Revenge on an Instagram Model

Thanks to this episode's sponsors, betterhelp.com/views, squarespace.com/views, and OpenFit. Text views to 303030. What's up guys, welcome to Views, the podcast where Jason's son is actually sitting next to us while we record this podcast. So I'm gonna be careful with what I say. I'm gonna make sure that I respect his dad and I keep this calm, cool, and collected, and I'm appropriate for the rest of the podcast.

That's awesome, you fucking piece of shit.

Okay, let's just— great, now your son hates you. Let's, uh, let's roll. Oh look, he's crying. You made him cry.

He's hiding.

'Cause he's scared of you. Let's roll the intro music. Hi guys, this is the Views Podcast. I'm David, that's Jason, together with Jason. My God, your son's so fucking tall.

He's the tallest, dude.

He's so tall. Sometimes I think he's walking around and I'm honestly scared he's gonna put holes in the ceiling because he's so tall.

I sometimes— I think he's gonna be like 6'10".

He's gonna be 6'10". He's gonna be the man you never were.

I feel like if you're 6'10", like, that might not be great.

He's right here. You wanna not talk shit about him?

Like, it'd be hard to be 6'10".

Yeah, I mean, it'd be hard to be tall. I feel like 5— 6 foot is the perfect height. Like, 6'1" is like where you wanna be.

Yeah, his granddad's 6'3".

His granddad's 6'3"?

Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, that's the perfect place to do it.

Mm-hmm.

How are you? Why do you keep staring at him like you haven't seen him in fucking 36 hours?

I can't get enough of him. I love him so much. There's nothing that Dave— Why don't you do the podcast with him then? You took the words out of my mouth. You are so jealous of my love for Wyatt, and I want you to know I love you second. You promise? Third.

You promise? You swear to God? So yesterday I was at some party, and you know Jonah. Jonah is our friend. He's kind of like a nerdy friend, I would say. He was playing pool, and he was like breaking the pool, right? Like he was— What do you call it when you're doing a break? A break. Okay. So when all the pool balls are set up and you hit the white ball for the first time and this girl comes up to him like a pretty attractive girl and she goes, you good at pool? And, and he goes, yeah, yeah, I'm pretty good. I play from time to time, like out of a fucking movie. And then, and then he hits the white ball and he hits the white ball right into the pocket instead of hitting any of the balls. It was fucking brilliant. It was like straight out of a movie. But the girl didn't even like notice that he fucked up. Only I noticed and he noticed and he just looked at me and we just started laughing. It was genuinely really, really embarrassing. But he's— I wish I really got that on camera. But what's up with you? How have you been?

I've been real good, man. Got back from tour, back here shooting videos with you, loving life. Everything's amazing. I have my sleep apnea, which is a problem.

Yeah, how is that? I heard you swallow your tongue.

I swallow my tongue in the middle of the night.

You do that on purpose?

Yeah, on purpose. I want to be miserable. I don't want to sleep.

How does that work? How does sleep apnea work?

It's just you walk— you're just tired all the time and you're grumpy all the time. And so when people start talking to you sometimes, Like, I saw Joe yesterday.

Yeah.

And I had to shoot a video with him.

Yeah. And I'm always grumpy when he wants to shoot a video with me.

And then when, like, I came home last night and, like, people were talking to me, they're like people in the house.

Yeah.

And I was just like, not having it.

I was like, so when you sleep, your tongue goes in the back of your throat.

Today, Wyatt's instructor was there, and I'm normally so nice to him, and I just had no capacity to talk to him because of your sleep apnea. Yeah, because I choke. I choke in the middle of the night. I wake up like Like a little pterodactyl.

You know what's funny is you were on the phone yesterday with like Wyatt, your son's like school.

Yeah.

And you're trying to find activities for him.

Yeah. Charlie's going to camp for a week and then he decided it was camp.

Yeah. He wants to go to camp and he wanted to be, he wanted to be in like the music portion of the camp.

Rockstar.

Yeah. Yeah. The rockstar port. It's called Rockstar.

Yeah.

But that was sold out.

Yeah.

So they were listing off all the other options he could be and it was fucking crazy. Like one of the options was like circus.

Yeah.

What was the other option?

Girl power.

Girl power.

American Ninja Warrior.

Yeah. They were so specific. It was like fishing blindfolded.

See, now I feel like you're not that old that things were like this for you, right?

No, we didn't have that many options.

Or were you just poor?

No, it was like, well, yeah, I was very— we were very broke.

Right.

It was either—

I mean, maybe it's an LA thing.

It was either handball or catch. Those were my options at camp. It was which way do you want to throw the ball? At somebody or at a wall? No, but that's impressive.

Throw the stick or peel a potato.

I have a big announcement. Yeah, tomorrow— well, actually yesterday, because this is when this is gonna launch— the trailer's coming out for my first animated movie I'm in. Oh damn, I'm only in there for a couple minutes.

Did you make it?

What do you mean, did I make it?

Like, they didn't cut you, right?

No, I don't think they cut me.

Good.

I'm in Angry Birds 2.

Oh my god, that's so exciting.

How cool is that? My name— my character is Axel. I'm an eagle.

What were your lines? I remember when you did that, you finished it and you were like, I'm really good at it.

I love—

I'm really good at voices.

I had so much fun.

David doesn't carry a lot of confidence in his acting usually.

Yeah, I didn't have that much. See, I know I didn't have that many lines. Yeah, but it was so fucking fun just sitting in the room and like the directors were like, okay, make it happier. I was like, okay. And then they're like, make it sadder. I was like, okay. Yeah, like I had such a good time.

Options.

Yeah, options. And it was so easy because you can just keep redoing it over and over again. And it just, it felt so relaxing compared to what we do, right? Because like it was already done for me. Do you know what I mean? Like I got there and like the script was written, the creative was done. I was just voicing something. Like imagine having a job where you just walk in and they've done the entire vlog. All you need to do is stand in.

Yeah. Like that's what they say. Voice acting is the best job.

Yeah, 100%.

And there's guys that don't even leave their house.

That's crazy. I'd want to leave my house.

You'd want to leave? Yeah. You want to go to the studio?

I like being in front of people because when I'm in front of people, like, I treat it more seriously.

Yeah. And you know if you're doing a good job, you know if you're making people laugh.

Yeah. And I love— yeah, I like bouncing off people.

You've done some acting before your vlogs. Like, what did you do?

I acted—

there's little things that like speak out about you. Like, didn't you play a stoner or something?

Yeah, I played— I acted in one of your movies. What was it called? It's the only movie I've ever done. I forgot. No, I acted in FML. My movie is in one of your movies.

Funny.

Thanks, I appreciate it. Alex, you kind of just said that. That's what I always said. I always admired that you— I always admired that about you, is that you were really nice to the people on set. It's like, even when the acting was bad, you were super nice. So like, someone would like— no, but genuinely, like, let's say there's like a little girl acting or whatever, you'd always start with, that was so, so good. That's what you do. And then you'd go, 'But can you do me a favor?' And then you completely flip it. You literally go, 'That was incredible, but this time do it completely different. Like, don't do anything you just did and just change it.' That's options.

That's a technique.

No, I know. I mean, you do the same thing. I do that. Yeah, I took that from you. You were the first person I saw ever do that. It's like, compliment someone where like their ego is through the roof and then go, 'Hey, you did such a good job at that. I wonder if you can fucking change it.' and do something else.

Well, I've been on the other side of the camera too when directors are telling me what to do, and, and I, and I always wonder that. I'm like, did the first take suck? Because they'll do— they did the same thing to me last week with the Comedy Central thing. They're like, that was great. Yeah, I was being really big because I was used to being in your vlogs. Yeah, and then they would be like, first day they were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, tone it down, tone it way down.

Oh, it's because it's, it's so funny when people act like— if we have like an actor that acts in real life in my vlogs.

Yeah.

Like if we have John Stamos.

Yeah.

Who like acts.

Yeah.

And shows.

I've seen this.

He's like super, super like he's not as big.

He doesn't do anything.

Yeah. Because it's like, it's really quiet.

Yeah.

Because he, and like if he'll like talk because he thinks he's mic'd.

Yeah.

But when you're in the vlogs, you have to like almost yell. You have to project.

Right.

Because no one can hear you.

No.

But like a real actor will want to like talk normally because they're always mic'd and the sound's always good.

It's so fun. Acting.

It's so funny telling John, John, you got, you got to yell. You gotta be a lot louder.

What was the drug dealer thing or stoner thing you did?

I don't know. I played some druggie who ate a drug and then became like a carnivore. Or not carnivore, sorry, a cannibal.

Did you have trouble memorizing your lines?

Yeah, I had such a hard time.

Did they make you stick to the script?

It was, yeah, they did.

They did?

And it was, I had to kiss a girl in it.

How was that?

I was really nervous. 'Cause I was like, I'm like super insecure about how I kiss people.

Sure.

So I was like, this could be bad, this could be brutal. I was actually—

what did you say before?

You know, I was supposed to kiss Carly, our friend.

Oh really?

But she read the script and she found out she had to kiss me and she just thought it would be too awkward, so she didn't want to do it.

Really?

Yeah. So then they hired someone else. Yeah, that'd been really funny. Um, so yeah, so then I kissed— yeah, I kissed a girl. I don't know, I think I did. We had to do the scene like a couple times. I was so fucking nervous.

What did you say before?

Well, I remember when the directors came up to us and they were like, So, um, there is a kissing scene. And she goes, yeah, that's fine with me. And I go, yeah, I'm good. Let's do it. I'm so good. I remember I was so fucking nervous.

And, and they were like, more experienced than you.

Yeah, 100%. They were like, do you guys want to practice it or anything? You guys want to run? Do you guys want to run through it? And I was like, no, I think we can just do it. And I remember like it was— it literally felt like my first kiss all over again.

Like, how many times you have to do it?

Like 10?

No.

Yeah, we did a bunch.

And then when you were like— when you're like kissing her, was it just like— did you feel anything, or was it just more like I'm just having my mouth on someone else's mouth?

No, it literally felt like my mouth on someone else's mouth. It was crazy.

That's like when Seth kissed me for the vlog.

Yeah, there was nothing. There's no—

there's nothing going on.

There's nothing, nothing that's like, oh yeah, I'm kissing someone. Not like an ounce of me. Yeah, it was just like my body is doing something and I am and my soul is like inside its shell right now. Like, yeah, it'd be like a handshake. Yeah, literally. Yeah, it was like the least sexual thing I've ever done.

And then what did they say after?

They said it was brilliant. They've never seen anything like it. That was fucking incredible.

Really?

No, they didn't say anything. Her boyfriend was on set.

What was that like?

Well, I mean, I was an outstanding kisser, so he's very jealous.

If you were dating—

I'm kidding. He was like a big buff athlete dude, so he was not threatened by me.

If you started dating like a Hollywood actress, let's say, and she had to do some kissing scenes. What do you think about that?

Well, I remember when Liza had to do it, and like, yeah, I was really scared for it. Like, really scared because like, well, first I— well, okay, now it's different now. Like, okay, so I dated this girl that was like a model. Yeah, at one point when I— before Liza, she was like— I was 18 and she's like, you're not gonna be worried when I'm like posing with all these guys like half naked and stuff. And I was like, no, I don't care about that at all. That's your job. You go do whatever you want. But then with Liza, I didn't know she was an actress because she wasn't yet, right?

Right.

So when I got into it and then I found out she has to kiss someone, I was like, I was like really scared. I was really nervous about her kissing another guy.

Yeah.

And it like really bothered me because she was an actress. She was just like a regular girl. And the worst part is the guy she was kissing in the show, I auditioned for that same role a couple months before. Someone got her love interest better than me on the show. This is crazy. That's what really frustrated me. He's like, what the fuck?

That's your part.

This guy's cast better than her.

Yeah, I, I, I was— they're better than me.

I auditioned a couple months before she even auditioned, to be fair. So like, I wasn't— and I wasn't really into acting, so I wasn't giving my all. But if I knew— if I knew it was me, like, if I knew it was me kissing her instead of another guy, I would have fucking taken so many classes. I would have been like, I'm gonna get this fucking role. I probably would have quit vlogging just so I can take classes.

Hey, can I tell you something?

What?

I'm confused by how fat I am. I'm literally confused. I don't get it.

Can I say something too?

Please.

Me too.

I, I'm confused as to like, I've been to the gym every day this week, David. I work out hard. I work out hard. I've been working out like I run sprints.

Yeah.

And I feel like I'm doing a good job. My belly has never been bigger.

Yeah, I think it's because you worry about it too much. I think all the stress of losing weight is actually making you gain weight.

Okay, so just don't think about it.

Don't think about it. And let's try this for a month. Don't go work out and eat whatever you want.

Hmm, this sounds like one of your bait and switches.

Okay, that sounds good. I mean, genuinely, I mean, I don't know, it is kind of weird.

I think just you getting older, it's hard to be in the middle too of like If I'm going to be fat, I might as well enjoy it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Fucking really go for it. Yeah.

Just go for it.

Yeah.

You know what? I'm going to get on OpenFit. Never mind.

Yeah. I don't even know why we're talking about it.

This is dumb.

OpenFit's around. Getting fit and staying healthy always sounds easier said than done, right?

No, it's super easy.

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I like that word commute there, and it looked like you weren't gonna land it, but you did.

Yeah. Do you ever get impressed how quickly I can read things?

You're getting really good.

I'm getting better at reading.

You got— you got a lot stronger.

These podcasts are making up for all the years of school I missed.

I'm telling you, I, I think a lot of your teachers are really proud.

Guys, if you become a YouTuber, also become a podcaster because you'll catch up on the learning you missed, because this is, this is something else. Here, let me read a little bit more. Everyone's bodies are different, and OpenFit gets that, which is why it is personalized to your needs with custom-tailored original content. Content— there we go, content. OpenFit classes are led by some of the most effective and engaging trainers in the world. Sculpt your body with Andrea Rogers, founder of the worldwide sensation Xtend Barre, or get in crazy good shape with Hunter McIntyre, named by Sports Illustrated as one of the top 50 fittest athletes. OpenFit has changed the way I work out, and with our code VIEWS, you can join me on a fitness journey personalized just for you. Again, use our code VIEWS and start using OpenFit for your journey to a healthier life. Right now, during the OpenFit 30-day challenge, our listeners get a special extended 30-day free trial membership to OpenFit where you can lose up to 15 pounds in 30 days when you text VIEWS to 303030. That's 303030. You will get full access to OpenFit, all the workouts and nutrition information, totally free. Again, just text VIEWS to 303030. That's amazing. Thank you, OpenFit, for letting me learn and read. My family came in town today.

I know, it came in here, 12, 26 of them.

Yeah, everyone, everyone from Hungary. Everyone lives in Hungary.

They looked hungry.

They were starving. They haven't eaten in a really long time. Um, no, it was so funny. They walked right in and Jason goes, pull your camera out, pull your camera out, I have some jokes. And I thought he was fucking with me because like I'm super all about getting content, but like I haven't seen this family in like 10 years. And like these guys were like really like— they like, they raised me, so like they were really close to me, right? But Jason was like, pull out your fucking camera, pull out your fucking camera. And I thought you were kidding. It was weird. Why? It was the one time we were like on like different pages, like, Jason, I have to spend time with them. And you were like, no, no, this is the time they're fresh. That's what she said. You said they're fresh. I'm like, Jason, you're turning into a fucking monster.

You turned me into a monster.

Yeah, I don't know. That was, that was so funny. My, um, my uncle's name is Tommy. Yeah, in Hungarian. And it's really funny when he first came. When you see foreigners first come to America, it's really funny watching them come up with their American name. So like, so like when he first visited, I remember it was a couple years ago and he visited and someone was like, what's your name? And he was like, uh, Tom, Tommy, and it's like, it's like he was naming himself for the first time because he's like, what's the fucking American version of it?

I go by Justin Bieber.

Yeah, literally. Ah, fuck it, I'll do Andy today. I'll be Andy. And yeah, it's, it's like, it's like finding a new person. No, but that was That was fucking crazy to see my family from Hungary here.

David was going crazy before they came. I was so nervous. Just me and Natalie sitting here, and he started to throw like a weird fit, like, like social anxiety disorder. I really looked it up, and that is what you have.

I was, I was like, Jesus, what do I do with my fucking hands? Where do I put my hands? And he's like, put them in your pocket. I'm like, do I hug them? And what was so weird is I hugged them, and when I hug people here in America, yeah, everyone always puts their head to the right.

Try to think about that.

Yeah, yeah, you put your head to the right. Okay, and they were— every single one of them was putting their head to the left. It was like that weird theory when you're like in like the southern hemisphere or some shit, the toilet flushes a different way. Yeah, that was the same way. It was the same way with them.

And you have changed, David. You go to right now.

It was so weird. So our heads were hitting it. We were almost kissing each other on the mouth. Yeah, because our heads were going the same direction. Oh, because they were going to the left and I was going to the right. And it was really fucking weird and it happened twice to me and I was like, okay, hold on, stop, stop, stop, stop. Why are your heads going that direction? So I had to address it. So I asked him and like, this is how we do it. It's really weird.

Never thought about that.

Hungarian.

I want to hug you right now and see where I naturally go. Hang on a second.

I don't want to. Yeah, here. So you go to the right.

Is that your right?

Yeah, you go to your right.

My left.

No, you go to the right. I go to the right. That's just how, that's just how people hug here.

To the right, right?

Yeah.

Everyone's just saying, let me try the other way. Oh yeah, that would be weird.

Yeah, and that's what they all kept doing. It was really fucking weird.

Oh, that's crazy.

And then my grandma called. She was from Hungary.

Yeah.

And she was giving me an apartment tour of her apartment. She's had it for— that's the apartment I grew up in. So she's had it forever and it hasn't changed. And I was like, wow, that looks really depressing. But she doesn't understand English. So she goes, what did he say? She's asking my mom.

He says it looks depressing.

And my mom goes, he says it looks amazing.

He's like, oh, thank you, thank you. When you say raised you, you mean 1 to 5?

Yeah, 1 to 5.

And you remember all that?

Oh yeah.

Like, oh God, I don't remember anything.

Like, looking at— looking around the apartment, I knew, like, well, because also 9/11 happened around then when I was there. So I remember exactly where I was sitting when I was watching, like, the Twin Towers, because my dad was in New York. So I remember where I was sitting on that couch in Slovakia. And whoa, like, when the towers— and like, I remember, like, exactly where my mom was standing when she was pacing back and forth trying to call him. But he like slept through the entire thing. He woke up at like noon.

Whoa. So for a while you thought maybe your dad was in hurt?

Yeah, in trouble. Yeah, I mean, I didn't really get it, but my mom was freaking out. I was kind of just sitting there like confused, but like I really took all of it in because it was such a weird panicky moment.

Where was he at that time? Uh, just asleep.

Yeah, he was asleep. He was like a couple—

but he wasn't near it?

No, he wasn't near. He went up on his roof and then he obviously— then he saw it because you could— yeah.

Holy crap. Yeah, that must have been super scary.

Terrifying. Um, so yeah, my mom was really scared about that. You ever need to make a website for anything, Jay?

Every single day of my life.

You make websites constantly, Jay. I've never seen anybody make more websites than you.

I made 4 today. I'm actually— my assistant and I are making a website.

What is it called?

It's called David's Word of the Day, and it's going to be a new word every day that you can learn.

What's my word today?

Uh, first word is, uh, moron.

What's that?

Okay, see, exactly. This is why you needed Squarespace, dude.

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Yeah.

Earlier today.

Just had one.

Let me start by saying this. First of all, she moved the appointment because she said something came up, which already was a red flag to me. I was like, what do you mean something came up? You're a psychic. You're supposed to, you're supposed to have these appointments locked down. You should know if something's about to come up.

You should know if something's going to change in her life. Yeah.

Like, oh, sorry, you can't do 7 PM now.

Why? I can do Wednesday, but I know something's going to happen on Thursday, so I can't do Wednesday.

Um, so that was, so I was, I'm such a nonbeliever of the whole psychic shit.

Sure.

It's just like, it doesn't, there's no fucking way anyone can do it.

Yeah.

So then we got on the call. You said, hi, I'm Jason.

She doesn't know who I am. She has no way of telling who I am.

She, okay. We should say this was, this psychic was recommended to us by a friend who was pretty credible source who like really believed in this person. And it's a very— it's one hour phone call and it's a pretty expensive phone call. It's not like, yeah, it's really expensive actually.

If you think about it, $275.

Yeah. That's really expensive for an hour.

And we were told not to do the half hour, to do the full hour, to do the full hour because it flies by.

And then what happened?

I said, hi, I'm Jason. And then the first thing she said was, I'm going to turn some cards. I'm getting Esther.

She's like, who's Esther?

Who's Esther?

Yeah.

And that's my mother's mother was Esther, which is not a common name.

And Jason started freaking out. He's like, yeah, that's my fucking mother's mom.

Yeah, crazy. And then from there, she knew my mom's first name. She guessed Wyatt's name.

She was— she literally— she's like, I see two kids in your life. Do you have two kids? And, and then— and it was crazy because she was saying things that weren't public information too. So she was like, she was like, there's someone in your— there's your— what did she say about the guy who had a cough?

She was talking about my aunt and uncle. She knew my aunt's name that no one would know. She knew that I had a lot of guilt about my divorce. She knew that I got divorced.

Yeah.

Like all these things that she couldn't have possibly looked up.

And then we even got to me. Like you guys started talking about me and she described me physically. She's like, I see someone with brown hair, brown eyes, little under 6'4".

A jokester.

A jokester.

That's an understatement.

Yeah. And she called Jason a sad clown. Yeah, she was like describing him and she's like, you're kind of like a sad clown.

You try to— you make— try to make everybody else feel better, but you don't help yourself.

Yeah, it was really fun. It wasn't like— I don't believe in horoscopes either, so it wasn't— it wasn't like horoscope shit. It was really specific. And then she got to me and then she's like— and then she's— and then she goes— she goes, who's Christina? Right away.

Yeah.

And then she goes— and then Jason goes, oh, that's his mom.

That's—

that's David's mom.

Yeah.

And then she goes, I see a 23. Why do I see a 23?

Yeah.

And then he's like, and she's like, well, I see. She's like, I see a 7 and I see a 23. And then it's because my birthday is on July 23rd. And she didn't look up Jason because she didn't know his name.

No.

Up until the phone call, she didn't know.

Like, she doesn't know anything about me.

This is so hard to like. It's so hard to explain.

We were freaking out.

We were fucking—

she knew about, sort of knew about the marriage David to my mom.

This is weird. She goes, she goes, She goes, this David guy, he just left someone. He left someone, but there weren't any hard feelings. It was— there was almost all laughter, but he abandoned someone. He got rid of someone in his life.

She's like, it's not making any sense to me. She's like, in an ironic way.

She's like, she used the word— she's like, it was ironic and people were laughing. It was all, all for to be funny.

Yeah.

And we're like, yeah, he actually married my mom.

Yeah.

And they just recently got a divorce. And then she's like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

So crazy. And then why were you so freaked out after?

Because I didn't like it. I didn't like it. And then she predicted things about the future that I don't want to get into because it's just like kind of scary. And then she's like, she— yeah, she gave us like tips on— I don't know, it— I guess none of this sounded like something that you couldn't Google, but, but in the moment it was really fucking weird. She couldn't Google anything about your family?

No, no, there's no way. She didn't know my name.

She didn't know your name?

No.

She knew Jason's aunt's, uncle's name, their back pain. She asked about Jason's aunt's back pain, which is literally—

I had to live with my aunt for a while because we got kicked out of our house. And so when I was living with her, every night I would go down to the basement and watch TV, and she would have to lie on her back because of her back, because of her back pain, and she couldn't get up for like weeks on end.

She named the aunt and uncle too. It wasn't like, oh, you have an aunt with back pain. She named the exact one that has the back pain. She's like, how's her back doing?

Yeah, it was, it was nuts. It was. And, and, and we also— I also asked if the, um, the vlog squad would be together forever.

Yeah.

And she said yes.

Yeah, which is pretty funny.

And she said Dave and I'll be best friends forever and ever and ever.

That part she may have gotten wrong. You can't believe everything these people say. Jason, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, shoot, man.

Jason, do you think the Earth is flat or round?

I've been thinking about this lately. Yeah, I know it's round, but when I keep driving, it never curves.

So you never go, whoa, I'm going down. I guess that's kind of— that's kind of the part that bothers me too.

Yes, I'm never— everything feels pretty flat except when I go up a hill, and then I'm like, well, maybe the Earth is round.

Here I go going up Earth.

Mm-hmm.

It is kind of fucking crazy, right, how like if you look at Earth, half of the people are hanging upside down. Like, what? That makes no sense. I can't believe the shrooms are finally kicking in.

They are really strong, I will say that. These are great.

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I think you're doing good. You're getting most of the words. You got to look at the other way, which is you're getting 99% of the words. That's a, that's an A+.

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Okay, David, I'm gonna turn the tables on you now. Yeah, some questions. What's your ideal evening?

Oh, fuck, that's a good question. Like, what's my ideal date or ideal just eating to myself?

Let's do both. Okay, let's do ideal evening and ideal—

okay, sorry, I'm gonna ask one more question. Ideal evening, not work-related and just, just completely relaxing, or, or like with work involved?

Let's do, let's do work ideal evening and both.

Ideal evening with work. This has happened to me once.

Okay.

And we went to In-N-Out.

Yeah.

And we got like this great bit there where I paid for everyone's meals, right? And this was at like 9 o'clock at night, so I'm like, wow, I just got a minute and 30 seconds of the vlog done. At In-N-Out. I'm so happy. And then we went to meet up with Scott and the boys, and Scott's like, yo, I'm gonna get a fucking tattoo. And I was like, great. So I filmed that, and I got another 30 seconds, and I was already like fucking on another— like in another world, because this was 2 days before I even had to post. And then when we left the fucking tattoo shop, Scott and the boys got into a fistfight on Hollywood Boulevard, and I literally was like, are you fucking serious? That was my ideal evening. And this is all before 11:30.

And Ariana Grande rode by on a Hollywood tour bus and flashed us No, I mean, that was, that, that was, that was my ideal. That's a sick evening.

Yeah. Okay, so now relaxing evening. Yeah, would be going to just by myself, would be staying in and watching a movie or a couple movies. I guess, I guess my ideal evening for myself would be the same as like for a date. Like, I'd love— I'm so like, I really like— oh, I know, I know, I know. It's going to do something that tires you out. Yeah, like maybe a bike ride or something, and then coming back and maybe having dinner. Yeah, watching a movie. Coffee, and then, and then eating a lot of ice cream, and then falling asleep.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's incredible.

Yeah, I love, I love like, I love like, yeah, like going to the beach in Santa Monica, really tiring you out.

You never go to the beach.

Well, I— because I don't have those evenings. I'm like, I'm always working.

You never ride bikes.

I used to.

When?

When I was a kid. What about you? What's your ideal date like?

My ideal date? Um, ideal date? Yeah, we didn't talk about dates.

That was my ideal day.

That was your ideal day?

Yeah.

Okay, check this shit out.

I'm fucking ready.

Fucking get in a helicopter.

Okay.

No, like probably like in town or out of town. Okay, like you go and you check into like— you drive like Santa Barbara. Okay, right. And like, like spur of the moment, and then you check into like one of those like really nice comfy beds. Yeah, right. And then you like watch a movie, and then the next day you go to bed really early, and the next day you get up at like 6 in the morning, and then you like fucking go running on the beach. And then, yeah, just like what you said, like that would be like my ideal kind of like weekend. I got it over when you were just talking. Or like, yeah, ideal date, just, just like go to the beach. Oh, that's my ideal thing. Okay, then beach is relaxing. You don't like the beach?

I do, but it's just like, it's—

you don't get in water.

It's so draining. It's so like the whole set on an umbrella. Even being outside and playing soccer. Yeah, that's why, that's why I hate working out. Is because even working out like drains me so much, especially when I'm in the sun.

Really?

I have no energy left. I have like this like an energy spur for like 45 minutes and then I need to sleep.

Maybe you're sun sensitive.

No, your son is sensitive.

There we go.

Got him.

You know what? Just leave him alone. He's not sensitive. He's pretty good.

No, actually, he's not sensitive. He's really good.

What?

I always turn this on your son.

He's literally out there playing.

Your son's going to listen to these podcasts and maybe like, you know, 3 years, because you're like, I wonder what my parents were talking about, what my dad was talking about all this time. And it's just gonna be all about him. Holy fuck, these guys really shit-talked me.

He thinks you're funny.

No, he's great. I really like—

you know, he voted for you for Kids' Choice. Maybe you could show him one fucking ounce of respect.

What'd you say?

He voted for you for Kids' Choice, so maybe you can show him a little respect.

Just because Charlie made him. I don't think that was his decision.

She voted for James Charles. Fuck.

This next part of the segment is called Joe's See Me Podcast, where we give our editor friend Joe 25 seconds to say and do whatever he wants in return for editing our podcast. I apologize for this. I know you guys hate this shit. Go, Joe.

What's up, weenies? It's your boy Joe from the JTWP. Today we're going to be making one of these people disappear. I need a volunteer.

Okay, it'll be me.

David. Okay. Are you a fan of magic?

I'm a big fan of magic.

Do you have a quarter?

No, but you have 7 seconds. Here you go. I have a quarter.

Okay, David, I'm going to make that quarter disappear. What do we have here?

It's a mystery box.

Okay, put the quarter in.

3 seconds left.

What's the magic words?

Abracadabra.

Abracadabra.

And that's all the time we have.

Okay, well, David, just for the audience, tell us, did the quarter disappear?

The quarter's still in the box. Joe, you're such a piece of fucking shit.

Why?

Why, Joe? Wait, you don't have time. Don't talk.

Should I come back next week?

Yes. Jason literally walked out of the room because he knew the teeny weeny was happening. Jace, come back. I'm done with him. He's not coming back next week. The other day I went to Vegas. Sure. And I got invited by Dylan, Dylan Francis, who's a big-time DJ. First of all, I was fucking stoked to go because I know Dylan's a huge DJ and Vegas is like a DJ's playground. So I'm like, we're gonna get there, it's gonna be like a party the second I arrive. Like, I've never hung out with a DJ, so I didn't even know what to expect. So I got to the hotel and like the first thing I noticed is like his friend, his buddy came down to grab us. His like tour manager, I think. And we got in the elevator and I noticed there were 60 floors.

Yeah.

So immediately I was like, this is gonna be fucking wild. Like, I'm going to 60th floor penthouse with Dillon Francis because he DJs at this, at this casino, so it's gonna be great. And then he hits the 5th floor button, so we're going up to the 5th floor. So I'm like, fuck, okay, whatever, he's on the 5th floor. And, and then we get to the room and it's just Dillon sitting there eating a grilled chicken Caesar wrap with his laptop watching YouTube videos. And I was like, man, come on in.

Yeah.

And then It was like the most Midwestern welcome I've ever— he was just like a regular dude just hanging out. I don't know why I expected this huge fucking thing. But yeah, it was just him hanging out on the 5th floor, just chilling.

He prefers the 5th floor, right?

He prefers the 5th floor because, and it totally makes sense, because he's like, why would I want to stay at the 60th floor? Because then on my way down, I'm gonna have to stop at all these floors to pick people up. I want to be close to the floor. So yeah, he's got a system worked out. Yeah, he's got a system worked out. And it was so crazy to just watch him relax. And then we just And then I was like, okay, maybe he's just relaxing and we're about— like, this is the calm before the storm. Like, that's what I thought it was. And then we just ended up chilling there for like 2 hours just on our phone, just hanging out. Great time. I love Dylan. He's so fun.

What happens when he goes to perform?

It's so crazy.

Get him?

No, no one comes and gets him. It's just like, oh, it's almost 2 o'clock. It'll take us about 7 minutes to walk there. We should go now.

Wow.

So, so he just— he leaves his laptop in his room, grabs his phone, puts it in his pocket, and just walks. And just walks to the set. It's just him, me, Natalie, and his tour manager. And then he gets there, he rocks right up to the set. Yeah, no security, walking through the casino, and then that's it. And then he just DJs.

Does he ever turn around at one point, pull his headphones off, and go, hey Dave, anything you want to hear?

No, he does. Yeah, he does. Well, there's, there's actually a drink option. It's called Meet the DJ, and you can buy it if you're a customer at the casino, and it's $50,000. No. And it lets you, it lets you you literally meet the DJ. So you get a bottle of champagne and you meet the DJ. And Dylan said it's only happened once to him, and he gets like a portion of the money. And when he— when he meets the DJ, uh, when you meet the DJ, all Dylan does is he just turns around and he takes a picture with you, and then he goes back to his set. So Dylan's like, it's like the biggest waste of money, but people like doing it. It's so interesting. It's not even like a meet and greet where you go out like you'd expect. If someone paid $50 grand to meet you, you're going out to dinner, you're going to Hawaii with them.

Yeah, meet the parents, meet anything, meet the parents, maybe honeymoon.

Yeah, a couple weeks. But Dylan said he just turns around, takes a picture.

Did you ever get up there? Do you ever introduce you like, yo, this is David from YouTube?

Yeah, no, he's—

he didn't do that.

No, he's the best. Yeah, I was, I was totally up there. Yeah, yeah.

What'd you say? What'd you say?

He didn't, he didn't introduce me, but I was standing up there with him watching him DJ and the whole thing, and it was great. He's such a, he's such a nice guy, and I want to, I want to figure out a way where— well, I actually went to Vegas because we had this bit planned where halfway through the, halfway through his set he goes— this is what he did— he went, uh-oh, the speaker's blew out, what are we gonna do? And then I screamed, Dylan, play Dancing Queen! Yeah, and then Dancing Queen started playing. That's the reason I flew out to Vegas, just so I can get that joke, because I thought it was so much fun. And now I'm trying to figure out a way— we're trying to figure out a way where I can open for Dylan in Vegas and I can DJ with him and have residency there too. So it'd be like a—

your fucking life, goddamn.

Imagine how cool—

gotta fucking be kidding me.

This is just— we're just trying to figure this out.

I don't know if this is possible, but I want to be able to make I'm taking Wyatt to school at 2 o'clock for rehearsal, picking him up at 3:30, and then bringing him back at 5 for the performance. Sure, that's my Saturday. You're eating chicken tenders with Dylan Francis.

This was just a quick idea we had, right?

Like, we—

like, that'd be so cool.

I'm sure you'll do it.

I don't know, that sounds good. I mean, Dylan's down. It's the casino. Yeah, so you go to a different casino. It's a casino that has to approve it. Uh, if they're down to do it, then we're down to do it. I think that would be so fun.

No.

Yeah, you can come. It's a really cool setup he has, and I don't know, maybe I could open for you. I really dig the whole— and then you open for Dylan. Yeah, you can open for me. Jason, can I ask you a question? Yeah. You're not gonna get offended by it?

Sure.

I'm just kidding. Isn't that the worst way to ask a question? You promise you won't be mad, right?

Yeah, no, yeah, no, I won't be mad.

There's some, like, there's some things that really fucking irk me. Like the other day The other day my friend texted me and she's like, I need to tell you something. I need to talk to you about something. Dude, that's the worst when someone texts you, I need to talk to you about something.

Oh yeah, yeah, no, you don't do that to you. Yeah. Oh no, I would never do that to you.

I'm the worst person. Please just fucking flat out tell me. And I was like, what? What is it? And actually I'm gonna read it. She texted me, she goes, I'm reading these texts. She goes, hey. I go, hi. She said, what are you doing tonight? I said, editing. She said, oh, okay, I just want to talk to you about something. That's what she said. And fucking, I'm— I sent her back 4 question marks. Like, I was just like, what the fuck is going on? She goes, I can't talk on the phone, I'm too nervous. I damn near lost my mind at this point. I said, what happened? Text me. She's like, no, I can't, never mind, sorry. That's also— you should never do that, never go back on it. And then I said, what? In all caps, question mark, question mark, question marks. She's like, I can't talk on the phone, because I kept trying to call her. I called her repeatedly. Oh, you—

yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I said, hello? And she's like, And then she's like, can you not tell anyone about this? I was like, yes, what are you saying? Hello? And then I said, dude, please tell me, I'm so confused. I have to edit and now I'm super paranoid. Yeah. And she's like, I know I joke about it and all the time, but I'm really starting to develop feelings for you and I just wanted to see if there was any sort of reciprocation or if I should move on. But now you just made it a big deal and I'm freaking out and I don't know what to say. And I said, I can't tell if you're being serious. She goes, I knew I shouldn't have texted you. I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. I said, this is an in-person convo. She's like, do you really think I'd be able to get this out in person? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. And she's like, I feel weird now. I'm like, you're not being serious. I know you're not being serious. And I said, don't worry, I'm not uncomfortable. And then turns out she was kidding. But I just stopped responding to her because I was like, I know she's she's fucking with me. So I just stopped responding to her. And then the next day, it turns out she was sitting on the couch with all her friends, AirPlaying the conversation. Oh, and they were just seeing what I would say. Oh, it stressed me out so much.

Yeah, you don't do that to you. You don't bring something up because you will not let it go.

I won't let it go.

You will not let it— we could be in the middle of the most important thing ever. Yeah. And if you bring up something that throws you off track, that's it. We won't even get it done. There was a, there was a thing here the other night. We were trying to get the podcast done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Someone just posted what happened? Tell me right now. Yeah, I'll freak out and I'll get so scared and I can't finish. I can't ever go back to what I'm working on unless that is taken care of. Like, I need to, I need to figure out what is happening before I go back to doing my job. So funny. So yeah, that's the scare. That's one of the scariest things that's happened to me.

I say we me prank this girl right back right now. I do have feelings for you.

I'm literally talking about you right now. That was so scary.

Oh, are you, are you with people?

Yeah, why?

Can you go to another room?

Um, yeah, give me a second. I also need to find a phone charger. Where's the phone charger? Hold on, I'll call you right back.

Okay. Now I'm gonna give her a taste of her own medicine.

She sounds like someone that would do that prank. Yeah, sounds a little devious. Evil. Yeah, hang on a second, I just gotta get this phone charger so I can fuck with more people and make people ruin their fucking days and make them think that I'm in love with them. Hello?

Are you gonna prank me or something? Because I don't want to be pranked.

No, no, no. Are you in a— are you in a room by yourself? Yeah. You just want to meet up? Let's just meet up.

Um, why? I don't know.

Okay, can you come? Can you just come by, or should I come by there?

Um, I'm not even home.

Okay.

Oh my fuck, can we— I don't know.

Okay, you want me to come over? I'm gonna be there in like 30. Okay. Okay, I'm really scared. You're scaring me. It's just—

just come by.

Okay, bye.

Okay, bye. That felt so good.

Oh my God, David just called me and he's like, come over and don't bring stalls. What is going on? I'm like freaking out right now.

All right, should I, should I call her and tell her it was a prank?

Hello?

Hey. Okay, are you in a room by yourself again? Sorry. Yes.

Are you being serious?

Because I don't want people—

Yes, because my phone is charging in this room. What's up?

Uh, okay, so you know the other day when you texted me and you told me that you liked me, but I think you were kidding? Yeah. So, okay, so I was actually recording a podcast when you texted me that, and then— oh my God, David, I know, I know, I know. And I, and I, and I talked about it, and we kind of went into like detail about, about you and like how I actually kind of do have like how I could see myself liking you. And, and then I found out it was a prank the next day, so I didn't get a chance to tell him to take it out and and they sent it to our publisher and they went live with it about 10 minutes ago. And I don't know, basically all I said in it was that I could see myself having feelings for you. But I don't know.

Are you trying to tell me you love me?

No, I don't love you, but I do like you and I don't want you to hear it from my podcast. I want you—

You're definitely fucking with me right now so hard. This is crazy.

I don't want you to hear from— I'm not fucking with you, but yeah, I just wanted you to hear from me. I don't know. We could talk about it later. It's not a big deal. I also didn't want to, like, scare you and make you think it was bad. That's why I just called. You were completely kidding about having feelings for me.

I can't tell if you're joking right now, so I don't want to say anything that I'll regret if you're not joking.

Let's just talk in person. Okay.

I'll text you when I leave my manager's house.

Nah, I'm kidding. I'm fucking with you.

You're literally so fucking annoying. You suck.

You fucking suck for texting me the other day.

I was literally shaking, that was so scary.

Yeah, you know how much you scared me when you said you needed to talk to me? Please don't ever—

Okay, well, I was joking. Me too.

Kelsey, you're on my podcast right now. Hey podcast. Okay, all right, I'll see you later, bye.

Whatever, fuck you, bye.

That made me really— I feel bad, but she deserves it.

Yeah, she deserved it.

She did to me. I literally flipped it. I literally flipped it on her. That's so fun. That was fun. All right, well, that's all we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you guys later. This has been the Views Podcast. That's Jason Nash. I'm David Dobrik. My name is Jeff, and we'll see you guys later.

Bye-bye.