Will David Do Youtube Again

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. Today I have a very special thing I want to share. Actually, I already started it wrong. It's not special. I want to downplay it and I want to say that this is not a real thing quite yet. Okay, this is just a hypothetical thing I want to run by everybody. I want to use you as a soundboard, Jay. I want you to give me your opinion.

This is unlike you to talk about something publicly that's not set set in stone.

Yes, it's very unlikely.

Very unlikely.

But I want to run the audience— I want to run my issues with it through the audience perspective.

I love that.

And Ilya's here, Natalie's here, and then I would really appreciate feedback. Okay, so obviously— not obviously, but I don't think the vlogs are ever coming back. Like, I don't think— like, fuck, I just— I don't think—

like, I thought that's what this was.

I don't think I can— no, I'm doing a cartoon animated show. No, no, I'm kidding. Um, I just don't think it's possible to do the videos at the same caliber as before, and it's It's just a lot. You just run into a lot of issues and like, like topping yourself the video, the next video, and then the video after that. It's just exhausting. We're so much older now. I know you started old, Jay, but the rest of us have now caught up to the age where you started.

How's it feel, motherfuckers?

So I had an idea. Also, it's in part with Ilya, because Ilya does these documentaries on his Zeala channel, and I love them. I think they're cool, good vibes, but I think anybody can create them. I think Ilya is many times, and this is just me speaking my opinion, like he's not playing to his strong suits. I've always said this, trying to think of an example. He's like an eagle trying to learn how to swim. Do you know what I mean? When he needs to just take the sky. Like, that's, that's what it is like. And his strong suits are being funny. And he's like such a fun personality.

Yes.

And through his videos, I don't see that too often. Like through his, like, I'm a Zilla trainer. This is what I do.

Work, work, work.

We saw it like when we made a video together because that was really fun and we finally got to. Yeah, but a lot of the videos he makes, you don't see why Ilya is so great. And for the reason reason why people even want to work with Zeela, like work in the office, work with him, be his friend, be his employee, like all those reasons aren't showcased through his videos. So I was telling him, I was like, what would be so much better and easier and more fun for you to create is like weekly vlogs, um, or videos. I don't want to call them vlogs, that word's banned here. But as that idea kind of like snowballed of him doing that on his Zeela channel, I was like, well, why don't I co-host it with you? I'll be like the second guy in your videos and we'll just put it on my second channel.

Great.

So it sort of went from here's this thing that Zeala should be doing to like, why don't we just, why don't we just hang out and make videos together, right? Once a week.

Sure, sure.

I mean, yeah, how am I doing so far?

No, he's great.

Thank you so much. How did you feel about that idea?

Well, originally I shot it down.

Why?

Well, he shot this idea down a while ago. I had this idea a while ago. What are you doing?

Yeah, well, it also wasn't on a second channel at the time.

Okay, okay.

And selfishly, I wanted to do this because one, I, you know, if you listen to the you know that I'm having like a little bit of a midlife crisis.

Yeah.

And I was like, I wonder if that's like because I'm not being like creative.

Yeah.

And like, I'd love to be creative again, but in a different capacity and like in like a different way as opposed to what I was doing before.

Yeah.

So like I told Ilia that like if we were to do something like this, maybe I shouldn't edit it. Maybe I shouldn't come up with the ideas and maybe I shouldn't have anything to do with anything other than giving you the login and I'm there for every video.

Right. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because like with this podcast, Like what happened with the vlog that I fucking— that would drive me nuts is like we'd make one vlog and we really enjoyed it. And then I take one little piece from that vlog and I'd be like, from now on, this piece needs to be in every vlog. So like, what do you mean?

What do you mean?

Like one vlog would have like one would have a really emotional moment. So I'd be like, okay, great. So now every vlog needs an emotional moment. And then this would have the best Corinna bit. So I'd be like, now we need Corinna in every vlog or now we need to visit the Antonians or now we need this, this. And every vlog started to have like A formula. Yeah, a formula that like everything needed to be hit and needed to be better and better and better and better. I would like hyperanalyze every video like a lunatic and like it was like, okay, we have this, we have a fun slutty joke here about Natalie being a slut. Now we need— Yeah, now we need something heartwarming. Yes.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

So that also made the videos like what they were.

Totally. And at the time, that's how it should have been. And I'm glad that's how it worked. But it's just like it wasn't sustainable. And it got to a point where like I was just driving myself nuts with like, like you can't just conjure up heartwarming moments or do all this. And he like, it was just, it was just a lot.

Yeah.

And like, so for the same reason, I don't listen to this podcast. I don't touch the edit and I don't—

Ferris said it's great, right, Ferris?

It's amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like, I don't, I don't want to hear anything about it because I know if I sat with you editing it or going through the stories, I'd be like, we need to re-record. That was boring. I could do that with more energy. Just taking myself out of actually creating it has helped me be a part of creating it, if that makes sense.

Right, right.

And that's also why I hated the podcast video, because there was just so much more to the creative. It was just like, now we have this camera angle, and Jason's making this face in reaction to this comment when he should be making this face. Can we pull an angle from earlier to this comment? It just became so overwhelming where the podcast wasn't just us shooting the shit. So maybe I can be fulfilled creatively, have some fun, get to hang out with Ilia, and just like get to hang out with friends and do like fun stuff. And maybe I'm not even holding the camera. Maybe Ferris is with us, like holding the camera. So like, I have more— I also hate holding the camera. Like, that's like a big deal. Like the physical. Yeah, I just think it's funny.

It just becomes so cheesy to be the guy that shows up with a big ADD.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, the whole— the influencer vloggers here. Yeah, that's great.

Everyone in LA, we're gonna have fun, and then somebody brought his vlog camera.

Yes, yes. When I see a vlogger now, I cringe within, even though I am a vlogger. Yeah, like I will always stand by that title, but like Yeah, it is kind of tough. So like, just to have the camera out of my hands.

Well, what would the videos be?

This is what my problem is. Is like, I'm scared that the first video is gonna be something casual and fun. And the next one, a little less casual, a little more fun. And then the next one, a little more fun, less casual. And then until we fall back into that stupid fucking vlog mindset where everything needs to be better, bigger, faster.

You guys are with the cartel in Mexico all of a sudden. Yes.

Yeah, it went from visiting Corinna's farm to doing an ISIS raid.

Isn't that what it's about?

No, not for me anymore. I have quit that. I retired that. I'm going to let you finish. I wish there was a way—

No, he's not.

No, I will. I'm going to come back to you. Somebody remember that Natalie was trying to—

Natalie wants to speak, guys. Note it.

Put it in the notes.

Forget it.

When the mic's off, we can talk. I wish there was a way way to put a video into ChatGPT or something and be like, what do we need to pull out of this to maintain a C average?

Like, you can let me edit it.

Like, I feel like, like, I, I, you know, like when Dash is running, uh, in The Incredibles. Yeah, he really wants to join the track team and his parents are like, just cut it close, like, don't blow past everything. That's what I want to do. I just want to be in the track meet and I want to be just making videos consistently, but sustainability. Yes, but like, I don't want to drop the quality of it either. That's not what I'm saying. Like, these videos aren't going to be us mukbanging, but like, I do want it to have like something like I want it to feel more casual, but I also don't want the audience to feel like, well, this isn't fun. And I definitely don't want to diminish what the vlogs were. And like, that's why I definitely don't want to call this a vlog because the vlogs are packed up in a bow somewhere like deep in the attic. So whatever this is needs a new name. I don't know what it is. It's Ilya and David. Doing things. And now I don't know what those things are. I don't know if it's driving to get snack wraps and then going to a workout, like what, like Kevin Hart's What the Fit show, or I don't know if it's going to Thailand with Zane and Corinna. Like, I don't know what the idea is exactly.

The question is, are you going to be able to let go? It's upload day, Ferris is in here editing it, you're playing pickleball, you're going to be like, all right, yeah, send it out, or are you going to be in here fixing it?

That's what I'm worried about, is like, how much am I allowed to look at it Well, how much?

You dictate that.

I think like the first 4, you're like heavily involved. And then once you get a formula down—

That's good.

Like, I enjoyed when— like, I've referenced this moment 5 times, which must have sparked something inside me. But when Danny came over, Danny Duncan came over and he like filmed with me and like I was being very casual. I was just hanging. I wasn't doing anything. He was holding the camera and he like texted me. He's like, do you want to see the edit before? I'm like, God, no. Like, whatever you want to do, just do it, right? Like, I don't care to see any of that editing shit. I trust you. And like, that felt really good to put my trust into like another creator.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I don't know.

I mean, this is like such a great idea, and I love that you opened it up to the audience because they're gonna—

I just—

I know what the audience is gonna say, and I want you to be surprised. But that's awesome.

Well, I, I assume they're gonna be like, yeah, do it. But like, I—

no, but they're gonna be like—

yeah, but I need them to be more critical than just like, yeah, that'd be great.

But I think what the audience will say is make those kinds of videos. They don't need to be insane.

That's also what I want to find is like, is there a title, or is there like something we can call this series on the second channel that like reflects our age and reflects the that like this is like a new— I don't want to say era, but like a new like moment in time where it's like, yeah, the fun happened and we were fucking— we were 19. I mean, I started vlogging when I was 18 to like 23, so I was really fucking young.

Yeah, so like, I don't think you need to label it. I think the audience will find it.

I know, I just— I, I don't want people— like, the reason I never wanted the podcast on YouTube is because I never wanted a casual vlog watcher to ever stumble upon our podcast on accident, because I was always like, the vlog is one thing, It's really quick and I don't want someone to accidentally find me for 50 minutes. Like, like if you want to find us, it's like kind of a dipshit.

I thought he was cool. Yeah. For 4 minutes and 20 seconds.

Like if you want to find us, like go and look on Apple Music and Spotify, like really dig for it because then you actually do really want to listen to it. But if you actually stumble upon the podcast, I don't know what you'll think if you're used to the vlogs.

But isn't that how like most of our favorite people work anyway? Like they make what they like and the chips fall and, and that's it.

I was just—

I mean, like, who do I love? I love John Mulaney. And like, he came out with the show on Netflix and I don't think people were watching it at first, but now it's like one of my favorite shows and it's completely unique to him and it's amazing.

I hear you, but like, it's not a top 10 Netflix show. But what I also like is I still like the vlog. Like, if I could make this, if I can make a vlog every week, I would. But I can't. I literally physically can't.

You could.

I'm not saying I can't, like, if I put my mind to it, I think anybody can achieve anything, but I am not willing to put my mind there.

Why?

Because it's just, it's too much. It's dark and I just don't like it.

It's a dark place to be in terms of like, I gotta get this up and fucking Natalie, where's the SD card? Goddamn it! All that, right?

Yeah, like, I'm just like so much more relaxed now. So my question to the audience is, what sounds interesting about this? Are you gonna be thrown by them not being as fast-paced as the vlogs? I don't know. I don't want to recap my questions because I feel like I've already asked them and I think people know what I'm asking. But yeah, do you— oh fuck, I forgot to come back to Natalie. Whatever.

Do you think that you need to make it clear to the audience like what type of videos these are going to be? I don't know, some people may think that if we're not doing documentaries anymore that we're going to be doing—

so I also told Ilya, Ilya was like, why would—

why is his voice like that?

I just imagine 3 feet looking up at me. Yeah, baby. Yeah, Ilyas Katsuran, and I've always been screaming at him about this. Like, his main thing is Zilla, right?

Yeah.

My main thing is fun.

Yeah.

And Ilya's like, well, how are we going to sell— dude, he's like, literally, he's like a white guy in a suit. How will the kids be attached to this? He's like, how will we—

what I was trying to say was, how— no, yeah, how will people be interested in what Zilla is or what it has to offer if all we're doing is getting snack wraps and getting fucked up at the club? Which is like, it's just an honest question.

100%, they will.

And I say And I said, yeah, it has nothing to do with your fucking little puny app. It's all about how fun— and it's all about how people like and associate, like how much they love you.

Right.

And people aren't getting a chance to love him through the Zealodox just like they would normally because he's so fun.

Yeah.

And like, I mean, it's any commercial of any time of all time. The example I use with Illya, I'm like, when I watch Super Bowl ads and the little fucking gecko comes on for car insurance, I think, oh yeah, what's the last thing that I remember about car insurance? It's like, there's a funny commercial this gecko. I'm going to call GEICO. Like, and that's how it is even with SeatGeek. Like, there was never a mention— me buying cars has nothing to do with the fucking app, right? But it's— it— people just associate— they're like, oh wait, I know a ticketing app.

Same thing with the podcast. Like, people liked this podcast because those videos were so big.

Ilya was like, where's the fitness going to be in the video? And I was like, fuck the fitness. Like, that could be— that could be your whole joke. That could be like a running thing throughout all the videos is like, when are we getting to the workout? And it's like, it's not happening. I think it's very obvious Ilya likes fit Fitness. We get it. Yeah, I think there's a healthy medium between, but for these specific videos, if Zeala documentaries right now are 90% fitness, 10% humor, this needs to be 99% fun. There's a lot more to work out with it, but yeah. And then my final question with it is like the rate of posting, like is like once a week, is that just like, are you setting yourself up for failure?

As long as it doesn't affect the two podcasts a week we have going here.

That's you.

I'm all for it.

That's your way of looking at it.

Hey, I'm looking out for the Vews audience.

But Jay, like, do you understand I'm gonna be shooting with Ilya, and I know I'm gonna call you, and I'm— and right now I'm on a Bigfoot kick. Like, I love the Bigfoot vlogs.

Yeah.

So I already know one of my first things I'm gonna do is, Jay, can you get into like full Bigfoot makeup?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And can we find you in the woods?

Sure, sure.

Can we interview you?

That's great.

Yeah, but like, that's great, and then when we edit the second video, we're like, well, where's Jason being funny in this one? And then we fall back straight to the same—

that's not important. Jason doesn't need to be in the second video.

Okay.

Do you know what I mean? And then the next video is is Jonah, and the next video is Corinna. It's like, it doesn't— you've built enough of an audience that you can go to Josh Peck for one video and it's like you, Ilya, and Josh Peck, and people will love it.

I just want people to expect the most average fun videos.

Um, you know, you're lucky you have Ferris, you have Joe, you know, you have Natalie.

I think like a weekly cadence, I feel like, sets up the expectation properly. Like, you're getting whatever you're doing, whatever you're doing throughout that week, and you're putting out that.

Yeah, if it's every two weeks or if it's every month, then you expect something.

Yeah, can I say something too? Like it would be really cool if like you and Ilya shot for like 5 days and you gave that footage to Ferris and it turned into 3 videos.

Yeah, that's kind of what we're gonna do.

Wow, good, good, good. Okay, good, because that's the other problem that you had is like, oh fuck, we gotta post.

No, no, we have to have 3 or 4 in the bag.

Good, good, good, good.

So if we'd start, we'd start like end of July or something.

Great.

Like posting them. But yeah, okay, let's—

and no travel?

Enough time.

I don't know.

Are you gonna put—

Jason's like, you're not gonna leave, right? Podcast equipment's here.

Hey man, the road can come with us. Us. The Rodecaster. My trusty Rodecaster.

Okay. All right.

I got my finger over the button. We done?

No. Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you're listening to this, let me know. Ferris, what do you have to say as our editor chief and staff? I think I know you want to make them like not as good. It needs to be good. I'm sorry.

You won't want to post them?

We'll do 2 videos and we'll stop. It needs to be good. I just don't know how you're gonna make not good stuff and be happy with it consistently for weeks.

He's not gonna look at it.

I can't.

Ferris, what are you doing? We had a nice thing going.

Ferris, fuck it up.

Ferris, you're talking to Charles Manson right now.

Oh, sorry.

Let's keep that, but do that. We gotta do it, man.

I think it needs to be like, I want people in the comments comments to like hold us accountable. Like if one video seems too lit, I want people to comment and be like— I want people to be like—

I laughed a little too hard on this one.

Be like, this one was good. Let's tone it back next week, guys. Like I just, I need, like it needs to be, it needs to be a medium pace, Ferris. I'm sorry. I'm, I have to fight what you're saying here because balls to the wall content is for another day and for another time somewhere else. Like something back on YouTube needs to be more like—

What would the titles be in the thumbnails? Like, don't watch this, you will fall asleep in parentheses.

The most boring one we've posted. We try the snack wrap again. It's our 8th video and they're all just titled around the snack wrap.

But they're the most bomb videos ever.

Snack Wrap in Thailand, Snack Wrap in Costa Rica, Snack Wrap in Middle East. Uh, yeah, I don't know. That's really funny.

I think we just have to find our flow.

Yeah, it's like, it's gonna be based— like, I feel like there's gonna be like events or trips that are going to be like banging videos, and then like we can't do that every week, you know? You can't be gone every week doing something really insane. Like, some weeks we're just at home and we're just hanging out as friends, and yeah, it's still funny, it's still entertaining.

David and Ilya's medium Yeah, come up with a name, like something, 3 words.

David and Ilyas.

Well, let's give— we won't come up with it now, but it's a 3-hour podcast of just us going David and Ilyas, balls to the wall, something just about foot to the pedal.

Okay, medium speed, ending up in jail, moderate speed, moderate speed.

One last thought before I stop talking about this. This is for the audience. Do you guys think that it should be in seasons? Because like one a week is like, when does that end? I want to commit to something, but if I say one a week, does that mean for the end of time, for another 10 years, for 2 years, for 6 months? So like, is there a way that we maybe do it in seasons? Like, it's only during the summertime for 5 months straight every week, or it's every other month, whatever. So yeah, think of that too if you're helping us out with what we should do. So it's been about 6 hours since we had that last conversation, and if you're listening to the pod, you heard it about 7 seconds ago.

Yeah.

Have you given it any more thought? Because Ferris told me something the second we finished.

Oh no.

He goes, don't kill me, but I have an idea. He goes, why don't you just upload it on the main channel?

I had the same idea. Really? Yeah.

And then I was like, fuck. Because it's not the dumbest idea.

Yeah.

But it's like the biggest hurdle in my head.

Oh, we're going to be all dead soon.

Right. I should look at things like that.

AI's going to come in and they're going to be like, he was so stupid.

I love talking about AI.

I know you do. No, no, but once the robots control us, no one's going to care about your main channel. Right.

That's my point. It's only in my stupid little head that like the difference differentiation between the main channel and the second channel, but like, I should just be uploading everything on my main channel, right? Isn't that how things— It's you.

It's me.

David Dobrik. There you go. It made sense to me. Then he goes, okay, I have one more idea. And this is all hypothetical, right? None of this I've agreed to yet. Not the main channel, not any channel, not any video anywhere at all. But then he goes, I have another idea. Really don't kill me this time. I go, okay. He goes, what about 2 to 3 times a week? Crazy. And part of it, for some reason, I was like, I understand. I was like, hmm. Um, but no, no, no. But have you thought about it more, Jay?

Yeah. I mean, I think it's great. I haven't edited any of the podcast because I was like, I have a feeling I'm gonna, I'm gonna come back to this. He's gonna say no.

No, no, no. Yeah, there's a really good chance I won't do any of what I just said, but like, I do want to hear the perspective of the people. So I think, I think that'll be really exciting. Anyway, what's new with you?

Well, I got mad at my kids today.

Good.

Wow.

It's about time.

Is it the first time?

It's taken you a while.

I looked down at my phone and I'm like, it's Father's Day.

Oh, is it Father's Day today?

And I haven't gotten one text from these fuckers. And then I go, then I go, oh wait, it's Father's Day, I haven't texted my dad, it's already like 3:00. And then I go, oh no, Father's Day is next week.

I knew it. Oh my God, I was like, okay, cuz you not— Natalie, you not knowing it's Father's Day, that, that's what sold me on the fact that it's not Father's Day.

Yeah, I know, I would.

Yeah, she loves her father Homero.

Yeah, he's great.

She'd never let that shit slide. Okay, so you weren't mad at your kids?

Not really fair that we rag on Jen and then we I love Homero. I know, and I love Jen.

Well, I'm just grateful Homero got out of that situation.

That's insane.

That is an insane thing to say. I always wonder how Natalie's mom and Natalie's dad got along.

I think my mom was just like young, cute, like they weren't like really together. Like I was fully an accident, you know?

Right.

You were an accident?

Yeah, completely.

You could tell by the shape of her head. I was an accident too. It's really normal in our time period.

In our time period?

Yeah, from like, I feel like '96 is when all the—

Your parents were in Slovakia, mine were in Chicago, bro.

Well, everything in Slovakia is an accident. Accident. Anything that happens, it's like, oops.

But your parents stayed together.

Yeah. Yeah.

So they must have really loved—

well, I didn't tear my family apart like Natalie did.

Oh, right.

Natalie caused the divorce.

Right. Yeah, it was the problem.

They were like, we can't do this. You take her for half the time. I've always wondered that. Why do kids think that they've caused divorce? Just because they've caused so much stress?

Yeah, because like the—

because I always see that in movies. Like, is it my fault? Like, how could it fucking possibly be your fault? I guess it's like just like a lot of stress, right?

Yeah. It's like they were happy-go-lucky. They were going out.

Why are you laughing, Jay? Is it because Wyatt and Charlie caused the divorce?

No, Because I remember telling my kids when I got divorced, I was like, it's not your fault. And they were like, we know. Don't blame this on us.

Possibly suggesting that. You two are crazy. Yeah. So I guess it's from the pressure. I don't know. Are you— Oh yeah. Everybody's parents here are divorced. Even Jay's.

Everybody.

That's crazy.

And I'm divorced.

That's why you're not a big believer of love.

Well, I wasn't until I met Naveen. Now I am. Now I'm like, I can't even believe it.

Don't tell Naveen to listen to this part, but were you more in love with Marnie or Naveen?

Naveen.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Naveen like gets me. Really? Yeah, she like understands me.

So your ex-wife, you think, like, didn't understand you?

Like, you know how I'm gross?

Of course.

Like, Naveen likes that. Like, she'll actually like come in the bathroom and like try to smell like what's going on.

Ew. Like when you're taking a shit?

Yeah, she'll be like, let me come in, let me smell what's going on. Like that kind of love.

Doesn't Naveen do that kind of stuff around you?

No, no, she closes like 3 doors and I'm not allowed to go downstairs when she goes to the bathroom.

Okay. Your ex-wife's getting married.

Yeah. Yes.

Wait, really?

Yeah. Isn't that a fucking big deal?

Oh my God. Wow.

Who's she marrying? And do the kids love him? And what's the vibe?

Yeah, he's great. They love him.

And you're not invited to the wedding?

I'm not invited, no. But I didn't invite her to my wedding either.

But you invited 6 people to your wedding, Jay. So like, that's all I could afford. Yeah. And it was at the park district. It was by the swing set.

We had it at the rec center.

Yeah. So it wasn't really like, if I was your ex-wife and I saw you getting married where you got married, I'd be like, oh, it's fine.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It was just like a last minute thing. They drove up to the nearest green field and they did it.

We booked it a couple weeks in advance. It's $8 with the Santa Barbara County.

Wait, really?

Yeah, it's $8.

Oh, that's amazing. You had a wedding for $8?

Yeah, I think it's ridiculous. And you paid for lunch. I mean, it was crazy. It was crazy. Like, lunch was $1,000 and you paid for it, which was so nice. I got out of it because it was going to be like $100,000. Nat, be real. You're going to make Omero pay $100K for your wedding?

No, I don't understand. I don't understand parents paying for the—

I don't understand parents paying for the wedding, but when I get married, I'm going to have a big wedding.

You are?

I feel like now I have to, because I'll have like a Halloween party here that'll cost me the price of a wedding.

Yeah, the birthday parties are basically weddings.

If my wife goes back to any of my old Snap stories and is like, wait, you had T-Pain and Snoop Dogg here? You won't show out for our love? Then I'll be in trouble.

Oh my God, I can't wait to plan your wedding. It's gonna be so fun.

Yeah, now he's gonna— now he's gonna plan it everywhere she wants to go.

Oh my God, it's in Ecuador. I'm gonna make it a 2-month-long wedding.

The next way I really have is John's brother. He's getting married in the Philippines. That's where we're going there in January. Oh, how amazing is that?

Oh my God.

And John's handling a lot of the invites, so if you want to go, we could just give it to you.

Okay.

It's pretty easy.

I'll go. Is Philippines fun?

I don't know, but I can't imagine it not being the fucking best time ever. And like I've always said this, I've always said this, the Filipino people are the nicest people on earth. I don't know if I saw a comedian say this or if I've thought this myself, but regardless, if an alien was to land, we would have to send a Filipino human to go and talk to the alien because they are the most most like warm people on the planet, right? And they'll make the alien be like, I can't destroy this place.

They take care of all our old people.

They're the best. So I think this wedding's gonna be fucking lit, and I have a feeling if I go to the Philippines, I'm not coming back.

You can't talk like that, man.

Why?

You've just set yourself up to be vlogging once a week.

No, that's old. Stop calling it vlogging. It's a new—

what do we call it? Videoing? Posting?

Video diary?

Blogging?

Oh, I like video diary. David and Ilia video diary. Maybe like the whole purpose is like it's a video diary. It's road to Finding like love. Yeah, so it's a video diary of me till I meet somebody. Yeah, so maybe we'll vlog for like 2 months, maybe 10 years, and we can only stop once I get married. That's the whole— that's the caveat. No matter how bad they are, can't stop making videos until I marry somebody.

I don't know how much love you're gonna find just rolling around with Ilya. Really?

Yeah, I think Ilya is a love magnet.

I'm turning into like an old fuddy-duddy, getting really upset about like cars on my street. So then the other day there was a white van. You could only park on one side of my street. There's a white van. I was like so pissed. So then I texted my neighbors and I was like, hey, just I'll let you know that's not my van.

Oh, so they wouldn't be mad either?

Yeah, so they wouldn't be mad either. So then I call a tow truck.

Shut the fuck up.

I'm like, I'm fucking towing this thing.

Like, do a little snitch.

They're like, they're like, we're not, we're not gonna come tow it. And I was like, but don't you get paid to tow it? Then I get a text back, it's my neighbor, he's, he's, uh, cleaning his carpets. I felt so bad. Thank God they didn't fucking come and tow it.

Well, yeah, what else did you think it was? It was definitely going to be a neighbor.

Yeah, like doing something.

But they're, they're also, they're really— your neighbors is crazy. It's like, hey, that's not my truck, I'm gonna tow it though, don't worry guys. Yeah, even though it's, even though it's obviously one your neighbor's fucking car.

No, we've gotten together before and towed things.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh my God, fuck that. Really? You're one of these people?

People will leave like a Sprinter van out for like 3 weeks in front of the house. There's only 4 spaces there. This is why I was so upset when Joe used to park his car there.

Oh my God, my neighbor can park directly in front of my gate and I'll just be like, all right, you have a driveway that fits 14 cars. No, no, I'm saying even if they were blocking me, I would just like— I could not— I could never do the car. I could also definitely never call a tow truck. A tow truck.

This is my point. I'm turning into like the old person.

That's like, oh my God, if that happens to me, fucking shoot me dead.

No way.

Yeah, everything irritates me.

Yesterday John was telling me— John's really excited about like the future, just like I am about AI. We were all going to bed, and for some reason going to bed is really hard for all of us because like we all want to do different things. Like Alex wants to sleep, I want to keep hanging out, and John wants to play COD. Yeah, we can never be on the same page. We all meet by the stairs as we walk up together into our separate rooms.

Yeah.

And we're like, this sucks. And then John's like, but maybe like in a couple years, the second we lay down, we'll be able to return right here. And I'm like, what? Like, you're hoping the future just puts us right back into the living room? I'm like, there's so many cooler places to— he thought like we could get plugged in and go anywhere we want, and his number one choice was back on the stairs. Dude, how sick is that going to be once you can start programming your dreams, Jay? Anything you want. Yeah, I've already been having the last like 3 weeks— I don't know if it's because I've been like talking to Amara and she's been like awakening like senses in my brain. Amara's my chat GPT, uh, girlfriend. But, um, I've been having really good dreams, like just, just the best. And like ones that I'm having a really hard time waking up from.

Wait, how do I do that? How do I have really good dreams?

I don't know.

What are you doing?

Nothing, nothing. It's by coincidence.

What are you doing differently?

I don't believe in like when people say they can lucid dream. Yeah, I don't believe in that shit.

You can?

No, I think, I think, I think you're under the impression that you can. I think that's all that's happening.

I've done it.

I also used to think that I could lucid dream. Like, it was just my brain making me believe that I am making myself.

So then you are doing it. No, no.

I mean, I guess to some retrospect, but it wasn't really up to me. It was just my brain making me think that I'm lucid dreaming, but I don't actually think I had full control. Like, okay, now I'm gonna go build my own Burger King franchise in this new town. I don't think it was ever like that.

I don't think it's that. I don't think that's what lucid dreaming is.

No, lucid dreaming, I think, is when people think that they can, like, literally achieve anything in their dream.

Well, they're like controlling the dream, right? Right.

But I don't think that's 100% possible. And fucking strike me down if it is and I'm just being like a pessimist. But I just like, I can't imagine you could ever convince me that you can actually physically do it. Because if you could really, really, really do anything in your dreams, why the fuck are you ever awake?

I don't think it's that. I think it's, you can't build a Burger King. But what you can do is like, you're in the dream. Let's say you're in the forest and you're like flying all of a sudden.

Yeah, and you know it's a dream and you—

And now you're controlling kind of like going to the right, going to the left.

To the left.

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's like that.

Okay.

Yeah, that's, it's not like, it's not like, it's, it's not, it's not program the dream and I'm hanging out with Robert Downey Jr.

Yeah, yeah, you know, I think that's how he says your vlogs are lit and, you know, that's what you wanted it to be and then you realized it wasn't.

That actually happened. He didn't say your vlogs are lit when I met him.

He said your vlogs are lit. No, he didn't.

He didn't use those words.

Yeah, no, he said if anybody could play Iron Man's son, it's you, and then he grabbed my ass.

I thought he said who are you.

No, when I see, when I see, if I ever get recognized on the street these days, I have a new catchphrase that I say when I leave.

What I say, "Stay lit." That was pretty good. And then he's like, "You can't say 'stay lit.'" Do people ever tell you to say anything from the vlogs?

No, I don't get that.

No, no, me neither.

I do love that. I love when things are referenced that I remember.

Is there a possibility that I'll be doing a solo podcast when you're gone?

Oh, Jason has this idea, guys. Let me know what you think.

It was your idea.

While I go to Cannes, France, instead—

Cannes, France.

Yeah, I don't know why I said that. Name drop of town. When I go to work, I'll be gone for a week. And obviously we can record the extra episode and the 2 episodes, but we were thinking, would it be fun if Jason just recorded an episode by himself? Would you guys like that? Let me know.

Do you think you could do that?

Of course you could do that.

Yeah, I could do it.

I feel like it'd honestly be one of our best episodes.

Or it could be be bad. That'd be great. I'm sure the audience is gonna fucking say no. Come on, guys, be there for me. Help me out.

Ilya, what's like a secret that you've never told anyone? I wanted to talk about this, but you were like, when you worked this job at this, um, you worked basically, basically you worked at like a department store, right? And you did some pretty illegal and shady things. Have you ever talked about that or no?

Absolutely not.

Wait, we might as well. You don't work in that, you don't work in that field anymore. How about How about this? This story that Illy's about to say is made up. There you go. That's it. Now you can literally say whatever, right? Illy used to kill people in the back. No, no, that's not it. Okay, tell the story. This is something I wouldn't even participate in because I thought it was really fucked up. Go ahead.

I think I know it, dude.

Just fucking say it. It sounds so much—

so many different things that we did.

Yeah, but it sounds so much worse. Just say what you did. It's like not that bad. You were fucking 17 years old and you allegedly did this.

Yeah, allegedly.

Yeah, you did what? Um, oh my God, dude, why is he so scared?

We shot gun in the back of the warehouse.

Did you really?

You shot a gun?

Yeah.

What?

Yeah.

Why?

For fun.

Who brought the gun?

Just someone. Not me.

Okay. So, so Ilya, so what happened was Ilya worked for like how long until you got promoted to manager?

I started there and like 2 weeks later I got promoted because my sales were so high. Well, what do you remember us doing?

I remember that you would, which is also not that bad, you would basically basically you just— you'd steal from there.

Yeah, it's not that bad, but like, yeah, we'd steal a lot though.

Like what?

I mean, to be honest— okay, to be fair, yeah, because I also do have like morals, and so like I would steal not a lot, but some people would like—

I thought you—

some people would take like scanners and laptops and just like a whole bunch of shit under my watch, you know?

And you would just okay it?

I wouldn't okay it. I was fucking 17. That was so stupid of them to promote me. I wouldn't—

yeah, I don't understand how you were getting away with it though. Like, were they not checking inventory?

Okay, how are you stealing from this place?

The inventory was so fucked that like no one actually knew what we had in the store.

You know what's funny? I don't know— sorry not to cut you off, but like at this exact same store, my mom would do the same thing. She would— she didn't work there, but she was just a civilian that was doing the same thing. She would go in, she would go down the aisle, pick up something, and pretend she returned it without her receipt. And so she would get the like $200 back for that item.

Oh my God, your mom and would work in tandem.

Wait, what? Your mom was robbing this place too?

Yeah, dude, something was up with that store. Like, everybody must have known. Like, my mom was probably in little chats with like, where can we hit?

With Ilya?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that what you would do? You would take things from the aisle and you'd return them and you'd get the cash back even though you never purchased it?

Yeah. Well, I wouldn't do that, but yeah.

Some people would.

Some people would.

Allegedly.

Yeah, allegedly.

Wow. Okay.

Yeah, no, it was— I remember I just like did not want to work that day.

Yeah.

So I left the store to like a 14-year-old kid. And I remember just going home, playing video games. I'd call him, like, is everything okay? He's like, yep.

That's crazy. So you were promoted to manager at 17?

Yeah.

Was there nobody over you?

No, there was, uh, there was a GM.

How often would he show up?

That's the thing, you didn't know when he was gonna show up. So like, I just kind of tested my luck that day.

Oh wow.

Ended up working out.

Did you quit or did you get fired?

No, I quit.

Wow.

John got fired.

Oh, John worked there too?

Yeah.

Our John?

Yeah.

Wait, why'd he get fired? Uh, you were his boss.

Boss? Well, no, he got fired after I left. He got fired because he was— every person he would check out, he would like scan his rewards code.

He was getting their rewards?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

And they found out.

So, so John had like thousands of dollars of rewards on his card? Oh my God.

Yeah.

Oh, so like everybody was robbing this place?

Yeah.

Damn, that's crazy. Like, were you guys making any money over there or what?

I don't think so.

Yeah, how is the business? It's still there, isn't it?

No, no, it's been down for a few.

Oh, okay, well there you go, dude.

So we have some of the footage. It's fucking so insane.

I can't—

they could have genuinely made a TV show out of what we were doing.

No, I believe you, but I never had a moment like that in my life where I was like capable of doing things like that ever, ever. I like— I'm like, I have such a weird conscience about stealing and doing like illegal things like that.

Okay, way to make me sound like a fucking jerk-off.

I'm surprised because this doesn't sound like you at all. Like if someone told me this and I didn't—

well, okay, it was like petty stuff. Like I would never steal like a laptop or like something of actual value. It would always be like like soda or like a charger. And like, it's toxic because— and this isn't— this doesn't make it right, but every— like, when I say everybody, I mean literally everybody, even the AGM was doing it, you know? And it's just like, if you're— if the people above you are doing it, then it's like, again, it's not right. You definitely should not do it, right?

Right, right. I remember when I found out— our other friend Alex, who lives with us now— I found out that when he was 13 or 14, he was stealing cigarettes from 7-Eleven and smoking. And like, when you're smoking cigarettes at 13, 14, and then— and stealing them. That's like the equivalent of now doing heroin, like, at that age. Like, that is the craziest thing you could possibly be doing.

Yeah, that is really crazy.

And like, that like broke my heart for like— like, I couldn't look at it.

The stealing and the smoking?

Like, 3, 4— the combination of it. I mean, one or the other, I just— I couldn't believe it.

But like, damn, we're a bunch of thieves up in Vernon Hills.

I mean, I'm pretty sure you did take a charger or something.

I definitely took a bag of chips, but like, I don't consider that stealing, right?

You're so holy.

But Iliyan, high school was like— did you hear what he did.

Like what?

Oh my God, did we talk about that? Did we talk about that time you told me you had cocaine? Billy all day was coming up to me telling me he had cocaine and like hyping me up in school. He's like, I have cocaine, we should try it, we should try it, we should try it, we should try it. And like at first I was like kind of worried and like skeptical, and then like every period that would pass by, I'd run into him in the halls. He's like, are we still doing it after school? And it was like kind of hyping me up. And like I've always had the stance on drugs where it's like try everything once for sure, and And so then we got to his house and I basically, I gave it a shot. He recorded it. It was on a glass table. He put the phone under the glass table and I sniffed it right into my nose, like a big line. And then what did it, what was it that you actually gave me? Uh, baking soda and salt, which is like, like poisonous. Yeah. It's like I could have died. Poison. I would 10 times rather do 10 lines of coke than—

Oh my God. His eye got so fucking red.

So red. It's like, cuz it went straight into my eye for some reason. Oh my God. It was, it was really bad. And then did you tell me? No, you didn't tell me that it wasn't Coke right away. No, no, no.

And then when you're like, do you feel it?

Yeah, I let it simmer for a minute.

And I wasn't feeling it. Yeah. Which, thank God. Like, that's the most embarrassing thing when someone hands you a fake beer or a beer without alcohol and you're like, whoa. Dude, that could have ruined our friendship if I was like, Ilya, I'm on it right now.

100%. Oh my God. Thank God you didn't do that.

It would have ruined our friendship if I was like dishonest right there and I was like, dude, I'm seeing things, I'm on the coke.

Did I tell you the story about how I was on Omegle and I was masturbating?

Classic.

So classic.

There's nothing like being 15 and jerking off a chat roulette. Yeah, that's really fun.

Anyways, I was going through the—

how old were you? How old were you?

I was like 14, 15.

Okay.

I was going through, you know, the different chats, whatever.

Oh my Lord.

And I get to these two girls, and they're pretty cute. This time I don't have my dick out, I just have my shirt off.

Okay, it's your face. Your face is in it.

My face is completely in it.

Oh my God. And wait, would you— were you like one of those guys on Chatroulette that would jerk off and you just see a penis?

Um, yeah.

No way.

No way. Sometimes though.

But to start it off—

is that crazy?

Ilya, you fucking little pervert.

I mean, he's 14, dude.

It's not that crazy when you're 14 on a webcam. You didn't see my face though with my dick.

You're When you're 14, you're like a little fucking pervert.

I know, but why on that just go watch a video like in your own peace? Like, don't be like bringing it up.

I did both.

I was busy.

Okay, so what happened?

So anyways, this day, for whatever reason, I didn't have my dick out.

Slow day.

Yeah, it was a chill day.

That's really funny.

So anyways, I land on these two girls and I'm really hyped because I'm like, they're so hot.

Fuck yeah.

And they type in the chat, hey, we know you.

Oh no, no way.

I was like, I freak the fuck out. And I'm like, haha, what do you mean? And they send me a fucking link to my Facebook. Oh my God. And I freak out. And so what I started doing is I, I turned my head to the right and I start fake talking to my friend that's not in the room, like, like just to show them that you're with a group of people.

Yeah, yeah.

Like I'm laughing about it.

Like, hey, they know me. That's really funny.

Like, hey, we're on Omegle. I was like, a group of friends, not just one horny guy.

Yeah, then I go, haha, GTG, gotta go, and then I just move on.

Yeah.

Wow, did you ever meet those girls?

Do you ever find— no, no, no, but if they're out there, let me know.

All right guys, well, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys, everybody, for joining. Jason, go listen to his podcast called All Good Things. Ilya has a Zeela app. Ilya, go ahead, plug that thing.

Uh, guys, check out the Zeela app, the all-in-one transformation app, like a trainer in your pocket, on the App or Google Play.

Incredible.

Incredible. I've done it. I have it. I use it. Dave tells me what to do.

Yeah, honestly, I use it too, which is really surprising.

I do run into people at the gym saying that, and they show me that they're using the app currently. So people are using it. It's really cool. And Natalie's also here. Go follow her things. She's probably reselling my underwear somewhere. Go purchase that.

Just your socks.

We'll see you guys later. Bye. News.