Selling My Ferrari

What's up, guys? Welcome back to Views, the podcast where we're sitting in my hometown friend Mike's bedroom for this one. We're in Chicago. It feels good. The energy is good. Jason just had a burrito and he got so pissed at me. He's like, why did you fucking make me eat?

Why did you make me eat?

Now I'm not going to be able to do the podcast. That's how he did it. It's like I shot him in the stomach.

I didn't say, why'd you make me eat? I said that was a bad idea.

But you heard it as he had one taco. And it was a veggie taco, and he goes, "Nope, I'm done. Podcast can't do it anymore.

I am so full." I have been traveling since 6 AM to do this podcast. David made me come here. You could have easily recorded the podcast in LA, but I had to come here to get my 30% check.

It's 40%. We moved it up.

You did not.

For Christmas.

Bullshit.

This episode, it's 40%.

Oh, we don't have any ads this one.

I know. All right, roll the intro music. Hey guys, so this is the Views Podcast. Jason's 20— wait, fuck, Jason's 46.

I'm 46.

And I'm 23.

And you would think that a podcast like this wouldn't work, but here we are, and it's working, and it's been working.

We're very happy of it. We actually— I haven't checked how many listeners we have in a while. Yeah, it could be—

check every day.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Wait, what are we at?

Well over a million, sir.

Wait, really?

Yeah.

Are you being serious?

I'm being dead serious. Why do you think I came to fucking Chicago? We had, uh, 3,000 listeners. I'd be here.

Wait, so we have—

I gotta keep this train going.

We have over a million? Yeah, like well over a million.

Yeah, I don't want to brag, but yeah, but 7.6, maybe.

No, I'm curious. I've never— I never checked the numbers on the podcast.

Also, guys, David doesn't check the money that he makes from the podcast. He has no idea. I've had full conversations. In fact, I I could be taking 60% and he wouldn't know.

Do you know I didn't know I was making money on Facebook until yesterday? I ran, I never checked my email either, so I randomly went on email and I got a, I got a check from Facebook and then I typed in Facebook into my searches like for my email and I went through every month that I've gotten paid from Facebook and I was like, this is insane. Like I never, I never, I never look at my income because it's just like, it's such, it's like whatever, it's there. Like I know it's there.

This kid showed me a video at one of my meet and greets. It is the funniest fucking video, David. It's you and I bragging about our lives. Yeah. You know, maybe you're bragging. I can't remember. And then it says, yeah. And meanwhile, someone's emptying the trash and it's literally a guy emptying the trash. It's so funny. I have to show it to you. It's not translating, but he like, he was like listening to our podcast, emptying trash. Like, that's his job. He's a janitor.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. Fuck. Goddamn it. Fuck it.

We're going to leave. We're on such a good fucking—

Yeah, I took it right in the trash.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm going to go to the trash.

That's pretty good.

Yeah.

Let's cut back a little bit. But how many listeners do we actually have?

Over a million.

Really?

Just say that. Yeah.

Why aren't you telling me? Like, you're like, you're keeping it a secret from me because I never check.

I don't know.

Yeah, whatever.

Assuming it's doing well.

Well, I'm glad we're— I'm glad we're doing it. I love doing the podcast, by the way. Yeah, there's something so interesting about the podcast is because Jason and I are always talking, we're always talking. So then when we do this, it feels like I have to do homework. Jason goes, it's time for podcast. And like, and when Jason says it, I get so fucking pissed off. Yeah, it's literally like when my dad would come in, like when my dad would come into my room when I was a kid and he'd go, it's time for church. Like he'd say in a way where he knew he was making me angry because he knew I didn't like church. That's how Jason says Let's do the podcast.

I don't say it like that. I say like this, you know, we got to, we got to do the podcast now.

I like, I love doing the podcast like when it's good, but it's so hard to get there sometimes because we've literally fucking talked about everything. And no, that's not true.

Oh, I was at the AMAs.

That must have been somewhat interesting.

That was really interesting.

And you presented, right? What happens when you show up to present? What happened?

Well, you wait in like a green room for like 30 minutes.

Okay.

And then it's so—

or by the way, I heard some rumblings about what you wore. Some people were not happy.

Oh really?

Some people that I know. I thought what you wore looked great.

People? Yeah.

Yeah, these were females. I did not like what you wore.

What did they say? No, was it your mother?

I don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but— but I am under the bus.

Yeah, I didn't like Charlie.

Charlie said she goes, I don't like the red.

Yeah, they made me wear red.

You always wear blacks. They probably want to branch out a little bit, try red.

Yeah.

And now we know. Yeah, I thought it looked good, by the way. I didn't think it was bad at all.

I think I look so funky in suits. I just look like a little kid who's doing like a piano recital.

No, no, not true.

Well, I appreciate that. You're growing up. No, but yeah, it was, it was, it was really fun. It's so crazy because like, it's like I'm over there like fucking sweating bullets. I'm like so fucking nervous because I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to be on TV. I have two lines.

Sure.

And it's like just so crazy how like in my own head I am and then like turn to my left and it's fucking Kesha and Lizzo, like, ready to put on a performance of, like, their lifetime.

Yeah.

Like, I'm over here, like, freaking out about one line, but these guys have been working on this show for, like, you know, a couple of weeks now. Full-on choreographed, like, dance numbers.

Yeah, but that's what they do, you know?

No, I know, but it's just crazy that, like, how big of a deal one line is to me when someone next to me is doing something so fucking great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, it really puts it in perspective. Like, oh my God, I have one line. Like, no one actually cares about this one line.

Did you read it or did you memorize it?

I read it.

You read it?

Yeah.

And the prompter waited for you and everything.

Before I went out there, I actually changed one of the words because I couldn't pronounce another word. So I asked— I don't remember. I asked— I could pronounce it, but I was like, I'm going to have a hard time pronouncing this. I'm like, can I change it? And they're like, yeah, sure. So I changed the word. But yeah, no, it was— the AMA is a lot of fun. It was like watching like a concert.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's very—

we watched it at home. We watched you. We were screaming. We got—

I got to surprise Natalie with a car the other day. We got her a Ford Bronco. She's been wanting it for a while.

Yeah.

And before I surprised her, I called Ilya. Like, he's our hometown friend. Natalie really likes him. And I was like, you should come out and help me surprise her. And you know Ilya. Ilya will never come out for anything, especially to come to LA. So he was like, okay, how about this? I'll rock-paper-scissors you, and if you win, I'll get on a flight and I'll go to LA. And I was like, okay, I don't want to do that because I don't want to leave that up to chance.

Right.

That's complete bullshit. Just come. It's her birthday. And he's like, nope, you have to do rock-paper-scissors. And then we talked a little bit. And I was like, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. And then I go, but what would you have chosen if we did rock, paper, scissors?

Right.

And he goes, I would have chosen rock. And I go, deadass, 100%. I would have chosen paper. I told him, I was like, I'm 100%, dude. You have to trust me. I would have chosen paper. And he goes, okay, fine. So he booked his flight even though we didn't play rock, paper, scissors. He just took my word for it. But yeah, but then I ended up telling him not to come and he canceled his flight.

And what did you think of the car?

I love the car. Yeah, it's a Ford Bronco. It's like a super— like, I'm really worried about it though, because like, I know she's gonna take it to the beach, which is already a lot of vacation time. When the summer comes, she's gonna be— she's gonna be down in Malibu. And, and on top of that, it's a double whammy, because when she takes that car to the, to the beach, yeah, there's gonna be so many guys flocking to her. Yeah, she's gonna find a boyfriend, and guess what? She's never gonna work again. That's it. Imagine Natalie with a boyfriend.

Yeah.

How little work will we get done? Imagine Natalie with a tub of ice cream. We already get little work done. Now imagine another human that's just as sweet as a bowl of ice cream.

Imagine she starts dating Chris Evans.

Oh, that'd be sick.

Running with Natalie in that Bronco to get paintballs. I went home to Boston yesterday, dropped my kids off, came here. We had some fun today. I watched you play basketball. I watched you get smoked by a 13-year-old. That was incredible. Couldn't believe it.

Yeah, I lost to some kid in basketball and he elbowed me in the face and he fucking ripped my tongue open. I was spitting blood at the end of the game and he's 13 years old.

And he's 7 inches smaller than David.

Yeah, I mean, this guy's like tiny and he beat me in basketball and literally the last shot, like I was trying to block him and his elbow hits my chin and I bite my tongue and I'm spitting blood. But whatever, he won, he won $200.

Listen, you're not a sore loser, which is nice. It's nice to see. Yeah, and you can't win everything, David. And so now what are you gonna do with two cars? Natalie has two cars, you have two cars. You only have a one-car garage.

I think I'm gonna sell the Ferrari.

What?

Yeah.

Why? Well, Natalie can have her car in there.

Yeah, that's what she wants. No, um, why don't you like the Ferrari anymore? No, I like the Ferrari, but I really want to get the Roadster when it comes out in like 3, 4 years.

Okay.

Yeah. And I don't know, the Ferrari is great, but the reason I wanted it is because I'm like really like lame when it comes to like milestones and like age. Like, like I wanted to get that Ferrari before I'm 23, right? Or I want to, you know what I mean? Like I have like these like weird goals. Yeah, benchmarks. And that's why I got it because I just wanted to prove it to myself. Okay. But I do love it. I do love it. But I just, I love— I'm obsessed with the Tesla.

Sure.

There's never a situation where I'm like, oh, I'll take the Ferrari for this one.

Never, never.

Even like if you're like, let's go to Malibu and hang out by the beach. Like you told me that and for some reason I'd be down. We take the Ferrari down and then all of a sudden we run into like 3 people that are funny to film with and now we can't put them in the car with us.

Right. It's not practical.

Yeah, it's not a practical car at all.

Hey, what'd you think of the new Tesla truck?

I was— I got to go to that launch. So basically Tesla came out with a new truck. It's called the Cybertruck. And Elon was testing the strength of the truck. And he's like, I'm going to throw a metal ball through it. And he threw the metal ball at the window and it shattered the fucking window and it wasn't supposed to. The window was supposed to be like almost like bulletproof. And then Elon was like, you can hear him in the livestream. I don't know what he says, but he goes, goddamn it. Or he goes like, fuck or something. It was really funny. And then he goes, and then he doubles down on it. And he goes, okay, let's try the back window. So they take the same ball, throw it at the back window, shatters again. So now both the windows are shattered. And now, and the worst part is this is the beginning of the whole presentation. So now he's standing in front of this broken Tesla presenting and talking about why people should buy it.

See, my cousin said the opposite. He said that he's a big Elon Musk fan, and he was saying he doesn't get enough credit for how much he's done. But he said that that glass has to shatter, that by law you need to be able to kick that glass out. So if you like, if you drive off a bridge and you go underwater and you're sinking, yeah, that glass has to be shatterable.

Or maybe, yeah, maybe it's—

So that makes no sense. I hate the internet.

It's funny, 'cause when he broke it, he goes, "We'll fix it in post." Like he was just gonna edit it out of the video.

It gives me the sense that maybe he isn't that involved in the design, or he would know that.

No, okay, there was this other hypothesis on what happened. And it was before they threw the ball at the window, they took a sledgehammer to the door.

Yep, I saw that.

And they maybe think that that like loosened up the glass. Then when the ball was thrown, it shattered the actual— Oh. But whatever happened, I don't think Elon was very happy.

You do this thing. I don't know how people get over it. You do this thing to your friends where you just say the absolute worst thing to them in conversation. Like, your friend Ilya got this tattoo today. Now it wasn't a great tattoo, I admit.

It was bad. You know why I love Ilya? Okay, so over his knee, he got like a shark's mouth.

Shark's jaw.

Shark's jaw. And he never goes fishing. He doesn't go in the water. So there's like, there's like, it doesn't mean anything.

And it's over his knee, which isn't a very ferocious part of the body.

Yeah. What I admire about Ilya, every tattoo he gets, he fucking gets it. He always asks me, so he'll send me either this one or this one. Yeah. And I'll go, none of them. He goes, done. I'm getting this one. He does not give a fuck about what other people what people think. He likes it. He gets a tattoo. And I think that's the coolest thing ever. Me, if I was to get a tattoo, I would fucking send it to every single person I've literally walked by. Uh-huh. Like, but like, Ilya's like, yeah. Anyway, yeah, he got a really shit tattoo, but he loves it. And that's, that's all.

So David's sitting there going, explain to me why this is good. Just, and I'm like, David, it's fucking permanent. He's like, I could get it lasered off. I'm like, once it's permanent, why say anything bad at all? Just be like, yeah, it's great. Yeah, but he was like, no, he's like, I don't care. I just want to hear from him why he likes it. And then Mike, our friend Mike, who lives in Vernon Hills, we're sitting there having burritos a half an hour ago, and David just goes, wouldn't it just fucking suck to live here? And David goes, wouldn't it suck to live here forever? And Mike goes, I'm on my way. Because Mike lives here and he has a job and he seems very happy. I mean, I've never seen him in a bad mood. What do you think?

I don't know. I can't figure it out.

How's Black Friday sale going?

It's going really well, I think.

This is—

I mean, this is the biggest sale we've ever had.

Really?

Yeah.

How so? It's just— you're selling the most.

We're selling the most.

Yeah.

I told Jeff, I'm like, Jeff, you should be promoting your merch for Black Friday.

Yeah.

And he goes, why would I promote it? It's so discounted. I'm not going to make any money.

Oh, is that what he said?

Yeah. And I go, no, you have it completely wrong.

It doesn't work like that, does it?

No, no. That's how I did think like that at first too. I was like, why are you discounting so much? But it's completely the opposite. Like, that's one of the biggest sales.

Yeah, I've had good days too, which is nice. Oh, look at this right now, guys. Another one of David's high school friends has entered the building. Mr. Alex Newman, come on in, Alex. Why don't you say hello? This is the guy that's known David the longest.

No, longest.

Actually, Mike knew him before me, but then I kind of stole him. Oh yeah, that's like a big credit to Michael.

So when we were kids, yeah, like we would be on the bikes, we'd be called the biker gang. And we were like friends with Mike, like semi-friends with Mike. We weren't like super, super close. And then one day Mike brought over Alex and then we all hung out.

Sure.

And then we started hanging out with Alex more and then we hang out with Mike more. And then one day, like, we were like 12, 13 years old, Mike goes, you know what, I brought you into this group. I brought you into this group. And it was like a big fight. It was a big fight between Alex and Mike about like who knew who first. Who's part of the biker gang? So yeah, so Mike's still not over that. So every time, every time we're with Mike and Alex, we have to make sure everybody knows Mike was our friend first, and then you have the best, the best hometown friends. Yeah, they're good.

I mean, you really, really lucked out. But these guys are the best. Like, remember when I lost my camera at the Cubs game?

Yeah.

And they went and found it for me.

Oh, they did?

Yeah. You don't remember that? And they ran it out to me. I left.

Alex is like looking around like, who did that? That wasn't me.

Yeah, it was you. Oh no, it was, um, well, Nick. Nick found it and then you guys—

oh yeah, I brought it to me.

Yeah, you were there.

Alex was there.

That was pretty nice. What's it— what's it like, you know, having someone from high school, um, be so successful like David that you knew back when?

It's really cool because you know how he always talks about like he was always curious growing up like how much money YouTubers make, and now like he knows, and now I know.

That's why. Well, it was just— that's all we talked about when we never knew. And now we know. And it's just a big relief to know that, yes, YouTubers get paid well.

Well, he doesn't.

And people can ask me and I can say yes, for sure they are well paid because David has two cars.

I just had to confirm that YouTubers do make some amount of money because I didn't—

I didn't think they did. I thought it was all—

it's not the fucking Mercedes he bought you. It's just knowing that fact.

No, I know that the Mercedes wasn't. Legit, it's gonna get taken away any day now.

Yesterday, yesterday Mike asked me, and he— we were talking about like a brand deal, and he goes, is it rude to ask how much you got paid for that? Yeah, I just thought it was really funny for him to say that because it's not rude to ask.

I don't know, it's not.

No, not with these guys. I don't care.

Actually, David's the only person I know that will tell anyone how much money he makes, and then if I make something, he'll ask me right away, and that was really foreign to me.

You can walk up to me on the stream like, how much money did you make? I'm like, I made this much. I don't see why that's like a fucking thing that you gotta keep a secret.

I guess it's not.

Like from when I had a job at a retirement home or when I was like a tennis coach at tennis camp, like that was all I talked about with people. I was like, how much, oh, you're making 35 more cents than me? Like it was just like interesting.

I told people once, some friends once, how much I was making and things changed after that.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Well, okay, okay, yes, you have to be—

They were jealous or they—

Oh, you can't go, yeah, yeah. I mean, you have to pick your fights, I guess, with who you're telling. Like I tell these guys because I know 'em Yeah, yeah, they're—

they're— you're great. You guys aren't jealous or anything of David? You're just happy for him?

Oh, we're jealous. We're jealous, but we see some of the wealth.

Yeah, they should open a Vine account. I mean, no, but seriously, you know, David's done very well, and you went to high school with him, and now you get to, you know, you're seeing him now. What do you think of all this?

I mean, it's always been really cool seeing— it's like every weekend.

Come on, you don't have to be like that. I'm very happy for him. Inside, Alex is just fuming. Alex hooked up with somebody that watched my videos the other day. Was so funny, dude. Yeah, which isn't a big deal, but I think— what did you do?

This girl, if you're listening, she paid for a hotel for us to hook up in.

Oh, okay. I thought there was more to it.

Because you knew David?

Yeah. I had a friend call me the other day and he was like, I just hooked up with this girl and when I woke up, I woke up to your face on the back of her shirt. Like, I woke up to your face staring at me. She was wearing my merch and it was like, it was the merch with the crown. And he texted me right away. He's like, dude, I've never been so fucking terrified in my life. It's really funny.

Somebody went up to Charlie at the mall and she had a clickbait shirt on and it's just like a little boy and she was like, she's like, is that clickbait merch? And she goes, yeah. And he goes, he goes, wow, you are so lucky.

Really?

Yeah.

Were you there?

No, no. She's like, and I wanted to say I know David Dobrik, but I didn't. And I was like, it would have been okay if you said that, if you said My dad works with him. She's like, yeah, yeah, I know, but I didn't want to.

What about you, Mike? What do you have to add? What do you think about all this? This is my hometown friend. Go.

I did bring Alex in, and he did get college paid for.

So Christmas is right around the corner.

That's true. You never know.

I'm waiting every day. I look out my window.

What do you want? What do you want for Christmas, Mike?

David Dover clickbait shirt, 40% off, swipe up.

Mike's like, David, a pair of socks, a Ferrari. Well, I'm so curious, why don't you guys move out to LA?

It's a big step, man.

I don't know.

And Chicago's the best. The suburbs are—

you live in the suburbs. You've been to Chicago— the only time you go to Chicago is when I go to Chicago, which is like more or less every month. What's the actual reason? Why don't you just just go and go to a warm place. You literally were telling me that you hate your job and you work at a cubicle, like in a cubicle.

Yeah, I do hate my job and work in a cubicle, but I don't know, I just—

well, what do you, what do you think of, what do you think of all this? You think it's bullshit?

Your job?

Yeah.

No, because I reap the benefits of it.

So yeah, Mike always says like, I'm always like, I'm always like bummed when they have work and he goes, well, not everyone fucking has fairy tale hours.

Crazy.

It's just, hey, Mike, it's 12 o'clock. What do you want to do? You want to come out and do something? It's like, no, Dave, I am in a meeting at 12. 12:30, and then I have a meeting from 1:00 to 1:30. So no.

Oh boy. But to be fair, I've seen Mike take meetings and it's all Skype meetings and he fucking has everybody on mute and he's fucking rubbing his cock.

Well, my favorite is, hello, this is Michael from blah blah blah, and then I go right to mute.

So that was always my goal, man, not to have a job. Oh God, when I had real jobs and I had to be somewhere, at 10:00 or 9:30. Oh yeah, couldn't do it. Even when I had a job as like a writer on a TV show and I had to be there at like 9:30 till like 8:00 at night.

It's a whole different thing working for somebody. It's like, yeah, it really is like just completely— it's completely—

I couldn't do it. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I finally— I worked really hard to like become like a writer, you know, like I would send scripts for years and, and, and like apply to be writers on TV shows, and finally I got it. And one day I was hired and I was like, oh, I fucking hate this. Yeah, yeah. And people kept congratulating me like, oh, you're a writer on Crash and Bernstein. Good job. And I'm like, oh, it was like a kid's show.

It's like '70s shit, you know? Coming away. Did you see— I watched something from Kevin O'Leary, who's like— he's like a millionaire, billionaire now. I know, a lot of money. But he was talking about how when he was like very young in his teens, he worked at an ice cream shop or something. And someone dropped ice cream on the floor or something, and then the manager there was like, clean this up right now. And he just walked out, and he was like, I'm never working for anybody again.

Really?

And never worked for anybody again. Wow, that's sick. Became an entrepreneur. That's how it is, it's so sick.

Hey, you know what? Dima did a really good job while I was away.

What did he do?

I wanted to throw him some props. My mother took the kids ice skating, Dima picked them up, So the kids are out there ice skating, they don't know how to ice skate, right? And they're like falling all over. She said, Dima went to the car, he got his jacket, and then he went in, he didn't have to do this, and he taught my kids how to ice skate in like an hour.

Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, and my mother was—

Our Dima?

Yeah, and just last week we were saying he wasn't a good employee on the podcast, and he went above and beyond. And so anybody out there working a job that, you know, they're like, just, that meant so much to me. I was like, I will never, ever, ever get rid of Dima.

You should always go above and beyond.

You should.

I love the perfect example of that is like you don't know who you're going to be working for in the future. Like the perfect example is your wife's assistant was just her assistant like 5, 10 years ago.

Brandon.

Brandon, yeah, was her assistant. You were still with her. Life was great for you. You were happy.

I used to call, I used to go, Marnie Hochman's office. And I go, hey Brandon, how are you? And he'd be like, okay, I'll see if I can get her.

She's a busy woman, Jason.

Yeah, I would never be able to get Marnie on the phone.

Not like you. Fucking moping around the house, cashing her checks. Yeah. So he was her assistant. Yeah. And then 5, 10 years later, we're pitching him our fucking Netflix show.

He runs reality.

He's the guy that decided whether or not our Netflix show would be picked up. Like, that's crazy. Like, that just goes—

he decided no.

And he decided no. I don't blame him. That wasn't a good show. But, but it just goes to show, like, be nice to everybody, treat everybody with respect, and work Work as hard as you possibly can in whatever your job is because you don't know who's watching and who will take notice of it and who will bump you up to your next pay grade.

Mm-hmm, that's right.

Do you miss having a girlfriend?

Do? Whoa, that came out of nowhere.

This sounds like a personal problem, Alex. Do you miss having one?

Do you?

I've never had one and yeah, I miss it a lot.

Fuck you, fuck you, Alex. You have had a girlfriend, you little bitch. You stole that girl from me in the fucking 7th grade. You stole Hayley Erlich from me. Put the mic back up to his mouth.

I don't count that because she had swine flu and I couldn't see her and I got too clingy and then it just went downhill.

You got too clingy to a girl with swine flu?

Yeah, she hated me.

Wow.

Imagine having swine flu and your boyfriend wants to hang out with you and you still say no. That boyfriend must really suck.

Yeah, it was so— no, it took me a long time to recover.

I've said this story millions of times, but I liked a girl And I was like, Alex, can you please tag along with me because I really like this girl? And he's like, sure. And then he tagged along and the next day they're fucking texting and the next week they're fucking dating. Dude, I cried. That was the last time I cried to my family. I sound angry. I'm not angry at all. But that was the last time I cried in front of my dad. And I was like, oh my God.

What'd your dad say?

My dad was like, shut the fuck up, pussy. No, no.

I'm going on a 60-mile bike ride now. When I get back, I'd rather not see any tears.

No. My dad, no, my dad was great about it, but I was like, I've never been that vulnerable in front of my parents, and I think that's what started a weird relationship with my parents, 'cause I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I just cried about a girl in front of my dad, and I got so uncomfortable by it. And yeah, so you ruined my life, Alex.

Well, what do you have to say for yourself, Alex? You really fucked him over, and that's what probably turned him into such a megalomaniac YouTuber now. It was you and Haley Erlich.

Well, you remember her name.

I mean, I think it worked out for the better, obviously.

How many people had swine flu in your school? That's a better question.

It was a couple of people. Was it?

Swine flu is one of those things was like a big deal on the news, but I didn't actually know anyone that had it.

Yeah, people thought it wasn't real.

Looks like Alex was the pig. Well, David, do you miss having a girlfriend?

Oh, fuck, I forgot that was a question. Yeah.

Yeah, because you, you know, you don't. Do I stop eating a popsicle on our podcast?

It's melting, though. So, like, now I really have to, like, catch up.

We want to take a break.

No, no, I can do this. Do I miss— Okay, so I miss. Yes and no. Not currently. Like, I cannot have one right now just because I'm working so much. But yeah, the idea of having a girlfriend is great. Like, it's having like a companion or having somebody there is like, that's the best thing. It's like your ultimate best friend. I do. But not now. Later in life, for sure.

Because when you have a girlfriend, you got to go do— you have to do stuff with them, right? You got to go to— yeah.

Jesus Christ.

People are literally going to unsubscribe.

Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be bad. This is my other hometown friend John here. John, the most interesting characteristic about John is he got circumcised when he was 13 years old. I think that was one of the most memorable moments of my life, is coming home to him and he's holding his pants away from his penis so it doesn't rub against it because he was in so much pain. John, what was going through your mind as half of your penis was being chopped off in the 7th grade?

Dude, all I just remember was waking up and peeing blood.

Really?

Yeah.

And it's like a tradition in the Philippines, or is it just your family? Okay.

But in the Philippines, they do it worse. You're awake.

You're awake.

That was like the path to manhood at that point. If you can tolerate that much pain.

Oh, wow.

Awake.

They put like a tomato or a stick in your mouth so you don't bite your tongue.

Okay. And here you didn't do it awake? No, I went to the hospital. Here you were asleep and then you woke up. And what was, what was that like? What was that like? How long was your penis in pain for?

Oh, mine was pretty short.

Your penis or the pain? Nothing like a good penis short joke.

It was, um, no, um, I think because it had the self, like, self-stitching, and then it goes away after, like, self-stitching. Yeah, it's like an Elon, like, it just dissolves, like the stitching just dissolves after a few.

John, what is— Jason, John was very— John was a—

can we see it?

No.

John was a very interesting person because he, he was that guy that was very hard to hang out with and He never answered our calls, and we always had to ask his mom if he can come out. And it wasn't like— it wasn't us asking for permission. It was like, can you send John out to hang out with us?

Yeah.

Yeah. But the craziest part about him is like, he wouldn't like— he was just like that guy that like had to be there. Like, John wasn't like the guy that like brought the alcohol or like, you know, like, like he didn't like— he didn't bring a lot, but just his presence. Was so important to us that like we couldn't—

why, why was it so important?

I don't know, I have no idea.

He's very calming. He— you, you are, you are kind of nice to have around, I will say that. You're funny. You bring nothing and everything at the same time.

I'll take that.

Yeah, it is weird.

You're right, it is weird, right? John, what is, what is your, what is your favorite memory with me?

Oh, favorite memory?

Yeah, what is your favorite memory we shared?

Dude, I would say like The sleepovers, because I know—

whoa, whoa, whoa, chill, chill, chill. Nope, no, no, other memories. Yeah, why the sleepovers?

Just because, like, dude, we had so much time just at night. We get Little Caesars, you know, that's some great night, man.

Uh, yeah, okay, yeah, we would get Little Caesars. That was good. Yeah, dude, I don't know, the sleepovers were the best.

Yeah, and then we got older and we were just like, this sucks.

Where do we sleep during sleepovers?

Oh dude, it's always Alex's.

Yeah, but where would it be? Would it be like on the bed or on the floor?

Yeah, you two would be on the bed.

I'd be on the floor.

Why is that so funny that you were on the floor?

Now that I notice, I'm like a dog at that point.

You are like a dog. Hey, where's Jon? I know he doesn't say much, but it'd be nice to have him sitting on the floor. So John was in high school and John's a lot older than us because when he moved to the, when he moved to the US, his mother put him in the wrong grade.

So, all right, false. That is completely false.

That's what you told us.

No, it was just because like our fall there is your spring. So I'm like technically half a semester ahead.

Okay.

And they didn't have 7th or 8th.

You're blaming this on the time zones. You're blaming you being 27 in high school because there was a different temperature when you, where you were back home.

No, no, that's just like you, David. Huh? Someone is like 15 and a half and you're 15. 15, and David's like, they're so much older. That is so like you.

Yeah, so John— but John was older than us by like a year. So when we were in the locker room, he was the first person to get armpit hair. And I remember that moment, we like— there was like 4 of us that went all around him, and John was like, what? That's just armpit hair, you're all gonna get it. But we were like looking at him like he's a fucking caged animal. Like, we were like, whoa, John, put your fucking arm up! That was crazy. How did you feel about that? And now he's hairless.

Yeah, I'm completely hairless compared to everyone here.

He hasn't grown another armpit hair other than the one he grew in 7th grade. He'd look at— look how hairless. Look at his arms. It looks like he just shaved.

When the boys wanted you to come out and play, why wouldn't you come out? Like, why wouldn't you return their texts?

Oh, dude, you know, it's like, it's just their way of saying, like, I don't really want to hang out, but these guys just push it every time, even if I say no.

What else did you have to do besides hanging? These guys are great. Like, like, like, if these guys call me and they wanted to hang out, I'd be like, oh, these guys want to hang out. This is great. You just— would you want to go read a book instead?

Or pretty much like, dude, I'm not the most socialist person here.

Socialist?

No one's calling you a communist.

Trust me, I'm not a communist. All right, John, thank you for being on the podcast. Yeah, you have anything you want to shout out, give a plug to?

Oh, shout out to my dog, Milton.

You have a dog named Milton? Get the fuck out of here. You actually have a dog named Milton? Hell yeah, dude. Oh, that big-ass one?

Yeah, the Mastiff. Yeah, that one.

John has a dog bigger than his apartment.

Didn't you bring in a fucking crocodile into his house?

Alligator. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Like a big one.

Yeah, it was a big one.

What did your parents think of that?

Well, his dad thought it was fake, remember? And his dad was like, oh, we used to have a lot of these in the Philippines. And he was like petting it on the head. And we were like, it's fucking real. That was funny.

No, because we did have a pet. We had an exotic alligator in the Philippines that my dad did take care of, like, since a baby.

Yeah.

And he got too big and then they had to release it.

His dad.

Is that how they take the foreskin off with the alligator? And so, John, what do you think about all of David's success here? We were just saying that it's so nice because you guys are like such good friends and you're always— you're so happy for him. What do you think about it all?

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Like, I did not think you'd be like this successful at this point, you know? Like, you know, I still remember like waving goodbye at like David's Corolla. I'm like, he's not going to make it to California.

Yeah, he'll never make it in the business. No, to Nevada.

John was actually— John was actually the first one. He was the one that had the idea to start a YouTube channel.

Really?

Way before any of us. Yeah. He wanted to do it for bikes.

Like motorbikes?

Yeah, bicycles. We're the biker gang.

Oh, you wanted to have like—

like, Jay, I want to just preface this. You are sitting in the room with the biker gang right now.

Oh shit.

Okay.

I didn't realize. Yeah. Yeah. You're just the four of you. And Ilya wasn't in it?

No, Ilya was not in the biker gang. No, fuck that, bro, because he didn't ride like us.

We all real good at riding?

No, like we learned how to pop a wheelie and John knew how to bunny hop. John was like a lot cooler than us because he knew how to bunny hop and that's about it. What was John peaked with his bunny hop?

What was like a typical day for the biker gang?

Um, it was, well, a lot of it was, it was hanging out in the park. There was a gazebo, we would sit on the tables there, and then we'd ride down to either Wendy's and get a double stack.

Did you have phones at this point?

Yes.

Okay.

When they were— well, they did, and I would borrow their phones and we'd get— we would go to Wendy's to get a double stack. It was $0.99 at the time. Or we go to 7-Eleven and get watermelon Arizona Tea. That was a big fucking hit with the biker gang. We fucking— we should have gotten— we should have gotten sponsored for that.

Why don't you have them hit you up now and then you guys recreate it, the four of you?

That would be nice.

Arizona Iced Tea.

The biker gang.

Yeah, it'd be really funny.

That'd be a good commercial.

You run into a bunch of like other 12-year-olds at this age. Kick him off the gazebo.

Jay, what are you thankful for for this Thanksgiving?

What a great question. My friends, the vlog squad. I'm thankful for you, David, Natalie, my two kids, Charlie and Brian.

Wyatt.

Wyatt. Love that guy. He's the best.

He is great.

Wyatt's the best. What are you thankful for, David?

I don't know.

I'm thankful for that giant Kardashian-sized ass that you have there. I don't know if you guys know this, but let me get real for a second. Okay, David has a giant ass, and I don't know, have you always had a giant ass?

Yeah, you have. I've always had a big butt. Someone said if Natalie and I had a baby, it would just be one big ass, no face, just an ass walking around. All right guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. The merch is for up to 40% off, so go check it out.

Yeah, go get some merch, guys. My kids, they're, uh, They take voice lessons now and it's very expensive.

So go check that out. We'll see you guys soon. Follow us on Instagram. Do the whole thing. My name is Jeff. We'll see you guys later.

Bye.