Asking David Personal Questions

What's up guys, welcome back to Views, the podcast where Coachella is right around the corner.

Jason, probably be the fattest guy there. I'm worried about it. Everyone got in shape, everyone's dyeing their hair, everybody got outfits, but you're the only one that has gained weight specifically for Coachella. Yeah, I went the other way.

That's nice. Yeah, everyone just tries to look better. You're gonna make it more relaxing for people.

Yeah, I'm gonna make everybody feel better. They're gonna see my body and they're going, well, at least I'm not that guy.

You're actually— you were hired by Coachella. To make the people in the festival feel good about themselves.

That's right, it was a nice payment of $75.

We have hired fat people to come inside Coachella to make all the other people feel a lot better. Guys, uh, make sure to thank Jason for his service.

And I'll see you guys at the festival with a hot dog in my hand.

I roll the intro music. Hey guys, this is The Views Podcast. I'm Jason, that's David.

Hi, I'm David Dobrik. I'm 22 and a sexy millionaire.

I'm Jason, I'm 45, I'm fucking desperate as can be.

Hey David, 100th episode today.

Holy shit, actually.

And I want to tell you that my enthusiasm—

holy shit, no way. Wow, that's cool.

I want to tell you, first of all, thank you.

Good.

I love you, man. 100 episodes, congrats. And just like, you know, it's just been a wild ride.

I did it.

It's been a while.

I know, I did it by myself. No, it has been fun. It's basically here. There's been a lot of podcasts that I have absolutely hated recording, but you know, yeah, 1 in 10 I love. Yeah, and those are the ones I look for. This is actually my 10th podcast I was looking forward to filming.

Okay. Yeah, right. Do the math. You know, it's not great to shit on the listeners who love this shit.

No, I actually do like it. Jeff was listening to it yesterday in the car.

Yeah.

And I was there and he goes, you really love doing that, don't you? And I go, no, no, I do. I genuinely do. The only reason I don't like it is when I can't think of anything to say. But I do, I do love it when I have a whole bunch of things to say.

And today you have a list of stories. You're texting.

I have a list of stuff.

Yeah.

I should start by what happened last night.

Yeah.

Yeah. I lost, I lost a tooth. Oh, I'm kidding.

I thought you were going to talk about the other thing.

No, I am talking about the other thing. I just want to throw you off.

Job well done. As I look at your split tooth, because that was true as well.

Okay, so I was, yeah, I was, I told Natalie to order waters.

What time was this at?

This was at like 1 AM.

Odd time to order 24 water bottles.

Go ahead. I said, I said, please order waters because there's no waters left. And like, I, I want to make sure I'm never sick, especially before a big weekend. So yesterday I drank like maybe 15 bottles of water. So I wanted to continue it through the night.

Detox.

Yeah. So, um, so I was like, order some waters. So I was like, okay. And then it became around 2:30 AM, no waters here yet. I go to Natalie's room, she's sleeping. I'm like, okay, she forgot to order them. I'll order them myself. I hop on Postmates, I order the waters and I set a timer on my phone for 6 minutes to nap. Like on the couch. So I set the timer and 3 minutes in, this is about 5 minutes after I ordered the waters myself, I get a knock on the door and the waters are fucking there after 5 minutes. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I'm like, okay, well, the grocery store is right up the street, so the guy must have already been there and he just picked the waters and he came up the hill. So I'm like, okay, whatever. I put the waters in, whatever. And then I go back to my— I go back to editing. And then I edit for like an hour. I don't know, it's around 3:30 in the morning now. And I take another nap. And this time I wake up from my nap and my heart, like, I just have like this worst pain in my heart. And I hear like a— hear like something like knock in the back of my house. And I turn around and it's another fucking guy with waters. And I was like—

Different guy?

Different guy. And I thought, and I thought I was dreaming because I was like, so like, I was in such a weird nap where I thought I was right in the middle of a dream. So I like stood up and like, I like, I walked around the house just to like grasp my reality before I went into the, went to the door. And then I went and, and, and there's another water guy and he was like, I have your waters. I'm like, okay, perfect. So I was like, okay, Natalie must have ordered them.

Right.

And that was her order that came in first and this must have been mine. So, um, so I was like, thank you, and I ordered 6 cases of water. 6, right? And he only had 2 in his hand, and I'm like, okay, I'll go help you to the car with the rest of them. And he goes, no, no, I got him, I got him. And he dropped off the waters. He dropped off the waters and he went to get the rest of the waters, the 4 other 24-packs. And he's not returning for a fucking while. So I'm like, what's going on? Did this guy leave? So I go out to my driveway to see where he is, and he's nowhere to be seen. Like, nowhere to be seen. And I live on a dead-end street, so I look all the way down and you can't see him. And I'm just standing there for a good, like, 40 seconds, and then at the end of the street, I hear the waters clanking, and there he is walking down with another 2 cases of water on his shoulders. He's walking all the way down my dead-end street. And he walks, and he walks to my house. He drops him off, and I go, you can just pull the car right up to my driveway. And he goes, no, no, no, I can't, I can't, I'm being— my phone's controlled, my phone's controlled. And I'm like, what the fuck is this guy saying? So I just let him go, and he goes, I'm gonna get the rest of the waters. And I go, okay, go get them. So he walks all the way down again. I go into Natalie's room, I wake her up, I'm like, there's this crazy guy delivering the waters, um, we may have to call the police or something, I don't know what he's about to do. And this is like, this is, I'm talking to Allie about this for 3 minutes and I go back and he's still not back with the rest of the waters. And then I wait for another 2 minutes and now I'm already recording on my phone 'cause I'm like, okay, this guy's crazy. If he tries to hurt me, I want it on camera. And then he comes back again with the waters and I'm like, what is this guy about? So I go, sir, why can't you pull the car up here? And I actually recorded my conversation with him. This is the audio from my phone, okay, of when he walked over and I started questioning him. This is, this is real, 100% real. This is at like 3:30 in the morning. A guy just carried my waters up a hill because he wouldn't park by my driveway. Here he is.

Thank you, sir. Yeah, no, I'm—

wait, I'm so curious, what's the reason again?

Because my phone is on control.

Who controls—

every time I—

who controls your phone? That's fine, I got it.

Sorry about that, that one was open.

Let me see. Anyone?

You're good, you're good, you're good.

Uh, Alien.

Alien?

Yes, I'm a 5150, I'm crazy guy, that's why. If you understand, I'm a 5150, I'm crazy.

What does, what does 5150 mean?

5150, crazy. That means you're crazy. I believe in aliens.

Yeah. Yes, you believe in aliens?

Yes, I believe aliens control me. You didn't know this?

Did you run up here? I—

no, I didn't run. When I see the dead end right here, I was like, no way I'm gonna do this. Even if I have to take it on my shoulder, I take it on my shoulder, but I would not take it.

You won't go to the dead end?

Every single time.

Really?

Alien control.

Alien control.

Alien control.

I'll see ya.

All right, man.

Bye. I'll see you later, man.

As soon as he said alien control, I'm out. Oh, I would shut the door.

I showed it to Natalie, and right when she heard alien control, she started tearing up, and she's like, turn that off, turn that off, turn that off, because she got so fucking freaked out. So for a second, I thought maybe that there was like just some miscommunication going on. Sure, I wasn't understanding what he was saying.

By the way, this is who's delivering water at 3:30 in the morning. Maybe don't order it then. Yeah, you know, who else is taking a Postmates shift?

So I looked up what 5150 means, and it says 5150 refers to the California law code for the temporary involuntary psychiatric commitment of individuals who present a danger to themselves or others due to signs of mental illness. So, um, it has been more generally applied to people who are considered threateningly unstable or crazy. So like, I got really fucking scared. So like, I should— I'm gonna call the police just so I could show them this video and hope that it's not linked to anything. Do you know what I mean? Um, so we called the police and I was on hold, and then they transferred me, and then I told them my story, and then they transferred me again, and I told them the story again. I was like, I can't tell the story again. And then they transferred me one more time and I had to tell a new person the story and they think you're the crazy one. Yeah. And then, and then they, um, and then they, uh, and then the last woman who like actually could dispatch the officers, she's like, um, I was like, I was like, can you just send someone up here? It's not, it's not super urgent. So like, it doesn't matter. But she's like, no, we can't. Did he threaten you? And I go, no, I'm just like worried that he may be like a danger to himself or somebody else. And she's like, yeah, we can't send someone out for that. All right, so no fucking cop came. Oh God, Natalie and I just did a couple laps around the house to check if he was still here, and he was gone.

I grabbed the fireplace poker and slept with it.

Yeah, no, I've just never— it was really fucking scary. That's so scary, David, at 3:30 in the morning. And this guy, it was insane. If you saw the video, it was, it was even more scary because you could tell that he was like under the influence of something, or something was going on. But yeah, that's my whole big story. And he is an employee of Postmates. And you know what? It is tough hiring people, so you can't blame them. But ZipRecruiter makes it a lot easier to hire people. ZipRecruiter.com/nash especially makes it easier to hire people. Hiring— hiring is challenging, but there's one place you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart. A place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. ZipRecruiter sends you jobs ZippRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there. With their powerful matching technology, ZippRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job. As applications come in, ZippRecruiter analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates so you never miss a great match. ZippRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZippRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. And right now, my listeners can try ZippRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address, zipprecruiter.com/joshuah. Nash. That's ziprecruiter.com/nash. N-A-S-H. Ziprecruiter.com/nash. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

I know something funny.

Good.

I noticed it. I noticed a trend in your vlogs when you're out with like fabulous people.

Here you are, here you are starting, starting something to put me down because the camera— I noticed something.

When your voice gets really high, I tried to make it lower this time, but I'll do it the way I do it. Oh, I noticed something. I noticed a trend. Yeah, that when you go out with fabulous people, you know, sure, not really vlog squad members, but the Hollywood elite. Okay, Jason, you go to film, is not invited. But when you go to a trap house in Simi Valley, hey Jace, you free? I noticed that. It's like there was a little bit yesterday in the vlog. I was like, hmm, strange I was not invited to this. Obviously it's my giant belly and old face. I always didn't want to bum anyone out.

I always invite you. People love— people love to have you around. We got to go see Charlie Puth yesterday.

Yeah, that was cool. Thank you for inviting me to that. I'm mostly kidding. No, I know, Cameron, but that was cool.

We went to— yeah, we went to go hang out with Charlie Puth, um, who's— I mean, you probably definitely know him. He's a singer-songwriter and he's fucking incredible. Yeah, that's the guy. That's exactly how he sounds. And he has this thing called perfect pitch where he can— where if— where he can like listen to a certain pitch and he knows what note it is. So like, we were— we were having a conversation and my phone like dinged and he goes, oh, that's a G-sharp. And like, it like— it distracted him from our conversation because it's so like on point. And it's— yeah, it was really incredible.

Charlie didn't say this, but Mike said he has a friend with perfect pitch and he says it's like a curse. Yeah, it's just like hard to even—

Yeah, yeah, Mike was saying that he had a friend with perfect pitch and basically it's hard for his friend to even hold a conversation with someone because he'll be having a conversation— like I'll be having a conversation with you and I'll have perfect pitch and then to my right I'll hear another conversation and it'll be a completely different pitch and they won't match up or something and it'll just make me anxious. Because of the pitches not aligning. And, uh, yeah, it's the same.

Only 1 in 10,000 people have it, apparently.

And, um, yeah, it's nuts that— I mean, he's so incredibly talented. It was— it blew my mind away. It genuinely made me feel like absolutely nothing.

And also, I thought it was funny yesterday, we were both feeling the same thing, which is like, we watched him be so talented on the piano, be able to play any song we called out, songs he's never heard before.

Yeah.

And David was just like, Man, I feel like shit. Yeah.

Yeah, it was really bizarre because like, like a lot of work goes into what we do. Yeah, but like that, like that was like weird. That was like real talent. Yeah, like that was like, oh, this guy, this guy can go to a party and everyone will go, what the fuck is this guy doing? Because he's that like good at what he does. Yeah, that was impressive.

You're like, if I had known about music when I was 13.

Yeah, I told him, I was like, if I was here when I was 6 years old, watching you do this, my life would have taken a completely different direction, and right now I would be a failed musician because I would have tried my ass off to be exactly like you. Because I mean, it was honestly fucking mind-blowing.

Then with him was one of the greatest producers of our time, Benny Blanco. David goes, what songs have you produced? And he goes, um, well, every song since 2008 that you might have been into, I did that.

Yeah, Benny, Benny Blanco is like the Behind the scenes, in a humble way. Oh yeah, yeah, no, no, he's great. And yeah, he's produced like Dynamite by Tyler, a bunch of Katy Perry songs, every Kesha song, all the Kesha songs. And it's, it's just so fucking insane.

Like moves like Jagger.

Oh, and the best part is he, he barely— he doesn't even really know how to play an instrument. He's like— I was like, do you know how to play any instruments? Like, no, I can play the piano but really slowly. And it was so interesting because he says he can hear the songs and and he just tells people like how to make the song. So he'll go to someone like Charlie and he'll be like, make this go faster, make this higher. Literally, he hears the entire song in his head before. It was literally like being around fucking X-Men and we were just there like, which is like a bunch of fucking idiots pointing a camera at him. Be like, what else can you do? Um, it was really fucking impressive.

We were talking about money this week, you and I, and you said something really interesting, which was like, when you have so much money, where do you go from there? Yeah.

Like, it sucks. Like I was talking about how like, like there's people that like in our lives, uh, like our friends that have just been born into a lot of money and it like, it sounds great on paper. And, but like, it sucks. Cause like, like it's so hard to prove yourself. Cause like the universe is already like kind of against you. Like it's like, it's like if I was born with $300 million, and I started my own, even my own charity, and I made it a successful charity, like, I still wouldn't feel that fulfillment because I already started with X amount of money.

Like, it's like you would, and it's also like no one feels bad for you.

Yeah, exactly. And no, no one's like, wow, you did this, you know what I mean? You did this all by yourself. Like, you didn't— I don't know, other rich people will tell you it was good. That's kind of interesting. Yeah, but I mean, that's like, that's like such a, that's like such a first world problem to me, you know? Like, I Oh man, like I'm bummed out that I'm rich and I can't have sex. You know what I mean? Like I'd rather be rich and be not satisfied with my work ethic than be, you know, be homeless. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like, you know, what happened on Sunday?

You text me you're coming to the show.

I know I didn't.

Oh yeah, you did.

Oh, I did? Yeah. Oh yeah, Jason had a live show. Yeah. How was it?

It's great. It was great. I mean, I was like almost glad you didn't come. 'Cause I was like, alright, I did it on my own, which is awesome. But then Joe got up on stage for the Q&A, and I leaned over to him like, is David here?

Like that.

And Joe's like, no, he didn't come.

Oh, you thought I was gonna surprise you?

No, you texted me, I'm on my way.

Oh no, I didn't. I text you I'm on my way? Yeah. To the show? Yeah.

Oh, I have it. Maybe you were texting someone else and you accidentally texted me.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm on my way. What? Maybe you're being controlled by aliens.

Oh, this isn't a text from me. Like, it is a text from me, but it's, I'm on my way, period. I, it happened because you called me and I declined it and it—

Oh, it was an auto text back?

It was an auto text back.

Oh my God, it threw me so much. I'm like, okay, David's coming. This changes everything.

That was so funny. I auto texted you back saying I'm coming to your show. That's the shittiest fucking thing.

No, but it was great.

Yeah, I had to shoot so much that day. I'm sorry.

No, no, it was good. You didn't come. It was nice.

Oh, thank you. Fuck you.

No one brought you up.

How was it?

It's good. Yeah, that was really good. It's fun. It's like, it was nice to— because, you know, like, I started doing YouTube and I was like, okay, this is what I'm doing now because everything else has never worked. But then I got up there and I was like, oh, oh, I know how to do this. Yeah, you know what I mean? I'm like, oh, I can do— I— this is what I did for 15 years. I failed at it. But I definitely learned how to do it.

Would you do it again?

Yeah, I have a gig on April 28th, and I'm psyched. San Jose, San Francisco. I'm piggybacking on your pop-up in New York.

Oh, cool. Oh, you're gonna do one in New York?

Yeah, I'm gonna do one in New York. Oh, cool. Yeah, that way I can hang out with you and glom onto you.

That night, I was— I think I was at some party, and I was drinking. They were serving water. Like, I always get water at parties, and they were serving water out of a glass bottle, which I fucking hate because it's so unnecessary, and it was a Voss water bottle, and I was drinking it, and and a girl is like dancing and she accidentally elbowed the bottle right into my teeth and I chipped my front tooth and it was like a very small chip but it's like very noticeable in my mouth and it's noticeable because of my teeth and I like had like the biggest panic attack because like my biggest like insecurity like growing up was my teeth until I got braces. So like I was like, oh my god, and everyone was telling me like, oh yeah, you can't fix that because I think they were just fucking with me.

Not true at all. Danny Sherry can fix that.

Yeah, yeah, I heard it's simple to fix.

Maybe he didn't mind her hair. Um, it's just an old person thing to do.

This next segment of the podcast is called Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast. It's where Joe, um, our editor, gets 25 seconds. I don't know why we still do this. I know, I know, I know. Um, he gets 25 seconds to do whatever he wants.

You say every week you're not going to bring him back.

I know, but somehow I fall for it. Joe, you get 25 seconds starting now.

What's up, weenies? Joe from Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast. Today, to celebrate the annual 100th episode of Youse, which I've been on since day one, I have a very special guest. Come on in, my mime, Mr. Nick!

Oh yeah, it's Mr. Nick, guys, and Mr. Nick is a fucking mime and this is a podcast.

Mr. Nick, Mr. Nick, thank you so much for coming in. You are a mime, you are very talented. How'd you get your start? That's amazing.

Mr. Nick doesn't talk.

Mr. Nick, how old are you?

Because he's—

oh, Mr. Nick, can you come over here?

Okay, he's— it's 25 seconds. 25 seconds is up.

But Jason, is there a pass for today?

Come on, man, it's Mr. Nick, bro.

He doesn't talk. He's a mime.

Yes, he does.

I just want to hear how he started.

Okay, how'd you— how'd you get your start, Mr. Nick?

Incredible, honestly.

Okay, that's fucking it.

Where are you from originally?

He's not coming back. He's not coming back next week. Okay, that's it. That's all the time we have for today.

Do you still have a good relationship with your parents?

Joe, why did you drive him out?

All the—

why did you— you made him get in his makeup, his outfit for 25 seconds of this.

It's not makeup, it's a lifestyle.

Joe, get the fuck out of here. That's it, no more Joe. Bye, Mr. Nick.

A real piece of anti-comedy there. That was a mime on a podcast.

Yeah, that's— yeah, you don't see that too often. I hope that was the only time someone has ever seen that. Getting fit and staying healthy always sounds easier said than done, right? OpenFit is bringing you something new that makes it even easier to never miss a sweat session. Lose the commute to the gym and let the workouts come to you. OpenFit takes all the complexity out of losing weight and getting fit. Jason, you listening or are you spacing out?

Because I'm trying to think of what I'm going to say next after the ad comes.

The one fucking time I'm talking about working out, you're spacing out. It's a brand new, super simple streaming service that allows you to work out from the comfort of your living room in as little as 10 minutes a day. OpenFit classes are led by some of the most effective and engaging trainers in the world. Sculpt your body with Andrea Rogers, founder of the worldwide sensation Xtend Barre— excuse me— or get in crazy good shape with Hunter McIntyre, named by Sports Illustrated as one of the top 50th fittest athletes. Top 50 fittest athletes. These trainers know how to get your results quick, guys. Um, it's incredible. Jason, you're gonna start using it. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna make Jason start using it. OpenFit is going to change the way Um, we all work out here at Views, especially Jason. You can join me on a fitness journey personalized just for you. Again, use our code VIEWS and start using OpenFit for your journey to healthier lifestyle. Guys, right now during the OpenFit 30-day challenge, our listeners get a special extended 30-day free trial membership to OpenFit where you can lose up to 15 pounds in 30 days when you text VIEWS to 303030. You will get full access to OpenFit, all the workouts and nutrition information Totally free. Again, just text VIEWS to 303030. That's amazing. So Jason, all you have to do is text them 303030 and they automatically deduct 15 pounds off your weight.

I'm gonna do it right after.

You're gonna get skinnier right away. No, but seriously, go try it.

You don't want me skinny anyway.

No, I don't. I like the way you are.

You love it.

Yeah.

It's been a wealth of material.

We've been playing this game here at the house with, with our friends called Paranoia.

Okay.

Have you heard of this?

Brandon told me about it the other night. It sounds really fun.

It's fucking crazy. Okay. It's like the worst thing ever, and I don't wish it upon anybody. I hate it every time it's brought up.

Tell me how it works, because I forgot.

So basically everyone sits in a circle.

Okay.

And let's say I'm sitting next to you. I whisper into your ear. I go, who here is the— who here is the— who here has the ugliest personality? And no one hears me ask this question but you. So you point to the person who you think has the ugliest personality. So great, you pointed at Joe, right? Joe has no idea why you pointed at him. Okay, so now I flip a coin, and if it lands on heads, if it lands on heads, then you have to tell everybody the question. But if it lands on tails, no one ever knows the question and no one knows why you pointed at him. So it's like people fucking get pissed off at this game. Like, like one of the questions, like one of the questions, um, I got pointed at me was Natalie. Natalie was asked a question and she pointed at me and then it landed on heads and I go, okay, what was the fucking question? And she goes, who here is the most insecure and overcompensates the most? And I go, fuck, that one hurt. Like this shit's like really hurts you. Like, I don't think of you as insecure.

Huh? Are you insecure?

I don't know. I think Natalie just picked me because it was like the easiest to pick.

Right. But she could hurt your feelings and be okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, but like some of the questions were like, who here is the fakest? Oh, or like, who here has gotten the most work done? Or, or like they'll put you on the spot and they'll go, who here would you eat out? And like, like really fucked up questions. And it's like nerve-wracking. It's horrendous. But like people love to play. I don't know. I don't know for fuck— I hate it. I hate it. And like, I'm scared of even asking people bad questions because I don't want to get to get back to us.

Do people ever lie?

No, it doesn't seem like they lie. No.

And then you played another game, right?

And then we played another game called Hot Seat, which is— these are all fucking games, so we don't have to like go by them, which is where one person for 2 minutes, they have to answer every question super honestly. And it's so crazy because it's like, it's just a fucking game, right? And like the girls were playing and the girls are fucking super harsh. So like one of the girls went, okay, a year and a half ago, 'You slept with my boyfriend. Do you regret doing it?' And like, and it's just like, what the fuck? Like, I can't believe you're asking this question right now. And she would go, she would go, 'No, I don't regret doing it, but I'm sorry.' And I would be like, what the fuck? Like, how are you? Why are you even answering this honestly? Just lie. It's a fucking game.

Was the girl pissed? Um, no, the girl who asked it?

No, they don't get pissed because they asked it and they're just nice. They're just happy that they were being honest.

That sounds exciting.

It's really exciting.

Because, you know, whenever I'm hanging out, I'm like, everything's kind of dry. There's not like, there's not a lot of stimulation to any conversation we have.

Oh no, it's like, it's like, oh, I posted today. What was great? What was great about the game is it opened up like the floodgates to like the most deepest conversations we've ever had here. And we hung out till like 4:30 in the morning, all of us just talking about like, about like what makes us tick and like what, like what bothers us and stuff because we knew so much about each other after playing that fucking evil game.

Sounds like Molly without the hangover the next day. Yeah, depression the next day.

Like, like some of the questions were like, you know, like, who's the, who's the ugliest person here? Who's the last person you would sleep with? Who has back knee? Like fucking real.

I'm glad I wasn't there.

Real mean shit that like, that like will really fuck you up. And the worst part is, is like when it lands on tails and you don't have to say the question, the people that ask to go, oh, you're lucky dude, because that was bad. You don't want to know. You don't want to know what he said. Um, but yeah, that's a game called Paranoia and it's fucked. Remember last podcast we had the Ouija board?

Yeah.

And like I was really scared of it or whatever. Um, and, um, Joe, Joe brought it in for the podcast, right? That was his like joke.

Right.

And, um, Joe was like, why the fuck are you scared of this? It's from Toys R Us. Like it's not a big deal. And it was so funny. It was like 6 days ago. Sorry, 6 days ago. It was 2 days ago. He came up to me and he's like, we need to burn that Ouija board. And I go, what? And he goes, yeah, I did some reading up on it. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know. I touched it and I just, I want to burn it.

Wow.

It was so funny to see Joe go from, why the fuck are you scared? To, we need to burn this fucking thing. And he brought it. It's been sitting in my car cause I don't want it in my house. He brought it into my house at like 2 AM and he goes, can we burn this in the backyard? And I go, are you being fucking serious? Get that, get that out of my house. He goes, can we burn it in your backyard? And I go, no, no, no, no. So he went back and took it into the car. So now it's sitting in my car still. Just fucking cursing.

I want me to burn it because I'm not a pussy like you guys.

I'm not 12 years old. Yeah, scared of a Fisher-Price toy.

Yeah, I have an Easy-Bake Oven that needs to be burnt to my kids, and it just gives me that bad vibe.

My Monopoly board also scares the fuck out of me.

Oh God, the worst. That little man with the monocle.

Okay, you're right, it does sound stupid, but, but, but it's justified.

By the way, the joke I told last week on the podcast that you You didn't laugh at. Freaking killed.

Yeah, it killed. It did.

You just didn't like it because you were in it.

No, I just— I mean, yeah, I mean, it's different, right? Like, I won't laugh at the certain things that other people laugh at because I spend every day with you, right?

So like, it's kind of rote for you, I guess. You don't know what rote means.

No.

Okay, let's just skip it. Also, I did a joke about Wyatt and he was backstage.

Oh yeah, yeah. Oh shit, like your son, you talk shit about him?

No, I just did like an imitation, but I checked it with him before. I'm like, are you okay with this? He's like, yeah, I'm fine.

And then you came back and he was crying.

I felt weird about it. Someone was like, I can't believe you kind of made fun of him.

What was the joke?

The joke was like just how he's like this straight-A student and he's like this really, really brilliant kid and called him a nerd and, and no, and can't do the smallest tasks. Okay, you know, like one time he asked me for toast and and he asked me like 10 times about the butter, and that's basically— that's a good 2, but—

Hey guys, what's up? I'm Jason, and I'm gonna tell you guys about how shitty my kids are. Start with my fucking stupidest son, Wyatt. He's a dumb fuck. He's backstage, but it's cool, I checked it out with him.

Well, at least I'm nice to Wyatt. You could show a little more affection towards him, considering he's my firstborn.

I don't think Wyatt would like me if I was nicer to him. I think we get along perfectly because I have a little bit of sass towards him.

Yeah, he still likes you, despite the fact that you straight up ignore him when he comes in.

No, I don't ignore him. I pick on him.

You didn't even pick on him the other night.

Oh wow. Yeah, I guess I'm past it. No, I really, I really do like— why I like both of your kids because they're really good at taking jokes. Oh yeah.

Jeff Bezos got divorced.

Yeah.

And now founder of Amazon. Founder of Amazon. And now his wife is the fourth richest woman in the world.

Yeah.

No prenup. Will you have a prenup?

Will I have a prenup?

When are you gonna get— I don't mean anything by this, but When do you think you'll get married? What age?

Probably like 28. Really? Yeah. Is that late?

No, it's just interesting. Yeah, because I can't, I can't relate to the millennials. Like, I have no idea what people think now. I read stuff like millennials don't date anymore, millennials don't value marriage anymore.

It's so interesting being single. It's such a different, like, it's such a different—

is it? Yeah. How's it different?

I don't know.

It's like, do you feel like there's something missing?

No, yeah, 100%. Like, you definitely want that other person. Yeah, but like, at the same time, like, it's like, it's like a lot— like, it is just more freeing for you to like be more of yourself. Yeah, like there's less restrictions on you, and you can just like— I mean, it's so cheesy, but you can literally learn more about yourself. Like, it's like even like talking to people like at parties, I don't feel weird about. Like, I was like, when I was in a relationship, like, I would even feel weird like talking talking to a girl at a party, right? Like, now I can have like a better conversation with a person because I'm not like scared to be myself or like making someone upset, you know what I mean? Like, it's just— it is a lot more freeing, which is kind of cool. And there's a lot more time just to be with yourself and just to work on yourself, which is fucking crazy.

And I think too, if you have a career like you do, or even me—

yeah, it— oh, it's so important to be single.

It's, it's literally all day, every day. You could be working all the time.

I almost think like— I almost— I like, I love that I was in a relationship, like absolutely loved it, would never take it back.

Right.

But I love now that I experienced that and now that I'm single too, like I love, like it almost, it almost feels like it should be like, it almost feels like, like dating is like a, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but I'm really glad that I tried the relationships and I'm trying single and whatever happens happens. Right.

28, huh?

Yeah. I don't know.

All right.

I'm definitely no fucking rush to get married.

Yeah.

Cut to me being married in 6 months. When am I gonna have kids?

You said that to me once. You're like, guys, if I just meet like some girl, I'll just check out, never talk to you again.

Yeah, I'm bad like that. Like in the beginning of relationships. Yeah, yeah. I don't— like if I actually find someone that I like, which is really fucking tough for me, impossible I would say, I will, I will just— you'll never— yeah, I probably won't even post vlogs. Okay, I'll just be— goodbye.

Yeah, I'll just stand out front with a bat and beat them off with a stick.

Be who?

Off?

Oh, any girl? Potential girl? Yeah. No, no, go on, get out of here. That's not happening anytime soon.

But, um, you don't know that. Just takes one. That's why when people go like, oh, I'll never meet anyone, I'm like, just takes one.

It just takes one person. Yeah. And it's usually when you least— when you're not looking for— I remember when I moved out to LA, I was like, I'm gonna get a girlfriend now that I'm out here by myself.

Yeah.

And and fucking nothing. And then I even remember going, fuck it, I don't need a girlfriend. And then I found Liza. That's just how it works. Yeah, it's just like when you least expect it. But no, there's definitely perks to being single and in a relationship, and they're both fucking great. Yeah, they're both great, and they both suck.

I've also found that—

I think being single sucks more. Being in a relationship doesn't suck that much, actually.

I've also found that anyone I've pursued I've pursued in my life—

hates you.

Yeah, doesn't work out. Anyone who's pursued me, it works out. I've never like convinced anyone to date me.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah, it's— so I never like being on that end of like, I just won't try, you know what I mean?

Sure.

Yeah.

No, I don't know. It's different. I don't think you're ever gonna get married again, are you?

No, I can't. I don't think I could. I never liked marriage in the first place, you know? I never really—

it is becoming like an outdated thing, huh?

I'm a free spirit. I always have been. I wanted to get married on the beach. She made me get married at a hotel, really fancy.

I actually still want to get married in a cheesy way. I'm totally lying.

Yeah, in a cheesy way. You want the big wedding?

Yeah, like a cool big wedding.

Tux. Yeah, vows.

That's a big wedding. A fucking tux.

Band, big band. Yeah, a choreographed dance.

21 Pilots performing. Oh, something— Seek Geek pays for everything. Something really stupid. Guys, if you're thinking about making a website or anything, go to squarespace.com/views for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use the offer code views to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Guys, Squarespace is perfect for showcasing your work, blog, or publishing content, selling products and services of all kinds, and announcing an upcoming event or special project, and more. Guys, it's incredible. Uh, you can— it has 24/7 award-winning customer support, free and secure hosting, nothing to patch or upgrade ever. Everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box, guys. So if you ever want to make a website, Squarespace has the templates for it. It's perfect. It makes it so easy. And if you're ready to start your new business, make it stand out. Get started with Squarespace. Use the promo code VIEWS For 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, go to squarespace.com/views.

Interesting. You know when someone dies and they still have a Facebook page?

Yeah.

So creepy.

Yeah, yours is still around. Yeah, it is creepy.

I'm still here. Well, now you can, almost like a will, um, I could hand the rights to my Facebook page over to you.

Oh, great.

Yeah. And so it's like a tribute page. So I want you to know, I want you to I want you to take my page.

Okay, great. I'll run ads on it. He's dead. Buy my merch. Thank you. Is that official?

Yeah, big article on it.

You like— you officially want me to run your page? Yeah, I'll give you permission to run my Facebook page.

Yeah, seriously, everyone adds on legacy. You'd be my legacy contact.

Well, I appreciate it. Yeah, I Um, but I don't, I don't, I don't want to do that.

No one would come anyway.

I'm going to politely decline.

Wow. What about being a godparent to my kids?

You want me to be a godparent?

Yeah.

Okay. Which one? To both of them?

Both.

I'll take one of them. I don't fucking want both.

If you die, I'll take care of Natalie.

Okay.

I'll give Natalie a job.

Natalie takes care of me. Um, all right. Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. This has been a Views podcast with Jason and David. Yeah, it's been a blast.

Yeah, it's been lots of fun.

Buy some merch.

Go check out my merch. Go to my Twitter.

Go tweet us. I'm trying to get to 10 million, 10 million followers on Instagram. I'm trying to get to the goal of my life.

650.

650. Yeah. Okay. Thank you guys for listening. My name's Jeff.