yeah, Jack Black, you just missed his high five. I was like, oh fuck. So I ran back and dude, he was the sweetest. Did you get to talk to him?

No, I didn't get to talk to him.

Oh my God.

I was too scared to talk to him.

Did you see him?

I saw him. I saw your conversation, but I couldn't hear what he was saying.

He was the nicest.

What'd he say?

I don't even remember. He was just so— I hugged him like 3, 4 times because he was like— I remember this, like, I was like, I just liked hugging him because he had like the best energy. Yeah, he was just such a—

like, he's known for being like the nicest guy.

Yeah, it was crazy.

Did you ever hear the story of Peter Jackson? He was producing King Kong. No, it was like a big movie. Like, he just came off Lord of the Rings, and they were— he was like eyeing Jack Black to maybe have this big role as the trainer. So he was on the red carpet, and he was eavesdropping on Jack Black the entire night. And apparently just to see if Jack Black was an asshole or not. And Jack Black was the nicest guy he ever heard. And then the next day he cast Jack Black in this huge part.

Oh really?

Yeah, because he knew he could do the part, but he just wanted to make sure he was like nice. This is a great story.

No, he's, he's probably a better one later. No, that is a good story because he probably, he is probably the nicest celebrity I've ever met.

Yeah.

And it felt like I was talking to someone that like I used to hang out with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was bonkers. So we had trailers there at the Teen Choice Awards. And they came up to me in my trailer. I had like a smaller trailer, and it was right across, like literally right next to Robert Downey Jr.'s trailer, who's like one of my all-time favorite celebrities because he's Iron Man. I fucking love the Avengers movies. And they had, they had a trailer right across.

He's done a ton of other amazing films. Sure. That you never talk about. Have you ever watched Chaplin? Yeah, he plays Charlie Chaplin.

Yeah, but he's a superhero now. Like, he's a superhero.

He's done so much, you never talk about any of his other films.

And he's, yeah, anyway, his trailer was right across from me and I noticed this like the day of rehearsals and they were gonna give me a bigger trailer 'cause I was one of the hosts, so they're like, hey, you're a host, we can get you a bigger trailer. And Natalie went back and told them that we wanna stay in the smaller one because it was closer to Robert Downey. So they're like, okay, that's fine. So yeah, I waited, it was like the day of the show and I had Megan, my publicist, and like my agent and Jack, sitting outside my dressing room, my trailer, just waiting for him to come. And I was like fucking stressing out like a maniac in my trailer, 'cause I was like, I've never hosted anything, I'm about to go on, like I don't know how I'm gonna sound. And then I get a knock on my door and they're like, he's coming, he's coming.

Came at the absolute worst time.

Yeah, he came at the worst time, like literally the most stressed I've been in a really long time. And I see him walking right to his trailer and I come right out of the trailer and I go, literally, this is what my voice sounded like, I go, Hi! I go, hi! And he goes, hello. And I go, I'm such a big fan. And he goes, who are you? Tell me everything. And he said it in like an Iron Man way. He said, like, at this point he is Tony Stark. Like Robert Downey Jr., I mean, I don't know if Tony Stark is Robert Downey Jr. or Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Stark. But he's like his confident character. So he came over to me and he goes, Who are you? Tell me everything, and shook my hand. And I have never fucking frozen like this around a celebrity. I just, I didn't, I meant to ask for a picture because I knew I would never, like I would never be able to do anything else with him 'cause I'm just like so nervous. But I literally just went, I literally went, I don't know what to say. I'm so nervous. Great to meet you. And that's it. And then I went back into my trailer and I had a little freakout moment and he went to his. And that's all I saw of him. And then I, and then I, I tried to get a picture with him later, but his security said he couldn't because they were trying to get him out of the place, which sucked. I messed it up. I literally got so fucking nervous because it— because he— I didn't know he was gonna pay so much attention to me. He came right over, looked me in the eyes, and shook my hand. And dude, I literally fucking froze. I was like a 3-year-old girl. And he probably thought— he probably thought I was such a mess. And then like— and then the show started.

Did you tell him you were the co-host?

I didn't tell him I was a co-host.

No, I didn't know who you were. He probably thought you were a singer or something.

No, he probably Thought you were gonna boycott. I didn't care to tell him, 'cause it's like, he's not gonna care, who cares? But he probably thought I was some huge freaky fan that just came out of nowhere, 'cause I was so nervous to meet him. And then, it was so funny, I opened up the Teen Choice Awards, 'cause I was the co-host, and I walk on the stage and I see to my right Robert Downey Jr. clapping, 'cause it's the opening of the Teen Choice Awards. And I just couldn't imagine what he was thinking. Like, that nervous shit is the fucking host of this show? It was crazy because I knew he was looking at me because I was the first one on stage and I was like, I cannot believe I'm standing on a stage on fucking national television in front of fucking my idol right now. That was so cool.

Was it hard, like reading the prompter and still like being yourself?

The— yeah, it was hard reading the prompter and it was really— it's really hard. So yeah, so like everything's out of blinding.

It was at the beach.

It was at the beach. The sun was blinding and like the people around you, they're just screaming. They're like, David, David, yeah. And they're like touching your leg and stuff.

And not really interested in what you're saying, just more interested in—

Yeah, oh, 'cause the people around you can't even hear what you're saying. Like, you're like talking almost for the TV.

Right.

So like everyone around you is like really loud and they don't even know when you're talking 'cause they can't hear you. So they're not even thinking about interrupting you. But no, I mean, I don't know. That was, the whole thing was the best. And the fact that I got to meet Robert Downey was the best.

I'm gonna tell our audience what I pulled you aside, what I said. I said, David, You did such a good job, and you were— you went up there and you were yourself. You did something that took me 15 years to figure out in stand-up, and you went up there and you were just you. It was great.

Yeah, it was such a good job. Well, I appreciate it.

David started crying.

I did not start crying.

He said, thank you, I really needed to hear this. I said, let's go to Buffalo Wild Wings.

No, I don't know, it's— it's— you're just always nice, so it's hard trusting you.

No, no, no, no. I mean, I'll be totally honest. My mom and I were talking about— we went home and we watched it on TV, which was— it came off really good on TV.

You said I look sexier on TV.

I don't want the— I don't want the fans to think I'm weird, but like, like, when you masturbate— let me explain. Like, when you're next to David in person, like, he's kind of— he's just kind of goofy. He's more his person. It's more like about personality than like his build.

He's kind of almost, almost a little nerdy, but almost kind of a fucking loser.

But then on TV, and you guys can attest to this if you watch the Teen Choice Awards or go walk— go back and watch it, he looked kind of studly. Like he had like a 5 o'clock shadow. A little—

people are gonna watch you.

You look tall. You look like an athlete. I was like, he's not— he looks taller than he is. Maybe—

I don't know how tall Lucy is, but people are gonna watch me on TV and they're gonna go, wow, he looks like a fucking loser here. I can't imagine how he looks in person. Jason's— if Jason thought this was sexy—

no, I mean, you're always winning, David. You always come out on top.

I was happy I did it. I was very nervous to do it, but I'm so happy I did it, and I fucking want to do so many more hosting things. I loved it.

And now you did it. You did like— oh, this was hilarious. You were standing backstage and the show had not started, and for weeks I was telling you, I was like, it's live, it's live, live. And you're like, no, no, it's live to tape. It airs— you had, you had it all wrong.

Yeah, someone told me that it airs the next day, so I'm like, I can mess up, I can do whatever I want.

So right before he goes on, someone's like, it's live, and you're like, what do you mean? And you're like, live, like what? And they're like, live, live. Like, it's going out like now. Well, it's 5:00 here and they're watching on the— and David was like, fuck.

No, no, no. How I found out is I went on. Yeah, I opened the show, I went backstage, I checked my phone and I saw some text. Yeah. And the texts were like, you're doing great. What the fuck you mean I'm doing great? This airs tomorrow. And then I turned to a producer, I'm like, when is this airing? He's like, 10 minutes ago. I was like, oh, fuck.

How did you not know that?

I don't know.

I thought the first thing I would have asked—

I thought it was one of those shows that like you tape in front of a live audience and then they like edit it together. And then, yeah, I didn't know.

It was better you didn't know.

I had no idea. Well, I ended up knowing then. Then I knew. But like, it was too late by then.

You'd already done the—

Yeah, it was. I was so nervous like at the beginning, but at the end I was just literally just having such a blast.

What did it feel like when you were just done? Done?

I was sad. I wanted to keep going. You did? Yeah, because then when you get into a groove, you like really get into the groove, right? And yeah, it was just— it was just—

and then you learn like what your co-host—

oh, and I also won a Teen Choice Award. Thank you guys. I never even like really said thank you. That's fucking ridiculous. I was on— oh, so I was on stage and, and I had this like— I read my script so I knew what was coming next, and I had to like present— I had to present Mabel. She was singing and the prompter all of a sudden turned off. And I freaked out and I looked at Lucy, I was like, oh my God, what's going on? I got so scared. I was like, no, please don't turn off on us. And I was like, and then I was like, okay guys, looks like I just started improving. I literally just went, okay guys, looks like I'm going to start dancing for the next 35 minutes. And then everyone started fucking applauding. I'm like, wow, people really like that joke. And like, I was like, why do people like that joke? And then I looked at the prompter again and it said John Stamos. Like it said it on the prompter. I was like, wait, John Stamos? And then I turned around and John Stamos was standing behind me. That's why everyone was cheering at my lame joke, because he walked out and presented me on my own Teen Choice Award, or Teen Choice Award, which is nuts. And that was— that's so crazy. Josh Peck gave me my Kids' Choice Award.

Yeah.

And John Stamos gave me my Teen Choice Award.

Yeah.

Some part of me thinks SpongeBob's gonna give you your Oscar. Oh, fuck, that'd be— that'd be a dream. No, but that's—

hey, David.

No, I don't know. That's like, you can't write, you can't write it any better than that. Yeah, that was like, that's the, that I really, really, really like that. I wish I could have done better presenting, but it was my first time.

Great.

No, no, I'm sorry, I'm not, I feel like I'm saying it like I want compliments, but I'm just saying, I know you're not saying it like that, but next time, next time I'll be more ready and I'm super down to do it. And big shout out to Lucy because she's, she was so great.

She's really smooth.

Yeah, she's so smooth.

So good, good pairing with you.

Yeah. So yeah, I love that. You know how I was telling you on set, like, I'm treated like some fucking prince?

On the Nickelodeon show?

On the Nickelodeon show, yeah. I was on set earlier today, and this is 100% a true story. I was sucking on a lollipop, like one of those— I thought you were gonna say something else. I was trying to get a promotion, sucking off the CEO. I was sucking on a lollipop, and one of the people working on the show comes in, And they go, is that the right flavor lollipop or should we get you a different one? And I go, are you being serious? And she goes, yeah. And I go, this is fine, I love cherry. And she goes, okay, well I didn't want to get you grape. And I go, yeah, grape would have sucked, I'm glad you got me cherry. And she's like, just let me know if you need it. I'm like, I can't tell if you're being serious. She's like, oh no, no, this is my job. So the other day, the other day Natalie was cold, so they brought her a portable heater.

No.

Into the room.

Are you kidding?

No, it's insane. I say this because I'm so grateful and just— and so fucking confused.

Yeah, you know, the only problem—

I literally, Jason, I have the best job in the world. Like, the best job.

Being a YouTuber is the best.

In the world. And it's like— and the best part about it is like the creative freedom. It's like, it's cool being on a show, or like, even— like, the problem with being on a show is you don't have that much creative freedom because it's already all written.

Right, right.

But, or even if you make a movie, like, you're working on that movie for 4 months to, you know, 3 years. Yeah, you're working on it your entire life. But like, with the videos we make, is like, it's a— we get to try something fresh every time.

Uh-huh.

You know what I mean? Like, if we want to make one video about something, I can, or if I want to make a bunch of different bits, I can. I don't know, I'm so lucky to have this job.

Yeah, we had an interesting conversation with someone last week where we were talking about like acting and YouTubing, and we were talking to this actor, and she was like, she was like, she was like kind of down on acting. You said something really interesting. You were like, she was like, you're like, I get it. Like when I say I'm a YouTuber, that's easier to own than saying you are an actor.

Oh yeah, she was like, I asked her, I was like, what do you do? And she's like, she's like, I'm an actress, right? But she's like, I hate saying that.

Yeah, yeah, that's what she said.

And I was like, yeah, it's hard to say you're an actress in LA because it's like everybody's an actress, right?

Yeah. All the people that don't—

she was like a pretty popular—

she was, she was very— yeah, she was really popular.

So it was funny to see her do it. And then I went, yeah, I get what you mean. That's a hard thing to say. But for me to say YouTuber, it's so easy for me to say it.

Yeah.

It's like it's not held to this—

like, when I was— before I was doing YouTube, I would do that. Like, someone would be like, what do you do? I'm like, well, I'm an actor. But like, I wasn't acting.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's like, it's like a weirder— it's, it's like tougher to swallow.

It's like you're delusional.

But now it is like you're delusional.

Yeah.

Even though she was a big actress and she She 100% could say she's an actress. No, it is, it's really interesting. I don't know. And I think, I think more people are coming around to the whole YouTube thing, which is especially with like the fact that I got the opportunity to host for Fox.

It bummed me out.

That's like a big—

bummed me out that we ran into Jack Black. And then you were like, well, now I, now I can't surprise Jason with Jack Black. And I was like, yeah, you can.

Yeah, I want to surprise— I've been— we've been talking to Jack.

You've been trying to surprise me with A whole bunch of things.

It's funny. There's like, there's so many things that I like just hold like inside me, like all these surprises, right?

Like, so you can do—

I have one coming up that you're going to see, and I've been holding it in for a couple of months.

Really?

Yeah. And it's, it's, it's like a couple of weeks away.

I'm very excited.

No, no, Kate Upton. It's not for you.

Oh, who's it for?

I can't say. But, but yeah, it's like, it is tough holding the surprise. But yeah, no, all in all, it's—

I've got a bunch of stuff too up my sleeve. That I've been holding in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just candy.

It's a bunch of farts.

Reese's Pieces.

Yeah.

Snickers. No. No. Yeah, it's sick. I would— I don't know. I guess— I guess moral of the story is follow your dreams. That sounds so fucking crazy. It sounds so stupid to say follow your fucking dreams.

Someone's listening to this, like, emptying garbage. They're like, fuck you, David.

I know. I know. It sounds so cheesy. But like, what else is there? I don't know. Well, what do you say to someone that's like— what I always say to kids that wants to be a YouTuber, like, what do you say to that person?

I usually— I'm usually very— like, if when I do Q&As in my stand-up show, I'm very brutally, brutally honest with them. I'm just like, if you don't have an insane passion for making videos and you're like almost— you need to be almost addicted to it, don't do it. I do not even try. Don't waste your time. But if you love it, love it, love it, then it won't matter if you make money or not. And just go do it.

Yeah, you have to do it.

But I say that with anything too, like any job. Like, what's your— whenever I talk to kids, I'm like, what's your passion? What are you passionate about? Yeah, that's basically it. Even, even when I was like broke, I was still passionate about what I was doing, you know? Like, I was like, I'm doing stand-up.

I mean, none of us started doing this with the intention of making money from it, right?

Right.

I mean, it definitely wasn't—

is that true?

I mean, no, no, no.

Like, you obviously wanted to make money.

Well, I wanted it— I wanted it to be my job, right? But I didn't start Vine because I saw that Viners were making money, right?

Right.

Like, I wanted entertainment. I wanted the long-term goal of entertainment to be my job, right? But I never started Vine and was like, this is what's gonna make me a lot of money, or YouTube's gonna make me a lot, right? I always saw everything as like a stepping stone. And like, it was like, it was like I had to prove myself that I can do this and I can do the next thing. But it was never like, I want to get a quick buck off this and make videos. Like, right, like it was— I don't know, that's— it is, it is really hard. But it's like, but it— you almost can't teach anybody that. You almost can't tell somebody to follow their dreams. They just have to fucking do it.

Like, it's, it's like, I'm always, I'm always like— and I've seen so many people in my life too that like they just don't have drive. And they're like, like, oh, like, for example, like all the kids I went to high school with, yeah, like way funnier than me. Kids I went to college with, way funnier than me. And then when I started to do stand-up, I would see them and they'd be like, wow, like you're not funny, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And you're doing stand-up. And I'm like, well, you should do it too. Like, it's really fun. Like, I love it.

Yeah, you said something interesting the other day about like stand-up that like, I don't know, I don't know, I think it was you, like you were talking about like how I was like, I could never do it. But you were talking about how it's all about going out there and just failing in front of people. Like, you have to be willing to, like, not get any laughs.

Yeah.

And that's why you work so well. Like, we'll, we'll, like, be— we'll be filming, we'll be filming something, and Jason will be on a crowded bus and he'll start— try to start making jokes, and none of them are landing.

None of them.

Like, nothing's— no one's laughing. Jason looks like an idiot. We look, we look like complete assholes, right?

But like, but Jason doesn't stop because he's like, I don't let it get me down.

Yeah, he doesn't let it get— and then there'll be other people in our friend group that will literally go, oh, well, now, you know, here, like this, look how embarrassing this is.

Yeah.

And like, I'll be like, why are you saying that? Like, Jason's over here fucking trying.

Like, I'm trying. I think I hit like—

that's like the—

I hit 1 out of 20.

Yeah.

So for anyone out there, it's the best when Jason hits a joke.

When Jason It's like the most rewarding thing about all this is like when someone's on a roll with jokes. Like, you know, when you like just feel it, you know, when you get like that first laugh.

Yeah.

And then you're like, and then you're like, I know I'm going to get the next and the next.

Yeah.

Like you, like you already have like everything just like in place.

Right.

That's the best.

Yeah. That's pretty cool actually.

It's like, it's like Jason. Jason is the worst when he goes, when he goes, turn the camera on, turn the camera on. So like sometimes I'll just be like, fuck you.

Sometimes I nailed it. Turn your camera on about 3 weeks ago at the movie theater.

The only time—

oh, whatever, there's been tons of times Jason will go, turn the camera on, turn the camera on.

And the worst part is, is like sometimes he won't tell me. We'll be standing around like 10 people and he'll point to him and he'll go, David, turn the camera on. And it's the worst when other people are like, whoa, why does he want the camera on? What is he about to do? And he'll like, he'll like say a joke and everyone's like waiting for this like big thing because he just made me turn the camera on. But he's like, ah, damn it, it didn't land. Um, the only time it's worked is like a couple of weeks ago, which I think was like 2 months ago now, Jason was turning the camera on and he tripped over like, like the, the, the lines, um, that they're like when you go to the movie theater, there's like ropes. Yeah. He jumped over the ropes. Yeah. The velvet ropes that divide the line. He tripped over a couple of them and knocked them over. That was the only time it's worked. But every time it's just like, it kind of just dies and you just kind of have to swallow.

And then David goes, Jason, no, no. What are you doing? No. And I was like, oh, fuck, he's mad at me. But then we got inside the movie and he was like, no, no, that was fine.

Yeah, that was funny.

Hey, can people stop qualifying that they like me? They always go, for some reason I've been watching Jason Nash. Is that weird?

Yeah, that's like— that's like when people like go, I don't know why, but I'm like weirdly attracted to David.

Right, right, right.

Just fucking— what do you mean weirdly? What's your problem? It's pretty normal. I'm an okay-looking dude. You can just say you're attracted to me. I mean, I'll be honest, that is pretty— they probably did fucking hit their head after watching your videos. Sometimes I say that. Sometimes I'll be watching your videos and Natalie will come by and go, are you okay? And I go, what? And I just kind of snap out of it and I go, I can't believe I was doing that. It's so embarrassing. So I get it.

Yeah, well, I gotta move out, David, September 1st.

They're making you?

Yeah. Not making me. I can stay if I want to pay all that rent. They're more than happy to have me.

I can stay if I fucking rob a bank.

My house is very expensive.

How much is it a month?

I can't say.

$11,000 a month.

Not that much, but a bit around there.

And it's like $9,000 a month.

Yeah. And it was supposed to be the new vlog squad house, but it didn't pan out that way. No one ever came. I think I showed you the house and you were like, yes, get it. Definitely. And I was like, okay, all right. David's into it. I'm into it.

Jason got the house because he thought people were going to go there. And I remember at first, I remember the first time I was there, he did a— he did a no shoe or no shoe rule.

So you have a no shoe rule here.

I know, I know, I know.

Bullshit.

I know, I know. But he didn't.

I killed that thing at the—

he did a no shoe rule. And then, and then he started— he was like, you know what? Not too many people are coming here. So he goes, one day we were all over, luckily. And he goes, guys, you can wear your shoes in the house now. I think it was like to, like, win us over so we come by more. And then no one ended up actually going over there ever again.

No.

Did you cancel the no-shoe rule in hopes of more people coming?

Yeah, that was what I was hoping.

That was your, like, your last stab at it. Like, I think I'm going to get people to come over.

You have a no-shoe rule. So I was like, why don't I institute it too? Yeah, that's where I got it from. I always let people wear shoes in my house. Yeah, but it is hard if you have like 10 people come in the house and dragging dirt around.

It's so funny, like in different cultures, like Some people like are like, how the fuck can you enter a house and take your shoes off? Like, to some people that's crazy.

Oh, is that true?

Yeah.

Is that how it is in Slovakia?

Well, no, in Slovakia, in Slovakia everyone takes their shoes off.

Okay.

Yeah, all the time.

Okay. And in Japan I know they do.

Yeah, that's— I don't know. But like, now I'm getting to the point where now I don't care because we have so many meetings at the house.

Right.

The worst is to ask someone that's coming like from like, you know, an executive at AT&T, hey, can you take your shoes off? You know, that's weird. So now I, now I don't do it as much. But if you're coming to hang out here like all day, then take your shoes off. But if you're coming just like party or pregame, you can keep them on. This next segment of the podcast called Joe's Podcast. It's where we give our editor friend 25 seconds to say and do whatever he wants. Starting in 3, 2, go.

Oh my God, that's it. That's the time.

Why would you do this to me?

Jay, check the ratings. How many listeners did we lose?

Okay, the Nielsens are in, and oh my God, we just lost $100,000 on that.

Fuck. Well, Joe, looks like you've successfully knocked it down a couple points down the chart. Thank you again.

Hey, but come on, David, a popcorn eating contest is a tough thing.

You know, I like when Joe comes into the podcast because he makes everything else sound a lot better. Our podcast can be pretty lame, but then when you hear Joe's portion, you go, hey, that wasn't so bad. I kinda miss the old podcast. You know what I love about Joe's podcast?

What's that?

Is our podcast can be maybe like boring or subpar, but then you hear Joe's teeny weeny, right? And you go, holy shit, the stuff I was listening to before was really good. And I regret— I regret not being grateful for that because I miss it. So thank you, Joe, for making people realize how much better our podcast is. Well, you've lived a long life. Have you ever had a threesome?

Yes. Yes, I have. I have one.

Are you being serious?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm being— yeah. You know what's funny?

What were the dudes' names? David and Tom.

Joe. David and Joe. And Joe's teeny weeny.

Um, no, you did?

Yeah, I did. Yeah, threesomes are not— they're not what you think.

What?

I mean, it's like a big movie that you're excited about. Remember that movie you were excited about, about the Beatles? Yeah, and then everyone said it sucked. Yeah, yesterday. Yeah, I didn't see it. Did you see it?

I haven't seen it, but yeah, but it's kind of like that.

It's kind of like, oh, I thought this would be better.

Oh, what happened?

It's too much.

I want to know how it even— how you— were you— were you— how old were you?

I was like 28, a long time ago.

Oh, so you're about 50s. How did it happen?

I was seeing this girl.

Yeah.

And she was like, you know, she's like, she's like, hey, this is weird. It's like, I'm really embarrassed, kind of embarrassed to say this, but like, would you ever be down to have like a threesome? And I was like, yeah. I was like, fuck yeah. And she was like, oh, okay, okay. And then she like showed me a picture of your friend, her friend. And I was like, holy shit. I was like, yes, this is fucking— are you kidding?

Sure.

And I was like, I hit the jackpot. Yeah, because I figured like that, to me, what I thought was like, well, that'll be the best thing ever. Like if you had like a wife or a girlfriend that was into girls.

Yeah.

And then that'd be like, well, then that would be great. That would be the best of both worlds.

Did you think she was fucking with you at first?

No, because she was like a New York girl. She was like really— she was New Yorky. Oh, a lot of people have threesomes, you know, people in New York, they're fucking crazy.

So, okay, and then, and then how did it— so, so a friend came by? What happened? You guys get to the sex right away?

Frank came by.

The girls decided to take a bath and they went in the bath and then they were like, hey, you should probably take a shower too, you fucking disgusting fuck. What happened?

I'm sorry, that was just a hint.

Wait, they went— they went to take a bath by themselves?

Yeah. They were like, we're going to go take a bath. Like, we were watching TV and then I was like, oh, okay. And I was like, well, should I come? And they were like, yeah, yeah, you should come in. Of course. Yeah, come on in. And I was like, oh, okay, okay. So then like, then like, you know, like they got down to like their, their panties and, but, and no, and no tops, you know?

Yeah.

So they're in the bath and like, and then I got down to my boxers and I jumped out of the bath.

They got water everywhere.

They ran home and then I got out of my boxers and then What's really funny about the three-way is like, it's like, it's, it needs to start. It has to start at some point. Sure. And then I remember like being in the bathtub for a while, like being like, hey, we're all taking a bath. But that's not what was going down at all. Yeah, it was like, it was time for me to like make the move on somebody.

Yeah.

But then we spent, I spent a lot of time on the sidelines just kind of like talking and like having some beer.

Were you making jokes?

Yeah, I was probably making jokes.

And then, and then at one point, you like, when you're like in a sexual setting, are you like a funny guy? You seem like a guy who just loses all funny when he's in a sexual setting.

Yeah, I don't, I don't try to make jokes. I get very like, you know, hey, we're having sex. I don't, I don't fucking tell jokes.

No, not joking.

Somebody like, you just seem like you just like, you just get like, hey, how about airplanes? Fucking, what's this with the size of the peanuts, huh?

No, you just seem like you're like, like you, when you, when you're like in like the zone, you get like really focused in on it and everything else just doesn't exist. I don't know why. Yeah, I do.

I do. I don't know. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I'm not funny at all.

Yeah.

And I'm like really into having sex and blowing my load.

Fucking Christ, bro.

I mean, what? We have kids listening, Jason. You're kidding. Some kid was listening to his parent right there and was like, oh, it got really awkward right about now.

Kids on his road trip and was like, please, Mom, you gotta listen to these guys, they're so funny.

Some kids on his way to college.

And you know, it was going so great because we were talking about like— 3-way? No, because it was going great because we were talking about like following your dreams. And you know, the mom was like, okay, okay, Stuart, Adam, I understand why you watch this, why you listen to this now. These guys are good, and if they're doing great stuff in Hollywood, I'm happy for it.

And then we fucked it up by you talking about blowing your load in a If you're on your way looking at colleges and you're in the passenger seat and your mom is driving—

yeah, if you're watching this with your parents, like, have the discussion right now. Yeah, look to your parents and go, hey, listen, I fucking— I watch porn. You know, just turn to your parents and go, I've watched porn. And parents, if you're watching with your kids, turn to your kids and just ask them right now, straight up ask them, do you jerk off? Ask your son that right now and start the conversation, and maybe you guys will be closer.

Get this tour of Colgate started. Started in the right way.

Yeah. Okay.

We're going to give you a moment of silence now.

Every time, every time I think of like parents listening to this podcast, it's because they're about to go tour a college of some sort.

Yeah, we've heard that quite a bit.

Yeah. Every time we're going to look for colleges, we're listening to your podcast.

Oh, what a shit show that must be.

Yeah, whatever. I don't know.

Anyways, anyways, the thing, the thing that struck me as funny was that like, you know, you're like, oh, they have their tops off, they're in their panties. This is go time, you know what I mean? Like, they wouldn't have done that if they weren't ready.

Sure.

So anyways, so then, you know, you start doing whatever and you start making out with one, and obviously you like one more than the other, right?

Yeah.

The girl I'm seeing, like, I like—

oh, you liked her more? Yeah.

Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't— the other one's hot, but I don't—

yeah, you're not—

I don't know her.

Yeah.

You know, and so, so, you know, it's like, you, you know, when you like make out with your girlfriend, you're like really into it. So then you like make out with your girlfriend and then you start making out with the other one and then you start making out and it just—

was she your girlfriend at the time?

Yeah.

Okay.

And so then it's just like you just kind of end up— I don't know, it's just too much.

Yeah.

You end up, you end up not connected with your girlfriend and then you're just having this like crazy—

it's just too many bodies being thrown at each other.

Yeah. And you just have this crazy sexual thing with like a one-night stand, but you're not connected with your girlfriend. So then it's just kind of like, eh. Yeah, you lose— you lose the intimacy.

So, so I guess it didn't work out the best.

I couldn't get hard either.

Yeah, that makes sense. Do you— did you talk to your parents a lot about sex?

No, we never talked about sex. I— it was really, really hard for me. I was like, never spoken about, and I was like really awkward about it. And then my dad would always like— he would always like, if they're like a girl with like big boobs walk by, he'd be like, hey, what do you think of that? And that would make me really uncomfortable.

Oh my God. How the fuck do you respond to that?

I don't know. Did your dad do that?

Fuck no.

He never like nudged him and like, oh, look at this.

Never.

Yeah, it was really awkward.

I don't think my dad, to my knowledge, ever looked at another woman like that in his life.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Like, I mean, if he did, I would, I would have absolutely no idea.

Yeah.

If my dad did that to me and was like, look at that ass, I'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? That's like No.

That's funny. Did your parents talk to you about sex?

No, I've told the story before. They, they like referenced one of my Vines and that's how they told me about what sex was.

You didn't know about sex until you were making Vines?

Well, my dad never had the sex talk with me and I was a pretty fucking like geek, like pretty big geek. So they were probably like, we don't have to have this conversation for another fucking 15 years. So like they never brought it up.

There's no way any girl is interested in him anyways.

Here is sex talk. If you're ever lucky, do it, but there's no fucking way. And that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you for listening. Jason's going on a tour to like 15 different cities.

I added 6 more, 20 cities this fall.

Are you serious?

Charlotte, Oregon, Texas, what am I— Miami.

Do you think about me?

I'm worried about it. I was on the phone with William Morris today and I was like, what about David? And they're like, David will be fine, he does not need you. Why do you think you're so— why do you think you're so important, play such an important role in David's life? I was like, yeah, I know, but like We're doing a thing. We're like a duo in a way. And they were like, no, David just tells you what to do. And I was like, hey guys, that's not exactly how I see it. I think I'm going to hang up the call. And, and no, I am worried about it. But then the good news is I've already bought you tickets to come with me.

You bought me flights?

Yeah, I'm going to buy you flights. You know, you fly me everywhere. Well, guess what? Old J-Town's going to put you in economy this time just so you can put me on the flyer. Yeah. No, no, no. I'm not going to put you on the flyer, but you're coming with. You're coming to Miami. He's coming to Charlotte.

He's going to Charlotte.

Carl's doing Nashville with me.

Well, cool. Yeah, maybe I'll be at some of the stops. Um, thank you guys for listening. Guys, if you get a chance, go check out our merch. That's the best thing to buy in the world.

Wonderful.

This is— I'm gonna announce this here first. I have a new merch drop coming. It's the Beverly Collection. It is my favorite merch I've— I think I've ever made.

Yeah, it's really cute.

We all love it. And, um, yeah, we've been planning for like a month and a half. Actually longer than that. Yeah, it's gonna be exciting. So tune in for that. Follow me on Instagram. I'm almost at 10 million. And no, you're not. In a million and a half. But a lot of people— couple, couple months away.

A couple months.

I'm trying to hit it before Christmas.

Oh, that'd be a nice Christmas gift.

But it'd be— it's gonna be impossible.

Yeah, guys, follow him on Instagram so he's in a good mood.

Spit on Jason.

Have you watched my Comedy Central show, David?

Fuck no. I mean, yeah, go check that out.

I was gonna get a billboard that says Jason's new Comedy Central show sucks. And then just say David.

Oh, like they said, no, like a critic review. Why? That's so funny. I think it's really fun. I would have vlogged it.

I know, that's what I told him, but no one understands. Go watch my Comedy Central show. Thanks, guys.

Thank you for listening. This has been a Views podcast. My name is Jeff. I'll see you guys later.