Sending a Pop Star Flowers

What's up guys, welcome back to Views. Jason is trying this new thing where he's kind of recording us on his iPhone. Yeah, so we're trying to get clips for the podcast. Yeah, yeah, so it's, it's almost like we're going video but only for the funniest moments. Yeah, I don't, I don't like it.

We have anything yet?

No. Is there anything to clip yet? This is why I don't like it, Jay.

Why?

Because Jason's like, just pretend it's not there. So it's so funny. Jason would hack my security cameras in my house to get the podcast to be video. Just like any way to like, any way to get that extra cash. No, it makes sense. Listen, but you're telling me to, to feel like, to pretend it's not there.

Yeah.

But it, it, I know it's there. It feels like, you know, like when you're at a restaurant, right? And like someone's recording you, like Every time. I know, every time. It's so annoying, like when people record—

someone raises their, their camera up and they think they're sneaking a photo of you, but you could— so obvious they are.

I mean, raising their camera up is like juvenile, but I'm, I'm talking like they walk by you, they, they're pretending they're on the phone. Yeah. Or it's just like a little tilt of the camera. Like it's, it's, it's actually— it's really— I wish I could share the amount of times it has happened because it's so astronomical. That it's like— and the craziest part about it is that, like, you see it every single time, and every single time the person thinks they're really sneaky.

Yeah.

And then I like— and then from time to time I'll wave at it. I'll wave at the camera.

Right.

And then the person just, like, shuts. It's very— they shut down. It's very rare.

They get caught.

It's very rare where the person, like, owns up to it in, like, an exciting way. It's usually they just, like, scurry away. It's very rare where they'd be like, oh, hey. Um, but yeah, so that's what, that's what doing the podcast on video feels like.

It feels like the people need video, they want to see us.

It feels like there's a, like, a percentage of me being pulled towards this video.

But think about if you had like a funny clip. Like, I was looking at our old Views TikToks, they're great, there's so many funny clips. And, and imagine you come across it on TikTok and you're like, oh, the guys are doing the pod again, I, I'll put it on.

No, that's incredible. Yeah. Do you know how long that video podcast lasted? It lasted like that for a while because I just did not want to be in that room with the cameras anymore. Like, I burned out for a specific reason, and I, I just couldn't. I'm actually genuinely enjoying doing the pod. I was going to tell you this. Yeah, I was going to tell you this, but I was saving it for the pod. Yeah, I've been having a good time doing the pod. Really? Yes.

Wow.

Even turn these cameras off.

This is bullshit. This is Ferris. This is Ferris's idea. I want nothing to do with it. I was like, the other day Ferris was pushing, he was— Ferris was really pushing to do video, and then Dave was like, well, maybe we just won't do the pod at all. And I was like, Ferris, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up.

I know I'm being a little dramatic about the cameras, but yeah, yeah, no, I've been having a good time doing the pod. I was like, I was laying in bed the other day and I was like, I'm excited to pod. I don't know why.

Why, why are you excited for it?

Well, I think it's especially like now that we've started doing the vlog.

Yeah.

I've realized how easy it is to do the pod, right?

Well, that makes it easier. You can always— you have stuff to talk about.

No, no, it's not even that. It's like the vlog is like— oh, right. It's like, it's like yesterday we tried filming a bit for the vlog that's coming out in a couple days, and it was really tough because the— I just could not get the lighting right for the life of me, right? And that's just like the last thing you need to worry about, like doing a podcast. Doing a podcast, I know, like, this is something you've been preaching to me forever, but it's so easy.

You're such an insane person. I know, it's so easy.

I had to realize it on my own. I know this is every time I want to quit the pod, Jay goes, it's so easy, you just have to talk to me for 40 minutes. But now I'm realizing that, that it really is the case with the pod. Yeah, but like with the videos, it's like, I don't know, it's like so— like yesterday we got a funny bit, we got a funny bit, but I'm scrapping the whole thing because the lighting is just not right. What? Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell you.

You're kidding.

No, you're fucking kidding.

You're joking. I know you're joking.

I'm not.

I know you're joking. Yeah, no, I I know you're joking. I know you're joking. It's a great joke and you're very funny.

Thank you.

You're very funny.

I'm okay.

If I don't see that fucking bit in Tuesday's vlog, I'm going on strike. Are you serious?

All right, we'll just—

the lighting wasn't right.

Let me— can I just—

I told you I knew the lighting was bad because my face was burning the entire time.

Okay, okay, okay. Don't give it away, man. Okay, okay.

Don't give it away. We can give it away if you're not gonna post it.

No, I know. I, I— oh my God, I literally said to you, your passion makes me want to post.

I literally said to you, this is gonna make— just let's just say I had to be in an uncomfortable situation for a while for this bit. For this piece.

Yeah, the piece. There was this.

And I said to him, when he has vlog camera, I said, this is gonna make the video, right? And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're kidding. Everything I do in this vlog doesn't make it.

That's not true.

I have done so many.

That's not true.

I've been in two different costumes. Nothing makes the video. No. Not even second channel.

That's. That's crazy.

It's crazy. It's just not possible.

What do you mean?

It's just It's possible that it's not good enough for you.

No, no.

I think you don't like me in the video, which is fine.

No, I love you. I will come around. I love you in the video.

I got plenty of other things I could do. I can go stream with Vardon. He's offered it many times. He was telling me yesterday, can I be honest, Jason? He goes, you really need David. Without him, you know, your comedic character doesn't come through.

No way he said that. Wow.

I was like, okay.

That's really, really crazy.

Does he ever say that to you? Can I be honest?

Uh, yeah, he says it and it's like the dumbest fucking— yeah, sorry, that sounds rude, but it is like the dumbest. He'll be like, can I be honest, David? And I'll be like, I'll be like, okay, cool, like some like negative critique I'm about to receive. But he goes, I miss the vlogs. And I'm like, no, I get it. Right on.

Yeah, they're back. Yeah, turn them on.

No, I'm saying this is like before when I wasn't posting them, right? Um, it was just really funny.

So that bit's not making it tomorrow?

I'm just saying parts of it won't make it, okay?

Just, you gotta be kidding me.

All right, let me, let me tell you some other— I had a good bit idea. Can I tell you this? Sure. Okay, I, I don't know if it's for my vlog, but I think someone should just steal it and do it. I think it's a really funny idea. Um, have you— so we get like, we go to like a basketball court, like in, in just like in like a random, like a pretty, like, um, like, um, like a competitive basketball spot.

Sure.

Do you know, like in the city or somewhere?

24 Hour Fitness?

Yeah, where people are playing basketball.

Yeah.

And we dress up like a basketball player in disguise. Okay, you've seen these videos, right? Like, like, it'll be like, it'll be like a professional basketball player, but he'll be dressed as a nerd. Yes, yes, with like a backpack.

I've seen it.

Yeah, yeah, everyone's seen it.

Sure.

I think it'd be really funny to dress up like a really, like a tall guy. Yeah, really athletic looking guy in a nerd outfit being like, can I play with you guys? And everyone's like, oh, okay, but he's actually really bad at basketball because everyone's seen the That's funny. Everyone's seen the bit that it's like, oh, no way, a nerd's on the court, but he's actually fucking just dunks on everybody. I think it'd be fun to do the opposite.

That's really funny. Would you do it with like Blake Griffin? Uh, someone like that?

That's really funny. Like have Blake Griffin in disguise. Everyone knows it's Blake Griffin, but he's also not good.

Yeah, it's Dirk Nowitzki.

It's not really for my vlog, but I just feel for your vlog. It's just like, yeah, it's a good idea. I kind of like it.

I don't know, it's not for your vlog because it's like—

because you're too far. It's, it's, uh, yeah, like my vlog is like I'm holding the camera, I'm in your face, we're like right there, and like it's kind of— it's more like a hidden camera. Yeah, like you're out of the vlog type thing.

I, I've been doing Instagram a lot and making skits and stuff, and it's going good. And then there was someone was like, oh, let me see your, uh, your geographies. And I was like, you know, okay, some brand wanted to see it. So I went and looked at my geography, and for 10 years that I've been on Instagram, always it's the United States.

Oh, your demographic.

My demographic. Hey, look, my demographic is 30% Indian, 27% United States. It's insane.

What?

Yeah, and my top cities are like Mumbai, Kangkao, Wundei, Ranjai, whatever, like all these cities that I don't— I know Mumbai. And then, so then, did you come to India with us? Come to what?

Did you come to India with us?

No, I didn't come to India. And the only thing I can think of is that Indian men do love Naveen. So I'm thinking, oh no, maybe that— maybe that's why my— I have all of a sudden this new country. Isn't that funny?

There's no way a fucking— there's no way your demographic changed to 30% of India.

Check, check your demographics, see if it's 30% India.

Just because of— I don't even know how to get there. I hate going to my demographic every time a brand asks. I'm like, I don't know.

Well, you have to send them— send your, uh, things.

No, I know. Well, Natalie does it. Natalie will be like, please, we really need to see it, we really need to see it. And then I'm like, fuck. But I'm like, on Snap, it is a pain in the ass. Yeah, it's a pain. Even just to give it to Natalie, I'm like, uh, I'm like, don't go through my messages because I know if she searched her own name in my messages, it'd be game over. If she looks up Natalie bitch, yeah, it's over. It's gonna be— it's gonna be 5 years of text messages. She's gonna be like, are you fucking kidding me? This is how many times he talks to me.

Just do a bunch of celebrities, they don't even respond.

Natalie's Me texting Leo. Yo, you're— you don't realize this, but Natalie's a fucking bitch.

Leo, are you there?

Leo, are you there? There's one time I texted Leo, texted him to play pickleball. Yeah, yeah, he never responded. Did I tell you this? No, no, it's really sad.

That's okay.

Yeah, you got to shoot your shot.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good thing to ask him to do. Yes, it's like you're, you're asking him to come to a nice place.

It's also tough though, like when I ask you to do something, like it's like especially like— well, now I guess it's a little easier. Well, no, because now people know me for Snap. Um, it's like really tough.

Are you gonna be videoed?

Yeah, are you gonna be videoed? And I definitely— and there's no smooth way to tell like a celebrity that it's like, that it's like, uh, no video or anything, you know what I mean? Because like, I don't like saying that, and like, I don't like being like, yo, Chris Martin, Coming by. No, no video though. Just trying to hang. Like, I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah. You don't want to say that.

Like, you don't want to say like off the record. Cause it's like, what the fuck are you going to talk to Chris Martin about? It's like so dark and like, yeah, I don't know. So I guess there's no like smooth way to put that.

Have you ever had a celebrity that's like, like, pull your camera out, man. Let's film.

Um, well actually recently Sia.

Oh yeah. Yeah.

She was great. She was really like all about that.

Yeah.

She was like divulging everything with us.

Yes.

Yeah.

How much she makes on a cruise.

Yeah.

Or she— how much she gets paid for a live event.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She, uh, so there was a moment— funny— Sia asked me, um, this is— this— we had to cut this out of the video just because we didn't have time.

Yeah.

But Sia asked me to ask her out on a date.

Yes.

And I remember I was with, like, it was like July 4th or something, or some— we're having some kind of a hibachi night here. This was like 2 months ago. I don't know what it was, or like a month ago. And, and I was like freaking out, like, oh my God, she was asking me like to ask her out. I didn't know what to say. Um, because I've— by the way, Jay, I'm not looking for a relationship anymore. I don't, I don't know if you know.

You've mentioned this on the last few podcasts. Yeah, you're out.

Yeah, I'm fully out of it. Good. Because I, I put myself in David in the future shoes.

Okay.

And I know in 20, 30 years I'm gonna be married with 8 kids, 10, 10 kids, whatever.

10?

Yeah, I don't know.

8?

And I know I'm gonna be thinking to myself, I'm gonna be like, what I would do for one more single night. You know how married men are always like, yeah, there's like, or even married women, like everybody wants, like is itching for that one single night. So I'm squeezing it all out right now, you know what I mean?

Sure.

I'm pretending like I've been married for 10 years and I've just given, been given a pass for a year of single life. That's how I'm treating my single life.

Okay.

I'm so stoked to be single. I can't believe I'm single. Yeah, I'm really excited. Don't tell my wife about this. I don't have a wife, but that's the way I'm— that's the way I've trained myself now.

Jay, and you cry yourself to sleep at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, no, no, no, I don't.

You're happy for the whole day. I don't cry myself when you cry in the shower.

No, Jay, this is like a whole new mindset.

Okay, I'm with that.

Think about it. I'm literally thinking like I had the coolest wife ever.

Yeah.

And she's just given me a hall pass. To be single for like a year. Oh, and now I get to go to all my friends and be like, you won't believe what my wife is letting me do. I could just be single. I don't even have to report back to her.

You better use that bit tomorrow.

I don't even—

you better use that bit in the vlog. No, I think that's a— that is good. It's like power of the mind stuff. Like, that's— that is— that's a healthy way to look.

Yeah, so that's the way I look at it anyway. Yeah, so see, I, I told her I'm not interested. Like, I, you know, I don't know if I can be a father yet, and I, I let her down very respectfully. She said— this is the way she said it— she said the texts were really sweet. And then I sent her flowers the next day and she was really excited. She's like, she was like, she was like, I was excited because I finally started to hit on people that, that can afford to send me flowers. So that was her, like, that was a big thing. She's like, it's really exciting to get flowers from you. But yeah, that's like a person that's like really down to film.

Can I tell you one more Billy Joel story?

Dude, you love this shit.

One more.

Last one. Okay, guys, this is a different podcast, just in case you're wondering. Yes, this is Jason talking about Billy Joel twice.

One more, one more. Well, that part already came out.

No, I know.

One more. Okay, okay.

I just want people to know that you're so passionate that you're bringing it up on another episode.

He moves to California.

Yeah.

He's living there. He's making albums. He signs all his publishing away. The albums aren't selling. He's got no money. No money. He has to go get a job as a piano guy. Okay.

Oh, wow.

So he goes to—

Like at a bar?

He goes to the Executive Club on Hollywood Boulevard, which might still be there. And he says, my name is Bill Martin. And they go, okay. And they're hiring a piano player.

Is that his real name?

It might be, I don't know. He's like, I'm— so he's like, he's like, I can't perform as Billy Joel, I have to perform as Bill Martin because people know me as Billy Joel. So he goes in and he starts playing every night, and people are like, this guy's fucking amazing. People are coming up to him, they're like, we'll give you a record deal, we'll give you a record deal. He's like, no, no, no, I'm not interested, I'm not interested. Because he has a record deal, but he has to like pay for his life. He has to. And so, and that's where he writes Piano Man, in there. Oh, and that's the end. And when she says, and the waitress is practicing politics, that's his wife. His wife was working as a waitress. Yeah. And so that is where he wrote it. Isn't that interesting? And Vienna, by the way, is in part 2 that you asked me about Vienna. They talk about Vienna and I had Vienna all wrong.

Okay, first of all, hold on, 2 things. Yeah, Piano Man. So it's really, he's really singing from the heart there.

He really was.

Everything in that song is like, yeah. He's actually the piano man.

Okay.

Isn't that cool?

And then Vienna. I don't think you had it all wrong. I saw somebody talking about Vienna and it's basically Vienna is— Slow down, crazy child. I'm not going to give you my full voice, my full vocal range.

Why not? You had a good Schwarzenegger the other day, but you gave up on it. I listened back to it.

Really?

It was great.

I didn't— Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Yeah. When you were doing I'll Be Bach.

Thank you so much. No. So Vienna, I think it's about his dad was like walking him around Vienna, and he was— and basically they saw an old woman working, right?

No, that's not what's in the doc. Maybe there's probably a million stories. His dad left him when he was 8, never saw him. He's in Europe when he's like 22, and he's like—

he puts— he's there on— he's there for a show.

He's touring. Yeah, he's playing little clubs, little clubs. And he's like, I'm gonna find my father while I'm here, blah blah blah blah blah. He's about to leave, he's about to get in the airport, he gets a telegram. We found your father. His father had moved to Vienna, has a 5-year-old and a wife. And Billy Joel's like, what the fuck? Like, you never did any of this shit with me. And so, um, he said Vienna has multiple layers and meanings. It's, it's, it's not only that his father was in Vienna, but that Vienna is the capital of music in Billy's eyes. It's classical music comes from Vienna.

Um, but I, I, there was a version that I heard that they were walking— he was walking around with his dad once he like re— yes, re-got together with him. Yeah. And there was like an old woman sweeping the street, and Billy was like, this is so sad that she still has to work and do this. And then And then his dad painted a completely different perspective for Billie and was like, no, this is incredible that she gets to do this, that she's still a part of society. And like, she still gets to, like, contribute to everything at her age. Wow. And that's what I heard that— I don't know. I guess there probably is like a million different ways to look at Vienna.

Yeah. And he's been interviewed so many times, he probably has said— he's probably changed different things.

Yeah.

Yeah. Anyways, that concludes our Billie Joel talk. Thank you, guys.

That's really funny. I actually get scared about that, about the, like, we'll repeat stories on the pod. Yeah, I do get— because like over time you remember things differently. So I do get scared of how many times I've said the same story but I've changed a couple of words. I don't want people to think I'm lying. It's just— I just genuinely— my memory just changes. So that is interesting with Billy Joel. Like, I could totally see him changing the reasoning for Vienna because he probably interprets it differently as time goes on.

Remember that newscaster that said he was in Iraq but he wasn't?

What?

Yeah, Brian Williams. He was— he's like a big NBC newscaster. And he was like— he was like, I was in the helicopter when it went down. And, and then they like went back and checked and they were like, no, you weren't, dog.

Wait, what helicopter? Just like—

just like a famous fight. I can't remember what the war was, or it might have been like the Iraq War. It was— but let's say it was like Black Hawk Down, but it wasn't. But something like that, like a really famous fight, like Fallujah or something like that. And he's like, no, I was there and I was in a helicopter. And then people like checked and they were like, no, no, you weren't.

Yeah, I don't think I have one of those. That's a crazy white lie. I think it could be fact People do do that in podcasting though.

There's a pressure to be interesting. I'm sure they make shit up all the time.

Really?

Yeah. I mean, you know that we're not making anything up because we repeat stories and we're really boring.

That's how you know we're authentic.

Yeah.

Because we say the same thing over and over.

That's right.

I do have some good news coming from Apple.

Okay.

You know, the phone company.

I've heard of it.

Okay. So I just saw— this is really cool. This isn't that big of a deal. I don't know why I like set it up like this, but now when you're on hold hold, there's a feature that your phone will just give you a ring back when it's your time to talk. Your phone will recognize that there's hold music.

Yeah.

And it'll give you the option, like, do you want to just like go about your daily life and we'll ring you when there's an actual human on the line? So not even from the actual company that you're calling. Now Apple will do it. Wow. Like, like on its own. Like, isn't that the power? Isn't that crazy? AI, like what AI is doing, like now things like that are being achieved.

It's crazy, that thing that you were— you literally were talking like, I don't know, a couple months ago.

Oh yeah, you just sent me a reel about this.

Yeah, and Dave was saying a couple months ago, he's like, well, I'm sure at some point I'll be able to plug in like David, Natalie, and Ilya, like go to Miami and a movie spits out.

Yeah, like I, I said, I said, I'm sure in a couple months you'll be able to create your own movies. Yeah, with like 3 sentences. Like today I want to watch a horror movie and I want David Spade to star in it and he has a dog that turns evil.

Yeah.

Or something like that.

Yeah.

And then what happened?

Now Bezos has just invested in that company.

Bezos?

Yeah. Why did I say it wrong?

You just said it like he's an insect.

Bezos.

Bezos.

Oh, I see. I understand. You've been to a— you say it like a beta.

I mean, I just say like, yeah, Jeff Bezos.

So how you want me to say it?

Yeah, I just— I mean, I just call him Jay.

But yeah, but he's investing in a company that's just animation. But supposedly you'll be able to plug it in, get an animated series.

Yeah.

10 episodes.

People are saying like it's like the Netflix for AI.

Yeah.

So all— it's all user-generated content. Yeah. Which is so fucking crazy.

You think you'll be able to monetize it? Like, my AI show brought in this amount of money.

Oh, like make your own AI show?

Yeah.

Well, I think you could. There's a lot of like Fortnite players that make like hundreds of thousands of dollars a month.

A month.

Yeah, from making their own maps. Oh, so you can create your own map and then users can play on it. That's how you make money. Oh, well, but I think this is a little different because AI is actually doing the hard part.

Explain streaming to me because Varun was telling me about how— how do streamers get— no, yeah, how do I get Hulu?

Yeah, so Hulu is—

no, how do streamers get paid? Subs, maps, brand deals. How else? Are there other ways?

Wait, how— what do you mean, how do streamers get paid?

I just don't know much about this, like streamers, like people like like Kai Cenat and like, oh, people like that.

Oh, I thought you were still talking about like, how does Netflix make money?

I was like, I know how Netflix makes money.

Um, how does like a person like Kai make money?

Yeah, what are the ways they make money? They make, make my money from subs, which is what, like $5 a month?

Yes, I think it depends.

Straight gifts?

Yes, gifts.

You can give like, you could, you could go in there, if I like him, I can give him $500.

Yes, you can also gift subscribers.

Ah, yes, yes, we should do that on TikTok Live. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or someone would do that. Yeah, well, that was a huge day.

And then just brand deals. And I think like streamers have like such good— like streamers are— why they're so good and why they make so much money is because I think they're more tapped in than anything. Dude, not to blow smoke on my own ass here, but I always used to say this every time we would do college shows. Yeah, I would talk about the evolution of content and I would always say that it's getting more and more, more voyeuristic. And like I would— I, I was like, well, first it was films and then it went down to YouTube videos, and then it went down to Instagram stories, and then TikToks. And like, it kept— you kept seeing a person more and more raw as time went on. And I didn't know this at the time because I didn't have the next thing, but I, I know streaming was always a thing, but now it's really become like— streaming is today what I feel like YouTube was back in like 2020, right? Like, it's very—

like, it's very peak right now in terms of like fervency, and the audience like wants—

yeah, just like more like hand-on culture and like, like the, like, to have your, like, finger on the pulse of culture is to be a big streamer, in my opinion. Um, so, like, and that is, like, the next evolution of content. I feel like, like, it is the next level of, like, how can I have a relationship with someone? Yeah. That I'm watching.

Yeah.

And that's through seeing them every second for, like, 6 hours a day. Like, there's, there's nothing more raw than that as of now.

And then I saw something that like IShowSpeed makes like $100 million a year. Is that true?

I don't know what he— I don't know what he makes. There's always like streamers. Always.

Could it be that much?

$100 million a year? I don't know. Maybe.

Like how?

Because they're just so big.

So in other words, like someone like Kick is like, here, here's $100 million.

What I was trying to get at earlier is their tapped-in audience is so big. Yeah. Like the people that like come in and concurrently watch them. Yeah. That may be like 70,000 people. 70,000 people may not be a lot to like a YouTuber— like, right, like a streamer's view. Yeah. Counts for so much more than like a YouTube view, right? As well as like, like a YouTube view counts so much more than a TikTok view, right? Or an Instagram Reel view, right? Like those views are so much more like— because those people like actually are like tapping in to see what you're doing. Yeah. And like if you're a streamer and you're getting 70,000 concurrent views, that means there's a really good chance that a very big chunk of those 70,000 people will convert to whatever you're selling, therefore more revenue, right? So like whatever ad you're pushing, whatever ad is in your video, like those people are so tapped in that they're actually buying the things that you're recommending, therefore you're making more money. Damn. Like, I feel like Drake's income— I feel like Drake's got to make the most money from streaming his gambling deals. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. But he's like on Spotify. He's like billions and billions of—

he's— I don't know if this is just like some illusion, but like he's gambling like $1,000,000 a hand and on stake. On stake. There was like a clip of him where he won like $16 million. Really on one spin at roulette, or it was like $16 or $27 million. Yeah. And he goes, let's go. There's another clip of him. I think he was like, I think he was like getting on stage. And I think I could be saying this completely wrong, but the end is the real part. He was getting on stage or something and he gave his buddy his phone to gamble for him. Yeah. And his buddy ended up winning him $600K or something. Yeah. And he's like walking by his buddy and his buddy goes, 600K. And Drake goes, ooh, a little dinner money. It was— I actually laughed out loud. I actually laughed out loud in my, in my bed. I was by myself. I thought it was so funny. Ooh, a little dinner money.

You see Howard Stern got taken off the air?

Yeah. Wait, what's, what's up with that?

I don't know. His contract is up, so— and he makes $100 million a year, and supposedly they're losing $10 million a year on his show, and they don't think that he'll re-sign with uh, with XM. But that's Colbert. Like, such a shift in media.

Crazy.

Damn crazy. He's also 71.

Because it was so big?

Because he makes so much. He signed a $500 million deal for, for, uh, $100 mil a year.

And just— I assume the listeners aren't there anymore.

I guess not. I mean, I guess they're losing money. I don't know.

But it's— I mean, I don't know how you fuck— $500 million for— oh, but he was every day, right? Every day, bro?

He's 3 days a week, Monday through Wednesday, something like that. He takes the summers off. Or maybe it's Monday through Thursday.

That's amazing.

Yeah, but I mean—

oh, speaking of taking summers—

sorry.

No, go ahead. No, no, you go.

No, I just think that, like, you're 71, like, wouldn't you just stop? That, that I can't wrap my head around.

Yeah, but like, if you're in it and you're like really, like, I don't know, I don't know, you have like the right structure.

Would you stop if you were—

like, the reason I stopped the vlogs is because I didn't have like right structure.

But if someone was constantly picking, pitching me like funny bits, right, where I wasn't like If you were getting paid $100 million a year, you'd do the vlog till you were 70 and you had an infrastructure.

And it's different. Like I always say, if I won the lottery— yeah, if I won $800 million in the lottery— yeah, that's when I'd really do the vlog. Um, oh, we were pitching, we were pitching back and forth. Oh my God, this is so fucking dumb. My roommate Alex has been like— my roommate Alex says some really weird things sometimes. Yeah, he had, I think, arguably the worst vlog idea I've ever heard in my life. And like, he gets pretty sensitive when I, when I like, when I, when I like give him shit for the things he says. Yeah, this is— he said this deadass. He's like— I was like, I've never gotten a shot like in space. Like, you know, like they'll send weather balloons into space and you'll maybe see the curvature of the Earth like a little bit. So I'm like, what's something funny I could send into space? And I was like, Natalie's underwear. Like that. That was like my stupid idea. I was like, but what's the reasoning for sending Natalie's underwear to space? Like, there really isn't a reason. And then he goes, he goes, why don't you blindfold Ilya and send him to space? And I'm like, excuse me, I can't blindfold Ilya and send him to Burbank. Like, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. And I go, how the fuck would I get to space? Like, this is an easy thing to like go to space. Like, they don't have flights leaving. How am I going to go to space? He's like, and then he got defensive. This is when I like backed off and he was like, I don't fucking know. Like, you've done crazy things before. I don't think you understand, like, what I'm capable of and what I'm not capable of, but I definitely can't send anyone to space.

It is hard when people try to help.

Yeah, it's tough to— it's tough to be on the outside pitching ideas. Okay, but the one thing I was gonna— this is when I was cutting you off earlier when you said summer's off. I was talking to some teachers. I was talking to some teachers from my high school. Yeah. And like, yo, they make some good money there.

At your high school?

Yeah, because I was like— I was like, like, because they've heard the podcast where I've talked about like maybe going back to teaching. Yes. And they're like, you should just do it. And I'm like, okay, well, how much does— how much do you make? And they were like, well, if you coach a— if you, you could teach a class, like, um, like my friend was telling me, like teach driver's ed, right? You don't have to come up with your own curriculum because the government does it. Yeah. So you're not coming up with anything. And, and coach one season of a sport. So like you can coach tennis. Yeah.

Let me guess.

You don't guess too high.

Okay, but yeah, okay, uh, $115,000 and you get summers off.

$115,000, $140,000. Wow, that's fucking insane.

Pretty good, pretty good. Yeah, yeah, that's good.

That's unreal.

And summers off.

That's a million.

Truly summers off, like you don't have to do anything?

Truly summers off.

Oh wow, that's nice.

Truly, truly summers off.

Not bad at all.

Like real summers off, like a boss isn't— especially if you're teaching driver's ed. Yeah, no one's calling you.

That's pretty high. Yeah, right, compared to other schools.

And Vernon Hills is an incredible place. Yeah, no, it's very high for schools. Oh wow. Um, I do You always— before we end the pod, our buddy Vardan is here. Yeah. So I want to let him come up and talk to us for a second. We haven't gotten the debrief yet after he's gotten his first kiss. This is really important. This dude is really passionate about this. We have a very special guest here coming straight out of the gate. We have one of the hottest new bachelors in town, Vardan Antonian. Yo, what's good? Recently lost his kissing virginity and has turned into a major pervert ever since then. All right, first of all, that was a joke, but let me— let me walk you— let's walk the audience through You just had your first kiss, you're 18 years old. What was your goal? You wanted to beat your brother? Yeah. And your brother had his first kiss when?

My brother probably had his first kiss, honestly, probably when he was like 16.

Wait, what? I think, or I don't know, 25.

No, no, no, he probably had it old. Well, I don't know, bro.

He—

but I think he had his real like first kiss that he like actually genuinely liked was like probably when he was like 22.

So you beat your brother? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so let's just start here. Be his brother. This is big. Take me back to the night— this was like a week ago now— yeah, that you got your first kiss. Yeah. What's— what was going through your mind?

I couldn't believe it, honestly. Yeah, I, I, I wanted to— I, I didn't— I don't really know how to feel. It happened so quick. I didn't lean in even—

we were shooting for 6 hours. Yeah, we shot for 6 hours. It happened so quick. It was 4:00 a.m.

My wife was calling me, where are you?

The kiss happened quick.

The kiss happened quick. Sure. Did you— is that what you expected a kiss to be like?

Like?

No. What, what was it like? Was it weird to have something so close to your mouth? Yeah. And you not swallowing it?

No.

Yeah, it was so weird. And it felt like, like, I don't know, I had like a tingling sensation.

Yeah, yeah, that's really funny.

I just—

I've—

it was like—

there was a joke Harry Jowsey said at the beginning. He's like, he's like, okay, so Vardaan, there's 14 girls here to kiss you.

Yeah.

And one of them has herpes. Dave, are you serious? Dave, you gotta call this thing off right now. And I'm like, dude, He's fucking—

he's fucking with you.

I got scared because I'm scared of like STDs and stuff.

Oh, I know.

And he's like, it's a big deal, you know?

I know, I know.

I'm scared of STDs, you know? It's not—

it's a big deal. No, everyone, everyone is scared of them. But you were just like, it was a kiss, you know?

It's a pet.

Yeah, you have a better chance of catching anything like sharing a drink, probably. No way.

Yeah, that makes sense.

So you're, you're totally good? Yeah, you're in the clear.

What—

so the car ride home after your first kiss is what was like really crazy to me because it feels like we— it felt like we unlocked a new version of you.

Yeah, I couldn't. I honestly, like, I wanted to do it again.

Yeah, that's what you kept saying.

I know. I never— you know what was crazy too? Yeah, I didn't want to kiss anybody that night. Really? I swear. I was like thinking in my head, I was like, do I do this? I was like, is this like the right way, like, to go out about it? And like, because I was like kind of like waiting for like marriage to kiss a girl. Okay. So like, but I don't know, not my marriage, but like maybe like just like a girlfriend, you know what I mean? So like after I— bro, I was so glad I did it.

What was your first thought? Because like, you really were— there was like, it was like euphoric, what it looked like for you?

My first thought was like, holy fuck, what the fuck just happened?

And I want to do it again.

Really? No, literally, that was like my first thought. I wanted it like— I looked at her and I was like, come kiss me on my lips, you know?

Yeah, yeah, I'm kidding. No, no, no, but I remember, I remember because we have the intimate— we had the intimacy coordinator there. We talked about this before, and it was very clear that we were doing one kiss. And then I remember right after, I was like, let's do it again.

Did you get the shot tape?

Should we do it again just so we have it? And I wanted to make sure Sure, but also I wanted to kiss her again. No, I know, but you're—

you're—

it was really cute and sweet because you really, really wanted it to happen again. But then the entire car ride home, Bardan, you would not shut the fuck up about—

No, I couldn't— I couldn't sleep at night. I was thinking about it. I texted her. She actually replied.

What'd you say?

I said— I said, I can't stop thinking about our kiss. And she's like, thank you.

And she's like, I can't stop thinking about our kiss.

Yeah, yeah. And then after that, I was like— she's like, thank you. And then she's like, it was nice meeting you. You, and an exclamation point. And then I was like, I was like, yeah, I was like, do you, do you live around LA? Because I wanted to hang out with her and stuff. And then she never replied. And then I texted her. Yeah, I texted her again, she didn't reply. Oh, and after you posted the TikTok, that's when she like texted me back. She's like, hey, just saw this.

But, but yeah, wait, wait, can I see the messages?

But that's it, I'm not gonna talk to you ever again.

I— because I asked her again, I was like, I wanted to like make like an excuse because I feel like if I said, hey, let's hang out on stream, then she'd probably want to do it, which was kind of like weird of me to say because like, because like I feel like she wanted to do it for like publicity, but like, and I just wanted to like, I, I don't know, I got a little attached, I guess.

Okay, so this is, this is Varun's messages with the girl. So right away he said, I can't stop thinking about our kiss. Wow, you really weren't kidding. She goes, thank you, that's so sweet.

Oh yeah.

He goes, are you from LA? 'Hey, we should hang out. I like your vibe.' Wow. Good line. You speak very smoothly. Yeah. And she didn't respond. She left him on read. But 2 days later, she tagged him in a story. Okay. Like a picture of Vardan and her. Yeah. And this actually— and then she goes, 'Hey, sorry, hadn't seen this. I just watched the episode though. So cute. I'm in Hollywood.' Oh, oh, Vardan, this is like— this is going great. And then you go, 'Let's go to the fair.' me, you, your friend, and my friend. Two man. What's two man mean?

Two man basically means like, because like I saw, I saw her story, she was with her friend, and then I showed my friend, and then he's like, oh bro, that girl next door is cute.

Oh, like a double date.

Double date.

I feel like saying two man is kind of a weird way to say it now.

Yeah, that's the reference.

Is that how kids— but that feels like that's just like a reference you use with your boys. Like, yo, let's two man this bitch.

No, no, no, no, no. You don't say it like that. Oh, well, I don't know if that's the meaning, but I always The way I see it is like kind of like, like two men is basically like, basically double date. But that's just like what I guess new gens say. Okay.

Like, and then do you— sorry, I hate to put you on the spot right now, but do you remember her name? Violet. Violet. Okay. Because after he kissed her, he goes, hey, wait, Velvet, can we, can we, can we do it again?

I'm like, Velvet Cake, can we do it again?

You know? And it was, it was literally because they served— they were serving cake on set and Vardhan's head went elsewhere and he started calling her Velvet because he was thinking of red velvet cake.

No, I actually was. Wait, how do you know that, David?

Because you Dude, because you told Me? Because you called her Velvet. And I was like. I was so embarrassed because you just kissed her. You should know her that her name is Violet.

I know I'm an idiot sometimes, but you were thick.

To be completely honest. You were thinking about food.

Yeah, bro, that cake was so good. I couldn't. I don't know which cake I wanted more. Okay, I'm kidding.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Sorry. That makes me sick. No, I didn't.

I was mad. You created a monster.

Damn. No, no, actually, I'm I'm kidding. No, deadass, I'm kidding.

No, no, okay, okay, hold on, hold on. Okay, so then you said she didn't respond after you said 2 man. And then he texted again. No, no, he texted like a couple hours after saying, let me know if you're down, it'll be for my Twitch stream, let me know ASAP.

Yeah, I said, because I was honestly, I was like waiting on the reply all day. Yeah, I was like, I gotta stop saying that, bro. I feel like the problem is, is I haven't really had too many, like, like I haven't really talked to too many girls girls. So like, I guess like I just got— I shouldn't have gotten attached. I don't know why I got it.

No, that's okay. I literally like that all the time. Like, I'll meet one girl and I'll be like, I love this girl, I'm gonna marry her. You're like that too? Yeah, yeah.

That's so soothing to know that you're like that.

It's very soothing.

You did pretty good in the texts.

No, wait, wait. And then she responded saying, ah, my friend and I are going back to Hawaii tomorrow and then Europe for a couple weeks. Oh, so the timing is kind of off. Oh, frowny face. That was so fun though. I'm glad it made you happy. Heart. And then he said, let me know 'When you're back, if you want to do something, I would love to smash.' No, no, he didn't say— he didn't say the smash part. He just said, 'Let me know when you're back if you want to do something.' This is great. Yeah, you really— you do— so, so you do this thing on your TikTok Lives and your Twitch streams where you teach people how to rizz up girls. Yeah, right. So you like— you talk to girls and your whole motto is 'coach, don't play.' Yeah. So even though you never had your first kiss, you were still coaching people on how to get their first kiss or get their first date.

Because the thing is, is I know, like, I'm gonna be honest, bro, I'm kind of like not really nonchalant.

And like, you're like very straightforward.

I know, that's a problem. Like, I gotta be more nonchalant because a lot of people, like a lot of girls, I feel like, like nonchalant guys. So like, whenever I— before I send a message, I read it like a few times and I'm like, okay, make sure to sound as cool as possible.

Well, I've seen some of your— I've seen some of your streams where you're talking to girls like on behalf of other guys. So he'll like, he'll have another guy on the call and then Vardan will be like, okay, now say this, now say this, but the messages are pretty like, um, they're pickup liney, right? It's like really like if a girl's like, I'm feeling kind of sad, then Vardan will respond, well, you know how I could cheer you up? That's by picking you up tonight. It's like really forward. Yeah, but like smooth. But it's really interesting because I, I— because Vardan's so shy. I know, but, but the way you go about this is like with like some pretty good confidence.

Yeah, you know what's crazy? I'm not going to lie, it's so weird. I was actually talking about this this with my friend the other day. Um, it's crazy because like whenever— I don't know why— whenever I'm on camera, I feel like all my social anxiety kind of disappears.

I felt like— I feel like that too. There's less pressure because there's—

yeah, because if it's like, it's like, you know, like even if you seem like a cornball, at least you're— you could, you could lie and be like, oh, I was doing it for the camera, you know? Yeah. So like sometimes, like, like for example, like my cousin was telling me, he was like, he's like, oh, were you dead ass like that nervous? I'm like, fuck no, bro, I was doing that shit for the camera.

You know what I mean? You could blame it on that. Yeah, even though you actually were that nervous.

I hope he doesn't see this because he's gonna call me a pussy.

It's almost— it's almost like when I watch your TikTok, uh, your live streams, it's like— it's almost like a character you developed.

Yeah, yeah, it's good. Yeah, so like I always want to like make sure— like I, I never like showing— like sometimes like that's why like the vlog was so crazy because it showed like my real like shy personality and I just Sometimes I like hiding that away because, because I've had bad experience with showing that.

There is one thing that we had to cut out of the video with you, Vardon, because it was so painfully awkward.

That is partially my fault.

It was Jason's fault, but in the funniest way possible. So there, there, Jason was like, I was getting nervous, rightfully so, because there's all these girls coming up to him. Yeah. And he like needed to find things to talk about.

They're all dressed up.

They're all dressed up.

They all look great.

And yeah, and it's a lot. Honestly, you know what kind of like threw me off a little a little bit too.

Well, hold on, let me say what happened.

Yeah.

Oh no, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, you're good, you're good. So, so there's this one girl that comes out and Jason already prepped Vardan with a pickup line. And basically the girl's like, here, I have this for you, it's really sweet. She like gives a pickup line. And then he goes something you should never ask a girl. He goes, do you go to the gym? And she, you could see this like worry like come over her face because she's like, where is he going with this? Yeah. And she goes, no. And like right then and there is when you like should stop the joke. And then Fardan goes, 'Cause I love the gym.' And then she goes, 'Oh, okay.' And then Fardan's like, 'Oh, oh, sorry, I was just trying to make a fat joke.' And then she's like, 'What?' And he's like, 'Ah, about me, about me. The joke is, the joke is that I don't go to the gym.' And it like was the mo— I— so we were filming on 4 different cameras, right? I was holding one of the cameras. If you watch all the cameras in the editing bay as I was editing it, you see my camera go dark in the exact moment where Vardon— where Vardon makes that comment about the gym. Cuz I literally turned my camera off and I sprinted to the other side of the house cuz I— it was so fucking awkward. Vardon didn't mean anything by it. It was just such bad timing that this was the, the one girl that like didn't like going to the gym. Like, that was like a regular thing that she did, you know what I mean?

Yeah, we were doing so good. I was feeding you lines and we were, we were building a rhythm and you were like, that was great, that was great. And then every time you'd be like, what do I say now? What do I say now? So then I go, oh, ask her if she go to the gym and then make a fat joke about you being overweight, how you don't go to the gym. Cuz you make those jokes all the time.

I do, I do. And it is.

Yeah, I love it. Yeah, that it didn't fix it, then we didn't land it.

We didn't. No, that was a terrible—

you know what was bad It was because the thing was, was like, I was kind of thinking about what Jason said, and whenever the girl came up, I kind of was like flabbergasted a little bit, and I was like, okay, shoot, what do I say? And then I was just thinking in my head, I was like, okay, be like, how are you, or where are you from? But I was like, okay, that's too boring. And then I was just like, okay. And then I was like, I don't know why, but it clicked. I was like, do you go to the gym?

You know what I mean? And I was like—

and then after I said it and I saw her face like pale out, I was I was like, fuck me, what did I just do? I was like, this is filmed all on camera. Yeah, yeah, I just created a pit of darkness for myself. Yeah, and how the hell do I get out this pit? And then she's like, no.

Yeah.

And then I was just like, okay, fuck, now I gotta like— I gotta recover this, you know?

And the worst way to recover it was by what he said next, was him saying, I was just trying to make a fat joke, when this girl still doesn't know that he's referring to himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll take full blame for it.

No, no, no, I'll take full The girl, right after the girl's walking away, Fardan goes, Jason, because Jason was pitching him all the lines. I'm like, well, Fardan, Jason may have pitched you that one, but you're the one that said it and said it really funny. But luckily everything was okay. I couldn't put that in the video because it literally made my heart like fall into pieces and it made me so fucking uncomfortable. No, it actually did.

Yeah.

Wow.

But see, that's why I don't want to show that character.

But what's so, what's so good about you And what was so great about filming all that with you is the girls were so comfortable with you. And even after we were done filming, like, they were all— you talked to them for like 30 minutes. You were just like, yeah, I noticed that. And that's when you got really comfortable. No cameras were on. Yeah, he was great. And they were like listening to— they were hanging on to every word that you were saying, and they were like so comfortable being around you. And that was so sick. And then they even helped you out, like how you should get the first kiss and like—

yeah, yeah, they were great because I was really worried at first. I was just like, I was just like, okay, so like, because like I, I was— whenever after the camera was off, I kind of— I didn't even think about it as like a dating concept. I didn't think about it. Yeah, you were just hanging out with friends, just hanging out with friends now, kind of. So like the way I would look at them is as a friend, you know, and it made me comfortable.

Sorry. No, no, you're good. So the one thing that you learned from this is we don't ask women if they go to the gym.

Yeah, no, definitely not.

Never again. Never again. All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Listening. Thank you, Jason, for joining. Um, go listen to this podcast, All Good Things. Go listen to Vardan's streams where he rizzes up a bunch of girls and gets people dates. And we'll see you guys for the next one. New vlog out this Tuesday. Be there or be square.

Bye.