A Multi-Million Dollar Disaster (Fyre Festival)

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Well, we have everything here. We had auditions last week. David was great again.

I would be the high wire. I would be the ringleader as well. And then Jason would play all the—

Go ahead. I'm waiting. I know exactly where you're going to go, but I'll let you say it so you can hang yourself because your likability scale has gone way down, brother. Let me tell you something. The test came back and sure, I am fat. Yes, that's what a lot of people say. They say, Jason, we don't like when he talks because we can hear his fat face.

Well, Jason—

and I go, this isn't a visual thing. It doesn't matter, he sounds huge.

Jason will play the muscular man. Oh, who has a vagina and is ugly as fuck. Hey guys, this is The Views Podcast. I'm David, 22. Jason, 85, 45, who cares? He's old, he's gonna die soon. His mom's in town, which is great. We just surprised her with Super Bowl tickets.

Amazing. Yes.

Is she excited?

She's so excited. She's talking about it. I feel bad.

Can she like make it there?

That's gonna be a problem. Yeah, I'm already thinking about—

can you—

can you walk from when you enter to the seat? That's gonna be rough.

I'm thinking about the drive to the airport. Yeah, that'll be tough.

She can't get in my fucking car or my driveway.

Yeah, so we got her tickets to the Super Bowl, and it's in Atlanta. She lives in Boston. I want you to know that I find it completely okay for you to be like, "Hey, Mom, you don't have to go if you don't want to." Yeah. 'Cause I don't know, 'cause some people just prefer watching it at home, right?

Well, we went last year. Wasn't it weird to see the halftime show up close?

Oh, dude, all those things are so bad. And I used to, I've said this before, I used to go to WrestleMania Yeah. And WWE or whatever.

Yeah.

And I used to go in person, and in person it's awful because you don't hear the announcer. All you hear is grunting. Right. But like, it's so much better on TV. Like, we went to the Floyd Mayweather fight and it was, it was so much better. Did you go?

Yeah, I went with you. Oh yeah, I sat next to you. All right. No worries. It was a very memorable time.

Holy shit.

I actually wrote about it in a short story.

Yeah. You're writing a book?

Yes, I am.

What is it?

It's going really well. They read everything and they were like, this is fucking great. I was like, really?

Wait, really?

Couldn't believe it.

I'm kind of scared. What do you put in the book about me?

It's mostly about you and how you've treated me over the years.

I knew it was gonna bite me in the ass. This podcast, you know, see, like, the problem with me is like, I'll treat you like shit, but I'll be like, the cameras are off, I'll get away with this. And then I heard you, and then I heard you're writing a book, and I'm like, fuck, I gotta, I really gotta tighten up around here.

No, no, there's, there's literally not a lot in there about you at all. And all that's in there is Well, that's super nice stuff.

Well, now I'm kind of offended.

Like yesterday, I was—

what do you talk— what do you talk about?

It's a lot about just like what I've done with my life and how sure I made it. Yeah, no, it's a lot about like just a coloring book. It's a lot about like how much I fucked it up. That's mostly what it's about.

Wow. Yeah, long book.

The article in the Globe that came out, I said all nice things about you. I'm really particular too. Yeah, and sometimes people— lots of times people get me on podcasts and then And then they're like, so David, that's like the first thing. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah, I'm like, why did I— they want— of course they did that with the article with the Globe too.

They want the inside scoop.

Yeah. And then they were like, can David be in this article? Which you said some really nice things about me and some funny things, so thank you.

Yes.

But yeah, so I appreciate it. But I thought that article was good for both of us. I really did. You know, that was one thing that I was thinking about this morning.

We're done talking about the article.

One thing I was thinking about this morning was like You have a hard time.

Okay, well, let me say this. Well, Jason, Jason got interviewed for the Boston Globe. Is that a big deal?

For Boston it is.

Yeah, it's like the main one there. Oh, that's sick.

I mean, that's—

did anybody call you from your hometown?

No.

Okay.

I really— I checked Twitter. I was like, no, no one cares. You know what's new? It's funny though, is like, I feel like we never— we never like enjoy anything, you and I. Yeah. Or you won't even let me enjoy anything.

I think that's—

Do you do that so I work harder?

I don't know. I think the enjoying comes in, like in our job, the enjoyment part of our lives comes within seconds within our days. Like comes in little spurs and little moments. I think we have a lot less times to enjoy, but the times we are enjoying are so much more powerful than a regular people's, 'cause it's just like, it's so hard to come by.

I don't know how to explain it. Enjoying seconds that you had recently. When you shot Todd with a paintball gun in the face, or? Not in the face, but.

When, yeah, like when something just works. Yesterday, so I'm doing this bet with my friends where I give them $100 and I could shoot them with a paintball gun once at any time during the week, and I don't tell them when I'm coming. Yesterday I found out my friend was getting a tattoo, so I drove to the tattoo parlor and I actually beat him there. And I went up to the tattoo guy and I just had a little baggie with my pistol in it. And I go, listen, I have a bet with my friend where I get to shoot him with a paintball gun. And he didn't recognize me or anything. And then I started explaining the story to him. And he goes, oh wait, I know you. I saw this yesterday. And I'm like, great, so can I shoot him? And he's like, yeah, go hide in the bathroom. So I hid in the bathroom and I waited for my friend Todd to, to come and get his tattoo. And then while he was getting his tattoo, I came out of the shop with the gun already in my hand, and I'm on Hollywood Boulevard, so like, I'm like, I can't believe I'm getting away with this. And then I went up and I shot him right in the leg. Um, so that was fun.

Did anyone else see you?

Yeah, there's a couple people there, um, and everyone was very quiet and they didn't want to give away my secret. Something funny happened, um, I was at a, um, I was at a party and, um, and I ran into this guy who I've like kind of known. I've known him for like 3 years, um, you just see him places, right? Like, I don't really know him, but like I've just seen him a lot And he's like, what are you up to? And I'm like, I don't know, same old, same old, making videos. And I'm like, what are you up to? And he's like, I'm doing social audio. And I'm like, oh, that's cool, that's awesome. And I'm like, what? And he's like, oh, podcast, I'm working on podcasts. And I'm like, oh cool. And he's like, yeah, I just think that podcast is just so outdated. And it's just like, social audio is just like, it's like a new hip term for like, younger kids who maybe don't know about podcasts yet and want to get into it. And I go, oh, that's weird. Social audio almost sounds a lot worse than podcasts, right? Like, it sounds like you guys are the ones that are outdated. And he goes, oh, okay. And then I should— this is fucking real, and it was so great because he owned up to it. 30 minutes later, he comes up to me, he goes, dude, I can't stop thinking about it, but you are so right. Social audio Sounds fucking awful, and I'm so glad that finally someone had the balls to tell me. Isn't that fucking crazy?

We're going back to podcasts.

He said this to me. How insane is that?

Oh, this whole company's done.

That was so great. He's like, he's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna call the guys and we're gonna go back to podcasts. And I'm like, fucking great.

Hey, I watched the Fyre Festival doc last night.

Oh, you did?

I watched it. Yeah, it was good.

Isn't that insane?

I watched it with Wyatt and Charlie. They were loving it.

So the Fyre Festival is basically a festival It was supposed to be this huge exclusive festival where tickets were— the cheapest ticket was like $1,000 and the most expensive one was at like a quarter of a million dollars. Like, it was, it was supposed to be this huge luxury vacation. All these models promoted it, like from Kendall Jenner to Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid, like all of these models.

Yeah.

And, and then they just couldn't get it done in time and it was a complete fucking disaster. No one You guys should look up the documentary on Netflix. Literally no one— or Hulu— no one had a place to stay. There was no food. It was fucking chaos. And then they canceled the festival like the first day in. What'd you think?

I thought it was incredible.

Isn't it insane?

Incredible what that guy did. Incredible how stupid people are.

Yeah.

Like, just because a model tells you to do something, that they're drawn by that.

I don't think that's—

If a model tells you to do something, Maybe don't do it.

Okay, hold on. I don't think that's the right case.

I know you're friends with lots of models, David.

No, I'm not defending any of them. I'm just saying, first of all, I would have totally posted for the Fyre. If they came to me and they were like, hey, we have $70 grand, can you post this Instagram picture? I'd be like, yeah, sure, this looks like a great festival.

Right.

And, well, no, I don't think people are stupid for believing it was gonna be real.

They were stupid for, yes, they are, because they should have researched it. They should have seen like, okay, what am I gonna get? What am I gonna get when I get there?

I know, but like how often—

So dumb. Often, like, it's like, if I'm going to Coachella, yeah, you better fucking believe I'm gonna know where my ass is staying.

Oh, okay, okay.

What exactly I'm gonna be.

I think, I think, okay, so dumb to go down, but I'm saying a couple months before when you buy the tickets, yeah, when they bought them, they bought them right when these models launched the videos, right? So they didn't have any time to research, and then they had the tickets. I guess it's their fault for actually flying out there.

Oh yeah, I would've eaten the ticket.

Yeah, but for buying the ticket originally, if I saw all these models promoting this thing, which I did, and I had the money, I'd be like, yeah sure, this seems great. They're all subscribed to the fact that this is gonna be a great Coachella or festival. It may be insane.

But this idea that I'm gonna go somewhere and I'm gonna get FaceTime with Gigi Hadid.

No, I don't think that's what it was.

I think that is, I remember that was what they offered. They offered access to these people, access to sit there and drink with Ja Rule whoever you fucking care about, and just know that, like, you know, it's not realistic at all.

What I thought was insane is— so the owner of the Fyre Festival, he's now going to jail. Yeah, for 6 years, right? 6 years. Yeah, it's fucking insane. He has to forfeit like $25 million.

Did you catch the other thing that he did after the Fyre Festival? That was so dumb.

What'd he do?

Like, he was on probation, he got out on $300,000 for the Fyre Festival, and then he goes back to just scamming people for tickets. Oh yeah, like selling backstage tickets, like VIP tickets to like Burning Man, which don't exist. Oh wow, that's what got him. Oh wow, he's just really dumb.

He's just dumb. Yeah, and, and during—

but he was a great salesman. He reminded me of you.

What? He was really dumb, but he reminded me of you.

No, he was. They kept saying in the documentary, like, he could sell you anything. He's the best salesman. And you're good here. I'm not saying you're obviously very good morally. You would never do something like that. But I'm just saying, it did remind me of you.

It, it made me feel really bad. It made me feel really bad for him.

It did. I didn't feel bad for him at all.

I was like, this is something that some ambitious guy would come up with. And just, could you imagine failing something and letting so many people down and causing— there was a point in the documentary where one of the guys who was like helping orchestrate it, they like, they had to get like, they had to ask for a favor from someone in town. And he said that he was literally going to suck his dick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's crazy that he revealed that.

Yeah, that was crazy.

But he— this guy said they needed it. What did they need?

Like, they needed to pay off the import tax, the Bahamian import tax, and they didn't have the money in time.

So he was literally going to go and he was going to suck this guy's dick instead of paying him right away.

Right.

And the guy was nice and he was like, you don't need to do that. Just pay me when you have the money. Like, it got so desperate that people were that people were doing that. I don't know. And the whole thing fell apart. I think it's fucking crazy. I think it's the— it's— I don't know. I don't think— I don't think it's as bad as people think. I think, right, if I— if I knew how bad it was going to be, I would have spent $20,000 on a ticket because that is a fucking experience. That's like being part of like Woodstock. Like, that's never going to happen. That's never going to happen again. Nothing ever is going to be that big of a disaster.

Yeah, well, you think someone will come along and do it again? Something will happen. I think it's incredible. And maybe not festival-wise.

I think what would be smart is if they redid it again. Yeah, yeah, if they did a Fyre Festival 2, I think it would be— they'd obviously plan it better, and I think it already have so much attention that people would buy tickets to it just for, just for the story. I think, I think they should do it again. I don't know. Regardless, um, there was a lot of money lost on that. And speaking of a lot of money lost, taxes are around the corner, and you've got real tax questions. So TurboTax Live has real tax professionals who can answer them for you. They have CPAs and EAs who are on demand, ready to give you advice and answer questions as you go. The tax pros get to know you so they can offer personalized suggestions and find all the deductions you deserve. Whether you're stuck on a specific question or need guidance working through your return, their tax experts can give you the confidence to ensure your return is done right. TurboTax Live with CPAs and EAs on demand. See details at turbotax.com. Did you see, speaking of taxes, Did you see Cristiano Ronaldo? Cristiano Ronaldo. Fuck, what's his name? Cristiano Ronaldo?

Yeah, Cristiano Ronaldo.

Cristiano Ronaldo. People are gonna be so pissed because people love soccer.

I don't care.

Jesus Christ. Um, did you see that he was just, um, he was just, he was in court. He was facing a, a jail sentence, a prison sentence. What? For tax evasion.

How does a guy like that not pay his taxes?

I don't know. Um, yeah, he went to tax court and they, um they came to a conclusion that he just has to pay $21 million. $21 million for not paying his taxes. That's— and he doesn't have to go to jail. $21 fucking million. Well, that's nuts.

I'm thinking you got to consider the contract to play and then all the endorsements.

No, I mean, yeah, he can definitely—

and you think he's the highest paid athlete in the world too.

Yeah, I think it's—

soccer's on another level that we don't know about, you know. Yeah, soccer's creeping around behind our backs. Soccer's a big deal.

I don't think it's creeping around our—

but oh, I like Americans' backs, isn't it?

I mean, it's always been kind of silly soccer's not big here. I don't get it at all. I think soccer should be the biggest. Soccer's like hockey.

Put your money where your mouth is, David. Huh? I've never seen you watch a soccer game.

I used to when I was in— when I was in Illinois. Italy played Slovakia.

You watched one game. So, and I was waiting for Natalie because we were gonna go bowling, so I— but she was late, so I decided to watch And then I say, one day I'm gonna hire you, Natalie.

No, I think soccer's a lot more exciting to watch than a lot of stuff.

David just called his assistant, and she picks up the phone and she goes, what? So funny.

Yeah, she's taking a break.

She's tired of your stuff.

She's tired.

But that's okay, you give it to her a lot. I guess she probably has to operate like that, because you're so— She has demanding—

you know, sometimes I'm scared to ask her for things.

You are?

Yeah.

Oh, that's weird. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, yeah, I know you do.

You are like that because I'm like—

I would be too.

I'm like, have I bothered her enough today? Like, I'll have to like re— I'm always rephrasing things.

Sure.

So like, if I need her to clean up around the living room, I don't say, can you clean up the living room? Because then that— it's just like kind of— it's just like, go clean up the living room. Like, it doesn't sound good.

How do you phrase it then?

I say, can you just go straighten up around the living room? And I say like that, and I say quickly.

Yeah.

So I go like, so I go like, let's say I need something for groceries, so I'm like, can you pick up razors and then clean up and then straighten around the living room? Like, I'll say really quick.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'll get to like the other thing quicker. Yeah, it's tough. And sometimes, you know what's so crazy is like, it'll be like, it'll be like 5 PM, and I don't know why I think this is insane, but I'll be like, can you go pick up Chick-fil-A for me? And she'll be like, yeah. And like I forget that she's my assistant, I'm paying her.

Yeah.

And I just find it so mind-blowing that she just says yes. I don't know why, but every time she says yes, I'm like, really? Okay, cool. Like today I was like, I was like, I was like, can you pick me up Chipotle before we finish our podcast so I have it when I'm done? And she's like, okay, fine. And I'm like, okay, are you sure? I don't know why. Like, I know I'm paying her, but I still find it like mind-blowing that like I have an assistant. That's so— it's so helpful. I don't know how I functioned without an assistant before.

But are you good about like putting her time in the right places?

Oh yeah, 100%.

You are?

Yeah.

Because I know with mine, like, I'll have something to do and I'm like, no, I'd much rather him work on the other thing than go get this dumb thing.

Well, now I have my mind wrapped around something stupid. I'm trying to get this gumball machine restored so I can have it in my house, and that's taking up a lot of time. And I really regret catching— having my eye catch that because now that's all she's working on. But no, yeah, the resources are in the right place.

I got a bone to pick with you.

Great.

The other day, Mr. Braggart, bragging, bragging, bragging.

What did I brag about?

Bragging about all your masturbation.

Listen, I didn't brag about it.

He's sitting there with his computer on his lap, his laptop, he goes, "I masturbated 3 times yesterday!" I was kidding!

I was kidding about 3 times.

"I'm gonna go do it again right now. Oh, I just couldn't stop masturbating. My young boner just gets so hard whenever I want it.

Snap my fingers!" Oh wow, you really took it personally.

Yeah, I did.

I just said, I was saying I found a very, I found, like Matthew McConaughey when he talks about masturbating in Wolf of Wall Street, I think it's like—

I remember that scene.

Yeah, it's like, it helps you get your mind off things and helps you get done with work.

It does?

Yes, bro, like you're not thinking about anything 'cause all your sexual thoughts are out of the way.

Oh, right, right, right.

And it's so easy to do.

I guess I used to be like you when I was younger.

You go do it and you're done. I didn't know me saying, I found a new work method really pissed you off like that. I didn't know it was so personal.

I gotta get my dick jackhammered in an hour. Oh yeah, I'll see you then.

How has that been?

I, you know, I reported last week.

Oh yeah, last week Jason started this new dick treatment. Yeah, that gives you a bigger boner.

Yeah, they jackhammer your dick in here with electricity. Yeah, with balls and stuff. Yeah, I mean, yeah, and under your balls. And, and a woman does it and has, you know, trite conversation with you while she's jackhammering your dick.

Sure, sure.

Well, how many kids do you have? Uh, 2. That's nice.

What's the update? How many— not how many kids.

So anyways, it was weird. I had— it's unbelievable. Yeah, David, unreal. I don't know what they did. I don't know if it's gonna go away.

It got bigger.

My penis is bigger. I'm not even kidding. Even flaccid, it's bigger. Remember the other— remember a couple weeks ago when you had all these shorty shorties and you—

when you had it in your mouth and you were like, ah, you don't feel like it?

He's kidding, Trish. Um, uh, remember a couple weeks ago when you like pointed— I had like some short shorts on and you like pointed to my dick and balls and you're like, oh, it's so small? Yeah, well, now it's bigger.

Wow.

Come in the bathroom.

No, I'm good. I'm fucking good.

No, but it's, it's crazy, crazy, crazy.

I can't even tell you how much How much are you spending on this again?

And I have a friend that went and he was like— I was like, dude, this is crazy. He's like, I know.

How much are you spending?

It was $3,000.

$3,000 for all the treatments? Yeah. How many times you have to go?

6.

Wow, okay.

It was literally like a couple hours later. I don't know what they did.

But you were like a non-believer the first time, right?

Yeah, I thought I'd been had, but it was worth every penny.

Wow.

And I have to pump my penis twice a day with a penis pump.

Okay, that's fucked up.

And my mom knocked on the door the other day when I was doing it. That sucked.

What'd she say?

She said, Jason, hard-boiled or scrambled? And I was like, I'm in here. I'm 45.

Your mom catches you masturbating when you're 45?

I know she found the penis pump too, but she didn't say anything.

She probably thought it was a bong. Jason, are you smoking again? No, I can't believe you have a penis pump. I guess you have to when you're 45.

Well, they told me if I want to get my money's worth, I have to pump it. But it's almost like too much. The penis pump is too much. It makes it too big.

Well, congratulations on your big penis.

Thanks, man. Really appreciate it. Speaking of congratulations. I'm over 3.5 inches now. That's big, right? Yeah. Yeah.

That's huge.

Right? Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. I thought so.

That's massive. Hiring can be pretty time-consuming.

It can.

Yeah, you post the job to several online job— Have you ever had to hire anybody?

No. Oh no, I have an assistant.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't pay him, Jason. Oh right, right. You post the job to several online job boards only to get tons of the wrong resumes. Then you have to sort through all the resumes just to find a few people with the right skills and experience. Those job sites that overwhelm you with wrong resumes, they're not smart. That's why you should do smart thing and go to ziprecruiter.com/nash. Unlike other job sites, ZipRecruiter finds qualified, qualified candidates for you. Its powerful matching technology scans thousands of resumes to identify the right skills, education, and experience in a person to help you pair them with your job. It's no wonder ZipRecruiter is rated number 1 by employers in the US. This rating comes from hiring sites on Trustpilot with over 1,000 reviews. And right now our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com/nash. That's an exclusive web address, address ziprecruiter.com/nash. N-A-S-H. That's ziprecruiter.com/nash. The smartest way to hire. ZipRecruiter. Thank you, ZipRecruiter. Guys, this next part of this podcast is called Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast. It's a segment where we give 25 seconds to our editor to talk about whatever he wants, and in return he edits our podcast. We regret that this is a segment, but it's kind of like a thing we do now and it takes some time, so we just fucking do it.

There's hardly any editing that's actually done on the podcast. Yeah, it's kind of weird.

Yeah, I don't know why.

Like, maybe one, one or two things cut out.

Maybe we should stop doing these, but this is the last one. Here we go.

Action! It comes with great misfortune this week that Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast is in a shutdown. We have some internal issues and are currently at standstill. So until everything is resolved, Joe's Teeny Weeny Podcast is on a current hiatus at our choice, not at the choice of David or Jason. And we will now return to View's podcast. Thank you.

Wow, he got that one short. That was 23 seconds.

Nice job, Joe.

Thank you, Joe, for not wasting our time too long.

Joe got topical on that one. That was a government shutdown.

Yeah, that was a government shutdown reference.

Yeah, that didn't land.

Yeah. Was that supposed to be funny, Joe?

Am I reading too much into it? Was that a reference to the government shutdown? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know our tax dollars were going towards the teeny weeny.

Joe, that was great.

Good job, Joe.

He's so creative. Like, how does he find a new way to waste our time every week?

All his ideas are kind of like the boat is right there, but no one can get off.

Yeah, I don't know.

Something like that.

All his ideas, his ideas—

They're good.

His ideas feel like the ideas ideas you'd get from an intern you're about to fire. That's what his ideas are like.

It's like, we don't even want you here for free.

Yeah, it's kind of strange. But I will say, I was at the same party I was at the other day. Some guy came up to me and he goes, holy fuck, David.

Yeah.

And I go, yeah, hey. And he goes, dude, I love, love your podcast. Like, fucking love it so much. I listen to it. It's one of my favorite things. I'm like, thank you so much. And I go, this is Joe. And he goes, Joe! Oh my— and he— I'm telling you, he fucking froze. And he— and he wasn't kidding. He wasn't kidding. He was like— he was actually— because no one fucking sees Joe, right?

Right.

It's just a voice.

Yeah.

So So people probably think that maybe it's just you doing another voice on the line. So when they see Joe in person, he fucking freaked out. I'm not making this up, he froze and he's like, dude, oh my God, it's such a pleasure to meet you. Can I have a picture with you too? Like 5 times more than freaking out about me. And I had to remind this guy, I'm like, you know that his podcast is inside mine. This wouldn't exist without mine. I thought that was so funny.

Well, that's fun. Yeah, Joe got some—

that was—

he does a lot.

That was rewarding. That was worth all the other shit teeny-weeny podcasts he has on this show. Can I tell you about Robinhood? Yeah, Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos, all commission-free. They strive to make financial services work for everyone, not just the wealthy. Guys, Robinhood is incredible. I mean, what can I say? It's there's no commission fees, and other brokers can charge up to $10 for every trade, but Robinhood doesn't charge commission fees. It's designed— it's so easy to use, and you can learn as you go. So learn how to invest as you build your portfolio, discover new stocks, and track favorite companies with personalized news feed. So like, if you're trying to get into investing and you really don't know what to do, this is, this is the easiest way to get into it. There's different like sections where you can view 100 most popular stocks and entertainment stocks, social media stocks.

Yeah, have fun with it. Go, go into stocks that you like.

Yeah, yeah, Robinhood's giving listeners a free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help you build your portfolio. Sign up at views.robinhood.com.

That's views.robinhood.com. I got a call from my ex-wife this morning.

Oh, getting back together?

What is it? I'm supposed to say nice things about her. I don't know what I said. I got to go check a video.

Oh no, you said bad stuff.

I don't know what I said. I said something like, "Ah, my ex-wife doesn't want the kids on the internet," or something like that. And I'm just here to say that yes, I have good relationship with her. She's a very nice person. Oh, she called you. Why is everybody mad at me all the time, David? Why?

Because you say the stupidest shit.

What do I say?

You just— you're just—

I'm dumb. I'm dumb. Is that what you're gonna say? No, it looked like it was coming out of your mouth. Your lips went like, you're dumb.

Well, if the shoe fits. No, I mean, if your ex-wife is calling you about problems, yeah, then like Oh my God, sorry. I literally just— I went into my own world for a second and I thought about how nice it would be to see a movie tonight. I just completely forgot about, like, the work that we have in front of us.

And I was like, what would you see?

I don't know. How about— wow, I totally got sidetracked from your story.

Movies are not the same as they used to be for me.

Why do you think that?

I just don't think they're as good.

They're not as good. You're right. It's harder to come by a good movie, right? Yes.

Even the Lady Gaga movie. Which I love Lady Gaga. It was like, ah, it was good.

What was the last insane movie you saw?

Last insane movie? Damn, man, I saw Aquaman, but it wasn't good.

Yeah, I heard that wasn't that good.

It was tough to watch. I don't know, it doesn't make any sense. Everyone's underwater. How could that be? Makes no sense to me. And then you're watching people talk underwater. That's impossible. That's if they were talking underwater, they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I think it's our friend Carly who can't watch movies like that. Did you know that about her?

Why can't she?

She can't watch, so she can't watch like a Marvel superhero movie because it's not real.

Oh, I'm kinda like that.

So she'll be like, she'll be like, let's say Iron Man, Iron Man has to defeat these mutant rats that are like human-sized.

Great storyline.

And she'll just be watching and she'll be like, that's not real, that's not a problem, he doesn't have to do that. Like, she literally should be like, why? Why am I watching this? Like, it's not real. Like, nothing— that can't happen.

I'm like that with— with it.

She— she can't watch any movies.

Sounds so—

or like fantasy.

Yeah, I get it.

Like, she can't watch Lord of the Rings because she's like, that— this is stupid. That's not real.

It's dumb. Doesn't— yeah, right.

Star Wars. Star Wars.

It couldn't happen.

Yeah, there's no lightsabers. That's so insane. And I'm like— and I'm like, But you can't, you don't immerse, like you can't submerge yourself into this whole world? And she's like, no, I just, I don't understand how you could possibly enjoy something that can't happen.

Right.

Which is so fucking interesting to me.

By the way, things are great with my ex-wife now that I shouldn't have said anything, but she's a very nice person.

You really fucked yourself.

And now I fucked myself even more because David started talking about movies in the middle of that. She's a great person, she's very nice to me, so please.

Man, she's got a fucking—

And now Trisha's gonna be mad at me for talking about her on the podcast, and then I'm just gonna go put a bullet in my head.

Next podcast, listen to Guys, Tricia's the best, my ex-wife sucks. I said the podcast after that, guys, my ex-wife is great, Tricia sucks. What's the word with the teacher shutdown? What is that all about?

They might be going back to school tomorrow. They've missed 7 days of school.

Wait, your kids haven't been in school for 7 days?

7 school days. Yeah, over a week.

Is this only in California?

Yeah, LA Unified, LA.

Oh my God. So teachers are going on strike here because they're not getting what?

They're not getting paid enough.

They're not getting paid enough.

Yeah. I mean, it's, it's a crazy situation. Like, we all should have more for school.

How do you guys—

should pay more?

How do your kids feel about that?

They're on the teacher's side, but are they— it's like, for no school, the teachers finally get paid more.

Like, now you should get paid more, go on another strike.

They're actually excited to go back today because they're kind of nerdy, but they, you know, they're such goody-goodies.

I love when you throw your kids under the bus, you know, because they're kind of losers.

They love school, they love to learn. No, hey, Hey, you know, my kids, it's their birthday month, David. They're both born in January, so we're celebrating all month long.

It's gonna be tough. What are you gonna get them? You've already got them 7 Apple Watches.

To be honest, David, I've got them nothing. How about that?

Yeah, I feel like that'd be good.

Yeah, enough. You're right, enough.

Give them something to do. Give them chores. Give them a responsibility. Have them take out the trash.

Oh, really?

Yes, they don't have a single chore.

Charlie's 10 though. That's a little young to be taking out trash, isn't it?

No, you can empty the dishwasher when you're 10.

You can?

Yeah.

She can't even reach where the plates go.

Well, have her figure it out.

Get her on a high stool.

Fuckin' figure it out.

Send her, put her in a factory.

How old's Wyatt?

Make her a seamstress.

How old's Wyatt?

I don't know, 17?

He's not 17.

Oh, 13.

You should have him do chores. Did you do chores growing up?

I would do these like half-ass chores, like they'd start, like there'd be this initiative that would come down. You're gonna do chores! And then you'd do it like once and then it would just stop.

Oh, you were one of those families?

Yeah.

Oh wow, when my parents told me we were doing chores, It was gonna be, I do those chores for a week and then they're gonna start piling on even more.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was bad.

Really?

Well, to me as a kid, now looking back, it was fucking like emptying out the dishwasher and taking out the trash. But like, I had like 4 chores a week, but when I missed one, fucking all hell broke loose. Like, it was like—

Really?

Yeah, it was chaos.

What would they do?

They would just be so mad, I'd get grounded, it was bad, it was bad.

What was the chore that you missed, like trash?

Yeah, like trash day.

Ooh.

Which is bad, 'cause when you miss taking out the trash bins, Now you got full trash bins.

Yeah, for a whole week.

And I would have to—

trash—

and I would have to stand inside the trash bins and, and stomp on it like I was making wine just to get the trash all the way to the bottom of the bin so I can fit more trash into it when I would miss it.

Did you forget, or did you forget on purpose?

No, I would forget.

You would forget?

Yeah.

What are you busy thinking about?

School, sex, money, drugs.

I was back when you were dealing, huh?

Yeah. Yeah. No, I was actually— I actually started a ping-pong club in my high school.

And, um, how'd that go down?

It was great. I didn't started. I didn't start it myself, but I was— I would show up to school.

Which one was it?

Well, I would show up to school 45 minutes before everybody. I sound like such a fucking loser. It's so crazy. I feel like in high school, a lot of the loser things that like would be like cliché loser things were kind of cool. So like, maybe I'll just say David.

Or maybe I'm just not dating anyone and staying home on prom night. That was a cool thing.

Fuck, you're right. Okay, maybe I was.

No, but like, why would you go to school 45 minutes early?

Because I would play ping pong.

Oh, okay.

And it was the cool kids. No, it wasn't. Okay, fuck. You know what?

I'm— please, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is so funny. I was just fucking— please, please, please. I love it. I want to hear about it. So you go to school for— I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I go to 45 minutes early. The only person that would be there, I shit you not, would be the janitor. And sometimes they get there so early where the door wouldn't be unlocked yet and I'd have to wait for him and the cafeteria lights would still be turned off. And yeah, sometimes be like an hour early. And it'd just be me and my friend Alex. We'd get up, he'd be having a morning bagel, his hair would be so— we'd walk to school, his hair would be so wet that it would freeze. Yeah, and he could break it off. And, and we got to school and we set up the ping pong table because it was like put away, and we'd start playing, and it was the only thing you would hear in the entire school. Is you'd like— the hallways were all echoey because they would loop around, so you just hear the ping pong ball bouncing in the entire school. I'm telling you, no one would be there except us.

Yeah. And then more people would come in and then you'd get— and then you get the real losers who came in, you know, they were there just to do homework and shit. Like, not cool stuff like me and ping pong friend.

About like 10 minutes before school, would kids come around and start watching you guys play?

Yeah.

Yeah. And they start to root for you.

Yeah. And by then I'd already be very sweaty because I've been playing for a while and like, and I'd have to bring like a— I'd have to bring like an extra shirt to change into for school.

And David, 2 people playing ping pong does not necessarily make a club.

Yes, but it got so popular that the school had to shut it down before school and had to set up its own ping pong club at the end of the day.

Oh yeah, I had to come and shut it down.

And guess what? I'm not a fucking loser, so I didn't stay around after school. I said peace. So I, and I, yeah, I never came to ping pong.

Sounds like you were too ahead of the curve there.

Yeah, I was playing ping pong before it was cool.

I could see you being the Pied Piper making ping pong cool. Yeah, I could see you definitely doing that.

Well, there was, there was a couple of my friends that were, that were very good at making lame things cool. Like I said, like, like, like crew. Like, we used to do the crew, which was like, for the sake of better word, it was literally the cheerleading section. Yeah, we're like, it was like school spirit. Yeah, so we dress up. If it was a blackout, we'd all dress up in black and we'd lead the student section. And like, that was like a You know, on paper it seems like a fucking stupid thing to do. Like, who the fuck— like, you know, you'd imagine all the cool kids being like, that's fucking lame, what's up with all the school spirit? But it's completely the opposite. Like, every year when you turn— when you became a senior, there was like a selected few that would like— they were like okay to do the crew, and it was like exciting.

Really?

Yeah.

And had to be chosen—

not chosen, but you had to be like— you had to have like enough balls, like in the high school world, to be like, I want to be in the crew, right? And have that— and have someone not be like You can't be in the fucking crew.

You're fucking losing. Did anyone ever try to be in the crew and there someone was like, no, you can't be in the fucking crew?

No, because it's like, it's like, it's like an—

it's like a thing where like, like if you don't, you're either in the crew or you're not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, like, I get it. You know what, it was probably a loser thing to do.

Fuck it.

I'm trying to make myself so much cooler.

No, no, no, no, it's cool. But it was like, I don't know, maybe it's hard for me to tell because I know when I was in school, like, yeah, all the things you describe in my school are fucking loser city, like get beaten up. But 20 years later—

but that's how school works.

But maybe your school was different.

Like, 20 years later, now, now big frames, like eyeglasses, are popular. Like those big black ones. Uh-huh. Before, you get your ass kicked.

Oh, get your ass beaten.

You look like a fucking idiot. But now everybody wears them, even when they're not prescription, because they look sick. So funny. That's kind of just like what school is. It's—

you ever fuck your teacher?

What?

Do you ever fuck one of your teachers?

No, never.

Be honest.

Fuck. Okay. No, no, I never— I definitely had some serious crushes on my teachers.

You did?

Yeah.

Come on, David, you can do better than that.

Why? No, I had some serious crushes.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

What would you say?

Nothing. I wouldn't say anything.

But why'd your voice just change all of a sudden?

What do you mean?

It just got really lothario-ish.

Like what?

I don't know. I wouldn't say anything.

That's between me and Mrs. Raspa.

Would you make an excuse to like go up and like show her your paper?

Like, can I get some help on this? No, but I was definitely a lot more flirty and I was like, give me an example of flirty.

Hey, you're looking pretty good today, Mrs. Radzikowski.

I'm like, that wasn't like that. It was just like, like I would give her all my attention when she was talking to me and it was like, oh, oh, you finally fucking pay attention in class. No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It was, it was whatever.

I don't know.

These teachers, either high school was the best time in the world Or I'm completely fucking delusional and I was a complete loser and I had no idea what I was doing.

These teachers, did they wear like sexy outfits or jeans? Skirts or jeans?

No, my— okay, I'll do— I'll admit one thing. One of my biggest crushes was on a teacher after she got pregnant. When she was pregnant, she was like glowing, and I was like, this woman's beautiful.

Wow.

I've never been attracted to a pregnant lady before, but she's like gorgeous.

I've seen that glow in a pregnant woman. Yeah, it's weird, right? Yeah, you get a weird glow about them.

Yeah, beautiful. And yeah, and so, so no, she wasn't wearing Like, no, none of these teachers were like wearing like slutty— like, that wasn't— that wasn't it. They were just like very pretty women.

Wow. And they were really pretty. Do you think they're all listening to this now going, I wonder if it was me?

No, I don't think anybody's listening to this. But, but I think they know because I've told— like, I was friends with like all my teachers. So I would tell the other teachers what teachers I would have a crush on. Oh, really? I'd be like, oh my God, she's so hot to my other teachers. And she'd be like, what? And my teacher would be like, why does everyone think she's so hot?

Yeah, that sounds like kind of weird and crossing the line.

It is. But like, that's like, that's like how the teachers were with our students. Like, it was very like hand jobs and stuff like that.

I get it.

The teachers in our school very much could have been the students. Everyone was like, like very similar in age. And like, I think that's what made school so great. Oh, is like, is like, like, you know, Mr. Killinger, you know, Mr. and Mrs. Adenauer. Like, they're all very young and they could have— they literally could have been students in the fucking class. Yeah. Like, that's what made it so cool is like, it was so easy to relate to the teachers and the teachers related to us.

Right on, David.

And like, whenever the teachers would talk shit about me, the teachers that were my friends would come to me and tell me, and they'd be like, yeah, we were in the workroom and he fucking hates you. I don't know why, but he hates you. And I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. All right, guys, well, that's all the time we have for today's podcast.

That's it.

Yeah, all right, time flies when you're having fun. All right, thank you guys for listening to this podcast. My name is Jeff. My name is Jeff, and this has been A View's Podcast. Go follow us on Twitter. Go follow me on Instagram. I'm trying to get to 10 million followers, @daviddobrik. Bye. Thanks for listening, guys. Here's a quick and free way to finally stick to your New Year's resolutions: start listening to podcasts on Spotify. With more than 150,000 podcasts, including many of the world's most popular self-improvement shows, you can learn how to balance a budget, balance your diet, and even how to feel balanced while meditating, even if you're also obsessing over when the cat was last fed. All podcasts on Spotify are free, and you can even download episodes for those times when you've gone off the grid. Good, you know, to get all that newfound balance into your life. So get the year off right and start listening to podcasts on Spotify.