David Living His Dreams

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views. Jason, if you were to describe our audience in one word, what word would you use? Be careful.

Confused.

Why confused?

As to why they would listen to you and a 60-year-old man.

Guys, welcome to the podcast. It's me and a 60-year-old man. Roll the intro music. What's up, guys? It's the Views Podcast. I'm David. That's Jason. We talk about stuff. Jason's actually 46, fun fact, not 60.

Yeah, I was freaking at a party tonight.

Common misconception.

And your friend who's a big producer came up, started making fun of me, said, oh, this guy's 63.

Yeah, Benny Blanco made fun of him. Dude, bro, every time we see Benny Blanco— we saw Benny Blanco today, obviously. I've said his name like 4 times already. But we'll leave and like, we saw him at like a, like a bar. And as we were walking down the stairs, Jason goes, Benny fucking Blanco, man. Benny Blanco. I'm like, Jason, Jesus, you really love this guy.

You guys have to understand Benny Blanco. He's like a walking cartoon. Yeah, he's unreal.

He is like a walking cartoon.

He— first of all, he's in pajamas, but like fucking super stylish pajamas. I go, what are these? He goes, he goes, I don't know, man. Somebody made them for me. Of course they did. And then I look on the lapel, it says Benny. Yeah, he's wearing a Gucci purse or bag.

Gucci loafers.

Yeah. And he just looks so cool.

Yeah, he looks—

Benny Blanco looks like he always just got out of the swimming pool, you know, like the longest, most beautiful, eloquent swimming pool that hangs over Beverly Hills. Yeah. Yeah. And he's just like, he's just a goofy guy. Most beautiful girlfriend.

Yeah.

He makes every hit record you've ever heard of. I'm just fascinated. I just like want to talk to him.

Yeah, he is really interesting. He's a cool guy and he's like one of the nicest people to talk to.

So nice.

Anytime somebody's nice to Jason, I go, this person's the best.

Sometimes that really is the litmus test for Dave. It's like, that's how he weeds people out.

When people are nice to Jason, it's like, it's like they're being nice to my kid.

I'm like, yeah, man.

Yeah, you be nice to Jason. We were in the elevator. Oh my fucking goodness. We were in the elevator. It was just me and Jason and this other woman and a man. And we were leaving the place. It was like 9-story elevator ride. So it was pretty slow. And the woman goes, where do I know you from? To Jason. And he goes, "I don't know. You know what? I think I matched with you somewhere." And she goes, "What?" And he goes, "Probably like some dating app." And she's like, "Oh yeah, one of the dating apps." And that was like the wrong thing to say. He said this right as she's standing next to who we found out soon was her fucking boyfriend.

She pushed me for the answer and then it just came out. She was like, "How do I know you? How do I know you?" And I go, "I think we matched." On an app?

Yeah, on a dating app.

Yeah. And then, and then her boyfriend was right there and I felt so bad. And then we were kind of past it and she goes, oh yeah, the apps like that. And David goes, hang on, hang on, which app? Which app did you guys match on?

Yeah, I made it so awkward.

It's so awkward.

And then, and then she goes, and then she goes, probably Raya. And then I go, wow, that's crazy. I'm glad to hear that dating apps really work. And she goes, it worked for us. And she points to her boyfriend, who I just thought was a random guy. And I was like, oh shit. Fuck, this is so awkward. How long have you two been together? She's like, 3 years. So now I'm thinking, when the fuck was she on this dating app?

I don't know.

Were there even dating apps 3 years ago?

Sure.

No, I'm saying, like, was she on the dating app after she met her boyfriend?

I'm not sure. I don't know why she was on a dating app. I've never even met this girl. That's the weird thing about dating apps is you match with people. I never meet up with anybody ever.

Yeah.

And, you know, it doesn't mean anything. So to her boyfriend—

wrong thing to say to a woman with her boyfriend. I think I've seen you on a dating app. I think I fucked you in the bathroom right here. Right in front of the boyfriend. I know you, I know you from somewhere. So fucking awkward. Oh yeah, that was our night out. It was fun. Jay, I was watching an interview today. Elon Musk's mom was getting interviewed, and this pertains to your children. The question was, how did you raise such successful children? And she goes, independence. I made sure they were independent. They would rarely see me, and when they did see me, they were just helping me out because she was at work. She was basically saying, I'm I may be quoting her wrong, so don't take this, whatever. But she was basically saying my parents, like her parents, Elon's grandparents, they would work and they'd come home at 6, and that's when she'd see them.

Sure.

And look how fucking successful Elon Musk turned out. Yeah, well, so maybe you shouldn't baby your kids so much.

His father was also not great either.

Sure, I think independence is so important.

Yeah, fuck you, I'm still gonna go see my kids.

No, you should still go see your kids, I'm just saying.

Well, yeah, no, we had this debate last night without you. I was talking to our friends Carly and Aaron and Matt, and I was like, were your parents like around all the time? And they were like, yeah, they were around all the time. I'm like, see, you guys turned out great. So that's— so I think I'm doing the right thing.

I don't think it matters. I just like busting your balls. I don't think it matters whether you see your kids all the time or whether you never see your kids. I think it's just all the other elements that come into play.

Like me being their dad, just they're never going anywhere in life.

Like they're fucked from the get-go with you. No, no, no, I just think— yeah, I don't know. I was thinking back to like, like what shaped me as a kid.

Sure.

And it's like so much of my friends, so so much. Like, I, like, I just, like, everything I take, I can individually point out friends and I can tell you exactly, like, what personality trait I've adopted.

What did you get from Ilya?

I mean, from Ilya I got fucking everything.

Like what?

I mean, from Ilya I got my, like, carefree, like, don't be angry, um, just kind of hang out and have a good time attitude. Like, just have fun. Like, that was the, the most important, like, quality I got from Ilya.

Would you get from Alex?

From Alex I actually got Like, the girls I'm into— Alex shaped the girls I'm into. Alex, one day I was, I was, um, talking to him about girls, and I go, what kind of girls you like? And this was— I was very young, and Alex was like getting all the girls back then. Like, and I was like such a fucking dweeb. I never ever like touched a female. And he's like, I like small girls. Like, I like short girls. It's just like, they're just so fun and small, and like, you know, makes you feel like you're a bigger guy. I don't know, some— he said some stupid shit. I'm making stuff up. But he said he likes smaller girls. And ever since he said that I've only been into, like, short girls. It's crazy. That's what I took from him.

And what'd you get from Todd?

From Todd? Yeah, that, um, that I should, I should focus on my life more. He's pretending to be asleep and not— he's really laying on the couch right now pretending to be unaffected by what I just said. No, but everybody, even like my friend Blake, my friend Blake, like, I barely talked to him, but like, he would like say certain jokes that like, like, just I would adopt his like mannerisms. And like, I just think like you learn so much from your friends and it's just so cool. Like, you're just such a product of the people you hang out with. I love that. I was just been really lucky to like have like the best fucking group of friends throughout my entire fucking life.

Oh, well, that probably says a lot about you, Dave.

Thanks, man. I learned a lot from you too.

Oh yeah? Like what?

I don't know.

You bring a lot to the table.

Thanks.

I'm sure they got a lot from you.

Yeah, well, I also like a lot like I've learned. Like, I remember there's a kid named Kyle in my class. Okay. And one time he was being over-the-top obnoxious and the teacher yelled at him and it not only put him into place, but it like really made me check myself. And I learned so much about it. I was like, I never want to be Kyle. Like, I never want to be this over the top where a teacher goes, what the fuck are you doing? Like, watching my friends fail and watching my friends screw up or watching my friends have wins, like, all of that was like, okay, I got to be less like that or more like that. And like, that was— I was, I was around so many people that would do stupid shit where I would be like, okay, I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be doing that. I should be doing that. And I don't know, I think it really helped me out.

Do you remember when you did this in the meeting last week? We had this like big meeting and then the woman turns to David and goes, Hey, what inspires you like that? And you gave the most fucked up answer.

What did I say?

You go, you go.

Oh, I remember.

It started out great. You were like, you know, what you were trying to say was, I'm really grateful for where I am in life and I don't take any of this for granted, which is what you were trying to say. But what you did say was, like, getting to do this every day, if younger me could see that I could have this, I would kill everyone in this room.

No, that's not what I said.

Yeah, you did.

No, I said, I do wish Natalie was awake. I said it in a dark way. I did say in a dark way because I remember exactly how it came out. I said, I said, if 14-year-old me was to see the life I have now, yeah, he would literally put a bullet in somebody's head. That's what I said. And the way I said bullet in somebody's head was so aggressive.

Yeah.

And like, and it was funny because it got really silent and then Jason just goes, okay. But I think, I think they got it right.

Oh yeah, they got it. This guy really loves his career.

I must make sure that everything turns out okay for this dude because I don't want to be anywhere near this guy. No, no, no. But I meant it in a way where I'm just like eternally grateful.

And then you go, I mean, it's a fucking wonder I haven't murdered anyone yet. I swear to God. Didn't you say something like that?

Did I?

Yeah. You said it a second time.

Why did I say that?

I don't know. You're like, because I just fucking love this job so much. I mean, it's a wonder I haven't murdered anybody to get here because I would.

Oh, that's what I said. Yeah.

I saw the woman, uh, across from you grab her keys. She was like, okay, meeting's over. The question was, what inspires you?

Um, yeah, you're right, you're right, right, right. That was definitely a little bit, um, definitely a bit on the edgy side. I'm gonna keep some stuff to myself from now on, I think.

My ex-sister-in-law came out to, uh, came out from New York with her kids, and I went to dinner with them a bunch last week. And I paid.

My, my sister-in-law. Well, okay, I got married. Marnie has a sister.

Oh, yeah.

But like when you get divorced, those, those kids are still— I'm still Uncle Jason to those kids.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's kind of weird to think about.

Actually, that is a weird thing.

You process that, right?

You're still the uncle.

I'm still the uncle.

Yes.

You know, and I still love those kids.

So she came out to her nephews.

She came out to visit from New York for a week. So, so all the cousins could be together.

Oh my God. Sorry. You're saying he You totally worded it that she came out like she came out of the closet. Oh, no, wait, did she?

Yeah. No.

Okay. Because you do realize the way you said it was like she just came out to her nephews and nieces. Okay. Wow.

Yeah, we've got to really clarify that because I'm going to get in trouble if I am telling people that my sister-in-law is gay.

Just like completely incorrect information about your family.

Completely incorrect.

Okay.

Yeah, she's 100% straight.

Yeah, as far as I know. Sure.

I mean, it wouldn't matter if she was gay and it wouldn't matter if she's gay.

Why are you saying it like it's a bad thing?

It's not. My sister's gay. I love gay people. I love them up and down.

You're saying it like it's this horrible thing.

I bet she came out from New York.

Why are you saying it like you're spreading a rumor that she murders people?

I didn't say it like that.

It doesn't matter if she's gay.

You're the murderer here.

Um, okay, I get it.

Yeah, yeah. Anyways, she came out from New York.

She came out from New York to LA. She's okay.

She brought the kids with her.

She wasn't coming out to her family. That's exactly what you made it sound like.

Okay, okay. No, my sister-in-law— okay, my sister-in-law visited from New York, right? She brought her kids out.

Visited is a better word.

Yeah, and anyways, and we went out to dinner. I went out to dinner a couple times with them and I paid both times.

Oh wow.

And I think, I think they were like, wait, what happened? Like, Jason has money?

Oh yeah, yeah.

So I just thought that was interesting.

How did they react?

They were really— they were like, you don't have to pay, that's so nice, that's so nice. And I, and I, I kept thinking like, oh yeah, they must be like, that's weird, that must be weird for them that I paid because I haven't seen her in a long time. Ah, yeah, I just thought it was interesting. Not really a funny story at all.

No, I mean, the funny part was that it was— it sounded a lot more interesting. I was like, oh my God, why is she coming out so late? And how do her kids not know?

I don't think—

like, how do her kids not know that she's gay? I was like so interested. But all it was was just a way for you to brag about yourself paying for dinner for a family member.

Fuck you. I'm not going to try anymore. Forget it.

Right on, Jay.

Why don't we talk about fucking what Blake gave you when you were 11 years old? See this? Did you see this article about Lady Gaga?

Oh yeah, let me read you this.

Art boyfriend.

Let me read this article.

Yeah, go ahead.

I haven't read this, but I saw, I saw this article. This is like a little piece from the article. It's all over Twitter right now. This is a woman wrote this. She says, I was eating bodega grapes at my desk on a recent Monday morning when my phone started buzzing. Check Facebook, check Twitter. Are you okay? It was an emergency. My ex-boyfriend, I learned, had a new girlfriend, Lady Gaga. That's so funny. So her ex-boyfriend, she woke up to him dating fucking Lady Gaga. That is so fucking—

that's tough.

What does that feel like? And this woman, I guess she's just, yeah, she's just a regular civilian. She, she's a— I'm assuming she's an editor or writer. She's a senior staff editor in opinion at the New York Times, and she wrote this article about her ex-boyfriend actually dating Lady Gaga.

She actually has a good take on it, which is like, Lady Gaga is a really inspiring woman and Lady Gaga's like living her best life and doing, doing whatever she wants, and that's how we all should be, and that's how I'm gonna be, which is kind of cool.

Wait, what do you mean? You're saying she's learning from Lady Gaga?

Yeah, like that's what the article says when I, when I read it.

No, but I want to know how she's dealing with this. Like, I understand that Lady Gaga's great. I've known this my entire life.

Yeah, well, that's what the article says. She's basically like, you know what, I'm gonna fucking— I'm not gonna let this affect me. I'm gonna, I'm gonna do exactly as Lady Gaga does. Obviously I can't, you know, compare.

So Lady Gaga not only is the cause of the problems but also the solution. That's why Lady Gaga's the best.

That's That's why Lady Gaga is the best. Yeah, Lady Gaga is the best. If I can meet a celebrity—

yeah, you love Lady Gaga.

She just went to number 1 now that I think about it. I know I say Dave Chappelle, but I, I would—

yeah, she's just so fucking like incredibly disgustingly talented and her voice is just fucking insane.

If you ever heard this one Howard Stern interview she did, um, you know the song Edge of Glory?

Yeah, I'm on the edge.

It's like a dance song.

You want me to sing the whole thing right now? I—

yeah, do it.

No, okay, go.

Okay, but it's a dance song, right? Yeah, obviously, whatever. So, so he goes, he goes, hey, what's that song about, Edge of Glory? She goes, oh, it's, uh, well, it's a dance song, but it's actually about my grandfather dying. She was— I was in the hospital and he was dying, and I would go see him every day, and we only had a couple days left. And he's like, what? She's like, it's a dance song, what are you talking about? She goes, oh yeah, yeah, let me show you. And she plays Edge of Glory but just on piano, really fucking slow. And when, when you listen to the lyrics, you're like, oh my God, it's about a guy that's about to die and he's on the edge of glory and I'm hanging on a moment with you. And it blew my mind. I was like, what the fuck? This is a song I've done Molly to.

Next time I hear it at the club, I'm gonna make sure everyone stops. I'm gonna make sure it's really sad. I'm gonna let everybody know.

You don't like sad things, do you?

No, I love sad things.

Oh, like what? What are you— you don't like sad shit?

My favorite movie is About Time.

Oh, I saw About Time.

Did you like it?

I did.

We talked about it.

Yeah, we talked about it.

Yeah, that movie's fucking great. I love—

that's not sad.

Yes, it is. It's like happy sad. Like, it, like, makes you cry tears of joy.

I remember the ending being sad.

Hey, shut up.

What?

Fucking spoiled for the people. Fucking—

okay, I don't know. I don't want to spoil it for you guys because I actually don't remember, but I remember it being that sad. You don't— I'm saying real sad, like fucking like The Smiths and like really tortured shit. You're not into that.

Oh, yeah. No, I don't like dark movies. That's what you don't like?

Dark movies?

Yeah. Like, I don't like, like, the dark, like, super artsy movies. Like, I don't like those. Yeah, I like to be a little bit happy.

Yeah.

Oh, I gave away some money at a college.

I saw, I saw Natalie sent it to me.

Where is it?

Someone like Instagrammed it.

Oh, what's up with people Instagramming everything so you see it and make fun of me?

Yeah, they sent it to me and I literally went, Natalie, I don't want to see this. Because you know why? Because I saw Jack putting and I saw your smile behind the camera and there's just something so funny about like, about like that bit and you trying to execute it. Where I was— how did it go? Awful.

I had you in my mind the entire time.

Would I have laughed if I was there?

You would have been screaming at me. It was such a mess.

So what, you gave away $2,500?

Yeah.

For one person that could hit a putt?

Yeah. David does these bits a lot where he gives money away for colleges. So I was doing a college gig the other night and Dave was going to come, then he had something else. So I was like, all right. I was like, you know what, I'll try it. Like, I'd love to just try it just once, like, see what it's like. And, you know, it's clearly David's bit. And then also in the back of my mind, I was like, well, Ellen gives away money, so it's okay. But sure. So then, so then I sent him out to get a putt-putt, right? Yeah, I took that idea from you too. But then we, we— I got up there and fucking these kids.

Well, what did you tell the kids? You were like—

I said just one putt, $2,500, first person to hit it. And then they would just go one by one. Okay, these— some of these kids had never seen a golf club before, David.

How many people did it take to make the putt?

It, it must have taken about I think we did like 50, right, Dima? It was so bad.

You went through 50 people.

I was sweating fucking bullets.

I was like, because it was just so awkward.

It was so awkward. No one could hit it. No one. And then when I went up there to try to help them, I couldn't hit it either.

How far was the pot?

It was pretty far. We finally moved people. We kept— we finally moved them in a little bit. But you know what was great though? One, this girl won because the girl went up there and she's like, I've never golfed before. And I was like, do you want Jack to hit it for you? Our manager, our manager who spends all his day golfing, not working for us. And he sunk it. And that was it. Finally. I thank God Jack was there. Thank God.

That was his first. That was his first swing, too.

No, no. We gave him like 4 tries because the kids kept coming up being like, I don't know how to do this. Like, I'll have Jack do it for me.

We went, we went to college the other day and we were doing— what bit were we doing? Oh, we were doing first one. First one to throw it into the cornhole. So it's like baggo, wherever you're from, you call it something else, but it's cornhole where you throw the beanbag into a hole. And I was just going to— I was like a super quick bit. I was like, I'll give $1,000 to whoever gets it for the first try. Jay, you left about an hour in. We were there for another hour and a half. I heard it was ridiculous.

2 and a half hours out there.

Yeah, in the sun. And it was just like no one was getting it to the point where it wasn't fun. And like, I was starting to hear kids like starting to walk away from the game. They're like, it's $1,000. Who cares? I was literally hearing kids go, who gives a fuck?

It's $1,000.

Like, because everyone was just giving up on it. No one could make this fucking shot.

Yeah.

And it was at the same school. It was at the same school you went to.

I know it happened to me twice. Yeah, in one week. And I— but I, but I was glad I did it because I was in your shoes for once and I was like, oh, this is a lot harder than it looks.

Yeah, it takes a lot.

Yeah, it takes a lot of— you really have a lot of luck.

You have to find the right— is 100% because every time we do it, we actually get it on the first try. Like when you do it, you got a first try, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

But when it takes over 50 tries, it's like, okay, I don't want to give anybody this money, but you can't like walk away from it.

No, you can't.

That's, that's the worst is like, is like I was 2.5 hours into this fucking cornhole competition and it was $1,000 and I was just like, okay, listen, I'm just gonna put the money back in my pocket and go to my car because I can't be here any longer and no one's fucking winning this game. Yeah. No, it is a really interesting situation to be in.

The woman who ran the event walked up to Dima at one point and was like, so what happens? Like, are we gonna be here all night? Like, oh my God, it was that bad. And Dima was like, no, no, no, no, we'll, we'll figure it out. And Dima was actually really good. He was like, no, we'll move them closer if we have to. And, uh, and that was it. But then the kids were great too. I asked the kids, I was like, I was like, I'm sorry this is taking so long, do you have somewhere to be? And everybody was like, no! Which is—

which—

well, it's great for the kids if 50 people got a shot at like winning $2,500. That's sick.

That's true.

The other night we went out for a friend's birthday and we were hanging out with, um, I mean, I don't even know how to put this in like, like a normal way. Like, it was Madison Beer and all her friends.

Sure.

Like, uh, there's not this— there isn't really a story to this other than like, they are the— I mean, they're the, the hottest people in the world. I mean, like, I don't— I cannot explain to you, like, these girls are the top of like, like the line, like the most beautiful, attractive women you'll ever see.

And all really nice too.

The sweetest. And they're all like, just fucking— we're on a party bus.

They passed the Jason Litmus test. Yes, they're nice to me.

They're all really nice to Jason. Great. And we're on a party bus and they're just all dancing and like just having a good time.

Yeah.

And I'm just like, I literally—

I have—

fuck, I'm, I'm smiling like ear to ear on this bus. I'm just like, I'm like, like people are looking at me like, David, you good? And I'm like, I'm literally like, I, I turned to the guy next to me, I'm like, bro, are we in a fucking dream? Like, look at this, this is crazy. I mean, it was like the— like, first of all, they're all, they're all models. That's what they do for a living, which is already crazy.

They get paid.

If you told me when I was 13 I would even see one model in my life, that I would walk by a model, yeah, fuck you, no fucking way. I'm gonna see a model? Where? Where would I see a model? I live in fucking Vernon Hills, there's no way I'm see a model, but let alone be on a party bus with fucking 13 of them, bro. I was fucking mesmerized. And I was like, like, not only are these like— they're models, but they're like— they're not— they're not only models, but they're models or singers, whatever. And they're all on a bus, in a party bus in LA, like heading to one of the most beautiful homes in all of Los Angeles.

Yes.

I was just completely— I was like, I literally— I'm telling you, I could not stop talking. I was so annoying because I was like, and the craziest part is they're so used to like being good looking that like they're not as confused as I am. But the entire fucking bus ride I'm like, are you guys fucking looking at yourselves? Like, I feel like I'm in a fucking movie. I felt like I was in a fucking movie. I was like, look around you. And like, I turned to the guy next to me who's like been in the LA scene for like 8 years and I was like, dude, how fucking crazy is this?

Right?

And he goes, I don't— yeah, I guess, man. Can you pass me the 1942?

Yeah.

And I was like, yeah, okay, fuck. Like, no one, no one was getting it. Like, and I thought it was the craziest, most mind-blowing thing to be surrounded by such incredibly, like, girls that are completely out of my league. I don't know, it was, it was really, really fun. Yeah, that was one of the, that was one of the moments in my life where I was just like, you know, I don't call my parents a lot, but I want to FaceTime them right now and show them exactly where I am, because if anybody's going to be proud of me right now, it's probably my dad.

And I lost you, and then I I came, uh, and I brought your car to you, and I was like, oh yeah, you weren't on the party bus, you brought my car. I mainly go out so we can film something. So I was like, when I finally got, got to the, to the house and brought your car, I was like, okay, we're gonna film something finally that'll be worth me staying out this late because I get so tired.

Yeah.

And then I walked into the house, I couldn't find you, and then I, I walk into a bedroom and Dave's just making a TikTok with 3 of the hottest chicks I've ever seen. And I turned right around, fucking opened my Uber app.

I remember, I remember I was setting up my TikTok and I saw Jason walked in, and I was so like, I was so I was so like into the TikTok that we were making because like I was already sweaty because this was like our fourth take and I can't dance for shit. So I was trying my best and all I see is Jason come in, give me the keys, and he's just smiling like ear to ear. I remember— do you remember me making eye contact with you?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Like I made eye contact with you and I didn't say a word.

You didn't say anything.

I didn't say anything because I wanted you to get what I was thinking.

And as I walked out, I go, I hope he understood what I was thinking.

Yeah. No, I definitely know what I was thinking. Yeah, I definitely understood what I was thinking. Well, it's just like, this is fucking ridiculous.

I was thinking, go, Dave.

Yeah, it was crazy. It was almost like a moment. Like, it almost felt like, Jason, not now.

Like, completely.

Like, the—

I knew, I knew. And that was not the time.

The eye contact we made was like, Jason, wait. I don't know why I'm here or how I got in this house with all these girls, but give me a moment, please. Get out of here. Beat it. And Jason just like smiling like, oh, I get it, kid. Go have fun.

Yeah, I was like, well, we can always film tomorrow. David, you should watch this McMillions documentary on HBO. I think— what is it? It's basically— you remember the McDonald's Monopoly pieces? Monopoly game?

Oh yeah, yeah, I remember.

Basically every single winner from 1989 to 2001 was fixed.

What?

Fixed?

Who won? Like Friends?

It was the mob. There was— they had a guy inside the marketing company that made the game pieces, and they had a way to to get the pieces out.

Are you being serious?

Yeah. I've only watched the first 2 episodes, so— but I'm not sure exactly what happens. But it's all about this.

The McDonald's Monopoly game.

Yeah.

What was the grand prize?

$1 million, a Dodge Viper, a new house. Like, there were some big ones. And then, and then obviously a lot of the prizes were like a Big Mac or whatever.

Oh, it was people from the mob that were winning the big ones.

Yeah. They would give it to their friends or relatives. And then the way that they caught everybody is they would go— they went to all the winners and they would videotape them and pretend like they were from McDonald's. And so people were just like making up stories as to how they got the piece and stuff. It's really interesting. You should definitely watch it. It seems like— because I know you like things that are like, you know, for the masses. And this is like really interesting because everybody played that game.

Everybody's fucking crazy. That's really— are these people in jail?

I don't know. I haven't gotten that far yet.

I don't understand how mobs work. I just don't—

I don't understand.

Like, I don't get how everyone knows that they're doing bad stuff but they're not being arrested.

The mob's just really inventive.

Like, who's the biggest mobster in New York? The mob's not around anymore, but back, uh, like, give me a name that I—

as most recently, the Gambino family was probably the biggest, and that was in like the '80s and '90s.

Okay, the fact that you know the Gambino family, sure, right? And like everybody knows the Gambino family, like especially from— where are they from, Boston, New York?

New York. John Travolta played him in a movie.

Okay, the cops know about the Gambino family, but how the fuck do they not bust them?

They, they have to set up these crazy investigations where they wiretap, and then the mob's really smart. They know how to like—

like, you'll have a member from the Gambino family face to face with a cop, right?

Right.

And this will probably happen all the time, and they'll like— they'll walk right by a police officer and the cop won't be able to arrest them because it's like, he didn't do anything wrong.

He has a million people underneath him doing everything.

I understand that, but if you're telling me that, then how do the cops not put that together? Like, are they—

they can't prove that he did anything. There's no connection. It's almost like—

so how do they know it's the Gambino family doing it? Just like word of mouth? Yeah, like everyone says it, but there's nothing to actually prove it, right? That's fucking crazy.

And that's the cop's job, is to connect the murders or whatever they did wrong. And you know what, to be honest, there's no more— there really is no more mafia or organized crime. So the cops won ultimately, I think, with technology and stuff. But for, you know, for years they did really well.

Have you ever had anybody that owed money to the mob?

Yeah, my father owed money to them.

We talked about that, right?

We talked about it. But yeah, like, we can tell it again quickly. My father's partner was murdered by the mob.

That's crazy. And you guys fled?

Uh, no, but we had guys in our house with guns for a while.

Oh, just to look out, look out for your dad?

Yeah. Crazy shit. It, it was a horrible thing to happen. I feel so bad for my dad. That's awful.

Can you imagine your partner being killed? That's like you being killed.

It's like you being killed.

No, you'd be killed. It's like you being killed.

I guess it is more No, actually, it's like you being killed because the guy that they killed was the more important guy.

How much money did your— did your dad and his partner owe?

I don't know. I mean, in the millions.

And it could have— oh wow, millions. Yeah, and it could have been your dad that was killed easily, but they didn't.

I don't know.

They're not after him anymore.

No, no, it's all gone. It's, it's completely, completely gone. His partner was supposed to pay this money back, and his partner said, fuck, fuck them, I'm not gonna pay them back. And my dad was like, no, you have to pay them back because They'll kill you.

How did they kill him?

They knocked on his door at 2 in the morning and he answered the door and they shot him in the doorway. His wife— his wife was upstairs.

And his wife didn't die?

No.

Oh wow. Did they leave like a note?

Yeah, David, they left a note. They left a Walmart card.

They left the card.

Hey, what's up?

Did he have kids?

I don't know. I think— I, I don't know, dude.

That is fucking crazy.

I remember, but I was like 2 years old when it happened.

And that shit's real.

Yeah, real. And it's weird. You see it on TV and then like, but until it happens to you—

how many times did they shoot him? I'm sorry. I'm just so curious. I'm trying to paint this picture. Like, these guys knock on— is it like— is it like a movie? He holds up the gun once to his head and it's like— like, does he say a catchphrase? Like, I just don't—

I remember seeing a picture of the dead body.

Oh my God.

And there's like a pool of blood in his entryway. Like, dead, dead, dead.

Does he say something? Does he go, you owe them? Like, you know, like, does the mob have like a catchphrase? Like you've been mobbed? Like, do they say something like that? Like, I know it sounds like a TV show, like, like, you know, does this exhibit come out and go, you've officially been pimped? Like, what happens? Like, that exhibit comes out, the, uh, the rapper from Pimp My Ride, your ride's been officially pimped, and Ashton Kutcher comes out of the van. I just cannot imagine that. I cannot imagine.

I can't either.

I don't know.

I can't imagine killing somebody.

No.

And even if they owed me millions of dollars, it'd be like, all right, well, like Nothing I can do about it.

Apparently I can imagine killing somebody because when I wanted to be a YouTuber when I was 12, I would have put a bullet in somebody's head.

I ran into some interesting porn the other day.

Yeah, weird way to put it. I ran into—

I ran into it. I don't know how I ran into it.

You were at like a school meeting and then all of a sudden there was the porn.

I don't watch porn at my kids' school, Dave, so don't imply that.

I know, I understand that.

No.

Have you seen ripped yoga pant porn?

Yeah, I've definitely seen that, bro. Come on, I've been around.

Yeah, I know you've been around, but I didn't know how much you've been visiting Pornhub. I just found it to be kind of a waste, you know? Why you gotta rip the yoga pants? These are— I don't know if you've seen the price of yoga pants lately, but at Lululemon they're $128.

They're not ripping Lululemon.

These are really nice. You're probably not watching the high-quality rip yoga porn that I've been seeing then.

Trust me, the ones I've seen, the pants rip way too easily for it to be Lululemon quality.

I don't know about that.

These look like high quality last night. For me, I would say too, I would like to see the porn where they take the pants off, fold them, and put them away nicely. That would probably—

that would be better for me. Seen like the guy on Pornhub that posts videos like, um, had breakfast with my stepsister, didn't touch each other, just had a good time? You haven't seen those?

No.

There's this guy on Pornhub who uploads videos and it's like the most like porn title-y, like titles. Yeah, but he doesn't have sex and he just like, he just like, he's just really sweet with the girls. So he'll be like, he'll be like, ordered pizza, tipped very well. Like instead of, instead of him having sex with the pizza delivery person, he's like, so like every, every porn is like the opposite of what you would think.

Oh, that's so good. How do I find him?

I think you just type in tips very well. Actually, if you put in tips very well on Pornhub I feel like you'll get a lot of other results. No, but, um, yeah, that's, that's this whole thing. It's really, really good. It's really well done. It's like, walked in on my wife cheating on me, um, had a long conversation with her about, about communication and about respect.

So it's like, does he get a lot of views?

Yeah, he gets a ton, a couple hundred thousand views.

Really?

Yeah.

You know, Pornhub pays.

Yeah, I heard like the CPM is on there really good. It's just nice because it's like a nice change of pace, like from like the disgusting stuff you'd find on there to this guy who's actually making genuine content on Pornhub.

Yeah, that's fine. It's good he found his niche. Hey, you know what's funny? The other night we were at the, um, we were at that premiere, and then Carly— someone sent Carly a DM about a guy that throws knives, and it said like, hey, I throw knives, would love to throw knives at Jason.

Oh yeah, that was funny.

And Carly sent it as like a joke, like, I can't believe someone is this crazy just to send this. This is so outrageous. And David looked at it and he This is a great idea.

Sure.

I DM'd him right away.

Yeah.

And then I texted back Carly in the group chat. I go, Carly, what the fuck? Why are you sending this shit?

Yeah, yeah. No idea. He hasn't responded to me.

Good.

I hope he quits being a knife thrower this weekend and we don't have to do that bit.

Hey, man, sorry to respond so late. I've actually quit. No longer throwing knives. Would love to just hang out with Jason though and get to know him and tip very well.

Oh, I had a dream last night, motherfucker. I had the most embarrassing dream. Yeah, you want to hear it?

Why'd you call me motherfucker?

Because you're sitting there, you look so snug.

You look so—

guess what, fucking bitch? Guess who had a dream?

Listen to this dream I had last night. I go, oh my god, okay, I'm in some sort of like college or comedy club. There's a lot of people around and I have to go up and do stand-up and I'm like not too sure of the material. I'm like, this is fucking wonky material. Like, this is nothing I've tried before or whatever. So I get up there and I start doing the material, and I'm killing. I'm fucking killing. I'm like, oh my God, this is fucking great. I'm killing, I'm killing, I'm killing. And then I realize about halfway through the set that there's another room behind me, and there's like 300 people trying to watch someone behind me, and all the laughter was coming from the other stage.

Jesus.

And no one was laughing at me.

Damn, that obviously points out some major insecurities that you have.

I know, I know you're not insecure, so you wouldn't understand. Wow, David doing some dream reading right now. I know.

Oh, look who's doing dream reading, dude.

When you fucking read dreams—

I didn't ask you to read it. I know you don't like when I read dreams, so you don't have to read it. I was just telling you about that.

You realize when you read dreams, you always go, I love reading dreams, I'm really good at it. And like, you give like the most— like, what I just said was super basic, and a fucking 7-year-old can come up with that solution. Yeah, yeah. And like, when you read dreams, it's also the same.

I don't know what you're talking about. I've never read a dream before.

That's all you do every time.

No, I know not to bring it up because you hate when I want to like analyze dreams.

I had a dream two nights in a row. Yeah, in my dream I was asleep and I heard a knock on my door and it was Natalie's mom. Oh, and she was trying to get in. Oh, and all the doors were locked and she kept pressing up against the glass like screaming at me and we were just yelling back and forth.

Oh yeah.

And I was fucking terrified. It's a horror movie. I told Natalie and she just started laughing and she's like, I cannot wait to tell my mom this. Yeah, it was Natalie's mom trying to break into my house.

Oh, that's really funny.

I have—

she just stayed too long once and I got really scared of her. I think she was here for 3 weeks and I was like, oh my God, I'm so scared of you.

Remember when Natalie's mom was here for a while and kind of hiding from you so you didn't know if she was still here or not?

Yeah.

And yeah, Natalie's mom— when Natalie's mom comes, she's great. I genuinely actually like her. But when, when Natalie's mom comes, she always comes without like a flight back. So, so I'll have to go. I'll be like, when are you leaving? And she'll be like, don't know yet. And Natalie will always go, yeah, she's coming for like, she's coming for the weekend. And I know that's fucking bullshit. I know she's going to stay a month. And then, and then her last time, the last time she was here, she missed her flight 3 times.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm not talking like she misses her flight and gets on the next one. Like when she misses it, she goes, she comes back here, has dinner, and then maybe looks at a flight for the, you know, in another 2, 3 days.

Yeah.

Like she does. Like when she misses a flight, like there's— she's not leaving the same day. No fucking way. And she— remember that? She did a couple of times.

I remember I went into Natalie's room to talk to her and Jen was like in the closet. She was like, Jen, what are you still doing here? She's like, shh, get the fuck out.

It's my flight.

Oh my God.

So funny.

Hiding.

She wasn't hiding, but it was—

there was one time I, I didn't know she was here. Like, I didn't know she missed her flight, and, and it was like 3 days since she left.

Yeah.

And it was like 10 PM, and I see something run by the door, and we all fucking screamed. There was like 6 of us, and we all went— we were all fucking terrified. And then I— and I went out to go look, and it was Jen. She ran right by the door, and she went to go smoke a cigarette in my backyard, and she just tried to run right by us. And oh my God, did it fucking Freaked me out. Yeah, Natalie's mom is something else. It's the best one. She's hiding from me. I think that's why I had two nightmares in a row about it.

Why you did two?

Yeah, two nightmares in a row. Oh man, it was like, it was like a modern-day horror movie. Oh, I went to the, I went to the bar yesterday and I guess who I ran into?

John Legend?

No, Taylor, my assistant.

Oh really?

Yeah, I've never seen her outside of work.

Oh, she was out there.

She's out there by herself just having like lunch. With a girlfriend. I was like, wow. It was, it was like seeing your teacher outside of school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was fucking weird.

What did you say?

Wasn't she supposed to be working?

No, no. What do you mean? It was like 11:30 at night.

You said lunch.

Oh, I said lunch. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah.

Dinner.

No, it was. Yeah, it was really late. And I was just, I was like on the phone and I was like looking for Natalie. I was like, Natalie, where are you? And I looked down and literally right under me, like I'm talking over a table. And right under me is Taylor. And I don't know if she was trying to hide or if, or if she was happy to see me or what was going on, but I was like, Taylor, what the fuck are you doing here? That's really— it's really weird seeing somebody, seeing an employee outside of the workplace.

Really?

You see Natalie outside the workplace all the time.

Yeah, but she's like a mixture between a friend and an employee. Ah, it's tricky. Oh shit. Okay, Natalie's here. Natalie, come here real quick. Okay, Natalie, we were just talking about, um, your mother. Um, one of our favorite topics.

Yes.

Remember how I told you I had a nightmare about her?

Yes.

Yeah. And then I had another one right after.

Like, I thought you were kidding. You had another one? You actually had another nightmare about her?

Yeah, I had two nightmares in a row.

Like, very emotionally invested in my mother.

Can you explain to me the process when your mother misses a flight? Because I find it to be— I was telling Jason, when she misses a flight, she doesn't just miss a flight and book the next one. She waits like 3, 4 days.

I don't know. I know I can't explain it. She's very— the way that she does things is very meticulous. It's very— the way that she does it—

meticulous, that's the wrong word.

I feel like meticulous is like she'd be out on the next flight.

She'd be on the first flight.

No, no. Like the way that—

unpunctual is the way she does it.

She's very punctual. Jason was telling me— you weren't here, but Jason was saying that one time he went into your room and he was like, oh, Jen, you're still here. And she was like, shh. 100%.

That for sure happened.

How many days of her being here was she in hiding?

Was she trying—

I wonder why my mother has to hide in my own home that I live in, David.

She doesn't have to hide, Natalie.

Yes, she does, because you're scary sometimes.

It'd be nice if there was a time of her arrival and departure.

But I agree, you know, I really wish that like every time she comes here, she never books a return flight. I never know when she's she's leaving. I'm like, Mom, you cannot do this. Like, I will book you a flight, I don't give a shit, I'll pay for it, let's go, let's get you out of here, skedaddle.

Yeah.

And she doesn't understand.

Is it cheaper to book like a departure like right off the bat rather than booking late-minute flights?

I think too. And I just like, I don't understand where she—

I don't know, you gotta understand Jen, she's a rambling woman, you know. She's— that's the beauty of Jen is she, she doesn't, she doesn't go by a clock or time or anything, you know. When you go to HomeGoods, she could be there for 3 hours just doing nothing, you know what I mean?

Every time she's so scary because like I'll be at a bar or like I'll be like place where I just won't think I'm running into her, and she'll come up right behind me and she'll be like, literally, she'll be like, it's Jen. Like, dude, and that's why I have nightmares, because she pops out at the most inconvenient times. It's really scary.

I know, it's funny.

She likes to mess with you because she knows you hate when she's here.

No, I don't hate when she's here. I actually, out of every mom, I really like her, but I just, I see her too often.

Maybe she could stay with me next time.

Oh yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

She's very pretty, I have to admit.

Okay, Jesus.

You know, and, and for, and for a woman in her age, she's like really good shape. She's like, she looks really good for her.

Well, she's just tiny. I wouldn't say she's in good shape.

Little people always do, always look better. Even Jonah, who's like kind of short. Short people do better, you know. Short people live longer.

Really?

Yeah.

It's crazy.

You can dodge things easier.

Yeah. Yeah.

No, I, I do genuinely like your mom, and like, I think you know that, but an 8-month stay is a long time.

She was here for like 3 and a half weeks.

One of the weeks she wasn't here for—

that's a long time.

That is a long time.

But she was gone for one of the weeks. She was with her girlfriend, but we also happened to be gone, so it made it feel like she was just sitting here while we were gone.

Okay, Natalie, I'm gonna go be on my own for a little bit. Well, yeah, Mom, we're leaving for 5 days.

But that's what she thinks. Like, she thinks— and I kept telling her, I was like, Mom, you've been here for almost a month. She's like, but I was gone for like 5 days, it doesn't count, it's like 2 different trips.

And I'm like, no, my favorite is when she's here, she like justifies being here because she's building one cabinet from IKEA.

So I know— oh my God, don't get me started. The reason she came here was to like help me like do my room, like get my shit together, right? She was supposed to be buying me this vanity and she found one like on Craigslist that she wanted She can't just like, she can't just find one that's ready-made. She had to find one from Craigslist in Pasadena, which we don't have a pickup truck to pick it up. So it's like a whole nother hassle. She wants to like sand it down, refinish it, repaint it, get new hardware, like do this whole like DIY project. I'm like, you are never gonna get that done.

She likes keeping herself busy by making the easiest things the most difficult. Yeah. It's a very interesting personality trait.

Yeah.

Like she likes taking the long way no matter whatever, no matter what it is.

Yeah.

When she misses her flights, does she get to the airport or does she miss them on purpose?

I have no idea. Taylor took her to the airport and apparently the flight got canceled because there was a snowstorm in Chicago.

Yeah, you know, it hasn't snowed this year at all, so I know that's bullshit. Now, his mom, if you're listening to this, you're welcome here anytime, but let's do 3 to 4 maximum days.

Like a long weekend, not like a long month.

My siblings are coming to town today. Hey, my two sisters. Yeah, I'm kind of excited, actually.

Yeah, your siblings, they hate me.

Yeah, they do.

Why do they hate me so much?

No, I'm kidding.

They literally never give me any kind of good reaction. And kids like me, they really do. But your siblings, for some reason, they're all just like, I don't know, they're like French. Yeah, or something. Why do they hate me so much?

I'm always like, hey guys, what's up?

They're like, hey.

Because I think you're just like, you're straight up just another dad to them. Like, you're not like, they're not, they don't appreciate you for being like, they don't understand the irony in you being old and hanging out with us. They just they just see you as the old guy.

Huh.

That's how I felt about you originally too.

Wow.

Before I like moved out here and like—

what are you talking about?

Like, why is that guy hanging out with David?

Yeah, I was very confused by the whole situation.

Oh, like, well, you didn't watch the videos or didn't know the videos.

I just like knew you and I knew that you hung out with a 45-year-old man. I was like, this is a little—

give you a lesson in comedy.

It is.

Jesus, it is crazy.

I didn't even think of David as a comedian. Like, I didn't think about him like in any way other than just like the sexy guy next door.

You just thought of him as sexy? Just straight, straight up sex.

Isn't it crazy that like, I'm just so impressed that you like stuck around for so long, Jason. Like there was so much, like so many people doubting you and like thinking you were like a perverted creep, but like you were just like, I don't give a fuck.

I had no choice.

Like when my parents thought you were having sex with me, if I was you, that would have been—

yeah, that would have been it.

I was like, okay, if this kid's— if If this kid's parents think that I'm fucking him, yeah, I'm, I'm not gonna hang out. I'm gonna, I'm gonna put some space between us. I'm surprised you never sat me down, was like, hey man, I'm not sure if this is working out. I really love you, I just don't know if like, I don't know if we can keep doing this.

Very interesting bond you two have.

Thank God I didn't, because we didn't record last night. Yeah, I think that would have been weird. But I do love you both.

You guys, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Um, go follow Jason on all his social media platforms. Follow everybody else. Um, and we'll see you guys later. We'll see you for the next podcast. This has been A View's Podcast. My name is Jeff.

We'll see you later.

Bye.